#logic doesn't equal romance & feelings aren't always explainable with facts & reason

[lancerious]

For me the largest issue is not having a fundamental grasp on what romance is. I've seen examples of romance in media & irl, but I can't comprehend how/why it occurs, and I certainly don't see myself ever feeling such a way.

I've done a lot of aspects of romance to others; putting effort in relationships, being transparent & honest, being present for vents, etc. You could say all those things are present in a healthy romantic relationship to certain extents, but that's not why I do it.

I know aromanticism is a slight spectrum; some experience very little romance, and others experience none at all. I personally 100% fall into the latter category. Again, the entire concept of romance is completely over my head, always has been. I love all other relationship types: friendships, familial bonds, even pets & their owners, but romance simply isn't one of them.

What I find most interesting is that I write characters, and some are romantically attracted to each other. I at times have entire point-by-point descriptions of how that relationship builds. But this romance is not coming from me at all; it's coming from outside sources, from how romance is portrayed in media. I take what I see romance being like elsewhere and apply it to my written works. I feel nothing when working out fictional romances, and such relationships in my stories are few & far between.

This "lack of romance" aspect of me is also why I generally couldn't give a damn about shipping. I don't care about it at all, at least most of the time. The only instances where I do care is when I see a ship involving characters whom I personally deem as being incompatible. There could be multiple reasons for said incompatibility, almost always stemming from my personal opinions: it wouldn't make sense canonically, said relationship would actively harm one or both parties, or the very idea of a ship is immoral. It's only then when I get defensive and upset; not because of romance, but because of a personally logical reason.

I've personally accepted that romance will likely never be a concept I can comprehend or even understand. I have trouble engaging with those who feel strong romantic feelings towards someone else, fictional or not. I've known selfshippers & those in a romantic relationship with another irl person & I always struggle. It's something I will need to get around and figure out.

This one is arguably very personal because I have no idea if other aros feel the same – but I've seen too many stories about a character being rejected where the person doing the rejecting is (accidentally or not) implied to be some sort of "bad guy" or "the one who has it easier", so I guess I had an itch to show my side.

Aromantic people and alloromantic people have such different views on what "true love" is that it's not about one or the other being "in the wrong" – it's just one big compatibility issue. All I can say is – as an aromantic, being confessed to romantically IS what leaves me heartbroken, for such reasons. Hopefully there will be a broader understanding of this in the future.