#long hair yuppy scum

[alyosiuscreightonward]

-D-

“Is this my life now,” I asked myself as I looked at what seemed like hundreds of red taillights on the highway in front of me.

Owning a horse barn isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Like anything else in life, it isn’t always puppies and kittens. Again I was completing another circuit, just another boring drive to get a new clients horse ready to be relocated. I’d leave at dawn’s crack to put another hundred or more miles on my car before the sun sets. I should have probably gotten used to driving from Smithville via Elgin to Wimberley with stops in Bee Caves and Thrall.

I kept thinking about how late I could be today due to all tech nerds impeding my ability to drive by moving here to the Austin metro area. My foreman, Gallegos who was already there in Wimberley would wag his finger at me for being late.

“DIE YUPPIE SCUM,” I screamed over Englebert Humperdinck as he was droning on and on about a man without love. Ugh.

Finally we started to move forward and I was hoping to be able to drive today. Gallegos was a great help to me over the years and he’d always tell me if either the horse or the client were going to be good for me and the barn. He was always very intuitive about these things. The transplant from “The Big Valley” knew something about horses first and foremost, but when he’d meet the owner or rider, he’d give them the squinty eye and say something about how he felt, then he’d give a thumbs up or down. Gallegos is the best barometer ever.

Sigh. After all that traffic, I pulled into the driveway of the familiar barn. I spotted Gallegos’ truck parked next to fence. I parked next to him. As I was gathering my things, I noticed that he was making his way towards me. A huge faded white cowboy hat that had seen better days perched precariously on his head. Always dressed in a white shirt cuffed at the elbows, blue jeans and cowboy boots, this grizzled man was a great judge of character and not an ounce of fat on him. A tad thick but just pure muscle.

“Estoy hasta el moño,” Gallegos said as he stopped to open the gate. “You got a live one here,” he continued as he locked the gate behind him. He took a few more steps towards me before he stopped and readjusted his hat.

“The steed is a good horse for us, but the owner has a lot to learn about transportation. She wants to sedate him before he gets into the trailer. Not every horse has to be comatose to travel,” he said shaking his head.

I’ve been doing this for longer than I care to admit and hearing this razed my hackles.

“Who does she think she is,” I asked Gallegos. “I’m thinking she is the one who should be sedated.”

We stood there getting deeper into conversation as people and horses were walking around just beyond the fence. Indistinguishable chatter was heard coming from the direction of the barn.

“We will get this sorted out and if not we’ll have to get Frau Blücher to pay this crazy woman a visit,” Gallegos said with a grin.

“You’re naughty, Gallegos,” I shot back and stifled my laughter.

“Also I need to let you know that I’m going to have to go home tonight because my Tita isn’t doing well and she’s the last one for me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. This is last one and I’m sure you have things in place,” I said feeling empathy for him and his family.

“Not sure how long I’ll be gone. She’s been dying for the past twenty years but I got my nephew, Derrick, to help you out while I’m gone,” he turned away from me and put two fingers in his mouth and whistled and bellowed, “Niño! Ven aqui!” Seconds later my eyes feasted on his nephew. Dayum y’all.

All of a sudden I had a dry mouth when I saw this tall drink of water. A lumbering man built like a brick silo came out and started towards us. Dark eyes, darker hair and his white shirt and blue jeans appeared to be airbrushed on his frame. He stepped out off the runway during Paris Fashion Week.

He just walked up the gate and looked at Gallegos and then me. I had no idea what they said to each other until I heard Melouk’s voice in my head, “The jam in my jelly roll.”

“Que Dios te lo pague con un buen novio,” I heard Gallegos say and that snapped me back to reality. He smiled at me and said, “My nephew, Derrick, here will be taking care of you and the barn while I’m away. I’m sure I told him about all the things that he should know about but you’ll tell him if something changes, right,” he said as he quietly touched my arm. We made eye contact.

Look here, I’m Gerta Haselberg Jorde Santino. I’m no second rate Diva who can’t sustain. I’m a well educated woman from old money and has ancestry touching on The Rothschilds. I’m a married woman and I truly love my husband to the nth degree but I’m looking at Rodin’s “The Thinker” leaning on the fence just over there.

“Howdy, Miss Santino. A pleasure to meet you and I’ll be there tomorrow morning,” his baritone voice said. “I need to get back to work now.” Derrick’s hand waved in our general direction and I watched those two ripe melons stroll away from us. Painted on.

“GERTA!! Darling, you’re here. Gallegos I wondered where you scurried off to and I find you keeping her from me,” the shrewish shrill voice of Bonnie Oliphant boomed across the paddock. If you know how tempered glass crackles into millions of pieces but doesn’t actually shatter, yeah, pretty much that’s Bonnie’s voice.

Derrick was gone. Gallegos rolled his eyes at me and walked away as Bonnie walked right past him without taking her gaze off me. She has smile that looks like she took two straight pins and put them on either side of her mouth. Ugh.

We did this “Bro Hug” thing that was so disingenuous you could have seen it from the training flight window of The Vomit Comet.

“Katy Lynn Hargreaves is out of her dayum mind if she thinks she’s going to sedate Linus just to bring him across town,” she said flatly. “I’m not having it. Now, all I need you to is back me up on this,” she finished and with a flourish, she waved me in the general direction of Katy Lynn. Ugh.

After several five minute conversations with Bonnie, Katy Lynn, Gallegos and me, Linus is going to be absolutely sober before, during and after being transported to my barn. The next thing I knew heading back to Smithville. I slowed down to a stop and noticed that I needed to clean my boots off again. This what I get for mucking around a barn.

“I’m Gerta and I have a thing for horses. It’s been 17 plus years now since I first smelled wet baby poo like mud and fresh manure.” The idiotic thoughts I can come up with in moments of panic and it made think of what I didn’t say to Katy Lynn about Linus.

Melouk sent me a meme once and it’s about horses. I wanted to scream the words in Katy Lynn’s face, “If I ever owned a race horse, I’d name it, ‘My Face.’ Then when fans cheer for it they’ll scream, ‘Come on My Face!!’ but in your case, impotence reigns supreme.” That’s rude, crude, lewd and socially unacceptable. I digress.

Derrick is standing in front of me with his hands in pockets of those airbrushed blue jeans. He was looking down at first then he looked right through me.

“Miss Santino, I went to take a look at the irrigation system like Gallegos said to do and I did. I’m going to have to lay down some new pipe,” he said in quiet tone of voice and scuffed one boot on the floor.

[pulpygurly06]

In Pulp Fiction and Four Rooms, you can see in the cast of characters

rolling at the end of both movies:

Long hair yuppy scum  =   Lawrence Bender

We all know he's the producer of both movies, but when and where does he appear in both movies?

He make an appearance in one sence lying on the floor in pulp fiction and in Four Doors I can't find him.

I haven't checked if he was in Reservoir Dogs.

[90smovies]

[reptilisss]

1 through 59 ;^)

omg :(

1). what was the last song you had on repeat? my heart goes bang by dead or alive omg

2). who was the last person you danced with? oh idk i think a canvasser named luke at drag brunch?

3). any weird fears? oh those grates in the street? u know? the real deep ones that like u walk over? dont’ like em!

4). what is your favorite fruit? peaches!

5). where did you spend your last friday night? oh on friday i hung out w my friend sam for a bit and then picked up miles and he watched me eat a whole fucking sandwich.

6). do you believe love can last forever? i am coming around to the idea!

7). do you have siblings? no i think i’m enough to deal with by myself lol

8). what would you do if you found out your best friend was seeing your ex? mm gross

9). do you like to cuddle? yeah but i am always the big spoon. no one believes me but i am the big spoon.

10). are you easily scared by horror movies? no! they used to a lot! but idk i got to college and started doing taxidermy and then gore didn’t really bother me.

11). have you ever been kissed in the rain? yeah! junior year of college i was sitting outside w this girl i really liked and uh it was raining and she kissed me and yep that’s it

12). how do you feel about your hair? i don’t really like it. i want long hair but it freaks me out any time it gets too long. the last time i really liked it was when i had it shaved and dyed

13). have you ever had an emo phase? ya ofc i did i’m trans we all had one.

14). are you looking forward to something as of right now? lil day trip with miles :)

15). last person you talked to in person? @bitchfacemcsassypants this jerk

16). do you think someone’s thinking about you? i think maybe

17). do you believe in love at first sight? no i think love takes longer than that, but maybe the initial attraction can be felt quickly

18). do you prefer to call or text? depends on the person! texting is easier to do at work

19). have you kissed someone in the last 2 weeks? ya i kiss miles as frequently as humanly possible.

20). what’s one stereotype of where you come from that actually fits? i wanna be yuppie scum and i call the closest airport “national” not “reag*n”

21). favourite dance song? toxic by britney spears

22). what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought in the past year? i paid to get my tits cut off lol

23). which eye colour do you find prettiest? i’m a huge fan of brown eyes. they get a bad rap as boring but i think they’re really the best. very emotive. soft. warm.

24). what’s your guilty pleasure when it comes to music? i love britney spears ok

25). do you enjoy parties? no! i like people i’m just really not good in crowds

26). describe your crush: he is my boyfriend. he’s wonderful and he has a great butt.

27). how many languages can you speak? only english! a little spanish but not enough to converse

28). what’s on your bed right now? me, my waterbottle, my phone, two (2) socks

29). most pleasing accent to listen to? southern us accent i think.

30). ‎how old are you? i just turned 24

31). have you ever been rock climbing? no but an ex of mine was super into it and tried to make me. the harnesses freak me out too much i think

32). how’s the relationship with your parents? HA. bad!

33). what’s one thing you cannot stop buying? probably underwear it’s so fun to buy

34). what do you like most about your physical appearance? oh boy. maybe my eyes. but i also love my thighs (most of the time!)

35). do you sing in the shower? oh yes i do bitch yes i do

36). when was the last time you hugged someone? earlier tonight tino and i did a little side hug.

37). cats or dogs? love em all

38). favorite cake flavour? yellow cake i’m such a basic person

39). if you had the ability to change one aspect of yourself, what would it be? money

40). are you good at any sports? no but like i also never really tried in gym class, you know? maybe i’d be good if i tried.

41). how old is your oldest living relative? oh hm. i think my grandfather is like 95 or something like that.

42). favorite color? love me a good dove grey

43). what’s the best thing about the beach? i like laying on the beach and like closing my eyes and feeling the sun warming my stomach. like a little cat bitch.

44). what’s your favourite book trope? oh like honestly just enemies to lovers i know it’s lame and cliche but i love it

45). what’s the longest journey you’ve been on? probably something corny like “my transition”

46). who is your favorite person to watch on YouTube? Chris Flemming y’all!

47). what color are your eyes? they’re blue :)

48). are you currently wanting any piercings? i think i’d really like to get my navel redone, but i’m not sure i have the right anatomy for it! also i just put stuff on my tummy a lot i’m not sure it’d work out.

49). night owl or early bird? night owl

50). favorite word? right now it’s homoerotic