#logging back into this account JUST to reblog this? more likely than you think!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i wrote a psa about people who broke my tos

✏️⚖️ (< for identification)

i make character adopts on toyhou.se and deviantart. i like designing characters but i rarely ever use them so i put them up for adoption so they can go to good homes. i have a tos for adopting my characters, which everyone is required to read before i go through with the adopt. the tos has rules about giving the character to someone else, which is that the current owner of the oc has to ask me first. there s a few reasons for this:

1 i dont want anyone reselling my character for more money than they bought them for unless they add value to the character by commissioning art or writing because its unfair to me who created the character if someone upsells them without adding value. having people ask first let's me make sure theyre not upcharging my work unfairly

2 i dont want certain people owning my characters. i have trauma surrounding certain people adopting my characters and using them problematically. for example someone ill call A once made my black characters skin lighter even though my tos says you cant change my characters race or body types. someone else, B, put my character into a proship relationship which is TOTALLY BANNED in my tos. i have a public list of people who are NOT allowed to own my characters and the idea of them owning them makes me super uncomfortable because i know theyll use my characters for bad things

3 it lets me make sure that the new owner has read my tos

a couple months ago someone (ill call them C) adopted a character of mine named lupin. a couple of days ago i was looking at my designs and i saw that lupin was now owned by D. i checked the ownership log which said that C traded lupin with D but i dont know what character C got in return. i sent C a message asking why they traded lupin without my permission and they said they didnt think they had to because it was a trade and not a sale. i told them that i have trauma around people giving my characters to others without permission and C said that i should talk to D instead because they (C) no longer owned the character.

i went to Ds profile and on their user page i saw a blocked comment so i unhid the comment and saw that it was B thanking D for following B. this set off alarm bells because i know that B is proship which is why i blocked them in the first place! so i decide to look into D, i find their tumblr and i find out that theyre also proship, they ship incest and they reblog irredeemable media like the coffin of andy and leyley

D wasnt on my blacklist specifically but its against my tos for proshippers to own my characters under any circumstances and its grounds for revocation. i message D to tell them that im revoking the character because theyre breaking my tos but D refused to transfer lupin back to me and blocked me.

i reuploaded lupins profile to my account and reported the original profile to th for being a violation of my tos, and i added C and D to my blacklist.

WIBTA if i wrote a psa about C and D to warn other people about them? i just dont want anyone else to go through this

What are these acronyms?

[watermelinoe]

Do you feel as though most lesbians on radblr (not all of course) are… you know? Like.. they progressively become more and more biphobic after months or years of being decent. I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but first it was the 22v6 girl, then normallesbian, then menalez, and now heterophobicdyke too.. i know there are more examples but i’m just getting tired of the biphobia on here.. ☹️

honestly i don't think of this as a lesbian problem. afaik 22v6 wasn't a lesbian. i can't really speak on the other users you mentioned bc i don't follow them, i've seen some of the behavior i'm about to describe from some of them but they don't come to mind when i'm thinking of some of the worst things i've seen on here.

radblr in general just has an accountability issue. someone will say something biphobic (or homophobic! afaik that woman who made that homophobic pastor comparison remade and carried right along) and some people will express disapproval, but most will ignore it or try to downplay it and they'll keep interacting with that user. i'll use heterophobicdyke as an example since she's deactivated, but someone in her inbox was complaining that bi women "whine" about our rape and dv statistics, and in her response she completely brushed past it, zero acknowledgement of that being a fucked up thing to say. that's one typical radblr response. downplaying is another. but the worst imo is being accused of being manipulative.

so if we complain about being called dickmunchers on here, we may be told it's just "venting" and to log off and get real problems, but if we mention said real problems (rape and ipv statistics as well as substance abuse and mental illness statistics) then we must be weaponizing those statistics to play the victim in the great lesbian vs bisexual war that we've all been drafted in i guess. bi women are all master manipulators, obviously.

so where does that shit come from? imo, not radblr.

most deranged shit being said about bi women can be traced back to this blackpilled thing. radblr's biggest problem is that instead of saying "hey that's a deranged thing to say," the gyns are more annoyed with bi women for ~making a big deal out of it~ when WE say "hey that's a deranged thing to say." i can make a post documenting some deranged thing someone said and the two responses i will get are: "this is based actually and i hope your nigel kills you" <- some blackpill weirdo orbiting radblr who assumes i'm male-partnered, and "log off if you don't like it" "that's not a radfem" (bonus points if it's about a user that radfems regularly reblog from) <- radfems

and that's not a lesbian thing, the root is just that no one here thinks bisexuality is an oppressed sexual minority. kind of ironic for the "we totally understand class analysis" group. but if it seems worse than before, i think that's because the blackpill thing is sort of in vogue rn, especially with edgy teenagers orbiting radblr.

it would be nice if more women on here would actually stand up for bi women instead of finding a million excuses not to do so. that's what i find frustrating, personally. but it also happens with racism and homophobia all the time. i know it doesn't seem like it bc we have conflict all the fuckin time, but i actually think radblr is overall conflict-avoidant to a fault.

[citylighten]

Hello it's me and I'm in your "Asks" ☺️

What/who made you come to simblr and what/who made you stay?

Hello!! I'm pretty sure when I came to simblr I had no idea who to follow beyond cc makers, specifically @ebonixsims & @xxblacksims. My simblr account was born due to the fact I had purchased TS4 for the first time and I wanted to make a cute bedroom for Eve, as I was procrastinating on cleaning and decorating my own bedroom. That was it! That was literally it! 😂

So I was just following random simblr blogs, and eventually I saw the storytelling community due to a reblog or something. I thought it was so interesting, because like everybody else when I played the sims I constructed a narrative in my head and to see people took their narratives seriously I thought, "okay, I want to try that too."

Also, in my childhood I loved to play games like Disney's Magic Artist Cartoon Maker where you just placed 2D stickers of Mickey Mouse and friends on a background, so I'm not surprised storytelling became the thing I felt the most passionate about. 😂

What made me stay were two things. The first was the stories I found by other people and the second thing is the bonds I formed with them, once I got out of my shy state, that is.

Although I had read a hand few of stories, @rebouks definitely had the first story that stuck out to me. Both in terms of narrative and visuals! @cinamun's story was the second story I became full-heartedly obsessed with. I saw a handful of posts back when Hope was a kid, and like...the characterization was so strong with Indya, Darren, and Lil' Hope that eventually I got curious about who they actually were and read the story from the beginning. And let me say reading Things Fall Apart from start to finish was the most inspiring thing as a new storyteller who didn't have editing skills that were exactly good. Because cin's editing was n o t h i n g like it is now and with each past post I read, I saw how she experimented with new things, slightly tweaked Indya's appearance over the years. But more than that, I noticed how her story grew in terms of readers. TFA did not always get a lot of notes. It was truly a, "okay, if Cin can progress like this, I can too. If Cin can grow like this, I can too." But yeah, rebouks and cinamun are absolutely my biggest inspirations with visuals and editing. And the fact they're both very sociable people when you message them was also encouraging, because there wasn't a sense of elitism that you can find in other fandoms spaces. This made me feel welcomed and like I wasn't a pest.

After that, I read more stories which led to me creating really strong friendships! Like, Hungry for Love by the user formally known as shanisims always stands out to me. That was another story I loved and obsessed over lmao I said it recently but @straightouttasimulation is a reason why I add prose to my story caps and she's even the reason why I attempted to do gifs. Because SHE started experimenting with gifs first! And then to see how she could pull them off, I thought: "okay, let me give it a try." All and all, she's a great mutual. I love her dearly. Then I met @digital-deluxe who shared my love for the mafia genre, and shortly after I think I began talking to @ardeney-sims. Tags led me to meet @swiftviolets who was also into the mafia genre and of course, @havenroyals and I started clicking a lot! And there's so many more people I love and cherish that I'm mutuals with [but I don't wanna like, tag everyone] BUT THE POINT IS I don't think I would be excited to log onto my dashboard if it weren't for the people I talk and joke around with. Even though it's good to try and like...be there for everybody in a community because people can feel overshadowed or neglected, communities are really about the people you vibe with the most because they're the ones who directly impact your experience.

[madebyteenagefury]

i, like many of you, read fanfiction. yes i have an ao3 account but i am not constantly logged in on the device i primarily read on. i save fics by keeping my tabs open and just coming back to them as a guest. i rarely leave comments because i feel like i should have something more to say than ‘love this!’ or ‘i stayed up all night reading this’ or ‘thank you so much for writing this’ i’m an artist too and so deeply value those analytical comments and i hold myself to that standard when it comes to leaving them myself. stupid i know.

but anyways if you’re like that, if you think oh just a ‘like this a lot!’ doesn’t mean much, i might as well not say it if it isn’t multiple paragraphs picking apart the fic, stop that i need you to stop that right now. i just saw a post talking about how this persons friend decided to stop updating their fic due to low engagement and it broke their heart. i went to reblog before i remembered, how many fics have i read as a guest, kudos but not commented on. comment, even as a guest, even if it’s just three words please comment. i was never as passionate about fic writing than i was drawing fanart but it’s the same way, low engagement discourages me from posting. i posted fics at some point too but i would be lying if i said low engagement wasn’t one of the reasons i stopped. and— im not saying to do it for the likes or track the numbers or whatever, people don’t typically share their work for those reasons but it certainly doesn’t hurt. i’m going to go through all of my saved tabs and comment, even something small. please do the same if you have time. it’s a privilege for us to be allowed to see these artists and writers works, let’s really show them.

[attraction2him]

I'm back. I'm confused.

So, some weeks ago i was uploading photos to my drafts. Posting some of them also. Suddenly i get logged out. Just like that. I try logging back in and i get the message: "Your account has been terminated". I stared at the screen for a couple of minutes, then cursed tumblr and just decided to drop this.

Then yesterday i remembered about this photo of myself that i had posted in a moment of severe horniness. I hadn't thought it was going to draw anyone's attention but it got reblogged. More than once. I deleted my post and was about to ask the reblogers to please delete it, but thought "Why not leave it? Let's see what happens." So i just saved the link and decided to keep an eye on it. Anyway,.... as i was saying, yesterday i remembered this post and visited the link. To my surprise i saw the avatar of my blog, not some blank icon or something like that. I clicked and my blog was there!

So,... my guess is that someone must have reported a post on my blog. Tumblr took away my account just like that and after reviewing it and seeing that there was nothing wrong here simply decided to give it back to me.

I feel pissed off. Part of me wants to go back to posting. Part of me wants to just leave it as it is or even delete the blog. This is a side blog. I had thought i had lost my main blog which i've had for over 10 years. I think i'll finish posting what i had in my drafts (assuming they didn't delete everything. i haven't checked yet) and after the drafts are all posted i'll decide what to do. Thank you for reading this and for staying around.

[1016week]

1016 Week 2023 - The Round-Up (Part 1)

Hi fellow Piarlies, and happy holidays!! ❤️ Whatever you're celebrating IRL, we'd like to invite one and all to come celebrate Piarles with us here on Tumblr! 💙 Today, on the 26th (AKA, the 10+16th) we are celebrating our beloved squid boys by posting the final round-up of all content created for 1016 Week 2023.

One of our favourite things about fanweeks and fandom events is how they can bring together a whole group of people to create something amazing together. And in this fanweek, we certainly did that - with Piarlies from all corners of the fandom working together, we created more than fifty new pieces of Piarles content! 😍👏❤️💙Once again, we would just like to say the BIGGEST thank-you to everyone who participated and made this possible - you guys made this event succeed beyond our wildest dreams, and we truly can't thank you all enough for it <333

Please enjoy the official masterpost of all the 1016 Week 2023! Don't forget to give our wonderful creators some love in the form of reblogs, replies, kudos, comments and bookmarks ❤️ (P.S. - this post coincides very nicely with the timing of 2023's Just Leave A Comment Fest, so if you're interested in taking part in that wonderful event, and you've been looking for somewhere to start... why not with some of our amazing fics here? 😉💙)

Below the cut is Part 1 of our official round-up: you can find Part 2 here ❤️💙

Day 1 - Monza

Monza + Montreal embroidery by @gaslybottoms [cross-stitch]

you're my guiding lightning strike by @wolfiemcwolferson [fic]

Pierre finds out the soulmate bracelet he's worn since he was 14 has been coded to the wrong person's DNA. He gets the right bracelet. (A Piarles soulmate AU)

all roads lead back to Monza ♥ by @brasiliangp [edit]

I Will Never Ask You For Anything (Except a Dream) by @espithewarlock [fic]

Monza is the one race a year where they are allowed to have each other. They do not talk about it the next day.

we've got our whole lives (no ending this in sight) by @duquesademiel and @chaesonghwas [fic]

On the night of their ninth anniversary, Charles and Pierre travel to Monza together.

sanctuary by @fenesacha [fic]

From the comfort of their shared bed, Pierre watches Charles lean over the railing of the balcony and reach out to the screaming fans below.

monza-themed web weaving by @crimsonicarus [web weaving]

holy ground by @your-littlesecret [fic]

Charles can’t really pinpoint where Monza became their place. It might have started with one or another fan post and they just took it to their hearts. Or: Even with all the changes through the years, Monza will always be their place.

Day 2 - Social Media

we were meant to be as one by @wolfiemcwolferson [fic]

Pierre & the librarian with a secret Tumblr account.

crushing down like waves on the sand by @your-littlesecret [fic]

There’s nothing that could explain the change in feelings, but if Charles thinks about it… if he really thinks about it, there’s nothing really new there.

seven rings by @duquesademiel [fic/edit]

With You Around Me It’s Just So Easy To Be In Love by @espithewarlock [fic]

Their relationship was no secret. They posted about it everywhere on social media. Nobody believed it.

Scuderia Ferrari social media admin AU by @effervescentdragon [fic]

"Mr. Gasly. You have an impressive portfolio, and your CV is one of the best I've seen. What I want to know is, what will you bring to this job? What is the thing that distinguishes you from all the other candidates for this job?"

Piarles + social media AUs by @brasiliangp [edit]

plug me in by @fenesacha [fic]

After a long race, Pierre logs into Twitch and clicks on Charles' stream.

you and me would be (a big conversation) by @chaesonghwas [fic/edit]

When the media pairs up Pierre with Esteban of all people, Charles steps in to help. It doesn't quite go as planned.

social media-themed web weaving by @crimsonicarus [web weaving]

Day 3 - Blasphemy

maybe i don't want heaven by @chaesonghwas, @duquesademiel and @wolfiemcwolferson [fic + playlist]

Pierre kneels thrice: once in front of God and twice in front of Charles.

pulvis et umbra sumus by @your-littlesecret [fic + moodboard]

Great disrespect shown to something Holy. The action or offence of speaking sacrilegiously about sacred things; profane talk. And what could be a greater disrespect than Pierre and his demonic blood, loving Charles, an angel in essence?

Take Me by the Hand Before I Come Undone by @espithewarlock [fic]

Pierre believed in what he could see, hear, feel, experience with his own senses. He worshiped exclusively at the altar of Charles Leclerc.

piarles + take me to church by @singsweetmelodies [edit]

a well loved bicycle by @fenesacha [fic]

Pierre turns around one last time before he begins to pedal away. There is a boy standing at the fence, slightly shorter than him and Esteban. His fringe, light-brown and soft, is being blown into his eyes, but he doesn’t flinch, even as the freezing rain starts to fall. Pierre never saw or heard him approach.

blasphemy-themed web weaving by @crimsonicarus [web weaving]

blasphemy embroidery by @gaslybottoms [embroidery]

Day 4 - Free Day

crochet calamars by @gaslybottoms [crochet]

I hunger for you only by @wolfiemcwolferson [fic]

Charles has a request.

i wanna be a good boy, i wanna be your sex toy by @your-littlesecret [fic]

“I think we should make a bet.” Pierre hums, looking into his eyes. ��Not a bet. A reward. Whoever has the first win this year-” Charles smiles deviously, like he’s just thought of the perfect reward. “Whoever wins first gets a ‘free use’ day of the other.” Pierre frowns, “A- free use day?” “Yes. A day where you can do whatever you want with me. Or me with you. Whatever.”

Coloring Outside the Lines by @espithewarlock [fic]

One male profile did catch his eye, a deceptively simple CharlesL16 username hiding exactly what he was looking for. Half the photos were perfectly innocent. Curled up on the couch in a comfortable sweater, sweaty and flexing at the gym, angled shots of him playing the piano, and more that made him look domestic and cozy. There was always a twist, though, and Pierre was instantly hooked. He found himself creating an account and subscribing almost unconsciously.

(i watched it) begin again by @chaesonghwas [fic]

When Juliette is 6 years old, they decide on taking her to Monza. She loves it.

ringing, it's too early by @duquesademiel [fic]

Pierre can't sleep. Charles can't wake up. They might fight about it, but in the end, they love each other more.

how d'ya like them apples by @fenesacha [fic]

Wearing one of these hands on each of your hands at all times, communicate to your teammate the names of these films. You may not raise your voice. You have five minutes. Your time starts when Jenson blows his whistle.

piarles + longing by @crimsonicarus [web weaving]

Our Love Is Not Illusion Based by @espithewarlock [fic]

Having magic wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Most of the adults would happily admit that having a Witch in the village was a good thing. Charles thought that Pierre's magic was a great thing.

❤️💙

[britnispears]

logging onto tumblr via a computer after years of not... It doesn't feel like returning home, as it was just a 2D space I starred at for hours on end once upon a time...it's a new 2024 feeling- to miss a website that has not been revamped or had a comeback, one that has remained just the way it always was aside from a few new features. And I'm not 17 anymore where it's expected that I waste hours on here. It's a time capsule of everything I have felt, ever. Everything I obsessed over when I had no one to share it with. But unlike a time capsule buried in the ground, I can't hold these quotes or photos or dreams - they come in feelings only. Nothing on here physically aged, the quotes, if on paper would be yellow now, the photos might have stains. It's not like when Myspace disappeared and attempted to come back in less desirable conditions. It's also not like Facebook, where I frequently posted pictures of myself or events that happened in real life. Here, events happened and there are photos of those events on my blog, but they didn't happen to me, I just wish they did. Or I wish they didn't if they're quotes about depression and grief. This blog is like the inside of my brain, untainted by fear someone I know in real life would see it. It's a diary I didn't have to physically write or cut photos out for. I didn't have to go on Google or Pinterest and search specifically "photo of Las Vegas", find a decently aesthetic picture and glue it on paper and say "I wanna go here!" to only myself, where no one else would see. No, I actually was probably influenced by the strangers I followed, who happened to like a picture of a casino enough to repost it, to which I ironically saw and also enjoyed enough to think to myself... hmm I wanna go there. And the algorithm wasn't trying to hard to sway me. Here, anything I saw was all up to what my followers liked- it was authentic. Yes, sometimes in relation to traditional media like TV shows and music I would initiate that process and search that piece of media and find accounts who shared similar interests as me, but usually I got more than I bargained for based on who I was that week (;)). One week I wanted to be like those tan, skinny girls who wore triangle bikini's, the next I wanted to be a hot pink baddie with diamond butterflies around my neck, the next I reblogged cows and dreamed of being a writer on a farm in Pennsylvania. I was unpredictable and finding myself. My mutuals were online at 12AM, and so was I- number of likes, searches in my history were all incredibly inconvenient. Mutual, you were online, and so was I and we liked similar things, so we influenced each other before social influencers got profit off of it. We hid behind photos of celebrities we admired. It was all for fun and sharing a piece of ourselves with the world along with better understanding ourselves- without thinking of it that way. But I'm thinking of it that way now, and maybe I'm romantasizing social media addiction, but I'd say this website had a lot of say in who I am now. And I think I'm more inclined to follow my dreams because I frequently day dreamed and saw others succeed. I think I have a deeper appreciation for some things than I would have, had I not been on here.

[owen-wilson-appreciation-club]

Hello good folks. A (lengthy) update from me:

It does not take a genius to recognize that I have not been super active on this website. Almost no original posts, and mainly reblogs from my girl @wilsonbrothersupdates (love u bestie I log on just to chat with you)

I’ll be transparent. The Owen phase is dwindling. Not sure if the Loki show is gonna revive that, I will be watching for him and for him only (I am done with the MCU if I’m honest. That’s a discussion for another day but I’m here for Owen and Owen alone).

I am not deleting this blog. Like with many things, the phase may return full force, it may not. But I have so many positive memories associated with this community, this blog, and the people within it that I can’t get rid of it. But I think it’s fair for me to acknowledge that I’m distancing away from it.

I feel like I knew the end was coming, but it came without me noticing, and I’ve embraced that. Things happen. I watched my beloved Deadly Seven Owen Mutuals change their themes and their blogs to better represent their current interests. I could never do the same because this blog is solely for Owen, but it definitely reflects on my main account.

I will still forever be a fan of Owen. I’ll forever be a fan of Luke. I’ll forever cherish the crazy shit this blog brought me, from misinformation campaigns to inside jokes about the damn hole (seriously, what even was that? Makes me laugh even now)

If anything, I leave this blog up as an archive. Notoriously I am bad at tagging, but certain things on here can be found under tags like “hall of fame” and “thanks for sending!” as well as the usual thirst.

I’m not fully abandoning it. But I am acknowledging that I have pretty much closed up this chapter of my life. I’ll continue to reblog and post if something truly amazing happens, maybe the crew all comes together for inevitable Lokius (I am delusional. I still believe there is a chance.). I will also return if Hiddlewow reunites post strike. (Please give actors your support! Support SAG-AFTRA!!!)

I am not the same person I was when I started this blog over two years ago (Yes, it’s been that long). I’ve found joy in other aspects of my life, and I realize that there’s more to my own happiness than a 53 year old man with a funky nose.

This will forever be a part of me, for better or for worse, and I’m not forgetting the fun things that happened during the peak of this era. It’s tough for me to write this, to acknowledge that I haven’t been a very good leader of the Owen Wilson Appreciation Club. And while I refuse to give up that title, I will admit it’s been slow on my end.

I hope you all continue to watch Owen’s work, to support him in whatever fashion. I know I certainly will be. And while we won’t be as insane as before, there will always be that little part that keeps me here.

So yeah. If I stop posting, if I stop reblogging, know I’m okay. Know I’m happy and have found peace somewhere else. Know I love you all so much, and appreciate all the joy I’ve gotten over the years. The support has been immense, the interactions hilarious and memorable. I’ve met some incredible people on here (my discord people, you have my heart forever) I’ll leave the ask box open. I don’t expect anything to come in, but it’s there if you ever need to talk. Same with my DM’s.

I may come back full force someday. I hope to see you there. If not, take care. Thanks for everything.

All my love,

Sarah ❤️ (Forever your leader of the Owen Wilson Appreciation Club)

[lukewarmbreadatamoderatepace]

given that social media sites now remain active for a decade or more, I feel like the old blocking systems need to change and adapt to account for that. Someone I blocked literally 10 years ago on tumblr might well be an entirely different person by now! (and vice versa-- lord knows I was Much Worse ten years ago! If I encountered 10-years-ago-me today, I'd probably block her too!) There's accounts way back in my blocklist that it's very likely I blocked for reasons I no longer endorse.

Realistically I think this is probably rare edge cases, and no one besides me would actually use this kind of thing rather than just hardblock forever, and so it wouldn't actually worth the effort of tweaking relative to other things you could spend that effort on. But material reality never stopped an Ideas Guy from spouting off with Ideas and I'm not letting it stop me

Things that seem useful to include in blocking systems:

"Reason for block" included as a field when you block a person (optionally the person could be shown this? Kinda like how subreddit bans work from what I remember) (discord's ability to attach notes to any given user is SO USEFUL and I wish every social media had this, as someone who is so so bad at remembering people with my brain)

Some kind of timeout-- after X years, a lil popup that asks if you want to review blocks for people who are still active on the site (if the blocked account is inactive it won't come up unless it becomes active again)

Block appeal feature? I've known people who have a stance to the effect of "message me on anon if I've blocked you and you want me to unblock you and we can talk about it" which is kind of an awkward approach. Which actually doesn't even work any more since you can no longer send anon messages without being logged into an account. ^This seems really easily abusable (any avenue where a blocked person can contact the person who blocked them is fraught) and I'm not sure how you work around that. One appeal per [X] years?

Oh also this is different but like. An "ignore" feature as the default form of blocking. There's a decent number of accounts I have blocked because I find them obnoxious (or have other baggage), but I don't regard them as like, a harassment threat, and if I could just make my internet experience one that's indistinguishable from one where they don't exist, but without preventing them from reblogging stuff I'm the OP of, I'd do that. (Probably? Probably I would do that.)

I wish there was a way to crowdsource blocklists that wasn't super duper incredibly vulnerable to abuse. Probably the fix here is just, like, subcommunities with established norms and moderation (this is why everyone's migrating to discord!)

[aceparagoned]

This is not going to be my usual post since some things have been brought to my attention that I wish to address publicly as opposed to continuing to deal with this situation privately like I have been.

I'll put this under a read more because this can get rather lengthy.

Two years ago, I was made aware that there was a callout blog (of which I can privately hand out the URL if you're truly curious since they have decided to doxx me by including my full legal name in said callout as well as misgender and deadname me left and right throughout it) about me authored by two people from a former friend group I had been a part of since I was in high school. At this time, it had been only a couple of months since I voluntarily left the group after offering that I would (even though the head mod of the group said that I was to talk to their co-mod to "figure out just what to do with me.") Looking back on it now, I fully acknowledge that I was in the wrong and that I wish I had never harmed those by my thoughtless actions, especially by being a forgetful idiot.

Throughout the callout, however, you'll see that they chose to include things from when I was nothing more than a cringy, know-it-all preteen to try to make a pattern of me being an awful person throughout my whole life. However, it's also stuff that I've long since apologized over to those who I had hurt and have tried to work on myself and my actions. I was also rightfully called out by those on anonymous communities on Dreamwidth such as wankgate, acj, and even on LiveJournal as well, all of which has helped me learn how to be a better person so that I may not repeat those same mistakes. I even commented as such in this thread.

For the more serious things that they included in the callout, such as the false rapist accusation I made against someone, I fully acknowledge that I had fucked up pretty badly during then by getting way too into things and not taking a moment to step back and think for a moment. To this day, I am still regretful of what I did and frankly wish I had never done that in the first place. Another serious topic the callout authors included was that I plagiarized someone's character in the past, of which I've long since retired the character and have not written them since then.

During the entire time that I've been writing this post, I've been actively trying to log in to my old Dropbox account where I know I have logs of where I've since apologized for my actions (the false rapist accusation as well as the individual listed on my archived LiveJournal post), but thankfully, I do have the private plurk I made six years ago apologizing for the plagiarism as evidence for this. If I manage to get back into my Dropbox account, I'll update this post with further evidence of my apologies.

You may also see in the reblogs of my callout two people that say they have further evidence on me. These two individuals are my ex and a former friend of mine. What they may not want to say is that my ex was caught cheating on me back while we were still together and the only way I found out was through an old group text message on my old phone where everyone I was friends with at the time thought to keep it a secret from me. My ex had even said that she "planned on telling me at some point" and since then, I had the constant reminder of her cheating on me in the form of her husband joining our voice calls on Discord and the like for almost two years. I decided that enough was enough and cut all ties with her because I couldn't keep pretending that things were fine between us when they weren't. Not only that, but in the PS4 chat that I had wanted to stay private between us, she had her friend join in and listen to our conversation. And this friend of hers said that, in a poor "'attempt'" to comfort me, that "I'd find someone whose demons will tangle with mine." I've since ceased all contact with them and haven't even played anything on my PS4 in years since I got my PC.

UPDATE: While I have not been successful in logging into my Dropbox account, I did come across this thread on my old Dreamwidth account with the person I had falsely accused. I'm still in the process of trying to get back into my Dropbox, though, so stay tuned for that.

Another allegation that the callout authors accused me of was being racist when referring to the color of my grandfather's skin. I stated it was olive since our family immigrated from Italy sometime in the 1800s, and it's not just him that has it. It's also my two uncles, his brothers, who have the same skin tone that he does as well as my aunt, my mom's sister. Now, lemme make something clear -- I simply don't have a single racist bone in my body. My mom taught in Buffalo, NY, where there were more African American children than any other ethnicity during her time as a teacher. She took me to conferences with the local NAACP chapter as well as on a trip to learn more about black history. This was all done as in my early childhood, too, which is something I'm deeply appreciative of her doing.

Another topic that was included was my treatment of my mother. This is something that I have also acknowledged that I was in the wrong for and it's something that we both have been actively working on with not just each other, but also medication on both of our parts. Both my mom and myself, especially when I was growing up, weren't the best when it came to maintaining a house and I do acknowledge that I should have helped her around the house more than I did as a kid, especially when she was a single mom working sometimes well into the night just to support the both of us. The both of us have depression, which contributed to us having a hoarded house that caused the both of us stress with not just one another, but also with our family. However, we've made great strides in our relationship to where I can confidently say that things are much better between us and have been able to maintain a clean house for years.

What I don't think was included in the callout is how I've been going to therapy and getting myself on some much needed medication. Back in August 2014, I scheduled a first time appointment with a doctor to get myself back on track because I knew that I sorely needed help for my depression before it got too severe to deal with. A good number of antidepressants were tried with some providing better results whereas others didn't work as well. I got myself into regularly scheduled therapy as well as seeing a psychiatrist up until I moved in June 2018, then continued my therapy and medication arrangement in Florida with thanks to my step-grandma and aunt for helping me find a place to go to for both therapy and psychiatry.

I'd like to think that I've since made great strides as far as my behavior and conduct are concerned, but as always, I know there's room for improvement, so I never say that I'm perfect or anything. I also know that since the callout went up, there have been other instances where I've made mistakes as well, however I am actively doing my best to learn from what I've done and continue on my path of being a better person overall. I will make mistakes, but I am always open to criticism so that I may continue to improve upon myself.

Thank you very much for reading this post.

[conscious-naivete]

hi!! I saw your post about the national library card from I think you said a library in Seattle?? I’m trying to get back into reading and this sounds super cool so I’m wondering how you did that and how it connects to libby! (I don’t have libby, so another question is do you like/recommend libby?) thanks!!

this is such an awesome ask to receive hihihi first of all i wanna say i'm also trying to get back into reading rn and libby is making it so much easier for me! listening to audiobooks at work i've already read more books in 3 months than all of last year. i'm not even sure which post you're coming from bc i've been making lots of excited posts about discovering new options lol

so the seattle thing i referenced is the books unbanned program the seattle public library is involved in and i recently reblogged a post listing several other libraries also involved, basically offering access to their digital library to anyone in the US (within a certain age group, but i'm hoping it's fudgeable?). i'm hoping you're in the US, idk how it works elsewhere

all i did was sign up for a card and i got an email with a card number which is good for a year! i'm still discovering this myself, so i haven't looked at any of the others or properly explored the options on the SPL website yet (on top of libby access they have their own online library!) i imagine the cards from the other libraries probably work the same way.

libby is an app for accessing ebooks and audiobooks through your public library. it's kind of the 2.0 version of overdrive, if you're familiar w that, from which it took over. you search up your library in the app and input your card number/account info and tada! access to whatever catalog your library has!

i would absolutely recommend libby, it's pretty easy to use, you can make custom lists of books with their 'tags' feature (i have a list i know i want to check out, one i want to take a second look at called "hmm," and one just called "whoa what" just for a collection of remastered old radio plays(?!))

i figured i'd try plugging the SPL card and was happily surprised to find it worked! i have two cards added rn, my local lib has a borrowing limit of 5 items at a time and SPL has limit of 10, and they both have a hold limit of 10. SPL has a way huger catalog than my local, and while the waitlists are longer, they have more copies(/digital lending licenses or whatever). it was so exciting to find all the new stuff that i hadn't had available before!

(i would check your library website to see what digital resources they offer and are connected with. i think libby is nearly universal? i've also used kanopy, which has tv and movies (my library had this one a couple years ago but i couldn't log back in recently i think they ended whatever subscription they had) and hoopla, which has books, audiobooks, comics, comics adapted into audio format, tv series, movies, music, sheet music,,,! and you get 10 borrows a month plus wvr bonuses they're currently offering. i love hoopla a LOT. i haven't had luck accessing those two using my SPL card, though. my library is also listing freegal for music and another couple services for specifically kids' books)

please feel free to ask me more questions if i didn't answer to your satisfaction, i got overexcited

[todayisafridaynight]

It's been wonderful being able to talk about these things for me too! I haven't really had the opportunity since Y7 came out, so I'm positively buzzing. And no worries about the tone of your post about Daigo's article haha, I appreciate it when issues are pointed that I might've missed otherwise since that's at least something actionable.

But I'm obviously not going to stop anyone from venting frustrations with the wiki or with Fandom as a platform; I frequently find myself frustrated too! It's one of the things that keeps people editing the wiki. I'm honestly fine with whatever as long as it's not accusing us of being fujoshi for the billionth time lol, but for better or worse I do like to clarify what we're trying to do if there's any confusion.

Speaking of, Mine's relationship tags are kind of a funny story! So a lot of them have these dotted underlines and question marks, right? You're supposed to be able to hover over underlined terms to see a short definition (on desktop) and click the question mark to see an article with all the definitions on mobile, since hover actions aren't possible on a touchscreen.

But since the article was and still is under construction, Fandom doesn't show the link to logged-out users. So I had no idea it just looks like we're saying the tag is ambiguous lol. It's up now though, so it's hopefully easier to understand what we're trying to do!

I just found it funny I specifically added that feature to reduce confusion. Half the grief we get over Mine's "romantic interest" tag is because people assume we're saying it's mutual (we chose the term to try and avoid the "mutual" connotations of "love interest," but I guess that didn't work out). I also thought it might help with somewhat esoteric tags like "co-parent" (which was put in place for Jo and Arakawa and then I kept thinking of others) and "surrogate son." Turns out it's tough to boil complex relationships down to one term!

I definitely have SO many questions about New Year's Day and I probably always will; for the space of only one night, it's a huge blank. I certainly do have to wonder if shipping Masato off to America was decided then and there. There's a lot that could possibly be expanded on in RGGO (further interactions between Arakawa and Jo included lol), so I've got hope for that too now that we're back to random events. I'd be really interested to see how you'd portray it someday!

Talking about Nakai and Tsutsumi reminded me, Nakai mentioned he read the whole script in a day so he "wouldn't do a disservice to Arakawa or Sawashiro's characters." That kind of stuck out to me precisely because there are so few scenes between them compared to like, Arakawa and Ichi, and they're all relatively low-impact in comparison.

Of course, it could be marketing on account of him and Tsutsumi getting to co-star again, or the scenes could simply have stood out to him more for that reason, or he could've had a different impression of the ratios having read the script rather than played the game. But the part of me that makes me want to go Off The Deep End speculating is kind of wondering if there were other scenes planned?

And absolutely! I'm not able to reblog often because the post editor's been crashing whenever I try to tag my posts, but I hope you know I love your work and I'll support pretty much anything you put out! I'm very excited to share my findings as well.

A lot of it's to do with Mine's relationship to Western culture vs. Japanese culture (his "westabooism," basically), so that's specific to him, but there a lot of interesting concepts and theories in Japanese psychology regarding familial bonds, met and unmet emotional needs. They work as an explanation for his probable feelings of alienation from Japanese culture, but I feel they would make for an interesting lens to examine the Arakawas through as well.

I actually hadn't ever considered the similarity with regard to Mine and Jo's dads, but that makes so much sense! If I were to take it a step further, I think feelings of "abandonment" by their fathers have had long-lasting effects on both them and Masato. Jo we've been talking about, his father was technically still "there," but he wasn't in his corner, which feels much the same as abandonment to a child.

I think Mine's internalized a lot of the same feelings even though his father never meant to abandon him (I guess Jo's may not have, necessarily; alcoholism can destroy a family whether the individual wants that to happen or not). Like, unfairness, displacement, lack of control, the loss of the only support you have and so on. I think dwelling on that is what sent Mine's mental state spiraling, and what made it imperative to just believe Daigo was "dead" to try and move on as soon as possible. He didn't want to be hurt the same way again.

It's also probably what he was projecting in his ridiculous villain speech during The Orphanage Scene; the reason offering kids support in the way Kiryu does is a form of "victimization" in his eyes, at that moment, is because that support can be ripped away from you at any time. The scene is kind of hilarious to me because it's like, "okay we need Mine to have a kick-the-dog moment, his actions have been too understandable," but I do get it from that angle.

Similarly, I think those feelings of abandonment are why Arakawa faces the brunt of Aoki's abuse, because it's like, "YOUR negligence is why I had to go through all of that." So I get why Jo, like your sister, wouldn't want the finger pointed at him, but at the same time… damn. Perhaps if Arakawa had never had that talk with Masato, things might've been different. I get the impression he wouldn't be able to endure keeping things to himself for as long as Jo, though, given things like the letter he sent Ichi in prison.

Oh, yeah, Jo is CRAZY protective of Masato too! "If anything happens to him, killing you a thousand times would be insufficient!" I think part of his overreaction to having Masato's money is also that if Ichi can't listen to orders that fundamental, who's to say he listened to the orders to keep Masato safe? I guess if you see Ichiban as incompetent to the point of almost being a malicious actor, you might think that.

I'm sooo so glad you've noticed the rest of those similarities haha, I've been rotating them around in my brain like a cube for ages. A Venn diagram would be so fun to see! That's such an insightful look at the differences between Mine and Jo's offices too. I was a little confused about the placement of the social spaces, or even that they're there, but if you look at it as clearly separate from his personal spaces, it does make sense.

Also, not to harp on the books in the offices too much, but I compared the textures a little earlier. Mine's are basically all (very expensive) encyclopedias and language phrasebooks in English, Italian, French, and German, in contrast to Jo's discrete hardcovers and series of art history books. They're probably all stock assets lol, but I think they're surprisingly good fits; Mine dumping considerable time, money, and energy into his fascination with Western culture and Jo being the type to not want people to know what he's reading totally works for me.

But yes! It's kind of funny, because Yokoyama wasn't much of a Mine fan in his early days, but I hope he and the others keep on writing characters like him. I think of it as Mine's "legacy" in a series where past characters aren't acknowledged too often; the most I can recall are that Hakuho mention in 4 and the fencing around the Touto roof perimeter.

Speaking of, I love Mine's missed shots in the finale specifically because he's an excellent marksman in his Okinawa character story. Why? How? Who Knows, He's Perfect. (Probably not as good of a shot as Daigo though lol)

And yeahhh, there are other interviews, but it ain't the same! It was the most in-depth one I know of. I think this is one of the only remnants, and I shall entrust it to you.

But yes, exactly! And I'm also glad Y7 introduced more people to them (myself included), Tsutsumi's my favorite actor of all time and Nakai's brilliant. They make a great combi! Of the things I've seen where they co-star, I think Princess Toyotomi and Hero SP are both solid; the latter is a special for a longer show, but I honestly didn't even notice lol. Musashi I wasn't personally able to get through even though I've read the book, so I'm not sure how it plays out between them.

Also I DIDN'T KNOW TORU DIED IN PURE??? That came out of nowhere oh my god T___T But if you're ever looking for anything rare, feel free to ask! I might know a guy (gender neutral) with a stash, Fly, Daddy, Fly included.

OH MAN MINE'S WIKI ENTRY I've definitely made my opinions about it known, but now knowing the truth behind it it's kind of funny and still so unfortunate. I'd almost want to recommend a section dedicated to the topic since it's such an integral part of his character, though I also understand wanting to keep the wiki strictly to factual information and to exclude speculation (or "speculation" anyhow- it's definitely more of a concrete situation, especially going off of the information provided in your pinned post on the topic. If anything, that sort of information would belong to the "Trivia" tab wouldn't it- but again, it's such a deep situation it can't really be summarized in one or two sentences) and the topic being too niche to have a page dedicated to it. It's nice to know that the subject isn't trying to be brushed under the rug though and it's just a matter of awkward formatting/incomplete work!

Furthermore on The New Years Event, I would LOVE RGGO to expand on the topic since they've been so liberal with the stories they make and the depth those stories add to the characters. Honestly, I was expecting Masato's card to have that as its accompanying character story, so it's unfortunate that he doesn't get it or any story as far as I'm aware (or maybe he does have one and my poor pull luck has just prevented me from getting the card to find out myself, but I've looked as much as I could and couldn't find an upload of it). Oh well, I guess it's the old "if you want something done you gotta do it yourself-" not that anything I could make could ever be up to scratch, so I'm glad I do have people interested in what I have in mind :)

About Nakai, I wouldn't feel wrong trying to accredit his comment to a time before he knew the full plot or saw the full game and was just debriefed on the general story/character relationships, and I also wouldn't put it past RGG to have deleted scenes/ideas (if those do exist, RGG please let me in your vault I'd like to take a peak...)!

The psychology of Mine is another topic I've been wanting to officially tackle for a while now, so I'm glad I have this chance to share some of what I have mental bullet points for.

Moreover, Mine's dad and how he "left" Mine undeniably impacted him significantly beyond physically leaving him alone, and it definitely manifests in The Orphanage Scene and his idea that killing Daigo would be "putting him out of his misery". In those instances, he sees Daigo and the orphans as victims of an unfair reality, Daigo being comatose, and the orphans having the endure the struggles of being orphans (and that added-on, projected anxiety that their comfortable lives now could vanish at any second like it did for Mine). Mine's mustache-twirling villainy is funny for its absurdity, but I also genuinely appreciate it since it lets us peak into his warps philosophy better. It doesn't justify his actions by any means, but it explains to us why he can justify his actions as from a place of love or pity as opposed to thoughtless evil.

To add on, Mine's relationship with his father, from what we're allowed to gather, was healthy and positive. Because of their positive relationship, the removal of such adds credence as to why Mine's desperate to get that love again. It especially makes sense considering Japan's horrendous attitude and negligence towards orphaned children that was even demonstrated during Mine's childhood while his father was alive.

And as an inverse aside, Jo's relationship with his dad was toxic, whether it was due to blatant abuse or combined negligence. It's fair to assume that Jo never got to experience genuine, secure love growing up, so as a result, it's not something he actively seeks out. He's been without it long enough that it's not something he necessarily craves like Mine who used to have it until it was taken from him.

Masato certainly makes it clear he felt isolated despite the efforts Jo and Arakawa repeatedly went through for him, and it's apparent it's an unfortunate side affect of internalized ableism. It definitely doesn't help anyone's case that Masato had seemingly been informed of the night of his birthday's events (from Arakawa's point of view, obviously), and it's clear that knowledge gives ammunition as to why he resents him.

You're right on Jo potentially seeing Ichi as a bad actor, it's not as if he has disdain for him for no reason! Like even if Ichiban hadn't taken Masato's money the way Jo could have imagined, the idea that Ichi can't be responsible in one avenue can easily lead back to Ichi having the potential to look after Masato, especially when he seems to be the one who predominately looks after him when he's tasked to.

I've already got my program open to make my little chart and have my reference pictures ready, so hopefully I can have that silly thing out soon haha- I'm glad you're interested in seeing it, and I hope other people will like to see it too! Jo and Mine really are my favorite antagonists, so it's funny (and I guess not surprising) that they have parallels to them.

To add on to that though, I think it's fun to look at the extra details, no matter how small; I'm probably more happy than I should be that you looked at their office's books, but I can't help be a fan of the details you found (whether they're generic models or not, I'm running with them- I've done more with less before lmao)! Mine having language books is definitely in-line with his interests, but Jo having art history books is weirdly endearing (and dare I say another point for "these are the same picture" comparing it to Mine's own love for art). Jo being so private to the point of blocking out the binds of the books he owns is so accurate to him and his secrecy, and the concept that he likes to read about art in his spare time is a new favorite concept for me.

Mine really isn't acknowledged much after 4; in comparison to Ryuji and Nishiki, he's remembered throughout the series the least (you can argue the same for Ryuji, but considering he gets a whole new life in Dead Souls, I think it's fair to say that makes up for the mainline series forgetting about him. Though I guess the same could be Mine getting a prominent role as Hijikata in Ishin... Definitely not as cool of a spot as to be a playable protagonist with a machine gun arm if I'm honest). In that, it's great that his likelihood can exist in future characters, and I hope they continue the trend of phenomenal antagonists in LaD8 and onward!

I'm eternally grateful for this frame you've gifted me thank you so much- Nakai's smile is such a blessing honestly, I'm glad if anything survived from the interview it can be this shot at least.

I've got Princess Toyotomi and Hero SP added to my watch list, DEFINITELY something I'll be excited to check out as a reward once I have all my important business taken care of this week! Honestly, I haven't seen Musashi either: while I was looking through their filmography I saw it was a project they did, but I've always been bad at watching long series so I didn't take the time to see their performance together.

For things I have seen though... yeah he dies SORRY IF THAT WAS HOW YOU FOUND OUT </3</3 Honestly I didn't expect myself to love the series as much as I did (admittedly it was predominately because of the leads and their relationship), but when it happened I was both- dare I say crushed- a little humored a little funny in a dark-comedy way.

And if you do have access to harder-to-get films, I'd absolutely be interested in hearing about it. One of Nakai's movies Good Morning Show has been haunting me for weeks: it sounds like such a fun movie yet I can't find it anywhere </3

[eirenare]

Hi hi~! Life update here

Hi there!

Yes, I'm still alive lol, it's just that 85% of my social media time I currently spend it on Twitter (I refuse to call it how Elmo Muskrat wants the site to be called lol), and 15% I spend it on Bluesky (which, by the way, if you wanna find me there, I'm Eirenare too there lol).

I'm still very veeeeeery much in my Reylo brainrot haha, so yeah, you might see me posting or reblogging every now and then some of it, although I've been as well into some other stuff lately (Elden Ring for example), so you might see me posting about that too, so just a heads up there about it (and don't worry, everything I post here, regardless of what it is, as usual it'll have its tags and spoiler warnings, a "read more" if need be, etc).

My energy's been specially low for the past months though to be honest, so I can't guarantee I'll be very active around here (except for private messages, I'll be checking these every little time), just that every now and then I'll come here and post or reblog some stuff, probably Reylo and other things Star Wars or series/movies, life updates too, maybe will share in a bit of my Elden Ring brainrot and theories as its DLC approaches and I get more and more excited.

Anyways, here's some random life update stuff and anecdotes that I wanted to say before I log off for the night here:

I fell into the Kalluzeb (Kallus x Zeb, from Star Wars Rebels) rabbithole some time ago and it was, and is, neat, I love them so much

earlier today I had churros and hot chocolate as desert at lunch time and I was in cloud nine all the while I chomped on them

apparently my brain won't cease to come up with new Reylo AUs which is amazing and so much fun but also if I ever showed you guys screenshots of my Google Docs you might just faint because there are just so many things there between WIPs I'm currently working on that are already on Ao3, future things to go on Ao3, vague WIPs, AU ideas... and my energy is running so low and I'm working on various Ao3 WIPs so yeah lol I don't think I'll ever write even half of the fics I noted down

I watched Barbie at the cinema and it became one of my new comfort movies and one of my fave movies of all time

somehow I'm not as bad as I thought I'd be at Elden Ring even though I'm clumsy, a scaredycat and my tunnel vision goes lvl 100 when I'm playing videogames which usually means "good luck remembering to look at your stamina bar and using key items", so seeing myself not get too stuck on bosses was unexpected and neat (in fact, funnily enough: somehow this game even makes my anxiety lower at times and it barely increases it at all even when I'm fighting bosses, go figure lol)

I had the chance to buy Final Fantasy XVI at a much cheaper price than release price but because at that site I didn't see any warning that it was temporary, by the time I went to buy it, it had risen price again so now I'm awaiting once again for both better prices and for my wallet to recover

my brother bought a PS5 back in spring and a copy of Star Wars Jedi Survivor and, since we live in the same house, I did play that game and it was amazing asdfgffdgfjfb there were only a very few things I didn't like that much but holy shit was it good, some stuff even felt tailor-made for me in ways I wasn't expecting but that I enjoyed very much (and also the tears, the rivers of tears I shed on certain scenes lol) and now I'm super hyped for the 3rd whenever it is that it'll happen

the official Star Wars accounts at Twitter have been posting quite a bit about Reylo and the sequels and Ben for the past days (and I gotta say, the account from Spain even added some extra Reylo flavor in some tweets that other accounts didn't which is curious) and I'm clowning kinda hard, hoping that DLF finally realized most of the people actually like a lot Reylo (or don't mind it) and the ST, and hoping (always hoping, always dreading to hope too much, but hoping anyways) that we'll get Rey and Ben reunited in her movie

Anyways x2, enough anecdotes and thoughts for the night, see you around lovely people~! <3 Hopefully soon lol, but if not... *looks at 2024 fast approaching* if not, then I'll 100% be around to gossip and scream for when the Rey movie begins production and talks begin and all that stuff, lol.

Good night~! :D I hope you have a great day and/or a good sleep~! <3

EDIT: looooool apparently this was my 100th post in here and I got a free badge for my profile so yay, nice~ x) XDD

[pinnedangel]

you can call me angel, i am a switch vers. this is approximately one half hard kink blog, one half place to put down long rambling tangents for the sake of making people read them. i do not content tag posts that are not my own, except for cnc-related posts explicitly mentioning rape, which are tagged #rapekink. check below the cut for a general content list and some of my personal boundaries/blockable offenses. i am single and not actively looking. i do very much enjoy flirtation or sexting, but am autistic with a low social threshold, so i may not always do well with long conversations. deleted mutuals are always welcome to send me a dm or ask about whether i have any posts they're trying to recover, i am happy to go through the archives of this blog in order to help people get their posts back! this is my main blog, but not my main account, so there will sometimes be gaps in content when i'm not logged in here, but for now i've been logged in for a couple months which is why the non-kink content has started to bleed through. my personal tag is #saintly thoughts.

as an advertisement and warning, on this blog you may see posts about:

-consensual nonconsent, including content that directly refers to rape

-dubious consent, including intoxication and somnophilia

-corruption, mindbreaking, manipulation, gaslighting, and abusive dynamics

-fearplay, including kidnapping/captivity, gratuitous bodily harm, and threats of death. may also include snuff, but generally i'm more into the threat of being killed than the actual idea of it

-gender play, in the sense of non-detransition related forced feminization and masculinization

-primal, predator/prey, and petplay

-monsterfucking, oviposition, egg pregnancy and laying

-size difference and object insertion

-fauxcest, heirophilia, dollification, hypnosis, overstimulation and edging, exhibitionism, impact play, knifeplay, general bdsm dynamics, and more.

i try to keep this post updated with at least my most regular topics, but this is not an exhaustive list.

soft limits:

gore, necrophilia, age regression, boot licking/humping, violence that involves losing teeth, scarification/tattooing, parental fauxcest, direct snuff, gunplay

these are things you might see posts about occasionally but i’d prefer not to be engaged with on. if i’m reblogging posts that include them, it’s either enjoyment from a nonsexual or very abstracted perspective, something i’ve reblogged because it includes other elements i do enjoy, or something that i am just starting to explore interest in but haven’t figured out how i enjoy it.

hard limits/filtered tags:

pregnancy/birth, lactation, hucow, piss, scat, vomit, abdl, armpits, detransition, misgendering, feeding/feederism, beastiality, feet, needles/piercing, amputation, castration, extreme body modification

i’m not going to block you if you follow me and post about any of my hard limits. i follow plenty of people who post about some of them but post about other stuff i like, that’s why i have the tags filtered. i just might not follow you back if that’s your main focus. i pass no judgements on kinks as long as they’re between consenting parties and you’re not trying to put your kink content on the posts of people who don’t want it there.

if i block you, it's most likely because i looked at your blog upon you following me and could not determine your age or even if you were a real person. i also tend to block cishet people, as i would rather they not interact with my personal content.

if you see me tagging posts with #🎥 that’s simply a way of keeping track of things that not only do i enjoy from a personal standpoint, but also that make me think of the dynamic between two of my characters. sometimes the kink posts i write are about those two as well. it's mostly a dynamic centered around nonconsent, manipulation, and general emotionally (sometimes physically!) unsafe kink practices, which are things i've been exploring quite a bit lately. you can ask about them if you'd like, otherwise i probably won't directly say much about them on this blog.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Welcome back. Took me a few secs there, haha, with the blog name changed.

Were you still following everything or did you completely detach from kpop while you were away? Just curious.

Hmmm, this is complicated, but I guess being honest about it will do more good than acting detached. Which used to be my spiel back in the BMT days. Not that I was pretending to be someone who I'm not, but a lot of the stuff I wrote and especially how I did was the result of filtering my emotions and reactions through a rational lens. I do that in my day to day life as well, so it's an actual problem, not only the way I present myself as fandom participant.

My initial plan was complete detachment because I ended up hating it. For so many reasons that I don't even remember all of them now. I really wanted a clean slate, but it's not as easy as I thought. I went back to my old blog which consisted mostly of the stuff I reblog now here with the films and pretty photos. I also unfollowed all the fandom-related accounts on twitter. And I tried to go back to my other passions, especially film. And reading some literature instead of wasting hours on a blog. It worked. Until it didn't. Because complete detachment is hard. Like I said in my first post after coming back, giving up smoking was easier. This is another type of addiction. Yes, it is. Is it shameful to admit that? I don't know, but I also don't care much about it and what others think of me based on this.

I closed the blog the day Jimin released Face, but I told myself I would still follow his promotions. And that I can follow one or two Jimin update accounts on twitter and that's it. But it was never just that. Because I still heard stuff here and there and my stupid curiosity got the worst of me and I would look it up and then I'd see opinions. Which is the worst when you try and stay from discourse. And then I would unfollow everything. And then I would go back to it a week, two weeks later. A constant cicle. Which annoyed me to bits. I was angry with myself because I thought I had no will. And it seems so silly in the grand scheme of things, when stuff in my personal life was a lot more important. Perhaps one issue was me always trying to dismiss my participation and contribution to the fandom as something frivolous when it was not. I dedicated time to it for the wrong and good reasons as well.

Tumblr was even worse than twitter. I would check some tags, block accounts that would annoy me and then I would log out. I'd get back to it and look up my blocked list and go through it. As an act of self hate? I don't know, but it was like I wanted to get angry. I was chasing that feeling. All the while telling myself that I don't want to have anything to do with it anymore.

Do I have a problem? Most likely. I know I never had these issues before, but this is the result of my first direct involvement in a fandom and also happening during a period of my life in which a lot of things have changed. And I'm trying to deal with all that and one way of doing it is by focusing on the objects of my interest. I'm still trying to find the answers, solutions, a more healthy way. Rebranding the blog by making it more diverse is one attempt.

[halfax-a]

Lin and tumblr

The past year has changed how i use this website quite a lot, and i have feelings about it.  Here, i’m writing a mini essay to help me make my mind up what to do about it all.

The first big painful truth i have to face is: i don’t like my dashboard anymore. I find it increasingly hard to sit and just scroll through and pay attention. I know that a few years ago it used to be better balanced - divided into fandom content, meme content and music content. 

This year, more than ever, saw the absolutely bonkers avalanche of fandom content, which cannibalised both music and meme side of things. I experienced genuine mass hysteria with the flood of people, and i don’t regret that or hate that, but all of it ended up feeling more like witnessing a group of friends having an absolutely insane party - through the front window of their hourse, having your nose pressed to the glass. 

Why it felt so much like that, can be anointed to how i chose to interact with tumblr - 2022 was the year i fully turned to blog-crawling. It ended up impacting me a lot - in ways you can see (7 fandom posts in a row reblogged from one blog), and in ways you can’t (all those hours reading and internalising and the r word). Waking up every day, obsessively searching up 5 to 12 different blogs and spending up to 3 hours just reading updates (combined with my brief stint on twitter in the summer) fucked me up quite well, i think. 

Well. Actually. This is not new behaviour for me. Obsessive checking of tumblr blogs, forum threads and twitter accounts dates back well into 2016. But this is the first time it has fucked with my enjoyment of this site, and i am at a loss what to do.

I feel trapped. My brain does not think it can go without tumblr, because twitter, instagram, even the mighty youtube have surrendered to this blue hellsite, and let it reign the supreme doom scroll hole of my life. 

At the same time, i recognise that i am not really truly having a good time on here(or at least as much as i used to). The more time i spend on specific blogs, the less i am on my dash, which means the less opportunities i have to make connections with my remaining mutuals, and to make new ones.

I feel trapped and i feel isolated. A few years ago i used to know at least 5 blogs that were guaranteed to appear in my notes at any given time. There were more tag games, more casual @/ing and more interaction. Nowadays i feel quite alone. Yes, i did bring this onto myself with 1. aforementioned blog crawling and 2. jumping into excessive fandom posting. I’m just afraid that getting out of there is not as easy as it used to be. 

I’ve seen a lot of people move on, or drift out of my circles over the years, which makes reconnecting with old acquintances/old topics of interest difficult or downright impossible. And as i get on in age (in my old age of 22), i get increasingly nervous seeing 16,15, 14-year-old on here, and interacting with their blogs.

I am also a bit at a loss for how to curate my dash to regain that optimal meme/fandom/music equilibrium. Meme culture has changed a dizzying amount since 2018, and i know i have been left behind. With music and fandom cannibalising and engulfing each other (in that shiver-inducing mass of conciousness known as “mcr fandom”), i am left to try and find some “general” content. But from where??????

All of these things combined has made me feel like i might have to ditch tumblr soon. Either i put in massive amounts of energy, overhaul my dash and find out what i enjoy (while being concious of how to keep the parts of fandom that are truly enriching for me, when the mass hysteria inevitably starts again), or i log off, block, and try to keep my doomscrolling urges fed on fanfiction and youtube shorts.

With my unfortunate mental state, i sure know which seems easier

Now. Why am i still here at this very moment then?

It’s because of drafts! 

See, in my mind, it is possible to Finish Tumblr. During my years here, i have amassed a significant amount of drafts - gifsets, link masterlists, audio, video and photos, and each of them serves a purpose - to remind me to Consume that thing. The day i listen to the final album, final song, the day i watch the final tv show, movie, the day i let that final draft go; that’s when i can say i have Completed Tumblr, and can log off with a light heart. 

So, i haven’t acknowledged it, but i actually have a concrete goal in mind here, and as long as i work on that, i’ll be shackled to this blue hellsite