#living for the thrill of hitting me where it hurts😭😭😭😭

[applejuicefruit]

one where the reader has just given birth to her first child with kylian, and she has a kind of "postpartum depression", she is very insecure about her body, she is exhausted by the new routine, and whenever she has to breastfeed she cries because her breasts are still sensitive and etc... she hesitates to talk to kylian about it, but after a while he brings it up again to understand what is going on with her, they talk about everything and he comforts and cares her... if u can, please.

I love this request so much 😭

Tw: postpartum depression, depression in general, anxiety, reader being self conscious

Kylian Mbappe x reader

The way you are

Two months ago your life completely changed.

You and Kylian were expecting your first child and you were both thrilled, excited and scared. It was a rollercoaster of emotions but you couldn’t wait to meet the new addition to the family. Two months ago and you gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy, Samuel, and you couldn’t be happier. He was Kylian’s twin. But now it was hard for you to get used to the new routine. It wasn’t only waking up in the middle of the night because your baby needed to be changed or fed. It was all the stress that came with the pregnancy. Everyone felt like women had to be happy they welcomed a new life on earth, had to be joyful that the pain they went through for nine months was finally over and had to know everything about taking care of a new born - but it wasn’t like that, these past two months have been hitting you really hard, both mentally and physically.

You were grateful for Kylian to be there every time you needed him, he was such a good father and a very fast learner. His family did helped you a lot too. His mom knew how much having kids could be exhausting so she made sure to watch the baby a couple days so you could rest without getting worried of being woke up.

But still, even if you had free times your mind couldn’t seem to stop. It was a constant fight between you and your brain.

Everytime you looked in the mirror you couldn’t stand the person in front of you. It wasn’t you. You didn’t recognized her. Your body got bigger with the pregnancy, your breast fuller and your legs and feet were always sore.

Breastfeeding was a living hell for you. You thought it would give you joy seeing your baby being so healthy and hungry but you hated those moments and you couldn’t help but think that something was definitely wrong with you. Your breast was always so sensitive and it hurt when Sammy was feeding that you cried every single time. You were always tired more than you were when you were pregnant. The baby took a lot of energy from you.

Kylian noticed that you became quieter and he honestly didn’t like it. You were usually a very talkative person, always bright and joyful, your positive aura protecting you and all the people around you so he started questioning what was going on with you. He waited for you to open up with him but when he saw that you didn’t he broke the silence and made the first move.

“Hey baby…” he approached you one night when you were both in bed, Samuel falling asleep in Kylian’s arms just thirty minutes earlier.

“Hey…” you whispered, completely exhausted.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked laying in bed next to you. You nodded.

“You would tell me if something is wrong, right?” he asked, trying to slowly approach the topic.

“Yes why?” you asked him a bit confused.

“I’m not judging you okay? But…I feel like you’re getting distant from me, from everyone actually and I’m a bit worried…is everything okay baby?” he asked you.

No. Nothing is okay you wanted to say. But you couldn’t complain about it because in your mind, doing all of these painful and tiring things for your baby, would have been absolutely worth it for him in the future, so as a mother you should have endured the pain and going on.

“Yes everything is okay Kylian” you lied.

“Babe please tell me what’s going on? I know you’re not okay I can see that…I just wanna help” he begged you because he hated seeing you like that.

“You wanna help me? Go and breastfeed your child!” you shouted, completely forgetting about the walls you built up and letting all of your emotions coming out “go and look at yourself in the mirror and stand there, staring at someone who’s not you but at the same time looks exactly like you! Take care of Samuel every time he needs to be fed because my breast can’t take it anymore! It hurt Kylian! It hurt so fucking much you have no idea and there’s nothing I can do about it because I am a mom and I shouldn’t be complaining because these are normal things to do but I can’t do it! It’s fucking exhausting and I feel so bad because all I want to do is love my child but I feel like I can’t do it because of all of the pain I’m going though…you have no idea Kylian how every single inch of my body hurts!” you said, completely breaking down.

Kylian was shocked and hurt because he wished he realised sooner that this new routine was completely killing you.

“Baby…hear me out. I love you and that’s not gonna change. I loved your body before and I love your body now because it’s yours. It’s you y/n and I love you just the way you are…” he said holding you in his arms “I’m so sorry you feel this way baby, I really am…I wish I could do something for helping you with the pain…we can try some massages if you want to? I’m open to do anything in my power to make you feel comfortable” he said from the bottom of his heart because he couldn’t stand the idea of you being in pain “what you’re going through it’s normal baby…a lot of women go through postpartum depression and I think talking with a specialist might help you, only if you’re up for it, it’s up to you, but whatever you decide to do I’m here, to help you and support you. You’re not alone in this okay?” he softly said while leaving gentle kisses to your neck.

You calmed down listening to his voice and you were so grateful for having someone like him by your side.

“Thank you Kylian” you said wiping your tears away.

“Don’t thank me baby…I’m here, I will always be here for you, and Sammy, you two are the most important people in my life and I love you so much” he said truthfully.

You fell asleep in his arms, while he softly massaged your back and neck, trying to ease the pain.

[akkivee]

ik i’m not that stage btch but i’m going to pretend i am for a second and do this thread of questions lmao

1. so far, which stage play is your favourite and why??

mine is bb vs dh actually lol!!!!! ofc canon’s btch prefers the more canon stages lol but i also really love how they handled dh’s emotional beats

like!!!!! the rosho vs ichiro as produced by sasara is top tier stage moments!!!!! sasara revealing that rei was on his team and the disbelief on ichiro’s face???? and the way ichiro hit him with that yung thug look when sasara started pry???? sasara being that asshole and setting up the entire fight, cheering on rosho like his personal cheerleader???? rosho demanding (ichiro) to stop look acting like he’s just some side piece/stepping stone to sasara and that’s when ichiro properly looked at rosho, impressed as hell and that’s when their true battle started???? except sasara, the orchestrator may i remind you, could see both rosho and ichiro genuinely getting into it for the thrill of a good battle so he put a stop to it???? AND ROSHO FINALLY CALLING SASARA OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT????? AND SASARA TRIED TO APOLOGISE BUT ROSHO WASNT HAVING IT AND STORMED OFF????? AND SASARA LOOKING AT HIS FAN WHERE THE CHARACTER FOR LAUGH IS WRITTEN ON IT TO REMIND HIMSELF TO SMILE THRU IT ALL BUT HE GENUINELY CANT AND EXITS STAGE LEFT TEARFULLY ohhhhhh i’ve already written an essay and it’s only the first question let me stop lol

2. who's your favourite actor in the first generation cast? (including actors who were recast before graduation) does your favourite actor play your favourite character, or are they different?

i feel like fav actor implies i cared/knew of any of these actors before hypstage which would be very false lmao. but akira-san was a real one and fck nelke for taking his ichiro away from us, ayukawa-san was so adorable and friendly and it made his jakurai genuinely adorkable and fck nelke for making him cry, and hirono-san i will not shut up about if you get me started and fck nelke genuinely 😌

3. which stage original division is your favourite? who is your favourite original division character?

uhhh i think it’s a toss up between north bastard and d4. i love kazu so much y’all don’t even know lmao he’s ichiro’s very own unami; childhood friend who loves him very dearly (*grips heart* i…..icchan….) but has a complicated family situation that drives him to do bad things and he does his best to make sure ichiro stays out of his way bc he doesn’t want to hurt him by doing said bad things but ichiro is stronger than that stronger than him and it makes kazu want to step up so he can stand on the same stage as ichiro again AUUUUUUUUUUUGH KAZUUUUUUU—

and d4 being written as characters from the worst sides of tdd is so ingenious bro wtf 😭😭😭😭 ibuki’s drive for revenge for his older brother vs the side of him that’s just a really nice guy???? arima’s unmatched violence and the way they portrayed it as a weapon with focus???? jyobu being so into ill doc the assassin and therefore never letting sensei forget his roots???? rindo being the og chuuoku spy and therefore ramuda’s discarded predecessor???? bruh 😭😭😭😭😭😭

4. did you watch any of the 1st gen cast seiyuu x haiyuu division leader cross talks? which was your favourite?

i watched all of them and went out of my way to record the hayama✖️hirono one bc i’m very not normal about it lmao

5. did you watch any of the new cast seiyuu x haiyuu division cross talks? which was the best for you?

i watched all of them and i watch the bat one what feels like every other week lmao. i also watch the mtc one religiously lmao

6. which rep lives did you watch? which one was your favourite, and what performances or moments did you enjoy from them?

this is completely my fault but i watched all the rep lives except dh’s SFHDASGJKDAAGHJFS gomen 😭😭😭😭😭 my favourite ones were bb for its short story, bat for the performances and mtr for all around best lol. everyone’s best songs came out from the rep lives tho i hope y’all know lol

i remember loading up the mtr stream and i could tell even from being behind the screen the energy in that venue was kinda crazy and the actors were all feeding off of it which gave us some really fantastic performances lol. also 😭😭😭😭 dohifu playing around with jakurai in an adlib scene where ayukawa thru sensei confessed it’d been a very long time since someone goofed off with him like that and he could barely get the sentence out bc he was trying to not laugh and stay in character uuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…………

it’s so hard talking about hirono kuukou without feeling like i’ll explode the moment i start lol but his energy levels reaching a frenzied peak where he shouted NAGOYAAAAAAAAAAA until he blacked out mid song kinda leaves an impression on you and how much he loved the role lol

that bb story was so funny lmao hey siri play ‘can’t keep it cool’ by takano akira for how badly ichiro panicked at the thought saburo got a girlfriend and how he roped jiro into pretending he’s the princess of aoyama so he could practice leaving a good impression on her (even tho saburo DID NOT get a girlfriend and quite literally broke down into tears bc his brothers are stupid and it overstimulated tf out of him lol)

7. favourite song and character from track.1:

KAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU and my fav song is actually buster bros vs mad trigger crew vs north bastard lol. idk like, that first stage was incredible for a lot of reasons and one of those was showing how masterful the stage is juggling storylines and character beats, depicting the rap battles and all to some banger music

8. favourite song and character from track.2:

*jinpanchi voice* JINPACHI lol he’s my lightning meow meow 🥺🥺🥺 and my fav songs were blast wolf and asakusa bounce!!!!! i attempted to learn blender for the first time after watching ayukawa jakurai dance in that song, i wanted to immortalise that choreographed lean that happens in the song it’s so hhhrrghffgggnnffrff

🎶SEISEI DOUDOU MAKKOU SHOUBU ASAKUSA ONIGAWARA BOMBERSSSSS🎶

SEIYA🙌SOIYA 🙌ASAKUSA 🙌SEIYA 🙌SOIYA 🙌ASAKUSA 🙌ONI 🙌GAWA🙌 RA 🙌HAH!!!!!!!!

EVERY TIME THAT SONG ROLLS UP ON THE PLAYLIST ITS FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

9.favourite song and character from track.3:

i like danjo lol i think he’s horrible and funny!!!! his song i think also stands out to me in that play as well

10.favourite song and performance (and character i guess lol) from track.4:

i uh, don’t really remember any songs in track 4 and i also hate track 4’s main theme *wheeze* i like ramuda in track 4 tho!!! like that is a mean ramuda lol and i always respect someone who tries to make everyone as miserable as they are when provoked lol shout out to jakurai being the actual villain in that play

OH YEAH and who can forget come back to me!!!!! troy bolton wishes he had the power samatoki does in his longing for nemu song lmao

AND WAIT THE PLAY IS COMING BACK TO ME NOW LOL THE SEXY JUTO SONG FT RIO THAT WAS SUCH A BANGER BRO

11.favourite song and character from track.5:

fav character is probably rindo??? or maybe jyobu???? arima deciding gun violence solves everything is so funny tho but ibuki’s ichiro foil-ness is really peak i—

as for songs, uhhhhhhhh all of the themes???? king of kings is peak jailbreak rock like bruh and shout out to the revolution still gives me chills track 5 bro 😩🤌 immaculate work

12.favourite song, performance and moments from DH vs BB:

pls refer to the first question for my answer lmao but i can also add i really liked the reirosho talk date number. i’ve always liked that scene in canon, where rei opens up a little bit to rosho and they both are vulnerable towards each other and getting it in song and dance form with a hell of a lot of jazz was sick lol

13.favourite song, performance and moments from BAT VS M:

i don’t revisit this play much lol but i love the scene where jyushi gets separated from kuukou after they raid fragrance and jyushi has his very own shinjuku meltdown LOL. i also really liked kuukou seeing the error of his ways and in order to fix them, he decides to act like the villain he very well could be lol but jyushi the goober wrecks that vibe and hits him with the funniest kuukou impersonation LOL

14.favourite song, performance and moments from FP vs MTC:

BIZZARE DINNER FT DICE BIZARRE DINNER BI BI BIZARRE DINNER 🎶 FINALLY THE RIODICE CRUMBS THE ACTORS HAD BEEN SEEDING OUT THEMSELVES CAME THRU LOL

15.have you seen New Encounter yet? what did you think of it? who is your favourite new cast member? do they play your favourite character or someone else? what new song do you like most?

i liked new encounter!!!! i haven’t rewatched it since my first few initial watch thrus tho so i can’t remember the music all that well save for the OI OI OI parts in bat’s song and the way nakanishi-san gave it his all to fill the hole hirono kuukou left behind is commendable!!!! but the mtc actors kinda stole the show lol that samajuto cigarette kiss??? the way uehara samatoki beckoned juto over with a grunt and the tilt of his head so he could light em up???? samariou bonding in a different way from canon but hits even harder????

ik it was everyone’s first stage back and it kinda showed but there were plenty of moments that made you think ‘oh they still got it actually’ lol

16.are you going to watch grateful cypher? what do you hope to see from it?

YEAH and i’m most curious about kuukou’s writing as y’know, your local kuukou enthusiast and stalker lol. seven divisions is a lot tho, so i hope there’s focus!!! they know who they want to challenge and they pull thru on it while still feeling like there is enough pie for everyone lol

17.favourite actor, song and character from Renegades of Female:

ALL OF THEM ARE QUEENS and i’m fond of the oriwomen!!!! like i can’t really say i liked the music lol??? i did but i also didn’t lol they were bops but they sang so much but the songs were catchy god why did they sing tho the callbacks tho in nemu’s songs were so powerful otome’s could rally soldiers honobono like yaaaaaasssssss the singing tho—

18.what made you a fan of hypstage? have you ever attended a show in person (or plan to) or watched a live stream?

i’m pretty sure i’ve watched at least one stream for each show except track 5 (i was off the grid) and dh rep live (IM SORRY) i don’t plan to go to jp to watch one either, unless these new gen actors somehow blow my mind in ways the legends era never did. but that’s a tall order bc the legends era defined so much of the characters despite not being canon. it was fun seeing the way the stage grew and how the actors grew into the characters and how it kept evolving until that era’s end

2019 hypmic’s clowned on the stage upon initial announcement bc what story could they possibly tell. well lmao!!!!! track 1 set the story straight and that’s when i knew the stage had magic 😭😭😭😭

19.do you own or collect any hypstage merch? what's your favourite? what confuses you to this day? what's your holy grail item?

not really lol. i own all the dvds in season 1 and track 5 but none of season 2 (which is tragic bc i enjoyed season 2 far more 😭😭😭). i did splurge a little after bop2023 bc i believe in retail therapy lol and i care about them so much 🥺🥺🥺

does hypstage have freaky merch??? or is this bait to talk about the hypstage plastic wrap WHICH IS INGENIOUS BTW

20.have you followed any past or current actors from hypstage and seen their other work? what did you think?

i follow hirono-san wherever i can lol he’ll always be a kuukou and therefore i’ll support him 😌 i also poke around the nmcd actors works and maybe bc he’s such good friends with hirono-san, i often see fukuzawa yuu in my media too lol (he dropped a killer ep recently by the way outside of his usual group y’all should check it out)

(and watch nanashi while you’re at it it’s peak fiction lol)

21.what are your thoughts about the new original division, WESTEND-MAFIA (hachioji division)?

sick designs!!!!! as much as i hate seeing the echoes of the old oridivis lol!!!! i’m excited to see what they cook since they haven’t missed with these oridivis yet lol

22.are there any characters you wish interacted with each other more in the stage plays (or even between the stage and main canons)?

pls go back to my kazu answer from question 3 and tell me that’s not just kuukou rebranded for the stage lol. a best friend who left but suddenly reappeared??? will do anything for family??? admires ichiro’s strength and wants to stand with him on stage again??? snake imagery???? had a really fcking gay duet with ichiro????? i’m so sick they never got to interact together like yeah i get it hypmic is the samatoki ichiro show so everything’s gotta lead back to their dynamic hence why we were getting another stage with north bastard and mtc (and fp lol) but north bastards’s initials are nb and their unifying symbol were green bandanas and green is red’s complimentary colour IT WAS SO OBVIOUS NORTH BASTARD STOLE NAUGHTY BUSTERS FLOW BRO AT LEAST LET KUUKOU AND KAZU HANG OUT LOL

i’m also really sad jakurai and jinpachi never saw each other after their fall out 😕

23.is there an event in the main canon (that is, the audio drama tracks) you hope they cover in the stage plays that hasn't been depicted yet?

i wonder lol!!!! i would have loved a leaders play to balance out having a tdd play in the legends era and ig i can still ride with one now!!!! but where canon’s at with its story makes me grateful the stage rebooted bc i personally couldn’t have seen how the stage would have adapted post 2nd drb stuff with its notable lack of women and the division beef resolving itself

maybe we can get the honobono hifumi doppo dynamic in stage tho!!!! get a proper nemu and samatoki duet!!!! lol do me a solid and have samatoki and ichijiku fight over nemu we got possibilities now with proper women

24.or do you prefer when the stages have their own, separate storylines and canon? if so, what kind of story do you want to see one day?

that’s a great question lol and one i don’t think i have an answer for. like the stage thrives in a state of non-canonicity but it drives me insane that there’s a subsection of hypmic fans who look at stage kuukou and don’t see how self-immolating he can be for others and have no reason to suspect he is. he’s the coolest and most shallow version of kuukou but that’s their canon and i genuinely hate it lmao

i’m a little partial to these quasi canon stories tho!!!! like i don’t think we would have ever seen nemu rise to her current rank without the stage so it’s neat to see the stage get utilised in that way. i’m personally interested in worldbuilding details no one else would be unless they were balls deep with no plans to pull out lol so the stage can keep surprising me there

<<< FREE SPACE TO TALK ABOUT WHATEVER HYPSTAGE OR HYPSTAGE-RELATED THING YOU WANT I WILL LISTEN, NOD IN SAGE AGREEMENT, AND HIT THE LIKE ON YOUR REPLY NO MATTER WHAT >>>

I AM SO MAD WE NEVER GOT ANOTHER FULL ALBUM FOR THE LEGENDS ERA THE SECOND SEASON OF MUSIC WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SEASON ONE BUT THE ONLY WAY TO GET THEM IS TO RIP THEM OFF THE CDS THAT COME WITH A BLU-RAY OR RECORDING THEM FROM THE PERFORMANCE ITSELF LIKE KUUKOUS SOLO AFAIK WAS NOT ON ANY CD SO YOUD HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE LIVE VERSION AND ITS SAD WE DONT GET ALL THOSE SONGS STUDIO VERSIONS ON ONE MEGA ALBUM I HATE NELKE SO MUCH WHERES MY EASILY ACCESSIBLE TO STREAM OSAKA BILLION DREAMS GODDAMMIT

25.who has the coolest mic onstage? silliest? most lethal?

i like that asakusa’s mics were all based on oni lore lol like jinpachi had an oni’s spiky club, doshiro had an oni axe and masamune fits in the silliest with a sake cup mic since oni are also known to love drinking lol

i also think kokuri’s drill mic was also silly lol and it’s so funny nobody knows why he has it

and most lethal??? gotta be arima’s gun right lol????

[laurfilijames]

What’s your favorite chapter of breathe and why?🙂‍↔️ I’ll be very sad if you shy away from hyping yourself up in your response 🥹💗

Aww Ray I really love this ask! I know I've had it sitting in my inbox for a while but it's because I've been thinking really hard about my answer and trying to come up with one while in the midst of still writing chapters that I've been very excited for!

Picking just one chapter from Breathe is honestly so difficult! I love them all for various reasons as they all include so many different things, so bear with me as I ramble on podcast style all my thoughts as to why 🥂

I love parts 1-3 because of the newness of them. The sexual tension and blatant want between them always gets me. It's exciting and exhilarating and writing the beginnings of a relationship is one of my absolute favourite things to do.

Then in chapters 3-5 where it's just sex everywhere all the time and them falling hard and fast for each other while navigating through Will's issues was such a thrilling part in their timeline to explore. Seeing Will finally let his guard down and give in to trying to resist something he knew was there was 🫠🫠 and then the result of that with the hot, raunchy sex? Yeah. Big fan. Glad I did that 🤣

I'll give Part 5 a special shoutout as it was the chapter that brought me back to this world after having put it on the back burner for almost a year 🙈 and is the plot point that breathed (😉) new life and excitement into it for me.

Then comes Parts 6-8 😬. These were heavy hitting chapters. I've never written angst like that before and it really pushed me out of my comfort zone and challenged me as a writer. It hurt to write some of those scenes, but oddly enough some of those were written the fastest and the words were just furiously typed out which surprised me! I felt so emotionally drained writing chapters 6 and 7 and remember feeling like I had just gone through a breakup 😅😭

Now although parts 9-11 never seem like they're very exciting or thick with plot to me, they are equally as meaningful and all hold their weight with building this relationship and fleshing out their life together. The smut scenes, especially in part 9 were a favourite of mine as I added in the layer of possessiveness after Cam made a reappearance and I loved showing that side of Will 🫠🥵

This portion of the story gives me all the warm and fuzzies and makes me kick my feet just thinking about how happy and in love they are and relieved that they made it through all the hurt and turmoil from earlier chapters. Will deserves all the love and calm and understanding life and a partner can offer and I think (and hope 😅) I've been able to portray and give him that here. The scenes with him getting the ring and then proposing live rent-free in my head and I'm just so in love with seeing them, and especially him, experience such happy moments.

Any chapter that included scenes between Will and Benny were also favourites of mine. Miller brother moments hold a special place in my heart and were always so easy and enjoyable to write (even when they were fighting) and it was like I could hear them in my head and their tone and see their expressions clearly.

Now that I've spewed out all of this and had a chance to go back and really reflect on everything, I think I've narrowed down one chapter that I feel as a whole really sums up everything this story is about and that is Part 7. So much happened in it!! They were still in the thick of their "breakup"

and trying to figure everything out.

She found out about his nightmare and finally began to understand what the hell had happened to cause all of this which then resulted in her showing up for him at base when he came home. I always do my best to show enough from both of their points of view and I think this chapter was full of what both of them were going through. We also had the introduction of Cam (heyyyy boyyyyy 😉🥵) just to add a little more drama to the already dramatic situation, but then everything wrapped up how it should by the end with their intimate and emotional reunion and as I just skimmed through it, I wanted to scream with how happy it makes me!

I've realized how many scenes of pure lovemaking are in this series and clearly I'm all about the intense intimate moments and Will Miller being a man head over heels in love 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️ sue me.

So do I have a favourite chapter? Kinda. They're all my favourite and I'm very happy to say that I've written a whole series that I actually enjoy reading for myself and there isn't one part that I am not proud of!

I'm sorry this got so out of hand haha but it's given me something to do on the 3 hour drive home from the cottage (I should be writing and working on the final chapter 🙈😅 but I'm stallllinggg because I don't want it to end 😭) I appreciate you asking this so so much and am forever grateful and in complete shock that you are so invested in this story and continue to give it so much love, attention, time and thought 🫂😘💗💗💗

[strawbbfluff]

IF CLARITYS IN DEATH THEN WHY WONT THIS DIE?? YEARS OF TEARING DOWN OUR BANNERS, YOU AND I!!!!! LIVING FOR THE THRILL OF HITTING YOU WHERE IT HURTS! GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD, IT WAS MINE FIRSTTTTTT 😭😭😭

[taylortruther]

First, how dare you with “I’m yours to keep, I’m yours to lose”….”you’re losing me” 🥲😭

second, what do you think RWYLM is referencing in Taylors personal life? I’ve never been quite sure with that song. I’ve always interpreted like Hoax in that it’s about a lot of different things even if it sounds like it’s about a romantic relationship. Maybe about who she was before everything exploded in 2016/maybe about youth and fame/ maybe about a relationship too somewhere / maybe about her masters

i think it might have been inspired about the time in her life when she lost who she thought was her legitimate soul mate, but also acknowledging this trait of hers, that she can't "get over" things quickly (or maybe ever.) it seems to be something she feels defined by, part of her being sensitive/thin-skinned, part of her depression, part of what drives her artistry and creative output.

she's been aware of this trait for a while (i think "living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts" and "you might have him but i always get the last word" encompass that in her early career) but i feel like she really dug deep and explored that part of her as she got older.

other examples:

the lakes: what should be over burrowed under my skin in heart-stopping waves of hurt ... i bathe in cliffside pools with my calamitous life and insurmountable grief

labyrinth: it only feels this raw right now, lost in the labyrinth of my mind ... you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back just like that

[katherineholmes]

Darklina and klena 💕

My fav dark ships!

Darklina - Willow (just how swept up Alina is with the Darkling in those first few episodes), Mastermind (cause everything was planned by him, lbr), Death By A Thousand Cuts (if we’d gotten a decent s2), Look What You Made Me Do - so fucking perfect for them! Mr. Perfectly Fine - I feel like it’s perfect for when she finds out about his betrayal.

Klena - I should make a separate post for them 😅

Peace - Such a perfect song for them! Their love can never bring them peace.

Hoax - I’m a bit biased on this, but it is the song for Make It Holy!

High Infidelity - I feel like this is perfect for them, because it’s universally acknowledged in the Klena fandom that these two are drawn to each other, no matter who they’re with. Which brings me to.

Invisible String - It’s literally perfect, because they are drawn to each other. It’s their fate to find each other and lose each other and kill each other.

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - Ugh, this song is perfect for them! Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts - this is peak Klena! The entire Midnights album.

The Great War - I mean, the sacrifice.

You’re On Your Own, Kid - This song is just perfect for them (and this is like the….third time I’ve said that).

Exile - They’re fated to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, go around in the same circles, always. Until the end.

The Last Time - Such an angsty song 😭

Wildest Dream.

[clownycat]

in honor of the sab season 2 trailer, heres malina and darklina as a taylor swift song each

Malina

Message In A Bottle

/And I became hypnotized/By freckles and bright eyes/Tongue tied/

thats so alina to mal in the beginning when they're stationed at the fold <3

/But now/You're so far away and I'm down/Feelin' like a face in the crowd/I'm reachin' for you/terrified/

mal when alina gets taken to the little palace

/Message in a bottle is all I can do/ Standin' here/ hopin' it gets to you/

mal and alina writing letters to each other, just hoping the other will get them😭💔

/You could be the one that I keep, and I/

lil ol over protective mal 😒

/Could be the reason you can't sleep at night/

alina not being able to sleep bc shes thinking of mal </3

/These days I'm restless/Work days are endless/

could be alina, learning at the little palace, or mal, tracking the stag

/How is it in London? (London)/Where are you while I'm wonderin' (wonderin')/If I'll ever see you again?/

both of them to each other<33

Darklina

Would've, Could've, Should've

/If you tasted poison, you could've/Spit me out at the first chance/

if the darkling had known how much alina would fight back, would he have manipulated her from the start? i think not

/If I was some paint, did it splatter/On a promising grown man?/

the grisha that think alina got in the way of the darkling (ugh)🙄

/And if I was a child, did it matter/If you got to wash your hands?/

AND! HE! GOT! AWAY! WITH! IT!!!!!

/And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil,/At nineteen/

darkling = devil (also john mayor). also also, SHE WAS ONLY 17!!

/And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven/

and GODDAMIT SHE STILL FEELS LIKE HE FILLS A HOLE IN HER

/If I never blushed, then they could've/Never whispered about this/

the rumors at the little palace😒

/But, Lord, you made me feel important"

THIS!!! alina was an orphan, her entire life she felt unimportant, AND HE USED THAT.

/God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be/

look, i didnt want to be a halfblood grisha

/I regret you all the time/

do i really need to explain?

/The wound won't close/

the darkling just wont leave her alone man

/If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?/

same as above ^

/Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts/Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first/

GIVE ALINA BACK HER GIRLHOOD!!!!

*its also good to note all the religious themes throughout the song, and with people seeing alina as a saint

[roeyliteratiforever]

*Trigger Warning!* ⚠️

I have been listening to Dear John a lot this week and it triggered some trauma that I've had. The way Taylor sang "the girl in the dress cried the whole way home" made me start crying because I felt that. I had an experience with my ex where he kept trying to get me to do things with him and I didn't want to, and I ended up leaving crying that night the whole way home, but that was just the first experience the abuse continued and he would keep pushing me to do things with him I didn't want to do and if I didn't he would get so mad at me and this is the first time I'm admitting to myself that I was sexually abused. And I've never really been able to come to terms with it I always made excuses in my head like "it wasn't always like that" and I always would try not to think about the events that happened with my ex I always tried to block out everything with him because the mental and emotional abuse was so bad. But that song made me so sad, and I hope nothing bad happened to Taylor. 😢 I don't want to think something like that would happen but that line and in WCS when she says "Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, give me back my girlhood it was mine first" those lines also trigger me so much! 😭 But all I know is those two songs have been digging up my past trauma with my abusive relationship and it just hits so hard. 😭

[ice-sculptures]

thank you for tagging me erika!! @padme-amidala 🥰

tea, coffee, or soda? honest answer? water 😅 but of the three choices here it's definitely tea, especially boba tea :)

dogs or cats? love both but i'm more of a cat person

can you play an instrument? i play the violin & used to play piano

what's your sun sign? taurus

first song lyrics that pop into your head? if clarity's in death than why won't this die? years of tearing down our banners, you and i, living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, give me back my girlhood, it was mine first!!!

do you have any tattoos? nope!! but i really want one on my wrist

favorite place you traveled? hawaii is so beautiful ❣️

what's the last movie you watched? the hunger games

what languages do you speak? i'm only really fluent in english, but i know a little bit of spanish since i took 5 years of it in school, and i also understand the native languages that my parents speak very well although i cannot speak a word of either of them lmao 😭

do you have any hobbies? not atm bc i'm kind of burnt out but i used to be really into cooking/baking!!

you can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? jonathan byers bc i need him to give me a pep talk and also maybe a great big hug okay 👍🏼

compliment yourself: i think my hair is really pretty :)

no pressure tags: @basiltonpitch @willelfanpage @fireplceashes @padmedala @emblazons @willblogger @bylrndgm @hopelessromanfic @wllbyers

[eirech]

singing "COULD'VE,WOULD'VE,SHOULD'VE" loudly w the speaker on and sobbing on the part of "living for the thrill of hitting where it hurts,give me back my girlhood it was mine first"

God. What did you do to Tay😭

[edgaralienpoe]

hi, i’m back as promised. my actual reactions are under this post (and it’s reblogs) it’s well documented 🤣 also forgive me!! this ask is quite a long one 😭

we’re in on it for the same reason!! 🙃 i discovered park jihoon earlier last year bc of at a distance spring is green and i was hearing news abt this new show he’d be in that his character strays away from the boy next door types he’d been playing.

initially, i thought the show was quite unrealistic (the part where they managed to successfully stop some huge scheme that was going on, yeah, high schoolers?? fr??) and i hate seeing that in shows that someone mirror reality but i changed my mindset, started just looking over the unrealistic parts and immersed myself in the found family of the trio 🥹 (big mistake, really fucked myself up there). also it’s true what you mentioned abt the violence bc it’s somewhat a peek into why people did what they did to survive in the hellhole of a school (or show lol)

i thought it was well done for something so short (minus the first quarter or first half 😭) specially loved it when we started seeing into the trio more? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH AND I KNOW THAT IF CIRCUMSTANCES WERE DIFFERENT THEY COULD’VE BEEN REALLY GREAT FRIENDS! you can’t tell me otherwise :(

about bumseok, my thoughts in the posts/rbs are not representatives of how i think of him today pls do not take me seriously 😭 i was just rlly mad at him and looking for someone to blame when i knew (or know now that) it’s not his fault. i think all he ever wanted was a place where he felt like he belonged and for acceptance and for ppl to look at him as their equal rather than smth to look down on. while i think he really misinterpreted the situation with sooho, we also can’t blame him for feeling that way bc it’s all his ever seen so far :( i hurt for all three of them but presently, i hurt for bumseok most bc i know that everything he did wasn’t his fault (it was his decisions to do the things he did, yes, but everything leading up to were beyond him).

what hurts more is that nothing will ever be the same from this point on and there’s no happy reunion for them (also weak hero the webtoon is more on sieun’s life in that new school). and even if they meet each other further down the line, i don’t think i’d like to be happily friends with someone behind my being a comatose and we just have to live with that conclusion.

if there are specific points you want to talk to me with, feel free to do so bc i need prompts to bring up those traumatic memories (the show) HAHA i’m just thrilled that someone else has watched the show bc i have been suffering in silence for a MONTH. i actually got sad for days after watching it so i feel you. i hope talking to someone else abt it helps with the post-show depression 😭

ok so I just woke up and I wrote so much... I don't think my phone nor Tumblr are gonna like that://

some clothing piece that was rEd and read 'keep pushing' at the back like a warning or maybe it was positive. then bumseok being almost naked while his dad was hitting him, when he's generally fully covered and you can even see his arms when he's at school or hanging out -could also be to hide bruises and stuff :((- 

like you, bumseok made me feel so conflicted, cause we kinda know why he ended like he did but also, a person can't just excuse everything on their trauma.

I loved the first scene on episode eight, when the three of them were together but sieun is left alone, because that's just how the show started and sadly, how it ended. and like you said, even if they find each other I don't think it would be the same because all of them hurted so much from that to the point that I don't think they're the same people anymore, would you like to see them back together? A lot of people want to.

who was your favorite character? What made them your fave? (I saw you talking about keep watching because of suho but maybe that changed)  do you think there was something else between suho and bumseok? I saw people take the whole situation as bumseok having a crush on suho -that would make sense because of how impulsive he got - but then some people took it as bumseok just wanting to be like suho and reading too much into what he was doing (kind of what you said) again sO complex

[never-quite-buried]

“And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil

At nineteen

And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons

And now that I know, I wish you'd left me wondering

[minniepetals]

I MISSED I missed screaming and crying in your inbox. I missed ranting and sharing every bit that made me cry, that made me ache, that made my heart break and feel broken and bruised and somehow still hoping, still wishing for it to eventually heal. But now that I have entrusted my heart to you I will leave it to you to decide how to heal it, how to nurture it and how to protect it.

I remember when CMAR was in its baby stages... when it was new... I remember the snippet teaser and I remember how much I was thrilled with the thought of my heartbreaking if that makes sense...? In a roundabout angsty kinda way... because you are one of the most PHENOMENAL writers out there and every single fic of yours has made my heart feel overwhelmingly full to the point where every feeling STRIKES STRONG.

And I think what really hits hard about this particular universe, this era is that this MC is someone who I've SEEN break. I've seen her story start with what seemed like eternal happiness, what seemed like the same hope and optimism she'd felt but not truly LET herself feel regardless... something that even its seeming permanence she let herself only fleetingly indulge in for safety and security and love. And seeing her...BEING with her break, crumble fall and find a reason to keep living... to live even if only for revenge. To see her piece herself together AND be with the cracks hidden to some and not to the others... to know and hide and protect her pain because this story ENTRUSTS us with it... its been a beautifully haunting, achingly angsty and heartwrenching story that I will forever love, adore and cherish.

It's a forever era. And one I am honoured and proud to be a part of.

And know that EVERY SINGLE TIME I come back to read this masterpiece... that I'll be screaming and crying in your inbox once again.

Thank you for sharing this story🥺 and for creating it too🥺

bub oml stooopp you're gonna make me cry 😭

our y/n here is probably the most complicated and the most built-up character i've ever made and it honestly makes me so proud how many people have come to love her character. i'm a little bit worried about getting to the healing arc of the story because ah, it's gonna hurt still but hurt in a better way, in a healing way, and i just hope i can write it as realistically but as beautiful and as ugly as it can get because our babie deserves all the happiness but we know that before we get to that, there's gonna be a lot of steps to reach first

[nervousdreamer]

years of tearing down our banners you and I

living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD

IT WAS MINE FIRST

😭😭😭