#locked in a wardrobe

[astaldis]

@whumpers-monthly     @smubbles-etc

Whumpee: Jaskier

Chapters: 1/1      Words: 1,594 Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion   Additional Tags: Locked In, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, bard angst, Geralt saves Jaskier's naked bacon, Friendship, Nudity Summary: Jaskier spends a night with a gorgeous girl. Unfortunately, her husband comes home early and Geralt has to save his bard.

Damn, this cannot be happening, can it? For the umpteenth time, he presses his full weight against the smooth wood, however, there is no effect. At all. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Cursing inwardly, Jaskier slumps against the soft fabric behind him with a heavy sigh. In the course of his many escapades, he has had to hide naked inside a wardrobe before - from slightly suspicious to mad murderous husbands, or wives for that matter - and sometimes he had to climb out of windows and escape across the roofs with his pants barely on, but never has he found himself in a pickle like this. Or rather in a tight spot like this, for it definitely feels uncomfortably crowded inside the wardrobe although it is a pretty big one. This is due to the one of the two dire problems he is facing, Jaskier suspects. It is completely dark and he cannot see a thing, but he is almost certain that he is not alone in the wardrobe. Carefully and as soundlessly as possible, he gropes around a bit more. And shudders. Yes, there is definitely another man hiding between what must be frilly dresses, a man as naked as he himself. The stranger's bare skin feels a lot colder than his own, though, and the man does not move nor make a sound. Is he unconscious? Or, gods forbid, dead? Hell, having to share this cramped place with another person is bad enough, but a dead or possibly dying one? Bile rises to Jaskier's mouth. He swallows hard, his thoughts spinning. It all would not be quite as bad if there was not dire problem number two. And it is not, as many might believe, the issue of getting out of the girl's bedroom unnoticed, no. He would not give a rats arse about the fact that it is a sunny late morning but flee through the window in a rush, no matter how many neighbours or random people in the streets might spot him while making a run for it. Unfortunately, though, he cannot do it. For the wardrobe is locked and does not open. He has tried everything already that can be tried without making much noise, but nothing has worked. The damn door stubbornly refuses to budge.

Continue reading on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51787087

[witchhazelevesque]

Gideon's desire to do up all the buttons on Harrow's shirts incorrectly is so funny because it sounds like they're in the wardrobe unbuttoned, right, so Harrow's usual process of dressing is: put shirt on, do up buttons. But in Gideon's little fantasy of annoying her, she would have to do a round of unbuttoning first. But in doing this, Gideon herself has to add a round of buttoning to her own tasks.

Of course, she would do it happily, it's just funny that in the objective sense, it's adding equal labor to both of them, so over all in those terms, it's a net zero change from the status quo. It's all for the annoyance.

If anything, doing the buttons up correctly would actually add more hassle, because all of the buttons would need to be unbuttoned, whereas doing them incorrectly means one button doesn't have a hole to go into, so one less button to undo. But it's so Harrow has an even more obvious sign that Gideon was out to bother her. This way, Harrow knows the truth. It's just for the annoyance factor, they're so funny.

If it were done up right, Harrow might just think the skeletons that did the laundry had done it like it's a style some people prefer.

Would the skeletons do them up wrong if Gideon asked? Would they fix them if Harrow requested so she wouldn't have to bother? Would these two even outsource their annoying each other like that? Probably not.

[the-uncanny-dag]

Hello, The Locked Tomb enjoyer. In front of you stands Ianthe Naberius, the Saint of Awe. Your job is to draw her wearing literally anything else other than an open white shirt & black leather pants. Do that, or remain in the basement forever. The choice is yours

[1960z]

of course he is

[addamii]

Ianthe in some outfits I have saved in my tlt Pinterest board

[elmaestrostan]

Oh damn, these might be two of my favourite Unai photos ever 😍

[aduck8myshoes]

Dear Margot Robbie and Styling Team,

I see you are pulling different actual Barbie looks for the stops on the movie press tour. This is a wonderful and fun idea, and is very engaging for fans such as myself.

May I humbly suggest that you consider wearing the classic and beloved look, 1992 Hollywood Hair Barbie, to one of these events. I promise that I, and mildly relevant social media platform tumblr, will be totally normal and not at all weird about it, and you will not receive any very cryptic replies about noodles, bones, swords or cows, or pictures of the planet Earth on whatever Twitter clone people are using that week.

Looking forward to seeing the movie and taking 100% regular selfies in front of the poster for Barbie and Oppenheimer.

Love,

An excited fan

[toriliashine]

Congrats to Eileen (my sins of London MC) and Rix (Gladiator Chronicles mc) for having the fattest n juicest wardobes in the game.

[liesmyth]

re: the Cytherea Was Faking Her Cancer conspiracy theory

She’s melodramatic. She is, arguably, the most dramatic of a very dramatic cast. She's fully committed to the Seventh House tagline. The Rose Unblown, the Beautiful Death. She lounges dramatically in frilly dresses and a large hat. She met God and didn’t kiss him back because it would smear her lipstick. She swoons. She coughs blood on pale cloth handkerchiefs. She wears lace. She embodies the concept of Romantic, and what she’s romanticizing is death by consumption.

She’s a Lyctor. Yes, ascension didn’t cure her cancer because it froze her body as it was in that instant, but Lyctors are able to manipulate the concentration of cells in their body. Harrow is able to purge her kidneys and thicken her body fat, not to mention shut like regrowing limbs. Cytherea’s body is full of cancer but those cells are just there; they aren’t multiplying anymore. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t be able to just cordon them off somewhere within her own body - and I would bet that it’s what she does, unless she needs to play it up for drama. Imagine Cytherea arguing with Mercymorn, and her coughing blood dramatically when she runs out of comebacks. Then she swoons until Mercy apologizes. This is just Peak Cytherea

Yes, she did say she has “been dying for ten thousand years”. She has “kept dying all this time” — Yeah, yeah. But this is the same woman who said that the real tragedy is not death, it’s life. “Being left behind by those who pass away... the total lack of control … Once somebody dies, their spirit’s free forever.” I posit, once again, that she was being dramatic. She’s come to resent immortality and would curse it regardless, cancer cells or not.

But Palamedes said she has been in horrible pain for millenia! — Palamedes is very smart but he doesn’t know everything, especially how Lyctors’ bodies work. He thought his trick would kill her; it didn’t. He’d been scanning Cytherea’s body as it currently was, chockfull of cancer cells, and assumed that was always true. These people can regrow limbs! I’m sorry Pal but u wrong.

Speaking of Lyctors, at her funeral no one says “she’s been suffering from cancer all her life”. They’re all “she was funny!” “she laughed too much” “the only good thing Loveday did was kill herself so Cyth could live!” I don’t think you would say that if your cheery serial killer friend had been in excruciating pain every day for ten thousand years.

I rest my case. She was playing it up for THE DRAMA.

EDIT: because I might have not been clear — there’s no questioning she did have cancer, and the “default” mode of her body was very advanced cancer, and she had to actively use her powers to keep it at bay. But I also believe she did keep it at bay most of the time, and it wasn’t nearly as widespread or as painful as it had been when she was alive. In GtN, she does stuff like coughing up blood just at the right moment when she wants people to remember how weak she is or distract from a conversation, and I think this is not a new habit but something she's been doing for most of her immortality.

(On a more serious note I do have thoughts on her playing it up as a sort of coping mechanism, like someone making off-colour jokes about their own affliction. But everything about Cytherea is a performance, and she dramatizes her struggles like she does everything else)

[imeminemp3]

btw my room is soooooo clean rn i mean actually it's mostly the same but the floor is clean and i folded the washing that's been sitting in the basket for weeks (even if after folding it ended up back in the basket)

[diseaseriddencube]

this chapter was... so confusing?????? like what part of it was a flashback and what was fushi's imagination and what was real???

[silvcrignis]

The Rodeo Outfit Is A Party Foul || Keira Black’s like 6th Skank Outfit

“Yeehaw, y’alls go on & gits ta runnin’, fleshbags!”

Just preTend there’s a loop on the shorts to attach the whip pls

[dnangelic]

as useless as all the adults and therefore including inspector saehara are in dnangel i still think it's really funny that if you were to watch dark/daisuke on a little screen as a red blip, absolutely Nothing would slow him down. line up 100 men on guard, fill the place top to bottom with fatal traps and a thousand lasers and vicious animals and that little red blip is still going at steady mach speed straight to whatever his target is. it's goooootta to be the most frustrating thing to be forced to sit back and watch him go as if there's nothing there whatsoever. either that or it's just straight up terrifying to certain personalities jwjfjbjgkj

[zaharacrossing]

No matter how cute the designs are I'll always hate how outfit wands work 😭

[bethanyinneverland]

Charlie’s Water bottle

Show: Heartstopper

Season 2

Episode 5: Heat

Character: Charlie Spring

Actor: Joe Locke

Item: Yellow Chilly Water Bottle

Brand: Chilly’s

Style: Series 2 - Solids

Colour: Pollen (Yellow)

Price: £30

(Also seen in Season 1 of Heartstopper)

[gracie-bird]

Hair lock from Princess Grace of Monaco c. 1960.

The lock was in the collection of Alexandre of Paris, one of the world’s greatest hairdressers, who included amongst his customers famous actors, members of royal families, and the leaders of nations. Grace Kelly was at the time one of Alexandre’s greatest muses.

He would boast that he had transformed the star into a real Queen of Beauty. Alexandre seems to have had a close relationship with Princess Grace and devotes a whole chapter to her in his memoirs ‘Sous le Casque d’Alexandre’, referring to him as his queen. The lock of hair is enclosed in a heart-shaped clear resin block, with the typewriter printed title: S.A.S. La Princesse Grace de MONACO.