#looking ahead to 2021 with joy and hope

[oofthwoods]

CHAPTER ONE! ── ˙ ̟ bring home the glory !!

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 :: "what is a legacy? it's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see. i wrote some notes at the beginning of a song someone will sing for me". | a victorious journey always begins with a death and an offer.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 :: funerals, grief and death. if you don't feel comfortable with these themes, go straight to the part after 2023. you won't lose much, i promise! the second part is somehow based on right hand man from hamilton, don't ask about it. this is pretty much a prologue number two tbh, but i still hope you enjoy it.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 :: 3.2k

⭠ previous masterlist next ‭→

2021

In the solemn setting of the cemetery, the sun hung in the sky, seemingly unaware of the grief below. Its golden rays contrasted sharply with the darkness consuming your soul, each beam of light piercing through the heavy clouds of sorrow. As tears streaked your face, the warmth of the sun felt out of place, a painful reminder of the world's indifference to your shattered heart.

Standing beside the graveside, you looked up to the sky, seeking solace in its vastness. But the heavens offered no comfort, no relief from the ache within. You wondered why the sky remained clear, why it didn't reflect the storm of emotions raging inside you. Its serene blue expanse seemed to mock your devastation, its unwavering indifference amplifying your pain.

Your mother and her siblings stood ahead, their shoulders bowed under the weight of grief, their sobs a haunting melody that echoed through the air. But you stood alone, isolated in your sorrow, drowning in memories that threatened to consume you whole.

Memories of your grandfather flooded your mind like a deluge, each one a bittersweet reminder of the love you had lost. His laughter, once a source of joy and comfort, now felt distant and painful, a cruel reminder of all that had been taken from you. His stories, his wisdom, his gentle touch — they all seemed like distant echoes of a life that was slipping further and further away with each passing moment.

You recalled his final moments, the frailty of his form, the sadness in his eyes as he whispered his last words to you. "Be proud of who you are," he had said, his voice barely a whisper, his breath brushing against your cheek. "And never forget where you come from. Your roots are your strength, my dear." His words had been a lifeline in the storm of your grief, a reminder of the legacy he had left behind, of the love that would endure long after he was gone.

As you stood beside his grave, the words offered little solace. They felt empty, a faint reminder of the warmth once found in his embrace. You longed to reach out to him, to feel the warmth of his touch one last time, to beg for just a moment more in his comforting presence. But he was gone, lost to you forever in a world that seemed infinitely colder and darker without him.

You closed your eyes, allowing the tears to fall freely as you whispered your silent goodbyes to him, each word a prayer for his eternal peace. But even as you spoke, you knew that no amount of tears could ever hope to fill the void he had left behind, that no words could ever hope to capture the depth of your loss.

As you stood there, lost in your grief, the soft sound of footsteps approached from behind. You turned to see your mother returning, her eyes red and swollen from tears, her expression etched with the same pain that weighed heavily on your own heart. For a moment, you simply stood there, sharing a silent understanding born from the depths of your shared sadness.

Without a word, she wrapped you in a gentle hug, her arms providing solace amidst the whirlwind of emotions swirling around you. "I'm not sure I can go on without him, Mom," you murmured, your voice barely audible as you buried your face against her shoulder.

Her embrace tightened, her fingers gently combing through your hair. "I feel the same way, sweetheart. But we have to find strength, for his sake," she whispered softly, her words tinged with a mixture of sadness and determination.

As you leaned into her embrace, the weight of your grief seemed to press down upon you, threatening to crush you beneath its relentless force. Your mother's presence briefly brought comfort, like a delicate lifeline amidst the stormy sea of emotions swirling inside you.

"I miss him so much already," you confessed with your voice trembling. "It feels like a part of me is missing, like I'll never be whole again."

Her arms tightened around you, a silent reassurance that you were not alone. "I know, my love. I do too," she whispered, her voice thick with unshed tears. "He was the heart of our family, the glue that held us together."

A bittersweet silence fell between you, punctuated only by the soft rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze. Memories of your grandfather danced through your mind like flickering candle flames, casting shadows of laughter and love against the walls of your grief-stricken heart.

"Do you think he's watching over us?" you asked quietly, your voice barely a whisper in the stillness of the evening.

Her hand stilled against your hair. "I'd like to think so," she replied, her voice wavering with uncertainty. "I'd like to believe that he's found peace, that he's somewhere out there, looking down on us with love in his heart."

Tears welled in your eyes as you imagined him, a silent guardian in the heavens above, watching over you with a warmth that transcended the boundaries of life and death. "I hope he knows how much we love him," you whispered, your words a fervent prayer whispered into the vast expanse of the sky.

"I'm sure he does, my dear," she murmured, her voice soft with tenderness. "And I know that wherever he is, he'll always be with us, guiding us through the darkness, lighting our way with the love that he left behind."

As your mother's words gently washed over you, a sudden movement caught your eye. In the corner of your vision, a flash of royal blue fluttered amidst the solemn surroundings. You blinked, momentarily startled, before fixing your gaze on the delicate creature that alighted on a nearby branch.

A small gasp escaped your lips as you beheld the bird, its feathers shimmering like fragments of the sky woven into living form. With a heart full of wonder, you watched as it stretched its wings, basking in the fading light of the evening sun.

"We can leave now, if you're ready, sweetheart." her mother murmured, delicately turning her daughter's face to meet her own. 

As your mother looked into your eyes, you could see the sadness reflecting in them, speaking volumes on its own. Although she softly hinted that you could go if you wished, it was evident that she longed for some respite from the weight of your mutual grief. Beneath her calm demeanor, you sensed her vulnerability, a silent plea to escape the overpowering sorrow surrounding you both. With a simple nod, you silently agreed.

With a mix of sadness and resolve, you followed your mother's lead, letting her guide you away from the graveside and back into the world. While you walked together, a quick look back caught your attention, drawing your eyes to the scene you were departing. And there, on top of the gravestone, sat the blue bird, its colorful feathers standing out against the solemn surroundings.

For a moment, time seemed to stand still as you watched the bird, a silent sentinel overlooking the final resting place of your beloved grandfather. He seemed to look at you, and, if birds could smile, you would swear he did.

2023

You find yourself standing outside a closed door, your hand hesitantly reaching out to lightly tap against the wood. The muffled voices from within only add to your uncertainty, but the urgency of speaking with the team principal before the Abu Dhabi sprint pushes you to take action. Whatever discussion awaits behind that door must be significant enough to pull you away from your pre-race meeting with the mechanics.

In the stillness of the hallway, time seems to stretch endlessly as you wait for a response that never comes. With a mixture of nerves and anticipation coursing through your veins, you finally muster the courage to grasp the doorknob. Its cool metal provides a fleeting sense of reassurance as you turn it slowly, the hinges creaking softly in protest as the door swings open to reveal the dimly lit room beyond.

Inside, seated at a table, is Mr. Vowles, engrossed in conversation. Your presence at the threshold goes unnoticed for a moment until you gather your resolve and speak up, your voice barely above a whisper as you address him.

"Mr. Vowles, did you need to see me?" you venture, your words hanging in the air with a hint of uncertainty.

At the sound of your voice, James looks up, his expression softening into a welcoming smile.

"Williams, come in," he says, his warm tone instantly easing your nerves as he gestures for you to enter. "Have you met Sargeant?" he continues, motioning towards a figure standing nearby, their presence previously hidden in the shadows of the room.

As James mentions Logan, it's like a floodgate of memories bursting open, whisking you back to the time when you and Logan shared an unbreakable bond. You were inseparable, navigating the twists and turns of life at the academy with laughter, support, and a shared vision of the future.

But as the competition for a spot in Formula One heated up, your friendship began to strain. What started as friendly competition slowly morphed into something more complicated. The pressure mounted, and with it came a subtle shift in your relationship. Each race seemed to drive a wedge between you, rather than bringing you closer.

It was at the peak of your rivalry that things started to unravel. Every little disagreement or perceived slight seemed to fester, poisoning the once vibrant atmosphere between you. Despite your efforts to keep up appearances, there was an underlying tension that threatened to fracture your bond.

When Logan secured a seat at Williams while you remained in F2, a whirlwind of emotions swept over you. Of course, you were genuinely happy for him, but there was also a pang of envy and disappointment gnawing at your heart. It felt like a piece of your own dream slipping away, leaving you grappling with a sense of loss you couldn't quite shake.

And then, just when you thought things couldn't get any more complicated, James hinted at the possibility of you stepping into Logan's shoes. The idea of replacing your friend-turned-competitor added another layer of complexity to an already tangled web of emotions. It was a constant battle between your ambition and the fear of losing the one person who had been by your side through it all.

"Yes, sir," you respond, choosing a simple response. Logan's gaze meets yours, seeming to ignite with intensity. "We keep on meeting"

In a deliberate choice of silence, Logan sidestepped any engagement with you, his eyes fixed on the team leader instead. "As I was just saying," he began, his voice brimming with confidence, "I truly believe that with these adjustments, I can improve my control over the car."

James reciprocated Logan's smile, though his gaze hinted at a wandering mind. "Sargeant?" he interrupted, signaling a shift in focus to another pressing matter.

"Yes, sir?" Sergeant replied promptly, ready for further instructions.

"We'll talk about this later. Close the door on your way out," James commanded, his tone decisive, drawing their exchange to a close.

As Logan's footsteps faltered on his way out, a pang of unease settled in your chest. You couldn't shake the guilt that crept in, knowing your success might come at the cost of his dreams.

In the relentless world of Formula One, sentimentality was a luxury few could afford. You grappled with the harsh reality that success often meant sacrificing the dreams of others. It was a something you had grappled with since the beginning of your journey, one that forced you to confront the truth that in this fiercely competitive arena, there would always be someone waiting in the wings to take your place if you faltered.

As you redirected your focus towards James, the man who now held the reins of your family's team, you couldn't help but reflect on the rarity of such a moment. Conversations with him had been few and far between, a testament to the typical hierarchy within Formula One teams where direct interaction between a team leader and a junior driver, especially mere hours before a pivotal race, was uncommon.

“Have I done something wrong, sir?” You ventured, a tinge of uncertainty coloring your tone.

"Not at all, quite the opposite actually," James responded, rising from his seat and leaning casually against the table, his arms folded. "Your stats this season are impressive—seven wins, numerous podium finishes. You've got a bright future ahead of you. But here's the thing, every day I see offers come across my desk to buy out your contract, and frankly, I find it amusing."

"Uh, sorry, I'm not following," you admitted, furrowing your brow in confusion.

"Williams, why is it that no team seems to be able to snag you?" James clarified, a hint of curiosity lacing his words. "You're undeniably talented, but turning down offers from big names like Alpine and Alpha Tauri might not be the smartest move."

"To drive their tractor, or worse, become a reserve driver? I don't think so." you remarked with a disbelieving smirk.

"Think about it, a spot at Alpha Tauri could open doors at Red Bull down the line," James suggested, attempting to sway your perspective.

"Everyone knows they have their sights set on Daniel Ricciardo, or Liam Lawson at best" you countered, a note of frustration creeping into your voice. "I'm a bit lost here. Why are you laying all this out for me?" you questioned, a perplexed furrow creasing your brow. You knew full well the offers on the table and why you were declining them. James likely wasn't in the dark about your reasons either.

"I'm just being honest with you," He replied, his tone carrying a hint of earnestness. His hand reached up to rub his forehead, fingers tracing over the lines etched there as if seeking solace in the familiar. "We're on a tight budget," he explained, a touch of resignation in his voice. "We're short on engineers and mechanics compared to almost everyone else, except maybe Haas and Sauber. While we've made progress since last year, I can't promise our car will match up to the competition next season."

James lifted his gaze, fixing it upon you with a mixture of earnestness and concern. "I'm not one to squander talent. I know you've got your reasons for sticking with us, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have you on board. But I can't move forward without ensuring you understand exactly what you're signing up for."

"I'm just asking for a shot, James. Just one chance to prove that we've still got what it takes," you implored, your words tinged with determination. Images of past triumphs flickered through your mind, a reminder of the team's glory days.

With a weary smile, James let out a soft sigh. "Seems like sheer tenacity runs in the family, huh?"

"They used to say I took after my grandmother," you remarked casually, a wistful grin playing on your lips.

Turning to the desk, the man retrieved a piece of paper from a drawer, his movements deliberate and measured. "What are the odds?"

You knew precisely what he was referring to. "Iwasa's already out of the running. If I take the sprint, I'll have enough points to clinch the championship."

Extending the contract towards you, James presented it as if unveiling a glimpse of what lay ahead. "Win this championship, and the seat is yours."

The weight of his words hung heavy in the air, mingling with the anticipation that crackled between you. With the contract poised like a tantalizing promise, the room seemed to hold its breath.

You reached out tentatively, fingers hovering over the document that held the potential to shape your future. The paper felt crisp beneath your touch.

"I know it's a risk, trading one rookie for another" James conceded, his voice tinged with a hint of apprehension. "But I believe in you, and I need someone who believes in this team."

A surge of determination coursed through your veins, bolstered by James's unwavering faith. "I won't let you down," you vowed, your voice steady despite the flutter of nerves in her chest.

"TO TOP OFF AN INCREDIBLE SEASON, Y/N WILLIAMS WINS THE ABU DHABI SPRINT AND HAS ENOUGH POINTS TO CROWN HERSELF A CHAMPION." The narrator's voice reverberated through the sprawling circuit, amplifying the momentous declaration that crowned your achievement.

The roar of victory surged through the airwaves as your race engineer's voice erupted over the radio, a symphony of celebration. "You did it, Williams! Formula 2 champion, with one race to spare!"

Amidst the cacophony of cheers echoing from Rodin Carlin's garage, you felt a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins, the weight of your accomplishment settling upon your shoulders like a mantle of triumph. Your mind raced with a whirlwind of emotions, a torrent of exclamations, gratitude, and tears that threatened to overwhelm your senses.

As you gradually eased the car to a decelerating pace, you couldn't help but feel the swell of pride and disbelief wash over you. With trembling hands, you lifted them skyward in a gesture of reverence, a silent tribute to the one who had inspired you journey.

"This one's for you, grandpa," you murmured, your voice a whisper against the backdrop of roaring engines and jubilant cheers. "I hope you're proud up there."

Amidst the jubilant chaos enveloping the pit lane, your thoughts swirled like a tempestuous storm, each emotion vying for dominance in the tumult of your mind. As you joined in the exultant cheers of your team, a sense of disbelief mingled with elation, the reality of your victory sinking in with each heartbeat.

In the midst of the celebration, you couldn't help but steal a moment to glance towards the podium, where your destiny awaited. The anticipation pulsed within you, a heady mixture of excitement and nervous energy propelling youforward.

As you ascended to the highest step, each stride felt like a triumph, a testament to the countless hours of dedication and sacrifice that have led you to this pinnacle moment. Your mind hummed with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, a kaleidoscope of memories and aspirations swirling in the depths of your consciousness.

The thunderous roar of the crowd enveloped you like a tidal wave, the sound of applause echoing in your ears as you stand upon the podium, bathed in the radiant glow of the spotlight. Your chest swells with pride, your heart beating in time with the pulsating energy of the spectators.

Locking eyes with James amidst the sea of faces, you feel a surge of excitement washing over you. There's a silent understanding that passes between you, a shared recognition of the journey you will embark upon together. In that fleeting moment, as your gazes meet, you know with a certainty that transcends words— you'll be signing that contract.

With a triumphant smile, you raise the championship trophy high above your head, the weight of your accomplishment buoyed by the unwavering support of your team and your unyielding belief in yourself.

And in the middle of the bustling paddock, a blue bird chirped happily, swooping towards the girl as she lifted the trophy high. It appeared as though he'd be sticking around a while longer.

taglist (tell me if you want to be added or removed <3 | italic means i couldn't tag you) :: @formulanni @clownrrari @leilanixx @notyouraveragemochii @alliwantisadonut @oooom4rie @watermelon-sugars-things @glitterquadricorn @minkyungseokie @formulaal @itsjustkhaos @thebearchives @hiireadstuff @laura-naruto-fan1998 @cptg00s3 @welovediaaxx @eugene-emt-roe @cha-hot

[cowboyjen68]

Life has been sort of a whirlwind since October. In all truth, since last October (of 2021) when I found myself single but still very much in love. Loosing her (the intimacy, not our friendship which we still very much have, thank fully) was a smack back to reality and the things I have been putting off changing in both my life and my living environment.

My teen is getting taller andd smarter every day as she heads into the end of her junior year. At once I worry about her and don't. She is independent and kind but still a teen with a teen brain. I trust her and try to balance that with not trusting her with too much. "No" is still a complete sentence in this house unless she is in negotiation mode then I have to expend the energy to explain things in a productive manner. AND I am not always right in my "no" so I have to be willing to occasionally back down without her thinking that she can always get her way by pushing back.

I have three plus jobs to keep the house and land I love and care for the animals I committed to from when I was married. A few have passed of age and sickness and it gives me some feelings of guilt to be somewhat relieved because less animals means less work and expense for me. I try and remember it also means more recources to care for my current pets. I have more time and money to improve the house and the land.

At 54 i am looking towards the long term. Somethings I can easily deal with now might be more difficult in the future. I see my older relatives, my older lesbians mentors, my friends who are MY age begin to stuggle with health, energy and Just STUFF that we all accumulate. I need to get rid of some stuff. I know my kids won't want 90 percent of what I own. Some of my young lesbian friends are now proud owners of early Fest T shirts and Star Wars lunch boxes. This clearing out will continue.

My writing has taken a back seat to manual labor, paying off and keeping up with debt and bills and planning ahead. I dislike this part. I miss keeping up with Tumblr asks and penning meaningful articles for small publications or for fun. I love writing cards and letters on vintage stationary and old cards but those too are being neglected, their boxes gathering dust and cat hair on my desk.

My house payment went up, my water heater was frozen to death in the Christmas blizzard, propane is always needing paid off , my subpump system is in dire need of maintainance before spring rains and now my cat has a runny eye. It is true what they say: When it rains in pours and if it isn't one thing it is another. Money doesn't grow on trees. And nothing breaks during the work week.

I love my land and I love my family and my life and pets. I am so lucky to have supportive friends in my life. My interactions on the internet and social media are generally kind and positive. Being a lesbian affords me a wonderful and easy connection with other women that brings me great joy. It is that connection that insprires me to share my stories and thoughts and to strenghten relationships with other generations and my own. It is my passion to instill hope for a happy future in lesbians and bi women who want build a life with and love other other women.

There are many things I want to do in 2023. Some I will accomplish, others I will not. Some are priorities and some are not. It is deciding which ones will yield the most benefit for my future health and security in the long run that I need to figure out. I also want to continue to focus on what I can do to bring about the most good help other lesbians realize their full potiential and feel comfortable and understand they are ok and wonderful just as they are because that is what feeds my happiness. I want to continue to help lesbians find cross generational community.

And probably cut back on the frosted cookies, at least until next November.

[ofmermaidstories]

hello! i’m sorry for the long ask ahead, i just have a LOT to say 😭

so I read surrender, your bakugo fic, around last year. i was new to the fandom then so i didn’t really know the characters too well, i wasn’t that deep enough into the story to be fully invested in anything. and neither was I a huge bakugou simp (I like the villains more, shamefully admits it) BUT one thing was for sure – you got me hooked. you pulled me into the bakugou simp train, and i didn’t expect that at all. effortlessly, you made me fall in love with him, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m letting it all out. I just think you deserve to know how much i appreciate your story! but anyways, I read the fic again because its just been a tough time for me, and I went back to it because I remember it made me happy, and I’m so glad that its still able to make me feel giddy and blushing like its my first time reading it.

first of all, i think surrender is an absolute masterpiece. i don’t have enough words for it (I’m literally rambling rn) but PLEASE. PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN SUCH A MAGNIFICENT STORY AND THAT THROUGH THE SCREEN, your stories bring joy and warms people’s hearts. I think your writing style is so beautiful, emotional, passionate, and absolutely intelligent. I love the way that the story is written in the characters’ voices yet still keeps the writing format of storytelling, I love the way that you’re able to flesh out their characters so much. these characters, the ‘reader’, they all feel real. they feel like real people, and having to witness the development of their friendships, the familial bonds between the heroes and us, and the bond with bakugou – its stunning. its so human, its so gentle, and its captured me by the heart. i think you have a gift for writing, and please never ever think otherwise.

i also love how the dialogues just feel so personal. every word they speak is so them, its right down to who they are as who you wanted them to be. i love how you made YN so kind, and that her quirklessness, while a source of insecurity, didn’t really hold her back from being the radiant sunshine she is. i am a SUCKER for grumpy man x sunshine sweetheart tropes, and you absolutely nailed this one. LIKE HOLY SHIT I was actually rolling in bed and kicking my feet in the air whenever bakugou just stares at us when we smile. i can actually feel reader’s radiance, such a gentle soul. and bakugou – I’m not gonna lie, I think bakugou is challenging to write (I’m a writer myself, and I struggle writing him in romantic aspects.) I definitely get the appeal of bakugou in smut one shots, but I always wondered, “how would bakugou fall in love?” how is he like when he’s in love? we all know bakugou isn’t gentle (reference to a scene where bakugou feels he is too explosive in YN’s flower shop, and I can’t help but feel its a good allusion to how YN grew up in a soft, peaceful, quiet yet fragile environment as a quirkless person and Bakugou struggles controlling his explosiveness, and I just love how he’s trying so hard to take care of it – to tackle gentleness with gentleness) and it made me wonder how Katsuki is like in soft romance. and you just... blew my mind. really. your fic made me see bakugou in a new light, a beautiful new light, and I love him. I’m in love with everything about your story, and I look forward to reading more of your works because I just want to say that you made me fall in love with fanfiction all over again.

i’ve been reading anime fanfiction since 2021, but life was tough. i eventually stopped reading and drifted away from fics, but now I’m getting back to it and I cannot thank you enough for lighting this fire in my heart. that your stories are making me feel warm and I’m able to love something again that I once cared about. also, side note, but I think you’re such a cool person! I’ve seen your interactions, and your art is so stunning. it looks so soft, so gentle, and if someone asked me how I want love to be, I would say I want them to look like your art.

but yes, thank you for sharing your fics with us. its really beautiful, I wish I could say more because it really does mean a lot to me, and I want writers to know how appreciated they are. I’M SORRY THIS WAS TOO LONG, BUT LIKE THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH PLS HAVE A NICE DAY AND I HOPE ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE

Also an addition BUT I WANT BAKUGO SO BAD 😭😭😭

anon. 🥺 you’ve had to wait a while for this reply, and i’m so sorry—but i kept lingering over this message, like a little talisman. warding off insecurity and doubt. 🥺 i wanted to like—idk! give you a response worthy of your attention. reflect the sparkle and warmth of your words back to you. 🥺 especially considering how you mention that things have been a little tough, lately. 🥺

i’m glad the fic could be a distraction—or something fun. 📖🌷 welcome aboard the bakutrain! lmaooo. he’s such a funny, particular character to be into, i think; like canonically he’s such a lout! a horrible little gremlin! and with villain stannery it’s understandable, like, they’re villains LMAO, you expect them to act and react in certain ways—but when a hero character is so consistently unpleasant? idk, it’s just fun LOL. but i guess that’s also the attraction, at the end of the day, right? 🥺 in the same way that the tension between good and bad is so important to villain characters and their stories, i think a contrary character like bakugou is so much fun in a romance—because how does he fall in love? 🥺 he treats everyone—villain, hero, civilian, peer or mentor—the exact same way, so what does it take to get him to let his guard down and like, idk, stop barking at people??? you’re so right; that passion of his translates so well to smut one-shots, where it can be so easily physical. it’s just—how do you make the leap from being in bed together to being in love??

this is why i love the grumpy x sunshine trope too, though. 🥺 i know it’s a trope built on exceptions (you’re the one that softens him up; you’re the one he shows that side to), but i just—idk! those exceptions bring such a great emotional payoff, with a character like Katsuki. i think of like, kiribaku or bakudeku as examples—they’re absolutely ships that also rely on another character to be emotional foil to Katsuki. 🥺

i’ve said this before and i’ll keep saying it forever, but Weeds/surrender’s Reader is my baby. 🥺 my favourite child. i’ve always had a soft spot for quiet girlies—people who aren’t explosive personalities or need to like, shoot for the stars. people who enjoy tending to their lives or the people around them. romance is so often (by necessity) filled with Big Personalities—characters who can move a plot forward with like, action or passion. but the reason i was so attracted to the idea of x Reader fics in the first place was the promise of wish fulfilment that came with it—and i wanted a gentler character to be apart of this world. 🥺 i wanted Katsuki, who’s so used to sizing people up and learns so late what it means to truly rescue people, in canon, to like… meet and see someone he otherwise might not. to meet and see and then choose, because there’s something amid his determination and his strength and his fury that wants and responds to the optimism and doubt and sincerity in Weeds. 🌷🪻🌿🪲

idk anon—your words were so kind. 😭 getting this ask meant so much. 🥺 i hope things get easier. 🥺 whether that means backup arrives, or the universe cuts you a break—whatever you need it to be. i’m glad you found your way back to fics; you deserve to enjoy them when things are calm, too, so here’s to the immediate future easing up and letting you read them in peace. 📖💕

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 23. Cherishing Joy

Characters: You

POV: Second, Reader [+First, Narrator]

Setting: Your home

Continuation of: Prompt 24. Christmas Party from RICKMAS 2021

A/N: Umh… hi… 👀👉👈 So, it’s March, and RICKMAS was over months ago - but I did promise I would finish it and I had a little time today and felt like I could finally face this challenge given everything that happened to make me take a step back from completing RICKMAS on time.

I hope you had an amazing time reading my fics last year, and I know many of you were here the year before, and many who are new to RICKMAS for 2022 also went ahead and read last RICKMAS’s fics - thank you! - so I thought, why not do a continuation of the grand final of last year's RICKMAS feast?

Now, now, don’t get ahead of yourself, it’s not something completely new like last year's fic because that was, well, complete madness and I still have no idea how I pulled off that word count and my brain is struggling to come up with something as epic as that creativity madness - sorry loves. But, anyway, I wanted to do a little something in the same spirit so thought I’d do a “one year later” sort of thing. Sorry, I’m blabbering, I’ll let you read prompt 23 now but remember this is YOU - as you are right here in this world - yet I will take a few minor liberties. Otherwise, I can’t write a functioning story. So, for the sake of that, I will assume that you live on your own (meaning you’re also an adult), that you celebrate Christmas (it is RICKMAS after all) and that you do not have the best of relationships with your family (those you celebrate Christmas with) which causes you mental harm during this festive holiday. I will take some other liberties too, obviously, as all Reader fics do but those are the major ones for this story.

I hope you’ll enjoy it! 🥰

(Also, sorry for bringing Christmas theme/feels to you during spring 😅)

Tags/TW’s: Dysfunctional Family, Mental Health, Setting Boundaries, Self-Care, Self-Love

Word Count: 1.1k+

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

There it was, the godforsaken text that came every fucking year. Every. Damn. Year. But now, things were different. You weren’t going to take it anymore, enough was enough. It never turned out any differently when you celebrated Christmas with your family, it always left you raw and drained. For weeks you felt dread creep in as Christmas loomed closer.

“Not this year,” you whispered while glaring at your phone. Then you tapped out your reply, informing your relatives that you were in fact not coming. That you would not be spending Christmas with them and that you wished them a happy holiday but you were no longer going to subject yourself to their scrutiny and disrespect.

Once you hit ‘send’, fear filled you. Your hands began to shake, your stomach turned into a lump of heavy coal, and you felt all colour drain from your face. Nothing happened for the longest minute of your life. You just looked at the glowing screen, waiting.

It lit up like a Christmas tree, a flood of text messages came in and then it began to ring. It never stopped. It just rang and rang while you held it in your hand, seeing the names of all those who had been forced upon you by blood relations yet were nothing like a family should be appear over and over.

“I’m not doing this,” you said, and without even looking at the messages screaming at you for not attending Christmas, for disrespecting your family, for hurting your grandparents and siblings, for being the worst child a parent could have, you turned the phone off.

You just turned it off.

They were far away, they couldn’t get to you. Even if they were to get themselves all the way over they wouldn’t be able to get in any way. If they forced themselves in you could call the police on them for trespassing. You were just not going to accept the bullshit they spat at you, the hurt and torment you lived through in their proximity or for them to unravel all the work you had done with yourself, to accept and love yourself, since last Christmas.

“This is all your fault, Plex. And I am so thankful even if this is beyond fucking hard,” you said to the empty home while remembering the experience of a lifetime from last Christmas. How you got to visit all those men you loved and adored, how they loved and adored you in return. But, beyond that, were the parting words I had offered you afterwards.

You never ever thought you’d be able to memorise such a thing but each and every day hence the words had been repeated in your mind, the sparkling letters in mid-air as clear in your head as they had been a year ago when the little star had erupted. You saw them now, in your mind.

‘…Just as you told Christopher, Richard and Severus - you too deserve more. You are worthy of more. Of love and care, of honesty and devotion. From others but above all from yourself. The only thing permanent in your life, is you. You and only you. So take care of yourself, have a party for yourself and celebrate the fact that you are beautiful in all your complex, diverse and wonderful uniqueness…’

“I am worthy of love, and I am the most important person in my life,” you said while drawing a deep breath. “And I am going to have a party for myself this year. Just for me,” you continued while hiding away your phone and heading off to the kitchen. It was Christmas, they would not ruin it again for you. I must confess myself so utterly proud of you in that moment. I didn’t mean to spy on you or anything of the sort but I knew how much you had struggled, how life had gotten you down over and over — the past year being no different even if it was simultaneously completely different.

You know, there is nothing quite like watching someone grow and find love within themselves. Like you were working so hard on, and I felt such joy seeing you get all your favourite snacks ready while telling yourself that you deserved it. That you would eat whatever you wished, do whatever you wanted and not feel guilty about it.

You got yourself comfortable by the TV, everything you needed for a real binge night was ready as you clicked on the remote and the screen came to life, filling the room with light. You fiddled with the braid of string around your wrist while wondering what movie to start with. The memories of last Christmas were still so vivid in your mind, so you already knew that whatever movie you were putting on would be one of his.

I watched from afar, keeping myself hidden but readying my magical pen and the ink of wonder that had constantly been refilled each and every time you did something good to yourself, each time you set a boundary through the year to protect your mental health, each time you said no despite the pressure to say yes, each time you made yourself feel good about yourself and removed something harmful from your life.

Each time you grew, so did the amount of ink at my disposal. Not that you’d known that during the year. But you see, that’s the thing about caring for oneself. You don’t see it at first, you don’t notice the tiny improvements as they happen, you don’t notice that it’s easier to wake up in the morning or to be lazy once in a while when there usually is so much guilt involved in relaxing — it all happened so gradually, small steps, and then suddenly, when you look back at all those little things you did for yourself, there has been a major shift in your life. You just didn’t consider how big a change several tiny little things could become.

I’m still waiting for it to happen.

The final thing, the last little drop of ink to fill my inkhorn and release the bond on my magic.

“Fuck it,” you said and raised the remote towards the TV, “I’ll watch all of them. This is my Christmas and I will spend it however I want. I’m going to cherish my own joy and the world can stick it if that’s wrong.” You clicked on the remote and a glowing blue star appeared on the table in front of you, you unleashed my magic once more with your care and love — for yourself.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

A/N: Well, well, well… Aren’t we excited all of a sudden? 👀

H-hey, oy, stop yelling at me! Go do some things for yourself or tell yourself words of affirmation so I can get enough ink to do the next prompt instead! If I’m to have enough magical ink to write the next prompt you need to help out darling!

Tell me something in the comments you’ve done recently for yourself and your health - be it physically or mentally - and if you haven’t done anything you can go drink a glass of water or read a fic that makes you smile and tell me about that 💚

Taglist: @lizlil @snapefiction @darkthought15 @monstreviolet @flowerdementia @marvelschriss @once-upon-an-imagine @ravennight41 @caseydoodles98 @slytherinprincess03 @theconsultingdetectiveswife @grimmyhild @monster-energies @myobscureimaginarium @snowblossomreads @eternal-silvertongued-prince @cherryglossie @setsuna-meiou31 @helena211 @a-queen-and-her-throne @justsaturn0 @turvi @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky @sunnylikesfrogs @mamawolfsmith16 @dianilaws @sassanoe @leah1243 @reinekefoxart @reiketsunomizunomegami @lokisbjchn

Want to be tagged? 💚 You can tag yourself HERE! Or tell me and I’ll gladly tag you! 😍

[Dec:2022]

[screenandcinema]

Looking Ahead to 2024

With the new year finally here, I thought this would be a good time to list the films I am most excited about coming to theaters in 2024. So I present the films I am most excited about coming out this year (in alphabetical order):

Ballerina

Spinning out of the John Wick films comes this action thriller starring Ana de Armas that takes place between John Wick: Chapter 3 and Chapter 4.

Beetlejuice 2

Apparently, it took 36 years for someone to say his name three times because Beetlejuice is back! Tim Burton directs the sequel starring original stars Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, and Catherine O'Hara and joined by new addition Jenna Ortega.

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F.

I'll be honest, I really liked Beverly Hills Cop III and am disappointed we never got to see the 2013 CBS pilot about Axel Foley's son. Count me in for the fourth film coming to Netflix this year.

Deadpool 3

The lone Marvel Studios film coming in 2024 is a continuation of the Fox Deadpool series. But with Hugh Jackman returning as Wolverine, this one is one to watch.

Dune: Part Two

Return to Arrakis with director Denis Villeneuve for this adaptation of the second half of Frank Herbert’s Dune. Originally slated for a late 2023 release, it is finally coming this year.

The Fall Guy

Ryan Gosling is a stuntman turned investigator in this action comedy, based on a 1980s TV series, co-starring Emily Blunt, Winston Duke, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

Anya Taylor-Joy is Furiosa in this origin story focused on Charlize Theron's character from Fury Road.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

The Splenger kids are back in this sequel to 2021's Afterlife (and the fourth film in the Ghostbusters series).

Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 and Chapter 2

While this may be two films, let's count it as one. Coming this year is Kevin Costner's epic Western Horizon. And don't forget, Costner has plans for four Horizon films.

IF

John Krasinski writes and directs this fantasy comedy starring Ryan Reynolds as a man who can see people's imaginary friends.

Joker: Folie a Deux

Joaquin Phoenix returns as the Joker is joined by Lady Gaga has Dr. Harleen Quinzel in this sequel to 2019's award-winning Joker.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

Guy Ritchie directs Henry Cavill in this action spy film about the British black ops during WWII.

Twisters

As a huge fan of 1996's Twister, I am ready for more. More twisters.

Unfrosted: The Pop-Tart Story

Is 2024 the year we finally see Jerry Seinfeld's film about the origins of Pop-Tarts for Netflix? I sure hope so.

Wolfs

Jon Watts writes and directs this psychological action-thriller starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt.

Honorable Mention (films not mentioned above): Argylle, Madame Web, Drive-Away Dolls, Road House, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, Abigail, Civil War, Challengers, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, Inside Out 2, Bad Boys 4, The Bikeriders, A Quiet Place: Day One, Project Artemis, Alien: Romulus, Kraven the Hunter, Venom 3, Alto Knights, Red One, Gladiator 2, Wicked: Part One, Mufasa: The Lion King, and Nosferatu.

Now for a quick look ahead to 2024, my top picks for that year are Avatar 3, The Batman - Part II, Captain America: Brave New World, Fantastic Four, Mission: Impossible 8, Superman: Legacy, and any of the above-mentioned films that get bumped to 2025.

Looking back at the 15 films on my Looking Ahead to 2023 list from last year: I saw 13 in theaters, one was bumped to 2024 and is included above, and one I didn't get a chance to see yet thanks to the flu. (sorry Wonka).

-MB-

[hyunjining]

Hi Alicia, thanks for opening up conversation about H&L, and being open about how you’re feeling! I’ve only been involved in Larrie fandom since 2021. I teetered on the edge for a while until I watched the cosmicleeds timelines, as I hadn’t been present to see events in real time so didn’t have that historical connection.

In my limited experience, I feel like this time of year is testing. Winter girlfriends, stunting with F, and no opportunity for direct connection with L&H’s music personas through their concerts. This season is worse for many of us because world news is so disheartening, and trivialities of oblivious rich celebrities feels hard to stomach.

I live in Australia and will be going to all of Louis’s shows in a few weeks. I’m nervous about how much I will enjoy them because I’m feeling cynical about how unvalued we are as fans, especially post chickengate etc. I’ve been lucky enough to see Louis live in 2022 & 2023 and it’s always been a really positive experience, plus I often livestream which adds a lot to it. Ahead of the upcoming shows I’ve been withdrawing a bit from engagement with the fandom to try and preserve my experience. I am a natural cynic anyway, and have often wrestled with doubts about whether we’re being fully played to increase fandom engagement (à la the explicit formula apparently used by industry for KPop success which includes alluding to gay relationships). I agree with the sentiment that you need to feel good things about the artist to enjoy the art, and so much of what I perceive to be stunting is making me not feel good about H or L. I am feeling particularly disengaged from H because of his steadfast alignment to the A**offs, and their stance on I*rael, but also the fact that almost everyone in his public social circle seems so odious. I am more forgiving of L, although the stuff with F and the sharp ways he pushes Larries away really tests me. My time in fandom is significantly shorter than yours, but my emotional response is still complex and definitely making me feel down and uncomfortable. I can only imagine how magnified that would be for you.

I think many of us become part of fandom for community, as well as for entertainment and joy. Cynicism and disengagement are hard things to find community in, and not great for our general moods. I hope your love of Stray Kids, or any other artists you come across, brings you joy and hopefully community over time.

Sorry for the essay 😂 Wishing you all the best 💗

i teared up a little at the end there, you’re so sweet 🥲. this entire message is absolutely spot on for me. the harry stuff in particular is really bothering me because in addition to his connection to the azoffs, i feel like were the things that are happening in palestine happening anywhere else, he would have said something at least once… and anne reposted some “i don’t know enough to comment” nonsense a while ago that was originally posted by the founder of choose love (ironic lmfao) and it put such a bad taste in my mouth. feels like he disappeared for a while in hopes that everyone would just forget he exists.

as for louis, yeah the chicken thing was so unnecessary and honestly made him look ridiculous. i’ll forever stand by my belief that he truly does love his queer fans, especially after experiencing the gay megamix last july, but it certainly is a delicate dance between that and whatever the fuck the chicken tweet was 😭. i hope you’ll still be able to enjoy your concerts, though! freddie was literally at mine and he shouted him out but i still had a really good time AND i cried lol.

i’m definitely having a lot of fun being in my stray kids era even though kpop stans are maybe the meanest, most miserable people on the internet… other than that though, it’s nice to be a fan of something without over a decade of the most insane baggage you’ve ever heard of behind it. i’m almost glad kpop idols can’t date publicly lmao. and skz are very sweet, talented and genuine boys and i love them.

anyway, thank you so much for your message! no need to apologize, you and i are definitely on the same wavelength. i wish you all the best right back 💖💖💖

[liaromancewriter]

Holiday Masterlist

🌼 (Fluff) | 🌵 (Angst) | 💋 (NSFW) | 🎭 (Angsty Fluff) | 🔖 (Series) | 🎨 (Text & Pic Fic/Edits) | 🎪 (Prose + Text & Pic Fic) | 💡 (head canon) | Ⓜ (Mature)

Ethan & Cassie

Project Christmas Wish 🌼 Cassie Valentine celebrates her first Christmas in a new city and finds that even a grinch has his weakness.

So Over It 🎭 Cassie meets Ethan’s plus-one and makes a long overdue decision.

Under the Mistletoe 🌼 Ethan Ramsey is not one to kiss anyone under the mistletoe, but he’s willing to make an exception just once.

Fairy Dust 🌼 Cassie finds joy in reconnecting with an old love and shares new memories with Ethan during the holiday season.

Stardust  🌼 Ethan and Cassie’s skating date plans go awry, but all hope is not lost.

The Elf Affair 🌼 When it comes to Christmas, there’s one tradition that Cassie Valentine would be happy to forget.

My Christmas Wish 🌼 Cassie and Ethan spend their first Christmas together as a couple, but the day doesn’t go exactly as planned.

The Best Present 🌼 It’s his first Christmas as a married man, and Ethan reflects on how he got here.

Christmas Tree Traditions 🌼 Decorating the Christmas Tree is a chance to create new traditions.

Auld Lang Syne 💡🌼 A new year’s celebration before they become parents.

Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree 🌼 Ethan returns from a business trip and discovers the joy of being home.

MC Monday

Part 9: Winter Look Book

Part 10: Holiday Camera Roll

Part 11: New Year’s Eve

12 Days of Christmas

Max & Sienna

Just Getting Started 🎨 Sienna spends Thanksgiving with the Valentines and falls deeper into the family’s dynamics, leading to an unexpected development.

Me and You 🎨 Max and Sienna are determined to stick to their plan to keep things light and friendly until they don’t.

Christmas Miracles 🌼 It’s their first Christmas together as husband and wife and a time to make new memories.

Christmas Presents 🎨🌼 Sienna and Max disagree on the right time to plan for the holidays.

Perfect Timing 🌼 After an extraordinary year of firsts and new experiences, Max and Sienna prepare for the next phase of their lives.

Family Traditions 🌼 Max and Sienna introduce their son to family traditions and make new memories during the holiday season.

A Valentine Holiday 🎨🌼 The Valentine Twins and their loved ones come together for an unforgettable holiday season, celebrating family traditions and making new memories.

Kiss Me at Midnight 🌼🎪 Max and Sienna enjoy a special New Year’s Eve celebration.

New Year, New Adventures 💡🌼 What lies ahead for Max and Sienna as a new year begins (set in 2025/2026).

Santa Baby 🌼 When Sienna takes her daughter to meet Santa, things take a turn for the bizarre.

Ensemble

Thankful 🎨🌼 Cassie spends her first Thanksgiving in Boston working a double shift, but finds small moments to be grateful for.

Underneath the Tree 🌼 Cassie is in the mood to spread some Christmas cheer and her loved ones are happy to help.

Wrapped in Red 🎨🌼 Cassie and her friends recognize the importance of friendship during the holiday season.

New Year’s Eve 🎨🌼 Cassie and her friends host a New Year’s Eve extravaganza to ring in 2022 with a bang.

Edits

The Santa Ultimatum

Happy Holidays

Elf On You 

Christmas Presents 

Asks Answered

Secret Santa gifts

Christmas Tree Decorations

Christmas Presents - Maxenna (2022)

Christmas Wish List - Ethan & Cassie (2022)

Christmas Gift - Ethan & Cassie (2021)

Christmas Presents - Intern Year

Hallmark Christmas Movies

Is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?

New Year Resolutions

Thanksgiving & Christmas Celebrations | Follow-up

New Year Traditions

Working on NYE

Interrupted Holiday Plans

[deng-yi-deng]

CDramas I watched 2022 edition

I thought this would be my shortest cdrama list ever (+ 1 kdrama) because the year started out so slow, but it picked up dramatically towards the end. Still, this year was more about excellent English language shows (OFMD, WWDITS, Sandman) and dropping dramas when they did not spark joy, which was often.

Surprise shoutout to NRTA for doing one (and only one) thing I agree with - trying to cut down on the overall number of episodes per drama. I do think this is improving overall quality, forcing dramas to tighten up writing and pacing.

I had zero interest in watching this year's hits (Love like the Galaxy or Love Between Fairy and Devil) because of petty personal preferences so here's my 'best of the rest'. Fave of the year goes to Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty, the surprisingly well-done costume-buddy cop-mystery-dramedy that I didn't know I needed. Honorable mention to New Life Begins (adorable) and Side Story of Fox Volant for favorite wuxia.

If you want to read a very thorough review of Strange Tales, check out the top review on my drama list (for once I agree with mdl ?!).

*Indicates that the drama was dropped - not an indication of lack of quality, just that I didn't finish

Luoyang

Bad and Crazy (kdrama)

Sword Snow Stride*

The Wind Blows from Longxi*

Heroes*

A Dream of Splendor*

The Side Story of Fox Volant

Light Chaser Rescue

Strange Tales of the Tang Dynasty

New Life Begins

see below the cut for my insightful complaining biased reviews

Luoyang (风起洛阳 ) (2021) 2.5/5🌶

I finished this in 2022 so it's on the 2022 list :)

Fun fact: WYB's character is not the main character despite the 217,876 gifs you may have seen. I had high hopes for this one as the novel it was adapted from was written by the same author of Longest Day in Chang'an which I liked. TL;DR version: it does not come even close to Chang'an in terms of the level of screenwriting, directing, art direction, or production. Acting is also weaker on average, but some actors weren't given much to work with.

Huang Xuan is very good, as are many of the actors in minor roles (Old Carrot!!) - I may try to check out some of his other dramas, and would LOVE to see him work with LYX but alas probably never gonna happen. (they're both dancers! and can act! and are handsome! haha, that makes me sound so shallow.) WYB looks like a block of wood through the majority of the drama. Even if (like me) you interpret him as being autistic, it doesn't work. Song Yi's character might win for worst writing for a female character ever! Which is really saying something in cdrama world. Literally the most epic fail of the Bechdel test - she can't even mourn her father for a minute before refocusing all her attention on Erlang-bae. The romance - for either couple - was completely unnecessary to the thriller plot. Erlang and Liu Ran are on my NOTP list for sheer gag-inducing pointlessness. Huang Xuan and Song Qian tried to have a little chemistry but the sparks failed to ignite (see plot) and...sorry Victoria, after seeing you in Broker and then this...not impressed.

Sets & costumes were supposedly expensive (though the ghetto/Unwelcome Well set looked as fake as an old Shaw Bros set) I think most of the $ was spent on hiring lots of extras which - good to get people employed but ? Action scenes - well, you may have already read about them. If not, go ahead and do that I won't pile on. Pacing was brisk but the plot holes. Oh lord. The plot holes. Ending has a completely unnecessary twist (of the knife). Like Chang'an it got progressively weaker after the big mid-way shocker and ended not with a bang, but with a whimper.

Bad and Crazy (kdrama) 4/5 🌶

This was one of the more entertaining things I watched this year - actually looked forward to a new ep each week. Good acting, lots of action, satisfying ending. I was a little uncomfortable with how they characterized mental illness, but once I gave up and told myself (10 times before each ep.) that it's just a drama, was able to enjoy it.

*Sword Snow Stride (雪中悍刀行) 2/5 🌶

I wanted to like this SO MUCH. Finally some wuxia! With actors I like! The plot is ok, the characters are fun and interesting. Lots of really good actors, many familiar faces. There was humor! And some original ideas but... it was s o o o o s l o w. I lost interest during each episode (sometimes falling asleep) and had to force myself to watch the next one - there was just no momentum episode to episode. I gave up around ep 20. Fight scenes could've been better, which for wuxia is kinda important ya know? (I won't even comment on the cgi since others have already done that - it's not great). I really can't emphasize enough how much I wanted to like this. It's like all the ingredients were there for an amazingly satisfying dish but it was served lukewarm and watered down? I'm also getting a little tired of Zhang Ruoyun playing an all-knowing smartass.

*The Wind Blows from Longxi (风起陇西) 2/5 🌶

Acting: fine. Music: too loud in spots. Sets/styling: good. I didn't mind the dark palette, it seemed appropriate for 3 Kingdoms spy drama. The problem? I found myself wandering away to get snacks or looking at my phone too often, then having to go back and see if I missed a crucial bit of dialog. There was no momentum, nothing felt like it was at stake - which for a slice of life drama might be ok, but this was a spy/political thriller! Chen Kun and Bai Yu were ok (but just). I've heard the dialog is disconcertingly modern in spots, which is not a problem when you're using eng subs. The big red flag for me was the guy at the end who explains what just happened. Like. No. If you have to do that to your film/drama you have FAILED storytelling 101. I should be able to enjoy the story knowing only the basics of history (which I do) and then you fill in the exciting bits. Dropped this mostly because the ending was spoiled for me around ep 16 by a mutual who reblogged a gifset that gave away the identity of the double agent and had NO TAGS AT ALL much less a 'spoiler' tag. And this was before it wrapped for non-VIPs. Uncool. SO UNCOOL. TAG YOUR POSTS PEOPLE.

*Heroes 说英雄谁是英雄 3.5/5🌶

Another wuxia! Maybe...please...maybe? Pros: Baron Chen doing the most dramatic cape flipping, blood coughing, suffering stoically performance ever. And he wasn't wearing a wig - it was. his. own. hair. Just inject that sh!t directly into my veins. Good pacing, decent acting and characters (at least for the guys). Trope-y but it's the tropes I like, so yay!

Cons: fight scenes were of the comic-book pose/quick-cut type rather than actual fight choreography. Which is what you get when you cast actors and not martial artists so yeah, but man, it really makes me want to just watch some old HK movies. And surprise, surprise: tissue paper thin female characters particularly Wen Rou (and her costumes - ugh just no to the western-style ruffles.)

Though I was eating this with a spoon for the first 24ish episodes, I ended up dropping it (probably not forever) because it turned into a smorgasbord of angst and I wasn't in the mood. So if you are looking for angst with a side of suffering, then that would be a pro, I guess?

*A Dream of Splendor 梦华录 3.5+/5🌶

What? Well written female characters? In a female-centric historical drama? For me? Aw, you shouldn't have - no, actually you should have, and you should do it again!

Dropped this because I had English language shows to watch (hello Sandman) and it sort of lost steam for me - somehow the way it's shot made it a bit more of a slice of life than plot-driven drama? and NGL I was also tired of reading my tv, but I will try to finish someday.

Pros: production, costumes, pacing all pretty good. Aforementioned prettiness. The plot revolves around the women supporting each other, with the romance being sort of second? kind of? which I love, but also the FL & ML have great chemistry.

Cons: both the FL and ML are a little toooo perfect - too pretty, too smart, too accomplished (the ML was the #3 scholar, passing the test when he was young yet also is a master at wushu and swords? ah, ok) but this is a minor quibble since this is a cdrama.

Fun fact: was watching this and Heroes at the same time and Sun Zujun is in both and plays...a rich, hot, sexual predator in both. Um, hope you don't get typecast my dude. (his acting is pretty good so best of luck to him.)

The Side Story of Fox Volant 飞狐外传 4/5 🌶

Yay! More wuxia this year! please let this be the one....

The first few episodes are movie-quality: sets, action, art direction, sound, acting are all fabulous. Towards the middle it settles down into more typical cdrama territory. Based on a Jin Yong novel, it's what you would expect, and I think has been adapted before. Since I haven't read the novel or seen other adaptations I can't compare, so perhaps this wasn't as well received because it diverged from the novel?

Unlike the other wuxia this year, did not suffer from bad writing for the female characters! Full of tropes, but everyone was pretty well written - despite immediately loving Miao Renfeng, I also loved the 'bad guy' (who's character name I always forget, so will be referred to only as Peter Ho - he did a great job of making a bad dude sympathetic.) Qin Junjie was giving me Chen Kun vibes all over the place - I may try to watch Listening Snow Tower just for him.

Not really sure why this didn't do better. I assume because it's yet another Jin Yong adaptation, and the competition (LLTG and CJL) were more appealing to a (female) audience.

Pros: good acting, great actors, solid wuxia story with a strong start and well done (if tragic) finish

Cons: weak middle - pacing and overall quality dipped a lot. like they put the B team on all the middle eps for cinematography, editing and direction

Light Chaser Rescue 追光者 3.5/5 🌶

Finally a Luo Yunxi drama I can watch, though I'll admit if he weren't in it, no way I'd be watching. Though some of the marketing makes it look like a cp drama, it is in fact an ensemble cast, with the focus being on the diverse people that make up volunteer rescue squads. It's very politically safe and tbh was not surprised they chose to air it during the party congress.

Surprisingly for the moralistic/didactic theme, all the couples were really cute and well done, so if you want romance, there is some. The effects and sets were realistic, and everyone's tragic backstory was tragic. You may need tissues for this one if you're a crier. It wasn't without some super cringe moments (spoiler: the little orphan would be doubly scarred for life by their attempts to help him 'heal') but in general was ok.

Wu Qian (Janice Wu) was really good - I'd only seen her in two things when she was much younger, and she really is a mature talented actress. I'll say it - even better than Xixi, who did pretty good but still can improve, especially in shouty scenes where his emotion looks a little forced. (see, see, how I can critique my fave?)

Pros: Luo Yunxi and Wu Qian

Cons: not enough of the cute dog, didactic and moralizing, weak plot that is barely credible half of the time, often felt more like a bunch of 'how to survive x disaster' instructional videos strung together rather than a coherent drama due to choppy editing

Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty 4.5/5 唐朝诡事录

Please cdrama gods consider blessing a season 2 of this because it was so much fun! Even though Su Wuming is a disciple of Dectective Di, I think I liked this even more than the Detective Di movies I've seen (!) because as much as I love Su Wuming, the genius detective trope is a little played out for me, and giving him a great foil in Lu Lingfeng made the whole thing more enjoyable.

The writing for and acting of the two leads was so enjoyable to watch. They had great buddy cop chemistry that really elevated the whole drama. Female characters were pretty well written and realized, and some of the villains were downright enjoyable (creepy ghost guy, you looked like you had so much fun!) Production values were fairly high across the board - sets, visuals, costumes, sound, for what could have been a very cheap drama. Everything seems to have been done with care and attention to detail. Though the plots are a little silly sometimes I didn't mind because they were entertaining. Also tw to people like me who are sn*ke phobic - uh there are lots of scenes you will need to skip in the second mystery.

The drama starts at the end (!) which was an interesting way to wrap the whole thing up, but also an odd choice because they ended up basically reusing most of the first ep for the final episode? In between there are several loosely strung together 'supernatural mysteries' that our guys find themselves solving in different places all across the country. Each mystery is only slightly more difficult to solve than your typical Scooby Doo plot, and similarly any supernatural element is soundly debunked by the end.

Pros: writing, acting, chemistry between leads, production values, almost no romance (a pro for me)

Cons: easy 'mysteries', almost no romance (a con for many people it seems)

New Life Begins 卿卿日常 4/5

I hadn't planned on watching this, but I like Bai Jingting ok and needed something to watch after Strange Tales of Tang Dynasty and this looked cute. Spoiler: it is pretty darn cute.

If you're looking for an angsty palace/harem type drama this won't be it. Instead, they use the conceit of 9 vassal states sending a bride for the princes of the Xin kingdom to explore the different ways a society can treat women. It's a very very girl power drama. As such the female characters are pretty well done and acted, but the male characters aren't reduced to being caricatures - all have reasonable personal failings.

Is it realistic, even for a costume drama? I don't care. Sometimes a work of fiction is to show you how things could or should be - in this case the jerks get their comeuppance and the ladies get to succeed. Sure, sometimes the girl power message is a lil' too heavy handed but I'll take it for the overall message and the humor.

Just realized I rated this higher than Dream of Splendor and I should justify myself - Dream of Splendor is overall a better drama, but this was more tightly paced and because it had a larger ensemble there was more going on to keep my interest. That and the fact that this had humor pushed it up a little notch for me.

Pros: cute, mostly light and funny, well paced, decent plot

Cons: I didn't really feel any of the cps (I came closest to shipping Li Wei and Yuan Ying) but YMMV

[sometimes-sleeby-octopus]

I posted 5,651 times in 2022

That's 4,649 more posts than 2021!

85 posts created (2%)

5,566 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hebbic

@looney-mooney

@yepiamthesmileyface

@grim-ghastly

@the-town-fool

I tagged 524 of my posts in 2022

#my art - 49 posts

#dhmis - 47 posts

#the stanley parable - 43 posts

#art - 29 posts

#tsp - 26 posts

#tspud - 23 posts

#the stanley parable ultra deluxe - 21 posts

#stanarrator - 19 posts

#for later - 19 posts

#illustration - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#some may be like ‘oh he’s a cis dude so you must be cis’ but i will go ‘my pronouns are they/them and my gender is unknown even to i’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Dhmis - FEELINGS (fan script)

Disclaimer: I am not British, sorry if that makes it weird

Content Includes: Violence and Extreme Anger that leads to violence

And so it begins:

(Like usual, a new version of the intro song plays)

There’s three of us!

There’s three of us!

Look closely and you’ll see

There’s three of us

Just three of us

It’s him and you and me

And everyday we all hang out

To find out what we talk about

Red: And I think I am remembering

Yellow: And it hurts my brain to…(singing stops) what?

Duck: Remembering? Remembering what?

Red: I dunno, I think it’s…all the things that have been happening to us.

Duck: What do you mean?

See the full post

38 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#4

“The World Began Anew” (Stanley and the Narrator Have Feelings Pt. 3)

Warning/Notice: So cheesy, shorter, and it’s a slow burn ahead <3

The world began anew.

Stanley winced slightly. He had been taking a nap after falling asleep to the narrator’s calming whispers. He knew the narrator had his tapes, he knew he didn’t always forget, but he also knew that the narrator didn’t always remember and Stanley wasn’t sure the tapes would either. Should he keep hope? Would not having it hurt less?

His mind quieted once he realized the narrator was not speaking. Perhaps he remembered and skipped his intro! Or maybe Stanley had spaced out for so long that he had already finished. Or maybe-

“I remember.”

Stanley looked up at the ceiling, letting the hope seep into him.

“Stanley, I remember!” the Narrator shouted joyfully, laughing in relief, “I remember your dog and my body and our conversations and our past! I remember it all!”

Stanley jumped for joy while crying happily, “You remembered!”

As their laughter and excitement died down into a calm, yet giddy feeling, Stanley and the Narrator (indirectly) looked at each very fondly.

“Oh, I almost forgot about my body, dear boy! Let’s go fetch it so we can look at each other as I keep remembering!”

It was a very quick process with the help of the adventure line. Both Stanley and the Narrator felt at home as the Narrator drifted into his comfortable metal and embraced Stanley once again. The adventure line curled around both of them, and they stayed like for a nice while.

“This is lovely, my dear fellows, but if you would not mind, I’d like to have some more adventures!”

Stanley nodded and cheered, “Let’s go!”

===

“Okay, so we’ve tried finding everything already within the game on purpose, but what if we looked for holes?”

See the full post

38 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

#3

Bro I put most of the Stanley’s Parable intro into AI Dungeon to write fics and the latest one is fricking crazy because Stanley’s boss threatens to kill him if he doesn’t help him buy a fridge

53 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

#2

I got feminine hips but I ain’t afraid of eighth graders

67 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I got sucked into the Stanley x Narrator ship so I present to you: A falling in love fic collab with ai dungeon

Stanley and The Narrator Have Feelings

WARNING: Very cheesy, I was just having fun with it so yeah

This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was employee #427. Employee #427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what employee 427 did every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it soul rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And Stanley was happy. And then one day, something very peculiar happened, something that would forever change Stanley, something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one, single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No one had shown up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say hi. Never in all his years at the company had this happened, this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time, but as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk and stepped out of his office. All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean?

This is what Stanley had thought of around a month ago. He was now fully aware of his situation and in figuring it out, he got to know the Narrator. The Narrator was the one who had given the orders, who had told Stanley exactly what to do, when to do it, and in what order. Stanley didn't always obey, but that kept things interesting, when the Narrator ordered him around that was. Nowadays, Stanley and the Narrator decided on adventures together, as their fondness for each other had grown.

One day, the Narrator told Stanley that he had a surprise for him. "I have a delivery for you today," he said. "From a friend of mine." "The adventure line?" Stanley guessed with a smile. The narrator chuckled, "You've guessed it".

Stanley was led to a giant shipping container, just like the ones on the docks. The container was at least fifteen feet tall and as wide as a house. "Can I open it?" Stanley said excited. "I've never seen it opened!" The Narrator gave in and told Stanley he could open the container.

Stanley looked at the container with wonder. "How do you open it?" he asked. The Narrator laughed, as he had expected the question. "I made you a button," he told Stanley with a grin. Stanley fidgeted excited, awaiting the button.

A platform slid away on the ground and a pedestal rose up to Stanley's abdomen. A red button the size of Stanley's hand shone in the light of the storage room. Stanley looked up at the ceiling, as if waiting the narrator's permission.

"Don't wait up on me, dear boy! Go ahead," the Narrator said. And with that, Stanley gently slammed the button and the container opened. He was surprised to see a pile of boxes stacked at the top, but he was even more surprised when he opened one and saw a robot the size of a refrigerator inside. "He could keep us company!" Stanley exclaimed to the Narrator, "Or maybe you could posses him so we can do a hand shake!" The Narrator agreed and told Stanley to do whatever he wanted, as he always did.

Stanley looked at the robot for a moment and said, "I'll play with him later. For now, I need to find a power switch, or else..."

"Go ahead and move him around," the Narrator said, "I trust your judgement."The narrator would never admit it, but Stanley’s remark about the handshake had him thinking. Wouldn’t it be nice to meet Stanley’s eyes and hold his hands and sit beside him. He spoke up saying, “You can still do whatever you want, Stanley, but I would not be opposed to a handshake.” And once again, Stanley was surprised. "That's not a big deal, is it?"

"Oh no, not at all," the Narrator said. Stanley tried to contain his joy as the narrator possessed the robot. The narrator was much taller than him now, but he was not afraid. "Oh goodness," the narrator joked, "You still have to look up at me even now!" And with that he gave the robot a test run. It didn't move, and he laughed. Stanley pulled him towards him, giggling as well. Stanley thought the narrator’s hands were pleasantly cool and the narrator thought Stanley’s were pleasantly warm. “I like this,” Stanley whispered. The narrator nodded for the first time in his life. Stanley laughed with glee. As the narrator got used to his new body, he was also getting used to Stanley's touch. He needed help sometimes and Stanley was there for him. Despite being of metal, it made him feel warm inside. It's been so long since someone made him feel that way, he thought. He decided to test out a funny habit Stanley had: Pressing buttons.

He pressed the big red button from earlier. It gave him a type serotonin he never knew existed. He spammed the button saying, "I now understand why you like this, Stanley" he said. But then he pause, sulking a little bit. He apologized, "I'm sorry I made fun of you, Stanley."

Stanley looked up at him and his eyes appeared to soften. "I know," he said, "It wasn't very nice, was it?"

"It's quite all right," Stanley said, "It's good to have someone who can get a laugh out of me." The two of them laughed for a bit, until the narrator realized something. He blushed as he asked, "Can I give you a hug, Stanley?"

Stanley gave a shy little laugh, and the two of them embraced. The narrator felt his cheeks warm up. He was never this emotional, he thought. He pulled away and said, "Dear boy, I think I need to sit down. Too many feelings."

Stanley nodded in understanding, holding out his hand for the narrator to take. The narrator took it gently as they headed to the employee's lounge. The building had been empty for many years, but the couches were still comfortable, and the Narrator enjoyed the feeling of being able to sit.

Stanley sat down as well and hummed, content to simply be in the narrator's presence. The narrator felt nice, too. "I feel like something changed today, Stanley. I think I feel at home here," he said. Stanley thought about this for a moment and said, "Me too. It's kind of nice not having to talk to you through a ceiling." The narrator's lips turned up a bit at that and he reached over and took Stanley's hand. They sat like this for a few minutes, hand in hand.

"I want to tell you something, Stanley," the narrator said. He looked at Stanley's hand in his own and continued, "I really like you, dear boy. I'm glad I met you." The narrator continued to hold Stanley's hand, and a few tears rolled down his cheeks. "It is very nice to be able to like someone again." Stanley could do little other than smile at this. He let go of the narrator's hand for a minute and went to sit next to his dear friend, wiping the tears from the Narrator's eyes. Stanley rested his head on the Narrator's shoulder and hugged the narrator tightly. The narrator wrapped an arm around him as well and the two of them sat that way for a long time.

After a few minutes of silence, the Narrator said, "I would like nothing more than to stay with you, Stanley, forever."

Stanley chuckled lightly and nodded in understanding. "Me too." The narrator went quiet before mumbling shyly, "Stanley, you make me feel things. Good things but goodness, is it strange." Stanley laughed at that. "I've never had that happen before. It's nice." The narrator smiled at that.

"You make me feel things too, you know," Stanley said. "How would you describe how I make you feel?" The narrator asked. Stanley blushes and stuttered, "Well, humans call it love, it's kind of warm and it makes your heart beat fast but it's really nice and you don't have to feel the same and I know it's-" "I feel the same way" the narrator said calmly. Stanley stopped rambling only to turn as red as a strawberry. He was so embarrassed. He said, "We shouldn't be talking like this." He didn't know if making the Narrator feel this way was right. "And yet we do," the narrator said, meeting Stanley's eyes. Stanley held the narrator's face in his hands and hesitantly questioned, "Can I kiss you?"

"Whatever you want," the narrator replied, leaning in closer.

Stanley kissed the Narrator. It felt nice and right, and he didn't want to stop. So he didn't. They kissed, and it just kept getting better. As their lips parted, they smiled at each other. The Narrator placed a hand on Stanley's chest, leaning towards him, and the two of them continued to hold one another, softly kissing. As they parted, Stanley tackled the Narrator over and his companion groaned. "You're ridiculous. We were having a moment, Stanley," he scoffed with no malice. Stanley said nothing as he curled up next to the narrator, half lying on him like a pillow. "Your back's gonna hurt later, Stanley." "I know," Stanley said softly, "but I just want to be with you." The narrator held him in his arms. "Fair enough. I certainly don’t dislike this."

See the full post

76 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[possiamo-andare]

I posted 200 times in 2022

That's 28 more posts than 2021!

44 posts created (22%)

156 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@howlscastle

@danisnotonniall

@possiamo-andare

@sortagaysortahigh

I tagged 200 of my posts in 2022

#leas thoughts - 44 posts

#stranger things - 41 posts

#steve harrington - 32 posts

#rafe cameron - 19 posts

#steve harrington x reader - 16 posts

#obx - 16 posts

#outer banks - 15 posts

#eddie munson - 13 posts

#heartstopper - 12 posts

#rafe cameron x reader - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 92 characters

#giving real 'i'm a member of the imperial senate on a diplomatic mission to alderaan!' vibes

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Everywhere: Steve Harrington

Steve Harrington x Reader

MASTERLIST

word count: 6k

summary: a continuation from this blurb. The reader and Steve, along with their gang of friends, venture deeper and deeper into the Upside Down but when the reader finds herself in danger, she relies on Steve to anchor her.

warnings: mentions of death (not the reader) and violence

a/n: the original blurb was requested by @scenesofobx and I thought I was do a part 2 for them since the blurb was such a joy to write! I've been sitting on this one for awhile because I wasn't fully happy with it but after the fifth edit I absolutely love it and I hope you do too! happy reading <333

~

The Upside Down had become a labyrinth of tragedy and terror. 

The group of young adults ventured closer to Vecna’s lair as a gust of wind blew against their cheeks. The wind was not chilly though. In fact, it was hot. Something inside of Steve’s stomach twisted with despair. Goosebumps revealed themselves on his skin as the wind blew across his face. Suddenly, through the wind, a voice muttered against his ear.

Turn around. Or all that you love, will be destroyed.

Steve stopped dead in his tracks, a horrific realization crossing his mind. Vecna’s breath blew against them, trying to deter them from their objective; to kill him. His eyes searched for the first person he could think of - the person he loved the most. She was a few feet ahead of him, a small smile on her lips as she listened to Robin complain about how much walking they had endured so far. She looked gorgeous even with the mud covering her cheeks and her hair in various states of disarray. Steve couldn’t smile though. Every fibre of his being was telling him to grab her and run and his resolve was crumbling quickly.

Finally, she looked behind her to see where he had gone. Occasionally during their trek, Steve would reach out to touch her hair or grab her hand for reassurance. That she was still there and Vecna had not been playing tricks on him. He hadn’t done it in awhile and now, as she turned to look, her smile dropped.

“Steve?”

He looks up to meet her eyes, watching in shock as she approaches him slowly. He can’t truly describe it but his mind is fuzzy and it feels as though someone has sunk their claws into the darkest, most intimate parts of his brain. Suddenly, an image flashes across his mind. Y/N’s on the ground, arms and legs broken like Chrissy’s, and she is screaming for him. Her eyes are gone and replaced with black voids of blood. She’s dying and all Steve can do is watch.

Suddenly, a hand comes up to slap him across the face. Stunned, Steve steps back and falls, the image leaving the front of his mind. His eyes finally focus back on the present and he’s sitting on the floor with his group of friends hovering over him.

“What?” He inquires desperately. They’re looking at him as though he’s just killed someone in front of them. 

Y/N kneels down, facing him. “You looked dazed and were ignoring us when we were calling your name.”

“We thought Vecna had got to you, man!” Dustin exclaims, his face uncomfortably close to Steve’s.

Steve shook his head, a little annoyed at Dustin’s bluntness. “No, but he was messing with my head. He was showing me…” Steve didn’t even know what exactly Vecna was showing him. It couldn’t be the future, right? That couldn’t be Y/N’s fate, right? It didn’t matter. Steve wouldn’t let it be her future. They had just been deciding on names for their six children. They still had time.

“What?” Y/N asked, her eyes searching Steve’s. Most of the time, she could instantly tell what he was thinking with one look but now, his expression was unreadable.

“Nothing.” Steve gulped. “He was just trying to scare me.”

Y/N frowned, one arm outstretching for Steve. “Well, he’s gonna have to try harder.”

Steve smirks, taking her hand and getting up from the ground. “Yeah, and if he tries, Eddie can just slap me again.”

Eddie snorts. “Wasn’t me, dude.”

Steve frowns, his eyes immediately falling upon his girlfriend. There is a mischievous grin on her lips and Steve instantly rolls his eyes. “You’re kidding.”

“Hey, your life was at risk. I had to slap you out of it!” She tried to defend herself but the same smirk remained on her lips.

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you seem real sorry.” His arm slings around her neck loosely, pulling her in for a hug and kissing her temple.

While Y/N giggles, Dustin gags. “Okay, let’s go guys. Don’t wanna keep Vecna waiting.”

This time, Y/N doesn’t walk ahead of Steve. She’s way too cautious now. Although she was joking with him, seeing him dazed like that scared her. She was yelling his name but he didn’t even acknowledge her. He seemed to be in his own little world. A world created by Vecna, and that scared her. She loved Steve way too much to let him go now. They had been through too much, first as friends and then as a couple, to give up now. She was on high-alert, watching Steve as they walked with his arm still slung around her shoulders. 

See the full post

223 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

#4

Happy Birthday Babe!!! ❤️💕🎂🎁🎉🎈🍰🎊💞

I was wondering if you could do a Steve x Reader where the dream of him having his 'six little nuggets' comes true (in some way) like either reader finds out she's pregnant and Steve tells her her his dream and she says she wants the same thing or as she's about to tell him the news, he tells her about wanting kids with her and then she breaks the news, as if she's like "I guess this is a good time to tell him because we want the same thing" ? It could take place in the upside down like it did with his convo with Nance or it could be in ordinary Hawkins.

Anyway hope you like the request and that my thoughts don't suck lol

omg i love this idea! i put my own little spin on it, i hope you don't mind!

Your Beautiful Eyes: Steve Harrington (blurb)

word count: 1.2k

masterlist

~

Steve Harrington had terrible luck when it came to timing. Whether it was because he was an idiot that had trouble reading the room, or it was just the universe targeting him specifically, there was no denying the atrocious timing Steve had. Even when he met the love of his life, Y/N, his timing in telling her his feelings was embarrassing. They had been underground, trying to lead the demodogs away from Hawkins, when he broke the news to her. They would have almost died if it wasn’t for El and although the last thing on her mind was her feelings for Steve, the same couldn’t be said for him. As they collected themselves and tried to safely exit the tunnel, Steve professed his love for her.

“I love you!”

Again, his timing was terrible, but everything had worked out. Soon afraid the fear from his screaming confession subsided, Y/N returned the favour by kissing him.

Still, even after all these years, Steve’s timing hadn’t improved. He still found the worst times to have the most life changing epiphanies. Like now, as he walked with his friends through the Upside Down, he realized he wanted to marry Y/N. More specifically, he had begun picturing his life with her once they were married. They had been dating for three years by now, but they had never talked about marriage. Y/N had never brought it up and Steve was too nervous to scare her away so he avoided it like the plague. But, as he watched her adjust Dustin's helmet, he began to wonder what their life would be like with children.

He hadn’t allowed himself to think too deeply about this. He had been too scared, too insecure, she might not feel the same. But, as they walked deeper into the Upside Down and into Vecna’s lair, his mind absentmindedly thought about a future with six little lovely children that had the same facial features as his girlfriend.

He thought of three boys with her hair colour and three girls with her gorgeous eyes and beautiful smile. An image flashed across his mind, making him grin. It was of Y/N huddled on a large bed, sleeping, and cuddling with a bunch of children. She was singing them to sleep, and the thought alone made his chest grow warm.

“What’re you smiling about, Harrington?”

Steve looked up, his smile dropping only slightly. Y/N had looked back to check on Steve since he had been uncharacteristically quiet. When she noticed the shit-eating grin on his face, she slowed down and walked in step with him. She was curious about what could be making him smile like that, especially since they were minutes away from Vecna’s lair.

Steve shrugged. “Ah, nothing,” His arm came up to wrap loosely around Y/N’s neck. He brought her in for a hug momentarily and kissed her temple before pulling away with the same smile on his lips.

“Really? Do you usually smile like that when we’re about to risk our lives, then?” She smiles up at them, continuing to follow the rest of the group’s lead.

“Like what?” Steve teases.

“Like a cheshire cat!” Y/N chuckles, pinching at the apple of Steve’s cheek.

“I’m not!” He promises but the same grin remains on his face.

A moment passes as they both gaze lovingly into each other's eyes before Y/N speaks. “Seriously, what’re you thinking about?”

Steve concedes, deciding to only tell her the truth slightly. “You.”

A mischievous smirk grows on Y/N’s face. “And what exactly was I doing?”

Steve snorts, shaking his head. “You perv. Get your head outta the gutter, babe.”

Y/N rolls her eyes. “What else were you thinking of then?”

Steve blushes slightly, the same image of Y/N with children flashing across his mind. “Nah, it’s stupid.”

Y/N shrugged, a teasing grin on her lips. “Most likely. But I wanna know.”

Steve shook his head. “I shouldn’t say. Not now. The timing’s shitty.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “No offence, Stevie, but you never had the best timing anyways. Why start now?”

See the full post

395 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#3

Love Is A Dangerous Game: Rafe Cameron (part one)

Rafe Cameron x Y/N

MASTERLIST

part two

word count: 14.5k

part two

summary: Everything about Rafe Cameron should make Y/N want to run. He's rude, cocky, annoying, and most of all he's her brother's best friend. But for some reason, there's something about him that makes her want to stay. That makes her want to break her promise and kiss her brother's best friend.

warnings: smut, swearing, and lots and lots of tension (my fav)

a/n: I had so much fun writing this. idk where this inspo came from but I ran with it and I'm in love with this fic. I do have an idea for a part 2 so if you guys like that, let me know!

~

When Y/N was growing up, her mother showered her with advice. It seemed like every day, no matter the time or place, her mother would bestow a piece of wisdom on Y/N. She claimed it was to prepare her for what was to come, womanhood. A terrifying stage in any girl’s life.

Every year drew closer and closer to the year she would be considered a woman, and every year Y/N’s mother grew more desperate to prepare her. Prepare her for what, you may ask? Well, simply put, womanhood was not always a blessing. The second a girl turned eighteen, her life would change and sometimes it was for the worse. Suddenly, the law no longer protected them fully against predators, and workplaces were more than happy to not hire a young woman. It was dangerous to turn eighteen, scary even. Y/N’s mother tried to prepare her the best she could, but one warning always stood out the most.

Never let a man know how interested in him you truly are. Love is the most dangerous thing you can give a man.

It was a piece of advice Y/N’s mother repeatedly said. It was said by her mother when Y/N developed her first crush and when she got her first boyfriend. Y/N remembers first hearing about it when she was a child, barely six years old, and it always stood out to her. She had known from a young age that not all men were nice -- this lesson taught to her when she was catcalled at age twelve -- but to withhold love from men? That seemed like a mistake. Y/N believed everyone deserved to know they’re loved no matter their gender. So, why did her mom always seem to tell her this every opportunity she got?

Then, she met Rafe Cameron and suddenly it all made sense.

Rafe Cameron was two years older than her and her brother’s best friend. The first time she met Rafe was when she was fifteen years old, and he was seventeen. They had met each other in passing; Y/N was sitting on the couch reading a novel when Rafe and Y/N’s brother, Oliver, bursted through the room and headed to the kitchen. They were new to OBX at the time, and she had just finished an unsuccessful first day of school. Oliver wasn’t as unsuccessful though, already making friends with one of the richest families in OBX.

Y/N’s eyes remained on Rafe until he exited the room. He hadn’t looked at her once, yet she was smitten. He was older and the first real boy that she met that wasn’t a classmate or her brother. He seemed so cool to her, especially since he was wearing a puka shell necklace. It had been the same colour as her shirt and, at the time, she saw that as fate.

Unfortunately, the first time she spoke to Rafe, she had finally realized the truth in her mother’s advice. She had just come home from school and was listening to music with earbuds in. She was preparing a snack in the kitchen when he walked in. Oliver and Rafe had cut school that day, unbeknownst to Y/N. She had thought they wouldn’t be home for another hour, but because of how loud her music was, she never realized they were in the house. As she sang under her breath, Rafe approached her and tapped her on her shoulder. She jumped, turning around, and removing her earbuds from her ears in a panic.

When she realized it was just Rafe, she relaxed only a little. It had been one week since she had first seen him, and he was still just as gorgeous as she remembered. His brown hair was messy, and she watched as he kept pushing it out of his eyes. She stared at him for a moment, unsure of what to say. Then, he spoke.

“You listen to some real shitty music.” There was a smirk on his lips and although his words were hurtful, Y/N’s heart still pounded in her chest.

She swore he was the most beautiful person she ever had the pleasure of meeting. At fifteen though, she was uncomfortable talking to boys so instead of speaking, she just shrugged and avoided his eye contact. When she looked back at him moments later, he was still watching her with this intense look in his eyes. Then, he spoke again.

“Do you wanna kiss me?” He asked, his face serious. He stepped closer to her, towering over the younger girl. They were chest to chest now, and Y/N still couldn’t find it in herself to speak.

Y/N had never been this close to a boy, let alone kiss one. Her mind seemed scrambled, and her expression dropped to one of shock as she tried to answer him. Her words only came out as stammers and the more she tried to speak, the less sense she made.

Then, in an instant, Rafe bursted out laughing. He doubled over, cackling as loud as he could. This lasted for a few moments and when it finally sunk in that he was teasing her, her cheeks grew hot. Except this wasn’t a blush of happiness, it was one of embarrassment. Y/N was beyond embarrassed. Rafe had held her heart in his hands, and, in a moment, he crushed it. Y/N’s throat began to tighten as tears threatened to spill any moment. Boys had made fun of her before, but she never had a crush on them. They were all annoying and not as beautiful as Rafe. Y/N felt unworthy, shameful, and most of all she felt ugly. Rafe had made her feel ugly. As if it was laughable that he’d ever want to kiss her.

Finally, he seemed to control his laughter enough to speak again. “You’re just a little kid, and I’m an adult. But I see the way you look at me, stalker.”

Rafe had left the kitchen shortly after that, but that nickname stuck around long after. Not only did it weigh on her heart, but Rafe made sure to bring it every time he saw her. Years passed and still, Rafe never called Y/N by her name. Instead, he’d teasingly call her a stalker. And no matter how much Y/N convinced herself it didn’t sting, it did. She didn’t like being reminded about the first time she had ever truly felt ugly. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in her life and it didn’t help that it was a moment she shared with Rafe.

The only positive thing she took away from that day was that she finally understood what her mom meant; some men indulged in the fact that women loved them, and they’d use that power against them. Her mom had been right; love was a really dangerous thing.

Two years passed and, at the age of seventeen, Y/N got her first boyfriend. Daniel, a boy she was partnered with in her biology class, had asked her out to homecoming. It was the first time a boy had ever asked her out, especially a boy she liked back. Daniel had these kind green eyes that Y/N loved, and he was so funny. She often found herself getting in trouble in class because he was making her laugh too much. Daniel was the perfect boy to Y/N, but ever since her first run in with Rafe where she realized the truth in her mother's advice, Y/N made sure to protect herself. She never texted back right away and when Daniel would compliment her, she made sure to only thank him. Even when they had shared their first kiss a week before homecoming, Y/N made sure to pull away first. Although she really liked Daniel, her guard was always up. Love was a dangerous game, after all.

Finally, when the night of homecoming arrived, Y/N couldn't be more excited. She was sure Daniel was going to ask her to be his girlfriend tonight. He had been subtly hinting at it since their kiss and she knew he was waiting for the perfect moment. As she descended the stairs in an elegant green dress that matched the colour of Daniel's eyes, she never felt more confident. That is, until Rafe poked his head out from Oliver's room.

Oliver and Rafe were in university at this time, but they had a week off, which just so happened to be the same week of homecoming. Y/N had hoped Rafe wouldn't be there, knowing he'd only make her feel worse, but she wasn't so lucky. Thankfully, her crush on Rafe was no more. She had gotten over it a long time ago, but that didn't mean she was going to forget how he had treated her when they first met. Y/N remained bitter towards Rafe, treating him as if he was an annoying sibling rather than her brother's best friend.

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898 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#2

Crazy For You: Steve Harrington

Steve Harrington x Reader

MASTERLIST

word count: 3.1k

summary: Steve's been acting weird and Robin wants to know why. Little does she know, it's not something that's got him acting so weird, but someone.

a/n: literally wrote this in two days so I'm sorry it's so short lol but I hope you enjoy! no warnings, just straight up cheesy fluff <333

~

When Steve enters Family Video that morning, Robin instantly knows something is wrong. He’s smiling, for one, and it’s not one of those fake smiles he gives Keith when he needs something from him. It’s a smile that reaches his eyes and flares out around the creases of his face. It’s a smile that tells Robin everything - Steve is really happy today.

Steve’s not an entirely miserable guy. When he’s out with his friends he finds himself more happy than not (as long as Dustin doesn’t do anything to annoy him), but when Steve enters the doors of Family Video, something instantly changes within him. It’s like a new part of his brain is unlocked once he’s inside and he’s unhappy. He rarely smiles, if only just for the customers, and Robin can tell he’s counting down the hours until he can leave. It’s not the best job in the world and it’s definitely not something he saw himself doing, which is something Robin completely understands. So, she tries to joke around with him and annoy him just enough to entertain him throughout the day.

Today, however, Steve didn’t seem like he needed any help with that. He seemed to be enjoying his time at Family Video just fine. This frightened Robin. Steve complained to her about their jobs endlessly and to see him in such a jovial mood really creeped her out.

At first it was the smile that was plastered across his face when he entered. Robin uses the term smile very loosely. It was more of a shit-eating grin or a beam of sunlight casting from his face. She eerily watched Steve confidently walk past the front desk, nodding happily to Robin before greeting Keith. This frightened Robin even more. Unless it had to do with his breaks, Steve rarely interacted with Keith. He pretty much steered clear from Keith. But today Steve shook his hand and even offered to help him rearrange the adult videos in the back corner of the store - a task he had always forced Robin to do.

Then, towards the middle of her shift, Robin heard humming. At first she thought it was another customer or a fly. She would think that before thinking it was Steve. But alas, as she peered over from her position at the front desk over to one of the aisles, she watched in shock as Steve hummed a tune she was unfamiliar with. Then, a few moments later, as she was cataloguing some materials, she finally recognized the tune. Steve Harrington was humming to the tune of Crazy For You by Madonna. Her worry suddenly turned to horror. 

The last straw came when his lunch break arrived. Steve always took the first break, basically forcing Robin to go after him. He had always begged to leave first because he couldn’t stand it in Family Video much longer. But, as the clock chimed noon, Steve offered the break to Robin first. 

She stared at him for a moment too long and after the initial shock wore off, she spoke. “What’s up with you today?”

Steve frowned, his brows pulling together in confusion. “What’d you mean?”

Robin mimicked his frown. “What do I mean? Steve, you never offer me the first lunch break.”

“Yeah, I do!”

“Uh, no ya don’t. The last time I even tried to suggest I take the first break, you threw a hissy fit.” Robin explained, trying to convey her shock through the grand gestures of her hands.

“I did not throw a hissy fit.” Steve grumbled. Even though he was slightly annoyed, he was still ten times more relaxed than she had ever seen him.

“Fine, it was more of a tantrum, but I digress. You’re acting very weird today.” Robin eyes Steve closely and she realizes that this is the first time today where Steve looks slightly nervous.

“Weird? How am I acting weird?”

“Well, for one, you’re smiling.” Robin watches as Steve rounds the corner of the front desk and leans his backside against the counter. 

“I smile!” Steve scowls, his arms crossing over his chest.

“Yeah, but not when you’re working here, and definitely not with Keith around.” Robin replies, her head spinning to the closed door where she knows Keith is.

“That’s not true!” Steve hisses, leaning forward to make sure Keith can’t hear him.

“Really? You don’t think you’re acting weird today?” Robin asks, and Steve shakes his head indignantly. A moment passes and then Robin asks another question. “Then why did I hear you humming Crazy For You by Madonna?”

Suddenly the scowl on Steve’s face turns to one of pure shock. “I don’t have time for this, Rob.”

He looks bewildered and Robin knows it’s because she’s getting close. This suspicion is only confirmed when Steve turns around and begins to grab a stack of movies that were waiting to be reshelved. Robin watches as he anxiously picks up the stack and makes his way around the desk and further away from Robin. Although the front desk needs to be watched in case a customer appears, Robin has more pressing matters to attend to which involve why her friend is acting so weird today. So, without thinking twice, Robin follows Steve into an aisle.

She watches him for a moment, and notices how strained his movements are as he shelves each VHS away. Robin wastes not even a moment before she is hounding Steve for more information. “I knew you were hiding something!” When Steve doesn’t respond, she continues. “You think you could keep a secret from me, Harrington? Ha! Think again!”

Steve rolls his eyes, grumbling something under his breath before speaking more clearly. “Leave me alone and just take your fucking break, Rob.”

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1,406 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Everything: Steve Harrington

Steve Harrington x Y/N

MASTERLIST

word count: 10.1k

summary: Steve is in love with Y/N. Y/N is in love with Steve. They both have no idea and all these unrequited feelings are pushed to the forefront when when Steve catches her in Eddie's bed.

warnings: a whole lotta angst, smut, fluff, two idiots pining over each other, swearing, and a very jealous steve

a/n: this fic was requested by one of my followers @ruckusbowzeus who literally came up with this entire plot and had faith in me to execute it. they are just so wonderful and patient especially since my computer kept crashing and it took forever to finish. thanks to my friend for all the support!

~

Morning dew against the window. It's the first thing she notices when she opens her eyes. It sticks to the window, casting an iridescent glow on her face. Her eyes crinkle at the corners, watching as a bee buzzes across the window and lands directly on it. She wants to get up, wake up the man beside her, and start the day but his bed is too warm and she's too lazy. If she could, she would lay here all day with him and maybe she would if she could convince him.

Just as she closes her eyes once again, a loud bang jolts her awake. It's loud and harsh and it shakes the walls when she hears it the second time. Suddenly, Y/N sits up in bed, looking around the room before finally looking down at the man beside her.

"Eddie!" Y/N hisses, shaking the man laying beside her. "There's someone at the door!"

Eddie moans, his body only moving slightly. Y/N pokes at him again, this time she does it at his sides. Finally, he lifts his head from the pillow, looking around momentarily before his eyes land on her. There's a small smirk on his lips when he takes in her appearance, and he's not afraid to tell her so.

"Gotta lil' bedhead, honey."

She smirks, wanting to throw a snarky comment back in his direction but she's interrupted by another bang. This time, both Eddie and Y/N hear it. Both of their heads snap in the direction of the sound. It's the front door. Although the front door can not be seen from Eddie's room, they both still watch the wall as if someone is living inside of it. For a moment, Y/N believes there might be with how the walls shake against the sound.

Eddie glances at Y/N, both of them sharing a confused expression. "Who the fuck is that?"

Y/N shrugs, a small smirk on her lips. "Owe money to anyone?"

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Was one fucking time -"

But again, their conversation is interrupted by another bang. This time though, a voice comes right after the loud bang, and the perpetrator of the banging is revealed.

"Y/N! I know you're in there!"

It's Steve Harrington, best friend to Y/N and longtime crush. Of course, he doesn't know that last bit, but it's important to Y/N nonetheless. She has no idea why he's here, waiting outside Eddie's trailer, or why he's so angry, but now any semblance of a smirk has left her lips and she's frowning. Cowering in fear. Because, just as she hears Steve's voice, she realizes the huge mistake she had made.

She looks at Eddie, both of their expressions fearful. They've been caught. "What time is it?"

Eddie glances at his watch. "Eleven in the morning."

Y/N rubs her face harshly, trying to wake herself up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

She's scrambling out of bed now. She knows Steve won't be going anywhere and the more he waits, the angrier he will become. They had plans today, and she got forgotten. They were supposed to go out to breakfast and she had promised that this time it would be on her since she had spent the entire summer avoiding him. She was doing that on purpose, not that he knew that. Y/N had a crush on Steve for a while now and recently, with the future so uncertain since she was going to college in the fall, her feelings had deepened considerably. She was trying to protect herself, after all, and she was protecting Steve too. The last thing either of them needed right now was a romantic relationship.

Eddie was her only friend that knew of her crush on Steve and she had spent the night with him, trying to drown her sorrows in cheap liquor and weed. Eddie had been her friend for much longer and she always knew a night with Eddie could cheer her up. But that's all they were - friends. Many people doubted it. Even their own friends had tried to push them together since they got along so well. She remembers in sophmore year they had made out in a closet and that experience had made her realize two things; Eddie Munson would only ever be her friend and kissing any guy wouldn't help her forget her feelings for Steve.

Eddie jumps out of bed now, his expression just as frantic. "Why is he here?"

"I made plans with him, but I bailed. He's probably pissed he had to wait at Fran's for a couple hours." Y/N remarks, looking around the floor and picking up the first shirt she could find. As she pulls it over head, she hears Eddie snicker.

"Looks great on you." Eddie chides, clearly making fun of how long the shirt looked on her. The shirt is not hers but his and it's of his favourite band - Motley Crue.

Y/N flips him off, momentarily unaware of Steve's presence outside. "Fuck off."

"Munson? I can hear you giggling in there!"

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2,722 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theghostpinesmusic]

Deschutes River Canyon (2/3)

We got a bit of a late start the second morning due to not setting an alarm, but hey, that's the joy of low-key spring backpacking.

I enthusiastically proselytize about the odd beauty of this trail to anyone who will listen, but even I will admit that doing thirteen miles on it in one day is tough. Even in the spring when the temperatures are low(er), there's no real escape from the sun at any point. The trail is easy to follow because of its past as a former train line, but it's also hard-packed and therefore hard on your feet when you're walking a long distance on it. And the canyon, strangely alluring as it is, can get extremely boring after six or so hours of seemingly identical twists and turns.

The section of the trail between Lockit Camp and Harris Ranch is, for me, the worst example of this last complaint. I think this might arise in part from the fact that I passed through this section of trail at the beginning and very end of an extremely long dayhike I took from my camp at Fall Canyon in 2021. It's also in part because even though there are a lot of neat little landmarks and details throughout the canyon for anyone who is paying attention to enjoy, none of those really seem to fall along this section of the trail.

So, we walked and walked and walked, and I looked across the river as we paralleled a long, parked line of train cars. The train seemed to last forever, and so did the walking.

Finally, though, we saw the distinctive, fantasy-novel-looking dark cliffs that mark the final bend in the river before the trail passes through the remains of Harris Ranch.

I honestly have not looked much into the history of Harris Ranch and so I don't have any real sense of what it was like before the 2018 Substation Fire incinerated it, but I suspect that it was, at least, a somewhat more inviting landmark than it is nowadays.

That said, it still serves as a halfway-ish landmark along the trail and the open swath of the canyon here is particularly beautiful, even as your passing through is punctuated by the eerie pings and creaks of old metal signs hanging from burnt posts blowing in the afternoon wind. You could probably camp here, as the land is the flattest it ever really gets along the trail, but I never have.

We continued on to Fall Canyon Camp, probably the best campsite along the entire trail and certainly home to the Deschutes River's most picturesque outhouse.

We took a long break here and had a nice conversation with a group of three backpackers who were heading south along the trail but had been hoping to set up camp for the night. We assured them the spot was theirs and continued on after enjoying a half-hour or so of not walking along a sun-drenched railroad bed.

We were about nine miles into our thirteen-mile day, on a long stretch of empty trail between the Harris Ranch and Gordon Canyon areas, grumbling about the sun and impatient to get to our next camping spot, when we were passed by two bikers (the trail is arguably much better known as a biking trail than as a hiking trail). We didn't think anything of this initially, as this was the tenth or so group of bikers to pass us so far that day. But then they stopped just a bit ahead of us and waited for us to catch up.

Initially, I was thinking that maybe they were having some sort of issue or wanted to know something about the trail, but once we caught up it turned out that they were just really friendly and wanted to say hello. After a few minutes of conversation, before they rode off again to the north, one of the bikers pulled a can of cider out of his bike-mounted mini-cooler (a pretty great piece of gear if I do say so myself) and gave it to us.

Now, the merits of drinking an alcoholic beverage on a hot day with four more miles of hiking ahead of you are certainly debatable, but we did not debate. It was cold, now, and if we waited to drink it, it would be hot. Duh.

In the end, the cider helped us power through the next two miles, but more than likely made the final two miles the slog that they were. Fortunately, after a quick break at Game Commission Camp, those last two miles were at least punctuated by some of my favorite scenery along the whole trail. For one, there is a weird rockfield that runs right along the shore of a particularly rough part of the river.

And, just south of Gordon Canyon, the columnar basalt returns with a vengeance, though it tends to exist in whorls here rather than in proper columns.

On the second night of the past two trips, I/we had set up camp at a somewhat hidden site across from where Gordon Canyon Creek intersects the trail. This spot is shaded and right above the river, and is one of my favorite spots along the entire trail, second maybe only to Fall Canyon Camp. This time, though, someone had beat us there. So, we continued a bit further north along the trail until the flat, rock-fenced-in field that I associate with Colorado Camp came into view on our left.

I have a lot of fond memories of lazy afternoons over the last few years spent in this field, usually under the two trees that stand alone in the middle.

We were hesitant to hike further up the trail, but were also unimpressed by the available sites at Colorado Camp proper, so even though the sun was starting to set behind the western canyon wall, we descended down to the field from the road to look around. It was Lindsey who noticed that with a little work, we might actually be able to set our tent up under the trees themselves. We were both huge fans of this idea, so we did it.

After a quick setup, we both layered up and then I climbed back up to the road to take some sunset photos while Lindsey started a fire (legally, in an established fire ring). I love the vantage from the road here (where the main trail joins/becomes a driveable road for the last four or so miles north to the Columbia), and the sight of our small fire and the tent nestled under the tree made it seem downright cozy.

Then I climbed back down to the tent to find out that one of Lindsey's boots was missing.

She has a tendency to, when it's reasonable, swap out her boots and hike in sandals instead. She stuffs the unused footwear in the mesh pocket in the back of her pack and (usually) secures with a knot or a carabiner. In this case, she had switched her boots out for her sandals at Fall Creek Canyon, at least seven miles before we'd reached Colorado Camp, and one of them had apparently fallen out somewhere between the two. We were both fairly certain that she'd had both boots at Game Commission Camp, two miles before we'd stopped for the night, so rather than giving up the boot for lost, I offered to get up early the next morning and hike back to see if I could find it.

This was partially out of a desire to be helpful and chivalrous, but it was also partially out of a desire to go on a fun little sidequest. By our standards at least, the Deschutes River hike, done over three days, is a pretty short and pretty straightforward hike, and while I wasn't feeling inclined to tack on another five or ten miles just for the hell of it, the idea of hiking a four-mile round-trip loop (at most) in addition to finishing the trail to the Columbia the next morning didn't really faze me, and I was excited for the challenge.

On the other hand, it would certainly be possible for her to finish the hike in sandals, so if we woke up late and decided to give the boot up to the wild, we would still be able to get back to the car by following the low-elevation trail along the river to the finish.

The thirteen mile day must have worn on us a bit more than the previous, shorter day because we didn't stay up nearly as late on the second night. We were in the tent shortly after dark, me at least with plans for another medium-length day of hiking the next day, depending on how things went. I somewhat grudgingly set an alarm for the next morning, and then quickly zonked out for the night.

[chorusfm]

Jose Lobo – “Nuevos días (versión alternativa)” (Song Premiere)

Today is a great day to share the latest single and lyric video from Jose Lobo called “Nuevos días (versión alternativa).” On this great-sounding new track, Lobo channels his love for sweeping instrumentation and big hooks. Lobo shared: ’Nuevos días’ is a song written right before the year ended back in 2020 to 2021. It is a song that predicts the year will come silent and asks to know already what lies ahead, impatiently and at the same time it questions the notion of planning the year ahead because in my mind no matter how hard I tried to plan everything what brought me the most joy tended to always be a surprise. This new version comes with voice recordings that are extremely personal and further set the song in a time period of my life. With electric guitars and a bigger production, the song hopes to emulate the turmoil my mind and that of many others can sometimes enter during the winter season. I was also able to catch up with this talented artist for a brief interview below. What was the inspiration behind the new version “Nuevos días (versión alternativa)”, how did it change from the original? The new version was inspired by the live version I play with my friend and collaborator Victor Zhang. He normally plays an electric guitar and I really loved the way that new guitar tone created new colors in the song and how the live version would build up. In this way the new version sort of looks for this peak, this type of release in a more palpable way than the original version. How do you hope listeners will connect with the new song, considering its relevance to your personal experiences and in the broader context as we are emerging from the winter months into spring? The new version shows a different approach to songs than the one I think was prevalent on the album. There are new instruments involved and a build up that allows for a whirlwind of emotions to exist, I think the album really tries to emphasize the hope that can be found in little things. This song is more saying it’s okay if things are a mess, new days come with change. This was also definitely affected by recording and producing it during the winter. I remember listening in Mathieu’s (Tout Feu) room when he was mixing the song and outside his window a blizzard was taking place, and that blizzard definitely made its way into the song. With the Digital Deluxe release of In All Good Hope, could you share some about the new tracks you’ve prepared? How do these additions complement the existing songs? These new songs come as additions that make the album much more set in the present. The way these songs are produced I think showcases much more what I’m exploring right now! Also these are songs I play at shows and one in particular was a song that I had not written/recorded at the time the album was being made but for me always felt like it had be part of the album (and now it is), haha. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/features/jose-lobo-nuevos-dias-version-alternativa-song-premiere/

[fieldnoting]

12.21.23 bakersfield / san joaquin

before i opened my eyes this morning, a phrase flashed through my head: "it tasted like memory."

it's winter solstice-ish, and i am in the middle of a returning home to san francisco, departing from an older home in los angeles. the seat i picked faces opposite to the direction we are traveling in; hurtling ahead with my back to the future, facing history, memory.

as 2023 comes to a close, i'm thinking about 2021, 2022, 2023 layered atop, or otherwise parallel to one another, how wishes from past years have come to fruition this year.

at the end of each year of this decade so far, i've felt an undertone of sadness, defeat, overwhelm in the face of uncertainty; i'd strive to be grateful and hopeful, often hope in something beyond me. this year, sadness and overwhelm remained, but then came friendship, community, joy, then came the power. in a recent talk given by chetna mehta, i was awed by their adapted feelings wheel, which included "power" as a category of feeling.

i feel more within myself, i think because i've tried to confront the parts of ever-present sadness & uncertainty that were in the realm of my ability to act. i tried to lean on others a bit more, i tried to be open about the things that felt unspeakable. what feels new this year is also a belief in what i am able to do, in my ability to continue, return, or change, belief in not only what remains beyond me (which can also be the things that overwhelm me), but belief in what and belief shared with who i am touched by, connected with -- how much more we can hold when we hold it together. i am so grateful.

in a song i looped incessantly this year, caroline polachek sings "so many stories we were told / about a safety net / but when i look for it / it's just a hand that's holding mine." the paradox i'm sitting with is how i more fervently believe in how we need one another, and how i more fervently believe in how we need to honor our fundamental opacities to one another, our house of differences (audre lorde), our abilities to exist as our own people and the inevitable frictions of doing so. i am believing in my wholeness even if i am hurt, misunderstood, there is so much i can do to ensure that my needs & wants are met, that there is much i am lucky to be able to do to continue to reach toward affirming connection, to practice my belief in my own wholeness.

i'm ending this year looking forward to and believing in the work in front of me, like there is so much to be done. like there are many calls to respond to, and many responses to call out for. i want to ~radiate~ competence and efficacy in service of what i love, care for, and believe in.

to quote aracelis girmay: "i'm ashamed & determined. sharpened by fury. sharpened by love. we keep finding ways to each other. more vast than they fathom."

visiting family

there is so much to say, and so little time, about things like how i feel like the luckiest person on the train, with a tupperware of pickled radish and cucumber, laid alongside roast duck, char siu, garlic chicken, ++ on a bed of rice; about things like how i see how i am a child of my parents (and can cleanly trace where the stockpiling/hoarding tendency, anxiety, helicoptering, discontent with working, obsessiveness, adhd even, come from).

with my mom, i watched videos about microapartments, capsule wardrobes, art studio visits. i also brought a kazuo ishiguro short story collection and book on cbt, both translated into chinese, for her to read.

in choppy mandarin, i tried to explain to my dad how it felt not just important, but necessary to figure out how to work without anxiety at the center. there's some kind of shift that's happened where he seems to have arrived at this conclusion too, it's hard to do your best work when paralyzed by fear, or do much at all.

my mom is getting ready to retire in the next few years, and she talked to me about how it feels important to do a thing that doesn't....sap your will to live (or make you forget that it was there at all).

the desire to live well has more space to sprawl out when there isn't the constructive fear concerning basic survival and stability, and i'm really excited for both of my parents to have more ease and joy in their lives, i'm really glad that it feels possible to retain my belief in myself irregardless of their immediate understanding, and to value their interest and curiosity.

it is nice to feel like we are on the same team, like at the end of the day we are all just trying to live well, and do what it is we need to do to live well, and not grind ourselves down to nubs in the process of being able to live, and it is nice to feel like my sense of self is no longer contingent on their approval, while remaining grounded in my care of their opinion and approval.

the past is still here, and i can interact with it; it is more malleable than i imagined --

"i'm happy you visited"

"i'm happy i visited too"

[simply-shakera]

2022 Reflections

Happy New Year Everyone! Welcome to my annual blog where I reflect on the year that has passed.

2022 was a preview of just how good it can get!

I set out to surpass the goals that I set for myself; and in many ways I did just that. Most days were really hard on me mentally and physically but I am extremely grateful for the work I have done over the years to develop strong support systems.

The past year included a variety of loss - from people to relationships, to things. Such is life they say, but that didn’t make coping any easier. In the spring, beloved Jamaican patty shop Randy’s closed their doors. This restaurant was such a huge part of my upbringing and Caribbean identity in Toronto. Since there has been often times I would say to myself, “let me go grab some curry goat from Randy’s”, only to remember that they are no longer in business. I really hope they do come back.

Rest in peace Peter Moncrieffe, my beloved fitness trainer and member of the Alldunamis family. Who we lost unexpectedly. I continue to lift his family and ministry up in prayer. His celebration of life was such a beautiful display of how he loved and was loved. We will miss you.

Then there was the tragic loss of Twitch. This tragic news of how he passed was absolutely gutting; I’m still in disbelief. Although he was a public figure that I never met, he was a legend in the dance community and gave us a positive example of what was possible as a Black dance artist. His success on So You Think You Can Dance was such a source of inspiration for me early in my dance career. It was an honour to watch him grow, start his family and blossom as a public figure. I will cherish the Breakfast Television episode we shared in 2021.

For some reason 2022 felt like three years in one. January - March, while Toronto was still in lock down, was slow and steady. The pace was great. I was able to strategize what I wanted the year to look like and prepare for the days aheads.

From April -August,  things picked up intensely and did not stop. We were outside again for the first time in months! During this time, I built beautiful brand partnerships, grew Carnival Spice and navigated challenging family dynamics. I worked my butt off ya’ll and served with my whole heart. Still, there was joy mixed with chaos and celebration combined with some sadness. Still we rise.

Then boom, it was like September came in as a whole new year, and my world halted. I was TIRED. Not burnt out, just really tired and had no interest in doing anything but sleep. So that I did. I finally made time to travel since the pandemic and really took this time to heal and rest.

With that said, I feel really proud of what I’ve accomplished this past year.

Here are a few moments I would like to highlight:

Worked with brands such as: City of Toronto, Pepsi, CAMH, Trillium Health, Phnx Fit House, Jamieson Canada, Canada’s Wonderland and more.

Created a trending soca tik tok challenge to Kes The Band’s “Jolene”

Met Shensea, @thebirdspapaya, and Devi brown, plus watched Spice and Londrelle perform live.

Won the Afropolitan Canada award for “Influencer of the Year”.

Performed a Toronto Blue Jays game!!!!!

Mc’d the first Caribbean Carnival parade in Atlantic Canada.

Developed a beautiful a partnership with Knix.

Took a vacation out of the country.

The quote above is an affirmation that I crafted in the most beautiful and supportive environment while on vacation a few weeks ago. May it be the foundation for the year ahead as I am met with the ebbs and flows of life.

Joy is key. Forgiveness is key. Discipline is key.

To whoever may need this, I am happy I can share it with you… releasing it out of my notebook and into the atmosphere.

2023 I welcome more love, more light and more ease… and I would love the same for you. Thank you for reading.

Xo,

Shakera

[peachpety]

twenty-twenty top 5

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i was tagged by @bonesliketambourines, @the-starryknight, @bluebutter-art, @lazywonderlvnd and @gallifrey1sburning - thank you for sharing your personal faves...i’ve loved reading about everyone’s accomplishments! y’all are amazing and i bow.

and as always i’m humbled that you’ve tagged me. that you thought of including me makes me feel wonderful, so thank you. 

to continue to encourage positive self-reflection and proud sharing - because it’s totally ok to be your own cheerleader, y’all - i tag @ladderofyears, @shealwaysreads, @thusspoketrish, @thesleepiesthufflepuff, @davonysus, @mystickitten42, @xanthippe74, @glittering-git, @veelawings, @dewitty1 (i’d love you to share your fave recs!!), @fictional, @fae-vorite, @lastontheboat, @fangqueen, @legendrarry, @ano-ka-ba, @gallifrey1sburning

ok y’all, here goes!

i’ve been a longtime lurker in fandom, but only recently (since April’s end) began writing and posting fic. it’s been a wonderful rollercoaster - i’ve experienced a gamut of emotions honestly, like every one! some i’m less proud of than others, looking at you self-doubt and envy, but ya know, i’m human, go figure! 

A WIP am i. 

here’s my take away...for me, this is a hobby that i truly enjoy. it’s fun and i have fun doing it. and that i get to share it with folks? bonus! look, if even ONE person loves what i write, well. i’m amazed and so very thrilled...and i’m working on being content with that. and i think, for the most part, i’m succeeding. some days are better than others to be sure!

so thank you for accepting me in the sandbox, y’all. this is a big, fantastic, talented fandom, and i am truly honored to be allowed to build my own brand of sandcastles alongside. 

i’ve accomplished quite a lot these past months...47 posted! i sure do appreciate the opportunity to dwell upon that! here ya go, and in no particular order...

🍑 Laundry Day - my debut fic, my bb! ok FULL DISCLOSURE. this fancy laundry detergent exists. i use it myself on my bedding and clothing. my bff, during a visit once, kept hugging me and i’m like ok, i love you but WTH. and she was like, you smell so good. it was this GD detergent...and thus a drarry idea was sparked. originally, i wrote this so lean, y’all, like it was only 1300 words! i’ve written technical papers my entire life/past career and was raised with Kill The Adverb. my beta at the time assured me that fanfiction is different. so i plunked in descriptors feeling like i’d gone completely rogue, revised and revised and then spent an entire day posting. literally. it took me ALL DAMN DAY. i was a wreck. but i’m still so very proud of this one, y’all. it even has fanart (one) - twice! (two) - gah, i am HONORED and i just love it!! 

🍑Color Me Enamored - this i wrote for HP Sudsfest, a lovely little fest that was a complete joy in which to participate. the lovely @mystickitten42 prompted an idea that ticked all my boxes...and i set timers to claim it. i am completely in love with the idea of emotions depicted visually as color so i thoroughly enjoyed writing this little piece. this one came together so easily, and i think it’s because i DID have fun! i’m a big fan of The Build Up, of The Tension, gah just so deliciously yummy! And i’m perfectly ok with this forever being known for The Sexy Shoelace (which may or may not have art soon coming, just sayin’ wink wink).

🍑 Boxing Day - ok, y’all this one. i love love love participating in the Drarry Discord Drabble Challenges. i LURVE me a drabble, a ficlet, a teeny slice, a wee sample and with word restrictions! gah let me sing you the song of My People! i cannot express how much i love writing this way (more on that below). but this piece...ok i love this y’all. for many reasons. i wrote it literally 4 hours before submission, tucked in bed typing away on my fucking phone, just letting words flow. it’s unbetaed (HUGE FOR ME OK?) and just...it’s me pure. and AND it was babbled by @lastontheboat...! and that is so very special, that someone would want to read my words out loud...? i’m aflutter still and so very HONORED always.

🍑 10 Easy Steps - my favorite of my texting fics! inspiration sparks at all times, y’all. this was inspired by a random conversation on one of the drarry discord channels about killing spiders. and i just sat right down and wrote this thing and had THE BEST TIME doing it. i simply let our boys loose in my head and typed it out. this is honestly almost exactly how this played out first draft and is probably the most fun i’ve had writing drarry thus far. i didn’t use a text generating platform but played with the formatting and voila! it’s also a fic that was individually recced by the lovely @sitp-recs...and i still am so thrilled about it, ok?🕷

🍑 Sun Stroke - i was recently asked which of my fics felt most like ME to me and this is one. i’ve chatted about this one recently, but suffice it to say that this one came together seamlessly after i abandoned an attempt at crafting Big Angst...and this felt so very right and cemented in my mind (and heart) that i should trust my instincts and embrace my voice.

while i love the above fics (and all of my fics, tbh) i am most inordinately proud of my Autumn Drarry Drabbles Series. it was a self-imposed challenge to write and post for 31 days in October with fall/halloween prompts. i wrote 28.4k words in a month, y’all! here’s what i know. i love short fic. i’m good at writing short fic. give me a word limitation, a drabble, a ficlet, a slice and i’m in heaven typing away. short fic doesn’t get much love...it doesn’t “sell” but i’m here to tell you that i love it and will continue to write it! i’m making this an annual thing, y’all! i’m planning on asking for prompts early this year so start thinking about lists or things you’d like to see for our boys Halloween 2021!! 

i’m including my five favorite ficlets from my series. i love all of them but these rank in MY personal top five...

🍑The Legendary House of Gucci 🍑a thousand reflections 🍑Special Recipe 🍑flannel is a love language 🍑hide the path so quietly

i sure do appreciate this indulgence, y’all! thank you for reading this long thing about me, myself and i. saying farewell, finally, to 2020 with this reflection has been lovely. here’s to more fun to be had in 2021...big love, y’all! 

xoxo peach

[ruiniel]

Fandom: Castlevania series (2017-2021)

Pairing: Alucard x Reader

Characters: Alucard, Reader, Original Characters

Rating: Mature / 18+ only

Also on ao3

Tags/CW: Accident context, Depressive character, Portal Fantasy, Isekai, There is a plot, And language nerdery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Explicit Language, References to Depression, First Meetings, Character-meets-world, Near Death Experience, References to Loss, Grief/Mourning, POV Second Person, Language Barrier, Violence, Slow burn, References to Canon, Rewriting show canon, Because why not, More tags coming

Summary:

Entertained an idea as I was doing writing warm-ups for CV: what if someone in the 21st century stumbled upon this stranger during a turbulent storm, narrowly avoiding running them over, and what's more they can't understand a word coming out of their mouth.

I.

You start at the sudden garble of voices on the radio and turn the volume down, eyes then back on the gray road. It's the start of the weekend and you cannot wait to get to your old, decrepit — but still reliable — family cabin set beyond the familiar wooded hills, a few hours' drive out of town. Once you manage better, you'll refurbish and mend it, keep it functional for as long as you can; too many things had time destroyed recently. 

The erosion in your ears is joined by a deafening crack of thunder, and you sigh as you watch the clouds hanging from the skies like a mass of lead.

“We needed this, didn't we?” you mumble at the car, as the trees slip by you on either side, their crowns and limbs bending under rising winds.

It should be getting better by now; you've been this way for months, but finally, things should be looking up again. 

It's not happening; why isn't it happening? 

It's not as though you didn't try getting back on track, struggling to do the things you used to do but no longer find joy in, still banging your metaphorical fists against the walls of your stubborn mind. There's a gnawing bite in the pit of your stomach which comes and goes — that you’re missing something, that something’s not quite right at certain moments, like the wrongly placed piece in a jigsaw puzzle preventing the completion of a greater picture.

The radio's still out and you forgot your phone in the back, which means you'll take the rumble of thunder for entertainment. The skies are even darker, now crested by lightning like holy wounds, cold and white-grey, phantom-like. Now here, now there, so fast they make you blink twice, and your foot eases on that gas pedal. “Never like this before…” you wonder, trying to remember the last time you saw nature so vicious.

If nothing else, it’s a great show.

You’re fairly sure the forest ahead and the faraway places beyond it are currently being drenched, and you hope the patched roof is sturdy enough to withstand nature at its angriest. “So much for weather forecasts,” you say to the water splotches crashing angrily against the windshield, until the dull pattern becomes a thrum against the rigid body of the vehicle, taking you with it in all senses. If only—

“Fuck!”

Your foot slams the brake but not fast enough, and your horror at the humanoid lump you’re trying to avoid running over freezes you but somehow both your hands still grasp the wheel, and next you're skidding to a precarious halt, to what it feels like narrowly avoiding flipping over with the whole damn thing.

Your hands are clammy on the steering wheel as you open your eyes, shivering, and your gaze flies to the rear view mirror; someone, is there. Someone is there, possibly hurt. 

“Oh, oh shit. Shit, shit-shit!” With adrenaline still pumping in your veins you jump out of the car and throw the back door open to search for your phone and call an ambulance, but it must have been flung who-knows-where while you were avoiding death — it's nowhere to be found.

A weak, strangled groan behind you has you whirling around, feet moving and hurrying towards the person now trying to rise to their knees and failing. 

You reach them, staring at a young face that goes with the earlier sound you heard, then at long, tattered hair, and a… ragged cape, dark and sleek with rain. What hits you most, what freezes you more than the pouring water, though, are the eyes. 

Staring at you wildly through the curtain of rain, too confused to not deepen your worry. So light, amber, golden. 

“Hey, hey a-are you hurt?!”

The absolute eeriness about them — him? — leaves you as stunned as the shock you just went through, all relief included.

He doesn't answer you, instead brings a long, heavily cuffed hand to his temple, mumbling something in a language you can't grasp but sounds faintly like 'cali'.

“C-what's that?” you ask. “Is that you? Or where you're from? Are you hurt?” you ask again though he looks left and right, rises, turns a few times, gazes at this hands, then at you, taking in your face and clothes, and the absolute insanity of this situation is beside you when that unusual face twists into utter horror and he plunges his —gloved?— fingers through his hair, raking them over his scalp.

You look him over, and apart from being soaked to the bone and dressed very, very strangely, he seems unharmed. “Listen, I can't find my—”

You gasp as he grabs your arm, staring at you wide eyed and asking you question after question in that language you just don't get and as you struggle you quickly and easily free yourself, only to see him slowly fall against you and is he ever heavy; barely you lead him down to the ground.

It's freezing cold in this downpour. There's a barren field on either side, the nearest town well half a day's drive away. Farther than your cabin, and of course the wiser thing to do would be not to take a complete stranger whom you cannot even understand there, alone with you. Besides, what if it's someone who would do you harm? Worse things have happened for less.

Even with these thoughts you rush back to the car, grab a lantern from the glove compartment and search earnestly for the only device you had on you — the phone. You find it, under one seat, screen cracked. You grab it and try anyway, but it won't charge up no matter what you do.

“Can't believe I'm doing this…” you sigh, throwing the device onto the front seat before you go to retrieve the first aid kit, only to realize there seems to be nothing needing splinting or bandaging. You'd seen no wounds on him, no outward sign of trauma. That might not be the whole story, you know, but what else to do?

You head back, see him rising to his feet again. Your steps become cautious. He's taller than you expected, but hunched and so confused as he repeats that word again, over and over, hugging his arms at his chest. Your sensible worries don't strike as hard anymore, and you come closer. “I… can try to keep you dry until you come to,” you say, but it's like he can't quite look at you, those peculiar eyes wild and head turning left and right, as though seeking something far above or deep below, and when your gazes finally collide, your thought flicks back to the jigsaw puzzle.

You nearly trip over in your haste to help when his knees buckle and he goes limp, falling to the ground again. His face is pale, deathly pale, long wet hair stuck to the skin.

The storm no longer rages, its cry is more wind than rain. The branches of trees still creak above as you pant here, between somewhere and nowhere, on the side of an empty country road with a stranger in your arms.

Part II - Part III - Part IV - Part V - Part VI - Part VII - Part VIII - Part IX - Part X - Part XI

Banner illustration: Fifth Avenue at Twilight, ca. 1910 by Birge Harrison

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MASTERLIST: CASTLEVANIA SERIES x READER

More of my work is on AO3 [many stories not on tumblr]

BLOG MASTERPOST (all you need to know)

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