#looks like they're getting strengthening's and it seems like their events are coming back if you missed them

[gae-bolg-alternative-dot-exe]

[vickyvicarious]

Mina today like 😒🙄 anyway as I was saying, I could feel my husband who is Jonathan...

Oh man, imagine how offended she will feel when she eventually reads Van Helsing's memorandum and sees what he thought she was talking about. I don't think she noticed before, especially given how hilariously matter-of-fact she is about sensing Jonathan in this entry. But I can easily see her scoffing and kind of just tossing the memorandum down on the table in disgust at that part. Maybe leaving the room to go give Jonathan a kiss (in front of Van Helsing for extra measure) just because.

About her being so matter-of-fact today... It's funny actually, because when she's had premonitions about his condition despite physical separation in the past (thinking he's not on the water in Whitby, her fear to think of him/certainty he's not in danger soon after they part when hunting Dracula) she sounds a bit uncertain. But on November 5 (since both today and yesterday's entries occurred on that day), perhaps as she feels his presence getting closer, she drops any self-doubt or logical justifying in favor of utmost certainty.

"Let us go to meet my husband who is, I know, coming towards us."

"It was late in the afternoon when the Professor and I took our way towards the east whence I knew Jonathan was coming."

"The two men might be Dr. Seward and Mr. Morris. I knew at all events that neither of them was Jonathan. At the same time I knew that Jonathan was not far off; looking around I saw on the north side of the coming party two other men, riding at break-neck speed. One of them I knew was Jonathan, and the other I took, of course, to be Lord Godalming."

Look at all that knowing! She's not admitting any possibility of doubt at all. It's her husband (who, yes Professor, is of course Jonathan) who she senses and she knows exactly where he's coming from and which one is him. Sure, I guess you could say that she knows he's coming because they're all coming according to the plan, and she could recognize her husband even at such a distance because she knows him so well. But that doesn't really explain her certainty that Jonathan is close even before she sees him, or her consistent focus on only mentioning Jonathan when everyone else is coming towards them too.

And while it's a little less certain, there's even a moment in the middle of the battle where she seems to know he is safe (unlike Quincey sadly):

I should have felt terrible fear at seeing Jonathan in such danger, but that the ardour of battle must have been upon me as well as the rest of them; I felt no fear, but only a wild, surging desire to do something.

She says this just before Jonathan's approach sends the men cowering before him. In my mind it fits well with her certainty that he's in no danger when traveling on the ship, even though as far as they know he might have caught up to Dracula on the river and been in trouble. (In fact, after she says that he has a restful sleep.) It doesn't feel like too far a leap to say that Mina is so tuned in to Jonathan here that she can tell nothing will be happening to him.

If we harken back to early Whitby entries, where Mina woke when Lucy was in danger and felt deep worry about Jonathan, I think it's a lot easier to read as just her being a light sleeper and knowing her friend/husband well enough to tell if someone's off about their behavior or letters. But there's also a possible reading that she has always been a little bit psychic. Maybe she's only really tapped into that power since her attacks, when she was actively trying to use mental powers against Dracula, but at least some of it can be seen as inherently her own, which she's learned to use/trust/strengthen over the course of the book.

(Also, about that last quote - here's a fun theory. Maybe Mina does "do something" here. Maybe she psychically aids Jonathan somehow, helps him bring out the full pissed-off-vampire vibes to stare people down till they literally cannot stand in his way. That could be kind of fun, regardless of whether you assume Jonathan already is supernatural enough himself to do so and she's just helping him make use of it, or if you think she's loaning him some vampyness. ...Actually, I feel like the wafer circle around her should stop her doing any such thing via vampiric methods, so then it would have to be Mina using her normal psychic powers to bring out the full force of Jonathan's Supernatural Weirdness stolen from Dracula in order to protect him. Dunno that I believe it really but it's a cool idea I think.)

[flowers-the-sun-witch]

BMB day 2!

feat: @wizblr-blue-moon-ball's Lurien, and mentioning @hyper-lynx's Hemi and Liam!

The first thing Flowers realises about the ball that it was big.

Well, big might not be the right word for this situation. The main hall ahead of them sprawled out over a gigantic area, and guests who had arrived before them chat amongst themselves, glasses clinking and people laughing. A little ways away, behind a drawn-back curtain, some have taken to the dance floor, humans and elves and beastfolk and others who Flowers cannot categorise all coming together.

Above them, massive, gilded chandeliers dangle from tall ceilings held up with winding gold and silver beams, almost like a cathedral. Blue banners and sconces line the walls, also decorated with gold and other precious minerals that previously, they couldn't even imagine seeing in person. Many doors of all different sizes branch off from the atrium, although some seem to be locked off to guests and others don't even have proper doorknobs; they are instead almost plate-like discs, engravings of the moon carved into them.

Flowers feels incredibly out of place, surrounded by other attendees in outfits much more suited to an event such as this; all elegance and beauty, nothing like the simple blue dress and boots they're wearing. They slip off to the side, next to the door, and watch the guests. A clockwork construct puts a glass in their hands with surprising grace. Flowers thanks them, before moving on. A quick sip reveals it to taste of honey and something they can't place. Alcohol, probably, but that isn't it.

They glance around, trying to find someone recognisable that isn't Liam, Hemi or Lurien. Some part of them wants to talk to someone new, but they have had a surprising level of difficulty starting up a conversation with a stranger lately; it's probably nothing though. After all, out of the maybe fifty-something people in attendance, at least a couple have to somewhat know Flowers, right?

They dismiss that issue for later, taking another sip of their drink. To their side, a distinct portion of people have made their way to the snack tables. Flowers decides on a whim to go ahead and join them. After all, they'll want to try the good food before it all runs out— if it all runs out. With the size of the rest of this event, there's a good possibility that there will be leftovers by the end. Still, they do want to sneak some stuff out for later.

Shaking off these thoughts, Flowers makes their way to the snack tables. It's piled high with chocolates and puddings and other foods that they can't even name, much less know what they are. They pick up what they think is a brownie and take a bite; it almost melts in their mouth. They reach for another, but realise that they probably shouldn't take all the food for themself. They laugh quietly to themself, then make a mental note to ask for the recipe later. They might even actually learn how to cook for this, instead of just sending the instructions to their friend.

Flowers is suddenly aware of everyone moving toward the main floor, just in front of the second-storey walkway. They shove through the crowd a little, continually apologising (and ignoring the voice in their head that keeps calling them a Canadian), until they get to the bottom of the staircase. They see Hemi and Liam almost at the other side of the crowd, and almost start to move toward them, but everyone suddenly starts to quieten down and Flowers stops. They step back so they can see above the banister, on which Lurien is leaning with his glass, a warm smile across his face. He starts to speak.

"Good evening everyone! I'm honored to see so many of you in attendance. For those I haven't met in person yet, my name is Lurien. I look forward to getting to know you all tonight.

"The intent of this ball is to bring together members of our community and celebrate the arcane— so I raise a glass in toast of new friendships forged and old ones strengthened," Lurien says, raising his glass. Around Flowers, others do the same; they follow.

"To new friendships and broadening horizons, may you all enjoy the festivities tonight!"

Almost all glasses have been raised in toast, and as Flowers backs away from the crowd, the music starts. They grin, wider than usual.

This will be a fun night.

[iamlittlelostsoul]

Love can hurt sometimes...

yey! am finally finishing all your req!!! although this sorta ended up sorta like a collab between the two of us. Thank youuuu @whatevermywpis >< for giving me this idea and helping me write this Xddd

I hope you along with everyone else enjoy it!!!<33 I'm so sorry for not updating for so long school had me on a noose xdd but i'm free now for a whilee :DD

not me recycling my malleyuu drafts that's been rotting for ages lol xdd

Pairing: Silver x gn!cursed!reader

Theme: Romance and Angst

Overview: "shush, now love....I know I know but I can't help it. I love you and I can't give it up even if it costs my life. Aw, please don't cry smile for me just one last time...please?"

______________________________________________________________

Silver has heard tons about you from their dorm leader Malleus

It all started with Malleus finding out and meeting with a person that actually lives in the cold abandoned Ramshackle dorm.

Then he goes missing and comes back with the brightest grin on his face as he talks about the things he did with his newfound friend.

It was an adorable sight how Malleus was over the moon talking about his human friend to Lilia, Sebek, and himself. And to Malleus love and excitement he decided to introduce them to his new human friend he's been talking about.

And you were exactly how he imagined from the fae prince's stories.

"Hello, I'm [Mc]! It's really nice to meet you all" they cheerily greet them with a polite bow.

Surprisingly he managed to stay awake the whole time and somewhat and someway you two became closer and you were patient enough to not get mad at him whenever he randomly falls asleep, you'd even go so far and let him sleep on your lap.

Which deepens and strengthens the bonds you two share.

You two have been meeting up often, helping in school tasks, events, or simply just dining together of course you two still include Malleus and the other two. And Malleus is pretty happy that his friend's been getting along with his two retainers and Lilia.

Lilia's been giving him weird looks not the bad kind whenever he was to be with you alone or with the others. He believes Lilia and sometimes Malleus's been scheming something as they hang out with you they'd often excuse themselves yet leave him behind with you....not that he minded it though.

You were nice and sweet and a very fun person to hang out with, you were patient and knowledgeable even when you happen to not belong from their world you seemed to fit in naturally.

Time and time again he always felt so different when he's with you. No it's definitely not the bad kind! It's more nice and comfortable probably something more than just friends.

"You like them." Lilia says with a smug grin interrupting his thoughts.

"I do" Silver says unhesitantly.

"No no romantically~" Lilia says in a rather teasing tone.

"I do?" Silver says cocking his head to the side he's not sure if this is a question to himself or to Lilia...but a part of him sorta knew he does like them. No- he loves them. He always did and now that he realizes it he can't stop the red hues spreading across his cheeks which earned a small chuckle from Lilia.

His heart beats aloud. Ever since Lilia mentioned it, ever since he realized his true feelings. His heart kept pounding so hard that he kinda fears you can hear it every time you and he hangs out.

Lilia and Malleus has been pushing him to go confess. And they've been doing everything necessary to console him that they definitely like him back too. They've even helped set up a date so he could confess his feelings to the [girl/boy] he likes.

The only issue is he couldn't somehow muster his courage to confess much to Lilia and Malleus annoyance (they're not mad just a lil stressed they're playing the long game).

Several times passed by and he finally somehow gained courage in doing so after a long sermon from Sebek on how he's stressing out Malleus-sama yada yada yada.

It was past Midnight and they met up by the garden behind Ramshackle dorm. Their usual hangout place.

"Silver hey!! How's your day been?" They gingerly asks him.

Silver smiled at the sight. He could barely see them and he can't help but be a lil mesmerized at the sight of his beloved laying flat on the grass their face leaning to the side covering half of their face as they remain staring at the fireflies dancing on a row of Dasies, the light from the fireflies and moonlight illuminating their figure and he felt as if he fell for them once again. "Oh...same as usual" he chuckles as he sat beside them.

They stayed like that for several minutes, silent although not awkward but rather comforting.

"Soo...I would like to tell you something" they both spoke in unison startling them and made them chuckle.

"You go first" They said.

"No No you first!" Silver says back.

"Ehh?? No you first!"

They sat there in silence for a moment before Silver takes a deep breath and broke the silence

"So..."

"So?"

"I...have something to confess"

"go on" they urged him.

"I like...no love you" he confesses.

"..."

"..."

"It's ok if you don't like me back...I just wanted to get this off my chest" he says as he watches their features get a lil startled.

"No no! Silver....I...love you too." they said covering their face as it gets a tint of red but something in their eyes shows a hint of sadness.

"You don't have to force yourself to like me." he mutters.

"No no!! It's complicated...I do love you...it's just that..." *they take a sharp breath. "I'm cursed..."

Silver took a moment to process their words. "You're...cursed?" he repeats as his eyes widens and his mouth went hanging open.

They nod as they sat up and face him.

"...How heavy is it? Maybe we could find a cure, I'm sure Malleus-sama and fath-err Lilia-sama is willing to help." He says his eyebrows creasing as he looked at them filled with worry. He felt a tightness in his chest as he awaits for them to answer his question...on the back of his mind he could already tell where this is going.

"I don't really recall when or where I got it...but it's definitely not here in NRC or the day I arrived here. But umm...It can't be cured.."

"It...can't?"

They nods. " It can't..."

"B-...but...don't say that! I'm sure we'll find something! There's a plenty of books and spells here i'm sure one of them will be the cure."

"It can't....that to make it simpler I'm sorta allergic to magic..." they said as they looked away placed a handkerchief on their cheek and wipes away some concealer revealing some dark heavy cracks like tattoed on their skin. He could already tell it's covering them from head to toe with how heavy it looks.

Silver stares...he couldn't muster a word...Allergic to magic?...what how?...but-....

"yeah...i'm sorry. It's none of your fault, I promise. I love hanging out with you and everybody else Malleus, Lilia, Sebek, Ace and Deuce and all of them!" They said.

Silver could tell they were trying to keep a brave face for him...and it hurts...he should have said it sooner...he should have done more with them...he should have notice something was wrong and found a cure immediately...but it's all too late. He couldn't utter a word...his face remain stiff and his heart felt as if it's being squeezed the life out of it.

'It hurts' he thought. 'They must be hurting really badly and I couldn't do a thing' he thought once more as he unclenches and clenches his fist his head hanging low and thank seven he is sitting down if not he might have stumbled and fell.

"Don't be down Silver...I really don't blame any of you..Not you, Malleus, our friends who overblotted, or anyone else. It's my choice to remain close with you guys...I love hanging out with you all and most especially I love you." They said as they cup his cheeks, their eyes gets watery and it wavers as it stares at his.

"I don't want you gone..."

"I don't wanna leave either"

"How long....how longer do you think you'll last" he managed to say his chest felt so stuffy and it's so hard to breath but he tries...he tries so hard to keep a straight face to not worry them and hurt them further.

"...not so longer than several more minutes" they hesitantly said as they leaned their head on his chest.

They stayed silent for a while with Silver hugging them in his arms, his head hanging low on their shoulder nuzzled on their neck.

"Will you kiss me?" They said their hand digging on his silvery locks.

"Yes" He answers back with no hesitation as he leans away for a bit and stares at their eyes longingly.

He presses his lips on theirs, he felt them gasp their body stiffen for a moment before relaxing. They kiss and it felt like time stopped and everything around them disappears. Silver watches them as their eyes flutter shut as their body shivers with delight as he deepens the kiss.

It felt as if it was just the two of them their fingers laced together while his other hand wrapped around their waist and theirs on the back of his head pulling him closer desperately as if their life depends on him. If only it was then maybe they would have lived longer.

The kiss lasted for about a minute...before he felt their body go cold and the hand holding onto him goes limp.

He kisses them back awaiting for their response. None.

He kisses them again and squeezes their hand pulling them closer, yet they didn't answer back.

Ah, it looks like he can't keep his poker face on anymore. Tears gently falling as he held their corpses that slowly turns into dust, no more was the person he fell in love with. No more was their laughter, their playful bantering, their voice... it so quiet now.

"It feels so simple... loving you, always..."

"It feels so painful... I hate it so much."

Love is such a lovely thing...so mysterious, so sudden...but sadly not all love ends with a happy ending...it can really really hurt sometimes....

[shirubae]

Lingering Memories: The Sonic Generations Analysis

Silver and Blaze have only a handful of appearances in Sonic Generations. However, they have potentially world-changing implications... potentially.

Blaze in White Space

Blaze attends Sonic's birthday party, spending time with her friend Cream. Crossing dimensions for Sonic's birthday shows how much she values him. When the Time Eater attacks, she ends up in White Space, frozen at the entrance to Sonic 06's Crisis City.

It’s pretty significant that Blaze represents Sonic 06. In fact, it’s significant that 06 is in this game at all. Back then, it was a popular misbelief (at least in the western fandom) that 06's ending rendered the entire game non-canon. Lots of fans chose to ignore Blaze’s journey with Silver, focusing only on her appearances in the Rush games. But this game made it clear that Blaze did indeed spend that time with Silver, even if those events were reset.

Once Sonic restores Crisis City and frees Blaze, she is embarrassed by her rescue and asks him to keep it a secret. However, she also has no issue relying on his help (consistent character growth!)

Blaze has a mission clearing flames from Sonic’s path. The music used is a remix of Sonic 3D Blast's "You're My Hero", which originally has vocals expressing gratitude for a friend showing them the light. This could be a wink to Sonic helping Blaze come out of her shell in the Rush games, but the same song also plays in missions with Knuckles, Cream, and Rouge, so it may be a coincidence.

Silver in White Space

Silver appears as a rival boss. He wasn’t at Sonic’s party, so he must have been pulled to White Space separately, from his own time. When Sonic approaches, he assumes he's an impostor (classic headstrong Silver).

Sonic fights Silver in Crisis City too, rather than in Soleanna where their battle in 06 originally took place (the other rivals, Metal Sonic and Shadow, are fought in their respective iconic arenas). This is likely because it’s better-suited to Sonic’s speed and Silver’s psychokinesis, but it nevertheless strengthens Silver’s connection to Blaze by being in the same location.

Silver pulls some impressive psychokinetic tricks; he’s grown a lot since his previous scuffles with Sonic. I like how Sonic defeats him by knocking him into his own ball of scrap, showing Silver’s still a bit self-destructive and jumps into situations without considering the consequences.

Speculation: Memories of 06

An especially interesting detail is how Blaze seems to remember Crisis City. The entire cast was supposed to have forgotten Sonic 06 thanks to that game’s ending, and yet she says: “I never thought I’d find myself in Crisis City again.”

If we're to take this line seriously, and not as a cheeky 4th wall break, it appears that Blaze is remembering Sonic 06! She is the only character to interact with their respective stage entrance, posing atop the debris once Sonic frees her. Maybe seeing Crisis City jogged her memory? Or maybe she only remembers Crisis City, and is yet to recall the rest.

Conversely, we don’t know if Crisis City jogs Silver’s memory at all. The Japanese version of Team Sonic Racing suggests it didn’t, but we'll get to that in a later post.

A Reunion?

Blaze and Silver cheer on the Sonics in the final battle, and once the Eggmans and the Time Eater are defeated, they return to Sonic's party. They nod at each other upon realizing they made it out, and Blaze watches Silver celebrate.

Speculation: I’m probably reaching, but that look Blaze gives him strikes me as adoring. Upon returning from White Space, her first instinct is to look at him. While Silver pops off, Blaze just smiles at him. Interesting... Does she act differently around him now, remembering their old relationship?

And in the following group shot, they're shown to still be talking (on the left). Is Blaze trying to get close to him again? Just speculation.

They're last seen waving goodbye to Classic Sonic with the others.

Conclusion

It’s nice to see Silver and Blaze a little closer than we last saw them in Colors.

So Blaze might remember her and Silver’s journey from Sonic 06, or at least part of it. However, it's likely that Silver doesn't remember. What a fascinating dilemma: should Blaze tell Silver about their time together and his ultimate failure, or should she leave him in the dark and simply start anew?

Will this ever be explored? I doubt it LOL. As a milestone game that’s not too concerned with sorting out canon, plots, or characters (not to mention a Pontac-Graff production), I wouldn’t be surprised if these implications are never brought up again and it’s treated as a throwaway line. Blaze will probably go back to never bringing up 06 again after this. It’s possible they’ll follow through, but who knows...?

[allamalad]

CONNER HOLT BACKSTORY TIME

I finally wrote it lol

Conner was a boy who seemed to have a pretty happy life despite having his mother die to a disease at a young age. He lived with his father who was a biochemist, someone who studied the world of DNA and the chemical transformations and processing in living creatures. Conner seemed to be a bit interested in this too, so he could help people not get sick like how his mom had. He wanted to be a doctor, and ever since he was young conner's father delicately helped him down that path.

However as Conner was raised his father noticed something odd, his son never seemed to get sick. Now usually as a child grows it occasionally catches small bugs, but they eventually get better and this strengthens their immune system. But Conner never had this problem, somehow it was like his immune system had seen every pathogen already. Like any scientist would do his father wanted to experiment, though he was hesitant due to it being his own child. However this wouldn't last long, eventually he began to take blood tests from his son. Now due to this beginning at such a young age Conner got use to it, he found it as normal to get a needle stuck in his arm to get some blood taken every other week or so. Meanwhile his father would try to examine his immune system's cells, trying to find this oddity. See if he figured out whatever was causing this to happen, whether it be a genetic mutation or an acquired trait from when he was young, Conner's father could help so many people. However he needed more to test, he needed to figure out what was causing this. Tests became more frequent.

One day Conner went over to his dad and tugged on his sleeve, looking up at him with his mismatched eyes. One blue from his father, while the other was a dark green hazel from his mother.

"Papa I'm starting to feel tired a lot.. I can't play anymore.."

He mumbled quietly, looking up at his father with confusion. Conner's father didn't even look over from the dishes he was working on, he didn't even answer right away. He simply replied.

"Don't you want to help people, Conner?"

The young boy frowned slightly, but nodded.

~~~~~

As Conner entered high-school he still lived a manageable life, he even got to go to a prestigious school thanks to his father working as a biochemist teacher. People would question the bandages on his arms and legs but he would simply reply that it was for medical purposes. That somehow with the damage that was being done to his body, he would help change the world. Most of the time people would nod and walk off, but some took it as a chance to take advantage of him.

There were bullies that would slam him into lockers and shove him down stairs, knowing he couldn't fight back due to his weakness. They would call him things like "lab rat" and "mummy boy" while beating him on the floor.

Of course he brought this up to his father and he found it unacceptable, whether it be because they were harming his child or that they might mess up his experimenting, his father took this up to the principal. Sadly however, the parents of the other children would say they're just playing or that it's an accident, most likely using money to sway their side. It was then here that Conner's mental health started to decline, developing anxieties that added onto his distraction in class. He'd fear that at any moment he would get gut punched or get dragged to the bathroom and have his head shoved into the toilet. However Conner would soon come to prefer these events than to what was going to happen to him.

One day Conner was calmly working in his dad's empty classroom, doing homework in a safe and quiet environment. Due to the door locking he felt safe, and was actually able to focus. His dad had been working in there as well, he was just temporarily out to get something from the office. However this silence came to an end when there was a quiet rattling at the door. Conner looked over to see that the doorknob was being juggled, and then watched as it twisted open. His eyes widened as he saw that it was the bullies from before Trayden and his companions.

Conner attempted to yell out for his father but he was quickly grabbed, a cloth was shoved into his mouth to keep him quiet. He attempted to squirm as he was held down onto one of the desks, desperately hoping that his father would hear the movement. Tears formed in his eyes as he attempted to shout, scream, anything, but all that came out was muffled sobs. Trayden slowly approached him after searching through the back closet, there looked to be a plastic bottle in his hand.

"You know.. your eyes have always annoyed me, they don't match the rest of your face you know? One brown and one blue, huh? I always thought it was stupid."

He slammed the bottle down next to his ear, frightening Conner with the loud noise.

"Just like how you thought you could get away with being a little fucking snitch."

His companions laughed at his statement, continuing to hold down Conner's attempt at escape.

"So I'm going to do you a favor, its nothing big, I'm just gonna make sure your face matches your eyes-"

One of the bullies seemed to be a bit confused as Trayden said this, he looked at him before looking at the container that read 'hydrochloric acid' his smile seemed to falter as he connected the dots.

"Hey wait man I thought we were just gonna punch him, not pour chemicals on his face-"

"-SHUT UP AND HOLD HIM DOWN!"

He snarled, the other boy nodded nervously and continued to hold down the thrashing limbs. And with that Conner's sobs were quickly cut off by attempted screams of pain, stifled by the cloth in his mouth. The other bullies grimaced as they looked at eachother, they silently agreed to let go. They swiftly grabbed Trayden before he could finish pouring out the contents onto conner's face.

"Come on man let's go before Mr.Holt gets back-"

And with that he was dragged away. The bottle fell onto the floor as Conner collapsed onto his knees. He spat the cloth out and screamed for help, all he could feel is immense pain moving deeper and deeper into his skin. It felt like fire was seeping into his body, he couldn't take it. He finally fell to the ground, curling up into a ball as his cries got weaker and weaker. He knew he was supposed to wash it off with water but he couldn't move, he couldn't think, all he knew was pain. The last thing he remembers as his vision started fade was his father desperately calling out his name.

"CONNER!!"

~~~~

A week later Conner was allowed to leave the hospital with light bandaging, luckily he wouldn't get a hole in his face thanks to the successful stitching, however it still left a massive mark. He had to get some teeth removed due to the acid seeping through to his gums. He had been saved, but at what cost? The usual shine of hope was gone from his eyes, the thought that even though his body was weak that he would help people in the future. All that remained in his look was a dull stare, seeming to be stuck in his thoughts. Almost as if he was reliving that event in his head over and over again, knowing that if he had been stronger he could have helped himself.

Beginning yet another day of school he saw that that trio had disappeared, most likely suspended. Conner silently hoped that they had been removed from the school but he knew that wasn't true. People saw that he was back, they'd attempt to say hi and ask "what happened" or "are you okay" but Conner wouldn't answer, he simply gave them an empty expression before going on with his day. Trayden would make his return but lacked his minions, so his attempts to bully were a lot less extreme. After another week or so he finally seemed to have had enough.

~~~~

Once Conner had got home from an agonizing day at school he went over to the usual chair that his father drew his blood from. He sat down quietly and held out his arm as his father got the tools ready. His blank stare continued until he had a thought, shown by his eyes slowly moving to the scalpel on the tray. Something told him that he should do it, end the thing that caused this in the first place. It wasn't exactly words, more so of a feeling that told him to do it, almost like an instinct.

Suddenly conner's free arm moved to grab the sharp item, and proceeded to stab it into his father's shoulder. Why didn't he go for the neck? Perhaps it was a subconscious move. His father yelled out in pain and stepped back, ripping out the tool from his shoulder. Meanwhile Conner lept out of the seat and ripped the syringe out of his arm. He looked over at his parent, attempting to stop the bleeding with his hand. They locked eyes as they didn't speak, not even needing words to realize the situation. Finally his father had realized what be had been doing all these years, but it had been far too late. Conner swiped the tool off from the floor and ran, grabbing the pair of goggles that his father had made for him when he was younger.

"CONNER!! C-CONNER WAIT!-"

He could hear his father yelling out as he grabbed things from his room, shoving them into his bag before exiting. He ran for the front door, and thar was when Conner looked back at his father. After such a long time Conner finally had something in his eyes, an emotion, a feeling. However this was no feeling of forgiveness or hope, this was a look of hatred and disgust. He slammed the door behind him before running across the street and into the luscious forest.

His father burst out from the door, looking around desperately for his son.

"CONNER PLEASE!! IM SORRY!! PLEASE COME BACK-"

He fell to his knees as he held his shoulder, tears formed in his eyes for the first time since he had lost his wife. While obsessing over the thought of possibly helping others like his spouse he had lost his son, their son, and it was all his fault.

~~~~

As Conner ran through the forest he tore off some fabric from his bag, tying it swiftly around his arm to prevent it from bleeding. As he did this however he wasn't watching where he was going, and proceeded to trip over a stray root. He fell to the ground with a quiet oof, groaning quietly as he pushed himself up from the ground. However something looked to be infront of him, it was black and slimy. He lifted his head up to look at what stood in his path, it looked to be a massive fat blob with thin spindly arms, as if a slug had spider like limbs. Chunks of it seemed to bubble and swell, as if some parts of its body had a mind of its own. There was a circular white plate resting just above the middle of the arms. It had a crude grinning face plastered on it in black, it moved down to look at him, stretching from the rest of its body. It proceeded to speak in a deep gargling tone, as if someone was trying to speak while being drowned in slime.

"Hello young spawn, I am Enoch."

[acciocriativity]

You and Me || Harry Potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin/Reader

Summary: It's always been you and Draco since you can remember, the invincible duo, the two of you against the world but some things have changed along the way and it's not news to any soul at Hogwarts but it's time your parents knew too. 

 Word Count: 2,8k

A/N: I took a bit to finish but here it is your story @x-dratie-x. I hope you all like it! Tom Riddle is not Voldemort in this oneshot, Voldemort didn’t exist at all but the events of the first war and its consequences still is valid, but with another wizard.

Warnings: A very very slightly sexual conversation and that's all

1987  

  I didn't want to be at that dinner, I didn't want to have to listen all day long to how well I should behave because the Malfoy's were such an important family or something. 

I had plans for the week, I would go with our elf to buy more art supplies and I was allowed to spend the day outside the house, just drawing the landscape. 

My parents never let me participate in events like this, because I might mess up, say something inappropriate for the moment, or whatever excuse they decided to make up. But out of the blue, I was told that I would have to be there. Why? I couldn't understand and I didn't even ask them, what good would it do? None. 

The day was only getting worse and worse by the hour for me, I just wanted to take off that dress and go play but I couldn't, obviously. So I did what was left to me, smile and eat politely without making any noise or comments, not that there were any comments I would like to make. I had no idea what they were talking about, it was absolutely boring. The only thing that made me feel slightly better were my own thoughts and the fact that their son was as bored as I was. 

We knew each other because of some casual encounters between our parents but never had the opportunity to talk to each other, because of course, only grown-ups talk.

But it seems that I drew the long straw after a horrible day, after dinner Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were invited to stay a little longer and I was excused along with Draco to play.  

I could hardly believe it, I wouldn't have to sit there and smile for another 45 minutes, my happiness couldn't be measured at that moment. Not even waiting for my mother to say it again, I stood up and said goodbye politely with a smile before walking up the stairs and I could hear footsteps following me somewhat hesitantly but I didn't care at the moment. 

"Come on, let's go play in my room", I exclaimed with a huge smile and threw the bow tie, which was pinning my hair, on the floor and quickly walked over to it uncaringly.

 I missed his shocked expression but as soon as we reached my door, he made sure to make it clear to me. 

"Do your parents let you do that?", the question made no sense in my head but stopping to think about it now, it makes sense, he should always be flawless. 

"They don't care as long as it's not in front of guests, you won't tell them, right?", his greyish blue eyes reflected mine and for a few seconds I thought that was a beautiful effect.

 He looked away from me and nodded slightly in agreement, his face covered in shyness and I just squealed with delight. I opened the door and pulled him inside, his hand was so cold that I thought about taking one of my jackets and handing it to him. 

"So what do you want to do? I have some toys in my closet, I'll get them", I walked happily to the door and proceeded to try to decide what I would want. Some was not the best word, there were a lot of them, far more than I would ever use. 

 I came back with a big mulberry box that I've only been able to carry within the last year and placed it on my bed but he didn't even notice, he was looking at my drawings. 

"Oh, you liked them. I wish I had done one more today, do you want to try?", I asked him and walked over to the table where my sheets were. 

"Yeah, they're not too bad", he stated nonchalantly and I didn't believe him for a moment but I chose to keep my mouth shut for once. 

 I picked up two white sheets, two quills and sat down quietly on the floor, since I didn't have two chairs for the two of us but it seems he wasn't used to that. 

"Come on, hurry up, your parents won't be here forever", I patted the seat next to me and soon he sat down as well, I noticed his posture still uncomfortable and my goal for the day turned to change that, if only for 5 minutes. 

 From that day on, we became closer and our parents obviously understood and liked that, because we were strengthening their relationship and at no point that crossed my mind. I was just happy to be supported by my parents to visit Draco. 

1991

 My Hogwarts letter had arrived some weeks ago and I hadn't let go at any point, going to Diagon Alley had become a completely different experience and I couldn't wait, but I had to because I pleaded with my and his parents so that we would go together.

But the day had finally arrived and I had to contain all my energy to not look like an out of control little girl, nothing out of the ordinary but today was more difficult because I was genuinely happy. I was always genuinely happy with my only real friend. 

"Y/N, you must hurry or we are going to be late", I could hear my mother's voice from downstairs just as I finished putting on my flats. 

 As it was a very important occasion I had chosen my favorite outfit, even my parents were a little excited too. They had told me that they had met at Hogwarts and that I would find someone from a good family at Slytherin as well. This part was completely ignored by me but they never found out about it. 

"I'm here mom, we won't be late", I said as soon as I came down the stairs and approached them without running. We were near the fireplace and I mentally thanked them for not having to apparate, because it was always a horrible experience for me.

"Okay, I'll go first and you two right after", my father made sure to announce although he always goes first when we go out like that.   

 After a few minutes, we arrived in front of Flourish & Blotts and there was the imposing Malfoy family. After a small talk in which I had no interest in paying attention to, we all went inside and we were finally able to talk while our parents were engaged in a conversation with the attendant. 

"I've already said it once and I'll say it again, I honestly don't understand how you're not that excited, it's Hogwarts", I whispered to him as we walked through the messy shelves full of books. 

"It doesn't seem like a great thing after hearing it so many times", I could clearly see that there was something more there, I had known him long enough to know that and also that he wouldn't tell me easily. 

"Okay, so you're telling me that you're not the least bit excited to leave Malfoy Manor to start your life?", his lips twitched trying to hold back a smile, his eyes shifted from mine, looking for something to distract himself. 

 But I could stop him, my cunning little hands went to his waist tickling that area before he could prevent me from doing so. That was enough to make him laugh, although he denied that he was ticklish every time I asked. 

This attack did not end well for me, because revenge existed in his vocabulary and was even overused. I had to run, as fast as I could, and it still didn't work. 

And why? Because I went to a dead end corridor upstairs, I had never even visited the second floor of that store, the day I went there I had to get unlucky. 

In short, I was attacked twice more without mercy, my glasses almost got broken and we were so noisy that the owner gave us a scolding and our parents did the same as soon as we left with our packages, but this was not enough to ruin the day and our good mood. 

1993

 It was already expected that we would both end up in Slytherin, which was great because we didn't have to be separated, on the opposite, we became closer than ever. It also didn't take long to form our group of friends, actually not more than a month but the thing that made us truly close started in the third year when I had a genius idea. 

We all had a reason to dislike Harry, mine was nowhere near Draco's, no one's was but we shared it anyway. It was always fun to pick fights with him, make pranks and get him into trouble on purpose, so why not make it a little game? It was so easy that the idiots, Crabbe and Goyle understood the first few times, you can't expect more than that from them, and this was certainly a record for both. 

The game had three main objectives: 

- Take the most materials from Harry or his friends: ink, quill, books, whatever they were carrying would be a prize and would get a point.

- See him or his friends more often, with the intention of spying on them just for fun, of course. It could be in class or in the corridors, each time would be an extra point. 

- Pick fights with him or his friends, each minute was worth one point and to be proven, had to have someone to confirm it. 

 Of course, there was no room for lies, and I made sure to put a spell on our board to prevent this. Yes, I had made a small board that stayed with me but each team wrote down their own score.

To make it more fun, we split up into pairs. Draco and I, Pansy and Blaise, Grabbe and Goyle, Astoria and Millicent and Tom and Theo.

And finally, the best part, whoever had the most points at the end of the year would win 5 galleons from each person, as well as having a celebration party financed by the losers.  

Needless to say, Draco and I always won since the day I created the game. Our friends always complained about us playing dirty but it was never necessary and deep down they knew it, it must be hard to lose every year so I don't judge them.  

1995

"Are they still complaining?", I remained with my eyes closed, it was comfortable to lie curled up against Draco on the couch in the common room. We had two free classes, which was being put to good use to get some rest after a year of N.O.M.S. and a devastating victory in our little game.

"They'll get over it when we come back in September, I guess.... You're missing the best part", his voice came out whispered directly into my ear and I couldn't help but smile.      

 I didn't need to see the scene to know what was going on, Tom and Theo blaming each other for the defeat, everyone standing back from them because no one wants to get involved in their ego battle and our other friends trying not to laugh because it was a funny scene, even if they didn't know it.

"They're taking longer than last time...", I commented slightly annoyed by the noise. I had no idea what had happened to me, because usually I spent the afternoon celebrating my victory but not today. 

"Let's get out of here, you seems so good", he hadn't even completed his sentence when I agreed and painfully got up to go to his room. 

 But before I could take two steps, I felt his arms go around my waist and legs, leading me up the stairs in a bridal style.

I smiled wider and snuggled into his arms, enjoying more of the warmth and good feeling it gave me until we reached the bed.

"Thanks honey, I don't know what happened today", I commented under my breath as soon as he had me lying on the bed, but I knew it was a lie.

"Are you sure? This isn't related to the fact that our parents will know about our relationship in a few days?", I hoped he would pretend he didn't know but that wasn't the case, I wasn't going to be able to run away from the subject.

"It's just that I don't like them meddling in our lives, of course I have nothing against your parents, I'll love to be introduced as your girlfriend but my parents will be twice as unbearable", I sighed and hugged the blond once more, if there was one thing that made me better it was this. 

"Like my mom isn't going to start a 3 year planning for our wedding after she finds out, but at least they'll be used to it by the end of the summer and we won't have to go through this again", he began to fiddle with my hair and curl the strands between his fingers, slowly my shoulders relaxed and a considerable chunk of my worry faded away.

"Yes, I think so but it's going to be a lot harder for us to be alone now. You definitely won't be stepping foot in my room like you did when we used to play together", the memories flooded back and I felt him smile too, it had been a while since this had escaped my thoughts. 

"I don't need to worry about that, we slept together for almost the entire year at Hogwarts and they can't do anything about it and we'll keep doing it", I couldn't see him since my face was buried in his neck, but the perfect image of his mischievous grin formed in my head. 

 "The question is, will you survive for two months without me? Because I don't see that happening", I teased with a huge smirk as I turned to look him in the eye. 

"It won't happen because your father won't be enough to stop me love and I'll make sure you don't have to resort to your hands, because we know it wouldn't be enough", smugness was all over his face and as much as I searched for an answer to that, I didn't have one. Not in the first few seconds. 

"Good love, that's good because I'm sure your hands wouldn't do a better job either. In fact, I'd be a little worried if they actually still work, in case we get separated", I had managed to wipe the smirk off his face but I also knew it wouldn't stay that way, revenge was still an overused word in his vocabulary. 

 A week later, there I was on one of the Hogwarts Express cars with Draco, since we couldn't fit all our friends there anyway, we decided to enjoy the last hours of freedom we had together. 

And how quickly it went by, one moment I was chatting with my boyfriend while my puppy slept peacefully in her travel bed and the next, we had arrived and a wave of students were trying to get through the doors at the same time. 

We stepped off the train holding hands, while I carried only my baby in the other, and this detail did not escape the trained eyes of our parents who were talking side by side but as soon as they noticed us they stopped.

"For Merlin's sake, you two finally decided to listen to me and are in a relationship now?", my mother's eyes sparkled with excitement and I could already hear her voice asking me all sorts of embarrassing questions. "Narcisa, our family is finally becoming one, this is the best news I could ever receive", she could jump for joy now but because of the good posture of a London high society woman, she did not do that.

"How about dinner at our house today? We have a good reason to celebrate," I had seen his mother smile at me several times but even Lucius Malfoy seemed satisfied enough to show a little bit of his teeth, which is indeed shocking.

 My parents agreed to the idea immediately and only one look was exchanged between Draco and me, it only took a single look to know that we both acknowledged it would be an insufferable night. 

Harry Potter Masterlist

[mxvladdy]

Ooh~ I got somewhat of an angst(/comfort -hopefully??) ficlette request!

Established relationship with Diavolo. He thinks everything is going great. Until one night MC tells him that he makes them feel inadequate.

He's so BIG (they are literally/physically so much smaller than him, man is IMPOSING) and it's not like they have demon stamina/strength. they're afraid he gets bored, or will, in time.

He is SO IMPORTANT to everyone and everything and always so busy and they're just a distraction when he could be resting between meetings or courting with the intent to make an heir and they're just a human, a pretty average one at that, can't even use their magic like Maddi or Solomon

*clutches my gay little heart* I'm weak for giant puppy boys 😢. I love this idea! Hope I did it justice! P.s-hope ya ain’t lactose intolerant like I am, cuz I got cheesy at the end lmaooooo

Edit: 6/15- Here is the link to part 2!

  You feel inferior or inadequate? No, not his little Giglio.

He doesn't see at first. He is observant, sure. It comes with the territory as a prince, but he is so blind when it comes to you.

You're perfect and he wishes your relationship to be just as perfect. He can't explain why. Somewhere deep in the vacuous pits of his hearts, he yearns for your happiness.

He courts you like any demon would. Showing off his strength and magic to a maddening degree. He will lay fresh kills at your feet for you too.

It makes demons and other creatures swoon, but not a great turn-on for humans it seems. Barbatos had to pull him aside several times to remind him that too much magic could kill you, and he was tired of getting blood stains out of the wood floors.

He just wants to prove he is enough to you too. He'll do more human courting rituals as time goes on. Taking you topside to eat at human restaurants or do quaint human traditions.

Even in your realm, he can’t get away from gawking and curious humans wanting to be in his presents. He has the magnetic pull only a devil could pull off.

He doesn't notice your reluctance to be seen with him or sullen attitude till it was almost too late.

Balls are a common occurrence for him. Keeps the royal families in check, strengthens ties, or, some unfortunate times cutting them down in a show of force and warning for the rest of them.

Diavolo doesn't hate these events. They come as easy as breathing to him after centuries of doing it. But the flocking, gawking, and borderline reverent guest did get stifling. Having you on his arm made it bearable. The courtiers at least gave him some distance. Where were you anyway?

The barest flicker of black and gold muslin catches the crown prince's eye. The expensive fabric flitting around the corner of the ballroom to the restricted section. He wasn't worried. Diavolo knew that outfit and the delectable scent of his most prized jewel that wore it. You were allowed anyway you wished. Though he wished you were on his arm right about now. Ah well-

He turns back to his compatriot nodding along politely at the dull topic and takes a sip from his flute. He hums delighted by the fruity dry drink. Honestly, he wasn't sure how many of these he had had anymore. But it was just as sweet and tangy as his first glass. The bubbles ticking his nose and the liquor make his head fuzzy and his stomach hot. Mmm... He would have to complement Barbatos after this was over. His experiments were simply divine. Diavolo excuses himself from his conversation partner politely. He needed another drink if he was going to have a chat as dry as that again and survive. Fresh drink in hand he scans the massive hall for you. You should have been back by now… Odd. Perhaps you had called it a night early? He can't blame you. The redundancy and boring pushes for political power did get old fast. Smiling into his bubbling glass he has half a mind to join you. Sleeping the night away with you in his arms? Hells, he just might trade the crown for a day for a bloody break.

"May I have this dance, your highness?" A petite little incubus bowed low, wrapping his tail around his leg respectfully. Diavolo blinked up from his glass. Ah, yes. The game wasn't done yet.

It takes another three hours of dancing and glad-handing before he could finally extract himself from the ballroom. His feet were sore and swollen in their tight leather confines, his formal attire becoming itchy with sweat. He was ready for bed. No, a hot bath, tea then bed. No. A hot bath with you, tea then bed. Yes, a perfect ending to make up for a sub-par party.

Your shared quarters were dark when he entered. The smoky smell of recently snuffled candles greets him as he slips in. He frowns. The outer chambers looked to be untouched. The hearth cold and empty of ash. Your evening outfit wasn't spewn over the lounge and floor like it normally would be after a ball.

You often retired early from these parties, but you always waited for him here. Nestled up in the furs in front of the fire. A warm welcoming smile ready to greet him as he enters. "My love?" Diavolo calls out to the empty room. He winces at how loud he was. Perhaps he had indulged in his cups a bit too much.

He cocks his head listening for the sounds of running water or your cute little snores. Perhaps you had already gone to sleep? Silence greets him. He begins to panic now. Were you some elsewhere in the palace? Had some oppositional little cretin tried to harm you? He knew some at his party tonight were vying for him to go back to the old ways. Eliminating you would be a prerogative to those fools.

No, Barbatos had his eyes everywhere tonight. The complex webbing of his magic was nigh impossible to circumvent. Diavolo could feel it crawling over his skin, though the feeling was fading now that he was in his private chambers. Lucifer and his brother were ever vigilant too at these parties. As much as they bickered and annoyed his other guest they were skilled watchdogs, and keeping you safe was a top priority to all of them.

He reaches out through the shadows of his chambers searching for you frantically. His magic bleeds into every corner of his large private rooms. The vice around his chest lessens when he senses you on the private balcony. He goes to you, shrugging off his collars and chains as he moves, leaving a forgotten trail of priceless treasure behind him. "Darling," he breathes a sigh of relief seeing your silhouette in the light of his realms many moons. "Was the party not to your liking?" Diavolo flops onto your shared bed with a groan of pleasure. His feet now happy to not have his weight on them anymore. He runs his fingers through the vast expanse of cold silk. It wakes him up slightly. "Perhaps I can make it up to you? I can think of quite a few things more pleasurable than a swarm of stuffy demons."

"You’re drunk Dia." You don't move to face him. Your eyes still upcast to look at the clear evening sky.

His head lolls to the side to watch you curiously. You can feel his eyes follow the trail of your hands while you stroke at the marble railing. His family crest glistening on your finger. "No, no, not drunk. Tipsy perhaps? Or is the word ‘buzzed’ more appropriate?" He chuckles. "Perhaps you could sober me up with a kiss? You always know how to make me feel amazing."

Your breath catches at his words. A pathetic little sob escaping you. He is sober now. Instead of a warm kiss alighting his muddled thoughts to bring the world back into sharp beautiful clarity, it feels as if he had been submerged in ice. He approaches you with inhuman speed. His clawed fingers were gentle on your shoulders.

He turns you to face him. Crystalline tears were trapped in your lashes. Your cheeks were ruddy and your lips were swollen.  In any other circumstance, such a visage would be a privilege to see. But these tears were cold and filled with pain. Lips red hot not by his kisses and fangs, but from nervous chewing and pulling. Your cheeks were streaked and puffy from countless hours spent alone and crying.

"Giglio mio, cosa ti affligge?" He cups your cheeks rubbing the chill away from your skin.

"Why- why do you even waste your time with me?" You hiccup.

“I don’t understand.”

You part from him, backing up to the railing. “What do you see in me?”  You ask, arm raised in question. He takes in your body. You were adorned in his colors and his scent, it makes the territorial part of him rumble in satisfaction. Your delicate human flesh radiates a warmth demons could never replicate. You were small, sweet, and his. What was he missing? “What will happen when you find someone better? Someone who will- who can grow old alongside you. A demon or witch, strong and talented.”

Your wavering words don’t register with him. How could you say these things? Did you think he would allow you to grow old without him? You were his, just as he was yours, or as much as he is able of being yours. It was a laughable thought but he knew to hold his tongue. Humans always get in a tizzy about death.“I don’t-” He starts ready to brush your concerns away. The flash of his perfect teeth only angers you.

“Do not play dumb with me!” You say jabbing a finger at his bare chest. “Look at you. Think of who you are compared to me. Look at how they all cling to you, all those pretty demons and witches with something to offer you.”

Something better than me.

The words hang unspoken between you and leave him stunned. He had so much he wished to say but knew tonight was an inopportune time. Your emotions were running high, too high for him to successfully navigate. Especially in his compromised state. He would have to admit defeat tonight. “I am sorry if I have neglected you and your feelings. Please, let's go to bed. I want- I need to understand. But-”

“You’re drunk.” You repeat chuckling without humor. You wipe at your face. “I get it. We’ll talk in the morning?”

Diavolo puts a hand to his chest. “Of course. You will have all my time tomorrow.”

You wake alone the next morning, the sheets beside you cool but not made. You expected that though. He was never one to stay in bed even on the rare days off. It was the downside of his status and routine.

You rise alone and head to the bathroom, the gargantuan space was still slightly warm and steamy. Good, that means you didn’t wake up too much later than Dia. You shower quickly, washing away the grime of lasts night’s nervous breakdown. You were so embarrassed, collapsing all over Diavolo in jealous self-pity. He had more important things to deal with than some weepy human.

You need to go find him and apologies, tell him not to worry about it. You knew what being courted by him would entail. You swore up and down you could handle it, and you could. You will. This was the worst time to falter too he had some pressing deadlines and important figureheads coming around this week. Even one loose gear in his well-oiled machine could damage any number of things. You refused to be the reason he failed. Steeling yourself, you dress quickly, determined to put your new plan in motion. Apologize, promise to do better, and then hide at R.A.D until you could face him again.

It doesn’t take you long to find your demon. He had been waiting for you. You enter the den in a flurry of movement phones in hand to check with Lucifer to see where the prince might be. “Join me?” His deep baritone makes you jump in alarm. Your phone flies out of your hands to clatter loudly on the tile floor.

Diavolo sits, sprawled out on his couch. His favorite terry cloth robe is tied loosely around his broad figure. He watches you with a growing frown, his strong jaw perched on his fist. You freeze. “Please?” He offers you his free hand. You take it timidly. He grasps you firmly and lifts you effortlessly onto his lap. You rest your head on his strong chest. He smells of juniper berries and oranges. Bright, fresh, and sharp. Their combined scents mixing with his natural musk put you at ease. The clenching panic around your heart easing slightly. You eye the breakfast layout before the two of you on the low coffee table. The banquet was still untouched though you do not know how long Dia had been sitting here. You felt the tiny pulses of magic radiating off the table.

“To keep it warm,” Diavolo answers your unspoken question. He moves you in his lap so he can reach for a plate. Filling it to the brim with an assortment of pastries and warmed jams he hands it to you before filling his coffee cup. “I didn’t know how long you wished to sleep.”  

You take the plate meekly. “I-thank you.” You eat in relative silence, eyes locked down on the treccia slowly disappearing on your plate. You were too nervous to look at Diavolo. “When do you have to get back to work?” You ask.

“I don’t-” He adds a hefty dollop of heavily whipped cream to his coffee. “I took the day off.” Your heart drops.

“I’m sorry.”

“Giglio.” Diavolo sighs heavily. He puts his coffee aside to cradle you. “Never be sorry for needing time.” His large hands rest over your thigh and shoulder. “I promised we would talk today, and I am nothing but a devil of my word.” He kisses your crown, his thumbs rubbing your skin comfortingly. “Tell me your worries.”

“What do you see in me?” You blurt out looking up at him. “What could you ever see in a human that you couldn’t get from someone closer to your stature?”

“You have something no other being has ever had before.” He answers effortlessly. He had thought about this time and time again in private. He had lost count of the nights spent in his study stewing over this very topic. You captivated him in a way he still couldn’t fully comprehend.

You scoff at the nonanswer. “What? A soul?”

Diavolo sucks his teeth in distaste. Your voice was so bitter. “Do you think I don’t have a soul?” He counters, smiling ruefully down at you.

“Do you?” You are genuinely curious. Satan had been very upfront with the fact that he didn’t and he was a full-blooded demon. When you had asked Barbatos he had just shrugged. 

Diavolo looks wistful for a moment. Golden eyes glazing over as he gets lost in thought. “Who knows?” He admits. “Souls are a precious commodity, true. But such things mean very little to me when it comes to you. No, the thing you have is my trust. You came here with nothing and expected nothing of me but a safe and successful exchange program. There was no social climbing or cloak and daggers with you- or perhaps you are so skilled I cannot see it!” His chuckle shakes you both. “I feel as though you do not see me as just a prince, yet you still respect the title, the authority, and the customs that come along with it. You see what I have to offer and don’t ask for more than I can give you.”

“What will happen when you find that I no longer do that for you? When someone else could do it better and give you eternity along with it?” His words bring you hope, but hope did little when you knew the inevitable outcome.

“Why would I look when I am more than happy where I am?” He dodges your question. He would cross that bridge and bear that cross when you find out on your own.

“But-”

He hushes you with a flurry of kisses across your face, dipping low over you. You squeak as he dangles you precariously over the side of the leather couch. “Come, eat with me.” He says between kisses. “Enjoy a day away from the prying eyes of scorned socialites. Let me show you how devoted I am.” He releases you to pick up a piece of bruschetta. Popping it into his mouth with a groan of satisfaction he turns back to the cooling food, his jovial mood returning. You huff, flicking off a stray bit of diced tomato from his chin.

“Fine- as long as you let me help you catch up on all the work you're missing tomorrow.”  

[ga-yuu]

~Sweet Punishment~ Yoritomo Route

(I know I already did the summary of this, but I just couldn't resist when I see Yoritomo.)

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The trees, dyed bright red and yellow, sway their leaves in the autumn breeze.

On this day, I was with Kagetoki-san and others, gathered in the hall by order of Yoritomo-sama.

Yoritomo: "Okay, everyone is here. I'm going to ask you a straightforward question. What does autumn mean to you?"

Yuno: "Autumn?"

Yoritomo: "That's right. Anything you can think of, I want to hear your thoughts."

(Autumn, huh? Let's see...)

Kagetoki: "Well... If I had to pick, I'd say reading. I love reading in the long autumn nights."

Tamamo: "I'm all for the food, of course. Sweet potatoes, mushrooms, persimmons, chestnuts, pears...the list goes on and on."

Yoritomo: "Chestnuts are good, indeed."

Yuno: "It would be fun to go chestnut picking together!" (Yuno is sooooooooooo cute.)

Shigehira: "Woah woah, don't deviate from the main topic."

(Oh, I shouldn't.)

I hurriedly kept my mouth shut, and my eyes met Shigehira-kun's.

Shigehira: "Is there something you want to do, Yuno-san?"

Yuno: "Hmmm.... I think I'll go for the plants. There are many medicinal plants that can only be found in autumn."

Yoritomo: "That's just like you. But none of them are the answers I'm looking for."

Morinaga: "Then, what does autumn mean to you, Yoritomo-sama?"

Yoritomo: "Training."

Tamamo: "It’s going to be a sweaty autumn then! I'm surprised to hear you say this,..... but what are you up to?"

Morinaga: "It's not too hot or too cold, so it's a good time to get moving."

Yoritomo: "Isn't it? So we'll have a martial arts tournament."

The air in the hall seemed to tighten at the sound of his dignified voice.

Yoritomo: " Of course, we’re not doing this just for fun. The purpose is to strengthen the martial arts skills of the entire army. The winner is determined by a winner-takes-all competition, and the last one standing is rewarded with rice."

Tamamo: "Rice..... I'll have chestnut, of course, but sweet potatoes are very good, too."

Yoritomo: "What are you trying to win? Anyway, this time, you all will be working behind the scenes. You too, Tamamo. Kagetoki and Tamamo, you will assist me in running the whole thing. Shigehira and Morinaga were entrusted with guiding the participants in their training."

Kagetoki, Shigehira, Morinaga: "Yes!"

Tamamo: "What, no rice for me? Well, we'll have a party later, won't we? Let's hope there will be some good food there."

Kagetoki: "It's more motivating to have a friendly competition than to just to train."

Morinaga: "It's like a festival, right? I can't take part, but it gets my blood pumping."

Yoritomo: "Isn’t it? It's time like these that we need these events."

(I guess that's why we're here now because we don't know when the war will break out.)

(....In his own way, Yoritomo-sama is thinking of his subordinates when he makes this proposal.)

(I also want to help.)

Yuno: "Yoritomo-sama, I also want to help."

Yoritomo: "You can. But you wouldn't listen to me anyway, will you?"

Yuno: "Yes, I'll do my best."

(Then I'll have to get more herbs than usual.)

(Oh, and I think I need a spared bandage. And ......)

As I quickly thought about my preparations, I felt someone pinching my cheek.

Yuno: "Yoritomo-sama?"

Yoritomo: "Geez, you're always like this. When it comes to working, that's all you see."

Yuno: "I don't want to hear that from Yoritomo-sama. Even Yoritomo-sama, works day and night....."

(Hm?)

Suddenly I felt some gazes on me.

The next thing we knew, everyone's warm eyes were on us.

(I shouldn't! They're all here.)

Tamamo: "They are fighting like couple and that they only have eyes for each other and their work....I'd say, but Yoritomo did it on purpose, didn't he?"

Yoritomo: "Yeah, because she looks cute when she fights back."

Yuno(blushing): "!"

(I've been teased..... How embarrassing....)

Shigehira: "Please do those things when you both are alone."

Morinaga: "I think we're done here, so we'll leave you to your business."

Kagetoki: "Please feel free to go crazy."

Everyone left, leaving me and Yoritomo-sama in the hall.

Yoritomo: "Hey, Yuno."

Yuno: "Hm?....Oh."

My arms were drawn and I lean on Yoritomo-sama.

My heart began to beat faster and faster at the thought of being in a place where I didn't know who could see me.

Yuno: "No. Not here."

Yoritomo: "It's all right, there's no one here at the moment. More importantly.....I'll ask you to help with the first aid necessities. I'd let you do it, but on one condition."

Yuno: "Condition?"

Yoritomo: "Yeah."

The sound of Yoritomo-sama's breathing gently tickles my ear....

Yoritomo: "Don't overdo and if you need anything, just ask. If you don't, I'll make sure you get what you deserve."

Yuno: ".......!"

Provocative words flow into my ears makes my heart beat even more wildly.

(it's Yoritomo-sama, so he's not going to go easy on me.)

(But, what is that punishment?)

A moment later, both hands were grabbed and put together, and restrained with one hand.

Yuno: "Eh----Hmm."

Without hesitation, my lips were sealed and my eyes widen in surprise.

I tried to escape, but he held me by the back of the head, and the kiss became more and more deeper.

Yuno: "Mmm.....Ha...ah."

I was struggling for air, but the kissing never stops.....

As I was finally released, I started to breathe.

Yuno: "Yoritomo...sama?"

Yoritomo: "It's not bad to show people that you're mine."

(You mean, if I break my promise, he'll do this to me in public?)

Yuno(blushing): "Please don't do that...."

Yoritomo(smiling): "That's up to you. If you understand, don't overwork."

Yuno: "....Yes."

(Because it's Yoritomo-sama, I'll definitely do it.)

(But I have to be careful about this.)

......................

Then a few days later.

I was treating the injured soldiers while Morinaga-san and Shigehira-kun were in charge of the training.

Tamamo was also present since he had some free time.

Yuno: "This is the end of the treatment of your injuries. Good luck with your training."

Soldier: " Thank you!"

As I was smiling at everyone's enthusiasm, I heard the sound of hurried footsteps.

Retainer: "Yuno-san are you here? I'd like to talk to you about the medicine you're preparing."

Yuno: "Yes, I'll be there soon."

I informed Morinaga-san and the others and hurried to leave the room----

Yuno: "Oh!?"

I bumped into someone at the entrance.

Yuno: "So-Sorry---"

???: "Are you okay?"

(Ah, that voice.)

Yoritomo(smiling): "Don't be in such a hurry."

Yuno: “Yoritomo-sama!”

I bow my head, a little relieved that the person I bumped into was someone I was in love with.

Yuno: “Sorry, I was in a hurry.”

Yoritomo: “As long as, you don’t hurt yourself, its fine. You seem to be very busy, is there anything you need help with?”

(Although Yoritomo-sama told me to rely on him.)

Preparations for the martial arts tournament had begun and Yoritomo-sama was busier than ever.

First of all, this is a job that I volunteered to help with.

(I can’t let Yoritomo-sama get me and I can still do my best.)

Yuno: “No. I am doing fine. Excuse me, I’m in a hurry.”

I acted brightly as I could and left the place.

Yoritomo(smiling): “........Geez.”

Yoritomo sees off Yuno’s back, proudly as if he is amazed.

Then, Tamamo and Morinaga who was watching them, comes by.

Morinaga: “Yuno has been working really hard lately, right?”

Tamamo: “She running all over the place more than ever.”

Morinaga: “Thanks to her, everyone’s spirits are up. They don’t even mind getting injured now that there is a cute girl to take care of them.”

Yoritomo: “I see.”

Tamamo: “Aren’t you jealous? You never know when some random man will come and challenge you for her.”

Yoritomo: “Her heart already belongs to me. If a man comes and challenges me, I won’t let him take her away from me.”

Morinaga: “As expected, you seem very confident.”

Tamamo: “..............”

..................

That night----

As I was preparing the medicine in my room before going to sleep, Tamamo came to see me.

Tamamo: “You are still working?”

Yuno: “Yes, just little more for tomorrow.”

Tamamo: “No way. You look very tired. Don’t push your limit. So that’s why.....”

Tamamo, smiles wistfully and claps his hands---

The next moment, he quickly turned into a cute little fox.

Yuno: “Eh, why did you change your form?”

Tamamo: “Touching me, who is super cute and furry, has a great soothing effect. Go on, fluff yourself to your heart’s content.”

As if to give everything away, Tamamo rolls over on his stomach. 

(Tamamo’s belly, looks soft and fluffy!)

The tempting offer makes my heart flutter, but the face of my Yoritomo-sama comes to my mind.

(Yoritomo-sama told me to rely on him.)

I feel guilty, but I can’t resist my greed. .....

I put Tamamo on my lap and boldly buried my face in her belly.

(This is....!)

Yuno(blushing): “Mo..Mofumofu...!”

Tamamo: “Isn’t it?”

(Hmmmm, this is going to be a habit.)

It’s the best touch I can imagine and I’ll just get hooked----

Yoritomo: “Yuno, I’m coming in.”

(!?)

Before I could reply, Yoritomo-sama opened the doors and entered my room.

Yoritomo: “........”  (Okay, so let me try reading Yoritomo’s mind:*pictures regular Tamamo and Yuno resting her face on his belly*)

Our eyes meet and we stopped moving for a moment.

(What should I do? I can’t believe that Yoritomo-sama saw me like this....)

Tamamo: “It’s a crime to interrupt the time of lovers. Good night~” (You LITTLE BITCH!)

Yuno: “Wait!”

Tamamo jumped of my lap and left the room.

Yoritomo(angry): “........” (mind reading: “I told her that she could rely on me and yet she went to Tamamo. But they’re just friends and I know Yuno would never cheat on me. But still she went to HIM instead of me. Looks like she’s really wants to get punished. You’re such a sly, you know.”)

Yuno: “I sorry. I’m really sorry.”

(He’s angry. He is really angry. I can feel it.)

The awkwardness in the air makes me look down.

 I clenched my fingertips in preparation for my punishment and was lightly popped when he flicked my forehead.

Yuno: “Eh...”

Yoritomo: “As I expected. It’s already late, finish your work and go to bed. If you don’t, then I’ll change your clothes and take you to bed.”

Yuno: “No need. I’m in bed! Already!”

Yoritomo: “Good.”

(I wonder if he would say something.)

(But,,,,you were so worried about me that you went out of your way to see how I was doing...)

Although I feel a little uncomfortable with the overly gentle attitude. But that was soon overridden by the joy that came from Yoritomo-sama’s thoughtfulness.

......................

Finally, the day of the tournament arrived.

(Okay, let’s do our best.)

Yuno: “Thank you for your hard work!”

Soldiers: “Eh....”

When I went to the waiting area of the first-aid team, I got a strange look from everyone.

Soldier: “Yuno-san, why are you here?”

Yuno: “Huh? What do you mean?”

Yoritomo(fake smile): “Ah, Yuno. I didn’t know you were here.”

At the appearance of Yoritomo-sama, all his men straighten their postures in unison.

Yoritomo(smiling): “I’m hoping you’ll join me in keeping an eye on everyone’s progress. As a reward for all the hard work you’ve done today, will you come and watch the game with me?”

Soldier: “Yes, leave the work to us!”

Yuno: “Er, well...”

Yoritomo: “Well, let’s go then.”

(Ah)

While I was hesitating, he immediately pulled my hand.

...............

We were shown to our seats, which were the best seats in the venue, giving a view of the entire arena.

(Is is going to be okay?)

He makes me sit down on the tatami mat, and I somewhat started to feel nervous.

Then Yoritomo-sama, who was sitting next to me, leaned close to me.

Yoritomo: “It cold today. Let me make sure, you don’t get cold.”

A knee cover was placed softly across my lap and Yoritomo-sama’s.

Yuno: “Thank you.”

Yoritomo: “It’s nothing to be thankful for. ....but it’s still a bit cold. Would it be warmer if I did this?”

Yuno; “!”

He hugs me around the waist and I leaned lightly on Yoritomo-sama.

At that moment, a buzz spread around us.

Yuno(blushing): “Yo-Yoritomo-sama?”

Yoritomo(smiling): “You’re very warm.”

(Yes, it’s warmer than before.)

As you can see, I’m embarrassed, so I try to speak up.

Maid 1: “Yoritomo-sama is so kind, isn’t he?”

Maid 2: “Yeahhh, I’m jealous.”

I hurriedly closed my mouth, when heard the jealous comments one after another.

(Somehow, we are just keep getting a lot of attention.)

(In this situation, I can’t say ‘let go’, can I?)

Yuno(blushing): “Mm, Yoritomo-sama is also warm.”

I smiled awkwardly and snuggled up to Yoritomo-sama quietly.

(I feel like, Yoritomo-sama....is little scary.)

(The other night was a bit of a let down, maybe there’s more to it?)

When I was suspicious of his overly gently manner, our hands came together under the blanket.

Yoritomo(smiling): “Your fingertips are getting warmer.”

With a warm, sunny voice, the tips of the finger rub together.

His gaze is filled with deep compassion....

(How can I doubt this kindness.)

When I thought about it, Morinaga, the referee, appeared at the game.

Morinaga: “Then, let’s start the first game, both teams come forward!”

The match starts-----

I was completely absorbed into the series of heated battles.

(Wow! That attack was very fast.)

As I leaned forward to watch the game, I felt a smooth stroke on the back of my hand.

Yoritomo: “This could go either way.”

Our fingers entwined and squeezed.

(What is  going on here?)

When I smiled back, Yoritomo-sama happily brought his lips to my ears.

Yoritomo: “Who do you think will win?”

Yuno: “Ah....Well...”

My back trembles when he deliberately sighed near my ear.

I ducked quickly, but the hands on my hips prevented me from moving.

Yoritomo(evil smile): “Oh, that was a brilliant one, right? Everyone is doing well, because of the training. How wonderful.”

Yuno(blushing): “Mm.....”

I can’t reply well, because he kept whispering to me near my ear and it felt ticklish.

(Is he teasing me?)

Yoritomo: “The next game is about to start.”

Yuno(blushing): “Oh! re-really.”

(Thank god, it stopped.)

I breathed a sigh of relief and I felt a hand on my thigh.

(Eh!)

I looked at the owner of the hand and he couldn’t have been more full of himself.

Yuno(blushing): “------!?”

Yoritomo-sama’s hand slid easily down my inner thigh, and I flinched at the strange power.

Yuno(blushing): “Wai...Wait...”

Yoritomo(evil smile): “Hm? Did you say something?”

Yuno(blushing): “No, What’s the matter with you?”

Yoritomo(evil smile): “You said you are too embarrassed to do this in public. It’s not a problem, if it’s hidden under the blanket, right?” (Geez, if Yoritomo had one of those small vibrators, he would have not shown any mercy.)

(That’s)

---------FLASHBACK-------

Yoritomo: "It's not bad to show people that you're mine."

---------FLASHBACK ENDS-------

(Although it’s hidden.)

I still think it’s too mean to bea simple teasing.

(Is this how he intends to punish me?)

(I wonder if he was still angry with me for because of that Tamamo incident.)

The moment I tried to open my mouth to apologize.

The hand that had been caressing my thigh, crept inside, splitting the gaps in my kimono.

Yuno(blushing): “!? A......”

I bite my lips in panic as he stroked my bare skin.

Yoritomo(evil smile): “Everyone is crazy about the game right now....If you raise your cute voice, they’ll notice you.”

(No doubt! You are still angry about the other day.)

I bring my face closer to his ear and whispered lightly.

Yuno(blushing): “I’m truly....very sorry. I’m reflecting on it, so please....”

Yoritomo(evil smile): “No, not yet. You’re too stubborn, so I won’t let you go that easily.”

Yuno(blushing): “Mm, ah.”

The tips of his fingers lightly scratched my inner thighs, causing me to gasp uncontrollably.

At the same time, cheers go up.

Apparently, the game is in full swing.

(But now, I can’t focus on the game.)

Yuno(blush): “Mm....oh.....”

A soft numbness runs up my back as my ear is bitten sweetly. 

Further more, when his hand moved between my legs, I quickly tried to stop it.

Yoritomo(evil smile): “You’re pretty resistance. But how long can you hold up?”

Yuno(blushing): “Ah.....not there....oh.”

(No matter how crazy everyone is about the game, no more....!)

Yuno(blushing): “Okay, I understand. I’ll take the punishment but at least take me to your room....!”

With tears in my eyes, I pleaded and finally his hands stopped.

Yoritomo(evil smile): “I’ll take that word for now. The rest will be in my room, okay...?”

Premium END  // Epilogue

This story event is in short the scenario of what will happen if Yuno and Yoritomo go to movie theatre. Anyways, I’ll only be doing Yoritomo’s route because I love him and then I’ll take a break until the next story event. Also I’ll be posting the collection events time to time when I feel like it.

[writerfae]

Okay I'm talking about modern AU Taiden non-stop and I could for all eternity but also let me share some canonverse Taiden hcs with you this time:

assuming that they end up together sometime after the events of The Knights of the Alder

whenever Aiden visits the Willow Court Talon is assigned as his personal guard

Henry insists on a guard because he wants to make sure his brother is save and he thinks Aiden would feel more comfortable when it would be someone he knew

you know the two weren't really fond of each other when they first met but they became friends over time so though Talon is annoyed about having to "babysit" Aiden at first both get used to it with time and got even closer that way

Talon becomes quite protective of Aiden, not that he would ever admit it, but he's very determined to keep his friend save

I think at some point both start crushing on each other but never act on it (mutual pining at its finest)

okay but I actually have a headcanon about their first kiss

they're on a feast, right, and Talon has to look after Aiden, but he somehow manages to lose Aiden in the crowd, he's already starting to get a bit worried (both about Aiden and losing his job) when he finally finds him

he's with some other random fae who's shamelessly flirting with Aiden and Aiden is kinda getting along with it cause he's pretty much drunk because the fae gave him a sip of their fae wine and that's nothing you should give a mortal ever because it makes them kinda high (but since in this case it was just a sip it's not that bad, don't worry)

that of course rings Talon's alarm and after yelling and cursing at the fae he pulls Aiden away from them and takes him outside the ballroom for him to come to senses again and also for Talon himself to calm down because he's furious

Aiden complains of course and they bicker and at one point Aiden says something along the lines of "just because you don't want (to kiss?) me, doesn't mean that no one does" and makes some witty comments and Talon just wants him to stop talking so he kisses him. twice.

after that incident things are a bit distant between them because Talon doesn't think Aiden remembers (even though he does), also he has a bad conscience because he feels like he took advantage of Aiden being drunk and Aiden on the other hand doesn't bring it up cause he thinks Talon doesn't talk about the kiss because it didn't matter to him and oh well you can see where this is going

eventually they talk about it tho and sort things out and finally end up together

"I'm sorry that I kissed you back then." "I am not."

Aiden doesn't live in faerie all the time but he often visits and he visits even more when he starts dating Talon

Talon on the other hand would sometimes visit Aiden in the human world and Aiden teaches him a lot about humans

I imagine they would like to travel together a lot, showing each other their worlds and exploring new things

for example, I could imagine that they visit some wild fae clans. both are curious about those and Aiden, being part of the Wild Hunt, has already made some wild fae acquaintances that invited him, also it would be good for diplomatic purposes (to strengthen the bond of the wild fae to the fae of the Willow court and understand each other better)

during their stay at one of the fae clan villages they get tattoos together (yes wild fae do tattoos - or something pretty similar to that)

Aiden gifts Talon his necklace with the crow pendant at some point, with Talon giving him a brooch with his family crest in return, so that they have something of the other when they are separated

they write each other letters (love letters, yay)

I don't know yet if Aiden would eventually move to the faerie realm completely, but at least till the death of his father he'll totally stay in the human world (apart from his visits I mean)

speaking of fathers, Talon's father wasn't all too pleased with his son's choice, but Talon wasn't having any of it

I'm not gonna talk about problems they may have to face and I'm totally not gonna talk about Aiden's mortality because I want to cheer myself up with this not make it worse. positive content only.

the two still practice swordfigting together, sword fight sessions often turn into make-out sessions tho xD

Talon is very attentive, always making sure that Aiden is comfortable and content

I have this hc that when Aiden grows older Talon makes himself look a bit older too (with glamour), so Aiden doesn't feel odd

they like to go stargazing together

Talon always kept his hair short and straight, but Aiden likes how it gets the tiniest bit curly around the edges when it's just a bit longer, so Talon let's his hair grow out a bit more then usual

he is also kinda insecure about how tall and lanky he is? but Aiden makes him feel better about it

Aiden's brown eyes are plain compared to the fae's gem stone eyes, but for Talon that's what makes them especially beautiful. they're so dark and deep and some days he feels like he could drown in them

Talon often kisses Aiden's hand(s) and forehead and Aiden always giggles when he does it and it's adorable

when they share a bed, Aiden always hugs Talon close and Talon likes it because it makes him feel save, also he likes to listen to Aiden's heartbeat

no one would've expected the two to work out and last so long, but they did, till the very end

they've never been as lovey-dovey and open about it as Callan and Henry, but they really love each other

there's still banter and teasing in their relationship and sometimes they quarrel but they always made up somehow

even in canon Talon is always the one who's feeling cold and Aiden is the one to keep him warm

Aiden loves it when Talon plays the violin so he often asks Talon to play for him. and he does.

I could go on but this is too long already ahaha, I'll stop now. Anyway, I love these two. They may not be canon in the main story, but they still have a great future ahead of them 😌

wip intro / masterlist

tag list: @shattered-starrs @soupopoireau @a-ray-of-moonshine @quill-of-doom @heyabella @vibinwiththehomies @elisabethrosewrites @charleeyy @iced-ginger-tea @hell-yeah-fantasy @violetcancerian @that-one-potato-blep @annoyingwritingtrash @stardustspiral @shipdest @writingqueensworld @imintheunderworld @thewalkingnerdx @abalonetea @andifthestarsweretodie @fictional-semantics @cordaks @kpmccolgan @deekshablogs @myhusbandsasemni @magsiswritingnow @a-box-without-hinges @meiyanaalexia @contes-de-rheio @rhikasa @phantasticdomains @thegirlwithnonickname @marewriteblr @kimblewrites @daisylincs @treesandwords @writingbyjillian @write-for-your-life2 @deadlycupid @yejidoesthings @nora-theteawriter @ladywithalamp @the-writing-avocado (if you want to be added or removed from the tag list let me know!)

also tagging @writing-is-a-martial-art because you seemed interested in this too 🙈

[ailuronymy]

Hi! How are you today? I have a question about suffixes - specifically, adding them. How do you suppose "new" suffixes come about? Obviously out of necessity but like... I'm having trouble figuring out ways that they would get accepted rather than tossed out as Weird or Just That One Cat Because They're Special? I hope that makes sense.

Hello there! I’m doing all right, and I hope you are too. 

This is a bit of a difficult question to give a concrete one-size-fits-all answer to, because frankly a lot of what feels right and seems plausible is going to come mostly from how you tell a story and less so the actual content of the story. What I mean by that is that you can convince your reader to believe in just about anything if you’re good enough at writing, so what really matters is to think about “what would make x scenario plausible” + “what would make x scenario feel real” and working from a place of considering how characters feel about things, rather than readers. If your characters engage convincingly enough with the story, the story itself will become more convincing.

Also: every “event” is actually a lot of little events and feelings and moments that are happening at the same time. I think it can help to consider things like this not as one action or one choice that you then have to somehow justify, but instead approach this as a stream of actions and choices that feed into each other and create consequences (which can be “good” or “bad” or “neutral”). 

A new suffix doesn’t come from nowhere and there’s a lot of questions worth asking that surround it and will shape how your world-building works, and how your characters feel and interact with this change. For example: 

how did suffixes come about to begin with?

when was a new suffix last “invented”, and by whom, for whom, and under what circumstances?

what greater cultural/political moment is happening around this new suffix--and how/to what extent is this a catalyst for this change?

why is a new suffix happening now--i.e., is this because of a new leader’s approach, or a specific cat, or a change in the clan’s values, or all of the above? 

if the leader: why does this leader feel the need to do this? what is their goal in encouraging this change? what do they gain/expect to gain/hope to achieve? 

if the specific cat: what did this cat do to deserve this, and why is a suffix the way the leader/clan want to acknowledge this (as compared to some other kind of ceremony or celebration)? how does this cat feel under these circumstances? 

if a change in values: what are the preexisting values? what is changing, and why? how do these new value/s clash or have friction with the old ones, and what other changes are occurring because of this?

how does the average clan cat feel about this change? what will they do with those feelings (oppose the change, embrace the change)?

how do the elders/cats with status feel about this change? do they feel it threatens tradition, or strengthens it? do they feel that it sullies or contaminates the choices of leaders of the past, or do they see the naming custom as something that is meant to be flexible and growing over time?

is this a suffix that is intended to start a lineage (i.e., be repeated in future generations), or is it a single-use event? 

if meant to start a lineage: how will this new suffix shape mentoring for the next generation? how will this new suffix shape apprentices’ desires and hopes for their suffixes? 

if meant for single-use: what would have to happen for this suffix to be used again? what would a second cat have to do to earn it, and how might that come about? 

how will other clans react to the announcement of this new suffix--and how does this clan anticipate and brace for those reactions? what are the politics of this new suffix and what are some potential consequences (again: good, bad, and neutral) that might arise because of it? 

When it comes to adding new suffixes, I don’t think there’s any special trick to it! Like most things in writing (in my opinion, at least!) it really is a matter of first taking a step back so as to look at the big picture (the politics of the time, the wide network of relationships and actions taking place, the overarching pressures everyone is facing) and then leaning in close and telling the story through the personal choices, feelings, thoughts, and actions of a character--or characters. I find that this makes for an effective story, but as with most things, mileage varies and you’ll probably have to play around in the space and find out what works best for you on your own. Good luck and I hope this helps a little!

[bethhxrmon]

do flowers exist at night? -chapter seven

Chapter Seven: Hands Clean

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Chapter Summary: After the initial shock of the events surrounding Halloween and the days after, Steve and Annie both start to realize they may be wrong about how to cope. Their friendship also manages to strengthen in the process

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of trauma, might be filler but I call it the beginnings of pining soooo

A/N: Hope you guys really liked this chapter because I thought it was a decent break from all that angst I lumped on pretty early into the fic. It would be fantastic if you guys could let me know your thoughts, I live for it! Anyways, you can find all the other chapters here!

~*~*~*~

Admittedly, Steve could have handled himself alone in the house long enough for Annie to go to school. However, when she pretended to be both her mom and his, he didn't stop her. Not until he was okay enough to drive.

How school would work was a question both of them asked. Steve's bruises were faded enough for Annie to try and cover them up with makeup. That was what she used almost too much of on the cut on her cheek. Sure, she could hide it with her hair, she already did that, but it wasn't enough for her. Nothing was really enough.

Being near Steve wasn't enough to stop her from reliving everything in her head. Besides, she eventually had to go back to her own house. It was safe and she was sure that Steve could use some alone time. Though, she couldn't stand the quiet of her house.

None of that stopped Steve from picking her up on a chilly Wednesday in November. Frost crunched under her boots instead of leaves. It was clear that nothing was going to stop time from passing. She wished it would pause just so she could catch up, but she wasn't sure that would be enough either.

Going back to school gave Annie the same twisted feeling in her gut as her first day. Maybe they found someone else to poke fun at or to joke with. She didn't have anything to defend herself with. Her switchblade was somewhere in the Byers’ house, but she hadn't asked anyone where it went.

"You ready?" Steve asked, looking at her.

Annie took a deep breath and nodded, "It's just school."

They both knew it was more than that. After a few days of hanging out, it became pretty clear when Annie decided to put on a front. Her back would straighten up a little bit too much and she would appear to tense up all over. It wasn't something Steve pointed out, and Annie assumed that he, of all people, would understand.

She could only imagine what seeing Nancy with another guy would be like for him. Though, a part of her wished that a broken heart was all she had to walk into. Seeing Billy was a reality she knew that she would just have to face. However, she tried to avoid it.

Since Steve was feeling better, she knew that she couldn't convince him to stay back. And maybe doing this with a friend would be easier for her. She wiped sweaty palms on her jeans before getting out of Steve's car.

It was going to be okay. That was what she kept telling herself on a loop. Just eight hours, seven if she took out lunch, and then she could go right back home. She could lose herself in a book or maybe try to catch up on some sleep she could never get enough of.

People stopped staring at Steve, and Annie wished that being shorter than him meant that she was safe too. Except it didn't. Nothing changed. There were stares boring into her as she walked to her first class. She didn't bother with her locker. That was something which obviously hadn't changed. Giving other students the satisfaction of walking up to it every day was the last thing she wanted to do.

There was a rumor going on about how Billy slept with her. It wasn't followed nearly as closely as everything with Steve a few days ago. Still, all of that led her to looking forward to lunch.

Sitting in the cafeteria was not an option. The first day back, they both sat in his car. They tried a few more places. By the end of the week, they were sitting in the auditorium. There was something about eating on a stage that calmed Annie a little and Steve was just glad it was empty.

"So what's going on there?" he asked, nodding at her copy of War and Peace.

Annie looked up at him, "Well... how do I explain this... there's this Pierre guy, and he kinda tied a bear to someone."

"What?!"

"In his defense, he was drunk?" she offered, laughing a bit.

Steve shook his head, "Didn't realize books like that were so interesting."

"You're kidding!"

"Every time I try the words don't really make sense or I get distracted by something else."

She nodded, "I get it. I mean, I'm sure you had a lot of other stuff going on."

"Not really. Come on, you lived in Seattle and New York. That's gotta be way more interesting. No wonder you didn't wanna talk to anyone," he chuckled.

"I didn't avoid everyone because I was trying to be pretentious. I gave up. There's a difference."

"What? How? You... you seemed pretty okay."

Annie sighed, "Well, you should've figured out I'm a fair actress by now. It wasn't like I had a say in whether or not I moved. I had to go with my mom or my dad, and well, my mom was the only decent option."

"Well, you can't say you don't have any friends now," Steve said, nudging her a bit.

Annie smiled a bit, "You've got me there."

"Could you read that part, though? With the bear?" he asked, "It just sounds like you're screwing with me."

She nodded, "Gladly, and I can tell you that I'm not screwing with you."

As Annie read the passage out loud, she couldn't help getting into it. Not wanting any of the details to seem boring, she tried her hardest to make all the characters sound different. Not that she would have needed to do that to keep Steve's attention. He looked at her so intently as she read. Of course, it wasn't anything she noticed since she was too caught up in what she was doing.

Lunch was the only real time Annie and Steve got a break from the school. Though, the only people who really cared about what they did were Tommy, Carol, and Billy. The perfect trio to constantly leave Annie feeling like she was going to vomit. 

Annie had to stop carrying her books around in her hands. That was something she learned when her copy of War and Peace got snatched from her hands. Tommy didn't have the strength to rip apart the hardcover book, but she didn't want to take any chances either.

"So is it true you fucked Hargrove?" Tommy asked, cornering her in the hall when she was a bit slow to get out of the school.

"No, I think that was you," she said, trying to think of a quick getaway.

Steve sauntered up to both of them, "What's going on here?"

"Nothing, just having a chat with your psychobitch slut of a girlfriend," Tommy replied.

Steve nodded, "Right, I think you're done having a chat."

"No, I'm pretty sure I was just getting started," Tommy insisted, starting to get closer to Steve.

Annie was quick to move away from Tommy and grab Steve by the wrist, "You know what? I think we're done here."

She led Steve out of the school, promptly letting go of his jacket. Something told her that wouldn't be the last time they had to deal with something like that. It was the weekend again, though, and Annie was relieved that she hadn't completely fallen apart while at school. Getting through a full week sounded like it was out of the question.

However, that wasn't on either of their minds when they were sitting in Steve's room again that Saturday. She looked through his closet and sighed.

"Is it that bad?" Steve asked, sprawled across the bed.

Annie tossed a shirt to the side, "I just didn't know anyone could own this many polos. How were you so popular again?"

"Hey! It's because I'm good with the ladies, duh," he said, "What're we listening to right now?"

She found yet another polo and turned to face him, "West Side Story, the most heartbreaking musical I've ever heard in my life."

"I don't get it."

"Well it'd make more sense if we watched it. They're meant to be watched, but I don't have it and Family Video had it rented out already," she tossed aside the eighth polo, "I don’t get why you have so many polos."

He shrugged, "My mom told me they looked good on me and Nancy never minded."

"Well... I don't mind it, just... have you ever thought about what you like?"

"A little? No one really asks me, though."

Annie sat on the edge of the bed, "Do you like having all those polos?"

"Not really... I don't care, though. Same thing with the room," he shook his head, "Do you even know what you like?"

She thought a moment before speaking, "It took a while, but yeah. I don't have anything in my closet that I don't like."

That was a lie. What she wore that night with the demodogs was something she hated now. A part of her wanted to burn it, but she used to love that flannel. But now, it reminded her of everything so much. Mainly what happened with Billy. Shouldn't she have gotten over that by now? She didn't talk to anyone about it after she broke down that one time. A part of her wasn't sure if Steve even remembered.

As helpful as he had been that night and the day after, she knew he wasn't at his best. It was a relief that he was, for the most part, okay in the first place. 

"How do you do that?"

She shrugged, "You try different stuff until you find what you like. And you'll know when you like something, trust me."

They stayed in silence for a little while, just listening as "America" played in the background. By all rights, Annie should have just been at her house. Her mom would be home tomorrow, but until then she didn't want to be alone in her house if she could help it. Though, she tried to stay the night at her own house.

Never mind how it had barely been a week and the only thing keeping her from losing it was that her cat would curl up in the middle of her bed with her. She didn't know how to go about talking about it. Though, if he wasn't going to comment on how she probably wasn't sleeping or eating much, then that was fine by her.

"So... what did happen with your parents, anyway?" he asked, "I mean, I get the cheating part, but my parents are still together and my dad’s not much better."

Annie stayed quiet for a few minutes as she tried to think about how to explain herself, "They tried making it work. We moved across the country so that could happen. My dad got a guy for a TA and everything. Still, they kept fighting and they wouldn't stop, and I was getting sick of it. I'm sure the neighbors were too, and I tried to get their attention. The only way I could do that was by talking about hurling myself off the roof of the apartment building."

"Shit... did you um... were you-"

"I didn't mean it, I was just frustrated," she said, thinking that was true, "But they agreed to go to family counseling. It just brought up all the problems my parents had and taught me that I was way more screwed up than I thought. We only went twice before my parents decided on the divorce."

Steve sat up, "That sounds awful."

"Yeah, it kinda was at the time... but my mom's doing the best she can and I appreciate that," she let out a long sigh.

He shook his head, "You shouldn't have had to do all that just for them to listen, though."

"Tell me about it."

"Hey, I know I'm not perfect, but you can talk to me about this stuff. Not that you have to tell me anything unless you really want to, but I just know that not talking about it ended up hurting Nancy a lot," he looked at his hands.

She nodded, "I know- but did it occur to you that I don't wanna talk about it? It's already bad enough just thinking about everything, talking about it? Forget it."

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't know what you're normally like since we kinda met a couple days before everything went to shit but," he sighed, thinking of the right words, "But you don't seem right."

"And maybe I'm not, but that's not your problem. That's mine. Let me deal with that on my own time. It's a lot easier to just make fun of how preppy you are."

"Hey!" he tossed a pillow at her.

Annie laughed, feeling the pillow hit her side, "What? I'm right!"

Really, talking about anything else was easier. It wasn't that she wanted to make Steve worry about her, but she couldn't help reacting to everything the way she did. Besides, Annie knew that he wasn't reacting the best to it either. Though, there was a lot more than just demodogs that he had to go through. Losing the girl he still seemed to love had to take a lot out of him.

On the outside, it probably looked like she simply stuck around out of pity or for some form of social protection. Maybe there was some truth in that, but she genuinely thought that Steve was fun to hang out with. He was funny and kinder than he gave himself credit for. Obviously there was a part of her that knew if she didn't stick around with at least someone, she would end up being more of a victim to ridicule than she already was.

All of that pissed her off more than she cared to admit. A part of her really did wish Billy Hargrove were dead. The way he would look at her made her want to run to the bathroom and throw up for hours. What if she had actually tried to cut his throat? No, they would be in a bigger mess than they were already. There was no need to add murder to the mix.

She wanted him dead in almost the same way she wanted her dad dead when she found out he was cheating on her mom. It wasn't something she actually wanted to happen. Death was so final yet uncertain. Saying that she wished that she wanted someone to still be alive but never come near her in any way, shape, or form was a bit long-winded and less catchy. That was more accurate to what she wanted.

"I know you don't like it when people touch you," Steve said, changing the subject back.

Annie shrugged, "Is that such a bad thing?"

"No, but... but you're really specific with it. I don't need to know why, I just need to know what you're okay with. We're friends, I need you to at least explain that."

"Um... I mean, I don't know totally, it depends," she paused, "Like, being snuck up on? That's a huge no-go, obviously. I mean, it's not that I hate touch or anything, I just- I prefer to be the one touching someone else. Or if it's, like, one of the kids, that I have a way to get out of it easily. It's mostly with people I'm uncomfortable with. Like you, at first, but it just- it depends, I'm not sure how else to tell you."

He nodded, "That's fine, I just don't wanna end up hurting you on accident or, like, one of the kids or something."

"Well, since you asked me something super personal... do you think you're getting over Nancy at all?" she asked, moving so she was criss-cross on the bed.

Steve frowned, "I guess? Seeing her and Jonathan together sucks a bit less every day. It's only been a week, though. And I'm not dumb, I know she's liked him for a while. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. After what I did last year when I saw them sitting together, I didn't wanna be the asshole jumping to conclusions again. I thought if she didn't love me that she would say it when she was sober. I put in so much effort for her and she didn't even care."

Neither of them brought up how obvious it was that Nancy and Jonathan probably did something when they were off getting some Murray Bauman guy to help them. Annie wasn't going to say anything if Steve wasn't. A part of her thought he knew, but she didn't want to hurt him even more if he hadn't put it together.

"You know she didn't leave you because you were a shitty boyfriend, right?"

"Now that's bullshit."

Annie tossed the pillow in her lap right at Steve's face, "No, you're gonna listen to me. The only one who's bullshit here is Nancy. If she didn't love you, then she should've said so. You were obviously a great boyfriend. You went to her dead best friend's parents' house when you didn't even know them. And you let her go, if you were a shitty boyfriend, you wouldn't have done any of those things."

"That's nice, but I called her a slut and I didn't even really like her much at first."

"If all that bothered her, she could have stayed broken up with you after everything a year ago," she pointed out, "You made up for all that. Not everyone does, and you obviously love her."

They both sat there, not saying anything. Instead, they both just let the music play in the background. Annie knew that she didn't have feelings for Steve. For all the bad luck she had with guys, they were too good of friends for her to mess that up. Because of that, she couldn't let him get over Nancy on his own. And she knew that for as moody as Steve would get at times, he would have told her if he didn't want her around.

Taglist (lmk if you wanna be on it!): @dungeons-and-demodogs​ @nxncywheeler​ @ilovebucketbarnes​

[buddha-in-disguise]

Will this ever end?

Well I woke up to a shitstorm on Twitter and the Supergirl fandom, with David Harewood.

I can't say exactly what was said to cause David to post what he did as I haven't seen posts he might have done - but his subsequent reactions have unfortunately merely seemed to have exacerbated the issue and inflamed it.

My thoughts though before I go further into this. Also remember these are my own thoughts, I don't expect everyone to agree with me. However I hope I can make some kind of sense with what I'm trying to write down here.

Supergirl this season has one character I'm finding hard to relate to. This has absolutely nothing to do with potential storylines and relationship possibilty, but everything to do with what they have tried to do with William Dey as a whole.

I get the reason he came along in regards Russell and so the Andrea connection. That story made some sense.

What hasn't made sense - William being used as a journalist, when Nia is right there! Nia has barely had any screen time, and virtually none as a journalist; you know - her actual job. I'm not sure what the minutes on screen ratio has been this season between the two, but it has felt completely slanted towards William as a viewer.

First instead of Kara and Nia investigating Leviathan after William was 'exposed' in the earlier episodes, now Nia is sidelined again, because they want Kara to team up with William to investigate Lex.

Why? Why do they need that journalistic pairing, when Nia - who as a Superhero, is better placed if danger from Lex occurs. But no, they're making it about Kara having to work with William because Lex threatened to kill him.

They have a Superhero who is also a journalist right there!

Right. There.

Personally this simply makes no sense to me. Plus if I am being honest, William as a character is bringing nothing to the table for me. He feels more like a token male character because James has left.

That brings me to Dansen. While we had some scenes before Crisis, considering at SDCC we were being told how Dansen would strengthen after those events, again we have seen seconds worth of screen time of Kelly, let alone the lack of Dansen.

We accept it isn't the Dansen show and this isn't about that, but again it feels as if it is being pushed way into the background & Kelly is being underutilised. She works for Obsidian North, yet was nowhere to be seen at the launch of the new tech. Sure, it isn't her area of expertise within the company, but you would expect senior employees to have been at such an important launch.

Plus, she is ex-military, but again nothing has been utilised about that part of her character.

The problems with both these issues is these characters are LGBTQ rep on the show. Representation that is already severely underrepresented on TV. Even allowing for the LGBTQ rep on SG (which is above average), it is still well below the ratio percentages that GLAAD show as being the main demographic of viewers.

So LGBTQ fans also look at non-canon representation as well. They have to, because LGBTQ on screen numbers simply don't reflect what the viewer numbers are. I made a post about it to try & highlight this, which I will link to.

But needless to say, LGBTQ fans also generally have difficulties that a lot of people don't have to face.

This brings me back to David and his lack of understanding that many fans were (looking through the comments), trying to explain to him. That criticism wasn't aimed at him per se (at least that I saw), or his directing or acting of that episode. If criticism was aimed at him, that was and is wrong.

The main criticism I saw was being aimed about elements that the writers and producers had done (Winn's wife being another aspect that was problematic). It was unfortunate that it has coincided with David's directorial episode.

Look, David can direct an episode wonderfully, it can have some great aspects to it, but it can also be highly problematic to some fans, & receive valid criticism for it.

For example, the latest episode of Batwoman. The Alice/Beth story was great. The acting superb. What I found worrying was the way they made Sophie feel guilty for legitimate reasons why she had led a closeted lifestyle. That lifestyle is valid, for Sophie and many LGBTQ people, and for good reason, including keeping some people safe from harm. I felt it was a clumsy attempt for Alice to get into Sophie's mind; it could've been tackled other ways, so it felt wrong they used her sexuality as a way to achieve that. Being closeted for many literally keeps them alive. So that was one hell of a poor choice in my opinion. So, great episode, valid criticism.

I personally find it sad that David hasn't seemed to understand this. Especially considering he only recently tweeted about the lack of diversity on TV for black actors. His argument there applies to what the LGBTQ audience have been trying to explain so many times, both with Supergirl and beyond that.

Except for LGBTQ it goes further, as not only are there LGBTQ, there is further intersectionality that runs through us as a group.

So for example, Kelly is LGBTQ, but Black. She is also a woman. All areas that struggle in their own sphere and marginalised in their own right. Added together, and it makes her representation even more important.

Nia Nal is Transgender. And a woman. Also two areas of intersectionality. If we don't listen to all marginalised people, especially when that intersectionality comes into play, we fail.

David is Black.

But also heterosexual, and male, and honestly, seeing his reaction I felt the heterosexual male with no understanding what the LGBTQ audience was trying to explain come through far more than I imagined I would.

Now of course, it could be David had no intention of coming across in that way. Yet the way he liked certain posts also felt as a complete dismissal of the LGBTQ community as a whole. It felt like the reactions from SDCC 2017 all over again.

Without a doubt some fans were taking it too far. I get that. I don't know how often I have written about fandoms and the way some can behave. However, if David is putting everyone in a fandom as all being problematic (as his liking of Tweets seem to suggest), then that is a very poor take indeed by him, and one I hope he considers.

By taking those steps, he has angered some fans more than was necessary in my view. Like Staz the other day, I know we are all human and sometimes react emotionally. Unlike Staz, who tried to clarify his words and apologised for any upset he might've caused, David seems to have gone the other way and doubled down against fans, blocking even respectful tweets to him that were trying to explain a point of view.

Now before anyone thinks I am hating on David, I'm not. I have supported much of his work.

I am though disappointed that for someone who is marginalised himself, has had mental health struggles, he has seemingly failed to understand that LGBTQ are just as marginalised (if not more so) than he is, & that because of the issues LGBTQ people face, mental health problems are extremely high versus the general population. That some of his wording and liking of tweets have felt like a complete slap in the face for many, who have legitimate concerns about Supergirl at the moment.

As I say, I get some fans take it too far, in all areas of the Supergirl fandom. Outright hate towards anyone is absolutely unacceptable. I also understand that we all react at times that is instinctual because we feel hurt, and that reaction is not as good as it could be.

I just hope that rather than it implode more on us, that everyone takes a step back to try and calm down.

As for the issues of queerbaiting that has risen as a result of the teaser for the next episode of SG. Supergirl in earlier episodes of the season, used parallels to show Lena and Kara alongside canon relationships on the show. To then have other people call fans delusional for seeing those scenes as romantically formulated is not okay! It really isn't. That's hateful, because like it or not, those elements are there.

When I have people who don't watch the show asking if Lena and Kara are together because of clips they might see (straight people at that), that isn't delusional.

But, that isn't an issue the cast should address or make judgement on, or fans to insist they do.

It should though be something asked of the producers and showrunners, because if they have no plans to go through with it - it has been outright queerbaiting this season. Up until this year, they've not done things with notable intent to parallel other relationships. This season they have. The shift felt deliberate.

I know ultimately that this show is about Supergirl, but it is also about those around her as family & friends. I understand there are only so many minutes in one episode. What I don't understand is why those precious minutes are going to a character, when they have one perfectly placed to do the same role. Why they have to potentially explore another relationship, when we have one canon relationship & one relationship that while isn't canon in terms of romantic, it is a big story in terms of best friends, both seemingly sidelined. Which brings me to the Kara fighting for Lena's soul aspect. Again, I am not seeing a lot of fighting for anything, except more and more fans fighting themselves and cast.

I will be honest, I had high hopes for this season. I also knew it was likely going to be pretty confusing at times since it was given as 'our Black mirror season' and 'nothing is as it seems.' I accepted that.

However, all it seems at the moment is a jumbled mess from pre and post Crisis. They just doesn't appear to be any cohesion at all, which is making it really difficult as a viewer. Add in the changes post Crisis and it feels even more of a mess.

Of course, they could bring in more cohesive elements soon, but considering that we know episode 13 is 'It's a wonderful life,' and Alex Danvers in a later episode is wearing a Super suit - I just sense this whole 'nothing is as it seems' side we appear to be getting isn't changing any time soon, & with episodes running out, with so many strings running through at the moment, it feels really discombomulated. If by seasons end, they pull it off and you can look back and see how it's played out as a whole, I will be the first to say well done for that part.

I get that as more characters are added to a show, it can make shuffling screen time for those already established characters harder to achieve that will please everyone, especially when we get invested in those characters.

I do though think right now Supergirl feels chaotic beyond expectation, and no end in sight. I feel there have been too many character additions this season (particularly Andrea & William) that is taking screen time away from Kara, Alex, Nia, Lena, Kelly et al.

That is causing confusion for fans, that is also beginning to become frustration. That frustration is spilling over. Add in the genuine and legitimate concerns over the LGBTQ issues that have arisen, and the frustration has built even more.

Again though, that is something we need to be asking of the producers and show runners, and not pulling the cast into it.

Let's all try less to score points against each other, or make generalisations, as none of that is helpful.

If you can't do that, you will get other fans calling you out.

Let's all learn to step away a bit more when it is obviously getting to the point rational discussion isn't working, to let things calm down.

We all need to try and do better.

[cryptologicalmystic]

a tedious argument of sinister intent

[This is going to make absolutely no sense if you aren't caught up on @trashfoundation 's blog. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure it'll make sense even in that context! As far as canonicity goes, I don't think the first part should contradict anything, but the second part may be incompatible with what's happening on the blog. Who knows. *shrug emoji*]

[[MORE]]

This is the third time today Leah has gone to check on the gremlin boxes. They're deceptively simple-looking - you push a certain button on one, a little screen powers up. Save for occasional minute variations in the numbers, the readout it shows has been basically the same for the past few weeks, ever since the boxes appeared: "anchors in array" constant at thirty (they've only actually found twenty so far, none of which they've been able to move at all), "inside array" at one hundred, and "correcting from value of" somewhere between eighty and ninety-five - excluding the first few hours after the boxes actually showed up, where it didn't break sixty the entire time. 

But the cultists that now haunt the Chipotle like particularly droopy ghosts have been on edge for the past few days, ever since shortly after the "feast" with the gremlins-who-had-stopped-being-gremlins ended. And the cultists, unlike the gremlins they seem to worship, have actually been a positive influence on the place!

Since the cultists came, none of the Night Shift - the employees' tacit moniker for the little group they've created to obsess over the surveillance footage of gremlins and fistfights and gods - have been mindwiped. Not even once. 

The gremlin-specific panic button they came up with has only been pressed once, during the "feast", and Leah remembers doing it as clear as day. The footage from the security cameras matches up with the footage from the miniature cams Ed started sticking everywhere after the third or fourth time they'd found things on the tapes they couldn't explain, with the audio from the microphones they'd installed after incident seven, even with their memories.

So, yeah, if they're this agitated then Leah is going to regularly check the other tangible evidence they have, thank you very much. With this certainty in her mind, she presses down on the readout button - and freezes.

SCRANTON REALITY ANCHOR

ANCHORS IN ARRAY: 30

INSIDE ARRAY: 

100.01 (+0.12/-0.16) Hm

READINGS NOMINAL

CORRECTING FROM VALUE OF: 

26.11 (+21.61/-12.16) Hm

!!WARNING!! STRENGTH OF LOCAL REALITY SUBSTRATE BENEATH ACCEPTABLE LEVELS

!!WARNING!! HIGH FLUCTUATIONS IN STRENGTH OF LOCAL REALITY SUBSTRATE

!!WARNING!! 11.62% PROBABILITY OF ACTIVE REALITY BENDER IN VICINITY

It doesn't take much to connect that last line with some of the things the cameras have recorded: the unidentifiable man who comes in at the end, pays the fighters' bill, and fixes all the damage they caused. Leah's had years of experience in customer-facing positions; she doesn't doubt for a moment that, if there are enough people like him to warrant a fancy label, then the vast majority are going to be more interested in breaking things than fixing them. 

(Unconsciously, she reaches a hand up to touch the scar cutting through her eyebrow.)

Leah stands up, moves back until she's absolutely sure she's within the boxes' - the anchors' - area of effect, and takes a moment to panic. Then she turns to march back into the Chipotle. 

Nobody is getting unmade today, not on her watch.

- 

Elsewhere, a seagull struggles through the air, claws tangled through the straps of an opened purse - and through the chain of the gaudy necklace the purse is holding.

Jack Bright hasn't slept since this whole thing began. Technically the bird he's possessing has, but he hasn't. He's not entirely sure how the hell he managed to escape, especially since he doesn't actually remember doing it, but he's out. Unfortunately, he had to ditch the phone he was carrying - too heavy, plus there's a good chance the Insurgency could use it to track him if he held on.

He's resolutely trying not to think about the events that led to him getting captured in the first place. Him? A reality bender? That's ridiculous, he'd be dead by now if that were the case. Maybe even really dead and not just in the limbo of the in-between. (Now there's a thought!) If they couldn't manage that, they'd have strengthened the containment procedures for 963. (...Would the List count?) At the very least, he'd have been demoted or something.

(Unless he's subconsciously bent their minds so that nothing like that could happen. Ridiculous, of course. He wouldn't do something like that. Right?)

But his coworkers seem to believe it, and the Insurgency seems to believe it. And it would make a lot of offhand comments on the blog make a lot more sense.

("Do you WANT to resume the CK-ass-clay estructuring-ray enario-scay?")

("if the thing you were thinking of rhymes with "ebay pass", then yes it is!") 

("Bright's on his bullshit again".)

But it's not possible... right?

[bungoustraydogsbigbang]

We’ve come to the end of the Soukoku Big Bang 2019! Before we move on to the master post for 2019, we would like to express our sincerest thanks to all of you. It has been a wild ride and us mods couldn’t thank our participants enough for being such lovely people to work with. There’ll also be a feedback form the participants can fill in! The link will be distributed through email and shared in our discord server. We would like to know how you think about us and how you would like us to improve through our feedback form!

If you missed your chance this year, don’t worry, we’ll be back again in 2020! Do stay tuned for some exciting information on where this event will be going next year! We have some “big news” waiting for you!

Without further ado, here’s the masterpost for all entries of Soukoku Big Bang 2019! 

M A S T E R P O S T

It Was Worth Trying by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by Misa

Rating: General Audiences

Seeing Dazai float face down in a river was not all that unusual. True, it hadn't happened in four years, but the view was not exactly a foreign one. No, what was foreign was the fact that Dazai seemed to be shorter. And younger. And didn't remember him. In retrospect, Chuuya probably shouldn't have let the boy call Mori because that allowed his boss to put him on babysitting duty.

(Or Dazai gets deaged. No romance will happen till they are both the same age again.)

Bandaged Sheep by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by Abel

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

There had been something very weird, very off about the new recruit. He had popped up out of thin air a few months ago, wrapped from head to toe in bandages. Not a word of what he did before, saying he wanted to join the sheep. He wasn't strong or skilled, and truly, there was no logical reason for Chuuya to pay him any mind.

But then the Port Mafia put a huge bounty on his head and things started to get interesting

these days, you’re fine by AquarianTwin | Art by Nella

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Fifth-grade classmates Q and Aya are convinced that their older brothers would make a perfect pair if they’d just stop fighting for five minutes. Dazai and Chuuya, who have been dating for over a year, find this too funny to correct them.

Dazai takes in his younger sibling, Q, after they’re removed from their father’s home. Overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising of a child when he can barely keep himself alive some days, Dazai leans on his partner, Chuuya, to help lead him through. It’s a good thing Q gets along so well with Chuuya’s younger sister, but Dazai thinks he might die of laughter if the pair try to “secretly” set him up on another date with his own boyfriend.

Project Pinocchio by EKmisao | Art by Ginny

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

What kept the youngest mafia executive alive enough was a new file, on a newly-acquired powerful cyborg. It started as a project to keep a cyborg a boy. It became more than he expected.

Outrunning Fate by RocketJams | Art by Nanamin

Rating: Not Rated

Chuuya laid in the hospital bed, his consciousness slipping away slowly as he patiently awaited his demise. The doctors had assured him he wouldn't feel a thing but for some reason he couldn't shake this feeling his chest. An subtle pain which at this point had coaxed his stomach into a frenzy. Something was wrong but there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

In Isolation He Thrived by Maddy | Art by Leo

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

All his life Dazai felt like a tool, a pawn that was just tossed aside when not needed. He was looked down on and felt useless, so slowly a fire ignited within him and turned him into a merciless person also well known as a "Soulless Demon".

He always believed he was destined to do wrong until one day when he finds Chuuya who proves him wrong.

S8 (TBA)

i step from here without you by fatimé | Art by eva

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

“I used Corruption because I trusted you,” Chuuya gasps out, and the words leave a hole the size of Yokohama in his chest. He punches Dazai right where that hole is and hopes it hurts him just as much as it hurts Chuuya.

Dazai smiles. He catches him when his vision finally goes dark and the next thing Chuuya wakes to is emptiness in his heart and a stack of neatly folded clothes.

In one universe, they’re partners-turned enemies, the former Double Black, the most fearsome duo in Port Mafia history. They’re Soukoku and they’re spiteful and they’re tangled up in one another more than they’d care to admit.

In another, they’re—

S10 (TBA)

In Blood we are Sealed by Chaosia | Art by RedZeverin

Dazai stared at his subordinate and the white tiger passed out on the ground, dismayed. It almost worked. This was the fourth person they've went to. There was one more person Dazai could take Atsushi to but he had enough reason to guess that it wouldn't work.

Dazai made a face.

There was one person Dazai knew who could do the job. He'd successfully commit suicide though before that gremlin ever found out he had such thoughts. The taste of metallic filled his mouth. He held in the urge to spit it out.

His ears rang as he imagined a shrieking voice yelling his name like it was the worst insult one could come up with and the mirage of fire that surrounded those blue eyes and foul mouth. Ugh, he was so annoying even in his imagination...and short.

Sticking a pinky into his ear to clear out the haunting voice, Dazai went about gathering up his apprentice and the tiger. Maybe fate would take pity on him and this next trip would solve their problem...

He could feel the cursed blood laughing at him all the way back to their hotel room.

Or a magical AU where Dazai inadvertently gets Atsushi cursed and they have to go to Chuuya, a powerful witch in his own right, to break it.

S14 (TBA)

Quatervois by TheWanderingTanteiThief | Art by King

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Quatervois (n.) a crossroads; a critical decision or turning point in one's life

Chuuya didn't expect to see a man hanging from a tree.

Chuuya didn't expect to meet the man again.

Chuuya certainly didn't expect the man to be the crown prince of the kingdom.

...or cardverse au where Dazai is an asshole and Chuuya just wants to have a peaceful life. Is that too much to ask?

flaws and all by alli | Art by phryn

The transition Dazai and Chuuya routinely make between their heated arguing and completely seamless teamwork is being disrupted by their changing relationship. Which is an issue, because the two of them have been assigned to what could possibly be the most important undercover mission of their careers. Will they be able to strengthen their partnership for the better, or will it crack under the ever growing pressure?

-

As much as he craved that, as easy as it would be to do, it terrified him.

So, he didn’t.

Mirror Mirror In My Eye by MidnightLightHowlite | Art by cchibikko

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai didn't have much hope for the next few years of Hogwarts, but would have liked to wait at least a few till Arahabaki noticed him.

Never such luck for the resident mummy.

School year was already shitty as it was, but now he has a fiery angry redhead demanding answers he's not ready to give

School year was already shitty as it was, but now he has a fiery angry redhead demanding answers he's not ready to give

Fuck.

thy kingdom come by chubsthehamster | Art by Stella Rasu

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

In a bid to save their continent from destruction, the kingdoms of Ada and the Port Mafia must put aside their years of tension to form an uneasy alliance. An act of holy matrimony unites Princes Dazai Osamu and Nakahara Chuuya, marking the beginning of an infamous partnership.

The affair is strictly political, and perhaps for the better. The two hate each other from the beginning.

should we never meet again by setosdarkness | Art by phryn

Rating: Mature

Sixteen women have been killed by a vicious serial killer haunting Yokohama’s streets.

Dazai has been chosen to become a part of the elite Bloody Valentine Task Force, even if he personally thinks that it’d be a lot more fun to stay at home with his boyfriend. Especially since it took years to convince Chuuya to finally move in with him.

It’s just a coincidence that Chuuya’s agreed to move in with him the moment he’s been chosen to become a part of the Task Force, right?

Resolving the Matter in Spirit by ASentientSlug | Art by Tomomorey

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai's boring, everyday life ends in an accidental double suicide, but instead of facing the sweet release of endless sleep, Dazai finds himself in the Spirit World, where nothing is familiar and dangerous, soul-eating spirits lurk behind every corner. To get out, Dazai must confront the ghosts of his past and the ghosts of his present when one very familiar and yet very dangerous spirit takes Dazai under his wing.

If We Ever Meet Again by Luc | Art by Saiel

Rating: Mature

It all started with diamonds.

Chuuya thinks he would've been just as attracted to it if it wasn't for the equally shiny police badge in his pocket.

It all ends with a silver bullet.

For someone as talented in the dance of crime, Dazai has developed quite a bias about the jewels that would catch anybody's fancy.

Diamonds? They're overrated. Old. Boring.

Rubies? Sapphires?

Now those—

—those are worth getting caught for.

keep your windows open by Maristella | Art by Einjjjj

Rating: General Audiences

Usually, whenever Chuuya jumped, he flew.

This was not one of those times.

(Or, alternatively, where Chuuya breaks into Dazai's mansion as a thief, and comes out as a kidnapper. Even though he's also sort of a kid. And it's also not kidnapping.)

(Not when the victim bribed the kidnapper to take him.)

“You do know that the treasure doesn’t exist, right?”

“The what?”

“The treasure. You know, the one in the rumours. It doesn’t exist.”

“…are you screwing with me?”

“No?”

“I’m not an idiot. If there’s no treasure, why else are you here then?”

“Um…this is my house?”

(Also featuring: Chuuya and the different types of falling.)

half of my half by keptein | Art by manwe.russingon

Rating: Mature

No one understands why Dazai’s dæmon looks like a boy more often than not.

Book One: Fire by chuuzuke | Art by wandiwoo

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Avatar The Last Airbender/Korra AU: The world has changed. Technology can meet nearly every need, to the point where bending is considered a relic of the past, and with it, the Avatar. In fact, no one has seen the Avatar for nearly 100 years, and most people prefer to keep it that way.

Nakahara Chuuya, Prince of the Fire Nation, more than understands what it's like to be considered a relic. After the Fire nation moved to a parliamentary system, the title of Fire Lord is a largely ceremonial one, and Chuuya struggles under the burden of an office that restricts his every move without giving him any actual power to enact change.

When he runs away, intent on finding his own path, it seems like fate when he runs into Dazai Osamu, a mysterious man who claims he has a way to cure the unexplained illness Chuuya has suffered from his whole life.

peace lily by intimatopia | Art by phryn

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

They say you don’t truly know a person until you live with them. Dazai and Chuuya would argue that they know more about each other than one ought to know about anyone else.

Or: Mori forces 15 year old Dazai and Chuuya to share a flat because he doesn’t trust them to be on their own, and he thinks it’ll be a good way for them to bond.

Dazai and Chuuya think he's a sadist.

Two rambunctious teen boys, left to their own devices in a multi-million dollar penthouse. What could possibly go wrong?

of flowers and verses by lua & lanipalmer | Art by Yahuri

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

For years, Nakahara Chuuya has been pining over the ex-mafioso himself, Dazai Osamu. So what better to vent than through poetry? Combined with his (frankly, alarming) knowledge of flower languages, this is a story about Chuuya and his frustrations and desires.

Still Worth Fighting For by Maru | Art by ewe

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

"In which Chuuya never joins the port mafia, stops using his ability for fighting out of guilt, and later becomes a hacker.

His life had been relatively peaceful until one day, Dazai appears again at his doorstep asking for his help to find information on ‘The Rats.’"

The Necromancer by Ru | Art by etsuki_haru

Rating: Mature

If you venture into the slums of Suribachi City, you’ll find the witch Dazai Osamu, known as the Necromancer, and his barely tamed beast, Arahabaki. If you bring to him the bones of someone, he will bring that person back to life - in exchange for some of your lifespan. But bringing a soul back from the dead turn a heart twisted. Did you get your wish, or dig your own grave? These are the grim tales of a witch and a creature, trying to figure out their humanity, overseeing the consequences of taking death too lightly.

S34 (TBA)

fire and calamity by Jasmine | Art by Zen

Arahabaki has left its vessel, leaving Chuuya in a comatose state. Dazai and the rest of the ADA now have to track the god down and capture it for two reasons. One, because Chuuya knows the whereabouts of the Book. Two, because if they don't, they lose him forever. (ADA!Chuuya, established!SKK)

S38 (TBA)

fight our way to heaven by kiwi | Art by chicchii

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

The redhead had a fire in him that made Dazai want to poke and prod until he could see the limits. Chuuya was so alive and for the first time since Dazai could remember, he wanted to taste and feel that fire.

What he didn’t account for was that the decision to follow Chuuya would lead him to discovering memories he didn’t know he had and it would make them a target for all ability organizations in Yokohama.

Or the one where we have teen skk against the world.

Everything Comes Back To You by Catsby | Art by Mai

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

In the period after the war for the Book, the Port Mafia finds itself in need of a Boss. The logical choice for that position would be Chuuya - except Chuuya has gone missing.

Après Un Rêve by manwe.russingon | Art by Sebby

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

"I wandered long, methought, alone

to the deep shadow where the dead dwell,

but ever a voice that I knew well,

like bells, like viols, like harps, like birds,

like music moving without words,

called me, called me through the night,

enchanted drew me back to the light!"

Nakahara Chuuya, the elven lord commander of the kingsguard of kingdom of Mirkwood, singing in the woods. With a sudden intervention from Dazai Osamu, a mysterious being that was caught in between his tunes, they became best friends afterwards. Or perhaps it is more than that?

Time to time, one story comes with another. The truth finally unveils, and the clock is ticking faster. What exactly is Dazai? Why does he act so familiarly to Chuuya? And perhaps the biggest question we need the answer is: What makes them always connected, even for thousands of years?

S42 by chuuzuke | Art by willofjokerXIX

Lost All Judgement by todxrxki | Art by Yahuri

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

“Uh, sorry, but unfortunately I already have a date to the dance.”

“Oh, really?” Tachihara says, sounding disappointed. He pauses for a second, clearly processing what Chuuya’s just told him, and then says, “Who is it?”

Chuuya certainly hadn’t budgeted for this.

Panicking, he tries to think of the people that he knows that are single, and before he knows it, the first name that comes to mind is slipping out of his mouth. “With Dazai.” / After a momentary lapse in judgment, high school student Chuuya ends up having to pretend to date his enemy Dazai to get Tachihara off of his back - and quickly finds it's nowhere as bad as he'd imagined.

Of Boxers and Bachelors by writingfromtheshadows | Art (1 & 2 & 3) by Angella

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

When Dazai Osamu gets cut off from the family's coffers in an attempt to regulate his behavior, he decides to find a way around his father's ultimatum. Faking an engagement with an underground boxer sounds like the perfect scandal...

Crimson Memoirs by Luneath & Abel | Art by lefterstein

Rating: Mature

By the power of great ancient magic, supernatural beings are aptly hidden just behind the eyelids of humans. Vampires, witches, weres, faeries – all of them live and exist out of the fairy tales books.

Humans' eyes are just shielded into not comprehending their true nature, their magic, and their trickery. To protect them, the Gods say. But Dazai has always known that he’s no ordinary human. From the gift of seeing beyond the magic veil to the peculiar dreams to the aching, hollow feeling hugging his chest in a tight embrace – he knows he’s different.

What Dazai doesn’t know is that this isn’t the start of his story and the stranger with glowing blue eyes that have always been the center of his recurring dreams. What Dazai doesn’t know is that this is not exactly his first life. Dazai doesn't know a lot of things. But with time, he will come to know that he doesn't mind dying the second time for Chuuya.

entanglement by Shinkirou | Art by Zevy

Rating: Mature

Not everyone has a destined partner. Theoretically, even Dazai and Chuuya aren't supposed to. Are being programmed not to, even.

But whether they're "meant" to be together or not is irrelevant. Dazai wants Chuuya to be his, and so Chuuya will be his.

... If only it were actually that simple.

pointless by Lua | Art by Behax

Rating: Explicit

It was an annoyance after everything that happened, and yet, Chuuya found himself on the doorsteps of a man that he had more than enough reasons to kill. He could come up with excuses, but he was not in the habit of lying to himself. At times, Chuuya would describe their relationship as an addiction he couldn't get rid of. This was ridiculous. Dazai was now a traitor and a coward; what did that make of Chuuya himself to know where to find him and keep that a secret?

Latent Identities by RocketJams | Art by Seiran

Rating: Explicit

He could deny it however many times he wanted to, but Dazai could see through it every time. The lies over his lips, the false smiles and misleading words. He could fool anyone else into believing he was who he said he was. Though whenever he smiled, Dazai could feel it. Something was wrong, he wasn't Chuuya.

N6 (TBA)

Before I Fall by hellosweetie17 | Art by Nanamin

Rating: Explicit

Chuuya’s oblivious to the circumstances surrounding their fragile world; Dazai’s made sure of it.

Mighty Long Fall by quinnlocke | Art by Xoinks

Rating: Mature

When Dazai betrays the ADA for the Port Mafia, he’s greeted as the prodigal son. That doesn’t mean he’s trusted, however, and now that he’s betrayed the Port Mafia and ADA alike, he has far more enemies than friends. As Dazai works to survive the heart of the viper’s nest, it quickly becomes clear that Chuuya will save him - or be the reason he fails.

Chuuya, meanwhile, knows Dazai too well to trust that his cards are on the table. But as he finds himself at Dazai’s mercy, and caught between loyalties, he realizes there’s no other option but to master the god that lives beneath his skin and hope he survives long enough to protect the organization to whom he’s sworn his life.

But first they both must realize that a mighty long fall awaits.

moonshine voyage by setosdarkness | Art by Behax

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Dazai's plan to stop Fyodor involves sacrificing his life. He should have known that even the best-made plans are useless when there’s someone like Chuuya out there, who just won’t stop saving him.

A journey of growing and growing old together.

[or: chuuya saves dazai's life by linking their souls & lifespans together]

Lifeline by Abel | Art (1 & 2 & 3) by phryn

Rating: Explicit

Nakahara Chuuya is a normal kid. He has two parents who loves him very much even though he's not really their son. He's a good student even though he's not on top. He's popular and has a lot of friends. Everything in his life is fine-- perfectly fine.

Until he bumps into another kid his age, bandages wrapped all over him. Dazai Osamu-- he said his name was, with a tone of amusement and yet tinged with longing.

Little did he know, that fated meeting will change his life forever.

Can’t Be Tamed by stargazerlilith | Art by Abel

Rating: Explicit

The boss of the Port Mafia is merciless against those who oppose him.

Well he was, until he resigned himself to the fate of the notorious dating app known as Tinder.

We hope you enjoy the masterpieces made by our talented participants! See you again next year!

[me-on-set]

Harrowingly Strange

When was the last time you had to face a moral dilemma? I am still reeling. I actually just got home. I think I invented a new selfie style. I wanted to take a photo of my makeup on and off.

As I currently write this, I am not an actor but instead have been doing background work for the past year. I've occasionally been a featured extra and was a body double once.

It's fascinating, seeing and doing the work that embodies being on set.

A couple of days ago, I received a message from a casting agency that had my headshot asking to submit my photo for a featured non-speaking role with a local production company. It was a one or two day shoot at $200 per day. I said yes and I got the gig.

When you are cast, you get an email the night before with details about the set location, start time, special instructions, and wardrobe. This show I booked was for a reenactment TV series about real world events. The exciting news was that this particular episode revolved around a crisis that occurred in my parents' homeland. I was to play someone at home seeing the news on television, and then in a second scene complain to police of their incompetence. I was asked to bring leisure clothing one would wear at home.

When I first started being an extra, I would bring my clothes in a backpack, trying really hard not to care too much. That behavior did not last. I found my interest stumbling forward into a natural evolution. I started taking luggage to neatly carry my wardrobe options. I found that I would mostly get cast as a mid-30's businessman. This led me to comfortably bring my outfits in a garment bag. It's funny how familiarity can grow your views.

For today, I packed shorts, sweatpants, t-shirts, a hoodie, a pair of runners, and a pair of flip flops. I got these flip flops during my last vacation with my mom overseas in her hometown. I also brought some henley shirts and arrived on set in khakis and a short-sleeved polo because there was also a mention of button-ups being an option.

The majority of work involved as an extra is waiting. It's a good idea to bring a book, although in this day and age, occupying oneself with a smart phone is a much more fulfilling time killer. I didn't end up using any of the clothes I had brought except for my belt and my runners. After my hair and makeup were done I decided to satisfy my curiosity by searching keywords of this specific production. I searched the name of the character I was to reenact. Adding quotations to strict strings of words, I had soon discovered the event I was going to portray. This was when my moral dilemma began.

I was born and raised in North America by immigrant parents who arrived in their early 20's. The typical experiences had by people of color paint a relatively positive mural that represents my upbringing. Having visited my ethnic country many times throughout my life, I felt, and still feel, a deep connection to the motherland. This connection is common for others like myself, powered by identity in a time where life will sometimes present it as a limitation. Conversely, this only strengthens cultural pride.

The role I was to play was an international representing their countrymen against the very country I identify with. Pangs of uneasiness flooded my body. There was another featured role performer who had an earlier call time. We sat together in the holding area. He was cast to play the part of a family member learning the news of the event. What surprised me more was the fact that he was a recent immigrant from my country of ethnicity. Us both, cast in roles of coincidental conflict of interest?

When it comes to acting, the only other time I recall having feelings of apprehension was during a big budget movie filmed in a church. I was a church goer among a sea of church goers seated in church pews. We were instructed to portray the enjoyment of a church service. Some of us were selected to stand and sway to the Christian music. Some had their eyes closed, head tilted to the ceiling, palms facing up to the heavens. As easy a physical task that is, I instead opted to clap along to the band and pretend to really feel the sounds of my favorite music. I know it's just acting but I was driven by the thought of my mom seeing me do anything other than that on camera. So, I coursed the music through my veins. I know the history of the band members, the albums, this music moves me, pretend.

I received my paperwork and read it over a cup of coffee from craft services. It was standard paperwork that I've filled out over a dozen times before. I looked at the inviting exit door. I was parked right outside. This is not that big of a deal, is it? I imagined this TV episode making its way to the news overseas, the citizens all over the world deeming me a traitor for perpetuating a negative image, not merely through action but through representation against them. Against us. Am I selling out? For two hundred bucks?

I thought about getting up and leaving. I thought about all of the hard work that people have put into this specific production. If you haven't been behind the scenes before, it is quite the trip. An assortment of heavy duty cables line the floors, taped in place. Racks of props in designated areas. The backstage crew zip around in sync, bursting with walkie-talkie sounds and hollers of instruction. There is a commonality in the many interactions, their minds tuned into the goal meant to be achieved. This is their career.

This is my hobby. I am a prop. Would leaving this put a blemish on my record in the local film community, or the film industry as a whole, because I wasted everyone's time being sensitive? As I languished, I get a message from my best friend and I tell him I'm on set. I tell him:

For some reason, that makes me feel better. I just might be able to work with that mentality. The other guy has finished. He returns his wardrobe and collects his belongings. I ask him if he knows what this show is about. We speak in our language among the English-speakers. I ask him if he thinks people back home are going to be mad at us. I ask him if he knew we were going to be doing this. He seems ok with it all. He said he was there during the actual event. He's new to the industry. We laugh about how we can pass as different races. This is his first time being on camera. He said he enjoyed the experience. I ask him if he'll continue. He said yes. I hope he does.

Finally, wardrobe is set and I am wearing a navy blue golf shirt and some gray slacks. I want to feel good, like the other times I've worked. How can I get that feeling? They're calling me on set. They adjust the lighting while I sit in front of the camera. A fog machine fills the mock living room belonging to my character. When the camera rolls, there is a fake TV in front of me that I am to watch casually at first and then grow increasingly interested as the live footage I am pretending to watch unfolds. I am supposed to build up into a frustration with the host country. My country. As I understand it, the real guy is being interviewed and I am the reenactment; the illustration of his side of the story. I do the scene. Twice. Filming took less than 5 minutes total. The whole time I was thinking about my mom. I can remember it still, a few hours ago today, the director describing the gradual transpiring of the footage to guide me. To help me see a reason to be frustrated on camera. It wasn't helping. It's not his fault. I don't think it's anyone's fault. I don't think they even knew why I would be uncomfortable. I don't think they knew much about the countries involved in the event. They even spelled the city name wrong. I don't even think the takes were that bad.

I wish it wasn't about my country. If it were different, I feel like I could have given more - like I had done at the church.

It's unsettling to perform make-believe, but for myself I have managed to apply a mental exercise that immerses me into a character; to actually be the person. The trick is to relate. To tie the emotion to a real memory and relive it. If it had only been about another country, I'm sure I would have enjoyed the process a lot more.

I'm writing this and I was hoping it would help me shake away this dread. Thoughts of regret imagining if I had only researched the keywords sooner. Maybe I would have cancelled. But that wouldn't have been better. I would be blacklisted and never cast as another role again. Or maybe I'm being dramatic. Hey, that's good for this line of work, right?

I honestly hope the final cut looks great. This is the biggest role I've ever been in. They gelled my hair funny like a nerd, I had on large framed glasses, just like the portrayed, and they put makeup on my upper lip to hide my dark, clean-shaven stubble.

When I got home, before I washed my makeup off, I took a before and after mirror selfie because my face looked comedically smooth. Taking the pictures reminded me of when I was sipping coffee in the holding area. I had taken pictures of my paperwork. I remember my mind racing. The feeling was like gathering license plates and insurance information after a collision. You know, just in case I have to stand trial, my cultural membership in jeopardy. I can review my situation with a lawyer to see what I can and can not say during a variety show interview that is getting my side of the story after viral, captioned screenshots of me flood the internet with embarrassing memes, stamped into history. Jesus Christ, that would be the worst. Here I go again with extreme maybes. It's an entertaining curse that I will forever be engulfed in my own hypothetical torture.

Anyway, here's that selfie I invented:

Yeah my bathroom mirrors are dirty.

I can't wait for my next job that I can cleanse my palate with. I really hope I can accept today as purely an actor's portrayal, and not a turncoat betrayal. This can't be my last go at acting. I ate some of my country's food for supper. I feel a bit better. I'm wearing a shirt that is emblazoned with our country's sports hero.

I have always been excited to see the final release of a production I am in, except for this one now. Uncontrollably, my perverse curiosity into the film world is only strengthening, so I don't think even the worst thoughts can slow my future participation. The silver lining is that the uncomfortable bar is set to a new level. I could reenact a murderous deviant now without batting a moral eyelash, I like to think. All for the sake of film.

- WSS, February 8, 2019