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lainiespicewrites · 10 months ago

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Electric Summer Ch 3.

AHHH I'm loving this story so much!!! Here's chapter 3! I couldn't stop writing this lol

Summary: Sy and Lainie get ready for the campers to arrive. Everyone gets to know each other. It's a perfect summer day until...the weather takes a turn.

warnings: light cursing.

Reblogs and comments ALWAYS welcome! Please let me know what you think!!

Link for Ch2

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That night I barely slept. Buzzing with all of the energy from the day. The adrenaline and excitement and the butterflies. All of it ran through me like a high I didn’t want to come off of. But still I was skeptical. Was this the universe at play or was it just a coincidence? No, it couldn’t be. Not when all of my emotions seemed to be even stronger in his presence. And as much as I’d like to deny it, I still thought about him often. I had tried to let all of this go. But it’s like he had this grip on me. Everytime I tried to go out with someone new or go on a date. Or let someone touch me. It felt like I was betraying him. I knew that wasn’t true. I know Sy. He never really wanted me to wait forever, I don’t think either of us ever thought we’d see each other again. And if I had seen someone or been with someone he’d never hold that against me. But I just couldn’t do it.

At some point I must’ve drifted off to a restless sleep. My alarm woke me at 6:30AM. After our dip in the lake yesterday I definitely needed a shower. After a quick morning shower and getting ready for the day. In just some simple workout shorts and a t-shirt. It was supposed to get hot today. I decided to start working on decorations for the cabin before breakfast. I remember one year our counselor made signs with our names on them to hang over whatever bunk we’d chosen. I loved that idea.

I went through the roster becca had given me when I’d checked in yesterday and got to work carefully drawing each name and fun summer designs on each one. I wasn’t much of an artist but I was genuinely pretty impressed with myself.

Then I started to hang the garland letters sign I made for our door. Each year camp has a theme. And our counselors would come up with a name for our group or our cabin before we got there. It was always fun guessing and anticipating what cabin we would get. This year’s theme was classic movies. I smiled proudly to myself as I taped the string to the door after checking one last time to make sure it was straight. We were the “Pink Ladies” I may have a serious obsession with the film Grease.

I’d decided that if we were paired with one of the boys cabins we would be the pink ladies and I’d convince the boys counselor to be the T-birds. Luckily, Sy didn’t take much convincing. We talked about it yesterday before we started going over the icebreaker games. Although he did briefly try to change my mind and talked about the boys doing a “Top Gun” theme but he conceeded when I pouted. I made both our signs last night. After about an hour of trying to fall asleep I gave up and sat on the floor cutting the letters out of cardstock. I planned on taking the sign over to him after I figured out how to hang the fairy lights over the rafters. I climbed up onto the top bunk and started there making my way around the perimeter of the cabin. But there was still one long beam across the middle I started on the top bunk in one corner of the room but that only got me so far. I Pulled the little table in the center of the room over and climbed up standing on top of it. It was just tall enough for me to be able to toss the lights around and catch it on the other side of the beam. Just as I’d moved the table and climbed back up to start another section I heard the screen door open.

“What are you doin?” He asked an edge of panic in his voice. Sy was leaning against the door frame watching me.

“Hanging lights.” I shrugged, turning back to the task at hand.

“You’re gonna get hurt,” He said. Walking over to the table staring up at me to meet my eyes. I looked down shaking my head.

“I am not! I’m almost done once I finish this part I’m gonna climb onto the other bunk.” I explained wrapping the lights around one more time before starting to get down. I felt Logan’s hands on my waist steadying me and helping me off the table. “Thanks” I blushed turning away from him quickly it was to early for this.

“Anytime darlin, you want some help?” He asked. I shook my head as I climbed the ladder to the top bunk diagonal from mine.

“Nope this is the last part!” I said as I finished wrapping the lights around the beam. “Did you need something?” I asked. Looking down at him.

“Yeah you not to give me a heart attack!” He joked. I chuckled.

“I was fine Logan!” I argued. He shook his head.

“I was actually coming to see if you were ready to head over to breakfast?” He asked I looked down at my watch and looked back up.

“Is it 8:30 already?” I asked. He nodded.

“Sure is!” He smiled. I hopped down from the bunk laughing when his eyes went wide again.

“Jesus woman,” He laughed. “Would you stop trying to get hurt!” He chided.

“Oh so you can go of overseas and fight in a war, but I can’t do a little home decor without you threatening to put me in a bubble?” I raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t mean you aren’t capable of doing it yourself darlin, it’s just if I remember right you tend to be accident prone.” He chuckled.

“That was 7 years ago! I was 17, I was a little clumsy. That’s all.” I defended.

“Sure,” He smiled. “You ready to go eat?” He asked. I nodded.

“Just let me grab some shoes!” I slipped on a pair of vans and we headed out the door.

I was so glad we took the time to sit down and enjoy breakfast because the rest of our morning and early afternoon went by so fast.

We had another staff meeting about greeting campers. And meeting parents. Dealing with home sickness. A crash course on first aid. The first day’s schedule. Luckily Sy and I were with the older kids. High school age. So our day’s weren’t quite as structured. But somehow that made me more nervous. What if they just brushed us off and none of our effort was even worth it.

I didn’t have time to think about it. At 1 pm right after lunch and after we finished. Some staff bonding games of our own it was time for check in. It was kind of a long process if I remember so I still had maybe 20 minutes before any of my campers would be there but I was still so nervous. I went and sat out on the picnic table writing down the schedule and some of the games Logan and I had talked about trying one last time to get all my thoughts organized. At one point when I looked up I saw him across the lawn standing on the porch of his cabin finally taping the sign I’d made to his door.

Better late than never I suppose. I giggled to myself. To be fair it’s a miracle the boys cabins ever participated in those sorts of things anyway. They never were ones to decorate. And their cabins always had a certain…smell to them. I shook my head and looked up again just in time to catch his eye across the lawn. I smiled sending him a little wave. I saw him grin and he waived back. Just as I thought about walking over to chat, a young girl and what i’m guessing is her mom stopped in front of the cabin.

“Cabin E?” The mom asked smiling. I nodded. Standing up to greet them.

“That’s me!” I smiled. “Welcome to camp!”

“Thank you!” She said. “This is Emma,” she gestured to her daughter.

“I can introduce myself mom,” she chided her mother. “I’ve been doing this for 4 years now.” Ah so she was a seasoned camper. She should be fun.

“It’s nice to meet you Emma, I’m Lainie, do you need help bringing anything inside? I asked gesutring to her bags.

“Oh I can help her!” Her mom jumped in. Emma rolled her eyes.

“Mom I love you, but you’re hovering. I got it from here.” She assured her. The womans face fell but she nodded.

“Alright I get it, it’s time for me to go.” she said. I gave her a sympathetic look.

“Hey Emma no one else is here yet why don’t you go choose your bunk and get settled in, I always liked to get here early too so I could get the bed I wanted.” I told her.

The girls eyes lit up and she nodded. She quickly hugged her mom and grabbed her bags walking toward the door.

“It’s just two weeks mom! I love you!” she said before she walked inside. Her mother smiled sadly and looked back to me.

“She’s so independent, I don’t know when that happened. She grew so fast. I’ll only get to do this with her one more year.” Her mother explained.

“She’s just excited, I remember these days. I was a camper myself not to long ago. But trust me, about half way through the first week. I would start to get a little home sick. We alway miss our mommas.” I told her.

“Thank you,” She smiled. “Sounds like she’s in good hands with you Lainie. I’d better go check on my son My husband is dropping off her twin brother Ethan. And they can both be a handful.” I laughed.

“I know the type,” I chuckled. She smiled before heading off in the direction of Sy’s cabin. When I looked over there was a boy, and an older man standing outside talking with him. Emma’s mother joined them. The boy had blonde hair just like the girls. Must be her brother I thought. I didn’t have much time to watch as two more campers and their family’s arrived. One whos name was Nicole she was also a camp alumn been coming just as long as Emma. It didn’t look like they knew each other very well though. Must not have been in the same cabin before. Nicole was a spitfire. Right out the gate. She walked right in claiming her bunk signing her name on the wall next to it, another camp tradition. She dismissed her parents right away as well. They stopped and talked for a bit but they’d done this before they didn’t have many concerns. The other girl was much more timid and shy. She reminded me of myself my first year of camp. She was about a year or 2 younger than the other girls. Her name was Ryleigh. She was quiet when she introduced herself. Her mother talked to me about concerns of her being social and making friends. She was worried about her. I understood that. But I also understood the way that this place had a tendency to open people up and make them feel safe. What I told her was. I’d keep an eye on her. She’s gonna have a fun summer. I promised that. Another hour had gone by and all of my campers had arrived. I had 8 girls in my Cabin. I welcomed them all and gave them each their sign to put up by their bunks.

“These are so cool!” Nicole said excitedly quickly climbing up to her bunk and taping it up immediately.

“I like these!” Emma said, “Is it okay if we add more drawings or sketches to them?” She asked. I nodded

“Absolutely they’re yours to do whatever you want with!” I smiled. “But if everyone is all settled in I think the boys are ready to meet up with us. Are you ready to meet everyone?” They were pretty excited to get things kicked off by this point most of the girls had been to camp at least once. They were ready to get the summer started.

Sy and I had decided that we would meet up on the lawn and just sit out on the grass as a group to start things off. When we walked over Nicole immediately ran over hugging one of the boys, must be old friends. They immediately sat next to each other in the grass as Sy and I told everyone to form a circle.

“Alright,” Sy spoke loudly getting everyones attention. “First we’d like to introduce ourselves. The boys have met me but ladies, I’m Logan, a lot of people call me Sy. I’ll answer to either one.” He smiled. I looked over and a couple of the girls were whispering to each other. I knew that face. I’d been the one making it years ago. Probably even still now. They thought he was cute. It’s so innocent those camp counselor crushes. I’d been there too. Once when I was 13 we had this counselor his name was Tanner. He was really nice and he played guitar and he sang. I was a sucker guys that were into music. I just smiled to myself, and realised it was my turn to talk.

“We’re so excited to have you all here, I’m excited to meet all of your boys as well Sy! I’m Alayna but for most of my life and especially around here, everyone has always called me Lainie. Sy and I are so happy to be back here, we were campers ourselves but it’s been 7 years since we’ve been to camp.” I said. I stifled a laughed watching a few of them try to do the math in their head to calculate how old we were.

“My family and I have been coming to camp since my dad was a kid,” Sy added. “I’m sure there are things that have changed since we’ve been here but there are some traditions that never wil!” He smiled. “You guys ready to kick off this summer?” They all cheered excitedly.

“Okay,” I spoke. “Some people love this and some people don’t but there are 16 of you, there’s no faster way for us to learn all of your names and you who you are than some icebreakers.” a few of them groaned. “I know, I know we’re gonna make this as painless as possible, we were campers too remember? We went back and tried to find the games we had the most fun doing.

“Everyone know how to play 2 truths and a lie?” Logan asked. Most of them nodded but we still explained the rules as a refresher. “But after we all guess.” He added. “We want you to talk a little bit more about one of your truths to us. Or explain why you chose that lie.” That seemed to really pique their interest. Beckett one of the boys in Logans cabin started the game.

“Alright,” he started. “I’m a lifeguard, One time when my friends and I were on a college campus tour we played a pick up game of football with some of the college players. Or as a senior prank we stole our math teachers car.” Everyone started laughing. This kid had charisma. I could already see some of the girls eyes getting all dreamy. He was funny too. Sy was going to enjoy having him as a camper.

“Did you still graduate?” Emma laughed. “No way you did that and didn’t get caught!” she said.

“I graduated,” He nodded smirking proudly.

“What position did you play?” Sy asked, talking about football.

“In school I was wide receiver.” He answered. A few of the others went around asking questions. And then we all made our guesses. We all for sure thought he was lying about the car.

“We got to sit in the stadium and watch them practice.” he said about the football. “But we didn’t get to play. I’d love to play in college though!” He added. The boys started laughing and the some of the girls shook their heads.

“No freaking way,” Nicole said “How’d you pull that off, How’d you steal the car?” He smiled proudly, this guy was going to be our camp clown for sure.

“One of my buddies TA’d for him and he would ask him to get stuff for him out of his car sometimes. So we came up with the idea that when he asked we would meet down there and move it to the student parking lot. He was a super chill guy. He thought it was funny! After he found his car anyway!” We all laughed. The game continued on. They all had a lot of fun with it. Some of them coming up with really strategic lies. Or just basic stuff they wanted us to know about them. It turned out great. It was Ryleigh’s turn last. I could see she was nervous she’d been avoiding going the whole time.

“Uh, I’m Ryleigh,” She spoke softly. “I’m in band, uh I-I really like to read, and one time in middle school I won a rollerskating contest at our roller rink,” She was playing with her fingers looking at the ground.

“What’s your favoirte book?” I asked her. She looked up for a second giving me a nervous smile.

“Uhm Thousand Words by Jennefer Brown,” She said. I smiled

“I’ve read that Its really good!” one of the girls said. I watched her face light up a little bit.

“What instrument do you play?” Sy asked.

“I play guitar.” She said. He nodded giving her a soft smile. One of the boys asked about the roller skating thing and a few other questions and we all guessed.

“I don’t think you roller skate,” Ethan, Emma’s twin brother said.

“I do!,” she smiled surprised she had fooled most of us. “I’m actually not in band. I do play guitar though! My dad taught me.” she said.

“That’s so cool!” Beckett said. “Did you bring your guitar with you? You could totally play at campfire!” He said. She blushed and nodded slightly.

“I did.” she said.

“Sweet!” He smiled at her.

Our afternoon was going really well. We talked to the kids about what things they wanted to make sure we did as a group this summer. What traditions were important to them. The boys were so excited to help Logan start planning for the prank war. At somepoint we were going to play flashlight hide and seek. That was always fun. We always set that up right after it started to get dark. They wanted to do a camp fire breakfast. We made them promise they were going to get up early to help us with it. But they were mainly just excited to hang out with their friends and do whatever we had planned. They were such a great bunch of kids. It always seemed like no matter the generation. We always reverted back to a state of innocence when we were at camp. Leaving technology behind and just being present.

It was turning out to be a perfect first day. We had the kids make their name tags and were playing a few more group games before dinner. But just as we were finishing up our last game it started to sprinkle. We gathered everyone up to head over to the dining hall and the sky let loose. It started to rain steadily. We all ran over from the Cabin’s making it inside just before it started to down pour.

“Well,” Logan said from behind me making me jump, He chuckled. “Didn’t mean to scare ya darlin, but I bet they cancel the welcome campfire tonight, it’ll be way to wet now.” He said. I nodded.

“That sucks. Some of the girls were looking forward to it. They had friends in other cabins they wanted to see. I had no idea it was supposed to rain.” I said.

“Yeah, I was checking the weather on my way in yesterday. Could Possibly turn into a pretty rough thunderstorm.” He added.

“Oh,” I said softly, biting my lip. I hated storms. Especially at camp. The cabins always felt so small and so thin. Like they wouldn’t hold. It was the one time I didn’t feel safe. But I played it off. “Guess we’ll be inside the rest of the evening then!”

During dinner they did infact announce that they were canceling the big welcome camp fire. It was for all the age groups at camp to welcome everyone all at once. And then each night each of the age groups had their own campfire. But we’d be doing neither of those things tonight. So much for the perfect first day. After dinner we decided to run over to the rec room. There was a pool table, and darts. Foosball, card games, board games, all of the inside entertainment we would could ever hope for. A few of the other cabin groups decided to head there too. So the campers had a lot of fun. Most of them reunited with old camp friends and made some new ones. Some of them sat down to play some pretty intense card games or board games. Some just chose to sit and talk. I was feeling really good about our first day. But then I saw Ryleigh sitting by herself. My heart broke for her. I understood how having anxiety could make these situations so difficult. I was just about to go talk with her when Sy approached.

“She’s a real sweet girl,” He said.

“You noticed too, huh?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yeah, hate to mention it but, kinda reminds me of you, in our days here.” He said.

“I was just thinking the same thing. I was gonna go talk to her, see if there’s anything I can do to help.” I sighed.

“Not yet, give it a minute.” He spoke. I raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

“Just trust me, give it a minute.” He smirked crossing his arms. I stared at him confused for a moment. What did he know that I didn’t. But it very quickly made sense.

“No you guys go ahead and start the next round I’ll be back,” I heard one of the boys say from the table where the campers had a big Uno game going. It was Beckett I watched as he stood from the table and nervously ran his hand through his messy hair. But then his demenor switched as he put on a charming smile and a confident mask. He walked over to where Ryleigh was sitting on a beanbag in the corner doodling on a piece of paper. He plopped down next to her.

“Whatcha doin?” He asked her. She jumped startled not expecting anyone to be there.

“Just, sketching…” she answered.

“You draw?” He asked. She shook her head.

“Not really but…” I stopped listening. Letting them have their own conversation. I wouldn’t want someone to eavesdrop on a moment like this if I were her.

“How did you…?” I trailed off. Sy chuckled. His shoulders shaking with laughter.

“He noticed her a while ago. I’ve been watching him try to work up the nerve to go over there for the last 10 minutes.” he laughed. I smiled.

“Wait, so you think he likes her?” I asked.

“Oh, he definitely likes her. If the military taught me one thing. It’s how to be observant. He’s had his eye on her since we all met up this afternoon.” he smirked.

“That’s so cute,” I smiled

“I was the same way with you!” He admitted. I almost choked on air.

“I never noticed that,” I said. He shook his head smiling.

“Yeah, cause you were so quiet and stuck in your own head to realize what was going on. You didn’t even realized you liked me back until the second year we were at camp together.” He laughed.

“You did NOT like me first!” I argued.

“Did too, Just because you didn’t notice doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.” He smirked. I opened my mouth to argue but there was a loud crack of thunder making me jump. I swallowed hard and looked down at the floor trying to hide the panic in my eyes.

“Still don’t like storms huh?” He questioned. I bit my lip looking up at him and shook my head.

“Hate them,” I said. Another roll of thunder and I felt myself tense. Sy put his hands on my shoulders making me look up at him.

“It’s arlight we’re safe inside.” he assured me. I nodded. He and I walked over and sat with a few of the other counselors talking for a bit and keeping an eye on our campers. About 20 minutes later the weather alert went off on the radio in the rec room. We were under a severe thunderstorm warning. We could hear the rain pounding against the roof. My heart pounded in my chest. And the thunder was getting closer. Louder. 5 minutes later. The power went out.

Sy immediately jumped up to take control of the room.

“Everybody stay calm,” He spoke softly. I heard a zipper and some rustling. He’d pulled out a large flashlight from his bag. One of the counselors walkie talkies went off. Sy lifted his to his ear to listen.

“Okay guys, just relax we’re gonna stay here until the storm lets up. Hopefully the power comes back on. Until then weve got some lantern flashlights to set up around the room. Just keep hanging out we’re alright.” He assured them. Sy and one of the other boys counselrs went into a supply closet finding the LED lantern lights they had 5 of them and set them out throughout the room illuminating it just enough for the kids to see and still be able to play cards or board games or talk. Some of the girls were a little nervous so I put on my best brave face to go over and talk to them.

“Are you sure we’re safe in here?” Emma asked. I nodded.

“We’re shielded from the storm and there aren’t many windows in here. We’re perfectly safe.”

“I hate this.” another girl said.

“I know, it’s not fun but it’ll,” another loud crack of thunder and I jumped. My breathing shaky, “It’ll.. It will uhm…” I started but I couldn’t get the sentence out the panic starting to take over.

The girls both had nervous looks on their face. I was worrying them. Shit. I suck at this.

“It’ll pass soon and we’ll head back to the cabins for the night.” I heard Sy say behind me. His hand softly pressed to my lower back. “Don’t worry we’ll get out of here and right back to all the fun stuff tomorrow.” he gave them a reassuring smile.

They nodded. And I felt Logan gently leading me away. There was a small hallway that was out of the way and he pulled me to the side. “You alright?” He asked. I shook my head starting to feel myself shaking.

“I-I can’t I can’t do this. I, how am I supposed to help them when I’m too scared myself and, I just I hate this.I feel like I can’t breathe!” I sniffed. He pulled me into him wrapping his arms around me gently shushing me.

“Shhh it’s alright. You’re gonna be okay.” He said, holding me to him. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” He soothed.

“I’m sorry.” I breathed.

“Don’t, it’s alright.” he whispered. “Just keep breathing for me,” He talked me through it. And when I calmed down we walked back out sitting on one of the couches again. I stayed quiet a moment watching the room.

“Sy,” I spoke finally. Just as I went to thank him his radio was going off again. We were cleared to head back to the cabins. The heavy part of the storm had passed but it was still raining. We ran back and Sy and I parted on the lawn getting our campers settled. He got the boys back to his cabin and they settled in. He made sure they all made it back

“Alright boys I’ll be right back I’m gonna go check on the girls make sure they all made it!” he told them. He ran over across the lawn and knocked on our door. I answered quickly and let out a deep breath when I saw it was him.

“You girls alright?” he asked.

“Yeah!” some of them answered. I smiled

“We’re okay.” I said softly. He smiled and nodded for me to join him out on the porch. I turned back to the girls “I’ll be right back ladies, go ahead and get ready for bed, lights out is in 30 minutes!” I told them. I closed the door behind me. And let the sceen door slam shut.

“Are you okay?” He asked after a beat of silence.

“Yeah, I am,...Thank you for helping me back there,” I said.

“This isn’t our first storm together honey,” He smiled. “I’ll always be there to help ya.” I blushed.

“You’ve always been such a gentleman. You’re mama raised you right.” I smiled.

“Nah, just with you, comes naturally,” He said. I felt my cheeks heat up even more and I looked away trying to compose myself.

“So, was that…all?” I asked. He stepped closer to me until I was leaning against the picnic table.

“No,” He smiled. “There’s one other thing.” He brushed his thumb over my cheek his eyes staring down into mine. I couldn’t take it anymore. We’d drawn this out for too long. 7 years too long. I wrapped one arm around his neck the other hand gently resting on the back of his head pulling him down to me. He responded immediately pressing his lips to mine. His other hand found my waist pulling me close holding me against him. All of the air left my lungs as I kissed him back with everything I had. I whimpered softly when he pulled away.

“Shit, “ He smiled breathless. “Only took me 7 years but I uh..” He breathed “just wanted to kiss you goodnight.” I nodded still cathing my breath smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

“One more for good measure?” I asked blushing. He smirked. And pulled me in again kissing me softer this time. It was slow and sensual. He leaned his forehead against mine when he pulled away.

“A man could get addicted to that,” he said. I smiled slowly trailing my hand from his should and down his chest.

“I wouldn’t mind.” I laughed. He chuckled and pecked my lips one more time.

“Goodnight Darlin’”

“Goodnight, Sy” I watched him run through the rain back to his cabin and I stood their for a moment regaining my composure before I went back inside. Just as I was about to open the door. I heard the one of the girls say

“No, I’m serious you guys I think they’re married!” it sounded like Nicole

“Nikki, Neither one of them is wearing a ring!” Emma said.

“Okay well dating at least, They’re like super in love! You should’ve seen them in the rec room! I had to pee and they were in the hall by the bathrooms. He was like holding her it was so cute!”

“Aww that’s so sweet, she was definitely scared! I felt so bad!” One of the other girls, Chloe added.

“I know, OH MY GOD! Do you think they’ll let us call them Mom and Dad? Remember last year when we had Carrie and Andrew and they were married? That was so cute they literally treated us like their kids!” nicole squealed.

“I hope so!” Emma said “I really like them! They’re both so nice, and I really hope they’re dating if they’re not they need to be, because they’d be so cute together!” I chuckled to myself before opening the door and they’re attention turned to me but they went quiet.

“Okay girls gossip time is over! Time for lights out!” I said. They groaned.

“Okay but wait, are you and Logan Married?” Nicole asked.

“Nicole do you see a ring? What did I just say? But you two are dating right?!” Emma added. I chuckled to myself and shook my head.

“Goodnight girls.”

“Ugh fine be like that girl,” Nicole pouted.

“Goodnight Lainie!” Emma called.

“Goodnight,” Ryleigh said softly. The rest of the girls settled in and I turned out the lights and climbed into my bunk. I bit my lip and smiled to myself holding in an excited. Squeal. Maybe this was still the perfect first day after all.

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innerchorus · 6 months ago

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So I've seen a few people here and there speculating that Estelle will turn out to be Tahamenay's daughter, and tbh I was never convinced by it but today I found myself wondering 'well, what if...'

I'm not saying that I actually think it's going to happen but after some consideration I can see why others have it as a theory? (Fair warning, there will be some novel spoilers in this post.)

If it's not resolved or it turns out the child was dead all along like in the novels it feels like either a loose end or a very unfair ending for Tahamenay. Yeah, she's not my favourite character and the way she treated Arslan is harsh even if you understand why, but I still feel compassion for what she's been through and feel like she deserves to reunite with her missing child.

If she is going to meet her child, it would feel jarring for that child to pop up as a completely new character, whereas the revelation that the missing daughter is actually someone we already know would hit the right note. (Having said that, I feel like we'd have been picking up on some groundwork that hinted at it by now if it were true.)

Yeah, there's no real evidence that it's Estelle (sure, she must be about the right age, but there's no hint that she's not actually Lusitanian, and no evidence of the bracelet that the three candidate girls were given in novel canon) and maybe the main thing making people think this is that in the anime Estelle was said to be adopted whereas in the novels/manga she's the only child of a knight, but I do kind of like the thought that after seeing Arslan come to terms with the truth of his origins, she's faced with a shock of her own (and the woman who turned out not to be Arslan's mother is in fact her own).

In the absence of a tell-tale bracelet, how would we know that Estelle is the child of Tahamenay and Andragoras? Well, she could be able to draw Rukhnabad, and I think that would be a really fun moment! We've seen Hilmes draw the blade due to his royal blood, and we've seen Arslan unable to draw it due to his lack of it, which sets us up to understand what Estelle being able to draw the sword would mean. I can't deny it'd be a nice reveal!

Estelle's importance to Arslan and his to her is very clear. That's true regardless of whether anything romantic develops between them, but I keep thinking about the fact that in the novels, Narsus had the idea of marriage between Arslan and Tahamenay's daughter (if they can figure out who it is) as a way to join the old dynasty with the new. I imagine he (and Lushan, lol) would be all for this union if Estelle turned out to be the daughter of Tahamenay and Andragoras.

Would Estelle remain in Pars even if this were true, though? I'm really not sure. As such, I don't think it'd work as a plot point. And like I said, I don't actually subscribe to this theory myself, I just felt like taking a look at it in more detail.

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #arslan senki novel spoilers #estelle #tahamenay #arslan

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shinyzango · 6 months ago

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I keep pondering on this and I apologize for repeating myself over and over, but my brain just cannot stop thinking about the fact that I'm getting more and more convinced I have ADHD the more I hear about it from other people who have it.

which I guess it's ironic lol

the other day I heard that folks with ADHD tend to drink caffeine a lot because it actually complements their brain's lack of mental energy so it actually lets them relax instead.

…which explains why after the breakfast cup, coffee and the such doesn't do shit to me.

And now I've been hearing about how ADHD folks have a tendency of being really good at school early on, being the prodigy/gifted kid, only because of the natural state of the brain's function, which quickly burns out as society's expectations increases tenfold as the years go on.

Now, I've always hated school and I hated studying at all.

…but I suddenly had a realization.

When I was in 1st-2nd year of elementary school, I was always the first one to finish the assignments and to raise the hand to answer the teacher's questions…

And since the teachers didn't know what to do with me, they told me to draw while I waited for my classmates to finish, and to let others answer too. And that was my downfall.

But the thing is, I sucked at school and hated studying, but I was also very good at specific classes/subjects. Aka the ones I enjoyed.

While I hated and sucked at the ones I found boring and annoying (or the teacher was an ass).

I just��.

Too many elements are matching at this point…

I swear once I'm done with this therapy course I'm undergoing and I manage to gather up some cash, I'm going to get checked on to see if my suspicions are correct. Because at this point I need to know

#shut up zango #I'm so sorry guys I just can't stop wrapping my head around it #and Jaiden's video didn't help one bit dkfjng

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faffreux · 2 months ago

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Hello! Since I’m such a big fan of your art, I thought I’d ask a few questions as an aspiring artist. How much time do you recommend dedicating to drawing if you’re looking to improve? If you’re not feeling motivated, do you suggest taking a break from art, or just trying to draw a little bit? If you’re in a busy point in your life, is there any way to avoid getting rusty? And are there any drawing tips you wish you could tell your younger self? Love the new comic btw, it’s so cute!

I don't really have any time suggestions tbh because I've never looked into that nor have I followed any myself. I just draw when I feel like I want to draw so I apologize if I'm not much help there lmfao

I suggest breaks because forcing myself to draw has NEVER manifested results for me - I just end up getting more frustrated and convinced that whatever I'm making is bad, lol. You need breaks and you need to step away from your art occasionally to be able to look at it with fresh eyes later and see it for what it truly is. Maybe pushing through helps some folks but for me personally it's only brought me misery.

THAT BEING SAID... I will often make small doodles and shitposts during breaks - basically anything that requires minimal effort and stress. That's a good way to keep being productive if you don't want to completely take a break from art.

Most of what I'd tell my younger self is to look at more tutorials & utilize/learn more tools and programs, tbh. Up until age 20 all I did was use a pencil and paper, lmao. Major regrets that I didn't get into digital and other mediums earlier because I'd be a lot more skilled now if I had!! So yeah, take advantage of what's presented to you - there's a lot available and for free!! WAY more than when I was a kid!

Thank you so much btw :') I APPRECIATE IT. <3

#asks

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rayroseu · 1 year ago

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💚 Malenoa and Levan FanDesign Notes

okayyyy 4th post of me manifesting a reveal of Malleus DNA 😂🙏✨✨

this is based mostly on crowley is levan theory

• • • these are just mainly doodles and rambles ‼️

im. so. so. desperate for more dragons in this game. i hope u guys know that akdjkaksks cuz like,,,,, why did Levan had that eastern dragon title if he aint that....😭😭 I want it bcs its a nice reference to Halloween event!!!🐉💚✨✨

You know!! Like how Halloween event signifies Levan and GloMas signifies Malenoa (i think in terms of their clothing?) and those two events focused GREATLY on Malleus' character ✨✨

( this is my sketch design of him--- i wanted to draw Levan in the halloween costume ✨✨)

I'm really fine with Crowley being Malleus' dad😂 (convinced myself to just cope with it if it came true 😂💥)

as long as the story doesn't write it off as like a silly thing or he's written off as a jerk who left Malenoa for milk (which is most of the memes correlating for this theory lol)

(i doubt TWST will write it off like this they will twist it very tragically for sure 😭 all for their best marketing boy Malleus yk✨‼️)

But uh, Princess Malenoa wouldnt actually fall for some himbo like Crowley right... KJDKAJS

PLUS YOURE TELLING ME CROWLEY USED TO BE A

1. FUTURE KING

2. HE GOT THE APPROVAL OF LILIA??? TO MARRY MALENOA???

3. THE APPROVAL AND SUPPORT OF THE FAE NOBLES AND COMMON FAES TO MARRY THEIR BELOVED PRINCESS

4. THE APPROVAL OF QUEEN MALEFICIA TO HAVE HER DAUGHTER⁉️⁉️

so being normal WAS an option dire crowley😭 what went down bird principal 💥💥

—

(i think Malleus got his expressions from Levan hehe and also his empathetic side who wants to connect with others)

Also realizing that if Crowley is ever a dragon then his masking is on point because the crow mask covers his potential dragon scales and the silly hat can cover his horns lol

and if he's ever truly Malleus' father, i hope he has a tragic/good reason why he let him overblot and the best he could do before malleus snapped was order the students --who are obviously inferior to Mal-- to stop and fight him😂😭💥‼️

—

I realised that since Princess Malenoa is their leader in military, there's a chance that she was also in charge of designing Land of Briar's military gear--

Plus!! We know Malleus designs clothes for Groom Lilia!!

So, that means she's the one who dressed up Lilia's general garments? 🥺✨

Thus, the design I thought of her is like a mixture of Malleus' Masquerade Outfit and Lilia's General Outfit ‼️✨

I put roses on her horns bcs I love the thought she's connected to roses-- its more like a decoration on her headpiece, kinda like what Maleficent wears in the live action.

I think Maleficia and Malenoa are more welcoming in displaying their draconic features rather than hiding it like Malleus. Because that's what you really do as a dragon fae and its more comfortable✨✨‼️

also bcs i think Malleus scales are so pretty (only for him to hide it behind his bangs💔💔💔) like honey... why are you hiding them aaaa (bcs he doesnt want to look more scary right...) 😭 I still hope he actually transforms into a dragon, i dont care if hes going to be so overpowered that we'll need 20 turns to empty out his HP‼️💥💥

I desperately wish Malenoa and Levan are sweetly in love because when the scene comes where both of them perishes its going to hurt real good in my heart knowing they wouldve been the sweetest parents for malleus 🥲😭💔

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imtrashraccoon · 9 months ago

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Hello lovelies!

I haven't been posting much lately and I admit progress has been a bit slow on my wips. I'm still working on them of course but I've hit a bit of writer's block again. It pains me that this has happened and I'm working on trying to inspire myself by drawing or reading other people's fics.

The point of this little post is I'm wondering if having a beta reader would help? Or at least someone that wouldn't mind if I bounced ideas off of them?

I've never done this before except when I've managed to convince my sister to read something new I wrote. She's not into Undertale though and so doesn't quite get the weird things we get up to lol.

If you're interested, feel free to reach out through dm's or even just through this post. I'm not expecting anything official but if you have a good understanding of English and grammer, that'd be appreciated. Also, this should go without saying, but it'd also be good if you either have experience writing or enjoy reading Undertale or other works.

If you have any advice, I welcome that too! I've never thought of this before so I really don't know what I'm doing... (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠)

#raccoons two cents #undertale #writeblr #looking for advice #i kind of also just want to connect with someone over shared interests #forgive me if this comes across as presumptuous #interacting with strangers is tricky for me but i try my best

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sazzujazzu · 8 months ago

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Hello, as the days count down and the Bad Batch finale draws closer, may I show to the fine folks of tumblr my first Star Wars OC in 20 years, created thanks to this show? 😃

Too bad, I'm showing them anyway 😊 somberly chilling while listening to their bestie talk.

Please excuse the poor background (I got lazy) and half-finished Tech (I got sad)

there's, uh, a big mess of words under the image because I wanted to put into words the importance this show has for me, and I am bad at doing so.

I want to get some thoughts off my chest, because I have no one in my day-to-day life who cares about the animated Star Wars shows, and especially the Bad Batch. (well, other than my mom, but I don't want to bore her with my rambling too much. she already banned star wars from me once, i won't let that happen again lol)

I can't stop thinking how much I don't want Bad Batch to end.

This show has been so dear to me. I can't remember the last time I've loved something this much.

Before the second season started, I had an artistic block that had lasted way too long. Anything I drew or wrote, mostly turned out a horrible mess after staring at a blank page for hours and hours, if I ever managed to create anything at all. For someone who tends to draw whenever their hands aren't otherwise busy (aka all the damn time), such a block weighed down on my mental health.

Well, then season two happened, and full-on gave me back my love for Star Wars, a love that had somewhat gone out over the last few years. Then, Plan 99 happened, and broke me because again my favorite character "died" (I'm in team Tech lives until I draw my last breath or until proven correct. That chocolate-eyed cutie-pie is alive nothing will convince me otherwise). Pretty much after finishing the episode and staring at a wall for another 30 minutes, I said "nope" and began writing.

I wrote for hours. I believe it's been well over a decade since I last wrote fanfiction, but here I was, creating a Star Wars oc, something I'd last done as a ten-year-old. And now, roughly a year later, I think I've written over a hundred pages of (very self-indulgent) fanfiction with the Batch, and with my oc that I've come to love.

And drawing, oh boy, have I been drawing!

(... Sure, I've mostly been drawing Tech, over and over again, to a point I once actually considered lying and saying "yeah that's my boyfriend haha!" to a man at my job last summer, when asked who it was that I was drawing for maybe fifth day in a row 😂 likely would've been a more acceptable excuse for someone my age. But, I mean... I just really love drawing him, not only because he is my favorite character of maybe all time, but because he is just so fun to draw! And most of all, at least I draw again!)

And it is all thanks to this wonderful show about a bunch of defective and effective copy-paste boys and their sister.

It's probably something many say, but I've always felt like a bit of an outsider. I've felt like I have no place; when I was a kid, my interests were very different from the other kids of [gender assigned at birth], and trying to play with them while inserting my own interests into the games, often didn't go so well. I was... kind of an odd child (although now, older and questionably wiser, knowing that I might actually be autistic, many things make more sense now. me kind of discovering this about myself is also partially thanks to Bad Batch)

Also, growing up trans/non-binary, while not even knowing what that is or having a word for it, didn't really do much to help with the feeling of "I'm different and an outsider because of it". Perhaps it was one more reason I fell in love with Clone Force 99, because I could see some of myself in them. Being different from the "regs".

I love this show, and these fictional people have become my family, and I am not ready to say goodbye to them.

Alright, weird pile of thoughts over. In case someone read all this, uh... thanks 😊

#i'm nervously rambling into the void #the bad batch #the bad batch fanart #star wars oc #jedi oc

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yuseirra · 2 months ago

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(Vague..hints about what 165 would be, I heard about it, I'm...scared to see that chapter. It sounds really horrifying, I can't phrase it otherwise.)

I think I'm going to jot down my feelings. I honestly feel so, so sorry for people who like this manga..; on the bright side it's been a work that's...imbued things in me to write and draw this much about myself but I wish that'd only have happened on a positive note.

I think the author is really being too much..;; They're being so cruel. For what? Can this story get across a proper message? That's what's most important to me and I can take it if I'm convinced it is but... This current route is so far from what most audience would believe as fulfilling or.. Feel happy about seeing. Unless this is fake and the last chapter has some sort of happy closure to it all.

I started reading onk after the anime came out last year and kept up with it, ordering the volumes and reading them. After Chapter 154 and listening to the opening for Season 2, I just thought, “Ah, this is what it is… This is it.” (If you read my oldest? theory posts about this work, this July, you’d know what I mean. I think I’ve figured it all out, and so far, nothing I’ve said back then has been disproven; on the contrary, it STILL makes the most sense.)

I have myself an idea of what this could be, but unless Ruby uses Amaterasu’s power to save everyone and bring them into a happy timeline in the final chapter, this is just...;;

Haha, seriously, this is... phew...

It’s true that Ai and the person she really loved had mutual feelings, but that person went completely insane and caused some incredibly serious issues, forcing Aqua to go after him with everything he had.

From how things are unfolding, I think these points have been confirmed.

We also learned that person was originally good enough to be called noble<I feed off this info like cow eats grass... That's the thing that keeps me going lol Kamiki is nuts...oh please...I really care for him

We know Aqua had a mission assigned from the gods.

For Ruby’s future, he had to capture their father, and this task required him to put everything he built in the story so far on the line.

I kind of understood this? Even if accepting it is a different matter.

No matter how important revenge is in Aqua’s narrative... it’s like, what should I even say? Kamiki ended up devouring Aqua’s story to such an extent that the latter part of the story feels overshadowed by him, and yet Kamiki hasn’t been explored in enough depth for that.

For those following Aqua, this progression feels incredibly harsh. Even if you were rooting for Aqua, the villain he’s up against should be properly fleshed out. Kamiki is full of gaps everywhere. Maybe some parts are intentionally hidden, but what they’ve done feels too much like a Deus ex Machina.

The things he’s been said to have done aren’t even within the realm of what an ordinary human could achieve, it's beyond logic. So unless he’s literally a god, it doesn’t make sense. That’s why I kept insisting he’s divine. When you look at the clues related to his character, there’s actual foreshadowing that supports this theory. If he isn’t, then nothing makes sense. I even wrote a post as soon as Fatal dropped. I just knew THAT had to be it.

There are so many actions he took that can’t be explained unless he’s something beyond human, things that even gods would need to intervene in, assigning missions to Aqua and Ruby. That’s the development that makes the most sense.

Even so, this plot is too much for fans who have loved and followed this series.

I kind of get it, but for fans who have been deeply attached and following this work(this includes me too), the final chapter… Even if there’s something to look forward to, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be worth getting your hopes up. And I'm usually a very hopeful person. It feels like the author wanted to try writing an ending like this, but even then, this... The last 10 chapters or so feel like they consumed all the preceding content.

If Kamiki had been more prominently featured and well-developed, that might have been different (I probably analyzed him more than anyone else out there, because there wasn’t much to go on, and I tried to understand what kind of person he was, filling in the gaps to infer his behavior and motives since his perspective was never shown). But Kamiki, who isn’t as well-developed as Aqua, now holds a weight in the story that makes Aqua sacrifice everything he’s built. I really wish they did both characters justice. I really liked them both.

In that case, he needs to be an unimaginably terrible villain. From what spoilers suggest, what he’s done is indeed severe. But if Ai truly loved such a person, and that’s flipped with the limited remaining chapters, the story becomes trash... Haha. Then what’s the point? I don’t know. That, I really don't wish nor see being contradicted.

Kamiki was kind but lost his mind. (Him being kind is something I never want to give up till the end. I just see it REALLY well too.) So he did a lot of things, I get that. But can something of this scale really happen in modern society, to the point where the protagonist must sacrifice their life?

If so, shouldn’t there be some justification brought in from outside the story to make it convincing? Hence, Kamiki is essentially a god, as suggested by his very name. He was a noble god who fell. There’s enough context, hints, and foreshadowing to support that. He was exposed to malevolence from a young age and became tainted by it. He probably did love Ai, which is why he wielded his power so recklessly, driven by madness to reunite with her.

But even with this, there’s hardly any explanation. Why he went mad, what he did with his life—it’s all glossed over in a few panels. If he’s the villain that the protagonist *must* defeat, there should have been more depth and depiction to fuel that narrative, but it’s incredibly ambiguous. The story just throws a few lines at us and expects us to believe, “He could do all this, so the protagonist had to die,” and that’s it. (That's why... I'm not really sure if they make it want to seem like he's THE bad guy either. Since it's rarely explored in detail so we can't sympathize with the victims if they exist and...hate this guy even more for it. That approach I agree with, because it shouldn't be that way if this story wants a message. But who knows. Scary stuff; it just makes you baffled and dumbfounded and go, "what is this?";; Again, it'd make me question, 'What kind of guy did Ai even love?' I do have my own answers for that. He's her previous divine husband who became hopelessly flawed upon losing her, THAT'S what, so it's not on HIM that he's turned out that way. But who knows.)

Do you think that’s convincing...?💦 I’m filling in the blanks myself, but this feels too much. Whether the final chapter is 50 pages or 100 pages, it can’t wrap this up properly unless Ruby turns back time to save everyone and bring them happiness. I’ve heard there are about 50 pages for 166, but isn’t that just two chapters’ worth? It’s basically the same as a double issue, and given how little content there’s been in recent chapters, even if they combine two, I don’t think it’ll be impactful.

I genuinely feel sorry for the fans of this series. Does this development make sense to you? I’m so baffled that I can’t help but laugh when I think about the plot. It’s not even funny; it’s just painful to watch. How many people would have wanted this kind of ending? I once wrote that over 70% of fans might end up hating the conclusion, that I have a bad feeling about the writer having some kind of personal ambition to create a "twist" and experiment on it out of their artistic desires - and if it ends like this, they probably will. It's not like I didn't see it coming. I did tell all the others who came to read this work upon reading my fanworks to wait until it's complete, there are some things I really appreciate about it, but I wasn't sure it'd progress on your usual, happy and safe route. It could have been that way. The answers were all there. There were many opportunities where there were chances of this story getting an ending many would be satisfied with,

And if I’m wrong about everything I’ve said here, I’ll be just as lost. I really won’t understand any of it. But I’m confident I’m right.

The traits of Kamiki match those of the husband of Ame-no-Uzume in at least ten ways. That god even had a story that said he drowned.(but if he really died, that's ambiguous and he is worshipped pretty well along with his beloved Amenouzume)That's just too much to be brushed off as coincidence, he's at least INSPIRED from that god.

I believe he was originally very kind. I can’t let go of that idea, because it’s been evident to me, and it sticks in my mind. But if that’s true, then this is the story of someone who was kind but went mad, and a son who became a vengeful spirit after his mother’s death. The mother, worrying about the father, left what was almost like a final wish: “If your father is still straying, won’t you help him with me?” But the son kills his father, thinking there’s no hope for him, and ends up dying himself in the process. If that’s really the story, then how... how can there be any positive message to take away from this?

I think I understand what’s going on. I think I do... but the story has been so unfriendly and, as a result, feels disrespectful to fans who have loved the series.

I'm actually thinking: if Kamiki IS Sarutahiko the god of guidance who's been TWISTED due to making EVERY possibilities of a future turn horribly wrong, are we WITNESSING his powers in real time?? Is THIS an extension of what he's capable of? because, I feel like.. He's been bringing sufferings to everyone including himself. Oh in that case I'd totally understand his pain. He really would be suffering. And he's THAT dangerous. What if this comic is being really meta, huh?? I think he doesn't want this either. Losing Ai just.. Totally shattered him I bet. But seeing how things are, I think it could really have been his powers that caused her to die in the first place, unintentionally though. I won't forgive the author if HE'S the one who's killed Ai AND he's been doing all these things in order to get her back afterwards, that is just...so rude. It has no point...

There’s still one chapter left, and I know it’s not right to make a judgment prematurely, but if things go on like this, it’s truly too much...; I genuinely feel bad for those who have loved this work wholeheartedly. And for myself... if it doesn’t end as I’ve thought, then I’ve been completely mistaken, haha. But I came into this with confidence, not about Aqua’s side of things(I thought HIM out of all should get a happy ending. I still wish for that to happen), but about what the story wanted to convey through Aqua’s parents. I believed there could be a meaningful message despite how difficult it seemed, so I took the initiative and interpreted it, drew a lot. If I’m wrong, I can only blame my insight... The story itself never changed; it just stayed there. But I was confident. I’ve never been wrong when it comes to instincts or analyses related to psychology. I thought I knew what this was...

I hope this work gets resolved in a way that is respectful towards its fans whom really cared for the series...they-we-deserve that as much as the authors deserve respect. We're in this together as a fan and the writers. We should care about each other.

#oshi no ko #oshi no theories #oshi no ko spoilers #hikaru kamiki #aqua hoshino #for the time being...the ones I feel most sorry for are the aqua fans and kana fans #next in line would be hikaru fans(ugghh...I guess I really liked what I made of him. I still don't think I'm wrong but)#spoilers #if hikaru looks bad..I don't think ai would be in that good of a spot either idk man #that's why they have to be gods #I just..see him as one. that guy..is not a normal human being. what he can do is illogical #I think he really did grant ruby and aqua's wishes-that's why he came to visit them! ge just couldn't live without Ai #long post

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bigmammallama5 · 1 year ago

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hey so, many of the fics i've loved of yours feature intimacy and sex, i've always been in awe at how much emotion there is. there's an idea i've had lately that deals with intimacy and tbh i'm scared to write it. mostly bc i'm afraid i'll write it shitty but also bc i don't usually write sex (which is prob why i'm convinced it'll come out shitty oop) - i guess my question is, how do you get to a point where you're not scared to write it? or like, less scared? bc i really want to write it, i believe in the story, i guess i just don't believe that i can write it...

Well… that’s hard a hard question to answer lol. I know you may roll your eyes at this answer, but you just have to trust yourself to try because you may never truly feel less scared until you do!

I have made a lot of shitty art whether that’s writing, drawing, pottery, you name it, because I just. I really really needed to make it. I was lucky that when I was a younger teen I started exploring more explicit topics in fic with a best friend my age who was also curious. Sure we were woefully inexperienced, but we allowed ourselves to try. They’re still one of my best friends to this day and we do pottery together, and we still encourage each other to try new things.

So. Just try for yourself. Don’t feel pressured to share it, to polish it, to make it presentable. I know we all crave that validation, but you are your most important reader. I still get scared to write some things, draw some things, test the limits of the clay on my wheel. But how will I ever be able to know if I can do it if I don’t trust myself to try? There are still fics and drawings I may never finish and I had to learn the hard lesson to just be okay with that. Sometimes I can’t tell that story. Sometimes it’s not the right time for that drawing. Sometimes I need to practice and learn more before I can make that pot. Sometimes you just need to try and know that it will probably be shitty lol. But that doesn’t mean it will always be shitty. Keep at it, build skills that will help you (like reading published stuff that isn’t just fanfic, taking a drawing class, talk to a more experienced crafts person ect) and eventually, if you keep letting yourself try, it’ll be less shitty.

In the wise words of our late beloved space mom, Carrie Fisher: “Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” Just let yourself try, and maybe yell at a buddy or two along the way lol

#ask me stuff!#sorry that got wordy i just #i didnt want you to feel like i was brushing you off and i tend to overcompensate lmfao

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gornackeaterofworlds · 6 months ago

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did you know that it’s hard to get anons when you have anon turned off lol

but. when did you start drawing? writing? what’s your creative journey? 👀

I do, I turned them off when desceros did and for the same reason. I tend to see "anons" and "asks" as interchangeable. I can turn them back on if you'd like

Oo that's so funny actually. I was writing before I was drawing, funny enough. I mean, I've drawn traditionally forever. But digitally it was very sparse and usually tracing, and I'd never post it

I got into call of duty in the fall of 2022, and started writing fic for it soon after. I orphaned everything. A few headcanons, some fics I immediately deleted but the ideas are still very tempting....and a long fic called If I Could Be Vulnerable. I had forced myself to write every day for it, and lost steam pretty quickly. I got really embarrassed of how bad I think it is and orphaned all my works. The fact it was ever popular astounds me and I'm proud of my numbers, even if I still absolutely hate the fic

I drew nsfw of CoD here and there, but deleted it all soon after out of embarrassment. But then an incredible artist and friend convinced me to put my OCs on artfight last July, and I drew almost daily during artfight. This was massive for me, I only drew like once a month at most before this. I didn't really color my AF works then, despite coloring past works, because I didn't really know how to render and was afraid. But after art fight, I watched tutorials. I learned things about ibis paint. I found the brush I use for rendering to this day. I started coloring, then rendering. I slowly stopped using references(nothing against them, but I was very dependent on them for a while).

These are pieces from a year ago, and surprisingly I hadn't used references for these, I didn't use them for a lot of my old AF attacks, which confuses me why I grew dependent on them after this.

I started drawing backgrounds sparingly a few months ago. I only learned what clipping was maybe two months ago maximum. I found lens blur, which I use for rendering also and allows me to be lazier

I tried to force myself to write fic since I moved into a hotel a year ago, and it's just not happening. I don't think it'll happen for another two months at least. My comics are also on hiatus until that point, despite how tempting it is to get the arc over with, I just can't do it. I love to write, so so much, even if it's really hard for me and I don't think it's good. So no hiatus will be permanent unless things are truly at their lowest

I think my art has grown a lot 😭 that is my journey, and I'm proud of it

#gornack ask tag #gornack art tag #rendering with those lines was the most draining thing ever #i barely get asks anyway so i should open up anon again lmao #a lot of my friends only feel comfortable on anon anyway

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komilys · 5 months ago

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After a several weeks of being dead, I'm back! And since you said that you don't mind me crashing into your inbox...

First of all, you and Ciel are really cute together. Hopefully you will be able to stir him up and get him to have some fun... You two seem to represent that kind of "troublesome guy x unfortunately has to deal with them" ship dynamic that I always loved.

But now I wonder, what other canon events would have gone differently with your s/i in it? Especially since Ciel and Sebastian decided to use your s/i for his knowledge of canon events (even if it barely helped). You also mentioned that lately you've been thinking a lot about the current arc, so what about that?

And it's kinda funny how both of us have our Black Butler s/is isekai-ed into their world from ours. I also got this idea from similar "x reader" fanfiction I was reading a long time ago.

Except my s/i ended up getting adopted (kinda) by Undertaker instead, and later was too busy working in the funeral parlour and slowly slipping into the madness to influence the plot...

Anyway, about your s/i again. How does he look? Do you have any drawings or picrews or just written description? Asking just so I could picture you and Ciel together.

– villain-in-love

(it deleted my first response. that sucks.) after weeks of ME being dead, i’m back n ready to answer!! :3 (im so sorry i keep dying)

thank you thank you!! that really does capture our dynamic perfectly i think <3

funny you mention your s/i being adopted kind of by undertaker bc i’ve been playing with a similar idea! instead of adoptee, it’s more kidnapee-but-not-really. he was already suspicious of komie, what with ciel just appearing one day with him and even more so by the fact that he always seemed to be five steps ahead of everything, like he always knew what was next. at first he dabbled with the idea of something supernatural, but i think at the end i’ve been toying with the idea of him ‘kidnapping’ komie during the whole blavat sky thing (that arc) but honestly im still not very sure what with the manga still going.

kidnapping in quotes because it’s not so much as kidnapping as me more or less willingly going with him, though originally that was the first draft, i switched to pinning komie’s departure from ciel’s side to his own selfishness. undertaker did have a part in his convincing to leave though.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the current arc trying to figure out how komie ties into it, whether having him be an active player as he’s always been or kind of just sitting on the sidelines watching everything play out for once. this is also in part due to that i really have no idea how the manga is gonna play out, i kept flip-flopping between being with r!ciel and lizzy (in my universe lizzy and i are close), and being wherever undertaker is, (essentially switching me always following ciel to me following him).

yeah, the current arc is messy for komie i don’t know what im doing with myself yet (￣w￣;)

that’s quite funnu though! that both of our inserts have both been just dropped in the story! i’m curious on what you mean by too busy descending into madness ??

the emerald witch arc (the next one to be animated, hooray!!!) is the last arc i have more or less thought out well (all my self ships are more or less thought out, lol)

i think komie ends up taking a lot more of a caretaker role for ciel, and he’s also a lot more careful with him during the emerald witch arc. at first he stops ciel from going into the forest too, because at this point he’s very fond of ciel and doesn’t want him to hurt, but at some point he does push ciel to go into the forest as he’s meant to.

like how finny takes care of ciel, komie also does as he’s more like a kid. at this point, guilt starts to creep up on komie because he just has to let bad things happen to the people he’s grown to care for and he becomes a little detached (this leads into the next arc, similar to lizzy). at some point between these two arcs, i think ciel and ki have a moment and for a little, ki goes back to the same but i think it’s a quick regression to his state during the witch arc.

speaking of witch arc, i remember i had an idea that i kill someone (one of the german women who tried to kill wolf, but id have to reread the arc to actually flesh that out… i forgot what happened…)

also funny ! sometime before the actual start of the green witch arc / during the public school arc, ciel finds out komie’s actual age— lizzy was trying to find out my birthday, lo and behold i admit my eighteenth was a month ago. ciel just goes quiet and looks at me— he genuinely didn’t believe i was that older than him.

its a funny moment, lizzy’s sad i didn’t tell her during easter, edward has his head in his hands— his mind is running crazy— he’s like oh!, and ciel is just staring. he blushes a little. anyways komie is just like sry gang (victorian version)

for the visuals of komie i have these 2! the first’s purpose is mostly to get a feel for the dressing/how he dresses + hair and the second is for the more actuate body type :3 obviously i dress very differently given… 1800s… but it’s a good representation of how i looked when i landed in the phantomhive garden in the first place (also my pajamas)

but if you want a kind of not really… more accurate to the kind of clothes i switch to wearing once actually in the 1890s, that’s the third picture (a little plain, it’s probably be more detailed / different in reality but just a vague idea! the general idea is more coverage lol)

something i thought of but i thought it’d be cute if during that shopping ciel has with the phantom servants post-school arc, he asks if i want anything and i shrug and say, “a blanket? i don’t really use the bed coverings i have at the manor”

“…you don’t?”

“no, i don’t really… the way they feel is…” i squint, making a vaguely grossed out noise.

ciel stares, before averting his gaze towards the shelves.

“how is this one?”

we go back and forth for a while, having me go through the different fabrics and try to explain how they are and the differences as he gauges my reactions. it’s embarassing because i can tell he doesn’t really get it, but he also doesn’t relent. we leave and i get a new blanket. a few weeks later, a little before the trip to germany— i find a few new clothes on my bed.

“ciel?” i examine the neatly wrapped package. its green. i look back up at him from the doorway across the room. “what is this?”

“clothes,” he doesn’t look up from his paperwork. “you were uncomfortable before, weren’t you?”

“sometimes,” i answer.

his pen stops. “now you won’t be.”

i stare at him, the quiet scratching of his pen being the only sound filling the air between us. that’s kind of you, but i don’t say it.

“oh…” i turn the package around in my hands. did he have sebastian wrap it? “thank you.”

“you’re welcome.”

x <3

#mailbox.#f/o: ciel!#VERYVERYVERYSORRY #if i had a nickel for everytime i disappeared upon getting a ciel ask i’d have two.

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genericpuff · 2 years ago

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Hi! I love your comic Lore Rekindled, it's pretty entertaining! (definetely planning on reading Time Gate when I finally have some time lol). I'm currently very early in the process of making a comic myself, and while I have the main idea down, and the planning sorta done (I'm busy with uni, so I've been working on it bit by bit), I can't seem to figure out how to grow an audience. I was wondering how you did it and how long it took?

oh god oh no y'all are asking me how to grow an audience UH-

so like, here's the thing, I can try and give you pointers, but I also like... don't consider myself as someone with an audience ?? Like obviously there's an audience for Lore Rekindled but up until that point, Time Gate's been running for like 10+ years and I think it only has 5-10 regular readers nowadays, it peaked in its audience numbers years ago when it was still on Tapas before their platform went downhill and I bailed and since then the industry has only become more and more saturated making it even harder to get seen. Rekindled, on the other hand, has been super refreshing to work on because of how much people have flocked to it (which was surprising af but I couldn't be happier about it ngl it's been great ;o; <3) but that's really because Rekindled had the advantage of a pre-existing audience to tap into (specifically the communities of ULO/antiLO/etc. who were looking for something to rejuvenate their love for what once was in LO). So that made it a bit easier to build an audience, but that's something that goes for a lot of fandoms.

Original stuff is definitely a bit of a harder sell because you have to go out and find the people who might like your stuff and then convince them to give it a try. Building an audience in an original market is just not something I've ever been good at, I can't stand social media, I don't like "playing the algorithm", I just want to tell a story with my own characters and because of that, it often feels like I'm posting to the void with only a couple cheerleaders rooting me on. Which like, don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the readers I DO have, but it can make creating comics feel like an uphill slog when you're not seeing any growth at all every time you update and try your best to advertise. Original projects are my own personal boulder if y'know what I'm saying (￣y▽,￣)╭

At the very least, working on Rekindled has definitely helped open up the doors for Time Gate a couple more inches, because a lot of stuff in Rekindled is also in Time Gate so when people enjoy Rekindled, I can point them towards Time Gate and go "Oh, you like Persephone's hot and cold characterization? You like Charon's aloofness? You like the banter between Hades and Persephone? Go read Time Gate." (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞ

That said, I think the best experience I've had with marketing Time Gate so far actually happened this year - when I went to the Island Entertainment Expo, a gaming and media convention (similar to Comic Con but on a waaaaay smaller scale lmao). There I was actually able to talk to people face to face and draw them in with physical proof of my work, it was less posting and hoping and more connecting with others and showing them my work and giving them an elevator pitch. And considering it was a convention full of like-minded people cosplaying as video game and anime characters, Time Gate fit right in because that's the niche it was written for. I'm due to go to another convention in June and possibly one in October (if I get in) and I'm hoping they're just as successful as IEX was because it was so refreshing to actually get to market my comic on a playing ground catered to my work; rather than one that would bury it after 30 seconds just for not posting at the right time of day or using the exact right combination of hashtags or not using reels.

Of course, doing tables and stuff is something that you're likely not going to jump right into especially when you're starting out. So considering you're just starting, focus less on growing an audience and more on just making your comic. It's a lot better of a sell to an audience when you have proof of your work existing and your biggest struggle in the beginning isn't going to be building an audience, but building good habits. A lot of webcomics don't even make it past a year of regular publication because of how difficult it is in practice to maintain a regular schedule. Often times the people who don't make it past that year either get bored, overwhelmed, or burnt out from the work it requires, especially when they're drawing the same characters over and over and over again - and even more so when they're doing it by themselves, with next to no audience, and no return investment. No exaggeration, drawing comics is hard, but like going to the gym, it gets easier as you get into your groove and learn what works and doesn't work for you as a creator.

Most of all, while I do hope that anyone going into webcomics can build themselves an audience they can be proud of having, please please please don't go into making webcomics purely for building an audience, because it's hard and not guaranteed. As I had said above, I still don't even consider myself as someone with an audience in the traditional sense because when it comes to Time Gate, it's still a VERY small thing, and with Rekindled, I consider the people who read it less of "my audience" and more just the community that I came into who engages with my work because it's made specifically for the community. So please, for the love of god, do it for yourself first and foremost, don't get trapped in the grind of chasing an audience when you're still just getting your work off the ground <3

I hope that helps a little, sorry I don't have a more direct "do xyz and that'll do the trick!" answer (and it turned into another essay post) but to be perfectly honest, that straightforward answer just sorta doesn't exist in this industry. Sometimes you get an audience from catering to a niche, sometimes you get one from going viral on IG, sometimes you get one from climbing the ladder within the industry, it all depends. But the good news is, there's no surefire 100% way that you have to be obligated to stick to. It's okay if you try some things and they don't work, just as it's okay if you don't feel like doing things the way everyone else is telling you to. Just have fun, learn lots, and be open to putting yourself out there and trying new things! \(￣︶￣*\))

#lore rekindled #lore rekindled comic #lore rekindled ama #comic writing advice #comic advice #comic creator #ama #ask me anything #anon ask me anything #anon ama

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