#lonelygodscompanion

[samsrowena]

moogs!!! I saw in your poll that you had ~unpopular~ thoughts about Rowena’s ending being becoming the queen of hell and I would be really interested to hear them if you wanted to elaborate!!! <333 if you’ve already talked about it somewhere then ignore me, I must’ve missed it, just link me to that maybe? love hearing your thoughts bestie - jo

HIII i'd be happy to!!! apologies in advance if this gets kind of rambly or incoherent lol

but okay so my main problem with it is that it just feels really reductive (which is on par with everyone else's ending but i digress). in theory i guess i get how it could feel like a full circle moment; she was introduced wanting the throne for selfish, evil purposes and then her story ends with her having the throne and using it for good. but in execution, i was not a fan. to start with, in 15x08 she seemed to revert to season ten rowena (but this is buckleming writing her so i shouldn't be surprised), bragging about everyone being afraid of her and then saying she wished she died a long time ago, as if all of her character development up until that point meant nothing

because i honestly just don't see any scenario in which she'd ever even want to become ruler of hell after season thirteen. she didn't care about power anymore. she'd been completely broken by lucifer and all she wanted was redemption. and i really despise the idea that sacrificing herself to save the world but then still being condemned to hell anyway was her being redeemed (of course she's not the only character they do this with; the message that you have to die for redemption/forgiveness runs rampant in the show and it sucks)

then there's the whole destiny thing. which is just like. i'm sorry but why in the hell would a group of people who literally call themselves "team free will" just accept that someone they care about is destined to die??? the only time they even allude at attempting to change her fate is at the end of funeralia but then they never even try. and in a season where their whole goal is to free themselves from thee biblical god's control, you would think they'd push back on the idea that her fate is set in stone a whole lot harder than they did (which is basically not at all). i just know in my heart that is so so so unlike them, especially sam after finding out he was the one who would kill her. this is the same guy who spent a whole season trying to save dean from certain doom (not to mention the countless other examples of him obsessing over saving people he cares about), so there is NO doubt in my mind he would've did the same for rowena

but i don't know, i mean i definitely understand the appeal of her becoming queen and maybe i'd be more open to it if they ended up doing more with it (and to their credit they apparently planned to, ruthie said at a con she was signed on for more episodes but covid ruined that) but at the end of day i just truly think she deserved so much more than being relegated to an eternity of doing a job that even her own son despised at the end

[scoobydoodean]

@lonelygodscompanion said: apparently sam and dean make some explosives out of medical supplies in croatoan? I didn't really remember it before looking it up but even if that isn't what anon is referring to, it is another instance of this occurring

I'll be on the lookout for this! Thanks for the heads up!

[antigonewinchester]

@lonelygodscompanion​

Thank you for your detailed response! My thoughts have always been to not take it as literally as one day being one year in hell-time... I’ve always held the idea that in a plane of existence where there’s nothing revolving around any sun, a ‘year’ or a ‘second’ can last as long as your torturer wants it to. This is part of why I’ve recently been wondering if the sort of time dilation in hell, in which dean speaks of 40 years in 4 months and alastair of 100 years in about one year, was only applied to the ones chosen as the ‘righteous man’, if we choose to believe alastair about this. Then the demons would have a time advantage when trying to break them, and perhaps others in hell would experience time relatively equivalent to earth. Not saying I believe thats true, but theres something there considering those are the only times we’re given “number of years” someone was being tortured. Also interesting because I’ve noticed that in two instances in later seasons, when referring to time passing specifically in the Cage, the characters used the same amount of time which had approximately passed on earth (the instances I’m referring to are 11.10 when lucifer says torture is “so five years ago” and 15.08, which I don’t think you’ve seen yet, where a released-from-the-cage Adam says he hasn’t eaten in ten years.)

Ha, I went pretty literal with my interpretation (in part from working on my Dean & Bela in Hell fic and being like, wait, how long has Bela actually been in Hell before Dean?? and then trying to estimate the time out) but definitely understand taking a less 1:1 approach, and tbh that would usually be more my approach, too. What does a “day” even mean in Hell when, as you say, it seems to be an entirely different dimension where nothing is actually revolving around the sun. The idea of the time dilation of Hell applying particularly to the ‘righteous man’ is a chilling intriguing interpretation, and really hammers home Dean being just a cog in the system, a piece that has to break to push the Apocalypse forward; Dean could’ve held out for 3 months in Earth time, but 30 years was another thing entirely. It would work better for Heaven and the angels, too, since it’s easier for them to ‘pretend’ to be rescuing the righteous man over months on Earth while letting him get tortured for years in Hell.

And I hadn’t even picked up on those later season comments—my inexact knowledge of the later seasons is showing through, lol. I might take Lucifer’s comment to be less literal, him basically saying torture was “so five minutes/years ago” as in out of style, but it does line up fairly well with how long Sam has been out of the Cage, and Adam’s 10 year comment also closely matches the real timing on Earth, too. In-universe, there are ways of hand-waving this discrepancy away (Michael protecting Adam from the time difference, for ex), while at the writing level, it seems like the writers retconning Hell’s time dilation because it would’ve been confusing for the audience in S11/S15. My hesitation with applying Earth time to Hell time for Sam’s stint in the Cage is that it would mean he was only in Hell for about a year and half, and the show definitely frames Sam’s time there as Very Very Horrible and arguably “worse” than Dean’s time in Hell, which doesn’t really fit with that short of a time frame...

But I suppose this is when the ‘logic’ of a story runs up against the emotionality of it, and while trying to get some specific timing for both Dean and Sam in Hell is a fun exercise, for me what’s ultimately most significant is how their time in Hell is framed by the narrative & how it each affected them.

[kalia-taylorsversion]

oh this is so exciting! thanks for tagging me @sixofcrowley !

yes! family dog named coco <3

hmm probably just buttered spaghetti, but also the one lemon and sugar crepes recipe that i can make

fluent in english, technically "intermediate" in french (practically? :/)

i can like. i can stand with one of my feet turned backwards. if that makes sense lol :)

i got 100 on a presentation and i've literally never done that well on a presentation before

mutual tags, but ofc no pressure!!! @justbetweenus8789 @unreconstructedfangirl @lonelygodscompanion @angelkissesdean @bloodydeanwinchester (if you've already been tagged, lol oops ;))

Tag game because I want to know you better !

-Do you have a pet ?

-Comfort food ?

-How many languages do you speak ?

- Random fact about yourself

-Something you’re proud of

To begin this little tag game, I’ll tag @ebony-reine-vibes @freddie-77-ao3 @newobsessioneveryweek @thehaikuman and @miraclesnail

I hope the questions aren’t boring and love you all 😘

[msjessicaday]

just wanted to say I really appreciate your psych blogging because I’m watching it for the first time rn and really falling in love with it. also because you’re one of the only intellectuals I’ve seen who appreciates the beauty of both Gus/Shawn and Jules/Shawn. either way have a nice day!

oh my goodness your first time watching!!! how exciting!!! i’m so so glad you’re loving it ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[deanwinchester-baby]

for the ask thing dean (of course 😈) with 11 and 14 maybe?

Hey! Thank you so much for asking! Ofc it’s about our beloved hahaha

11. something [other character] believes about them that isn't true

- I’m gonna go with “isn’t very in touch with emotions”. He might say that, and Sam sure thinks that, but he’s actually pretty self-aware, empathetic, able to charm and sweet talk and also inspire, be tender and honest or brutal and straightforward. That he chooses to not share or downright lie about his own traumas to certain people (cough cough, Sam) does not mean he doesn’t recognize them or copes with them, just that he does not shre on command, and the fact he’s stuck in some vicious cicles is not himdered by him actually recognizing that he is.

14. their worst memory

- He says at one point it’s Sam leaving for Stanford (which, considering it comes soon after Hell and everything, must have been… quite a spectacle of viciousness and violence). I’d also nominate the fire; Sam’s first death, and watching Sam jump into the cage for that spot and he might pick one of them as well depending on which is on his mind and hurting the most atm. (others such as hell itself, being a demon, purgatory, feeling abandoned by Sam might be contenders but aren’t singular memories and are more long-term events).

[humandisorderincarnatedean]

i was tagged by @freakwiththeknifecollection thank you Emily you’re a darling and a sweetheart 💗

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 a few blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better!

Name: Jordan 

Star sign: Virgo 

Height: 1.60 m or about 5′3 

Time: 21:40 

Birthday: august 27 

Favorite bands/artists: I guess Of Monsters and Men, Marina, and Marianas Trench because I like a lot of songs by those artists 

Last movie: genuinely have no clue.. 

Last show: was just watching masterchef usa with my family :) 

When did I create this blog: April 2021 

What I post: exclusively supernatural; mainly Dean but other things that catch my fancy as well. also many many of my own impeccable opinions 

Last thing I googled: meters to feet and inches- for the earlier question 

Other blogs: @lonelygodscompanion (my main blog, where I post mostly doctor who but plenty of other things I like too), @babygirltroybarnes (my community-themed sideblog), @certifiedstar (which is like my aesthetic blog i guess 🙄) and I have like over 20 saved urls it’s truly gotten ridiculous. I also have @deanposting :) where I post dean :) 

Do I get asks?: once upon a blue moon 😔 i should get more attention 

Following: 97 

Average hours of sleep: I try for 7. I end up sleeping in way more often than I want to 

Instruments: no 😔 unfortunately. I got a guitar when I was like nine and broke off one of the snares that very same day 

What I'm wearing: jeans and blouse 

Dream job: writer 

Dream trip: oh to travel around the world by myself... see every continent, dozens of different countries... sigh 

Nationality: Dutch 

Favorite songs: Long Live the Kids by We Are the in Crowd, King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men, Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance 

Last book I’ve read: Frozen Fire by Tim Bowler 

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: Doctor Who (I want to travel in that blue box so bad), Harry Potter (unironically. deep inside I am still an 11 year old girl), and Supernatural (which is an objectively bad option but idc I just wanna meet dean). 

Tagging: I'm bad at tagging people I never know who would wanna do this... um @bi-lullaby @sadforestdrum @jensenis-still-deansnumberonefan and whoever else feels called to do this I'm tagging you, yes you specifically too! no pressure to anyone though ofc <3 

[bisexualponds]

hey so I’m like more or less moving? I’m not deleting this blog but I most likely will not be active on here anymore. BUT ya girl can still be found on her new blog @lonelygodscompanion!

[samsrowena]

saileen and also samruby for the ship ask?

saileen -

literally so adorable, like. i could go on and on about them because i think she's soooo good for sam after all the horror in his love life! they're just really wholesome and healthy for each other. however (since we're being brutally honest here lol) i didn't feel like they had a ton of chemistry together on jared's part so it's not my number one sam ship like it is most people's.... and i think it's pretty obvious by now which one is lmao

samruby -

oh super hot which is like their appeal right??? but i honestly believe ruby did care about sam. even as manipulative as she was. like right before they killed her, it seems like she still thought her and sam would be together to just serve under lucifer instead of being like "hey sam i tricked you the whole time i hate you". so yeah i like them a lot! they actually have some real cute moments too, it's not all kinky blood drinking sex alsjddldfgkjd

send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[antigonewinchester]

@lonelygodscompanion replied to your post:

on the 'dean-is-a-killer' thing you touched on- yeah it's really a thing. dean is called out for being a killer the way sam is called out for being a monster, except that sort of drops off around s6. the 'dean-is-a-killer' thing is all the way up to the end baby. it's consistent. and yeah, it is indeed strange? for the writers to single out dean for this specific thing? the other characters have killed people too. 1/2 because this got long 2/2 but it's almost like it's supposed to imply something more about dean. I mean yeah, all the times they say it, they're technically right- but it's a condemnation that's never really directed at anyone else. it's not just an indicator of actions, but a statement about his inherent character. it's dean for who 'being a killer' is something he should feel ashamed of, as if he failed in something he never had much of a choice in in the first place

huh, the “Dean is a killer” thing continues through the whole show... I’d seen seen gifs of the moment from 15x19 when God calls Dean the “ultimate killer” but never made the full connection. given the way the show dropped the ball on its handling of the “Sam as monstrous” theme, I guess it kind of makes sense that the “Dean as killer” theme would become more prominent in the writing as a replacement? it is a through line the show started back in s1 and unique to Dean within that context (the moment in 1x22 where Dean says he didn’t flinch from killing the demon possessed guy or Meg to protect Sam and John, for instance). except I never got the sense in Kripke’s era that the writing wanted  to depict Dean as innately a killer. in s1 especially, it’s very clear that John raised Dean as a hunter & had to mold him to that life, so as you astutely say, hunting / killing wasn’t something Dean had a choice in doing in the first place.

there’s maybe something here in how the underlying worldview of the show shifted after Kripke stepped down as showrunner, and how later showrunners / writers took already established ideas in the show and put their own spin on them in some... weird and revealing ways.

[samsrowena]

for the ship ask: uh... deanalastair and... castiel/balthazar?

deanalastair -

oh man the torture scene in on the head of a pin permanently altered my brain chemistry. it's sooo twisted but like it IS sexually charged i'm sorry alskjflfkfk anyway i think they're super super interesting, like obviously alastair can get under dean's skin in ways no one else can. if he lived, i think there are many scenarios that could play out where he could've been dean's ruby lol like really pull him over to the darkside with having him succumb to the torturing. i don't know whether i actually ship it or not though, like the reason i have SO many dean ships is because i'm like "awww this person makes dean happy". which is NOT the case with alastair lmao but i do think they have an incredibly compelling dynamic

castiel/balthazar -

they're so fun!!! the way i see them is they have the sastiel chaos dynamic except that cas is NOT a willing participate so balthazar is just fucking shit up and cas is just like oh my god what have you gotten into now??? but man the fact that they worked together for so long and you can tell how deeply they cared for each other, it's like they really COULD have already had a thing maybe way in the past lol however i will say i go back and forth on angel ships in general because it's hard to get a read on whether they're brothers and sisters or not lol the show kind of retconned that so it's confusing

send me a ship and I'll give you my (brutally) honest opinion on it

[samsrowena]

for the emoji game: 🦋

thanks for the request! it's right here

[samsrowena]

↳ character emoji meme (insp.) send me an emoji and i’ll make a gifset of the first thing that comes to mind!

@lonelygodscompanion requested: 🦋

[scoobydoodean]

@lonelygodscompanion said: "This is one of those things where they all have done approximately the same level of bad, but only dean's transgression gets brought up or held against him, at least, most of the time. It could be because his action in this case is given more narrative weight than the others', which I think only really becomes a problem when fandom tries to use it to then paint Dean as a particularly bad person in contrast with Sam and Cas. Which, and I know I'm preaching to the choir here, is a petty and nit-picky way of viewing the characters. Bias can lead to erasure if the fan in question's not careful."

The show for sure tends to focus on Dean's negative actions more—or at least in the form of "how bad they were", which I think is one of the big reasons fans remember Dean's "transgressions" (also considering this particular one is in far more recent memory for most fans than the others). When Dean does something he should not have done or that he feels he should not have done, it is usually written into the script for him to feel guilty, perhaps even for several episodes, and for someone (or multiple someones) to remind him about the bad things he did and Dean to absorb and accept that.

Take for example, Dean killing Amy versus Sam killing Emma. When Dean kills Amy, the very next episode is about Dean always feeling guilty, and the Amy incident is at the top of the list (both for lying to Sam, and actually killing Amy, which haunts him). The next two episodes after that also feature Dean feeling guilty about the Amy incident still. He ultimately apologizes for lying to Sam but not for killing Amy, but it isn't because killing Amy doesn't make him feel dirty—he has nightmares about killing her. He just decided eventually... "What's one more nightmare?" it didn't matter how it made him feel—the guilt he felt was a necessary burden he had to bare (on top of all of the other earned and unearned guilt he constantly feels anyway). (See: my post about guilt EMF meters always going off and going back to ones moral code as a litmus because the tool is broken). Sam on the other hand... doesn't feel guilty about Emma for a single moment. He immediately moves on. The extent of his textually investigated feelings about shooting his niece are to, within the same episode where he does the deed, yell at Dean that he needs to get his shit together—that he's sure Dean couldn't have killed his own daughter if it came down to it and that's a problem (and yes—he is relating back to how he himself justified when Dean killed Amy... but also... Amy and Emma aren't the same person. One of these people was a serial murderer and the other one was a brainwashed child who hadn't killed a soul—notice Dean didn't kill Amy's son). Emma is never brought up again, and fans themselves rarely bring her up. She's just a one-episode blip on the radar. Amy gets more traction because the show actually built some story around what happened with her!

Something similar happens with Kaia. Dean actually apologizes to her I believe within the same episode (or it might be the very next episode). But... it's used as an example of how angry and bad Dean is. It gets brought back up when AU!Kaia shows up and shames Dean for scaring Kaia (which I have always found cackling levels of funny because AU!Kaia literally stabbed Kaia in the back with a spear and her only defense was, "Well I was trying to kill Claire!")

When Cas shoves his hand in a child's chest, or scrambles Donatello's brains, or uses a nephilim who was just living her life as a human sacrifice for a spell that backfires, or tries to kill Jesse because he's worried about what he might do in the future, or plans to kill Kelly and Jack behind the Winchester's backs because he's worried about what might happen in the future... we don't... investigate these actions individually (we don’t actually have time—Cas is too much of a Hot Girl lmao he has already moved on to more Hot Girl shit). Cas does share Dean's proclivity for feelings of extreme guilt, but what things exactly he feels guilty about and how he justified them... those things are largely missing—to the point that fans actually forget all of the things Cas has done and justified (he's like Dean—that EMF is always beeping) and go, "Well Cas has no reason to feel like this. It must be Dean's fault." (Again when I talk about fans looking at Dean and scapegoating him the same way John Winchester does... 🌚)

Then take Sam. There are two very painful (to me at least) occasions where Sam has done big things that make him feel guilty and intwined them with Dean’s parentification. The first is going behind Dean's back all of season 4 (and probably a lot of the things he said to Dean during that time). He apologizes in the first episode of season 5 and talks about earning back Dean's trust which he knows he's damaged, then... immediately drops that idea like hot cakes, because the reality is, Sam can't stand feeling guilty at that point in his life. So the very next episode, he shoves Dean into a wall for daring to not trust him anymore, and acts like the actions he took that produced the lack of trust don't exist and Dean is being unfair to him. What Sam is actually doing is projecting his feelings of guilt onto Dean. "I feel this way because you don't trust me, not because I hurt you and also am not trustworthy and don't even trust myself." Sam briefly realizes he is projecting, which then leads to the brothers splitting up because Sam doesn't trust himself, and then when they reunite, one of the first things Sam does is tell Dean that everything he did in season 4 is partly Dean's fault because he was a bad mommy (sorry—I have no patience for Fallen Idols—but here's yet more scapegoating Dean like John for you! The show does it too—not just the fans :))))))).

The second occasion where this happens with Sam is season 8, and we ALL KNOW I hate season 8 (it is truly the nastiest grossest season of all time from beginning to end with the exception of the very fun Purgatory elements and Benny, and Dean, Cas, and Benny doing cool things together) and I think it's a bullshit character assassination of Sam... but I do think Sam's tendency to externalize negative feelings like guilt and project them onto Dean holds very well from Kripke through Carver... even if I think the transgression Carver has Sam commit is wildly OOC (he would NEVER abandon Dean, Cas, and Kevin like that!!!) But yeah—Sam feels guilty—but he CAN'T acknowledge the part about Dean and Cas. He only apologizes about Kevin right away and tries to make that right. On Dean and Cas he is an immovable stone, so of course Dean is having trouble moving past it? Sam won't even acknowledge there was anything fucked up about it? And then Southern Comfort happens, and Dean is literally possessed and forced by a specter to let out all of his abandonment issues at Sam... and what do we get? Season 8 Sam telling Dean that he better shut the fuck up about being abandoned going forward, or else. That whole season is Sam gnawing biting at guilt inside, but he CANNOT face that guilt, so when it comes out, it comes out externalized. He has that beeping EMF meter locked up TIGHT in the back of a closet, and Dean's resentment only reminds him that it is STILL beeping back there and he can't quite escape the sound, and it makes him angry at Dean! So Dean is too close to Benny and he’s too close to Cas and he doesn’t trust Sam to do The Trials (this isn’t even true—Dean textually DID!) So then this all culminates in the season 8 finale, where Sam is forced to confront that he does feel guilty for abandoning Dean... but then it also becomes about Dean hurting his feelings by trusting Benny and Cas more than he trusts Sam (which is... completely rational thinking from Dean based on Sam's actions, including never showing regret?) and it turns into Sam reacting to Dean again... like Dean is his mommy who is playing favorites with his kids. I'm sorry but... that is what that scene is to me, and that's why I think that scene sucks big sweaty smelly balls. It isn't a sweet scene, it's gross, and even if I thought it was sweet, the discourse I see every time someone gifs that scene about how mean Mommy Dean is for making Sam feel so sad and down on himself by *looks at notes* "not trusting Sam immediately following Sam being extremely untrustworthy" would have ruined it anyway.

So yeah—not only do Dean's big bad mistakes usually get more individual focus (and a few occur in more recent memory) so that people remember them way more than they remember any of the insane things Sam and Cas have done, but Sam sometimes finds a way to do this to:

And then fans proceed to use the same technique to use Dean as a scapegoat for Cas too.

Anyway I know I have been in the bitterdeanblogging era lately. I will probably recover at some point.

"Dean pulled a gun on a teenage girl."

Sam shot and killed his niece and Cas shoved his entire arm into a 12 year old boy's chest while he screamed and cried so he could feel his soul and would have murdered Jesse the antichrist if he hadn't been turned into a figurine what is your point.

[deanwinchester-baby]

@lonelygodscompanion thanks for the love today hashuashua 💗

[bisexualamy]

your new header omg I LOVE it

thank you!! @lonelygodscompanion made it i love it sm