#loki is a sweet potato and should be protected at all costs

[juliabohemian]

2011

MCU: “Loki is dead!”

ME: “Oh no! It’s so tragic and sad. He found out he was adopted and had a psychotic break. Why did he have to die on top of all that?”

MCU: “Just kidding! He’s alive.”

ME: “Oh, what a relief! He was the most interesting character in the movie. Does this mean he’ll be in more movies?”

MCU: “Of course! Tom signed a contract.”

2012

ME: “Uh...okay. Loki is alive and that’s great, I guess. But his life has gone from bad to worse."

MCU: “Yeah, but it’s a great plot device though. isn’t it?”

ME: “No...it’s like watching a loved one suffer needlessly, but with CGI and background music.”

MCU: “Can we appease you with a Thor sequel that has lots more Loki footage?”

ME: “You definitely can.”

MCU: “Alright. Just wait until next year.”

2013

ME: “Wow. Could you guys fuck up Loki’s life any more than you already have?”

MCU: “Yes, actually. We could. And we will. Because he’s dead. Again.”

ME: “Assholes. I mean, it was very moving. So, I guess there’s that. I guess if he has to die, this isn’t such a bad way to do it. It’s a nice ending to his arc. But still...you’re assholes.”

MCU: “Just kidding...Loki’s alive.”

ME: “Is he, though? Is he really?”

MCU: “Yes, really. We swear. Just wait until Thor 3.”

2017

ME: “Okay...this is definitely Tom Hiddleston. But what happened to Loki? Was he resurrected into a cartoon character? What is this, some kind of parody?”

MCU: “It’s comedy! Don’t you have a sense of humor? It worked for Guardians!”

ME: “Yes, it did work. For Guardians.”

MCU: “You are so ungrateful.”

ME: “Well, at least he’ll be in Infinity War. Right?”

MCU: “He will definitely be in it, yes.”

2018

MCU: “Loki’s dead again."

ME: “Wow, you guys didn’t even wait until the opening credits this time."

MCU: “Yeah, and he’s really, really dead for sure.”

ME: “Uh huh. I saw leaked images of Tom filming scenes for Endgame.”

MCU: “It’s a flashback.”

ME: “And there’s a Loki TV show in the works.”

MCU: “Flashback?”

ME: “Are you asking me or telling me?”

MCU: “Yes.”