#look at this fucking jamoke

[thebadtimeskid]

Trump mugshot is real.

https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-georgia-surrender-indictment-08-24-23/index.html

[some-murmurings]

i'm happy that video essays are a popular format on youtube now. i've loved the genre for years and, with care, it's a reliable source of accessible education.

that said, the popularity of video essays on youtube makes me feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears. it is so easy to immediately tell when an author has no actual investment in the genre and sees it merely as a vehicle for #Content™️©️®️

There are three basic qualities I see suffering the most for this

1. Length

I see so many of these newer channels pumping out 8 hour pieces that are closer to exhaustive book reports then they are tight, well written examinations of something and, while I LOVE the diversity inherent to the video essay format, this is a terrible way to explore a topic. It's boring, lame, and extremely profitable.

Quinton Reviews is a good example; I like his work occasionally, his recent thing on Dan Schneider was genuinely pretty good. It did still suffer from the resulting pacing sickness from overloading on information and underloading on composition & organization. Wendigoon is an even better example. Most "iceberg" style vids also are (not u jan misali. never u.)

Also, there's no defined rule for the length of a video essay. They can be 5 minutes long or 5 hours, flash fiction or a full-bodied thesis. Shots of tequila or a whole bottle of wine can both get you drunk.

2. Pacing

Obviously related to length but this is another problem; video essayists have always struggled with this and it got worse recently anyways.

A lot of that "information overload" is to blame. It's important that, when researching, YOU come to a strong, nuanced understanding of a topic through disparate sources. It is, by nature of the format and genre, an extremely bad idea to try and make your audience learn the information the same way.

We don't need a thousand sources spread across several dozen sentences, we want the 3-4 (max) best sources on a given subtopic concisely synthesized into a coherent idea.

Use music, jokes and relevant graphics to make this information as engaging and interpretable as possible without sacrificing accuracy. It's okay to abridge and note that you were, in fact, abridging. We don't need to know every detail about every single thing loosely related to the topic.

Dan Olson from "Folding Ideas" is a good example of this. His script writing and camera work does an extremely good job of creating effective flow with an appropriate amount of detail & nuance. So, pacing, basically.

3. Topic

U can tell some of these jamokes don't give a fuck or shit about the thing they're discussing. Worse still when it's some inane internet drama they're recounting like its "news."

To be clear: the best video essays are OFTEN on topics you have no previous interest in. Roblox_oof.wav by HBomberguy is an easy example. This shit is a complete mess thematically but, because the author engages deeply and effectively with the topic, it literally doesn't matter. It's an insanely good video you should spend all 2 & 1/2 hours in rn. Go. Watch it.

Nor is internet drama a bad topic to cover. You're allowed, encouraged really, to discuss the weird bullshit people do to each other but like... this is closer to a soap opera than it is a national news headline. Looking at you, "Turkey Tom" or whatever the fuck your name is.

There's something to be said, too, for how quick people are to make an essay about a still moving situation. I know the algorithm is an insatiable maw of content hunger but, counterpoint, ONLY MAKE A VIDEO WHEN YOU CAN ACTUALLY DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED. If there's reasonable suspicion stuff isn't done, SHUT THE FUCK UP. It's okay if you misjudge a timeline here or there, you're allowed to admit fault and correct yourself, but, like, cmon.

Also something to be said about how quick so many essayists have ALWAYS been to talk about someone else's business without permission, particularly intimate partner violence.

4. Style/Presentation

Video essays are an extremely novel format, particularly for education, so there's a genuine debt of easy-to-adopt styles. And, because of the recent growth, there are a lot of new people entering the space with very little experience in it.

That said, the next time I hear that fucking "influencer cadence" I'm gonna EXPLODE. You know the one, they slow down towards the end of a sentence to lend "gravitas" and overarticulate every. single. word. to, idk, build credibility?

It's shallow and obnoxious and I hate it. Nothing makes me skip a video faster than a boring intro & a predictable cadence. Be honest about the way you speak. If you struggle to create rhythm & flow with your voice, use music! Seriously, music sampling is a super valid method, most indie artists would be JAZZED to have their stuff in parts of their video. A lot of orchestral stuff is in the public domain, especially a lot of famous "classical" works. Put Beethoven's 5th in your video about potato farming in russia, God might not be real and if she is she'd ALSO think it's funny.

Another problem: predictable cuts & generally uninspired editing. I know editing is a pain in the ass but, like, it IS still a creative process. You do have space to do interesting stuff here and, if you can't focus for that long, literally just make a shorter video.

It's okay if 95% of your transitions are purely functional, the trick is to make those 5% REALLY silly to keep your audience on their toes.

5. Tone

You don't need to be "an authority" on a topic to make a good essay about it. It helps but, as long as you're clear & honest about the limits of your understanding and you've done your due diligence, you almost certainly will be fine to talk about anything you want.

If you want to build credibility quickly, consider starting with disambiguation instead of dry recitation. Dates matter less to me than actually understanding a topic better. Even better if you come across like another autistic person infodumping about whales or w/e.

I'd keep going but my phone's gonna die. U get the gist. Lots of format problems that algorithm-brain is exacerbating.

[carmenized-onions]

as soon as i read the word ‘amish’ i physically recoiled because i just knew you would mess with my mental stability this chapter!

ignore how much of a shambles this is, i start off coherent but end up just making incomprehensible statements so don’t worry if you need help translating! i just wanted to make sure i gave you an idea of HOW FUCKING GOOD THIS WAS

i love the way you wrote this interaction, like i feel like it’s perfectly both average and extraordinary if that makes sense - which perfectly sets up what mikey and chips friendship was omg you are too good

of course he won’t let you have peace that’s literally a member of the berzatto family they haven’t known a moment of peace in their lives

MIKEYS ALWAYS SEEN YOU and fixer friend combo is insane don’t play with me

love me some divorce era richie angst

i’ve never heard the word jamoke before i had to google it is that so british of me

“you’re not gonna remember that” oh sweetie you will remember richie because i will make you remember

they are my fav comedic duo #guarddog vibes

a moment for the pork sandwich, and the yoink

i don’t want to go back to a time where mikey wasn’t there after reading this first section, like it’s too much

wait you giving me carmens pov of his worst friday ever is enough for me to slightly forgive you for mikey tb

random but i want to know what chips handwriting looks like - i know it’s a reader x carmy book but she’s basically an oc in my head now

no way chip is a youngest child wtf

no one gets being the guy like mikey and chip i fear

she keeps kid band aids in her wallet oh yes

YOU FUCKING TELL HIM carmy (im still mad at you btw)

her being mikeys sponsor i can’t i really cant do it

she quit being an emt for him

this is almost as painful as hearing him call her a failure

“im not a fucking patient chip” - oh you berzattos when you feel vulnerable

jazz hands away the awkwardness so real

never assume they are together ever ever

chip will not listen to people calling addicted junkies ever

the whimsy is gone

no.

get him syd go for the jugular

they’re multiplying DONT MAKE ME LAUGH NINE FAKS

eva’s richie she’s a little richie “insane uncle”

no … not the funeral … NOOOOO

she is a patoot!!!! she really is!!!!

performance anxiety… girl that’s your brother

it’s still michael’s office

richie the book nerd era

i took no notes after this as i was too upset!!! i’m sorry all i can say is it’s ur fault for being too good

IT’S THE FINAL ASK BEFORE WE UPLOAD NEXT CHAP BABY LETS FUCKING GO I DID IT I DID IT IN A NIGHT I’M GONNA BUY MYSELF LUNCH IN THE MORNING CAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO MAKE ONE TONIGHT LMAO who wants to donate to my ko-fi kidding kidding kidding

I WAS SOOOO HOPING FOR THAT RECOIL. What I love about the “what are you amish” is that I don’t know if everyone remembered— But that story chip told was so specific and so immediately upon seeing amish which has only been used one other time, it IMMEDIATELY TRANSPORTS YOU AND I LOVE THAT. 

Thank you thank you thank you— Any thoughts are good thoughts and you’ve always sent the most wonderful analysis’ so to see you rendered kind of speechless really is a genuine tremendous honour so thank you I do appreciate i DO!

I absolutely wanted that like perfectly average yet extraordinary meeting— It’s like Tina and Mikey meeting to me— Or even honestly like, us as viewers meeting Mikey for the first time in his first scenes he actually speaks in— Those were genuinely so magical to me. It was like getting to meet the fucking wizard. Or the ghost that haunts us. Two things can be true. 

This family doesn’t know the WORD peace, they know the word piece. Like pieces? Is that what you ordered? Torn to pieces u say? FIXER FRIEENNDDDD!! I can’t believe Jamoke hadn’t made it across the pond until now. Happy to educate. Had to look up if Jamoke is used in chicago— A solid 5 articles came up so I think I’m good. 

Genuinely while writing everytime I had to switch I was like MOM DONT MAKE ME GO OVER THERE I HATE IT THERE!!! And then I’d get stuck in and have a lot of fun, and then I’d have to switch back, and the cycle would repeat. 

Ahhh Chip’s handwriting. What would it look like? I feel like it’s gotta be either really neat like wrote the most insane school notes in college with mildliners and everything or it’s literally fucking incoherent. Maybe both. When she’s got time it’s the first, when she doesn’t, it’s the second.

I WILL NOT TAKE YOUNGEST CHILD SLANDER ITS MY TURN ON THE XBOX I GET TO CHOOSE THE SIBLING DYNAMIC REPRESENTATION!!!! No one’s gonna ever get being the Guy like Chip and Mikey (and her child bandaids)

I should clarify also— Did Mikey’s OD act as the final nail in the coffin of quitting? A million times yes. Does Mikey think she abandoned the career for him? A million times yes. But she really WAS considering quitting already— SHE GETS TO MAKE THE CALL OF WHAT SHE BETS ON MIKEY YOU FUCKER !!!!

Berzattos when anyone tries to take care of them in any way: Oh so you think i’m fucking crazy? You think I need to be put in a ward? I’m going to prove you wrong by going ape shit right now.

Chip gets so defensive over Carmen sayin’ junkie ESPECIALLY because Mikey said it about himself!! To hear the brother that Mikey loved so much say that shit OH her blood was boiling. Jazz hands the pain away. Sydney get his ass. 

Faks are multiplying, Richie is multiplying with a little Eva— PEOPLE GET PERFORMANCE ANXIETY OVER A LOT OF THINGS— I GET PERFORMANCE ANXIETY WHEN I MAKE TUMBLR POSTS OKAY

I don’t honestly remember if I intentionally wrote it being ‘he goes back to Michael’s office’. I hope i did that intentionally because it’s fucking gutting. I also did forget they redid the office in S2— Which like. Why. Why are we spending any of the budget on anything not required. I dont. Gettit. Regardless, in CK, it’s absolutely the old shitty S1 office and i have NO intention of changing that. 

Thank you for these thoughts i would spend so much longer thanking you but we have to get thIS FUCKING CHAPTER OUT BECAUSE I WANT TO REREAD IT BEFORE BED THERES NO TIME I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU NEW CHAPTER IN LIKE 10 MINUTES OKAY PROBABLY LESS

[mr-tony-stark]

So Clint's talking - which is good. Talking is good. It's stammered and not thought through, and it's very clear that saying the words is hurting him too, but he is talking. That lancing a boil analogy comes to mind again, because Clint is clearly struggling to to draw it out, and it was clear how toxic and poisonous it was.

It broke Tony's hear to hear Clint doubting himself so much. Clint had doubted himself before. Tony had long thought that maybe Clint struggled with at least depression. Possibly even bipolar. Visiting him you were just as likely to find his place strewn with cups, cans, and pizza boxes, while Clint was in sweats that hadn't been changed for days, as he was to find Clint in shorts and a crop top and full of ideas either working out or building new arrowheads. Yet even at his lowest, he still usually thought he had tried to do something good. Shooting Bruce was because he thought he was saving everyone else, and because Bruce had asked him. This whole Red Hood thing was because he was angry at the justice system. Clint fucked up, but Clint was a hero.

And Tony got it! He did! He'd had his morals flipped on him and was a genuine villain for a while. He often ended up on the other side of a fight with his closest friends. He knew what it was like to feel you'd gone too far in the wrong direction and you weren't the good guy anymore. But still - Clint had never doubted it before now.

Tony wasn't sure what to do. How do you tell someone they were wrong in this situation? Because Clint did do terrible things. There were things he needed to put right. So Tony could say the words 'you're good' and Clint would have the counters right there ready to go.

Tony had the wherewithal to pull out his phone and set it aside and to kick his shoes off, but then he was sinking into the water in front of Clint, clothes still on. There was far too much water in the tub for two people, and it sloshed onto the floor. Brandy squealed and started splashing his hands in it. Tony didn't care. A little warm bathwater wouldn't hurt her. He'd clean her up after this. Right now Clint was the priotity.

He wrapped his arms around Clint and pulled him close, his hands patting down his body. "Clint. No. No, honey. You think some jamoke named Fancy Dan knows you better than I know you? You've fucked up. We've all fucked up. That's what makes us human beings. Sometimes we get bad ideas and sometimes our emotions run the show. But you're good. You're good."

He smoothed his hands over Clint's cheeks and held his jaw. "Babe. Look at me. You are Clint Fucking Barton. You are Hawkeye. The normal guy who got on the team through pure skill. You are the leader of the Thunderbolts. You are the leader of the West Coast Avengers. You are the guy who gives people second chances. You are the guy who gave me a second chance. You are Kate Bishop's mentor. You're my boyfriend. And I know things feel hopeless right now, and I know you think there is no way you can get back who you are. But you don't need to get him back. He's right there. You just have to trust yourself again."

Tony wanted to tell Clint he loved him. Because he did. Maybe it wasn't in-love. Not yet. Though Tony wasn't totally sure he'd know what that felt like when it happened. But he did love him. Clint was one of his closest and most trusted friends. But saying it now would just get things messy, so he kept it in, despite the fact it was bubbling to get out.

⸻ HE KNOWS HE HAS TO TRY.

Clint has to push some of that angry, that hurt down because he does remember the talk in rehab about how he typically weaponizes THAT. Why does it matter, in a cold tone, like it was a weapon against Tony. HE'S ALREADY RUINED SOME THINGS.

Thirty phones pointed at them, so he knows that many pictures were circulating of the both of them (and a baby) in a bar. Clint had to swallow dry and thickly, not to say further. Risk saying something cruel and undeserving to Tony. HE WANTED ⸺ NEEDED ⸺ HIS HELP.

FIGHTS WITH HIMSELF ⸻ THE URGE TO TURN AWAY. He wanted to drink or sink into the tub, hold his head under water until he absolutely could not hold his breath anymore. It feels raw, wrong to even speak; to fill his mouth with word instead of the liquid destruction he had craved.

⸺ we're fine. Okay? ⸺ He looks over to Brandy playing with her own toys on a towel, nodding his head and humming. It's an acknowledgement, even if he doesn't quite believe that was true.

CLINT'S STILL PRETTY OUT OF IT. That makes it tougher to talk, feels false to even try to articulate when he doesn't feel himself, detached from his body. ❝ Uh, a lot. First, he kind of. . . I felt like a case study; and he said that I wanted to have sex with Kate. And than he said a lot more than that. ❞ That last part about Kate probably made no sense, out of context and even in the context it was insulting.

CLINT'S NOT A FAN OF PSYCHOANALYZING.

There's a lot more that came up. It would be hard to unpack. ❝ And I. . . he messed with my head, I know what that is like. Karla did that, and not in like her powers ways at all. Questioned if I. . . why I was really DOING THIS, if I was being honest. ❞ He means being messed with in that therapy way, but it didn't feel helpful with this therapist. He left therapy confused, hurt, hating himself and blaming himself more than he had been. More than he should be.

⸻ ❝ No, I really think that's true. I'm not. . . I'm not. I know it's true. ❞ He' not anyone; not hawkeye or ronin or goliath or the few other names he's used. THE FEELING'S COMPARABLE TO WHEN HE STARTED. The cops confusing him for the thief (and sure he had been a thief; but not there, not now). No one believed him, and he started to believe what others believed. LIKE NOW.

He felt already not feeling like a hero anymore, when he had ran into two criminals on the street.

❝ I know I did wrong, okay, that I shouldn't have. . . ❞ HE SHRINKS BACK HERE. Telling Tony what was wrong, what had happened. He knows he was why things went wrong. ❝ I saw try sketchy figures I recognized, Fancy Dan and Ox; and I. . . a hero does something, yknow? Hadda follow'em and than I was right; and I- I know I'd get in trouble. . . I didn't even do anything, cause I knew that. But - cops weren't there yet, woman was crying, guy being carried off. . . I'm Hawkeye I should do something, right? ⸻ RIGHT?! ❞ He sounds desparate, like he'd take any answer here. I'M HAWKEYE.

I'M HAWKEYE ⸻ HE'S NO ONE. NOT A HERO ANYMORE.

❝ ⸻ I don't and Fancy Dan walks right past me, thanks me and says I- like I'm in some kind of knowhow ⸺ 'm one of them. . . 'Cause he's not wrong, look at what I did and than I. . . they got away and I did nothing; didn't. . . Cops show up and. . . I'M NOTHING, Y'KNOW. NOBODY ANYMORE. ❞ ⸻ NOT A HERO.

No hope. If wasn't he wasn't Hawkeye than, he was hopeless. No one. NOTHING. Not a hero.

❝ Figure if I'm just not anything, than what's the point? It doesn't matter. ❞ WHAT'S ONE? HE COULD HANDLE ONE DRINK. ⸺ It didn't matter if he drank or not, so why not drink?

[twoofcups]

ww1984 is a mess

barbara wishes to be powerful after being sexually assaulted and power = wearing heels, getting rid of her glasses, and changing her entire wardrobe and personality. her “dark evil villain moment” is her beating up the man who assaulted her and that’s supposed to be evil. by gaining the power to protect herself, she loses her “warmth” and “humanity”. a convoluted attempt at a monkey’s paw story where a woman is punished for wanting to defend herself from potential rapists

stereotypically racist stoner shaman character

“the mayans were destroyed because they were too arrogant to renounce their wishes to a magic rock”??? actually they weren’t destroyed and are still alive today but they’ve battled constant threats of genocide from colonizers but okay

wonder woman uses a missile to save two muslim children and then immediately drops them and falls on top of them which pretty much encapsulates GG’s weird savior complex and anti arab racism

the villain of the movie is a man of color who was beaten as a child and bullied for being a latino immigrant and who desperately wishes to achieve the american dream for the sake of his son but they make him into this weird trumpian conman who wants “too much” and gets “ greedy” and over powerful and evil. classic “immigrants ask for too much” storyline. and also they made pedro wear this busted ass blonde wig. only upside was watching him deliver a campy fucking performance and giving him all and going “THE WORLD BELONGS TO MEEEEEEE

diana gives a whole fucking moral monologue while mr pascal is standing under a glowing blue light fucking FEELING himself

blatant anti arab racism and the implication that they’re all either traditionalists or weapon seeking terrorists OR pitiable people who need to be rescued

CHEETAHS MAKEUP AND CGI FURSUIT LOOKS SOOOOO FUCKING BUSTED I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL YOU HOW BUSTED IT LOOKS SHE LOOKS LIKE ONE OF THE BITCHES FROM CATS 2020

after cheetah she gives up her powers, she sits on a cliff side and watches the sunrise and it looked too much like killmonger’s meaningful death scene for me to feel comfortable

some poor jamoke went to bed and woke up with his body being possessed by chris pine for like three days and i’d rather see the movie told from his perspective

FINAL VERDICT 2/10, made my dad sigh and cover his face a lot. as a person who hates racism im really disappointed . as a person who hates misogyny i’m really disappointed. as someone who has always loved diana as a character i am disappointed. as a fan of seeing pedro pascal play a sexy dilf, i’m disappointed.

i will be donating the money i would’ve spent on this movie (ticket, popcorn, candy, and drink) to the palestine children’s relief fund, to help kids living in gaza receive much needed healthcare and mental health services. if you have the means, i ask you to consider doing the same.

[thefandomlesbian]

🌹🌹

Will appraised the scene through narrowed eyes. “You three care to tell me what you’re doing harassing federal agents over a federal investigation?”

The cops ogled at him. “These jamokes aren’t FBI,” defended one cop. “Look at them. They’re wearing pajamas.”

Will blinked slowly. “Ah, yeah, because Lord knows FBI agents sleep in their fucking kevlar!”

...

Will held a lit cigarette between his fingers, flicking the butts onto the sidewalk, and as JJ approached, he snuffed it out. “Sorry,” he said, a reflex, because she had once admonished him every time he smoked under intense stress.

Of course, she didn’t have a say anymore about whether or not he smoked; all she really cared about was that he didn’t do it around Henry or let it get on Henry’s clothes. “The way things have been lately,” she muttered as she followed him into the building, “I’m almost tempted to take a drag.”

[onelichtwolich]

meta for lup coming to terms with how this whole isola situation is different from what she's used to, and maybe dealing with change in general?

mmkay, i’m gonna tackle this now, i think. at 5 in the morning. that seems wise of me, LMAO. so.

the thing about being in a situation where you were supposed to go on a space mission for two months, but it’s lasted 98 fucking years, is that… …as horrible as things get sometimes? i do think there’s kind of a routine to it. as traumatizing as it was to lose Twosun, as awful as it is to deal with the Hunger tirelessly every time, as many times as she and the crew have had to die and reset again like nothing ever happened… …it’s also something you just fall into, like… …okay, this is the deal now. she’s never… quite been able to stomach losing Taako as well as the rest of the crew, which is the reason for such a low death count; she’s always, always protected him to the best of her ability, sometimes sacrificing herself in his place. even losing Barry is easier, in part because–they both have such a weird relationship with death in the first place, and he does in particular, so she’s not as worried about him. but.

even though it’s by no means a comfortable situation, they’re all super duper used to it. more than that, they’re family, so any loss experienced, while super painful at first and sometimes shocking in the beginning–can be soothed by knowing there are other people on this ship who care just as much as you do, who are here for you in different ways. and she’s hella comfortable around all of them, to the point where if literally any of ‘em walked in on her in the shower she wouldn’t even flinch. you get so fucking comfortable with folks you’ve known for almost a whole century of your life, dude. those six other people? they know her better and she knows them better than anyone else in this multiverse, because they had to get familiar and get along, and their bonds with one another literally power the ship.

so when you take that away.

when there’s a break in the cycles, when suddenly there’s… …well, there’s no Hunger, which is an upside. it’s nice not to be dealing with a cosmic horrorterror devouring worlds and feeding off of and creating bad vibes. but that also means there’s no Light to pursue, which means… …there’s no Starblaster. for Lup, that means no family. it’s a break in a routine that for some reasons was highly unpleasant and traumatic and scary, but it’s also–it also means she doesn’t have her family. and forming that makeshift family is not something Lup can take lightly.

growing up, it was like… the twins’ parents died. they went to stay with folks who then also died, so by the time they were both twelve they were homeless and all they had was one another. and shit got really, truly awful. cold bitter winters with no roof over their heads and one or both of them getting sick. working desperately at caravan after caravan as cooks because that’s what their aunt taught them, but not all of those folks were nice or forgiving with kids. and sometimes that wasn’t enough gold, so they both had side jobs (won’t go into Taako’s, it’s not relevant, but Lup’s was specifically fighting in an underground ring and going up against folks more than twice her size as this scrappy young thing). thieving and getting into mischief. it wasn’t a good life? but they had each other. he’d tend to her bruises and scrapes; she’d help him with his own damages. things were bad, but it was okay, because they were all they had in this world.

“outcast but never alone.”

so adding more people to that outfit, when they’d both come from such a place of trauma, was… …interesting and unexpected to say the least. it took Taako much longer–cycles even–to accept that it wasn’t just them vs the world anymore, that he could trust these jamokes. Lup warmed up quicker and she was actually the one to help reassure him, time and time again, that no matter what happened they had each other, and the world? was good. was worth saving, despite everything they’d been through. hell, she was the one who wanted to go to space–had such a huge passion for it and arcana that carried her through the Academy. Taako p much just naturally aced stuff because he was wicked smart and refused to let her go alone because he didn’t want her to die. LMAO. she’s always been the one reassuring him and smiling for him and being strong for him. but because of all this, taking on… …new family? between the two of them? that’s a huge fucking deal, when all your previous family has gone, when you’ve learned that the only people you can rely on are each other.

family is Lup’s most sacred concept. elevated above all else. family means the world, and calling you her family is the highest honor. maybe it was naive, but… …even after losing Twosun, she had gained this new family. they had each other, no matter what happened.

and then. she came to Isola.

and lost that which she thought she’d never lose, could never lose:

Taako.

no matter what losses Lup has endured, Taako’s been there through all of ‘em. they’ve been inseparable since before birth. he’s her heart, he’s her twin, her other half. he’s so grounding for her that he’s one of the reasons she could become a lich without losing her tether to herself. he’s kept her going, fighting, smiling, laughing, held her, taken care of her, for so fucking long. for their entire lives.

he’s not here to help her with this one.

Lup has lost so fucking much in her life. one loss after another. her whole life has been an exercise in impermanence. but this is the loss she can’t handle. so she’s kind of having a breakdown right now. it manifests itself erratically, sporadically, in different ways. she’s not thinking clearly and kind of just throwing herself into this idea that–it’ll be okay. she’s not gonna find him here (she knows that now after talking to Susie and learning he was here two fucking years ago), but that means he’s safe, and if this place is a prison and everyone around her is stuck there, she’s going to try her damndest to do what she usually does and try to get people out, and work hard in the meantime (if she blends in and works at Ashe’s restaurant, the captors may be less suspicious). i don’t know if she’ll ever realize how futile that is. she might not ever, just because–that might break her. but i guess we’ll see, honestly.

dying is going to be… …hard for her. a new reset. i think about it a lot and i’m pretty sure i know how the first one is going to happen (she’s super determined to figure out the boundaries of this place and what ‘unpleasant side effects’ are). she’s used to dying and resetting, but… …with her family. with her home and her heart.

this change? this is the worst one she’s ever been through, and given her track record, that’s saying something.

but that’s also why i think forming new relationships here, like ones with Ashe and Kay, is so important to her wellbeing. she needs family. she needs softness. she needs people to care about, to protect, but more than she’ll ever admit she needs them to do that for her. and thank fuck for Barry Bluejeans, because i don’t even want to know what a Lup without him would look like in this place, and i don’t want to know. her love for him kept her grounded as a lich, too. and it’s probably her biggest, strongest, most important tether in this place.

she’s always had to be the one to give pep talks when they’re in the shit. to smile when people are losing faith. to keep fighting because that fire in her burns so bright and to stay strong for everyone.

but the people she was doing that for, who helped her do it? are mostly gone. so she just has all this to deal with now. she’s gonna have to come to terms with her pain. with trauma. and she’s gonna try to run like hell from it at all costs.

she can build a new life here. a new family again. but it’s gonna take time.

SO YEAH, WOW SORRY THAT WAS SO RAMBLY BUT I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS. THANKS FOR SENDING THIS IN JOTH I LOVE U DEARLY.

[some-murmurings]

Essay!!

edit after 1000+ words: I'm so sorry oh my fucking god. I didn't realize how many thoughts I had. I had so many. So fucking many. This got so long. You don't need to read it all. Jesus Christ. Thank you for asking. I had fun.

I'm glad you asked, I nearly wrote my 20+ page senior seminar paper on this topic so, while I have none of the sources together or any super strong body paragraphs, an overview should be ezpz laimon shqueez-ee.

Brief personal context: I finished 2/3 of my undergrad in the Philosophy program at a small liberal arts college, then switched to Creative writing for reasons that will become apparent. I was raised by intellectual dickheads who rely heavily on clever rhetoric to "win" conversations (yes, even with literal toddlers), so I have an unyielding spite for Academia in general. It will come through so judge my bias accordingly.

This video by a really solid video essaying, "Knowing Better" explores a common cultural narrative he calls "The Standard American History Myth"

Think "Abraham Lincoln ended Slavery" and "Martin Luther King Jr. ended Racism" and "Obama ended Racism AGAIN" all of which are extremely common implications (and frequently explicit claims) made in most US public schools. No I do not have a study to back that up. Yes it's probably hyperbolic.

Basically, because the bureaucracies in charge of lesson plans in our public schools (assuming you're from the US, sorry if wrong) all share super similar incentive structures (good test scores, don't encourage gang violence, actively destroy children's creative spirit), huge swaths of misinformation get proliferated into the public consciousness. The already-euphemistic "Trail of Tears" being understood as "merely aggressive relocation of indigenous folk" becomes commonplace, it becomes impolite to suggest that the genocide was, in fact, a genocide. A phenomena we're seeing right now with Gaza and have been seeing with our colonial regime over the Imperial Periphery for actual centuries.

I argue that Academic Philosophy suffers a similar sickness.

In my courses, I took class after class after class talking about the same 20 or so European guys who were overwhelmingly framed as "Important figures with Important thoughts about Important things" with little to no acknowledgement of their particular cultural context.

Very pointedly, with little to no acknowledgement of their particular cultural context... when it made them look bad.

I did not learn Aristotle was staunchly pro-slavery (notably using nearly identical arguments to the US Confederacy) until nearly 2 years into my degree, and by then I was surrounded by white cishet guys insisting that "He's the Father of Philosophy, [deadname]" (I wasn't out to these jamokes, naturally).

Sidebar: is Aristotle or Socrates the father of philosophy? Plato isn't, too broad, but I've seen both A & S called the patriarch and I've long since gotten lost. Petition to change it to Hegel, cement our collective deathwish.

I googled Heidegger and actually did a spit take. My main man was wavery on a whole bunch of stuff he really did not need to be. Nazi stuff. Heidegger was a Nazi.

Now, a frequent rebuttal I got from my professors was that, in effect, I'm grandstanding! My critiques are sweeping, performative. What, do I want us to *gasp*... burn their books?!

Plainly, no. Kant being so pro-colonialism he made nose-charts (note: can't source this :( I distinctly remember a professor showing us them) on some nasal phrenology shit isn't just an opportunity for easy dunking (altho it is that too), it's a huge, foundational problem with his perspective on ethics. Like really, really, really big issue.

In fact, once you start digging through the lives and cultural contexts of ANY big name thinker, you realize several extremely funny things:

Irregularly bigoted in at least one (1) direction. Usually more.

A guy

A guy we'd probably call "white" nowadays*

A guy we'd probably call "white" nowadays who had the money and free time to write a lot

A guy we'd probably call "white" nowadays who happens to position himself ways provocative to recent political movements

Fun game: see how many of the "big names" (and even more niche favs) of yours last to the end of this list. Most of em? Yeah.

This is because "Academic Philosophy" is lowkey an oxymoron. Not that study of philosophical texts itself is useless; Ursula K LeGuin's "Those who walk away from Omelas" taught me more in sidebar summary than any full text Plato ever wrote.

The issue is that our cultural definition of "philosophy" has been MASSIVELY narrowed to a very specific range of weird abstractions or artistic movements. No, not even Existentialism is safe. I love you Wittgenstein, you were right. The Tractatus does suck balls and ass (not to yuck a yum) but you didn't escape the event horizon of Philosophy.

Taking a given class, I frequently bounced thousands of years in between these poorly introduced dickheads. You do a week on Kant then a week on Aristotle then a week on your professor's work then a week on a cyberpunk author. You'll jump from Augustine to Hume like these two were riding the train to work next to Foucault. Insanity.

It's fine to juxtapose ideas you like in a class, obviously, but that's just it: these teachers aren't. Not really, they're slapdashedly throwing lesson plans together and using syllabi they got off the internet because they haven't slept in a month. No explanation of the differences, no time to explore the faults in their perspectives, just dead-eyed stares at flickering overhead fluorescence.

There's a huge pressure to teach names that admin can recognize, to focus on "Real, Published Thinkers" as if academic publication does not VERY aggressively select against uncomfortable truths. Y'know. Basically the primary goal of philosophy. Loving wisdom despite its burden.

This got disorganized. I'm too tired to reorganize or even edit it. Apogolies for typos, I hope they're not too major. And, if you did read this, I hope it made some sort of sense. I love Philosophy (outside of college) a LOT, it's just so painful to see it get bastardized so badly.

Anything is philosophy, to me, any single damn thing. Some more than others, I bet, but really anything. If you tried to make it true and tried to teach me something about anything, that's philosophy.

Not like truth lives in a book anyways, right?

*strictly speaking, e.g. ancient Athenians did not have "whiteness" in the modern sense. They did, however, have a rigid class system with an ethnically diverse slave-class, so one can reasonably extrapolate many "Citizens" enjoyed privileges based on their ethnicity & class. White Supremacy may be a modern stupidity but its constituent parts are not.

THE GOOD PLACE (2016 - 2020) I 2.12 - Somewhere Else

[racingtoaredlight]

Bass Intensifies:  Testing, Testing...

*that was my old amp lol

***

***WARNING...turn your speakers down lower than you’d normally have them before playing the video, then adjust to where it should be.

Hot mic.  I had the gain on the mic set wayyy too high because, instead of testing on my good speakers like I should, I was lazy and used my laptop’s internal speakers.

When I tested out the recording on good speakers, it was pretty fuckin’ bad.  The bass is really overwhelming...likely because I was testing on goddamned laptop internal speakers like a moron.  It sounds better on shitty speakers, truthfully.

I’m used to playing on recordings, but doing...and more improtantly, setting up...the whole system is a new world.  I know the principles, and what I should be doing, but have zero experience recording a room and actually getting it onto a computer without someone there who knows what they’re doing.

I want to do video, but that’s adding another variable into something that I’m already struggling with.  One step at a time...

I’ve been told the levels are fine.

***

What I’m planning on doing with this series is doing a cover of fairly well known songs (on video eventually).  They’re going to be all first takes, no editing, no post-EQ, no retries...I think it’s more fun to put the pressure of only having one shot at recording on than taking any time to polish up any warts.

I also think hearing my old Fender stool creaking adds a certain je ne sais quoi

For the most part, they’re going to be improv...obviously, important bass parts that need to be note-for-note will be, but outside of that I’m just going to romp around and have fun.  I’ll throw in some words and listening notes...could be a big longform or only a paragraph or two, depending on the song.

This is a pretty garbage take, for example.  I was more worried about the peaking levels due to too much gain than actual playing, and drift outside of the groove a lot.  You’ll hear me yell at the end of the bridge, because that’s a kindergarten section I can play in my sleep, but fucked up like some no-playing jamoke.  Whatever.

***

Here’s what I used...

P-Bass (w/ flats...tone knob about halfway up)

Markbass 1x12 combo amp (set dead flat)

Tech21 VT Bass Deluxe (replicating an also dead flat Ampeg B-15)

Tascam iXr digital recording console and mic

Monoprice tube amp stereo thing

This was recorded in my living room, in mono using only the mic.  The bass amp was actually in my fireplace, elevated about 6″, directly in between the speakers set 2′ from each end of the amp, with everything pointed towards the mic.  The mic was about set about a foot and a half from the center of my amp’s speaker.  I used Audacity, a free recording software that is just about as basic as you can possibly get.

The fireplace + the elevation + the extra gain on the mic = why the bass sounds so boomy on good speakers.

***

As for any listening notes...it’s just a big ol’ groove in A followed by some stuff in F and the bridge, which goes C-G-D-A-F, repeats-ish that part and goes into this little lick that I fucked up.

Duck Dunn stays pretty static the whole song, and I’m obviously taking a whole bunch of liberties.  I meant to talk about building basslines, doing it methodically and slowly through the course of the song...but then I started playing and was like wheeeeee!!!!!!!  So there is little of value to get from this.

***

More to come.  Hope you enjoyed.

***

UPDATE - these take like 15 minutes to make, including cover art

I think I got the levels better on this one...

But what I really like about this take is that you can barely tell that Willie was sniffing and bumping into the mic the entire time.  And...at least as far as I can tell...the only time you can tell is when the bass levels cut out, because he’s standing directly in between my amp and the mic.  Just standing there.  Looking at me.  Like some weirdo.

He’s a big dumb idiot and I love him very much.

Only setup difference between these two videos is the 2nd has the gain on the mic channel turned down and I bumped up the tone knob on my bass to about 75%.

[voodoochili]

My Favorite Songs of 2019

2019 was a fantastic year for music, but then again every year is. We as listeners have been blessed with abundance, and tasked with the delightful work of sifting through freshwater to find gold. This year, the most reliably golden genres were West African pop and West Coast Rap. Go figure.

The following represents my favorite 100 songs of the year. My only rules: 1) one song per lead artist (a lucky few earned multiple placements through the “featured artist” loophole).

Below are the write-ups (everyone’s favorite part) and stay tuned for my albums list, coming next week. Don’t forget to scroll all the way down for a Spotify playlist of the full list!

25. Desperate Journalist - “Satellite” - A sweeping, emotional rock song by a veteran rock band that can uncork one of these in their sleep. What makes this one special? The dynamic changes in the pre-chorus, the soaring guitar solo, and the passionate performance from lead singer Jo Bevan.

24. Jacques Greene - “Stars” - A brilliant bit of ambient techno that evokes the seminal electronic classic “Little Fluffy Clouds,” by The Orb. Instead of desert clouds, the anonymous female narrator describes a pastoral dream about the night skies of her youth. A transporting piece of music that should’ve been twice as long--five minutes is a cruelly short lifespan for this kind of bliss.

23. Rosalía - “Con Altura” ft. J Balvin - After the brilliant and singular El Mal Querer demonstrated Rosalía’s singular talent, “Con Altura” announced her intentions for worldwide domination. Created with frequent Rosalía collaborator El Guincho and chameleonic superstar J Balvin, “Con Altura” contains two of the year’s most insidious hooks--the soft-spoken call-and-response chorus, and Rosalía’s snake-charming bridge, the strongest indication yet that global stardom won’t stop the Catalonian chanteuse from pushing music forward.

22. Faye Webster - “Room Temperature” – 2019’s answer to “Swingin’ Party,” the Replacements’ great anthem for introverts, the introductory track on Webster’s Atlanta Millionaire’s Club album drifts along with Hawaiian-flavored pedal steel and a palpable sense of regret, as the 21-year-old singer longs to escape her perfectly comfortable surroundings. 21. Yhung T.O. - “Lately” ft. Lil Sheik - Easy, breezy, beautiful Bay Area rap, carried by T.O.’s dulcet tones and Sheik’s unrepentant dirtbaggery. The beat by Armani Depaul is one of my favorite retro-facing rap beats in a while, complete with smooth digital strings and security-pad synths. 20. The New Pornographers - “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver” - Every five years or so, A.C. Newman writes a melody so strong that it requires Neko Case’s ultra-powerful alto to properly do it justice. This year, that song is “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver,” which strives for, and nearly approaches, the heights of previous Pornos stunners like “The Laws Have Changed” and “Champions of Red Wine.” 

19. Floating Points - “LesAlpx” - Surrounded by outré synth experiments and beatless soundscapes on Crush, the first Floating Points album since 2015, “LesAlpx” is Sam Shepherd’s gift to club-goers everywhere. It’s a lean and mean house track, foregrounding propulsive percussion and rubbery bass, but it’s also deeply cerebral, creating a sense of foreboding urgency with detuned synths and ambient sine waves. 18. Daphni - “Sizzling” ft. Paradise - Built around a sample of Paradise’s seminal single “Sizzlin’ Hot,” Dan Snaith’s ��Sizzling” extends the best moments of the classic post-disco smash to create five minutes of pure euphoria. The song starts in media res, with the groove in full form, and peaks at the end, when Snaith finally allows Paradise’s June Ventzos to finish her thought atop jubilant trumpets. 17. J Hus - “Must Be” - The latest genre-blending collaboration between J Hus and genius producer JAE5 proves that no man is safe from Hus’s dazzling logic, as he stacks syllogism after syllogism over an irresistible, afropop-flavored groove: “If it walk like an opp/Talk like an opp/Smell like an opp/Then it must be.” 16. Vampire Weekend - “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” - Ever indulging his literary ambitions, Ezra Koenig uses the final track on Father Of The Bride to examine his Jewish identity, and to reckon with a world that hasn’t made sense since World War I. The prettiest melody on an album dripping with pretty melodies, “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” packs enough symbolism into three minutes to inspire a seminar at Koenig’s Ivy League alma mater. Supported by yearning, spritely piano, Koenig ends the song with a poignant plea for peace, within reason: “So let them win the battle/But don't let them restart/That genocidal feeling/That beats in every heart.” 15. Great Grandpa - “Bloom” - The highlight from Great Grandpa’s outstanding Four Of Arrows album, “Bloom” is two songs in one. Part one brings punchy acoustic guitar that recalls ‘90s adult alternative (think Matchbox 20) and prime-era Saddle Creek (think Rilo Kiley) in equal measure. The second par tcompletes the song’s emotional arc, slowing down for a hypnotic wordless chorus, backed by weeping violins,. The key line here: “Please say I’m young enough to change.” 14. Spellling - “Real Fun” – Gleefully dramatic and overflowing with evil-sounding synths, “Real Fun” synthesizes Neneh Cherry, Bauhaus, and Cabaret into something that sounds like a villain’s theme in an animated musical that hasn’t been written yet.   13. Earthgang - “Proud Of U” ft. Young Thug – There’s no straight man to ground this ATL trio, as all three emcees lean into their vocal eccentricities while expressing their thanks to the women in their lives atop a mutating, guitar-driven beat. 12. Stella Donnelly - “Tricks” – In which the young heroine attempts to rid herself of a particularly toxic ex, who isn’t just misogynist, but a potential white supremacist sympathizer (her subject’s “Southern Cross Tattoo” is like an Aussie version of the MAGA hat). Heavy stuff, but Donnelly delivers everything with a grin, as if she’s wondering in real time why the hell she ever bothered with this jamoke. 11. Jenny Lewis - “On The Line” - The title track and emotional climax of Jenny Lewis’ latest album, “On The Line” boasts one of the finest vocal performances in her long career, sweetly assassinating her cheating ex-lover with a lilting melody and wry smile.

10. Lucinda Chua - “Whatever It Takes” – Lucinda Chua makes languid art pop in the tradition of fka twigs, but I prefer her understated longing to twigs herself. Her main instrument is the cello, but this track foregoes that sound almost entirely, opting instead for resonant Wurlitzer keys and multi-layered vocal harmonies, and shunting traditional song structure aside in favor of one enigmatic verse, repeating at odd intervals throughout: “Wait/The demons I carry are fake/I will fight our fire, too late.” 9. ShooterGang Kony - “Charlie” – The year’s most cold-blooded mob banger starts with the line “fuck the police and your mama if you ask me” and only escalates from there. Rhyming without affect over hiccuping bass, Kony mercilessly ethers cops, R&B singers, and women named Ashley before threatening to shoot you with a gun that sounds like Fozzy Bear. 8. KEY! - “Miami Too Much” – My favorite Atlanta rap song of the year gets its power from its hilariously specific central conceit, with KEY’s impassioned vocal selling the bit: “If you seen that ass, you'd make a song too.” How often must someone visit Dade County before it becomes an irreconcilable difference in an otherwise healthy relationship? 7. Raphael Saadiq - “Something Keeps Calling” ft. Rob Bacon - Named after his older brother, Raphael Saddiq’s towering Jimmy Lee album examines the personal cost of the crack epidemic, and the outsized role addiction plays in the lives of the destitute. “Something Keeps Calling” is the album’s crushing centerpiece, painting substances as at once a seductive lover and a heavy burden, one that overrides all common sense and decency: “My friends say I can never pull it together/Well they might be right, at least tonight/My kids say I'll never come home again/And I know they're right, at least tonight.” The song climaxes with Rob Bacon’s wailing guitar solo, which tries in vain to reach out to those beyond hope. 6. Bad Bunny & J Balvin - “La Canción” - Nestled in the middle of Balvin and Bunny’s summer smash OASIS, “La Canción” takes a break from the party to dwell on the inherent emptiness of their hedonistic lifestyle, as a mournful trumpet echoes the Reggaetoneros’ longing for meaningful connection amidst their chaotic lives. 5. Polo G - “Pop Out” ft. Lil TJay – Only Polo G would interrupt his own robbery to examine the sociological causes of his behavior: “We come from poverty, man, we ain't have a thing.” But on the rest of “Pop Out,” Polo leans into the dark side of his persona, before 2019’s most unlikely guest verse assassin Lil TJay brings the pathos: “If I showed you all my charges, you won't look at me the same.” In contrast to how effortless the two rappers sound atop the dramatic piano loop, listening to Lil Baby and Gunna wheeze through the remix hammers home the high degree of difficulty of such nimble melodics. It’s a testament to how fast rap music moves these days that Polo and TJay can make last year’s It Duo sound like geezers. 4. Octo Octa - “I Need You” – It starts as an intoxicatingly minimal expression of dancefloor lust, but halfway through, “I Need You” morphs into a sincere and moving tribute to everybody who helped Octo Octa become the woman she is today. It’s a moving moment tucked within an epic club track that works equally well as build-up or comedown.

3. Purple Mountains - “All My Happiness Is Gone” - It’s hard to find the words for this one, a matter-of-fact documentation of a man slowly losing his will to live--which became heartbreakingly clear when David Berman committed suicide in August. But because it’s Berman, “All My Happiness Is Gone” is packed with genius-level wordplay and devastating observations, and enough gallows humor to truly emphasize the gravity of his situation: “Friends are warmer than gold when you're old/And keeping them is harder than you might suppose//Lately, I tend to make strangers wherever I go/Some of them were once people I was happy to know.” I’ll keep going: “Ten thousand afternoons ago/All my happiness just overflowed/That was life at first and goal to go.” And one more: “Where nothing's wrong and no one's asking/But the fear's so strong it leaves you gasping/No way to last out here like this for long.”

2. Big Thief - “Not” - A torrid, slow-burning rocker, “Not” showcases lead singer-songwriter Adrienne Lenker’s skill with oblique imagery and wild-eyed intensity. Lenker rattles off a long list of poetic observations, trying to get to the heart of something (everything?) without ever finding a satisfactory answer, as the music morphs from a controlled simmer to a cacophonous freakout. “Not” climaxes with a riotous guitar solo from Lenker herself, one that reaches towards the cosmos and echoes her frayed vocal. As always with Big Thief, though, the song soars in the smallest moments, like when guitarist Buck Meek enters with plainspoken backing vocals, and at the beginning of the second verse when the guitars drop out and Lenker’s voice stands alone.

1. Burna Boy - “Anybody” - Sometimes the best song of the year is the one that makes you feel the best, and no song this year made me feel better than “Anybody.” “Anybody” is both inviting and aloof, urgent and relaxing. Riding an irresistible groove defined by syncopated keys, driving percussion, and an eager-to-please saxophone, Burna Boy slides between Pidgin English and Yoruba chasing a feeling that resonates beyond the capabilities of language. It’s a song about demanding and receiving respect, dripping with the contagious confidence of an African Giant. And for three minutes, you’ll feel like a giant too.

THE REST: 26. DaBaby - “Intro” 27. Perfume Genius - “Eye On The Wall” 28. Yves Jarvis - “To Say That Is Easy” 29. Doja Cat - “Cyber Sex” 30. Mannequin Pussy - “Drunk II” 31. Better Oblivion Community Center - “Dylan Thomas” 32. Shoreline Mafia - “Wings” 33. Kehlani - “Footsteps” ft. Musiq Soulchild 34. Obangjayar - “Frens” 35. Ariana Grande - “NASA” 36. Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch - “Ballin” 37. Baby Keem - “ORANGE SODA” 38. Jessie Ware - “Adore You” 39. 03 Greedo x Kenny Beats - “Disco Shit” ft. Freddie Gibbs 40. Martha - “Love Keeps Kicking” 41. Lucki - “More Than Ever” 42. Park Hye-Jin - “Call Me” 43. DaVido - “Disturbance” ft. Peruzzi 44. The Japanese House - “Worms” 45. Spencer Radcliffe - “Here Comes The Snow” 46. Dawn Richard - “Dreams And Converse” 47. ALLBLACK & Offset Jim - “Fees” ft. Capolow 48. David Kilgour - “Smoke You Right Out Of Here” 49. Sandro Perri - “Wrong About The Rain” 50. Nilüfer Yanya - “In Your Head” 51. Julia Jacklin - “Don’t Know How To Keep Loving You” 52. Miraa May - “Angles” ft. JME 53. (Sandy) Alex G - “Gretel” 54. Kelsey Lu - “Due West” 55. glass beach - “classic j dies and goes to hell, pt. 1” 56. Peggy Gou - “Starry Night” 57. Cate Le Bon - “Home To You” 58. Busy Signal - “Balloon” 59. NLE Choppa - “Shotta Flow” 60. Dee Watkins - “Hell Raiser” 61. Ari Lennox - “I Been” 62. The National - “Not In Kansas” 63. Shordie Shordie - “Both Sides” ft. Shoreline Mafia 64. Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” 65. Angel Olsen - “New Love Cassette” 66. Young Dolph - “Tric Or Treat” 67. Koffee - “Throne” 68. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - “Half Manne, Half Cocaine” 69. Noname - “Song 32” 70. Anthony Naples - “A.I.R.” 71. Samthing Soweto - “Omama Bomthandazo (feat Makhafula Vilakazi)” 72. KAYTRANADA - “10%” ft. Kali Uchis 73. Moodymann - “Got Me Coming Back Right Now” 74. Drakeo The Ruler - “Let’s Go” ft. 03 Greedo 75. Teejayx6 - “Dark Web” 76. Cass McCombs - “I Followed The River South to What” 77. Gunna - “Idk Why” 78. Sharon Van Etten - “You Shadow” 79. Tresor - “Sondela” ft. Msaki 80. E-40 - “Chase The Money” ft. Quavo, Roddy Ricch, ScHoolboy Q & A$AP Ferg 81. Spielbergs - “Running All The Way Home” 82. 24kGoldn - “Valentino” 83. Quelle Chris - “Box of Wheaties” 84. Emily King - “Go Back” 85. AzChike - “Yadda Mean” ft. Keak Da Sneak 86. Club Night - “Path” 87. Zeelooperz - “Easter Sunday” ft. Earl Sweatshirt 88. Kim Gordon - “Murdered Out” 89. YS - “Bompton” (Remix) ft. 1TakeJay & OhGeesy 90. Future - “Never Stop” 91. Lowly - “baglaens” 92. SAULT - “Masterpiece” 93. Earl Sweatshirt - “TISK TISK/COOKIES” 94. Fireboy DML - “Energy” 95. Rio Da Young OG & Lil E - “Buy The Block” 96. Sacred Paws - “Write This Down” 97. Wilco - “Everyone Hides” 98. Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Real Lovin” 99. Sleepy Hallow - “Breakin Bad (Okay)” ft. Sheff G 100. Aimee Leigh & Baby Billy - “Misbehavin’ (1989)”

Here’s a Spotify playlist of the full list: 

[fixingaheart]

In The Name Of Love

So anybody who knows me well, will know that I'm a person who analyzes things over and over until it basically drives me nuts.  Well ever since last night I've been going over something that was talked about with one of my friends.  Thanks Red for making me go over this non stop since I left your place last night, love you bunches lol.  But over the years of loving her she has had her issues with depression and being sad a lot.  Sometimes it has gotten so bad that it has been so scary to me that I was hard to handle.  As the years have gone by I would always tell her that all I wanted was for her to beat this depression and to find the happiness that I know was out there for her.  But did I really or was this all something I was saying because it was the right thing to say at the time?  The other night I was seeing her snapchat stories and she was with her boyfriend and looked to be having a great night.  That doesn't happen much for her I feel like.  And yet the first thing I thought was "oh no, she loves him so much, and I'm basically going to be forgotten now."  Why?  Why after seeing all the bullshit and all the struggles she has dealt with in being so unhappy with life would that be the first thing I think of?  I just shrugged it off, saying oh well I'm the only one to think that and went to bed because I just couldn't deal with the thoughts anymore that night.  So I went over my friend's house and as I sat on the couch with her while Brown was putting the baby to bed she went to the same place I had the night before.  She asked me about how her life is so shitty that isn't it good to see her out and having fun.  And my heart kind of sank a little bit because ever since that conversation last night I have felt like some kind of asshole.  One of the things I pride myself on is being one of the nicest guys you would ever meet, to be the guy that girls would not even think twice about bringing home to mom and dad.  And yet here I was only thinking about myself when the woman I love is actually out there and being happy, which has been so rare over the years.  So the thoughts came racing in last night driving back to my house, last night laying in bed trying to sleep, today while at work, driving home to Bessemer this evening.  Maybe I'm not the nice guy that I think I am, but I'm just a regular old guy who is only out there for himself.  The more I thought about that though the more I disagree with it.  Look everybody in the world who has ever been in love says that all that matters is their happiness and if I truly love somebody as long as they are happy that is what is most important.  Well I think that is the biggest piece of bullshit that I have ever heard in my life.  So let me get this straight, I'm in love with a woman but she is happy being with this other guy so even though I think about her out there doing the things I want to do with him, falling in love with a man who is not myself, knowing that the future is going to be just the two of them, I'm going to be okay with everything because all of that makes her happy.  People that answer yes to that are just people who are trying to find something, anything to make themselves feel better about losing the most important thing in their life.  Because in the end, sure we want whats best for them, but we also need to have whats best in making ourselves happy.  That's why yes it's great to see her smile, it's great to see her being happy, but if it's not with me I'm not going to accept that as being okay.  The simple way of putting it is that I want that woman to be happy more than anything but I want her to be happy with me.  If her happiness is caused by some other jamoke than I don't want that at all for my life.  I enjoy a good love story, a good love song, a good romantic movie just as much as the next person but sometimes I feel like we throw these cliches out there just because they sound good and not because we actually mean them.  It's okay to be selfish at times in life.  We put this stigma towards people who are selfish when in certain situations being selfish is not a bad thing at all.  When it comes to the woman you love, the one you can't live without, I think being selfish is something you have to do if you have any chance of ending up with your fairy tale ending.  That's why when it comes to her I'm going to be selfish at certain times.  She has made it clear that she wants to be friends, well I can't do all the things that friends do because I don't want to be friends with her.  No I don't mean what it sounds like.  Yes her friendship is important, I value it more than she knows I'm sure, but in the end I don't want to be her friend, I want to be her boyfriend.  So I have to do what's best for me in that situation.  Which means at times I'm going to be silent, I'm not going to want to talk to her like we used to, or hang out on weekends like we used to because I need to do what's right for me.  Or the fact that when I asked her out a few months ago and she said no, that I need to accept it and just be okay with whatever happiness she is able to get out of life.  Fuck that, because I know the one and only person in this world that can make her life worth living every single day.  It's me, and I'm not going to sit around and be happy for her just because some stupid cliche says that I should be.  So the past 26 hours or so have been quite interesting for me, with a lot of thoughts running through my head.  I'm so glad that I had that conversation last night because it got me to thinking about things that I may not have if I had just stayed at home like any normal night.  In the end, it's not going to make anything any easier knowing she is out there with another guy, but it makes me feel better to know that it's perfectly fine to be selfish in the name of love.

[racingtoaredlight]

For the love of god, buy a pair of decent oxfords

My girlfriend graduated from her doctoral program on Sunday, and it was one of the biggest atrocities I have ever seen in my life.  I counted three people wearing shoes that qualified as appropriate for an event as formal as a graduation...especially one that was for graduate and doctoral students.

This has to stop.

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The graduation was held at Severance Hall in Cleveland, a place that is about as close to hallowed ground as anything I can think of.  Somewhere that I have memories of going back to when I was a child.

And yet, here’s a few examples of the types of shoes people were wearing...

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...that is, when the little fucking shits getting their masters’ and doctorates weren’t wearing fucking tennis shoes.  That’s the fucking type of education you’re getting...one where you show as much respect to your graduation as going to the grocery store by looking like that.

Wait, what’s wrong with those last shoes?

Walnut is not formal.  Walnut, tan...they’re flashy in the sense that they draw attention to your shoes.  A graduate school graduation is not an event you want to be dressed like a flamboyant shithead, in my opinion.

*Walnut oxfords in general are strange.  A captoe oxford is as formal as it gets.  Tan is as casual a color as it gets.  At least they’re better than most of the shit above...

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EVENTS LIKE THESE ARE WHY YOU HAVE A PAIR OF BLACK, BURGUNDY OR DARK BROWN CAPTOE OXFORDS

They are sober.  Not flashy.  Not ostentatious.  They are serious, and mature, things a graduate student should be.  These fucking kids are all doing their dissertations on “executive leadership” wearing $60 glued-sole loafers?

Even if you wear them once a year...to a funeral or wedding or whatever...at least you know you’ll have a dependable pair of dress shoes for that one occasion.  Dress shoes that don’t blister you to hell, look like cheap shit and aren’t comfortable.

***

Good shoes make your entire outfit look better.  A suit or blazer/trousers combo with cheap, shitty shoes like the ones above make whatever you’re wearing look like shit.  It doesn’t matter if it was a perfectly tailored bespoke suit, if you threw on some of those Ecco’s or whatever, the whole thing would be ruined.

On the other hand, you take a solid pair of dark brown captoes with a $300 suit that’s been tailored for $50?  It looks great because it’s congruent and harmonious.

There is absolutely no reason to look like a schmuck in shitty shoes.  They don’t have to be great, they just have to be adequate.  You can get a pair of decent captoes or brogued oxfords or wingtips for $200 at Allen Edmonds’ Shoe Bank or a pair of Spanish made ones from Meermin for $175.

They will last you a decade and it will average out financially so far ahead of buying those ugly glue-soled monsters, you’ll be kicking yourself for ever wearing shit like that.

Don’t look like all those jamokes I saw at that graduation this weekend.  Nip this shit in the bud and, if you don’t already, get yourself a good pair of black, burgundy or dark brown oxfords.

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