#livvy with her face set telling ty to understand why julian had to kill their dad. don't you understand?

[helenofblackthorns]

I have been spiralling thinking about the Blackthorns for hours because of this omg (this is very rambly they just got to me 😔)

I was thinking about the shifting roles within the Blackthorns, how Julian takes over roles that would have otherwise been Helen's and Mark's but it's set on the foundation that they come back. Mark's imprisoned and Helen's separated but they both hold the connotation that its not forever; the prisioner will one day be freed and the separated returned.

Helen used to cut everyone's hair, and Julian has to do it now but it's not forever, Helen will be back one day. like there's this expectation that it's temporary, that it will all right itself again, which is probably why Ty freaks out so much when Mark says he's not replacing Julian at the end of lm. because the whole thing was started in the idea that it would, something much harder in practice. but at the same time the Blackthorns do kinda accept Mark and Helen back into the family dynamic quickly and... almost seemlessly. like most of the problems surrounding Helen taking over stem more from Julian not being there, and when he does come back things are fine, then Helen upsetting the family dynamic. (I feel like Julian kinda loses sight of this shifting back too, but that it more from feeling like his old role doesn't exist anymore & being too changed from everything)

which is kinda interesting considering how co-dependent the Blackthorns become, especially after cohf, you would think that they would be extremely resistant to that kind of change? and it's championed by Ty, who hates even minor changes. you would think that they would have more "closed ranks" when it comes to outsiders but instead the Blackthorns get really attached to people really quickly. even before everything Helen's getting sorta engaged after like two weeks, and Mark's doing.... whatever he's doing at any point, and Ty sleeping outside Kit's door, and Dru's knows Jaime for like two days etc. reminds me of Livvy's letter in sobh where she says that "[Ty] is afraid to need people but that is only because he needs them so much" because it's kinda true for them all? like who are any of them without others? the biggest exception being Livvy herself

(this is just one big chain of thought I had after reading your addition I recognise the chaos of this lmao anyway)

Livvy doesn't really need people in the same way I think a lot of her siblings do, not to that same extreme. like while she's a romantic, she likes weddings & was really interested in the stories surrounding Will and Jem she's also very unromantic too. like how she very logically thought out her first kiss & was explaining her rationale to Kit in the same book Julian's telling Emma how he used to imagine that they were married & that his siblings were their kids - two very different thought processes. which makes her wanting to be like Julian, the Julian Julian never really wanted to be, much more interesting imo. because Livvy isn't actually like Julian at all, it would never cost her what it costed him.

Mark calling Julian "my dreamer" & Julian calling Dru "the dreamer" :(

[cristinablackthornkingson]

Shadowhunters Short Story #41. Kitty mundane AU.

It is the middle of September 2014 and 16 year old Kit Herondale-Carstairs has abandoned his homework in favor of playing with his 5 month old sister Mina. Mina isn’t Kit’s biological sister, her parents Tessa and Jem Carstairs were friends with his parents, more specifically they were related to his mother some how, Tessa is her far out cousin or something like that. Kit’s mother Rosemary died shortly after he was born so he has absolutely no memories of her. His father Johnny was left to raise him alone and he wasn’t the best father, he never told Kit he loved him or made him feel safe and loved, he was always inviting shady suspicious people over to the house, Kit couldn’t know for sure but he was almost certain his father had been some sort of drug dealer or something. This time last year his dad had been killed by some other rival drug gang. For a few months Kit had been fostered by Andrew Blackthorn, where he met Andrew’s kids Helen, Mark, Julian, twins Ty and Livvy, Dru and Tavvy. He also met a girl named Emma Carstairs, who was also related to him somehow and good friends with The Blackthorns, she was also a far out cousin of Jem’s. 

While staying with The Blackthorns Kit had become particularly close with the twins and Dru, especially Ty. After a few weeks of hanging around with the twins and getting to know them he realized he had a massive, massive crush on Ty. He had realized he is pansexual when he was about 14, but he thought he would always have to stay in the closet, his father didn’t seem to be the most accepting person in the world and would probably have sent him to conversion therapy or something awful like that. However when Kit found out that Helen is bisexual and engaged to a woman and that Mark is also bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship, Kit found the courage to confide in Ty that he is pansexual. To his surprise Ty then told him he’s gay but hasn’t told anyone. Kit was delighted that there was a chance Ty would like him back but he didn’t get his hopes up. Over the next few weeks they grew closer and closer until one day Ty randomly asked Kit if he’d like to go on a date with him. Kit was shocked but instantly agreed and not long after that they officially became a couple, though they didn’t tell anyone.

After a few weeks of staying with The Blackthorns Kit got a letter from Tessa and Jem Carstairs, explaining who they are and how they know Kit’s family and offering to meet him and offering for him to move in with them. At first Kit was hesitant but he agreed to at least meet them. They arrived at the Blackthorn's house a few days later and Kit was shocked to see how young they were, and that Tessa was visibly pregnant. They couldn’t be more than 25 and they were expecting their own child, Kit couldn’t understand why they would want a troubled broody teenager too.

However Tessa and Jem turned out to be two of the nicest people he had ever met and by the end of the meeting he found himself agreeing to move in with them. They didn’t live far from The Blackthorns so Kit could keep in touch with them, and he wouldn’t have to switch schools. School had become a lot more bearable now had friends, he and Ty had a lot of classes together and just sitting beside Ty made everything more bearable for Kit.

Kit didn’t tell Tessa and Jem about his relationship with Ty or his sexuality, he really wasn’t sure how they would react, he was terrified they would throw him out and be disgusted by him, so he kept quiet.

5 months after Kit moved in with Tessa and Jem, Tessa gave birth to a little girl that she and Jem named Wilhelmina Yiqang Ke Carstairs. At first Kit was very weary of the new baby, he wasn’t sure he could trust himself not to hurt her or say something stupid, but he had always adored her and after a few weeks his fears and worries melted away. Often when Kit got home from a bad day at school, he would drop his bag, pick up his baby sister and instantly feel better.

Right now Mina is just learning to roll, and Kit is trying to catch it on camera, but she seems to be camera shy. They are laying on the floor in her nursery which is right next door to Kit’s room. He had been doing his homework when he heard Mina babbling to herself, obviously awake from her nap, and decided to come in and play with her for a bit, he had told himself he would only play with her for half an hour, then he would take her to Jem and Tessa and go finish his homework, but it had been over an hour and Kit decided he could get up early in the morning and finish his homework.

“Come on Min-Min roll over, I know you can do it!” Kit encourages. Mina smiles widely at him but doesn’t budge. Kit grabs one of Mina’s favorite toys from her crib and places it behind her, hoping it will encourage her to roll. Mina gives Kit an unimpressed look and once again doesn’t budge. She is extremely stubborn, something Kit can relate to.

A few minutes later he hears the door to the nursery creek open and Mina’s face lights up.

“What are you two up to?” Tessa softly asks. She had been wondering why Mina had slept for an extra hour, it was so unlike her, but now she can see she hasn’t been asleep at all. 

“I’m trying to get her to roll over but she just won’t.” Kit says.

“She will in her own time, aren’t you suppose to be doing homework?” Tessa asks, raising an eyebrow at Kit.

“I’ll finish it later.” Kit promises. Tessa and Jem aren’t extremely strict about Kit and his schoolwork but they do think it is very important for Kit to finish his homework, study and work really hard. Tessa is a qualified nurse and midwife though she’s currently on maternity leave, and Jem is a high school teacher who mainly teaches History and Music, thankfully though he doesn’t teach at the same high school Kit attended, that would have been mortifying. 

“Are you having trouble with any of your subjects? Jem and I could help you and I’m sure Ty could too, you two certainly spend enough time together.” Tessa gently says, causing Kit to blush. Does she suspect that he and Ty are more than friends? He honestly can not keep living like this, constantly hiding his feelings and not being able to be him true self, he needs to come out to Jem and Tessa, if they kick him out he can probably move back in with The Blackthorns, Andrew had made it clear that he is always welcome there, and he would get to be with Ty more often.

“No it’s fine thanks.” Kit quietly replies, turning his attention back to Mina. If Jem and Tessa kick him out, he’ll miss this little one the most.

“Alright if you’re sure, dinner will be ready soon.” Tessa says, trying to hide the worry in her tone, she can tell something is off with Kit and that he wants to be alone right now. 

When Tessa leaves the nursery Kit sighs and looks back to Mina. He pushes himself up from the floor, sitting back against the wall before he picks Mina up and balance her in his lap, which she loves. She is the sweetest, happiest little girl and makes Kit so happy, he has always wanted a little brother or sister, and Mina is the best he could ask for. 

“Oh Mina I just don’t know what to do.” Kit quietly says, as Mina looks at him with her big brown eyes filled with curiosity. “I mean, I’m not ashamed of my sexuality at all, in fact I want to shout it from the rooftops. But at the same time I’m really scared about how Tessa and Jem are going to react, if they kick me out I won’t get to see you anymore Min-Min, and the thought of that just kills me. But I’m so tired of hiding who I am, Min, and I’m tired of hiding my relationship with Ty, I want to be out and open and honest but I’m scared, I’m so scared and I just don’t know what to do.” When Kit finishes his rant he is close to tears of frustration, then Mina smiles widely at him, her eyes lit up with joy, and he can’t hold the tears back anymore. He holds his sister tightly and closely and lets the tears pour down his face, knowing that he has to tell Tessa and Jem soon and there is every chance they will kick him out and he’ll be on his own again. 

Little did he know that Tessa had heard every word he said, through the baby monitor. 

Later that evening once they’ve all had dinner and Mina is down for the night, Kit works up the courage to tell Tessa and Jem the truth. He is nervous, more nervous than he’s ever been before, but he knows he can’t live a lie anymore. When he walks into the living room he finds Jem grading papers and Tessa reading The Handmaid’s Tale by Margret Atwood. 

“Tessa, Jem.... can I talk to you for a bit?” Kit asks in a tone full of nerves. Tessa smiles brightly at him and sets her book aside. 

“Of course, come sit down.”She says, patting the free seat next to her.

“Is everything alright?” Jem asks in a worried tone. He is always worried about his kids, he was a total mess throughout Tessa’s pregnancy, wanting to rush her to hospital every time she so much as flinched. 

“I.... need to tell you something.” Kit quietly says, not meeting their eyes. 

“You haven’t gotten someone pregnant have you?” Jem asks in a teasing tone, trying to lighten the mood. Kit gives a short laugh and quietly says

“No, that would be easier to tell you than what I’m about to say. I... don’t know how you’re going to feel about this, you’ll probably hate me and throw me out but... I.... well I’m not gay but I’m not straight either. I’m pansexual, I’m attracted to boys, girls, non-binary people... gender doesn’t play a part in my attraction to people and... right now I... I’m in a relationship with another boy.” Once Kit has finished his explanation, he buries his face in his hands in an attempt to cover up the fact that he’s started to cry.

“Oh Kit, baby don’t cry, come here my love.” Tessa softly says, pulling Kit into her arms, holding him tight and close. “Baby, look at me.”She softly adds, stroking Kit’s cheek with her thumb. Kit lifts his head from her chest, his blue eyes still filled with tears. 

Before Tessa says anything, Jem gets up and sits on Kit’s other side, wrapping his arms around he and Tessa. 

“Kit, my sweet boy, Jem and I don’t care about your sexuality, we could never hate you for something like that, especially when neither Jem nor I are straight either.” Tessa quietly says. Kit’s eyes widen with shock, this wasn’t something he was expecting her to say.

“Y-you’re not?”He stammers. 

“No, Tessa is demisexual which means she only experiences attraction to people she knows well, and I’m bisexual.”Jem gently explains. 

“So... you don’t hate me? You’re not going to throw me out?” Kit asks in a tearful tone. 

“Of course not Kit, you’re our baby, our son, we would be disgusting awful parents if we stopped loving you because of your sexuality, we just want you to be happy and safe.” Tessa gently explains. 

“I love you too, I’m so glad you don’t hate me, I didn’t want to leave.”Kit tearfully admits, wiping at his tears. 

“You can live with us all your life if that’s what makes you happy.” Tessa gently says.

“So who’s this boy your seeing? Can we meet him?” Jem asks.

“I... well you see he’s not out yet and you know him, so I can’t tell you who it is but he’s wonderful and amazing and I love him.” Kit explains. 

“I see, well as long as he treats you well and makes you happy then I’m happy.” Tessa says.

“I’m happy for you too Kit but know that I’m not going to stop worrying about you now and how your boyfriend is treating you, if he ever hurts you, you just come to me and I’ll deal with him okay?” Jem says in a serious tone. Kit laughs lightly and  says

“Yeah okay dad.” He freezes when he realizes what he’s just said. He always called Tessa and Jem by their names, even though they were very much like parents to him, this was the first time he had called Jem ‘dad’ and he hadn’t meant to. “I... is it okay if I call you dad?” Kit quietly asks. 

“Only if I can call you Christopher.” Jem teases, knowing that Kit hates being called by his full name or any variation of it, though he himself thinks it is a wonderful name. Kit grins shyly at him and says

“You can call me Christopher once a day.” Jem grins at him and nods.

“Deal!” 

The next day Kit leaves for school a bit earlier than usual so that he can walk by the Blackthorn's and wait for Ty who always left a bit earlier than his siblings. He wanted to tell Ty that he had come out and Tessa and Jem are so wonderful and understanding. 

Kit gave Ty a quick text to let him know he would wait by his house to walk to school with him, just before he left. Now he has been standing outside The Blackthorn’s house for about ten minutes, waiting for Ty. As Kit runs through a mental list of all the exams he has coming up, he hears a door open and shut behind him, and he turns to see Ty walking toward him, his headphones around his neck, grinning at Kit. Ty is autistic and also has sensory processing disorder, meaning everything seems brighter, louder, stronger smelling, etc. for him. Sometimes it really overwhelms him, especially the loud noises, so he often wears headphones to block out the noise. Other kids in school are always laughing at him and making him the brunt of the joke but Ty always has someone to stand up for him, usually it’s Livvy and Ty in school, anywhere else it’s all of his siblings and his father who stand up for him and defended him. 

“Hey.” Kit lightly says, as Ty reaches his side. 

“Hi, I missed you.” Ty softly says, leaning in to give Kit a quick kiss. 

“I missed you too, how was your weekend? Did you do anything interesting or fun?” Kit asks, as they link hands and set off down the road toward school.

“I came out to my family.” Ty says in a nonchalant tone, surprising Kit. As far as he was aware Ty had no plans to come out anytime soon.

“Really?”  Kit asks.

“Yeah, Helen and Aline set a wedding date and Mark’s going to be a dad, Cristina’s pregnant, I figured since there had already been two big announcements I might as well come out, I thought it might not seem such a big deal compared to Helen and Mark’s news.” Ty explains.

“So how did it go?” Kit curiously asks. 

“Great, everyone was fine with it, Mark says he always knew I’m gay and so does dad, no one made a big deal out of it or anything which I’m really glad about. I told them I was dating someone but I didn’t tell them it was you because I know you aren’t out yet.” Ty tells him. 

“Actually I am, now. I came out to Tessa and Jem last night and they were totally fine with it, they were really accepting. I told them I was dating someone too but I didn’t say it was you either because I thought you were still in the closet.” Kit says, laughing at the irony of it all. 

“I’m okay with you telling Tessa and Jem you’re dating me, are you okay with me telling my family I’m dating you?” Ty asks. 

“Yes of course! I want the whole world to know about us Ty, I love you so much and I want everyone to know it!” Kit exclaims. 

“I love you too.” Ty quietly says, squeezing Kit’s hand softly. 

“I knew it!” Comes a familiar female voice from behind them. Ty and Kit turn to see Livvy standing a few feet behind them, grinning triumphantly. 

“Did you follow us?” Kit asks in a tone of astonishment. He never thought that anyone would follow them, especially not Livvy.

“That’s not important Christopher, what’s important is that you two are dating and I knew it all along!” Livvy exclaims, waving away Kit’s question.

“How did you know? I never told you.” Ty asks his twin, as she runs to catch up with them.

“You didn’t have to, it is so obvious just from the way you two look at each other, I remember mom and dad use to look at each other like that and Helen and Aline look at each other the same way, also Kit’s whole face turns red every time your name is brought up Ty, also through our twin bond I can feel the love you have for him!” Livvy exclaims in a smug tone.

“No you can’t, that’s not a thing.” Ty says in an amused tone. 

“Ty! Shut up, you ruined it! I was trying to freak Kit out!” Livvy says in an amused tone. 

“That’s not very nice.” Ty lightly says, looping his free arm through Livvy’s. 

“It’s also not very nice to keep secrets from your twin! When are you two going to tell everyone else?” Livvy curiously asks. Ty and Kit share a look and Kit says

“Today? I can come around to yours after school and when we’ve told your family Ty, you can come back to mine and we can tell Tessa and Jem.” Ty nods and says

“Okay, sounds good to me.”  

“Hey you two should have a double wedding with Helen and Aline!” Livvy chirps. 

“We’re 16 Liv, we can’t legally get married. Also we’ve only been together a few months, it’s a bit soon for marriage.” Kit says in an amused tone. 

“Details details Christopher, I’m going back to the house to get my bag, you two go on with me but don’t get up to anything too crazy.” Livvy says, winking at them before turning and running back to the house.

“I think she’s more invested in our relationship than us.” Kit jokingly says. 

“She’s just excited for us, for me, she’s really happy I’m out now and that I’m happy with you, it’s rather sweet.” Ty says in a tone of affection. 

“I’m happy you’re happy with me too, I love you.” Kit quietly says, pausing at the side of a shop and pulling Ty closer to him. 

“I love you too.” Ty quietly says, running his fingers through Kit’s thick blonde hair.

“Kiss me.” Kit quietly says. And he does, and Kit never wants him to stop and Ty doesn’t want to stop either, and that is how a few minutes later they decide to bunk off school and spend the day together, finally being able to be their true selves. 

[folkpages]

Review: Lady Midnight

Clare, C (2016). Lady Midnight. Margaret McElderry Books. 

4/5 stars

‘We are more than the single actions we undertake, whether they be good or evil.’

Synopsis: The Shadowhunters of Los Angeles star in the first novel in Cassandra Clare's newest series, The Dark Artifices, a sequel to the internationally bestselling Mortal Instruments series.

It's been five years since the events of City of Heavenly Fire that brought the Shadowhunters to the brink of oblivion. Emma Carstairs is no longer a child in mourning, but a young woman bent on discovering what killed her parents and avenging her losses. Together with her parabatai Julian Blackthorn, Emma must learn to trust her head and her heart as she investigates a demonic plot that stretches across Los Angeles, from the Sunset Strip to the enchanted sea that pounds the beaches of Santa Monica. If only her heart didn't lead her in treacherous directions… Making things even more complicated, Julian's brother Mark-who was captured by the faeries five years ago-has been returned as a bargaining chip. The faeries are desperate to find out who is murdering their kind-and they need the Shadowhunters' help to do it. But time works differently in faerie, so Mark has barely aged and doesn't recognize his family. Can he ever truly return to them? Will the faeries really allow it? Glitz, glamours, and Shadowhunters abound in this heartrending opening to Cassandra Clare's Dark Artifices series. (x)

Lady Midnight was honestly one of my favourite books in quite a while. Clare has written beautiful imagery, relatable characters, fascinating plots and intriguing moral queries. The humour was on point (I still catch myself giggling occasionally at pizza) and while I had my doubts at her ability to pull off a murder mystery, she has done a wonderful job and I had no idea who the murderer was until it was revealed. 

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

Plot: Emma Carstairs’ parents were ritualistically murdered 5 years ago, and new murder victims have been found having been murdered the same way. As it so happens some of the victims have been faeries, which Emma shouldn’t care about due to the Cold Peace, a treaty of non-interaction between the faeries and shadowhunters after the event of the Dark War. However, Emma’s parabatai’s brother was stolen by faeries 5 years ago and the faerie’s promise to return him for two weeks if they solve the murders and allow Mark (said brother) to choose if he’d like to remain with the humans or faeries following that. Adding to all this some side plots including the classic forbidden romance between Emma and her parabatai Julian, Mark and Emma’s new friend Cristina plus his longstanding thing with Faerie Prince Kieran plus a mysterious tutor, a mysterious old friend/love interest of Cristina’s and a mentally ill guardian, this book is packed full of action!

Pro: The murder mystery was absolutely fantastic. The murders tied in wonderfully with the beautiful worldbuilding Clare includes in this novel, and I honestly did not see many of the plot twists coming. I could not for the life of me work out who the murderer was (I thought it was Johnny Rook for a while) and who it was and what their motivation was blew me away!

Con: I did not like the main male-lead Julian and I did not like the main romance between him and Emma. I personally found Julian to be rather creepy in his ‘love’ for Emma which came off rather stalker-like to me. I also didn’t like the resentment he seemed to hold for being the care-giver of his family, but I’m pretty sure that’s just because it was super relatable to me personally. He was well-written, and his motivations were solid, I just didn’t like his treatment of Emma and thus their relationship which is why my rating of this book is 4 stars rather than 5.

Pro: Representation. Clare gives us LGBTQ+ rep with wonderful bisexual Mark Blackthorn and boyfriend Kieran as well as (I’m assuming as its never explicitly labelled) autistic Ty Blackthorn who is utterly darling and daring; a tech geek and brilliant knife combatant. I can’t comment too much on Ty as I’m not autistic but he was wonderfully written with his autism being prevalent in all his scenes but never the focus of it (unless we are hearing from Julian’s POV).

Emma Carstairs: I personally really enjoyed Emma’s character. For all she was the strong female character with a sword, she wasn’t just a ‘strong female character with a sword’ trope. She was a very emotional character and wasn’t afraid to let people know how she was feeling; her motivations were clear and understandable and her relationships with the other characters were incredibly nuanced and strong. However, towards the end of the book I feel she became a little weaker; she didn’t tell Julian the truth about the parabatai curse and was very insensitive (manipulative? I’m not sure which word is quite correct but assume it’s a bad one) to Mark with her request at the end even if he did agree to it. Overall, I really liked her but kind of wanted to shake her at the end.

Julian Blackthorn: I’ve already talked about Julian in the Con, but to rehash: I don’t like him but he was well-written.

Mark Blackthorn: First off, I just want to say that I am so glad for more bisexual representation thank you Cassandra Clare! Mark Blackthorn has honestly made my top characters of all-time list and here’s why: Mark is a half-faerie half-shadowhunter boy who was stolen by faeries to join the Wild Hunt during the events of The Mortal Instruments wherein he was used and abused and fell in love with exiled faerie Prince Kieran. In Lady Midnight he is bartered as a prize to get the Blackthorn’s and Emma to investigate murders and he goes through so much in the space of the two-week period this novel is set. He acts as a moral support for Cristina who he grows to care about deeply, he works with and against Julian and Emma as he needs to and bonds with his younger siblings all while struggling with his identity as a faerie and a shadowhunter and navigating his relationship with Kieran. Mark is an absolute gem; as capricious as a faerie but still truly kind and honourable and vulnerable and I just love him so much!

Cristina Mendoza Rosales: Cristina is a strong character and a wonderful person! Cristina is new to the LA Institute and Emma’s new best friend and honestly such a joy. Beautiful bilingual badass, Cristina is at once moral support to both Emma and Mark, helping Emma through her anger and grief at her parent’s death on top of her feelings for Julian, she helps Mark adjust to shadowhunter life while also being set up as a potential love interest. She also is crucial to the murder plot and has so much to add beyond being a love interest and she is honestly wonderful to read about.

Blackthorn Kids: There are so many of them I’m gonna loop them all in together. Ty and Livvy are brilliant characters with their own distinct motivations and conflicts. Dru, while not being all that important in the book, had her own unique personality and strengths. Tavvy, the baby of the group, was utterly darling and so important to the plot which I honestly did not see coming? Kudos to Clare for creating side characters that I enjoy!

Overall: I adored this book and I will definitely be picking up the sequel. I’d recommend giving it a try even if you weren’t a big fan of The Mortal Instruments as its quite a step away. The characters are solid, the plot is intriguing and honestly the writing is absolutely beautiful. I’ll leave you with 4/5 stars and this gem:

“This cat is looking at me with judgement.”

“He’s not,” said Jules. “That’s just his face.”

“You look at me the same way,” Mark said, glancing at Julian. “Judgy face.”

Lady Midnight is the first in Cassandra Clare’s The Dark Artifices trilogy. The second and third books Lord of Shadows and Queen of Air and Darkness are available now.

[ti-bae-rius]

A taster of my full-length KitTy fic - tell me what you think...

(Set after the end of Lady Midnight - yes, I did start this before Lord of Shadows came out. Yes the end of the book did fuck up my fic.) Click to read the first 2 paragraphs and let me know whether you think I should actually post this. I’ll keep my inbox open/ask box/etc. open so you can let me know.

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of lies, of deception, of denial. Fifteen years spent hiding in the cellar like some kind of Cinderella pastiche whilst his dad did things he wasn’t allowed to ask about upstairs in the lounge. Fifteen years of feeling shadowhunters, of believing he’d be kidnapped if he let on he could see them. Fifteen years of believing people like the boy with grey eyes was the type of person to fear. He got the feeling a lot of people might fear someone who’d held a knife to their throat. He was the only one who didn’t seem to be driving Kit to insanity right now though.

Kit didn’t fit in. He’d never fitted in at home because of his dad’s secrecy; he’d never fitted in at school because of the weight of the worry he carried with him; and he didn’t fit in here either. He should have been used to it. In his own world, the life he used to lead, he was used to it. But he wasn’t used to anything about this universe, least of all where he slotted into the puzzle of this existence.

He’d demanded to be put in one of the spare bedrooms in the Institute upon arrival - the Blackthorns had said there were “millions” of them. It would have been nice, he thought, if one of those millions had an en suite. It had been ten hours since he’d come into this room. By now he was hungry, thirsty, and he needed to go to the bathroom. He glanced up toward the clock on the wall. It was three in the morning. They’d all have gone to sleep, all the meddling Blackthorns with their perfect, Von Trapp, oh-so-supportive family. He knew they’d been kind, knew he shouldn’t hate them - Emma least of all - but he did. He’d never had a family like that. And he hated Emma the very most. When she’d lost - lost, he thought, scoffing. She hadn’t lost them. They were dead, just like his dad - she’d had a perfect little built-in back-up family. She didn’t know what being alone was like. She fallen straight from one family into another without leaving her backyard, her comfort zone of normalcy. Kit had been wrenched from his life and slung haphazardly into a world of monsters and demons, of fighting and lies. He hadn’t just been forced from his own backyard, he’d been forced to a whole other damn planet.

He opened the door and stopped short. Sat with his back against the wall next to his door was a figure armed with a blanket, pillow, a torch, and a stack of books. He was slumped forward with his chin on his chest, the blanket around his shoulders, and one of the tomes open on his lap. The torch beam fell on a spot a little down the hall, having rolled from his hand when he’d fallen asleep. Ty.

“What is wrong with you?” Kit snapped, and Ty’s head came up, startled awake. He winced a little. “Why are you here?” Ty shrugged. “Go away! Don’t sit outside my room! It’s creepy.” He bent down and took up the torch. “And I’m taking this,” he added, and stalked off down the hall to find the bathroom. 

Instantly, he hated himself. Ty hadn’t done anything wrong, and he’d looked so confused when Kit had yelled. He shut the bathroom door behind him and sighed. He felt awful for being so mean to Ty, to all of them, but their kindness was too much. All it would take was one smile, one person asking if he was okay, and he’d lose it. All his icy composure would be completely ruined by one gesture of warmth. If he let them close with their unrelenting happiness, he’d snap. Kit took physics at his old school and he’d done an experiment that had won him third place in his eighth grade science fair. Using strips cut from a water bottle, he’d demonstrated how it was possible to keep a shoelace vertical by applying isolated points of tension to keep it upright. If any of the tension lapsed, even slightly, the shoelace would fall - he knew this because a kid in his homeroom had messed with the equilibrium and sent the whole thing into a heap right before the judges’ eyes. Kit had punched him in the face the minute he got out of the cafeteria. He had in school suspension for a week for that. He felt a little like that now, like the shoelace. All that was keeping him from collapsing was stress and tension, he thought, wrapping a towel around his waist as he got out of the shower. One tiny change in that could totally unbalance him. If he didn’t stay angry, he’d cry. He knew that. He’d rather all of them hate him than even one f them pity him. He scooped his clothes back into his arms and turned the torch on as he ventured back down the dark corridor. He swept the flashlight in a wide arc, coming to rest where Ty had been. His blanket was still there, and his pillows and books. But Ty himself was gone. In his place was a tray, weighed down with food; an orange, a bag of chips, an energy bar, a sandwich of something Kit thought might be peanut butter, and what looked like a smoothie in a bottle. He glanced up and down the empty hall like a guilty man, then took the tray, shutting the door behind him with a swift kick. 

Ty waited to hear Kit’s door click shut, put his head around the corner, and padded back down to the space of corridor outside Kit’s room. When he wanted to be, he was immovably stubborn. It drove Julian to distraction when Ty didn’t feel like training, because he knew no amount of pleasing would make Ty pick up a weapon if he wasn’t in the mood. He laid down, feeling the floor under him, harder than his own bed but still bearable, and pulled the blanket close about him. The Institute got cold at night. Not as cold as the older buildings, like the London Institute, but still a little uncomfortable. Julian had put heavy, dark curtains in Ty and Dru’s rooms because they were light sleepers and the sun woke them up, but throughout the rest of the building the big glass windows either had light curtains or no covering at all, too large to effectively block the light from. Ty tucked his head down under the blanket and squeezed his eyes shut. He knew he’d likely be awoken when the sunrise came through the balcony doors at the end of the corridor in a few hours. Perhaps that was a good thing. Maybe he should do what Kit said, go away and stop being creepy. Ty didn’t see how it was creepy. After all, he was only sat outside. He wasn’t in the room. There was a poem Ty had read once called the Eve of St. Agnes by John Keats - who was apparently a mundane with the Sight. In the poem, a faerie knight called Porphyro had watched the girl he loved from her closet while she slept. That was creepy, Ty decided. He was merely making sure everything was okay. After all, they barely knew Kit. How did Julian and Emma expect him to just trust this stranger not to hurt them? He could hurt Livvy, and then Ty would have to kill him. No one hurt Livvy if Ty could help it. When she fell, she often said it was a miracle that Ty didn’t take up arms against gravity itself.

But, Ty also knew that sometimes, when people were hurting, they said and did things they didn’t mean. When Mark had first arrived, he’d yelled at them all, thrown Ty to the ground. They hadn’t done anything wrong; Mark had just been scared. Ty remembered what it was like when his dad had died, how much it hurt in a way he could neither process nor describe. Julian, only twelve, had looked after them, picked glass from Ty’s hand when he’d punched the jewellery box beside Tavvy’s crib even though he’d known it would hurt. It wasn’t as painful as he felt inside. He remembered the way his head had hurt until he felt sick when Emma had asked him to explain how he felt, how the only way to explain the overwhelming sadness was to scream because all language has abandoned him. Now, at fifteen, that didn’t happen really. He could explain better, and Julian was grown-up enough and knew how Ty thought well enough to understand what he was feeling without having to ask him. Sometimes, when he was struggling to explain, Julian would sit him down and speak softly, get him to explain it another way, using computers or quotes and situations from Sherlock Holmes. They’d gotten a lot further with helping Ty to heal by thinking about how Watson felt after The Adventure of the Final Problem than they had by getting Ty to talk about it from his own perspective. But, Ty thought mournfully, curling his hand into a fist and hugging it to his chest, he still had the scar on his knuckle where the shards of glass had made bloody lacerations to remind him how Kit might feel. Kit might not punch things, but he might shout, and Ty understood the urge to shut yourself away in your room when things got too much. His dreams, when they came, were full of glass shards and blood, the memory of Julian extracting chunks of jewellery box from his hand while Livvy held him still. When the sun came, he’d leave. But not yet. Not quite.