#look androgynous to appease their sense of gender identity

[therealarrogantbastard]

Thursday morning PSA: you do not owe anyone androgyny. Gender expression =/= gender identity

[storyofsin]

Do you know anything about the movie Performance 1970? If so please would you share your knowledge with us, I find the whole thing so intriguing but know nothing.

Okay I know I received this ask well over a month ago but I rewatched Performance last night and finally feel prepared to talk about it. I'm going to be separating this into two parts; behind the scenes drama and actual film discussion.

Behind the scenes drama:

Okay so the infamous drama that went down that this is known for is that Keith Richards accused Anita Pallenberg with having an affair on Mick Jagger while on set. This almost broke up The Rolling Stones (kind of like how Brian Jones wanted quiet after Anita left him for Keith) but obviously Mick and Keith were able to get over it and I believe not too long after filming Anita found out she was pregnant with her and Keith's first son Marlon. I remember reading stuff that supposedly Keith presumed that the baby might not have been his but christ that boy is Keith's clone.

However I should also mention that initially Marianne Faithfull was supposed to have Anita's role but she found out she was pregnant and had to be recasted (around that time Anita found out she was pregnant as well but decided to have an abortion so she could keep the role - I'm not shaming, actually good for her! there is no such thing as a bad reason to get an abortion!). But I still can't believe Mick cheated on a pregnant Marianne, I know he horribly cheated on everyone he had ever been with but christ Mick, have a little integrity for once in your life! But that same man also cheated on Bianca Jagger so yeah, he's an idiot.

I would also like to add this film was shot in 1968 and I can't imagine how ahead of its time this would have been but Warner Bros execs were apparently incredibly grossed out by the film, in particular the disgusting and filthy conditions of the bathtub that the 'women' (word used in what I read despite the fact Mick Jagger is in that tub as well) were all bathing in. Honestly the filth is what makes the film so much more real and interesting compared to a lot of other psychedelic films from around that time.

The soundtrack for the film was meant to be done by The Rolling Stones as a whole but due to the affair Keith was not interested in doing that and that was when Brian was going through his breakdown after his second drug bust.... so no score from them :( but it's still an amazing score but there are bits that sound, and forgive me if this makes no sense, that sound very Brian Jones-ish. There are aspects of that score that remind me of his contributions, the songs that he had a big part in composing, and even the A Degree of Murder score. I don't necessarily think they were trying to rip him off, I honestly think it helps add to the whole idea that Mick's character Turner is inspired by Brian (and having seen this film 3x I feel like I can see more and more of him in Turner with just a little hint of Keith for balance).

This is a little more silly and I have pointed it out on my blog before but you can see the kaftan Brian wears at the Rock and Roll Circus on one of the clothing racks in the film (also there are behind the scenes photos of Anita wearing it - probably because it's hers and Brian most likely stole it) Here are comparisons:

I wonder if it was revenge for the amount of clothes Anita took from Brian after their big break up... but that's not important. Now onto the film itself.

Film discussion (Spoilers obviously):

I can honestly say I needed the three watches to be able to understand this. I was completely confused the first time around (did not help I took like 3 gummy edibles and it was the second time I had done that... the sound became distorted in parts and the screen was spinning lol) but I still loved what I watched and specifically remember absolutely loving Mick's performance (still one of my favorites) but there are so many layers to this - everyone always seems to hyper focus on the drug aspect and rarely on the sexuality and gender parts of the film. Obviously drugs are a big part of the film - I believe it was one of the film's directors who stated that Performance was made to be a pro-drug film (which is hilarious). But if that was all the film was then it would have been another forgettable psychedelic film much like The Trip (1967) or Psych-Out (1968) (though I do suggest Psych-Out! I love that film) but it goes much deeper than those films do.

With the drug aspect, I like how the psychedelic, tripping scenes weren't like how the other films did it with bright colorful spinning lights all over the place but instead with a kind of ugly sequence that goes straight to the brain - because that's what drugs do, you're not going somewhere else you are entering your own mind. And Chaz, the film's protagonist played by James Fox, sees in his drugged out state Mick Jagger as the role of his boss making references to his sexuality in a sly way while making all of Chaz's associates strip naked. It's all scored to Mick Jagger's song 'Memo from Turner' (love, love, love this song by the way).

Throughout the film the idea of performing comes up a lot (duh it's the title of the film) but specifically the concept of presenting yourself in such a way that it appeases those around you. In Chaz's case it's shown in the film that his whole persona is a performance, that his toxic masculinity and heterosexuality are not really him. That he over emphasizes his attraction to women because that is what he is meant to be but his true self slips in every once in a while, the main visual I remember is his wall covered in nude photos of women but there also being a few photos of boxers that are in great shape and only wearing shorts. There is a character, Joey, that enters the film who has some kind of a past friendship with Chaz but it clearly went horribly wrong as Chaz's boss does not want him to speak to him. But Chaz disobeys and ends up pissing off Joey so he retaliates by destroying Chaz's apartment with red paint (including the word 'poof' written on the wall), beating the crap out of him, humiliating him and trying to get him to admit to his sexuality. He ultimately kills Joey instead because he would rather be a murderer than admit to who he really is.

Chaz and Turner have an interesting relationship to say the least. Chaz, on one hand, seems to be rather uncomfortable by the 'bohemian' lifestyle that Turner and his two girlfriends, Pherber (Anita Pallenberg) and Lucy (Michele Breton), live. Turner and Pherber take it upon themselves to expand Chaz's mind themselves by 1) trying to get him to dress more femininely and trying to get him to admit that it's perfectly fine to feel like you are a woman sometimes (with reference that neither Turner or Pherber fully identify as either man or woman entirely) and 2) drugging him with hallucinogenic mushrooms leading to the musical sequence featuring Turner.

The film implies throughout that Chaz and Turner have some form of an interest in one another, whether it be platonic, sexual, or romantic I think is more up to the viewer (though I would not say it's platonic...) The scene that gets to me while watching is towards the end, Chaz wakes up and find Turner in his bedroom than it cuts to the two of them in bed together and they embrace but then it cuts to reveal that it isn't actually Turner but Lucy (who Chaz thinks kind of looks more like a younger boy than a woman). He does like Lucy but there is a clear sentiment throughout that he wishes it was Turner who did come to his room. Even Turner seems kind of mad that he let Lucy go down to talk to Chaz when initially he wanted to be the one to do that.

In the end when Chaz is forced to leave because his boss finally found him, he makes one final goodbye to Turner (and Pherber) but Turner is insistent that he join him. Turner represents so much to Chaz, he represents what Chaz secretly wishes to be; completely open with his sexuality and gender and not caring if anyone is uncomfortable by it while also being clearly attracted to Turner as well. But Chaz is confused by everything going on (and he has a limited amount of time before he has to leave) and decides the only way he could be happy now is to become Turner. So he kills Turner, there is a quick shot of going through the bullet hole into his mind (similar to the tripping out scenes) and Chaz leaves. The film's ending is Chaz, now played by Mick Jagger, leaving in a car with his boss.

I must admit it took me until this third time watching to fully grasp the ending. Chaz is sick and tired of performing for everyone (i.e. being a masculine, heterosexual man) and the only way to stop that performance is to put on a new performance and become Turner (i.e. androgynous and non-heterosexual) because I don't think he can ever truly be himself. The whole film is everyone trying to get Chaz to be the real him but that's the last thing he could ever want. He'd rather place all these affectations on himself and play a role instead. It's just now this new performance is more aligned with his 'true' identity but nonetheless it's still a performance.

[yourrealitybeyondtime]

My OC Descriptions!

Thank you so much for your positive responses, @dasjansel @corvid-moon @teeny-weeny-ducklings @technoxslayer360 @incoherentmoose and @cake-and-roses ! Since you guys asked, I made overall descriptions of my OCs and a bit of a synopsis. Sorry it's so long! I hope you enjoy it and please provide feedback!

This is a story that takes the "chosen ones" and fantasy tropes and turns them on their heads. The main character never accepts his role. The guy doesn't get the girl. There's no prophecy or guide. The populace thinks they're monsters, not heros. Their powers are explained scientifically. They have to help themselves emotionally so they can help others physically. It's just a bunch of young adults with problems getting into shenanigans, figuring out life's lessons, and maybe saving the world.

Name: Adrian

Age: 18

Height: 5'8"

Gender Identity: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Bisexual (Feminine leaning)

Race: Human

Ethnicity: German/Portugese

Neurodivergent: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Active Power: Super strength

Passive Power: Truth (Ability to see through illusions, understands foreign languages, can tell when someone is lying, etc)

Activating Emotion: Courage

Associated Color: Yellow/Gold

Associated Element: Air/Wind

Description: This rich, all-American, high school boy has had a near perfect life growing up until a burglar breaks in his home. Thankfully, he stops the villain… by tackling him through an oak door! First hailed as a hero, his social life then gets thrown into disarray as this new found strength that seems to randomly come and go ends up earning him the reputation of a destructive menace. On top of that, he starts passing out and having "visions." Doctors say he's having seizures, but these visions feel more real than his life ever has, and it's always of the same place, a magic lab where he's the experiment! His visions keep getting worse until one day he fully wakes up in the lab and escapes, but now he can't go back home!

Adrian finds out he's stuck in the world of Mythos, the parallel Earth where all of our fantastical dreams come from, and he's not happy about it! And the locals don't seem happy about him either. Just wanting to get this over with and go home, Adrian faces more ugly reality in this fantasy world than he ever did in his privileged life in our world. With no guides or prophecies and regarded as a monster, Adrian has to figure out how to find others like himself to help him save the world and go back home.

Adrian is the self-proclaimed leader of the group. He's obnoxious, self-centered, and stubborn, and completely uninterested in helping unless it benefits him somehow. You are supposed to dislike him at first. He matures and becomes much more open-minded and accepting through the journey.

Initial Motivation: To get back home

Journey: Breaking out of your bubble is more important than staying in it, others suffer in a way different from you, you cannot speak for others, use privilege to help those that don't have privilege, attraction to anyone who shows femininity or doing female-assigned tasks/behaviors (being kind, showing emotions, being vulnerable) does not make you less of a man, the greatest strength is facing the truth

Name: Iola

Age: 20

Height: 6'2"

Gender Identity: Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Lesbian

Race: Human

Ethnicity: Afro-Columbian

Neurodivergent: Anxiety

Active Power: Shield

Passive Power: Acceleration/Regeneration (Subconsciously heals others, requires focus if needs boost in power, ie, if someone is bleeding out. Can cause things to grow, but also age. Cannot remove poisons/curses, cannot bring people back to life, conditional)

Activating Emotion: Care

Associated Color: Pink/Orange

Associated Element: Earth/Wood

Description: Iola's life had been pretty quiet since she and her dad started a farm out in the wilderness, until a strange boy pops up who brings a whole lot of unwanted attention. She stumbles upon her own powers as she defends her home, and then sets out to find others with Adrian.

Iola is the mom of the group, both the good parts and the bad. She is kind and caring and helpful and also stressed af and sometimes pokes her nose where she's not welcome. It's suggested at first that she may be the Adrian's love interest, but, surprise! She only likes girls. She seems to have lost someone precious to her, and it's not her mom.

Initial Motivation: Believes in following destiny

Journey: Self-sacrifice is not always necessary, mediation is more important than appeasement, give without expectation of return, worthy of just existing, important to take care of self in order to take care of others, rest is a type of work and just as important as being active

Name: Emlyn

Age: 21

Height: 6'0"

Gender Identity: Androgynous

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Pansexual

Race: Human

Ethnicity: Northern Irish

Neurodivergent: Complex PTSD, Depression

Active Power: Chemical Reaction (Interaction of two or more substances that results in different substances. Can only initiate reaction, cannot control the outcome. Usually uses fire as a weapon, but can use others. Can also stop reaction in process, but cannot reverse.)

Passive Power: Psychic (Ability to sense when others are nearby, can receive symbolic messages through dreams, not prophetic)

Activating Emotion: Passion

Associated Color: Deep blood red

Associated Element: Fire

Description: Emlyn finally seems to have found a home at the inn he works at when two strangers pop up with trouble following them. He unleashes his powers to defend them, but his loved ones reject him when his secret is exposed. With nowhere else to go, he tags along with Adrian and Iola, the only people who seem to accept him how he is. However, he harbors a terrible secret that he's hellbent on taking to the grave, and it creates a division between himself and the others.

Emlyn is very quiet and reclusive. He doesn't talk much, and seems to be insistent on covering as much skin as possible at all times. He's not the angry or brooding type, but surprisingly polite and soft spoken. And surprisingly strong. However, he seems like he'll do anything to avoid using his powers, and almost seems scared of them. Adrian bullies him frequently, threatened by the fact that he's attracted to Emlyn. Emlyn doesn't seem to care, but eventually lashes out, showing a very different, vicious side.

Initial Motivation: Redemption

Journey: The past is the past, use mistakes to learn and teach, secrets create unnecessary burden, it's okay to have darkness, do not let negative emotions rule over logical decisions, take both capabilities and lack of into account, sometimes you just can't do what you want even if others can, you are not damned

Name: Liesel

Age: 82

Height: 5'0"

Gender Identity: Genderfluid

Pronouns: She/Her, He/Him, They/Them

Sexuality: Abrosexual

Race: Fairy/Changeling

Ethnicity: Jewish

Neurodivergent: Autistic

Active Power: Freedom (Ability to unlock anything, create doors/portals with conditions)

Passive Power: Choice (Can tell what someone has decided before they act on it, very useful in combat; can see what future "paths" can be taken but cannot tell outcomes)

Activating Emotion: Hope

Associated Color: Sky blue

Associated Element: Water

Description: Liesel has had to protect her people for decades, so she's more than a bit reluctant to leave with some humans to go on some adventure. When she realizes that she needs to, she goes with them, but completely mistrusts them.

Where Iola and Emlyn are more passive, Liesel is even more aggressive than Adrian. She challenges everything Adrian knows and really gets him to start looking at things differently. They develop a weird rivalry dynamic and eventually soften up with each other.

Initial Motivation: Protect her people

Journey: Evil does not originate from the same place, no group of people are all the same, there's a difference between honesty and being cruel

Name: Uri

Age: ??? (They tell a different number every time they're asked)

Height: 5'4"

Gender Identity: Agender

Pronouns: They/Them

Sexuality: Asexual

Race: Dragon

Ethnicity: Nigerian

Neurodivergent: N/A

Active Power: Light Manipulation (Can be used to make self or others invisible, create illusions, blind someone, etc. Does not actually makes things disappear/materialize, just makes it look like it.)

Passive Power: Compulsion (Redirects electrical impulses between neurons. Makes people think certain things, somewhat like intrusive thoughts. The more impulsive someone is, the easier they are to manipulate. Often accidentally shares own thoughts with others. Usually uses for persuasion among foes and to pull pranks among friends. Cannot read minds.)

Activating Emotion: Elation

Associated Color: Emerald green

Associated Element: Metal

Other: Disabled/Born without wings

Description: Uri's just minding their own business, napping on top of their treasure trove when some adventurers break in. Those same adventurers open that weird lock contraption they've been trying to open for the last two centuries. Interesting. Rather than confronting the adventurers, Uri decides to join them in hopes of making sure their treasure doesn't get destroyed, to find some more, and to enjoy some chaos along the way.

Uri is confident, charasmatic, and devilishly handsome. They only care about their treasure, but slowly finds themself caring about the others.

Initial Motivation: To protect their treasure

Journey: Self-preservation includes helping others, happiness is worth going the long way for, people have different paths to the same goal and that's okay

Name: Oriana

Age: 19

Height: 5'6"

Gender Identity: Demigirl

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Pansexual

Race: Human?

Ethnicity: Cherokee

Neurodivergent: ADHD

Active Power: Sonic/Song

Passive Power: Empath (Ability to sense motives, can literally share emotions when making physical contact, can transfer powers between people)

Activating Emotion: Love (Both romantic and platonic)

Associated Color: White/Purple

Associated Element: Spirit/Aether

Other: Intersex

Description: Oriana has been waiting at the edge of the Ancient Forest for a long time. She doesn't remember why, but she knows she needs to guide five adventurers through the massive forest that covers half the world. For some reason, she's the only one who can survive traversing it.

Oriana is sweet and kind and too naive for her own good, having never been exposed to civilization or other people before. She seems to have a mind of a child, but has the wisdom and understanding of someone who has been alive for a very long time. Emlyn develops a crush on her due to her friendly and accepting nature and eventually confides in her. Their past is far more intertwined than either of them remember, and is the answer to why this is all happening.

Initial Motivation: Because she was asked to

Journey: Evil lives in everyone, purity is non-existent, be kind to those who "don't deserve it" without allowing self to be walked on, different facets of love

[beauxarrow-old]

leon and personal beauty aka leon’s queer background and the importance of loving queer visibility

As being queer and queer identities are mainly accepted across Valentia, Leon’s self love, while may be seen as narcissistic to some, still carries on a great importance to his identity and his character. He had easily learned from a young age from his parents that being queer isn’t something to be ashamed of, rather something to be celebrated and acknowledged. Despite facing belittlement from his peers and challenging them to duels, he never truly hated his identity or hated how he looked.

When he was younger, he would keep his hair grown out longer and kept to a more androgynous look. Partially due to still figuring out his gender identity, Leon was no stranger to messing with gender roles despite soon identifying as male. Though he had traces of dysphoria up until he would officially transition with the help of transmutation and herb-like medicines, he still stayed in touch with a visibly queer appearance-- blending traditionally masculine and feminine elements to create a more comfortable and expressive look.

Leading up to joining the Zofian army, he had a partner whom he had a long crush and pine for back in the village where they had both grown up. As much as he looks for the beauty of one’s outer appearance, Leon especially values the inner beauty of potential partners. There aren’t any specific traits that he looks for in one’s appearance, but he is particularly picky on how he would want his partner to act and behave. Reluctantly, he joined the Zofian army to better please his partner’s inherent valor and strong sense of morality. During his time in the army, he would keep his hair braided up until he had lost his partner, then he had cut the back of his hair and continued to keep it that way to the present day.

During the events of the campaign, Leon had clung to Valbar in an attempt to cover up the trauma of losing someone dear to him. His idea of what kind of man he would want was skewed to fit the bill of someone that he had become infatuated with rather than someone that he was actually in love with. Valbar had come into his life at the right time to give him reassurance, but as much as Leon had cared for his friend, he was never actually in love with him-- Instead, he was trying to convince himself that the feelings that he felt for Valbar were genuine after not having someone caring and compassionate in his life for a while. 

After the events of the campaign, Leon looked to hopefully find love again. He grew the back of his hair out again like he had when he was younger and would braid it again from time to time. Despite the trauma that he had faced after the loss of a boyfriend who he had loved dearly, he still wanted to look and feel beautiful for himself rather than trying to seek out a potential partner. Finally after retiring from the Brotherhood of Knights, he was able to choose what he wanted to do with his time, rather than following the wishes of people that he has an affection for in an attempts to appease them. By doing so, he opened up a merchant shop of his own where he could make and sell items that didn’t give into the conventional norms of design.

Though his peers might deem his self love egotistical or narcissistic, and while their criticisms have some merit to an extent, his self love of a queer appearance was something that was as important as loving his own identity. Leon always carried himself with a sense of pride over not only his identity but how he expressed his identity through appearance. His focus on a non-conventional gender appearance helped him foster a loving environment for not only himself, but also allowed him to express a message that queer identities and queer appearances were something to not be seen as a pillar of self loathing but rather be expressed as beautiful and extraordinary. 

Tldr; Leon’s self love, for not only his queer identity but someone who is visibly queer, gives him empowerment through showing that an unconventional and binary breaking appearance is beautiful and exceptional rather than something to be ashamed of.