#liz is not a physician

[gaslightgallows]

Summaries from an alternate universe.

[rappaccini]

semi-disorganized thoughts on the politics of gwen stacy, as they relate to race and privilege.

alright i've had this thing in the drafts for a minute, and i just want it Out There.

in general when it comes to the major female characters in peter's life, there's room to play around with their interpretations and race.

cindy moon has to be korean and glory grant has to be black because it's written into their characters

mj and betty can be anything, and have been racebent with great success.

felicia hardy can be a lot of things, but some should probably be avoided because if you write it wrong it could turn out offensive.

liz allan has been racebent... but she honestly works better as a white woman given how her character represents the waspy background peter initially wants to enter (mcu liz allan's a weird one, given the vulture twist. since homecoming borrows so much from miles, and tiana toomes was likely inspired by her, mcu liz reads like more of a first draft of tiana than a liz depiction).

gwen... hasn't really been racebent anywhere (unless you count gabi/gabriel o'hara and gayatri singh). and that follows, because she falls more in line with liz allan; this is a character whose whiteness-- or at least, her access to institutional privilege and status as part of that subset of women within society that are considered desirable, protectable and worthy of putting on a pedestal-- is very important.

this is too disorganized to write into like. a proper essay. so have some bulletpoints.

her background:

little is known about gwen-616's family background, apart from that she has relatives on her father's side who live in london (but it's not clear if they're literally british or they're just expats), and her mom's from a german background.

(spiderverse spider-gwen is specifically irish-american)

she had a christian, most likely catholic, background.

gwen-617's father was a cop who met her musician mother at a peace protest, and gwen-65's father is specifically a former street gang member who, like 617, met gwen's artistic mother during a conflict with the police. he helped her police captain father resolve the situation. soon after they became a couple, and he became a cop. so spider-gwen's dad is specifically part of that phenomenon of poor men becoming cops to raise their economic status, and gwen in general is usually the product of a family where law enforcement is considered a tradition (and so is marrying law enforcement; her mother and grandmother both did it).

she isn't generationally wealthy or new-rich. her family is comfortably middle- to upper-middle-class and achieved that status before gwen was born. she grew up without having to worry about money-- with the exception of tuition.

when gwen's mother dies (in 616 it's an unspecified illness; in 65, who knows), there's no mention of medical debt. so the family could afford it, or whatever helen had, they were lucky that it didn't wipe out the family finances.

gwen and her father live in a nice but not luxurious apartment. (and spider-gwen lives in a dated two-story house in peter's middle-class forest hills suburb)

gwen went to standard high, a prestigious prep school where she was classmates with the children of the city's best architects, physicians, business owners and billionaires. since her household's single-income (even before helen stacy died, she was a housewife), and they don't have any generational wealth, she would've had to have been on a scholarship to afford that tuition.

at that school, she's a popular honors student who wins class president, is best friends with the richest boy at school, dates the star quarterback, and laps up all the fancy college scholarships. and when she arrives at college, she leads a group of kids in freezing peter out like a high school mean girl, because he isn't giving her enough attention. so even though gwen wasn't rich, she was comfortably at the top of the high school hierarchy, and maybe even a bit of a bully. to say the quiet part out loud, if gwen had been a woc, everybody would've been giving her shit for needing a scholarship to afford to attend and she would never have gotten that level of acceptance.

she's a scholarship student (again!) at empire state university, where she's a top student in a stem major.

however-- that empire state scholarship isn't framed as a make-it-or-break-it achievement. when gwen's chasing it in high school, she doesn't say she can't enroll if she doesn't get it. so most likely, she could still afford college; she'd have just had a shitload of loans.

(gwen-65 goes to peter's public high school. she gets a scholarship to empire state too, but that's strictly a bullshit handwave of ~your superhero connection got you this made-up scholarship for interdimensional exchange students so you can go here~ that means nothing. for all intents and purposes she's a dropout.)

gwen stacy isn't a wasp, but she's white, anglo-saxon (or irish) and christian, so she's close enough to it to rub elbows with them. she isn't rich, but she knows how to fit in with rich people, and rich people let her get away with it. and she's one strategic marriage or career move away from getting into that social circle.

... her name literally means "white" in welsh.

her appearance:

the one trait that stays consistent throughout all her depictions, moreso than her personality or family background-- and the one trait a lot of men people bother to remember about her-- is that she's a blonde. and blondeness tends to be associated largely with whiteness.

gwen's largely regarded as the 'nice, tame good girl' ... even though in canon, she's a night owl who has a vicious temper, goes out partying often, juggles multiple suitors and is sexually forward. people keep fucking forgetting all that, because something about the way gwen looks makes people keep defaulting to 'innocent.' -- it's that she's a blonde (specifically, a blonde being juxtaposed with a fiery redhead), and people are applying stereotypes about blonde girls being uptight and delicate to gwen.

gwen's a beauty queen. what kind of physical attractiveness do beauty pageants tend to reward?

even the gwens who aren't beauty queens are still regarded as extremely attractive. including spider-gwen, who puts no effort into her appearance, keeps finding herself the target of romantic and sexual attention. this girl is consistently at the top of whatever her society's beauty standard hierarchy is. (and we know that standard more often than not tends to center whiteness.)

spider-gwen's costume? white.

her politics:

gwen's father is vaguely on the left (if he weren't, sam bullit gloating about how captain stacy's daughter endorsing him is an ultraown to the libs wouldn't make sense), but she's... not.

rich boys and men in uniform -- soldiers, cops, football players, (unknowingly, superheroes) -- are the type of guy she prefers to pursue romantically (... likely taking cues from her mother and grandmother, who both married cops). flash thompson goes to fucking vietnam and she thinks it's such a turn-on that she slips him some tongue at the airport right in front of her boyfriend.

she's annoyed and unsympathetic when vietnam war protesters disrupt her education. i don't know if gwen's just that serious about her education or if she genuinely thinks the war's okay, but it's not looking good!

she earnestly participates in her local elections-- and though she ultimately votes and campaigns for the progressive, she does seriously consider publicly endorsing the racist republican with fascist leanings.

she dislikes vigilantes and trusts the police.

she uses "my dad's a cop" as an excuse to get out of being punished and a threat to people she dislikes.

gwen's most prominent relationship was with peter, but she was going out with harry and flash casually at the same time and had dated plenty of guys in high school; she's by no means a blushing virgin who's loyal to Only One Man. gwen has options, and she pursues them.

she and peter had an implicitly sexual relationship, and she and darius leclerc were at least hitting second or third base, so gwen's cool with premarital sex. she consumes porn and even likes messing around in public (fooling around with darius at the public library; even asking peter if he wants to go to an adult theater to watch dirty movies).

gwen references betty friedan and the women's lib movement, and she's a female stem major in the 1960s, so she's a feminist and probably had no intentions of being a housewife... but her feminism starts and ends with herself.

even gwen-1610, the counterculture rocker chick who hates cops, jocks and bullies, and has casual sex, has this personality largely as a response towards her mother leaving her family. it's not that she's political or liberated, it's that she's raging against her parents and acting out to get a reaction. she hasn't applied her sense of disenfranchisement to anyone beyond herself. she's that kind of white punk.

the default gwen stacy is a white feminist who believes in and supports institutional power because she's always benefited from it, occasionally balks against it but only when it affects her, and she's naive at best and indifferent at worst to the ways it could hurt marginalized people -- specifically black people.

the elephant in the room

(... walk with me: given that the stacys get up close and personal with "spider-man" when hobie brown is wearing the costume to help peter throw off suspicion that it's him, and the textually racist sam bullit, a former cop, considers him public enemy #1 in the same issue where his blatantly racist policies are raised... there's a non-zero chance that the police-- including gwen's dad-- during the early 70s, think spider-man is a black guy and that assumption of his race is a contributing factor to their distrust of him. and gwen... agrees.)

look gwen-616 isn't beating the allegations. she was on the fence about voting for a racist cop, she backs the blue, she hates protests, she hates a vigilante that she has good reason to believe is a black guy. the way she's simply... never around randy robertson unless she's with peter, and surrounds herself with only white friends, is also telling too. it's all adding up to gwen being racist.

and the more that modern writers try to slap a band-aid over og gwen's issues with black people, the more visible they get.

gwen-616's relationship with her high school sweetheart darius and earth-8's alternate spider-gwen marrying a miles morales paint a very clear picture that gwen, in her default state, is the kind of white girl who would date or marry a black guy... but only the kind of black guy who's disconnected from his community and assimilating into greater white society to access wealth and power (miles-8, who mysteriously left his family, friends and world forever to live on a world where he's rich and famous), or who has already done this (darius, big man on campus at the rich kid school and son of multimillionaires), and she will make no effort to understand his perspective and stick up for him and his community.

in the case of darius, gwen-616's investigation into a crime lord gets darius's dad into a situation that gets him killed, apologizes for failing him... and proceeds to stan for a racist republican two years later. retconning a romance with darius into her story means gwen learned nothing from that experience and her apology wasn't sincere.

gwen-8 in particular is the kind of white woman who'd marry a black man and have children with him... and make no effort to make sure their biracial kids are connected to the black community they're a part of. (miles's people are nowhere to be found on earth-8-- no presence, no mention, no photos on the wall, nothing. but gwen's half-black kids have photos with their white cop grandpa. that says a lot. and the fact that miles-8 doesn't even seem connected to his community suggests that quality made him even more appealing to gwen-8.)

even spiderverse spider-gwen represents this to her miles, whose interest in her is directly tied to his desire to ditch his dimension for the spider-society, and to leave brooklyn for princeton; atsv miles wants to pull a miles-8.

-> she unintentionally leads him into a situation where he comes under attack for reasons that are racially-coded by her peer group and she doesn't stick up for him. yes, she realizes she made a mistake and resolves to make it up to him, acknowledges that miles's community is important to him, that she has no right to remove him from them, and vows to help him protect them (which is more than gwen-616 ever does for darius or gwen-8 does for her miles)... but he still sees her as that easy way up the social ladder.

-> and gwen returns the favor. she prefers a heteronormative romance with the middle-class straight boy with a nice family who's bound for an ivy league and a bright future, who she barely knows, over the poor queer homeless punk boy who she has a stronger connection with. assimilation into a society (not even hers; any will do) ultimately matters more to her than the actual depth of the relationship. rio and jeff were right to doubt gwen's intentions, because they weren't sincere; deep down, gwen isn't here for miles, she's here for the stable family, accepting community and bright future he has and she thinks if she's his girlfriend, she can obtain those things by association.

-> which, in context: spiderverse spider-gwen's spent six-ish months as a homeless queer runaway who thinks she'll die a violent death at a young age. it follows that she'd badly want a stable situation, and be willing to throw herself at a boy to get it. her motive isn't climbing the social ladder, it's avoiding being shaken off of it. like with comics-spider-gwen, when spiderverse gwen feels adrift and in need of belonging, she goes looking for a romantic relationship with a straight boy who's palatable to society as a survival strategy. she's not desperately in love, she's desperately comphetting.

-> the narrative framing that romance as "look at how different and brave and boundary-breaking we're being!" even though it's fundamentally not, as this is still ultimately the male lead getting a romance plot with the female character who was only placed in the movies to be his future girlfriend, (especially in comparison to what she could have with hobie) positions spiderverse-gwen as... the kind of white girl who rebels against her conservative parents and the status quo she hates by getting a black boyfriend instead of addressing the actual societal problems that are harming her.

especially when you consider miguel is symbolically her foster father (his design and george stacy's are very similar, he has a dead daughter whose name starts with a g, he intervenes in gwen and george's confrontation right as george makes a move to disown her, he's introduced alongside jess, who gwen asks to 'adopt her' and who serves as her mother figure). gwen bringing miles to the society reads like a white girl bringing her black boyfriend home to piss off her conservative dad. and gwen goes looking for miles to further rebel against him.

-> to be fair, gwen's willing to show up for her black boyfriend and his community, which is more than what most of those girls do. and atsv makes a point of showing that gwen seeks a mentor in jess drew and friends in hobie and pav-- they're establishing that gwen is simply the kind of white girl who's drawn to people of color, black people especially, even when romance isn't on the table.

-> but she's still ultimately using miles as a band-aid over insecurities he cannot help her with, she still aims to assimilate into the system instead of finding a way to escape it, and she still won't be an ally until she thinks she can get a boyfriend out of it.

(... can we please unpack how spiderverse gwen has been spending every day with jessica drew and especially spider-punk for months... and yet a couple hours with miles, and the idea that maybe she can date him if she shapes up a little, are what radicalize her in the end? okay babe. i see.)

which makes (comics-)gwen-65's subtextual interest in hobie brown and glory grant, who are queer black punks, all the more interesting; the gwen stacy who's a fully-actualized hero is drawn to people of color as well, and to queer black love interests who won't conform, and not-so-coincidentally learns all on her own to look out for their interests without any expectation of a romantic reward for doing so. her love interests don't lead her to activism, her activism leads her towards her love interests.

-> and as comics-spider-gwen starts to regress in her progress, her romantic interests have switched to harry-and-em jay, and then just em jay. (or that she's probably about to be paired up with miles, the guy who ends up with her supposedly-future-self, gwen-8, who takes far more after gwen-616 in her treatment of black characters. in other words, being with miles will make gwen regress into a much crappier person... because she's using him to get that same comphet security as spiderverse gwen.). not a coincidence.

her status in the narrative (to others)

gwen's role in peter's love interest hierarchy is similar to liz allan's: both are part of love triangles peter faces where he has to choose between an aspirational girlfriend who can give him what he wants materially but doesn't bring out the best in him (gwen and liz) and a girlfriend who cannot give him a gain in status but is in tune with his emotions (mj and betty).

-> in high school, peter (who's strapped for cash and starts his origin story as far more selfish, sexist and profit-driven) is drawn to liz's beauty and wealth, but ends up being pulled towards betty, who is working-class.

-> in college, peter is drawn to gwen's beauty, her stable future as a scientist, and a relationship with her means being accepted by her police chief father (... and therefore, spider-man being accepted by the law enforcement of the city at large)-- or mj, the unpredictable girl who juggles a half dozen jobs to chase a creative passion, and comes from a middle-class background just like his.

-> a relationship with gwen, through her social position, represents entrance into upper-middle-class prosperity, stable white-collar employment, and acceptance into the class that the status quo (the legal system and the cops) will protect. who are the people who tend to occupy this position in society. who do the cops protect. white people.

her role in the spider-man canon as the tragic helpless victimized love interest who's deified after her death... but whose death is never meaningfully prevented from happening again. (how many murdered girls are turned into symbols after their death, as the actual causes of their murders remain unaddressed? what do those girls tend to look like?)

this status relies on her whiteness. if gwen stacy were not a pretty blonde white girl, her murder would've been forgotten quickly because it wouldn't have been considered shocking or tragic, or worthy of obsessing over for decades.

and she wouldn't have been peter's love interest-- or even in the story at all-- if she were not white, because she was created in 1965.

spider-gwen, whose existence is a response to and condemnation of gwen stacy's fridging and reduction to the status of dead girlfriend on a pedestal, would never have been created in the first place if gwen weren't white.

if gwen hadn't been white, miles would never have been shipped with her in the first place because 1) spider-gwen wouldn't have existed. and 2) even if she did somehow, brian michael bendis loves swirl ships. he'd have passed right over her if she weren't white.

and gwen's importance in the spider-man canon [which she only has because she's white] is the entire reason comics miles is interested in her. he's literally told by the universe that the world where he gets the greatest institutional power and acceptance is the world where he has a blonde, blue-eyed white wife with a famous name and some not-so-coincidentally blonde, blue-eyed ambiguous-looking kids.

spiderverse miles is first attracted to her because he feels alone after leaving his community for the first time, and she makes him feel like he belongs at the visions, where he [and the audience] assume she's top of the social hierarchy; the same thing happens again at the spider-society, and both are part of atsv's greater metaphor about how those places are representative of a white-centric society. if gwen were not a white girl, the metaphor would instantly change.

miles likes gwen for multiple reasons (mostly that she's pretty and has powers, and spiderverse miles at least admires her intelligence and competence and enjoys her company), but given that he barely spent any time with her, the biggest one that nobody talks about is that she's a white girl, and he thinks he can speedrun his way to the status and acceptance he wants through a relationship with her. that's remained consistent between the comics and animated movies. the connection is literally skin-deep.

and out of universe... look, there's a reason that gwen and miles keep getting shipbait covers even when they had one regrettable makeout session eight years ago, have never actually dated, are interested in other people, and miles in particular largely dates nonwhite girls. there's a reason that the idea of gwiles has gotten more marketing than the reality of the relationship with a black girl that miles has been in for years. there's a reason editorial won't stop pushing gwen as a love interest, and won't even bother to try with tiana, and that's because they've already decided that the black girl isn't a commercial enough love interest for a mass audience, the white girl is... and that dating her will make miles more marketable too (... because aside from giving people a self-insert, if he has a white girlfriend, his stories will still center white people, and he'll have to prioritize their feelings). no surprise whatsoever that the first time miles made it to the movies, the white writers gave him a white love interest.

gwen's whiteness is the thing that gwiles stans like the most about her. putting aside how most of them have no clue who gwen is on her own and don't even know what her personality's like because her appearance is the most important thing to them, just watch how they talk about miles's other girlfriends and try to count the racist and sexist microaggressions.

and look at the way gwiles stans either completely ignore miles's blackness and how it informs his character or their relationship... or insist that white-ass gwen stacy would somehow speak perfect puerto rican spanish, be able to do miles's hair, and seamlessly fit into his community with no misunderstandings or friction. even spiderverse fans ignore their movie's own canon actually addressing those issues.

either they want the aesthetic image of an interracial relationship without any engagement with the actual challenges of being in an interracial relationship, or they want miles to date a blonde blue-eyed white girl who behaves like an afrolatina girl. okay. i see.

… even look at the way gwemj shippers blatantly ignore that em jay is already in a relationship with glory grant, or that gwen had a crush on her too. not a coincidence that the white f/f ship is getting favored over the interracial ones.

her overall plotline

is that of a privileged white woman who has faith in the system, slowly being failed by it until it kills her.

she's a star student studying to be a scientist, but she's consistently only valued by all her friends for her looks. the reason her boyfriend noticed her in the first place is because she's pretty, and she's valued more for her appearance and politeness than her scientific aptitude or her status as peter's intellectual equal; the only time we ever see her on page is when she's socializing, instead of in the lab. her father cares more about who she's dating than how her grades are. even her professor turns out to be only giving gwen special attention because he wants to fuck her, and he's so obsessed with her that he keeps cloning her after her death for that reason.

she trusts the cops to protect her, but they consistently don't.

she reaches out to a politician who's her dad's old police force friend for protection, but realizes he's only using her.

she trusts her boyfriend to be honest with her, but he never has been since the day they met. she believes she's in control of her relationship with him, but she never was.

her father, both the chief of police and the literal patriarch of her family, dies and leaves her completely alone.

she's ultimately murdered by her friend's dad*, and is put in a position to be murdered because her boyfriend won't be honest with her about the danger he's putting her in yet won't let her go when she makes it clear that she wants out of that situation bad enough to flee the country.

her murder itself strips her of all agency: she's so drugged she has no idea she's even being killed, and all retcons about how awake she was are more about her ~realizing her boyfriend was a hero~ than realizing she's about to die or that she's been lied to by said boyfriend.

*and depending on if you retcon a certain hated plotline or not, gwen's murderer, a wealthy and powerful middle-aged man who is her close friend's dad, may have coerced her, a teenager, into sex (which may have been her first time) and impregnated her. and her murder may in part be a coverup for that crime. look sins past was retconned because its the Fucking Worst, but this is how canon treats her and there are still fans and writers who hold a plotline that is so clearly a sexual assault against her.

(and then her murderer... never really gets punished for it. norman isn't killed, doesn't go to jail, even gets a redemption arc or two. and peter's off making out with her best friend a few issues later, never tries particularly hard to bring gwen back when dozens of other people are resurrected all the time, and whenever she's cloned, it's agreed that those clones don't count and aren't worth preserving. there is no justice for gwen's murder and everyone agrees that we don't need to bring her back anyway but we sure as hell will obsess over how tragic her death is. they like her better dead because if she's alive, they don't have full control over her anymore.)

she's failed by everyone and everything she trusts and cares about. specifically all the white men. her male friends, her boyfriend, her teacher, her father, his coworkers at the police station, her friend's father.

(... and the only people who have not failed her, and have even stuck up for or supported her are mj, sally green, aunt may, hobie brown, and darius leclerc. women and people of color.)

and maybe most importantly: she never gets an opportunity to process any of this or make a choice about it. because she's dead. and every time she's resurrected, it's only to fluff the ego of the guy who got her killed before being quickly killed off again. it's been like this for fifty years and it just doesn't stop.

-> gwen 6160, a version of gwen who gets to grow up to full adulthood and does so without spider-man triggering the collapse of the system around her-- and therefore, gwen still believes in it-- even goes so far as to become co-ceo of oscorp, and marry harry osborn-- a white billionaire who literally has the leader of their totalitarian oligarchal society on call. she has her doubts about the way things are and wants the system to change, but believes she specifically is superior enough to solve things with no consultation or oversight. this character's being primed to either have that arrogance lead to her death or a descent into supervillainy.

-> even spider-gwen has to unlearn her specifically white feminist politics. she needs to have the concept of gentrification being bad explained to her. she initially behaves like a rogue cop and her killing of peter parker is framed as an act of police brutality. the entire point of her initial comics run is gwen realizing that the police, the legal system, the media and society are corrupt and that she has to change her mindset if she's going to be a worthy protector of her city. she has to unlearn girlboss feminism, does so by listening to people of color, and refuses to take advantage of her privilege even when not doing so could get her killed-- when she's incarcerated, she receives a reduced sentence in part because of the optics of a girl with a 'good background' being locked up and she's offered a fully commuted sentence in exchange for becoming a government agent. which she refuses. the origin story of spider-gwen is all about radicalization. i can't get over how smart her creator was for doing that.

-> and as spider-gwen has since regressed back into white feminism, to the point where she's been explicitly called a "girlboss" on-panel, she starts palling around with her dimension's cops again and has not-so-coincidentally begun favoring only her white friends-- first harry and em jay, then only em jay (who she starts to have romantic tension with... even though em jay is already in a relationship with a black girl). and now she's abandoning the world she spent years learning to be a better ally to entirely for an easier one where she has fewer responsibilities and is in closer proximity to the important men who treat her like a romantic object.

the missed potential of gwen stacy's plotline all boils down to lack of agency. she needs to live so she can realize how she's been failed, and decide what to do about it.

if she concludes that the system is bad for her and stands up against it, she stands a chance at breaking the cycle, surviving and becoming a hero, like ghost-spider.

if she doubles down on supporting it, it will corrupt her into a villain.... and probably kill her once she's not useful to it alive anymore.

to bring the subject of this ramble home: the payoff we're waiting for in gwen's narrative is about how a white woman responds to realizing the system she's been raised to trust and uphold is corrupt and broken. you have to reckon with your privilege, how you've been lied to, how the power you thought you had doesn't actually exist, how your special position near the top of the hierarchy has nothing to do with how special you are and everything to do with keeping you close so the people with actual power can use you to replicate the system through another generation, the authority figures in your life are actually useless or harmful and the people you've been taught to fear and push away are actually more like you than the more powerful people you want to identify with. and then you choose to help undo that system to liberate yourself and the other people it's hurting... or you keep believing the lie because you'd rather keep the few privileges it does allow you, become complicit in its continuation and it still eats you up when it's done using you.

spider-gwen already passed this test and become a hero (but may fail it if she ends up with miles). gwen-6160 has failed and become villainous. gwen-616 has never gotten to take it, so her fate's still up in the air.

anyway politically speaking, from right to left, the main gwens go: 6160/hickman ultimate (knowingly complicit in the shadiest shit), 616/original (wobbling on the fence until she loses her balance and gets impaled by it), 1610/bendis ultimate (edgelord who occasionally stumbles onto the right idea), 65b/spiderverse (she's a little confused but she's got the spirit. dump miles and you've got it.), 65a/spider-gwen (the actual radical, pre-spiderverse synergy).

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 40- My Darkest Days

Summary: Lee ponders on his dark past, an era Jo does not know about. Luke pays a visit to Lee's dismay. The two converse which ends on a very sour note. Orlando and Josie talk. Lee witnesses two shocking encounters. Josie fills Britt in as she does Josie. Jo worries about Lee.

*Warnings* language, angst, violence, graphic depictions, mentions of death and executions

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter Characters: Lee, Josie, Luke, Orlando, Luke Sr, Ethan, Britt

Salem, Massachusetts

March 16, 2023

You slept peacefully through the night as Lee held you in his warm and safe arms. Not a single dream invaded your mind, at least that you could remember due to the sedatives you reluctantly let Britt talk you into taking. Lee though, could only manage to sleep in short intervals. For one thing, he barely had any room width wise, even as he laid on his side upon the hospital bed that was just big enough for you and secondly, his mind wouldn't shut off. He had asked your mother's permission for your hand in marriage and Margaret was more than thrilled to give her blessing, but not without warning of hurting her little girl like Gerry had done. Lee knew he would be not only be marrying you, but marrying into your family and with that, he would gain a mother-in-law, so he offered her his own solemn vow that he was forever yours faithfully and that he would sacrifice his own heart, his own life if needed to keep yours safe. Margaret told him she already knew that just by the way he looked at you and that although his actions of trying to beat a train to save you were utterly insane and quite stupid, it had only proved his promising words even more.

As Lee watched you sleep in the dark, feeling your heartbeat against his own, he began to feel incredibly guilty for his life imploding on you like it had, most of it stemming from his secret about Ethan and it only made him more determined to keep furtive, one other skeleton in his past where it belonged, dead and buried. You were his present, future and forever.

Lee's guilt of his remaining secret taunted him though, possibly triggered more so from the incident with Mr. Carpenter. He swore to you that he had no more secrets or lies, yet that in itself was a lie. It had to be that way for it was of no comparison whatsoever to the marriage situation with Ethan and look what that alone did to you. The way he now saw it, the idiom let sleeping dogs lie was quite relevant and the best choice for all and he prayed nothing or no one would disturb the devilish dog that lied dormant inside of him all these years. But Mr. Carpenter provoked Lee by poking him with a stick, baiting him to bite. A bark was all the foolish man luckily received in Lee's sucker punch, for it was a mere bee sting in contrast to the good doc's bite. That part of him was something you had never witnessed and if he had his way, you never would. Lee's pre-physician days were a harbored secret. One that know one knew, nor was permitted to, except for Luke.

The image and life Lee maintained, he worked and fought hard for to achieve some kind of normalcy. All everyone saw was merely an accredited doctor and just a simple kind of man with a heart of gold who had been through the ringer of raw deals. So many times though, he could have brought the beast out of hibernation and handled all the threats such as Ethan and Liz, but it would have been like a vampire tasting blood, a relapse per se. Would he have been able to stop and then simply resume his new life that now included you? Possibly, but he wasn't willing to take the chance of losing the one thing he had always dreamed of. He had already taken that risk once with his secret about Ethan and came damn close to losing you, but... what he still concealed was not only confidential, it was something he felt would appall you and make you look at him differently, like the way you looked at Ethan with such disgust and he couldn't handle that. It would destroy all that was still human inside of him and bring forth the demon that clawed at him from the inside to surface when Jacob died. Even you caught a glimpse of that monster, accidentally getting hurt in the process which scared Lee straight...and even then, after all that when you should have ran as far away from him as you could...you forgave him and saved him from the downward spiral that led straight to the fiery pits of hell.

The 8 a.m. sunlight shone in brightly and warmly upon your face, coaxing your eyes to flutter open and see a most beautiful vision of your hero in a deep sleep, one he finally found only a few hours prior to your awakening. An uncontrollable smile fell over your lips as you studied the magnificent features of his perfectly sculpted face, reminding you of the sculpture Lee did of you with simply an image from his memory, the carefully perfected masterpiece of art that you had destroyed over a justified assumption. How could any man be this beautiful, you wondered to yourself as your eyes danced about the true perfected masterpiece of art. It wasn't just physical though. Sure, any woman, even men, found the dashing doc irresistibly irresistible.. and of course, so did you, but it was so much more than the pleasures of the flesh for you. Lee was magic. And by magic, you meant he was a natural healer of your soul. Your anxiety was helpless against his loving and safe arms. The very first time your eyes connected with his radiant sapphires, you felt peace. And that particular peace, one you had never experienced before, you craved, so much so that you had relentlessly sought him out like some school girl with a mad crush. Lee was an addiction and without him, the withdrawals would surely kill you because in the matter of only a week's time apart due to your decision, you felt like you were dying slowly. How could you have ever thought you could live without him? Lee was your drug and the antidote all rolled in to one.

During your detailed eye travels you saw a light jagged scar that you had never noticed before on the side of his neck that appeared old. You knew every crevice of this man but this was the first time you caught sight of it. As his soft warm breaths graced your lips, your curious fingers lightly traced over it, in which your touch startled him awake.

"Jo!" Lee gasped and sat halfway up as his eyes darted all around.

"Heyyy, heyyyy baby. Where's the fire? It's ok. I'm right here."

As you stroked his cheek, he sighed in relief, covered his eyes and plopped his head back on the pillow.

"What time is it?" he groggily groaned as he peeked through his fingers at the blinding ball of fire in the sky.

You hopped right out of bed and closed the blinds, then trotted back and sat beside Lee, feeling as if nothing had even happened to you yesterday.

"It's just after 8 and I am ready to go, like five minutes ago. Can you go see if Landy or Britt is still here? Or Amy or that Angel girl, someone, anyone? I am seriously not laying in this bed all day when I feel completely fine. And I'm not eating their breakfast either. I had their eggs the last time I was here, No flavor and melted like cotton candy in my mouth, gross. I want to go have the pancakes and sausage that we didn't get to eat...well, freshly made ones and then I just want to lay in bed with you, because I can tell you did not sleep for shit...did you?"

"No, no I didn't. Thanks to my beautiful girl scaring me half to death. I would love to take you home. I have some plans for us."

Lee's grin was telling that he was up to something sneaky.

"Ooooh. Well get going then. I want to be away from here and alone with you so bad."

"Alright, I will go....when you get back in that bed and stay there." he said with a serious and extremely exhausted face as he gazed in your eyes.

"Fine!" you huffed with a pouty frown and climbed back onto the mattress that felt like a gym pad.

"Stay...put. I love you." he whispered, then kissed your lips, covered you up and left.

You got your phone out to surprisingly see a text from an unknown number. Your first thought was Ethan. Although you had blocked him, he probably had a dozen burner phones. Changing your number like Lee did would have been best but now that Jason was alive, you needed to keep it in case he tried to reach you....and speak of the devil, you thought as you read the unforeseen coded message.

"TB...soon. Love, S."

TB...code for train bridge, yours and Jason's special place. S...code for Steve, an inside joke of how Spinelli called him stone cold in reference to Jason's personality and you thought it meant the wrestler, stone cold Steve Austin because of his build and ability of pretty much being invisible. You laughed for a moment as tears of pain came to your eyes. Even after what he had done, you knew you couldn't stay mad at him and you missed him terribly.

You and your brother used codes if they were needed and so you replied with one you knew he would decipher.

"It's a quarter after one and I need you now."

You and Jason only went to the train bridge after dusk to meet, that was the rule and by telling him 'now', you knew he would know it meant tonight. Any mentions of time were to be minus one hour and fifteen minutes. Midnight was the plan. What wasn't the plan was to bring anyone, another rule, but you would not go without Lee and Jason would just have to suck it up.

Your door suddenly opened and in walked someone else unforeseen. Luke. He had been watching and waiting for Lee to leave.

He was in a way you had never seen him...nervous.

"Um...hey...Josie." he quietly said with a half smile as he remained by the door, seemingly awaiting your reaction to his presence to know if he should approach you or not..

"Luke? W..what..are you doing here?"

Your expression was surprised but your tone was calm, so he slowly took a few steps closer to your bed.

"I..um...I was worried about you, you know, after that day at your mum's when you got that nose bleed and panic attack and then I heard you were in the hospital."

"So uh, how did you know I was here? Oh wait, let me guess. You know everything right?" you retorted with sarcasm over the fact that he arrogantly told you that once.

Luke's head dropped as he shamefully smiled. "Yeah, well. Not this time. Landy told me."

"Oh...so um. You guys are good now?"

His eyebrows did a shrug. "Well, not exactly. I brought him some real food last night since his diet is shit and the hospital's food is shit and besides my presence, I could tell something else was bothering him. That's when I was able to drag it out of him about what happened to you, but not without reminding me once again that you were none of my business."

"I can see his point. Anyways, I'm glad to see you meant what you said about looking out for him. You uh, could have just texted me." you replied, slightly rude, still annoyed with him.

"I could have, yes..but I...I wanted to see you and apologize again for upsetting you at your mum's and...I also wanted to bring you these."

Luke's hand came out from behind his back, holding a small bunch of what looked like petunias with the stems being held together by a purple ribbon tied in a perfect bow.

"I know it's not much and sort of a cliche get well gesture or an apology when you fuck up. May I...come closer?"

You nodded as he gazed remorsefully at you and then handed you the floral arrangement of rainbow colors.

"Thank you...Luke. I...would say it's the thought that counts and well...even more so that you picked these yourself I see. Which little old lady is going to hunt you down with a cane?" you jested as you softened towards him.

Luke's smile went from ear to ear as he softly chuckled. "I took them out of my mum's pot. I figured it was the least I could do after the way she treated you." he said as his grin grew even wider which made you giggle.

'Well, that's even worse. I'm sure she'll come after you with a loaded mouth full of snarky insults. Seems to be her go to."

Luke chuckled loudly. "You've known my mother a mere five minutes and yet you know her so very well."

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression, which I'm sure that's how she feels about me too."

Luke's eyes fell and so did his smile. "And...I'm sure that's how you feel about me as well. I um, suppose I better get going before Lee comes back. I'm sure I'm the last person that he wants to see and also less than pleased about what happened with Landy and I really need to go to bed. The waiting room couch is stuffed with bricks. Didn't sleep much."

"Thought you said you could go days without sleep and...wait...you...you been here since last night?"

"Well actually, I have been up for days already and yeah, I stayed here after bringing Lando's food. Wanted to get an opportunity to come check on you."

"I see...well...as far as first impressions Luke...you made a good one when I met you here after Landy's surgery...I also think a book shouldn't be judged by it's cover...well not always anyways. Although you're definitely a mystery novel, I'd like to know the entire story someday....and I am glad you were there at my mom's when I had that attack, especially with Megan being there. I know you couldn't tell me about Lee and I am sorry I jumped all over you about it. It's just that Megan really threw me when she purposely blurted out what she knew and you were kind of in the line of fire."

'Yeah well, you were still rightfully angry with me about how I spoke to you at Orlando's, so you do not need to apologize at all. I was out of line and again....I am very sorry."

"I can see you're trying to make things up to Landy...and to me. I accept your apology and what do you say we start over huh? And hopefully Orlando will come around too and forgive you. He has a beautiful heart so I believe he will in time."

"That sounds really good Josie...but...what about Lee?"

"What about me??" Lee snapped as he walked in with a scowl, followed by an aggravated Orlando to see his brother there.

"I leave you alone for a few minutes and the wolves descend. This whole damn place seems to be crawling with them." Lee rudely continued, but you understood his animosity.

"Lee man...I just wanted to see how she was doing." Luke replied as he stood up and moved away from you.

"Right...and bring my girlfriend flowers too I see? Why not just text me to find out about how she was...or better yet, what business is she of yours anyways?"

"That's what I told him. Sorry Lee, I never should have told him she was here." Orlando cut in, giving Luke a look of disapproval.

"Lee, I'm not your enemy man. I meant no harm here." Luke explained, but his words meant nothing to Lee.

"That is yet to be determined. Let's go. In my office. Now."

"Lee???" you questioned with wide eyes as you sat straight up.

"It's ok baby. I'll be right back. Luke and I have some overdue shit to hash out."

Luke offered you a regretful glance and followed Lee out.

"Oh god!" you whimpered and threw your hands over your face in worry.

"Hey, it's alright Josie. They're big boys who just have some issues to resolve." Orlando said as he smiled and sat on the edge of your bed by your feet, giving them a soft rub of assurance.

"That's what I'm worried about Landy. Lee's frustrations have been building over what Luke did to you and over everything else. And he didn't sleep well. Did you not see the look on Lee's face?? It was the same way he looked at Mr. Carpenter when he attacked him, which is not like him at all."

"I know...but the difference is, he and Luke are friends."

"Does that really matter?? You and Lee are best freaking friends and that didn't stop him from slugging you that one day."

"Josie, that one day, Lee was high and drunk out of his mind, not that that's any excuse but what I'm saying is, he wouldn't have done that sober."

"I'm not so sure about that Landy, Lee's been on edge lately and let's not forget Luke's crazy side either."

"How could I not? Although it seems you may have."

"What? Noooo?? I haven't forgotten Orlando, but I can forgive and I hope you will too someday. Luke really is sorry for what happened and he's trying to make it up to you which I can in no way say for Ethan. Luke adores you. Ethan only adores himself and Lee, well I should say he's obsessed with him actually."

"Yeah well, Luke has a funny way of showing he cares. I can't blame Lee for being upset. It's quite obvious, flowers and all, that Luke is into you and Lee knows it. He heard all that Luke said before we came in and don't forget what I told you about Luke, how he goes after what he wants and all be damned that gets in his way. Lee knows this about him and he even knows Luke better than I do. They spent a lot of time together back in the day. The first few summer breaks of med school, Lee and him disappeared entirely. Went to Hong Kong and who knows where else. Made me wonder sometimes who Lee's best friend really was."

"Oh...I...I didn't even know that, I mean the part about leaving the country anyways. Why didn't you go?"

"Two reasons. I wasn't asked and I just had a lot of shit I was dealing with. I couldn't have just dropped everything and went even if I wanted to go."

"I'm sorry Landy. Did Lee explain why he didn't invite you?"

"Pretty much for the second reason I just said. But...he still could have asked. I don't think Luke wanted me there honestly. I mean, you know what Luke does professionally."

"Yeah I do but....then why would he want Lee there?? Unless it was just some innocent vacation for freinds?"

"That's what I mean. Who knows? All I know is Lee definitely became different after hanging around Luke so much, that's for sure."

"Different? how?"

"I don't know, just more closed off, secretive maybe? Luke eventually vanished for the last few years of med school and Lee then started hanging around Ethan, partying a lot with him and Gordon and met Liz, then Ethan disappeared and Lee tried to straighten his party life up. Liz got pregnant, so Lee then changed is entire way of life, became a family man and a doctor all...and then five years later...Jacob died and you know the rest."

"Wow, well I knew most of that except for him taking off with Luke. I'm sure it was just all for a fun travel experience for Lee. As far as him being different like you said, I don't know, maybe he was just going through some stuff like we all do and didn't want to talk about it?"

"Yeah maybe. That's what I thought too. Anyways...I hear your anxious to be sprung from this joint. I'll have one of the nurses come in and do one last lab to make sure all is alright, then if so, I see no reason I can't get you out of here. You feeling ok? You look much better."

"I feel great, physically anyways." you said with a sigh. "How about you? How are you doing with everything?"

"For the most part, alright I suppose. It's good to be back and be productive, keep my mind busy and focused, although I really want to get out of here for awhile, go back home."

"Home? You mean Canterbury? I...I thought you hated it there?"

"I did...and now I hate it here, which I am sure you can see why. My Nan's there and she hasn't been feeling well lately."

"Your nan huh? Your mom's mother?"

"Actually, my father's mum. She's nothing like him. They don't speak. She knows what he is. She's always been good to me and I adore and miss her. We talk on the phone some and she writes me letters."

"Aww, that's so sweet. I'm glad you have her...and now I have learned something new about you. Wish I could meet her. What's her name, if I may ask?"

"You may. Her name is Blanchard, but she goes by Blanch."

"Blanchard, such is as in one of the four first names you have?" you said as you giggled.

"Yep, you got it. Don't ask about the other three. That's for another time." he laughed. "Well, I have to finish some paperwork. I won't harp at you over trying to remain stress free because I know how impossible that is for you with all that's going on, but I will ask that you follow up with your family doctor and at least try to eat better, that being advised from someone who doesn't follow their own advice and who eats loaded sodium and preservative filled tv dinners on a daily basis." Orlando chuckled with his adorable curled lip smile.

"I know right??" you giggled. "I'll try. I promise. Hey, how about a hug. I haven't see you since what happened."

Orlando smiled and scooted up next to you, pulling you into an embrace that he didn't want to end.

"You know....you scared me something awful. More than you know. Seeing Lee carrying you in here like that. Kind of knocked the wind out of me. Don't let it happen again, you hear me?" Orlando whispered against your hair.

"Yes doc, loud and clear. I'm sorry Landy for what I put you all through."

Orlando released you and stroked your cheek with one fingertip as his chocolate eyes smiled into yours, then he stood up, winked and headed out. "Gotta run. I'll see you in a bit."

"You better!" you called out after him with a chuckle.

Now you were alone and fretting again about Lee and Luke in the present moment and wondering more about what Landy told you of their past time off the grid per se. It couldn't be anything bad or secretive because Lee swore to you he had told you everything and you believed him. He wouldn't risk his relationship with you again. He just wouldn't. Not after everything.

While you and Orlando had conversed, Lee unlocked his office door and quietly walked around, looking at all of his accomplishments hanging on the wall, feeling a bit nostalgic of his life there and how much it had changed after meeting you. It was hard for him to comprehend how worried he had been about losing his job and yet he felt no excitement now upon returning. He thought maybe it was because of Liz and Cyrus being there now, even Angel because he didn't know if he could trust her anymore and then there was the fact of being blamed for that young girl's death. Did he want to risk all that again, operating on people's brains? After the dark life he once lived, he had seen enough blood and brains and yet he chose a career path that was consumed with it. Why? All he wanted to do was help people and be a good man for himself, for his mom, dad and son when they were here...and now he wanted to do it for you, but was this the only way to achieve it?

The door closed, bringing Lee out of his thoughts and right back to Luke, who stood in silence, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"I remember the day I found out about what Luke Sr. had been doing to Landy." Lee calmly spoke, but with an intimidating tone as he continued to walk about his office with his hands in his pockets, looking at all of his belongings and not Luke. "He was so broken and vulnerable as he confided in me, a way I had never seen him before because he was always the tough one, defending me from piece of shit bullies all through high school. Bullies that did things to me like Ethan did to him...like YOU just did to him. The brother that claims to care about him and is supposed to protect him and...."

"Lee, you don't understand and maybe now's not the best time to talk about this. You're going through a lot right n..."

"Let...me...finish..." Lee ordered as he clenched his jaw and glared at Luke, who then gave a single nod of submission as his eyes lowered.

"What was it you did to Ethan for hurting Landy? I'm willing to bet it was a good ass beating, am I right, because believe me, it took everything in me not do it myself. But then YOU went and hurt Orlando too, damn near killed him actually from what my terrified girlfriend told me. And why?? Because he was telling her about how you really are? Looks like he didn't even need to tell her because you showed her yourself and yet here you are, lurking about once again, preying on her forgiving heart. Yes I know you followed her to her mom's, and I know about the car and the bar thugs and now she can't even drive it anywhere without the fear of these assholes coming after her...all because of you...all because you brought her into a situation she shouldn't have been put in, that she had nothing to do with. But you...you don't care about that. Luke only cares about what he wants and I'm far from fucking blind...nor deaf to now that you want Jo. You see, I was lurking too and I heard all that you said to her before I came in. What exactly is it that you think is going to happen? That she's going to fall madly in love with you and leave me?? Because I can promise you that will never happen, for if you haven't noticed, she's madly in love with ME. Or...maybe you're just looking for a good fuck? Is that it? To hell with me and the boundaries of friendship and relationships, you know, because I thought you were my friend. Hell, even Landy knows where to draw a line because yeah, I know how he feels about her, too but he has something you don't. Respect. There's a thin line between love and hate as you know and you're about to cross it and I would advise you to choose your steps carefully."

"Then don't draw one." Luke flatly stated. "You're jumping to conclusions which is something you of all people know not to do. You haven't even let me explain. You know, when Megan exposed your secret with Ethan, Josie asked me if I knew....and you know what I told her? I told her that it wasn't any of my business and that she would have to ask you. I did that out of respect for you that you just told me I didn't have."

"You did it for her! To impress her, to draw her in to your lair. I know how you are with women. I've seen it first hand. You don't care if they're committed to someone or even if they're not because if you want it, you go after it like the entitled egotistical womanizer that you are. Love em and leave em Luke. Such a moniker like that didn't appear out of thin fucking air. Hell, you leave everybody so why don't you just leave now? Oh that's right, you have a new conquest. My girlfriend. Over my dead fucking body will that ever happen. Orlando don't want you here anymore and quite fucking frankly, neither do I. You're a bad memory, dredging up things and feelings I desperately want to forget and I was doing pretty damn good until your twisted family showed up. I never expected you to come back when you left the last time because you swore you never would. You claimed that the normal life wasn't for you and you wished me well...all because you just had to have that addicting rush of danger to work through your emotions, yet here you are claiming you're going to leave all that behind like I did, wanting to be here for Landy, a little too late after the fact I might add."

"Seems to me you liked that danger too so don't stand here and judge me in all of your so called reformation."

"Oh I did like it, no thanks to you but enough was enough. That shit's too heavy and I wanted to make something of my life. I wanted to actually HAVE a life after years of seeing death. Of course, I didn't exactly pick the best career path to avoid that but it's a hell of a lot different, because with this one, innocent people's brains aren't being blown out as they sit right beside me, which was ALL your fault. That was the last straw. Tell me, what was yours, to make you want to get out? It certainly wasn't that so...was it almost killing your little brother or was it something else??? Maybe those things don't get to you, but they do me. In all fucking honesty, I was really no better than Ethan or his way of life and neither were you....and you still aren't."

"Really man? Don't compare Ethan to either of us. It's a sport to him. He enjoys the pain and death of anyone, good or bad, just like the old man does and neither feel remorse. Enjoying danger and taking out the evil seeds, like the two of them are, is a hell of a lot different in my eyes. You don't even know the extent of what my father has done."

"Do I need to?? I know enough, such as worming his way back here and he now owns Josie's brother's boat and we all know his plans for that. I've had enough of this blast from the past, hell of a pun eh? This ends here. Stay the hell away from Jo."

Luke's lips slightly pursed as he took a step forward. "Or what?"

Lee's brow arched as he grinded his teeth, then he opened his desk drawer and rooted through it, finally pulling out a sharpie. He walked over to Luke, took the cap off and stared down the five inch difference between them into Luke's guarded eyes, then bent over and drew a line on the tile, separating their feet.

"There's the thin line. Cross it and find out." Lee snarled as he snapped the cap back on.

Luke flat out chortled. "What...you're going to kick my ass now if I go near her? Your years out of practice Lee. Sit down son. I think I'll go see her now and tell her about the real doctor Pace because I know she doesn't know that you are no different than me. Well, except that I don't keep secrets from her."

That was definitely the wrong thing to say as Lee crossed that line himself with a crystal vase full of dead flowers and smashed it over Luke's head as he had turned to leave, knocking him to the ground, but not unconscious.

"You're the one who's going to take a seat. THAT was for Landy." Lee retorted as his nose flared.

When Luke caught his breath and regained focus, he slowly pushed himself up with a death glare in his now darkened hazel eyes.

"Now I'm your enemy." he growled and took out his switchblade.

Lee laughed. "You were always the enemy wearing a friendly mask. Don't you know you should ALWAYS jump to conclusions so you're not blindsided like you just were? I thought you didn't need a weapon Lukey? Are you a bit worried that I'm not so out of practice after all? Never assume the person of peace is unskilled at war. I've taken you down before and I'll do it again. You think I can't handle a knife with my bare hands?"

Lee stood with his hands out, palms up as he wiggled his fingers back towards himself, baiting Luke to come at him.

Luke leered at Lee for a moment, his jaw clenched, causing the veins in his neck to protrude and then, the blade snapped shut as his face relaxed. Luke then placed it back in his pocket and lowered his hands to his side.

"Nope. I won't do this with you. I could easily handle you but you're not worth messing up that pretty little face of yours and then having to answer to Josie about it. You'll fuck up soon enough. That's one thing you're good at handling all on your own and you'll have to answer to Josie yourself...yet once again. You always bury yourself and when you do...I'll be there."

Luke calmly left, this time not taking his eyes off of Lee as he walked out the door.

Lee bee lined for a cabinet in his office, one that still held a bottle of whiskey inside. He poured a small glass and then just stared at it as a heavy sigh powered out of his nose. NO, he told himself and put the bottle and the glass both back in the cabinet, for if he had tasted it, he would have went after Luke. Instead, Lee anxiously went straight to the waiting room to get you a healthy snack out of the vending machine and him some mints to try and calm his nerves, for his trembling hands fumbled to even put the coins in the slot.

He couldn't believe what he just did and he was disgusted with himself, but only because of his actions. It was like a moment of temporary insanity, much like the scene with Mr. Carpenter and he knew he had to get himself under control, for you were going to notice and you were also going to want to know what happened with Luke and where he went.

As he walked through the lobby to get to the elevator, he froze solid to see Ethan and Liz on the far side in what appeared to be a heated conversation. Lee quickly concealed himself behind a large pillar and peeked around it to watch. Their voices were audible but not their words. Angel then approached them and stood by Liz and Lee could make out her words of warning Ethan to leave Liz alone. She and Liz then got on the elevator and Ethan stormed off down the hall.

Lee was now fearful for you of his presence and secretly followed him to make sure he didn't go near you or Landy, which thankfully, you both were on the next floor.

To add more shock and grief to the day, Lee then witnessed Luke sr. come out of the men's restroom and he and Ethan then walked to the main lobby, stopping to speak, which again he couldn't hear what was being said, as this time, he viewed them through the leaves of a giant fake plant that hid him well from a good distance.

"So did she crack?" Luke quietly asked his son as he cautiously looked around.

"Well if you mean avoiding eye contact, beating around the bush and telling me I'm insane and grasping at straws, then I'd say she's guilty."

Luke shook his head. "We both know that kid is yours."

"A simple dna test will show that. I'm not worried."

"You're a Bloom. DNA testing is not needed. Now act like one and...handle...her. No grandkid of mine will be raised by that child murdering succubus and it certainly won't be raised by Parker. After what he's doing to you, he'll get his just deserves in the long run as well and there's only one way to put him in his place. There's a train wreck coming to Salem and many people are going to be in it's path. Now go do what you should have let Zacchara do a long time ago. My patience is wearing thin."

"Well, on a good note, it will be a lot easier now. Cyrus fired her today, so she won't be hanging around here all the time."

"That's about the only thing he's good for, the mutual dislike of Elizabeth and not wanting her raising that kid....not to mention handling Morgan. Let me know when it's done. Now go. And don't fuck this up."

"You can count on me pops. See ya later. Chooo Chooo!" Ethan raved and left, leaving Luke shaking his head.

Lee watched them both leave in different directions and then he hurried back to you, all the while wondering what the hell was going on. It certainly couldn't be anything good where the two of them were involved.

"Britt, can I go now?? Orlando was supposed to come back to let me know but hasn't."

"That's why I'm here. He's super swamped and said he would text you later. Good news, your labs are right on the normal marker. Also, I brought you some clothes. I didn't think you wanted to put your bloody sweater back on."

"Oh thank you!! So can you take this I.V. line out then? My arm is so freaking sore and I swear it's poking my bone, ugh!"

"Yep, sit up. Where's Lee? I was pretty sure wild horses couldn't drag him away from you."

"Off somewhere with Luke, hopefully not killing each other."

"Ohhh, the hot Bloom brother is here? I haven't seen him in years. Is he still single?"

"Britt....just no. You already know how complicated your life was with Jason. Luke's no better as far as being the committed type."

"Who said anything about commitment?? A good roll in the sack was more where my mind was going. I'm so deprived and going through batteries like you wouldn't believe." she chortled. "And lonely."

"Oh my god, TMI. Changing subject now. So...have you heard from Dave? Can't believe he hasn't come to see me or even text. Guess he's still mad at me."

"I haven't heard from him either. Never replies to my texts. He took a few weeks vacation, pretty much after he saw you here the other day. Maybe he don't know you're here because you and I both know he would walk over fiery coals in bare feet to get to you. I left him a voicemail, but apparently, he's not listening to them. So why is he mad at you?" she asked as she worked at removing your needle.

"Well, obviously you don't know or it would have been the first thing you told me. Dave told me he went on a date with.....brace yourself....Elizabitch."

Britt's expression spelled an array of synonyms for disbelief.

"Did I just hear you correctly? There's no way you just told my my brother did the stupidest fucking thing imaginable?? No wonder he's avoiding me!"

"Well, he wasn't exactly happy with me either. I kind of freaked out on him and I shouldn't have done that. I just can't stand the thought of that witch getting her poisonous claws into him."

"Yeah well, get this. I was just getting ready to tell you when you got me all frazzled about my idiot brother. Nurse Loser got fired today."

"What??? You're shitting me??"

"Nope. Ding dong the witch is gone...although I would prefer dead like the song actually says."

"Wow, like what happened? Lee will be so ecstatic that he don't have to work with her now."

"Honestly? I have no idea. It was Cyrus's doing, although he made me do it while he stood beside me gloating. He claimed that she was always late but so are a lot of the staff. I just don't think he likes her and I mean, who does?? Of course, I was more than happy to oblige in being the one to toss her out on her ass."

"Now I know why...." you said as your brow arched, thinking of Craig. "You and I never got to talk about Cyrus yet after his shocking new take over here at the hospital which....I could tell you knew who he was, but I didn't know him until recently when I met him at my apartment complex, although his name rang a bell. Britt.... Liz's ex, Craig, the one that you threw in her face at Lee's dad's funeral that you had no face for?.... He's my landlord and Jason's best friend that I had never met."

"Whoa, he's your freaking landlord?? How did ALL that happen? And what does that have to do with Cyrus?? Why was he at your...."

Britt finally got a clue before she could finish her own question.

"Oh hell no, wait a minute. Her Craig is...Cyrus's son Craig... and Jason's Craig? Of course.. that's what you just said isn't it??" she rambled as he she began to pace about with gaping eyes. "Son of a BITCH, I should have realized that somehow considering Jason knew Liz. Jesus, of all the Craig's in this world, it just so happens to be the same one. How fucking random is that? How did you find all this out?"

You had to be careful with what you told her so you didn't give Jason's existence away or let it slip about Jacob being Jason's son either. God, you just wanted to tell her everything right then and there. Maybe you should....she deserved to know....but could she keep it on the down low? That was the problem. You decided to talk it over with Lee when you told him about going to meet Jason tonight.

"Craig told me after I met Cyrus there. He was upset after seeing his dad, guess they don't get along and he decided to confide in me and then it all just came together."

Well, it was sort of the truth wasn't it? You hated keeping things from her like Craig did to you about it all...but...weren't you doing it for the same reasons Craig did it? He told you only what you needed to know to protect you as you were doing for Britt. Now you understood Craig and began to feel a bit horrible for how you treated him.

"Jesus, he...he has a kid with her." Britt added.

"Which is exactly why Cyrus fired her. She's keeping Blaise from Craig. Now do you see?"

"I guarantee you he's not done with her. Cyrus likes toying with people. I won't be surprised if she ends up where the goblins go, below below below so Craig can have his little girl. And I bet I'm next....to be fired that is. He's not exactly a fan of anyone who was team stone cold."

Just another reason Jason's resurrection had to remain a secret. If Cyrus knew he was alive, he could easily use Britt...or anyone Jason loved to draw him out.

"Nah...he would have done it by now, most likely immediately. Honestly, I think he knows you're just too damn good to lose. There's many qualified here to do it but I'm sure no one else here wants your demanding and challenging position with Cyrus as their boss, not even Lee. Speaking of, where the hell is he??"

"Here's your release papers. Just sign the last page and keep the copy with your follow up instructions, then you're good to go. I would stay until Lee gets back, but as you said...demanding job. Gotta run. I love you and I'll see you later. Text me in the meantime so I know how you are doing ok? Oh...and Gerry...I ran into him by Vic's room earlier. He wanted to come see you but said he didn't think he should...I'm guessing because of Lee...so I just thought I'd let you know that he's worried about you."

"Oh...yeah, ok. Thank you. I'll text him later."

Britt gave you a hug and then left. By the time Lee got back to your room, you were already dressed in your new blood free outfit, all ready to go. You told him all your labs were normal, as they should have been after you forcefully ate all that iron filled tasteless food that even salt and pepper couldn't help. You were extremely delighted though to dig into the bag of roasted almonds Lee brought you as he sat down, popping some mints while you finished dressing.

"Ok. What happened?" you asked him in all his silence. "I can see it all over your face. You're upset."

"How about we save all that for when we get home? I promise, I'll tell you everything then. I just want to get out of here and take care of you."

"Alright. I understand. I have something to tell you too that may brighten your day. Come on. Beam me out of here babe."

You and Lee got in the car, but it didn't go unnoticed by you that on the way there, he had been looking over his shoulder quite often as he kept you right under his wing.

He buckled you in and then himself and off he drove, hitting the shuffle on the radio.

"Lee...are you sure you're alright baby?"

"Yeah my girl. I will be as long as I have you."

He gazed at you for a moment and then laid his hand upon yours. You returned the gaze with a soft smile and watched him for a moment as he brought his focus back to the road.

Something was there again, in his dimly lit eyes and somber expression. Something had happened. Something was still hurting him deeply and it in turn hurt you that you couldn't make it all better.

A song finally came on and Lee sighed as he stared straight ahead, seemingly lost in the lyrics and thought. You couldn't read his mind, so instead, you decided to listen to the lyrics too, to maybe get an idea of what was going on inside of his brilliant and beautiful mind, for you could always tell when a song resonated with him. To put it simply, the tune was about regret and guilt.

Was he blaming himself about what happened to you? Was it about Ethan still? your mind wondered as your eyes continued to study him, but your heart told you it was something entirely different. He had seemed to be like this even before Luke showed up. All you could do was wait until you both got home and just love him. Show him that he was safe with you. Forever.....

@redeemer46

[malkaleh]

A fic I'd love to see you write: the Bartlets as everyone's grandparents! Y'know, Annie and Gus, Ellie's kid, Molly and Huck, Josh and Donna's kids, CJ and Danny's girls... and the list goes on. 🥰

I actually have extensive thoughts on this one it turns out! So Annie and Gus are their first grandchildren (and also in my head the almost singular thing that Jed and Doug ever agree on ever) - I do think Annie takes her position as the Oldest Grandchild very seriously - also I tend to think that Zoey is actually closer in age to Annie than she is to Liz, even with Liz marrying young, so she and Annie are very close and Annie (and Gus to an extent) spent a lot of time with their grandparents - Annie (possibly Gus a little bit less) is the grandchild who knew her grandparents before the Presidency - she’s also going to give them a great grandchild they will live to see.

OH MY GOSH ELLIE’S KID(s). (The Ellie in my head has a wife but regardless). I really think she has a daughter. Like, Ellie Junior is a girl and that girl is named after a female physician/scientist. Also, I do think Ellie’s daughter is…I think Jed in particular really wants to make sure she knows how loved she is like.

HUCK AND MOLLY (listen, during the rift etc Andy was taking those kids to see their grandparents - Toby is like, it’s a family but it’s a brotherly relationship but the twins are the Bartlets grandchildren I swear this makes sense to me - Molly the ballet dancer and Huck the writer and also during the time they were babies Jed and Abbey absolutely held onto them. Like, they were clinging to those grandchildren).

Okay I’m writing a novel so just some bullet points:

-CJ and Danny’s girls are forever @miabicicletta Little Flamingos that’s just How It Is and honestly, Jed Bartlet is just, he is always gone for his daughters but when it comes to his granddaughters he is somehow more wrapped around their fingers. (Someone get Jules, Leo, Molly etc together their group chat is going to conquer the universe and I for one welcome it).

-Josh and Donna (and Sam because I ship Josh/Donna/Sam now but ANYWAY) have a little girl (she has two older siblings - Noah Leonard and Theodore Jacob) named Miriam Abigail Grace.

-ZOEY AND CHARLIE. Listen. Twins. They have twins. It is the sweetest. And then they have a little girl later on, whose grandparents might not get to meet her on earth. (That little girl’s middle name is Dolores fyi)

(I have an AU where Zoey was actually born in the White House as like surprise late in life baby idea now which I actually want to read).

[widowshill]

drabble.

"You're gonna need some help with that, Mr. Collins." "Yes, I'm afraid so." "As a matter of fact, you're gonna have to ask your sister or somebody else up at the house to give you a hand getting dressed for a while." 17.

who else but miss winters ? after e20. r/v. 3k words.

Elizabeth was the more famous of the ghosts up at Collinwood, but her brother was well on his way to taking the prize for the noisiest. His corporeal, earthly terrors jarred Victoria from her otherwise pleasant visions of ships and the sea, and she looked up somewhat resentfully towards the sounds of low swearing at the end of the hall. She could have sworn she’d closed the door, though perhaps something, or someone, had cracked it for her. With a thin ribbon to mark her place, she slipped from the bed to shut and lock it this time, but no sooner had she put her hand to molded brass than another curse followed. Unquestionably, his voice. The governess debated another moment –– it was not her business, and she’d had more than her fill of Roger Collins and his troubles –– but with honorable resignation slipped her robe over her shoulders and pulled the draw tight. She’d already made, and delivered on, the promise once to give him her aid however she could. It was far too late now to pull her ankles from the river, not unless she got back on that train. 

“Damned ––  wretched thing.” 

Doctor Reeves had warned him he’d need help undressing, but of course such warnings were to be expeditiously discarded, as were most of the physician’s helpful little intrusions. The lesser Collins was perfectly capable of undressing himself –– he was neither child nor invalid, and it was only the one arm out of commission, after all, not enough to wake Liz at this time of night. But Roger had made the mistake of reaching for his tie out of sight of his vanity mirror, and had managed somehow to pull it into an unsalvageable mess –– at least, with the skill of a single hand –– a once-flawless half-Windsor muddled further with every futile tug. Another curse rested beneath his tongue, but before he could empty out more of his complaints into the quiet void of a sleeping Collinwood there was a quiet knock at wooden trim. He whipped around to face the trespasser, and found, who else, but the very last person he might have expected at his bedroom door. 

“Miss Winters. What do you want?” 

“I heard you from down the hall. I thought you might need help.” He dropped his hand from his throat at once; Vicki tilted her head, knowingly. “Do you need help, Mr. Collins?”

“Of course not. What do I look like?” He pretended at studied indifference with gaze full of nothing but bored disdain, even for sympathy and goodness made Platonic in the body of the girl. Too good, even; untouched gold that ate away like rust at his malcontent. Roger twisted his neck in effort to relieve the pressure at his jugular ... and found his lie, just like that, was spoiled. His governess lifted her brows. She was somehow so patronizing in her supposed commiseration; his nostrils flared, and for a moment it seemed as if he’d a mind to tell her off for her presumptuousness, perhaps threaten her again, or drag her back to her bedroom or out of this house by the arm if he had to. But he only sighed in acknowledgement of his loss by default, and waved her in.

“Oh, all right. But get on with it. The both of us ought to be asleep by now.” 

Victoria did not bother to answer him, merely approached –– perhaps as one might do a startled, kicking horse –– and brought gentle hands to the self-inflicted noose around his throat. She’d done this dozens of times when boys at the foundling home had tangled themselves up in their first tie, though this was the first she found herself reaching up instead of down, or to have the boy in question so agitated at the act of his rescue. His Adam's apple bobbed nigh-incriminatingly, as if he were more nervous at the prospect of getting out of the mess than he was choking to death –– at hands that threatened their help, rather than their hurt. A smile twitched its threat at the corners of her lips, and he noticed, and it helped nothing: Roger breathed in sharply through his nose and did not look away from her for a moment.  But he failed to rattle her, if that was his goal –– not after the handful of days she’d had here. It was only a few more moments of worrying at the silk until she had freed him and offered up the offending accessory, the asp to Cleopatra. He snatched it from her hands.

“Very well. You’ve helped me twice in one evening and I am suitably thankful. Go on back to bed.”

But she didn’t go. She merely stood there, looking at him with those large innocent eyes of hers. Green like seafoam in the early morning tide, wine-dark beneath the shadow of her lashes. Unwavering beneath his scrutiny. He set his jaw.  

“What is it? If you’re waiting for your gratuity, forget it.”

“No, it isn’t that. What about your shirt? With your arm, I mean.”

“I’ll manage.” 

“I’d really prefer not to be interrupted a second time, Mr. Collins. If you don’t mind.”

It was his turn to raise his brows. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t.”

Sometimes he had to wonder about that girl that Liz had brought here, with her mouth and her mind well above her station, her boldness that bordered on stupidity. How on earth she’d been recommended well enough to pass the great Elizabeth Stoddard's standard of employment he had no idea. But she wouldn't last. Of that much he was assured: she'd run away before the week was out.

Roger conceded at the edge of his bed, surrendering to the ministrations of his son’s tutor as she plucked him from his dress shirt. He had to commend her for the stoicism that rose up between them unbreachable as the castle wall: no one could accuse her of anything untoward, certainly, not their precious Miss Winters. Her hands were steady, orderly, her expression blank, as if she were only disrobing a mannequin – or a child, perhaps, a fussy child she wanted to put off to bed so that she herself could get some rest. Or a student. I wonder. The starched white cotton felt formal, clean, crisp, quite in resistance to the battering it'd received this evening. Less like a thing of the body than of the funeral effigy. It was easy to touch him there between the breast when she could pretend he was only wood and wax.

“Do you make a habit of undressing your employers?” 

He’d earned himself a real smile, though she did not look up. 

“Nope. Just you.” 

Her own tease had stuck in her throat; what had been white plaster became thin as gauze between her fingers. His words hemmed in her heartbeat at her ears –– your employers –– and it pounded like the surf at the base of the cliff. The lower she went, the louder it sounded –– over neck, collarbone, the plane of his chest, the curve of his belly… the waistline of his trousers, rising into her vision like hellmouth gate cast in bronze leather. Even his shirt, opened now to a deep V, made itself her personal allegation. She hadn’t thought of it like …  did he think that she ? Vicki thought again of his witching hour knock on her door. Of that silent hand on her unlocked latch her first night there, those steps outside in smooth leather soles. The stern voice of Mrs. Stoddard flicking him away, as if he’d been about to …  She fumbled the last few buttons. He seemed so much closer than he had only moments before, belt buckle large and bright and metal like a brand. The last button would not go through. It was tangled up in a loose thread of the buttonhole, caught. Her pulse quickened and she felt as if she had swallowed one.  Roger looked at her with a lifted brow: no acknowledgement, only impatience. 

“I suppose I’m flattered. And to what quality of mine do I owe such attention?” 

“I’ve never had an employer with a sprained arm before.”  

There. She pulled the button free, and with it, the rest of his shirt. Roger tucked his good arm in, and she coaxed it over the bad as gently as she was able. Too hurriedly, maybe; he winced, but made no vocal complaint (the first time she’d known him not to do so). He kept watching her as she folded up the fabric beside him, and she could feel his eyes even if she did not look. He didn’t move but waited still –– in only his wifebeater now –– for her to come back. Like a bored child. Or a coiled snake. 

Vicki didn’t give herself the chance to think or to hesitate, or else what little courage she had left would fail her, she was certain of that. The tank would be still more impossible for him to get out of alone — it’d be a poor excuse if she left him here in that. Not when he hadn’t changed since the accident, not that she knew of, with all the dirt of near-death and Burke Devlin still on his skin. She took a deep,  steadying breath. And pried her fingers beneath the undershirt’s hem, as though she were peeling a pomegranate. 

The white ribbed cotton was damp with sweat and heady cologne, a tide of leather and lavender that knocked her back and under. The governess blinked; dizzy as if she had breathed from the mouth of the blackened exhaust pipe, tongue suddenly dry and full of salt and seawater. She set her lips in a thin, firm line suitable to the good little governess, to betray no nervousness nor anything else.  Those well-tended, white crescent fingertips clung to the safety of fabric as if a single brush against the skin would burn her. Perhaps it would. This neat, exaggerated precision did not escape his notice. Roger hummed, amused.

“Afraid you’ll find the cavity where my heart ought to be, Miss Winters?”

“No.”

She had no intention of looking for or finding anything. (She never did, picking at those Collins secrets like nails that returned to a healing scab). But those wide, curious eyes of hers kept flicking to the bruised expanse of chest anyway, with mottled greens-purples-blues swimming lovely as a Monet in her vision, and a coat of thin, silk blonde hair like brushstrokes from the artist’s hand. The canvas went taught, then limp again, as he tugged his right arm through the armscye, revealing muscles drawn into knots and fragile ribs dolphins’ backs beneath the skin. So many years hanging on to those bones so stubbornly. She tried to berate herself for the appetite of her own look, but she found she could not raise it up. Anything was better than meeting his gaze. That she could not do. 

He was lucky, lucky, lucky. The arrow of the gods’ judgment had gone wide. She’d seen the metal corpse of the car when they’d dragged it back to the garage on the wrecker’s funeral bier: any one of the mustang’s crumpled, eager teeth could have pierced him through –– the very roads of his ancestors’ town might have skinned him alive. And yet here he sat, with a sprained arm, and some bruises, and a slice on the temple, no giddier for scraping by the sand banks of the Styx but whole. 

You’ve no more reason to love him than David does. Why should you be relieved he’s all right?  

Victoria wadded up the undershirt, twisted ‘round in anxious hands as she crossed the distance from bedside to dresser. She didn’t give herself the opportunity to witness any smug pleasure. But Roger only sucked at the inside of his lip: stripped, now, of silk gorget and twill pauldron, dried up of that Collins pride. His shoulders seemed to slope smaller without the cut of English tailoring to bolster them, and he’d lost his characteristic posture, and posturing, both. Twenty years ago, even ten years ago, he’d … yes, well. That was then. And his dear sister had made her abbess warning,  hadn’t she? To care for your son. Not you. The pensiveness at his mouth morphed into scowl proper, a fit greeting for the girl’s return with his pajama top. He forced a smile, but Victoria was apparently unmoved –– she seemed to regard both frown and grin as more or less indicative of the same thing. Perhaps she would get along in this house. 

“Does it hurt?”

“What a stupid question.”  

Ah – she finally looked at him, with that same cool disapproval he’d seen in his sister’s face hundreds of times, and he might have laughed, if not for the sting of petty revenge in the way she handled satin directly to bruise. Good girl. That was the end of her essays into conversation, and the two of them settled into the familiar comfort of a terse silence. She was grateful for the focus the buttons demanded of her this time –– both of touch and sight –– but the row seemed endless, as if there were dozens of fastenings between neck and navel, the journey out of hell measured not in steps but stitches. She finally stepped back, flooded with relief and fearful, but he only glanced at her, steady, expression for once unreadable.    

“Thank you. Vicki.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Collins.”

“Do call me Ro … ”   but she only smiled, and he trailed off, and the girl turned from the room, leaving him with nothing but a closed door and his own name in his mouth. 

The next morning their play would be reenacted, only in reverse: the son of the house knocked meekly at the tutoress’ door, begging her help with mock-pleading eyes. He hadn’t intended to bother her with it again, really. But he found he had no appetite for his sister’s derision so early in the morning; the role of helpless younger brother could certainly wait until breakfast, at least. Carolyn would be delighted, he had no doubt, full of fawning adoration, but perhaps that’s what discouraged him. He found the dispassionate distance of his little governess far more appealing, more clinical than even his own physician had been able to manage. Without pity. Without affection. Without anything but her salaried obedience. Of course she obliged him, though he’d known that she would. She padded almost silently behind him in the diaphanous blue of her own nightgown, and he had no reason to doubt her: Vicki Winters would be there as she said. There was little else so certain in their small, contorted world. 

They continued twice daily –– a matinee and evening performance –– and he found he hadn’t needed to ask her again. Dutifully obliging, she would appear again at his doorway first thing in the morning –– well before anyone else awoke to oversee their little ritual –– and vanish just as quickly. Then, after the last of the sunset faded from the drawing room, she made it her habit to follow him up, or to listen for him in the hall, and it mattered not what little row  they’d gotten into that day. She would show up. Perhaps a little less cheerfully than the day before, but she allowed him his few minutes of cohabited solitude … though never a second more than the task required. The final button was ever a permanent dismissal, and neither plea, nor command, nor proffered nightcap could keep her from whatever peace she found in her own bedchamber. He hoped she found peace there. God, he did. There was not much of it in this house: certainly none that he had made for her. 

Roger drew out the whole affair longer than even Reeves had advised, and wore the sling for a good show –– it made him look better when he paid yet another call on the sheriff. The wounded lamb, desperate for retribution against the big bad wolf. Eventually, though, he tired of it: of the pity for the invalid, of the angle of loose jacket over his elbow, spoiling his prized silhouette. The game with the sling was off when he gave his latest toy to little Carolyn for her prize, but he neglected (unintentionally, or perhaps not) to tell his would-be valet that his wounds were all miraculously cured, and he had no further need of her. Perhaps she might spend the time with the boy she was paid to take care of, instead. As if David either wanted or cared. 

Thus Miss Winters arrived at his room perfectly on time, so regular one might set their watch by her appearance. Naturally he’d been fool enough not to don the sling again for her visit, so she caught him without even the pretense of injury, fussing with the liquour cabinet at his bedside two-handed ––  an indisputable guilt that he did not so much attempt to excuse when he turned and feigned surprise.

Flush-faced –– the first real blush he’d gotten out of her, for all his teasing and tormenting –– Vicki made her stammering apologies, and hovered at the door as though she’d like nothing better than for the ghosts to drag her away. She'd already changed for bed, but the way he looked at her with that smug glint in his eye made her feel as if she were the more disheveled, not pragmatic, for making sure she could crawl straightaway into bed. Loose hair that seemed to ask not for the pillow's caress, but for the hand's. (which was nonsense, of course, all of it). Had she been in clearer mind she would have scolded him for lying to her, for certainly that's what it was, a lie, bringing her here when he had clearly no need. For positioning her now as the fool at his doorstep with no reason to be there at all, no defensible reason, anyway. She hesitated, waiting expectantly for some explanation or apology. The poor thing.   

Roger gave her only a mock pout, and crooked his arm. 

“Miss Winters?”

[measuringbliss]

Spider-Man Read-Through 053: Death Of Aunt May (ASM 196-200)

MASTERPOST

Well well well...!

Last time, Peter received a telegram saying that Aunt May is dead. Obviously, it's a ruse by Uncle Ben's killer, but when he gets to the care home, May's waiting for him, asleep in a coffin. Peter asks her physician to handle everything; he'll just sign whatever there is to sign. Not a good idea, Pete!

Gorgeous colors.

Interestingly, as Peter ponders on how many deaths he let happen, he mentions Felicia Hardy (who's obviously not dead with today's context) and Jameson's son (whose death was an illusion). Can Wolfman's run (soon to end) be summarized by fake deaths?

At the Bugle, Robbie's fed up with Jonah's hatred of Spider-Man and quits his job. Meanwhile, in some secret manor, someone who's probably the Kingpin (ugh) orders underlings to find Spider-Man.

Flash's suckiness is once more out of character. Marv, I don't trust your ability to write him well.

At the funeral, there's only Peter, Anna (May's secret lesbian girlfriend) and the totally-not-shady Dr Rineheart.

This is very Tomb of Dracula-esque!

Robbie arrives just in time to trauma dump to our dear Peter. Turns out he had another son, Patrick, who died 6 months after being born. I love that tidbit of information. Yes, Marv, give me some information about our cast! I love their conversation.

Peter then goes to his old home... which has been ransacked! Suddenly, things start making sense.

Peter has no time to do much though, because as soon as he puts his suit on, he gets attacked, and promptly brought to... the Kingpin, of course.

Overall, that was a great issue. Good art, good dialogues and plot, it was really good. I also really love the cover, hence why it's the first thing you see in this post.

In #197, Kingpin explains his overly complicated method of surviving their last encounter in #164. Amnesiac twice, an underwater tube that didn't have water, Silvermane's attempt to assassinate him, his return to Vanessa who gave him only 24 hours to stop his criminal activities, or she'd leave him.

So he only has 6 hours left to kill Spider-Man. Alright, champ.

I think their ensuing fight is surprisingly alright. Marv's team has done alright fights, they're not totally boring at least. They still fight for apparently literally 6 hours, and when Vanessa comes back, the Kingpin has to stop.

At the Bugle, Betty tells Glory she's not coming back to Ned, which, okay, sure.

Anyway...

Aaaah, I thought I recognized our mysterious physician's atrocious haircut! You know me, I'm always game for some Mysterio.

So it's time for #198!

Spidey's found by cops, and as has happened before, only a physician (I love that word) stops them from removing his mask.

At the Bugle, Jameson gets really angry and has a nervous breakdown in front of the shareholders. Oof. Still not feeling sorry for him.

Meanwhile, Aunt May's killer tries to kill Mysterio, but he uses his illusions on him and tells his life story. He faked his death in prison after teaching his cellmate some of his tricks. His cellmate ended up being the last Mysterio we saw, and our Mysterio was free to do whatever he pleased. Turns out he's been scamming old people for a while now!

Spidey arrives at the care home, but he's tricked again and again. It's kind of fun to see! He gets attacked by geriatrics, and he hits geriatrics. Truly fantastic.

As you can see, things are not going well for Spidey.

The last issue of the 70s! What a fun cover.

Spidey struggles for a while, but he eventually breaks free of the illusion and goes home. Uncle Ben's killer breaks free too! And they still haven't met, hohoho~!

His friends are here to apologize, and Peter (after having snagged a bathrobe) asks to just clean slate. Harry in particular agrees.

Betty's been living with Liz since she officially left Ned. Peter's quite shaken up that his attempts at bringing them back together didn't work.

Anyway, Spidey goes back to his old home, fights Mysterio, who confesses the box he was looking for is no longer there (taken by Uncle Ben's killer, I assume), then tranquilizes Spidey.

Yeah... I don't think they know, but they definitely should by now.

We keep getting great covers!

Two things to note in the first page of #200: first, Spidey has lost his powers. Also, Stan Lee wrote one of the pages. Let's try to catch which one, shall we?

Peter's frustrated with everything, one resident tells him Rinehart told them May died of a heart attack, and when Peter gets home, he throws in costume in rage. The next step: Anna, who advises Peter to go see the rental company.

So glad those became forbidden in public spaces before I was born. But at last, Peter finally learns who his ennemy is.

He's understandably angry. And we don't even have the symbiote yet!

There's a page where Spidey refers to himself as "Puny Peter Parker" and that's one of my contender for the Lee page.

He investigates, reads newspapers articles, looks at a tape, and...

Nice callback! Also nice proof of Peter's sexuality. "Pretty boy", you say?

But all this time, the burglar was waiting for him in his flat (nobody knows how to close the damn door). They fight, but Peter quickly gets knocked out for plot convenience, and when he wakes up, he's bound to a chair.

Okay. I forgive them.

Because he's a funny guy, the burglar carried Peter to the place where Spidey caught him the first time.

I think he should be threatened more often because he's pretty with a gun on his nose.

So Dutch Malone's treasure was underneath the house, he got in prison, Ben's killer was his cellmate (too many cellmates in this story!), heard about his treasure, Dutch died, Ben's killer killed Ben, end of story.

Well, clearly they're not going for the Spider-Man 3 redemption arc!

Peter breaks free, follows UBK but says "dang, he got on a bus, there's nothing I can do now!".

How about getting on top of the bus? That's what he ends up doing, but a bit of a weird moment. There's a Paul inside the bus, so now you know where his epic love story with MJ started.

Peter as a baby. He already had such strong facial features! Reminds me of this:

Anyway.

The burglar brings May, alive, to the warehouse where he'd tied up Peter, and Spidey arrives. They fight, and...

Oh, didn't expect that. Spidey keeps chasing him, and eventually, he says that he won't kill him because it's bad... but then he scares him to death.

...

Hm. That's easy.

On the more interesting side, Spidey finally convinces May to trust him.

Later at the hospital, May explains that the famous box had nothing anymore in it, it had all been eaten by fishes. Okay!

Overall, this arc was kind of... disappointing. Extremely repetitive, convenient stuff, the Mysterio aspects weren't as fun as I hoped they would... It's a bit of a letdown. But it has its good moments too.

It just doesn't feel special after being adapted so many times (but also, the repetitiveness definitely doesn't help.)

So we're done with the 70s. An immense first half, and a more muddled second half. My recommendations post will be interesting for sure...

See you later, folks! Next time: Swarm!

Oh Lord. That's not accounting for eeeevery side series.

[maaarine]

The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture (Gabor Maté, 2022)

“The gender gap in health is real, if underappreciated.

Women are more subject to chronic disease even long before old age, and they have more years of poor health and disability.

“Women have it worse,” a leading U.S. physician wrote recently, pointing out that women are at much higher risk of suffering chronic pain, migraines, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, and autoimmune conditions like rheumatoid arthritis.

As noted in chapter 4, rheumatoid arthritis strikes women three times more often than it does men, lupus afflicts women by a disproportionate factor of nine, and the female-to-male ratio of multiple sclerosis has been rising for decades.

Women also have a higher incidence of non-smoking-related malignancies. Even when it comes to lung cancer, a woman who smokes has double the chance of developing the disease.

Women also have double men’s incidence of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. (…)

Early childhood mechanisms of self-suppression are reinforced by persistent, gendered social conditioning.

Many women end up self-silencing, defined as “the tendency to silence one’s thoughts and feelings to maintain safe relationships, particularly intimate relationships.” This chronic negation of one’s authentic experience can be fatal.

In a study that followed nearly two thousand women over ten years, those “who reported that, in conflict with their spouses, they usually or always kept their feelings to themselves, had over four times the risk of dying during the follow-up compared with women who always showed their feelings.”

As at home, so on the job. Another study showed that for women with non-supportive bosses, the squashing of anger—a natural adaptation to an environment in which to self-express would be to risk the loss of employment—increased the risk of heart disease.

Recall from chapters 5 and 7 this array of self-abnegating traits that predispose to disease: a compulsive and self-sacrificing doing for others, suppression of anger, and an excessive concern about social acceptability.

These personality features, found across all autoimmune conditions, are precisely the ones inculcated into women in a patriarchal culture.

“I was denying myself as a person, denying my own desires, my wants,” the first responder Liz said.

“I was not paying attention to what I needed. Everyone else was far more important. My job was way more important than any concern that I had. I wasn’t listening to myself in any regard.”

That “not listening to self” in order to prioritize others’ needs is a significant source of the health-impairing roles women assume.”

[liz-allyn]

hey Liz! I’ve been a bit of a ghost of a fan of s&v (in that I never comment or anything)bc I’m hella shy, but I am obsessed with your writing! With all the headcanons going around, I wanted to ask: in a non-mob AU, how do you as an author see Honey and Peter’s relationship and overall life looking and progressing? Obviously, this Peter is very different from the traditional character, but what aspects of him would change outside of the mob life with the same character background? Is his and Honey’s relationship healthier or no? What do you think they’d both do career-wise? Just curious if your thoughts. I tend to view your version of Peter and Honey as autonomous characters and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Hope that makes sense!

This is such a good question, @fireinthetrees, and thanks for being a longtime lurker!

I think that Peter and Honey's relationship would be similarly pseudo-toxic if we weren't in Viceland, if they still retained similar trauma. I imagine if Peter had the same quest for vengeance (outside of becoming Spider-Man) his legal options would be limited to being a cop (and for Peter ACAB Parker that's bleh). If he were smart, he'd change his major and do something to help the community, like be a social worker, or a doctor. But the difficulty there is that he's going to long to use his hands to do more than heal when it's too late. I see him taking the vigilante route one way or another.

I think Honey has a lot of healing she has to do, but it progress quicker if the mob wasn't trying to actively kill her. For example, in a different life, maybe after escaping John, she was assigned to Peter as a social worker. Or maybe he's the attending physician in an emergency room who gets involved after seeing her too many times.

But in a perfect world, we'd get to her being able to stand on her own without anyone's protection.

I also think she has a good eye for style, and a history of looking through magazines and daydreaming about what her house would look like when she grew up, and therefore would make a fabulous interior designer.

Great question!

[amplexadversary]

Soul Eater Weapon/Meister crossover pairings I'd like to see

G Gundam:

Kyoji/Schwarz in any arrangement. Assorted ninja weaponry, like Tsubaki. Would probably have to be a twin AU or need to mix the settings.

Chibodee gang. All of them can keep their backstory without major changes, ie. the girls being troublemakers until they and Chibodee mutually adopt each other. This becomes convenient because with a boxer they can get into combat with three of them transformed instead of two.

The group rely on numbers to begin with in order to overwhelm opponents, but become extremely powerful once they develop a deep mutual respect (like how Kid, Liz, and Patty work).

Obvs the girls' weapon forms are glove+glove+pistol+pistol, and Bunny makes sense having a pistol form, but I can't decide whether to have the mechanics (Shirley, Janet) have the same weapon form or whether it makes more sense for the physician (Cath) to turn into a punching weapon and tip off her partners on where to aim.

Weapon!Marie-Louise, wanting to get into fights and dig up dirt, is beside herself when her father forbids her from finding a partner and training as a weapon; she ends up going straight to George and demanding he become her partner instead of just her protector.

Meister!Nastasha and Weapon!Argo become a team when their home country becomes besieged with demons; Nastasha is supposed to make sure Argo remains in the custody of the Russian government, but over time she finds that he is far more trustworthy than her employers.

Weapon!Domon with a strong preference for being the wielder runs away from home to learn to fight with his non-transformed, human body. Master Asia as a retired Meister with a dead/absent partner who teaches Domon to amplify his own soul wavelength rather than asking him to transform.

Meister!Allenby having undergone experiments with the black blood carrying an out-of-their-mind berserker weapon inside of her. Preferably the two of them actually manage to get some help and manage to coexist in the end (probably after being abducted by and beating the snot out of Wong). Actually being able to re-contextualize Nobel Gundam as more of a character would be pretty cool and of all the gundams in G Gundam I'd probably pick her for this AU.

Gurren Lagann:

Sword/Drill!Kamina and Meister!Simon. This would probably be a kinder AU to both of them than their original setting. Kamina is probably a highly desirable partner in this setting because of his ability to hype up his partner and boost their power, but he insists that Simon is the most special and won't team up with anyone else for more than a bout or two.

Steven Universe:

This Weapon!AU can pack so much angst into it.

Pearl probably has similar-to-canon issues with shapeshifting but with her weapon form.

The diamonds are all witches. Similar levels of questionable morality and betrayal are abound.

Steven is noted to be really weird because he appears to have death-scythe kinds of powers really shortly after he even expresses weapon tendencies.

Meister!Connie.

There are probably at least 3 ways to approach Garnet in this kind of AU but my favorite is that somehow Ruby and Sapphire manage to Jaeger the fuck out of some kind of magical construct.

Greg is still just a dude who makes music. He probably writes a song for Spirit encouraging him to be a better dad. Hell, he probably convinces Maka to hang out with her father on the condition that Greg chaperones.

[john-amend-all]

First Lines Meme

Memed from @thisbluespirit: Rules: post the first lines of your 10 most recently published AO3 stories. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all

Helen stepped out of the elevator, and took a few moments to compose herself. - Valen's Angels

"Physician... heal thyself" - Pox and Sevenpence

The double doors flew open, revealing the worried faces of Tegan and Nyssa. - Miscaken Identity

There were a number of places Ace could have been. - They That Mourn

As the harsh clang of the watch bell came to Liz Shaw's ears, she swept the telescope around the horizon one final time, replaced it on its stand, and clambered down from the crow's nest with practised skill. - Becalmed

Despite all her experiences since Zaphod had taken her from Earth, Trillian remained, at heart, an Earthwoman. - The New Boss

Not for the first time, Ryan looked around the half-built housing estate as if he couldn't quite believe the Doctor hadn't shown up already. - A Travesty In One Act

When Colin and Rob had dared her to spend the night in a haunted house, Tegan had laughingly agreed with hardly so much as a qualm. - Dare

The intercom buzzer sounded. - Outcast

Jamie had been pretty sure whose voice he'd heard, even before he came close enough to see the pink trainers protruding from under the fence. - If You Go Down To The Woods Today

[stemlyns]

Podcast - Prehospital eCPR with Alice Hutin at Tactical Trauma 2024

Listen to this fascinating podcast from St Emlyn's with special guest Alice Hutin about prehospital eCPR.

At the Tactical Trauma 24 conference in Sundsvall, Sweden, St Emlyn’s hosts Iain Beardsell and Liz Crowe had the opportunity to speak with Alice Hutin, an emergency physician with Service d’aide médicale urgente de Paris (SAMU), about her work in pre-hospital emergency care, specifically in employing extracorporeal cardiopulmonary resuscitation (eCPR) for refractory cardiac arrest. This post…

[sixty-silver-wishes]

where do you find ideas and inspirations for otherworldly names for your OCs?

Hello! I'm assuming you're asking for writing advice?

When it comes to naming characters, you can honestly call them whatever you want. If I'm having a hard time coming up with a name, I usually give the character a placeholder name so I don't get hung up on it; I can always go back and change it if I want.

Sometimes, the placeholders end up staying- for instance, the main character of a novel I'm working on is a robot named Lukas. I gave him that name back when I first wrote a short story with the character, but when I decided to expand it into a novel, I decided that "Lukas" would be the model of robot he is. However, when I introduced more kinds of robots, I decided each model would be named after a mythological figure that corresponded to its function- for instance, a robot model called the "Muse" would be used for entertainment. But I realized "Lukas" doesn't quite fit that pattern; the closest thing I can think of is the Biblical Luke, who was a physician, and that doesn't really fit Lukas the robot, who was invented to gather and evaluate scrap metal. So, I'm open to changing it.

Names are honestly not something I put a lot of thought into- I'm currently writing a series of domestic horror short stories centering on female protagonists, so most of the names I'm using are fairly common feminine names in the US- Gloria, Georgia, Kelsey, Liz, etc. I'm writing one right now with an older woman as a protagonist, and her name is Olive, which to me sounds a bit more old-fashioned, but while I'm writing, I want to focus primarily on getting my ideas out.

I will say though, if you're writing a character from a culture other than your own, it helps to research naming conventions from that culture- not just names that are used in that culture, but also how people address each other.

I've done a decent deal of research on Russian culture, so I'll use that as an example. Let's say you have a Russian character, and his first name is Vladimir, which is a common Russian name. He would also need a patronymic as his middle name- his father's name, with an appropriate suffix. If his father's name is Ivan, for instance, his name would be "Vladimir Ivanovich" (a female character with the same father would have her patronymic be "Ivanovna"). His last name would likely have a masculine ending, so for a simple example, let's make it "Sokolov." (Russian last names are typically gendered; however, there are exceptions, usually if they come from another language.) In formal settings, or if he's addressed by strangers, he would be called "Vladimir Ivanovich," but to his friends, he might be "Volodya" or "Vova" (usually not "Vlad"! That's typically short for "Vladislav."), or to his mother or romantic partner, or if he's a young child, he might be "Vovochka." His female relatives' last name would be "Sokolova," not "Sokolov," but the family name as a whole would be "Sokolov."

That seems a bit complicated, but names are used in many different cultures to denote familiarity or levels of respect, so it's important to do research on naming conventions if you want to use foreign names. Of course, if you're writing characters in a fantasy setting, you can also just make stuff up. Most of my characters aren't "otherworldly," but if you want something that sounds interesting, you can do that, or you can look up old-fashioned names until you find one that fits. If you want a name with symbolic significance, you can always look for ones that fit important attributes of your character.

tl;dr- anything works, as long as you're respectful of real cultural naming practices if applicable. most of the time, it's best to not overthink it and go with whatever feels right for you.

[soc-med-marketing-muahv3]

A Brief History of Medical Advertising of Drugs:

Many drug advertisements started in the 1950s. Of course, the drug commercials weren’t like how they are now. They were usually shown as cute and short advertisements. It also showed that it was straight to the point and promoted drugs/medicines for common, non-serious health problems (common colds, tiredness, etc.). 

The first official drug commercial was a Rufen Commercial from 1983 (Scott 2015). The company Boots Pharmaceuticals originally had doctors and physicians as the main customers, as did other pharmaceutical companies. However, after an interview with Liz Moench, they moved their target audience to consumers and patients. Liz Moench had asked in the interview, “Why isn’t it the customer?” when asked who the drug maker’s main customers are. The interview changed the company’s marketing and medical advertising forever in the way we know it now. 

The real change mainly came from the 1990s to early 2000s. That is when the change in economic power and influence was prominent.

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 44- Blackbird

Summary: Liz is unwillingly brought into the ER. Lee experiences something ominous. He and Britt have a huge disagreement which helps Lee see his future more clearly. Lee pays his karma respects. Luke is on the case to Lee's dismay. Angel is put in her place. Lee meets the strange Spinelli who has something for him. Cyrus makes an offer and a very indiscreet threat. Lee takes another blow. More signs come. Lee tends to Jo in more ways than one. Code Blue.

*Chapter Warnings* DARK! REDRUM!! language, angst, stab wounds, anxiety meds and alcohol use, death depiction, smut, sexual depictions

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist:

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Orlando, Spinelli, Maggie, Elizabeth, Britt, Luke, Angel, Cyrus

Salem, Massachusetts

March 20, 2023

The emergency room doors glided opened at 6:30 p.m. as Damion Spinelli struggled to support a very filthy, pale, cold and severely injured Elizabeth who collapsed only moments after entry. If he had found her when he was alone, Spinelli would not have lifted a finger to help her since he knew of Jason's plan, but since a very distressed Maggie had been present, he had no choice, for she insisted he take Liz to the hospital and she rode with him.

Nurses immediately assisted and placed Elizabeth onto a wheeled bed as a physician quickly checked her over her while grilling Damion about what happened. He told the doctor he did not know, that she appeared out of nowhere, covered in blood and collapsed, which actually was the truth.

After a brief assessment of her wounds, it was determined that Liz had been stabbed multiple times in the abdomen and was quickly rushed off to a room for further preliminary treatment while Spinelli sat with Maggie in the waiting room to help keep her calm.

Lee had just finished rounds with patients he knew, some he he didn't and headed up to his office for a much needed quiet break while he filled out some paperwork and to text you. Upon getting his phone out, you had finally responded to his text from lunch time that simply said "was sleeping sorry."

Almost 7 hours? he thought as he replied.

"Baby, are you alright? I'll come home if you need me to. You're so quiet."

"No. Just tired." was all you said and dozed back off on the couch with the dark room's only light from the fireplace. This was exactly why you would never took your anxiety medication which this time you stupidly washed down with many glasses of white wine, not to mention, the meds would make you loopy if you tried to walk around which was not good considering you were already naturally accident prone.

"Ok sweetheart. I only have 4 more hours and I'll be home. I'll just surprise you with some food so you don't have to choose. Sweet dreams my love. I love you."

A few minutes went by and you did not reply. Lee laid his phone down and just stared at the display pic of you and him, rubbing his thumb softly over your face.

He remembered that day at the farm out by the pond, softly kissing your lips as you took a blind selfie of the sweet moment and amazingly, the filtered shot turned out almost as perfect and beautiful as he thought you were.

Lee then brought his focus to the stack of paperwork he needed to complete and just stared at that too. His mind just wasn't there. Was he really suffering from separation anxiety because all he could think about was you? He knew it was just that, for he had felt this way when you had left him for a week. Orlando was wrong. Lee knew he would not adjust to it.

He got up and went to the window where the full moon shone in as he drank another red bull. The night was a blustery rainy mess and he just wanted to be cuddled up with you on the couch by the fireplace with a good scary movie, or better yet...making love to you.

As he went to take another sip of his go to work drink, something out of the ordinary happened for that time of night. A crow smacked into the window, startling Lee so bad that he spilled the red bull all over his white dress shirt. This was a very good reason he disliked wearing white, although it wouldn't have mattered in this case of saturation.

"Jesus, what the fuck!" he snapped as he gaped at the blood smeared glass bearing his surprised reflection.

Now his mind was spinning like a tornado, for he knew what it meant of a blackbird striking a window, or really any bird for that matter. Death.... but it was much more of a sinister sign when it was a crow, or at least that's what Lee believed.

Frustrated beyond measure, Lee tore off the shirt, buttons flying about and opened a bottle of water to clean his chest off, then went to his wardrobe of extra clothing, pulling out a purple long sleeved dress shirt and quickly changed into it. As he headed for the door and yanked it open to go buy another unneeded replacement beverage, Orlando was standing there with his hand up, ready to knock.

"Jesus man! Don't do that shit." Lee gasped as he jumped back, still freaked out over the bird incident.

"Sorry?? Didn't think you'd be whipping the door open as I came up."

"No...I'm sorry. I'm just having a bad fucking night and want to go home. What's up?"

"Well, it's about to get worse. Elizabeth was just brought in to the ER. She's been...um...stabbed...like a lot."

"Say that again?" Lee asked with an arched brow.

"I think you heard me."

Lee barged right past Orlando and sped down the stairs, heading to the ER, but not out of any concern for Liz, but out of shock that she was still alive and even more shocking, Lee didn't feel one ounce of guilt over that. Would anyone blame him after what Liz did to Jacob??

Britt had just came in for her shift and didn't even make it to the elevator when she saw an unconscious Liz being wheeled out on a bed, hooked up to oxygen and an IV. Out of great curiosity, she stopped the nurses to find out what happened considering Liz had just been fired 4 days earlier per Cyrus's request, a man Britt knew loathed Elizabeth....and now here she was, fighting for her life.

After finding out the extent of her injuries, Britt ordered them to carry on with taking her to prep for surgery, which a very disconcerted Lee witnessed and physically stopped Britt in her tracks.

"Are you seriously sending her in for help??"

"Lee what?? Of course I am? Where else would I send her??" britt asked, completely flabbergasted at his inhumane words.

"THAT way. To the morgue where she belongs!" he snapped as he pointed to the exit, startling Britt.

"DOCTOR Pace. Need I remind you that that is who you are?? AND where you are?? A hospital?? That's what we do here remember? Help people. ALL people regardless of our feelings towards them."

"Maybe that's you but that's not me. She killed my son!!"

"Keep your voice down!" Britt sternly whispered. "You need to go back to your office and calm the hell down."

"Are you really telling me to CALM down?? You of all people know what she is."

"I do know Lee. Greatly. But I am the chief of staff here and a doctor and I am still your boss so you need to do as I've asked."

"You're an OBGYN!" he snarked with a chuckle. "You know, the ones who bring children into the world, unlike nurse Elizadeath who takes them out! And you're a hypocrite. Did you not threaten Liz "Jason style" at my dad's funeral? Jo told me."

"This isn't about me Lee. Now you need to get yourself under control or you can go home. My god, you just got your job back after anxiously waiting all this time and it's your first day! Maybe it was too much too soon and you just need part time for awhile to get your feet wet again."

"Yeah well maybe I don't want it back and maybe this was the reason I've been waiting for to burn this mob controlled house down. I don't know about you but I am not OK with having a mob boss as MY boss. It's bad enough working under you. And I'm not OK with saving people like her. She's the exception to the rule of do no harm."

"Ok, you need to heed your words after all that just went down with Mr. Carpenter's daughter and he himself. It doesn't look good Lee."

"Hooollly hell....are you fucking him too??"

"EXcuuuse me???"

"You know what? Never mind. I'm sure you are. You do know Jason would take care of her right? Which makes me wonder how the two of you ever worked out. You being a healer, him being quite the opposite. I mean, do you even know that she helped kill him too??? Do you know the real reason why?? Or the real reason he wanted her dead? Do you even care???"

"That's enough! Take the rest of the night off Dr. Pace and I suggest when you return, you don't bring Dr. Hyde with you."

Lee's expression turned smug as he leaned down to whisper in Britt's ear. "Jacob was Jason's biological son and he knew it. And he knew what Liz did to Jake. That's the first reason why he wanted her dead with the second being the fact that she tried to off him with the help of Ethan and Johnny Zacchara under the orders of YOUR sleezy new jailbird boss. And she did it alllll because of little ole you. This hospital is a landfill rotted with mounds of overflowing trash and I cannot breathe here anymore."

Lee walked off, leaving Britt speechless over what he just revealed and the only thing she could process out of it at that moment was one word that she whispered as she turned with befuddled eyes to watch Lee disappear around the corner.

"Tried??"

Once Lee rounded the corner, he momentarily stopped and then peeked back to see if Britt had left, in which he caught a glimpse of her heading to the break room. There was no way he was leaving until he saw Liz up close and personal.

After Britt was out of sight, Lee snuck in the room where Liz was semi-conscious and in shock, rambling away a series of jumbled words as nurse Theresa was preparing her pre-op sedative.

"Oh...Dr. Pace, I didn't see you there."

"Not only can't you read, but you're blind as well. Interesting." Lee retorted in defense of Orlando being badgered by her about his handwriting.

"I...I'm sorry?"

"You should be. I need you to leave."

"Umm, Dr. Pace I need to giv..."

"NOW...nurse...Theresa." he barked, emphasizing her name.

She pursed her lips and scurried out and Lee knew he would have little time before she brought Britt back with her.

"Well well well Lizzie. We meet again, except this time, I'm standing over you. Isn't it ironic, don'tcha think? Looks like the karma train found you." Lee taunted, just as she had done to him after the accident with Jacob.

"Train...t..train..." Liz mumbled, becoming agitated at Lee's voice. "Jake...he's on...Jacob...I see him....hear...the...train...no...noo...no...I...I...don't want to....no...go away...go..."

Lee's eyes widened at her words as the heart rate monitor began to rapidly chime.

"You! Out now!" Britt snapped, pushing Lee aside as she came rushing in with a smug faced nurse Theresa.

Lee formed a grin as Liz's eyes slightly opened to see his gloating ones.

"Chooo chooo." he snarked with a wicked arched brow as he nonchalantly backed his way out of the room with his hands in his pockets.

Once he turned around, there on the far side of the nurses station, stood Angel in her work attire, speaking with "detective" Luke, a sight he wasn't prepared to see. For one thing, his long time friend who he was currently at odds with, was up to his womanizing ways, pretending to comfort an upset Angel as he rubbed her arm in a very provocative way when she was a complete stranger to him and then there she was, being her typical self, eating the attention right up as she flaunted her bedroom eyes up at him.

With his hands still in his pockets, Lee crept around the large square cubicle, watching them and was able to hear Angel's quiet words as he came up behind Luke undetected, interrupting Angel before she could blab about Jason for the time being.

""No, she hasn't said anything about what happened as far as I am aware, although I do know....oh! Le..um I..I mean Dr. Pace. I didn't see you standing there." Angel said with surprise as she flirtatiously bit her bottom lip, seemingly losing all interest in Luke just like that.

"Ha! yeah, crazy huh? Here I am, six foot five... and NO one seems to see me today." Lee joked with a fake full on smile, paired with incredulous sarcasm and then his smile vanished as he leered at Luke. "Well, look what the cat dragged in. I hear congratulations are in order. How's being a rookie cop treating you these days?"

"Detective." Luke flatly riposted with a returned leer.

"Ahh, my bad. Guess I should have known that by the Miami Vice Crockett get up. You always did have a thing for Don Johnson."

"Why are you always trying to cause trouble?" Luke firmly stated as he walked up to Lee.

"Me? Trouble? Nah, that's more your style and I bet Landy and those bar thugs would agree. What are you doing here?"

"I think that's obvious, don't you?. So tell me Lee, where were you in the past 24 hours?"

"Are you serious right now?"

"As serious as Elizabeth Webber's attack. You see, we have a stabbing victim, one you knew quite well and one you disliked very much."

"AS did you and half of Salem, but if you must know as you should know and probably did, I was with my girlfriend at my lake house all morning and for the past 4 days as well and then I came here today for my shift at 10 am."

"I...thought you said you and Jolene were done???" Angel reeled as she rudely cut in.

Lee's eyes closed as he released a hard sigh of agitation through flared nostrils, for he was at his wit's end with her and with everyone else in his path that night.

"What I said was, we were having issues, which by the way was a flat out lie and let me correct your intentionally trite bullshit. It's JOSIE!" Lee barked, making Angel jump.

"Fuck you Lee." Angel snarled as she glared at him and stormed off.

Lee turned his head to the side she walked past him on.

"There isn't enough whiskey on the PLANET darlin, but thanks, I'd fuck me too." Lee happily riposted and then turned back to Luke.

"Alright, so I know the drill. Don't leave town blah blah blah...are we done here?? I have a job to do."

"For now. So...you won't mind me questioning Josie about your...alibi...for the morning hours?"

"Oh... you'd love that wouldn't you? Anything to be close to her."

"Actually, yes I would love that. You see, I also have a job to do. And as you said...don't leave town."

Luke grinned and gave Lee a hard pat on the shoulder as he walked off.

Lee was mad as a hatter, his lips and jaw clenched so tight that the bones in his neck were protruding while he eyed Luke's swaggered exit. Just when he thought he had a moment of peace, his name was being called by a familiar voice.

"Lee!!" Maggie cried as she came running up and into his arms, followed by Spinelli whom Lee did not know.

"Margaret?? What's wrong?? Why are you here?? My god, is Jo..."

"No...noo..." she sobbed as he held her. "I...I'm the one who found Elizabeth. Is she...is she alright??"

"I...I really don't know. They were prepping her for surgery. I...I didn't know you found her...you...knew her??"

"I did...briefly...because of Jason, but I haven't seen her in years." she explained through her sniffles and then released Lee. "I had no idea she is the mother of your boy. Damion here, was filling me in. I'm sorry, where are my manners. Lee, this is Damion Spinelli. He was Jason's good friend...Jo's too and he happened to be there tonight at the pub and heard me scream when she came stumbling out of the bushes."

Lee's attention turned to the younger dark haired guy that couldn't have been more than your age who seemed naturally nervous and talked a million miles an hour.

"Damion...I don't believe we've met, yet you seem to know me??"

"My apologies. Lee, if I may...er may I call you that?" he asked and quickly carried on without giving Lee a chance to answer. "You see, I am very well acquainted with the March family, Jason in particular...as you obviously now know per the fiery highness informing you of that just now and I am also a very dear friend of the blonde one."

"I...I'm sorry, the... blonde..one?"

"Oh..my apologies I offer again. The fair Josephine March, the one you adore and cherish to the moon and back. She and I were in attendance together in our more youthful days. Class of 2011. Salem High. We once shared a most magical night under the stars...well, that is what the prom theme was referenced as in our junior year. I still remember it like it was only yesterday, she in her red as roses gown that complemented her then fiery strands, hence why I used to refer to her as the fiery one once upon a time." Spinelli rambled on as he envisioned you and he that night.

"Youuuu...used to...date...my girlfriend?" Lee asked, quite puzzled, for Damion seemed to be the furthest of your type and it was even more puzzling that he was actually employed by a mob boss, for Lee recalled you telling him about Spinelli and his hacking skills.

"Well..I would imagine your definition and my definition of dating are not one in the same. I mean...it was a date for me that night yes, but we were not per se, like you and she are? Josephine, with her kindest of hearts, took pity on my poor soul when I was turned down by the troubled one...oh, that would be Megan, the sibling Josephine rivals with. I am forever most grateful to the blonde one for making a very sour night turn sweet and for her genuine and continued friendship all these years and for making me feel welcomed into her family, hence where I met Jason and the more than lovely Margaret. No concern is needed. Josephine only has eyes for you from what I am highly aware of."

Lee's mind was boggled by Spinelli's intellectual rantings and he wasn't quite sure what to make of him yet, but...he did make him chuckle for the first time during his long drug out and stressful shift.

"No worries Damion. I wasn't concerned."

"Oh please, address me as Spinelli, if I may ask of the good doctor Pace?"

"Lee is just fine, as you asked earlier. It is nice to meet you Spinelli and I am glad you were there tonight for Margaret and also that you care for Jo as you do. You seem like a really good friend to her and the family. Oh and Margaret...you...haven't spoken to Jo have you? About...what happened?"

"No..no I..I have been too distracted with it all."

"That's good. I would like to tell her myself when my shift is over, which is in roughly two hours. If she knows what you endured, she would be driving down here alone, in the rain and dark and all in a panic. Are you sure you're alright Margaret? I can leave early and take you home." Lee sweetly offered with a softened smile and genuine compassion in his eyes as he took her hands into his.

"Oh no dearest Lee, you're so very kind but Damion will take me. You go take care of my daughter. I will be alright after I get home and pour me some good old Irish whiskey over some ice." she said with a giggle that reminded Lee of yours.

"That sounds very good doesn't it?" Lee asked, chuckling at the woman he hoped would one day be his mother-in-law. "I promise you, I will assure Jo that you are doing alright and please, please call at any hour if you need us."

Maggie squeezed his hands and teared up with a smile. "You are such a godsend in my Joey's life and mine too. I can't wait to see what the future holds for the two of you." she said with a wink in regards to Lee's upcoming proposal and then hugged him.

"Dr. Pace! A word??" Britt barked from the hall, making Lee cringe.

"What fresh hell awaits me now?" he mumbled as he closed his eyes, making Maggie laugh, for she knew very well how Britt could be.

"It was a great pleasure to meet you Lee. I am sure we will be seeing much more of each other in the near future." Spinelli said with telling eyes as he smiled and extended his hand out to shake Lee's. In the exchange, Lee felt something slip into his palm.

"You too. Drive safe." Lee replied, discreetly placing his hand in his pocket with what felt like a folded piece of paper inside of it.

"What in the hell were you thinking??" Britt scolded as Lee approached her, rolling his eyes. "Interfering with a vital procedure of a patient, which that's what she is, no matter how bad you can't stand Liz. Her condition is critical and every second counts that you took away. Do you know how bad that makes you look?? Are you trying to get fired?? I told you to go home!"

"Why don't YOU go home miss righteous??"

"You're telling me to leave?? This is MY hospital??" Britt intensely reminded him, astonished by his audacious attitude.

The corner of Lee's lip curled up into a smirk as his eyes laughed at what stood in her shadow.

"I would tend to beg the differ on that."

Britt spun around to the stench of old spice cologne and the one sided grin of Cyrus Renault as he leered at her.

"Do we have a problem here... Doctor...Westbourne? If anything makes anyone look bad, it is the way you speak to the employees. I can't say that I would blame Dr. Pace for being defensive, or any other employee for that matter that has to endure the displeasure of your arrogance."

"Are...are you serious right now?? Did you not just hear how he spoke to me? I am his superior!"

"And I am yours, which seems to be reminded to you. Also I think you need reminded of the fact that there are many many doctors and nurses here quite qualified for your position...such as, well..the good doctor Pace here yes? Don't you think so....Lee? If I may call you that? What do you say in stepping up your game?"

"Dr. Pace." Lee bluntly said. "Would seem the proper term...And though I appreciate your faith in my capabilities...I am not interested."

"Excuse me???! You can't just give my job to someone else. It has to be voted on by the board!" Britt reeled.

"Oh I assure you the board would...easily...be swayed in such a fresh new direction. I like you Lee and the offer stands if you change your mind. I could use someone like you that knows how things should be...handled. You should be careful Dr. Westbourne. You don't want to end up like Ms. Webber."

Cyrus went to leave, patting Lee on the shoulder as he walked past him and then snapped his fingers and spun back around.

"Oh...fired...that is....and Lee, I hope Ms. March is doing better." he said and grinned, then went on his way.

Britt's eyes gaped at Lee. "Did you hear that?? He just threatened me! Ok, I don't even care about before right now, Lee, you HAVE to listen to me. When Cyrus says he likes someone, it means he wants something from them. God only knows what he could want from you but you cannot accept his offer, and no it's not because I don't want to lose my job. And...I know I told you to leave..but...do you think you could stay...I mean...you don't think it's odd that he's creeping around here at night?? Right after Liz was brought in?"

"I'll do it for Jo...but I'm only staying until my shift is over and then you're on your own. I'm going to go find Orlando." Lee firmly stated, completely ignoring all that Britt had just said.

He heard her though and thought about it on his way to fill in his best friend who had a full night's shift ahead of him and would be there with Britt to keep an eye on things. Of course though, things didn't work out as he had wanted them too when he was paged to the ER for a head trauma patient that had been brought in while he was in the middle of relaying the night's events to Orlando over coffee.

"Here we go again." Lee deeply sighed and reluctantly got up to leave.

Orlando stopped him by gently taking his arm.

"Hey man. You did nothing wrong. Liz got exactly what she deserved so don't wallow in thinking you're a bad person, because then that makes me and all the many others that feel the same way about her a bad person too for agreeing with you. We protect each other, always have, always will, even when we want of beat the hell out of each other."

"Thanks wingman, for always having my back from day one. Later Lando." Lee smiled, patted his his bff's arm, then rushed off, texting you as he did so to say he may be late.

11 pm rolled around, three hours past the time Lee shift was supposed to have ended. The patient he treated had been in a terrible car accident and didn't make it, despite Lee's best efforts and it was deja vous all over again, reminding him of when he treated a supposable Jason. Everything was lining up for Lee in helping him make a long thought out decision. Signs he told himself, just like you would.

Lee rubbed his weary eyes and yawned as he made his way back to his office to gather his stuff and once again change his shirt, for he got blood on it, then he went looking for Orlando to say goodnight. Still, he had no text from you and he was now becoming highly anxious to get home, more so than he had been all night. He then called you after a failed attempt to locate Orlando, but your phone went straight to voicemail which told him it was either off or dead. Something didn't sit right with Lee about it, for he knew you wouldn't just ignore him and make him worry, which now only made him worry more.

On his way through the parking lot, being drenched in rain as he grieved the loss of yet another patient under his care, he stopped at the window of his truck door and stared at his reflection, wondering who in the hell he was even looking at when suddenly he heard the repetitive caws of a crow in patterns of three. He turned to see the blackbird sitting up on a light pole, peering down at him. Was he grieving too? Over the loss of his feathered friend or mate? Or was he warning of something wicked this way to come?

Lee immediately hopped in his truck, peeling out as he sped off into the night, making it back to the lake house in a fraction of his usual time to see it completely dark.

"Jo!" he shouted as he got out and slammed his door, then raced up to the house.

The sound of his yell and the bang of the truck door startled you awake from your medicated state that was beginning to wear off, although you still felt foggy due to the earlier wine consumption.

"Lee??" you mumbled as you clumsily pushed your way up into a sitting position.

"Yeah baby, it's me." he panted and dropped his briefcase to rush over to you.

He knelt down, hugged you tight, then took your sleepy face into his hands and sweetly smiled as he studied your dilated eyes.

"Hey sweetheart, what's going on? You ok?"

"Mmm hmm. I..was just taking a nap."

Lee glanced over at the glass and almost empty wine bottle sitting on the coffee table, then he looked back at you.

"Baby, it's almost midnight. You took a 12 hour nap?? I texted you at noon and you didn't reply until a few hours later, saying you were sleeping, remember? And I haven't heard from you the rest of the day and night. I tried calling but...babe, you worried the hell out of me."

"Oh yeah, sorry..my phone...it's dead." you explained as you gazed at it laying on the floor beside his knees. "I was going to charge it but...I fell back asleep I guess."

"Jo...look at me. What did you take? besides a bottle of wine?"

"Huh? Oh..umm...that." you giggled. "I felt anxious and didn't want to have an attack while I was alone so I...I took one of my pills."

"With wine??? Jo..."

"I know, I know. Stupid. I just...you were gone...and you left so fast without even saying...you love me and you...you haven't touched me in days and I felt so alone even when you were here...and...and..."

You covered your face and began to sob.

"Oh god, come here, come here." Lee whispered and pulled you close, cradling your head under his chin. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm sooo sorry. I'm here now, I'm here shhhhh."

Lee rocked you for a few moments, feeling incredibly guilty and he knew he was going to have to explain. All of it. But right then was not the time, nor was it the time to tell you about Liz and your mom.

"Lee." you sniffled and pulled back as he glided the back of his fingers over your tears. "You're soaked and freezing and...weren't you supposed to be off hours ago?"

"Yeah, it's pouring and my truck's heater took a shit and...there was a last minute emergency I had to deal with at the hospital. I tried to call you to let you know."

"Uggh...I'm so sorry I scared you. I can't believe how stupid I was to do this."

"Hey, you're not stupid. I understand. I really do Jo. This is all my fault and..."

"Like hell it is. You didn't make me drink all that wine or take that pill."

"Alright. We will just agree to disagree for now. Let me get dried off and make you some food. I was going to bring home a pizza but I just needed to get back here to make sure you were ok. How about a movie too?"

"Sure...how about a spooooky one? The night is perfect for it yes? I see you have The Shining on DVD.......REDRUM!!" you said in your best Danny Torrence voice.

"Ummm how bout NO." Lee chuckled. "Really not in the mood for all that blood. Let's compromise and find one that's both funny and scary?....and hey....my girl....I...love....you...so much."

Your breath was stolen, allowing a squeak of a whimper to escape your lips as he took your mouth fully into to his. Running your fingers up through his dripping locks, you returned his passionate kiss, truly, madly and deeply.

"You know." you said, breathing heavily over his perked lips. "Food and a movie can wait so I can help you get out of these wet clothes."

"Is that so?" Lee murmured over your lips with a curled smirk as his growing member below told him he wasn't backing out of it this time.

"It is." you simply said and grabbed the remote to the stereo, turned on the music, then tossed it back on the coffee table and grinned at him.

"Ohhhh I am soooo fucked."

"That you are."

Lee laughed that hearty laugh he always did, the same one you heard him do in the video with Liz and then you began to unbutton his shirt as he knelt between your legs, his sapphire eyes dilating as he faded into you. And ironically...that song came on.

Once his shirt was off and so was yours, you wrapped your legs around his waist and he stood up with you attached to him like a koala baby, then he took you to the fireplace and gently laid you onto the rug in front of it. Once again, kneeling between your legs, Lee yanked your leggings clean off with one swipe and tossed them aside as you both laughed.

His eyes gazed at your glowing body of fire light, stroking his palm over your bare stomach in a most sensual way that made your back arch and your hips rock up.

"My god...you're so beautiful Miss Massachusetts."

Lee bent his arm under and around the back of your thigh and began kissing the inner side, starting at your knee and working his way down to your greatly aroused bud. The shock of his warm tongue gliding over it sent your fingers to his dripping hair, grabbing fistfuls of it as you bellowed out his name.

He quickly stood up and fought with his belt buckle until his pants were at his ankles and his girthy cock pointed right at you.

"I can't do this foreplay. It's been days." Lee panted out and urgently laid upon you, devouring your mouth as he guided himself into you.

Gasping at the pleasureful thrust, your nails tore a deep trail up his sculpted back.

"Gahhh!" he grunted and smiled as he filled your extremely slick walls, then he began slowly pumping you with a slight sway of his hips.

Lee was the one who was beautiful. His damp straggly hair dangling down his forehead, the fire's light glowing over his rain dampened skin and radiating off of his face. It was a vision that would forever be etched in your mind.

Your palms laid flat on his chest and they soon glided down his stomach where they stopped as you diligently viewed him slide in and out of you. He was so gentle, so loving in his movements. Everything was perfect as you both faded into each other.

"I love you." he whispered. "Forever."

Your hand went to his cheek. "I love you forever."

Lee's tender thrusts were now deep and grinding which curled his lengthy cock upwards, drawing you closer to climax as it neared your sweet spot and you knew he was holding back for you, for it was written all over his strained face and grunts that he was ready to explode like a grand finale of fireworks.

"I'm so close." he panted over your mouth, his eyes fixated in yours as his pace slowed.

"Now baby now...come with me. Let me feel you. I need to feel you."

Your words sent him spiraling into a shaking, jerking and paralyzing release as it did you and every pulse of him was felt by you as he felt yours while you clung to one another, your gasping and moaning breaths breathing into the other's mouth.

"My god, did... that... just happen?" Lee stammered. "Or am I dreaming?"

"It certainly was a dream of mine for the past how many days."

"Oh god baby...it was for me too. I..I am so damn sorry. I can explain all that."

"Not now. I just want to lay here by the fire in your arms for the rest of the night, no talking. Just hold me...please. I need you to hold me." you said and locked lips with him.

"CAW CAW CAW!!!!" a crow called from outside the window.

Lee's head whipped around, his mouth and eyes both gaping at the window that only showed his own reflection.

"Well that's odd. A blackbird singing in the dead of night. Don't crows or ravens usually make their ruckus during the daylight hours? Mostly in the morning when you're trying to freaking sleep?" you giggled.

Lee didn't even hear you as his eyes remained frozen on the window.

"Three times." he mumbled in a whispered tone.

"Lee?? Baby, what's wrong?"

"Huh??" he gasped and turned back to you.

"Ummm, the...crow? Why are you so freaked out?"

"Oh...who me? Nahhh...it just startled me, that's all. It'll take more than some little blackbird to scare me. Come here. Let me hold you."

Lee snuggled you as you laid upon his chest just under his chin while his eyes once again fixated on the window without a single blink. The feeling was back in the pit of his stomach that he felt earlier that night when the other bird first hit the window. The feeling that something bad was going to happen.

The soft repetitive sound of beeping could be heard on the EVS monitor in the darkened room in the wee hours of the morning where a stabilized Elizabeth soundly slept after her successful surgery hours prior.... but she wasn't alone.

Her eyes happened to slit open to a blurred vision of a figure standing beside her. Thinking she was dreaming, she blinked a few times and then the faceless image became clear.

"You...why are you here?" she whispered in a grumbly voice, still very groggy from the anesthesia. "Where am I? What are you doing?"

"Hush now Lizzie. Just finishing up your overdue dose of medicine. It's time to sleep now." the man wearing a doctor's white coat told her as he injected something into her IV.

He then stood over her, watching her as her eyes closed for the last time. Within minutes, the only sound that was then heard was that of a flatline as an illuminated horizontal bar flowed across the screen.

The faceless man exited and as he disappeared into the halls, the next sounds were of a loud buzzer and an echoed PA system.

"CODE BLUE."

@redeemer46

[tregomountainear]

Rural Communities Face Primary Care Physician Shortage 

by Liz Carey, The Daily YonderApril 22, 2024 A new study from the American Academy of Family Physicians’ Robert Graham Center (AAFP), co-funded by the Milbank Memorial Fund and The Physicians Foundation, has found that communities across the country are struggling to meet the demand for primary care physicians, as well as to retain those physicians in their communities. While it’s difficult all…

[widowshill]

DOSSIER : ROGER COLLINS

studies in: maxim de winter, edward rochester, the prodigal son, casual violence & casual cruelty, hedonism, patrilineal curses, from whales to sardines

FULL NAME: Roger Edward Collins AGE: 43 BIRTH DATE: September 14, 1925 ETHNICITY: white GENDER: cis man ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual (lean towards men, closeted) RELIGION: eh SPOKEN LANGUAGE: English CURRENT LIVING CONDITIONS: at the Collinwood estate, with his sister, niece, and son, as well as his governess (and the many, many ghosts)

RELATIONSHIPS

PARENTS: Jamison and Catherine Collins   SIBLINGS: Elizabeth Collins Stoddard SIGNIFICANT OTHER: Laura Murdoch (deceased ... kind of), Cassandra Blair (Angélique Bouchard Collins, missing ... kind of) CHILDREN: David Collins, although the paternity is doubted and the relationship is strained. he's much closer to his niece, Carolyn, for whom he serves as a father-figure.

PHYSICAL TRAITS

EYE COLOUR: blue HAIR COLOUR: blond HEIGHT: 6'0 BODY BUILD: some muscle tone, but not built TATTOOS + PIERCINGS: n/a NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: male-pattern baldness, a near-permanent disgusted expression, often dressed nicely in business suits, or, when more causally at home, in luxurious smoking jackets or turtleneck sweaters. requires reading glasses but very seldom wears them around others, as he despises the way he looks in them.

PERSONALITY

INTELLIGENCE: smarter than he seems. he's more than capable of managing the estate and business if he wanted to, but he simply doesn't want to, so perfectly fine with Liz handling the lot of it. had a decent education befitting of his family name and wealth, including a private boarding school in Maine and later an undergrad at Yale in business (as a student of Branford College), and though he always did well enough he never cared enough to particularly excel. LIKES: liquor, especially brandy, smoking, darts, fine clothes and well-made fabrics, nice cars, money, fine foods, open fires, cloudy days, gas lamps, libraries, opera, jazz music (especially the crooners) and classical, especially pieces written for violin or trio. typewriters, sex, reading, straight-leg trousers, flirting, driving (speeding). fond of New England weather, especially when enjoyed from beaches and the cliffs at Widow's Hill. Europe – cities like London, and Paris especially. meticulous gardens, gambling, and the exertion of power. DISLIKES: the smell of fish, intensive labor (or any labor), household chores, pop music (groups like The Beatles, Herman's Hermits, and the Monkees he regards as exceedingly silly), rock music, flared trousers, denim, children, sweet flavors including fruits like strawberry and banana, his own son, his own wife, Burke Devlin, public transport, Midwestern scenery, foreign languages, calculations, fields, dirt.   DISPOSITION: very snooty and thinks extremely high of himself, but lazy, and accomplishes little. functioning alcoholic. raised in wealth and reflects an old-money set of gentlemanly behaviors, but quite bitchy and rude even to his own family.

Bio:

Born eight years after his elder sister, Liz, Roger was always the runt of the Collins litter, the unwanted pup that could do very little right in his family's eyes ( or in anyone else's, for that matter. ) his mother, Catherine, had died in childbirth, and Roger never entire shook off the suspicion that his father and sister blamed him for his mother's death, instead of that insipid, stupid Collins family physician. he spent his childhood living in an heir's lap of luxury, playing on the grounds of the Collinwood estate, tormenting his sister, practically begging for attention from his father, and getting into all sorts of mischief along the way. as he got older, he was sent to a private boarding school ( mostly to get him out of his father's hair ), then to Branford College at Yale. he majored in business, mostly on his father's wishes (he would have preferred classics, or drama) but it was easy to cheat along the way and not too hard. job prospects didn't matter: his family would continue to cushion him, as they always had. so his school years were, by far, the best of his life: he cherished the homosocial, free environment of college boys, the absence of any responsibility, the strange rituals and secret societies, and perhaps most of all, the money. at Yale, more even than at home, Roger adopted a taste for the finer things and wealthier people in life, much preferring the pretentious, secluded social atmosphere.

When he came home from school, he took a minor office position at the cannery more out of boredom than anything else ( and bored he was. his father endlessly scolded for arriving late, leaving early, showing up drunk or simply not showing up at all ). his delightful sister had married truly the cream of the crop Paul Stoddard, who he couldn't much stand to be around, and Roger avoided home at all costs. his niece, Carolyn, was the only thing that redeemed Paul, and the only good thing he'd given his sister: she was a delightful little child, pretty, and happy, and always pleased to be in her young uncle's arms.

their father died when he was still in his early twenties, and although Liz cried for days on end, Roger couldn't have cared less about the old bastard. better, he'd left Roger half the money and shares in the company. he quickly spent up ever last dime of the inheritance, and put his shares up at auction to generate more –– though Liz swooped in to buy them up in some misguided notion of Collins family honor. shortly after the death of his father, Roger fell in with Laura Murdoch and Burke Devlin in a fine little trio, and they spent the majority of their time in Collinsport cruising the streets, drinking, and smoking at the docks. Laura eventually chose Burke as her official romantic partner, which irritated Roger to no end: he never stopped trying to prove himself superior to Burke in birth and quality, even after they were eventually married.

then came the accident. in 1957, Roger was cruising with Laura and Burke, all three piss-drunk and already angry at each other for some petty argument he's long since forgotten. the car hit a pedestrian and killed them. Burke Devlin would long maintain that Roger was at the wheel that night, and Roger that it had been Devlin driving. regardless of the truth, Elizabeth managed to protect her brother from a prison sentence for manslaughter, and Burke served the sentence in his place, forming a long-standing hatred for Roger and the entire Collins family and everything that they stood for. in exchange for her protection, Elizabeth ordered Roger out of Collinsport ( oh, twist his arm! ) sending him small payments to help get him on his feet. Roger married Laura the day after the trial, more of a final, smug victory over Burke than a gesture of true, lasting love, and the two relocated to Augusta, Maine. very shortly after they were married, Laura revealed that she was pregnant. Roger was never certain that he was in fact the father, not Burke, and the suspicions formed a deep-seated hatred for his son, David, from the moment he was born. he was nothing like Carolyn. fussy as a baby, taking away all of Laura's attention, and unusual, morose and disturbing as he grew.

Laura's own health and mental well-being gradually declined, due to a combination of alcoholism and mental illness, and Roger had her confined to a hospital and the two permanently separated, though without a formal divorce. shortly after, feeling financial pressures ( and sick of taking care of David on his own ), Roger returned to Collinwood –– much to the annoyance of his sister. his arrival very nearly coincided with the end of Burke's prison sentence and his old enemy's return to Collinsport.