#look the only things i ever buy new are music related stuff. everything else is second hand. im allowed to treat myself!
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livingdeadvamp · 10 months ago
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HOLY SHIT I HAVE AN ISSUE
I'm gonna calculate how much I've spent on TTPD preorders hold on
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infamousbrad · 1 year ago
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Middlebrow
I don't think Threads is going to be for me, just like its ancestor Instagram wasn't, just like TikTok isn't. Let me tell you a story.
-----
I've never finished Chomsky's book, Manufacturing Consent, but I did see the documentary and the part he actually knew something about, linguistics, is the thing that stuck with me. Chomsky was analyzing the English language dialects in which news stories were written, and concluded that not just the news, but virtually all English-language media were published in one of three dialects: Ivy League, college English, and grade school English. And when the subject had anything to do with history, science, or policy the subject was first brought up in Ivy-League language publications, then a few months' later trickled down into ordinary-college-dialect English. And that, to a first approximation, nothing even vaguely related to history, science, or policy was ever written or published in grade-school English, or if it was it was never marketed.
This is the heart of his conspiratorial conclusion that pop culture is there to prevent working-class people from engaging with those topics, to distract them. That if the Ivy League graduates could run the country without any interference, they would, but that they encourage media publishing that discusses ideas (once the elite media has ruled out the ones that would be detrimental to existing shareholders and or to political dynasties) in order to obtain their buy-in, so they go along with what rival gangs of Ivy Leaguers are doing. I don't know about that.
But when I heard about this, what leaped out at me was that I have a relentless taste for what Hollywood calls that 2nd category, or used to call it: middlebrow. It used to be the thing that American books, TV shows, and movies famously did better than any other country in the world: entertainment that was as exciting and emotionally vivid as stuff for the working classes, but that engaged on some level with history, philosophy, science, culture, or yes, even policy.
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I saw an article last night that interviewed a couple of people from the Threads app team about how they were going to handle news curation, and their answer was unambiguous: they won't. Not for anti-censorship reasons, but for (although they didn't have the guts to say it this bluntly) for pro-censorship reasons: news and politics are not welcome on Threads.
One of them later came back and clarified that they weren't going to overtly censor news or politics, but they're not going to seek out people who post about such subjects and they didn't rule out down-ranking them in the algorithmic feed. They are explicitly seeking to be a social media space that engages with things that are popular, like TikTok or Instagram, by which they (explicitly say that they) mean is pop-culture entertainment and popular consumer brands: music, movies, fashion, food. Everything else "fosters unnecessary unpleasantness."
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Look.
I discovered science fiction roughly 51 years ago, at around the age of 12, and tore through the entire collection in my school library, then the local public library, then started a string of not-entirely honest side hustles to buy the latest paperbacks, because I am only interested, it turns out, in three questions?
How did things get the way they are? (And as I sometimes jokingly add, "And why are we in a handbasket?")
What directions are things going in, so I don't get taken by surprise by them? And finally ...
If someone of modest talent and even a modicum of moral courage wanted to do something to influence question #2, what would they do about it, and how would that go for them?
Look, I get why the marketers who are paying for this whole blighted social media landscape want customers who are easy to market to, who come almost entirely pre-marketed to, people with parasocial relationships that can be exploited to sell them shit they don't even need, most of which isn't even different from the perfectly-good stuff they already have. But even if I didn't have an intense aversion to being marketed to?
If a social media platform is going out of its way to keep me from finding something interesting to think about, it's totally butt-useless to me.
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halcyon-digest · 3 months ago
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2018
Art Klaudt: Walking around Glasgow during a snowstorm listening to the Units
Anonymous 1: became vegan
ava: in the summer, joining a network of music-related discord servers for the first time and meeting a bunch of people, many of whom are now my best friends. feeling like i had truly found “my people” for the first time in my entire life, feeling like the music world had opened up to me as i was exposed to so much more stuff than i ever had been before. me and my friends listened to a different album together every night, sharing our favorites and bonding in a way i had never experienced. a lot of complicated stuff would end up happening down the road but this summer was just pure unadulterated joy and wonder
kate: My phone reminds me of this often because for some reason it's the only thing I ever put into iCloud and it got copied onto my new phone while everything else I ever took pictures of I've manually moved onto my computer. But anyways my partner and I went to Cape Verde to visit an old couple he's friends with who are kind of like his surrogate parents. I tried learning Portuguese, and some of the Portuguese creole they speak there but didn't get very far and ended up never using it. We stayed on Mindelo, and in my mind the whole time I was fantasizing that I was in the Abarat, a book series I liked as a kid that centers on an archipelago where each island represents an hour of the day. I remember being most struck by the buildings there, which are old and colorful and gorgeous. Stray dogs roam everywhere, and there was a gas station down the road where you could get a coffee (espresso) and a ham toasty for a dollar each. Truly ideal. Also everyone drinks grog. We visited the top of a mountain, and there was a grog stand up there. And we had shots of grog. At 10am. On top of a mountain.
Anonymous 2: the directionlessness that comes with graduating high school and suddenly being told you are an adult. i have a particular recollection of standing in a wawa and looking at the cigarettes behind the counter. i couldnt buy them because the prior year my state had raised the age from 18 to 21 but it made me think about what it means to be an adult
Lucas: I remember my route home from school on bike
Anonymous 3: Lying down on a banquette in the strange public area of my university that was completely encased in a plastic membrane, making it unbearably hot and stuffy, lying with my cheek against the rough grey fabric of the banquette, smelling its smell, looking across at the other banquette opposite, feeling unbearably hot and stuffy and sleepy, just woken up from a nap, and listening to "Ravens" from "A Crow Looked at Me" while seagulls walked around on the plastic membrane above me.
Anonymous 4: Tearing my ACL and my battle with depression
Anonymous 5: A haze
superswag: incel ohase
v0w0v: Dancing at the only strip club in town, freshly 18, freshly moved to a new city for school. The people there were all old and strange. I thought I was getting ahead of them, tricking them in some way. One night one of the bouncers invited me over to hang out at their house after a shift. At a certain point in the night,  child came downstairs, and asked "What's going on?". Was hit with the terrible realization that the person I had the most in common with in the room was this child. A bouncer named "T-Bone" called me an Uber back to the dorms.
Anonymous 6: Getting an email from the person who made a video game I cared a lot about at the time.
Anonymous 7: marxism.
binnie: ... engaging in a not too distant LDR and not long after meeting this girl in person and spending a week together.. and ... feeling like things were gonna be okay for me actually ...
Anonymous 8: Two of my friends drowning to death and isolating myself
April M. Mildew: It is autumn. I am on the back porch. I am sending my friends a picture I drew of my fursona. She is a girl now. I will go inside and try to fall asleep on an air mattress next to my dad. He does not want the TV to be turned off. It is loud. I have school in the morning. I have formed an association in my head between this new place I have moved to and the album Congratulations by MGMT.
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asheimmortal · 1 year ago
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Maybe I'm crazy, but I think Fangbanger is the best band on the planet right now.
And I found them on TikTok only a few months ago, then drove across the country from West Virginia to Oregon to see them.
Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm seriously messed up in the head because I can't remember if I ever listened to any other band this much. And there have been a few, but those few have a lot more albums. But I'm listening to the same 19 songs a hell of a lot now. We'll get to that in a minute.
I grew up on Duran Duran and they've been my #1 favorite band no matter what else comes along since their first album. When I was a little kid, I knew I was alone in the world, and all I had were the Duran Duran tapes my aunt gave me to help me make sense of life and figure myself out with. So music has always been how I relate to the world and move through life. The next big one was Nirvana during high school, as I related a lot to them too. At 20 I got into Rammstein more just liking the heavier sound tbh. At 30 I was introduced to Twiztid and the older stuff felt relatable, but as I got older, like over 40, I reverted back to my classic rock, 80s & some early 90s.
But here at 45, I've got a new #1 favorite band and I'm probably old enough to be their momma. LOL But they are so fucking great!!!
I can't really put my finger on what it is, or how to explain it. I loved their energy from the start, from the first live from their garage that I saw, it's like what it must've been like for the older Gen X'ers who went to punk, post punk & goth shows as teenagers in the early 80's when I was still in elementary school. But it's definitely something that can't be faked. Just the same as my other new favorite band One Way Sky is, totally different band, but they authentically have this blend of chill 70s rock & 90s alternative vibe going. To compare, I remember hearing White Stripes when they first came out and thought they sucked because they're trying too hard to sound and look like they're from the 70s. So it's definitely something special to organically have that vibe and sound and feel and energy, like it could have come from another time. And be super relevant to someone my age too. Yeah, that's why I like both of these young bands. And with their energy, and how cool they are, their music, in some small way they make me feel like I'm 18 again when I listen to them. And I think they are everything I wanted to be when I grew up.
The first song I really related to and felt was Vertigo, then when I heard Disappear, yeah it certainly fit what happened at that time and it was a good driving force to get me to literally disappear 2600 miles away like "🖕 you I'm gone!" LOL And another older one that is absolutely great is Death in December. I really did cry the first time I heard it. It's such an amazing song!
So it definitely takes some work to find all of the songs that they've ever put out into the world, and I've counted 19 between YouTube, Spotify, and SoundCloud where there is more of the older stuff. And even with YouTube, you'd need to know that they were The Faint Endless before becoming Fangbanger. So here's the list I got:
Isolate
Artificial Flowers
Light Switch
Vertigo
Once a Catholic, Always a Masochist
Don't Cry
Malice in Wonderland
Plan B
Disappear
Requiem
We Were Once Invincible
Celestial Revenge
Take Me Down
Horrible Things
Death in December
Love Object
Midnight Son
Stay Away
I Love Huffing Paint
And the unfinished song they played on their live yesterday is as great and I cant wait to hear that again. I just think they're fucking fantastic, I love their wild energy, some of the songs or even some lines from other songs are so intense, like they know my 45 of years of pain and suffering, and some stuff is just plain fun and fun to see live. If you like vampires, you should check out their latest release, Midnight Son. 😈🧛😁 And that'll take you to a playlist where you can hear a lot of their stuff. But def go buy their songs on Amazon or Apple.
I've left links all throughout the post for you to go check them out and follow them. I hope I can get more people listening to them.
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restapesta · 3 years ago
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23. Don’t you get it? You’re the only one I can be honest with.
Mickey takes being alone with Ian for granted. He really does.
It's quite sad he only realizes that when he's not alone with his ginger life companion—specifically when he's stuck in a moving car with him and fucking Phillip, feeling like a pussy for not having the guts to just open the door and jump out.
Did Ian put child's lock on his door, what the fuck?
He can't do this. It's a fifteen-minute ride to the Gallagher house and Mickey won't be able to survive it. No fucking way. Why did Ian have to say yes to picking Lip up from work? Did he know what hell he would be putting his poor husband through, huh?
If college bitch says something about his shitty delivery job one more time, he swears to God—
"And you know what the best part about this shitty delivery job is?" No. Please, God, make him stop. "Bathroom? Doesn't even fucking exist,"
If Mickey had a gun, he'd stuff it in his mouth.
From the corner of his eye, Mickey sees Ian's gripping the wheel slightly tighter, his knuckles turning white, his tongue bitten between his slightly clenched teeth. Sadly, only Mickey can see him be so frustrated from the passenger seat. He wishes Lip would lean over from the back and see how fucking annoying he really is with his constant babbling.
Maybe it's good he didn't bring a gun with him—Ian looks like he'd wanna stuff it in his mouth, too.
Does he have child's lock on?
"Anyways," Lip breathes out and Mickey focuses on the buzzing of the AC so he wouldn't have to endure the brainwashing his brother-in-law's—why him?—voice is doing.
Ian seems to be thinking the same thing, his eyes rolling discreetly to the back of his head, staying there for a moment or two.
Mickey's torn between telling him to keep his eyes on the goddamn road or just letting him crash their new car into a pole. At least then they wouldn't have to listen to the yapping that's filling every nook and cranny of the fresh interior.
Their car had never seemed so small. Since when is Mickey so claustrophobic? There used to be so much room.
Oh right, Lip's ego is taking up most of it. How could Mickey forget?
"Oh, yeah," He says suddenly, and Ian and Mickey share a look. What now? Will he ever stop? "I meant to ask you about your meds, Ian. You told me you were visiting your doctor or some shit like that."
Mickey reclines back in his seat, lips pursing as he waits for Ian to fill Lip in on the new prescription and its side effects, and whatever other shit Mickey's already got written down in the notes on his phone from when Ian told him in detail about it.
He had been pretty down when he came home from seeing his doctors, listing off all of the shit he was worried about with the new therapy and adjusting to it. He even had a couple of sleepless nights that resulted in him seeking out different pharmacies to buy sleeping pills, which ultimately led to a night of sleepless vomiting because the cocktail of pills didn't really bode well for Ian's stomach.
Mickey doesn't mind reliving it. Doesn't mind listening to his husband talk about the things important to him and things that Mickey should know about.
And, truthfully, Mickey's already come face to face with the fact that he likes knowing about all of Ian's shit—they're already living, sleeping, and working together, so the prospect of knowing that new meds give Ian diarrhea if they're taken on an empty stomach doesn't really seem like a TMI-type of thing to know.
When Ian's related, nothing and everything is pretty much TMI.
"Oh," Ian responds after a moment of silence. His eyes aren't focused when Mickey turns to look at him. It seems as if he's racking his brain around for the proper words, yet can't seem to find them. Eventually, he just lets out, "Everything's the same. Nothing new."
Mickey knows that's not true.
"Didn't you say you were being put on some new shit?" Lip's confused. Mickey is too.
Ian was put on new shit. Shit that landed him with a week of goddamn exhaustion and a fucked-up stomach.
"No. It's the same."
"Oh," Lip mutters. "Okay then."
And he continues to go into another monologue about why being a delivery boy is such a shitty job to have with a mind of his.
Mickey stares at Ian's side profile for as long as it takes him to turn around and meet his eye. It takes him long—in fact, Mickey's pretty sure Ian won't be turning around any time soon.
Why would he lie? Why would he hide the fact he did change his meds when it's really not that big of a deal?
Mickey's even more confused by it because Ian had ranted about his doctor's appointment the day of it, nearly talking Mickey's ear off. He had been annoyed, relieved, and worried, all at the same time, and the entire Tuesday was just spent with them talking about bipolar like the mundane thing it was.
So, why wouldn't Ian just want to retell that shit again? It wasn't as if he didn't still have frustrations over it. Not like he wouldn't fucking jump on the chance to talk about his biggest concerns the second the opportunity presented itself.
Why then?
Lip's still talking and Ian's still not looking at him.
Mickey places a gentle hand on his thigh, trying to get his attention. In response to Mickey's thumb running over his husband's jeans, Ian just places a hand on top of his, picking it up and raising it to his mouth until the rough skin meets the smoothness of his lips. When he finally looks at him, there's a plead in his eye. An answer to Mickey's unasked question.
Later.
"Ugh, can you guys not do that here? Since when did you become that couple?"
They both ignore the dumbass in the backseat of their car. Ian turns to look ahead, and he pushes his foot down visibly on the gas pedal, and Mickey knows that the time until they're able to drop Lip off is cutting shorter.
"You guys are really annoying with that mind-reading shit, you know that?"
Mickey breathes in deeply.
Five more minutes. Just five more minutes and they'll be alone.
Ian's hand doesn't disentangle from his, but Mickey does move them so they're laying on top of his leg, palms pressed tightly together. He squeezes at it once.
Ian squeezes back.
There's a faint mumble from the back.
"I fucking hate being the third wheel."
Mickey barely stops himself from jumping into Ian's lap, just in spite.
Instead, with his free hand, he just flips him off.
---
They're driving to their place when Mickey finally asks the question. They've been alone for a couple of minutes now, after a prolonged—much to both their dismays—goodbye to Lip in front of the Gallagher house. As soon as it was appropriate to, Ian peeled out of the driveway, putting as much distance between him and his family—his annoying-ass brother—as he possibly could in a record time.
At first, Mickey fiddled with the radio until he landed on some radio station that played pop-shit music, lowering the volume until the Taylor Swift song—he hates that he knows it—was just a hum filling the silence. Ian isn't speaking, but he doesn't seem tense.
He seems just as always, shoulders even further relaxed—slumped, actually, because he has the posture of a question mark—now that Lip is out of the car and in the hands of the others to deal with.
"So," Mickey starts casually when his weirdo of a partner starts singing lowly to Lover on the radio. It's a song they only listen to when they're feeling sappier than usual, but Ian tends to always be sappy, so none of this sweet singing shit was a surprise for Mickey. The lyrics coming out of Ian's mouth still make his chest swell pleasantly, despite him barely holding himself back from rolling his eyes. "What was that?"
"Hm?" Ian's eyes momentarily move to eye Mickey. They go back almost immediately. "What was what?"
"What was that thing with Lip?" The question isn't meant to be judgmental nor accusing. Mickey really is just curious.
It wasn't him whom Ian had lied to. But why did he lie in the first place?
Ian shrugs, lowering the volume with the switch on the wheel even further until they can barely hear the soft voice.
"I just didn't feel like telling him." Is the simple reply.
"Why?"
"Because."
"Ian."
"Mickey—"
"Come on, man, don't give me that bullshit."
"I'm not—I don't," He exhales roughly as if finally forcing himself to admit to something he doesn't want to admit to. "I don't like anybody knowing about it. It's nobody's business but my own."
Mickey makes a face, still confused as fuck. He gets the reasoning behind the words, but it's just not clicking in his brain. Maybe Lip really did brainwash it. "You say you don't like anybody knowing, but you told me."
Ian glances away from the road and sends Mickey the type of look that says he thinks what Mickey just said was the dumbest thing possible. It's incredulous.
"You're not anybody, Mick."
And that's sweet and all, but—
"Lip's not anybody either."
Ian sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, dramatically exasperated. "Don't you get it, Mickey? You're the only one I can be honest with. Completely transparent."
Mickey doesn't know why he's still pushing, but fuck, there's no way. "You can be transparent with Lip. He'll hear you out, give you advice. Won't judge you." Why is he defending Lip again? "I'm not the only one who understands."
"Yeah, but you're the only one who isn't annoying about it. If I wanted Lip to know, I would've called him straight away. But instead, I talked to you. Mickey, you're a dumbass if you don't see that you're the only one I want to tell."
Well fuck.
Mickey blinks. He actually is a dumbass, but that's already been genetically proven. This is something else.
Mickey feels Ian's words deep in his chest. His heart jumps to his throat—it's one of the best things Ian could've said to him. It doesn't feel fucking real.
"Really?" He asks pathetically. It's not like Ian would lie; he's always had a knack for saying everything that's on his mind. Mickey loves that about him right now. It's just that—Mickey? He wants to tell Mickey about it and nobody else?
Ian smiles at him. "Really, babe," Mickey blushes as the nickname. "You know just how many questions to ask. When to listen and when to talk. When to give me advice and when to tell me to get out of my own head." Ian's eyebrows furrow. "Lip doesn't know how to do that. Not like you—"
No. Mickey will not cry. No. It's just eyeball sweat.
"—With you, I know that I can say whatever is on my mind and won't feel like shit about it. It's fucking liberating, having somebody like that."
Mickey breathes in deeply. Fuck Ian for using his words like this and making his heart squeeze impossibly. Why is he so fucking perfect all the fucking time?
How did Mickey get so fucking lucky?
"Yeah," He responds dumbly, out of breath—because it legit is logged up in his throat at the moment. He clears it. "I guess that's what best friends are for."
And the grin Ian sends him in response to the sheepishly-said sentence is enough to make butterflies explode inside Mickey's belly—ugh, no, he's supposed to be past that stage, for fuck's sake.
Ian's still grinning as Mickey's whole face probably turns the shade of Ian's favorite vegetable—maybe that's why Ian likes it when Mickey blushes—and he has to avert his gaze so he doesn't go even redder than Ian's hair.
"Best friends? I feel honored, Mick."
"Shut up."
"No, for real."
"Shut up."
Ian laughs and spares Mickey the embarrassment by raising the volume up on the radio, the song now booming loudly through the space.
Ian glances over at Mickey right as he starts singing it joyfully, a wide smile on his face. This is the Ian Mickey knows and loves—happy Ian.
Mickey's favorite Ian after the horny one.
Mickey's chest swells with pride. He ended up with Ian. The Ian who loves him unconditionally; who knows just the right to say and when to say it; who just told him Mickey's the only one he can be real with.
I can only be honest with you, too. He wants to tell him. I only am honest with you.
Instead of saying the words, he starts singing himself, and the screeching voices of two men stupidly in love are seeping out of the slightly opened windows, the wind whooshing them away.
I can only do this with you, Mickey thinks. I'm only this free with you.
Judging by the way Ian's smiling, Mickey guesses he's thinking the same thing, too.
"Darling, you're my, my, my, my lover."
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obeymeluv · 5 years ago
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The Bros as Dads
PSA: The boys would be very attractive dads (emotionally and physically). That is all.
Note: the headcanon also includes genders for the kids. I can see some of them having sons, and others having daughters. And, obviously, everyone is older (20′s-ish).
Lucifer
Takes a while to process the news. It’s kind of a big thing. His love life was something of a roller coaster (or nonexistent) until you. The ‘L’ word was a hurdle, now there’s a B word and a P word?!
When his brain realizes what you’ve said or if you show him some proof, the pride takes over FULL SWING (you can feel it explode in him, like his aura) and he purrs
You are truly his stars, his moon, and the heavens he so dearly misses
There’s this raw, vulnerable love in Lucifer’s eyes and it pretty much awes everyone because he’s usually so proper and reserved
The memories are old and dusty but Lucifer’s parenting instincts are strong
A type-A, fussy person. You may have 7 months left before you give birth, but the house will be spotless and perfectly proofed before you hit bed rest
Piles of parenting books suddenly sprout around the house. No one’s sure where they came from or how there’s even that many WRITTEN about parenting.
You and the child become his world. You’re his kryptonite, the only thing to convince him away from long hours or break him out of sour moods
Lucifer is very stressed, more than he thought he’d be, because you’re carrying his child and he worries for your health.
He’s with you every step of the way, from appointments to birth
He’d absolutely drop everything to tend to your needs, or appoint one of the brothers if he couldn’t.
Likes to busy himself with making a nursery and is actually good at themes/interior decorating
Has a tiny desk built in his study. The child won’t be able to join him for a while, but the idea of his tiny joy working on something beside him warms his heart
Hunts down obscure herbs and items from folklore that are supposed to bless pregnancies or benefit the unborn. Turns out he’s really nervous and superstitious.
Lucifer is the worst when it comes to shopping because his pride outweighs his logical restraint. If he convinces himself IN THE SLIGHTEST that his child would look good in something or the nursery could really use an item, it’s coming to the House of Lamentation
He ugly cries when he realizes you’re having a girl because he feels like Lilith has been given back to him.
Refuses to name his child Lilith because of everything that happened. Can’t settle for anything close to her name or any nicknames they gave her.
Makes you a sleeping space in his study. Loves to take breaks to watch you sleep. Unintentionally takes a break to kiss your stomach and talk to the baby.
Firm believer in ‘in the belly’ enrichment so you’ll have music playing and Lucifer will read to them all the time.
If the baby’s not with you, she’s with him. Lucifer has definitely shown up to a meeting with Lord Diavolo with his baby in a chest carrier. The meeting went flat because Diavolo wanted to play with the baby.
He’s the type of dad that demands total silence when the baby’s sleeping. Might have tied up some of his brothers to achieve it.
He’s not a total hard-ass (this kid has made a sucker out of him, okay?) but his kid will definitely have manners and knows to help clean up.
The type to take naps with his kid. He’ll get up at 2 in the morning and climb into their crib if they’re fussy.
Lucifer spent so much of his life being the primary caretaker for his bros that he forgets he’s not alone this time. When you push him back down so he can sleep, and tend to your daughter, his heart almost bursts with love.
On the fence about another child. The kid’s going to have pride in spades and he thinks a sibling will humble them (and make them less lonely). He’s also afraid of that prideful wrath and doesn’t want two prideful little demons always fighting
Isn’t the best with dressing up his kid but likes to give them fancy shoes. The shoes are always on point even if the rest of the outfit is a disaster.
Is 100% ready to receive any and everything “#1 Dad” because he IS, DAMN IT. He’ll use it regularly, too.
Mammon
He’s freaking out hardcore (”You sure? Really, really sure? Maybe you just have gas or something. Y-yeah!”)
Doesn’t believe it until he sees a test. Promptly faints. Dead-ass faints as soon as he sees it.
Kind of remembers it when he wakes up, and you have to remind him again.
This time he’s pretty excited because THE GREAT MAMMON will be having a child. WHAT A GIFT, RIGHT? THE BEST GIFT!
All the magazines are snapping up this gossip and, for once in his life, he puts the earnings away. Kid has a nice fund going before they’re even born.
His schedule is 50% work, 50% family because YOUR MAIN MAN HAS TO BE THERE. Work just pays the bills and pads the nursery account, okay?
The Devildom has something similar to a baby shower and Mammon puts all KINDS of high-dollar shit on there. His baby’s going to be stylin’, okay?
Some crying in front of others, but an entirely different kind of crying behind closed doors. Vulnerable, grateful crying about being loved and having a tiny someone who will love him, too
Pays someone to explain baby stuff to him. How to change them, feed them, what type of breathing you should be doing. It surprised his bros because Lucifer could just give him that info. The fact that Mammon paid for it means he’s pretty serious about learning.
Gets tons of free maternity photos because all his magazines want the scoop. He gets to pamper you and see you all dressed up and beautiful and EVERY magazine has a shot of him crying like a proud sap.
Mammon hoards all of those pictures. Has a pile of them in his room, totally separate from everything else.
Has a lot of nervous energy and can get frustrated with all the baby books, so he distracts himself with scrap-booking. Surprisingly good at it.
Mammon thinks you’re just the most beautiful thing ever. He loves taking pictures of you. Wants the kid to have no doubts about how much he loves them and their parent.
He’s so lovesick. When you sleep or hug your belly or just touch it he melts.
Stacks Grimm on your belly when you sleep. Thinks it’s fun. Likes to record how big the towers get.
Not the best at getting up for your random-hour cravings and has definitely made you cry with his bluntness. When he’s more awake he’ll apologize and you guys will work it out.
When he finds out he’s having a little boy, the bros throw a party. Mammon gets semi-drunk and has a huge, ass-chewing lecture about how the bros made him feel for centuries and how they better not say ANYTHING like that to his kid.
You shot down any and all attempts to name the kid anything money related.
Almost passed out when you had the baby.
Cried when he first held him. Calls him Mamm-mini.
Totally planning the baby’s first photo shoot. Has people on standby to make matching outfits.
He now has a partner in crime and the kid can charm the pants off of anyone!
Mammon is 100% devoted to this kid and he secretly hopes he’s the favorite parent.
Lives for any second of bonding he can get. NEEDS IT TO LIVE. 100% a sappy dad.
The most supportive dad, always saying nice things because he knows people didn’t always say nice things about him.
Levi
Brain stops working. You almost think you’ve given him a heart attack
Levi feels you take the controller from his hand and instantly has to fill it with something else, taking yours. He looks at you and asks you again if you’re sure.
He can see it in your eyes and he just crows. He doesn’t know if he’s excited or scared but he made the noise.
Worries A LOT about the idea of becoming a father. Can gross otakus be good fathers? How does he dad?
Gets pre-stressed about social interactions. Kids have to go to school and have play-dates and Levi’s going to have to talk to people...ugh! Gross!
Definitely has a few break-downs (feelings of inadequacy, etc.) before Lucifer or Satan comfort him. He’s better than he thinks, just insecure. Everyone learns as they go. They have classes (”They’re like cheat codes, Levi.”) and it makes him feel better
His gaming friends send their congratulations and he gets lots of themed blankets and onesies.
Wants you to have a water birth because the water is his child’s calling. Really attached to the idea.
He’s constantly looking up guides to baby-proofing, double- and triple-checking safety specs of anything before buying it.
Spends HOURS scouring Akuzon, comparing brands, and reading reviews for everything.
Akuzon noticed he was buying lots of baby books and looking at baby-related things so they sent him a onesie.
You get a lovely beach/water-themed maternity shoot and Levi is so love-struck he gets a nosebleed. Once he’s cleaned up it makes a darling photo shoot.  
Has already made lists of anime for the kid to watch. Some are his favorite, some are for the lessons and moments that stuck with him
Asmo messaged TSL on the down-low and Levi got some quality kid-sized merch.
Tries to get you to name the baby Henry if it’s a boy. When he finds out it’s a girl, he pushes for Henrietta.
Reads TSL to the baby and plays ocean sounds.
As you get further along in your pregnancy, he buys a fridge for his room and stocks it with your favorite cold stuff. Any snack foods are just added to his stash.
You are absolutely worshipped. Craving something? Akuzon has it and the fastest pig is on it’s way. Your feet hurt? Try a water bath!
You’re his Player 2 now and forever (always have been), and he’s keeping you in perfect health.
Probably keeps a video journal for the kid or of the two of you during your pregnancy. Big on preserving stuff digitally.
Probably makes a game for his kid just because. They’ll be able to play it when they’re older.
Bought a ton of Magical Girl-style hairbows and things for when their hair grows in. His daughter’s a fucking princess, okay?
Belphegor bought the baby a goldfish onesie and Levi loves it to pieces.
Bought the baby a seashell bassinet and rocks them to sleep with his tail.
Levi has a bad sleep schedule and wakes easily, so he’s usually the first one to get up and handle the baby.
He has this complex about being a good dad. People can call him a weird, gross otaku but they’re ALSO going to mention how good of a dad he is!
Super affectionate with his kid in a quiet, whispering, mumbling way. Just thinks they’re the best thing.
Having a daughter really makes him rethink some of the ways he viewed anime characters and made him super critical. If his daughter ends up liking anime he’ll make it very clear what he thinks and how she shouldn’t let other people treat her like an object. 
His demon form gets triggered REALLY EASILY if his bros hold her for too long. THAT’S HIS BABY, THANK YOU!
Satan
Secretly hoped to be a father one day. Wanted to prove so badly that he could be one, and move past the constant fear of his temper looming over him. He didn’t want wrath to be his only legacy.
Can’t manage more than a genuine smile and a lilting laugh when you tell him, but he’s literally almost sick with joy. He’s just not the type to jump from the rooftops or anything
Asmodeus and Mammon convince him into drinking because he needs to let loose and really show it!
Satan ends up drunk-stumbling to Lucifer and plunking his head into his chest and crying. He’s crying because he’s happy and mumbling something about ‘granddad’. When his tears dry he’s happy as can be, smugly calls Lucifer an ‘old fuck’ and promptly throws up.
They’re past most of their bad blood but even Lucifer wasn’t surprised Satan never got EVERYTHING out of his system. A lot of his childhood memories are tainted with pure wrath instead of coming into his cardinal sin through some other mean. Or naturally, like puberty.
Between his personal research and Lucifer’s expertise, the baby-proofing is totally covered.
His book binges are strictly about pregnancies, suspicions, rituals, parenting, and anything he can think of that has to do with kids.
He’s big on teas and brews that are supposed to help with pregnancies and pains. Uses his many connections to get ingredients for said teas
Reads the classics and big epics to his unborn child.
Buys you some Hellcats for protection. They’re fiercely loyal, so he’ll know you’re safe.
He’d be the type to nag you about your diet, but not to be mean. He’d support it with this absolute WALL of evidence that turns into a lecture that could last for hours.
Has to fight the Hellcats to sit next to you or touch your belly a lot more than he thought he would. He’d never say it out loud, but he’s starting to hate the cats (he doesn’t mean it though).
Starts cleaning up his book piles a lot more. The baby would get hurt if the stacks fell on them. His room becomes virtually spotless.
You pick books to read together. You end up reading Satan to sleep, too. He keeps a hand on your belly.
Gets nervous about you wanting to go out, and basically tries to keep you in the House of Lamentation. Relents a little because hormones make you scary. He was basically afraid of nothing because the walks were fine.
You like to sit in the Devildom gardens and he thinks you look picturesque and wonderful. It takes his breath away.
Asmodeus is your personal photographer because Satan doesn’t think anyone else will do you justice.
Finds out you’re having boy-girl twins and totally shuts down. What does he say? How does he respond? BELPHIE OR BEEL WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWINS! WHY HIM?!
Lucifer is BEYOND amused. This is definitely payback for everything Satan did in his childhood (so the saying goes).
It doesn’t bother him as much when he starts buying smart little cardigans, button-ups, ribbons, and bowties. He’s actually quite happy.
The Hellcats act weird and tip him off to your contractions before your water breaks. Satan gets you to the hospital and helps you give birth. The twins grow to look more like him than you, but if someone mistakes you for the nanny or says something derogatory, he’s pulling two ferocious kids off an idiot
Satan was afraid he’d be a short fuse, but he becomes the parent that explains everything to death (for better or worse). The kids will get a lecture when they’re bad, when the ask ‘why’ to something, he’ll explain why he gave the punishment he did, and be very clear with anything.
Asmodeus
Quickly falls in love with the idea of you being pregnant. It’s the best! Proof of his truest love, the thing that makes his heart beat!
He loved you to pieces before you were pregnant, and loves you even more now (if that’s possible).
Always wants to be with you, smothering your belly with kisses and touches and looking at it like it’s the next greatest love of his life
Takes names very seriously. “My child is a gift unto this world. People will know their name, so it has to be a good one!”
Gets really wrapped up in decor and aesthetic. He’d be a one-man force for all of it if you didn’t tell him to stop and breathe! Asmodeus just has lots of ideas, okay?
Has a really hard time understanding the value of baby-proofing until Satan smushes a few of his lipsticks in his hand and knocks around some finishing powder (”Now imagine that. All the time. With anything you love.”). 
Hires someone to baby-proof the room because that’s just not his thing. He’ll handle securing the valuables, okay?
Constantly reading about beauty rituals and things to do for his pregnant wife. She’s doing something really hard and deserves to be pampered!
You’ll constantly be pampered or trying ‘this and that’ because he read it was good for the baby. Good for beauty, good for health, etc.
Has a pretty decent diet, himself, and keeps you on yours.
You definitely have pregnancy sex a few times. Anything he can do to help you out, you know?
Asmodeus ADORES watching you grow round with his child and LIVES for helping you take care of yourself. He’ll let you lounge in his fantastic tub and has no issues sitting on the floor and doing your toes
Picks out all your outfits. Wants you to look your best! Don’t worry, you’ll be comfy!
When he finds out you’re having a girl he cries. A lot.
SO MANY BABY UPDATE BROADCASTS ON DEVILGRAM! There is an official ‘baby watch’. It’s trending more than you thought it would.
Takes TONS of videos.
His baby is easily the most fashionable child in all of Devildom.
Takes really candid, private photos that have a lot of sentimental value. A lot of your pregnancy photos are you looking comfy in bed or sitting at a vanity in breezy clothes as he does your makeup.
The type of dad to sit down in the middle of the store to play with toys (are they good enough for his kid? Like, really?). Must feel everything before he buys it. If he doesn’t like how it feels, he won’t buy it.
You end up giving birth earlier than planned and Asmo almost throws up because birth doesn’t look like he thought it would
Super nervous during your pregnancy because you’re in pain and there’s lots of noises.
Busies himself doing your makeup because that’s the only way he can handle the situation. You’re holding his tail and he SWEARS you’re going to break it off!
The bros help deliver his little angel and Asmo is SMITTEN. ABSOLUTELY SMITTEN.
Holding his baby 24/7.
Loses sleep just because he watches them sleep. Sometimes he loses sleep for real because DAMN, babies don’t sleep a lot, do they?
It’s really hard to adjust to and he’s surprised his skin isn’t god-awful.
Doesn’t regret a thing, fawning over their tiny nails and little curls, and OMG EVERYTHING! Cries a lot because they’re just perfect
His wardrobe reflects his dad status but he still looks like a DILF. You can give him the most classic dad attire and it just looks good on him.
Beelzebub
He’s excited about your pregnancy. Boy honestly tried for it, you know? Studied positions and everything.
Beelzebub has so much love and the idea of holding a tiny someone just warms his heart
Everything kid-related is totally foreign to him except for how to act with them. He and Belphie were the youngest so he was used to being taken care of until he got old enough to climb and eat on his own.
The type of guy to need explicit, step-by-step instructions on EVERYTHING. He doesn’t have a brain for it like Satan or Lucifer, so he needs help
Seriously. Give him a checklist for baby-proofing and he’ll get it done.
Gets pretty down about not being able to cuddle and snuggle like normal, but he’ll look into safe ways to do so.
Has special snuggles with the baby. Kisses your belly and rubs it. Talks to your baby like the little demon it is (even if it doesn’t have a name yet).
Lives for the times you talk to the baby, talk yourself out of bed, or how you absently talk to your belly throughout the day.
Works out to deal with stress and nerves, but also because he wants to be a good, strong dad
The doctors give him a list of exercises you can do and he does them with you
Can’t really take the nutrition advice seriously. He eats pretty much everything and you probably will, too.
When people ask him about your pregnancy, he uses very inclusive language (”We’re expecting, etc.”)
You make mini-dates out of your late-night cravings. Beel is totally in love with it.
Beelzebub becomes your food finder. There’s been times where you look at him so cutely, so imploringly, and all you can manage is ‘spicy and crunchy’. He’ll find you something, don’t worry! He’s an expert!
Big on massages and cuddling. Likes to cup his hands over your belly and trace it.
The type of dad to gain weight with you as your pregnancy moves along. Becomes soft, strong dad.
Finds out you’re having twin boys and has the happiest crying session ever. Belphie is the first to know and all Beel can say is ‘Just like us!’ as he nearly crushes his twin to death.
Likes to dress them in cute and comfy clothes. Animal onesies? Yes!
At some point yours twins are going to look like hotdogs and hamburgers. There’s no shortage of food costumes thanks to Levi, Asmo, and Beel.
Suspicious about baby food, bugs Satan about how nutritious it is, and tries all of it just to be sure.
Some of their teething toys look like real food. Beelzebub ate one on accident.
Is a perfect gentle giant. Afraid of hurting them, for they are tiny and precious, but gets over that pretty quickly.
Always wants to cuddle and hold them. You have to make him leave them alone to sleep. Gets kind of sad when they’re napping because he can’t make faces at them or hear them laugh. Right back to his usual self when they wake up, though.
You best believe they learn their alphabet by studying food. Beelzebub will stand in the kitchen and dig through the pantry until he finds things that match the letters of the alphabet 
Belphegor
He’s kind of surprised you ended up pregnant because the sex is usually lazy and casual. Yes, he has the moments where it’s pretty hardcore, but...wow. For some reason, he just didn’t see you getting pregnant.
Secretly hopes you have more than one kid. Something in him would just be happy if there’s more than one kid. You think it comes from the time he spent alone in the attic but never say it.
Sleeps a lot more. Not out of avoidance or anything, but because naps will be rare in the future. He likes to think he’s stockpiling sleep.
Makes sure you’re comfy at all times.
Would love for you to sleep and be cozy but apparently that’s not healthy for humans, so he takes easy walks around the house and keeps you semi-active.
He’ll give you his cow pillow to use as a back pillow. It’s his way of letting the baby use it until he can share it with them.
Listens to a lot of audiotapes about parenting. Looks at books, too, but does better with audio. 
Reads a new bedtime story to your kid every night.
Sometimes you guys sleep in the star room so he can talk to them about constellations. They can’t see anything, of course, but he still goes into detail.
Isn’t much of a picture person and doesn’t see the point in taking maternity pictures. It’s actually because Belphie has a photographic memory so he remembers everything.
The bros force him into taking maternity pictures.
The type to journal everything. He writes a big-ass, super-detailed diary for the baby.
Is kind of worried about his temperament, so he’ll take some classes on how to handle stress and stuff before the babies arrive
Becomes King of Lists. There’s lists for everything. Lists help. Lists are good.
When he finds out you’re having triplets (a boy and two girls), he doesn’t know how to react. You saw him smile though. It doesn’t sink in until you’re hugging him. “I’m never sleeping again,” he realizes with absolute terror.
Beelzebub is super excited. “That’s twins plus a bonus!”
Very snobby about the nursery decor. Also very tactile like Asmodeus. If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not going in the nursery.
Wants a barn-themed nursery (to include as many cow-related things as possible)
You get the comfiest PJs.
With three kids, he lives by embroidery. He has to have a way to tell them apart, after all (the girls, at least).
Can’t hoard the babies but wants to. Hates that he doesn’t have enough arms to hold them all at the same time.
Is very interested by their tendency to hold each other and nap together. Finds it super adorable.
Makes a super-sized crib he can climb in and sleep with them. It’s basically a Belphie-sized bed with little attachments his kids sleep in. Separates them all just enough so he doesn’t worry about hurting them, but there’s still contact
Thanks whatever god exists that they mostly stay on a schedule together. Makes it stressful for changing diapers, but very fun to feed them.
Almost dies laughing when Lucifer holds them for the first time because one vomited on him, the other sneezed in his face, and one pooped so much it got on his pants leg.
Lulls them to sleep with his happy purr, and gets woken up from a dead sleep by pure love when they make the sound back. Suddenly there’s three chirpy purrs rolling against him and he’s in love.
Proud they love their mama so much (to the point of being TOTAL mama’s kids), but also kind of relieved he can breathe.
The three trade off occasionally when they realize he’s free real estate and come to him for snuggles. They all love him so he doesn’t mind.
This house supports cuddle piles! Belphie got them hooked on group naps for a young age and they sleep together now. 
Hope you liked it :)
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sprnklersplashes · 3 years ago
Text
songwriter!janis fic (unrequited crush, no-very-happy-ending) 
also on ao3
It all started because she loved Taylor Swift when she was in middle school. Who is she kidding, she still loves Taylor Swift, but that’s where all this began. A middle school girl’s obsession with Taylor Swift. A confused, sad girl with a broken heart and smudged black eyeliner, finding refuge in lyrics about loneliness and anger and revenge. They became anthems for her, mantras to mutter when the warzone of middle school became too much for her.
“Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever gonna be is mean.”
“Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in.”
“I can still see you, this ain’t the best view.”
It amazes her. It’s honestly as if Taylor Swift has managed to look into her life and given her a bundle of songs for whatever she needs. For when Regina has thrown her one too many snide looks, for when she’s standing at the door of North Shore High on her first day, for when she eats lunch alone, for when her mom is the best mom she could have asked for, for when she and Damian are lying on the grass in her backyard, staring up at the sky, laughing at absolutely nothing. The songs become the soundtrack to her life, the chords and those raw, honest lyrics an emotional outlet she so desperately craves. Taylor, and her songs, become a confidant, almost a close friend who always knows what to say.
With all that in mind, perhaps it was only a matter of time before she asks for a guitar for Christmas. She’s fourteen, braces and a slight lisp, and jumps up and down like a mad woman when she sees it under the tree.
She practices for three days straight, until her fingers bleed, but Should’ve Said No is the first song she learns off by heart. She yells the lyrics with maybe a little too much passion, but her parents applaud her nonetheless.
Like she said, that’s how it all started.
Because that same Christmas, she realises that screaming her feelings while playing guitar actually feels pretty cathartic. And that if it worked for Taylor Swift, it could work for her. So she writes stuff down, plays around with chords and strumming until the beat on the guitar matches the one in her head. She grabs a page and a pencil and writes and re-writes her innermost thoughts and feelings on the page until they sound the way she wants them to. She plays around with rhyme schemes and structure and everything she’s been taught about in English class, and a thrill runs through her as she does so. It’s the same breathless high she feels when she paints or draws, the rush that comes from creating something.
Her parents sit on the other side of her bedroom door, no doubt exchanging worried glances as she repeats the same verse, same chorus, with only a word changed. She watches them when they think she can’t see, peering through the crack in her door. The conclusion they seem to come to is ‘well, as coping mechanisms go, it’s pretty good, and she’s happy, so who are we to stop it?’.
It takes her four days to finish her first song. And it sucks. But she keeps it, writes down the lyrics and chords in one of the few empty notebooks she has, and there’s no going back from it now. She writes, and she writes, and she writes, near enough every day. She likes to think she gets better with each one. She learns more chords, buys a cheap ukulele the summer after freshman year, tries her hand at piano during a particularly difficult few weeks. She doesn’t plan on doing anything with them. They’re just her little pieces to hold on to. Her therapy sessions outside the carpeted office.
No-one knows about it. She has a reputation to keep up, after all. The loner-by-choice, too-cool-for-school, aloof art freak. Everyone has their roles to play in the ecosystem that is high school and, much as she hates the entire system, that is hers to play. And she plays it well, if she may say so. The fact that hardly anyone knows her past that facade suits her just fine. After all, if people think she doesn’t care, she can’t get hurt. No-one needs to know that Janis Sarkisian actually has feelings.
Even less need to know that she writes songs about said feelings.
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By the time she reaches her junior year, she’s onto her third notebook. She keeps them tucked away in her sock drawer, expertly hidden so only she can find them. Damian teases her about it, calling her “the protagonist of a Disney Channel Original Movie”. She just rolls her eyes and reminds him that “if either of us is gonna be Disney’s first openly gay character, it’ll be you”. He can’t argue with that.
It should be noted that when Janis said that no-one knows about her songwriting, Damian was the obvious exception. He found out just weeks after she started. There’s no keeping secrets from him.
Between all her notebooks, she’s written around forty songs.
Then she meets Cady Heron one day. The human embodiment of a labrador puppy, complete with wide, lost eyes. She likes her instantly, decides to take her under her wing because Lord knows the girl needs it. Cady’s smile is infectious, her laugh like a summer breeze. She has dimples and caramel-coloured hair and really likes maths.
She meets Cady on a Monday.
By that Saturday, song number 41-titled “Dimples and Curls” is more or less complete.
She plays it for Damian, hands only slightly shaking as she changes chords, the strumming short and upbeat, the melody strangely happy for such a bittersweet song.
He applauds her, but the subject of the song hangs in the air even after she’s played the last chord and the music fades. Unsaid, but not unknown. Just like her songwriting, Janis couldn’t keep a crush from Damian if she tried.
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“Hey, check it out.”
Cady drops onto the seat across from Janis, the whole table shaking as she does so. Like a small meteor just hit Earth. Janis looks up from her lunch, pretending like she had been doing her own thing and not watching the door until Cady came in. Pretending like her stomach doesn’t do little flips at the sight of her crossing the cafeteria. She pulls the flyer towards her and hums in amusement.
“The winter talent show,” she reads before chomping off a carrot stick. “Oh, is it that time of year already?”
“Seems like only yesterday we was welcoming the young’uns into this brave new world during the harvest season,” Damian sighs, putting on a delightfully over the top Southern Belle accent, no doubt influenced by their reading of Streetcar Named Desire in English class. Janis cackles, and nearly chokes on her lunch as she does.
“And now the cold winds of winter are descending upon us,” she replies, her accent equally heavy. She bats her eyes for good measure, because she can and because it makes Cady laugh. “Oh but I pray the children will survive this season, it is often rough for them.”
“I am never showing you two anything winter related ever again,” Cady says.
Janis just shrugs and runs her hand through her hair before her eyes go back to the flyer. Clearly, whatever sophomore they got to design it this year did their best; found the prettiest looking snowflakes on Google Images to put on the cartoon stage, decided to write in some swirling, slanted font rather than the start-studded block lettering they usually went for. It’s still the same as it is every year, meaning just as mockable, but she’ll give them points for tying.
“Well, anyone here going for it?” she asks. She looks from Damian to Cady and back again, a teasing smirk on her lips. “Last year and all that.”
“Not sure I can,” Damian sighs. “I mean, I’m booked up with Spelling Bee rehearsals and spring cabaret auditions happening next semester.” He drums his fingers against his throat. “Gotta give the little vocal chords some rest, you know?”
Janis’ response is to sing the lowest note she possibly can before turning to Cady and giving her a pointed look, the corner of her mouth quirked up.
“Who? Me?” Cady’s cheeks turned crimson and she shakes her head so much that the caramel curls bounced around her shoulders. “No way. Damian can take the stage, I’m fine with my calculators and textbooks.”
“You could always solve equations in front of everyone,” Janis says. “I could call out college-level questions from the audience and you solve them in under 30 seconds.”
“I think I’ll pass,” she giggles. She leans forward slightly, eyes glittering, and Janis does her best not to squirm. The effect Cady Heron’s eyes have on her should be studied by scientists. “What about you, Janis?”
“I don’t know.” She thinks back to when she helped on stage crew last year, as well as helping out (or taking over) with the set design. It had been fun, the kind of challenge she needed to keep her mind off the slowly-going-off-the-rails plan. And she was told it looked good on her college applications, because all people can think about apparently is college, college, college. “Maybe. They might need another genius stage manager.”
“And you’ll step in if they can’t find one?” She digs Damian in the ribs for that comment.
“But not performing?” Cady asks, and Janis freezes. Performing had never even crossed her mind before. She’s used to backstage, hell, she likes backstage. It’s not that she has stage fright or anything, and if she had, her stunt at Ms Norbury’s little healing session would have squished it. She had just never thought about it.
But Cady had, apparently.
“I-No, I-I don’t think so,” she stammers out. “Um, I might do backstage again, but not actually doing something, you know, talent related.” She bites her tongue and clamps her lips shut before anything else can come out.
“Okay then,” Cady replies slowly. She gets up from the table, her little empty water bottle in her hands. “I’m going to go for a refill, save my seat.”
“No problem,” Janis says, but Cady’s already jogging away.
She doesn’t know if it’s good or bad that Cady’s known her too long to think of her as cool, and so this kind of awkward babbling isn’t really surprising to her. Instead of thinking about it, she just sets her head on the table and lets Damian rub her back.
“You were nowhere near as bad as you think you were,” he assures her.
“Title of your sex tape,” comes her murmured reply. Damian chuckles and runs his fingers through her hair, like she’s his pet cat. It helps.
“So you’re definitely not going for the talent show then?” he asks.
Her first instinct is to say no, because of course she isn’t, because she never has before and she sees no point in breaking a three-year streak, but the answer catches in her throat. At the same time, something begins forming in her brain, pieces of a melody she’s already known, words filling in blank spots in her brain, and her fingers twitch involuntarily, playing the chords on an invisible guitar. Without a word, she grabs a notepad and pen from her bag and scribbles the words down before she forgets them, quickly becoming breathless just by sitting there. She forgets, for a moment, everything else, the talent show, Cady, even Damian next to her, and just revels in the task and the quick buzz she gets just from writing. Just like that she has one eye on the clock, itching to get home and put her notes into the rest of the song.
But with those notes came an idea, an idea so completely out of left field she almost laughs at it.
“Janis?” Damian asks, just slightly unnerved by her. If anyone else were at this table, even Cady (especially Cady), she would have had to excuse herself and run to the bathroom, or just hope the words stayed in her head long enough for her to get a quiet moment. “Did the Goddess of Music just possess you again?”
“Maybe,” is her response. He doesn’t know it, but she answered both the questions he asked in the past minute.
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She sits on her bed that night, her homework half-done and strewn across the desk, abandoned in favour of the guitar sitting in her lap and notebook open on her bed. She’s been working on his song for the better part of a week, inspiration and motivation seemingly striking and then fading whenever she gets a free moment. Abandoning it has crossed her mind-she’s no stranger to abandoning things that aren’t working-but for some reason she hasn’t quite been able to shake this particular song off.
Maybe it is Euterpe, the Goddess of Music, descending upon her because this song has to be finished, it has to be, Olympus willing it so.
Or maybe it’s because this song is one of the most personal things she’s ever written, a love letter she’ll never send, and the idea of it sitting unfinished drives her crazy.
She plays another chord and sings the line again, changing the ending slightly, and makes the adjustment in her notes.
She’s crazy. This is already crazy, her secret double life as a wannabe T-Swift, but now she’s gone beyond that. Thinking of actually playing it. On a stage. In front of people. She doesn’t care what people think of her, she stopped caring about that a long, long time ago, but holy shit what will people think of her after she does this? Life isn’t like the movies, she knows that much. It won’t be some pretty, softly-lit moment where the crowd sits with teary eyes, Cady runs onstage and kisses her and she’s offered a deal by some big shot producer, and they all live happily ever after the end. What could happen is people think she’s even more of a weirdo than they do now.
Or she gets tomatoes thrown at her head and she’s booed off the stage. That’s a possibility.
She calls Damian, because that’s the only way she sees out of her little thought cul-de-sac. She puts the phone on speaker and props it up against a pillow, keeping her hands free for her guitar and her pen. He picks up on the third ring, just as she’s strumming out a G chord.
“Oh, is someone prepping for her Grammy?” he asks. “You’re still taking me as your date, right?”
“Only if my dog can’t go,” she replies. She taps her nails against the wood, the rhythm too fast and frantic to just be a habit. Yes, she can tell Damian anything, and being nervous in front of him is laughable, but sometimes her body forgets that. “So, I was thinking about the talent show.”
“Oh? You’re going for stage crew again? Cool.”
“No-not exactly.” She knows he can’t see the smile creeping across her face, but she’d wager he can hear it through the phone. A small swarm of butterflies flutters in her chest, leaving her just slightly out of breath. “I… I. think I’m going to try performing in it.”
A burst of laughter comes through the phone, slightly tinged with static, and Janis wishes he were here so she could slap him. Even if it’s not malicious in intent at all, and she’s laughing right along with him. Slapping is kind of a love language for them.
“Okay, okay cool. What’re you going to do?”
“I’ll give you a hint,” she says, and then she plays the opening chords to her latest experiment. She doesn’t add in the lyrics, not yet. Still, she sits back and basks in his applause when she finishes, cackling into her hand. He might be one person, but he’s got enough enthusiasm to match a packed auditorium. “What do you think?”
“I’m into it,” he tells her. “So… that’s the one you’re doing?”
“Think so.” She tosses the pick between her fingers. Like he could feel her smile, she can feel his raised eyebrow through the phone, the elephant in the room poking her with its trunk. “Yes, I know.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You thought it,” she tells him, and he doesn’t deny it. She looks back over the lyrics she’s written and re-written. Despite some adjustments, it’s still in essence the same. Still about a girl with pretty hair who smells like vanilla and cinnamon, who has a boyfriend and is unknowingly breaking the heart of a girl with black eyeliner and paint stained fingers. Because her boyfriend is pretty and clean and smells like soap and can do math, and how is the poor art girl even meant to compare to that?
“Yes,” she says after a while. “It is about Cady.”
“Aw, my poor lovestruck songstress,” he sighs. He shifts then, and the air shifts with him. “You sure that���s the one you want to sing? I mean you have dozens of other non-Cady related songs. I’m sure Mr Duvall would love to hear Angry Teenage Lesbian Anthem.”
“First off, I gave that one a title, it’s called Shattered,” she reminds him. “And-” She freezes, the rest of her sentence catching in her throat. He’s right. She could perform one of her other songs, that are already finished and therefore removing the pressure to have this one finished, polished and stage-ready. And of course, it would mean she wouldn’t be standing in front of her entire grade and telling them all how badly she’s in love with her best friend. Showing her deepest secret to the people who have already driven her out of school once. It’s a far safer, potentially less traumatic option for her.
But…
“No,” she says. “I know it sounds crazy but I feel like… I feel like I need to do this.” She swallows thickly and picks softly at the guitar strings. “It’s like… like this way at least I’m telling her, you know? Even if she doesn’t know it.”
Of course, Damian gets it.
“That’s beautiful, babe,” he tells her. “So you’re actually doing this?”
“I’m actually doing this,” she replies firmly. “And tomorrow, I need you to make sure I don’t chicken out before I sign up.”
“Got it. I’ll just order you to do it as Senior Co-Chair of the Student Activities Committee.”
“That’s an abuse of power.”
“Then consider yourself abused baby.” He laughs and she laughs with him, and then she hears something on Damian’s end. “I have to go. A certain little sister of mine has a princess costume that needs attending to. See you later.”
“See you later,” she replies before he clicks off the call. She looks down at her paper, then at her guitar, and thinks about what she just committed to. “I’ve got some work to do.”
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The song goes through four rewrites in the weeks leading up to the talent show. The whole first verse is changed, the chorus scrapped and replaced with a new one, then that one is scrapped and she goes back to the old one. She sits hunched on her floor with a pencil in her mouth, wondering if what she’s written is too personal or not personal enough. If it’s too obvious that Cady, smart cookie that she is, will work it out and that’ll lead them down a new, scary path. She cuts some lyrics that give the game away, opting to replace one about love for numbers with love for learning, because that opens up the pool to half their grade. She writes about Cady’s blue eyes rather than specifically those double dimples that make her melt. Maybe she’s compromising her artistic vision, but it might be worth it if it’ll keep her crush a secret. She keeps the old lyrics tucked in the back of her notebook, just to have them.
Meanwhile, she’s also dealing with the fact that people know she has signed up for the talent show. That Miss Too Cool For School Loner Art Freak Janis is actually performing at a school event. And she doesn’t even get extra credit for it. They’re surprised, and curious, and none more so than Cady. The other girl appears at her side almost instantly after first period, skinny little arms wrapped around her bicep and blue eyes alight.
Oh, the things those eyes do to her.
“Janis!” she squeaks. “I saw-on the sign up sheet-your name! Oh my God, is this a joke? Did Damian put you up to it?”
“No, no, I signed up of my own accord,” Janis tells her. That only makes Cady bounce more, ponytail bobbing up and down.
“Oh wow, that’s amazing!” she says. She stops then, her mouth freezing in its place and her cheeks turning pink. Slowly, she comes down to Earth, like a balloon that had the air let out of it. Janis can almost hear the wheeze. “I mean um, it’s pretty cool, I guess.”
“It’s pretty grool,” Janis replies, and just like that Cady bounces back up again.
“Oh my gosh, what are you going to do?” she asks. “Or do you want it to be a surprise?”
“You think I have some secret knife-throwing talent?” she grins. She hesitates for a moment, looking down at Cady’s excited face, because even if this isn’t telling her… it’s telling her. “I’m… I’m going to sing.” She pulls on the strap of her backpack and avoids Cady’s eyes. “Something I wrote.”
“Okay,” Cady says. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”
“Hey!” she laughs. “I can write stuff. I can be deep.”
“Oh, I have no doubt about it,” Cady says, bumping her arm against Janis’. “But for real, Janis, I can’t wait to see it. I know you’ll be amazing.”
Warmth spreads across her pale cheeks, a pink blush no doubt colouring her face, and she somehow manages to choke out a “thanks” as her brain turns to static. Her only thought is ‘Cady thinks I’m going to be good’, and it’s written in glitter pen across her brain.
“This is going to be great,” she goes on. “Oh, wait until I tell Aaron. He’s got a break in his schedule that week so he’s coming up to see the talent show! Isn’t that great?”
And just like that, Janis’ good mood falls. Her face stays the same, because she’s trained to do it, but everything behind it crumbles.
“Yeah, that’s great,” she replies. Cady squeezes her hand, oblivious, and drags her along the hallway, chatting away about some lion documentary she had watched last night.
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She finishes the song that night. She arrives home with a heavy chest, so full of complicated, messy feelings, and her conversation with Cady still so fresh in her mind, her ears still ringing from the emotional whiplash. Her parents barely get a ‘hello’ as she enters and bolts up to her room, her hands shaking, the thoughts swirling around her brain desperate to be let out.
And let them out she does. She writes so quickly they look more like smudges than words, her fingers flying over rapidly changing chords, her voice broken and panting as she sings. The words almost write themselves, like the song has taken on a life of its own and she’s just along for the ride. She barely remembers to pause, to breathe, so wrapped up in the storm she’s created with just her guitar and pen.
It’s only when she finishes and falls back on her bed that she notices the tears in her eyes. She blinks them away and pulls herself up, her notebook in her hand. It’s done. The perfect blend of her own honest feelings and just enough smokescreen to keep people from knowing who it’s really about.
There’s no backing out now, she thinks. Her stomach drops, like she’s on the top of a roller coaster about to go down. A laugh bubbles up in her throat and leaves her breathless, her head spinning while she’s still laying there.
If holy shit were am adjective, she'd use it to describe how she feels. Because holy shit.
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Being backstage when she’s not on crew is a strange experience. She stands with her guitar slung around her body, in the middle of a current of students moving around her, half with the clunky microphones and walkie-talkies she’s used so many times before. She asks five of them if she can do anything to help-because they’re her people and she needs to do something to occupy her time-until she finally takes the hint and leaves them to it. Stagehands are the most efficient parts of any production, as she told Damian once. They’re a well-oiled machine at this point.
“Yo!” For a second, Janis thinks she imagined the whisper, just one in a jumble of backstage noises, until Damian appears at her side. A tiny ‘shit’ escapes her mouth, her body jerking. Barely anyone bats an eye at her, except him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to spook you.”
“Don’t worry. I think at this point a small breeze could knock into me and I’d crumble.”
“The great Janis Sarkisian gets nervous?” he asks, eyebrow raised.
“Only when she’s doing something incredibly personal and scary in front of her entire grade,” she whispers back. She swallows past the lump in her throat. “Aside from that I’m a beacon of confidence and unshakable will.”
“Hey.” He taps his knuckles against hers. “Remember how scared you were at Norbury’s assembly?”
“You mean after I had my picture all over the school with the d-slur written underneath it?” she mutters. “Yeah, I was shitting myself.”
“And yet, look what you did there,” he reminds her. “You were amazing. And you’re going to be amazing here too. Once you get on that stage, all those butterflies are going to make you fly, kid.”
She smiles, her heart warm, and pressed her face into the crook of Damian’s neck.
She doesn’t know how she got so lucky to have him, but she knows better than to tempt fate.
“Janis Sarkisian?” She lifts her head to find a freshman girl with a headset around her neck looking at her. “You’re up next.”
“Okay.” It’s only now she becomes aware that the last minute of Fairytale Of New York is playing, the notes will soon fade out, and that’s her cue. She turns to Damian and lets him straighten her black cardigan and fiddle with the collar of her shirt. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need it.” He drops a whisper of a kiss to her nose. “But good luck.”
She holds her half-heart necklace as he goes, the twin to the one around his neck. It’s as close as she can get to having him with her. Her chest tightens as she makes her way to the stage and she tries to breathe through it, because the next thign she knows, Mr Duvall is announcing her name, and she’s being greeted by a blinding spotlight that thankfully obscures most of her peers’ faces.
“Uh, hi,” she says into the microphone placed out for her. It’s just people , she reminds herself. Somewhere in that crowd, second row, seat 14, is Damian, and she breathes easier. And next to him is Cady, the girl this song is about, and for some reason that straightens her spine and irons out the shaking in her voice. She takes the pick out of its holder and tosses her hair back. “This is a song I wrote about being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back.” She blinks and hopes no-one sees the tears in her eyes. “So sing along if you get into it, because we all know it’s a shitty ass feeling.”
She plays the first chord, and then any and all doubts she had about this flee her. As cliche as it sounds, the song takes over her, and she blows through the nerves in the first verse. The experience becomes cathartic instead, like releasing a pressure valve on her soul. Even with the little diversions she threw in, she hasn’t felt this open and god damn free since last year, paraded on her peers’ shoulders with both middle fingers up. Except now she’s not flipping anyone off, or proving a point, she’s just finally telling someone how she feels, and holy shit, it’s amazing. Whatever the aftermath of this is, she won’t care, it’s worth it just for this feeling.
As she sings the last word, and that final note rings in the auditorium, her hands are shaking, her cheeks wet with tears and her hair sticky with sweat. She touches beneath her eye and her fingers come away stained black.  She hasn’t cried in front of people since middle school. She doesn’t care.
The cheers of her classmates ring in her ears, Damian’s whooping the loudest of all, and as she takes her bow, she hopes she’ll remember this moment for a long time.
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“Oh my God!” she’s barely into the auditorium when Cady launches herself at her, arms wrapped around her neck and legs circling her waist. Janis nearly topples over, digging her back leg into the ground just in time, and hugs Cady with the same ferocity. “You were amazing!” she yells into her shoulder, the sound muffled by Janis’ hair.
“Really?”
“Absolutely.” She sets Cady down, but the other girl keeps a tight grip on both her arms. Janis wonders if it’s to keep herself from flying away, given the amount of bouncing up and down she’s doing. “I can’t believe you wrote that! It was so good! You need to record it, Jan. Do you have any other songs?”
“Just a few,” she says. “And I don’t know if I’m in the business of making an album any time soon.” She swings her guitar case a little. “This might have been a one-time thing.”
“Well, even if it was, it was awesome,” she says.
“Thank you, Caddy,” Janis replies. “That means a lot.”
Her mouth runs dry as Cady smiles, all baby pink lipgloss and sparkling eyes and full cheeks. If this were a movie, she thinks, this would be the part where they kiss. No need for talking, or an explanation. Because Cady would have just known. The music would turn soft and twinkly, and the lighting would match it and it would look like they’re in a dream and they’d just kiss, and it will fix all of Janis’ problems. Maybe a single tear will run down her cheek. And then they’ll run off into their new lives as the end credits roll.
How sweet that would be.
But her life isn’t a movie. If she wants anything, she has to go for it herself.
And that includes-
“Caddy.” Her name is delicate on her lips, handled with care. Cady looks at her, giving a simple ‘mm-hm’ in response, and Janis’ heart beats out of control. “That song I just sang, it-”
“Hey, guys.”
Also if this was a movie, Cady’s sweet, lovely, nice boyfriend would not be barging in right now. He’d either be a douchebag who she doesn’t feel bad about hurting, or he’d be nonexistent.
Unfortunately, this is not a movie, and Aaron Samuels exists and is the human equivalent of a squishmallow.
“Hey Aaron.” He slings his arm around Cady’s shoulders, and she leans into his touch almost instinctively. “Janis, you were great up there. I didn’t know you wrote songs.”
“It’s a bit of a new hobby,” she says, her voice hoarse. She clears her throat, and finds a bottle of water being handed to-thrown at-her.
“Hydrate those chords,” is Damian’s greeting.
“This is what I get for being friends with a theatre kid,” she sighs before she takes a drink. She hadn’t realised how dry her throat was until now.
“Okay, so we’re all going for pancakes,” Aaron says. “I take it you two are coming?”
“How can I say no to pancakes?” Janis asks. “Uh, you guys go ahead, I have to get my stuff from the green room.”
“Okay, we’ll wait for you,” Cady says. “Aaron brought his car so he can drive us.”
“Grool.” Cady and Aaron turn around together, Aaron spinning his eyes around his finger and Cady lacing her fingers through his, talking about something she can’t hear. It’s like watching them through a sheet of glass.
Not a movie. Not unless it’s one of those really, really sad movies. Sad homophobic movies.
“You okay?” Damian asks. She snorts at the question. Nothing has changed, so of course she’s okay. But then, nothing has changed, so she’s not really okay.
“I did it,” she sighs. “It’s out there. I told her, unofficially. Whether or not she works it out…” She runs her hand through her tangled hair. “That’s something else entirely.” Damian hums in agreement, a sympathetic look on his face that soon morphs into a grin.
“Hey,” he says. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks Mom.” They snort, Janis caught between a laugh and a sob, and squeezes Damian’s hand. She’s not optimistic about any romance in her future, at least where Cady is concerned. She and Aaron are still rock-solid and she’s happy for them, whenever she isn’t angsting about it. It’s a weird combination to have.
And at least she’s done this now. Despite a future for her and Cady not being in the cards for now, she’s glad she did it. The secret isn’t out, not entirely. Just written on the walls in invisible ink.
“Come on,” she tells Damian. “I actually do have to get my bag, and you can use this as an opportunity to double check the ghost light is on.”
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Cady and Aaron keep their promise and wait for them, waving off their apologies as they jog across the parking lot. Cady lets Damian take the front seat with Aaron and slides into the back with Janis instead. Janis frowns, confused as to why she isn’t taking her normal seat up front, and Cady rolls her eyes.
“There was a draw on the way here, and we lost,” she explains. “And now Damian has control of the aux chord,” She gestures with her head to the passenger seat, and Janis turns just in time to see him open his Spotify and scroll through his playlists. As the opening notes to Waving Through A Window fill the car, it’s met with three loud groans. Damian only turns it up louder, and adds in his own backing vocals.
“So, that song you sang,” Cady asks, leaning back in the seat. “Was it about anyone in particular?”
Janis looks down, her hands pressed together in her lap. If this is the moment the universe decided to give her, it’s a really terrible moment. Not only is Cady’s whole boyfriend sitting an arm’s length away from her, but she left her nerve back in the auditorium. Clearly, her and fate aren’t on each other’s wavelength.
“You wouldn’t know her,” she says. “She doesn't even go here.”
“Oh,” Cady replies. Her face falls, but she’s not too put out by it. Why would she be? She nudges Janis’ shoulder, a proud smile on her face, and squeezes Janis’ hand. “Well, if she has someone like you into her and she hasn’t taken the chance yet, then she doesn’t know what she’s missing.”
Janis only thanks her, and quickly changes the subject.
Someday she might tell her for real, but for now she'll stick to the songs.
19 notes · View notes
petersasteria · 4 years ago
Text
Rumor Has It - Tom Holland (High School AU)
Pairing:  Jock!Tom x Musical!Reader, BFF!Haz x Reader
This is my entry for @t-holland2080‘s writing challenge, but since I took a writing break from here, I didn't write it. The prompt was an Adele related quote and tbf, I've had this idea for about a month. So, I thought of mixing them up together. I've been re-watching Glee. Hence, the high school au and the Glee inspired stuff throughout this one shot.
Prompt: "You're so dramatic." "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."
Add yourself to my taglist if you’re cool x
5.3k words omg lmao hope y’all enjoy I guess
Part 2
* * * *
Rumors. No one liked them, but every day there seemed to be a rumor made up by someone. Rumors tear other people down in a lot of ways. The idea of lies spreading everywhere wasn't ideal for everyone, yet people seem to really believe them. No one knows who starts a new rumor and no one knows how they come up with it. Rumors are basically the outcome of a person's creativity put into terrible, terrible use.
Last week, someone spread a rumor about you getting your lips fixed even though you didn't. Whoever said it was clearly false, because you wouldn't want to put your talent at risk even though it wouldn't really affect your voice.
The rumors had different themes every week. Last week, it was all about someone getting any part of their body changed. This week, however, was all about break ups. Of course, your relationship with Tom wasn't spared by that rumor.
You were dating a popular guy. Of course they'll be rumors about you two breaking up. Only this time, it felt real.
Everyday you felt like Tom was slipping away from you and you didn't want that. You didn't want your favorite person out of your life yet. You've only been dating for a year and a half and you actually planned to have a future with him. You were sure.
You already had everything planned out. You were moving to New York to pursue your Broadway dreams and Tom would move with you. Both of you were applying for colleges there and you were so excited.
You were settling with him. The only question you asked yourself every night was: 'Is Tom settling for me too?' You weren't stupid, though. You knew you were losing him to the captain of the cheer leading squad. How cliché, right? He would always talk about her, he would talk to her, walk her to class and go as far as comparing her to you. It hurt. What hurt most was that he didn't even notice he was doing all of those things.
"So what'll you do with the whole Tom and what's-her-name thing?" Harrison asked you when you both entered the glee club's classroom. "I know this week's rumor is all about break ups and shit. I don't even know why rumors have themes but it is what it is, I guess. But anyway, I heard from Lauren who heard from Samantha who heard from Dylan who heard from Adam that Tom was leaving you for her."
You sighed and shook your head, "Let's not talk about it, okay? But I'm expecting that he'll break up with me soon. I mean, I won't be surprised because the rumors of our break up are beginning to come true."
"Just know that no matter what happens, I'm here for you." Harrison smiled as both of you took your seat. You looked at him and smiled as you took his hand in yours and squeezed it. It was your way of saying thank you.
This week's glee club assignment was to sing an Adele song and you loved it. You loved Adele. Her songs held so much angst and you live for it. Sometimes, you thought that Adele was taking over your life because some of her songs matched every situation in your life.
Out of all of Adele's songs, you didn't know what to sing. Thankfully, Tom helped you out by breaking up with you the next day over the phone.
"Tom, we had plans for New York!" You pleaded.
Tom rolled his eyes and huffed, "Those are YOUR plans! If you want to move to New York so much, then move there with your loser best friend, Harvey!"
"His name is Harrison-"
"I don't fucking care. Move there with him if you want to move there so much. I want to move to L.A. I don't fit in at New York, Y/N." Tom sighed. "We both want different things and with her, it's different in a good way. We both want the same things and I can see myself having a great future with her."
"What about me?" You asked softly.
"What about you?" Tom furrowed his eyebrows. He just wanted to end the conversation already because he was preparing to get ready for a date.
"A-At some point, " You started. "Did you ever see yourself having a great future with me?"
Tom paused for a second and thought about it. Did he? Sure, he loved you at some point and he cared about you. He didn't know when he stopped. But he knew that he still cared about you. You were his first real girlfriend.
"I, uh, honestly? Of course I did. We've been together for a year and a half and I loved you and cared about you. Please don't doubt that." Tom answered.
"Well, what does she have that I don't?" You questioned even though you wished he wouldn't answer it because it would hurt you.
"She's all the things you're not, Y/N." Tom said. "She's not too focused on her career. She's not too competitive and she doesn't sing show tunes all the fucking time."
You stayed quiet as tears streamed down your face. 'So that's what he thinks of me.' You thought to yourself.
"Look, Y/N. I'm really really sorry." Tom said through the phone as you cried your eyes out. "I loved you. I really did, but I don't love you anymore. There's someone-"
"There's someone else. I know. It's the cheer leading captain." You cried. "I get it, though. She has everything that I don't have and it makes sense how you'd go after a girl like her because both of you are perfect for each other. But just remember that there's one thing I can do that she can't."
"What's that?"
"She can't love you like I can. But you're willing to throw that away so goodbye, Thomas." You sniffed and wiped your tears away with your free hand.
"Bye, Y/N. Don't be a stra-"
You quickly hung up and cried. You hastily called Harrison and he went to your house as soon as he could with post-break up items. When he arrived, he ran straight to your room and you pulled him in for a hug.
"He's an asshole, I swear!" Harrison said as he pulled away and put the stuff he brought on your bed. You wiped your tears and looked at it, "What the hell is that?"
"It's a post-break up kit that I made." Harrison proudly said. "I know it's a little big than a usual kit but I don't know what else to call it. Inside, there's a bottle of wine, some popcorn, chips and a ton of flyers from different pizza places all stapled together for when you want to buy some pizza."
"That's so thoughtful of you." You chuckled. "What made you do this?"
"Well, my sister had her first ever heartbreak a few months back and as her older brother, it's my job to make sure she gets treated the way men should treat her. Then my cousin got heartbroken and I gave her a post-break up kit too. She told me it works." Harrison smiled. "You're my third customer, y'know. I refuse to let my favorite girl get heartbroken over some guy."
"Hey, he's not just some guy." You argued as you peeked inside the post-break up kit.
"Fine. He's not." Harrison said as he got the stapled flyers from the kit. "He may not be just some guy for you, but you're just some girl for him. I don't want my best friend to be just some girl. In fact, I don't want the girls in my life; my mum, my sister, my cousin, my niece when she grows up or who else, become just 'some girl' to some guy who can't appreciate what they have. All of you are special and you all deserve to feel special because all of you are amazing." He looked at you as you sat down on your bed. He sat next to you.
"I'm sorry if it sounded harsh, but you deserve the truth and the truth always hurts. I'm just keeping it real with you." He added.
You sighed, "I just- I miss being his, y'know? I miss being his girl, his everything and all that."
Harrison scoffed and shook his head, "In case you didn't know, you haven't been his girl ever since he started looking at what's-her-name's way. You haven't been his girl ever since he didn't walk you home. You haven't been his girl when he didn't pick you up after glee club meetings and you haven't been his girl when when started comparing her to you."
"You deserve better than that, Y/N. I know it's not my place to say anything at all, but you should've left him when he started slipping away because that's when it usually starts." Harrison said and suddenly the wall started to look interesting to him. "They start slipping away but you stay because you believe that they'll come to their senses and come back. But they don't. Then you blame yourself for not being good enough when they leave you. It's always like that. So, if you ever feel like someone's slipping away from you, just leave and make your life easier."
"I don't know what to say except you're right." You nodded. "Also, you're so dramatic." You chuckled as you looked at each other.
Harrison playfully rolled his eyes and smiled, "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."
"Speaking of Adele, I know what to sing for the glee club assignment." You said as you took out the bottle of wine from the kit Harrison gave you.
"And what song would that be?" Harrison asked.
"Someone Like You." You said as you stood up and walked out of your room to get two glasses for your wine.
When you left, Harrison said to himself, "Huh. Queen shit right there. I love that fucking song. Now, I don't know what to fucking sing for the assignment."
You came back in the room and Harrison said, "I'll order us pizza."
"Okay. Thanks." You smiled.
When Monday came, it was hard to look at Tom because he was with that girl he left you for. Lucky for you, Harrison was there and never left your side. When the time for glee club came, you told your teacher that you were ready to sing your song.
"I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and you're married now." You sang beautifully and everyone was in awe. Especially Harrison. It was at that moment that he knew he liked you and that he'll do anything for you.
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." You ended the song and smiled as everyone clapped. You went back to your seat next to Harrison and he smiled at you.
"You were great." Harrison grinned. "I think you'll do just fine without Tom."
You smiled at him and didn't say anything. Eventually, he was right. You were able to move on from Tom after two weeks of moping around for him. You realized you didn't want to waste your time in moping around for some guy who left you for someone else. Great stars became great stars when they were single.
Rumors. Rumors spread everywhere and they spread all the time. This week's theme of rumors were about new couples. Of course, Tom and that other girl were being talked about. They were the new 'it couple'. Rumors about you and Harrison dating were being surfaced. Of course, you didn't confirm nor deny them. No one should really care whether you two were together or not.
The truth was, you only went out on a couple of dates which you both enjoyed. You and Harrison weren't official yet, though. You were taking it slow.
On the flip side, Tom was bothered that you seemed to have forgotten all about him. He thought you would beg for him and he was kind of hurt that you didn't beg for him. It hurt his ego.
So when you were alone one day, Tom approached you when he saw you putting your things in your locker. "Hey Y/N." Tom smiled at you.
You looked at him and raised an eyebrow at him. It was weird that he spoke to you at all after the break up. He was the one who broke up with you over the phone and it confused you that he was talking to you. "Um, what do you want?" You asked.
"Ouch. Is that how you talk to the love of your life?" Tom put a hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt.
You rolled your eyes and closed your locker as you clutched your book tighter, "You haven't been the love of my life for, like, two weeks now. Get over yourself, Holland. If you're to ask help in studying, I won't help you. That's what your girlfriend is for. You told me that she's all the things I'm not. So, I assume that she's smarter than me."
Tom was about to talk when Harrison interrupted and looked between you and Tom, "What's going on here?"
You've never been more relieved in your life. You smiled at Harrison and shook your head, "Nothing important."
Harrison nodded and turned to you, "C'mon! I promised I'd take you out for lunch today."
You grinned, "Oh, right!"
"You'd love the place, I swear!" He offered his hand to you and you happily grabbed it.
"Bye, Thomas." You smiled politely before Harrison dragged you out of school. You laughed causing Harrison to laugh too.
Tom watched both of you leave the school premises and frowned. You've never rejected him before. He kind of always expected you to choose him all the time above all circumstances and he was surprised that you didn't. What did Harrison have that he didn't? He knew it was kind of silly to react this way, but he wasn't used to it. Right now, he hated Harrison for changing you. He never really had a problem with Harrison before, but right now Harrison was his enemy because he stole you away from him.
Tom had been acting weird around you lately and you wanted to file a restraining order, but Harrison said it was too much. At this point, you've been going out on dates with Harrison two months now. Both of you wanted to make it official, but both of you didn't know that.
"I'm sorry I can't attend glee club today and walk you home." Harrison said guiltily. You shook your head and said, "Haz, it's alright. Your family is important and tell Charlotte I said good luck."
Harrison smiled, "I will. Don't enjoy glee club too much without me."
"Trust me when I tell you that I won't enjoy it all without you. You make my glee club experience easier and more fun." You looked at him and tucked your hair behind your ear.
Harrison laughed and shook his head, "Oh, I could just kiss you right now!"
Your jaw dropped and his eyes widened in realization. You looked at each other and he spoke up, "Uh, forget I said anything."
"Did you mean it?" You asked. Harrison sighed and nodded. You smiled and said, "Kiss me, then."
"But I thought we were taking it slow? I don't want to force you in any-"
"Shut up and kiss me, Haz! We've been going on dates for two months now. I think it's time we make it official." You chuckled. "So if you want to kiss me so bad, go ahead, Osterfield. I dare you."
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Fuck yeah!”
He smirked and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on your lips. You kissed back and smiled through the kiss. Both of you pulled away and blushed.
"Okay, Charlotte will kill me if I'm late to watch her performance. I'll text you, okay?" Harrison held your hand and placed a kiss on it. "See you tomorrow!"
"Okay. Tell me all about it." You grinned as you watched him leave the school. You turned around to walk to the glee club's room and bumped into Tom.
"Where's your best friend? I don't see him around." Tom said as he put his hands in his pockets.
"My BOYFRIEND just left. He had to leave to watch his sister's performance at school." You told him and went around him to leave. Tom grabbed your wrist and you sighed, "What now, Thomas? Isn't Madison going to be jealous or something? I really don't have time for drama in my life."
"Leave Harrison. I want to be with you again." Tom blurted out and you laughed, "Sure, you do. Bye now." He let go of your wrist and you walked away and went to glee club.
It's been three days since that encounter with Tom and Harrison wasn't pleased with what happened. You assured him that you wouldn't leave him for Tom no matter what happens. You and Harrison have been rehearsing non-stop for sectionals with the rest of your glee club and today's the day that you'll perform.
All of you were backstage getting ready and Tom made his way to you. He huffed and he saw you kissing Harrison so he cleared his throat causing both of you to pull away. Harrison glared at Tom, but he didn't want to start a fight. He was better than that.
Harrison pecked your lips and said, "I'll check with Mike, okay?"
You smiled and nodded. He left and you looked at Tom with your arms crossed, "What're you doing here?"
"I'm here to see you perform. It's a big crowd out there." Tom chuckled as he handed you a bouquet of flowers. "These are for you."
You took them and set it on the vanity, "Thanks. You never came to any of my performances so why are you really here?"
"I came to watch you perform. I realized that I haven't really been supportive of you when we were dating and I wanted that to change. And if you liked New York so much, I'm willing to do long distance and I could visit you whenever I can." Tom explained.
"It's too late for that, don't you think?" You laughed. "Besides, we don't match. L.A. screams your name and New York screams mine. New York also screams Harrison's name and we already agreed that we'd move there together. You have Madison now and you're the one who broke up with me, Tom. Not the other way around."
"I know, but I'm leaving her for you. I'm planning to." Tom said.
"What the hell is your goal here? You came all this way to tell me this?" You asked. You were annoyed and kind of pissed. You just wanted to perform now, but the fifteen minute intermission was taking too long to end.
He shrugged, "Well, yeah. I know that once you leave him for me, you'll be all over me and we could be happy again. Then maybe I could convince you to move to L.A. instead of New York. Broadway is dead, anyway. You could audition for tv or movie roles and-"
"No, Tom!" You hissed. "Broadway is my calling. I've been preparing my whole life for Broadway and you can't take that away from me. If you want to move to L.A., that's on you. Don't drag me into it and I won't leave him for you. If leaving your partner for someone else is your cup of tea, then leave me out of it. I can't do that to Harrison. He's amazing and we're moving to New York together and that’s final."
"Show time, everyone!" a voice called out. You looked at Tom and said, "You're welcome to stay and watch, but don't bother me and Haz anymore. You don't get to do that after you've made up your mind on leaving me for Madison."
You walked to your glee club members and put on a smile. You refuse to let Tom's presence distract you. After all, you were performing with Harrison and you were finally getting the solo you deserved. It was your time to shine indeed. Nothing can ruin it for you.
Tom left and went back to his seat. As soon as he sat down, a familiar tune started to play and your clear and beautiful voice was heard in the whole venue. Tom was glad that his seat was on the third row from the stage and he was able to watch you properly. This was his first time seeing you perform and he wanted to make the most of it.
"Times have changed and we've often rewound the clock. Since the Puritans got a shock when they landed on Plymouth Rock." You sang as you stood on the center of the stage with your other glee club members still standing on the side of the stage, waiting for their cue to enter.
"If today," Your eyes met Tom and he gave you a smile and a small thumbs up. You stayed in character, though and paid no mind to him which he didn't take personally. The rest of the club marched on stage and went to their positions.
"Any shock they should try to stem 'stead of landing on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock would land on them." You pointed at the audience with a smile.
You glanced at Harrison and you both shared a small smile before you looked back at the audience for all of you to sing, "In olden days, a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now, God knows... Anything goes!"
"Good authors, too, who once knew better words, now only use four letter words writing prose... Anything goes!" You sang and dance with Harrison as your partner, of course. As part of the choreography, you slightly pushed Harrison away and pointed at him, "Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you."
You stood at the side as everyone sang the "no, you're not" part while you sang the "yes, I am" part of the song. All of you danced beautifully when the instrumental part of the song came and everyone clapped and cheered. You were preparing yourself for the high note as everyone sang the ensemble part.
"I can hold any note longer than you." You sang as you walked to the center of the stage while everyone still danced behind you.
"No, you can't."
"Yes, I can. Yes, I..." You sang and held the note. You've been practicing it for weeks and you were glad that you pulled it off really well. Your voice was loud, clear, and powerful and it overpowered your fellow glee club members' voices.
You took a deep breath for the climax of the song, "Yes, I can!"
Tom was the first one to stand up and cheer as soon as the song ended. The rest of the audience followed. All of them sat down when all the girls left the stage for the boys to do their performance. You sneakily kissed Harrison on the cheek for good luck and Tom saw it and he was admittedly jealous. He couldn't believe that he thought leaving you for Madison was a good idea.
He wanted to leave then and there, but he wanted to see what you saw in Harrison that made you choose him. The music began and Tom sat comfortably on his seat.
"Boy, boy, crazy boy, Get cool, boy! Got a rocket in your pocket. Keep coolly cool, boy!" Harrison sang as he moved around on stage with the rest of the boys just standing behind him like they rehearsed.
"Don't get hot, 'Cause man, you got some high times ahead. Take it slow and Daddy-O," Harrison looked at Tom and continued, "You can live it up and die in bed!"
Tom glared at him as Harrison continued to sing and dance with the rest of the boys. "That bastard, I swear." Tom mumbled under his breath.
Harrison finished the song with a cool pose. Everyone clapped as Tom rolled his eyes. All the boys ran off the to the side of the stage.
"Good luck." Harrison whispered in your ear before you went out there. All of you girls went on stage to sing 'It's All Over' from Dream Girls. You didn't have the main solo for this one, but you still had a solo. You were singing Beyonce's lines and you were excited. Besides, this was your time to put your acting skills into use.
Mercedes, your main soloist for this song, was doing so well and you were really glad that she got the solo she deserved.
"She ain't better than anybody. She ain't nothing but common!" She sang. You got into character and walked towards her, "Now, who you callin' common you self-indulgent, self-absorbed and unprofessional?"
"You! I'm calling you, I'm calling you, the common piece is knocking off!" Mercedes sang with a raised eyebrow and walked past you. You turned around and walked after her, "Now you listen to me, Miss Blame-It-On-The-World; see I put up with you for much too long."
"I have put up with your bitchin'." You pushed her.
"I've put up with your naggin'." You pushed her again. "And all your screamin' too!"
After a few more lines, it was your solo again, "She had nothing to do with this change. It was you! It was you always thinking of you. Always thinking of you!"
When the song ended, the boys joined the rest of you as all of you formed one straight line on stage with you and Harrison in the middle which annoyed Tom so much, but he didn't react.
You and Harrison looked at each other before looking at the audience. Both of you started the song without music, "Do you hear the people sing lost in the valley of the night? It is the music of the people who are climbing to the light. For the wretched of the earth, there is a flame that never dies. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."
The music started and the rest joined in for the next lines. When all of you harmonized together, you could've sworn you saw someone crying on the first row.
"Tomorrow comes!" You all sang and it gave the audience goosebumps.
When your group was announced as the champion, you were really happy. Tom cheered too. He now understood why you loved glee club. He saw your passion for performing and you were right; New York was screaming your name. Broadway really was for you. He could picture you in two different places, on stage and in his arms. It was cheesy and probably corny, but it was true.
-
Today was the day you and Harrison were moving to New York and you were excited. Both of you got accepted into NYADA and you already bought an apartment together using both of your savings and with some additional help from both of your parents.
Tom knew you were leaving today that’s why he rushed to the airport to catch up with you. He looked around and saw you hugging your parents goodbye with Harrison next to you. He smiled to himself when he was able to get to you on time.
“Y/N!” Tom called out as he ran towards you.
You pulled away from your mom and furrowed your eyebrows when you saw Tom. Harrison wasn’t pleased to see him at all and you were tired of seeing Tom after he tried to get you back multiple times since sectionals.
“Tom, what’re you doing here? I’m leaving.” You frowned at him.
Harrison looked at your parents and his parents and said, “Um, let’s leave them to talk.” He gave you a small smile before walking away with your families. You sighed and crossed your arms as you stared at Tom.
“I know you’re leaving that’s why I’m here.” Tom said. “I wanted to tell you that I won’t stop until I get you back.”
“Tom, I’m with Harrison and I love him too much to leave him. We’ve already planned our future together and you’ll have that too, Tom. Just not with me.” You told him.
“Then I’ll move to New York too and- and I’ll look for jobs there and I’ll study there too. I just- I really, really want to be with you again.” Tom begged. “What do you want me to do?”
“Why are you doing this, anyway? You’ve been like this ever since Harrison and I started going out. What’s your deal?!” You said angrily. “Okay so, what if we got back together again and the same thing happens? I don’t want to go through that, Thomas.”
“It won’t happen again, I swear!”
“How do I know that? Because you said so?! Geez, how fucking assuring!” You scoffed.
“I thought I was the only one you loved. How come you love Harrison all of a sudden?” Tom said sadly.
You rubbed your face and sighed, “You’ll always have a special place in my heart, Tom Holland. Trust me. Maybe someday, we can be friends but not now; not when you’re fucking insane. You’re my first love, yes. First loves never really go away, but we do move on from them. I’d really want us to be friends, I really do. I want you and Haz to be friends too, but you’re making it difficult.”
Suddenly, it was announced that your flight was already boarding. You looked at Tom and held both of you hands, “On behalf of me and Harrison, I forgive you for all the times you tried to sabotage our relationship. If only you used all that energy in trying to be friends with me and Haz, then none of this wouldn’t happen and maybe I’d visit you in L.A.”
You pulled him in for a hug and Tom immediately hugged back tighter, “I’ll miss you, Y/N. I really will. I especially missed you when you weren’t with me.”
You lightly chuckled and pulled away, “No matter how much you claim to miss me, you can’t keep coming back to me whenever it’s convenient for you. Goodbye, Tom.”
Harrison walked towards both of you and he nodded at Tom, acknowledging his presence. You waved to your family before leaving with Harrison. Tom looked around and called out, “Hey Y/N!”
You looked at him and waited for him to say something.
“Don’t be a stranger!” Tom shouted and waved goodbye. You smiled at him and waved back. “I won’t!” You shouted back before you and Harrison boarded the plane.
“So, what did he say?” Harrison asked.
“We just said goodbye.” You responded. Harrison pursed his lips and nodded.
“Hey,” You grabbed Harrison’s hand and he looked at you. “I love you.”
He smiled, “I love you too. New York, here we come!”
You giggled as you went to your respective seats. You couldn’t wait to spend your time in New York with Harrison. Your dreams were finally coming true... with the right guy this time.
* * * *
𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland​​​​​​ @poguesholland​​​​​ @superheroesaremytea​​  @marshxx​​​ @ella-whyte @buckys-little-hoe @harryismysunflower
𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell​​​​​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​​​ @rubberducky-jrr​​​ @petersholland​​​ @osterfieldnholland​​​ @miraclesoflove​​​ @god-knows-what-am-i-doing
+ @greenorangevioletgrass bc musicals x
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hargrove-mayfields · 4 years ago
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Autistic max? I’m all in -🦖
yes!! Max being on the spectrum is one of my favorite headcanons! Here’s a bit of my thoughts and hcs for you anon! <3
okay so first i wanna talk a little about where this hc came from! this idea was born in my head for a multitude of reasons, but the general summary is this:
-she misses a lot of social+emotional cues! she didn’t pick up on just how annoyed Mike was with her in the gym and kept pushing until El intervened, she didn’t detect any of Lucas’ panic or frustration when he was explaining the upside down to her until he touches her, and when el is jealous and just not interested in meeting her, she seems to be completely unfazed by that until she walks away. also every scene she has with Billy, he’s very shut off and she seems to be confused about what she’s expected to say, missing that he’s angry until he’s lashing out, and idk to me it just seems like she doesn’t really have a grasp on understanding others’ emotions!
-similarly, she only seems to react in the face of immediate danger, as if she’s a lot of the time unaware of how bad things truly are around her. like when she’s helping to find dart without even knowing what’s going on, driving a whole muscle car and going down into the tunnels without a hint of fear, seeming barely concerned when the mindflayer was about to drop through the ceiling. it’s almost like she has trouble fully processing the consequences of certain things, which could also explain why she sneaks out even though she probably knows what Neil is like and the fact that it could potentially put her in danger.
-the way she dresses just screams tactile sensitivity! she doesn’t ever wear anything flowy, any scratchy materials, and even at the snowball, where we see Susan fussing over her, she’s still dressed for comfort. what young girl with a mother clearly interested in making her pretty is going to get away with wearing jeans to a school dance if she doesn’t have sensory issues?
-also, whenever she gets upset she seems to shut down. like she almost never talks to Billy after he yells at her unless it’s necessary, when her and Lucas are talking on top of the bus it definitely seems like she’s struggling to voice her feelings or put words to her emotions, when Billy’s in the sauna, after he’s activated she starts turning in on herself, and after his death she’s just sitting in his room. like maybe she doesn’t really understand her own emotions that well either.
I’m not really viewing any of this as like, solid evidence or anything btw, these are just some things I’ve noticed about her as an autistic girl her age and living in a very similar situation that I think are neat and relatable!
onto the stuff I literally made up because I love her!
-Susan gives me autism mommy vibes. Like, making it her identity that she has a child with autism, and at times that can get super frustrating for Max because she hates being her mom’s little trophy daughter, gossiped about at all the potlucks so people feel sorry for her. Her absolute least favorite thing is “She’s such a handful.” and when Susan pulls the I’m so lonely because of taking care of you card to make her feel bad. Especially because she doesn’t feel very taken care of, once she’d hit a certain age her mother decided she’d be alright without all that “kid stuff” and basically tossed her into the world on her on. (hence why she’s Billys responsibility)
-In the 80s (and still now if we’re being entirely honest) it was very normal to just throw a casual r slur into conversation and it kills Max every time her friends say it, especially Mike because she thinks he’s being mean and doesn’t like her. She doesn’t know how to explain to them that that hurts her feelings because she doesn’t even know how to bring it up that she’s autistic. Billy tells her once to try to cheer her up that he could beat them up for her but she cries even harder because that’s what she doesn’t want, is for them to think she’s overreacting. He feels bad and tries to make up for it bringing it up with some of the moms of the group and asking that they tell their kids to stop using that word ever.
-In California she was in special ed classes, but Hawkins Middle deems that not necessary for someone of her “functioning level” (yuck) and she gets landed in coed instead. It might’ve been alright if that was how she started her education, but she was already used to classes of four or five kids like her, and she just cannot learn in that new environment. So she does really, really bad in school her first year in Hawkins. She feels kind of self conscious around her friends because they’re all so smart and her grades make her feel stupid even though it’s not her fault, and that’s why she kinda drifts towards being close with El because she struggles with learning things too.
-Smells are probably her worst overstimulation triggers. Things like cigarette smoke, fresh brewed coffee, her moms perfume, cooking and baking smells, the automatic air freshener thing, candles. Pretty much anything stronger than the smell of water is just overwhelming for her, especially if there’s something else already working her up, because then a whiff of something too strong can put her straight into a meltdown. Billy decides to quit smoking for her (he’ll never admit that, he’s adamant that it was because it was messing with his lung capacity and he’s trying to work out) and he also does things like buy Susan a new, less offensive perfume for her birthday and open windows to get stuffy air out of the house. They never really talk about what that does for her but like, that’s part of how they start getting closer, is when he starts making little accommodations for her like that.
-In addition to smells, there are very specific sounds she can’t stand. It’s not all loud noises, some of them like the rev of Billy’s car or a bass guitar at an outdoor amphitheater are some of her favorites, but the ones she doesn’t like, she really hates. Things like styrofoam, dishes hitting off of each other, something scratching against ice that builds up in the freezer, TV static, the toaster popping up or the oven beeping, and people who can’t chew with their mouths closed (looking at you Billy, keep that gum in your mouth please) all make her feel gross. She’ll try to physically shake off the way those sounds make her feel but sometimes they’re just too much and she shuts down for a while until she gets to hear something else. In that case usually really quiet music or someone talking to her quietly can reel her back in.
-Her interests vary a lot! The longest she’s ever held one special interest was a Miss Piggy phase! Susan liked that she was showing interest in a feminine character because of a lot of her si’s were tomboyish, but Max liked Piggy because she knew karate and punched people who laughed at her or tried to make her feel bad about herself! She has all sorts of Piggy collectibles, like toys, bed sheets, posters, books, mugs and watches! Otherwise her interests and fixations tend to come and go pretty quickly, like one week she could want to know everything there is to know about pro skaters, and the next she’s into the history of circuses! She liked cars for a little while and Billy was really excited to indulge in that and let her get familiar with the camaro, but she shifted to video games pretty soon after and he had to let it drop.
-Another interest that’s also pretty constant for her is nature! Not only for the sensory experience of it, listening to leaves rustle and birds chirp and water rush, but also all the knowledge about it. She can identify any type of flower, grass, tree, critter, or fungus! When she’s melting down and needs to be away from the house, she asks Billy to take her to the state park so she can just sit and be quiet and calm down on a fallen tree or a swing set somewhere. They do have some woods behind their house but she’s too afraid to venture out there and prefers to be out with her brother anyways.
-Stims! She’ll fiddle with zippers and buttons and loose threads constantly to the point that they buy her three or four of the same jackets and shirts for when she inevitably breaks them. She also chews on sleeves and hoodie strings a lot. Other tactile stims she favors are string tricks and braiding and tieing knots! Braiding her and Billy’s hair is something she’ll do anytime she needs to feel grounded, and she has a whole bunch of those little wooden boards that kids use to learn how to tie their shoes to tie knots with. She also always has a pocketful of yarn, and her favorite thing to make with them is a spider web or a star!
-Sort of related to her fascination with string is that her shoelaces never ever match, she has like a whole drawer in her room full of different ones to change them out! (and she has Miss Piggy Bow Biters to put on them!)
-She’s also a very verbal stimmer at times! Giggles for days with Max, if she’s excited, happy, nervous, whatever, she’s giggling. Humming and mimicking too, like if she hears a sound she likes she’ll try to make it, whether it be part of a song or something she hears outside. But if she is sad she’ll get as quiet as a mouse.
Idk these are just like my sort of canon compliant hcs I guess? Like what I feel would be true for her in the timeline and storyline of the show!
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slade-neko · 3 years ago
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Saw this video game tag thing pop up on my dash a few days ago. Wanted to do it.
1. First game you played obsessively? Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I believe I was 5yo. Still waiting on that FF7 Remake treatment.
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2. A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc. Well if I play a game and like it, then I'll create sims of it. Does that count?
3. Who did you play with as a kid? My brother from the day I was born.
4. Who do you play with now? My brother FROM THE DAY I WAS BORN.
5. Ever use cheat codes? I wasn't lying when I made this post. {link}
6. Ever buy strategy guides? Yes! Mainly to look at the artwork though. (Don't need no guide!)
7. Any games you have multiple copies of? Lots of games, most being Left 4 Dead with 6 copies (3 Xbox 360, 1 PC case, 2 PC digitally.) What can I say, its a GOOD GAME!
8. Rarest/Most expensive game in your collection? Gold cartridge Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time (maybe that's rare?)
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9. Most regrettable purchase? I don't regret my purchases, but I have received games I have never played like Cubix (PS2) no clue where that game came from, but I have it somehow. Madagascar (Xbox 360) came with my Xbox 360, never opened it from its case. And Monsters Inc. Scream Arena (Gamecube) or something... it was a gift.
10. Ever go to a midnight game release or stand in line for hours? No, because then I'd have to interact with people.
11. Have you ever made new friends from playing video games? I'm only friends with people BECAUSE of video games, so yes.
12. Ever get picked on for liking games? No, that'd be ridiculous.
13. A game you’ve never played that everyone else has? Probably a lot, I'd say Call of Duty, but I technically played CoD 1, 2, and 4. The campaign mode was alright, but I don't really care for CoD games at ALL.
14. Favorite game music? Koji Kondo and Grant Kirkhope are two BIG ones.
15. If it was a requirement to get a game related tattoo, what would you pick? Triforce is the most basic option, but I'd rather not get a tattoo.
16. Favorite game to play with your friends IRL? Super Smash Bros. Brawl with hacks, but that was over a decade ago.
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17. Ever lose a friend over a game? No, that'd be ridiculous.
18. Would you date someone that hates gaming? No, that'd be RIDICULOUS.
19. Favorite handheld console? PSP. 3DS is great, but PSP Monster Hunter has ALL of my portable gaming memories. Like playing in school after End of Grade tests with my friend.
20. Game that you know like the back of your hand? Sims 4 I like to think I know everything about Left 4 Dead. Quite a bit about Monster Hunter, more so of a series though than a specific game.
21. Game that you didn’t like or understand as a kid but love now? I'd say Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic. I loved it as a kid, but had a lot of complex pen & paper RPG mechanics that I never understood. I understand a lot more of it now, but its still complex as all heck. I just know you hit things, they die.
22. Do you wear game related clothing/accessories? That's the only thing I wear.
23. The game that you’ve logged the most hours into? Not sure so I'll list a few. Sims 4, Smash Bros. Brawl, Monster Hunter (its a series though), or Left 4 Dead
24. First Pokemon game? Leaf Green
25. Were you ever an arcade game player? No, don't like paying to play.
26. Ever form any gaming rivalries? No.
27. Game that makes you rage? I don't get mad at games, but I had a custom modded Hard Eight mutation in Left 4 Dead that is absolute bullsh*t!
28. Ever play in a tournament? No, because then I'd have to interact with people.
29. What is your gaming set up? A giant wall of video game consoles spanning from NES to Switch, 4 TVs, but I sit at a desk with a PC.
30. How many consoles do you own? "I own every console that's ever existed." - I Don't Play Games When I Play Games (My STRENTH) original song by Smooth McGroove BUT no seriously I own 32 consoles including handhelds.
31. Does the 3DS and/or Virtual Boy hurt your eyes or give you headaches? Yes. 3DS gave me headaches though I only really played with the 3D feature in Ocarina of Time 3D. I think my eyes broke because I couldn't get my 3D to work very well after.
32. Did you ever play a game based on your favorite show/cartoon/movie/comic? Sure I play games based on a lot of things. Literally any anime game. If I had to pick Dragon Ball Xenoverse is kinda like a dream Dragon Ball game. Oh, Attack on Titan 2 is pretty neat too!
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33. Did you ever have any bootleg games or plug-n-play games? Some SEGA plug-n-play thing once. Played it like once and now its lost to time (or my closet.)
34. Do either of your parents play video games? Yes. Mom and Dad played NES Super Mario Bros. My Dad went HARD at that game until he saved the Princess. Then he quit forever.
35. Ever work in a game store? Or do you have a favorite game shop? "Hi. Welcome to Gamestop!"I never want to hear that again, but it was my main store until I went full digital/ online orders.
36. Have you ever shed actual blood, sweat or tears over a game? No, I don't tend to get upset or emotional, but Bill dying in Left 4 Dead made me pretty pissed.
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37. Have you played E.T. for the Atari 2600? Do you think that’s the worst game ever, or do you have another nomination? Never played it. I don't really play "bad" games, but maybe Sims 4.
38. A game you’re ashamed to admit that you like? The Sims 4
39. A sequel that you would die for them to make? Dragon's Dogma 2 WHICH I think is actually in development, so I'd have to say Fallout New Vegas 2. C'mon Bethesda you cowards, hand the keys back over to Obsidian so they can make another good Fallout game!
40. What to you think of virtual reality headsets or motion controls? Two part question, two answers. VR Headset to immerse in world, yes. Motion Controls, no.
41. A genre that you just can’t get into? MOBAs and MMOs. I don't like paying to keep playing.
42. Maybe it wasn’t your first game, but what was the game that started you on your path to nerdiness? Nintendo 64 opened me up to what video games could be as a kid. Sad to say my parents' NES didn't really do that for me. And years later Fallout 3 was a big game changer for me too.
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43. Ever play games when you really should have been concentrating on something else? Every day of my LIFE.
44. Arcade machine that has consumed the most of your quarters? None. I'd rather emulate.
45. How are you at Mario Kart? Pretty dang good. 3-STARS MARIO KART WII, BABY!
46. Do you like relaxing games like Animal Crossing or Harvest Moon? Yes, both of those. I preferred when Animal Crossing had more character to it. New Horizons looks so pretty, but feels so bland compared to classic AC.
47. Do you like competitive games? No. Not really. Usually amongst friends or if I can get competitive against AI Bots. I love my machine bot friends cause they don't cry like 10 year olds when they lose.
48. How long does it take your to customize your player character? Too long. I've seriously restarted games because I wasn't happy with my character's appearance.
49. In games where you can pick your class, do you always tend to go for the same type of character? Yes, I am always the magic man, my brother is always brute warrior, and my friend is the ranger.
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50. If you were a game designer, what masterpiece would you create? I don't really know. Honestly, I'd rather mod already good games to make them better than create something completely new.
51. Have you ever played a game for so long that you forgot to eat or sleep? No, that'd be ridiculous. But I've had a friend fall asleep playing games at my house 3 different times and currently dozes off during our Minecraft sessions. So, maybe that's not a completely ridiculous thing after all.
52. A game that you begged your parents for as a kid? Kirby 64 apparently. My brother tells me we had to count out pennies to buy it. I must've been too young with no recollection, but I believe it.
53. What’s your opinion on DLC these days? It's good if its not in the game's files from the beginning and is actually developed AFTER launch... and pre-order bonuses should be standard DLC a month or two later. Some games have content lost to time because of that pre-order bullsh*t.
54. Do you give in to Steam sales? Of course. If you want a game and its on sale then why not? I typically wait just for Steam sales to get games.
55. Did you ever make someone you hated in the Sims and did mean stuff to them? No? I typically make people and characters I like in Sims. I've made villains like Dio, but he's an anime villain and I don't really HATE him despite the horrible things he's done.
56. Did you ever play Roller Coaster Tycoon and kill off your guests? No. Never played that game.
57. Did you ever play a game to 100% or get all of the achievements? I try to for all the games I really like.
58. If you can only play 3 games for the rest of your life, which ones do you pick? The Sims 4, Skyrim, & Fallout: New Vegas. Mods make them live forever. Left 4 Dead and Monster Hunter are good choices too.
59. Do you play any cell phone games? Those aren't games.
60. Do you know the Konami Code? No? But I'll take a guess. Is it make an IP and forget it exists?
61. Do you trade in your games or keep them forever? Keep forever... even the bad ones.
62. Ever buy a console specifically to play one game? PS4 Pro for Monster Hunter World. It was basically for early access since the PC version was being developed and releasing after PS4, but I don't like waiting.
63. Ever go to a gaming convention or tournament? Sort of. Been to anime cons and walked into the gaming tournament rooms only to walk out less than 10 minutes later.
64. Ever make a TV or monitor purchase based on what would be best for gaming? No, but I'm going to be doing that soon, hopefully.
65. Ever have a Game Genie, Game Shark or Action Replay? Did it ever mess up your game’s save file? GameShark for N64, PS2, Gameboy, and Action Replay for Gamecube, DS, 3DS. And no not really, I would cheat responsibly... but there was this one time at school my friend and I borrowed another friend's Gameboy game, loaded it up with my Gameshark, tried playing, it crashed, loaded it back up, save file corrupted... we just stared at each other jaws dropped, "Here's your game back, dude. Make sure you don't play it til you get back home!"
66. Did you ever have have an old Nokia with Snake on it? No, but I remember seeing them on billboards in the game DRIV3R on PS2.
67. Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share? Every game I play is filled with happy memories (mostly.)
68. Ever save up a ton of tickets in an arcade to get something cool? These tiger plushes. My brother got white and I got orange. They were the coolest. Got a butt load of tickets from some jackpot spinning light game thing as I was good at the timing with repeated jackpot hits.
69. In your opinion, best game ever made? I've played quite a few masterpiece games, but to pick one, I'd say Fallout: New Vegas
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70. Very first game you ever beat? Super Mario 64. I was a mere child on a Sunday morning and ate celebratory pancakes made by my Dad.
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Wow, that was long... I get the feeling this was supposed to be a "send me ask with numbers" thing, but answering all at once is more fun.
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yourillusoryenvy · 4 years ago
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Omg could i request some wholesome Phantom Troupe headcanons on how they would celebrate a member's birthday? What gifts and what sort of celebration? 💙
Omg hiii there! This is the first time I get a request from someone!! Thank you anon, you made my day!! I’m really excited about this, so let’s go -
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Chrollo: He is without a doubt the best gift-giver in the troupe. As the leader he shares a strong bond with every member and knows them a bit more than anybody else. He uses this knowledge to get everyone the best, most-fitting gift based on their current interests, needs and personality. 
He will participate in any party, but if nothing is planned he will gather the troupe to go out to the bar to celebrate. He will definitely be the first one to wish a happy birthday in person, and reminding them that they are valuable member of the spiders. He prefers more quiet, calm celebration but if the rest of the troupe has something else in mind he will happily indulge and appreciate the sight of the troupe enjoying something so simple.
Nobunaga: Any type of celebration is fine by him. Big party? Count him in! Night out? Perfect! Chilling in? Thats works! Don’t ask him to make the decision though.
As for gift, he tries. Truth is he is not that good at finding a gift, but as I said at least he tries. If Nobunaga makes a gift it goes one of two way: either he gifts the person a sword/katana OR he gets them a very basic last-minute gift. Why a sword? Because it is a skill that he has developed with years of training and, not that he would say aloud, something he would actually love to share with some of his fellow troupe members. Thing is a this point everyone as received a sword from him, and even though everyone is grateful, there is not much point in getting them multiple swords, so basic last-minute gift it is. 
Feitan:  Rightfully so, Fei is not big on birthdays. He can’t help but feel a bit jealous when his fellow troupe members celebrate their birthdays. He doesn’t know when his own birthday is and therefore never celebrated it.
He will still attend any parties, and wish the birthday boy/girl an happy birthday but that would be it. No present for the most part.
Though, he would make an effort for Danchou, Phinks and Shalnark and steals them something they might like (a very rare book for Danchou, a new Gucci track suit for Phinks and the latest technology for Shal). 
Machi:  She is the most quiet about it, and doesn’t make a big deal about it but she definitely cares. A lot. 
She is very crafty and will often create a gift for each member. No-one dares mention to her that this shows just how much she cares for them but every one enjoy the gift she came up with. And when I mean crafty, I mean CRAFTY, the girl can make anything from scrapbooks, to clothes, but also decorative and other household items. (Fun fact: she is the one that made Shalnark’s red bat phone case!). 
When giving the gift she will just hands it out coldly with a short “Here”. She will then secretly watch the look on the receiver’s face, and will hide a smile when the birthday boy/girl thanks her or otherwise shows any sign that they enjoy it.
Hisoka: … I don’t think he cares. I mean not only does he not normally care about birthdays (unless you know it is one of his unripe fruit that he is not-so patiently waiting for to ripen) , but he also doesn’t care about the troupe. 
He only spend time with them if the gathering could create an opportunity to fight Chrollo, and birthdays are not it, so he simply doesn’t attend any.. 
If there was a new member he actually cared for, (or maybe, just maybe, for Machi), he would invite them out to eat in a nice restaurant. Just the two of them. He is the most likely to tell someone that he is the present. *eye roll*
Phinks: He secretly remember every single troupe member’s birthdays and will get everyone a gift. This is the one time (well twelve times technically) that you can catch Phinks actually buying something rather than stealing. He believes that stealing the present would remove some of its value. Now don’t worry he wouldn’t tell anyone that. He actually make sure to plan in advance so no-one can see him buy the gift. He tries to find a gift matching the person but if cannot find any good idea, just like Nobunaga, he will resort to basic gift.
Every year, on the same day, he gets Fei a gift.  It matches the day these two first met.  He doesn’t tell him it is for his makeshift birthday. Feitan has no idea Phinks has a makeshift birthday for him and he seems oblivious to the fact that he get something every year on the same date.
He also has a weird way of giving gifts. He usually doesn’t sign it, and doesn’t give it directly but rather leave it where he knows the person will find it. Everyone know who it comes from, but Phinks will adamantly deny ever getting anything. 
Shalnark:  This man is on top of it! He doesn’t forget a single birthday, thank you technology. He has reminders weeks before so he is not caught off guard. He loves birthdays! 
Even though his fellow troupe members often ask him to not make a big deal out of it, he will be making a big deal out of it. He will make sure to remind every troupe member, and will organize a party. In fact, he uses birthdays as an excuse to gather all the members together. 
As far a gifts go though, Shalnark, is… let’s say he just tend to forget that presents are suppose to be targeted to the receiver’s interests. He can’t help but get everyone some of the latest technology. Why? Because he would love to get it so surely his fellow troupe members will too.  Most of the time the receiver barely know what it is, don’t know how to use or are missing some other pieces of equipment to properly use it. But hey it’s the thought that counts!
Franklin: Another member who is fine with every type of celebration: a quiet at-home evening or loud party. He is more than willing to help prepare for the party though and ends helping with either distracting the birthday boy/girl if it is a surprise or helping with some of the decoration. He is also on top of last meeting details such as making sure Shizuku actually shows up, or helping Uvo get more booze to compensate for what he already drank. For presents he is really thoughtful. Franklin is a quiet member of the troupe but he pays careful attention to everything happening in the troupe. He listens in on conversation and take mental notes about what each person mention they saw, like or needs and then uses that to come up with a good birthday present.
Shizuku:  Sorry, but she forgets about it every. single. time. She really tries to remember but she can’t.  Too many numbers, too many people. She can’t do it. She will walk in the party, unaware of what is going on, and will get offended that no-one reminded her about the birthday even though she was told about it dozens of time. 
She will wish the person an happy birthday but that’s about it. It is not that she doesn’t want to get them a gift, it is just that she ends up forgetting to get one, or forget she got one, or she looses it.  Alternatively, she might just give the gift weeks later when she remembers what that weird thing in her room was meant for. 
Pakunoda:  She is the mother-ly figure of the group, and will be the one baking a beautiful birthday cake. She  remembers to get candles and will personalize the cake to fit the birthday girl/boy’s age and interest. She is the one that gets a card for every body else to sign.
Paku will ask people in advance what they want. But she wouldn’t just ask, no, she would make sure to put her hand on the person’s shoulder first and then ask them. Thanks to her nen ability,  she ensures that she always gets the best possible present for them.
Also, because she knows that Shizuku tends to forget, she will try to plan an extra gift, and give it to Shizuku so she can gift it. 
Bonolenov: He is the one member of the troupe that had the most normal childhood, and by that I mean he grew up with a family with whom he was able to celebrate his birthday. He is used to celebrating other people’s birthday, however his tribe celebrated them quite differently than our current society tradition.
He makes sure the birthday is not celebrated early, nor late, due to superstitious beliefs from his tribe.  He doesn’t do present in the common sense of the term but he will be wearing his traditional outfit (no bandages!) and do his tribe’s celebration dance, used for birthdays and supposed to bring happiness and fortune to the receiver. 
Uvogin: He loves to party, so you bet that he will be using every single troupe member’s birthday as an excuse to throw a big party. 
He will turn any small quiet party, in something bigger. He is bringing the booze, the party music and make sure people are actually having fun. If there is no group party I totally see him bringing some of his fellow troupe members to a strip club! 
As for gifts, you bet that he is getting some of these pranks gifts to embarrass the hell out of the receiver. Well he might spare Danchou because… it’s Danchou. From socks with pictures of his face on it, ridiculous clothes, very girly sexualized outfit for the men (especially Phinks, we all know his reaction would be hilarious), fake present (eg: gifting an empty box of the latest computer Shal has been talking about 24/7) and of course sex toys and other sex-related stuffs, there is nothing this man will not gift. 
Kortopi: He doesn’t care about birthday. Just like Feitan, he never really celebrated his own.  He doesn’t mind celebrating them but will be mostly quiet. Regardless of where the party is and what is being done, he will help Shalnark with recording the event (cause Shal’ is too giddy and all over the place to properly record anything). Prior to the party he may also be task with decorating because inflating 100 balloons is a pain, but you know what isn’t? Inflating one and making 99 copies of it! 
He doesn’t really do presents either. Well, truth is he did once following Shalnark’s advices and he almost killed everyone in Meteor City… (All I can say is that it involved Kortopi’s nen ability, a couple stolen firework,  too much alcohol, Uvogin interfering, and an unfortunately placed pile of highly flammable trash.)
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whencartoonsruletheworld · 4 years ago
Link
Disney but just the Queer Mood™ Songs, a full Spotify Playlist
Open to updates should anyone notice a song I missed!
Tracklist with specific lyrics that fuck us all up under the cut:
KEY: A general list of which songs resonate with people. The 🏳️‍🌈is for general songs; if you relate to a song but don’t see ur emoji beneath it, send me a message and I’ll add it!
🏳️‍🌈 General Queer Anthem  🌈 Gays specifically have related to this song  ❤️ Gay Men specifically have related to this song  🧡 Lesbians specifically have related to this song 💕 Bisexuals/Pansexuals specifically have related to this song  💜 Asexuals/Ace-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 💚 Aromatics/Aro-spectrum people specifically have related to this song 🤍 Trans people have specifically related to this song 🖤 Nonbinary/Genderqueer people have specifically related to this song  💗 Polyamorous people have specifically related to this song
Know Who You Are - Moana
🏳️‍🌈
They have stolen the heart from inside you But this does not define you  This is not who you are You know who you are...
I Wonder - Sleeping Beauty 
🌈🧡
I wonder, I wonder, I wonder why each little bird has a someone To sing to, sweet things to, A gay little love melody I wonder, I wonder, I wonder if my heart keeps singing, Will my song go winging To someone, who'll find me And bring back a love song to me...
Mother Knows Best - Tangled
🏳️‍🌈 honestly this is just... a general song for some of our shitty relationships to guardian figures...
It's a scary world out there Mother knows best One way or another Something will go wrong, I swear
Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know? I only bathed and changed and nursed you Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it Let me die alone here, be my guest When it's too late You'll see, just wait Mother knows best
Don't forget it You'll regret it...
Dangerous to Dream - Frozen Broadway Production
🏳️‍🌈
I can't be what you expect of me But I'm trying every day with all I do and do not say Here on the edge of the abyss Knowing everything in my whole life has lead to this And so I pull inside myself, close the walls, put up my guard I've practiced every single day for this So why is it so hard?
I can't dwell on what we've lost And our secrecy and silence comes at such a cost
I wish I could tell the truth Show you who's behind the door I wish you knew what all this pantomime And pageantry was for
It's dangerous to wish I could make choices of my own Dangerous to even have that thought I'm dangerous just standing here for everyone to see If I let go of rules who knows how dangerous I'd be?
Reflection - Mulan 
🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤- literally everyone requested this. everyone. so im just copy-pasting the entire lyrics sorry not sorry
Look at me, I will never pass for a perfect bride Or a perfect daughter Can it be I'm not meant to play this part? Now I see that if I were truly to be myself I would break my family's heart
Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know? Somehow I cannot hide who I am, though I’ve tried  When will my reflection show who I am inside?
How I pray that a time will come I can free myself From their expectations On that day, I'll discover someway to be myself And to make my family proud They want a docile lamb No one knows who I am Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide? Must I pretend that I'm Someone else for all time? When will my reflection show Who I am inside? When will my reflection show Who I am inside?
Everything I Ever Thought I Knew - Tangled: The Series
🏳️‍🌈 when u realize u might not be straight lol
I thought no one could love me And how could I have known? I was wrong, oh so wrong
Everything I ever thought I knew Where I've been, where I'm going Everything I counted on turned out to be untrue Could've guessed, should've known, now I do
If none of it was really me then who am I supposed to be?
I guess I'm someone else now I wonder who I am
God Help the Outcasts - Hunchback of Notre Dame
🏳️‍🌈...yeah. yeah
Yes, I know I'm just an outcast I shouldn't speak to You Still, I see Your face and wonder Were You once an outcast, too?
God help the outcasts, hungry from birth Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth God help my people, they look to You, still God help the outcasts or nobody will
I ask for nothing, I can get by But I know so many less lucky than I Please help my people, the poor and downtrod I thought we all were the children of God
Belle (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast
🌈 when a cishet thinks ur interested smh
Madame Gaston! Can't you just see it? Madame Gaston! His little wife No, sir! Not me! I guarantee it I want much more than this provincial life!
I want adventure in the great wide somewhere I want it more than I can tell And for once it might be grand To have someone understand I want so much more than they've got planned...
Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid
🌈 SO many people requested this one guys it’s not even funny
Wandering free, wish I could be Part of that world
Betcha on land, they understand Bet they don't reprimand their daughters Bright young women, sick of swimming Ready to stand
When's it my turn? Wouldn't I love, Love to explore that shore up above?
One Jump Ahead (Reprise) - Aladdin
🏳️‍🌈
Riff-raff, street rat I don't buy that If only they'd look closer
Would they see a poor boy? No, siree They'd find out There's so much more to me...
Proud of Your Boy - Aladdin Broadway Production 
🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍
That I've been one rotten kid Some son, some pride and some joy But I'll get over these lousin' up Messin' up, screwin' up times...
Water flows under the bridge Let it pass, let it go There's no good reason that you should believe me Not yet, I know, but
Someday and soon I'll make you proud of your boy Though I can't make myself taller Or smarter or handsome or wise I'll do my best, what else can I do? Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you...
Someone’s Waiting for You - The Rescuers
🏳️‍🌈
Be brave, little one Make a wish for each sad little tear Hold your head up though no one is near Someone's waiting for you
Always keep a little prayer in your pocket And you're sure to see the light Soon there'll be joy and happiness And your little world will be bright
Have faith, little one Til your hopes and your wishes come true
Stick to the Status Quo - High School Musical 
🏳️‍🌈 🌈 YOU ALL KNOW EXACTLY WHY THIS IS HERE
No, no, no, stick to the stuff you know It is better by far to keep things as they are Don't mess with the flow, no no Stick to the status quo
Into the Unknown - Frozen 2
🏳️‍🌈
I can hear you, but I won't Some look for trouble while others don't There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away
I've had my adventure, I don't need something new I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you
Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be? Every day's a little harder as I feel my power grow Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go
Where are you going? Don't leave me alone How do I follow you Into the unknown?
Go the Distance - Hercules 
🏳️‍🌈
I have often dreamed of a far off place Where a great, warm welcome will be waiting for me
And a voice keeps saying This is where I'm meant to be
I am on my way, I can go the distance I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong I know every mile will be worth my while I would go most anywhere to find where I belong
Tomorrow - Annie
🏳️‍🌈 - betcha didnt know disney had an annie movie did u
The sun will come out tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow There'll be sun
When I'm stuck in a day that's gray and lonely, I just stick out my chin and grin and say, oh, The sun’ll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on til tomorrow, come what may...
Learn Me Right - Brave
🏳️‍🌈💜💚
Though I may speak some tongue of old Or even spit out some holy word I have no strength with which to speak When you sit me down and see I’m weak
We will run and scream you will dance with me We'll fulfill our dreams, and we'll be free We will be who we are, and they’ll heal our scars Sadness will be far away...
Strange Sight - Tinkerbell and the Legend of the Neverbeast 
🏳️‍🌈
You stand in the light You're wrong, but you're right And my heart's beating wildly Strange how I'm scared but delighted Afraid, but excited too
I will understand you Strange how I'm drawn to the danger I reach out my hand to you
If you're caught in the shadows and turned all around Lost in the darkness, you will be found If you hear my voice, follow the sound Cause I'm here to guide you home... 
I Don’t Dance - High School Musical 2 
🌈 ❤️ 💕 okay so if you weren’t here for the high school musical tumblr revival you may be confused but listen... it’s about being mlm... 
Step up to the plate, start swinging
I wanna play ball Now that’s all, this is what I do It ain’t no dance that you can show me
I’ve got what it takes playin’ my game So you best skin that pitch you gonna throw me, yeah I’ll show you how I swing
I can prove it to you ‘til you know it’s true Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too You’re talking a lot, show me what you got Stop, swing!
Kiss the Girl - cover of The Little Mermaid 
this version is sung by a girl so 🧡💕
There you see her, sitting there across the way She don't got a lot to say but there's something about her And you don't know why, but you're dying to try You wanna kiss the girl
Yes, you want her Look at her, you know you do It's possible she want you too There is one way to ask her...
Can You Feel the Love Tonight - The Lion King 
🏳️‍🌈
An enchanted moment And it sees me through It's enough for this restless warrior Just to be with you
There's a time for everyone if they only learn That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors When the heart of this star-crossed voyager Beats in time with yours
And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer That we got this far And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest It's enough to make kings and vagabonds Believe the very best
Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast 
🏳️‍🌈- a lot of queer people tend to empathize with “beastly” characters so we all latched the fuck onto this movie huh
Just a little change, small to say the least Both a little scared, neither one prepared
Ever just the same, ever a surprise Ever as before, ever just as sure As the sun will rise
Tale as old as time, tune as old as song Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change Learning you were wrong...
Healing Incantation - Tangled 
🏳️‍🌈🤍🖤
Heal what has been hurt Change the fates' design Save what has been lost Bring back what once was mine
So Close - Enchanted 
🏳️‍🌈🌈
A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop So I bid mine goodbye and never knew So close was waiting waiting here with you And now, forever, I know All that I wanted to hold you so close
Oh, how could I face the faceless days If I should lose you now?
So close to reaching that famous happy end Almost believing this one's not pretend Let’s go on dreaming though we know we are So close, so close, and still So far...
If Only - Descendants
🏳️‍🌈🌈
A million thoughts in my head Should I let my heart keep listening? Cause up 'til now, I've walked the line Nothing lost but something missing I can't decide what's wrong, what's right Which way should I go?
Every step, every word With every hour I'm feeling in To something new, something brave To someone I've never been
Will you still be with me When the magic's all run out?
If only I knew what my heart was telling me Don't know what I'm feeling Is this just a dream? If only I could read the signs in front of me I could find the way to who I'm meant to be
Wherever You Are - Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin 
🏳️‍🌈- out of context could be interpreted as romantic, esp since the credits version is a duet (🌈 💕) but the original context is friendship so honestly it’s very 💜💚
I'm out here in the dark, all alone and wide awake Come and find me I'm empty and I'm cold, and my heart's about to break Come and find me
I need you to come here and find me Cause without you, I'm totally lost I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far I can only dream of you
But when the morning comes and the sun begins to rise, I will lose you Because it’s just a dream, when I open up my eyes, I will lose you
I used to believe in forever, But forever is too good to be true I've hung a wish on every star It hasn't done much good so far
I don't know what else to do Except to try to dream of you And wonder, if you're dreaming too Wherever you are
I Won’t Say (I’m In Love) - Hercules
🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕
If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that
Who d'you think you're kiddin'? He's the earth and heaven to ya Try to keep it hidden Honey, we can see right through ya Girl, you can't conceal it We know how you feel And who you're thinking of
I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl!" Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
You keep on denying Who you are and how you're feeling Baby, we're not buying Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling
This scene won't play I won't say I'm in love
At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love
Endless Night - The Lion King Broadway Production 
🏳️‍🌈🤍 🖤 
Where has the starlight gone? Dark is the day How can I find my way home? Home is an empty dream, lost to the night Father, I feel so alone
When will the dawning break, oh, endless night Sleepless I dream of the day
I know that the night must end And that the sun will rise I know that the clouds must clear And that the sun will shine
Set Yourself Free - Tangled: The Series 
🏳️‍🌈🤍
There's much more inside of you than anyone can see And now the choice is yours Life waits beyond the doors So step on through, the time has come And only you can set yourself free!
No one else can tell you what to do Or who to be! No one gets to say if you will stay or go
Look inside your heart and find the key... And set yourself free!
Bound up by your worries Trapped by your mistakes Forced to play a role you never chose Why not test your limits? You've got what it takes Let it out and follow where it goes
No more letting someone else define you to a "T" You know that you are strong You've known it all along So seize the day, let down your hair You’ll find a way to set yourself free!
So look to the horizon Open up your wings! Fly away to find your destiny... And set yourself free!
Speechless - Aladdin 2019 Remake 
🏳️‍🌈 ALL OF US ALL OF US
Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under
Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me! Don't you underestimate me! Cause I know that I won't go speechless!
Written in stone, every rule, every word Centuries old and unbending "Stay in your place, better seen and not heard," Well, now that story is ending
Try to lock me in this cage! I won't just lay me down and die! I will take these broken wings And watch me burn across the sky!
I’m Still Here (Jim’s Theme) - Treasure Planet
🏳️‍🌈❤️🤍
I am a question to the world Not an answer to be heard Or a moment that's held in your arms
You don't know me And I'll never be what you want me to be
And what do you think you'd understand I'm a boy - No, I'm a man You can't take me and throw me away And how can you learn what's never shown Yeah, you stand here on your own They don't know me, cause I’m not here 
And I want to tell you who I am Can you help me be a man They can't break me As long as I know who I am
They can't tell me who to be 'Cause I'm not what they see Yeah, the world is still sleepin' While I keep on dreaming for me And their words are just whispers and lies That I'll never believe!
Crossing the Line - cover of Tangled: the Series 
🏳️‍🌈 🧡 tfw when u are DONE with that fuckin closet 
This has to stop now This thing where you think that you've been my friend And don't even hear how you condescend The way you've always done
How I've tried to jump that great divide! But I've never got the chances you were given You don't know how much I've been denied Well, I'm not being patient anymore
I'm crossing the line! And I'm done holding back So look out, clear the track, it's my turn! I'm taking what's mine Every drop, every smidge If I'm burning a bridge, let it burn! But I'm crossing the line...
Let it Go - Frozen 
🏳️‍🌈 listen. i do not have to explain this one. you all know exactly why it’s here. we were all tiny gays in 2013 losing our shit in the theater for no discernable reason why. we know
Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I tried
Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know!
Let it go! Let it go! Turn away and slam the door! I don't care what they're going to say!
It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all!
No right, no wrong, no rules for me I'm free!
I'm never going back, the past is in the past!
Let it go! Let it go! And I'll rise like the break of dawn Let it go! Let it go! That perfect girl is gone!
This is Me - Camp Rock 
🏳️‍🌈 🧡 💕 🤍
I've always been the kind of girl that hid my face So afraid to tell the world what I've got to say But I have this dream right inside of me I'm gonna let it show it's time To let you know It's to let you know
Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To dream about a life where you're the shining star
This is real, this is me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now Gonna let the light shine on me Now I've found who I am there's no way to hold it in No more hiding who I wanna be...
Breaking Free - High School Musical 
🏳️‍🌈 🖤
You know the world can see us In a way that's different than who we are Creating space between us 'Till we're separate hearts But your faith it gives me strength Strength to believe
Soarin, flyin There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach If we’re trying, yeah we’re breaking free  We’re running, climbin  To get to the place, to be all that we can be  Now’s the time, so we’re breaking free
True To Your Heart - Mulan 
🏳️‍🌈 🌈
Baby, I knew at once that you were meant for me Deep in my soul, I know that I'm your destiny Though you're unsure Why fight the tide Don't think so much Let your heart decide
True to your heart You must be true to your heart That's when the heavens'll part And, baby, shower you with my love Open your eyes Your heart can tell you no lies And when you're true to your heart I know it's gonna lead you straight to me
Someone ya know is on your side can set you free I can do that for you if you believe in me Why second guess what feels so right Just trust your heart And you'll see the light
Never Knew I Needed - The Princess and the Frog 
🏳️‍🌈 🌈 💕
For the way you changed my plans For being the perfect distraction For the way you took the idea that I have Of everything that I wanted to have And made me see there was something missing...
My accidental happily ever after The way you smile and how you comfort me with your laughter I must admit you were not a part of my book But now if you open it up and take a look You're the beginning and the end of every chapter
You're the best thing I never knew I needed So when you were here I had no idea You'd be the best thing I never knew I needed So now it's so clear I need you here always
Colors of the Wind - Pocahontas 
🏳️‍🌈 - colors.... rainbows.... yea
How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know...
You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew, you never knew
How high will the sycamore grow If you cut it down, then you'll never know And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon For whether we are white or copper skinned We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains We need to paint with all the colors of the wind...
I See the Light - Tangled 
🏳️‍🌈 🌈 - you would not BELIEVE how many of y’all requested this one
Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight Now I'm here, suddenly I see Standing here, it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be
Now she's here shining in the starlight Now she's here, suddenly I know If she's here it's crystal clear I'm where I'm meant to go
And at last I see the light And it's like the fog has lifted And at last I see the light And it's like the sky is new And it's warm and real and bright And the world has somehow shifted
All at once, everything looks different Now that I see you
Strangers Like Me - Tarzan 
🏳️‍🌈 🤍 🖤- that moment when u find another queer person and ur like “holy shit”
I can see there's so much to learn It's all so close and yet so far I see myself as people see me Oh, I just know there's something bigger out there
Come with me now to see my world Where there's beauty beyond your dreams Can you feel the things I feel Right now, with you Take my hand There's a world I need to know...
Why Should I Worry? - Oliver & Company 
🏳️‍🌈- we’re queer, we’re here, get used to it 
Why should I worry? Why should I care? I may not have a dime But I got street savoir-faire Why should I worry? Why should I care? It's just be-bopulation And I got street savoir-faire
Why should I worry? Why should I care? And even when I crossed that line I got street savoir-faire
Welcome - Brother Bear 
🏳️‍🌈 pride parade amirite
Everyone's invited This is how we live We are here for each other, happy to give All we have we share And all of us we care
There's a bond between us nobody can explain It's a celebration of life We see our friends again I'll be there for you I know you'll be there for me, too So come on!
This has to be the most beautiful The most peaceful place I've ever been to It's nothing like I've never seen before When I think how far I've come I can't believe it And yet I see it In them I see family I see the way we used to be...
The Great Divide - Tinkerbell and the Secret of the Wings
🏳️‍🌈
I'm on your side Let's take this ride And together we're facing the world Doing things nobody's done before And the great divide doesn’t seem so wide anymore
With You by My Side - Tangled: the Series 
💗 - tangled the series was so close to being canon polyam istg
Now; now more than ever We must stick together united
If we're destined to head in our own different ways Let's make the most of these sweet final days Why not go out in a glorious blaze
There's nothing I couldn't do Not with you by my side What in the world would I do Without you by my side...
Love Will Find a Way - The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride
🏳️‍🌈 🌈
In a perfect world One we've never known We would never need to face the world alone They can have the world We'll create our own I may not be brave or strong or smart But somewhere in my secret heart
And if only they could feel it too The happiness I feel with you
Like dark turning into day Somehow we'll come through Now that I've found you Love will find a way I know love will find a way
Space Between - Descendants 2
🧡 never have i ever seen gays flock to a song faster
And you can find me in the space between Where two worlds come to meet I'll never be out of reach Cause you're a part of me so you can find me in the space between You'll never be alone No matter where you go We can meet in the space between
Even if we're worlds apart You're still in my heart It will always be you and me, yeah
If I Never Knew You - Pocahontas
🏳️‍🌈🌈
And if I never held you I would never have a clue How at last I'd find in you The missing part of me...
In this world so full of fear Full of rage and lies I can see the truth so clear In your eyes So dry your eyes
If I never knew you I'd be safe but half as real Never knowing I could feel A love so strong and true
I thought our love would be so beautiful  Somehow we'd make the whole world bright I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong All they'd leave us were these whispers in the night But still my heart is saying we were right
I’d Give Anything - Tangled: the Series 
🧡 rapunzel’s sad breakup song
So if you find that you're in darkness or despair Though you won't turn to me please know I'll be right there Name any sacrifice, I'll pay the price that's due Cause I'd give anything for you Yes, I'd give anything to relive everything we knew...
Someday - Hunchback of Notre Dame 
🏳️‍🌈
I used to believe In the days I was naïve That I'd live to see A day of justice dawn And though I will die Long before that morning comes I'll die while believing still It will come when I am gone
Someday, when we are wiser When the world's older, when we have learned I pray someday we may yet live To live and let live
Someday, these dreams will all be real Till then we'll wish upon the moon Change will come, one day Someday soon... 
No One Is Alone - Into the Woods 
🏳️‍🌈
Mother cannot guide you, now your on your own. Only me beside you, still you're not alone. No one is alone. Truly, no one is alone…
People make mistakes Holding to their own  Thinking they’re alone 
Someone is on your side, someone else is not  While we’re seeing our side, maybe we forgot  They are not alone, no one is alone...
I Am Moana (Song of the Ancestors) - Moana
🏳️‍🌈 🤍 - it’s about the self-acceptance binch
Sometimes, the world seems against you The journey may leave a scar But scars can heal and reveal just Where you are
The people you love will change you The things you have learned will guide you And nothing on Earth can silence The quiet voice still inside you
I've delivered us to where we are I have journeyed farther I am everything I've learned and more Still it calls me
And the call isn't out there at all, it's inside me! It's like the tide, always falling and rising I will carry you here in my heart, you remind me That come what may I know the way
Show Yourself - Frozen 2 
🏳️‍🌈 - this one was claimed immediately by the queer community and we all have a stake in it but i do want to point out that i got this from a LOT of 🤍 🖤 💜 💚
I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside You have secrets too But you don't have to hide
I've never felt so certain All my life, I've been torn But I'm here for a reason Could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different Normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?
Oh, show yourself Let me see who you are... Come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more!
(Come, my darling, homeward bound) I am found!
Transformation / Beauty and the Beast (Reprise) - Beauty and the Beast Broadway Production 
🏳️‍🌈
We are home, we are where we shall be forever  Trust in me, for you know I won’t run away from today This is all that I need, and all that I need to say  Don’t you know how you’ve changed me? Strange how I finally see  I found home, you’re my home, stay with me... 
Finale / Let it Go - Frozen Broadway Production 
🏳️‍🌈 this makes me bawl so it gets finale
There’s so much I longed to say Then say it all, beginning with today It’s like a dream I thought could never be  Elsa, you’re free 
Here we stand in the light of day Let the sun shine on 
I take this warmth within and send it up above Goodbye to dark and fear, let’s fill this world with light and love And here surrounded by a family at least  We’re never going back, the past is in the past 
Let our true love go  Let it go!
67 notes · View notes
queensgaybeach1d · 4 years ago
Note
HELLOOO, I just discovered your blog, shame on me. So, I read your masterpost about the stunts in the industry (great work btw) and was wondering how to tell if something is real or purely pr. Would you mind giving me a few pointers ?? Answer however and whenever you can.
Hello Sweetie,
Thank you so much for your lovely words. I would love to help you dig deeper into the PR industry. In fact, I did some research myself and I stumbled upon a great confirmation on how everything works. I think it is just the right fit for you, sweetheart.
Please take your time reading the post and if you have any questions or suggestions, please do not hesitate to ask me. Have a great day and enjoy!
Kisses,
Suman 😊
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How to spot a PR relationship?! 
This post is made for everyone who would like to learn how to spot a fake relationship in Hollywood. This information is supported by a very reliable source. The name of the source is Jack Ketsoyan, he set up two PR relationships himself. If you would try to compare this to your favourite Hollywood couple, you might be surprised of the outcome. I wish you all the best while reading this and if you have any questions/suggestions please do not hesitate to ask. Enjoy! :)
 This is the link of the podcast about the PR relationships (skip to 5.40). I will make a little summary of the very important things Jack said. There is also another man who is speaking about this subject. His name is Christopher and he is a lawyer who has worked with cases like these for a long time.
 (Please note that I am in no way hating on anyone. I have a strong dislike for all ‘’beards’’, but what they do with their lives is their responsibility. Therefore I mean no harm to any of these people. It would be very sad if any of these people would do it because they needed money for their families. If that was the case I would truly feel sorry for them, but the thing is they want to become famous by dating someone else who put his/her hard work in his/her career. That it just not fair. There are plenty of ways to become famous by dedication, hard work and staying yourself.)
I want to give compliments to the lovely @Totallylost4you on twitter. She made me aware of the podcast.
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-’’To hide the artist’s sexuality; boosting of the careers.’’ --> (Louis, Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall. Also, Kristen Stewart, Cara Delevigne and Taylor Swift) -->
‘’It is more common on the male side than on the female side. There are certain celebrities who were, back in the day, in the closet and it was not okay to be out. We live in a completely different time nowadays, these days being gay is okay. So back in the day that was the biggest secret, it was a big taboo, if a certain high profiled male, the heartthrob is all of a sudden gay, they were not going to get the bigger roles anymore. They were going to be type casted, so that was the big way of hiding things. Them hiding their sexuality was dating a female who would keep them in the limelight basically and cover it up.’’  [about closeting] ‘’Times have changed, it still happens, but a lot has changed.’’ --> There are still people who would not like attending a Harry Styles (the heartthrob) concert when he comes out as gay.
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-’’To be able to sell the hype of it.’’ --> (Whenever a picture of Taylor and Tom or Louis and Eleanor comes out, people are quick to retweet, post and talk about what happened. Within no time the pictures have traveled through the internet. Which automatically means that a lot of people have seen it. All of this gives the label/couple/artist attention and money. --> Whether it is bad attention or good attention, attention means money.) a few examples of these couples are also: Haylor, Zigi and Elounor.
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-’’To sell tickets to concerts or movies.’’ --> 1D world tours and solo tours. That is also why beards like Camille Rowe, Eleanor Calder and Maya Henry attend their concerts. As for movies think about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart (who is gay) fake dating, moments after Twilight came out. Think about 1D bringing their fake girlfriends to the world premiere and Zayn and Perrie getting engaged a second after. The purpose of these events are attention. Sweethearts, whenever people go to these shows/movies all they will focus on is 1D and their ‘girlfriends’. Photos will spread faster than ever and people will talk about how ‘real’ they are. Their aim is to kill two birds with one stone; making them look like a ‘real’ couple whilst promoting their movie/album.
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-’’To sell albums.’’ --> (Zigi, Chiam, Elounor, Hamille, Nailee, Haylor.) Let us be honest, are they not the biggest reasons why antis buy the album? Just to see what stuff they write about their fake girlfriends/boyfriends. Just to see how ‘Camille’ pronounces ‘’Coucou’’or just because Gigi Hadid starred in Zayn’s music video. Or maybe to finally know the ‘truth’ about Taylor’s fake relationships.  
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-’’It's all about the hype at the moment. Especially with the social media world.’’ --> I am going to point out an important thing Jack said. He said ‘’especially with the social media world.’’ Remember when there were only rumours of Louis and Eleanor being back together? The whole fandom tweeted about it. This made it popular and that was the solid moment 1D’s label knew that Elounor 2.0 would do it for them. They would earn a lot by it. The same thing counts for Zigi, Chiam, Haylor, Hamille. Hamille is a good example too. When all of you heard that Harry wrote a song about her and that her voice was going to be included in his song, what happened? Exactly, everyone went nuts and made sure to listen to that exact song. That is exactly what they want. They want that power over you, that is what gives them the money. Another example, how fast do you think solo Zayn stans and Directioners tweeted about a ‘power couple’ when the news broke that Zayn and Gigi are ‘expecting a child’? How fast did people open their social media accounts when Kylie Jenner was pregnant for the Kardashian’s 10th anniversary? (Social media does A LOT. Whenever a picture of Eleanor (beard) and Clifford (Louis’ dog) arrives on the internet, people automatically assume they are together in a room. This, is not the case. That is how convenient social media is to arranged relationships. Why start a rumour by hiring newspapers instead of posting a message on social media? It is much cheaper and more people will know about it in less than four hours.)
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Promoting certain brand like Coca Cola (Elounor), YSL, Gucci, Vogue (Zigi) and Hugo Boss are also a part of it. Celebrities wearing those brands make their fans want to buy it too, think of the Kardashians promoting Adidas and other expensive brands. Also think of people like Briana Jungwirth promoting flat tummy tea. This is called ‘celebrity branding.’
Tell me, how many times do you get HQ pic of your PR couple on your phone? People tend to go out of their mind when pictures come out. That is the immediate effect Hollywood has on social media/ you. That gives them the promo they need, even during quarantine the beards post pictures of themselves, making you think they are together when in reality they are not. :)
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{About why Jack hooked an arranged relationship up himself} --> ‘’It was more of a mutual agreement between the agents. {Tells a story about an actor getting bad reviews for a movie and in order to let people focus on something else they got the actor a girl, so the media would focus on the girl instead of the bad movie.}’’ -->  ‘’Just a one year deal. Basically they finished of the press and the international press and then they went their separate ways, because she did not want to do a two year deal.’’ {interviewer asks if it worked} --> ‘’It worked.’’ -->  A few examples of (approximately) a one-year deal: Calvin Harris and Taylor Swift, Niall Horan and Hailee Steinfield and Louis Tomlinson and Danielle Campbell. It is also good to point out that the beard can decide whether she wants to continue or not, but the celebrity has to do what the agent arranges.
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{Interviewer asks what reasons people might have to agree to one of these PR relationships} --> Different reasons, that could be to deflect attention away from a controversy (damage control. think of something Larry or Ziam related happening and the next day Zigi and Elouno are papped. Or fans finding out Louis is in the same country as Harry and the next day they will let Elouno do a pap walk. Another example is when Ziammies find out a Zigi picture is photoshopped, the next day you will see Zigi in person. This happens when their stunts fail). So if an actor has drugs and alcohol problems they may want to give the appearance that they have settled down and are in a committed relationships so that they can banked for films. Or they are going to be able to get bonded and get work and people will trust them, because they have settled down. It also could be done to create a brand. Two celebs getting together and 'now there's this tremendous interest about them being a power couple.' [...] We create strong provision against the disclosure of any negative facts against the celebrity - with consequences. So these agreements need to be structured with a hold back of money so that over time if they have complied with the agreement and not disclosed ehh no personal information and violation the agreement then they would be entitled the payment, so under the agreement. " --> The last part might be difficult to understand, because the lawyer uses difficult words, but what he is actually saying is very important. He says if the celebrities who are in the PR relationship have done their part (parading around with each other) then they will receive their money (please correct me if I am wrong). The host also confirmed that contracts like these are the reason why a lot of celebrities do not admit they had a PR relationships.
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Clues on how to spot a PR relationship:
-‘’The main clue you would see is if, you know, a certain high profiled male is dating a female (or when a high profiled female is dating a regular male), who was not high profile. All of a sudden, she is, overnight, the most talked about girl in Hollywood and everyone want a piece of them. That is the biggest thing, you know, it is such a career boost for the female that some females end up taking the deal.’’ --> Zigi, Elounor, Chiam, Brouis, Haylor, Taylor and Calvin. How does the world know Eleanor Calder? Because of Louis Tomlinson. No one knew her before, except her family. How did Gigi gain so many followers? Because she started dating Zayn Malik. Gigi already had a platform for herself, but she gained a lot of followers by dating Zayn. Zayn also gained followers by dating Gigi. Gigi needed promo and Zayn was in the spotlight, because he just ‘left 1D.’ This made him the perfect target. I hope all of you also notice that when beards/fake girlfriends post pictures of them with their fake boyfriend, it gets way more likes than their usual pictures.
{What was the benefit for the girl in the scenario?} --> ‘’Ehm, she has a huge career at the moment. She benefit from that by becoming a household name (someone that is well known) and getting bigger roles than she would have. She would use to be the 3rd or the 4th lead in any auditions or any jobs that she was getting. She then became the first lead. She got a great career boost out of it, for sure.’’ --> Gigi Hadid, Eleanor Calder, Sophia Smith, Cheryl Cole, Maya, Camille Rowe and Kendall Jenner are just a few examples.
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How did the world know Townes? Because ‘Harry named’ her in one of his songs. How did the world know about Maya Henry? Because Liam Payne started dating her. Before this, she was just a fan. How did Cheryl Cole get the attention back? Because of baby gate and by fake dating Liam Payne. How did Briana gain so many followers? Because Louis Tomlinson fans gave her the attention and because she participated in faking a pregnancy. How did Shawn and Camilla become a couple in the spotlight? Because people have always shipped them, ever since the beginning and their label gave the fans what they wanted. How did Kim Kardashian become famous? A *** tape of her and Ray J leaked and she became famous. Now, she is a lot richer and more famous than he is. A quick note, not many people know how Kim Kardashian became famous. They only really know her from Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The newer generation does not know about the tape scandal, and that is what they do. You need to dig a little deeper to see that. This all is an on-going cycle and it will not stop unless we all stop believing it. 😊
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  What do they do in order to make a PR relationship look real?
{Interviewer asks what the clauses in an arranged relationships contract are} --> ‘’An arranged relationship is estranged by definition. So certainly we are going to see requests that are equally odd. They are certainly going to have requirements as to how they hold themselves out to the public as a couple. This would mean appearances at award shows, parties or events together as a couple and that there would be requirements maybe for specific events.’’ --> Eleanor attending Jay’s wedding and being ‘maid of honor’, Calvin and Taylor at Award shows, Elounor at the fashions show 2013, Haylor and their NYE ‘kiss’, Zigi at the MET gala and Chiam at the Brits, celebs at after parties with their ‘girlfriends’. All of these couples have also pictures with each other’s family members. That made a lot of you think they are close and real, well my loves, now you finally know that it is all part of a PR stunt. The fake girlfriends also have to look supportive, that is why they have to be there at concerts, soccer matches, award shows etcetera. 😊
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Remember when Eleanor (beard) posted a picture of herself and in the background you could see a picture of her and Louis in 2012 and ‘Louis’ written on a board? Remember when she posted a picture of herself with her and Louis’ boots in the background in 2018? All of these things are there to make it look like they truly live together and  that they truly own each other’s stuff. The same thing counts for Haylor’s airplane necklace. Do you genuinely think they did that by accident? No, that is the purpose of the whole picture. 😊
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‘’Then there is going to be particularly some none disclosure issues surrounding them as to what cannot be said about the relationship and what needs to be said. There could be a script even as to what they have to say if asked about the relationships. There would be photo sessions showing them as a couple. And then I have seen issues of sexual relationships and specific whether this would happen or not happen in an agreement. But if it is truly a PR relationships then sex would not be a part of that relationship, because it is not real.’’ --> Loves, do you remember a moment when someone asked a celebrity about his/her relationships and they stuttered and looked uncomfortable, or they just said something wrong or embarrassing or tried to talk themselves out of it? Well, that happens when you have to make up stuff that never happened.  Louis Tomlinson confirmed his interviews are scripted, so this one is just an extra thick layer of confirmation. I also recall Gigi doing a live and someone asked about Zayn and she just stuttered and looked away, not knowing how to answer a question. (I think there have definitely been times when two people who were in an arranged relationship gave different answers to the same question, why? Because they do not know anything about each other.) Here is an example of a moment that is repeated and scripted about Louis’ ‘relationship’ with Eleanor, even know we have legit proof that is not what happened:
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Now I can hear all your lovely brains working and thinking whether a celebrity is willing to sign a contract like that or if their label is making them sign it. Well, if you have read my previous masterpost about the music industry you can see confirmations of the label making the artist their puppet. They own you, so if they think you should have a girlfriend to hide gay rumours then they will give you one. ‘A label cannot force you anything’, but it does make you sign a contract. When you sign the contract without reading it carefully, then your label will mess you up. In those contracts they do not write ‘’Taylor Swift has to agree to arranged relationships.’’ They write stuff like ‘’When signing the contract, Taylor Swift allows the label to make changes in order to get her to fame.’’ Of course Taylor (and other artists) would think that they mean changing her outfit and looks, but no. The label thinks being gay is something that will not get people enough fame. So what do they do? They change her, they change her sexuality. They closet her and even though Taylor and other LGBTQ artists do not want that. You cannot deny because when you do so, the label will show you the contract you signed. A contract like that is never written literally, they can manipulate their words. To the label ‘’being gay or a part of the LGBTQ+ community’’ falls under ‘’making changes’’ in order to make her famous. Of course there are celebrities who willingly closet themselves for various reasons. I hope to create a single post about how devious these contracts are for you all! 😊
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Here are a few things I hope you have learned from this: 😊
 - Fake relationships still exist and they will always exist. It has been confirmed, so no one can deny this anymore.
 - The girl and boy have to go to special events, such as award shows, family dinners and weddings in order to make it look real.
 - Homophobia is still a thing and the biggest reason why arranged relationships exist.
 - The beard has a contract too, so your idol has no say in how long she can or cannot stay. If she does good then she will stay. (I see many people say that Louis chose Eleanor because they are friends and that is why she is back, but he actually has no say in anything. Your idol is their product to sell. Your idol is basically a marionette.)
 -The PR team does everything to make it look like they are truly together, think of photos of each other in each other’s homes and ‘personal gifts.’
 -Celebrities get an enormous boost on their social media accounts when they start being part of an arranged relationship. Something I have always thought was a bit odd, is the fact that Eleanor never created an insta account until her and Louis’ ‘relationship’ had its peak; in the middle of June 2012. When in reality, insta was created in 2010. She also created twitter in 2012. Exactly when the first few big events were attended by them. (I genuinely think she did that, because everyone wanted to see more of her. Plus, she has always wanted to be a fashion blogger and this was her ‘big moment’ to do so.)
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The credits for this post go to @Totallylost4you. They made me aware of the podcast and they continue to shine light on hidden treasures like this one. They also hardly get credits for their solid hard work and I hope they will continue doing this! Thank you!
Thank you so much for your attention. If you have any question/suggestion, please do not hesitate to ask/tell me! I wish all of you the best and please stay safe. Have an amazing day!
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putschki1969 · 4 years ago
Text
My Experience with Japanese Online Shops, International Shipping and Proxy Services
In the last few months I have ordered from many different Japanese online stores and I have made use of a bunch of new international shipping and proxy services so I thought it would be a good idea to sum up my experiences and write a little review so everyone knows what to expect. Without further ado, let’s get to it.
Content
tenso
Buyee
WorldShopping
HMV International Shipping
CDJapan
Amazon.co.jp
1. tenso.com
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A staple for everyone who wants to register for various Japanese services (e.g. fan clubs, streaming platforms, etc) or enjoys shopping in Japanese online shops. It cannot be said often or loud enough how indispensable tenso is for fans of anything Japanese, their service is a true lifesaver! The H-el-ical// Online store even recommends using them! These days many Japanese sites accept foreign payment methods but one thing that’s still almost always required is a Japanese address. And that’s where tenso comes in. They will provide you for free with a Japanese address and phone number which you can use to register on almost any site. You can have your fan club stuff and purchased items sent to that address (the tenso warehouse) and they will then ship it to you. There are not a whole lot of shipping options available but that’s fine. Air Mail is definitely their best offer but if your package is too big you will end up having to choose EMS (which is quite pricey but typically very fast - not during the pandemic tho, at least not for Austria). A big advantage is the possibility to edit the package description. You can lower the value of your items to avoid import taxes and custom fees in your country. Please note that tenso does require an identity verification which might act as a deterrent but I can assure you, they are totally trust-worthy and reliable. I get a LOT of use out of them. Of course I have all my FC related stuff sent to their warehouse but tenso also came in handy for my orders on Tower Records Online, Animate Online and the Universal Shop/H-el-ical Shop/mu-mo Shop.
※ With the exception of the Universal Shop, I was able to pay at all the above mentioned stores with my foreign VISA.
2. Buyee
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Another staple and the very first proxy service I ever used. You will need them in all those places that do not accept foreign payment methods (there are still too many out there unfortunately). Their customer service is impeccable and I have never had issues with them. They have gone as far as to contact Japanese stores on my behalf even though it is not part of their usual service. They offer a very wide range of features and shipping options, their service fees are also not too high (although I will admit that they have slightly increased throughout the years). They operate on so many different Japanese online shops, it’s rare to find a big store that does not collaborate with them. Also, if you want to thrift Kalafina related items, THIS is your go-to service. Be it Yahoo Auctions, Mercari or Suruga-ya, you can use Buyee on all those sites. They even have their own English user-interface for some of the major Japanese online stores and you can take advantage of their browser add-on which makes shopping a lot easier. The only downside is that they will not allow edits to the package value so if you live in a bureaucratic country like myself with very strict tax and custom regulations, you will have to make sure to send your packages wisely or just expect to pay quite a lot of fees. This time I used them to order my Wakana cover album copies from Rakuten Books (I REALLY wanted their tokuten). Since Buyee offers the biggest variety of shipping options, I got these copies before anything else, they were here super fast.
※ It’s funny how I am able to register my credit card for Rakuten Pay in order to purchase music on mora.jp but I cannot use that very same credit card to actually buy stuff on Rakuten.
3. WorldShopping
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A fairly new service as far as I know but it seems like they are quickly expanding and trying to give Buyee a run for their money. Their banner has been popping up on almost all Japanese sites I have visited in the past few months but up until recently I wasn’t really feeling like trying a new service (I am always hesitant when it comes to new stuff). At least until I found myself in dire need of the Sofmap store specific tokuten for Wakana’s cover album XD. Unfortunately Sofmap does not accept foreign payment methods and Buyee also does not operate on their site so I took a leap of faith and made my purchase through WorldShopping since their banner looked so inviting. It was surprisingly straighforward since they are providing their own interface on the Japanese sites. I didn’t even have to go to the WorldShopping main page to register or anything before using the service. Their fees are acceptable but not exactly low. I was a little wary because I didn’t have a proper account but they did provide a link in the initial email where I could more or less keep track of everything. It took VERY long for my purchased item to be registered at their warehouse (for tenso and Buyee it takes around 1 day) and I didn’t get a notification email that it had arrived so those are not the best aspects of their service. The only shipping method they seem to offer is EMS (which again, is very pricey). Anyways, at the end of the day, my package arrived unscathed in Austria (including the tokuten) so I am a happy camper. While I will probably not be using their service regularly in the future I can still recommend WorldShopping to you with a clear conscience. But please keep in mind to check your status link regularly!
※ Please note that the WorldShipping interface in Japanese online shops overrides the site’s very own purchasing option so if you want to make an order using your own account with your tenso address and a domestic shipping method (let’s say in the mu-mo shop for example) you will have to deactive all WorldShopping services on the page.
4. HMV & BOOKS Online International Shipping
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Another first for me. I had no idea they offered international shipping so when I saw the little button on KEIKO’s Lantana page, I couldn’t resist. Since Amazon.co.jp is no longer an option for me, I was desperate to find other stores that offered international shipping and tokutens. Unfortunately, their international shipping service is not a very good replacement for Amazon.co.jp since it takes VERY long. I registered as a guest and made my order without any trouble. I expected them to ship the item on the release day (or the day prior) but that was not the case. I am almost entirely sure that they use a “hidden” proxy service but still promote it as direct shipping. Which is why the process is taking so long. I think it wasn’t until the fifth day after the release date that I finally received the shipping confirmation. Also, don’t get thrown off by weird phrasing in their e-mails. They kept saying that they had shipped “the first part of my order” when in fact there was only one part. Since they only offered EMS as shipping option it once again took quite a while for the package to get to me even though the shipping fee was very high (please note that EMS is typically very fast but as I mentioned earlier, COVID-19 has changed everything). Overall, I can’t really complain about their service, if you are willing to wait a while, HMV International Shipping is definitely worth a try. HMV always have some of the best tokutens so be sure to check it out.
※ I originally tried to register properly but that turned out to be quite complicated so I recommend registering as a guest just like I did.
5. CDJapan
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The first site I ever used to order Kalafina-items. I have never had issues with them. They are very reliable and of course the best thing is that they ship directly to your country. However, these days I hardly ever shop at CDJapan anymore because they rarely have tokutens. Also, items you purchase on their site will not be calculated into the daily and weekly sales data for Oricon music charts so that sucks. As you know, I want to support my girls as best as possible (and that means contributing to their chart numbers). Sometimes CDJapan do offer tokutens so they are definitely a viable option for foreign fans. They have lots of payment and shipping methods to choose from and typically their packages arrive very quickly. I bought Hikaru’s RE of “disclose” (only the LE came with tokutens) and one of my “Lantana” copies (CDJapan did in fact have a tokuten for that. YAY).
※ If for some reason, CDJapan isn’t your cup of tea or doesn’t work for you I think YESASIA is a good alternative. However, I haven’t used their service yet so I am not sure how reliable they are. They offer free shipping if your order total exceeds a certain amount so that’s definitely pretty neat!
6. Amazon.co.jp
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Amazon.co.jp has been very reliable for the past few years but this year they have really let me down. Just like HMV they do offer an international shipping service but theirs is actually a DIRECT shipping service and it’s SUPER fast. Also they estimate the import/customs fees of your respective country and they charge a deposit which they can use to pay the customs office to speed up the shipping procedure. If this doesn’t happen, packages will usually end up being stuck at customs for a very long time until they have been processed. Last but not least, they often have some of the coolest and most unique tokutens. These are all reasons why I loved to use them but it seems like the pandemic screwed things up for many foreign fans. When I was logged in and checking the product pages of the Kala-solo-releases, they would either show me that everything was out of stock from the get-go or no longer shippable to my country. However, when I wasn’t logged in and checked the Japanese version of the product page I saw that there were in fact still copies available. Now that the pre-order period is over they seem to have restocked a little bit and some versions have finally become available again for foreigners. For example, I could now technically order the LE of “Lantana” with a tokuten. I really wonder why that stuff wasn’t there when I needed it *grumbles*
※ I am not 100% sure if the pandemic caused all these issues but I kinda hope that was the reason because that would mean that next year things will hopefully work fine again. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
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great-kobold-library · 3 years ago
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We Make a Family Ch.2 (SFW)
Toshinori started Monday morning with a renewed vigor, and everyone noticed it. He assisted Aizawa with Class 1A outdoor training as usual.
"You look really happy today All Might, did you get lucky this weekend? Who's the lucky lady?"
Mina Aishido asked him. She had a bad habit of being nosy, and loved drama. She didn't start it, but if there was drama around, she wanted to be among the first to hear about it.
Toshi chuckled and said,
"No and No, I'm just in a good mood because I slept well and had a great breakfast, so I feel fantastic."
Ashido accepted the explanation with a pout to her lip. Aizawa scolded her for stopping her training to pester All Might. She apologized and went back to what she was supposed to be doing. Around an hour later while the students were about to head back to their next class, All Might stopped Izuku.
"Hey Izuku, meet me in my office for lunch. There's something I'd like to talk to you about."
Izuku looked quizzically at him.
"Okay, sure. What do you wanna talk about? My training?"
Toshi shook his head.
"No, something else, but we'll talk about it then, alright?"
Izuku still had his eyebrows wrinkled up in confusion.
"Alright, see you then."
He ran ahead to catch up with Ida and Ururaka.
Toshi watched him walk away, once again lost in thought.
Aizawa noticed him acting strangely.
"Hey….something going on?"
He asked.
Toshi looked at him, silent for a time.
"Do you remember when we had to talk to parents about the students living in dorms?"
Aizawa nodded.
"Yeah I remember, what about it?"
Toshi took a deep breath and exhaled, not sure what his reaction would be.
"Well, I personally spoke with Izuku's mother and convinced her to let Izuku live in the dorms and continue studying here at UA. Before I left, I gave her my number to contact me if she had questions or needed anything."
Aizawa listened quietly, waiting for him to continue.
"Friday night she texted me, said she wanted to meet with me about Izuku's progress in school."
Aizawa looked confused.
"Izuku's doing just fine in all his classes, so I'm not sure what the problem is?"
Toshi realized he needed to elaborate.
"No, there's no problem or anything bad, just the opposite actually."
He laughed nervously, and Aizawa looked like he was beginning to understand.
"We discussed Izuku and his schooling over dinner, but conversations changed, and we ended up having a really good night. I wanted to see her again, but I thought better of it, so I was just going to let it go. She texted me after I got home that she couldn't stop thinking about it, and that she wanted to see me again. I told her, I felt the same. We're trying to plan something out for this weekend."
Toshi realized he had slowly developed a big grin on his face as he recanted the story.
Aizawa raised his eyebrows and had a faint smile.
"You seem really happy, so I'm happy for you. I hope for your sake that it doesn't drive a wedge between you and Midoriya. There's no denying that you're a father figure to him, everyone can see that but...that, and you actually dating his mom, are two very different things. Kids react poorly to that sort of thing sometimes. He might think his mom is trying to replace his dad with you. He might think that you're crossing a line trying to be his dad when you aren't. You might get this idea in your head that you'll all end up a big happy family, and I'm worried for you that this won't end well."
Toshi's face fell and he looked down. Aizawa noticed that he looked genuinely hurt. His expression softened.
"Look uh...I didn't mean to be harsh. I just think you-"
Toshi cut him off,
"No, thank you. I need the reality check sometimes, you're good for that. I'm taking it slow, I don't want anybody to get hurt here. I need it to be the right thing to do, for everyone involved."
They started walking back to the teacher's break room together.
"So….how do you plan on figuring out how Midoriya would feel about you being with his mom without pulling the rug out from under him?"
Aizawa asks. Toshi remains silent.
Aizawa nodded. "That's what I thought."
Lunch time comes around. Toshi ordered a couple of sushi boxes for the two for lunch and waited in his office for Izuku to arrive.
"Oh, you got sushi boxes for today, thank you!"
Izuku says, taking a seat across from Toshi at his desk.
"You're welcome."
Toshi says. They both start eating.
"So….what did you want to talk about?"
Izuku asks.
Toshi sets his chopsticks down.
"Your mother and I had a conference this weekend."
Izuku put down his chopsticks just as he was about to eat another piece.
"You did? Is….everything okay? I thought my grades were good? If not I'll work harder, I promise!"
His voice raised near the end. Toshi chuckles.
"No, your grades are fine, kid. Your mom wanted to talk about more than grades. How you're doing at school, friends, adjusting to the dorms, that sort of thing."
Izuku relaxes.
"Oh, I see."
And starts eating again.
"What I wanted to talk to you about is something she told me during our discussion that I found...a little upsetting."
Izuku stopped eating and looked up at him again, looking a mixture between concerned and confused.
"She told me you don't visit her that often anymore."
Izuku looked incredulous.
"That's it? That's-"
"This isn't a joke Midoriya."
Toshi interrupted.
Izuku falls silent, Toshi lowers his voice.
"Your father passed away when you were little, right? And your family never owned any pets. Now that you've moved into the dorms, your mom is….she's all alone in the house. She said you used to visit every weekend, and so it wasn't so bad, but now you hardly ever come by. She knows as I do that it wasn't intentional, but that maybe you didn't think about it from her perspective. I don't want you to tell her I told you about this. I only want you to start visiting her on a regular basis. It doesn't have to be every weekend, every other weekend would probably be fine with some exceptions here and there. There's nearly another month before the end of first term. Summer's coming soon, and I'm sure you'll be living with her again for it, but I want you to remember this for the second term."
Toshi could see it in his eyes that Izuku was genuinely hurt, and felt very guilty. He looked down in shame.
"I had no idea she felt that way...I can't believe I didn't even think about it."
Toshi looked softly at him.
"It's okay. She knows you're a teenager doing teenager stuff, hanging out with your teenager friends."
Izuku chuckles a little.
"She knows you're growing up, becoming independent. That can be especially hard for a single parent. She just needs to know that she's still a part of your life, that you haven't forgotten about her."
Izuku puts on a small smile, nods and thanks him for the advice.
They finish their food, and Izuku leaves to get to his next class. Toshi wishes he tried talking about the other things relating to Inko, but he has no idea how to broach the subject. Probably best to see how the second, er, first OFFICIAL date with Inko goes.
He thinks about having an actual date the coming weekend, and feels giddy with a childlike joy.
Toshi and Inko start texting each other throughout the week, learning a little more about each other with each conversation. Toshi starts a game of 20 questions with Inko on Friday night for the main purpose of figuring out her favorite kind of flower in a subtle way. He buys a bouquet of them in preparation of the date Saturday night. They're going to a small concert of one of Inko's favorite local bands in the city park. Toshi wasn't big into music, but it still sounded like a wonderful time.
It was finally Saturday night. Inko had a band T-shirt on paired with a casual long black skirt and her hair tied up. Toshi wore a nice pair of jeans and a plain black T-shirt. When they first met up, Toshi handed her the bouquet of flowers. Inko adored them.
Even when the sun went down, the park was still bright with the light of the full moon, the concert lights and the sparkling of fireflies in the park. However, to Toshi, there was no brighter light within view, than the way the lights twinkled in Inko's eyes as they danced, and sang, and laughed. Eventually the concert was over, and the band packed up and left, but not before Inko got a new shirt and had it signed by every member of the band. The pair decided to take a walk around the park and enjoy the rest of the night in the peace and quiet and cool breeze of the summer air. At one point as they walked, talked and laughed, Inko's hand touched his arm, and slid down both expertly and subconsciously until their hands folded together as they walked. They both blushed, one not noticing the either. Toshi wanted to acknowledge it, but feared embarrassing her, so he just enjoyed it and let things be. They eventually came to a nice park bench close to the edge of a lake in the middle of the park. They took a seat and looked out over the lake and watched the moonlight reflected in it. Inko shivered, then curled up into Toshi's side. He tentatively put an arm around her, and she relaxed further into him, putting her head on his shoulder. He leaned his head over hers. They sat like that for a while, in comfortable silence.
"This….was an amazing night. I...I don't know how to put it into words."
Inko broke the silence.
Without looking Toshi responded,
"I feel the same. Sometimes things….can't be put into words."
Inko was silent for a moment before responding.
"Do you want to know how many dates I've been on since Hisashi died?"
Toshi was caught off guard by the question.
"Uh, sure...how many?"
She chuckles lightly.
"Two"
Toshi thinks for a moment.
"In around a decade you haven't had more than, three, maybe four dates total? You're wonderful, I can't imagine why-"
"No, silly!"
Inko interjects.
"When I said two, I mean only two."
Toshi starts putting it together in his mind.
"Do you mean….last weekend, and today?"
He was looking at her now.
She looks softly at him.
"Yes...just with you."
Toshi looks shocked.
"Only me? Why?"
She has a gentle smile on her face.
"Well, it's not like I couldn't GET dates. I just didn't think I could ever feel again what I felt with Hisashi. He was a wonderful father, such love and kindness in his soul. After he was gone, I put all my focus on Izuku."
She looks up at the moon.
"But then….I don't know. You remind me of him. Izuku is so much like both of you. I thought for a long time that dating again would feel like I was betraying Hisashi, and Izuku. I've been thinking about it lately. I think Hisashi would want me to be happy again, even if that means being with someone new. As for Izuku, well, I can only hope that above all else, even his own personal feelings, that he just wants me to be happy."
She takes Toshi's hands in her hands and looks at him.
"That he would want us to be happy."
Toshi is speechless.
They stare at each other for a while.
He lifts his left hand out of hers and brushes her hair behind her ear, then slowly leans forward.
Inko smiles and puts her hands on his chest. He pulls her in, his arms around her waist, and they kiss. The kiss is fairly short, but sweet, and powerful.
They grin like happy idiots afterwards at each other, and hug.
Inko checks her phone.
"Oh dear, it's a little after 1am!"
Toshi looks shocked.
"Is it really that late....er I guess….early?"
Inko giggles.
"Yeah, haha. I think it's time to go home."
She says, a little sadly.
As they start to walk back to the parking lot, Toshi puts his arm around her waist and pulls her close to his side, then says in a playful voice,
"Oh, if only the night lasted forever."
Inko started giggling.
"Oh stop it, you're a hopeless romantic!"
They both giggled, and began swapping silly and cliche pickup lines and giggling about them as they made it to the parking lot. Toshi walks her to her car. She gets in the driver's seat and looks up, a little sad to have to go now.
"Text me when you get home safe, okay?"
Toshi says. Inko nods. As he's about to close the door, Inko throws her hands out to hold the door open and says,
"Wait!"
Toshinori is in shock from the unexpected outburst and jumps back. Inko gets out and stands to face him.
"One more….before I go?"
Toshi looks confused, then smiles as he figures out what she means. He pulls her gently close into an embrace, and she places her hands on either side of his neck. They kiss, this one longer, sweeter, and more passionate than the first.
"Goodnight."
Inko said when it was over. She untangled herself from him, then got back into her car.
"Goodnight."
Toshi replies.
He shuts her door for her and steps back. He watches her car pull out and drive away, and he keeps his eye on the shape of the car until it disappears into the distance. As he drives home, he cranks his radio loud and feels the music rush through him. He never felt more alive in his life until this moment. He sang along to any songs that came on that he knew the words to at the top of his lungs. Of course he wouldn't admit it, not now, it's too soon, but he knew that he couldn't deny it to himself.
He had completely and utterly fallen in love with Inko Midoriya.
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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago
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Survey #355
“despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage”
Have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? No, only as a kid. What kind of pizza toppings do you like? Meats or jalapenos. When did you first take a shot of alcohol? Never, and I'm not interested. Did you babysit for money when you were in middle school? No. Who is your favorite band? How long have they been? Ozzy Osbourne, since middle school. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? My old house, yes. Not the one I currently live in. Have you ever been to a spa? Only because my friend at the time took me. When talking on the phone, do you place it against your left or right ear? My right. What’s your favourite Lunchables meal? The nachos one. Do you like Bob Marley? NO. Omg his voice is awful. Have you ever eaten at Golden Corral? Yeah. I'm not a big fan. Do you sit and eat dinner at the same table with your family? We only ever do that if my sister is over (she comes for dinner once a week). Are you listening to any music right now? If so, what are you listening to? Yeah, Violet Orlandi's cover of "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" by The Smashing Pumpkins. God she's so beautiful and talented and asdfjkaljddkfjlwkee FUCK I'm gay for her. Who was the last person to make you genuinely smile? Watching Mark. :') Is there something you want to say to someone but can’t/won’t? Yeah. Do you like men who have a sensitive side? Yes. Please be in touch with your emotions, for the love of God. Have you ever tried to get someone into a certain band/artist? Not persistently, no, but Mini is a case where me mentioning them enough got her to listen to them. Metallica, by the way. They're her favorite band because of mwah, haha. Have you ever carved you and someone else’s initials into a tree? It's possible, but I don't believe so. Do you like Dairy Queen? Love it. They're Oreo Cupfection thing is BOMB. Is there anyone you know with an amazing personal success story? Yes. I have a friend Shannen who first was a widely-recognized photographer in the state, and now she's a fashion designer (or something like that) up in New York. Is there a song in a different language that you can sing? A number of Rammstein songs. How do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? So long they're well-made for safety reasons, I don't care much. They do seem a bit unnecessary, though; like just look at James Hetfield's accident that burned half his body because of standing in the wrong place. It seems easy to fuck up and get in a dangerous range. Ever fallen down a hole? No. Do you like bananas? Yeah. How long do you normally spend in the shower? Not even 10 minutes, usually. I've never understood how people can take such long showers. Have you ever been a featured member on any website? Yeah, on a Silent Hill fansite. Have you ever had any weird pets? Not by my standards. A ball python morph is as "weird" as it gets. Are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone? Nope. Have you ever experienced insomnia? Ugh, yes. I went through a horrible insomnia spell, and I still have an awful time trying to fall asleep. Do you like egg nog? Nooo. Would you ever wear Converse with a prom/formal dress? I'm not opposed to it, but realistically I'd probably wear something more traditionally suiting just because. Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows? Without. How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over? I've cried all the oceans over just one lol. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? Being a mortician actually doesn't sound awful, weird as it sounds. It sounds almost relaxing if I could just be alone with some music doing my job. Would rather be a musician or a painter? A painter. Would you rather write your own book or make your own movie? I'd love to write a book. At home, do you have a trampoline? No. When you are about to go to bed, do you put on some sort of noise? No. What is your favorite Christmas movie? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas. And what about your favorite Christmas song? Probably "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" or whatever it's called. "Carol of the Bells" too, of course. What is your ultimate favorite stocking stuffer? Haha, okay so it seems to be an unspoken rule that Mom always gets us Slim Jims for our stockings, and that's obviously the best considering my sisters and I loooove them yet still don't buy them much. You're making me ready for Christmas, lol. After Halloween, do you sort out all of your candy into little piles? I did as a kid, and then my sisters and I would trade what we preferred. When you listen to music with headphones, do you keep the volume low enough to hear surrounding noise faintly, or do you blast it? It's honestly pretty loud. What did you have for breakfast this morning? Cold pizza from dinner leftovers last night. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? Our late boxer mix, Cali. She was a big 'ole pup. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. Out of everything currently in your refrigerator, what food or drink is your favorite? Food: strawberries. Drink: Mountain Lightning. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Either when I skinned my knees so deep that pus was visible, or when I fainted onto my chin and got a short, but very deep cut. Do you like the taste of cough syrup? No. What is something you like to have conversations about? I like talking about deep stuff, like where we came from, our unique feelings and beliefs, conspiracy theories and cryptids, mysterious stuff like that, too. And don't forget animals. And Mark, haha. What all is in the trunk of your car? I don't have a car, and I don't remember what's in Mom's trunk, even though I helped bring in groceries just the other day. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? Ew, no. Is your heat or air conditioning currently on? Our AC is currently on because it's too damn hot. The weather here has been so up and down, it's wild. Have you ever fallen off of a horse? No. Which do you value more, your appearance or your intelligence? Honestly? I'd be dumber than I already am if it meant being happy with how I look, because my appearance now is a key factor to my depression. When was the last time you drove something other than a car or truck? Oh jeez... I have no idea. I don't think since I've driven a golf cart at someone's b-day party as a kid. Were your grandparents present when you were born? No. If you drink/smoke, how often do you do these things? I don't smoke, and I only have a drink or two very rarely, usually just on special occasions. What do you think of fast food? I like it way more than I wish I did. What website do you spend the most time on and why? YouTube, because I'm always listening to and/or watching something. What’s the most amount of time you’ve spent online? Is this usual for you? In one non-stop setting, I don't want to know. I pretty much only exist on the computer. When it comes to travel, what kinds of places intrigue you most? Mountainous, loads of nature, cooler/cold, mysterious locations... stuff like that. Do you think humans colonizing Mars is a good idea? Would you go, if you could? If we learn from our goddamn mistakes and not fuck up its environment, it could be healthy or even life-saving for humanity, but I'd prefer to stay on Earth as long as possible. What is the farthest you’ve walked in one day and what made you do it? I dunno, maybe at Disney World or something like that as a kid. What is something important that’s often on your mind lately? Physical health stuff. I'm worried about a lot of things relating to that. What about something unimportant, but you can’t stop thinking about it? I don't know about "unimportant," at least to me. Do you like oatmeal? If so, what kinds of things do you like in it? Yeah. I only really eat the cinnamon apple ones; I always use milk and sprinkle some sugar in there, and it's delicious. What was going on the last time you felt nostalgic? When Mom and I stopped at Jason's house to bring the family some treats following his mother's death. I stayed in the car and couldn't even look towards the house, but yeah. So many memories just stampeded me. How much attention do you pay to the movements of the stars and planets, and do you believe they influence anything? I pay zero attention to it; I don't believe they have influence over people in any way. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? I guess you could say World of Warcraft. It's definitely the most involved, like I've been playing it almost consistently since 2014, and I used to be in a Heroic raid team, which certainly wasn't easy. Then there's some achievements I busted my ass to get. Which accent do you find most sexy, alluring or appealing? British is where it's at. Which accent do you find most annoying, disturbing, or bothersome? Extremely Southern ones. Can you cry on cue? Is it any kind of useful? No. Does it take you a while to actually get jokes? Embarrassingly, it frequently does. Can you wear socks to bed or does it annoy you? Ugh, I could never. I hate the feeling of socks. Have you ever bleached your hair? By myself, no, but a professional has to dye it. Do you like jelly beans? They're okay. It really depends on the flavor, and even then I can't eat a lot of them. Do you have trouble sleeping when it’s storming? Yes, but not because it scares me, but rather that I'm just jumpy. Subtle thunder isn't so bad, and I LOVE the drone of heavy rain, but once you add booming thunder and strong flashes of lightning, it's too disruptive for me to fall asleep easily. Who was the last person you know that graduated? (high school or college) My not-so-little sister is just about to finish her Master's lakdsjfakwe I'm so proud of her. Were you happy or sad when you found out your babysitter was coming? I think I was always kinda bummed out, even though I liked my babysitters. I had horrible separation anxiety from my mom. Did you have a boyfriend in kindergarten? No, but I did have this one guy who'd been like obsessed with me since pre-k and would always chase me to hug and kiss me. In pre-k it was awful, but he still did it sometimes in kindergarten, despite the teachers getting on him about it. It's actually a memory I forgot for a very long time, like I think my brain tried to oppress it, and I wonder if it has anything to do with my fear of people standing behind me, men specifically, and being raped. Did you ever read the Magic Treehouse series? Oh yes, I was obsessed! Who was your best friend in elementary school? It jumped between Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Did you ever watch The Land Before Time movies? YESSSSS. I even had the computer game. Did you collect anything when you were a kid? Stickers. I'd put them on my dresser everywhere to the point it was absolutely covered. Did you get an allowance? No. Not because my parents didn't want to or anything, but rather they couldn't afford allowances to three kids. Were you into American Girl dolls? Nah. I got one, but I think it was mostly so my sisters and I each had our own. Nicole, however, was sooooo into them. Were you friends with your childhood neighbors? Some, yeah, especially the boy down my street named D'Andre. We would hang out ALL the time, be it at each other's houses or just riding our bikes. He actually got married very recently and I'm so happy for him, ahhhhh!! What was your biggest fear when you were a kid? Thunderstorms. Did you ever play the "Reader Rabbit" computer games? Oh my god, YES. The one where you were hosting a surprise birthday party was my absolute favorite. Did your parents let you drink soda growing up? Yes. .-. What was your favorite kind of cake as a kid? Chocolate, of course.
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