#living in the south is depressing sometimes

[deityofplenty]

The urge to become a trans man lurks beneath the surface of my psyche

[theveryworstthing]

7th Headless Haunting: The Invisible Woman

A ghost's appearance can change over time depending on the emotional connection to their former lives. This change is involuntary and inconsistent. For some, their form shifts to mirror the cause of their death, or emphasizes some other lasting trauma. Others shift into a metaphorical representation of how they view themselves. But most just look like their living forms until time makes the details slip away. Because if there's no one left to remember them properly, and they can't really remember themselves, that can trigger a disconnection from their physical past. This disconnect causes the "sheet ghost" effect, as the soul loses the shape of its previous container.

It's a sad thing, catching a glimpse of a soul losing their face. But that's part of the cycle of life and death. Everything changes. Everything fades.

Sometimes that fading is even done on purpose.

Morgan doesn't call herself Morgan anymore because she doesn't want to metaphysically dox herself.

Through the efforts of the most annoying woman she's ever met, she's become one of the most famous ghosts in the south. She did not ask for this, she does not want it, and every day she wonders how she could have possibly been charmed into a barely 3 week relationship by someone she had to politely ask to stop making tictoks in the crystal shop constantly. It was easy to blame grief and depression for the drastic lowering of standards but still. Good lord.

She realized her mistake pretty quickly, but then "Luna's" roommate supposedly kicked her out with no warning and a sick cat named Quartz. And past!Morgan, who vividly remembered how much being homeless sucked, didn't want her out on the street.

(Okay, mostly she didn't want Quartz out on the street. He was goofy and sweet and the knowledge that she liked him way more than her new girlfriend made her feel guilty.)

This was a mistake.

She opened her home to them. Payed for emergency cat surgery. Dealt with arguments over filming in the house and random strangers coming over for "guided group spiritual exploration" sessions that she wasn't allowed to be in the room for because Luna was "working". Scrubbed Luna's essential oil covered bare ass marks off of her kitchen counters. And in return, she got this woman inviting something into her home.

One night while Luna was out with friends, it came into Morgan's bedroom and left her head on the other side of the house.

She never figured out exactly what got her, but the dark twisted shape made sure to find her terrified spirit before it left, and she could feel its irritation as it inspected her. She wasn't the right target. Luna owed a dept that she probably didn't even comprehend to something very pissed off.

All this would have been bad enough, but none of it was really worth being a ghost about. She'd had worse relationships, and since grandma was gone, almost all of her loved ones were dead anyway, so she really should have left.

But what about Quartz?

 She was the one handling all of his post operative care, and after watching Luna forget time after time to feed him or give him his meds or even really pay attention to him when he wasn't serving as a cuddly toy to cry on or an aesthetic set piece for videos, she decided to hang around until he was either stable or dead.

Which is how she found out about the haunted house tours.

Luna had been doing this for a while. It seems that every place she had ever lived was "haunted" and she made sure that the internet knew about all the trials and tribulations of being so spiritually gifted in a world filled with such trauma laden souls. She'd been kicked out of her last place for having a pretend spectral affair with her former roommate's dead best friend, and when she moved it didn't take a day for her to "sense something..." and start secretly profiting off of made up shit about Morgan's grandmother.

But now that Morgan was dead she had a goldmine on her hands. The gory, violent, locked room mystery death of a fairly attractive woman wearing nothing but a low cut night gown was already pretty good, but add in the lesbian romance, Morgan's family history, and the fact that Luna's True Love had recently Saved her from an Abusive Environment and Certain Homelessness? Well, that's money baby.

Morgan's friends, bless 'em, had stopped Luna from livestreaming the funeral, and got as many pictures of her body taken down as they could.

Sadly, the fundraiser to purchase her family home for "spiritual conservation" was successful.

She had no idea that her following was that big.

She really should have checked.

Anyway.

Because of Luna she's spent the last 8 years being stalked by the living. Strangers pay to sleep in her bed and record the ambient noises of her room hoping she'll show up and talk to them. They buy books made of private poetry stolen from her journals. They demonize her dead family members and speculate on horrific abuse that didn't happen because "if you pay attention to how she dressed/read between the lines in her writing, there are clues she had serious daddy issues".

Recently, there was a shitty romance novel published based on her death, implying that whatever killed her was simply mad with lust and wanted to make her his dark bride in hell.

Yes "his". Her proxy was straight in that one.

And way slimmer.

That's a reoccurring thing that she tries not to think about too hard.

But the point is that all this mess keeps her from moving on. She just... can't. She spends all her time trying to sabotage Luna's grift as best she can. She exposes all the little tricks Luna uses during her seances to show she's not talking to anyone. She actively keeps other spirits away from the house just in case any of the ghost hunting gear people haul into her living room actually works (it doesn't but better safe that sorry). She never speaks just in case a recording picks something up and she's thrown away chunks of identifying features like her face and most of her tattoos so that if she is spotted, she's harder to identify.

She's spent years staging the most intensive anti-haunting she possibly can.

Quartz died 6 months ago and walked right past the entrance to the rainbow bridge to settle in her lap, just like old times. He tries to lead her away from the house a lot. Into the sunrise, towards her grandma's loud bright laughter and the bustling sounds of a family reunion in full swing.

She wants to follow him so badly.

She just.

Can't.

[astrosky33]

𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐁𝐘 𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐊𝐘

🗺 Mercury and Uranus lines can show where your online/internet friends live

🗺 Often you’ll grow up near your Moon lines (not always but I’ve noticed this a lot in my readings)

🗺 Living near a Moon IC line can be positive but I wouldn’t recommend moving to one if it happens to be paired with a Pluto/Saturn line because this can cause challenges with your emotions such as depression

🗺 Your Chiron lines can show locations in past lives where karmic wounds were created and where you can go to heal karmic wounds

🗺 Having Venus lines in the middle of the ocean can indicate meeting lovers on cruises or flights

🗺 Living under a Pluto line will change you into a whole different person and change your life. When you leave you will not be the same as when you got there (I personally don’t recommend living under these lines long term however, these can be positive and important transformations if you stay here short term - maybe a couple years max)

🗺 Mars lines can sometimes show locations where we are prone to danger/injuries or just may feel really unsafe at

🗺 The circles on your astrocartography lines (also called zeniths) show where the energy of the line is most heavily felt. Except for the circle with the + in the middle, that’s a part of fortune symbol

🗺 Your South Node lines can show where you lived in a past live - note: these can only be seen on AstroGold which I’m pretty sure is only on the MacBook

🗺 Often people who are MEGA famous (not just regular famous) and are known worldwide will have a Pluto line running through the middle of the US; examples ↴

BUY AN ASTROCARTOGRAPHY READING

MY MASTERLIST

SUB TO MY PATREON

© 𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝

[redsrooftopprincess]

Could you do anymore headcannos for the tmnt 2014/2016 boys? Idc what the headcannon is but I love it hc so much

Sleeping Headcanons

Headcanons you say? Let's get into it!

Warnings: mental health, drugs/alcohol

We spend nearly half of our lives asleep, and the boys are no different! They're a little backwards, being basically nocturnal, but they sleep (and struggle to), just like anybody else.

Leo

Bed. Leo is a traditionalist and sleeps on a firm Japanese Futon. He sleeps on his plastron because that's the most practical. He's usually on his side, hugging a pillow, by morning.

Temperament. Even as always, unless he has a migraine, then he's in his room the second he gets home. Dark and quiet. If someone disturbs him, he'll get up and address whatever it is that needs seeing to, but don't expect conversation. However, he *is* a morning person! They all hate him until about 10 am.

Routine. If he has a headache he'll usually have no choice but to just lay down the second he's off the clock. If he doesn't, he has a very strict routine that is *always* adhered to, or he can't sleep (no, that's not a joke):

Tea (usually jasmine) with Dad while processing the day.

Shower.

Teeth.

Undress.

Meditate for 30 minutes.

Sleep.

The morning is much the same but in reverse:

Wake up.

Meditate for 15 minutes.

Get dressed.

Downstairs for coffee/breakfast/discussing the day with Dad.

Training.

Sleeping with a partner. Having someone around to upset his routine is ROUGH. Don't ask to sleep in his bed. Seriously, don't. Sharing *his space* is a HUGE step for him and if you push it, it'll just take longer. He'll start small, inviting you into his room for tea. Be PATIENT with the boy. Once you start sleeping in his bed it'll take him a while to get used to it. The first few times he doesn't sleep. But eventually, you worm your way into his routine, and he can't sleep without you. Until then, he will happily hold you until you fall asleep, even stay watching over you until morning. But he won't sleep.

Mikey

Bed. Pillow pile! He started collecting pillows as a kid to add to his hoard, which is now comically large and takes up 1/3 of his room. He loves the weird ones and has ones with tassles and beads and insane shapes. It's actually pretty impressive and could probably double as a modern art piece!

Temperament. It's all good! No matter what state he's in, he's always the life of the party. Always.

Routine. He's usually parked in front of the TV until everyone disperses (video games/tv/ect). Then, depending on how hard his depression is hitting that night, he'll either grab a bong (hard) or a bottle (harder). He'll drink in his room , but he'll skate down one of the south tunnels to smoke because he doesn't want to hear about it from Leo. Splinter knows about the weed, but doesn't have a problem with it, because it really does seem to help. He would, however, have a problem with the liquor. Once Mike is thoroughly gone, he tosses himself on his pillow pile and attempts to pass out. Sometimes he does. He gets hangovers from the alcohol, but the second he wakes up that mask is firmly back in place and he's good to go! 😃

Sleeping with a partner. ALL. THE. CUDDLES. Expect him not to let go. Like, pee beforehand. He may not be as big as his brothers, but he's still pretty damn heavy. You are HIS Angel. You are HIS miracle. And you aren't going ANYwhere. Lots of nuzzling/scent marking, LOTS of churring, and when he does eventually fall asleep, he snores like a diesel engine. Just poke him in the side and he'll shut up.

Don

Bed. What's a bed? You mean the cot in his lab? On the rare occasion that *someone* convinces him to actually sleep in a bed, it's pretty much whatever bed or bed-adjacent thing they bring him to. By the time he's tired enough that he can be convinced, he's too far gone to care.

Temperament. When Donnie is tired, expect to be snapped at. He'll apologize immediately, but his temper is a hair trigger when he needs sleep. And my dude goes until he stops. Don's body wakes up before he does. Expect mumbled one-word answers that may or may not make sense as he gradually comes to consciousness over the next half-hour.

Routine. Donnie doesn't make the decision to go to bed. He just wakes up and it's later. When he does wake up, his body has been conditioned to perform all the necessary morning tasks without him having to actually be fully conscious. Sit up. Grab freshly brewed espresso from desk next to cot. Shotgun espresso. Wrap joints. Stand up. Go to kitchen for second cup of coffee (because Raph has already brewed a pot, and because at some point in his teenage years, his father insisted on seeing him at least once a day). Make/drink coffee. Eat the closest edible thing. Go back to the lab. By this point, his conscious mind has usually kicked in and he can get back to work.

Sleeping with a partner. I hope you like to be lulled to sleep by computer fans! You'll get used to the phrase, "go and lie down, Dove. I'll just be a minute." It's always a lie. You know it. He knows it. The wall of computer towers behind you knows it. But he does the song and dance, anyway, because he thinks it makes you feel better. It doesn't. If he does happen to fall asleep with you, of COURSE he's the big spoon. He wraps himself around you and holds you as close as he can (he's still working on getting past all those pesky air molecules), with his beak buried in your hair so that he can breathe you in as he falls asleep (at least the air molecules are good for something).

Raph

Bed. My guy is BIG, and needs a ton of support. A traditional flat mattress is uncomfortable unless he sleeps on his plastron which he HATES doing. His carapace is HEAVY, and it feels like he's literally being crushed under his own weight. Besides, he's in enough pain when he wakes up, and as much as he loves working out, he really doesn't want to have to do pushups first thing in the morning. Instead, he has a carbon fiber hammock that he wove himself. It hangs from a reach stacker arm modified with two lifting jacks bolted to the floor, all "liberated" from the shipyard. It supports all of him with the added benefit of pressure on all sides due to his weight, which helps him sleep, especially when he's in a low.

Temperament. When he's tired he's a grump. He's not quick to anger, but expect a lot of grumbling and begrudging acquiescence to things. He doesn't usually push it too far before heading to bed, because let's face it, pain is exhausting, and if he's laying down he's not having to hold himself up. He's not a "morning person," but he's usually okay as long as he knows there's a cup of coffee in his near future.

Routine. Pretty standard. Shower, teeth, etc. Once in bed, he'll mess around on his phone for a while, watching movies/tv/anime, before eventually falling asleep. In the morning, he rolls out of his hammock and heads to the kitchen for coffee with his Dad before everyone else emerges. After that it's his morning workout and he starts the day. Honestly the mostly boring/normal out of all of them.

Sleeping with a partner. He won't sleep in your bed. He just won't. Don't ask. He'll hold you until you fall asleep, no question, but he won't stay. The only hope for a sleepover is at his place. He likes to give you a big hug around the middle and roll into the hammock with you, and it always leaves you giggling as you snuggle up against his plastron. That's when he sleeps best, with you laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. Not only is it added pressure, but this way he knows you're safe.

.......

Tag list:

@thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @fyreball66 @ninnosaurus @tmntngl @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos

[reasonsforhope]

"Fencing offers a ray of hope to young people living in Nairobi's poorest neighbourhoods.

Despite a lack of equipment, the sword fighting sport is growing in popularity in Kenya.

They cut a striking group as they wander through Huruma in their pristine white outfits.

These young people are heading for their favourite hang-out spot: the Tsavora Fencing club at the local community centre.

The street becomes their arena as they parry and riposte in front of passers-by.

This is not just a hobby for them: it's a force for good in their lives.

Fencing has helped carve a path away from crime, drugs and other social pressures.

"I used to be a gangster," says Mburu Wanyoike, who is now a coach for Kenya's National Fencing team.

"I was in crime and crime makes you feel isolated. It actually puts you in a place where you are isolated, making you feel depressed, having stress and I chose fencing as a way for me to escape out of the hood and escape that lifestyle."

His journey from delinquency to fencing coach and senior athlete in Kenya's national team has been transformative.

Inspired by the personal tragedy of the death of two friends, Wanyoike pursued training and education in South Africa, ultimately founding Tsavora Fencing in 2021.

Tsavora Fencing has made significant strides.

The team has produced 15 talented fencers who have earned spots in the national squad, with plans to represent Kenya in the African Olympic Qualifiers in Algeria this year.

However, challenges persist, particularly regarding the affordability of fencing equipment.

"Sometimes it is tough when it comes to competing with well-equipped international countries that are well organized, so what we do is just to move on with enthusiasm and obsession. The fact that we don't have the equipment, the limited ones we have, we use them. We don't complain that we do not have equipment, we just use what we got and put in the obsession and the enthusiasm and the passion combined, that's what we do, we fence," says Wanyoike.

Tsavora Fencing Mtaani, an initiative under Tsavora Fencing, offers mentorship and training in fencing to the youth of these impoverished neighbourhoods, shielding them from the dangers of their environment.

With 45 members, most of whom are students, the team serves as a beacon of hope in the community.

Participants are required to become disciplined and put on integrity.

"Initially I had bad company at home but now that I am in fencing, it has kept me busy and now it is a better option for me because I feel happy doing it," says Jemimah Njeri, a 17-year-old member of Tsavora Fencing.

"I cannot imagine myself without this sport because it has kept me very busy. In my area many girls have become teenage mothers and that is not a wonderful life," adds 16-year-old Allen Grace...

As Tsavora Fencing continues to thrive, fuelled by the determination of its members and the support of the community, it stands as a testament to the transformative power of sport in, even the most challenging environments."

-via Africanews, April 1, 2024

[wintaerbaer]

dawning (kth)

summary: He’s never invited into your world during these late night sessions. You always push him away or ignore him. This is new.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader

rating: sfw

genre: established relationship au, angst, bit of fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 2.2k

warnings: heavy depictions of depression and panic attacks, a brief line where taehyung worries oc is s**cidal

a/n: another piece from my aggressively depressed era when i was trying to work some stuff out in my writing, but this one is very self-indulgent (and has a happier ending than the last one lol). and the background picture of the banner is mine! :)

MASTERLIST

He doesn’t hear you get up.

He wakes in the middle of the night and rolls over in bed to find cooling sheets in the spot next to him. Lying flat on his back, he listens for sound but there’s nothing, just the chirpings of nighttime insects and the cars passing by on the streets below. It’s not the first time he’s woken to find you gone, but it hurts the same.

The fact that he’s not enough for you.

Taehyung swings his legs out of bed and sighs as his feet press against the hardwood floor, rubs the heel of his hand into an eye. The clock on the nightstand reads 2:53am, and you really could be anywhere. There are nights when you’ve just gotten up to curl on the window seat in the living room, but there have been other times where you’ve left the apartment altogether. Sometimes you go to your favorite twenty-four-hour diner for a cup of coffee, and on one horror-filled night, he’d even had to call the cops to help track you down when you’d decided to take a late night walk in the park.

You say you just need to clear your head sometimes, but if he’s honest with himself, he’s terrified that you’re trying to get yourself killed.

He stands, snatches a sweatshirt off of the chair in the corner, takes a breath as he slips it over his skin.

He’ll find you; you’ll be okay.

He saunters into the living room, moonlight painting everything a pasty white, and confirms what he already knew to be true: you’re not here. It looks as though you didn’t touch anything either, everything being just as the two of you had left it before going to bed – wineglasses and dirty dishes on the coffee table (he’d take care of them in the morning), television remote precariously balanced on the arm of the couch.

The only thing different is your missing shoes by the door.

He slides his feet into his own sneakers, mentally running through all the places you could possibly be: the diner, the park. Hell, you could be wandering around the city mindlessly—how would he find you then?

The thought speeds him on as he hastens down the stairs and outside. He could try calling your cell phone, though you almost definitely wouldn’t pick up. You probably have it on silent anyway. You do that a lot; you say the noise bothers you.

But at times like this, it scares the shit out of him.

He strides down the sidewalk with purpose. He’ll check the diner first, and if you’re not there, the park will be next. Last time, you were found traipsing around the pond by the south end, and it’s possible you might be there again.

These worries are for naught though as he spots you through the window of Stella’s, coffee mug cradled in your hands.

The bell tinkles as he walks in the door, and your eyes immediately snap up to lock with his, some emotion swirling there that he just can’t put a name on. He slides into the booth seat across from you, signals your usual waitress for a cup of coffee, and makes an attempt at a smile.

“You were gone.”

“Yeah,” you say, quiet. “Just needed to clear my head.”

He takes a moment to study you, assesses the pain in your posture. “Scale of one to ten?” he asks. You frown at your cup, think.

“Eight.” You fiddle with a spoon. “I woke up and it was hard to breathe.”

He sighs. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

You’re frowning at your coffee again, haven’t looked him in the eye since he walked in. “You seemed peaceful,” you say. “I didn’t want to bother you.”

He reaches across the table to take your hand; you stiffen but doesn’t pull away. “I’ve told you, you’re never a bother. If I can help, let me help.”

You slide your hand from his grip, and there’s a long silence before you whisper, “What if you can’t?”

“What happens if you don’t let me try?” he asks, and your eyes finally meet his.

You say nothing—just stare at him—the hurt that he sees everyday peering out from under your lashes.

“Please, sweetheart, just try to help me understand what’s going on in your head.”

You break eye contact again to look long and hard out the window, and he knows he’s lost you.

“I can’t,” you say.

He slumps back in his seat, once again defeated. A cup of coffee is set in front of him, along with some creamer, and he gives the waitress a feeble smile in thanks, decides to focus on this task instead.

He pours the creamer into his mug and reaches down the table to grab a few packs of sugar, carefully tips them in. He doesn’t look at you, just slips a spoon into the cup and stirs, trying his best to not get angry.

Because he does, he wants to help. And you won’t let him in. He’s so tired of waking up to find you gone or crying in the bathroom or curled up by the window with that blank look on your face. All of this hurts him too; why can’t you see that? He just wants back the girl who wasn’t afraid to take a leap and kiss him on a rainy night in April after an umpteenth study date, and he knows you want that woman back too—he can see it in the way that you look at him.

“I’m sorry.”

He looks up at the sound of your voice and is horrified to see tears streaking down your face.

“It wasn’t supposed to be this hard,” you choke out, and any frustration that he was previously feeling dissipates immediately.

He slides into your side of the booth and hesitantly wraps an arm around your shoulders. You neither lean in nor resist and so he pulls you closer, tightening his embrace until you’re muffling your sobs in his shirt.

“I’m here,” he murmurs into your hair. “I promise. I’m right here.”

Taehyung just so happens to look up when you walk into the room, hair swinging past your shoulders and a textbook tucked under your arm. You’re pretty, beautiful actually, but you carry yourself in a way that suggests you don’t know it. Your eyes flick up to his and he reflexively looks down at his desk, embarrassed to be caught staring.

He busies himself with his phone, trying to act nonchalant, and he can feel the blush creeping into his face when you quietly take the seat next to him.

“Can I borrow a pen?” you ask after a few awkward seconds. He nods and fumbles around in his bag, still not looking at you for fear that he’s making a fool of himself—he can’t even find a damn pen. And sure enough, when he finally does locate one in the very depths of his backpack and hands it to you, your lips are twisted with barely held back laughter.

He’s thankful when the professor walks into the room and your eyes are no longer trained on him, making his heart beat faster than it ever has.

It’s barely a week before Taehyung once again wakes to find your side of the bed empty. He scrubs a hand down his face, gives a light shake of his head to clear the fog of sleep.

The clock on the nightstand reads 4:37am.

He rolls out of bed, rubs at his bicep where the faint prickling of pins-and-needles irritates the muscle. Then comes the habitual check for any noises that might indicate that you’re still in the apartment.

Nothing.

He slips on a jacket, slides his feet into a pair of boots, and tromps out of the room, stumbling into the wall ever so slightly from the grogginess that still weighs him down. He hopes you’re at Stella’s; he could use a cup of coffee right about now.

He crosses through the living room and is halfway out the door when he hears the voice.

“Hey.”

He spins on his heel and almost topples over. You’ve got your knees pulled up to your chest on the bench seat by the window, half of you bathing in pearly moonlight, the other half veiled in shadow.

“Hi,” he blurts. “I thought…I thought you were out.”

You shake your head, the bare hints of a smile gracing your lips. “No.”

He scratches at the back of his neck, never knowing what to do in the situations where you’re actually here. On most nights he just putters around, keeping an eye out while you impassively stare at the streets outside.

But tonight, you toe the vacant spot next to you.

“Sit with me,” you murmur.

That immediately gives him pause. He’s never invited into your world during these late night sessions. You always push him away or ignore him.

This is new.

He nudges off his shoes, drops his coat on the couch, and slowly makes his way over to where you’re curled by the window. Deciding to let you set the pace, he takes a cautious seat, back straight, hands in his lap.

“This okay?” he asks.

You cant forward, hair swinging to cover your face, but he thinks you’re laughing at him just a little bit and the knot in his chest loosens ever so slightly.

You guide him back so that his spine is pressed against the wall of the tiny nook, his legs swinging up to bracket the spot where you kneel. Then you turn so that your back is resting against his chest, before pulling his arms to wrap around your waist.

“This,” you whisper. “This is better.”

He lets out a long exhale, can’t help burying his nose in the hair at your neck. “Love you.”

You hum, leaning back in his embrace, and little by little, he feels the tension leave your body. It warms him from head to toe, holding you, the city lights keeping you both company.

And after a while, still propped up against him, you fall asleep.

His heart is in his throat, absolutely stunned into silence by the way the sleek, midnight blue dress you’re wearing hugs every curve and slope of your body. He truly doesn’t know how he’s gotten so lucky or what he could have possibly done to deserve your presence in his life.

You slide up to his side, a coy little smile flirting with your mouth as you slip your hand into his.

“You wanna get out of here?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You aimlessly walk through the streets, arm in arm, laughing at the most random things and goofing off, and when he looks at you, you just seem so…happy.

You get to the park and he feels it’s now or never, so he pulls you to a halt. You look up at him, your tongue poking through your smile, and he’s lost all of his words, doesn’t even know what he could say that would ever be enough for you. Enough for this.

So he merely gets down on his knee and pulls out the ring.

He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t have to, because you immediately gasp out a “Yes!” and join him on the ground, tightly wrapping your body around his. He clutches you to him, makes a silent promise to do everything in his power to make you happy.

To give you a reason to smile.

He’s jolted awake by your hands on his chest, shaking him violently. Eyes snapping open, Taehyung finds your face hovering over his, clearly panicked and crying.

He immediately bolts upright. “What? What’s wrong?”

You curl against his chest, sobs racking your frame. “Can’t,” you choke out. “I…I-I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” He tugs you tight against him as you shake your head.

“I-it’s suffocating,” you mumble. He tries to loosen his hold and pull away, but you latch on with a “No!” and he hesitantly wraps his arms back around you.

“I…I woke you up,” you say, sobs beginning to subside.

“It’s okay,” he says quickly. “It’s fine.”

“You wanted to…to help.”

Oh.

Wow.

“You want me to help? Just tell me how. You want to talk about it?”

You shake your head again, vigorously. “Please. No.”

“Then how—”

“Here,” you blurt. “Just stay here.”

He gives your shoulders a squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know.” You press closer. “I know.”

He rubs his hands up and down your back as you gradually ease into him, your breaths evening out, and for the first time he feels hopeful. You may not be close to talking about it—may not be anywhere near opening up fully—but at least there’s this.

At least you let him hold you up.

The clock on the nightstand reads 6:13am.

a/n: pls consider liking, replying, reblogging, or sending an ask! <3

[therealslimshakespeare]

i was thinking about what late night talks with bucky would be like (call me crazy), and it got me thinking:

other than dying (though arguably some are not afraid of dying), what do you think some of the mota men’s greatest fears are? i could write a hundred essays on each of them, they all are so different!

Gosh, this is an incredible ask and it got me thinkin. Too hard, probably. And while I didn’t summarize thoughts for everyone I did think of them for Bucky.

So much so I wrote a little blurb on it. Sorry Nonnie if you’re not even into this universe, I totally get it but I found fic to be a more enlightening method for exploring this. I wanna hear those thoughts of yours! Send them, I beg!

Greatest Fear

They got a bit existential as the weeks went on and their nights got more conscious. Ida and Bucky’s minds grew restless in the cold now that their bodies were healing. Huddled in their bunk they had debated baseball vs football endlessly, and argued regarding the accuracy of each other’s training anecdotes, the morality of mobsters and who was the better boxer: Braddock or Baer.

They’d ended up talking of the war, and both being sick of the dead end that the question of the future brought, they circled back around more concrete -if troublesome- thoughts. Most hairy landings, worst sounds either heard from their crew over the radio and what flashed across their minds when they had to finally press that abandon ship control.

And finally, Bucky ended up asking her what her worst fear was. And when Ida didn’t have it readily to hand -too used to suppressing any such thoughts even to her own self- he clarified: “Besides dying, I mean. If you’re even scared of that. Knowin’ you, maybe you aren’t.”

“I’d rather not.” she admitted.

“So? So what gets you scared?”

“This your way of fishing for another ghost story?” Ida teased.

“No. Just feels like sometimes you gotta remind yourself what it’s all about. Scared of dyin’ means you like livin’ enough to rather not stop. That sorta thing.”

“You’re saying love for one thing drives fear for another.” She summarized.

“Dunno. Just mullin’ it over.”

“I’d go through anything not to lose John.” she conceded, “Funny enough I’m positive he feels the same, so what a snarl.”

“I know he does.”

“Yeah.”

“If they put a gun to Buck’s head I’d tell ‘em Roosevelt's address and his favorite drink order, too.” Bucky expounded, tongue loosened by her tiny admission of frailty. “And he’d hate me for it.”

“All different kinds of loves out there.” Ida murmured consolingly, thinking hard on how her brother had been in a rage at her condition when he first saw her, and yet one of his first questions was whether she’d given anything up. Her Johnny knew she couldn’t live with herself if she had and he wouldn't've wanted her to. And nothing about that struck her as cold. Just as Bucky’s dangerous devotion to Gale didn’t strike her as weak. Just different.

“I saw a train.” Bucky began a thought but his voice died out with such finality Ida wondered if he’d ever pick the subject up again. But after a long moment he did, with some far away quality present in his voice that she’d never heard before, “On the way here. We were on one set of tracks and it was comin’ up the other.”

Ida had memories of trains, a lot of them. Going south all alone, first trip down to the uncle and aunts during the worst year of the depression. Old enough to know her own folks couldn’t support her, old enough to question how a ticket could be arranged but not supper. There had been trains that took her to training in Texas, then on to Iowa and Nebraska. Trains that took her deeper into Germany. One entire train car just for herself and too many German soldiers. Then the train that took them away from Ravensbruck. Ida felt an unsettled anticipation around trains that the peaceful rightness of flight had never caused her.

When Bucky mentioned trains and didn’t go on, Ida folded her hand into his huge one and squeezed it tightly. “What about those trains, John?”

“Heard ‘em before we saw ‘em.” he clarified, nodding his head conversationally as he was want to do, like he was gaining momentum towards a hard saying. Ida braced herself, squeezed just a little harder. “Not the engines, the screams. Car after car, and nothin’ but arms and faces reachin’ out. Screaming.”

Bucky’s bruised eyes were fixed, downcast gaze somewhere in the vicinity of her throat, but Ida knew he was seeing something far away. “I think I saw where they take them.” she muttered before she even had time to weigh her contribution to this horrid tale.

His eyes focused again and he looked at her with silent inquiry. “They took us to a labor camp first. Before here. Apparently one of the nicer ones, they had intentions of treating us as civilians.” Ida had been preoccupied with her aching body and her sharp terror of failure while at Ravensbruck, but not so much as to not notice the haunting vestiges of humanity answering roll beside her. “I felt like I was in Hades, the cold hell. Where the living damned can peruse each special misery waiting for them when they die. Called it a labor camp but I don’t know how skeletons like that could produce anything. Last bits of human resilience used to put together some industry to keep their oppressors fed, equipped. What an end.”

“Scares me shitless.” Bucky replied vehemently, and Ida realized they’d gotten full circle in their talk, that he’d dragged more out of her than she ever intended. Somehow neither his statement of fear nor her own felt weak in the moment. “That folks could get so hard they could do that to each other -I don’t know what to do with that, Ida. How’s it get to that point. Why’ve you got Fritz and then you’ve got…that? Same country, same sauerkraut, same uniforms. Scares me shitless.”

MOTA taglist, I only have one so ignore if this is not the universe you signed up for:

@stylespresleyhearted

@ab4eva

@earth-to-lottie

@suraemoon

@blurredcolour

@steph-speaks

@crazymadpassionatelove

@rubyfruitjungle

@taestrwbrry

@storysimp

@javden

@sexualparkour

@jointherebellion215

@sunny747

@ask-you-what-sir

@xxanaduwrites

@pretty4u

@yorkshirekiwi

@waitedforlove743

@elvismylove04

@blikebarbie92

@luminouslywriting

@euryno-j47

@justheretoreadthhx

@bookotter01

@mads-weasley

@ka-ski

@darkestbeforethedawn16

@slowsweetlove

@richardslady121

@barbeygirl

@prfctplcsreads

@vaf24

@harrys-housewife

@claireelizabeth85

@pearlparty

@piastrinho

[whalyrae]

THE OLD GUARD CHAPTER 1

"We don’t get a say on how it ends, we never have. But we can control how we live."

Summary : You are a powerful witch, cursed and hurt through ages. Owner of your esoteric shop, you were resigned to live this lonely life when the powerful magic of soulmates and fate came to you.

Pairing : poly BTS x reader (she/her)

Genre : soulmate au, demons bts au, witch y/n au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, polyamory relationships

Status : In process

Word Count : 2.8k

Warnings : eventual smut, angst, mention of depression, death, suicide, past trauma, violence, blood, past (sexual) abuse, past torture, PTSD, scars, self harm

A/N : finally the courage to post this ! Hope y'all will enjoy it  🥺  ps : sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language !  💜

Masterlist | ao3 | wattpad

Chapter 2

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ 

People say that soulmates are the ones who make life come to life. They are muses. Soulmates will naturally make you feel seen, heard, understood, valued, supported & loved. Soulmates will bring out your inner child, be open with you & give you best friend vibes. They'll heal, grow & evolve with you–not only in this lifetime but in every dimension.

At first, when she met him, she agreed with all of these. But in the end… These numerous lives she lived through decades and centuries taught her that love was never enough.

She was… well, kinda immortal. Of course, immortality doesn’t exist. Every life ends one day. Even vampires are not immortal. 

But her? She couldn’t die. She was killed more than once, she even tried to end her own life. Too many times. And she failed. All attempts were unsuccessful. She was cursed. A damn curse who keeps her from dying. She never knew why it happened or how it happened. 

She stopped aging around 25. Several centuries later, here she is. It’s been ten years since her arrival in South Korea. First in Busan, she moved to Daegu, Gimpo, and finally Seoul, where she lives now. 

She was finally able to open this esoteric shop she had been dreaming of for a few decades already. She found the perfect spot, in a small alley, near a cute coffee shop. Called "The Dreamcatcher " it was run by other witches, like her. Gahyeon, one of the owners, became a close friend.

Quickly, she befriended Gahyeon's mates and co-owner, Minji and Siyeon, both witches too. The four others, Bora, Yoohyeon, Handong, and Yubin worked there too as bartenders and pastry chefs. But unlike Gahyeon and the first three women, they were demons. 

It wasn’t uncommon for witches, demons, and other creatures to be soulmates or partners. It was also common to see four, five, or even eight soulmates together. Polyamory was almost ordinary for non-humans. 

These seven girls became her closest friends. They even helped her sometimes, with new books' arrival, or when she needed help rearranging some herbs and crystals. Gahyeon and Handong were the ones who visited her the most, always bringing her a strawberry cake, her favorite pastry, or a coffee in the morning. They often hang out together, mostly in her house which was just upstairs from her shop. 

Her esoteric shop, called "The Magic Shop ", quickly became popular among creatures and some humans. Her hours of service were different from usual shops. She was closing later in the evening in summer, and early in the morning in winter, to allow vampires who feared the sunlight to come. 

Also, people liked her. She was always kind and generous. An adorable little ray of sunshine, even though she was one of the most ancient witches still alive. Her knowledge of the magical world, history, art, literature, and magic was immense due to her age. She always gave perfect advice, always guided her clients in the right way and she always took good care of them. 

Yeah… she was not alone anymore, right? 

It was a lie. She was wearing a mask every day. Of course, her kindness wasn’t faked. She genuinely loved helping people. But despite this, even with all those warm smiles she gave to her clients and friends, she was deeply blessed and hurt by her past, Lonely, suffering from many wounds and scars that weren’t healed, and will probably never be. 

Too many times, the girls tried and still try to convince her to meet people who they think could be her potential soulmate. But she always refused. Love and soul mates have almost always been a taboo subject for her. She never wanted to be with anyone. And none of her friends knew that she had already found her soulmate. She even knew she had seven. She never told them about that. She never talked about him. The first of the seven soulmates she had that she met, centuries ago. The only one by the way. This person she lost because she was too weak, too stupid, and too young. And she never saw him again. She was sure she would never see him again. 

Or at least, that’s what she thought. No matter what, soulmates always end up together.

That day began like others. Gahyeon came to see her in the morning, with a caramel macchiato and a croissant. 

“Unnie! Don’t forget to eat! If you need help, you know where we are !”

She thanked her friend with a nod and a smile, already immersed in her new book. She just finished a herbology book last night, and now wanted to change and read a novel. It was a romance. She didn’t even remember she had Lisa Kleypas's books but well, It Happened in Autumn was on her personal bookshelf. 

She took a sip of the coffee, almost burning her tongue at the warmness of the liquid, making her wince a little. She then took a bite of the croissant, chewing slowly while rereading the same passage for the third time. 

She knew why these words were touching her so much

It may be time to take a break. 

“Is the book so bad to make you sigh like that ?” 

That sudden voice startled her. First, because she has yet to hear the new customer enter her store. Second, because his voice was… deep, soft, comforting, making her body shiver. She looked up at him, and time seemed to stand still for a few seconds. 

Her eyes widened. Her breath stopped when she saw his face, felt his presence, and saw his gaze filled with an emotion that she only figured out much later. Because unlike her, when his eyes landed on her, he immediately understood. He knew who she was, and who she would be for him. And he never regretted it.   

Her body, her mind, everything reacted viscerally at his presence. Even he seemed surprised, but he was the first one to come to his senses. 

He gave her a smile, a smile so sweet, so tender, that her heart swelled with a warmth she hadn’t felt since… something like an eternity. 

“Yeah… I mean, no !” she tried to act as normal as possible, smiling shyly “It’s just… a passage, nothing special !”

“What is it? It Would be awful to make you frown like that !” he asks gently, his grin showing small dimples she wanted to kiss suddenly. 

“It’s… it’s not important! You’re the customer, after all, I’m sorry! What can I do for you, Sir ?” 

This name on her lips, with this voice. Damn it. Namjoon could become addicted to it so soon… And they only just met each other. Did she feel the same things as him? 

When he first came here, it was just curiosity. One of his friends recommended this new place, which opened a few months ago. According to this person, it was held by a powerful witch, as kind and sweet as beautiful. That's not what caught his attention at first. It was mainly because there were no specialized esoteric shops for demons like him and his partners. 

But as soon as he set foot in the store, everything changed. A sweet smell came to tickle his nose. Her smell. A scent of vanilla. He recognized it immediately. This scent he had been waiting for since he was born. The scent of this special person he and his sixth other mates had been waiting for so long. This person they need in their life to be fully completed. 

He looked up, searching for her, and there she was. In front of him, only a few feet away. 

She was the most beautiful person he ever met. And he was an old demon. He met plenty of humans, witches, and other creatures in his long life. 

Perched on her chair, her nose in her book that seemed to both disturb and hurt her for some reason he didn’t know and didn’t like at all. She wasn't supposed to have that pain on her pretty face. She was supposed to be happy. That’s all she deserved and he was willing to move and destroy mountains to make that happen. 

He almost let out a grunt when he saw her burn her tongue with her coffee. So beautiful and so clumsy. He already knew Jin and Yoongi would be possessive and protective over her. 

“I have time,” he replied, his smile didn’t want to disappear, “I’m not a big fan of Kleypas, but I read a few of her books.” 

“Me neither to be honest” she answered with a nervous laugh “but I found it in my bookshelf and… I was curious, there, this part.” 

She was about to give him the book, but she saw him rubbing the back of his head. 

“I have a terrible sight and forgot to take my glasses, can you read it to me ?”

Actually… he had them. He never left without them. But he wanted to hear her voice just a little bit more.  

She looked at him a little surprised, but let out a small laugh. 

Oh. 

Oh, that laugh. Namjoon’s heart almost dropped.

That simple noise sounded like a sweet song in his ears and made his heart almost skip a beat. That was the cutest sound he ever heard. Even Jungkook’s moans couldn’t compete with that. Namjoon was sure that the maknae would not be mad at this but would agree with him. 

She took a glance at him. Why should he be so… so attractive? Why did she have that feeling of comfort and trust? She didn’t even know his name. 

Oh, you already know why, sweet girl, he’s one of them, her inner voice whispered to her, but she quickly pushed it away. 

It was impossible. It couldn’t be that. She didn’t even want to think about this word. 

She inhaled deeply. With the book in her hands, she finally started to read the small lines, ignoring the aching in her heart : 

“There is nothing on earth more beautiful to me than your smile...no sound sweeter than your laughter...no pleasure greater than holding you in my arms. I realized today that I could never live without you, stubborn little hellion that you are. In this life and the next, you’re my only hope of happiness. Tell me, Lillian, dearest love...how can you have reached so far inside my heart ?”

She had to pinch her lips together to hold back her tears. These words, these phrases. They brought back memories, happy memories that time made painful. Namjoon saw her reaction and had to restrain himself from hugging her, wrapping her in his arms to protect her. What happened to her for being hurt by such beautiful words? Maybe she fell in love with a person who made her suffer. He was ready to cross the world and the underworld to find them and make them suffer. 

“I… I’m just not a fan of romance, too lovey-dovey for me, you know ?” she told him after a few seconds with a small laugh and shook her head, closing the book. “Ah, forget that, may I help you? Were you searching for something in particular ?” 

She tried her best to mask all her negative feelings and the huge attraction she felt for him. He was her client, she had to stay professional. Namjoon understood it. He wasn’t worried. Now that he knew who she was and where she worked, he had plenty of time to get to know her, to tell others who she was, to tell them about her. 

How he couldn’t wait for them all to be together! He would have loved to take her with him today, to have her meet her other mates, but he felt that something was making her reluctant and distant about soulmates' bond and everything related to it. A deep and still painful wound. He needed to be patient and make sure they all would be. 

He already knew that Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung would be the hardest ones to contain. They were only young demons… only a few decades old. Still babies, always in the need to be stuck together or to one of the elders.  

“Is everything okay, sir ?” She asked after a few seconds without any response from the man, worried. 

“Yes… I mean, ahem. Yeah! Sure, I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. 

“I came here out of curiosity, and heard about your place from a friend, Bangchan.”

“Oh, Chris! Sure I know him! His boyfriend Félix comes here pretty often, he’s a good friend !” She agreed with a smile. “So I assume you’re not a human too, maybe a vampire, like him ?”

“I’m a demon.” He answered with a smirk.  

He had to be a demon. His (her) mates should be demons, too. Maybe he was with them? Maybe Namjoon has found all of his (their) other mates? 

“Oh, I’m Kim Namjoon by the way, nice to meet you.” He told her. His smile didn’t want to disappear.

“Y/n, nice to meet you too, Namjoon.”

She hesitated when he offered her his hand, but took it. The small electric shocks she felt when their skins brushed together made her stop breathing again for a few seconds. She felt something inexplicable, specific to this particular bond, that she hadn’t felt since… for an eternity. She needed more, she wanted to feel more. She wanted him. She needed him. 

Fuck, his hand was so big compared to hers. Long and pretty fingers fitting with hers perfectly… 

This wasn’t good at all. 

“Ah, this static electricity,” she muttered, laughing nervously, trying to refrain from these feelings inside her. “Hum… if you have any questions about magic, herbs, books, you know where I am…!”

“Yeah… yeah I know where you are… I wouldn't hesitate, thank you, y/n.”

Namjoon definitely knew that something was wrong. Something that made her suffer deeply and that blocked her from wanting and accepting the bond between her, him, and their six other soulmates. And he would do anything to find it out, to help her and finally get them all together. 

°°°

Later that day, after the closure of her shop, once she's finally at home, showered and wearing her plaid, she sends a text to Gahyeon. 

“Sorry to disturb you now Hyeonie but… can you come, please ?”

She didn’t need to wait for an answer. She wasn't the type of person to send the first message, even more to ask for help. 

🦊: Unnie? 

🦊: Is everything okay? 

🦊: Did something happen?

🦊: Wait! No need to answer, I’m coming with food! 

🦊: Handong is coming too!

Seeing her friend so concerned warmed her heart. Gahyeon was a blessing, like all the girls. She didn’t want to bother them, but she didn’t know what to do anymore, and loneliness was the last thing she could bear tonight,

It didn't take very long for her two friends to arrive at her house. Gahyeon immediately came to sit next to her on the sofa, Handong was behind her, a bag with food in her hands. She offered her a sweet smile, although she was also worried, as was Gahyeon who took her hands in hers. 

“Tell us now! Have you met a rude customer? A weirdo tried to do something to you ?”

“No, not at all, Nothing bad happened, it's just… I met someone and…” 

She made a pause and took a deep breath. Gahyeon and Handong looked at each other, suddenly concerned. She never called them for something like that. It was the first time she called them at almost midnight. 

So it was quickly that they connected the dots. 

“Wait, you mean you met one of your…”

“Don’t…” she began, her voice shaking, “Handong please, not this word…”

She squeezed Gahyeon's hand, holding back her tears as she remembered the events earlier this morning. 

"He…” she began, hesitating, “he already met them, all of them, I felt it. I’m the last one and… it means,” she took a deep breath, but tears rolled down her cheeks without her controlling it, “it means that he’s with them…” 

Gahyeon took her in her arms when she burst into tears. She couldn't hold back her emotions. She cried. She couldn’t stop even if she tried. Her heart hurt so much. All these years, these centuries of loneliness and suffering...

That guy she met today, Namjoon. He was one of her soulmates. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t deny it. He felt it too, she was sure about that. But no… she couldn’t… she didn’t want to live that again. And that’s why she broke down in Gahyeon’s arms. Because even if she met her soulmates, and could be with all of them, she would not and could not risk going through that again. 

Not after what happened centuries ago, when she met her first soulmate, how she messed up, and how she lost him at a point where he forgot about who she was. 

“Jinnie…” she whispered between two painful sobs, “Jin is with them…” 

[valtsv]

it makes me kinda sad when i think about all the interesting friends and acquaintances my parents used to have who they just... don't talk about anymore, let alone talk to or spend time with, because they went off the deep end with facebook conspiracy theories and antivaxx bullshit and generally turned into weirdo conservatives. like the slavic orthodox monk who used to play football with me and my brother when he came to visit sometimes, or the japanese photographer whose parents sent us cultural exchange gifts every christmas, or the polish woman who toured the world with a dancing/theatre troupe when she was young and later moved to spain and started her own olive farm business, or the american jewish family who lived down the road when we were kids who my mom was best friends with, or my brother's godfather the polish biker gang priest who rode a harley davidson to sermons, or my south african godmother who collected incredible wood carvings of dragons and giraffes and elephants and filled her house with beautiful jewel-colored paintings and ornamental bird cages and brightly patterned and bejewelled throw blankets and rugs and told me about growing up during and post-apartheid and helped me to understand important historical events and social issues we never covered in school and was one of the most unconditionally kind and helpful people i've ever met, or the german family my mom used to spend hours talking to on the phone, or the woman my mom was friends with whose son was trans and who supported my own struggles with gender and sexuality and encouraged me to express myself. i can't even get in touch with most of them because i never got their contact details, and i can hardly ask my parents now. it's just so thoroughly depressing how much life and culture my childhood was filled with and how my parents destroyed that before i was even old enough to fully appreciate it.

[whetstonefires]

It's been a few years since I wrote much DCU fan content, but I have gone on refining things like geography headcanons sort of absently.

For my purposes Gotham is typically in Rhode Island, quite a bit further south than Providence, which in this universe is a much smaller city than in reality because Gotham was there between it and the sea.

Possibly on Conanicut Island; sometimes material writing Gotham as a double for New York leans upon Manhattan's island status in some way. Possibly on the mainland, if you don't have any use for that. Or both. Regardless the 17th century history of the Narragansett is implied to have sucked even harder than it did irl.

It seems to have gotten popular since the Teen Titans cartoon to put Gotham in Connecticut; I can work with this too. Maybe it replaces New London. Any further west and you're fully in Long Island Sound and too close to New York City.

The important features of Gotham are that it's coastal, it's around four hundred years old, and it was founded by English colonists. There have been a lot of variations ofc, including that period where Metropolis and Gotham were hilariously right across a bay from one another, but enough of the history-of-Gotham-and-the-Waynes segments over the years have leaned hard into distinctively New England elements that I cannot accept a Gotham that isn't north of New York.

Also for weather reasons even New Jersey seems like quite a stretch, and there's nowhere to jam a city in there without getting sucked into the orbit of existing stars in the metropolitan belt and ruining the vibe anyhow.

Metropolis meanwhile is, as far as I'm concerned, in Delaware, on the west coast of Delaware Bay, having been established in the 1920s as an ambitious planned futurist city and sucked up a lot of the development that would otherwise have gone to Philadelphia and Baltimore, and taken a bite out of the population of DC also.

Suicide Slum is where the people hired to build the city were living while doing so, a common side effect of such planned construction, and it ballooned in the 30s when the world economy crashed.

Metropolis was saved by WWII, when the feds sited a lot of war production and military transport out of its harbor because the place had been built on a grandiose scale that hadn’t ever hit peak utilization due to the Depression, so it was convenient. There’s still a large Army base near city limits; Lois spent her teens in base housing because her dad was stationed there.

[thestartarot]

Aquarius North Node / Leo South Node analysis

My own observations, take what resonates.

18 y/o and over due to sensitive topic nature. Thank you.

Trailblazers, we are entering age of Aquarius.

Soul color: blue

Destiny point: to build a society that allows your liberty to be upheld and keeps the people around you safe. To overcome societal norms by being their authentic self. Find middle ground in all manners of life. Discover creativity. Discover equality. Acceptance despite differences.

How to overcome: Be your own self and live in your own truth. Be Aquarius, don’t reject it. Don’t repress who you are and anything that is associated with inauthenticity like lying, cheating, or overtly objectifying yourself and others. Love yourself and people for the facets of who they are. Society brings structure and hope. Build your own moral code that points you in a direction of good. Use your thoughts as modes of creative expression instead of internalizing them and feeling jaded.

Full disclosure: this really is a wild turkey placement. Childhood will vary dramatically. There are certain threads that are shared in different generations of this placement. I will discuss those. I have frequently said this is also a polarizing placement and mental health needs to be a top priority. I’m going to discuss the polarity associated with Aquarians. In a simple way to demonstrate a complexity, imagine the concept of Aquarius as a line. On one side, there’s one extreme it falls to when depressed or under developed, on the other side, we see the Aquarian at its best living its truest self. It’s important to pay attention to how you are feeling and learn ways to self soothe (hot bath, go get a coffee, put on a skincare mask)

Isolation, Stoic,

Unemotional,

Deeply traumatized

Society and people

Become means of control

And a source of pain &

Pleasure

<——————————————————————————>

Unhealthy mindset A true libertine

When developed, Aquarians want people to embrace themselves, want a society where one can be accepted. In private, loves to enjoy themselves. Society and people are objects to be understood and admired. Fairness.

So the Aquarian already living in a very polarizing existence all the time and very inwardly (unlike Gemini who demonstrates polarizing mentalities outwardly.) Honestly, it’s an air sign thing. Y’all think so much you create different modes of thought all running at the same time and frequency and sometimes these modes aren’t too grounded in reality.

My moon is in Aquarius, and it squares off with some very important planets which is why I take my own mental health seriously, there are many ways I relate. - I struggle in social situations and sometimes I feel like I’m in a constant state of being misunderstood or disenfranchised by the people around me. It’s okay, to feel disconnected from society, but there are slippery slopes to that and particularly this placement (edit: 08/10/24)

Childhood: really varies for everyone with this placement. The most common thread I see is a hunt for the innermost & sometimes primal need for success & fulfillment in whatever that looks like for the individual. Success can be happiness, it can be owning a house of their own with a beautiful partner, being great at one’s job. However, success happens when working collectively and this placement may have felt indifferent socially. Childhood may have been stressful because of a lot of inner repression. Possibly conflicting beliefs or attitudes with family members. A lot of outer resentment towards the world because of coming into a world in active war time. The Leo South Node feels discouraged and disconnected because something is stealing the torch (war, politics, social inequalities, fundamental rights but society not granting those.) So the Aquarius in this placement at birth is a gift but also was born under uncertainty making society feel quite scary and uncomfortable. Parents or parental figures (lots of extended family dynamics, unusual or drifter upbringing) were just trying to get by too and they wanted you to fit in but they couldn’t always concentrate on you and when you weren’t perfect upon random inspection, you may have been punished (grounding, abuse). They need good teachers. Aspecting planets or houses may change this but at some point may have had more fascinations of death in the general sense of the word. There will be many hurdles to overcome in childhood and adulthood. You may feel lost. Always feeling like you are in a crowd. Or never seen. The Leo south node in this placement daydreams of fame and not having responsibility. The battle of finding one’s place in society, feeling misunderstood, and isolated can lead to substance abuse disorder / dissociations very young. The polarity in this placement will need lots of love and care because despite the mental framework, the Aquarian wants to succeed and thinks a lot about how to be the best. So, I stress mental health and great teachers. This placement often gets the “tough luck” approach.

Possibly experienced one too many early passings of childhood friends.

Adulthood: Aquarius is one of the most dominant signs in my personal opinion because I see the sign so heavily pronounced in culture and eras of time making it an undeniable Renegade. An Artist. A visionary. The inspiration in the stars. A moody and rebellious lost soul forced to live in the world alone. I have a theory that the innate liberty of Aquarius inspires the Leo to move towards the collective instead of the controlling. An Aquarian can manipulate the environment around you and the environment can manipulate the Aquarian into feeding their delusions. The Aquarian sign here can feel so detached from reality because they are so focused on the social framework around them and how to navigate it, they might not develop their natural talents that Leo south node came bursting in with. The most important thing stressed here is Aquarius is such a fixed sign that the intensity of your presence can cause people to go through changes. It’s not your fault, you are very statuesque and people are moved in emotion by you. Take it in stride. Don’t take it as an attack. The only way you are going to move forward is to be vulnerable and not feel shame. In this vulnerability is where you will shine and find your creative light.

Early and perhaps untimely deaths are associated with this placement and it may be because death does seem to follow them in the shadows. & usually at their own hand, drugs, or someone else’s. Y’all be safe you agents of change! The 27 club has presence here.

10 celebrities to unalive young with NN in Aquarius

Kurt Cobain

Heath Ledger

Janis Joplin

Jimi Hendrix

Brittany Murphy

Bruce Lee

Brandon Lee

James Dean

Aaliyah

River Phoenix (List credited to ChatGPT)

How to overcome: be your authentic self, don’t let society determine who you are and who you can’t be. Let the bare bones of truth be your armor. In healthy ways, be involved in society. Watch out for the polarity you have to deal with and don’t let the Leo south node be too consuming and too angry, use the creativity that comes with Leo to express your emotions. Take caution of those around you, people often like to dominate the Aquarius because the intensity in their presence can come off as a threat.

If I had three tarot cards to throw at this placement, it would be Death, The Star, and Judgement. Don’t let being an outsider turn you astray, be creative and use that philosophical and fantastical mind to good use. You’re great!!!

I stress mental health (journaling specifically, take note of song ^^) and to further emphasize the polarity and repression in this placement, here are five serial killers with a North Node in Aquarius:

Ted Bundy

Jeffrey Dahmer

Edmund Kemper

John Wayne Gacy

Richard Ramirez (List Credit to ChatGPT)

***all of these trash piles are aspected by Saturn in an earth sign.

So we have Kurt Cobain and John Wayne Gacy in the same sign, both experiencing tragic death. Kurt uplifted so many people while the other was pure trash. The reason is, Kurt Cobain was more successful at expressing his truth, rip forever. Placements should not use substances. Therapy advised if feeling disenfranchised, would look into counseling.

Final thoughts, Aquarius is a beautiful sign that wants to be happy and free. Leo wants Aquarius to bloom. What is dished out to this sign will be dished back out out 10 fold. But, the struggle will be, does one embrace the collective society or does one let society consume them and act cynical and cruel? When Aquarian placements learn how to love in a healthy manner, they are great lovers.

Also, keep in mind that everything I’m writing is opinion and not fact and this placement and your Saturn placement could be beneficial and make all of this irrelevant. That’s why I said it’s a wild turkey &&& also nothing takes precedence over experience and faith.

— Casper

Copyright © 2024 thestartarot | All rights reserved.

[yeoldenews]

This is my 12th year posting Dear Santa letters on tumblr.

Over the last decade+ I have read more letters than I could ever count. This year alone I probably spent 50+ hours and read well over a thousand letters just to find the 50 or so I’m posting.

Publishing letters to Santa in the newspaper first became popular in the mid-1890s.

In large cities Dear Santa letters often acted as a method of getting needed clothing and supplies to impoverished children when parents might be ashamed to ask for charity. Subscribers to the newspaper could chose a child’s letter and provide the items they asked for. The most common requests were shoes and coats.

Sometimes newspapers offered prizes for the best letter (which I suspect often acted as another clandestine form of charity as the winners were often letters asking for basic clothing and school supplies.) Though these prizes could range from the ordinary (a sled or a doll) to the extravagant (a $20 gold piece or a live pony.)

Many local stores would enter children in a drawing if they mentioned the store in their letter - which on occasion would result in children hilariously name-dropping every store in town just in case.

Writing Dear Santa letters was commonly an activity done at school, often following some rough form letter. These letters are fairly easy to spot due as they often hype up what a good student the child was and include effusive praise for their teacher (who would likely see the letter before it was sent.)

Through Dear Santa letters you can see how Christmas traditions vary and evolve from place to place. Some places the presents go under the tree, others on it. Some place Santa brings the tree himself and sets it up.

Stockings were hung over the fireplace, or on the doorknob, or at the end of the bed, or by the kitchen stove.

In the Deep South fireworks are were the stocking-stuffer of choice, while fresh fruit, nuts and candy were popular everywhere.

The traditional milk & cookies left for Santa didn’t become popular until the 1930s, though that was hardly the beginning of leaving Santa something to eat. Popular choices prior to the 1930s included cake, donuts, “lunch” (it’s always lunch for some reason, never dinner), and “just help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen.”

Dear Santa letters offer a rare chance to see history unfold through the eyes of children - often in their own creatively spelled words.

1914′s “Remember the children in Belgium” becomes 1918′s “Please visit my brother in France”.

During the Great Depression the very commonly seen phrase “I know you’re poor this year too Santa” gives a glimpse into parents attempts to explain to their children why they might not be getting as much this year.

1939′s “Be careful flying over Europe” becomes 1945′s “Since the war is over you’re making bb-guns again right?”

Requests for toy flying machines become aeroplanes become fighter jets become space shuttles.

Dolls and wagons become Shirley Temple merchandise and Erector Sets become Barbies and Star Wars action figures.

But despite all these changes one thing remains clear throughout 130+ years of letters to Santa - despite the rapidly changing world around them - children have always been children.

I hope you enjoy these letters as much as I do! (All twelve years of posts are tagged “Dear Santa” if you’d like to see more than just this year’s selection.)

Hapy Holadays and Marry Crimes

[m3llowl3na]

Sweet Melodies ( Part 1 ) Bada Lee Fanfic

Part 1 — Part 2

~Not proofread~

Binna never thought that she would leave her home town. In fact, she never even thought that she would leave the country, but here she was. Sitting on the plane in between her mother and father as she started at a photo of her and her best friend. At the momment, she felt like crap.

She was going to miss her friends and most importantly her best friend. She had known her, her whole life, and this would be the first time that they would be apart, for a long period of time. However, that wasn’t the only reason why she was feeling like crap. 

The other reason is that he didn’t even tell her friends that she was leaving. Hell, she didn’t even know she was leaving. Up untill two days ago. Apparently her parents thought it would be best to tell her last minute so she wouldn’t freak out, but that was the worst decision ever.

Her parents even told her that she wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about them leaving. The problem is, her parents were controlling and strict. They truly did love her but sometimes that took it a little overboard. 

When she asked her parents why she couldn’t tell her friends. Her parents pretty much said they didn’t want anyone holding her back and ruining her future. 

Her parents always suspecting that Binna’a\s best friends had feelings for her, but they neve did mention it in front of her. Another thing that everyone knew about Binna, was that she was naive about  a lot of things.  Having controlling and stict parents was the cause of that. 

Her parents both came from religious families, which in return they became religious as well. They allowed Binna to choose whatever path she wanted to take when it came to religion, but that didn’t stop them from pushing thier beliefs onto her. 

So when they discovered that Binna’s best friend was in love with her they was extremely against it. So to not tain her future, they decided it would be best to move the the United States. Without telling Binna, the main reason for their moving decision.

--------------------------------------

When Binna and her parents arrived in the States, Binna went into a deep depression. It finally became real to her, when she saw her new home. Before, she couldn't imagine her life without her friends, but here she was. Sitting in her new room crying on the floor, as she continued to listen to the music from her and Lee's playlist.

Her mental health started to become better as time went on. After a month of living in the U.S.Summer break was officially over and it was now time to go back to school.

Binna's parents enrolled her in a really good private school. However, if you ask Binna, it was a school full of white privileged people, who only cared about themselves. But she couldn't be any more wrong.

On her first day everyone was nice and welcoming. They gave her a proper tour of the school, and was very gentle with her. Knowing that this was her first time in the states, and that she was still learning English. They informed her about all the extra-curricular classes she could take and the sport teams that she could try out for.

She even made friends on her first day of school. They all reminded her of her old friend group back in South Korea and she loved it.

One of her closest friends that she made at her new school was Kirsten. They met when they both tried out for volleyball. They both made the team and she loved the sport. However, she tried to give up her passion for dance. Dancing was her and Lee's special thing, and the thought of doing it without her, made her sick. So she wanted no parts in dancing if she wasn't with her korean friends.

However, that didn't last long. Kirsten was a very social and active teen. She was a part of a lot of clubs and she tried out for as many sports as she could. But she always preferred dancing, So when Kirsten had the opportunity to be a part of a well known dance crew, called the Royal Family, she took the chance. But not without forcing Binna to do it as well.

Unsurprisingly, they both made the team and to the displeasure of their parents, they had to move to New Zealand, where the dance crew was based. Their parents didn't want them to move considering they were teenagers and still in school. So before the school year ended they studied hard and took whatever test was necessary to graduate early.

Their parents were thoroughly expressed and sent them on their way to New Zealand with the proper funds. Because they were minors, Parris Goebal, the leader of the Royal Family dance crew allowed them to stay with her. In which, the three of them became really close.

With their new found sibling relationship with Parris, they started to become the main dancers in the group. They were amazingly separate but with all three of them together, they were a powerhouse.

They were extremely popular in the dance community. Articles being wrote about them, fan pages made of them, and a whole brand was made by them. They were on a rise. Everybody knew about them, and to most people in the dance community, they were known as celebrities. Binna would argue that they weren't.

Everything was going good in Binna's life, almost a little too perfect. Until the eventful night that caused Binna's life to do a complete 180.

Hi loves! I wrote this a couple months ago and posted it on Wattpad. However, I wanted to post this on Tumblr as well so here you go!!:) I hope you enjoyed it. The next Chapter will be out soon!

-L3NA

[shhh-secret-time]

Stan Marsh

26 y.o (He/Him)

Soul Synergy: Anything you write on your skin will appear on your soulmate.

Headcanons:

◇ Worked on his father's farm for years, while he didn't want to he stayed for his mom

◇ Shelly moved out and left South Park for a different college. The two aren't close, but they're better than when he was a kid.

◇ He works part-time at the university radio station with Jimmy.

》 Jimmy does most of the commentary, Stan will pitch it sometimes, but he leaves most of the talking to him. Stan is in charge of the music

◇ He has snuck some of Crimson Dawn on air and did the same for Timmy's band. Jimmy doesn't care, but he gives Stan a hard time about it.

◇ Going to college on a sports scholarship, to no one's surprise

》 The surprise came when he almost lost it all.

◇ He struggled heavily with alcoholism when he first moved out of his parents house

◇ Used to go out night after night, being invited to parties and hang out events

◇ It didn't seem like a problem until he woke up with vomit in his hair and had no memory of the last three days.

》 His hair used to be longer but he decided to cut it after that.

◇ It takes the other three to help snap him out of it, not just Kyle.

◇ After that he went and got help, of course the other three had his back. Kyle helped him find the support groups needed around campus. Kenny spread the word of keeping alcohol away from Stan, and Cartman enforced it.

◇ They have a system when they go to parties or out to eat with him. Kenny will give everyone the warning, do not offer him alcohol. Not as a joke, it's not funny. Wanna flirt with him, buy him something else. If you invite him to a party, have some fucking sodas or juice.

◇ Cartman is the next step if for some reason you don't decide to listen. Absolutely embarrasses the person, socially tears them apart. We all know he's very good at turning a crowd on people.

◇ Kyle is the big guns, he lives with Stan. He's his best friend. His super best friend, and he'll be damned if he lets anything happen to him. Kyle's not afraid to let the person know just how small they are and will throw hands if need be.

》 Luckily, it hasn't gotten that far. Most people stop at Cartman.

◇ Stan has worked very hard since then to keep himself clean. He's cut alcohol out completely because he knows how easy it is to slip back into it.

◇ When he feels himself slipping again or tempted, he goes to the gym. He writes a song, goes for a jog, bugs someone with board games, does literally anything to keep his mind off it.

》 His last resort is smoking a cigarette, Kyle doesn't like it, but it's better than the alternative

◇ Stan was able to keep his scholarship but it took a lot of work, and a lot of dedication.

◇ The necklace was a gift from the three boys after Stan's second year clean. They all wrote something up on each line and had Kenny carve it in.

》 Kyle: I'm proud of you man. Keep it up, or I'll kick your ass. -SB

》 Kenny: I am always a call away. I've got you Stan, I love you handsome.

》 Cartman: Don't be fucking stupid. I'm the only one who gets to ruin your life.

(Cartman took up some of Kyle's line. It makes Stan smile everytime he sees it)

◇ It's incredibly corny and off brand for him but he never takes it off, that necklace means everything to him.

◇ He's still the quarterback on the team, and the pressure sometimes gets to him.

◇ He plays basketball with Kyle sometimes, but he's not a fan of getting his ankles rolled all the time so he only does it when he needs to get Kyle to relax

◇ His depression is still there, it never really goes away, but he's got a better understanding of it

◇ Goes to a proper doctor and gets the help he needs. After a few therapist visits, he gets a prescription for it and now here he is.

◇ Since Kenny and Karen live so close Karen helps remind him to take his meds. She leaves him little snacks with every pills.

》 Skittles one day, M&Ms another, Cashews, and then a Reese's cup at the end of the week (I just like the idea of the group adopting Karen, but she adopts them back ya know?)

◇ No one else knows about this, Stan's a bit embarrassed by it but he finds it adorable that she's trying

◇ It makes him want to be better. So he works hard to keep a routine and a method.

◇ When he feels like he hates himself, he showers

◇ When he feels like he hates other people, he needs to eat

◇ When he feels withdrawal or if he's tired, he needs water.

◇ Has a special water bottle that Gary got him.

◇ Begs Kyle to go to the gym with him, he can't go alone he needs his buddy!

》 They end up making it a game. Who can push the other one to giving up.

》 Kyle does a certain number in a set, well Stan does one more. Stan runs for a certain amount of time on the treadmill, well Kyle runs faster and longer.

》 They pay for it in the morning but it's worth it

◇ Was the forever DM in his board game nights. He has all the D&D books, most of them are those special covered ones

◇ The local comic book store knows him well, and they save a book for him when they come out

◇ He still paints minis, for Christmas one year he got everyone's characters! Hand painted them and gave them out

》 He was so proud. And then Kenny lost his character the next session

》 Kenny's character is on the shelf near his books. Forever immortalized next to the players guide

◇ On days where everyone can't make it they play test a different system

◇ Wild Talents -> Superheros

◇ Deadlands -> Cowboys

◇ Traveler -> Sci-fi

◇ Red Market -> Zombie Apocalypse

◇ When Stan finally finishes his campaign and Kyle takes over, it takes him a minute to shift back into being a player! (I'm projecting)

◇ He has Wendy and Nichole over, of course! They can't make it all the time (Nichole has her own campaign that Stan's a part of and Wendy is a busy little lady), so they guest star!

◇ Gets together with Nichole and they plot ways to bully their players. (Rip Kenneth)

》 If people don't feel like playing TTRPGS he's got plenty of board games! (Honestly dude I can go on forever about this. I'm big time projecting, so I'm gonna end it here.)

◇ Stan loves his messenger bag, its got more patches in it then just the deftones on the side

◇ Collects band patches like a punk does for their jackets

◇ Anytime he goes to a local band gig he buys a patch (support local artists)

◇ Of course he has his guitar. Even if I didn't draw it!

◇ Cherry red guitar that he babies, he loves his guitar more then anything else he owns.

◇ Kyle got it for him when they both graduated high-school, it means the world to him

◇ His case for it has seen better days, most of the scratches are covered in stickers people have slapped on it.

◇ Honestly, he's got like one or two that he put on

◇ It's a game around the university: Get a Sticker on Marsh's Case

》 Craig's in the lead.

◇ Like Kyle does with Stan's inhaler. Stan carries insulin in his messenger bag for Kyle.

》 He knows Kyle doesn't pay attention to himself and lets his blood sugar drop so he also carries snacks

◇ The bright pink lighter and the lighter case was given to him by the guys, because that dummy always loses his lighter.

》 Every other day he's asking to borrow a lighter because he lost his

◇ Yet he knows where everyone of his guitar picks are, which is ridiculous

◇ Has a shit ton of them too, carries them in a little case!

◇ Stan will fist fight anyone who touches that brown journal, there's so much in there. (You know that feeling you get when someone asks to see your sketchbook? Yeah.)

◇ Lyrics for Crimson Dawn, poems that will never see the light of day, magic cards he uses as bookmarks,and campaign ideas

》 A few pages that have been ripped out and or burned out. Usually means he's had a bad day and needed to get it out

◇ The other thing he's protective of is his headphones, he's not sure why. There's nothing special about those white headphones. But they're his, and they got him through high-school.

◇ He was actually super happy about his Soul Synergy

◇ He already had a habit of doodling on his skin, so it was a surprise it manifested like this

◇ Kyle does get onto him about how often he marks on his skin. He orders Stan those Body Mark markers.

◇ When pictures or words show up on his skin it tickles, it's like he can feel the marker or pen

◇ That's the only part he hates, it tickles him and he's extremely ticklish (perish.)

◇ Doodles, lists, lyrics, and notes on things to do later. For some reason he's protective over all of them, and it makes him slightly sad when they go away.

It a few hours of sitting still, but it's finally done. Red takes a wipe and swipes it across his forearm, the moist wipe feels good against his skin. It's irritated from being poked over and over again, he can still feel the buzz of the needle.

The wipe reveals the jagged Soundwave tattoo stretching down his forearm. He smiles at it and almost goes to touch it, but stops himself. From the way his tattoo artist glares at him, he knows better.

He tries, he really does, to listen to Red as she goes through the steps on how to take care of it. But it's hard when he keeps staring at it, wondering if his little plan worked.

On the outside, it certainly seems narcissistic to get one's voice tattooed on one's self. But Stan could live with the whispers or the questions if it meant it was on the skin of his soulmate too. It wasn't anyone else's business what it was, that was between him and them.

After all Stan worked very hard to get that recording of him singing, You are my Sunshine, just right.

(Here's the blank if you want it ♡)

[redgoldsparks]

April Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Mammoths at the Gates by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay

Cleric Chih returns home to the Singing Hills Abbey after years of wandering and collecting stories. They are shocked to see two war mammoths and a squad of soldiers at the gates, camped out and demanding something. But the Abbey is nearly empty- almost all clerics left on a mission to preserve the history of a nearby destroyed town. And the title of Acting Divine has fallen on unlikely shoulders- one of Chih's childhood friends. Now a difficult decision will be left in under-prepared hands. This might be my favorite installment of the series yet!

Bad Dream by Nicole Maines and Rye Hickman

Nia is a trans teen living on earth, but her mother is from another world. Nia may or may not be able to tell the future, a power her sister desperately craves. But the real magic she finds in this story is trans community and friendship! The dream sequences and the queer ballroom scene in this book particularly shine; the story would probably have hit me harder if I'd seen the TV show Nia debuted in, but I haven't. Do check this out if you are familiar with Dreamer on the Supergirl TV show.

Spear by and read by Nicola Griffith (re-listen)

I loved Nicola Griffith Hild, and was highly anticipating this one; it did not disappoint! I listened to the audiobook was completely drawn into the lyrical language and the magic of this Arthurian legend retelling. The story opens with a girl born and raised in a wild valley by a mother who is sometimes loving, wise, and overflowing with stories and other times depressed, fearful, and vacant. The girl knows that something terrible happened to her mother in the past; it has something to do with her birth and the beautiful enamel bowl that sits over the fire in the cave they shelter in. But the girl is too delighted by the world, and too curious about the plants, animals, and humans who live in the valley to dwell on it. She grows in strength and skill; visions and gut feelings draw her to collect armor and repair weapons, and eventually set out south towards King Arthur's court. There she stumbles into a story that was started long before she was born, but in which she will play a vital part. I absolutely loved this, it's deeply queer, and I highly recommend it! Re-listened in 2024 and enjoyed it all over again.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay (re-listen)

Beautiful, mysterious, queer, and surprisingly moving for such a short story. I listened to the audiobook (which is only 2.5 hours) and I was riveted the whole time. Chih, a nonbinary traveling cleric-historian, is on the way to the capital city to record the beginning of the new Empress's reign. But with the coming of the new ruler, many historical sites which had previously been sealed are now re-opened. Chih can't resist a stop at Lake Scarlet, where the previous Empress lived for a brief time in exile. Chih finds one last living servant of the previous Empress still tending the house, and they begin learning more and more stories and secrets about the exile. I highly recommend this story, and the audiobook in particular. Re-listened in 2024, and this time was able to even more full appreciate the twists and turns of this story. It's quite subtle and rewards a second listen.

Homebody by Theo Parish

The warm, affirming, gentle, honest story of a nonbinary gender journey. Easy to read, beautifully illustrated, very accessible, this is truly a book for everyone. By the end of the story, Theo felt like a friend. From now on, whenever anyone asks me for an "all ages version of Gender Queer" I'll just be handing them this book instead. I got to read and blurb an advance copy of this; very excited for it to hit shelves on April 25 2024!

Blood of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I got through this book fairly quickly, even though it's about the same quality level as the previous book in the series. It has a fair amount of action and payoffs. I liked learning more of the secrets and history of Kelsingra, and I'm curious about the future of the new Elderling and dragon settlement. But I don't understand why this series has 4 books instead of the usual 3; there just isn't enough plot to sustain four books. I wish books 1 and 2 had been condensed into one and much of the angsty teen drama cut out. I just don't enjoy when Hobb writes from multiple POVs the same way I enjoy her single POV books; I don't love any of these characters the way I love Fitz and the people in his life.

Yotsuba vol 9 by Kiyohiko Azuma

Just as silly and charming as ever. The big adventure in this volume is a day watching hot air balloons.

Blue Flag vol 1 by Kaito 

The set up for this story is very standard: teens in high school dealing with crushes, friendship, and figuring out their sexuality. But the execution is so skillful that it elevates what could be a really generic or heavy handed tale into something that felts very deft and true. I'm not usually one to pick up a love triangle/quadrangle but I had a great time with this one and will likely read more. I just hope the closeted queer characters don't end up with tragic rejections!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 11 by Kamome Shirahama

I liked that this volume focused more closely on Coco and Agott's friendship and creative practice! I like when this story is about the witch students! I don't love that it continues introducing 3-6 new characters in every volume. Also, this one felt like it was 1 chapter shorter than the normal size for this series.

I Heard Her Call My Name written and read by Lucy Sante 

I picked this autobiography up after hearing Lucy Sante's interview on the podcast Gender Reveal and really enjoyed it. Sante came out as trans at age 67 after a lifetime of repressing her gender feelings and knowledge of carrying a weighty secret. Sante came to New York City as an immigrant from Belgium as a young child, and grew up bilingual, bicultural, and poetically inclined. This book weaves together near daily updates of the year her egg cracked and her early transition with memories of her childhood, teen years, and young adulthood in a cheap, dirty, punk, bohemian NYC which no longer exists. This window into the past is gorgeously narrated but might read mildly infuriating, depending on how much rent you are currently paying or how much you've struggled to break into the publishing industry. I devoured the audiobook in nearly one sitting.

The Yakuza’s Bias vol 1 by Teki Yatsuda (re-read)

Yakuza member Ken Kanashiro's life is changed when the daughter of the clan leader he works for takes him along to a kpop concert. Ken is moved by the kpop idol group's commitment, hard work, passion, and loyalty to each other and their fans. His introduction to fandom, and new social media friends, bring a breath of fresh air into his violent and dangerous life... and like most fervent fans, he starts trying to convince the people around him to stan the group to greater or lesser success. This manga series is very much in the same tone as Way of the House Husband but I appreciated the slightly longer chapters and the growing ensemble cast. It's a silly concept but with moments of genuine feeling as it shows how loving something can connect you to a whole new community. Edit on a second read: I got more out of the jokes on a second pass!

The Yakuza’s Bias vol 2 by Teki Yatsuda 

The main joke of this series is the contrast between super-serious yakuza Ken Kanashiro's usual poker face and the way he passionately emotes when either watching or talking about his kpop idol bias. This is a fun series, full of in-jokes and a developing cast of quirky side characters. One of my favorites is Megumi, the mafia boss's daughter who initially introduced Ken to kpop and laments not being able to understand her favs, but claims she is "too busy stanning to study Korean."

[tryingtodotheright-thing]

Hello, Sunset - 9

AN: It ended up being a long wait so thank you to everyone who waited patiently. I think I'll be slowing my posting to one chapter a month. It was a lot of pressure to get a chapter written for every week (I put it on myself). I think this is more realistic and hopefully I'll enjoy the process more. I'm still trying to get into the flow of writing and none of this is proof read so please excuse mistakes. PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst WORD COUNT: 3,697 WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, mentions of alcohol Text in blue is spoken/written in Korean. PREVIOUS / NEXT

The next three weeks in Japan fly by in the blink of an eye. Y/N made the most of her week’s rest in Kyoto before she moved to Tokyo for rehearsals. To her relief, the six nights of concerts across Japan went well. In fact, she was still buzzing from the last performance in Japan, when Fuji Kaze joined her as a surprise guest. She’s been rotating her discography, reworking songs to be duets based on who was joining her on stage as well as singing songs of the guest artist as a duet as well. She was enjoying learning from the experienced and talented musicians around her, not just the ones joining as guests but also the band who were playing live for her concerts. Y/N sometimes regretted not studying music as a subject in university. There was so much she didn’t know about music theory and often felt like she was making things up as she was going. The reassurance she received from the world-class musicians she worked with for the concerts boosted her confidence as an artist tremendously.

Y/N had just finished rehearsals for her first concert in Seoul tomorrow night. Out of all the famous celebrities she’s met since fame came into her life, the special guest for Seoul had been the person she had been most nervous yet desperate to meet. Y/N had been introduced to Kpop as a genre in 2007 when she was 11 years old by Eun Ji and one of the first bands she’d fallen in love with was BIGBANG. Everything about them had been cool to put it simply. The fact that she would be standing on stage and singing with Taeyang, the singer she’d admired for so long, is something Y/N still couldn’t get her head around.

The man was humble. Meeting him for the first time in person earlier today, Y/N couldn’t immediately connect that the person in front of her was the same one who’d put on a fearless performance in front of thousands. He’d walked in quietly in simple clothes and bowed politely to everyone in greeting and shook hands with all those who were involved in the production of the concert. He had asked if Y/N would be more comfortable speaking in English and foregoing honorifics but Y/N was too uncomfortable to refer to him as just Taeyang or Youngbae, remembering how he ruled the music scene in South Korea. 

“Taeyang sunbaenim, it’s such an honour to meet you! I can’t believe this is real,” Y/N had gushed.

“I really enjoyed listening to your latest album. I think it embodies why people say music feeds the soul.” 

He had blushed and thanked her before returning the compliments. The rehearsal that had followed still brought goosebumps to Y/N as she reminisced. Taeyang is Taeyang for a reason. 

Hearing a knock on her hotel room, Y/N got up from the sofa in her hotel suite. The boys were here. Knowing she’d be exhausted and would be flying out immediately after the second concert night, she had arranged to meet Joshua, Vernon and Seungkwan tonight for a meal instead. It was nothing elaborate, she’d ordered some food for them all to enjoy in her hotel suite. The boys had initially invited her to their dorm but she’d declined using rehearsal timings as an excuse. In reality, she’d said that as she didn’t want to take any chances. An article had been released when she was in Japan that Seungcheol would be using his outstanding holiday days and as a result, he would be discharged on 16 March 2026. The date was 19 March 2026 and whilst it was extremely unlikely Seungcheol would be anywhere near the dorms and was most definitely catching up with family in Daegu, Y/N was not going to try her luck. 

Opening the door, she was greeted with a blonde haired Joshua who immediately wrapped his arms around Y/N whilst Seungkwan and Vernon waved at her with occupied hands that carried more food. She ushered them in whilst Joshua still clung onto her like a koala and closed the door behind Vernon once they were all in.

“Hyung, get off. It’s our turn to hug, Noona.” 

Seungkwan pried Joshua’s claws off Y/N and was successful only because Joshua relented. Y/N was able to take a breath of freedom before she was engulfed in Seungkwan’s arms. She rubbed his back as he murmured his complaints of not seeing her for so long. Vernon peered over them hesitantly before shrugging and hugging her from the side. 

“Group hug!” 

Y/N groaned at the extra weight as Joshua joined in. Y/N took it all in, grateful that despite her disappearing act, they still cared for her and missed her. They eventually let go one by one, with Seungkwan the last to let go. She ruffled his fluffy brown hair in affection before patting his cheek as if to say she understood. If Joshua was the annoying elder brother, Seungkwan and Vernon were the adorable younger brothers she doted on. Y/N slung an arm around the shoulders of each 98 liner and guided them to the table where a delectable spread of Korean street food had been laid out for them to gorge on. Seungkwan and Vernon added to the feast some fried chicken and pizza as well as some soft drinks. Y/N was surprised the table didn’t give out under the weight of all of this food. She gestured for the boys to start eating and that she’d be right back. She ran to her room to grab the birthday presents she’d purchased for the three boys. When she returned to the living room of the suite, the boys stopped their conversation and turned to her. Deciding it was better off not knowing, Y/N ignored their suspicious act and passed each parcel to the correct member. She told them to open it later when they got home and they agreed, thanking her.

Slowly, the lingering awkwardness dissipated as the dynamics of their relationship came into play naturally. The target of their jokes was Joshua most of the time. Y/N would side with Seungkwan whilst Vernon would judge their antics as always. However, when Vernon joined in on the banter, the teasing was almost always aimed at Y/N. They joked about Y/N falling for Vernon’s tricks yet again as they munched on the food on offer. Y/N threw a rolled up tissue at the laughing men only to miss all three men, making them laugh harder. She caught up on what they’ve been up to, making sure they knew she’d done her best to keep up as she referenced Seungkwan’s latest appearance on a variety show. They updated her on their upcoming activities, from the maknae line’s album release to Joshua’s front page on the next Vogue issue. They spoke about Y/N’s tour, how this time was so different to her last tour due to its scale and how she envied the boys getting to tour together since it got lonely for her at times. She’d be flying to Hong Kong the morning after the second concert night. Joshua commented that it was a shame she won’t be spending much time in Seoul. Y/N suggested that they all come to her final show at the end of May in London and she promised to host them and play tour guide. 

“Yes, yes! I want to go to London! I can’t believe we still haven’t completed a Europe tour.” Seungkwan voiced with excitement.

“I always thought Seungcheol hyung would beat us to visiting you in London though.” 

Joshua slapped the back of Seungkwan’s head but it was too late; the words had already been spoken. It was as if someone had taken a big, sharp needle to a balloon. The safe space their camaraderie had built burst immediately. Joshua hesitated whether to acknowledge He Who Must Be Not Named. As much as Seungkwan had brought the male up with no warning and definitely no tact, Joshua had wanted to broach the subject. He’d spoken to Coups upon his discharge and as soon as the pleasantries had been spoken, his friend had brought up Y/N. Joshua had just told him she’s doing well and moved the conversation along but he knew Coups wasn’t satisfied.  

“Actually, Y/N-yah, a couple of days ago, I got a call from Cou-”

“Oh, look at the time! I really need to go to bed so I can make it to rehearsals in the morning.”

Joshua sighed at the avoidance and accepted that his friends would need to figure things out themselves. They said their goodbyes not long after wishing Y/N good luck for her performance the next day. Y/N refused to linger in the remorseful atmosphere and went straight to bed.

The moon gave way to the sunrise quickly. Y/N ate a light breakfast after freshening up, whilst pulling together a mental checklist of everything she would need to complete that day before the concert kicked off at 6pm. Soon, she was back at the concert venue for soundcheck. The next few hours passed in a flash as Y/N completed soundcheck, freshened up before putting herself under the care of her make up artist. The KSPO Dome was vast but cold, with spring not quite blooming in Seoul as the frost of winter still lingered in the air. Once Y/N was dressed in her first outfit for the concert, she’d sent a quick message of thanks to Joshua and the others with a picture of the flowers that rested in a tall vase of water in front of her. Cute, she’d called them. She hadn’t expected and was pleasantly surprised. 

When the trio had confirmed their attendance for her Seoul stop, Y/N had asked if they were sure. It had only been six months since the fiasco during the summer. She didn’t want to stir the pot again or start new fires. They had reassured her that there would be no problems; in fact, they’d encouraged her to recognise and mention during the concert if she felt comfortable to do so. The secrecy sometimes just blew things out of proportions. Maybe if they’d been open about their friendship from the beginning, it wouldn’t have been so easy for the narrative to turn against her. Y/N shook her head, as if the action would shake the thoughts out of her mind. She needed to focus on the present.

The next 30 minutes was a blur as she greeted Taeyang who had just arrived, got her mic set up and completed her last set of vocal warm ups. Then, she was on stage, almost blasted on to it actually. She loved it. Every second of it. Y/N had been content enough with her life before, satisfied enough to get by with a few loyal fans (most of whom were friends) and some comments on her YouTube channel. Now that she had experienced the adrenaline, the exhilaration of performing on stage, she knew that she could not give it up. It was like a drug. When others had explained it as such, she’d scoffed at them. She knew better now. It was pure ecstasy. The thrill that washes her from head to toe as she performed to thousands, who were all there to listen to her sing - there was nothing like it. She was sure that if pharma companies could come up with a way to bottle it up and sell it, they would make millions. Humans were greedy and she was human after all. Y/N wanted to be adored. She wanted to be treasured. She wanted to be needed. Being on stage filled gapes within her that she didn’t know existed. 

Soon, Y/N was singing her song ‘Honey’ and watched in amusement as she saw the jaws drop and the silent gasps from her audience as the stage door opened to reveal Taeyang as he sang along with her. It was the first time she’d rearranged this song as a duet and it came across much more playful as a duet. It was also fitting to sing a song called ‘Honey’ with the man whose voice melted hearts. After introducing Taeyang, Y/N had run off for an outfit change whilst he sang his latest release. People who had ever experienced performing would know that time flows differently during a show, of any kind. The moments on stage slowed down almost to the point as if you were watching a recording on your old VCR player, with the video rolling on 0.5 speed. As soon as your part was done and you moved backstage into the darkness, time sped up as if someone was pressing the control buttons, pressing the fast forward button again and again until you were back on stage. It’s how it felt to Y/N as she walked back on stage cheering Taeyang after he’d finished singing two songs on his own. After a small chat between them on stage, they’d moved to sing one last song together. 

“Please raise your hands together for the one and only Taeyang everyone!” 

Taeyang waved to the audience before walking off stage with a salute. Then, it was back to the program. Three songs later, Y/N was giving her final thanks to the audience before she sang the last song. She thanked the live band, the tour production team, the W Music staff and of course, the audience who had made the effort to come and see her perform. Emma had asked if she wanted to recognise any celebrities in the audience and Y/N had said no. She didn’t want to make a faux pas or miss anyone. She’d not done it before at her shows and she didn’t want it to seem as if she was deliberately calling attention to the SEVENTEEN members in the audience to validate her friendship. However, as she was finishing thanking her two best friends, Rachel and Eun Ji, who were in the audience, the spotlight and camera flicked to land on Joshua, Seungkwan and Vernon. The audience began to scream in excitement, and that’s when Y/N turned to face the screen and saw the trio on the screen. Y/N was grateful her back was to the audience and hoped people were distracted enough to not notice the panic on her face. 

“So SEVENTEEN is in the house today!”

Y/N remained standing with her back to the audience as if she was admiring them on the screen but in reality was avoiding hundreds of fancams of her reaction being filmed and uploaded to Twitter (nobody calls it X) and Instagram. She watched as they waved to the camera before Seungkwan raised his finger to the camera, gesturing to ask for a second. Confused, she turned back to look at them directly as if she could figure out what was going on better that way. She kept turning her head between the giant screen and there friends who were now standing up from their seats, even Vernon, who was in the middle. Joshua unravelled something in his hands and Seungkwan seemed to be helping him and then they were holding up a banner between the three of them that read, “Our Y/N is so cool!” 

Y/N giggled at their antics as Vernon threw his hands up in the air in jazz hands as Joshua and Seungkwan looked pleased that they could show off their banner. 

“Ah yes, thank you! Thank you!”

Joshua and Seungkwan rustled the banner as if they weren’t quite convinced they had gotten the message across. 

“Thank you, SEVENTEEN. SEVENTEEN is also cool!”

Joshua and Seungkwan looked to be relaxing and Y/N laughed at the relief on Vernon’s face at the thought of being able to lower his arms that must now be aching but then Joshua and Seungkwan nodded at each other and held up the banner higher with a flourish and Vernon tipped his head back and sighed before putting up his jazz hands again.

“I get it. I’m cool. Now stop it. Stop it!”

Joshua gestured as if to ask her if she saw the sign. 

“Yes, I saw it and I appreciate it. Now sit down and let me continue with the show. This isn’t GOING SEVENTEEN.”

Seungkwan showed the okay sign and the trio sat back down. The audience’s laughter slowly teetered to an end. 

“I promise I didn’t bribe them to do that.”

The audience gave a short chuckle at that. The tour producer told her to wrap up and move to the last song in her in-ear. Y/N walked to the chair and the stand mic that was set up in the middle of the stage. She picked up the acoustic guitar that was seated on the chair and sat down. 

“Thank you for joining the Shining tour in Seoul and this is Stripes.” 

Y/N strummed the guitar to play the instrumental opening of the song that started it all. A costume change and a 20-minute encore later, Y/N was in the green room of Taeyang, who’d stayed to watch the rest of the show. She was bowing and thanking him for the nth time for his guest appearance. He wouldn’t be joining her tomorrow as he could only commit to tonight’s show. Y/N gave her final thanks and asked him to let her know if he ever needed her to return the favour and of course if he would like tickets for any of her upcoming shows. 

“I’ll definitely take you up on that offer!”

“Please do, sunbaenim! Just let me know when and where, I would be happy to -”

“Noona! Noona! Where are you?”

Seungkwan’s calls from the corridor caught their ears. Taeyang chuckled and said he would leave her with her guests. Y/N followed Taeyang and his team out of the room and saw Seungkwan a few yards away peeking into her own dressing room. Y/N rushed towards Seungkwan and saw Joshua and Vernon had now also arrived backstage. The boys greeted Taeyang and they spoke briefly before he left to go home. Then, it was just the four of them if you ignored all the staff who were rushing to finish the last of tidying up for the next night so they could get back for some sleep. 

“Wow, you were so cool! So amazing! How do you sing like that?!” 

All three of them said a variation of compliments, exclaiming how much they had enjoyed the show and were blown by the performance. They didn’t linger for long as they could see Y/N was scared. They promised they’ll be back for tomorrow’s performance as well and hugged her goodbye. Joshua hesitated to follow the others and leave. He asked the 98 line to head back first and that he would be there soon. 

“Y/N?” 

She was busy packing up her personal items into her tote bag and looked up briefly to acknowledge she was listening before returning to the task.

“Coups messaged me tonight. He saw that we were at the concert.”

Y/N stilled for a second before forcing herself to keep moving, and continued packing. She knew Joshua had more to say. 

“He knows you’ve got the concert tomorrow night and that you’re flying straight after.”

Y/N put the now packed bag to the side and gave her full attention to Joshua. He looked nervous and uncomfortable. Whatever message he was passing on, Y/N could tell he was worried about her reaction. She could tell where this was going.

“I tried to mention this last night but you … anyways, uhmm, he asked me again if I could pass on a message for him.” Joshua paused when he saw Y/N take a deep breath. She nodded for him to carry on.

“I know it might be too late but I wonder if you too are hoping if we can talk. I know I’m being selfish but whether it’s new beginnings or goodbyes, I think you deserve an apology and I deserve to share my side too … uhm that’s what he said.”

As if to prove it, Joshua held up his KakaoTalk messages for Y/N to read. Y/N saw that he had also asked if he could come to tomorrow night’s concert instead of one of the others, which Joshua hadn’t mentioned, probably assuming she wouldn’t agree to that idea. 

“It’s getting late, you should go home, Josh.”

Joshua nodded but didn’t make a move. He didn’t know whether to push for an answer so he could update his bandmate or leave his friend so she can gather her thoughts and sleep on it. Deciding he had already pushed his luck and it was unfair to ask for more right now, Joshua nodded to himself that leaving now was the right decision. He hugged Y/N from the side since she was facing the mirror and taking off her makeup.

“I’m sorry for springing this on you. I just didn’t want either of you to regret missing the chance. I won’t say anything more on this, okay? Goodnight Y/N, make sure you get home soon, okay.”

He let go of her and walked away. Vernon had closed the door to her dressing room earlier so Joshua twisted the handle and pulled the door open. He saw Vernon and Seungkwan hovering just in the periphery, waiting for him. They were probably guessing about their discussion and most likely had been correct on the topic. 

“Bye, Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Josh?” 

He pivoted to face her again with the door still open. 

“I’ll ask for an extra ticket to be left at the door. Good night.” 

Joshua wished his friend goodnight and closed the door behind him. He really hoped that tomorrow would bring a happier outcome for all of them.