#lol i'm alive btw

[ashtheshortstack]

oop. seems that miraculous is returning which means i am back on this hell site.

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

[factory-of-bullshit]

Thinking about maybe... just maybe I should also draw his mom..

[thebramblewood]

Helena: *threateningly bares fangs* I promise, I'm usually really nice! *almost sucks you dry* Apologies! *dumps your nearly lifeless body in the ditch* Have a great day!

Previous / Next

Shout out to @birdietrait, @gunthermunch, and @dreamlandiasims for doing some really cool flashlight scenes recently that inspired me! And extra special thanks to @xldkx for helping me give Helena dainty little fangs since she's not quite ready for a fully sharpened mouth.

Helena, thinking: You have to do this. It's the only way you'll feel better. Just get it over with. Thirty seconds, a minute. That's it. Then it'll be done and you can go back home.

Park Ranger: Hey! Who's out here? The park is closed. No loitering after hours. [under breath] Stupid pot-smoking kids. Don't they know I can sniff them out from a mile away?

Show yourself! You're trespassing on federal property!

Helena, thinking: Shitshitshitshitshit! If you're going to do it, you have to do it now!

[BEAST MODE ACTIVATED]

Park Ranger: Who the- What the- [screams]

Helena: [whispering] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not going to kill you. It'll be over soon.

Park Ranger: [gasping] What... are... you?

[vaguely-concerned]

It's really interesting that Wynne actually has quite a measured, bordering on downright sympathetic response to hearing what Jowan did in the prologue -- if the mage Warden says "I still can't believe Jowan was that stupid", her answer is something like a thoughtful "Stupid, or desperate, or merely curious?". She seems to think of Jowan as a kid who got in over his head, rather than any less charitable interpretation. I do believe she genuinely is as against blood magic as she publicly expresses and as the Circle party line demands, but as a private person she clearly has a more nuanced and potentially kinder understanding of the reasons why someone might resort to it, at the very least.

(related: when she says that part about Irving telling her what happened, there's no dialogue option in the first stage of the conversation (except choosing the 'leaving the conversation' one) that doesn't net you +2 approval! no matter how the warden feels about it, she is ready to recieve it. I think that says something sweet about how Wynne conceptualizes younger mages and the honest real affection she has for them. if you didn't snitch on jowan and say you stand by that decision, though? +3 approval, apparently! what Wynne says and what Wynne thinks is not always the same thing indeed, her idea of where personal loyalty and integrity stands vis-a-vis a mage's responsibility to the circle may be more flexible than she'd have people believe, you'll be surprised to learn lol)

I have always liked wynne and found her interesting, in all her hypocrisies and her earnest care, but with slightly older eyes she's extra fascinating to me in the same ways that Iron Bull is -- seeing someone whose mind has had hollows carved out in it by the need for double-think and compartmentalization imposed by the oppressive systems and ideologies they live under, and the quiet fight of the self to still preserve vital parts of itself that the system deems unacceptable in the hidden backstage areas of the soul, as it were. (and for both of them part of that self is love and protectiveness of specific other people, beyond what their 'role' dictates is acceptable for them.) I think Wynne has managed to sneak more of her internal self through the meatgrinder relatively intact than Bull overall, but it's the same logic underlying it, for me, and it makes me feel such intense affection and compassion for them both to see how hard they try

[candycryptids]

It's my birthday today (6/14) so I get to be mindlessly and shamelessly self-indulgent and pose myself with my speece's characters Kizuna and Setsuna Shader is I think from [Kore - Pearl's Dream] but I might be wrong, I downloaded that shader before I realized I should make creator folders so I'm not 100%

Kizuna is @zombiesockfuckinglovescardfight Also Sir Cash is here ;v; (the dog)

[willowser]

for the spicy asks ✨bakugou and worked up? 👀 because i think once y’all actually get going he’s all systems go, he’s never been one to hold back in any other area of his life so why would he be restrained here? but at the same time i just KNOW he has to work himself up to actually initiate anything w/ you, he’s so nervous!!! that boy is an Overthinker!!!

lil whimsy 🥹🩷✨️ how sweet 🩷✨️

worked up : what is your f/o like when turned on ? are they desperate, tense, barely restrained ? how do they handle it ?

YEESSSSS omg exactly !! he IS an overthinker 🥺 i think when he's turned on, katsuki is kinda....hover-y....if he's in the office and i'm in the kitchen, he'll mosey in every now and again to see what i'm doing....and then mosey back out when he thinks he doesnt want to interrupt me LOL bc he hates feeling driven by his dick !! LMAOOO truthfully i wouldn't mind hehehe but !! he is how he is !!! and even when he's not home or we're not together, he'll send out a text or something, get brave enough behind a screen to send a lil 🩷 or a "love you" 🥺🥺 he wants me to think about him !!! wants me to know he's thinking of me !!! 🥺

for the most part, he's pretty restrained, and i think he kind of feels like. is it selfish of me to want to interrupt what you're doing just because of what i want ?? but you're right that once he gets going, all bets are off !! that's when it becomes obvious how long he's been kind of holding back, bc clothes start coming off pretty fast and he's near dragging me across the house back to the bedroom LOL

spicy/nsfw self ship asks 💐

[masterwizardperson]

Errmmm, I'm so scared to post this lol 😭😭😭 @kirbyoctournament I hope they get in 🙏🙏 /nf (FORGOT THIS-)

Anyways, This is Writer Waddle Dee (Wridee, as I like to call them)!! They prefer They/Them, but go by any pronouns! I modeled them a lot after me because they were originally a joke self insert oc I made months ago, so it'll be really hard for me to describe them lol

Backstory?:

●They're a self-publishing, kinda small author that writes about Kirby's journeys!

●Just a simple civilian, y'know, nothing dramatic!

Personality:

●They're a bit sarcastic and loves to make self depricating jokes?

●They're reserved, but have a few close friends and those she'd call acquaintances.

●She's acts very competitive, but it's really all-bark-no-bite.

●He follows a lot of the rules and tries to inforce them best they can.

Misc. Notes:

●Loves sweets, but especially likes donuts

●Finds it difficult to drink strong, caffeinated drinks

●Loves rain and mostly likes to write when it's storming outside because they find it inspirational

●They really don't like to write at a desk, even if it's available. They actually like to write on their bed

●^^ Their bed has a lot of stuffed animals that they're very proud to own

[starrycassi]

Weapon.

One to disarm. One to fear.

Ballister stood still, looking at the boy in front of him. Ambrosius Goldenloin, the Golden Boy of the academy. The blonde, younger than him, was quickly showing him just why everyone adored him so much.

He'd thought of Ambrosius as a complete idiot, a total jerk, a spoiled brat. It was, well, shocking, to see him act like anything but. They fought, and Ballister won, and Ambrosius looked like a caged, confused animal. It was a stupid brawl, merely a misunderstanding, and Ballister had never actually won against a classmate. Sure, he was the most energetic and motivated student in the whole class, but the pure force of will he had wasn't enough to match whole childhoods of training.

And Ambrosius bowed.

It was slow, and kinda painful. Ambrosius Goldenloin bowed, bending over with a careful reverence. His long hair was loose now — Ballister had lost his own hair tie, too, and they both had a million of leaves and tiny branches in their hair and faces and clothes. The fight had started because Ambrosius said something stupid, but Ballister didn't even remember what he said. He was too stunned, too captivated by the respect he was being shown for the first time ever.

He'd always been a reckless boy. It felt right, and he wanted to, so he launched himself forward and hugged Ambrosius, because where he came from love was the only way to show trust, physical affection was the biggest form of friendship.

"Let's make up" he said, smiling with ease — he'd seen Ambrosius as some sort of god-send child-angel, but he felt so alive and real trapped in his arms, he breathed erratically and he had a heartbeat.

A voice in the back of his head told him this wasn't okay. He shouldn't, he couldn't, he didn't deserve to be so familiar with this boy. But hadn't he hugged all his roommates back at the orphanage? Hadn't he shared a warm embrace with every kid that offered him help?

When there's no money around, trust is the best currency one can give. He shouldn't, je couldn't, he didn't deserve to treat Ambrosius Goldenloin like he would any other kid, but he wanted to, he really wanted to. He wanted to become a knight, and it was working out. He wanted to have a friend, and there didn't seem to be any other way to get one than launching himself head first into unknown waters and hoping for the best.

"...sure" said Ambrosius, after a few seconds. And Ballister was almost starting to regret this, when the other boy's arm surrounded him, too, and he could feel the warmth emanating out his skin. The gross smell of the sweat. The trash and dirt all over him. The quickened pulse.

Ambrosius, suddenly, started giggling. He pushed Ballister away with a soft movement that he could never imagine would ever come from the cocky kid in the tv ads. But this wasn't Ambrosius, the child prodigy. This was Ambrosius, his classmate and newly acquired friend, who was blushing all of the sudden.

"Sure, let's be friends. I'm sorry, by the way. I didn't mean to be rude to you"

Ballister started cackling at the other boy's face, sorrow and regret painted over it, hunched over by the lack of breath. He didn't even remember. He didn't remember shit. The situation was so absurd — one second, he threw himself against an idiotic blonde for saying a stupid comment, the other, he practically tackled Ambrosius Fucking Goldenloin into a hug, all because he wanted to.

Ambrosius wasn't that much of a jerk, he came to find out later, together, in the blond's bedroom, patching each other up to avoid getting scolded by the nurse. He was rather kind. Rather human.

And a little bit pretty.

.

The clashing of swords and armors, bodies and fists, metal and iron, flesh and blood invaded the place.

Ballister cornered Ambrosius, smiling. This was fun. Their first time actually wearing their knight attire at practice, where they usually used bodysuits or something else. Armor was way heavier, and infinitely harder to maneuver in. However, Ambrosius's training seemed to languish when confronted with Ballister's line of work.

Ambrosius had been trained, sure. He was born to be a knight, raised to be a captain, and prepared to be the best; and he would've been, had it not been for Ballister.

Ballister, who went around, more often than not, helping the maids of the Institute to carry heavy loads of whatever they were transporting, who climbed trees for fun and grew up running errands.

Their bodies clashed, again. Metal against metal and sweat mixed with sweat; Ballister smiled, and so did Ambrosius. All the other couples were done already, and their eyes were fixed on the pair. Ambrosius and Ballister seemed to ignore the fact, hitting and moving and launching and escaping with ease, laughing slightly whenever the other wavered.

Ballister gave him the fatal blow. Or what would've been the fatal blow, had he used a bit more force. Instead, Ambrosius doubled over with pain, while their coach reluctantly announced Ballister as the winner.

Again.

.

Ambrosius and Ballister looked at each other, frowning. One in front of the other, swords raised, ready to fight all the monsters in the world. They stared.

They had fought, cried, laughed, made out, screamed at and enjoyed things, together. Like two cherries on a stem, like two sides of the same coin. Never seen without each other.

Both of them were adults, now. Even if Ambrosius was barely sixteen, and only an adult because of signed paperwork, they were legally, adults. And they were going to be treated like adults, from now on.

(It wasn't the first time. Had they ever been kids? Ballister couldn't remember. Had they ever been free?)

"From now on" said the Director, walking around them. Every pair of knights stood still and stiff, looking at each other. They always worked in couples. "I want all of you to understand weapons"

Her heels clicked against the floor at every single step she takes. Weapons. Ballister's heart starts to feel heavier in his chests. Weapons. He feels so ready, to take the laser bows and the energy-powered arrows.

He looks around, they all do, murmuring to each other, to themselves. Weapons. They expect to see someone bring them in, or to be told that the lesson will be moved and received outside, where the weapons will be awaiting.

The Director, however, keeps her rhythmic pace. She tells them to close their eyes, and they do, excited.

"I want you to think, for a moment" her voice, cold and bored, makes Ballister's excitement die almost immediately. "To really feel what it's like, to be alive."

They do. Ballister breathes in, slowly, and remembers sunny summers and deadly winters in an orphanage. Joyful springs and melancholic autumns in the Institute. It's calming, if only for a bit.

"Your blood" she adds, enunciating every word, "Feel it, feel it run in your veins. Feel your skin tingle, your hair"

They do. Ambrosius remembers that he's just a bunch of bones, guts, meat and cartilage, all put together to make him... well, him. It's comforting, in a sense.

"Now, open your eyes"

They do. Ballister and Ambrosius look at each other, smiling for half a second, too happy to see the other to hide it immediately.

"In front you, lies the deadliest weapon ever"

(she looks at Ambrosius when she says this. She looks at Ambrosius when she says this. She's already planning the future and he's going to be a vital part of it)

"I want you to try and understand what you are. All of you. You're knights, almost. You've been trained and been instructed"

She instructs them to get their swords up, again. They will fight, again. Like that, all. bundled up, all together. Ambrosius can feel someone hit his back, and he tries to communicate his confusion over to Ballister. Where's the weapons?

The Director tells them. All about it. They're not people, anymore. Not normal people, anyway. They're the best of the best, and the blood that runs under their skins is almost like the oil under a car's metal. They fight, confused and used to bigger spaces, to less people.

She tells them to watch out. They're a weapon, and the person in front of them is, too. Good weapons can be modified, upgraded and polished.

(They can also be disarmed. They can also be disarmed)

[ferberus-skull]

quick sketch of Renwick (he/they), the not-cat nestor gave me today :]

[finns-kardemumma]

i would never use a scrub mommy to wash my dishes because women! aren't! dishwashers! anymore!

(6'7 feminist btw)

[obeyweegee359]

I forgor

[z0uz]

don't think anyone's really worried about my disappearance but it's kinda rare for me to just not be on tumblr for a week, so a month is a lot lol

i'm fine, just stuck in a constant state of anxiety of writing my dissertation, finding a job for the summer and a definite one starting september, and being on tumblr makes me feel like i procrastinate a bit too much all of those things (i do procrastinate them, it's just that spending time on tumblr increases that anxiety lol)

[troublcmakcrs]

//the south park fandom needs to wake back up bc i'm feeling annoying ✨️

[levil0vesyou]

Ftr. I had NOT forgotten how to swim. But I had forgotten how awesome it feels!!! This is just like when I opened the window that one time last April after getting my new antidepressants and seeing how beautiful the moon is for what felt like the first time. Like don't get me wrong, getting traumatised and being stuck inside for months as a result sucked, but it does kinda rule being able to rediscover all the nice things about the world

[catboydan]

feel like shit just want her back (edgeworth)