#look i'm easily entertained in this game and this is why i have no achievement points after 9 years

[duhragonball]

End of Evangelion: 25'

Yeah... that's...

"You don't understand!" is pretty much Neon Genesis Evangelion in a nutshell.

Or "You do (not) understand! (true²) Director's Cut" is how the franchise would put it.

Let's just get on with this.

I watched End of Evangelion last night. Well, early A.M. I took a nap and woke up at midnight and it seemed like the right time to watch a thing like this.

I did not enjoy the movie. I'll explain this, of course, but I wanted to get that out of the way up front. There are positives, sure, but I went into this thing hoping for a more satisfying conclusion than what was presented in the TV show, and I didn't get it. Both endings suck. There you go.

Let me back up a bit. So the TV series ran from 1995 to 1996. The final episodes, 25 and 26, were controversial because they were expected to wrap up the whole story, but instead they went in a bizarrely abstract direction. Both of those episodes apparently take place inside Shinji Ikari's mind as he struggles to accept being part of a collective gestalt of every human mind on Earth. This is the result of the "Human Instrumentality Project" a concept mentioned in Episodes 1 -24, but never adequately explained. The final episodes just skip past the part where Human Instrumentality was achieved and shows the result, without bothering to discuss the background or the cause, or the long-term ramifications.

From what I gather, the main reason Episodes 25 and 26 were Like That was because the studio was short on time and money, so a more satisfying conclusion was not practical. But since the series turned out to be so successful, they were able to take another crack at it with End of Evangelion. The film is very clear about its purpose as an "alternative" to Episodes 25 and 26. It's divided into two sections, numbered 25' and 26'.

I'm not sure the viewer is expected to pick one over the other. The original 25&26 take place in Shinji's mind when Human Instrumentality happens. 25' and 26' take place in the outside world, showing the events leading to Human Instrumentality and the aftermath. There may be some continuity issues to iron out, but a fan could easily accept both endings as canon.

That's not my problem here. The problem is not that there are multiple endings, or that the endings are too "abstract", or that the endings aren't "happy". Fundamentally, my gripe is that the endings are confusing. Perhaps it might be said that the endings are pathologically confusing.

I think this is one of those Big, Emotionally Raw Works, where you can't really discuss it without revealing something about yourself in the process. So let's do that. End of Evangelion makes me feel stupid. There's parts of the movie where I'm just completely confused and I have no idea what is happening or why. It feels less like entertainment and more like I'm about to take a test I didn't study for.

Except I did study, because I've literally been taking notes on this thing for the past three weeks. I was looking forward to this, and last night I'm near the end of the movie wondering what the hell I'm going to write here, because I don't understand what the hell happened in the movie.

So I poked around a fan wiki for a bit, trying to get a handle on some of the major concepts, and as I read the articles, I realized that a lot of this information just stone cold never made it into the TV show or the movie. There was one thing I looked up that had to reference a Playstation 2 game that released six years after the movie premiered.

It's not that I'm too stupid to understand Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's that the franchise appears deliberately designed to hide information from the viewer. You're just supposed to roll with it, I guess. Or spend days researching all this side material. Read the manga, read the wiki, read fan commentaries. I hate this. I hate this so much.

So maybe I'm not stupid. Maybe the anime was just badly designed. That would be comforting, except I still feel stupid for investing so much time into trying to understand this thing that seems purposely rigged to defy understanding. It's not just the ending. That's what everyone talks about, but the ending is just a symptom of a bigger problem. The beginning is really slow. Then the middle starts to get weird, and there's a lot of mysteries and subplots and lore that gets set up with the implied promise that "we'll explain later". And the ending(s) drop that ball. The surgery was a success, but the patient died.

I feel stupid because I got a reply to one of my liveblog posts, I think Episode 12, in response to some comment I made about all the characters having the same backstory. Ritsuko has a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist mother. Misato has a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist father. Shinji has a complicated relationship with his workaholic scientist father. Is that a theme or did they only have one idea? My point is that eventually it stops being clever and starts being redundant. Later, we learn that Asuka has... a complicated relationship with her workaholic scientist mother.

"What, are you stupid?" asked the reply guy to my wry observation. They deleted it a few minutes after I saw it, so maybe they felt some remorse over the comment. Normally, I let these things slide. I might respond if I get legitimately hot about it. But this one got to me. "Am I stupid?" I asked myself last week. I seem to be complaining a lot about this show, but it's supposed to be a classic. Am I not giving it a chance? Am I missing something here? Am I just not smart enough to appreciate this thing? Am I just not trying hard enough?

If you're reading this, Reply Guy, please know that I didn't take it personally. I'm not upset with you at all, but I am trying to be honest with myself about this. This Neon Genesis Evangelion business has been frustrating me all month long. Now I'm at the end and it all feels very hollow, like I wasted my time.

I think that's my philosophy on life. I try to seek out new things to explore, usually stories, and sometimes they don't work out the way I wanted them to, and that's okay, because it's the journey that counts. Shinji Ikari keeps shutting down throughout his story, asking why he should bother doing anything, because he's too terrified of the possible outcomes of his actions. My thing is that bad stuff happens all the time no matter what, and you just sort of have to recover and move forward, because that's the only way to see what happens next. So I'm not sure if I can relate to Shinji or not.

Anyway, let's talk about Shinji masturbating in a hospital room over Asuka's comatose body.

I had heard about this scene, but I didn't realize how long and pathetic it is. Asuka had a nervous breakdown in Episode 23. This movie has to follow up on that, becuase Episodes 24, 25, and 26 each refused to pick up on her character arc.

Meanwhile, Shinji is wracked with guilt and dread over his battle with the 17th Angel in Episode 24. He had to kill Kaworu, but in spite of Kaworu's betrayal, he was still a friend to Shinji when he needed it the most, and he was such a good sport about getting killed, you know?

So this movie has to get us back to that moment, when Shinji and Asuka are at their lowest ebb, and I guess they decided that Shinji should go see her in the hospital because he's desperate to talk to someone about what's he's been going through. But Asuka's unresponsive, so he starts shaking her like he's trying to wake her up. Instead she just rolls over, which somehow exposes her half-naked body, and Shinji is so overcome with lust that he rubs one out right there and then. Doesn't even get a Kleenex, doesn't find a place to sit, he just whips it out and goes to town right in front of her.

I guess this is supposed to be a joke, but it doesn't land. It's not even a matter of the joke not aging well. Yeah, this is a 27 year old movie, but Shinji admits this is terrible behavior almost immediately. The "joke" didn't age at all. It was stillborn. This is like when you go to a graveyard and you see one of the tiny graves and the dates are from the same year. That's how funny this is.

The most charitable reading I can give this scene is that it represents the hypocrisy of Shinji's whole deal. He constantly insists that he can only do as he's told, because he's afraid of people not liking him if he makes a mistake or thinks for himself. But here he's doing some pretty disgraceful shit, and I sure as fuck didn't tell him to do this. did you? Did anyone? Of course not. He goes limp for most of the rest of the movie, but not here. Nossir. Seems pretty sure of himself in the minute or so it took him to finish his business.

The other aspect of Shinji on display here is that his ideal social interactions are one-sided. He's most comfortable with people when they can't see what he's doing, when they can't touch him back. That's why he wished for isolation in Episode 25. Here, with Asuka unresponsive, he's basically got the same thing.

I suppose the flip side of this is when Asuka kissed Shinji in the TV series. Her hangups are kind of the opposite of his, where she wants to be in charge of everything and everyone constantly showers her with praise for her achievements. She wants to kiss Shinji but she can't be vulnerable enough to admit that, so she orders him to just stand there and be kissed because she wants to "pass the time". And she makes him hold his nose shut because she doesn't want to be breathed on while she does it. I mean, they both have intimacy issues, but at least Shinji had a chance to consent to her weirdness.

In the NERV base, the crew wonder why they're still on alert status, since the last Angel was defeated. There should be no more threats, and it kind of makes sense for NERV to be disbanded. The only business left is the Human Instrumentality Project, and none of these ham-and-eggers know what that is.

But Misato has some information about it, which she mulls over while she's in her car. I guess? Let me explain this in more detail, because the movie never totally gets into the "why" of it all.

Okay, so the SEELE group has access to something called the "Dead Sea Scrolls". According to the NGE wiki, SEELE got it from the two angels that came to Earth, Adam and Lilith, in the distant past. SEELE has used the information contained in the scrolls to establish themselves as the secret rulers of the whole world. And they founded NERV, and its predecessor organizations, to study the Angels and figure out how to preserve the human race.

They talk a lot about Second Impact on this show, but they never explain exactly what caused it. Second Impact was not a meteorite strike or a rampaging angel who self-destructed, or even a lab accident. It was caused deliberately by SEELE, as part of an effort to contain Adam, who lay dormant in Antarctica.

If I understand correctly, this was necessary because at some point, Second Impact would occur anyway, and then Adam's children, the fifteen Angels we saw in the TV series, would come looking for Adam's body and unite with it, triggering a Third Impact that would definitely wipe out humanity. This is all supposedly explained in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

So SEELE's play was to trigger Second Impact deliberately, so that they could confront the Angels on their own terms. This gave NERV time to develop the Evas to fight the Angels, and to shrink Adam down to a more manageable size so he'd be harder to find.

Once the Angels were all defeated, SEELE could then trigger Third Impact. See, the TV series made it seem like the objective was to prevent Third Impact, but that was never possible. Third Impact is inevitable, I guess, so the only way to ensure humanity's survival is to evolve humans into something that can withstand the disaster. Thus, the Human Instrumentality Project, which will combine all human minds into some sort of disembodied superorganism at the moment of Third Impact.

However, throughout the TV series, SEELE has butted heads with the NERV Director, Gendo Ikari, about how this plan is to be implemented. Gendo wants to transform humanity into something new. But SEELE seems to want to retain their human nature and just use the plan as a lifeboat until the disaster has passed. At least, I think that's the disagreement here. Like I said, I had to learn about SEELE's agenda from the description of the PS2 game. It's not exactly a shock that the cabal of worldly oligarchs should want to save themselves and hold onto their wealth and power at the same time.

Gendo, on the other hand, seems mostly fixated on reuniting with his wife, Yui Ikari, who apparently died in 2004 during an experiment with Eva Unit 01. In the TV series, it was heavily implied that Yui lives on inside of Unit 01. Since Gendo's version of Human Instrumentality involves drawing up human minds into a noncorporeal union, I guess he figures that this will include Yui's mind, even if she has no body. It's unclear in this movie if Gendo actually intends to include anyone but himself and Yui in this merger, but in Episodes 25 and 26 of the TV show, Human Instrumentality is presented like it's all humans, even dead ones, and Gendo Ikari talked about it like that's what his version of Third Impact was supposed to be.

I suppose the only thing keeping Gendo and SEELE from turning on each other was the Angel threat, but now that this is over, SEELE attacks. First they try to hack NERV's supercomputers, but this is foiled when they recruit the aid of...

...Ritsuko Akagai, who betrayed NERV in Episode 23 when she destroyed all the Rei clones they had in storage. But she's the only one smart enough with computers to block the hack, so she crawls back inside one of them and uses her dead mother's notes to build a more robust firewall or something. I think she j-pegged a RAM or something, I don't know.

Ritsuko wonders why she's even bothering, since she already turned on Gendo. They had been banging on the down-low, but she got fed up with him when she realized he loved his dead wife more than Ritsuko or her mother, who also used to bang Gendo on the down-low.

With that cyberattack fended off, NERV now has to brace for an actual attack. Admiral Clownshoes notes the irony of NERV defeating all those Angels, only for their final opponent to be the humans they were trying to save.

Tactically, the entire battle is a formality. SEELE runs the whole world, and they can send wave after wave of soldiers into the NERV facility, which is already badly weakened after months of Angel attacks and budget cuts. NERV's defenses were designed for dealing with Angels, and their greatest weapons were the Evas, except Unit-00 was destroyed in Episode 22, and Unit-02's pilot has lost the ability to sync. Nonetheless, Misato wants the pilot kids secured, since she knows SEELE's goons will try to take them out first. She orders Shinji to deploy in Unit-01, and even though Asuka's in no condition to fight, she has her put in Unit-02 and then sent to the bottom of the lake. It's not much of a hiding place, but at least she'll be safer there than inside the base.

Where's Rei? Well, no one can find her, but she's gone down to the room where they keep Lilith and she's soaking in that orange goop they have down there.

Perhaps anticipating this, Gendo excuses himself and orders Clownshoes to take over the defense of the base. Clownshoes seems to know what he's up to, and sends his regards to Gendo's dead wife.

At this point, it's basically a race to see who can trigger their version of Third Impact first. SEELE wanted to use the Lance of Longinus and Lilith somehow, but since the Lance is in space now, they now plan to use Unit-01, the only Eva created from Lilith. That's what makes it special, apparently. Units 00 and 02 were made from Adam, I guess?

Anyway, Gendo plans to do it by combining Adam and Lillith together. He's got Adam's body within his own, and he wants to join with Rei, who contains some essence of Lillith. This was Rei's main purpose all along, I think.

Meanwhile, Misato leaves her post to find Shinji, who was sulking in some corner instead of reporting to his Eva like she ordered. She saves him from some goons, but they're cut off from Unit-01, so she has to find a way to get him where he needs to go. She also has to convince him to cooperate, since Shinji's completely gone to mush in the midst of this new crisis.

As she drives him to where they need to go, she explains (most of) the necessary backstory to him. Second Impact was triggered deliberately to buy time for Human Instrumentality, and humans are descended from Lilith, just as the Angels came from Adam. So in that sence, the human species is collectively the 18th Angel, just another candidate to inherit the future of Earth. Humans, like any of the fifteen Angels spawned from Adam, have the opportunity to trigger Third Impact and secure their place as the dominant life form of Earth, but we had to beat all the Angels first to do it, and then find a way to survive Third Impact when it finally happened.

And while Gendo plans to do with with Adam and Lilith, SEELE wants to use the Eva series, somehow, so it's vital that Shinji use Unit-01 to destroy all the other Evas.

Speaking of destroying Evas, Asuka finally wakes up in Unit-02, which is currently getting battered with depth charges. She still can't control the Eva, and she just keeps whimpering that she doesn't want to die. Eventually, she hears her dead mother promising to protect Asuka, and she realizes the truth: that Asuka's mother, Kyoko Zeppelin, was absorbed into Unit-02, much the same way Shinji's mom was absorbed into Unit-01.

Now, at long last, Asuka can operate her Eva again, and she goes apeshit on the SEELE troops. They sever her power cable, but she doesn't care, boasting that five minutes is plenty of time to take out these creeps. This is honestly the best part of the movie, because they had reduced Asuka to a pitiful shell for so long, and now she's finally taking charge and whoopin' ass.

It won't last.

With the conventional forces beaten, SEELE sends in nine Eva Units of their own. These are units 05 through 13, but they all look the same, and I'm not even sure they have pilots. It's a pretty cool design for a "bad guy" Eva, but they don't figure into the plot very much. They're here to destroy Asuka and Unit-02, and Asuka has to destroy them to stop SEELE.

Meanwhile, Misato has almost gotten Shinji to the Unit-01 launch bay, but she got shot, so she tells Shinji he's on his own from here. Shinji continues to resist taking any responsibility here. He says he's not worthy to pilot the Eva because he hurts people. He killed Kaworu, and he "did something terrible to Asuka". So at least the movie recognizes that. I guess it was included just to show the audience that Shinji isn't exaggerating when he doubts himself like this.

Misato refuses to indulge his self-pity, and she doesn't care how much he cries or tries to use his past actions to disqualify himself. She tells him she's made plenty of her own mistakes, but she still learned something about herself anyway. Hey, I guess Misato kind of gets what I was saying earlier. I guess this makes her my favorite character?

Well, yeah, but I don't like how she gives him a long kiss goodbye, then promises they'll "do the rest" when he gets back. I mean, she dies immediately after he leaves, so I think she was just feeding him empty gestures to motivate him while she still could, but... that's kind of fucked up.

Meanwhile, Gendo and Rei reach the room where Lillith is to begin their attempt at Third Impact, but they find Ritsuko waiting for them. She pulls a gun on Gendo and tells him that she sabotaged the supercomputer while she was reprogramming it to stop SEELE's hackers. Except... when she tries to execute her plan, the computer doesn't do it. This is because it's been imprinted with the mind of its original creator, Ritsuko's mother, and apparently mom still carries a torch for Gendo, even after Gendo screwed both Akagis over. Gendo then pulls a gun on Ritsuko, and says "I truly..." but the sound cuts out as he says the rest of it, so we don't know what he wanted to tell her.

In any case, she calls him a liar after she hears it, so either he told her he loved her and she didn't buy it, or he said something really cruel and she knew he didn't mean it. Either way, Gendo shoots, her which normally would suggest his true feelings, except I think this Human Instrumentality business works on dead people too, so life and death kind of becomes meaningless in this movie. We see a ghostly apparition of Rei as Ritsuko falls into the LCL fluid. We also saw ghost Rei when Misato died, so this seems to be a thing now.

Meanwhile, Shinji makes it to Unit 01, but it's immersed in Bakelite, which Misato had ordered dispersed through the base to impede the invading goons. I'm not sure how it got here, though, unless the bad guys used Misato's own trick to secure Unit-01. So it looks like Shinji can't get in the robot, even though it's not a robot, and he doesn't even have to be inside the stupid thing to control it. He literally proved that on his first day on the job. Yo, Shinji, get in the robot, your mom loves you.

Meanwhile, Asuka seems to be doing just fine killing the bad guy Evas without Shinji, but just as she finishes the last of them off, the Lance of Longinus suddenly flies back to Earth and improbably stabs Unit 02 through the face. Uh... how? Why? What the fuck?

Also, all the Evas Asuka defeated suddenly reactivate. With her battery drained, Asuka is helpless to stop them as they crack open Unit-02 and eat it. I'm pretty sure Asuka herself is killed during this, but we don't see a body.

I guess this was the catalyst to get Unit 01 off its duff, as it finally breaks out of the Bakelite and grabs Shinji like it's gonna put him in. Unit 01 busts out to join the battle, and it's thig big impressive spectacle. It even has angel wings now.

But it doesn't actually do anything. Shinji just gets a look at what's left of Unit-02's mangled corpse and screams.

And that's the cliffhanger for 25'. There's a credits sequence, then a dedication note from the director, and then the second half starts as Episode 26'. So this is a good place to take a break.

If you're curious, the part where Eva 05-13 show up to confront Asuka is about where things ended in "Evangelion: Rebirth". But 25' is about twenty minutes longer than that, so I'm not sure what the significance of that cutoff point was supposed to be. I guess it works as a cliffhanger, but it's kind of dumb to have Asuka finally wake up and kick ass, only to get utterly destroyed a few minutes later. Then Shinji shows up to set up the real cliffhanger.

To be fair, this half of the movie is better than the second half. Mostly, it benefits from the parts where they actually show the characters recovering from Episode 24 and beginning to move to the next phase of the story. This was what the TV show failed to do with its Episode 25. Now, we get to see the SEELE vs. NERV battle that was only implied before, and we get to see how Human Instrumentality is arranged.

We also see why it needs to be done. In the original ending, it seemed completely arbitrary, like Gendo Ikari just decided this was a cool thing to try and he just did it to the whole world without asking anyone's permission. Here, it becomes clear that if Gendo doesn't pull the trigger, SEELE will, and it's just a race to see who can get their vision accomplished first.

And we actually get to see the other characters in this version. Asuka wakes up and gets her groove back, Rei's part in the drama is revealed, and Ritsuko and Misato get shot. Seeing this stuff makes me even more irritated that the TV series just jumped right past it all.

Still, this half of the movie has problems. For one thing, a lot of runtime is spent just showing troops slaughtering NERV personnel, and showing Misato leading Shinji to his Eva. Also, there's a healthy dose of Gendo and Rei just staring pensively at Lilith without actually doing anything. A lot of the footage doesn't actually progress the plot, and only Misato and Shinji's scenes are useful for providing exposition. Gendo and SEELE's words are too cryptic to be of much use.

The main point of this installment was to reinforce things we already knew: Rei's important to all of this somehow, Shinji is a sad sack, and Asuka is helpless. And maybe it needed to be reinforced in July 1997, more than a year after the TV show ended, but I don't think it needed to be hammered home this much.

And like I said from the start, this whole thing relies on a lot of ridiculous stuff that I feel like I should have been told about in the TV series. How did the Lance of Longinus come back? SEELE couldn't have arranged this, since they were the ones who were so upset about losing it in the first place. Why are there two methods to trigger Third Impact? How did Asuka's mother get sucked into the Eva and yet she remained in human form long enough to go insane and hang herself? Why did the bad guy Evas suddenly recover from their injuries when it was convenient for the plot?

Perhaps most critically: Why are they just treating Third Impact and Human Instrumentality like the same thing? Like if you do one, then the other one just automatically happens? Is that how it works? Then why were they so worried about the progress on that project? It could be done at will, right?

Oh, and how did SEELE figure out how to do all this stuff? They have their own fleet of Evas, which seem to work better than NERV's. They made their own Angel in the form of Kaworu. They seem to know how to make Third Impact happen, without Gendo's help. And however they got this far, they seemed to pull it off without anyone from NERV knowing about it. So why did SEELE even need NERV in the first place? As it currently stands, the only reason Gendo's ahead of them is because he's physically closer to what he needs to work with. SEELE could have nuked the base from orbit and hauled Eva Unit 01 from the wreckage.

Again, the whole movie just makes me feel like I missed an episode, except I didn't. I watched the whole thing, which leads me to assume that the next chapter will clarify everything, except it doesn't, as we'll see next time. See you there.

[amiharana]

RiTO doing that Silence of Idol game and Revali actually falls asleep because he works himself too much

i'm gonna be honest i had no idea what this game was until i searched it up and watched (1) a string of tiktoks about treasure and up10tion doing the game and (2) the entire episode of lesserafim on the game KDJHFHKJDSJH but i got the gist. i've been so out of the kpop loop lately

(for anyone else who may be unfamiliar with 'silence of idol' and have 15 minutes to spare, lesserafim was very entertaining to watch on the show LOL but it's essentially like a challenge simulation of kpop idols being in their trainees days and having to practice or something late at night while attempting to not get caught by their manager/trainer)

RiTO doing this game would be so silly 😹 kass and MAYBE mimo would be the only ones who would have fun with it, bc teba, harth, and revali would be so serious about it. kass and mimo trying to convince their manager to get in on the fun with their takeout fried chicken vs. teba, harth, and revali all panicking and getting ready to accept their punishment for getting caught even though it's literally just a game 😭

i can totally imagine revali genuinely falling asleep during the game 🥺 the youngest of the group pushes himself to be the best idol out there, always saying that his training isn't enough, that he needs to be more accurate in his dance moves and hitting notes, and push himself past his own limits. teba is constantly chastising revali for late nights training because revali insists on waking up with the sun too, so he's always running of <4 hours of sleep (which actually is the reality of most kpop trainees & idols anyway, but let's pretend that the loz kpop au isn't as bad 🥹).

maybe before they're scheduled to film the silence of idol, revali pulled an all-nighter practicing for their next music show performance and thus is extremely sleep-deprived. during the segment of the game where they genuinely are supposed to fall asleep, it's only supposed to be a light sleep which most of the members achieve, easily woken up by the lights turning on and the sound of the door opening. but revali, the lightest sleep of them all, doesn't budge, doesn't even react at all.

"hey, revali, wake up," mimo says, gently shaking revali's shoulder in an attempt to rouse him. "it's time to start practice." nothing.

teba and harth come up on revali's other side, crouching beside him on the floor. "don't play games, kid, we're supposed to start practicing in a few minutes," harth says gruffly, poking revali in the forehead. the second youngest of the group is as serious about keeping up the act as he is about playing the game.

teba swats his hand away from revali's face. "don't do that," he says, before refocusing back onto their youngest. "revali, are you really sleeping?" still no response.

I'M . IMAGINING THIS SCENE THE WAY THEY WOULD SAY AND EDIT IT THE WAY ACTUAL KPOP IDOLS WOULD so in my head it's like a close-up of revali snoozing and curled up in the blankets and there's a caption that reads something like "RiTO maknae Revali is so peaceful when he sleeps~ 🌸" and "doing his job as the maknae flawlessly; he sleeps like a baby! 👶 [baby laughter sound that all the kpop idol editors use]". teba standing up to rub at the back of his head and chuckling awkwardly; "i guess revali really did fall asleep..."

they end up pausing filming as the members sit by their youngest, the managers talking with the film crew, as revali continues slumbering on. kass and mimo are taking pictures of revali and giggling to themselves about how cute and peaceful he looks fast asleep, meanwhile teba is worrying about how revali has been working too hard lately and is probably why he fell asleep and didn't wake easily as he usually would.

"should we cut down practice sessions?" teba says to harth.

the second youngest just shrugs. "he already practices extra in addition to our regular sessions. you're not gonna be able to stop him from practicing more unless you physically restrain him." teba sighs; harth is right.

the managers decide that they're just going to take revali back to the dorms to keep sleeping and have a check-up to make sure he's healthy and not overdoing it. the rest of RiTO can continue filming for the comeback promotions, and they're fine with it albeit worried for their youngest. that's when revali begins to stir, mumbling and shifting around in the blankets, the rest of RiTO beginning to crowd around him again. (the cameras are still rolling KJDFKJDSF)

"hello, our lovely maknae~" kass greets him softly. "did you sleep well?"

"slept?" revali mumbles, blinking sleepily back up at the second oldest. "wha... only closed my eyes for a little... didn't even sleep that long..." and kass has to hold back a laugh, pursing his lips.

"that's right, revali," mimo whispers, also trying to keep in a laugh. "but it's still too early for practice, so you can go back to sleep for a little bit until it's time. we'll wake you up, okay?"

revali nods slowly, eyes falling shut as he curls back up into the pillow and blankets. "okay, hyung" he yawns. "you better... wake me up..." and falls right back asleep 🥹

the rest of RiTO and their managers are all trying not to laugh, taking a video of their sleepy maknae curling back up so cutely to sleep. the normally sharp-mouthed youngest is so sweet and cute when he's sleepy, why can't he be like this all the time? 😹

[the-almighty-gob-john-langley]

And WHO exactly is Sam Smith?

Opinions will no doubt be divided when it comes to answering that particular question, I'm sure, and not all favourable either. From my iconoclastic viewpoint, as ever, I would say he, yes, HE has mastered the ability to infinitely crawl up his own backside and out again more successfully than anything Houdini could have achieved as an escapologist.

Why? Because Sam Smith in reality is nothing more than an illusion. A manufactured figure who would be an absolute nothing if it wasn't for the spotlight of television and a pawn in that particular game that sucks up to HIS own vanity. You see, years ago in order to become a 'celebrity' you'd have had to work your way up from the bottom of the ladder, touring the clubs night after night, building your following, and then getting noticed if you were lucky enough and proved your talent. Even though that still didn't guarantee any promise of real success to superstar level.

If you've never heard of a rock band called 'Dumpy's Rusty Nuts' then count this as your introduction to them. Not that I'm in any way an expert fan or anything, I'm simply aware of their existence and the fact they've been around a very long time and are hugely, and I mean hugely successful. They've built their fanbase from sheer hard work, trudging up and down motorways to venue after venue, night after night, and relentlessly pursuing their passion for playing to audiences that range from hundreds into stadium numbers supporting much bigger artists, and can quite rightly qualify for the title 'legendary'.

Sam Smith, on the other hand, is nothing more than a manufactured puppet of an industry that views him as a mere product of its own making, and to be honest, I feel sorry for HIM as much as I do for those who have bought into HIS brand of egotistical bullshit. Like so many acts before HIM, he's become a creation who serves a purpose until such time as HIS bubble bursts and the next potential to extensively hype turns up. Like the majority before him though, he's so far up HIS own rear end with ego that he believes HE is something HE isn't, and somehow God's gift to a music industry that quite frankly couldn't give a damn as long as they're making money out of HIM while it lasts, and so, consequently the entire entertainment industry will mollycoddle him, blow constant smoke up HIS backside by sycophantly telling HIM how wonderful HE is because they know HE'LL buy into their grovelling, doff capping, yes sir, no sir, three bags full, sir, have whatever you want that makes you happy, further ego-inflating bullshit as everything about him screams ME, ME, look at ME, and how wonderful 'I' believe 'I' AM!

Just how people don't see through this bullshit amazes me. Have we really, honestly, and actually turned into a nation of such sheeple that we've come to the stage where we simply and readily buy into such bullshit with eyes wide closed?

How is it that we are so, so easily led as to not think that everyone in the background of this Sam Smith phenomenon isn't in it for what they can get out of it? The manager who takes a cut, the agent, the record label, the publicist, the costume designer, the make-up artist, the accountant, the tour manager, the personal assistant etc, etc - and all rubbing their hands from the smell of potential lucre as long as HE remains flavour of the month.

Now, I'm not against anyone earning an honest living, and neither am I suggesting there is anything dishonest within the Sam Smith circle of business interests, I simply find this entire sycophantic industry that relies on having to manufacture talent in order to sustain itself quite false and putrifying, and yes, while I concede to the fact that Dumpy's Rusty Nuts will also have their outgoings in terms of fees to management and an agent, and probably others along the way of their career they are more celebrity than Sam Smith can ever hope to be without the ego and publicity machine that has hyped HIM to faux-stardom, and in some circles at least, will live to achieve more in their forty plus year career than HE can ever hope for.

[variabels]

who are your favorite blue lock characters and why?

It ended up getting really long so here's the list:

Nagi

Kaiser

Isagi

Honorable mentions:

Bachira

Chigiri

Shidou

Sae

Explanations (manga spoilers):

1. Nagi

But like in all seriousness, I relate way too much to his motivation problems, especially the setting a goal, reaching it for a second and not knowing what to do afterwards part. We also have similar personalities (although I think Rin or Sae might be the most like me in that department), find a lot of stuff to be a pain and the same hobbies (manga and gaming ftw).

I also really like his chemistry with Isagi, Chigiri and Barou, Isagi really brings out the best in Nagi, Chigiri and Nagi's friendship is so fucking cute and Barou vs Nagi is always hilarious. It was really nice to see Nagi go from skipping practice to willingly joining Isagi and Barou to train.

His playstyle is so much fun to watch. I'm so happy Kaneshiro decided to pair him up with Isagi for the second selection because they were a GOATed duo. They weren't perfect for each other, so seeing them having to work together to improve and win games was so satisfying. I love how Nagi got to actually have an input on the strategies used especially since he used to be the kind of person to just do whatever he's told.

He's also badass, adorable and precious.

And can we take a second to like look at him? How is this dude 190cm??? I deadass thought he was slightly taller than Isagi until I read what his actual height was. I've never seen someone so tall have such short person energy, it's so fascinating and weird.

2. Kaiser

Kaiser's a fucking bitch, that's why I love him. He's always so much fun, if he's in the scene, you know it's gonna be good. He just has this presence, idk how to describe it, but like, he will always get your attention.

He's so interesting and there's still so much to learn about him. I'm really excited to see how his character will develop. I love how he's able to genuinely acknowledge other people's achievements despite being a shit-talker (and one who can actually back up his shit, he's a new gen 11 member after all). I really have a thing for those types of characters.

His rivalry with Isagi is also easily the best rivalry in the series. They both respect each other as players despite having so much beef. Their rivalry keeps getting crazier with all their "I'll fucking kill you" and I'm all for it. Their personalities clash so well making it entertaining af.

Also, Kaiser's design is so iconic. It shouldn't work at all but it just does. Like what is up with that mullet-rat-tail-ombre hair? How does he pull it off? Also, the red eyeliner is beautiful, it's such a small detail but it adds so much.

3. Isagi

So, I know a lot of people didn't like Isagi at the start because he seemed like an asshole for feeling great about kicking the ball in Kira's face. I wasn't one of those. I immediately loved him after that and loved him even more every time he took joy in defeating others.

It's really rare for the main character to make it into my top 3, so when one does make it in, I know they're amazing and oh boy is Goatsagi amazing. He has a lot going for him, such as being one of the calm/Kuroko type of sports manga protagonists which I just enjoy way more than the loud/Hinata protags. I absolutely adore strategist characters (especially when they say "just as planned") so having one as the protag is awesome.

The duality of Isagi on the field and off the field is so good. So many sports manga just have serious/not serious as the duality, but Isagi's is asshole/sweetheart and I love it so much, it just adds so much personality and uniqueness to Isagi.

He's a really emotionally intelligent person (why are these so rare in fiction? especially emotional intelligent guys that are genuinely good people and not manipulative), like it's very apparent in how he interacts with his Blue Lock rivals, especially Barou and Rin. It's never explicitly stated but it's shown that he understands how to interact with each one of them in a healthy way. He doesn't go to annoy Rin or Barou to get them to open up more (istg tsundere/prideful characters end up opening up solely because they were annoyed or humiliated to death way too often), Isagi treats them like actual people off the field and doesn't try to make them uncomfortable. It's so refreshing. This also makes his relationship with Kaiser way funnier because Kaiser's like the only person Isagi isn't nice with.

Speaking about relationships, Isagi has such good chemistry with the entire cast. I find his relationships with his rivals to be the most interesting since it feels like he treats most of his friends really similarly. None of his rivalries really feel the same even when they fit in the same trope (friendly rivals, humbled rivals etc...). It's also really funny how he's got so many rivals and beefs, like he got the second-best in the world to have beef with him. ISAGI IS HIM.

This is getting long, so I'll be brief with the next point. Isagi just has so many traits I respect in a person. Like, he's not afraid to change, he's not afraid to ask others for help, he's ambitious and he'll do what it takes to win.

Never thought he'd be in my top 3 when I started Blue Lock. If he ends up being football Aizen, he'll surpass Nagi as my favorite...

Other favs:

Bachira, he used to be number 3, but Isagi's grown on me a lot and Bachira hasn't done much lately (he's also a fully developed character with a finished character arc, so there's not as much development potential in him atm). He's still really likeable and I love him but he's not as interesting anymore. His design is so sick and I love his playstyle. I also love his character arc in the second selection.

Chigiri, like Bachira he suffers a bit from having a finished character arc (like, there's really only him getting injured to develop him more at this point since the author decide to forget about the Chigiri-Kunigami subplot which could have allowed Chigiri to get more development), but still really likable. He's also the only person in Blue Lock who doesn't need therapy, idk how our princess has stayed sane. His design is gorgeous, I love it so much and wish I could be 1% as pretty as him.

Shidou, like Kaiser, he's one of those characters that just enhances every scene he's in. He's just so much fun and he genuinely loves football so much. His relationship with the Itoshi siblings is also amazing, it's so funny how he hates one and loves the other. He might not have any chemistry with Rin when it comes to playing football, but their character chemistry is great (they're always so funny when they're together). And holy fuck Shidou and Sae, I don't know where to start with these two, they were made for each other. I wish Shidou luck, he got Sae's number, maybe he can get his heart next?

Sae, aka the superior Itoshi sibling. Shit talkers who talk shit because they're genuinely better are some of my fav types of characters. He also kinda reminds me of Itachi from Naruto and he's my favorite character from Naruto, so ofc I was gonna love Sae. There's a lot of potential for his character to develop, especially if whatever he has going on with Shidou ends up getting developed more. I love how he's the one who reached out to Shidou, it's rare for the quiet one to be the one to do that if they're not manipulative. I hope he plays in the U20 team because I need more of his interactions with Rin and Shidou.

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hiii I'm here for the game ! Thanks a lot ♡

1. Initials and 5 most emojis you've recently used

My initial- h.s

5 most used emoji - 🍀🙏🏼🙌🏼✨️😭

2. 3 things about you that you're learning to love about yourself more and your actionable plans to achieve that

I want to love my body - for that I'm going to spend time with myself looking out for some good skin care routine and will plan out some good dietary plan.

I want to love my single status - for that I will reassure myself that even million people are not single the single ones got some better things to do than those , no offence lol .

I want to love my academic status - we got our potential and level at every moment if we want to go ahead then we shall be greatful to our current level because that will provide a comprehensive understanding to our further plans ahead and about ourselves too .

3. - your unexpectedly favorite song in your playlist that your closest friends never expected you to be into

I don't have Playlist to Be honest and just choose songs randomly if i want listen and also that my friends and me talk about other things than songs (at time my bestie shares up very least) so ya it is what it is but anyways my current favt - rowdy baby (south indian songs with little English mix you should try it someday)

4. "What's your most important goal that you want to achieve within the last few months of the year?"

Mostly I want to change myself completely by shifting my energy strongly .

I want to achieve my academic goals.

I want to get a good body figure.

That's all ! I had fun answering them lol 😆 also questions were insightful.

Hi HS,

Thank you so much for participating in my new ask game.

I'm really happy for you that you are taking steps to love your body, your single era and your academic status!

Remember, you are working hard and putting in the work. The results may not be obvious immediately, but every step towards progress culminates into the results of your hard work.

When it comes to studying, create systems that will help you establish a "study smarted" approach.

I'll check up the song after this~

Just put in 1% effort everyday, you'll eventually see results in a year~

These are the cards I pulled out for you: King of Swords, Page of Coins, Wheel of Fortune

The first card suggests that you'll need to establish some self-discipline when it comes to your goals and dreams. Making sure you have an established reasonable standards for yourself. To never forget that you're doing this for yourself, not for anyone else. Become accountable by keeping track of your progress is another thing you are suggested to try out. Basically, know when to master a strategy and when to evolve.

The next card suggests for you to be ambitious and diligent with your goals. Consistency is the main keyword of this card. Don't just dream big, strike hard as well. Don't be easily discouraged whenever you encounter an obstacle or fork in the road. You're called to stay true to why you wanted to achieve those goals in the first place.

The last card further emphasizes that your hard work will pay off in the end. Embrace your current season of trial and errors. The time will come when the period of mastery and success after honing your skills in this current period of learning. Keep persevering, despite whatever nonsense naysayers will say to you. Only you get to decide how to achieve your goals and live your life by your design. Even the darkest storms will pass.

This is as far as I could interpret for your reading. Thank you so much for being my participant!

Feel free to tip me in my Buy me a Coffee account (to show support) ahehe [Not required, but most grateful if you did]~ (This reading is for entertainment purposes only)

[vael]

2023 Annual Review

"I might as well copy-paste last year's Annual Review..."

Of course, even last year I thought the same thing. "A tiger doesn't change its stripes," and now in my 35th year, it's apparent I won't be changing mine.

What went well this year?

Parenting. I'm very aware of the cost of lackluster parenting. "It's a terrible thing to do to someone." No matter how strained I am, I've said I am going to be a dedicated father. This year I dedicated myself to both my girls and continued my usual routine of rallying the boy to greatness.

When parenting, I track their milestones and development because I want the children to be able to play at (and somewhat over) the level of their peers so that they're able to play with the maximal number of children. Milestones are also easily measured: they can do the thing or not. My son still struggles to relate to his peers today because he's never been on their level, and it's a pitiable thing which I personally experienced as a child. It lead to my poor self-esteem and lack of ambition. When I celebrate milestones, this is why.

Violet. "My little storm cloud." 🖤 Violet continues to meet her milestones. She's ahem strong-willed, sweet, intelligent, curious, and funny: I think she's picked up on my ability to parody -- songs and such -- and she'll make up her own little parodies of various things. This year she became a lot less fearful.

Olivia. "Child of light." I thought Violet was an especially happy baby; Olivia redefined that for me. For her first year, we called her the colon D baby. This guy -> :D

Olivia is an absolute joy to be around. She took 13 months to walk, which was a surprise given that Violet was fully walking at 10 ½ months, but it looks like she instead allocated her effort towards speech, because this girl can talk. And enunciate! She's also good with her fine motor skills.

My wife was able to flawlessly breastfeed Olivia for six straight months, which is a big achievement.

Made two new friends. Each from different countries, and each of them web developers. I always love hearing about other cultures and it was because of my Argentinian friend that I...

Started learning Spanish; soft-quit PGO. This year I finally was able to put down Pokémon GO. Partially because I'm playing Pokemon Sleep now, but mostly that I was a little too obsessive about PvP and I felt childish being distracted in public so that I could play the PvE events.

I started Duolingo mid-November. My learning strategy is slow-paced and with frequent review. I fully achieve "legendary" on the current unit before moving on to the next. It's working, and it's got to be better for my cognition, and certainly for my life.

Rearranged the house. My wife came up with the plan. My son took my old office and my new office is in the study, previously our entertainment room. I could barely stand living in this house before, but now I'm comfortable.

Game development. I may have burned myself doing it, but I can't argue with the results. I don't think I've ever been better poised for a successful year than I am now.

This year I also received the most volunteer help I ever have. Aforementioned Argentinian friend wrote a robust weather script, and Tinydark's Raigen helped develop tinydark.com and Hub features; I'm also excited to announce we've been able to hire him to work remotely at my workplace. We even had an artist draw some holiday costumes for Tinyblob, our mascot.

Health. I took almost three months off eating "optional sugar," breaking my nightly ice cream routine. I'd felt like I was starting to get fat, so I simultaneously started focusing more on building my upper body. I went as far as to take before-and-afters for Facebook, but I eventually had to stop so I could focus on game dev. Though I stopped my upper body work, I did start jogging in the morning. I fell out of the habit once Daylight Saving Time hit, and the girls' circadian rhythms were an hour ahead.

Artificial Intelligence. Not exactly "my" win, but AI has been instrumental in this year's high production. To think it's only gotten better throughout the year and stands to get even better, it's such a privilege to be able to use AI. That's just code; assets have always been a problem for my game development, but AI trivializes some of my asset issues (it's still pretty bad proper asset generation).

What didn't go so well?

Relentless work ethic. I have a long, contemplative post on this here, but: I am too ambitious. "A good problem to have." Well, in August I had my first real panic attack at 3AM. I thought it was a heart attack at first. But what's mildly concerning is that I felt stronger for it after; I overcame it on my own and that now that I know what it is, I'm better prepared for it. I didn't feel like I should try to avoid this at all, but rather that I'm more prepared for a second panic attack. Seems kinda not-a-good mentality.

My body. I said my forward neck posture would be my focus of the year, and I did a passable job of it, but it wasn't enough. I still get headaches and they feel like they're getting worse. We don't have the money nor do I have the bandwidth to see a rolfer, and I'm not sure what to do other than try to keep my posture in mind throughout the day. I tried to train myself to sleep without a pillow but had minimal success. I typically lay down once a day, mid-day if work allows it, for about 15 minutes just to clear my head and alleviate some of the pain.

I also abused caffeine: by my definition, two cups/packets/sessions a day. That likely contributed to the panic attack.

My focus. Nothing new here. It's just hard to truly focus when my morning's waylaid by children and I'm needed throughout the day. Interruptions break focus, so that's that: I cannot truly focus. The time I get at night is rarely good for focusing considering it's so scarce, the girls could wake up at any time, and that's typically the bulk of time I get to spend talking with my wife.

Buried. Two-under-two, working my job, working tinydark, doing (it seems) more chores than the typical husband does, my crumbling body and keeping myself healthy are the primary stressors.

No sympathy allowed; I chose this path and would choose it again.

Finances. We had two kids in two years (I regret not waiting an extra six months) so it's to be expected, but we've found ourselves deep in the negatives at the end of the year. Inflation's a real killer. We (ie: my wife) made some progress with the decision to grocery shop at two different stores for our weekly shopping trip, but the extra store is Trader Joe's... full of novel temptations. We're still better off for it, anyway.

Released neither Black Crown: Exhumed nor Bean Grower. I did have to take two weeks off for some contracting, but ultimately I just decided to spend more time on URPG, and everything takes longer than I expect.

What did I learn?

I feel like this year, I didn't get too worked up about our lack of financial progress. It feels more like acceptance than complacency. I will be free, unburied when my dream is realized: we just need to save up enough money for a down payment on a new house build, then sustain our finances while it's built, and finally sell this house for a minimum of $100k in the bank when all is said and done. I have confirmed this is entirely possible, and I'm grateful to have moved South before the pandemic. This is why it's acceptance: achieving this peace of mind is the only way I can finally buy the ice cream.

Otherwise, I've meditated on it, and honestly: I don't know that I really learned anything notable. At least as far as wisdom vs. tangible knowledge.

Goals and Expectations: 2024

Game dev. I can at least guarantee Bean Grower's getting a final release, presumably onto an app store. I'm giving myself three damn months for it. Black Crown is also getting three damn months, but I will concede that Steam Store support might be a stretch goal. Either way, I'm ending this year with two full titles under my belt.

Financial recovery. Sort of a given, and who knows, maybe the 15,000 hours I've spent building a game studio will actually pan out this year.

-- --

Welp, figger that's it. Vael

[mayspicer]

Cayden let's gooo have a bunch of numbers: 1, 3, 6, 7, 29, 35 And for you about Cayden: D, F, G, H

Ayyy : D

I'm gonna write the questions from memory here because mobile is clunky with copying text.

For anyone interested, basic character info:

Cayden is a character I roleplay in a Pathfinder 1e game. He's a gnome, a sorcerer of the unicorn bloodline, currently level 8. I reblog art with him here, it should be in my art or Cayden or pathfinder tags on this blog.

Questions about him:

1. How long can he stay still with nothing to do?

Probably about 5 minutes, even locked in an empty cell he'll look for ways to entertain himself. He can make himself sit still and wait for something when it's needed, but there has to be some kind of reward at the end keeping him excited (sitting through a boring lecture while infiltrating a cult, staying hidden waiting for an ambush, generally being patient when patience is needed to get something that he wants).

3. How does he put himself to sleep?

Depends if adventuring or not, because he ideally likes to put himself to sleep with someone else sharing his bed after a good time and that's probably how his evenings look whenever possible. When not possible, he falls asleep fast, sorcerers need their beauty sleep. Before falling asleep he mostly thinks about whatever topic is the most relevant at the moment, or about friends and family, stuff like that.

6. Does he see laws as flexible or immovable?

Definitely flexible. He understands why they exist and agrees they are needed, some of them at least, but treats them mostly as guidelines and believes that there shouldn't be consequences when the reason to break them is good enough.

7. Is he nostalgic? How is the nostalgia triggered? Is it a positive feeling?

He's very nostalgic (such a self insert trait lol) and gains satisfaction from feeling nostalgia. He collects experiences in a way and looks back at them emotionally as achievements in a way. Maybe nostalgia is not a good word, I use it interchangeably with "sentiment" and I probably shouldn't. Anyway true nostalgia is triggered for him by familiar food, sheep cheese for example and mountainous landscapes and air. It's comforting for him but he doesn't want to go back to the past, he lives mostly in the moment.

29. Does he live up to his standards?

Uhhh that's a hard one... But I think mostly yeah? He does what he can and he knows that.

35. How does he react to someone coming to him excited about something?

He easily gets excited and is supportive as a character but in roleplay it's been hard sometimes. On one hand he's a character that loves new things and experiences and on the other when a friend decided to spend all of his gold on magic chocolates with random effects (not always positive on top of that) as preparation for our expedition to the island near which Cayden almost died in the past... it was hard to be supportive in that case, even though stuff like this would normally be right up his alley.

Questions for me:

D: Did his physical appearance stay the same?

For the most part, yeah. His appearance got more streamlined in drawings over time, but I've always had pretty much the same picture in my mind. I adjusted some minor details at the very beginning that just didn't work well and he got much slimmer but that's mostly due to me figuring out gnome anatomy.

F: What do I feel when thinking about him?

I feel some kind of longing. I want to have what he has, be a magic guy travelling where he wants, living life to the fullest, enjoying the social aspect of it as well as various challenges. There's some (a lot of) gender envy in there also xd

G: What trait of his bother me the most?

I'm gonna approach this from two angles. As a person what would bother me in him is his tendency to get bored with people. He starts to get restless if the setting stays the same for too long. He gets attached easily, but letting go is equally easy for him. It's a big contrast to my character as I attach strongly and vaguely easily but I'm almost unable to let go of my emotional attachments to people. Even if I lost contact with them years ago, I'm regularly getting caught in a spiral of sadness even over the people who didn't treat me well. But this trait of his is not something impossible to work around. It's not like he stops liking/loving someone just because he got bored, unless there is something wrong with the other person of course. If someone is willing to follow him with his way of life, there probably is no limit for his attachment.

As for what bothers me in him as a ttrpg character that I have to roleplay. That damn charisma xD I completely lack any knowledge about how stuff like flirting is supposed to work, so I don't even know how to pretend that I know. Other social interactions also. It's really hard to roleplay a character who is supposed to be in his element in social settings, be charming, outgoing and all that stuff when I'm the least all of that kind of person possible. I often hear advice to just pretend that I am or to just say something that would be appropriate and not care about the tone, but the issue is this is all alien to me and I don't know where to even begin knowing what to pretend. I have this idea of Cayden's vibe in my mind but it's like he is my friend who I know is cool but I don't have what he has, I can't ever be spontaneous with what I say and it looks like it's a crucial skill to have.

H: What trait of his I admire?

Definitely the optimism and confidence. Also stuff I'm unable to roleplay properly, but he's supposed to improvise a lot. He's usually convinced that everything will work out in some way and it usually does. He probably could talk himself out of any trouble, but I cannot roleplay that! Aaaaa!

[blanketorghost]

Though your experiences are entirely valid, I myself can vouch that not everyone reacts to fat shaming and weight based bullying in that same way. Especially since I was able to see/experience both sides of the spectrum with me being shamed for being 'skeleton-like' and my friend being bullied for being fat.

In fact, our choices in style were completely reversed. She used tight and figure hugging clothing often, especially after reaching puberty, whilst I myself chose baggy and oversized clothing. I think it also comes to show how Azul views his body post-dieting. When someone starts a diet/working out to achieve a certain body image, they start wearing clothes that fitthem better to show off their progress. I'm sure you've seen a myriad of 'progress videos' on tiktok where people in their weight loss journey wear some of their old clothes vs their new clothes to show off just how much weight they've lost. Not to mention the absolute hellscape that is ana inspo pages and forums. Azul likes to show off his figure because it is proof of how much he's progressed in his weight loss journey (as unfortunately unhealthy as it is). Why? Because it also asserts his superiority over the bullies he had. He can no longer be made fun of for being fat if he starves himself enough to not be. Body image issues are far more complex and I honestly am not qualified to even go deep enough on a character's backstory to fully encompass his thought processes as, again, I am the opposite. But from what's been shown in his story + my personal witness account and what social media shows, it's more probable that the ways Azul deals with his self image in relation to weight is more of a twisted way of self-assurance and pride over what he's 'achieved'. Just look at Eugenia Cooney for example (TW: extreme ED). Honestly, it makes me think that the way Yana illustrates Azul vs What he'd actually look like, is extremely misleading since he was created to appeal to teenage girls rather than show accurate rep. In fact, it often makes me feel sick to think about how realistically Azul would look like below his clothes, because it reminds me of my childhood self that was so thin I had to wear children's clothing far into my teenage years (which made me extremely ashemed of myself)

Also, I disagree on the twins' part. Sure, Azul may have initially told them to go away, but the thing about the twins is that they constantly pestered and seeked Azul's company until he relented because he was entertaining wether Azul wanted to or not. Floyd, Jade and Azul are keenly aware of this. And all three in Ch3 say as much. When the prefect asks Jade and Floyd why they hang out with him, Jade says that it's because they find him 'fun' in a way that implies that they see him as more like a funny little pet rather than as a person. At first, I think Azul would've pushed back as we see in his flashback, but Azul is also incredibly shreud and resourceful, and I think he would've easily caught onto the twins' appeal towards him. So he himself knows that the reason why the twins stick to him is because of the chaos he creates via his contracts. They themselves said they'd drop him as soon as he's no longer fun to hang around.

As for the Ramshackle thing, I believe that the entire plot is over the top ridiculous, and it was made that way to raise the stakes to urgency. Sure, the anemone problem is a big thing, but it could've been solved over a long period of time. Twst's game design is not created for these types of long, drawn-out narratives. Think mlp, for example. They have 20 episodes per season, all of which are 11-20 minues long, depending on what the network gives them. Twst is a game that, instead, has very quick chapters, often taking 5 minutes in the shortest. And sure, the books have been getting longer progressively, but let's compare Ignyhide, which had 80+ chapters divided into 200+ mini-chapters and routes. That's a lot more compared to Octavinelle's 39. There's definitely not much space to create a long, in-depth story. So, how do we create a sense of urgency? By upping the stakes. And what was the biggest achievement for the MC at the time? Ramshackle.

It is also important to note that Azul wasn't the only one who had Ramshackle as collateral, but Crowley too threatened to kick out MC if they did not stop Azul. If they lost Ramshackle to Azul, they could go into another dorm, as shown by Riddle and Jack's compassion. But if Crowley decided to basically disown MC, they would not even have the means to pay for their food. The staff also needed to create tension that would fit the Little Mermaid movie and the stakes for the 3 day period given for the plot.

For Ariel, her voice was her biggest asset. For the MC, it was Ramshackle. And sure, one could argue Ariel's story had lower stakes because she would've still been a princess, and she still would've had a home, but in the original Little Mermaid, the mermaid would've died if she didn't get true love's kiss. The stakes were much higher. And with Twst being a much more mature interpretation of Disney stories, Ramshackle would've been the equivalent of Ariel's voice and a better way to raise the stakes. (Because let's face it, if it weren't for that, MC wouldn't have been personally affected by the contracts. They were never an anemone and could've let Ace, Deuce, and Grim work for Azul without much concequence)

Many people have already shown why Ramshackle would've been an awful second location for a 2nd branch café due to the location and cost of repairs. So why did Azul take that? Because it is something he knows MC values. Much like Azul with all of his contracts, which was something he worked hard for and honed for the entirety of his life, MC worked hard to restore Ramshackle to be a liveable place for them and Grim. In Azul's eyes, it is an equivalent exchange. And by keeping Ramshackle's ownership over MC's head, he ensures they won't try anything too rash and aggressive. That is Azul's MO. To instill fear. Was it cruel? Yes. Of course it was cruel. These characters are twisted off of disney villains. Which are branded as delightfully evil. The only one who probably doesn't fit that mark is the queen of hearts, and that is because Wonderland works with an entirely different set of morals, logic, and rulesets we are not meant to understand. But I would never pinpoint any character as more evil than the others. Especially when disney is so finicky about it. Maleficent at one time was considered the most evil disney villain up until her live action movie era, and she was up against the likes of Frollo.

Also, Azul never went out of his way to go against the. In fact, he probably wouldn't have bothered us if we hadn't tried to free all of the anemones (upwards of 200+ students, i believe). And the MC wouldn't have bothered unless their friends weren't involved. In fact, it is made clear that Azul's plans to take over Ramshackle were something he had wanted to do before MC became its resident, as stated in-game at how Azul had been pressuring Crowley to sell the location since his freshman year. MC, in all honesty, was just a minor inconvenience to Azul, lol. We were never that important to him in the first place. The reason why he gathered info on us wasn't because of malicious targeting either, but rather because he keeps tabs on everyone as a form to maintain a sense of control.

I think that an important thing people forget when playing twst is that the MC is never the catalyst for the events that happen in the game (in fact, this is a common complaint on the fandom; about how the MC is barely involved in the events of the game). But rather, all events and overblots would've happened regardless. Ace would've still defied Riddle and caused a riot, Crowley would've still caught on to the injured magift players and found out Leona, Leona and other anemones would've still banded together to try and defy Azul and his conteacts, eventually resulting in overblots— which visually represent psychotic breaks.

Also, book 6 is still very very shortly after everyone's overblots. Riddle's was at the start of the year, so that places it at roughly 6 months ago. Leona's was at the middle of the semester, which would've been 5-ish months. Azul's was right after midterms aka the end of the 1st semester, so that places it squarely at about 3-4months ago. Jamil's was during christmas break, which would've happened 1-ish weeks after Azul's overblot, Vil's was at around february-march (given how it was stull winter during VDC) and chapter 6 takes place A WEEK after Vil's overblot.

I can not stress this enough as a psychiatric patient and as someone who has family and friends who struggle/struggled with mental illness. Recovery and change take a lot of fucking time. Especially changing behaviors that have been ingrained for years. Riddle is still being abused by his mother. Azul only stopped being bullied only around 4 years ago (less than a third of his life). Jamil is still an indentured servant. Leona still has lethargy (largely caused by) undiagnosed chronic depression and Vil is still constantly overscrutinized by both the public and himself. These patterns of behavior take years to change. It took me 3 years into my recovery to actually stop self-sabotaging, and even then, I still had a warped sense of self-worth. A month or two of therapy simply isn't enough to see substantial change. And these boys have been in less than 6 months of it.

I know it is difficult to have a sense of time due to the game's slow release schedules, but that is a technical limitation of the medium, and in-universe the actual amount of time that has passed has been extremely short. It's unfair to criticize the characters' lack of growth when such little amount of time has passed.

And to address the tags, I am not using Azul's trauma to justify or minimize his actions, but rather I am explaining how his trauma affects his day to day interactions with others and his thought process.

I and my friend are living proof that bullied kids don't have to always become bullies themselves later in life, but that does not mean that there isn't a slippery slope that can lead others to become ones. Hence why discussing and taking into account other perspectives from people with other experiences is so important, it makes you understand others better. You don't need to like Azul to understand him, but learning to understand a character can make their story much more insightful.

My thoughts on Azul:

I haven’t really talked about my feelings for TWST characters but I feel strongly about Azul in the way that I very much dislike him.

- Spoilers for Book 3 and maybe 4

- This is all my opinion really but I don’t think it’s super unfounded.

First off, I feel like his game design could have been better. Yes, he looks fine (in my opinion) but I feel like the game creators had so many options in what to do with him. With Jade and Floyd, even in human form they still somehow resemble eels, but there’s no part of Azul’s design that really shows off more of his octopus merman side. (Side comment: I think that the game designers did Octavinelle dirty with their dorm uniforms. It’s literally just a suit with some accessories. Like come on)

Second off, the part that I really dislike is how his character is portrayed. I know that he is based off of Ursula and therefore has to act like her, but I feel like his backstory that we see after his overblot doesn’t really provide a good enough reason for how he turned out like this and how he acts toward other people.

More on the second point - we see Azul to be bullied which pushes him to want to be better and get back at those who made fun of him. I think that’s a reasonable thing to do - as someone who has been bullied, I have definitely thought about what it would be like to get ahead of them and make them regret being mean to me - not in a violent way but in a ‘they realize I’m so much better and more talented’ kinda way.

But the thing is, Azul doesn’t stop at that

We see that people are having things taken and we see how Azul begins his contract making and such. But he goes beyond that, he starts to make contracts and screw over people who DIDN’T do anything with him. We know from Book 3 that he ran his anemone-study guide stunt last year as well. None of those kids bullied him for his weight, he simply did it to get ahead and be ‘owed’ something.

What I think happened is that Azul felt good after getting the better of those kids when he was young, and then just continued it. His actions in the TWST timeline can’t be justified by him being bullied in the past because he’s already gone above and beyond for that.

That also pulls out another point - but I (don’t hate me for this) think that Azul’s overblot was the most undeserving. Yes, it’s painful to lose something you worked hard and long for. Yes, initially the trauma of being bullied was what got you on this path. But the way that he freaked out, put people in danger, all for bullying as kid? It doesn’t seem justified enough.

One of the main things I’ve seen people complain that they don’t really like about the game is how it doesn’t really seem like the Overblot Boys get enough of a character arc, as their personalities stay the same. This is also true of Azul. In Book 4, he acts exactly the way that he acts in Book 3, and it annoys me that all these people are going through TRAUMATIZING EVENTS and don’t seem to change, while also the player never gets to see what consequences they get.

Also did we ever see the reason why Azul is very ‘I did this now you owe me’ ‘I can’t accept your help because I’ll be in your debt’??

Anyway yeah, that’s my take on Azul. Pls don’t come at me for it.

[bluebudgie]

I gave one of my older characters a little (big?) makeover and now I just want to stroll through divinity's reach and watch his little bitchy walk all day

[travelling-on-the-octopath]

THANK YOU ABOUT CLAUDE AND INGRID'S SUPPORT OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE ACTUALLY ONE OF THE WORST?

Like, I haaate saying that characters are written out of character since I feel that's a pretty heavy accusation to throw at a writer towards characters they created (and it can come off as petty really easily) but?? Like?? Claude acts NOTHING like this anywhere else, where the hell are the writers pulling all of this sexism out of him?? And Ingrid's yelling at someone FOR FUCKING YAWNING? WHEN IT'S ALMOST NIGHTTIME?? "One would think you're not of noble birth, with how you conduct yourself " oh hi Lorenz thanks for stopping by this support chain.

And then the rest of their chain genuinely plays out like a shitty episode of George Lopez, like legit not even kidding it's SO bad. And Ingrid says that Claude reminds her of Sylvain excepts Claude treats women better, when 1) NOTHING in the support gives off that impression of the two of them being similar EXCEPT FOR 2) CLAUDE BEING SEXIST WITH SPECIFICALLY AND ONLY INGRID.

Like there are so many things the support could have been about that could have been infinitely more interesting/entertaining than Shitty Sitcom Couple (complete with the Shitty Sitcom Couple trope of "ohhhh those two look like they hate each other, but they have kids so they totally love each other!" in their shitty ending). In fact I'm petty so:

The differences of the value of a Faerghus knight and a warrior of Almyra (disguised as a knight from "someplace else"), giving Ingrid a broader perspective on what knighthood could entail for those who want to achieve it as well as Claude getting to know Faerghus culture better AND giving the player a better feel for the culture of both

Kinda like you said, talking about how both Ingrid and Claude weren't allowed to feel free about who they are due to the circumstances surrounding them

Make it cute?? Have them fight over whether pegasi or wyverns are cuter better! Miss Born And Raised Horse Girl vs. Mr. Gives His Wyvern Head Scritches! You can even have that evolve into them discussing the habitats of pegasi vs. wyverns, why the Kingdom has a higher concentration of pegasi than the rest of Fodlan and the same but different for wyverns and "the Alliance" (read: Almyra), stuff like that.

There were options!! But no it's just four supports of NOTHING happening, they still barely want to talk to each other by the end of it?? And the entire lesson to glean from the support is "actually there's no reason for us to change that much lol" THEN WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS HELL?? Honest to god one of the worst support chains in the entire game I'm sorry for ranting but reading these two talk to each other was one of the worst things about replaying VW my 2nd playthrough so they have a Special Place in my heart specifically reserved for hating their support </3

It seems this support was based on a premise: Have Ingrid be temporarily unable to tell the difference between someone's (relatively harmless) behaviour and Sylvain's Absolute Bullshit. So what conked me over the head was that like. Okay, there is an Alliance noble who has a streak of behaviour canonically compared to Sylvain's, and who would actually remind Ingrid of him should she witness it.

Lorenz motherfucking Hellman Gloucester.

Have Ingrid call him out! Walk up to him after he's done flirting with whatever poor girl he has his sights on, and point out (calmly) that he can't prop up his standing as a noble while he treats girls' hearts like they're objects. Have HIM point out that she's hardly in a place to judge, seeing as she's caught in the perilous position of choosing her house or her dream. Have her snap there, because that fucking stings to hear, and then come back in the next support conceding that, to a certain degree, he was right, but that it doesn't make her wrong to point out that he can't be all that noble if he's playing games with the people he either has to watch over or make alliances with. That would have been a good example of Ingrid calling out Sylvain-like behaviour, and it giving her a moment to think about her own conduct.

But no! No we get Claude getting dunked on for doing what humans are technically biologically programmed to do: sleep and rise with the sun. And honestly, I wouldn't have mind just a slice of that frustration from Ingrid, but only if it were framed as her having a shitty day; how even a kid pursuing knighthood can reach their boiling point and snap when it's unwarranted. Then, like you said, cue the genuinely nice support chains: Ingrid going flying to relax, Claude waking up in the middle of the night because he heard a strange noise and passing it off as just wanting to pay a visit to the wyverns, talking about what it means to meet expectations, Ingrid saying that being completely silly and aloof just isn't her nature, Claude conceding to that and silently empathizing with acting as expected without sacrificing bits of himself--teasing the idea of racing each other. A whole "You may think I need to lighten up, Claude, but I've been riding since as long as I can remember. I won't go down easy." "Ha! Serious even about this. I have to respect that. All right, bring it on, Lady Galatea." And then imagine an ending card that's all about Ingrid making it to knighthood, and flying out to the Throat once in a while, where it's said her pegasus and a white wyvern raced through the night sky practically endlessly :( that would have been some cute shit right there.

Banging me fists on the table, WHY must we be robbed of proper Claude content at every turn. I don't even want to say they wrote him poorly, if only because it seems they didn't paint and polish him; that is to say, they're not quite sure of every detail of the character. Which isn't completely outlandish; I don't know every little possible thing about the characters I've created in the past, but that's the sort of thing you iron out before you write them in a certain scenario hit "publish" without comparing it to their other appearances. Claude and Ingrid's support chain honestly feels like it was written in the beginning of their characters' formation, and then was never revised, because...well fuck Claude I guess :/

[flowerinyourcare]

A Game With The Owner Of The Kitsune Bar - Shylock - April Fool's 2022 SR

-- Chapter 1

(Location: Shylock's bar, day)

Patron: Haah… The sake served here is exceptional as always, Shylock. I'll have another bottle of the same.

Shylock: Thank you very much. However, please be careful not to overindulge.

Shylock: May I offer some warm snacks to avoid getting overly intoxicated? I personally recommend the "Fluffy-soft Simmered Fried Bean Curd".

Patron: Oh, that sounds great. That's a popular dish among fox yōkai, right?

Patron: Speaking of foxes… Hey, does that purple-haired fox come around these days?

Shylock: Are you referring to Murr? I haven't seen him around in a while.

Shylock: He's a fickle and whimsical creature - I couldn't hope to anticipate when he'll stop by next.

Patron: That's a shame. I quite like to gamble with him while sipping on your delicious sake.

Shylock: Oh? As the master of this establishment, I simply can't allow my guests to go without entertainment.

Shylock: If you wish to gamble, I will offer myself as your partner. I don't know if I can provide the exact same excitement as Murr, but if you'd like, I would be happy to play a round.

Patron: Oh, those dice and that bowl… Are you sure it's okay? I'd love to, but if I win, wouldn't you be upset…?

Shylock: Fufu, I won't be losing easily.

Riquet: ……..

(location: shylock's bar, evening)

Shylock: Riquet, now that the shop is closed, let's settle in for the evening.

Shylock: Now, what shall we have for tonight's meal? …Riquet?

Riquet: Shylock, what were you doing with that customer that just left? The thing with the dice?

-- Chapter 2

(location: Shylock's bar, evening)

Shylock: My, you truly are observant. It's a game called Chinchillorin.

Riquet: "Chinchillorin"…?

Shylock: Yes. You shake three dice in this bowl, and determine the winner based on the outcome of the rolls.

Shylock: But it isn't simply about whose numbers are bigger - you may also achieve a better score if you roll several of the same number, or a particular set of numbers in sequence.

Riquet: Wow… it looks really interesting!

Shylock: I don't run my games as seriously as a true betting house would, though. Sometimes I may join in several rounds myself, or discount the entry fee for particularly sharp players.

Riquet: A betting house…? So the game is gambling? That's immoral, Shylock.

Shylock: It's just a little bit of extra entertainment at the restaurant - and not as sinful as you may think, Riquet.

Shylock: If you wish to bet something, it needn't be money, but can instead be something much sweeter. For example... the right to decide what's on the menu for this evening.

Riquet: …I see… Does that mean that, if I win at Chinchillorin, I can pick whatever I want for dinner?

Shylock: That's right. What do you think, Riquet? Why don't you try a round, and then you can decide if it's truly immoral?

Riquet: …Okay. I wouldn't want to assume things about a subject I'm unfamiliar with, after all.

Shylock: Well then, Riquet - what would you like to have for dinner?

Riquet: I want to eat egg kinchaku.*

Shylock: Hm… then I will be in favor of inari.

Riquet: Oh, yay! Both options are delicious.

Shylock: Then, the stakes are set as kinchaku versus inari. Let the match begin.

--

TN: kinchaku (literally "pouch") is a japanese food item where a filling - in this case it's egg - is wrapped in a fried tofu "wrapper" and cinched at the top, like a little pouch. inari is fried tofu - shylock is cooking it in his chibi 4koma, and traditionally it's said to be a favourite food of fox spirits.

Bonus: home screen tap line

"Aburaage", is it? So it is is an ingredient used in the Sage's world? The word is entirely unfamiliar, but for some reason, the thought of it sets my heart alight with an uneven pounding... what a curious feeling.

(TN: aburaage is also a fried tofu snack. his fox senses must be tingling)

[13eyond13]

HI! Guess who's back. I'm not sure if you're going to remember me but I'm Abs Anon. It's been a long while! I moved countries now and I'm not boringly waiting at ER, I'm boringly waiting for customers, trying to come up with a cool ask. Unfortunately this is all I've got: what character of death note would be worse/best at customer service. Rating from 0 to 10 if you want. I hope you have a great day!! <3

Why hello Absy! What a pleasant surprise. Congratulations on the big move! I love this ask lol... DEATH NOTE CHARACTERS + HOW WELL THEY WOULD PROVIDE CUSTOMER SERVICE:

B: Has the exact opposite of a helpful, cooperative attitude, and is probably constantly looking for ways he can undermine or one-up others whenever they come to him with legitimate questions or complaints (1/10)

ROGER: Very easily stressed and discouraged by customer dissatisfaction, and no tact for resolving the issues harmoniously or efficiently. No customers voluntarily choose him to deal with their problems, and his colleagues often forget he even works there (1.5/10)

SIDOH: Vaguely cares about the customer's concerns because he is anxious and easily bossed around, but useless at actually fixing the issues. Also calls in sick every other day (2/10)

RYUK: Just out to have a good time and to avoid punishment or responsibility at all costs. Mostly trying to catch a nap in the storage room or figuring out how to shoplift something from his own store without being caught on the security cameras (3/10)

MIKAMI: That sullen guy who always eats by himself in the corner of the break room, and who you've never seen smiling once. Follows the company policy to the letter, but he's definitely not someone you would choose to warmly greet customers at the door (4/10)

REM: She is only helpful if she has a crush on you (4/10)

L: Can be pleasant and tactful if he wants to be, but is very unsympathetic and sarcastic to customers and coworkers who irritate him by being inefficient or slow to catch on. Extremely knowledgeable about the things he's genuinely interested in, so still gets a fair number of repeat clients who request his help because they believe he's the best at fixing the issue, even if not the most personable or patient (5/10)

MATT: Probably more fun to hang out with as a coworker than to rely on for a job well done. Will always go for a raunchy joke rather than attempt to be appropriate, and though he is smart and capable he doesn't really care that much if he's being recognized for his achievements or climbing the corporate "ladder of success" (5.5/10)

AIZAWA: Wants to do a good job, but isn't that great at coming up with original solutions of his own, and sometimes lets his hot temper get in the way of being helpful and polite (6/10)

MELLO: Perfectly capable of delivering good customer service, but has very little desire to help others, and also thinks it's usually funnier to watch them sweat (6.5/10)

NEAR: Likes working together to solve problems with others, and is pretty good at it, but has a hard time stuffing his own blunt and negative opinions when he's cranky or annoyed (7/10)

WEDY: Does whatever is asked of her perfectly fine, but is a bit too aloof and independent to be a natural team player (7/10)

HALLE: Great at being flexible in order to meet demands, but sometimes lets her own personal feelings get in the way of a job well done (7.5/10)

KIYOMI: Has the polite customer service voice down pat, but is a little bit too much of a fussy diva to wait on others without reserve (7.5/10)

LIGHT: Great at figuring out what others want from him and then attempting to become that for them, but his secret arrogance and snobby sense of superiority makes it so he is never truly committed to performing at the top of his game in a servile role. An exception might be if it was a position that gave him special distinction and social status while also appearing servile (eg. a clergyman or some such thing) (8/10)

MISA: Cheerful disposition and an entertainer by trade, smart at knowing what others want from her and then giving it to them. Would be higher up if she didn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her professionalism a bit much (8.5/10)

NAOMI: Expert at being likable and perceptive and at stuffing her own negative feelings and opinions in order to get the job done, but could stand to be a little more extraverted and optimistic, maybe (8.5/10)

MATSUDA: Extremely enthusiastic and genuinely outgoing, always willing to lend a hand and a people-pleaser to a fault. Would be higher up if he didn't run his mouth a bit too much without thinking sometimes (8.5/10)

SOICHIRO: Very hard worker with a sincere desire to help everyone and think about what's best for others instead of just himself, but might get a little blustery and temperamental if there were big stressful conflicts at work (8.5/10)

WATARI: Master of fading into the background and just being a silent servant dude. Would be higher up on the list except that he might be a little TOO good at being invisible sometimes (9/10)

SACHIKO: Also kind of a master of fading into the background and being a silent servant type; biggest weak spot is she can be a little frosty when she doesn't like someone, and it shows (9/10)

MOGI: Has an incredibly array of skills and almost never lets his personal feelings get in the way of doing his job well or helping whoever needs to be helped. Also pushes himself to be outgoing when he has to, even though he's shy (9.5/10)

GEVANNI: Extremely hard worker who you could rely on to get anything done, and seems to make it his mission to be useful while also successfully blending in (9.5/10)

SAYU: Laid-back, friendly, funny and sweet; I'd definitely hire her to work as a cashier or a hostess anytime, even if she might sometimes get slightly lazy about doing her work (9.5/10)

AIBER: Charming, easygoing, and flexible for fitting any role he's asked to fill, plus a people-person and body language expert by trade. You just know he'd be the top salesman on your salesfloor and snapping up that employee of the month position every other month (10/10)

[slowlyreadinghouseofmirth]

Page 7

In truth, he had never liked her as well as at that moment -> Selden's affections here are plain to see, made so especially by subordinate clause 'in truth' which conveys an honesty and freshness about his feelings. Most importantly, he likes her when she is being her true self, unconventional, and willing to take risk. It's likely informed by his disillusion with high society and finding commonality in someone willing to disregard its etiquette. This is where Lily is unique.

There's also this sense that Selden likes Lily because she is impulsive and this sparks his curiosity to try and understand why she does the things she does-- understand Lily as a person.

He knew she had accepted without afterthought: -> This reaffirms Lily's lack of hesitancy, which alludes to how willing she is to be in Selden's company. It also shows how comfortable she is with him as she is aware of the rumours that could occur but never merits them with being a possibility, showing great trust.

Alternatively, being aware of the risks and having not afterthoughts could suggest that she doesn't fully understand the risks' depth and nuance as in future the situation at Monte Carlo would suggest, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

he could never be a factor in her calculations -> there's a colon that separates this clause from the previous one which suggests this is an explanation for Lily's certainty. To me this would point more towards Lily not really associating the risk of rumours with Selden because she trusts him so much. i.e she does not think of him when she thinks of the risks. But given that they are going up to his apartment it seems strange that Selden would not think himself a factor in her decision. It's therefore possible that he thinks that Lily does not think of him worthy of great consideration.

Also the noun 'calculations' would suggest a lot of thought had gone into the decision where it was previously implied it was one of impulse. This seems like Selden thinks that Lily is playing an intricate game, which further demonstrates his curiosity about her and need to understand her.

there was a surprise, a refreshment almost, in the spontenaity of her consent -> This further contrasts Selden's perception of Lily's 'calculations' and I think the narration is a fine weave between objective reality--where Lily is impulsive-- and Selden's subjective perceptions-- where Lily appears impulsive but there is something more complex informing her decisions. I think this is meant to show that Selden is blinded somewhat by his affections for Lily, seeing things deeper than what are there or what everybody else sees. Alternatively, we as the reader lack Selden's sight into the complexities of Lily and so she is introduced to us as other people see her, which isn't well at all, and we have to learn how Selden sees her. It's a challenge to care for Lily as he does.

The spontaneity invokes a light hearted and refreshing feeling of being in love which mirrors the honest of truth mentioned earlier.

So there's Selden's surprise at Lily being so spontaneous which draws back to a previous point about she is unique for being impulsive almost reckless. It's like we get a sense of her character and her environment from how the two are at odds with each other. Lily is impulsive; noone else of her class should be like that. In a way that makes her free from the system and yet shows her struggle against it but ultimately her struggle will be more defining.

She noticed the letters and notes heaped on the table -> I assume that this is a reference to future letters although I don't know if they would be the same ones. If they were, I don't even have the mental capacity to unpack that. Just the thought that Lily's fall is inevitable, that even when she is happy, having a nice time, an unknown omen lurks within the same room that will bring her sorrow... oh its symbolic, for sure. But I don't want to think about it.

Lily sank into one of the shabby leather chairs -> the verb 'sank' shows how at home Lily really is with this kind of surroundings, how the shabby whilst not fashionable or expensive, is comfortable. From this we and the the pile of letters we get an image of a a slightly disorderly but well-lived in home. This is one of the tragedies where we see the possibility of what her future with Selden could look like where it is unconventional but Lily is comfortable at home even with it.

"How delicious to have a place like this all to oneself! What a miserable thing it is to be a woman," -> I love Lily's exaggerated turns of phrases like 'delicious' and the exclamations; I think Wharton's emphasis on these exaggerations is to capture Lily's innocence through her speech by making it similar to that of a child who is easily excitable.

Again with the exaggeration but this time with 'miserable', we get the sense that Lily has found the world difficult as a woman to live in but miserable seems too strong of a word, certainly at this stage in the book and is sort of hidden within her other hyperbolised expressions. Maybe this creates a kind of cry-wolf situation where, when Lily properly starts to struggle, people don't take notice not only because it wasn't the done thing to do to talk about struggles but also because of her melodramatic personality, everyone thought the same stuff was happening as it had before and Lily was making a big fuss over nothing.

There is repetition of 'miserable' in association to being of female sex further down the page which is another example of Lily's melodrama. But at this point we as a modern audience start to question if she is actually alright (or at least I did). I'm not sure if a contempary audience if the time would have given the strict taboo over discussing any kind of struggle financial/physical health etc. let alone the discussion of mental health. From the impression I get of the time, the only real source of outlet for people struggling with mental health beyond self medication was art, which makes me wonder as to the position Wharton is writing this from.

she leaned back in a luxury of discontent -> The juxtaposition of 'luxury' and 'discontent' raises an important theme that wealth does not equate happiness and that Lily is not happy as a socialite but happy in the company of Selden, and that actually money is the source of Lily's unhappiness. In this specific context, she is lamenting her lack of freedom to live the lifestyle that Selden does.

"Even women," he said "Have been know to enjoy the privaledges of a flat." -> Putting the discourse marker directly after the subject of 'women' breaks it apart from the rest of the sentence and emphasises the extraordinariness of women being able to live independently. But it also raises the possibility of it and suggests that Selden thinks Lily is extraordinary and unconventional enough to achieve the possibility if she chose to.

"Oh governesses– or widows. But not girls– not poor, miserable, marriageable girls!" -> Again we have the breakdown of womanhood into distinct classes like governess, widows, and girls,which creates the idea that there's no intersections between any of them and is a reflection of of societies fixation for categorisation which loses sight the complexity of situations and problems. And it also makes it easier to place social stigmas like those on governesses and widows. Those stigmas are made apparent here but in contrast to how Lily describes girls, being a governess or a widow seems desirable.

In the list of adjectives 'poor, miserable, marriageable', marriageable is equated to these other adjectives and we see that Lily associates marriage with a poverty of kind, of the heart.

It's also interesting that Lily talks about herself as a girl where Selden speaks of her as a woman. Lily plays up her innocence as she has probably been taught to to make desirable marital match, but with that Lily carries around an air of immaturity and naïvity; she's still very child-like. Perhaps that's a part of her that's trying to cling to her youth so she doesn't have to face her future where she will need to marry to survive. Lily sees her adulthood as a constraint on her and her desires whereas Selden sees her potential.

"you mean Gerty Farish," she smiled a little unkindly. "But I said marriageable–" -> Okay so definitely a little tone deaf on Lily's part buts she's honest to a fault and her honesty is refreshing and entertaining.

I'm no expect on autism and don't claim to be but there's something about Lily's mannerisms here that reminds me of people who I know and am very close with who are autistic. And it makes me wonder if Lily was autistic and neurodivergence was recognised in her time if her fate would have been any different.

"Her cook does the washing and her food tastes if soup. I should hate that you know." -> I just love the imagery of the first sentence, it strikes my funnybone. I guess it also illustrates that Lily's privileged upbringing if she thinks this is a bad situation to live in.

Okay I'm going to bring in a bit of a technical term to describe the verb 'should'. So it's a modal verb (expressing possibility based on context) but specifically a deontic modal verbal, meaning that Lily's hate depends on social rules. When she says she should hate it it implies that society wants her to hate it but she wouldn't necessarily hate it. That's what that verb phrase implies in today's english, but language has changed since the time it was written so it may not have been written with this meaning, especially as a signifier of an older text is the use of modal verbs in places we wouldn't today and a lot more of them.

The shift from Selden's reflections to the quick dialogue and short simple sentences of action creates a lively and charged atmosphere that feels almost flirtatious in its rhythm but by the nature of the content is more domestic (preparing afternoon tea). The balanced turn taking feels comfortable in that they both have equal power in the conversation, being allowed to say what they want to and being listened to. It goes towards simulating what a possible future could be and also shows how happy they are in this moment.

[coinofstone]

4x03 The Wicked Day

We're only three minutes into this episode and Arthur's giving Merlin a universally recognized chin-tip of recognition while he is willingly being tied to an upright spinning wooden board, with his arms secured above his head and his legs slightly spread. Yea, there's absolutely no reason for that to make anyone think of Arthur being fastened to a St Andrew's cross, none at all.

Also what is with this show having other ppl shove food in Arthur's mouth

All the knights are clapping and laughing but Percival's looking at the spinning wooden rig like he's having some Thoughts™️

Merlin escorting a drunk Arthur back to his room, where Arthur proceeds to begin undressing himself, is a scene played for comedy - 'haha Arthur's drunk and walking around with his pants down' - but literally all I see is domesticity.

I love drunk!Arthur but I also like Uther with the long hair.

I really like the fight scene with Uther and the baddie, not just bcuz Tony looks good - but because it is giving Uther a bit more agency back. They've never been clear on what his deal is. Gaius has a line in the first episode that makes it sound like depression. Arthur has a line that makes it sound like Alzheimers. Uther's on-screen behavior could go either way, or could be a little of both. I don't really think it's supposed to be definitive. The swordfight, I think, is entirely keeping with both theories. He was asleep when Arthur entered the room, he would've been exhausted after the exertion of attending a feast with such lively entertainment (considering he spends his days staring out a window, that's a big effort for him). The fighting would've woken him up, and even if he were experiencing sundowning, his sword skills would've been ingrained in him since youth, muscle memory like. And there's always the whole, 'super parent' thing, the surge of adrenaline from seeing your kid in danger leading to extraordinary feats. Regardless, it's an improvement over the despondency in the last few episodes where his character was mostly reduced to scenery.

I love Merlin but he's a fucking idiot.

Fair warning, this is probably going to be an unpopular opinion. Merlin is being a self serving manipulative little shit by encouraging Arthur to use magic to heal Uther, presenting himself as a sorcerer to do so, and then claiming his 'price' for healing Uther is, essentially, freedom and equality for all magic users. First of all, as a FRIEND, Merlin should be aware of Arthur's state of mind. Arthur's lived his entire life wondering about his mother who died giving birth to him. Merlin knows how big of a thing it is for him, if it weren't he wouldn't have nearly killed Uther in S2 when he discovered her life was the price for his. NOW, he's just watched his father get stabbed in the heart while saving Arthur's life, on his birthday.

I don't care how much you dislike Arthur, you cannot deny the trauma here. There's no way Arthur doesn't live with a degree of melancholy surrounding his birthday, knowing that it's also the anniversary of his mother's death; and you can't tell me that hasn't been amplified exponentially since he learned the truth from Morgause and confronted his father. Whether he believed Merlin's last minute save that Morgause had been lying and that she conjured an illusion to fool Arthur, is immaterial. You can't un-ring a bell. In his heart he'll always question, he'll always carry the weight of knowing that there's a chance his own life came at the cost of his mother's. And there is no way this doesn't come bubbling up at his birthday every year. They even attempted to show him being 'grumpy' at the start of the episode, Merlin is enthralled by the entertainment that's shown up for his celebration, Arthur would really rather not deal with it. It's not because he's not easily entertained, it's because his birthday isn't something he particularly feels like celebrating. Add to that, now, in the evening after his birthday feast, he's incapacitated by a sedative in his drink and he gets attacked by an assassin. His father saves his life and gets stabbed in the process, a mortal wound. Arthur shouldn't have even been in Uther's chambers! If he hadn't been, Uther wouldn't have been near the fight - he wasn't the target, Arthur was. This is a huge trauma for Arthur, his father paying the price for Arthur's life with his own on the anniversary of his mother unwittingly doing the same thing! Major, massive trauma! Psychological disaster! Merlin, as Arthur's friend, should know that.

I'm not saying Merlin was wrong to go all dragoon again - wanting to conceal his identity so he doesn't reveal his magic is understandable. Merlin's willingness to use magic to save Uther is also ... expected, if not entirely understandable. He's saved Uther many times, this time is only special in Uther wasn't attacked by magic and Arthur asked him directly for assistance with getting someone to use magic to help him. That's a big first.

My problem is with Merlin trying to demand a price from Arthur at all. Even as dragoon. Obviously, I want equality for magical ppl in Camelot. Obviously, I understand Merlin wanting the same. But it does not make sense for Merlin to look at his friend, who is in pain, who is desperate, who is acting unlike himself, and say 'this is exactly the right time to make him promise me to end the war on magic.' He could've said, 'I will do this, but remember this when you are king. Remember when you saw magic used for good.' and that would've been fine. But the fact that he extracted a price from Arthur, in exchange for helping Uther, the fact that he made it a transactional agreement: that's Merlin taking advantage of Arthur in his weakest moment, full stop. And that's entirely out of character for Merlin. It very much comes across as like, 'I've got him right where I want him' which is THE most antithetical thing POSSIBLE to Merlin & Arthur's relationship.

And yes, for all my ranting I do understand that this was part of a plot point to pit Arthur further against magic, to cement his belief in his father's hardline stance against it, to prevent the show from having to prematurely address the issue because Merlin no longer has a reason to hide. It was intended to keep the conflict going, so that they could continue the series with that narrative, and I understand that. Buuuut the same exact end could've been achieved without Merlin eliciting a promise from Arthur when he's clearly under duress.

And speaking of things that don't make sense, why would Gaius hide the enchanted necklace he found on Uther from Arthur? Surely he would want Arthur to know that his attempt had been deliberately thwarted?

Commentary by Alice and Colin

Bit confused by Alice's comments about Uther. She says she didn't think it was a mental illness, but more like he's 'worn out'. She also says Tony had nailed it and that they'd both had experience dealing with older relatives. I don't really understand what she's trying to say at all. Anyway, she wanted him to have an excellent sword fight scene and I think she's succeeded in that.

It's Colin's first time seeing the episode cut so they aren't doing a whole lot of talking unlike 4x01 where Alice and Katie just talked throughout the entire thing.

Alice says there's a drinking game on the internet - drink every time someone gets blasted back by magic. Colin legit said

The end bit where Arthur and Merlin are talking in Arthur's chambers, Colin says it's like what Merlin thought might've been his best chance has become his worst nightmare.

Alice is so proud of the shot of Arthur coming out of the room where Uther's body is laid out with the rising sun in the background streaming through the window, giving him Apollo vibes.

That final moment of Arthur being crowned king. Colin was clearly genuinely impressed with it and told Alice so, she said she was really very lucky to be given that scene to do.

[sagebodisattva]

Severe Condemnation of Mediocrity

Yeah, it's a shame to have to say this, but somebody's got to do it. Not only for your own good, but also just to go on record as someone in the masses that finally said what needed to be said, concerning the pervasive permeation of rampant vapidity that has saturated the human consciousness. So, you know, the ole roll up the sleeves dirty job requirement thing.

The most shallow superficial individuals with the lowest intelligence concern themselves with people and gossip, the moderately shallow superficial ones with average intelligence concern themselves with places and events, but the truly wise conceptually deep ones with the highest intelligence concern themselves with concepts and ideas. I say this because sometimes people ask me:

“Sage, how come you never do videos about people or current events?”

And, I have to tell you, the reason is simple; because that kind of content is trite, shallow, superficial, air headed, mediocrity, that only appeals to the lowest common denominator; which means, of course, the majority; of which, I have absolutely no interest in appeasing, nor to whom, the appetite of which, I will not be catering to. I am here to wake people up from delusion, not to enable sleeping lemmings to get more comfortable in their delusion by serving up predictable cheesy junk food entertainment that telegraphs all its intentions, so as to be more easily consumed by lazy sedentary brains, that love to get banged over the head with sophomoric catchy unchallenging candy coated tripe, so as to mask the inner quiet desperation with some fake outward appearance of arrogant clever self satisfaction, which upholds a contrived self image as being one who is among those who fit in, and are accepted into some smug group, that imagines itself to be just so great, because it attracts so many others of the same type, of which, you can be sure, is a whole lotta people.

This is the essence of mediocrity, and it's not anything to applaud, condone, encourage or feed into. Mediocrity is the death knell of artistry and creativity, and is a omen of bloated decadence and the rapid decay of intelligence, wisdom, philosophy and mindfulness. We should be careful when maintaining standards of quality to not reward mediocrity, for this only gives it more motivation to repeat itself, which is what it's best at, for one of the great hallmarks of mediocrity is the constant rehash and regurgitation of anything that was previously popular; and in this regard, mediocrity knows no decency, or shame. It will beat a dead horse into a pulp, and then take the pulp and make it into a smoothie, and after you throw that up, it will take the vomit and incorporate it into an energy drink.

This is the degraded state of mainstream pop culture, which began it's gradual degenerative descent into insipid superficiality in 1980, and has gotten regressively worse and worse upon each passing decade. Things got so lame that, after 1999, we even lost our creativity in the clothing styles that usually reflects the particular flavor of bubblegum that represents the pop culture zeitgeist of a decade, which you would think would be the bread and butter. Have you noticed that? If you look at the 50's, 60's, 70's. 80's and 90's, each decade has it's own unique style, but does anything really come to mind when you think about 2000 to 2009? What about 2010 to today? Anything? I can't really think of anything, other then just a mish mash rehash of past styles. There's no more distinct style accompanying the decades anymore. Everything now is either just streamlined brand names and commercial logos, or a x-factor, hipster, socio-historical grab bag of random appropriation, or just the usual formal business attire. Not that I really care all that much, but it is a demonstration of the decline of creativity via the saturation and satiation of mediocrity on the masses, which dilutes, or dries up completely, the wellspring of primary source content and original expression.

And you know that the mediocrity has reached epic proportions, with the reality shows the way they are nowadays, along with all the various parades of side shows freaks, drama queens and attention whores. It's gotten so bad, that they even do FAKE reality shows now. That's right. TV is gonna go to great lengths to indulge your need for sniffing other people's dirty underwear, and providing you with a role model archetype you can identify with, so that you may properly vicariously indulge in all the attention whoring and drama pornography, even if it mean it has to stage events to appear real. Sound familiar? This is seems to be related to a theme we find present here in this reality. This gusto for lies and fakery. Much of the time you even know it's a lie, but you love it anyway. We love fake people and fake personalities, because we are not self accepting people. We hide our pure natures behind the superficial facades of luxury, plastic surgery and extravagant lifestyles. And we keep ourselves happily sedated in this shallow fluff by consuming large amounts of prescription drugs and mainstream popular culture. And, isn't it curious that the biological definition of culture is: the cultivation of bacteria, tissue cells, etc., in an artificial medium containing nutrients. Artificial. Got the drift? And so, who is the most popular bacterium of the day? All the sheep want to know.

Yes, sheep. As in, sheeple. It's always been kind of a cool way to refer to the adherents of mediocre conformity, but I always had my own little pejorative label that I liked much better than the sheeple, which has grown into a bit of a cliche. I have always called them, the Ones. I call them the ones because they are the ones that all agree, and they are also called the ones because they are all like little metaphorical number 1's, uniformly basic, all running around in giant packs of identical meaning and purpose. What are all the ones watching? What are all the ones listening to? What does the latest poll by all the ones reveal? Which contestant have all the ones voted off the show? Because, you must be like all the ones. All the ones agree on this. Don't find yourself in opposition to all the ones. All the ones might pass a new law to crush your individuality. Cause you must be like all the ones. You must be like all the ones and (X8)....

So, to appeal to all the ones must mean that you are successful, right? To be celebrated by the lowest common denominator has become the measure of greatness. When all the clones love you, you know you have achieved something magnificent. You are now a popular mainstream product of pop culture mediocrity. Congratulations! Obviously, your appeal must be a reflection of good taste, because all the ones approve of what you are doing. You are normal, non-threatening, and unchallenging to the ones sensibilities, and thereby fit for mass consumption, and other such facilities. Because you know how bubble gum logic works, if it's popular, then that must mean that it's the best. That it's better then all the alternatives. That it's top shelf, crème de la crème, right? Yeah. And that's why fast food cheeseburgers are so much better then filet mignon. This is why junk food is so much better then gourmet cuisine. Are we to believe this? Come now. It's not better, it's just cheaper. Easier. Flashier. It's mediocre. Which, at best, just means supremely average.

How does something like that sound to you? You are so stupendously average. Quite Ordinary. Unremarkable. Standard. Normal. Typical. Regular. Are these descriptors getting you horny yet? No. Popular doesn't mean better. It means mediocre. Which, from the perspective of the refined aesthetics of a creative discerning mind, means complete and utter artistic failure. You got that? Under most circumstances, with few exceptions, popularity means epic fail. Artistically, popularity isn't indicative of success, but of a failure that is obscured by a sort of ironic condescending mocking lionization. Behind all the applause and smiling faces is the secret desire to see your downfall. This is why so many artists who were lauded and celebrated and pushed to the heights of praise and attention are promptly kicked and dragged through the dirt the second they are down. The media and paparazzi just love that, don't they. Like buzzards and vultures circling a fresh corpse. That's why they celebrate you so hard when you're on the way up. It's fresh meat. A future meal. Another mediocre subject for them to rip apart and play in the innards.

You feel bad when you see this happen to someone like Marlon Brando, but not so bad when you see it happen to anyone in this new crop of snarky millennials, who knew or blew their way to the top because it was always their dream to have the lifestyle of an artist. You dig that? The lifestyle. Actual artistry is a glossed over afterthought. They don't have much talent, but talent doesn't matter if you have a really good looking superficial appearance! Don't worry about talent, we got teleprompters and auto tune for that. What we'll loosely call your so called body of work, is really just generic filler to justify the lifestyle of a pop star, which is more important and incidentally, the subject of a new reality TV show, where the lifestyle is the feature showcase of the show! And have you seen one of these shows? They are expositions that provoke misanthropy, which is why they are best avoided; for they inspire the desire for bloodsport. They make you root in favor of the media vultures, and even want to assist them, by sharpening their talons and feeding them cocaine. Give you some privacy? Please. You got what you signed up for, so don't sneer and push the photographers, lest you get thrown to the lions. Yeah. I'm in favor of bringing back the colosseum games wherein reality TV stars and their ilk must engage in gladiator battles to the death. Now that would be something to celebrate!

And speaking of celebrating, the crypto semantics of which brings us the word "celebrity", it's amazing how mediocrity, which works so little and contributes works of such little value, feels it needs to be praised and awarded on a regular basis. You know... The type of mediocrity that is so average and so propped up by nepotistic handicapped assistance that it just simply deserves to be showered by various awards granted from itself to itself!! There's nothing better in the whole wide world then mediocrity patting itself on the back and bestowing itself mediocrity awards. A reward for a job well done, right? And they call this professionalism, which is a real slap to the intelligence. More like professional mediocrity.

But do you know what the real kick to the kidneys is? If you look up the word mediocrity in the dictionary, it's lists as a related synonym: amateur. And this is a common misconception and misassociation, as, obviously most people don't understand the meaning of the word, as it's often wrongly used to indicate a meaning of one being green or unskilled or of lame creative abilities, as we have often heard it spoken in response to displays of buffoonery to "knock it off and stop acting so amateur"... amateur doesn't mean unskilled. It means someone who does something out of a love for doing it, as opposed to the professional, who does something out of a love of profit, which automatically means it just has to be better, right? Making an amateur mistake means that you haven't been thoroughly trained on how to produce to the cookie cutter standard. You aren't formula enough. You need to become more predictable, less thoughtful and cater to someone else's standards. That's funny, considering so many of the styles and techniques that come naturally to the amateur are often later adopted and replicated by the so called professionals. The amateur has heart. The professional wants money. And that's exactly why the quality of all these mainstream projects has gone so low. The motive of profit almost always necessarily equates into a decline in quality and substance. And this truth pervades all arenas of human achievement. Ask yourself, what kind of doctor would you like treating you, or operating on you, one that loved what he was doing, or one that was just doing it just because he loves the paycheck? And what kind of politician would you want representing you, one that loves and serves the people? Or one that will use the office to benefit himself and his corporate pimps? Profit is a recipe that poisons the well. But with art it's even more of a factor that will determine quality. When you are pushing out content for profit you have basically become a pimp who is prostituting an art form, which drastically cheapens everything, despite the million dollar budget, and that's really an unfortunate shame.

And it’s really all quite depressing; which is why I’m done talking about it now... but, uh, yeah it kinda had to be said and uh, I had to say to say it. It was really not really pleasant. But I, you know, had to really deconstruct it. Chop it up, and slice it the other way... into little cubes. Can’t have that. Too much. Too much facade; it has to be chopped. You know? It’s bad enough there’s a facade; but a facade on steroids? No, it has to be chopped, sorry.