#look it's not a post complaining about computer problems!
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As somebody who didn't realize just how RIDICULOUSLY rigid I am in how I write... I'm finally beginning to make some actual progress on "15 Minutes" ch7 using the methods cobbled together from the advice of several awesome friends. 💖
A Tumblr draft is my home base (thank you to @sarnakhwritesthings who recognized my need for practically continual autosaving).
At the end of a writing session, I update the Tumblr draft to AO3 for extra safekeeping.
I use Editpad to give me a word count (thank you to @authortobenamedlater for that one). I might could use Editpad also for writing but I haven't stopped to see its save options, etc. But it definitely came in clutch to let me know that I've got 2,159 words entered so far!
That's putting this chapter on course to be about 4k words? 👀 But I've had people tell me they'd rather read long chapters so, hey, we'll go for it! Unless that's too big for the Tumblr draft? Oh, better check on that one. 🤔
There's a decent cut-off point before the cliffhanger ending of ch7 so I miiiight end up splitting it so that I have a little more time to get currently numbered chapter 8 (still in hand-written form) a little further along ready to post. We'll see!
It's just nice to be doing something other than researching computer repairs. *whispers* It hasn't blue screened or frozen/locked up today and has been on for nearly 10 hours. *pats it gently* I know you're a good computer, Georgette! You just need for those old bad conflicts to leave you alone!
I'm also not sure when I named this computer Georgette but at some point I just started referring to her by that name. 🤷♀️
Peace, out, frens. 🤗💖
#ais is writing#writing#ageless aislynn#look it's not a post complaining about computer problems!#okay so it mentions them but that's not the whole point so... i'll call that a win#sarnakhwritesthings#authortobenamedlater#thank you frens
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it’s sometimes frustrating when people respond to posts lamenting like, the fact that every news article is paywalled or every social media site is overrun by reactionaries or that all recipe websites are impossible to use because they’re covered in malicious ads or etc with “here’s a site that gets rid of those paywalls!” “install this recipe-unfucker browser extension on your computer!” “just join [obscure social media site that no one uses] or [dead forum]!” like I get the intent, I don’t take it as like malicious derailing or anything, and I even understanding wanting to spread resources to people esp adblocker resources. but this pattern of response in the aggregate feels like it’s fundamentally missing the point on some level - it is infuriating that you can’t spend an hour on social media without being reminded that the world viscerally hates you and wants you dead for the crime of being a minority, it is infuriating that you’re constantly condescended to about the “dangers of disinformation” by the same professional class that paywalls every single piece of data from the public, it is infuriating that the internet is rapidly approaching a point of total unusability for the express purpose of further lining a billionaire’s pockets, and no browser extension or obscure discord clone is going to fix that. These are structural problems and I think people are using these things as examples to complain about these structures, and it sometimes feels like people are missing that point when they post a link to a mozilla-only browser extension. it feels like unwanted advice to a problem that is already unsolveable via individual solutions. often it borders on patronising, as if people aren’t aware they can log off tumblr and post on a Web 2.0 forum that 1000 people collectively use or haven’t heard of the concept of an adblocker. but again like what else are you supposed to do the next time you want to look up a chili recipe or watch cat videos online or read the news. sucks ass
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Tenya iida headcanons‼️🥳
Owns all social media that his class has to monitor them and make sure their posting ‘appropriate’ stuff or nothing mean.
Linked to the last hc, has twitter. He has a fan acc of his brother to show his support and he will correct anyone who gets any info wrong about tensei
Likes comics and wants to make one of his own one day and he has written his own little book, but it isn’t published or anything it’s just on his computer. (The book can be about anything you guys think he would write about.)
He makes sure to get to class early to leave little compliments or motivation quotes on the board for the students to see when they arrive
Struggles to tell the difference between platonic and romantic feelings, once thought he had a crush on ochako but he didn’t (or did, depends if you ship them)
Straight ally but demiromantic. Makes sure to show his support the best he can.
Use to have imaginary friends when younger, people lowkey thought he was crazy. He still sometimes thinks about them, but knows their fake obv.
Has a friend from childhood who moved away, they still have contact with eachother and iida loves to send letters to them. He sometimes complains to them about his class.. not in a bad way tho ofc.
Has a pet lizard named lizzy
tried to learn French for aoyama and when he tried to speak French with him he accidentally said something inappropriate and he still can’t stop thinking about it.
Doesn’t really understand emojis, he mostly just uses ‘<3’ ‘:)’ ect. Once when delivering sad news to someone by text he used ‘😹’ thinking it was crying. He learnt it wasn’t and apologised to that same person whenever he remembers about it
Pulls bitches. But he doesn’t necessary want to be in a relationship along with being a hero. However he does have a mini crush on momo but is in denial (I’m an iidamomo shipper leave me alone😓✊🏻)
Photogenic. he doesn’t even know he is, but he looks good without even trying🙏
Vegetarian
Daily phone time is atleast 30mins-an hour
Has a random obsession with jelly fishes. He knows so many facts about them. He just finds them interesting and pretty. Sometimes he would be like to his friends “this jelly fish reminds me of you!” Via message normally
Loves pugs. He owns one.✊🏻
Use to get called sonic a lot as a kid and still now but he didn’t know who sonic was, denki forced iida to watch a sonic movie and now he lowkey likes them, he watches sonic in his free time.. no one knows.
Sees special and amazing traits in all his classmates. He observes them the best he can so he can help them. Always knows how to compliment them and comfort them.
As a kid he found his quirk to be quite boring and nothing special but his brother helped him to see the amazing part of his quirk.
Mild-dyslexia, mild- ocd
Doesn’t really have a type, mostly goes for personality not looks.
Once didn’t do up his top button to be ‘ rebellious’ but no one noticed😕
Not the best at reading the room unless it’s really obvious
HATES wasps, bees or any ‘loud’ insect. He doesn’t know why but he does.
Fear of being abandoned and small spaces
Didn’t learn how to drive a car until he was 25
Has a projector in his dorm
Always feels ashamed of having problems. People have it worse. Are they even considered problems? It’s hard for him to open up, he normally hates to, especially if he knows the person he’s opening up to or is offering to talk has it worse.
Struggles to sleep due to his quirk, and he just struggles. He sometimes has nightmares about loosing his brother, friends and the first time he, izuku, todoroki, momo, Kiri met AFO
Views todoroki as a brother. (If that make sense..)
Grew up watching mr bean (just hear me out on him being a mr bean kid and even having me beans teddy irl🙏)
Doesn’t like going to graveyards or any religious place like a church beacuse he gets an off putting feeling, he feels like he’s being disrespectful yk? And he doesn’t like thinking about death. (He respects religions don’t get him wrong! This headcanon is lowkey based on me except I like going to graveyards)
Brings hand sanitiser with him no matter what
Present mic and Shouta use to look after iida sometimes when he was younger since in my au tensei and then are friends. Iida has a very vivid memory of Shouta and zashi kissing infront of him and a vivid memory of hizashi offering him beer😭
Listens to motivation music, I did have a song in mind but I forgot 😭🙏 and he listens romance music.. also once went to jirou for help on music.
Watched the titanic and cried.
Loves sunsets, always goes out and sees them, takes photos, invites people to just look at the sky with him. He finds it relaxing and a way to appreciate nature
Likes tea and biscuits, hot chocolate but doesn’t like coffee and not a massive fizzy drink fan, only really likes orange fanta
Basically knows all the drama. People usually come to him to just complain or talk about drama and he always overhears stuff without meaning to
Has all the wimpy kids books but no one knows
Fav animals are jelly fishes and seals.. he like sea animals if you couldn’t tell.
Has the NASTIEST side eye
MASSIVE gentlemen, he treats all girls/women with respect.
Fantastic listener however he can be distracted like if someone was doing something bad behind you or in his view he will pay attention to that person until he can’t hold it in anymore and tells them off as you were talking he but then apologises.
Not fully Japanese he’s 25% Swedish, 10% Greek
Is mei’s personal ‘test doll’ (nothing romantic 😭)
Everyone always asks him for piggy back rides and he doesn’t understand why. He’s only given piggy back rides to children, uraraka and people who need it like injured people. He figured it was because he can run fast and he wants people to experience it.
Has central heterochromia
Gets cold easily and always overdresses for winter
Likes decision games but most of the time picks the wrong decisions..and he like murder mystery games, he’s good but not the best
(Sorry if any spelling mistakes)
#mha#my hero academia#bnha#idk man#kohei horikoshi#tenya lida#tenya iida#iida#mha headcanons#headcanons
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Alright I've been thinking...most likely to be cam boys in Obey Me? (Edited by @lanawinterscigarettes)
My top three are:
Asmo
Levi
Mammon
I mean it makes the most sense right?
(First time posting my erotica fics, let me know how I did! Might be more coming out depending on the feedback.)
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Asmo is very actively online and has several fans, we know this. Over the years he just thought it might be fun to try stripping down naked for his fans and giving them a show. After he started getting more popular for it and even receiving gifts, money, and even promotions he started having more fun with it. Eventually Lucifer got word of it and asked him forced him to shut it down. But from time to time you'll be able to find old videos resurfacing of him in pretty lingerie, bathrobes, or skirts. Him stroking himself while staring into the camera, the pretty moans he lets out for his adoring fans, or even him getting off to himself in the mirror. But he saves his true self for who he really decides to get it on with.
Meaning you get to see more than what he does for the cameras, more than just the sounds he restricts himself to, and more than he'd ever allow the public to see. For with the person he trusts with himself wholeheartedly with is the one who he is unashamedly himself with. He'll send you videos of himself getting off from time to time. Sometimes, he'll even ask if you'll film videos with him or take pictures. He still does his online videos from time to time, but he's gotten smart about it. He can be found on a website that you have to pay to enter instead of just posting them out there like he used to do.
He straight up just told you after a while and gave you access to his videos/photos himself. He wanted you to "have something to look at when you're in your bed late at night all frustrated, though you could just come see me instead~"
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Now, for Levi, you wouldn't think he'd have the confidence, would you? He partakes in the ones where it's just from his neck down. His channel grew quickly, a lot more quick than he was expecting. But a lot of demons, people, and maybe even angels love the appeal of a faceless cam boy. One who whimpers so softly and sweetly, one who reacts so lewdly to the praises in the comments, and the one who loves to be called a filthy pervert. He won't admit it but he does enjoy being degraded and he is a bit of an exhibitionist he's just shy about it.
Once he got with you he wasn't sure what to do actually. Fans started wondering why his content wasn't coming in as quick as it once did, he soon starting doing it more after that. It's a guilty pleasure of his, being in one of his most vulnerable states as he sees the views and comments pushing him on. He gets off to how many people see his stuff but aren't aware of the fact it's him.
The way you find out is him probably accidentally leaving a browser of his site open on his computer. Later you'll bring it up to him and he'll look away all embarrassed and blushing that you saw his content.
<>
Mammon will do nearly anything for the right price. Want him to dress up a certain way? Better pay up. Want him bent over or to show off a toy he's using better? You know what button to hit. He's a simple demon when it comes to this business. And hell if he isn't good at the content he puts out. Whatever brings in the big bucks right? He's already a model so him growing his channel won't be a problem at all. Until Lucifer catches wind of it, and just like Asmo that gets shut down fast. But what does he do? Blocks Lucifer and thinks that'll solve the problem once and for all.
Whenever he gets in a bind money wise he's already setting up the camera and slowly taking his clothes off for his viewers. The longer the stream goes on the more money he gets. Which means he will try to edge himself at first but he just ends up overstimulating himself. No one is complaining though with those noises he's letting out as he mainly forgets his embarrassment.
The way you find out for him is probably stumbling across it yourself since it isn't on a private platform. You make an official account that has a username he'd recognize and you donate a hefty amount as far as you can afford. After the stream when he looks at the people who donated the most, so he can see about charging for private videos, and he sees your user. The entire house hears his loud embarrassed shriek.
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me x reader#obey me imagine#obey me headcanons#obey me smut#asmodeus imagine#asmodeus x reader#asmodeus smut#leviathan imagine#leviathan x reader#leviathan smut#mammon imagine#mammon x reader#mammon smut#asmodeus#leviathan#mammon#x reader#x gender neutral reader#x gn reader#asmodeus x mc#leviathan x mc#mammon x mc#pierce writes
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Wedding: part 1. Introductions
I dont even know where to start. We pull up and grandma's taking a break from her oxygen tube to have a cigarette inside. The bride's toddler-aged niece and nephew are running around screaming and trying to get my attention since half of the attendees are antisocial "ew crotch goblins" type autists. A woman I was acquainted with years ago who has since "transitioned", writes yaoi webcomics, and inexplicably (or, rather, predictably I suppose) goes by a japanese name, is sitting on the couch wearing a bright pink lolita coord– she makes awkward and anxious conversation with me which I enjoy nonetheless as a result of having memories of strong admiration for her from 15 years ago. She's quite a bit older than me, and I remember seeing her at the library as a tween and thinking she looked like the coolest person I'd seen in my town, thought maybe she was a lesbian too, and wanted so badly to know who she was that I snuck a look at the computer sign-in sheet just so I could try and guess which name might reasonably belong to her, and repeated the name to myself all the way home, imagining walking up to her and introducing myself one day and what I might do to try and get her to think I'm "cool". Nowadays she mostly seems stuck in a vicious cycle— posting an eyesore-pastel yaoi drawing on instagram that she clearly put a lot of work into, complaining repeatedly that it's not getting any engagement, asking people to like and comment, before finally sharing that she's deleting everything and going on hiatus because she's depressed that her art isnt getting anywhere, only to resurface in a month, rinse and repeat. Beside her is a barefoot 6 foot 2 woman who shakes my hand vigorously for a solid 20 seconds with a grip that cuts off my circulation. And beside her is a relatively normal looking man who appears to be in his 40s and makes normal– even intelligent– conversation with me. I wonder what he's doing there– and if he just got roped into it like me. I notice his pokemon belt and think okay so he's a dweeb but he still comes across as well-adjusted— wtf is the story here? I introduce myself to the grandparents, whose trailer the wedding is being hosted in, and they immediately take a liking to me since I'm such a strapping young lad to the extent that they dont even realize that I'm the one who my mother has referred to as her Daughter multiple times, and continue calling me "he" and asking about my trades aspirations etc (this particular type of enthusiasm towards your career is an interaction you unlock when people think you're a Normie Male– something I've learned very recently)... The bride's mother is already in tears– Finally, She's Not My Problem! Thank You God!!– as she holds in her hands a contract for the American bride to sign agreeing to mom's "No Returns" policy.
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this is one (1) redeemable voucher to complain about AO3's tagging system (if you like)
Thanks for the voucher!
I probably should have phrased that post differently because upon reflection what I hate is more downstream of AO3's tagging system. The system itself does what it's supposed to do: it organizes the archive. Of course, users get cutesy with it (and I'm guilty of this myself) and other users will use inaccurate tags on purpose to get more attention (this is not acceptable behavior), but neither of those things are the system's fault.
But because the tagging system is so robust and fics are tagged based on tropes, this culture has developed of hyper-curated, trope-based reading habits. This didn't exist before AO3 because it just wasn't possible to filter fics to that extent. Some of my favorite fic reading experiences have been fics that I stumbled across by mistake because I didn't know what they were or because I had to comb through broader categories.
And this is where I start sounding like Ted Gup. Ted Gup wrote this essay in the late 90s called The End of Serendipity about how computers being so efficient at retrieving information was going to bring about the end of people stumbling upon topics they wouldn't have otherwise explored. I had to read and respond to this essay in English class in middle school and I raked Ted Gup over the coals, because I was writing on my laptop with dozens of open tabs. I still think I was right to point out Ted Gup's failure to foresee the wiki walk, but now that I'm older and technology has developed more over the last fifteen years, I'm starting to think he had something of a point.
I was thinking about this in a fanfiction and fandom context because I recalled a post I reblogged recently saying (paraphrased) "I have nothing against shipping but some of you are too focused on shipping to the exclusion of everything else." I agree with that post, but for me part of the problem isn't even the focus on shipping, it's that the shipping content is often so formulaic. Fandom talks a big game about diversity and creativity in fanworks, but a lot of the actual output I see is incredibly formulaic. In my opinion that's related to the extreme focus on tropes. Tropes are great, but if you're only looking at fic as a list of tropes you're taking a very narrow view. I don't know what the direction of causality is here, if there even is one, but I think the tagging system and the way the tagging system is used facilitate this reductive trope-based outlook.
I'm from the fanfiction.net era and I find the character and relationship tagging on AO3 useful, but I don't really care for the additional tags. I had to train myself to even read them. I prefer to select fics based on titles and summaries, because those are created by the author. Obviously writing a summary is very different than writing a story (and in fact it's a different skill and it's hard!) but a summary is still written by the author, so it gives me some sense of their writing style. When authors actually include an excerpt in the summary it does that even more. Tags can be useful in conjunction with a summary, because well-selected tags make me curious how all the elements listed in the tags fit together. But I don't want to sort by Enemies to Lovers or whatever.
I don't expect everyone to read like I do, this is nothing more than one crank's ramblings about my personal dissatisfaction with the current state of fandom. Maybe it resonates with someone, and if it does they're welcome to reblog it, but I'm not trying to do social commentary here. Maybe it doesn't, and that's okay too.
I also don't know if the trope focus on booktok and in the traditional publishing world comes out of fanfiction or not but it's even more distressing to me there and I think it bothers me in the fanfiction sphere because of the possibility that fanfiction is contributing to that trend.
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Murderbot Citations
I'm writing a giant research paper on the murderbot diaries and how Wells contrasts utopia & dystopia in her worldbuilding to deepen both sets of lore. So, I have made a LOT of citations.
Like, a LOT of citations. I can't even begin to describe. and it has been a royal pain getting them all on the computer, formatted correctly, with page # and book attached.
So. I decided to publish my giant list of citations online in case anyone else wants to do posts/papers/projects on the murderbot diaries and needs formatted, direct quotes with page numbers attached. (Also to feel like all this work has been for more than just my own academic needs.)
TLDR: A compilation of quotes from The Murderbot Diaries with page numbers attached, ready to be adjusted to the citation style of your choice & used as in-text citations where you see fit to put them. Enjoy!
ASR = All Systems Red
AC = Artificial Condition
RP = Rogue Protocol
ES = Exit Strategy
NE = Network Effect
FT = Fugitive Telemetry
SC = System Collapse
I use 'mb' as shorthand for murderbot
It's mostly ASR, with some NE and FT thrown in, but I put all the abbreviations in case I wind up coming back and putting more citations here
My list is organized according to how I'm writing the paper (all ones about surveillance here, all the ones about contract slavery there, etc.), so the page numbers are not in order, and there might be a repeat or two, but they are in book order. some of them might be repeated bc I had them formatted in lists like "all quotes related to ___) and some quotes relate to multiple things.
if you're looking specifically for gender-related mb quotes, @worldsentwined made a wonderful post collecting them a while back. I also have a few other murderbot posts that have quotes in them that might not be here, including a reblog where a bunch of lovely people added extra citations onto my original post. I hope you find what you're looking for!
All Systems Red
“I had been on contracts where the clients would have told me to put the bleeding human down to go get the stuff.” (15) ASR
“There were groans and general complaining about having to pay high prices for shitty equipment. (I don’t take it personally.)” (31) ASR crossover w slavery
“My education modules were such cheap crap;” (34) ASR
“I’m not refundable.” (49) ASR
“(You had to check everything out and log any problems immediately when you took delivery or the company wasn’t liable.)” (52) ASR
“It was all company equipment though, per contract, and all subject to the same malfunctions as the crap they’d dumped on us.” (58) ASR
““The company could be bribed to conceal the existence of several hundred survey teams on this planet.” Survey teams, whole cities, lost colonies, traveling circuses, as long as they thought they could get away with it. I just didn’t see how they could get away with making a client survey team—two client survey teams—vanish. Or why they’d want to. There were too many bond companies out there, too many competitors. Dead clients were terrible for business. “I don’t think the company would collude with one set of clients to kill two other sets of clients. You purchased a bond agreement that the company would guarantee your safety or pay compensation in the event of your death or injury. Even if the company couldn’t be held liable or partially liable for your deaths, they would still have to make the payment to your heirs. DeltFall was a large operation. The death payout for them alone will be huge.” And the company hated to spend money.” (90) ASR
“The organic parts mostly sleep, but not always. You know something’s happening. They were trying to purge my memory. We’re too expensive to destroy.” (116) ASR
“The company required this as a security feature if you wanted your base to be anywhere without open terrain around it. It cost extra, and if you didn’t want it, it cost even more to guarantee your bond.” (124) ASR
“Okay, the problem is, I’ve mentioned this before, the company is cheap. When it comes to something like a beacon that just has to launch once if there’s an emergency, send a transmission through the wormhole, and then never gets retrieved, they’re very cheap.” (137) ASR
“I said, “This unit is at minimal functionality and it is recommended that you discard it.” It’s an automatic reaction triggered by catastrophic malfunction…. “Your contract allows—” “Shut up,” Mensah snapped.” (139) ASR
“…we’re cheaply produced and we suck. Nobody would hire one of us for non-murdering purposes unless they had to.” (34) ASR
“In a smart world, I should go alone, but with the governor module I had to be within a hundred meters of at least one of the clients at all times, or it would fry me.” (37) ASR
“I walked out a little way, past a couple of the lakes, almost expecting to see something under the surface. Dead bodies, maybe. I’d seen plenty of those (and caused plenty of those) on past contracts, but this one had been dead-body-lacking, so far. It made for a nice change.” (44) ASR
“This is how we fight: throw ourselves at each other and see whose parts give out first.” (69) ASR
““Dr. Mensah,” I said, “this is a violation of security priority and I am contractually obligated to record this for report to the company—” It was in the buffer and the rest of my brain was empty.” (73) ASR
“The DeltFall SecUnits hadn’t been rogues, they had been inserted with combat override modules. The modules allow personal control over a SecUnit, turn it from a mostly autonomous construct into a gun puppet. The feed would be cut off, control would be over the comm, but functionality would depend on how complex the orders were. “Kill the humans” isn’t a complex order.” (75) ASR
““Because if the company wanted to sabotage you, they would have poisoned your supplies using the recycling systems. The company is more likely to kill you by accident.”” (81) ASR
“I said, “I did not hack my governor module to kill my clients. My governor module malfunctioned because the stupid company only buys the cheapest possible components. It malfunctioned and I lost control of my systems and I killed them. The company retrieved me and installed a new governor module. I hacked it so it wouldn’t happen again.” (81) ASR
"“Do they really expect to get away with this?” Ratthi turned to me, like he was expecting an answer.” (105)
““They may believe the company and whoever your beneficiaries are won’t look any further than the rogue SecUnits. But they can’t make two whole survey teams disappear unless their corporate or political entity doesn’t care about them. Does DeltFall’s care? Does yours?” (105) ASR
“Freehold meant it had been terraformed and colonized but wasn’t affiliated with any corporate confederations. Basically freehold generally meant shitshow so I hadn’t been expecting much from them. But they were surprisingly easy to work for.” (26) ASR
“The other good thing about my hacked governor module is that I could ignore the governor’s instructions to defend the stupid company.” (48) ASR
“I had a moment to feel betrayed, which was stupid. Volescu was my client, and I’d saved his life because that was my job, not because I liked him.” (79-80) ASR
“One saw me and Ratthi and said, “Again, this is irregular. Purging the unit’s memory before it changes hands isn’t just a policy, it’s best for the—” (143) ASR
“Maybe it would work out. This was what I was supposed to want. This was what everything had always told me I was supposed to want. Supposed to want.” (147) ASR
“Murderbots aren’t allowed to ride with the humans and I had to have verbal permission to enter. With my cracked governor there was nothing to stop me, but not letting anybody, especially the people who held my contract, know that I was a free agent was kind of important. Like, not having my organic components destroyed and the rest of me cut up for parts important.” (14) ASR
“I’m always supposed to speak respectfully to the clients, even when they’re about to accidentally commit suicide. HubSystem could log it and it could trigger punishment through the governor module.” (15) ASR
“…if it monitored the governor module and my feed like it was supposed to, it could lead to a lot of awkward questions and me being stripped for parts.” (31) ASR
“I had worked for some contracts that would have kept me standing here the entire day and night cycle, just on the off chance they wanted me to do something and didn’t want to bother using the feed to call me.” (33) ASR
“I don’t know why I was dancing around the word. Maybe because I thought she didn’t want to hear it. She’d just shot a heavily armed SecUnit with a mining drill to get me back; presumably she wanted to keep me.” (76) ASR
“Then Mensah said quietly, “SecUnit, do you have a name?” I wasn’t sure what she wanted. “No.” “It calls itself ‘Murderbot,’” Gurathin said." (82) ASR
“To them, talking to me was like talking to a hopper or a piece of mining equipment.” (127) ASR
“I know I said SecUnits aren’t sentimental about each other, but I wished it wasn’t one of the DeltFall units. It was in there somewhere, trapped in its own head, maybe aware, maybe not. Not that it matters. None of us had a choice.” (132) ASR
“Guardian was a nicer word than owner.” (148) ASR
“I’ve purchased your contract.” (145) ASR
“He said, “Good news! Dr. Mensah has permanently bought your contract! You’re coming home with us!” (141) ASR
“I’m off inventory.” They had told me that and maybe it was true.” (145) ASR
“SecSystem records everything, even inside the sleeping cabins, and I see everything.” (30) ASR
“I was supposed to check their personal logs periodically in case they were plotting to defraud the company or murder each other or something…” (57) ASR
“One of the reasons the bond company requires it, besides slapping more expensive markups on their clients, is that I was recording all their conversations all the time, though I wasn’t monitoring anything I didn’t need to do a half-assed version of my job. But the company would access all those recordings and data mine them for anything they could sell. No, they don’t tell people that. Yes, everyone does know it. No, there’s nothing you can do about it.” (27-28) ASR
“Now they knew their murderbot didn’t want to be around them any more than they wanted to be around it. I’d given a tiny piece of myself away. That can’t happen. I have too much to hide, and letting one piece go means the rest isn’t as protected.” (33-34) ASR
“No one would be shooting at me because they didn’t shoot people there. Mensah didn’t need a bodyguard there; nobody did. It sounded like a great place to live, if you were a human or augmented human.” (146) ASR
“If there’s a chance we can save lives, we have to take it,” Pin-Lee agreed.” (57) ASR
“They were the first clients I’d had who hadn’t had any previous experience with SecUnits” (40) ASR
““You have to think of it as a person,” Pin-Lee said to Gurathin.” (95) ASR
“”It is a person,” Arada insisted.” “I do think of it as a person,” Gurathin said. “An angry, heavily armed person who has no reason to trust us.” “Then stop being mean to it,” Ratthi told him. “That might help.”” (96) ASR
“Overse added, “It doesn’t want to interact with humans. And why should it? You know how constructs are treated, especially in corporate-political environments.”” (107) ASR
“”You know, in Preservation-controlled territory, bots are considered full citizens. A construct would fall under the same category.” He said this in the tone of giving me a hint. Whatever. Bots who are “full citizens” still have to have a human or augmented human guardian appointed, usually their employer; I’d seen it on the news feeds.” (112) ASR
“Ratthi smiled at the console. “Because Dr. Mensah is our political entity.” He made a little gesture, turning his hand palm up. “We’re from Preservation Alliance, one of the non-corporate system entities. Dr. Mensah is the current admin director on the steering committee. It’s an elected position, with a limited term. But one of the principles of our home is that our admins must also continue their regular work, whatever it is. Her regular work required this survey, so here she is, and here we are.”” (111) ASR
“Ratthi came over to see if I was all right, and I asked him to tell me about Preservation and how Mensah lived there. He said when she wasn’t doing admin work, she lived on a farm outside the capital city, with two marital partners, plus her sister and brother and their three marital partners, and a bunch of relatives and kids who Ratthi had lost count of.” (147) ASR
“Ratthi sighed. “Oh, yes, they know. You would not believe what we had to pay to guarantee the bond on the survey. These corporate arseholes are robbers.”” (112) ASR
““Because the scanners suck corporation balls,” Pin-Lee muttered.” (42) ASR
“Of course I need you. I have no experience in anything like this. None of us do. Sometimes humans can’t help but let emotion bleed through into the feed. She was furious and frightened, not at me, at the people who would do this, kill like this,” (107-108) ASR
“I said, “This unit is at minimal functionality and it is recommended that you discard it.” It’s an automatic reaction triggered by catastrophic malfunction. Also, I really didn’t want them to try to move me because it hurt bad enough the way it was. “Your contract allows—” “Shut up,” Mensah snapped. “You shut the fuck up. We’re not leaving you.”” (139) ASR
"I had flashes off and on. The inside of the little hopper, my humans talking, Arada holding my hand." (140) ASR
“We had a problem at the hatch of the big hopper where Mensah wanted to get in last and I wanted to get in last. As a compromise, I grabbed her around the waist and swung us both up into the hatch as the ramp pulled in after us. I set her on her feet and she said, “Thank you, SecUnit,” while the others stared.” (99) ASR
““I know you’re more comfortable with keeping your helmet opaque, but the situation has changed. We need to see you.”” (103) ASR
““It’s usually better if humans think of me as a robot,” I said.” (103) ASR
““Maybe, under normal circumstances.” She was looking a little off to one side, not trying to make eye contact, which I appreciated. “But this situation is different. It would be better if they could think of you as a person who is trying to help. Because that’s how I think of you.” My insides melted. That’s the only way I could describe it. After a minute, when I had my expression under control, I cleared the face plate and had it and the helmet fold back into my armor. She said, “Thank you,” and I followed her up into the hopper.” (104) ASR
“They were saying things like I didn’t even know it had a face.” (21) ASR
“Arada and Pin-Lee didn’t try to talk to me, and Ratthi actually looked away when I eased past him to get to the cockpit. They were all so careful not to look at me or talk to me directly that as soon as we were in the air I did a quick spot check through HubSystem’s records of their conversations.” (39) ASR
“They had talked it over and all agreed not to “push me any further than I wanted to go” and they were all so nice and it was just excruciating.” (40) ASR
“That was when I realized they weren’t ignoring the possibility of sabotage.” (43) ASR
“This is why I didn’t want to come. I’ve got four perfectly good humans here and I didn’t want them to get killed by whatever took out DeltFall. It’s not like I cared about them personally, but it would look bad on my record, and my record was already pretty terrible.” (60) ASR
“It was nice having a human smart enough to work with like this.” (67) ASR
“I do a half-assed job sometimes, okay, most of the time, but Pin-Lee had checked, too, and she was thorough.” (71) ASR
“It was starting to occur to me that Dr. Mensah might actually be an intrepid galactic explorer, even if she didn’t look like the ones on the entertainment feed.” (73) ASR
“I hoped they hadn’t been stupid about it, too soft-hearted to kill me.” (77) ASR
“My clients are the best clients.” (78) ASR
“But I think the fact that the Unit has been acting to preserve our lives, to take care of us, while it was a free agent, gives us even more reason to trust it.”” (80) ASR
“Overse sounded mad. “It told us about the combat module, it told us to kill it. Why the hell would it do that if it wanted to hurt us?”” (81) ASR
“Before anyone else could move, Mensah said, calm and even, “SecUnit, I’d appreciate it if you put Gurathin down, please.” She’s a really good commander. I’m going to hack her file and put that in. If she’d gotten angry, shouted, let the others panic, I don’t know what would have happened.” (84-85) ASR
“She continued, “I would like you to remain part of our group, at least until we get off this planet and back to a place of safety. At that point, we can discuss what you’d like to do. But I swear to you, I won’t tell the company, or anyone outside this room, anything about you or the broken module.”” (86) ASR
“Of course she had to say that. What else could she do. I tried to decide whether to believe it or not, or whether it mattered, when I was hit by a wave of I don’t care. And I really didn’t. I said, “Okay.”” (86) ASR
““We have to shut it down, or it’s going to kill us.” Then he winced and looked at me. “Sorry, I meant HubSystem.”” (86-87) ASR
“Then Arada came up and patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry. This must be very upsetting. After what that other Unit did to you . . . Are you all right?” That was too much attention. I turned around and walked into the corner, facing away from them.” (87) ASR
“I should keep my mouth shut, keep them thinking of me as their normal obedient SecUnit, stop reminding them what I was. But I wanted them to be careful.” (92) ASR
““If a strange survey group landed here, all friendly, saying they had just arrived, and oh, we’ve had an equipment failure or our MedSystem’s down and we need help, you would let them in. Even if I told you not to, that it was against company safety protocol, you’d do it.” Not that I’m bitter, or anything. A lot of the company’s rules are stupid or just there to increase profit, but some of them are there for a good reason.” (92-93) ASR
[I cited this whole conversation bc I wasn't sure exactly what bits I wanted to use. apologies for the giant block text.]
“Ratthi’s expression was troubled. “But surely . . . It’s clear you have feelings—”” (54)
“She looked up, frowning. “Ratthi, what are you doing?” Ratthi shifted guiltily. “I know Mensah asked us not to, but—” He waved a hand. “You saw it.” Overse pulled her interface off. “You’re upsetting it,” she said, teeth gritted. “That’s my point!” He gestured in frustration. “The practice is disgusting, it’s horrible, it’s slavery. This is no more a machine than Gurathin is—” Exasperated, Overse said, “And you don’t think it knows that?” I’m supposed to let the clients do and say whatever they want to me and with an intact governor module I wouldn’t have a choice.” (54) ASR
“I’m also not supposed to snitch on clients to anybody except the company, but it was either that or jump out the hatch. I sent the conversation into the feed tagged for Mensah. From the cockpit, she shouted, “Ratthi! We talked about this!” I slid out of the seat and went to the back of the hopper, as far away as I could get, facing the supply lockers and the head. It was a mistake; it wasn’t a normal thing for a SecUnit with an intact governor module to do, but they didn’t notice. “I’ll apologize,” Ratthi was saying. “No, just leave it alone,” Mensah told him. “That would just make it worse,” Overse added.” (55) ASR
Network Effect
“Humans in the Preservation alliance didn't have to sign up for contract labor and get shipped off to mines or whatever for 80 to 90 percent of their lifespans. There was some strange system where they all got their food and shelter and education and medical for free, no matter what job they did.” (35-36) NE
“...it was a natural mistake on Arada’s part. In Preservation culture asking payment for anything considered necessary for living (food, power sources, education, the feed, etc.) was considered outrageous, but asking payment for life-saving help was right up there with cannibalism.” (201) NE
“There were "free" bots wandering around on Preservation, though they had guardians who were technically supposed to keep track of them.” (27) NE
“Plus, it was Preservation and there were no scanning drones, no armed human security, just some on-call human medics with bot assistants and “rangers” who mainly enforced environmental regulations and yelled at humans and augmented humans to get out of the way of the ground vehicles.” (24) NE
"Over the comm loudspeaker, Dr. Ratthi said, 'It is a person!'" (16) NE
“Even the individual humans’ feed signatures only contained info about sexual availability and gender presentation, which I didn’t give a damn about.” (13) NE
“If this went wrong I was going to feel really stupid. The Targets would finally show up and be all “What the hell was it trying to do to itself?”“ (305-306) NE
“That’s one of the reasons Me 1.0 misses its armor.” (293) NE
“You and Amena were right. 2.0 was a person. It wasn’t like a baby, but it was a person.” (340) NE
“The damage to its organic tissue and support structure is easily repaired.” (132) NE
“- because it thought you were dead. It was so upset I thought-Oh, hey, you’re here” (227) NE
“Amena’s voice said “No, it doesn’t like to be touched!”“ (335) NE
““No, it says it’s fine,” I heard her relaying to the others on our comm. “Well, yes, it’s furious,”” (12) NE
"It's not aliens, 2.0 said. We knew it wasn't aliens, I told it. It countered, We were seventy-two percent sure it wasn't aliens. That was an outdated assessment but I didn't need to argue with myself right now." (314) NE
Fugitive Telemetry
“Preservation had two economies, one a complicated barter system for planetary residents and one currency-based for visitors and for dealing with other polities. Most of the humans here didn’t really understand how important hard currency was in the Corporation Rim but the council did, and Mensah said the port took in enough in various fees to keep the station from being a drain on the planet’s resources.” (79) FT
“The Preservation Alliance has a weird thing about food and medical care and other thing humans need to survive being free and available anywhere.” (35) FT
“The employment contracts for Preservation citizens were pretty simple, because their planetary legal code had so many in-built protections already. (For example, humans and augmented humans can’t sign away their rights to their labor or bodily autonomy in perpetuity; that’s like, straight-up illegal.)” (12) FT
“Preservation has high safety standards so we passed through two air walls before we got to the cargo ship’s hatch.” (70) FT
“Right now Aylen and the other officers were explaining to their individual Targets what rights they had as detainees in Preservation Alliance territory. (It was a lot of rights. I was pretty sure it was more rights than a human who hadn’t been detained by Station Security had in the Corporation Rim.)” (85-86) FT
“As part of the rights thing, Aylen had told Target Five the scanner would be on, which I thought was playing way too fair,” (89-90) FT
“Station Security was only allowed to keep the Lalow for one Preservation day-cycle before they either had to charge the crew with something or let them go.” (106) FT
“You need a surveillance audit.” (145) “Some of those systems are under privacy lock, we’d need a judge-advocate to release their access records,” (146) FT [these are together bc its a line of dialogue from mb, a huge monologue about what a surveillance audit is, and then Indah's response, which is the thing I care about for my paper]
“Most of the station’s clothing supply came from the planet, where human hand-made clothing and textiles were so popular there was hardly any recycler-produced fabric. (I told you Preservation is weird.)” (22) FT
“The colony ship hadn’t just been left to rot; the humans liked it too much for that…Pieces of clear protective material had been placed over the occasional drawings on the bulkheads, and on the pieces of paper stuck to them and covered with scribbled handwriting and faded print. Feed markers had been installed by Station Historical/Environment Management with translations into Preservation Standard Nomenclature.” (123) FT
“…you’re on a giant spaceship that has been meticulously preserved as a historical artifact. If they still had intact lunch menus from however many years ago, the chances were good they still had the safety equipment.” (125) FT
“Station Security isn’t armed except with those extendable batons (they don’t even deliver shocks, they’re just for hitting/holding off aggressive intoxicated humans) and the officers are only issued energy weapons when there’s actually an energy-weapon-involved emergency.” (72) FT
“…they were here to assess the damage to the transport and try to repair it. (Apparently on Preservation this would be free? Gurathin said it fell under what they called a traveler’s aid rule. In the Corporation Rim, the transport would have had tp sit there damaged and racking up fines until its owner or an owner’s rep arrived.)” (55-56) FT
another "couldn't decide so the whole dang thing is here"
"For a name, I could use the local feed address that was hard coded into my neural interfaces. It wasn’t my real name, but it was what the systems I interfaced with called me. If I used it, the humans and augmented humans I encountered would think of me as a bot. Or I could use the name Rin. I liked it, and there were some humans outside the Corporation Rim who thought it was actually my name. I could use it, and the humans on the Station wouldn’t have to think about what I was, a construct made of cloned human tissue, augments, anxiety, depression, and unfocused rage, a killing machine for whichever humans rented me, until I made a mistake and got my brain destroyed by my governor module." (28) “I posted a feed ID with the name SecUnit, gender = not applicable, and no other information.” (29)
#original post#mb#murderbot#tmbd#the murderbot diaries#citations#murderbot meta#fugitive telemetry#network effect#all systems red#system collapse#rogue protocol#artificial condition#exit strategy
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congratulations on your milestone! can i request
"you're..extremely red" "shut up" "like actually vermillion" "go to hell"
and
warming their hands by slipping them up the other's shirt and onto their back/stomach
for nanami please thank you <3
COLD MORNINGS — kento nanami
pairing: kento nanami x fem!reader.
warnings/content: nanami and reader live together. I think nothing else, let me know if I forgot anything.
wc: 1k.
requested: yes, by anon.
a/n: thank you so much! here it is the first of the event requests! I actually didn't resolve the problem with my computer, but I wanted to post so bad that I wrote with my phone [it was hell lol]. hope you enjoy!
prompts: "you're..extremely red" "shut up" "like actually vermillion" "go to hell" and warming their hands by slipping them up the other's shirt and onto their back/stomach.
Your eyes slowly opened once the cool breeze of the morning hit your skin, making it shiver. Still half asleep, you reached with your hand the side of the bed of your partner, searching for his warmth, but the only things you found were the still slightly warm covers of the bed. When you realized that Nanami wasn't still in bed with you, even if today was his free day, you puffed, pressing your head deeper in your pillow and covering yourself better with the covers, trying to fall asleep again. You even moved on the other side of the bed, but neither that worked.
You opened your eyes and looked at the clock on the bedside table, reading 9:00 am on the display. You puffed again. You remained on Nanami's side of the bed looking at the ceiling a little longer, until you heard some noise from the kitchen. You smiled and decided to get up.
You made your way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where you saw Nanami in front of the stove, cooking your favorite breakfast and sipping his usual black coffee. You approached him, and once you were behind him, you wrapped your arms around his waist. Kento, who heard you coming out of the bedroom and all the way to the kitchen, put his mug on the counter beside him and turned off the stove, then he turned to face you.
"Good morning dear." he reached your cheek with one of his hands, using his thumb to gently stroke your cheek, while the other hand rested on your hip. You mirrored his little smile, pressing your cheek harder into his palm, "Morning.".
"Did you sleep well?" he asked as he passed his hand through your hair, trying to fix the bird nest you had on your head. You nodded, sliding your arms around his waist again and resting your head on his chest, "Even though you weren't in bed with me when I woke up.".
He smiled softly at your complain, placing a kiss on top of your head, "Sorry.".
"It's not a problem, but it's your day off and you should have taken the opportunity to sleep more and get some rest." you said closing your eyes, enjoying the warmth of Nanami's embrace.
"I tried to, but I couldn't fall asleep again." he explained, "So I came here to make breakfast for us.".
You sighed contently. A long time passed since you could enjoy an entire day with Nanami, without having to worry about curses and such, so, even if he wasn't in bed to keep you warm this morning, you were more than happy.
Nanami could feel that your hands were cold through his shirt, so he interrupted the hug to take your hands in his to warm them. You stopped his movements with a frown on your face, tightening the embrace and burying your head deeper in his chest.
"Love, you literally have two popsicles instead of your hands." he stated tryingagain to pull away, but you stopped him for the second time, "they'll fall off if you don't let me warm them.".
You sighed, the last thing you wanted to do was leave his warmth, so after some seconds, you came up with something that could warm your hands while remaining embraced with your partner.
You slowly moved your hands, slipping them up Kento's shirt, and resting them on his muscular back. Your action made him shiver, not only because of your really cold hands, but also because to him it felt such an intimate gesture. Immediately, he felt his neck and face getting warmer.
You felt Nanami slightly tense at the contact of your hands with the skin of his back. You lifted your head to look at him, expecting to find an annoyed expression, but what you actually saw confused you.
"You're.. extremely red." you said, still a little confused, "Shut up.".
"Like actually vermillion." you teased him a little after realising the reason of his sudden blush.
"Go to hell" Kento rolled his eyes, interrupting your embrace to occupy himself with something else, trying to make the blush go away. He started to set the table for the both of you, while you watched him from your place leaned on the counter, with an amused expression on your face.
You moved again once Nanami was putting your meal on your plates. You hugged him from behind, and slipped your hands up his shirt once again.
"Stop that." he said firmly.
He didn't really want you to stop, he loved the feeling of your gentle touch on his skin. It was something uncommon for him, a feeling that only you could make him experience. But he wasn't ready for your teasing at 9 am on his day off.
"What? Why? You're the one who told me that my hands were falling off because they were too cold." you decided to play dumb, just to mess with him a little.
"You're unsufferable" he sighed, moving to put the plates on the table before taking a mug to pour you some coffee.
"You know, red looks really good on you" you said, trying not to laugh. Nanami looked at you annoyed. "Especially this beautiful and intense shade of red.".
"I'm throwing away your breakfast." he answered sternly. You grinned, "We both know you're not going to. You hate wasting food.".
"Well, then I'm going to eat mine and yours too." your eyes widened, the grin on your face was quickly replaced by a panicked expression.
Nanami turned his back to you, moving towards the table, smiling softly once he felt your arms warp around him, while you hurriedly muttered some apologises, which where muffled by his shirt, trying to convince him to not eat your breakfast.
#kento nanami#nanami kento#kento nanami x reader#nanami kento x reader#kento nanami imagine#nanami kento imagine#kento nanami x you#nanami kento x you#kento x reader#nanami x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fic#jjkwritingss 300 milestone event#jjkwritingss
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Non BL Fan watches Only Friends
Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.
So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.
(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)
After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.
Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.
Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.
I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.
But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.
I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.
I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.
Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.
But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.
I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.
So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.
_
After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.
Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜
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Jaime coming to terms with the fact he has an alien WMD in his spine and the fact he likes Khaji Da when others do not.
(vague movie spoilers here!) Jaime ducked over his textbook again, highlighter in hand. In the study corral beside him, his notebook was a mess of notes. To any of his classmates, it would be gibberish, which Khaji Da claimed was Ideal.
"I don't think I need to worry about my grades being ruined by someone understanding my notes," he said to Khaji Da in a low voice, highlighting a section of Latin that Khaji Da helpfully provided translations for.
"You should be more careful, Jaime Reyes," Khaji retorted, bringing up another option for cyphers. Jaime ignored the suggestion. "It's first year, they're all too busy studying to plot against me," he said, scanning the page again. It was nice to have a scholarship that covered everything, even textbooks, so he could buy them--new, even--instead of renting. It was even worth his Abuela's singing anytime Jenny's name came up. Acting like this was a telenovela, instead of like it was money for his father's life, made it easier on everyone.
"Danger," Khaji's alert voice broke through Jaime's concentration.
"Where?" he hissed, wondering if he could make it to the library stacks before suiting up. He hadn't been totally unaware, but Khaji Da's senses were a lot better than his own.
"Three cubbies down. Brian is posting on his blog."
"Khaji, that's not an emergency. Stop spying on people," Jaime whispered. "Seriously, you can't just hack the library's wifi and, what, see what everyone is looking at? All the time?"
"Of course I can. It's easy." Khaji Da said. "And I don't look at everything. I do not enjoy looking at the porn. Brian is complaining about us."
"Khaji Da, we're going to have a talk about priv--what?"
"He is complaining about Blue Beetle. You. And Me. As if it was our fault about that building yesterday." Khaji Da paused, clearly reading something else. "I can show him a threat to humanity--"
"No," Jaime said, slightly too loudly. The student librarian at the circ desk glanced his way, trying to arch an eyebrow and not particularly succeeding. "Not in the library, Khaji. I mean, not at all. You have to let it go."
"He should not insult you. You are a good hero. I am going to give him a virus."
"Please don't," Jaime said, knowing it was probably too late.
"Too late," Khaji Da confirmed. "You are disappointed."
"Some," Jaime admitted. "Look, you can't just... react like that. Some people won't like us. That's their problem."
"Yes, it is their problem. Now Brian has no laptop. That is a problem for him."
"That's not what I meant. We can't just attack anyone who doesn't like us."
"I did not! You were very clear that there were to be No Plasma Weapons In The Library. It is rule 47. I will add a subsection about computer viruses. "
"Thanks. I think," Jaime said, looking back at his notes.
"You left out part of the definition."
"I used shorthand. and your code thingy. I got it. Don't worry."
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it is time to be old on the internet: TFP Ratchet's hatred of 2010 era human tech is hilarious
every time Ratchet complains about shitty human technology in TFP, it's so funny to me, that shit is so good
because, I mean, I grew up with the first computer in my house being a fucking Tandy 1000, which to be fair wasn't exactly the hottest model even then, but still LMAO
the first modem I ever messed with as a kid was the wood box phone receiver type, the acoustic coupler ones, which was my dad's, and he only had it because his job at a local university meant he could borrow one from their tech lab (so we didn't technically own it)
if I remember correctly, the one we had ran at 300 baud, which was fucking amazing for such a set up at the time. slightly later AOL dial up looked like lightning speed compared to that shit.
my first chat rooms were BBS/Usenet (whenever I could connect) and IRC chats. now everyone has Discord and I still don't understand how that shit works lmao but that's more of a me problem and less of an age problem, I think
we got dial up (in the "modern" sense of it being AOL dial up service with the infamous hell noises) in my household in 1994, back when it was pretty much a brand new thing (at least for AOL), and I remember the Eternal September Usenet rush, lmao
imagine if TFP took place in the 80s/90s, oh my god
(I'm assuming TFP takes place in roughly 2010 because that's when the show premiered, and Miko has some kind of Razr-inspired flip phone, so if we assume it's supposed to be based on the first model of Razr, then at the earliest that places the show in 2004)
Ratchet would have gone completely insane with old school internet capable consumer level human tech
Ratchet: "How do I look at photos on this monitor?"
80s Raf: "what"
Ratchet: "what"
oh god now I want an 80s/90s TFP AU so fucking bad. imagine 80s Raf. it's so good
oh god, IMAGINE 90s RAF. just getting traumatised by terrifying shitty mid-90s FMV horror games. this poor boy. but imagine his hype when the PS1 would come out in the USA in 1995. the hype would be so fucking real. lmao
also for those of you who are Younger and Blessed With Good Internet From An Early Age, if you want a good idea of old school internet shit, go ahead and watch WarGames (1983) and look up 2600 Magazine and Mondo 2000 if you don't already know about those.
(personally I consider WarGames and Hackers (1995) to be the two best simultaneously dumbest and best movie depictions of computer bullshit in their respective eras, although Hackers was more of a thing that informed cyber culture after it released rather than reflecting actual hacker culture as it was at that exact time but anyway, please watch them if you have not seen them already, you will love this shit lmao)
I assume almost all of you already know about this stuff, but just in case, I want to mention it. those two movies are really good. lol
anyway, Ratchet dealing with early internet. early shitty human tech. or at least the 90s shit. imagine Ratchet having to listen to the fucking dial up screeching. the kids having to look through geocities webrings to see if any images of the bots had been leaked on any conspiracy websites. just 10/10 lmaooo
"I hate talking to machines" Ratchet, buddy, you have NO IDEA how bad it could have been!!!
anyway I'm old, I guess that's the point of this post LOL
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Fuck Linux.
Everytime I complain about a minor issue with Windows I get like 6000 tech bros falling over themselves to screech "JUST USE LINUX" at me. No. I won't use Linux. I have a full time job, medical issues I'm dealing with, friends I wanna hang out with, a game I'm starting work on slowly but surely, and hobbies that have nothing to do with software, and responsibilities as an adult who lives with other people on top of all of those things. And when you consider that combination of obligations and things I enjoy doing and want to do there's not much time for me spending 8 hours fighting with an operating system to make it run the EXEs for the emulators I like.
I don't have the time, will, nor desire to spend days upon days or possibly even weeks struggling through IT bullshit to make my computer do all the things I want to do. The windows computer I already have already works with at least 85% of those things right out of the box.
Sure, fuck Microsoft (though Valve is an awful company to buy LinuxBros get mad when you acknowledge that), and Windows has tons of issues of its own not including the outdated ones MACbros like Dankpods who's barely touched the operating system since Windows 7 think are still relevant (Yes I said something negative about Australian retro funnyman, cry about it.)
I am perfectly happy dealing with the annoying administrative permission issues, inexplicable performance drops doing something it handled perfectly fine yesterday, or apps not closing sometimes even when I go through task manager. Those and many other issues are all annoying but I'm accustomed to them.
My only direct experience with Linux in the last few years has been on my steam deck, and every problem I've had with the steam deck has come entirely from trying to download things through Desktop mode and having to deal with Linux. If there isn't a native Linux version of the program I want to run I have to jump through hoops after hoops doing research for hours as I try multiple methods, most of which fail and the rest seem promising then just won't successfully install for some inexplicable reason. Eventually like the 58th thing I try finally works and then I try and get something else working and that somehow BREAKS THE PREVIOUS THING!
All of which is compounded by this software having no native support for any of this so there's no official Linux support line I can reach out to for further assistance. I have to look up guides or forum posts and pray to the god I don't believe in that they're up to date which 9/10 times they aren't.
I'm glad you techbros enjoy spending 40 hours a week getting Linux to work for you, but I don't want every little thing I do on my computer to be a full time job. I have a lot of other shit going on in my life, including things I actually enjoy doing, and I don't have time. I'll stick with the operating system that works out the box.
#linuxposting#windows#fuck linux#apple products are terrible dont recommend those either#i know i spent this post bitching about Linux#and maybe I was alittle unfair#but genuinely iOS and MACos are unusably awful#does anyone even remember Ubuntu anymore?#software#rants#i actually like dankpods mostly#though i haven't watched a Dankpods video in over a year#heard hes a Linuxbro now to#hopefully he isn't annoying about it#ill probably setup windows dual boot on my steamdeck at some point#just to avoid dealing with Linux#but rn I don't have the time#nor the desire to do so#that'll probably be a whole different kind of hassle#that i dont have the energy for rn#LinuxBros don't @ me#you won't convince me#does Ubuntu still exist?#ubuntu#tagging in hops the 1 remaining ubuntu fan finds me#I'm so curious
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The eternal struggle between "I wanna post more story posts" and "I wanna do more makeovers". 😭
I finally have the weekend off and I am going to do...something.
Honestly I am procrastinating on Rogue Town because I just made an unfortunate discovery that throws a monkey wrench (a spanner for my British bbys out there) into some of my plans. I can't think of a way to work around it and everything I have tried so far hasn't looked right...
I'm going to post about that later, I think. I almost never make serious requests of CC creators because I know how much work goes into it, but I am debating commissioning someone to help me with this since it's becoming such an annoying big deal.
Actually yeah, screw the post later, I'm gonna complain about this now.
So you know the skin I use for Roman and Rio?
This one. The dragonscale skin by Taty (at least I think, I'm not near my computer at the moment)
It's beautiful, right? Super detailed. Really adds a lot of character to the Gallan siblings. It accentuates their alien nature as Ichtyans. Small problem I just discovered though...it's only for teens and up. This is a problem because I had intended to do some flashbacks to their childhood. Well, Rio's childhood and Roman's teenhood. But since the skin doesn't work for children, I don't know what to do. I can try creative camera work, trying to obscure the fact that Rio just looks like a normal human as a child, but for what I have planned, that's just not going to be logistically feasible for all of it.
If anyone out there can help me, please please please let me know. I don't want to scrap all of my plans but I'll have to if I can't find a way to have this skin converted for children. It's a good 30% of the story though so I'll have to scrap a lot. I don't even know if what I'm asking is possible or how hard it would be because I don't know how to make skins in the first place. For all I know, this is a wildly unreasonable ask. 😮💨 If anyone out there in the Simblrverse can help me in any way -- even if it's just converting the face part to makeup I can put on a child (again is that even possible?!) -- please get in touch with me.
#sims 3#simblr updates#ramblings#help please#sims 3 help#sims 3 modders help#sims 3 cc help#cc request
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The quorra problem | Programs, isos and the real world
Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Quorra as a character! It’s more of a story element critique if anything, please read and don’t jump on me for the title. Quorra is adorable and I enjoy legacy- even if it doesn’t look like it from how I keep tearing it apart.
It’s a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. On one hand you can’t leave her inside the grid when Flynn decides to literally go nuclear but you can’t leave her in the real world either. They have to because they wanted Flynn’s self sacrificing ending or wrote themselves into a corner (this isn’t about reintegration but I will still complain) and this was there way out. But they didn’t consider the implications of it at all.
Cosmic horror-
I’ve made several posts about it and still want to write something with this idea but to a program— the real world wouldn’t be so miraculous like how we see theirs. The minute you’re outside you’re Imediately bombarded with sensory overload and just too much information to process. The grid, which is much more human in its design than the ENCOM system, is still infinitely more minimalist than our world. One of the best scenes is Clu and his team raiding the hideout and not knowing what a single thing is and freaking out, she seems too well adjusted for someone who’s spent a few hours max here— look I know it’s the end of a movie and they can’t do that whole arc, but I digress.
Also don’t get me started on the rumored Ares plot and how they totally forgot quorra is already a program(technically iso) in our world- also it’s not really a “tron” movie plot— where’s the allegory?! The metaphor?! The symbolism?!
Another thing is that…Sam can’t tell anyone about her. Maybe Alan but her mere existence in our world is brain shattering. Trying to explain a advanced humanoid being that’s not here to harm us and is totally cool guys almost never goes well. It also leaves people a LOT to grapple with…like everything we know being forever altered.
This whole situation should be terrifying from both perspectives, however I love the theory that the only reason she was able to get out into the real world at all was because of Flynn’s data stored in the beam. That’s a great thought that almost makes me like her being in the real world just from how much impact that is.
Infectious-
What happens now? She can’t be revealed to the world (yet) and to put her back in the remains of the grid would be cruel. Putting her in another system would be wildly irresponsible because- do we even know what ISOs do? Across all media its “they’re special” but absolutely squat on their actual function or what they’re capable of. We see they have some kind of digital dna that’s literally a miraculous occurrence but that’s about it. Did Flynn even know? Are they just there- existing but not effecting/having a real world computer impact? Or worse - what if clu was right and they did contribute to the crumbling state of the grid? (I think it was a combination of his own fear and scapegoating—I’m just tossing the idea out there).
Sam transferring her over to another system without knowing what she does or how she could effect it would be disastrous. Am I saying she’s dangerous or would have any intent to harm? No not at all that’s now who she is, but it’s sort of a “releasing a domestic cat into the woods a state over” you don’t do that.
Does she get a regular job now, does Sam hire her at ENCOM? She’d likely be some sort of computer smart…in that she come from one. Or does he like —- set her up at a McDonald’s? How’s she get energy does she get plugged in- being in the real world isn’t going to magically give her a stomach. Sam just takes her to a power grid and she causes SoCal to blackout lmao.
Open portal-
I’m aware most of this post is just me overthinking the implications of everything they didn’t intend us to think to hard about. It’s supposed to be “yippee they’re safe” and I’m worried about digital ecosystems and what the human brain can handle. I think my problem mainly strives from this trope where the character brings home their friend from the other world/ is the reverse situation and no one bats an eye at all. It’s because they want the characters to still be friends no matter how many rules it breaks or sense it makes. It happens most commonly in cartoons. (There’s at least 3 in recent memory)
I’m not saying I want quorra to have been caught in the blast but that there’s a way they could’ve kept communication without world breaking. Open portal situation where he goes back to visit, he chats with her on the screen, both stay in their own worlds its sad but logical etc (I’m not writing a new ending but you get the point).
I guess it annoys me so much because it’s left so open ended, ride off into the sunrise while ignoring the implications™️. “I guess, We’re going to change the world” ok how 🧍♂️. The movie did not nearly give me enough information about ISO’s to see what changes they exactly do besides taking over ENCOM. “They[Iso’s] changed everything” ok how🧍♂️. Yeah it’s immaculate conception but what do they do I am shaking your shoulders Disney what do they do!
It’s not quorra I’m mad about or even the concept of ISO’s but it’s how the writing just falls short in these HUGE areas that require a lot of lore and information to be given that they just do not. And consistently don’t In the other media forms like betrayal (I haven’t seen uprising maybe they explain something). If you’re going to have beings that shatter your ideas of reality you sort of have to explain that!
#my old man yells at cloud moment#quorra McDonald’s au when?#tron#tronblr#tron legacy#tron lore#quorra tron#Sam Flynn#quorra#isos#programs tron#incomplete world building#critique#otherworld trope
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Ok this is a bit of a wordy post but bear with me. I've been reading up on the tech literacy discourse and I thought I'd add my two cents, and how it connects to piracy. LONG post under the cut!
I was born in the year 2000, which puts me on the border of being a digital native. I was brought up on tech, but only in my later childhood and teens. I've always considered myself "tech literate," but no more than the usual kid my age.
The first time I ever truly experienced tech illiteracy with my peers was when I was 23, when in one of my college classes a MacOS update rendered the software we used for said class unusable. After a few days a temporary patch was released, which by that point an assignment that utilized the software was due the next day. I followed the patch instructions, which involved navigating to the software files and substituting a designated file with the provided patch. A bit more complicated than a simple update, but the instructions were clear and intuitive enough to easily understand where the file went. The next day, during a class study session, I overheard multiple people come up to the professor complaining that the software wasn't working. After the second person complained with the professor being clueless, I asked the student what MacOS version they were on. Sure enough they were on the latest version, which as we already know is incompatible with the software. I then walked the student through the patching process step-by-step, with them needing to essentially be hand held through the entire process (almost to the point of me doing everything for them). After the patch was implemented, the student thanked me and said "Wow! How did you figure all of this out?" and to me that question was stupid- I just googled "[software] [version] MacOS [version] fix", went to the first result (which was the company website), downloaded the patch zip file, and followed the instructions on the README.txt file. It was so easy, and I couldn't comprehend that this was somehow complicated for other people, especially those my age. I mean we literally grew up using computers. It wasn't until I started learning about tech literacy and learned helplessness that I finally started connecting the dots.
Tech in general is becoming extremely user friendly, almost to a fault. UI and UX simplicity is taking away any critical thinking needed to use any sort of tech. My peers are so used to one-click and/or automatic updates, so the fact that this required slightly more effort than a simple update triggered their learned helplessness. The professor was no help in this case either, since he just extended the due date for those affected with no penalty. I actually ended up making a very detailed (and I mean idiot proof detailed) step by step picture guide with screenshots on how to install the patch for the software for the class. Anyways, back to the main point- How can I blame my peers for not knowing how to install a "complicated" update when they're so used to being spoon-fed simplicity?
But hang on- how was I the exception? I'm just as used to tech simplicity as anyone else, it's not like I'm using anything differently or making things harder for myself on purpose (I'm looking at you, linux users). So why was I the only one who knew how to install this update? It wasn't until I had a discussion many months later with my mom about this tech illiteracy epidemic that I finally thought it through. I acquired problem solving skills through piracy. To start off: not piracy but adjacent- learning to install mods in Minecraft when I was 11 taught me file navigation and what a README.txt file was, as well as the importance of version specificity/compatibility. Figuring out how to play Pokemon roms on the family computer and my iPod touch when I was 12? That's piracy, and it also taught me how to work with different platforms and the art of jailbreaking. Installing custom firmware on my 3ds so I could pirate games when I was 16 taught me how to follow written tech instructions without any visual guidance. Pirating Adobe software on my MacBook in high school taught me about patching files on MacOS. All of this knowledge and inherent googling that came with it made installing the patch for my class software look like a tiny drop in the bucket in terms of complexity.
So why am I saying all of this? Am I suggesting people learn to pirate to become tech literate?
yes.
With everything becoming pay-walled, subscription services running rampant, the proliferation of closed-source "ecosystems" *cough* Apple *cough*, and (arguably) most importantly media preservation, piracy is a skill that will serve you well in the long term. It will teach you critical thinking in the tech sphere, and if enough people learn then we can solve this ever growing epidemic of tech illiteracy. I'm not really sure how to end this post, so if anyone has anything else they'd like to add please feel free to.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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Look, regarding your last posts, I think some of these people are trying to guilt-trip/inflame/goad people like you into doing something extreme. Like doing a Luigi. It's a long shot, but comes with 0 risk to them.
[In reference to this post]
{EDIT} Put this past the break because A) it is long, and B) it was written late at night and emotionally driven, so it's probably worth reading it in that sense rather than any deep statement wrt internationalism.
...I don't think it's that drastic anon, mainly for practical reasons. They'd rather people joined a revolutionary movement, because collective action is generally more effective than isolated martyrdom.
I think it's that they don't think that anything can be accomplished, especially for the wellbeing of the Global South, without revolutionary government-overthrowing action, and to convince people that it's immoral to try and go through governmental methods because it's poisoned to the root.
I think they sincerely believe that, often related both to the weight of history and painful personal experience, and they're pushing it because they feel alone and like "Why is nobody willing to help me?"
And it's hard not to see their point in our shitty decaying wreck of a system, especially from people subject to our shitty empire.
But they don't do a very good job of convincing me that it's possible, at least not before I'm dead or without my life getting unfathomably worse.
So they beat my view of "A better world is possible" to death with hammers and replace it with:
Like, as an example, everyone loves to remind us of the chain of atrocities that sustains the US Supply chain in that same snide "think about it" way.
But they give no indication of how to allow people to get anything beyond barren subsistence, they give all indications they think that is logistically impossible, and that if you try to engage in a way that might allow for a better world and things that spark joy to still exist, they say you're a part of the problem, a part of a long series of "reforms" that rehabilitate the machinations of empire and are the reason the evil has not been destroyed.
This is the reason computing is such a bugbear to me by the by. It's not a world where my computer would be taken forcibly from me that I fear, but one where servers for the online places I go would go dark one by one as their parts run down and their electricity allocations get cut more and more before the online cord is let to decay for good and even the internet archive is dissected for scrap, and my computer would fall apart in its natural cycle of use and I could not repair it because the parts to do so would no longer be made or feasible to make.
And if I got mad or pushed back against this vast and unfathomable loss, people would at best condescendingly chide me for my selfish chauvinism and say if I really wanted it I'd either go through the ever-shrinking amount of hoops to get at the crumbs left, or at worst put me up against a wall and put a bullet in my skull. That's what I'm afraid of.
Basically everything that's awful about capitalism if you care about anything nonstandard or niche, except somehow even worse, but you have your basic needs met so you aren't allowed to complain.
And I get the feeling that my struggles and the struggles of all my friends up here do not matter, no matter how immiserated they are, because of how the people saying the stuff that brings me despair (Who are often directly in the Global South) have it even worse off.
Coupled with the idea of course, that "things will only get better for us if that revolution occurs, and if you want things to get better for you that means throwing us under the bus."
When I see leftists on here talk about how wanting to work in the arts is bourgeois, or how disabled people using food delivery services or cleaning services is bourgeois (Because under communism nobody will help you), I feel that void of hope growing, this feeling that me and my friends' struggles don't matter, because for those in the Global South they say it's either Us or Them.
I feel like so much of what they say that isn't "Don't forget, you're here forever" is "A better world is possible, but not for you." That is, when they're not flat-out saying "kill yourself you filthy yankee."
Like, I saw this a lot after the election too, people shitting on those who're scared that Trump is going to make things worse for them by saying "Well, under Biden/The Dems, things still got worse for [X], so we have no sympathy."
Which like... doesn't convince me of the necessity of non-electoral revolution, it just makes me feel like things will get worse until after I die, and that if things get better for me and those I care about it will be at the expense of immiserating billions.
Hell, it was a falling out over a related matter between two artists I follow which caused this recent scrupulosity spike, which leaves me feeling like a bad person for still associating with one of them even though I've non-parasocially known them for over a decade now, even if I think they both fucked up on a personal level there.
...I will flat out say, this post is from the perspective of someone from the Global North, in a relatively privileged albeit precarious position from disability, who is in fact constantly beset by those scrupulosity issues, and I don't know of a solution that wouldn't involve shutting those people down who; again; have real problems and deserve to be heard!
It's just... I suppose some sympathy would be nice.
Some sympathy that people stochastically yelling at me over this all the time hurts, some sympathy that they make me feel like my life is going to get worse until I die no matter whether under capitalism or under a truly just communism because they're so fucking shit at being convincing that they can do shit to help people outside of governments or do their revolution before I die.
Some fucking sympathy that my dreams for my life are broken nearly beyond repair and that so many of my friends who deserve the world are struggling with nothing, and that even if other people have it even worse, my friends still matter too!
I'm just... so tired of everything feeling hopeless, and the one movement that should give me hope telling me that hope is something other people deserve but not me, I should just lower my standards or die, because if I don't I'm just as bad as the people hurting me and those I love.
I'm tired of feeling like I'm being constantly judged for wanting things to get better for me and my friends before I die.
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