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theladyofbloodshed · 3 years ago

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Au acosf - chapter 46

this chapter was so difficult to write i just had no inspiration i hope it's not a burning pile of garbage bc that's how it reads to me! A little 18+ warning just after halfway

@a-court-of-valkyries @sv0430 @mis-lil-red @nesquik-arccheron @emily-gsh @sunsetsofanemoia @swankii-art-teacher @moodymelanist @nestaarcher0n @my-fan-side @c-e-d-dreamer @nestaspegasus @champanheandluxxury @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @lyzriel @dustjacketmusings

After a dash to the bathroom, Nesta was drawing a dressing robe around her slender waist. ‘Maybe you ought to go. There’s no reason for you to stay.’

‘What did I do?’ It was no good in trying to keep the rejection out of his voice. Cassian had a family that loved him, a family who was safe in a city that he adored. They had a fragile moment of peace. But it wasn’t enough. There was a hole in his heart without Nesta. He had given her time, given her space, followed her lead, listened to her, tried to be better.

Nesta bit down on her lip, a frown creasing on her forehead. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not. It’s not you, Cassian.’

‘Then why are you pushing me away again? You start to let me in then jam the door back in my face.’

‘You just need to go.’

The voice that had responded quaked. Nesta drew the soft pink robe tighter around her middle and swallowed, trying to master her emotions.

Being told to leave immediately after sex was mortifying enough but having that conversation while he was still sat on the bed stark naked was worse. His clothes were thrown on the other side of the room in their lust – and going to retrieve them seemed too brave of a thing to do.

‘Is it the bond, Nesta? I’m not trying to push you into it.’ Cassian hauled a pillow in front of his body to protect the last of his dignity. A horrid blinding thought tore through him. ‘Nes, did I hurt you? Was I too rough? Are you hurt?’

‘No. You didn’t. Cassian, please just go home. Go and stay away from me.’

Desperation sunk its claws into his chest. It was the middle of the night and pouring with rain. She surely didn’t mean for him to fly all the way back to the Night Court. He’d thought they’d made progress. He’d thought visiting her old cottage had been a turning point for them. Why didn’t she want him?

‘I can’t stay away from you. I can’t keep being trapped in limbo either. Give me the reason. Why can’t I stay? Please, Nesta, don’t send me away.’

The knot that had formed in Nesta’s throat bobbed as she swallowed again. Even with only his siphons to light up the room, he caught the shine of the tears slipping down her cheeks then the wobble of her bottom lip as if the dam was about to break. Cassian couldn’t help himself – even though he felt like he was treading on quicksand – he rushed over to her, hauling Nesta against his chest before she burst into tears again.

Her forehead pressed against his skin as she cried. That Nesta had crumbled twice in a day terrified him; the iron fortress that she had guarded was cracking. The fact she hadn’t pushed him away either was unsettling. And he was still naked.

Trying to lighten her mood, he quipped, ‘Was I that bad?’

Nesta choked on her laughter then peeled her face from him. ‘You do yourself a disservice. That was more than enjoyable.’

‘Is it Eris?’

Nesta sighed. ‘No. Not him.’ Nesta tried and failed to string together a sentence; her voice trailed off to nothing. The defeated look in her eye would eat him alive.

‘I don’t want you hurt because of me. I will not live with myself if you are hurt again. Don’t you understand?’ A soft hand cradled his face. ‘Cassian, if something happened to you… I can’t. It feels as if the walls are closing in on me and I don’t want you there when it happens.’

‘Do you want me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then that’s all there is. All there needs to be.’ Cassian kissed the top of Nesta’s head, letting that jasmine and vanilla rich scent wash over him. ‘I don’t want to be parted from you. Let me fight those battles with you. You don’t have to face everything alone.’

‘You nearly died. Twice.’

‘That was bad timing. Or bad luck. In five hundred years, they were my worst moments. But look at me – no scars, no missing limbs. I survived it. We survived it. Please, Nesta, let us face these things together. Stop pushing me away.’

And Nesta stopped. Her arms fell limply to her side, admitting defeat. But it wasn’t a defeat to need help, to need someone with you when life was hard.

‘Here’s what I’m going to do. I will go to the kitchen, find food and a warm drink then we are getting under that blanket to talk. You know earlier I said I was like you? I meant it in terms of stubbornness too.’

Nesta swallowed then nodded. She glanced at his body. ‘You probably need to put clothes on too.’

When Cassian returned to Nesta’s room, Zasha had found his way in too. The dog lay on the bed, tail wagging in recognition, while his owner was lighting an oil lamp to brighten the room. He had noticed she preferred candles and firelight to faelight; another reluctance towards their kind. A soft shower of rain still fell against the window, pattering lightly in the darkness.

They nestled beneath the blankets with a tray of food laying across his lap. Cassian had found enough sweet items to perk Nesta’s interest and she’d dived straight into a slice of carrot cake.

‘When you left Illyria, you didn’t regret kissing me?’

Nesta licked the icing from her lips and shook her head. ‘I’m so afraid that if I let you close to me you will be hurt or worse. You barely knew me that day when I was Made and you still tried to move towards me.’

‘I understand that, I do, Nes. But in the same vein, I could get trampled by a horse tomorrow and die. I might choke to death – which nearly did happen this morning at Rhys’ table.’

‘That’s not the same.’

‘Bad things can always happen. Good things too. When you shut the door, you don’t let either of them in. Pushing me away because you’re scared of what could happen means you deny yourself of all the good that can come with it.’ He turned to look at her. She was the most beautiful, wonderful female he’d ever met. ‘Do you not think I feel the same about you? But I’d rather be there with you when the world goes to shit rather than knowing you’re going through it alone.’

Nesta had calmed. Her shoulders had gone slack as she sunk into the pillows, the tension in her forehead had eased and drowsiness was beginning to tug her eyelids down. Cassian wished he could let her just sleep. Let her have a night of sleep without nightmares and stress and worries. But if he did not tell her what he’d learnt about Briallyn from Azriel, he’d never forgive himself – or she him. He wished he’d said it sooner in the day, but there was no opportunity in the cottage or afterwards when they’d both chased their passion.

Nesta held the tray steady while he poured them both a cup of tea. It was so domestic; the pair of them drinking tea in bed with the dog curled up at the bottom of the bed, paws twitching in a dream. The foundation of love was made from those simple moments, of being beside the one you adored, happy to do nothing.

Cassian told Nesta all he had learnt in the mortal lands from Azriel and Jurian. If she was nervous, the only tell was the way she clutched the warm cup closed to her chest. Her blue eyes stared at the candle flickering on the vanity opposite them.

‘How much does Eris tell you about his father’s plans?’

‘Not a lot,’ she admitted.

‘Beron might align the Autumn Court soldiers with Briallyn. Eris has managed to delay him. Do you know what Beron’s asset might be? If we can work out what that is, that might give us an advantage.’

Nesta’s eyes fell to her lap. Quietly, she said, ‘Me.’

In a frail voice, Nesta explained how she and Tamlin had been invited to dine at the Forest House. That Eris already had a bruise beneath his eye when they had arrived and how Beron’s sons did not make a noise the entire dinner unless Beron allowed it. Then the dance he forced Nesta and Eris into. The male was a sadist. Cassian had always known it, but he’d presumed his sons escaped that treatment.

‘I know you all hate Eris. There are things he has done that are unforgiveable. But that male has suffered his whole life at the hands of his father. Eris has probably suffered more than anybody. When I lived with him, he made sure I ate, paid for dance lessons, riding lessons. He gave me Zasha. The mare I have, that’s one of his own and he’s never asked for it back.’ Nesta set the cup down on the tray then wrung her hands together. ‘I do not think he ever would have hurt Mor.’

The growl that broke out of him was instinctual. Nesta pursed her lips, letting whatever barbed response she prepared in rebuttal fall into silence. Cassian righted himself, righted the anger that always came out when Mor’s pain was mentioned and quietly apologised.

‘Eris, he just looked resigned to his fate. That his father had done such things over and over. I realised that perhaps if Eris did claim Mor that day in the woods, she would have been subjected to Beron’s cruelty too. Beron has beaten him twice for speaking up on my behalf – and Eris still spoke up for me, knowing the consequence. There’s a part of him that is trying to be good. I know you might not want to imagine that Eris’s lack of action was a benefit to Morrigan, but there is more to him than you know.’

Cassian had known Eris for five hundred years, known he was a snake all that time. He wanted to call Nesta naïve, that she was too trusting. But Nesta had seen Eris in his own home, seen him in ways none of the Inner Circle ever had. He had angled his body at their meeting to protect his mother, had managed to get his father’s soldiers, with Tamlin’s assistance, to join the war, had managed to get Lucien across to the Spring Court to safety. Eris had hunted Feyre and Lucien on his father’s orders; Cassian had never considered the consequences the heir might have faced for not following one Beron had issued.

To show, he was not angry with Nesta, Cassian reached for her hand and kissed the top of it.

‘Beron threatened to get Briallyn if I did not comply and dance with Eris. I’d never felt as small or insignificant. He had that hold over-’

‘He’s blackmailing you? Beron? That piece of shit.’

‘I feel as if I’ve gotten myself into a knot and the more I try to unpick it, the more it knots.’

‘You know what you do in those instances? Cut through it.’ Cassian held his palm flat, readying himself to count out on his fingers. ‘Briallyn firstly seeks the Cauldron. It’s safe with Drakon and Miryam. Her only ways to track it are you and Elain. Your sister is safe in Velaris. You are the one we need to worry about. This house is warded; you can’t winnow in and out. The guards are questionable however.’

Nesta nudged him in the side, frowning. ‘Thank your high lady for that. There was absolutely no need to destabilise an entire court.’

‘Tamlin was-’

‘Was what? Suffering from what Amarantha and Rhysand made him endure under the mountain too? Was terrified of something happening to Feyre after he watched her die – watched her paraded out every night like a harlot by Rhys - so his fear spiralled as a priestess preyed on his insecurities? Tamlin did his best to protect this court for forty-nine years. He stood against Amarantha, allowed refugees into this court, protected them and sought a way to break the curse.’ Nesta blinked, apparently shocked herself she was defending the high lord. ‘I will not forgive him for what he did to Feyre. But as a ruler – one who never even wanted to rule – he did his best by this court until Feyre exacted revenge at a critical moment. It exposed Prythian to Hybern’s forces. By weakening it, Feyre is accountable for the suffering of many in this court and Summer.’

Nesta’s brow furrowed with a frown directed at him. ‘What? Why are you grinning like an idiot?’

‘You’re so clever,’ Cassian said dreamily. ‘I’ve never met another whose mind turns as quickly as yours.’

‘I told you: it’s because I don’t let my head get clobbered in a training ring. It still functions properly.’

Cassian couldn’t wipe his grin still, Nesta was clever and witty. ‘You are desired by Briallyn to find the Cauldron and for revenge. Your hands are tied by Beron, but while you’re useful to him, he won’t trade you in with her.’

‘That’s an accurate summary, I suppose,’ she conceded. 'Let's ensure I keep Beron happy.'

‘What I don't understand is that you are Spring's emissary, so you’re a fairly open target right now anyway, so why haven’t they moved for you? Az and I are going to the Prison soon to talk to those foul inhabitants about what knowledge they have on Koschei. There has to be a reason why they’re not acting,’ he mused. ‘When is Balthazar coming here?’

‘In a few days. He will bring Emerie so they’ll travel slower.’

‘What if I could arrange for them to be winnowed sooner? I’d feel a lot more comfortable if you had him here.’

Nesta snorted with laughter. ‘Did you meet Balthazar? He didn’t kill anyone in the Blood Rite. He kept his head down and just worked his way towards Ramiel. He’s not a warrior.’

Cassian groaned. ‘He could fly you if needed though.’

‘No,’ Nesta said sharply. ‘I’m not involving him. I feel guilty enough that there are two children living here who could be risked.’

‘So Rovena’s is out of the question?’

‘I would never risk Azriel’s mother.’

They both folded their arms in synchronisation. Tiredness was getting the better of both of them. It was difficult to find the path out of the mess that was the mortal queen. All Cassian wanted to do was to hunt down her and Koschei to run them through with a sword. That usually solved most problems.

As if it were a natural occurrence, Nesta extinguished the last of the candles then rolled towards him. She adjusted her pillow so it was tucked into the crook of his arm and chest where she settled herself. A hand wrapped around his bare chest. It did feel natural though to have his mate tucking in next to him. Her thumb touched the mass of scar tissue on his left pectoral; gently she traced a path along it, her breathing growing heavier with every touch. Just as they were drifting off, a foul smell filled the air.

‘I sincerely hope that was Zasha and not you. Or it is the last time we share a bed.’

At the turn of morning, they were still tangled with each other. Nesta rolled away first, heading straight for the bathroom to turn the taps on then to the door to let Zasha tear around the house. Cassian stretched out his muscles as he gazed out from the window. It was a nice view in the Spring Court – but he knew that if he went out there, he’d be scratching himself into oblivion. Nuala was already skipping around the gardens despite the early hour, golden hair bouncing.

As the sounds of water sloshing filled his ears, Cassian sought out Nesta in the bathroom. She was poised to fill a bucket when he interrupted.

‘We could bath together? Would that help?’

Already, he sensed her trepidation as she glanced into the bathtub as if she could see something within the depths of the water. Cassian climbed in and extended a hand for her, showing it was safe. A shaking hand enclosed around his as Nesta stepped into the bathtub. They settled in together, Nesta between his legs, her back against his chest as they leant back in the water.

It had been a wonderful idea – the reality not so much. The tub was a tight enough fit with just him inside of it, but the pair of them struggled for space, his legs were cramping, and it was chilly out of the water. Washing themselves was another matter.

‘Is this supposed to be romantic?’ Nesta echoed his thoughts.

‘They must have bigger baths in your romance novels. My wings are being crushed.’

‘This was your idea.’

When they clambered out of the bath, both shivering, Nesta towelled the water from his arms and chest then paused. After a private conversation with herself, she leashed her nerves and moved lower down his body. He’d been hard since he had opened his eyes and found Nesta naked next to him. It didn’t take much to trigger the inferno; just one brush of Nesta’s hand against his hard length then they were rushing back into the bedroom, hands roving over bodies, lips moving together.

Cassian bent Nesta over the bed and splayed her legs. He kissed the length of her spine before entering; by the wetness as he slid in, she had been waiting for that moment since she opened her eyes too. Their coupling was more restrained. Nesta pressed her face into the duvet, muffling her moans. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

He turned Nesta onto her back, wanting to see her face as he moved inside of her. There was no position Cassian loved more. With every thrust, he caught her moan on his lips. It was less frenzied than the previous night. Their lips worked in tandem, kissing as if they might not have the chance again, as he drove deep inside of her.

At her instruction, Cassian finished again on her breasts. It was a habit he could get used to.

‘You look so proud,’ she drawled with a roll of her eyes.

Cassian gave a lazy salute as he sought another cloth to clean her off with. At the rumble of her stomach, that was their cue to seek food.

His steps felt heavier than usual as he traced a path towards the dining room. Cassian felt sheepish, nervous even. From where he stood in the doorway, appraising the exits incase he needed to leave swiftly, he spotted two males eating breakfast. Lucien yawned as he rocked on the back legs of his chair. The second stilled.

‘What is he doing here?’

The red haired male snorted. ‘He didn’t sleep in my room.’

He had banked on Lucien winnowing to the mortal lands or Velaris rather than being sat at the damn table – especially not with the high lord. Lucien had been successful in coaxing him back out of his furred form evidently.

‘I’m your emissary’s honoured guest. You told her to make bonds with other courts.’

Tamlin stared at him as if he were sucking on a lemon, bottom lip puckered with disgust. His hands clung to the table, and Cassian would wager at any moment those claws would erupt. They’d gone toe to toe in the past when Rhys had counted Tamlin as a friend. Between Eris and him, Nesta had to get better companions.

‘Easy,’ Lucien said.

Tamlin continued snarling while Cassian continued spreading his wings out to devour the space.

‘Easy,’ Lucien repeated. He glanced between them, flame sizzling in his russet eye.

The sheer, unexpected dominance in the tone and the fire hit both of them over the head like a stone, knocking enough sense in them to stop the show of bravado.

Cassian turned a chair backwards to settle in with his wings at the table. He flashed a smile to the high lord of Spring. On his best days, Tamlin could beat him in a fight; he could admit such a thing.

‘We can manage civility over breakfast,’ Lucien said to nobody in particular.

When Nesta finally entered the room after an agonising wait, she seated herself opposite him. Tamlin’s nostrils flared then Lucien raised his eyebrows. Nesta didn’t seem to notice. Cassian wanted a hole to rip open in the floor and swallow him. Why did they have sex after their bath?

While he’d considered Lucien a surprisingly decent male, he supposed there was still Autumn Court fire writhing in his veins. He tipped his glass to Cassian in a toast, winking with his golden eye.

Nesta caught that and frowned but made no comment, only continued buttering a slice of toast. She shook her hair out of her face and another blast of him wafted down the table.

Lucien snorted with amusement.

‘Is something funny, Lucien?’ Nesta stared him down, voice as prickly as the rose garden outside.

‘You look tired, Nesta. Were you kept up last night?’

It was Nesta’s turn to wish for the ground to swallow her whole. Her eyes had widened as she brandished the slice of toast in the air, poised to take a bite.

Tamlin grunted, ‘you absolutely reek of his scent.’

‘At least someone’s getting some,’ Cassian muttered.

Wrong choice of words. The line had escaped before he could leash it.

‘You males have absolutely no manners!’

The chair clattered against the ground as Nesta stormed from the room, flames already spreading up her body. Lucien howled with laughter, his laugh rich and rippling. Even Tamlin had had to bite down on his bottom lip at Nesta’s outrage.

‘She’s going to kill me for that remark,’ groaned Cassian.

Tamlin appraised him. ‘You’re braver than I give you credit for.’

Cassian debated searching the grounds for Nesta and risk being barbequed or scurrying away like a coward. There was no shame in running from a fight, he reassured himself as he took the stairs back to the bedroom with Zasha at his heels.

After depositing her bed sheets with the servants and airing out the bedroom, Cassian found Nesta in the stables. A servant was teaching her how to saddle her own horse. He could have watched that moment all day. How her brow furrowed as she listened, head tilted slightly. How she deferred back to the servant to ensure she had followed his instructions correctly. It was a different horse to the one she’d rode through the forest yesterday; this one, even Cassian could tell, was expensive – likely the gift from Eris Vanserra. The mare was big enough that he could even ride her without an issue.

‘Nes,’ he said, quietly, ‘I have to go. Lucien will winnow me back.’

‘Fine. Take care.’

‘Nesta.’

‘Excuse me a moment, I need to manage this bat infestation,’ she said to the servant, patting the lad on his shoulder as she strode out from the stall.

‘Milačik, you flatter me at every turn. Is she this kind to you?’

Nesta gripped his arm as she tugged him out of the stables, muttering curses under her breath. She kept on walking along the fence of their paddock until she pushed him hard against it and braced her hands either side of him.

‘Oo, I like this side of you.’

Nesta sprang away from him, hissing. ‘You could have told me I stunk of you.’

‘You say it like it’s a bad thing. I’m hurt.’

‘I am mortified. They know we had sex.’

‘You are a grown female, Nesta. There’s no shame in having sex with your ma- your male who is incredibly handsome.’ A quick recovery from dropping the word that made her physically recoil from him.

‘I don’t need the world knowing my business.’ She scrunched her nose up. ‘Who said you’re my male?’

‘You did. Last night.’

Nesta shooed away his words with a dismissive wave of her hand. ‘There’s a difference between wanting and having. The House of Wind has a library you can find a dictionary in to research the meanings.’

That was the moment that Cassian knew he loved that immovable, remarkable female. Not because of the bond, but just her. A vision of loveliness in the spring sunshine, as elegant as a queen and a mouth sharper than a razor blade. If she was kissing him or savaging him with her words, he wanted all of her.

‘You have that idiotic look on your face where you’re about to say something stupid.’

Cassian couldn’t help but laugh. ‘I was about to say I loved you.’

Nesta shook her head. ‘One night with the Cauldron born bitch and you’re head over heels. You males need to be less sensitive.’

‘What do you read all those romance novels for?’

‘For the sex.’

It was a blissful day in Velaris; the sun beat down on Cassian’s wings as he walked along the curve of the Sidra with a spring in his step. They had kissed goodbye with the promise of meeting again soon. Nesta assured him the only plan she had was to meet with Cresseida from the Summer Court so would remain at the manor house until they could see each other again.

Every now and then he was stopped by citizens who simply wanted to greet him or acknowledge him. Cassian never minded this part – it was nice to be recognised. He found his way to a bookstore that he knew Nesta had frequented when she had lived in Velaris. The double doors were propped open to allow a light breeze within and as Cassian passed by the navy painted storefront, he took a long breath to bolster his courage.

He could have asked Mor for a copy. She probably read those books – but it wasn’t worth the headache of her knowing he wanted to read it. He’d never live it down.

As best he could, Cassian tried not to look as if he was heading straight for the romance section so pretended to browse other books, turning a couple over before hastily grabbing the title he was after and shoving it on the counter. It felt illicit. Like he was about to be caught doing something scandalous.

The shopkeeper glanced at the title then up to him. Her eyes widened in acknowledgement. Perhaps it wasn’t always nice to be recognised.

‘It’s for a friend,’ he blurted.

The female rolled her eyes. ‘I’ve heard that before,’ she drawled.

Cassian didn’t bother walking in case another stopped him and realised the type of books the general of the Night Court’s armies liked to read. He bolted into the sky, relishing the freedom, and up to the House of Wind.

It was riveting. The first hundred pages were filled with tension and lustful glances between a high-ranking female and a lesser fae who worked with the horses for her family - then the exciting parts came. Cassian had never even read some of those words before. And other passages he had to read again to ensure the positions he was imagining were correct.

Rhys or Feyre hadn’t summoned him, Illyria was in a rare moment of peace, so Cassian had continued reading with his feet up on the couch not feeling guilty that he was doing nothing. All those weeks Nesta had spent holed up in the library, nose pressed to the pages, she was reading these stories. He couldn’t help but wonder if she had imagined herself as the protagonist lusting after the handsome stable boy. Now he knew why she used to slam the book as quickly as possible.

‘What are you doing with a Sellyn Drake novel?’

Azriel had crept up on him silently. Cassian stuck his middle finger up then a deliciously wicked thought hit him. ‘How can you recognise what sort of book this is?’

Shadows engulfed his brother, disguising his embarrassment, until Azriel said, ‘touché.’

Azriel flopped into the chair and ruffled his wind kissed black hair.

‘Is your mind all out of fantasies so you need more inspiration to keep your hand busy?’

Cassian wasn’t quick enough with a retort. His tongue tangled itself into a knot as he fumbled for words. A flush of heat spread up his neck and Azriel’s jaw dropped.

‘You slept with Nesta?’

Cassian threw the book at Az, who swiftly ducked, then shushed him. ‘Don’t. Lucien and Tamlin already found out this morning and I don’t think she’d be happy if all of Velaris knew her bedroom activities.’

‘You’re the blabbermouth, not me. Besides, her scent is all over you.’ Azriel flicked idly through the book then read aloud. ‘“-her backside still upraised as she lay on the bed, her beautiful sex swollen and gleaming, wet with his seed.” Females like this talk?’

‘Apparently that’s the best bit.’ Cassian lunged for the book but Azriel was quicker, raising the book out of his reach.

‘“He needed more, needed to be deeper, needed to crawl so far inside her.” Crawl inside of her? This is arousing for them? It sounds like a tapeworm. You’ll tear Nesta in two if you try to-’

‘Enough!’

Azriel could only grin in retaliation. A spark had at least returned to his hazel eyes. He looked less tired too which was a relief – between Nesta and Azriel, Cassian didn’t have time to worry about himself.

His brother spread out his hands. ‘So. What’s next for you two?’

‘We didn’t really discuss that.’

‘She’s not in any hurry to return to Velaris, Cass. And I don’t see you switching allegiances and becoming part of Tamlin’s court.’

Not a chance in hell. Azriel had a point though. His face must have fallen because Azriel said, ‘I don’t mean to dim your hope. Just thinking practically. Sorry. I’m happy you two are working through things.’

The reality of them– him and Nesta – pricked his good mood like a pin. Cassian felt it hit the ground with a smash. He had been so intent on improving his relationship with Nesta, in finally becoming friends then more, Cassian had not stopped to consider what a future would look like. It had always involved Velaris. Naively whenever he’d imagined a future for them it involved walking alongside the Sidra in fair weather, of solstices spent with his family. Her family. Elain and Feyre were Nesta’s only family. He never wanted to uproot his life from the Night Court – so how could he expect Nesta to uproot herself again to a place she detested?

‘Shit,’ he conceded, rubbing his face with his hands.

‘Can I speak frankly?’ Cassian nodded to Az’s question. ‘I think for Nesta it’s less of an issue with Velaris itself, more of an issue with the male who presides over it. Even Illyria, she won’t call it home if her and Rhys can’t be in a room together. She is afraid of him.’

‘He went to spring the other day to talk to her.’

Az’s shadows deepened around him. ‘That’s different. That was in Nesta’s own den. She would have to submit to Rhys here, be part of his court, follow his rules. Would she want to surrender her role in Spring? Just think about these things. Maybe they won’t come into play right now, but one day down the road they might.’

#au acosf

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swyllh · 4 years ago

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[jeonghan] rent-a-rival

title: rent-a-rival

pairing: jeonghan x fem! reader

synopsis: you’re working as a rental girlfriend, and your boss assigns you to a strange new client. a fake dating au to the letter.

note: lighthearted and mostly dumb idea i had. see end of post for explanations (unlikely satisfactory but relevant).

there are only three rules from your agency:

1. clients can only be contacted via the company portal

2. extra services, tips or expensive gifts are expressly forbidden

3. do not fall in love with your client

somehow yoon jeonghan is absolutely nothing like his case file. you’d suggested a picnic date, to start things slow and surmountable for a ‘single, awkward 25 year old preparing himself for the dating world’. this morning you’d woken up at five, ready to wow your client with handmade lunches and brownies, ready to sit through at least two hours of talk about artificial intelligence and computing clouds.

but this man. god, this man.

yoon jeonghan picks up an avocado sashimi sushi with a pair of glistening rose-gold chopsticks, cooing, “say ‘ahh’.”

he has blonde hair. he’s got cashmere on. and he’s pulling out avocado sashimi sushi- packed neatly- from inside that homely-looking bento box. you breathe in deeply, say ‘ahh’, and wonder when exactly your handmade lunch was unceremoniously shoved back into your tote bag.

so much for sincerity. you chew thoughtfully, and goddammit it does taste good. too good.

“babe,” he’s been calling you the entire time, “how was it?”

it’s probably store-bought. it has to be. you smile, cupping your cheek and lying through your teeth, “it’s delicious! did you make this yourself?”

jeonghan flushes, tilting his head down and mumbling abashedly, “...i spent a while perfecting it.”

okay, so maybe he’s, like, doing his best. you’re not here to judge. “it really worked out; you’ve really got a talent for cooking.”

“anything for my princess,” he says, peeking up at you from those cursed fluttering lashes.

swallow it down. by god you are swallowing the avocado sushi down. “oh, that’s so sweet of you.”

maybe trying too hard. you pat your gingham skirt down and reach out for a pair of chopsticks. “you’ve barely eaten anything, here, say ‘ahh’.”

jeonghan blinks, and you think you’ve caught a glimpse of something like affront, or distaste flash across his face. it’s the tiniest quirk of his brows, the minute scrunch of his nose, and the tensing of his jaw. speaking of, how is it humanly possible for someone to have a jaw so sharp it cuts?

but then jeonghan regains himself, cherry blossom lips and all, and leans in. his eyes - are those grey contacts??? - never looking away from yours. is this a prank? there’s probably a hidden camera somewhere behind that tree, or under that park bench, waiting for you to slip up.

“oh!” jeonghan says, long fingers pressed to his mouth. his nails are neat. they might be sparkling - or it’s the same trick of light that formed a halo around his fluffy blonde hair when you met at the station. “oh, it tastes like happiness.”

what the hell.

that’s a new one. you put on your employee-of-the-month service grin, internally panicking. what do you do from here? your angelic girl-next-door act isn’t doing anything, and acting like a cute childhood sweetheart is just going to enable him further.

“s-so!” you’re a professional and by god you swear you’ll make it through the next hour at least. “how’s work been? you must be tired.”

jeonghan stiffens. oh, so maybe he’s the type who’s actually embarrassed to tell people about working in IT? but he looks nothing like the stereotypes.

“it’s nothing to worry about,” jeonghan soothes, reaching over to cup your hand. “when i’m with you i can think of nothing else.”

do not shake that hand off. do not. you’re so close to hitting a hundred-percent satisfaction rating.

“you can tell me anything,” you say, carefully leaning away (and peeling your hand out from under his warm palm) to rummage through your bag. “i’m here for you.”

jeonghan’s gaze flickers across the picnic mat, and then to the sky. “hey, doesn’t that cloud look like a bunny?”

you follow his pointer finger, noting the slightest band of skin - milky white and reddened. the cloud he’s pointing at looks just like a strangely shaped circle. um.

“that’s cute,” you say, giving a perfunctory nod. does he want to talk about cloud computing? “oh, that reminds me-”

“over the uplands,” jeonghan says, grinning victoriously. the smile fades when he turns to look at you. “charles harold davis, right?”

“absolutely,” you grit your teeth and soldier on. what the heck is he on? is this some computing engineer you’ve missed out while researching? “do you like his works?”

jeonghan gives you a quizzical look, and then smiles warmly, like there isn’t a storm drumming up inside of you. “of course, it’s so- magical. it’s like a testament to how big the world out there is.”

it’s too late to do any last minute research now. you’ll just have to work with metaphors and perfecting your coy smiles.

“it’s divinely symmetrical,” you say. you could say that about code, right? probably. “to the point of perfection. it, like, reminds me of how much humans can do, you know?”

jeonghan nods thoughtfully, and then flops down entirely on the picnic mat. he glances up at you (again!), eyes adorned with sapphire flecks. is this really a ‘single, awkward 25 year old preparing himself for the dating world’? well, if he’s paying your bills, you’re not going to question it.

you lie down beside him, determined to provide a five-star service. if he wants a cliche from some rom-com, who are you to judge? jeonghan turns to you, earnest and gorgeous in the fading sunlight.

“it’s so hard to believe you’re mine right now,” he says.

you can feel your cheeks warm up, traitorously. it’s just that it’s been a long time since you’ve gone on a date with anyone so pretty, and so gosh darn fluent in the language of sweet nothings. and you’re just being jumpy because he throws you curveballs, that’s all.

jeonghan looks at you, eyes-wide and all too telling. an ominous feeling swells up in your chest. what if-

“i’ve got something to tell you,” you say, just as

jeonghan looks you straight in the eye, “i have to say something.”

oh no. oh no. it can’t be a confession.

“i’m sorry, our agency doesn’t allow us to date our clients!” you both exclaim.

this is the worst. this is the worst. there goes your five-stars rating for this- wait, what?

“you’re yoon jeonghan, correct?” you say, sitting up. “25 year old, IT helpdesk gopher, working at s.a. college?”

he nods, stunned into silence. and then props himself up, shaking his head vigorously. “no, i’m jeonghan, but i’m not- that. aren’t you the girl working at the national arts gallery?”

“no, i’m- i’m a rental girlfriend from lunar rental girlfriends,” you say, some twisted realisation dawning on you. “your agency... client...”

“i’m working with apollo rent-a-date,” jeonghan says, voice clipped, all traces of affection vanishing. “shit. what the hell?”

precisely. you check your email, refreshing urgently. a new email titled “urgent: please revert” glares at you. an administrative error.

“it’s an administrative error,” you say, dropping that cheerful falsetto you were using. you woke up at five, for god’s sake.

jeonghan barks out a laugh, dropping back down onto the mat. “what the fuck, this is so lame.”

you’re irate all the same, burning up with mortification. he fooled you. and he looked so pretty doing it. and you blushed?! you’re lunar’s top employee- you’ve been employee of the month consistently for the past year. how could you? and what about your actual client? what if he’s been waiting for hours somewhere else?

that roguish bastard chuckles at your clear dismay, and then nudges his bento box with an elbow. “hey, so this cost eighteen bucks at the store.”

you’re going home, and you’re taking a long nap. but before that, you snatch yoon jeonghan’s bento box up. “say ‘ahh’, babe.”

“huh-mmmmf!” he chokes, avocado smeared across his cheeks.

notes:

FAKE DATING AU BUT THEYRE BOTH RENT A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND SERVICES AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER BC EACH ONE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT AN UNRELATED INTEREST BASED ON THEIR CASE FILES

also can you imagine if the administrative error was because lunar rental girlfriends agency and apollo rent-a-date were merging :0) and then there are more ~ shenanigans ~ where mc and jeonghan compete to be employee of the month????? oh boyy

#jeonghan #svt #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fanfic #yoon jeonghan #so this is an enemies to lover prequel essentially huh

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grxceblqckthxrn · 4 years ago

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TDA characters as types of tiktokers

y’all KNOW i’m bored when i’m doing this shit lmao

i’ll get around to doing the other TSC characters eventually TDA was just the first to come to mind also if you’re not actively on tiktok some of what i say might not make sense ahaha

also i named some tiktokers who yall can use for reference for some of them and from what i’ve seen they’re all fairly unproblematic so you should check them out!!

EMMA CARSTAIRS

okay so she’s DEFINITELY super popular and she uses her platform for good

she’s really funny and a lot of her audios go viral posts videos of her dancing saying that she cant dance but she’s actually really good at it

6M followers and growing fast

hypes up her boyfriend’s account ALL the time

calls out misogynistic/racist tiktokers through duets and KEEPS THEIR TAG IN THE CAPTION

she is not afraid of starting drama lmao

occasionally hops on POV and transition trends but its usually satire

emma can’t act for shit lmao

super active on tiktok and has a spam account

people are always asking her to drop the skin care routine but she doesn’t have one??

*pushes Zara down* “and no one’s gonna help her?? WOW some world we live in”

JULIAN BLACKTHORN

there’s no way he doesnt have an art account lmao

a lot of his paintings go viral but 90% of his comments are 14 year old girls thirsting over him

yall know that pottery guy on tiktok?? the cute one?? (i searched up his account just for this post he’s @/daxnewman769) that’s the best way to describe him

literally all the famous tiktokers commission him

probably has like 4M followers lmao

will occasionally make about how respecting women doesn’t make you a “simp”

doesn’t get into tiktok drama tho

posts candid videos of emma and all his jealous 14 year old fans get so pressed but he shuts down anyone who says anything bad about her

sometimes does painting or drawing tutorials and he’s really good at teaching stuff lmao

CRISTINA ROSALES

omg okay so like yall know those really pretty girls on tiktok who are literal models and are always dropping tips on how to frame your face for pictures and best clothes and poses and whatever ( @/ameliezilber is the first person that came to mind as an example)

thats her

alot of her content is just for the aesthetic

BLING EFFECT

GRWM’s all the time

10 step skin care routine

GOOD VIBES

has a pretty decent following?? like at least 2 million

has a spam but it’s exactly the same as her main lol

also calls out problematic tiktokers but not by name

her entire account is full of body positivity and does a bunch of stuff on loving yourself

sometimes does POVs and all the comments are like “@ netflix hire her rn”

sometimes posts crack videos with emma and cute vids with mark and kieran

MARK BLACKTHORN

does a lot of reaction videos and duets

a lot of his videos go viral but he doesn’t have a huge following like maybe 800k

everyone still knows him

gets at least twenty “are you wearing only one contact” comment about his eyes every post

he’s really funny without even realizing it

sometimes goes inactive for weeks at a time and just forgets that tiktok exists lmao

shows off kieran and cristina ALL THE MF TIME AND EVERYONE IS SO JEALOUS LIKE HOW ARE ALL OF THEM HOT

KIERAN

doesnt have a tiktok lmao sorry

but shows up so much on mark’s and cristina’s that a lot of people know who he is

DIANA WRAYBURN

unironically does POVs but is actually good at them??

lots of videos talking about the struggles of minorities like LGBTQ+ and POC and women

posts a lot of those vidoes that are like “what to do if you ever get kidnapped” “red flags in relationships” “most powerful parts of the body” etc

probably has like 500k followers

at the end of the day she doesn’t really use tiktok that much tho ahaha

LIVVY BLACKTHORN:

does a little bit of everything??

posts dance videos sometimes

omg her transitions are SO good

everyone is in love with her and she has to remind them that she’s a minor (i’m just a kid plays aggressively in the background)

posts videos that are just vibes?? like her skating at night, dancing in traffic with dru/her friends, walking through the city at night etc

lots of lip syncing videos to whatever sounds are popular and all her comments are like “i wish i looked like this” “guess im not eating today” and she gets so upset :((

she wants everyone to know that they’re perfect the way they are!!

also posts POVs sometimes and she’s not that bad at them ahaha

probably has like 1 million followers

doesn’t even need a spam just posts everything on her main

shouts out her sibilings accounts all the time

overall just great energy

TY BLACKTHORN

never posts his face on his main but he does on his spam

yall know those accounts that post fun facts or psychology facts?? his is like that except he talks to explain them and everyone finds his voice SO calming

he posts a lot of content of animals and everyone is in AWE with how good he is with them

his username is probably theanimalwhisperer or something djkfskjd

every single time he posts Kit on his account all the comments are like “OOH ICU” and “SHIP” and “ASK HIM OUT ALREADY”

he gives 0 shits about popularity on tiktok he’s just posting for fun because he likes teaching people about his interests

so he has like maybe 500k followers

lots of philosophical questions that has everyone questioning their existence

ugh i love him

KIT HERONDALE

be honest this is what y’all were waiting for

yall know those unproblematic ppl that everyone refers to as the “king(s) of tiktok”???

yeah thats him

SO FUNNY

LIKE HIS CONTENT IS GENUINELY HILARIOUS

lots of sarcasm and satire

think @/adamkindacool ?? (one of my favourite tiktokers lmao)

does reaction videos for those “pov: im the annoying hot cheeto girl sitting next to you in math class” videos

dark humor (not like rude humor but actual dark humor)

like “i put the baby in the oven and the pizza in the bed” type of jokes back when those were a thing

has like 4M followers but almost every single one of his posts go viral so he’s gaining fast

lots of pranks

starts a bunch of trends

any video he posts of Mina goes viral

sometimes he posts some really weird stuff that has everyone laughing so hard irl (@/benoftheweek)

he NEVER thirst traps but still gets a lot of those weird sexual fairy comments on his posts (iykyk)

TO BE CLEAR I MEAN THE FAIRY EMOJI ONES NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BEING FAE

reacts to the comments with a video of him just staring at the screen with the “oh to see without my eyes” or “im just sixteen” audio going on in the background which only encourages them to make more weird comments

anyways everyone loves him

any of his povs are pure jokes meant to make fun of pov’ers

posts maybe one serious tiktok every 5 months that talks about being respectful and using your platform for good

“i miss old tiktok”

posts a lot of random videos of Ty where, again, all the comments are shipping them except even more so on his account because everyone can see his heart eyes for Ty

collabs with Dru a lot and does a bunch of duets of her videos

everyone loves him bye

DRU BLACKTHORN

SO many memes

she deletes any hate in her comments bc she honestly doesnt care to respond to them and doesn’t need that kind of negativity in her life

but one time she got a “the f in women stands for funny” comment and she WENT OFF

does really dark povs sometimes that are really interesting

CLOWN MAKEUP + SCARY CLOWN TIKTOKS ( think @/avani ‘s clown make up posts

REALLY good at makeup and sometimes gets julian to do scary makeup on her for tiktoks and povs (like those ones with stitches over the mouth or skin peeling off)

huge ally!! posts a lot about minorities struggles and white privilege, and acknowledges hers

does movie reviews and stuff sometimes

“types of” videos

pulls a lot of pranks on her sibilings with livvy and sometimes with Kit

lots of body positivity + self love

calls out back-handed compliments

also has a lot of content like Livvy’s of just vibing in LA

julian and emma and mark go off at anyone who sexualize her in the comments

probably has like 650k followers

posts a couple of times a week

BONUS:

JAIME ROSALES

lots of skateboarding videos idk he just gives me that vibe

doesn’t post that often but is super popular

like maybe 1.5M followers

really passionate about systematic racism

HATES all those privileged white boys using the “this is america” audio to pretend they’re oppressed ( this is a may 2020 thing so it probably wont make sense to anyone who sees this after lmao)

POSTS A LOT OF THIRST TRAPS LMAO

also posts lots of videos that’s just him yelling about stuff but they’re really entertaining to watch ( like that guy sebastian @/sauceyogranny)

everyone thinks he’s super hot he always shows up in those “hottest boys on tiktok” videos except sometimes he’s just the token POC boy and it makes him mad :(

DIEGO ROSALES

HIS ACCOUNT IS SO PRACTICAL LMAO

lots of tips

“what to do if you’re trapped in the desert” “what to do if you’re kidnapped and stuck in the trunk”

doesnt reply to comments EVER unless it’s to clarify a point he made in the video or answer a question

has like 200k

okay thats it lmao im done bye this took me like an hour to make

i’ll get to all the other characters from the other series’ eventually

also if yall are wondering abt the lack of f*ckbois in this post they’re coming dw

TMI CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

TID CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

TLH CHARACTERS AS TYPES OF TIKTOKERS

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 5 years ago

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Everybody Knows (SMUT)

tabseus said: Hi :) First of all, I really enjoy reading your fics! Could you maybe write one with ben hardy x reader where they are a couple and have some kind of fight because Ben overheard reader talking with her girls about hers and Ben‘s sex life. Although all the reader is saying is really positive, Ben does not want them to know about it. Could end with smut maybe :)? (a/n: holy SHIT this only took me 5 years. this is the NYM spinoff piece, where it can be read as a separate piece, but I’d really advise you go back and read NYM if you haven’t!!! i’ll link the previous parts below. this baby is almost 11k, so don’t think you’re in for some light reading rn hehe. get ready for angsty ben and eventual makeup smut bc we all love a good makeup smut)

NYM Part 1 | NYM Part 2 | NYM Part 3 | NYM Part 4

"Yeah, breaker one-nine, this here's the Rubber Duck, you got a copy on me? Over."

"The fact that you have the Convoy theme song memorized so clearly is both impressive and troubling," you teased, letting go of the push-to-talk button and waiting for Joe's response as you sat the walkie talkie down on your counter, reaching up above your head to try and retrieve the bag of white cheddar popcorn. You'd stuffed it in the top of the cabinet after grocery shopping this morning, telling yourself you'd save it for a rainy day and not snack on it all the time. Alas, your attempt to put it out-of-sight, out-of-mind had lasted less than 12 hours before you were scrambling to pull the bag down and devour it all in one go - Joe had just gotten back from an extended filming period and after napping the day away, he convinced you to come over and get fucked up on some shitty liquor while catching him up on the latest NYC happenings. The white cheddar popcorn craving had happened after the fact, as you were coming down from your brief buzz already - the liquor was shitty enough to keep you from drinking much, while Joe was more than happy to pick up your slack. The walkie talkie remained silent, and you furrowed your eyebrows, pausing in your embarrassing struggle for the popcorn to snatch up the small black receiver and press the PTT button again. "Joey? You alive?" More radio silence, then finally a crackling and a slurred response. "You didn't say over. Over."

Staring ahead at the cabinet for a moment, you slowly closed your eyes and started laughing, shaking your head. "You're a fucking dumbass. Over."

"Well, someone's a bitch. Over." "Who is he calling a bitch?" Ben's quiet, gravelly voice suddenly appeared behind you, and you startled a bit as you whirled around to find a very heavy-lidded, scruffy-looking Ben standing there. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he was just sleepy - but he'd also been over at Joe's getting white-girl wasted, and the rosiness of his cheeks betrayed that very fact as he shuffled forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and enveloping you in a warm hug that trapped you between the counter and him. "I thought you were still over there, I was just going to be a second," you murmured, running your hand over the back of his unruly blonde hair and smoothing it down before letting your hand come to rest on the nape of his neck. He shook his head, mumbling something incoherent as he pressed his face into your neck, nuzzling it gently and making you smile. Such a baby. Taking a deep breath, you let out a long exhale before pressing a soft, quick kiss to the side of his head and murmuring, "He was calling me a bitch." Humming in response, he blindly lifted a hand to reach for the walkie talkie, and when he'd clumsily stolen it from your grasp, he lifted his head just enough to speak into the receiver as he held the button down. His chin pressed into your shoulder as he talked, making you smile and turn to press a lingering kiss to his cheek. "Stop bullying my girlfriend or I'll come back over there and wallop you." "You didn't say over either," Joe pointed out snarkily, and you rolled your eyes as Ben chuckled softly and resumed burying his face in your neck, sitting the walkie talkie down. Returning his hand to your back, his thumb ran light circles across your skin just under the hem of your shirt, making a sharp thrill run through your body due to your still-mildly intoxicated state. As much as you wanted to stay there forever and mooch off of Ben's body heat, you remembered the white cheddar popcorn calling your name - so with some difficulty, you managed to start peeling Ben's arms off of you, giggling knowingly when he let out an unhappy groan. "Go back over there. I'll be back in a minute." Pulling away slowly, he didn't look too pleased and grumbled to himself as he shuffled off to Joe's again with his phone charger now in hand.

“Love you!” you called after him, which he reciprocated only after shooting you a playful glare over his shoulder. Grinning, you watched as he stepped out onto the balcony and blew you a kiss before flipping you off and disappearing around the corner with the smile.

It took climbing on the counter for you to reach the bag of popcorn in the cabinet, but you managed to get it down and not sprain your ankle getting off the counter, so you took a minute to participate in a victory dance that would have surely been mocked if you were over on the other side of that wall separating you and the boys. A pleased smile played at your lips as you pranced back over to Joe's, only tripping once or twice. Losing your balance? That was another story. You almost biffed it when you rounded Ben's couch, over-calculating the turn and nearly ending up on your ass. Of course, even sober, you were still just getting used to Ben's couch being there instead of yours. His was nice, a grey microfiber sectional - "For the dog," he'd insisted, even though you told him time and time again that it wasn't a pet-friendly apartment and you didn't have a dog. But he'd brought it anyways, and it had replaced your poor, flaky pleather excuses for furniture. In fact, there were a lot of touches of Ben in this apartment now that he'd moved in. It had been a year since you started seeing each other, and around month ten of Ben constantly being over at your or Joe's place (as in, every moment he wasn't filming), his lease was about up and he was apartment hunting again. Then it hit you - why was he going to get another place if he was just staying at yours all the time? You'd felt so blind, you were almost reluctant to bring it up to Ben in fear that his response might be along the lines of 'took you long enough' - but you had conveniently forgotten that Ben was an even more oblivious dumbass than you were. Instead of a condescending 'oh, you finally put two and two together?', Ben had looked at you, very obviously shocked, then laughed and kissed your head repeatedly between mumblings about you being 'so smart' and 'such a catch.' Humming to yourself, you pulled open the bag of popcorn just as you crossed the threshold into Joe's living room. Ben was sleeping away on the couch while Joe looked one step away from dead, his eyes glossed over as he stared up at an episode of Big Mouth he'd probably seen no less than 5 times already. The dab pen perched neatly on the end table between the two of them said all you needed to know, and you narrowed your eyes a bit as you chomped on the popcorn, Joe slowly turning his bloodshot gaze in your direction and smiling placidly as you spoke. "Wow. You look fucking stoned, dude." "Welcome back.... I see you've decided not to share your snacks with us. Bitch." "I told you to stop calling her a bitch." Ben's voice was muffled - he barely gave the effort to even move his mouth enough to speak clearly, his face squished up against the couch and eyes not even opening an inch as he reached out in your general direction weakly. His fingers did the grabby thing that made your heart do flips as you padded over to the couch, Ben sitting up just long enough for you to get yourself comfortable on the end of the couch, and then his head was plopping down on your lap again. You felt his cheek press a little harder against your thigh as he readjusted so he was comfortable, and then he was back to practically comatose. Sitting your bag of popcorn to the side, you used one hand to keep feeding yourself while the other ran through Ben's hair repeatedly, his breathing slowing down until he was fast asleep. Joe kept quiet, only snickering at crass Big Mouth jokes occasionally and never letting his eyes leave the screen. It was a serene night, an oddly quiet one shared between the three of you - usually, at least two of you were yelling, so the absence of noise was relaxing. As much as you hated to break it, you had to, because the pen between you and Joe was making you curious. Multiple questions were dancing around your tongue like they were on hot coals, urged out by the slowly-dwindling buzz making your head spin a bit as you reached out for the pen. "Did you suddenly come down with some shit that requires the healing effects of THC?" Picking it up, you rolled it around in your hand for a second before sitting it back down. "Shit looks fancy." "Fancy? And I got it from Tori," Joe answered without looking away from the screen, his jaw still a little slack as he struggled to focus on you and the show. "She went out-of-state for some fancy art curator shit and came back with it. Knocks you on your ass, it does." "Okay, Yoda," you laughed, Joe rolling his eyes back in his head and trying not to smile before scoffing. "Can't you buy them in the city anyway? "Yeah, but can you buy the stuff for it in the city?" he retorted. He had you there, and you gave him a grin and a shrug before he rolled his eyes and continued. "Are you even old enough to be making Star Wars references, kid?" "Oh, shut up," you dismissed, not wanting to get in a fight with cross-faded Joe. Rolling your eyes when he mocked you quietly, you decided to reroute the conversation again. "So when are you just gonna bite the bullet and make it official with your favorite art curator? You were all about preaching just doing it to Ben and I last year, where's that energy now?" "Where's that energy now?" he mimicked, clearly at a loss for comebacks, and you snorted at his childishness, but a lengthy sigh from him made you think it was less of a 'fuck you' and more of an aversion. The question seemed to trouble him, and he was deathly quiet for a minute before speaking. "This may just be high me speaking, but I think I'm in a rut right now and she doesn't even know it. So I don't want to trap her if it's not going to work out... in all aspects." "Uh oh, has erectile dysfunction finally set in? I heard that when you get ancient, things like that happen." Joe's clear annoyance couldn't stifle your laughter as soon as you finished your sentence, but he waited for you quiet down a bit before he spoke over you. "If I didn't feel like I was melted into this chair like the wax dripping off of a fine soy candle right now, I'd come over there with a fifty-five-gallon drum of ass-whooping and pour it all over you." "Jesus, it was a joke!" you laughed, tossing one of his smaller decorative pillows at him playfully and bursting into another round of laughter when he threw it back at you harder, acting like he wasn't in the mood for your games even though the smile plastered on his face said otherwise. "I'm sorry, buddy, I'll be nice now. Why do you think you're in a rut?" "I just... I don't think I'm doing it for her, you know?" he sighed, his fingers curling up on the armrests as he seemed to melt even more into the chair. Then, an amused giggle escaped him, almost like clockwork, and he grinned in spite of his words. "Like she seems into it, but my brain keeps telling me that every time we're having sex that she's wishing she was hooking up with someone a lot... younger. And adventurous. Like a young Steve Irwin. Mister Danger." Though Joe wasn't too shy about his sex life, you were still shocked to hear him being so open about such a vulnerable part of it - usually, your conversations about your respective sex lives were just complaints and laments. So, it warmed your heart to hear that Joe was concerned about his end of the game - as much as your friend's sex life through Steve Irwin metaphors could warm your heart, of course. Looking down at Ben, you smiled a bit and brushed a stray hair back from his face, his nose twitching a bit and lips smacking together lazily. For a moment, you thought he was awake, but his breathing showed no signs of speeding up, so you wrote it off as sleepy twitches and looked back up at Joe, still running your fingers through Ben's hair soothingly. "As much as I hate hearing you use Steve Irwin as a sexual comparison to yourself... why did you start thinking that?" "Well, the other day, she brought up the fact that we're both Virgos. At first, I thought that she called us both virgins, and I laughed, but... not the same thing," he admitted in a small voice, but you didn't even attempt to muffle your amused giggles, much to his chagrin. Sighing and burying his face in his hands for a second, Joe let out a long groan before shaking his head and dropping his hands to his lap again. "And I don't completely know what it has to do with our sex lives at all, but she mentioned our compatibility in passing and I just... I feel bad. She was reading something about how Virgo women like to communicate how they're feeling, and I really don't think we're communicating like we should be. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Which she also said-" "Yeah, that's a Virgo thing. She's right," you cut in, already knowing what he was going to say, and he narrowed his eyes a bit before huffing at the fact you were apparently siding with Tori. "Virgos are supposed to be so good at communicating! What's the hold-up, Mister 'Talk to Ben or I'm gonna go nuts"? You were all about talking it out last year." "I don't know, I think my mind's just fucking dumb and manic- wait no, not manicure. Manuscript? Jesus Christ, what's the word? Mani-man.... Manifested! Manifested. My mind manifested this block on its own. Do you ever do that? Like, just worry that you're just not doing enough and they're too scared or too pissed off to say anything about it? But then you're too scared to say anything because talking about... your sex life makes you nervous as shit? Because what if she doesn't actually want to talk about it?" Nodding along as he spoke, you considered your life in the bedroom with Ben. Did you have that concern? It was a valid question, one that made your face screw up in thought for a minute before you finally spoke, your fingers brushing Ben's hair back again. "Not really. Ben's pretty open about what works for him and what doesn't work for him, I think. Maybe we both are? I guess we just communicate more than I'm used to, but it really works in the long run." Joe stared deadpan at you, not seeming as if he understood a single word you said, and you raised an eyebrow in challenge. "What? Are you fucking deaf?" "No, I'm just... not sure I was prepared to hear about your sex life with Big Ben. It's so different when it's... well, him." Rolling your eyes, you prepared to stand up, already done with this conversation, but Joe was quick to raise his hands in surrender and stutter out an apology amidst delirious laughter. "No, no no, sit back down! I'm sorry- shit, I'm sorry, I just had to get that out. Keep going, I'm listening." "You need to talk to Tori," you replied matter-of-factly, and the familiar sentiment echoed in your brain, reminding you of a simpler time - a time when Ben was just Joe's dorky, fit friend who came around sometimes and made you laugh at how awkward he could be. Now, he was your boyfriend waking you up in the morning begging you to make almond flour pancakes with him just so he could cover his hand in flour and smack your ass to leave a handprint. At least you knew the 'talk to them' advice was effective. "I know it sounds hypocritical, but you need to ask her about what she's into and what she isn't into. That way you can know what gets her going and what you need to steer away from." "What, like missionary vs. cowgirl?" Joe asked incredulously, and you had to laugh at the naiveté of assuming that sex positions alone would be enough. Were you shocked that a straight cis man was saying this, though? Not really. (Ben was a surprising exception, and you were eternally grateful for it.) "Good god, she- oh my god, I'm sorry I'm laughing. I don't mean to be an asshole, it just happens," you giggled, moving your hand to Ben's back and rubbing relaxing circles into it when he twitched in his sleep again. "You're going to have to get real comfortable here because the only way I know how to explain this is to talk about blondie here." "Fuck, hold on," Joe grimaced, looking straight forward out of the balcony door for a second. His expressions incredibly exaggerated from how high he was at the moment, you could see every step in his process of compartmentalizing all the inner turmoil hearing about his friend's sex life was going to cause before finally nodding slowly, not losing the grimace. "Okay, go." "I think first you need to see if she likes to be in control. Like, dominate." "Um, I don't think so? No, she isn't the dominant one in bed," Joe observed, his words slow as he thought-extra hard, probably just to make sure he was right and not just so high he was imagining things. "But I guess I don't know for sure. What do you mean?" "So like, when Ben and I have sex, I'm the dom-" "Hold on!" Joe interrupted, pretending to gag as he lurched forward dramatically, hamming it up while you watched in unamused silence. When he'd finished his dramatics, he waved for you to continue. "Alright, got that out of my system. You're the dominant one?" "Yeah?" you drawled out slowly, unsure how that wasn't the most obvious thing in the world right now. Ben's face was smooshed up against your thigh, his lips slightly parted as his shallow breathing continued. He was unnervingly beautiful like this, a sweet little soft boy aura to him that always carried over into the bedroom very smoothly - his suave, strong-armed facade hardly held up behind closed doors. Smiling a bit in awe of how precious he looked undisturbed, you stopped rubbing his back and reached for your phone, pulling up Chrome. In the meantime, Joe had narrowed his eyes, still dubious and harboring doubts over whether you were just bullshitting him right now or not. "What's not clicking? Are you forgetting that I literally had to make the first move?" "Yeah, but I figured it was just because he was being shy... like, how does he not dominate when he could easily sit on you and suffocate you with his muscles?" Joe flexed for emphasis, but it did little to drive his point home as you were already laughing at his blissful ignorance, pausing in clicking on a Google link about Virgos and compatibility. In the midst of your fit of laughter, though, he gasped and let out a strangled shriek as he sat up a bit. "Does that mean you peg him?" "No!" You almost choked on the ensuing laughter, feeling like your face was red hot from the exertion of trying to catch your breath, and Joe let out an audible, very exaggerated sigh of relief as he sunk back into the chair. "Why would you even ask that if you knew you wouldn't like the other answer?" "Just.... if you ever peg him, don't tell me. Please," he begged, and with a laugh, you agreed. "Promise. Although I can't promise you I won't suffocate him when I sit on his f-" "Stop! It's gone too far!" Joe shrieked, trying to stand up, but he came to the realization that he was rooted in his place. His eyes widened with absolute fear that his limbs were essentially jello from the concentrated THC ravaging his nervous system at the moment, and you almost couldn't contain your delight as you stifled laugh after laugh. "Oh my God. Oh my Godddd. Fuck. This is my worst nightmare. I'm stuck here listening to you talk about pegging my poor friend." "I'm not pegging Ben, dude!" you refuted, giggling incredulously and pressing your hands to your face in mild exasperation. "I've already told you that. I just... I don't get crazy, but you know, take charge! I subtly control the situation. He's totally a bitch when it comes down to it... and I love it so much! It's not a bad thing." Joe groaned as he sunk deeper into the chair, looking like he wished it would swallow him whole before he reluctantly continued. "So I need to figure out what dynamics she likes." "Yeah, that's the word!" you cheered, feeling Ben stir on your lap a little, and you wondered if Joe's mini-heart attack had awoken him. "Start with that, and then work from there. This website says 'The Virgo male-Virgo female compatibility will include a great love life, if and only if, there is no gap in their communication aspect.'" Pursing your lips, you paused before reading down a little bit and continuing to read out loud. "The Virgo couple has to make sure that they, do not overthink about their problems, are more relaxed, and that they communicate their problems by sharing and accepting each other the way they are.' See? It all comes a lot easier- sex comes a lot easier when you can communicate and be honest about what tickles your fancy." "Please stop talking about tickling anything." Joe's pleading tone was worth a laugh, but you held it back for his sake as you shook your head and grinned widely. "I'll talk to her," he finally resigned, and you felt vindication as you brushed a hand back over Ben's hair, hearing him let out a quiet, happy noise at the feeling. "Damn, this must have been what you felt like when he and I finally got over ourselves last year," you noted, and Joe, though he clearly hated every second of it, nodded slowly. Looking down, you caught Ben just in time to see his eyes open blearily, the glaze over them still evident as he turned on his back to look up at you, blinking slowly. "Hello, Sleeping Beauty." "Hi," he croaked, his voice still gravelly as he offered a smile, and you smiled back before patting his cheek gently, lifting your thigh a bit to coax him into getting up. After stretching a bit, he obliged, sitting up and steadying himself on the back of the couch while you stood up and reached out a hand for him. Helping him to his feet, you let him start shuffling back to your apartment while you turned to give Joe a pointed look. "You better talk to her." "I will!" he whined, crossing his arms grumpily and mumbling a snarky goodbye before letting you usher Ben back to bed, where he passed out quickly, curled up against your side with his head resting on your chest and arm draped across your tummy. A blissful, serene smile was plastered onto his features on into the late morning, where you woke up to find neither of you had moved, and apparently, neither had Joe, according to the texts he'd sent you about an hour ago. jmuzzie: I can't fucking get up from this chair jmuzzie: All I can think about is you pegging Ben jmuzzie: I barely slept. Grinning and shaking your head, you decided to ignore the texts and leave them on your home screen to worry about later, carefully detaching yourself from Ben and crawling out of bed. He grabbed your pillow to snuggle instead, wrapping it up in a tight embrace while you tiptoed to the kitchen to make a quick breakfast - bacon, scrambled eggs, and some coffee to wake up what was sure to be a very sore Ben (which he very much was). You heard a groan from down the hallway just as you were finishing up the scrambled eggs, and after hearing the bathroom sink faucet run for a moment, Ben appeared in the doorway, his hair sticking up in odd places and clothes frumpy from being slept in. Cooing sympathetically, you put together a plate for him as he somehow managed to pour himself a coffee and sluggishly climb onto a stool at the counter. While you made his plate, he stared off into space, not even giving a simple hello as he seemed to try and will himself to wake up, his cheeks still a bit splotchy and feverish from waking up - he always ran hot, especially during the night. "There you go, princess," you teased, Ben only groaning in thanks when the plate clattered down to the counter in front of him. The noise made him wince, so you decided to keep the conversation minimal while you both finished your breakfast, and you could tell he was already getting sleepy again from the methodical, slow pace he was taking to rinse the dishes off in the sink. "I think I'm just going to stand in the shower for a tick and question my life choices," he finally mumbled once he was wiping his hands off on the dishtowel next to the sink, and with a quick kiss to your cheek, he was off to the bathroom. As he trudged back down the hallway, you elected to pour another cup of coffee to take next door. "Joe said he was up, I'll go check on him real quick. You were both blitzed by bedtime, so I'm sure he's hurting too." Ben answered with an almost inaudible grunt, and you rolled your eyes with a small grin before shifting the mug to your opposite hand and shuffling over to your neighbor's apartment, where you found Joe in the kitchen, apparently over his dramatics from an hour ago. The sliding door squeaked a bit as you shut it behind you, and Joe looked up slowly, his red-rimmed eyes narrowing and lip curling up ever-so-slightly when his eyes adjusted enough to recognize you. "Oh, it's the pegger-" "You really are the worst," you immediately laughed, crossing the living room and holding out the mug of coffee, which he accepted with a grateful noise and sipped in silence while you made yourself at home on his bar stools. "Feeling 10 out of 10 this morning?" "Out of 10? I feel like a Mexican 1." Furrowing your eyebrows, you opened your mouth to question whether that was vaguely racist, but he continued before you could confuse the situation even further. "Because a peso is worth less than a dollar, duh?" "The joke isn't funny if you have to explain it, dumbass." You let out a single, pitying laugh at his poor attempt at humor, though, and reached for your phone only to find that you'd left it over at the apartment. "Shit. Must have left my phone back over there." "I'll text Ben," he sighed melodramatically, pulling out his phone and typing away while you propped your head up on your hand. "He said he's on his way because 'the water won't warm up fast enough.'" When he finally locked his phone and set it back on the counter, you looked at it for a moment before giving him a pointed look, deliberately switching your gaze between him and the phone a few times before he scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Do you have something to say, or are you tweaking right now?... Does your eye have a really bad twitch?" "Sooooo," you drawled out, tilting your head a bit more and shimmying your shoulders playfully before wiggling your eyebrows a bit. He didn't seem to get the hint or want to get the hint, and you let out a huff of annoyance as the skin around his childlike hazel eyes crinkled, taunting you. "Have you talked to her yet?" "At 9 in the morning? Yeah, let me just call her." Picking up his phone, he mimed typing in her number sloppily before raising the phone to his ear, putting on a moronic expression as he did so. "Hey, babe. Yeah, I know it's 9 am, but I was wondering if you want to tie me up and spank me because I've been a naughty little-" "Okay, enough, enough!" you laughed, holding out your hands to shield yourself from the invisible antagonism that practically radiated off of him at this point. "I get it. I was just curious, dickwad." Scoffing again, he gave you an irritatingly condescending look before he reached forward and grabbed the water bottle he'd been most likely nursing since last night, which you assumed from the way a foggy sort of condensation had built up on the inside of the bottle. It went away as he swirled the bottle a bit, then he took the cap off and reluctantly took a swig, wincing at the stale, lukewarm water that he forced himself to swallow. "Ew. How can they say that drinking warm water is better for your health? I think these doctors are a bunch of fucking quacks." "They probably know a lot more than you do, dummy," you answered in a deadpan, looking around for a moment and furrowing your eyebrows. Ben wasn't there yet, and you wondered what was taking him so long. "He said he was on his way, right?" you asked, and Joe nodded, seemingly unbothered as he carefully examined the bottle he'd just taken a drink out of, his left hand toying with the cap of it absentmindedly and flipping it between his fingers. "Do you think that I could make a bottle flip if I got some practice? I've seen those videos of all the kids doing it from a couple years ago, and I kind of want some good throwback Instagram content." "Joe, you could literally just post a picture with Ben standing in your general vicinity and your Instagram base would lose its fucking marbles." Frowning, you climbed off the bar stool as Joe grunted noncommittally in response, apparently already on one track as he picked up the bottle and weighed his options. As you turned, you heard him let out a strangled cry that barely even registered as you tilted your head a bit, wondering where in the hell your boyfriend was. Had he fallen back asleep? Was he choking on his vomit like that scene from Breaking Bad where Walter watched Jesse's girlfriend die because she apparently had to? Wait, why the fuck would he be throwing up from a weed hangover? "I forgot it was open! Oh my god, oh my god, where's the god damn dish towels?" Joe panicked, and you looked back to see the bottle from before laying sideways on the counter, but your mind was too much of a mess to make sense of why there was a medium-sized puddle of water surrounding it and dripping down to the tiled floor. Joe scrambled around like a chicken with its head cut off and in his panic, you didn't even have to ask - he blurted it out anyway. "I fucking try to do a bottle flip once and this is what I get!"

"Um, Joe, you have fun with that, buddy," you hummed nervously, worry setting in as you decided you'd come back for the mug later - not that he'd give it back anyway, but you'd try. Joe was too busy cleaning up his mistake to pay attention to you already being halfway out the door, hurrying over just to find Ben sitting on the bar stool with his back to you, sipping coffee and appearing to be fine. Letting out a sigh of relief, you padded back into the kitchen where you picked up the now mostly empty kettle of coffee, feeling Ben's eyes on you as you poured yourself another mug. It was quiet, still like last night, but there was an eerie quality to this silence that made a nearly-paralyzing chill trickle down your spine as you poured the last tiny bit of the coffee down the drain, starting to rinse it out. Ben made no attempt to speak even when you peeked over at him to see him very calmly watching you. He wasn't smiling, though, and there was a distant look in his eyes that you recognized immediately. He wasn't daydreaming, no sir. Something had pissed him off royally - you'd seen this look before on rare occasions, and angry Ben was never a treat. He was a true Capricorn if you'd ever seen one, a calculated son of a bitch who could build up a wall within seconds and take days to bring it back down. If you called him out on one single minute flaw in his argument, he'd also obsess over it for hours, either bricking himself in and giving you the silent treatment or snapping immediately and trading in his cool rationale to show you a temper to be reckoned with; a force you'd never seen before. He was never violent - far from it, actually, but if you stirred the sleeping dragon, you were in for one hell of an argument. There was never an argument you hadn't worked through, though, and you weren't about to lose that streak today. So, you turned around and leaned your hip against the counter, crossing your arms as you took a sip of the coffee. "What's up? Joe said you were on your way, what gives?" Ben nodded, sitting down his mug and licking his lips before pressing them together and shrugging. "Changed my mind." "What changed your mind?" you prodded, his body language telling you everything he wasn't saying as he crossed his arms in front of him and leaned over the counter, his shoulders hunching up a bit after he shrugged again. "Ben, come on, don't do this. What's bothering you? I'm not fucking dumb, you know, you're clearly upset about something." "I never said you were dumb," he responded, and the calm, unwavering tone of voice infuriated you so much you lost your taste for the coffee, sitting your mug down on the counter as well and crossing your arms again. "So are you just going to avoid my question? I really want to know what's upsetting you, bubs, I can't just sit here and guess until you say 'Oh, you got it! Clever girl.' You're acting like I microwaved your tea water, for Christ’s sake!" Ben scoffed, tracing a fingertip around the rim of his mug and shaking his head a bit as you heard the muffled sound of Joe's TV turning on just on the other side of the wall. Your phone vibrated from the counter next to Ben, but you couldn't bring yourself to walk over and go grab it as Ben's annoyingly nonchalant nature perplexed you. "Why do I have to be upset? Can't I just drink coffee in silence with my girlfriend?" "Ben, I live with you, I know your 'looks' like the back of my hand. Can we please just talk about this?" "Talk about what?" Tapping the screen of your phone, which had just locked automatically again, his eyes scanned through the notifications for a second before he smiled sardonically. "Ah, there it is. Yeah, let's talk about it. I get a text from Joe saying you forgot your phone, so I go to grab it and I get to see these beauties. 'I can't fucking get up from this chair, all I can think about is you pegging Ben, I barely slept.'" Leaning forward on his arms again, he gave you a bitter smile and propped his elbow up on the counter, resting his chin in his hand. "Fascinating stuff, really. Apparently, my girlfriend's pegged me and I wasn't even aware of it, and then she's gone and bragged about it to our best friend." Laughing in disbelief, you tilted your head to the side and gave him an incredulous look. "Are you serious right now? You're just going to take that out of context and not even think for a second, 'Hey, maybe there's an explanation to why Joe's-" "Why have you told Joe that you pegged me? You think it's funny? Where do you get off?" "Excuse me?" you choked out incredulously, baffled that he'd even assume that you got a laugh out of this wildly-exaggerated situation as you crossed your arms around yourself, feeling unbearably small underneath his gaze. He was slowly simmering, a single vein in his forehead just barely protruding from the taut reddish skin on his forehead. But there was such a level-headed manner to him it drove you nuts, making you huff softly and press the heels of your hands into your eyes, then shake your head a few more times. "I can't believe this is happening right now, this is ridiculous." "That's fucking rich, considering I'm the one who 'got pegged' and joked about in this situation." Ben's voice was venomous, even, and you shivered again at how easily he spit it back at you, unafraid of whatever he'd say next. "You like telling our friends that I take it in the arse? That really make you laugh, huh? Why are you lying to Joe about our sex life, which is supposed to be private-" "Oh, don't fucking start with me about private sex lives!" you quickly retorted, cutting him off mid-sentence in an impulsive moment of rage. "I've heard you drunk and blabbering on to your fucking 'mates' back in London over the phone about us, don't even start with me!" Oh. You'd done it now - calling him out on something insignificant was one thing, but accusing him of blatant hypocrisy? You could practically see the steam shooting out of his ears. Something flashed in his eyes, and then he rocketed out of the stool he'd just previously been seated so still on. You followed him as he stormed down the hallway - he yelled over his shoulder as he went. "At least I don't tell my mates that I make you take it in the arse, yeah? Fuck you, Y/N. It's bloody different, especially when it's Joe and you've lied to him about something personal!" "Will you just let me explain?" you called after him, exasperated and ready to pull your hair out as he threw open the door to the bedroom, stalking over to the bed before starting to pace in front of it. He looked caged as he walked back and forth, both of his hands running back through his hair in obvious frustration before he finally let out a loud groan and sat back on the bed, looking at you and trying to mask the anger he clearly felt right now with a forced apathetic expression. "Okay, go on. I'm dying to hear how you'll talk your way out of this one." Recoiling a bit at how unwilling he was to even hear your side of the story, you felt tears welling up in your eyes a bit but you blinked them away, refusing to let him win with such a biting comeback. "Seems like whatever I say, you're not going to care anyways. Is this even worth my time, explaining it to you?" He didn't have a response, and that irritated you even more, making you choke up a bit as you continued. "You're like this every time, Ben, you fucking get this idea of what happened in your head and you refuse to even accept the idea that maybe my side of the story is as valid as yours." "What if I did do that?" He paused and let it sink in, as he was always the actor, and then he was on a roll again. "What if I accepted your side every time, and then you took advantage of that? I'm not a toy and I'm not here to be played with, or used for bragging rights when you're talking to your friends- our friends about our sex life, Y/N, I have feelings too! I'm allowed to feel this way too, and right now, I feel like you're just using me as a- fuck, I don’t know, a talking point or something!" As far as the validity of his feelings, he did have a point (as much as you hated to cede to that), but you still pressed your lips into a thin line and persisted, not letting the subject drop. "I'm not going to take advantage of you, Ben! Stop saying that! Not everyone is out to get you, especially not me, and I hate when you're like this, 'protecting yourself'. You think that by being mean to me, it will get your problems to go away so you can keep this wall between you and the issue, but I'm not going to let you shut me out again. You don't have to shut down every time something goes haywire, damn it!" "I'm not shutting you out or being mean to you!" he yelled back, but you only scoffed and crossed your arms in disbelief. "Then what are you doing?" Your question was warranted, and Ben found himself at a loss for words as he stared at you guardedly. The gears were turning in his head, and you could see from the confusion in his eyes that he was starting to question himself now. "I- I'm just tryin' to-" "To protect yourself, yeah, I get it!" you interrupted, Ben's jaw tightening as he snapped his mouth shut once again. The tension in his jaw remained unrelieved as you continued. "I get that you want to protect yourself, Ben, but you don't have to be so shitty to me for no reason when you do it! It's fucking mean and it hurts my feelings that you won't even let me explain myself!" That rendered him fully speechless, so you only let up for a moment before pressing one last time. "Can I explain now? Please." Dead silence hung in the air for a moment as the gravity of your words weighed heavy on both of you, Ben's teeth grinding together for a moment as he considered the accusations against him. "Fine," he muttered, yielding to you despite the conflict still going on behind closed doors in his mind. You could tell it was a raging dumpster fire in there as you approached the bed, tentatively, sitting next to him and wiping away the tears that had failed to escape from your eyes. Between awkward shifts and intermittent sniffles, you explained everything you'd talked to Joe about last night, from Joe's Virgo woes to his mistaken assumption about pegging, Ben, and you. By the end of your story, you'd tucked one leg underneath you and let the other dangle off of the edge of the bed, facing Ben with your hands in your lap despite the fact that they were itching to be running through his hair right now. You wanted desperately to comfort him, but there wasn't much to be done as you finally quieted to let him process all of this new information, his gaze trained on his legs which were just barely crossed over each other at the ankle, one foot shaking back and forth anxiously. It drove you mad as you hyper-focused on it too, so anxious to know what he was thinking that you nearly didn't register when he uncrossed them. Your head lifted as he stood up off the bed and walked over to the other side of the room quickly, your anxious feelings multiplying when his back stayed turned to you and he came to rest in front of the dresser. However, you vowed not to let it be known how utterly freaked out you were at the moment, so you scooted back on the bed and sat criss-cross as you brought his pillow into your lap, needing something of comfort to latch on to. It seemed like eons before he finally spoke, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, and his quiet, gentle words were like music to your ears. "So you didn't tell Joe you pegged me?" "No," you almost laughed in relief, though the situation certainly didn't call for it, and you could see his shoulders relax a bit, though his back stayed turned to you. "I actually told him I never had - multiple times, if I'm not wrong." "He was just joking?" he asked a bit louder, elaborating on his previous question, and you could feel the anxiety crumbling away as he turned to you with a genuinely relieved expression on his face. When you nodded, you could see an incredibly guilty look come over his face, and a little whine escaped your lips as you moved his pillow out of your lap and reached out for him. He gratefully obliged, climbing into bed with you, and you scooted over to make a bit more room as he practically laid on top of you, taking you down with him. "I'm such a dickhead, 'm sorry," was all he had to say, and that's all he had to do to make you start laughing before he began to pepper you with soft kisses anywhere he could. It was hard to breathe as he smothered you in wordless attention, and it took several tries for you to communicate that between breathless laughter and attempts to wriggle out from underneath him before he got the message. As he turned on his side and let you breathe again, you tried to make sense of what had just happened. So many questions swirled through your head. When had it clicked? Why were you letting this slide? Why was he so defensive about this? But no matter how long you stared at your boyfriend and tried to make sense of it all, it proved fruitless to try and pin down exactly where he had finally got off of his one-track madness. So, you just smiled and saved that deconstruction for later. Right now, you wanted to savor the fact that things had been worked out, and you watched as Ben took your hand so he could kiss your knuckles, offering one more wordless apology with his eyes. His lips sent another thrill down your spine and you marveled at the effect he had on you even when you were both sober and incredibly sleep-worn. Despite him making you incredibly mad at moments, it was so hard not to love this man and everything about him. His green eyes flickered with an apprehensive yet curious look when you smiled widely, squeezing his hand. “Love you, bubs.” A smile spread across his lips, and he kissed your knuckles once more before murmuring his response.

“Love you too. Thanks for calling me out on my shit.” Laughing, you played with his fingers and shook your head, debating your response for a minute. It was your job, after all, but sometimes it was hard, especially when he was a dick about it like today. But Ben seemed to read your mind, and he continued on, relieving you the responsibility of somehow starting another tiff. “I know I suck sometimes, but I’m glad you and Joe can be mean right back to me if I need it. It makes it a lot easier to see when I’m being a knobhead.”

"Speaking of Joe-” Ben groaned before you even got the second part of your sentence out, and you had to laugh at him before you continued. It was like he knew you were about to poke fun at him. “He did say something about being surprised that you haven't smothered me yet," you teased, and Ben reluctantly took the bait, lacing his fingers into yours as he quirked an eyebrow curiously. "Yeah, no, he said something like 'How is he not the dominant one when he could just suffocate you with those muscles?' I think he has a crush on your muscles." "First off, your Joe imitation is surprisingly poor for having lived next to him all these years," Ben joked right back, albeit in a soft voice. He seemed almost afraid of ticking you off at this point, but he had to roll his eyes when you gasped in mock offense. "Second of all, I'm not surprised that he wishes he could be this fit. And third off, I can be dominant, so I don't know what you were going on about with Joe." "Are you serious?" you laughed, and his attempt at looking dead serious only made you laugh harder as you hid your face behind the hand that was intertwined in his. "Oh, fuck, you're pulling my leg right now! You have to be, right?" The little noise of shock that he let out was genuine, and he moved your hand away from your face as he very obviously tried not to laugh at how hard you were laughing. "Why is it so hilarious? I can be dominant. I've been dominant with you loads of times." "Name one!" you choked out between fits of giggles, and he furrowed his eyebrows as he fell silent at the prompt. 5 seconds, 10 seconds, and then 20 seconds passed with no answer, which made you laugh even harder. "See?" "That doesn't mean that it can't happen!" he offered, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, but you were still too distracted coming down off of the end of your incredulous laughing fit, so he just whined and gently pressed his lips to your jaw. His kisses were soft and quick as he tried to get your full, undivided attention so he could plead his case, but all that did was make you giggle again, so he laughed with you before rolling on top of you again, one of his legs resting between yours as he continued to trail kisses down to your neck. His swollen bottom lip dragged over the skin as you snickered one more time, still amused at the thought of Ben genuinely thinking he wasn't the biggest baby when it came down to the wire, and you gave voice to your thoughts. He keened at the impression of your fingers running over his scalp and dragging through his hair, pausing in his kisses for just a moment when he finally heard you speak. "I hate to say it, but I have my doubts. Sue me." You felt a quick puff of air hit your neck as he audibly scoffed, and then he resumed his kisses without any more delay. And really, you had to say that these kisses paired with his roaming hand that had just came to rest on your thigh - it was beginning to do something for you, so you let him continue as you toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck. You could tell from the way his hips rolled against yours subtly that he was getting just as much from this as you were. When he finally pulled away just enough to look at you, for a second you saw Ben in his true form - all smiles and cosmetic charisma, but still just as rosy-cheeked and painfully unsuspecting as the day you'd met. And he thought he was going to come out the one on top? "As if," you murmured with a shit-eating grin, and then you pulled him into a kiss by the nape of his neck, his lips meeting yours with an eagerness only Ben could fail to contain. For a moment, he'd convinced himself that maybe he could be the one in control, but the way he submitted easily as you rolled on top of him, your thigh brushing up between his legs, said otherwise. You hand snuck up to his jaw, your thumb just casually resting on his chin and brushing over a hint of stubble - it was a subtle move, but nonetheless an effective reminder of who was in charge as it subconsciously prompted him to tilt his head forward eagerly and deepen the kiss. Reaching down with your free hand, you just barely brushed your fingers over the front of his shorts before cupping him through the admittedly-scratchy fabric. His breathing hitched, and then he let out what sounded like the sweetest whimper you'd ever heard as he grinded up against your touch, already desperate for friction and just as predictable as he ever was. Smiling widely against his lips, you broke the kiss and moved your hand away so it was resting just below his navel instead. He groaned unhappily against your lips at the loss, one of his hands finding your hip, and he murmured, "What? What?" as if he didn't want to think about how needy he'd been just moments ago. Letting out a soft laugh, you kissed him deeply once more and roped him right back in, moaning softly in unison with him when you straddled his hips and inadvertently grinded against his growing bulge, Though it wasn't unwelcome by any means, you bit down on the inside of your cheek as your instincts coaxed you into rolling your hips lazily - suddenly, you were struggling to silence every blazing reminder in your head that you were trying to show him that you loved to love him and wanted to treat him like he deserved, and if that meant dominating the fuck out of him, then so be it! But it was too hard to ignore the desire beginning to course through your veins and cloud your judgment - before you knew it, you weren't only chasing that satisfaction of proving your point. Taking his hand, you wordlessly moved it to the front of your pajama shorts and hummed in appreciation when he took the hint immediately, slipping his hand in between fabric and skin so he could rub circles into your clit. Moaning his name at the feeling, you could sense his pace quicken at bit at the positive reaction, and you rutted against his hand with a serene smile decorating your face. "Fuck, this never gets old," you murmured, Ben letting out a grunt of agreement, and your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure as he applied more pressure. Managing to pull your shirt off despite barely being able to focus on anything besides his fingers, you hummed in pleasure when you immediately felt Ben's mouth on your chest, kissing and sucking on every inch of skin he could reach. Meanwhile, he slid his fingers through your slick heat, eliciting quiet moans from both of you at how soaked you were. All of your touches and actions became more fervent as things intensified, kisses getting sloppier, hands roaming even further, and clothes coming off in rapid succession until you were completely naked and yanking Ben's shorts to his ankles as you relished in the fact that he'd conveniently forgotten to wear boxers or even compression shorts underneath. His cheeks were as flushed as ever, and he squirmed a bit impatiently, muscles shifting underneath his skin with each movement and making him look like a marble statue underneath the pale light filtering in from behind the curtains. Proving a point be damned, your boyfriend was hot - and he was very much putty in your hands. Kneeling between his legs, you started to reach out to help him, but he was already there before you could, his hand stroking his cock as he ogled your body and let out short, sharp breaths. When your eyes met his and you raised an eyebrow in question, his hand slowed down almost automatically, his cock twitching in his grasp. The pure lust in his eyes paired with the uneven rise and fall of his chest evoked a visceral reaction, one that made you nearly bite down on your tongue as you fought back the instinctive urge to inhale sharply. Fuck, he was pretty. "I couldn't help it," he admitted weakly, and the appreciation that flickered to life in your eyes only encouraged him as he offered a weak smile, getting himself off as you crawled back up to capture his lips in a quick kiss. Replacing his hand with yours, you continued to pleasure him slowly, each stroke setting off a tremble in his abdomen that betrayed everything you were doing to him despite how hard he was working not to moan into your mouth every other second. "You sound so pretty when you moan like that, baby," you cooed as you straddled his hips, starting to grind down on him again, and he let out a slightly broken noise of delight at your praise while his hands found purchase on your hips. "You like that?" "Yes, yes. Can't wait anymore. Need to fuck you, please," he begged in very obviously fragmented sentences. His head fell back against the pillows in a mixture of frustration and pleasure when you just grinned and traced a finger down the center of his chest, grinding down against him painfully slow. "Then fuck me." You felt a shiver run up your spine when Ben openly groaned, and you fought the urge to just keep rutting against him until one of you got off - as tempting as it was, you instead let him guide himself until the tip of his cock was pressing against your entrance. "Raw?" he asked incredulously as if he hadn't already done it multiple times before, and you nodded slowly as he began to groan and cover his face with his arm, his head sinking back into the pillow. "I'm going to fucking bust before I even get in," he lamented, muffled by his elbow, and you had to grin knowingly before you finally sank down onto him with a soft gasp, marveling as he filled you up slowly. Fuck, fuck, fuck, that was good. You weren’t sure if you’d said that out loud, but no matter how many times you slept together, it still felt like the first time every time you did it. He bottomed out with a loud groan as you rested your hands on his torso, pausing a moment to adjust. When you finally looked down, his eyes were screwed shut in a desperate attempt to keep himself away from the edge as long as he could. "Baby, look at me," you whispered, and he peeked open an eye only to squeeze it shut as soon as he opened it. Letting out a small huff, he began to curse under his breath until you quieted him with a gentle hum and a quick kiss. "I love you." "I love you so much," he choked out softly, his fingers digging into your hips as you started rolling them tentatively. Humming in euphoria, you finally began to ride him, and he helped as much as he could to guide your hips against his between sweet, yet sinful moans. The two of you moved in unison, pornographic sounds of skin on skin intertwining with mumbled curses and breathless moans. At some point you couldn't discern in the chaos, Ben had started to meet your efforts in the middle and began thrusting up into you with a wild abandon. If your upstairs or downstairs neighbors hadn't woke yet, they were sure to have by that point - it was no holds barred as you both neared your climaxes, and nothing was off the table at that point. "Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!" Ben gasped when you began to slow down and roll your hips more deliberately, his hips stuttering as he tried to stave off the inevitable. "Keep doing that, please, I'm so fucking close- Shit!" When you circled your hips a certain way, his cock brushed up against your walls at an angle that made your thighs nearly falter from the wave of pleasure it sent rolling through your body. Goosebumps broke out on your skin, and you cursed under your breath as you repeated the motion with a satisfied gasp. "You that close, baby? You want to cum in me?" you asked breathily, the rhetorical question hanging in the air while Ben's fingers dug into your hips as he tried to meet you halfway with sloppy thrusts, his abdomen trembling with the effort. He looked close to tears as you took one of his hands and moved it to your chest, murmuring some breathless command to play with your tits. Obliging eagerly, he watched with cloudy, lust-filled eyes as you reached down to rub your clit in rapid circles that matched your quickly-deteriorating pace. A fuzziness entered your vision as a combination of touch, sensation, and just the sight of Ben going slack-jawed in his efforts to consciously avoid a surely-close orgasm. "Just let go," you managed to moan out, and holy fuck, did he let out the prettiest sound. His voice cracked as he choked out something between a sob and a groan - it was a noise fit for a porn star, the feeling of him emptying inside of you only that much hotter coupled with the visual of his eyelids fluttering closed. So overwhelmed with sensations, he could barely form a coherent thought as he came. His breaths came out in gasps, hips pressing flush to you as he spilled inside you. It was a mess, a hot one, and the sound that it made as he pulled out with a whimper was downright filthy, but you were too caught up in chasing your own high to think about anything other than the way the last drops of his cum were painting his stomach, his cock twitching as it finally gave way to the last of his orgasm. "God- you're so fucking hot- I'm-" Ben was still struggling for complete sentences when you finally pressed hard on your clit and then you were coming, your head falling back in pure ecstasy as waves of relief crashed over you, cleansing your body of every curse word that came flying out of your mouth following your climax. Ben was there, and then his lips were on yours as you started to come down from the high, a messy kiss silencing any further sins you could have vocalized. His hands slid to your thighs again, and he didn't loosen his grip until you pulled away from the obscenely long kiss, both of you very out of breath and very content with what had just taken place. After a chorus of ragged breathing from the both of you, you let a sly grin peek at the corner of your lips before you rolled off of him, silently cursing the fact that you'd be washing these sheets ASAP so the cum dripping out of you wouldn't irreversibly stain the fabric. A few tissues you snatched from the nightstand temporarily alleviated the situation, buying you enough time to pad over to the bathroom and grab a towel for the both of you. You could barely catch your breath as you did so, and you wondered if you were getting out of shape recently - the brief thought of going to the gym with Ben more often passed by, and you huffed as you reluctantly considered it. When you returned and tossed the towel to Ben, who was still sprawled out on the bed and pushing a few stray hairs back out of his eyes, you had to smirk. "So what was that about you being dom-" You didn't even get the chance to finish your sentence before Ben was laughing out an answer, catching the towel as he sat up to clean himself off. "Fuck right off, you're just gloating at this point." "You're right," you teased, silently preening at your own sexual prowess as you cleaned yourself up and slipped on some old, oversized t-shirt, ignoring the sweat that gave your skin a light sheen. Looking over, you ogled shamelessly as he threw his legs over the edge of the bed, picking up a haphazard pair of shorts from the dirty laundry nearby. His muscles shifted underneath his skin with the effort, and you noted that he looked just as sweaty as you, causing you to let out an inward sigh of relief. Maybe you weren't as out of shape as you thought you were - the sex was just that good. "Such a show-off," he mumbled, but you could hear the smile in his voice as you looked at yourself in the mirror to fix your hair, and it brought a proud smile to your own face. When you finally crawled back into bed with him, he'd pulled some shorts back on and stripped the dirtied sheets off, leaving just the comforter underneath the two of you. Snuggling up together, he rested his head on your tummy and gave it a gentle kiss as you felt his eyelashes flutter closed, the feather-like sensation against your skin coaxing a quiet giggle out of you. "What's so funny?" he asked curiously, though his voice was barely above a mumble, clearly exhausted from the events of the morning. "Nothing," you answered honestly, running your hand back through his mussy, slightly-sweaty hair before grinning and back-tracking. "Actually, I was thinking about how fucking funny I was in the kitchen earlier. What would you do if I microwaved your tea water?" Ben groaned at the thought, and you dissolved into a fit of giggles as he buried his face into your stomach, shaking his head slightly at your clear amusement with yourself. As you laughed, you could feel a small huff against your skin, and then he grumbled in response. "You're sick, y'know. Truly sick." "I think someone's being a little dramatic," you teased, but Ben only scoffed once more before getting himself comfortable and dozing off into a peaceful mid-morning nap, the soothing warmth and methodical rise and fall of his chest eventually lulling you back to sleep as well. A final thought of 'God, I hope Joe had his TV loud enough' brought a mischievous smile to your face just before you were both out like a light. - taglist - @crosmopolitan @just-ladyme @rogerfxckingtaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok @moreinfinite @fruityfreddie @poachedhazontoast @strawberryfields-forever @imladrs @psychoticobsession @killer-queen-xo @rebelrebelyourefaceisamess @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @brownhardyho @stardvstial @iminlovewith-rogers-car @benyeehawdy @mercurys-bike @mazzelloplots @beaaatle @sunshine112 @wonderless-screwup @rogers-sweatbands @whowaits4everanyway @sunflower-borhap-boys @bitemerog @jennyggggrrr @bensrhapsody @xiaoqueencava @discodeacygotmorerhythm @reedusteinrambles @extrovertedwallflower @the-next-one @nouvveau @storiesfrommirkwood @spunky-town @brianprobablywill @elizabwrites NYM taglist - @aridrowse @radiob-l-a-hblah @caborhapch @xtrabroll @myguardianmailman @ultrunning @onceuponadetectivedemigod @neckfruit @borhapbxtch @ixchel-9275 @mamaskillerqueen @queentrashcanfics @sam-mercurry-sixx @kimmietea @whenthe-smokeisinyoureyes @rogmeddows @deacyspatronusisacheesetoastie @woaholland @a-kind-of-magik @darling-egg @ramibaby @orchideax @jazzman-19 @bloomingbetty @hannafuckingsucks @theprettyfandom @the-run-n-gogh @omgitsearly @killerqueenunderpressure @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @zyanmaik @wehavetofearignorance @itsryn @multisuperbananas @stephanie-everlasting @dancingstan @mercurycrowley @awkwardangelshezza @deadlyaffairs @ken-yee-not @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @loveandbeloved29 @devin-marie @lieblingsmenzch @standing-onthe-edge @annabananawastakenx2 message me/reply to this to be added to the permanent taglist! 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starrystellars · 6 years ago

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even the spiders dance | one-shot

a/n: hello!! i decided to write something for my baby natasha since no one ever really looks back at her and whatever she has been thru. i felt like i needed to study her a little bit more and do justice for her since mcu is unable to fucking do so. i didnt proof-read bc english aint my first language so there's no point anyway hhhh i’ll might make a part two but i’ll see how well this is received. anyways!! hopefully yall like this and drop a like and comment if u please

synopsis: natasha tries to get rid of her traumatic past by making something sad into something beautiful. she ends up falling in love with a hip hop dance teacher instead. | fem! reader

warnings: mentions of past trauma (ptsd), overly cheesy writing

word count: 4,7100

New York’s hazy morning breeze was a welcomed refresher against Natasha’s pale skin, slowly peeling off the worries of the past couple of nights. The early morning sun was almost blinding to a naked eye, especially after a long night spent indoors with the lights off, loud bird chirping ticking her off more than usual. Spring was physically knocking on the city’s doorsteps, but unlike every other person in the Big Apple, the redhead didn’t seem to be ready to give up on the winter’s presence just yet. To someone who was raised in the middle of a cold Russia, warmth was something that felt incredibly unfamiliar, and even after years living in a bustling city, she really never felt at home with the sun tickling the tip of her pointy nose.

Natasha had always been a pretty private person, and even after moving into the tower with the rest of the Avengers, she hadn’t seemed to give up on her habits. As someone who was raised to become a fearless killer, she couldn’t just slip up and let her guard down, even when she did consider the people around her to be more or less a family. Kind smiles and banter with the people she lived with was indeed like a soothing balm over her past traumas, but healing was a marathon, not a spurt, which she knew better than one could think of. The assassin was somewhat in peace with her journey, but those past days she had been getting the short end of the stick; dwelling in screeching nightmares that left her sheets sticky, and occasional moments of anxiety that seemed to attack her out of blue. She, like most of her teammates, was haunted by the things she had seen, but other than the people around her, Natasha was the best at hiding it. Red Room training was brutal, but it was something that was almost impossible to shake off. If you learn something by birth, you don’t know any better — at least that’s what she tried to tell herself over and over again, to justify the fact that she couldn’t just let other people in. Even with her unavailability of trusting others, she had slowly tried to take part of the team, even when they were baby steps. After releasing SHIELD’s intel online, she had found herself hanging out more with the people she shared her living quarters with. Wilson and Rogers were one of the people she was tied to the most, leading up to her going all the way to her sparring with those hunky boys every once in a while. For her, training had always been a private moment of the day, but Natasha couldn’t help but to notice how she had grown to love early morning jogs around the closest park to the Avengers tower with the bunch. They made her feel whole and in peace with herself, even when it was almost impossible to keep up with the serum-infused Captain, who left Sam and her bite dust every single time.

"Romanoff, you good?" The Falcon was trying to catch his breath, after both of them had finished up those ten laps around the greenery. Steve, who looked like he didn't even break a sweat during training, perked up his head upon hearing the pair, cocking eyebrows questioningly. The redhead wasn't sure how the Sam had noticed her changed behavior, but at the end of the day, they spent a good amount of time with each other. "Yeah, just a little rusty, I guess," a little smirk grew on her lips, as she shook her head ever so slightly, while trying to calm down the rapid breathing that was caught in her throat. A highly skilled spy or not, even she had hard times catching up after running like a headless chicken. "Black Widow? Rusty? Unheard of," Sam laughed while showing off a perfect row of pearly white teeth, leaning forward to place his hands on those thick thighs of his, still pretty much out of breath. It was a funny sight to see the taller man drenched in sweat, grey sweatshirt looking like it had just came out of the wash, as he tried his best not to fall on the ground thanks to his shaking legs. "It's true. I haven't seen you like this since the day you spilled all of your secrets to the world," Steve finally spoke up, as he took a couple of steps forward towards the two. His laid back attitude was a refreshing look, since the super soldier was known for being pretty uptight at times. "What's wrong?" Natasha let out a deep sigh, placing hands on her hips, as she looked at both of the men in front of her with blank eyes. Over the years, she had learned how to disguise emotions pretty well, and this time it was no exception. For her, there was nothing more scarier than let others know how she really felt like, and being cornered like that wasn't ideal. Her walls were high and mighty, however, they were on a shaky ground. "Let's just say that avenging has been a pain in the ass lately," Natasha gave an empty smirk at both of them, not even trying bothering to explain. If the two would be smart, they'd leave her alone. "If that's the case, why don't you just do something else for change? Like, I don't know, learn how to cook or something?" The Falcon finally stretched to his full height, shrugging his shoulders, after letting out the words flow into the thin air. "You think I don't know how to cook? How cute of you, Wilson," Natasha flashed a sassy smile towards the soldier, who didn't seem to be bothered by the cocky attitude. Their banter had always been like that, acting out as a competition who could jab at the other one the hardest, and it seemed to work better than well. "I'm not just a pretty face." "Sam has a point. Maybe there is something that you like to do?" Steve butted into the conversation, getting both of their attentions quite fast. "The world has been actually quite a decent place for a change; perhaps you can take a day or two off. Just saying." Natasha was about to let out a snarky comment towards the Captain, who definitely didn't seem to take a day off, but decided to keep her mouth shut for once in her life. There was a moment where she was seriously considering to mention how her life revolved around work, just to keep them off her back, but something she had tried to keep away from her, struck her like a lightning. Maybe there was something that could help her, after all. **** The music was booming behind closed doors, multiple different sounds overlapping with each other, creating a wave of mess that was hard to listen. A faint sound of an overly positive voice was bouncing off the walls, making all the ears ring in the near mile radius, and Natasha couldn't help but to cringe as she got closer to the wooden front desk of a sleek entrance hall. All the noise in the room was overpowering, and the redhead was highly considering turning around on her heels, and walking away. Yes, she had listened to the only people she was close with, only to realise, that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. The morning Sam had gave her the idea, it had sounded like a good plan, but at that point, she wasn't so sure anymore.

Dancing. Red Room was known for its brutal training programme that was dedicated to shape young minds to become trainwrecks. It was all about discipline and rules, brutal force and violence, but somehow it felt like a distant home for her. Ignoring all the grim details, it was a place where she grew up to become her, even when the rest of the world would see her as a monster. One of the main programmes was dancing, which was no surprise; it was highly believed in Russia, that this form of art was one of the top levels of strong individualism, since the training was more than physically damaging. Red Room or not, most of the girls in normal dancing schools were emotionally fucked up and dropped out after a couple of years. Natasha had witnessed some of that treatment around her childhood, but nothing could ever top the way she was brought up. Regardless, she found peace in dancing. Before she had joined the Avengers team, it was the only way for her to let out some steam, alongside of fighting, to take away all the stress that was pending up deep inside of her. She loved the way her body would effortlessly find its way to form a perfect attitude terriére, or how the music would flow through her body like it was taking over every cell of her firm form. There was no pain nor suffering, just a calm mindset and happiness within. However, she wasn't sure was singing up to a dancing school actually worth it. Yes, she could've easily used the Avengers gym to train her 'rusty' moves. She was also completely aware of the fact that she indeed could've asked Tony to make her a completely space, just for the matter, but somehow she needed to feel normal. Even when she had deep scars running down her soul, especially ones that were attached to the act of art, she couldn't help but to crave normal human functions, even when pretty much the whole world knew she was nothing more than trouble. Being around other people was also a good way for her to separate her old dance training from her future; she truly hoped to get rid of all the flashbacks that were bothering her daily. The cold walls of the Avengers tower barely resembled the peeling wallpaper and the poking foundations of the place she used to call home, but the empty atmosphere was enough to send her on the edge during the darkest of hours. If she could just move on amongst everyone else, she could probably get her privacy back. "Hi, how can I help ya, miss?" The cheery voice of a service desk person was purely artificial, and Natasha wanted to scoff at the smile that was almost as tight as the girl's ponytail. However, she forced a mirroring smile on her painted lips, fingers automatically reaching for the strap of her gym bag as a habit. "I called in a couple of days before for the dance studio rental; it was supposed to be at three today. The name is Natasha," the redhead followed closely as the service person went through a thick calendar that looked like it was about to fall apart any second, thanks to all the added post-it notes and clips. It didn't take a too long for her to find the booking amongst all the mess, and Natasha was soon met with another blinding smile. "Oh, yeah! For an hour, right? Just go to the end of that hallway. Your room is number eight and the room door should be unlocked," the woman said, before continuing. "If you need any help with the audio equipment, just come here and I'll be happy to assist you!" Without saying anything further, Natasha turned around to face the corridor that service lady had pointed at, heading down the brightly lit hallway with a curious look on her face. She tried her best to map out the building, just in case of an emergency. It had became a habit for her, and no wonder, taking mind her profession. Better to be safe than sound, right? The short corridor was filled with room after another, each one having a small window to peek in, and the woman couldn't help but to curiously take a look inside of each and every one of them, while she kept her steady pace forward. It wasn't a long trip behind the door that had a big "8" painted on it, and Natasha automatically rested her hand on the handle, as her green eyes found their way to look inside of the window that was radiating with yellow light. Someone was in there. Natasha pulled out her phone with a confused look painted on her features, as she checked the clock on the bright screen. It was already past the time she was supposed to be there, and she couldn't help but to double check the number on the door -- not that it was hard to miss, anyway. Fixing her gaze back up, she tried to see anyone inside. The window was small, and it pretty much covered most of the area, so it was almost impossible to see more than just a small strip of the room. So far, no one had entered her field of vision, so she wasn't sure was it a good idea to just burst in there if someone was still finishing up their workout. Natasha herself hated to be surprised like that, and she surely wasn't going to do that to another person, at least not in a situation where that kind of an element wasn't needed. She was about to give up and go back to the reception, before something, or more likely, someone, entered her view. The urban music, that was barely audible through the door, matched her sharp and clear moves, and the flow of her body was almost intoxicating to look at. How the person carried herself exuded confidence, and there was not a single flaw in her performance. The girl on the other side of the door was skilled, and Natasha couldn't help but to feel extremely fascinated. It was a new feeling; something that she hadn't been thinking about so much before, but she couldn't help but to dwell in it. The whole situation was so weird to her, and she wasn't sure how to act. On top of her confused feelings, the redhead had no interest in the hip hop culture, not even when Sam tried his hardest to get her hyped to some old classics, but seeing the girl dance to the beat of the music that she couldn't really figure out, she regretted her past actions and kicked herself mentally. Her hand was hovering over the handle, like she wasn't sure what to do. Of course, she could've went in and mentioned how the time other girl's time was up; it would've been a completely normal thing. She had been fighting against criminals of different kinds, so acting up wasn't completely out of character for her. However somehow, entering the room seemed like a bigger task than hunting down the whole HYDRA -- but something was supposed to be done. Yes, she was an agent, but goddamn, hanging out in a corridor just staring at an unknown person was way too much, even for her. That's why she had to make a decision to push the handle down and enter the room. There was an instant welcome of heavy urban music, which made Natasha's ears ring. The heavy air, that was caused by a lot of movement was almost choking, but the redhead didn't seem to mind. Her twinkling green eyes were fixed to the person, whose back was towards the door, unaware of the situation that was unraveling behind her thanks to the loud music. She was clearly packing her stuff into a black duffle bag, almost identical to Natasha's own, and the infamous Black Widow couldn't help but to let a slight smirk rise on her lips. Suddenly the whole room went silent, as the unfamiliar person stretched to her full height, and finally turned around to face Natasha. "Shit!" You let a loud yell escape between your lips to the sight of an unfamiliar figure at the door. The jumpscare made you almost drop everything that you were holding in your hands, including the phone you had just pulled out to check the notifications. The woman at the door could do nothing else than smirk at you, and to be honest, it would've been an understatement to say that you were embarrassed. "Sorry about that," the husky voice of the newcomer sent shivers down your spine, and you really weren't sure should you be afraid or not. There was something eerily familiar with the figure and the outline of that woman's face, but you just couldn't point out who she was. "The door was unlocked, and I thought it was good to let you know the time's up." You were hyper-aware that you were late; you kind of always were. It was a bad habit, and not something you were really proud of - especially since you had classes to teach and you really didn't want to take the minutes away from your students. Time flies when you're focused, and that truly was the case that day too. On top of that, no one really tended to rent that part of the studio anyway, so you were pretty much safe being tardy for a couple of minutes. "It's okay, it's my fault anyways," you let out a huff, and even when you felt a slight heat rising on your cheeks, little did you know how that small gesture almost melted the person that was standing on the other side of the room. If there was a word for Natasha's feelings, it would've been whipped. "I probably should start carrying a watch or something," you added, shrugging your shoulders as you took a step closer to the woman, whose delicate features made you easily swoon. There was a certain cold look on her pale face, but you could see clearly how soft her gaze was, and you swore there was more to her than just the front she put. "Are you new here? I haven't seen you before, and I pretty much know everyone who hangs around the studio," there was a slight giggle that escaped between your lips, as you studied the woman, whose expression clearly didn't even flinch. You got lost in those big, emerald green, eyes that seemed to be alert in a way, but you insisted to yourself that it was a good idea to poke the sleeping bear bit more. "None of my students sneak around to scare me, so I thought I should ask." "Yeah, I've started to rent this studio for now," Natasha wasn't sure how much to reveal to the girl, but since the other person sounded eager enough, it was her time to open up a bit. For her, it almost felt like a breath of fresh air to chat normally, without having to stay on her toes, but it did take a toll on her in a way. Old habits stuck hard, and past Natasha wasn't about chatting and being fun. She meant business, but she desperately wanted to let her go, and maybe meeting new people was a good way to at least try. There was no way a stranger could be dangerous to her, especially in a place like this. Especially a girl like her. "My skills are a little rusty, so I thought about getting my game back on. It's been a while I've put on my pointe shoes," a slight smile rose on her painted lips, as she cocked her head to the side, ever so slightly. The assassin couldn't help but to keep her eyes fixed directly to the girl, taking in her beautiful features that kept on mesmerizing her. Just right before, she had been fierce and strong, but the version that was standing right in front of her at that moment was even more breathtaking. "Wait, you're a ballet dancer?" The girl questioned, raising her eyebrows so high they could've easily creeped up to her hairline. That got a giggle out of Natasha, who couldn't help but to find the gesture adorable. "I guess I am," she answered to the girl, who took a couple of quick steps, right to her face, toes close, barely touching Natasha's. The redhead almost flinched by default, ready for an attack, but she kept her cool better than expected. "You need to teach me! Most of the people in here only know modern or hip hop, and I'm so happy to find someone who is good on the classical side!" You couldn't help but to squeal, smiling so bright that you were afraid you'd look crazy in front of her. Somehow, the woman nodded collectively, a smirk on her full lips, and you felt like you had made a friend after all. "Or if you'd like, just drop by my class someday! I know, I know, hip hop dancing is mainstream and everyone does it, but if you're interested, there's always space for a one more person," the girl looked more than happy to share the invitation with Natasha, and the redhead couldn't do anything else than adore her pure intent. It had been such a long time since the assassin had witnessed anyone be so lighthearted and gleeful, that she had to wonder was it all just a good dream. Maybe she was still in her bed, dreaming about a future she couldn't have, but after considering pinching herself, she got to understand it was truly a reality for her. "I'd love to," the words escaped between Natasha's lips before she was able to catch them, and before she could even regret what she had done, the sparkling eyes of the girl caught her off guard. It was almost like a magical moment, them looking at each other, and Natasha couldn't shake off the warmth in her chest that was gradually growing and spreading across her body. Finally, after years, she felt like warmth was home. "That's glad to hear! I'll be here every day in the class next door, so pop in whenever you want to. I better get running now, so I hope to see you someday!" You felt awful having to part with your newly found relationship, but you were running late once again, and couldn't risk getting kicked out of the dancing school. It was bittersweet, but there was a hope growing inside of you that you'd meet her again. **** It took a five-day wait to meet up with the woman you had seen in your usual training hall. Yes, you clearly counted, and wished every single day that she would pop into your class to even say a simple 'hey'. Maybe it was too much from you, to act like you had actually bonded with the woman in a short span of a couple of minutes, but something inside of you told that you'd most likely would see her again. Everytime the class door would open, your eyes would shoot up to see if she would strut inside, wearing those gorgeous black training clothes she was wearing the last time you saw her, but that never happened- until one beautiful Wednesday day. She was standing in the middle of the empty training studio, hands loosely resting on her hips, green eyes searching the room like it was the eighth wonder of the world. Soft sunrays that were peeking through the light curtains bounced on her skin, making it seem like she was glowing like an angel. She was not facing you, but you could study her side profile like one would do in a museum, mapping out the details of her features. The all-black attire complimented her shape perfectly, and you couldn't help but to catch yourself staring at her with a big smile on your lips. "This room is so much better than the one that I'm using," there was a soft smirk lingering on her lips as you took a step closer, as you lowered the duffel bag on your shoulder to the ground. The redhead took a peek at you over her shoulder, finally facing you fully. There was a moment of silence, as you both just looked at each other, but to your surprise, it was comfortable and understanding. Just like it was meant to be. "Thanks. I mean, bad for you, but it's nice to hear that," you started blabbering, but the blessing laugh that was let out by the other woman was so intoxicating, that you forgot how awkward you must have looked like. "So you finally decided to pop in to learn some moves?" "No, unfortunately I have a job to do. I just thought that I should drop by to give you these headphones that I found from the corner of the room after you left last Friday," the woman said sheepishly, and you couldn't help but to feel a little disappointed. You truly had too high hopes for seeing her again, especially in your own class, but you managed to let a smile crown your lips. The woman took a step closer to you, pulling out neatly wrapped headphones from her black gym jacket, holding them out towards you. "I kind of figured they're yours. If not, then enjoy a free pair," the redhead grinned, tilting her head in an adorable manner. You grabbed them from her small hands, brushing over the soft skin, trying your hardest not to seem like a creep. She just gently smiled at you, piercing green eyes soft as ever, and you swore you could have melted right then and there under her gaze. The slight moment in between the both of you was soon to be broken by the heavy door opening right behind you. Both of you turned to look at the person who entered, who was one of your best students, whose face clearly flashed to deep red as she laid her gaze on both of you. She was seemingly confused, pacing back and forth at the door, before leaving without saying a word. The redhead gave out a slight chuckle, as she turned to look at you the last time. "I guess it's my time to go. Duty calls," those spoken words were soft, almost like a whisper in your ears, and you wanted to savor them until the end. The woman took a couple of steps closer to the door, smoothly passing you by as she went on with her saying. "Your students are starting to come in anyways." "Will I see you again?" Maybe the words you spoke out were desperate at best, and maybe you shouldn't have said them at the end of the day. However, you saw the mysterious woman hovering her hand over the handle of the door, like thinking about something, and you could feel the heartbeat in your chest grow rapidly. A moment of silence, before there was another line let out in the heavy air of the room. "Maybe." The one word was more than enough to give you hope for the upcoming. It was like a bright light that kept on giving you energy on a dark day. Maybe you were being a little way too melodramatic, but you just knew, she was going to turn your life upside down; no matter good or bad. There was no promise made, no nothing, but you felt like that one word itself was a silent way of saying how she would come around- and you were ready to give her all the time she needed. With silent smiles, you finally parted ways, and as the redhead merely had escaped the room, couple of your students bursted into your class. The whole situation was so chaotic; people talking over each other, no one making any sense whatsoever. A confused look was present on your face, as you tried to make everyone calm down and get some sense out of the people that had entered the room. It took a good while to get the people simmer down, as you turned to look at one of your students with a gaze that was more weirded out than ever. "What is going on?" A huff escaped between your lips, as you shook your head to the chaos that had already passed on. You could clearly see the teenagers in front of you looking at each other with big, almost plate-like eyes, just like they wouldn't believe what you had just said. "What?" The pressuring voice that you let out truly got their attention, and finally one of them turned to face you fully, with admiration in her voice. "Was that the Black Widow?" Oh shit.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #avengers imagines #black widow imagine #black widow x reader #mcu imagine #mcu reader insert #mcu imagines #black widow #natasha romanoff imagine #jennie writes

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 5 years ago

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Skincare/ makeup culture ☕️

oooh. i’ll divide this post into two parts: makeup culture and skincare culture.

(1.) makeup culture.

i think everyone knows that I’ve never liked makeup, mostly because I had relatively bad cystic acne throughout high school, that reacted badly to all of the makeup that my sister used (but most particularly her l’oreal foundation). I think makeup culture is particularly harmful to young girls, like the makeup youtube channels that are run by the parents I suppose of 8 year olds, where the 8yo is the actual youtuber.

like don’t get me wrong, i know young girls like playing with makeup (I actually did when I was that age, funnily enough)….. but the fact that professional or just plain fucking ridiculously expensive makeup palettes are now being marketed to girls in bloody primary/grade/elementary school, is just fucking wrong. and yeah there’s the post on here about how some younger girls are finding themselves ugly when they don’t wear properly applied makeup or something like that. and that breaks my heart. why the fuck should a young girl be made to feel ugly if she can’t blend like josiemaycosmetics (I made that up btw idk any makeup channels besides Jeffree star, James Charles and that tatti woman tbh) and can’t afford the bullshit Too Faced $98 powered foundation, $65 Sunday Riley blush (I roughly remember the price of this particular blush bc my sister bought it for me for my 20th birthday so that I could according to her “look good for uni” but I never actually used it lmao… and it’s no longer sold here in australia) and Kylie Jenner’s overpriced lip kits and idk Smashbox “photo finish” primer priced between $AU23-$AU55????

like I had this bad enough in fucking HIGH SCHOOL with my sister telling me that I’d “never get a boyfriend” or “never get a date for the formal/junior prom” if I didn’t spend hundreds of $$$$ for a good face of makeup and didn’t spend hours and hours learning how to do my own makeup. or how last year for my uni grad, she made out that I’d ruin my own uni grad if we didn’t spend $250 on the makeup artist we got for me….. where I unfortunately found out that my skin reacts to MAC products 😭😨 bc the MUA used MAC concealer and foundation. my sister also expected me to remember the setting spray the woman used for my makeup, when I was there from like 4:30am till like 6:45am and i was barely fucking awake. the setting spray probably could’ve easily cost over $100. let’s be real here. like why am I expected to remember shit that early in the morning???

one of my least favourite things with makeup culture is that you’re not meant to fuck it up in any way, shape or form. like when my sister did my makeup for my two high school formals/proms (year 10 & year 12) she constantly told me not to scratch my face while she was doing it (but it made me itchy, hooray for L’Oréal being shit lmao)…. not to fuck it up while I ate at those events….. and she didn’t let me eat before my uni grad last year bc “you’d definitely fuck up your makeup. don’t you dare scratch your face at all today!” like for someone who has hypersensitive/highly reactive skin that she has to scratch when it’s itchy….. and also loves fucking stuffing her face with food….. expecting me to never touch/scratch my face and to practically starve myself to preserve the integrity of my makeup (that i ended up paying for some in the end anyway) for an event is fucking stupid and over-restrictive.

like i always hated the way that the kardashians ate on KUWTK bc it looked so fucking mechanical and whatever bc they had to obvs preserve their makeup while shooting and also look nice for the camera. like why the fuck am I expected to eat ~like that~ when I have a faceload of MU on???? FUCK OFF. I will scratch it off. I will smear the food all over my face (ok not really) and eat however I motherfucking want, thank you very fucking much. like for my uni grad last year I was up from 4am and my grad ended at like 12:30pm….. so I didn’t have food til about 12:35 when I left the hall. and the whole time while I was eating my sister kept reminding me to not fuck up my makeup that we’d spent $250 on. JUST LET ME FUCKING EAT WOMAN, I SWEAR TO FUCK. lmao.

the last thing I hate the most about makeup culture is that like….. I absolutely hate makeup like I said above….. but once I have it on I feel pretty and cry a bit bc I’ll just never learn to do it myself…. mostly bc I couldn’t be bothered…. bc I save hundreds, if not thousands of $$$$ from not buying all the bullshit essential items you need just for a ~basic no makeup, makeup look~, and bc my hands have never been steady enough to use some of the things, like false eyelashes and eyelash curlers or liquid eyeliner/normal eyeliner…..

but yeah. I just hate that it makes me feel pretty???? but I also feel good and more natural without it???? and I’ll never like my sister’s comment that: “you’re the prettier one out of the two of us…. but if only you hurried up and learnt to do your makeup, you’d be even prettier” or some dumb semi-condescending shit comment she’s said to me like that before. like why is the only way a woman can be pretty (other than some clothes that make her feel good) by smearing 100s/1000s of dollars worth of makeup on???? like why the fuck am I expected to spend all that money when a good bulk of men will never bother with the male makeup trend anyway???? like why am I expected to act differently when I basically just have grown up face-paint on lmao???? I’ve never felt natural in makeup, I’ve always felt awkward and like…. not sound like an cringey edgelord emo kid…. but i never felt ~real~ wearing makeup lmao. just yeah.

but yeah I also understand makeup is an art and I appreciate that. makeup culture is so fucked on all sides for women.

(2.) skincare culture:

now skincare culture is different for me. considering that, like I said before, I had relatively bad cystic acne…. and I’ve since also developed eczema during the winter months….. so I’ve had to develop a good skincare routine over the years to keep my skin under control. but again, there are parts that I don’t like about skincare culture…. like women are typically meant to spend, again, hundreds and if not thousands of dollars on super expensive skin creams (some of which I’ve tried) to fix their fine lines, their laugh lines, their crows feet, their blemishes, their birth marks and cellulite…… the list truly goes on and on….. and on top of that (well this hellsite which isn’t entirely accurate) I’m, or we as women, are expected to teach all of that to men in their 20s???? like fuck off. why and how the fuck didn’t they get the fucking memo to look after their own goddamned skin???? like my 20s are already tiring enough, and now I gotta pass on important skincare advice to men, who could easily fucking find it themselves online???? lord help their asses lmao.

but other than the men bit…. yeah skincare culture is just as bad as makeup culture. like when Cosmo mag was still running in australia, more than half of the shit the women at Cosmo were advertising as part of their skincare routines were literally $300 night treatment creams or moisturisers; $150 facial cleansers; or $500 skin peels, or $600 appointments at dermatologists and skin therapies like electrolysis that I’ll probs never be able to afford. like one of the luxury brands that I LOVE (💖) is Mario badescu bc the two pimple treatments that i sometimes I use from them (the drying lotion and the anti-acne serum) are the ONLY two acne treatments that have NEVER made my face turn red and my skin peel off (besides a really good neutrogena one that Neutrogena discontinued 😭). every other chemist bought pimple treatment cream makes my skin peel off/itchy/turn red. but sadly the two Mario badescu treatments are priced over $50 if bought together (ones now $31 (formerly $28, this one’s great bc it dries clear), the other is like $26, this one dries pink). so the chemist bought ones like the ones by Clearasil or OXY10 are my saviours at $11.99-$12.99, even though they dry out my skin to buggery and leave big white marks on my face bc they both dry white lmao. but I’ve gotta suffer that for the price of beauty lmao.

also there’s expensive face washes (or skin care program packs etc) from Paula’s choice that I love.... but again they were like $35 for a 400ml bottle and $25 for a fucking 150ml or 250ml bottle. now the one i like is $20 for 177ml, which is a rip off. some of the other luxury things that I’ve tried (via free samples) that don’t work, like Kate Somerville (priced at like $65 and over), Philosophy and god knows what else that i’ve bought from Mecca Cosmetica, which is the Aussie version of Sephora in the past. and yes, for acne treatments, i’ve used pro-activ before. it was ok… but i never used it in high school, after the awful time we had trying to cancel our subscription to it back in the day for my sister lol.

also can we talk about the ultrasonic face brush systems that are still raging strongly??? like they’re also super rip offs, especially with buying replacement heads for $35 a pop. like I’ve had a Clarisonic for years (that I’ve stopped using, admittedly)…. the model was roughly $250 when I got it for my like 19th birthday. now they’re even more expensive at like $315 for the latest “clarisonic mia fit cleansing system” which is linked on the $315. or now there’s the foreo that costs anywhere between $75 (the cheapest model) to fucking almost $400… ie $395. the replacement heads for the clarisonic and i suppose replacement like pads or something for the foreo are meant to be replaced every three months “for optimum cleansing” or whatever. like $35 every three months is a lot to maintain after a while. also using the clarisonic added like 10 extra minutes to my showers/general skincare routine bc you’re meant to use it for five mins or whatever and then spend another 5mins washing it out to make sure that it doesn’t collect mould and buildup too much soap residue. it was just a lot of effort to use, even if it did make me feel like i had a better and deeper face washing routine.

and yes, i know there’s Lush. both my sister and i (but more my sister) were obsessed with Lush back in high school, after one of our sydney cousins introduced it to us. but Lush’s skincare stuff for pimples just never worked for us. it made me breakout more, actually. but their old apple pie and choc-orange lip balms were the BOMB. it’s a pity that they no longer make them tbh. their jelly soaps were fun to use and smelt nice too. i can’t remember much else about lush tbh lmao.

for face masks, i’ve found that store/chemist bought formula 10.0.06 or whatever works the best for my skin. but the push, especially again in cosmo and other places, to buy more expensive face-masks and like designer FMs that you should really ask a professional to use first imo, is fucking harmful, especially when you’ve got ones that take off the whole top layer of skin from your face (like the famous and the overly popular charcoal face peel masks), or so i’ve read. like it’s yikes out there. please be safe with these masks, ya’ll. and the same goes for making your own organic face masks, considering that i’ve seen posts on here about using lemon juice which is bad for your skin??? idk anyway. i also hate how with the face masks i buy, there’s about 6 different “skin-illuminating”/“skin brightening”/”skin detoxing” etc masks, that all essentially do the same fucking thing. just keep it at one and fucking go; for gods fucking sake lmao.

but yeah, skincare culture does suck just as much as makeup culture, considering that is heavily focused on women’s self-esteem and wallets…. and barely ever focuses on men. like it’s a double-edged sword tbh.

also as side notes: why the actual fuck are makeup companies still giving their makeup shades or makeup lines sexual names???? like i just found a fucking blush shade by NARS, in my research for this post, called “Orgasm”???? like what the FUCK is wrong with ya’ll??? like y’all actually have the fucking AUDACITY to really make 8 year olds say that in their makeup tutorial videos as well??? “our best selling orgasm collection” sweet lord. that sounds bad. y’all need to sort your shit out, and so do the people who name nail polish shades..

the other worrying general beauty trends that i keep getting on my facebook newsfeed are the teeth whitening systems like hismile and at home laser treatment machines… and then also the charcoal toothpastes to whiten your teeth. oh and also the facial skin “vacuums”, that suck out dirt/oil and your blackheads/pimples etc from your pores. stay safe out there everyone, and do your bloody research. don’t believe the reviews and the hype.

also finally: take your skin type and skin condition/(s) into account if you want to use any of the things that I’ve mentioned that I use/have used on this post. or that I’ve just generally mentioned, like the Clarisonic and the foreo. because what works for me, might not work for you. I’m not a skincare expert or dermatologist. check with your doctor or a skincare professional or whatever before you start using some of these things, even if you might think that it’s stupid & pointless to do so.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ask game thing #anon ask #answered anon ask #anon #answered anon #anonymous

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sawyersick · 6 years ago

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1 through 69 because you gotta twin with me

OMG ASDFGHJKL

aight here goes bitchez

1. are you religious?

nahh but my parents sent me to church camp when I was in elementary school??? For the cheap childcare I guess???

2. what animal do you think you’re most like?

I haven’t thought about this much but I think a field mouse!!

3. how do you take your coffee?

never……………………… I hate coffee

4. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

my mom’s bosses son forced himself on me when we were 6 lol so I don’t count that……….. so 15 i guess (according to my friend, if there’s no hormones it doesn’t count lol)

5. museum date or aquarium date?

AQUARIUM AQUARIUM AQUARIUM

6. do you have any tattoos or piercings? do you want more?

Just my ears are pierced and I have a whale (badly) tattooed on my hip I’ll post pix if you want but its pretty uggo

I want another whale on the other side so I’ll be symmetrical and a triangle hand tat….. maybe an eyeball tat (a tattoo of an eyeball…. not one on my eye lol)? I’m not really interested in anymore piercings tho

7. favorite fruits?

strawberries!!!

8. favorite vegetables?

when I was 12 I ate so many carrots my skin turned orange and my mom thought I had jaundice

also I heckin love mushrooms

9. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect :(

10. do you cry a lot?

yeah lol at least twice a month minimum

11. who are your closest friends?

I don’t really have any? I’ve felt distant from my irl friends lately so idk probably just demo

12. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did the walk out for gun violence

13. do you play any video games?

helllllls yeah but I usually only play 3/ds

14. did you ever have an emo or scene phase?

yes and I think I’m still in it rip

15. what color is most of your wardrobe?

I think I wear a lot of blue! and black and white too i guess…… I’m trying to add more reds tho

16. what do you like to do for fun?

I bake and sew and draw! and listen to music

17. what is your biggest fear?

body horror tw for this one rip

being abandoned, being forced to do horrifically gross/unclean stuff, getting my eyes gouged out, getting the bones in my hands broken, getting acid poured on my face, the people around me dying, being forced to eat live slugs, getting my skin peeled off with a knife

18. name a subject you know a lot about.

whales/the ocean in general and baking!! and the band Liily

19. favorite fictional characters?

hm idk? Link and Zelda from LoZ, Clover and Snake and Aoi from 999, rhyme from TWEWY, Maka and Soul from Soul Eater, Storm from the Xmen, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Chun Li, the Kagamines, Rilakkuma

idk I just thought about characters I have merch for

20. do you read a lot? what are your favorite books?

I used to??? Haven’t had the time for it in a while though and I’ve been reading a lot of how-to books as of late….. I really liked the Legend trilogy though

21. how would you describe your style?

art style and fashion style would both be classified as “cute but tries to be edgy” I think

22. did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little? do you still own it?

Yes!! a pastel elephant with a rattle in it named Elephant (very creative I know) He’s in my stuff somewhere now and this question reminded me to go find him again

23. what’s something most people love that you hate?

hmmm…. sports? mustard? airpods???? idk

24. do you think you’re a good singer?

actually yes? I wanna be in a band but I’m lowkey afraid of singing in front of people I know but have no problem doing it in front of an audience of strangers hmu if you’re in the SF bay area I’ve written 6 punk songs

25. who do you live with?

my parents and cat

26. favorite desserts?

ice cream, anything with chocolate or whipped cream, creme brulee, lemon tarts

I’m not too picky though lol

27. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

realizing that I can actually do mostly whatever I want and most things have fewer consequences than I think

also cutting people out of my life that emotionally exhaust me

28. favorite makeup brands?

uhhhh whatever’s cheap and doesn’t make my eyes burn ig urban decay is good when I can afford it

29. favorite clothing stores/brands?

Goodwill??? I used to shop at f21 but I try not to anymore

30. what was your first job?

working at a lake teaching windsurfing and sailing and I still work there

31. do you take a lot of naps?

n o I absolutely h a t e taking naps and try to avoid them

32. what is your favorite part about your body?

hmm I have pretty good hair i think and sometimes my eyes? I have huge (genetic) eyebags tho which gets me down

33. are you more dominant or more submissive?

In day to day life I guess I’m more dominant??? like I make decisions when nobody else wants to :0 also idk intimately since iM aN aDuLt vIrGiN and pretty sex repulsed but probably sub

34. are you more outgoing or more shy?

outgoing but sometimes it makes me annoying

35. how tall are you?

short…………………………. 4′8/143 cm

36. what is your body type?

uhh hourglass????? maybe pear I got them Thunder Thighs according to the guy who got kicked out of drama club for peeping in the girls changing room

37. favorite flower?

calendula, sunflowers, lavender and dianthus!!

38. favorite planet?

Neptune??????????????????

39. what do you want to dress up as for halloween this year?

I wanna be the bride of frankentstein but in a shiro lolita coordinate to make her look ~fancy~ or the Nancy part of Sid and Nancy if I’m in a relationship by that time

40. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Ideally the same age and I’m wary of dating anyone more than 2 years younger or older than me but I’m more willing to date older than younger

41. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

yall know who it is already but

in a band, dark hair, kinda tall, very fashionable, coincidentally happens to be the same racial mix as me, good at art, very humble, really sweet, lives in SoCal, has a hand tattoo of milk and “aye yah” on his arm, paints his nails orange, wears a lot of rings, gets freckles in the summer, prefers vanilla over chocolate, ties his shoes the cool way

42. who is your biggest inspiration?

idk at the moment? I like to draw from many inspirations

43. do you have any kinks?

???????????????????????????????????

44. do you own any pets?

one (1) very loving cat

45. which celebrity do people say you look the most like?

……………………….. myself

I literally had to google mixed race celebrities and STILL none look like me lol

46. do you like sports?

not really except I weirdly like baseball

47. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Yes!! I won tickets to On Your Feet and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

I also won Hamilton tickets but saw it in SF yall should download the app

48. what is your favorite kind of food?

noodles!!

49. would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid?

MERMAID actually I have a mermaid tail too so

50. what is your instagram?

@wishwhale :)

51. glossy lips or matte lips?

glossy by default because I have chronically dry skin/lips so matte lips are sooooooooooooooo uncomfy but it looks good on other people lol

52. do you like cherry, grape, blue raspberry, watermelon, or green apple jolly ranchers the best?

grape because im weird

53. what are your best personality traits?

I’d like to think that I’m kind and sometimes funny

54. what is your ethnicity?

asian/white

55. what different hair colors have you had?

brown and brown with pink that was supposed to be purple

56. favorite disney princess?

Ariel! bc mermaid

57. favorite album of 2017?

Humanz by Gorillaz or Deep Dream by Daddy Issues I guess

I was weirdly obsessed with Feel Your Feelings Fool when it came out but I’m not really into it anymore though

58. have you ever had braces?

nah

59. favorite holiday?

Halloween! Because dressing up is fun

60. post a selfie.

how do I make this smaller anyways I don’t normally wear this much makeup but I’m going to a small show tonight

61. are you a good swimmer?

Yes!! I swim once a week at my local pool

62. do you wear jewelry?

I used to wear a lot………. like multiple necklaces and bracelets and rings daily but now I wear my ring every day and a necklace/earrings if I remember

63. can you play any instruments?

I’m learning guitar!!

64. do you have any siblings?

short answer is no but you can dm me for the long answer

65. are your grandparents still alive? how old are they?

just my maternal grandmother and she is almost 90! My paternal grandmother lived to 102 so I’m hoping for those good genes though (I think she would have lived longer because my family suspects elder abuse by my weird aunt)

66. who knows the most about you?

hmm probably Demo or Emily

67. are you a more quiet person or do you talk a lot?

I! Never! Shut! Up!

68. what advice would you give to your 13 year old self?

shut the fuck up you stupid bitch you arent cool

69. how many pillows do you sleep on?

two

#ask #ask meme #my face #shut up sawyer #long post #loooooooooooooooong post

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kingkeerys · 7 years ago

Text

the art of chasing ♔ billy hargrove [four ½]

concept: steve has a female best friend and billy has taken it upon himself to flirt with her just to piss steve off. that’s it. that’s the plot. [vol. 4.5]

a/n: aaand here’s the second part! i’m trying to not make the scenes that were in the show word for word, and hopefully i’m including annie in a way that seems natural and not forced. i’m also trying to flesh billy’s character out more bc yes, he’s still an asshole, and i don’t want to sugarcoat that here just for annie’s sake. hope you guys enjoy! xoxo

i want a devil in skin tight leather

and he’s gonna be wild as the wind.

and one fine night i’ll be holdin’ on tight…

#5.5

Annie Lane couldn’t believe she was sitting in the passenger seat of Billy Hargrove’s car.

It was one of those moments of existential crisis – why am I here? How did this happen? And why did I agree to it?

It was as if Billy could sense her regret because the moment her ass met the car seat he was speeding down the road, not allowing her the chance to jump out the door unless she wanted to become roadkill.

She was quick to try and buckle her seatbelt, only to find that the lock wouldn’t click into place. She tried a few times, worried that she was going to be propelled through the windshield if Billy’s foot on the brake became trigger happy, but each time she was unsuccessful.

“It’s broken,” Billy kindly informed her after her fifth try. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Thank you for the update,” she settled with tying the belt around the broken lock before casting the road an anxious look. “Could you slow down a bit?”

“Not real good at slow,” he replied, side-eyeing her out of the corner of his sunglasses. “I’m better at fast.”

The double entendre wasn’t lost on her and she glared at him briefly. He smirked.

“I find it interesting that you agreed to go to the party,” he commented, turning right at the cut-off like she requested. He squealed tires and her ears began to ring as she hit her elbow on the console from the sharp turn. “Coming from the girl who doesn’t seem to like parties.”

“You told me to,” she reminded him briskly.

“I told you to make me an offer,” he corrected lightly, amused with her short tone. “It could’ve been anything – a kiss on the cheek, a quick grope, a round in the backseat,” he gave her a cheeky wink and her nose curled.

“As if,” she crossed her arms tightly and watched out the window.

“You have been to a party before, right?”

“Yes,” she snipped.

“I mean a real party,” he said, explaining it to her as if she were a three-year-old. “No chaperones, no adults, no kiddie-proofed cabinets.”

“I know what an unsupervised party is, Billy. I don’t live under a rock.”

He grinned. “Just making sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. You ever drank before?”

“Yes,” she said again and didn’t elaborate.

“Once? Twice?” Billy hedged, irking her further. “‘I had a glass of champagne at my cousin’s wedding once,’” he said in a high-pitched, poorly executed Australian accent. He then imitated John Travolta’s thick lilt, “‘Oh, Sandy!’”

“Are you done?” she asked. He tossed his head back, cackling. She felt a reluctant smile curve up her lips. “I can’t believe you know Grease.”

Billy paused, as if just now realizing he put his bad boy reputation on the line.

“Max watches it all the time,” he defended himself. Annie covered her smile with her hand, disguising it as a cough. She saw Billy roll his eyes out of the corner of her eye.

Her smile slowly faded upon realizing that something about his expression was off. He seemed slightly on edge, tense. His hand had been gripping the steering wheel tightly ever since he pulled up to her along the road, causing his knuckles to turn white. Perspiration coated his neck and chest, which was on full display from his obscenely unbuttoned shirt beneath his leather jacket. She watched him closely, wondering if she should ask him if he was alright or not. She decided against it.

He turned down the Wheelers’ street and her stomach flipped as the car flew down the hill.

“This it?” he asked, voice lacking emotion as he gestured to the house on the left they were approaching.

“Yeah,” she answered quietly. He peeled into the driveway with all the subtlety of a jet engine and she winced as he slammed on the brakes, car smoking to a stop with a powerful lurch. She glanced out the window, eyes scanning the neighborhood street. “I don’t see Steve’s car,” she said, voice falling flat against the glass.

“What a shame,” Billy drawled, killing the engine before stepping out of the car. He ripped his sunglasses off his face, tossing them carelessly on the dashboard before slamming the door behind him.

She was quick to follow him, pulling her coat tight before circling around the front of the car. She eyed his attire, wondering how the nip in the air wasn’t turning his uncovered skin to ice.

“Aren’t you cold?” she asked, running to catch up as he began marching towards the front door with a purpose.

“No,” he answered shortly before ringing the doorbell.

“Are you alright?” Annie finally asked, studying his profile against the moonlight. “You seem… off.”

“Fit as a fiddle, sweets,” he replied offhandedly before ringing the doorbell again. “C’mon, god damn it, I don’t got all night!”

“Maybe they’re not home,” she suggested. “Seems to be a common theme as of late.”

He rang the doorbell three more times, quick enough to where the peals almost molded together into one chiming bell, reminding her of an obnoxious girl scout trying to sell cookies. Annie bit back the urge to scold him, squinting as the porch light suddenly turned on. Billy smirked over at her and she licked her lips just as the door flew open, revealing Mrs. Wheeler in a dark velvet bathrobe, the tips of her high up do wet. Annie blinked.

“Oh,” Mrs. Wheeler said, her thin face transitioning from one of mild annoyance to surprise. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Billy smiled slowly back, eyes drinking in the scantily-clad woman from head to toe. Annie’s lips thinned at this. “I didn’t realize Nancy had a sister.”

“Oh brother,” Annie muttered, squinting at the way the woman flushed at the compliment.

“Actually,” Mrs. Wheeler said, eyes bright and smile coy. “I’m Nancy’s mother.”

“No,” Billy said, as if he didn’t believe her.

“Yes,” Annie rebutted, glaring over at him before bestowing the woman with a forced smile of her own. “Hi, Mrs. Wheeler,” she greeted with emphasis. “I don’t know if you remember me. I’m friends with Steve. I was wondering if Steve has been here at all today.”

Mrs. Wheeler looked put off by Annie’s interruption and she readjusted her robe, her smile shifting a bit.

“I do remember you. Annie, right? No, no I haven’t seen Steve in a while. Don’t tell me he’s gone missing now too,” Mrs. Wheeler put her hand to her excessively damp chest. It took Billy a few seconds to tear his gaze away.

“Oh if only that were the case,” he shoved Annie out of the way a bit, holding out a hand to Mrs. Wheeler. “I’m Billy. Billy Hargrove.”

They shook hands, the touch lingering longer than necessary and Annie looked away, cheeks flaring in annoyance.

“Billy,” the woman grinned, for the moment forgetting that Annie existed. “You must be here for Nancy, then?”

“Nancy?” a look of disgust flickered across Billy’s face but he quickly covered it up with a charming smile. “No, no, no. She’s not my type. Right, sweets?” he nudged Annie sharply in the side and she shot him a glare. Mrs. Wheeler glanced between the two of them and if Annie didn’t know any better she’d say the woman’s grin turned slightly sour.

“He’s looking for his little sister,” Annie inputted in hopes of moving the conversation along. “Her name’s Max—“

“Maxine,” Billy corrected, releasing the woman’s hand. He flashed his teeth at her. “She’s been missing all day and, uh, to be honest with you I’ve been worried sick. I tried Lucas Sinclair’s house,” he informed her, surprising Annie, “but she said your house was the designated hang out so here I am,” he leaned against the doorframe, leaning in close with a private smile that made Annie roll her eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to know where she is, do you? With your son, perhaps?”

Mrs. Wheeler stared at Billy for a second before blinking herself out of her stupor, cheeks flushed. “Oh, um… no, no I don’t believe I’ve seen her. You could try Will Byers’ house?”

“Will Byers,” Billy repeated. Mrs. Wheeler brightened again.

“Do you need directions? I wouldn’t mind writing them down for you, if you’d like to come inside…”

“No, no, that’s fine, Mrs. Wheeler,” Annie interjected loudly with an overbearing smile. “I know where it is, I’ll show him there. Thanks for your help!”

She grabbed Billy by the hand and led him down the porch, tugging a bit to get him to move.

“I’ll see you around,” Billy gave the woman a heartbreaking smile and she noticeably bit her lip, which made Annie tug on him harder.

“When you find them, tell Mike to come home, will you?” Mrs. Wheeler shouted after them.

“Will do!” Annie shouted back before Billy could say anything else.

Billy let himself be pulled down to the driveway, chuckling as Annie whipped around to face him the second she heard the front door close.

“You do realize she’s over twice your age, don’t you?” she asked heatedly. Billy licked his lips.

“Jealous?”

“Nauseous,” she corrected.

He laughed lowly again, stepping forward a bit until their chests were nearly touching.

“You sounded jealous,” he told her quietly. She felt the warmth radiating off of him and her breathing hitched in her throat, her lips running dry.

“I’m not,” she denied, equally quiet. Billy tilted his head, exposing his sharp jawline and the way the tendons in his neck flexed. The stubble on his upper lip was more noticeable up close, and his pink lips gleamed from the saliva that coated them only seconds prior. She stared at them for a heated moment, her insides curling (whether it was pleasant or unpleasant she couldn’t tell) until she forced herself to back away, clearing her throat. “We need to find Steve and your sister. Let’s go.”

She stepped around the front of the car to the passenger side, yanking the door open with force.

Billy followed slowly, satisfied smirk present before it tersely dropped.

“She’s not my sister.”

He drove them in thick silence to the Byers’ house, both hands clutching the wheel this time. Annie side-eyed him a few times. If he noticed, he didn’t comment on it, his concentration seemingly focused on the lull of the road. Annie played with her fingers in her lap, wondering if she’d managed to say something wrong.

“Is she adopted?” Annie asked carefully. Her voice was like glass shattering in the quiet. “Are you both adopted?”

“None of your business,” he snapped. Annie swallowed. That was fair enough.

“You know, Steve and I, we—“

“I don’t care,” Billy cut her off. Annie gazed over at him, lips still wordlessly moving.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“I still don’t care.”

She quickly turned to look ahead again, feeling her cheeks redden from the irritation. He was so hot and cold. One minute he was teasing her, acting like a half-decent human being that wasn’t too horrible to be around, and the next he was short-tempered and impossible to talk to with an attitude and a god complex to boot. She didn’t know how to handle him, had never been around someone that acted the way he did. She wringed her fingers together and moved her gaze to the window, letting the rest of the drive succumb to the uncomfortable silence again.

Eventually they pulled into the Byers’ dark gravel driveway. Once again she didn’t spot Steve’s car anywhere and her shoulders slumped, making her wonder if she should’ve just checked his house first after all and saved herself the headache.

The lights in the house were on and Billy killed the engine before lighting himself a cigarette. Annie’s nose wrinkled at the smoke filling the car and Billy turned a cold smirk on her.

“Let’s go find your lover boy.”

He stepped out of the car and Annie muttered curtly beneath her breath, “He’s not my lover boy,” before following him out.

She peered up at the small house, spotting a figure lurking at the window with a head of familiar red hair. She glanced at Billy out of the corner of her eye to see if he noticed yet, only to hear the front door click open.

“Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?”

Annie’s head whipped over to the door and she found herself exhaling in relief at the sight of her best friend stepping down from the porch. She almost smiled at the sight of him, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. What was he doing here?

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me. Don’t cream your pants.”

He was giving Billy a hard look, shoulders squared as if he was ready to start a fight and Annie’s brows furrowed. She closed the passenger door, directing Steve’s attention in her direction. His face slackened into one of stunned confusion.

“Annie?” he exclaimed, taking an unintentional step forward. “What the hell are you doing with him?”

“He was just giving me a ride,” Annie dismissed.

“Hell of a ride,” Billy quipped with a smirk, if only to piss to Steve off. It worked.

“I swear to god if you did anything to her—“

He stomped down the porch, his cherub-like face twisted in murderous rage, and Annie hurriedly stepped around the car to appease him.

“It was nothing like that!” she assured him, holding her hands out. “It was nothing, honest. It was just a ride,” her eyes flickered between him and the kids not-so-subtly watching them through the window. “What’s going on?” she asked cautiously.

“Yeah,” Billy interjected, the material of his jacket rustling as he tugged it off and dropped it in the rocks. “What’s going on, Harrington? A little birdie told me my step-sister was here,” he announced, tucking his thumb in his belt, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. “See, how weird of a coincidence would that be if she were here at the same time you were?”

“Huh, that would be weird,” Steve shrugged, his face sharp. “Sorry, don’t know her.”

“Small, red hair, bit of a bitch?” Billy tried, tone callous. Steve stiffened and Annie glanced anxiously between them.

“No idea,” Steve said airily. He nodded at Annie. “C’mon Ann, come inside. It’s cold.”

“Hey, don’t be like that,” Billy stepped in before Annie could move. “I can keep her warm just fine. Here, sweetheart,” he picked his leather jacket up off the ground and tossed it to her without removing his eyes from Steve’s. She barely caught it, surprised by its weight. “Put that on over your coat. Wouldn’t want that pretty face to catch a cold.”

Steve’s jaw clenched and his eyes flickered to Annie’s, who was holding the jacket loosely with trepidation.

“I’ll tell you what’s going on if you come inside,” Steve told her, voice gentler.

“Maybe she wants to stay outside,” said Billy, taking a step toward Steve. “You know, with the big boys.”

“Billy,” Annie hedged warily. He’d seemed like a ticking time bomb all night and she had a feeling Steve was about to press all the right buttons and set him off. The last thing she wanted was to see a fight break out, especially if she was part of the reason behind it.

“It’s alright, Annie,” Billy said, voice somehow endearing yet snide at the same time. “I just wanna have a chat.”

Steve straightened his spine, hands on his hips as he sneered at the curly-haired boy.

“Alright, Hargrove. I’ll bite. Let’s have a chat.”

Annie’s stomach dropped.

She had a really bad feeling.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things imagine #dacre montgomery

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basard · 2 years ago

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first i think its really funny how none of the main line depictions of the characters have a standard base outfit like the cartoon differs from the box art from the dolls etc and they each have aspects that i like that could fit together better than their individual looks. the skulltimate secrets leaks have the best outfits out of anything and even then i HATE the lipstick choices. like if they just went darker for the lipstick for any of the releases it would look infinitely better especially considering they keep trying to use that weird coral color that never matches ANY of the pinks and they would do that in g1 but not as often as g2 or 3. ive seen a good amount of people get g3 dolls and darken the lips some (imo offblacks and dark reds work best) but skulltimate secrets lagoona and clawdeen look bad. also the shoes suck in general like cleo has one pair of shoes with the little pyramids on the heels and theyre the only thing nearly on par with when the dolls were at the height of their quality. also they did ghoulia dirty like i wish they would just give her pants and lean more towards green and red for her color palette instead of trying to hang onto blue when they made frankie the blue one. similar complaint with clawdeen i hate how the rose gold hair looks on her it doesnt go well with how warm toned the rest of her color palette is and it looks really washed out bc everything else is so saturated and bright. anyways the movie outfits were all very cute i dont have anything to complain about there like they really did a great job creating a wardrobe that fits the main 3 characters (and abby idk why they didnt give her screen time if they went out of their way to give her a cute fit but thats just how it is i guess) and the movie was overall very cute. frankie was my favorite due to the aforementioned being nonbinary and autistic but i like that they made draculaura bitchier. clawdeen is fun as a main character and its nice that she finally has time to shine since g1 was very frankie focused and g2 very draculaura focused. its a good movie to be a formative experience for weird 8 year olds which is what monster high was for me. i will be making my little cousin watch this since she will love it. the cartoon is very cute too and i wish they kept draculauras hat for the doll bc it looks cooler than the headband they gave her in the final doll design. i like lagoonas personality in the cartoon and i wish she was given more of a role in the movie since i like her design there. my biggest problem with her (other than how her doll looks bad (they couldnt decide between pastels and neons making the pastels look dull and the neons look eye-searing combined with the desire to keep teal accents while having the new salmon skin color and also the scales look fucked up and uneven)) is that she feels too detached from g1 lagoona, which i think is most fans problem with her new design. g1 lagoona and g3 lagoona are completely different characters while still trying to fill the sporty girl role, which is fine on its own, i just wish they designed her outfit better. theres also the issue of quality in regards to the g3 lagoona doll and the rate at which her leg paint peels off. i love the gradient leg concept and it was one of my favorite features of spectras design, the bright blue of it just feels out of place with the rest of lagoonas colors. it would look better if her hair was brighter or if she had more blue in her outfit, but as of now theres just a lot of concepts being thrown at the wall for her, all sadly slowly sliding down into a pile of tie-dyed mush.

g3 has grown on me since its initial release (mostly due to draculauras face print and frankies overall fashion) and i hope it continues to improve but i feel like the impact wont be nearly as strong as g1 since other doll lines (notably mgas lol omg and rainbow high) are higher quality and cooler for the same price range, but mattel has been known for cutting corners and making their dolls look cheap without actually being cheap for the better part of the past decade so i cant really be surprised with how they look either way

my thoughts on the monster high reboot part 56 (8 hours 7 minutes 21 seconds)

#.txt

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whambamthankyoubram · 8 years ago

Note

ALL OF THEM IM A NOSEY BITCH

YOU ALWAYS DO THIS

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? MORE CEREAL THAN MILK OBVIOUSLY I’M NOT SATAN

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No bc my cheeks are cold as hell and I need warmth

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I fold the corners or put little mailings/postcards in them, whatever I have laying around!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea, nothing; coffee, milk only!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes :( There’s a gap in my teeth and I hate it. I wish my teeth were perfect.

6: do you keep plants? Nope.

7: do you name your plants? Can’t name the plants you don’t keep, my dude

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Uhhhh...no?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? YES all the time.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

12: what's your favorite planet? Pluto bc it is still a planet okay

13: what's something that made you smile today? My boyfriend’s Snapchats

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Messy af

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “In space, the skin on your feet peels off.” EW SPACE WTF

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? MMMMMM any pasta tbh I’m Italian I will eat anything

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I love my hair color the way it is now!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. My ex never let me forget the time I was passed out on his couch, and I woke up intermittently before falling back asleep. He was watching Rush Hour. I asked him, (HALF ASLEEP MIND YOU), Oh, is this the movie with Chris Rock and Bruce Lee? (I’m awful).

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I write my thoughts and crazy paranoia in there boyyyyyeeeee

20: what's your favorite eye color? BROWN

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Uhhhhh it’s a longchamp bc I’m a white girl

22: are you a morning person? Not really

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Not sure

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? I’ve never broken into anything omg

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My Uggs, because I’m a white girl

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Mint

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? My BFF giggles sometimes when she talks and idk it’s cute

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Fuck yes, have you ever seen a spider? In your shower? Without your glasses on?

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS! When I get socks for Christmas I get so excited. I can fall asleep with socks on, but at some point in the night, they’re coming off my feet lol.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I ate pizza while I was drunk #wowimsocool

33: what's your fave pastry? Cinnamon buns, does that count?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Winnie the Motherfuckin Pooh. No :( He fell in the mud and I had to throw him out bc the washer couldn’t fix him

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Fuck yeah I do!

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Noooo clue tbh

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean, but it’s always a mess

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate when the President sniffs into the microphone while he’s delivering some sort of address, blow ur nose next time or stop doing coke

39: what color do you wear the most? Black lol

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? Nose ring, no special meaning I just really like it

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? An Abundance of Katherines bc I fucking love the shit out of John Green

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Not really tbh

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Probably my bf

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? The other night, at the beach! So pretty :)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I couldn’t think of any, next question

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Aerosol cheese

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Bugs, yes, ew

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Don’t remember!! I bought the first Glee soundtrack when it came out LOL

50: what's an odd thing you collect? Socks?

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate “All Night” by Chance the Rapper w my bf

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Salt bae for sure

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Beetlejuice was the only one, I watched a little of Pulp Fiction - they were both ok

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My friend :( she’s ok now but I saw her the other night and she was upset

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Not sure

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughter and the way people get excited over things

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It made me feel like I’ve been having too much sugar tonight tbh

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’M THE WINE MOM!!!! I am the wine QUEEN ok that’s all I ever drink. My bff is the vodka aunt, but she lives miles apart from me so we rarely drink together nowadays

59: what's your favorite myth? Dude? I don’t have one

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? I got a really ugly hat once, and I gave a really ugly hat once, at the same Christmas exchange party

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Hell no I’m a living mess

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yes, my bff

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Mad lilies! They’re my fav flower

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Depressed and tired tbh

68: what's winter like where you live? Cold but not too cold bc you know global warming

69: what are your favorite board games? Scrabble!!

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Yes lol

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? ANY KIND! Right now I’m really feeling ginger turmeric from Trader Joe’s, though, soooo good

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? YES.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Uhhh not going to bed early enough lol

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. This person is a HUGE JARLEY FAN and super adorbs!!! Hates Mon-El and LOVES TO RANT ABOUT IT AND I LOVE THIS PERSON REGARDLESS

75: tell us about your pets! So I have a dog, he’s almost 12 years old which is really depressing bc he’s probably going to pass on soon :( I’m obsessed with him and love him so much!!

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Yeah, taking my bra off why am I still wearing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade? PINK, always

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Hate club, get them the fuck away from me

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? One of my old boyfriends learned how to knit for me which I thought was very sweet

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Aqua! Because I like it?

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. “Comets.”

82: are/were you good in school? Not really

83: what's some of your favorite album art? Ohhhh I know this, I love Californication’s album art so much

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have seven!!

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? No

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Wat

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? The Lion King, BITCH

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really

89: are you close to your parents? Yes

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. NEW YORRRRRK. Concrete jungle where dreams are destroyed you’ll never get anywhere go back to long island

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Somewhere over the summer, not sure where yet tho

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? In the middle

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Top knots bc I’m lazy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? The Weeknd LOL

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Date night, then I’m not sure!

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Ohhh I procrastinate so much

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Not sure about the Myer-Briggs type, but I’m a scorpio + Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Yes! I think in November. It was chilly, but a lot of fun

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

One Headlight - The Wallflowers (listening now)

Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

Love Drought - Beyonce

Under the Bridge - RHCP

Strip My Mind - RHCP

Literally anything by RHCP

Do You Realize?? - The Flaming Lips (I cry literally every time I listen to it)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Neither, because I am choosing to live in the MOMENT :)

#jarley-puckerrose #about me #ask: answered #GOD DAMN

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ncstings · 5 years ago

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👐silent nsfw starters for victoria & matthew zebby & elijah (bc i wanted to write them but didn’t have prompts so :shrug:

it was a whole event. a whole ‘stand in front of your mirror in different outfits for an hour’ type of event. the kind of event where she shaves and then shaved again. she put on her stockings to fit over her boots and make sure her dress didn’t have any crinkles. she braided her hair back but made sure to pick out just a few strands meticulously. applied on the faintest lipstick and lip gloss before she was out the door, giving howie a scratch.

it was the second... maybe third date? she didn’t really count the time where only days after their first date, she had complained about craving cookie dough, and he was buzzing at her building entrance, roll in hand. of course, it was more so licking it from his fingers and making out on her couch than her actually enjoying her cookie dough. but it was always polite. he always left before midnight, hands in his pockets tell her how pretty she was and what a nice time he had. but they’d only seen each other twice since starting this. and even that second time, there wasn’t a ton of talking.

but she came up where he told her to come. sent her the address and she searched it days prior. she texted kermit to make sure the address was manageable. kept it vague that she was going on a date but he didn’t pry. only told her it was a green light address and navigation would be easy. the day before she went just to make sure she’d be able to find her way. she didn’t tell elijah that the surprise was ruined for her, she just showed up on the day with her dress crisp and her makeup nice and everything was good and nice and she walked into the tattoo shop and she grinned, waiting to be noticed.

she never went to his work before. they weren’t really like that before all this. she knew what he did and she liked staring at all the ink on his skin but she never asked much about it. never asked about his work. of course, he was working when she came in so someone else came up to her before he did. “what cha in for hun?”

she peeled away from watching him, her smile still on. “i’m just waiting for elijah.”

“ah,” the gruff man nods. scruffy beard, tattoos up to his chin. he’s grinning too, nodding his head. “we been expecting you.”

“yeah.” she feels the heat creep up her face. “well i’m here.”

“guy wont shut up. all day it was yap yap yap. you are cute as a button though, look at ya. he wasn’t kidding.” the man lets out a laugh from his belly. a warm and inviting type, regardless of the external appearance.

“did he call me that?” she looks up, not sure if she’s flattered by that or not.

the guy lets out a whine as he bops his head back and forth. “not those words exactly, and there were some other words in there. here---” he steps forward, arm outstretched to a chair. “have a seat hun, he’s just finishing up.” he walks over to the counter, grabbing a binder and handing it to her. “here’s a bunch of his stuff you can look at. sure he wouldn’t mind you seein’ his sketches.”

she sits, taking the binder into her hands and looking. she did flip through the pages. she’d never gotten a tattoo before, nor did kermit, so it wasn’t a world she was familiar with. she liked art--- loved it in fact. but this was a different kind of art that she hadn’t fully inserted herself into before. it was cool. a self expression of a different kind. she hadn’t even made it all the way through before she saw a pair for feet in her eyesight.

“hey.” a soft voices calls above her. she looks up, seeing the grin on his face, which instantly makes one on her own pop up. “what are you looking at?” he chuckles, slowly taking the binder from her lap. “oh man.” he laughs.

“i love them.” she smiles and nods, her hands now pressing to her legs. he still got her palms clammy. “i’ve never seen anything like it. you should show me more.”

“come on,” he shakes his head, bending down to loop his finger around some of her’s, tugging it until he can fully grab her hand and pull her up. “we’ve got places to go.”

“that guy i talked to was really nice.” she adds, holding his back just as tight.

“yeah ricky’s cool. he own’s the place.” he says, swinging his backpack over his shoulder.

“it was lovely meeting you, ricky!” she calls over her shoulder, giving the man a wave as he stoops over someone’s arm.

“you kids have fun!” she gives a wave back just as elijah tugs her out the door.

they start walking down the block, rounding the corner to the small parkinglot beside the building, “that’s so nice, i should come by there again. you know, it’s only about eight blocks form my apartment. totally in the green zone. i could bring you lunch some days and you can show me sketches---”

“zeb.” he laughs, turning around abruptly to grab her face in his hand. he only gives a beat of silence to hang in the air before he’s bending down to press their lips together. the fire comes back and she’s using her empty hand to clutch the front of his jacket, leaning into his lips. he does this. he sends fire running through her body at any time. he can take her and burst her into flames and she wants more and all of it and they just get so wrapped up into each other.

it only stops when they hear a loud thud. zebby jumping back with a yelp and his arm instinctively wrapping around her. a moment of heightened anxiety and rapid heart beating and they look to the sound. it’s a window, where there of his coworkers-- ricky included, and standing there. ricky giving them the ‘shoo’ gesture. elijah clicks his tongue, flipping them off before he’s turning his attention to her. “you okay?” his eyebrows knit together.

she’s got her eyes closed now, focusing on her breathing and the feeling of security she’s getting with his arm around her. she counts every feeling she can. the feeling of her feet on the ground, the feeling of her soft jacket, the feeling of his hand gripping her waist. her earrings that bump against her neck. she counts her breaths and nods. “i’m okay.”

she hasn’t told him much. it’s always hard telling people. she’s told him about the memory thing and she had to be open about the anxiety or else they’d wind up with a big problem on their hands. but there’s never been specifics. it’s never a fun conversation, and when fun is really all they’ve been having, she doesn’t want to ruin that, even if she thinks he might be okay with it.

but there’s always the part that wonders if he wont be.

he brings her hand up to her lips, kissing her fingers. “all those things you said were so cute.” he mutters against her skin.

she smiles, her eyes still shut. she’s still counting.

“if you come by can you make me pb & j?” he kisses her wrist. “we can sit in the back and i can draw on you and you can feed me raspberries. they’re my favorite, in case you were wondering.”

she lets out a laugh, finally opening her eyes. “you wanna draw on me?”

“like we’re in forth grade again, yeah.” he continues kissing her fingers. “anything you want.”

“okay.” she nods. she leans up, kissing his cheek. “thank you.”

he nods, releasing her from his grip and walking back to his car, throwing his backpack in the backseat once they get in.

their first date was at one of the art museums by his place. picked her up, took her to dinner, and they walked around until the place closed. she told him that the way a person looks at art says a lot about them. it was a lot of her talking--- of course it was a museum she’d been to many times before and she easily took him to her favorites. but she liked sitting down, and just asking him what he saw. she liked listening. like holding his hand and tracing his arm as she concentrated and pictured what he pictured. and she always told him it sounded beautiful. when he asked why, she explained that it’s a beautiful thing seeing the world in such different ways. he kissed her in one of the alley ways after when they got ice cream. pressed a hand against her stomach to keep her still. kissed her deep but soft. a kiss that feels like a tear. one that makes her feel seen.

this time he took her out of the city. someplace quiet. he said in the car that he remembered at one of those pet things that sometimes the city gets really loud all of a sudden and it’s hard to feel. so he took her to a garden. the kind with plants from all over and they could walk through and all she’s really hear is the hum of the fans, or the flowers of water. she sat down at the koi pond, watching the fish move through. she asked him if he could draw a fish on her first. he raised an eyebrow and pulled a pen from his front pocket and set down next to her. she held out her arm and pulled the cap off with his teeth, holding it between them as he started doodling. it wasn’t very large-- sketched out on her wrist was a twisting koi, more beautifully done than she could have imagined. she kept looking at it the rest of their walk.

she started asking what some of his tattoos were, pointing to the ones that were more obviously exposed. he told her. then he asked her random questions. ones that got long winded responses in return even if he didn’t even ask. it was easy talking to him. that or she just really liked sharing with him. because every time she did, he just looked down at her with this crinkly look on his face that made her knees go weak.

he tried to pick her one of the flowers but she swatted his hand away before he could. she said he’d have every opportunity to get her flowers, he didn’t have to defile a garden for that.

every time they sat down, there’d be a moment when he’d look at her and her cheeks would get red. he’d start looking at her lips and she’d do the same. even one moment he put a hand on her thigh and it only made things worse for her brain. but then he’d lean in and they’d hear footsteps of another person walking by and they stopped.

he took her to a cute little sandwich joint for dinner. one where the tables wobbled a bit and there was old posters on the wall that were a bit sun bleached. she talked about how kermit would have loved this place. he asked when he’d get to meet the famous kermit. she blushed and shook her head, explaining he was very protective, and it would probably be a while.

“he must be intimidating.” elijah said, sipping his water.

“not at all. he’s just grumpy.” she laughs.

the sandwiches were really amazing. she asked if he’d been to this part of town before. he hadn’t, just done a bunch of research. it gave her the mental image of him on his laptop at night, looking at all the restaurants they could go to. it warmed her, knowing he worked that hard to bring her somewhere good.

they were paying at the counter when he saw her eyeing the jar of cookies. he bought them one of each, and they sat on the hood of his car while they enjoyed their respective monster cookie. she talked about her ridiculous sweet tooth, and how she’d sometimes have to make late night runs for brownie mix just to hold her over. and even then sometimes she got lazy and just had spoonfuls of the batter.

he kissed the chocolate chip off her lip. she felt his hand on her bare thigh and it made her skin tingle. he played with her brain between his fingertips and hummed when her teeth scraped his bottom lip.

they laughed the whole car ride home. he kept making jokes that had her wheezing. had her begging him to stop so she could catch her breath. at the stoplight he’d just look at her with an open-mouthed smile, watching her cry from her laughter. she told him she couldn’t handle it anymore. he said he’d stop, but his smile was still so bright.

it was dark. it was late. he pulled into the spot he normally does and he walks her up to her door. there’s a smile on each other their faces. she’s got her head tilted up towards him as he looks down, his fingers brushing against her cheek.

“you wanna come up?” she asks quietly.

“what?” the words take him by surprise, eyebrows raised. “it’s like nine, zebs.”

“i know.” she nods. “but you can if you want.” she unlocks her door, holding it open for a second as she looks at him, and after a moment, her lip raises in a smirk. then he steps forward, following him into the building.

she presses the elevator button, clasping her hands together as she waits. “i have had a very nice time, elijah.” she nods. “thank you.”

“you’re welcome. i also had a very nice time.” he says, a bit more caution in his tone.

the elevator comes, and she steps in, with elijah not far behind. she presses for her floor and keeps her eyes forward. “did you want to watch a movie?” elijah says carefully.

“maybe.” she shrugs.

the elevator opens, and she’s moving out, down the hall and too her door. she grabs her keys and unlocks the door. with a flick of the light switch, she sees howie’s head pop up form his place on the couch, but he doesn’t approach.

elijah closes the door behind himself and takes off his shoes quickly after zebby removes her boots and socks. she turns around, looking up at him. she takes a single step closer, her arm falling to drop her purse on the ground. she then uses her hands to push his jacket off his arms, knowing his eyes are closely studying her. once his jacket’s off, she hangs it on the rack, sliding her’s off herself slowly, putting it in the same spot.

her fingers--- soft and delicate, push up at the hem of his shirt. gently, they brush against the skin of his stomach. she hears a sharp inhale, she looks up through her lashes only for a moment, her hands then sliding under his shirt, over his chest, around his waist, over his back. he follows suit, his arms reaching up behind himself to pull the shirt over his head, tossing it on the ground.

she takes another step closer, looking up at him now. lips parted, eyes wide. her hand wraps around the buckle of his jeans, tugging him ever so slightly closer to her body. an arm instinctively reaching up to her arm.

“zebby.” he sighs.

she nods, pressing her lips together. “take me to bed.” she says quietly.

it’s all he really needed to hear. stooping down, he picks her up under her thighs, lifting her so her legs wrap around his waist. her fingers run over his shoulders, around his neck. looking down at him she gives him a small smile before she’s leaning down to kiss him. almost the moment she does, he shoulder checks her into her doorway and she lets out a quiet yelp.

“i’m so sorry, babe.” he clutches her closer, one of his hands coming up to her face. “are you okay?”

she laughs, her hands coming up to cup his face and kiss him again, this time shorter, more frequent kisses. “yeah i’m okay.”

he laughs back, only to kick the door shut behind them, setting her back on the ground. and she stands still for a moment, letting the chuckles die in her chest before she’s left looking at him again and the desire comes rushing back. the point where she’s bringing her fingers to the hem of her dress, slowing pulling it up to expose her skin, until she’s got it over her head and tossing it onto the floor.

he mutters something about how beautiful she is, and then he’s picking her up again, placing her onto the bed where he climbs on top of her, hands running down her body, feeling every inch of her.

they spend the rest of the night feeling every part of each other. listening to every sound they make, every feeling that feels good. he makes her scream and he makes her speechless. her toes curl and he moans profanities. he fucks her slow and he fucks her hard. between rounds she asks him why they hadn’t done this sooner. he says something about romance but she’s not paying much attention because she’s kissing him again and he feels he’s ready to take her again. she’s not even sure when they mange to go to sleep but she’s glad she doesn’t have to be at work the following day.

#> ◦ zebby & elijah .

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