#live your life knowing you are FULL of potential energy at any and every moment

[furiousgoldfish]

When you're a kid going trough a scary, non-understandable traumatic experience, your child mind contextualizes it in a way that doesn't seem that scary. Like we don't tell small children when their relatives are dead, they're just traveling; it's easier for a child's mind to comprehend that someone is just gone for a while, and will be back.

When you're a small child living in abuse, not only does it seem normal to you, but your brain will find a way to put it into context that you can understand and live with. Your worst experiences of abuse might be foggy, forgotten, blocked off, or seem like it was a dream; not something you need to worry about or be wary of. Your parent, who violently attacks you, calls you names, turns on you and at times feels very dangerous and hateful, that's not their real self! They just 'turn' into this other person, and the times when they do that just need to be not taken seriously, you firmly believe that their true self is safe, okay to be around, necessary to love and understand at all costs, and not someone to be afraid of. You might want to keep all the bad memories away whenever things are good, so you'd be able to enjoy the moment when it feels normal, non-scary, so whenever they're not aggressive and scary, it feels like they never were in the first place. You feel like those times are made up, unreal, something your mind refuses to linger on.

Sometimes this defense turns against you. It can turn an experience out of your control, into something you could have potentially controlled if only you did things differently. If you never made a mistake, never broke anything, never said or did that one thing that set the abuse off - it wouldn't have happened. And so you have to focus on what you're doing wrong in order to 'prevent' future events of abuse. It ultimately plays into the idea that the abuse is 'your fault', and invokes deep feelings of guilt and shame; you end up feeling like you're the one causing yourself all that damage.

Abusers know this child mind defense, and fully expect to get away with anything they've done, by insisting the child imagined or dreamed it, and it didn't really happen. They know the event was traumatic for the child and makes them look bad, so their best luck is to convince the child it really was just made up, and to never recall it or show any consequence of it. They even go as far as trying to convince, now adult child, that the parent's own actions of abuse, were the child's fault. Something an adult can tell right away is not true, because you can now connect a cause and consequence, and you know a child is incapable of controlling adults in any way. But being told something as despicable as that will cast doubt and deep emotional damage.

Every time such experience is suspended and blocked off, the child loses a bit of their vitality, energy, health, trust, feeling of safety, feeling of connection. When these experiences accumulate, eventually the child might experience dissociation, or a full amnesia, not even being aware that anything more is happening, because they cannot handle even one more event of abuse. And these experiences won't stay suspended forever; soon they'll cause the development of anxiety, depression, ptsd, cptsd, and other related disorders. And eventually the truths can no longer stay hidden, the child will remember and struggle to add new context, to realize what exactly happen, because now they have a chance of knowing the truth and surviving it.

If someone attempts to make you feel like something they did to you as a child, was your fault, this is what they're trying to push you into. They'd prefer you never being able to put your life and experiences into context, never be able to recover from keeping trauma inside, just so they wouldn't have to look at what they've done to you and take accountability. If someone is telling you that the events you remember are made up, imagined, a dream, something you shouldn't think and talk about - but it's only like that when you're remembering abuse, they're trying to use your own defenses you had as a child against you. You needed to believe it back then in order to survive it, but you need to correctly contextualize it now, if you ever hope to feel okay again.

You can trust in your own mind, and your own defenses to get you trough this. You are not wrong in looking back and seeing things a different way. You are right say 'that was fucked up'. They shouldn't have done that to me and they know that.

[steddiehyperfixation]

how to stay with you (steddie ficlet)

written for @steddieangstyaugust day 29: future, and also inspired by this post i saw ages ago

1474 words | rated t | cw: unhappy ending

When Steve and Eddie first got together, they had been young and in love and that’s all that had mattered. At 19 and 20 the realities of the future seemed so far away, so caught up in each other in each present moment that it almost felt like they would never grow up, like time would never pass and they would never have anything to worry about. Conversations of ‘what ifs’ and potential issues were brushed aside, anything that wasn’t an immediate problem dismissed with a kiss and a carefree “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” There was no need for premature concern when surely nothing would ever be so big as to come between them. Because they were it for each other, weren’t they? They were forever, and forever seemed so easy when forever was young.

But the time did pass and they did grow up, and now the bridges they thought they’d never come to are looming before them, fast approaching.

At 25 and 26, they sit at the dinner table in the one-bedroom apartment they’ve lived in for years and Eddie tells Steve about the life-changing phone call he just received. The Hollywood music producer he’s been in sporadic contact with finally wants to finalize a plan and work with Eddie’s band officially, and Eddie is so excited he’s practically vibrating as he rambles to Steve about the album he’ll make and the tours he might go on and how they’re gonna have to start looking for places in LA soon because they have to be local and the producer wants to get started on this by the end of next month. He expects Steve to be excited too, to match his grin and maybe hold hands and bounce around the kitchen with him, but his boyfriend’s expression only falls further and further into a frown with every word Eddie speaks.

“Eddie-” Steve interrupts him, his voice far too serious. “I don’t want to move to LA.”

Eddie’s buzzing energy freezes, stopping short. “What?”

Steve repeats, “I don’t want to move to LA.”

“But-” Eddie frowns. “I was always going to move to LA, that was always my plan. You knew that.”

“Yeah, I-I know. But we always said we’d just cross that bridge when we came to it.”

“Well, we’re coming to it now. So, why don’t you want to move?”

“I don’t want to uproot our life here. And I don’t want to end up having to wait around in a strange city while you’re off on tours all the time.”

“You wouldn’t, you’d come with me.”

Steve shakes his head. “I can’t live like that. And what about when we have kids? That’s no way to-”

“Wait, Steve-” It’s Eddie’s turn to interrupt, all trace of his previous excitement gone, having dropped like a stone into his gut instead. “I don’t want kids. Like, ever.”

Something fractures in Steve’s eyes as he stares at him, almost hurt. “What? Why did you never say anything? You knew- I’ve always wanted kids, Eddie, you’ve always known that.”

“Yeah, I know, I just-” Eddie’s mouth feels too dry and his tongue too heavy as he wets his lips and shrugs guiltily. “I mean, we always said we’d just cr-”

“-cross that bridge when we came to it, yeah,” Steve sighs, a dejected sort of exhale that slouches in his shoulder as if the full weight of this conversation has suddenly settled upon them.

Eddie feels it too, feels them sinking somewhere they can’t come back from. “Is that, uh- is that a dealbreaker for you?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Steve admits, and he looks at Eddie like it devastates him to do so, emotion swimming in his eyes and straining his voice. “Is me not wanting to move to LA a dealbreaker for you?”

Eddie swallows thickly. “Kind of, yeah.”

“Would you ever change your mind?” Steve asks, a last ditch hope. “About kids, or any of it?”

“No,” Eddie says; though he hates to watch the last of the light drain from Steve’s face, he can’t lie to him. “Would you?”

“No,” Steve answers in a barely managed whisper.

Eddie takes a deep breath, and it shakes. His vision blurs. He says, “Then this isn’t going to work, is it?”

Steve stares at him with glassy eyes, like he’s watching Eddie become a ghost right in front of him. His voice breaks as he speaks, “You mean we’re not going to work.”

“Yeah…” Eddie confirms, and it shatters his heart. “I’m so sorry, Stevie.” He reaches for Steve’s hands across the table. “I love you more than anything, I really do, but I won’t give up on my dream, and I can’t ask you to give up on yours either.”

“No you’re right.” Steve breath shudders. His eyes fall to their joined hands and he blinks rapidly, the way he does when he’s trying hard not to cry. He squeezes Eddie’s hands tight, desperate for something to hold on to even as he agrees, “We want different things, incompatible things. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“Exactly…I don’t want to hold you back,” Eddie echoes in barely more than a whisper, afraid if he tries to speak any louder he’ll break into tears.

Steve does break then, a sob escaping from his throat as if it’d clawed its way free, tears spilling from his eyes. Such a cry activates an instinct in Eddie that sends him leaping to his feet and pulling Steve into a hug within seconds.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again. His chest aches and he really wishes this wasn’t happening, hates that he knows that it has to.

“Me too,” Steve manages, head buried in Eddie’s shoulder. There’s no bitterness in it, only heavy acceptance. He knows it too.

They both know there’s no solving this, no compromise they could find that wouldn’t inevitably fester into resentment and regret. Because Steve wants to settle down and Eddie wants to fly - but Eddie isn’t built for the ground, nor is Steve for the sky, and there’s no common place left between them where they could both survive. It’s over.

So they mourn together while they still have each other to take comfort in, clinging tight to what they’re losing, just one last time. Eddie's crying now too, his tears streaming silently down his cheeks in counterbalance to Steve’s sniffly mumbling.

“I don't want to lose you,” Steve mutters. “Are you sure? Are you sure?”

And Eddie cries quietly into the crook of his neck that he doesn't want to lose him either, and he's sorry, so sorry.

When the worst of their sobs subside, they reach the bargaining stage of their grief, and they pull apart just enough to talk properly while still holding onto each other. Eddie swears he'll keep in touch, says he still wants to be a part of Steve's life. Steve makes him promise to send him postcards of all the amazing places he'll go to on tours and to invite him to shows whenever he's nearby. Eddie tells him to invite him to the wedding when - when, he emphasizes as Steve starts to shake his head - Steve falls in love again and finds someone who can give him the life he wants.

At that, Steve sniffles out a laugh, wet and humorless. “That would be cruel,” he says.

“I never said I’d actually show up,” Eddie clarifies, giving an equally complicated smile and bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. “I just want to know. I want to know that you're happy, even if it can't be with me.”

Steve closes his eyes - another tear or two leaks out - and turns his face into Eddie's hand. In a whisper, he agrees, “Okay.”

They decide it would be best for Eddie to leave as soon as possible. Since they've already concluded they won't last, there's no reason for them to stay in the same apartment even just one more night. It would only hurt more in the end.

With a sort of dissociated detachment, Eddie packs up his things, separating his life from Steve’s one piece of clothing and decorations at a time. It's all he can do not to start crying again.

As Eddie turns to leave for the last time, Steve grabs his arm, impulsive, desperate, and begs him for one more kiss. So Eddie turns around and indulges him. He tastes the salt of their tears on their lips, clutching at Steve's waist and tangling a hand in his hair as they both kiss each other like they know they never will again. Eddie savors every bitter taste, memorizes every sweet feeling.

And then they’re out of time and Eddie's out the door, his whole future ahead of him and his heart cracked right in half.

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)

-☀️

"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but�� if I could—""

"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."

- oh??? 👀 i am looking

- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious

- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful

-☀️

"even stolen energy can't make up for that."

"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."

- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.

- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah

- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails

-☀️

"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."

- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion

-☀️

"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"

- shaking you

-☀️

"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."

- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN

- Man 🧍

- Dont have any words. Just tears.

AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write

I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy

There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha

Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.

Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn

I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it

As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D

This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!

[thechurchoftheatom]

A Holiday Sermon for December 2nd: The Gift of the Atom

Brothers and Sisters in the Atom, gather together on this day, December 2nd, when the first controlled chain reaction was achieved. Just as a birth brings both joy and awe, so too does this moment in history—full of promise and yet heavy with the burden of responsibility.

On this day, in 1942, the world changed forever. Beneath the bleachers of the University of Chicago, the first controlled nuclear chain reaction was initiated, marking the birth of atomic energy. This was not the fire of destruction unleashed over Hiroshima and Nagasaki; no, this was a spark of potential, a quiet moment of creation. Yet, even in its stillness, it echoed through time.

This day, the 2nd of December, is not a day of celebration in the traditional sense, for it is not a simple birth. The atom was born not into a world of peace, but a world filled with the urgency of war. It is a birth marked by the question of how we, as stewards of this new power, will choose to wield it.

The atom, like any gift, is neither good nor evil in and of itself. It is a force—a primal energy that we have learned to control, but which can never be fully tamed. The atom is a mirror, reflecting our own capacity for creation and destruction. It is not a simple tool, but a testament to the complexity of the universe itself. We must ask ourselves: What will we do with this gift?

The Atom as a Gift

What is a gift? It is not merely an object or an act; it is a gesture of hope, a symbol of potential, and an invitation to growth. The atom, too, is all these things. It is a gift of unparalleled energy, capable of lighting our homes, curing diseases, and advancing our understanding of the universe. But, like all meaningful gifts, it comes with a responsibility.

The atom is not a gift given lightly. It is one that must be unwrapped with care, nurtured with knowledge, and shared with wisdom. It is not just a gift to us, but through us, it becomes a gift to others—to our families, our communities, and the generations yet to come.

In this season of giving, let us reflect on what it means to receive such a profound gift. It is not merely a treasure to hoard but a resource to share, a tool to uplift others, and a force to bring light where there is darkness.

The Spirit of Giving in the Atomic Age

The true measure of a gift is not in its size or value, but in the love and thoughtfulness with which it is given. The first spark of atomic energy was born from the efforts of many—scientists, dreamers, and pioneers—who sought not personal gain but the betterment of humanity.

As we honor this gift, we are called to embody the same spirit of giving in our own lives:

Give Knowledge: Share what you know about the atom’s power and its risks. Educate those around you, so they, too, can understand the responsibility that comes with such a gift.

Give Safety: Protect your community by ensuring that nuclear technology is used responsibly. Advocate for safeguards and support efforts to reduce harm.

Give Light: Whether through energy, innovation, or simple acts of kindness, strive to be a source of hope and progress for those around you.

Give to Future Generations: Let your actions today lay the foundation for a safer, brighter future. Use the power of the atom not as an end but as a means to uplift all of humanity.

Reflecting on Responsibility

On this day, we honor the first spark of nuclear energy, but we also honor the responsibility that comes with it. Let this be a reminder that we are not isolated in our pursuit of power. Every action we take affects those around us—both in the present and in the distant future.

Let us walk forward with humility, embracing the knowledge we have gained while remaining ever vigilant of the responsibility we bear. Let us seek to use the atom to heal, to enlighten, and to bring about a future where all life can thrive.

Closing Reflection

As we leave this sacred gathering, let us carry forward the spirit of giving. Let us give freely of our knowledge, our care, and our commitment to a brighter future. Let us remember that the atom is not ours alone but a gift to be shared wisely and responsibly.

On this day of reflection and renewal, let us renew our commitment to use the gifts we have received for the good of all.

May we walk forward with generosity in our hearts, wisdom in our minds, and light in our actions.

[cheeriecherrymain]

As we know in the future Viktor will come the Machine Herald, well what if the reader was a mage and went away, but she came back after a long time. The question will be that the New Viktor is still in love with the reader?

Listen, listen. I know....so very little about the Viktor lore. And I am currently in adamant denial about him becoming what he does - in my head he lives happily and healthily XD I'm too attached to him and it's gonna end my life when he removes his emotions.

Like, guy turns into a machine? I'm totally cool with that, and I think it's neat, and I'd still kiss him x1000. but it makes me so sad that he takes his feelings away, and i have such a hard time believing that it would even be possible. Because like. like. everything is feelings. and he does some super morally dubious stuff, which i am in full support of, but it! the feelings!!!! passion is a feeling, love is a feeling, care is a feeling - why would he continue to do any of what he does if he didn't have at least some kind of desire to? desire is a feeling! i don't know if this is touched upon in the lore!!!

anyways thats my rant and if i ever write more MH!Viktor it's going to continue to be horribly ooc because its my fic and i said so XD

MH!Viktor x Reader (SFW)

-When you’d left Piltover, you hadn’t thought it would be the last time you saw the man you loved.

-It’s just for a month, you’d said, trying to convince yourself that everything would be okay. One of your old friends had alerted you to a kind of magic that could potentially save your partner’s life, so you…you had to take the chance. For him. For both of you.

-And then your plans had hit a snag, and you’d been forced to stay away longer than initially planned - years longer. Even though your journey is fruitful, you’re a ball of anxiety on the way back to Piltover.

-You were terrified of what you might find. Would Viktor still be there? You wondered. Would he have waited for you? Would he even still…be alive? 

-Both of you had worked tirelessly to find ways to extend his life, and avoid his fast-approaching end. You knew in your heart that he would have had to find a solution on his own, with how long you’d been gone; the little vial of fairy tears you’d collected after a series of arduous tests was moot, because he wouldn’t have survived so long without some kind of help.

-When you arrive back home, everything is…the same. Sort of.

-It looks the same, on the outside, but you can feel the energy in the air. Something had shifted within the city, and not for the better. You could practically taste the fear and anguish on your tongue.

-The first thing you do is locate Jayce, a beloved friend and Viktor’s lab partner.

-Or you supposed…ex-lab partner. According to the man himself. He scoops you into a tight hug the moment he lays eyes on you, spinning you around a couple times before setting you back on your feet. It’s an emotional meeting for the both of you, especially when the happenings of the last few years are relayed to you.

-An explosion. Chaos. War. Outrage in Piltover and death in the undercity. And Viktor, exiled from the city of progress, back to the place he once called home.

-Jayce informs you that he hasn’t heard from Viktor in over a year now - not that they really had much reason to speak to one another, anyways. He practically begs you to stay, to keep working on the projects you’d left behind, but you can’t.

-Not until you knew what happened to the man you love.

-You depart for Zaun in the wee hours of the morning, slipping unnoticed by every enforcer you come across, until you’re in the heart of the undercity. But now…where to start looking?

-You search for him for a week, asking around and dropping coppers where needed. But so few people know of a stray scientist, and those who do are either dead, or their information culminates in a dead end.

-And then you meet him.

-You’re sitting on a crate in a dark alleyway, fighting off tears, when a strange mechanical whirr catches your attention. It’s not loud by any means, but that makes it all the more confusing. It almost sounds…hydraulic? But far smaller than you’ve ever heard from such a machine.

-You glance towards the sound with tired eyes, expecting…something besides what you see. Two orange eyes, staring right back at you. Bright and unnatural within the dark.

-You don’t have the sense to feel fear anymore. All your fears had come true, anyways - your plan failed, and the only person you’ve ever loved is dead. Nothing mattered anymore.

- “You are incredibly difficult to find,” the person speaks. You glance behind you, thinking perhaps there is someone else in the alleyway - but no, it’s just you. You and…whoever this is.

-You idly wonder where he’s from. His accent is thick, almost like…Viktor’s.

- “What do you want?” you ask, with a sigh. “I have no debts to be paid, and all I’ve ever held dear is long gone.”

-The person is silent for a couple moments, and then slowly steps forward. Tall and slightly menacing, in the dim lighting. Covered in armor, you guess, if the sheen of light is anything to go by. Until you notice the limb protruding from his back, and you freeze.

-Or was he made of metal?

-You warily keep your eyes on him, until he comes to a stop not a foot from you, and kneels down so you’re at eye level. “Do you not fear me?” he asks, curious.

- “I don’t have fear anymore,” you rasp. “How can I, when I have nothing left to lose?”

- “You have your life, do you not?” he inquires again, and your patience snaps.

- “What good is my life when I have lost everything I hold dear?” you hiss. “I failed, and those which I love paid the price for it. I don’t want to live! Not without….” you trail off, your eyes welling up with tears. “Not without Viktor.”

-The strange machine-man goes quiet again. Then, most surprising of all, he reaches out to touch you.

-Startlingly gentle, given his stature and imposing nature, as well as the fact that you don’t know each other. You stare at him with wide eyes, unsure of what to say to such an action.

- “I thought you had stayed away on purpose,” he says, lowering his voice. “Thought that perhaps you’d finally had enough, and had left for a new life. But then…then I wondered: had you met your end, as I, too, soon would?”

-You frown.

-He continues, “Now you’ve returned, and I know. You are alive and well…and you fought hard to come home.”

-The tears in your eyes flood over your lashes, and burn hot trails down your cheeks. “Viktor?” you ask, your voice wavering. He strokes his thumb over your cheek and -mechanical or not- the action brings you comfort. 

-And then you’re in his arms, tenderly wrapped up in metal while you sob and cling to him. It shouldn’t feel like home - it shouldn’t feel like him. But it does. He does, despite being so vastly different.

-He brings you to his home after that, scooping you up with ease and marching you right into his abode. Most of it is littered with spare parts and projects that you don’t recognize, and he admits to you that he doesn’t do much else besides work, now.

-And then he takes off his mask, laying it on a nearby table with a dull thunk.

-He looks so different, you think. Yet there, in his face, you can see traces of who he used to be. The little crinkles by the corners of his eyes, the crease between his brows, the little moles and freckles you used to love to kiss.

- “I am not…the same…as I used to be,” he explains. “I don’t feel like I used to, not in any sense.”

-Your heart sinks.

- “You don’t feel for me anymore,” you wobble, despair clawing its way through your chest. Of course he wouldn’t love you still, after so long of being away. You’re grateful that he’s alive, but you’re…angry. Downright pissed, that you’ve still had to lose what you love, despite him standing in front of you.

-And then.

- “I still feel for you,” he utters, once again bringing a large mechanical hand to rest on your jaw. Engulf the side of your head, more like. “In fact, you are all I feel for. The only memories that haven’t hurt too much to keep. And now, you’re here.”

-Hope blooms within you.

-He wasn’t the same as he was when you’d fallen in love - but neither were you the same as when you’d left. But he’d held you dear enough to keep you in his heart when he’d changed - and you’d be damned if you let the opportunity go. Perhaps you’d have to relearn how to coexist, but the love was still there, even if only for each other.

[ghostg1rl1111]

1/6/2023

Full Wolf Moon in Cancer

Black Moon Astrology

This full moon joins forces with Uranus the Seventh Planet from the Sun. Uranus is the father of Titan (Cronus- Kronos- God of Time. Planet Saturn. Divine Descendant of Primordial Gaia) He is grandfather of Zues (King of the Gods of Mount Olympus- respected allfather; Cheif of the Gods) and Great Grandfather of Ares (God of War, courage, brutality & bloodlust. Planet Mars)

His Roman counterpart is Caelus, a primordial god of the sky. He is a Divine Masculine archetypal energy generative force. The name Caelum in Latin translates to "sky" or "the heaven" & in English translates to "celestial".

Uranus is the father of electricity. He rules surprise and all things unexpected. He also rules the future and all new technology including all that is newly invented and all yet imagined to come.

Uranus works in sudden ways called the great awakener and can even bring on sudden even radical change on both the internal world, external projection, and soul level manifestation into the physical reality as well as collective manifestations at large.

Uranus energy can be impulsively rebellious independent and even liberatingly shocking. He overturns anything traditional conventional or orthodox that he deems have outlived its usefulness or amplifies and expands it in a way that forces it to hit its fullest potential.

Uranus is the higher octave of intellectual Mercury and is strongly objective and brainy balancing the emotional state and emotional waters. Uranus holds sway over social change, regulates global brotherhood of humankind and all humanitarian concerns including environmental issues. Uranus rule Aquarius and Astrology.

Uranus stays in a sign for 7 years and takes 84 years to circle the Zodiac.

Expect the unexpected.

Are you ready and prepared to embrace these big changes in your life now? This full moon is a good time to reflect on releasing ways that you paint your communications in words and verbal imagery so it always creates the most harmonious and beautiful masterpiece you have the change to create in this and every future moment.

This full moon brings a massive wave of ascension energy to the healing of the cosmic unified heart chakra we are all connected to and never separated from that keeps us connected to one another.

Feel the electricity of the universe rise in vibration and move through you as you remember the connection you have to the infinite self and lives around you. You've all gone through trials by fire you've all carried the torches and you've had them all along if you didn't see the fires inside of you and you are an exploding sun inside, a cosmic reactor, nuclear; you're about to know and understand that worth with the coming wave of moon light transmitting secrets withheld from you that will disrupt your course and stop you in your tracks, but in a very positive way if you allow it to move that direction.

it is through the element of water we are connected to the consciousness of the moon.

Black Moon Astrology Cards

40. WATER ELEMENT~ SENSING

Let matters flow.

Water represents our emotions & our imaginative talents. When we open the realms of vision it can take us into the quintessential depths of feeling where intuition is more appropriate than acquired wisdom and knowledge. Water “carries us away” or can have us feeling “adrift” like and floating. When we look to see the bottom of a pool of water we can not see through its shimmering surface, but we know what is there- deep things too obtuse or transitory to explain, fathoms of moods & insight. Water is the signs of Cancer Scorpio and Pisces & the water planets are the Moon Pluto and Neptune. 

When the water element car presents itself in a spread you can trust what you feel as best course to follow. What you are sensing right now may not be based on any logic its just that what you are sensing right now is correct. Right now is the best time to go with the flow and depending on any other cards that may be drawn at this time or other intuitions brought to your front and center attention to trust that specific movement although these changes may seem gentle and gradual.

Sometimes the Water Element card indicates a need to withdraw and fight another day and that it is time to gather resources and gain strength before moving ahead. This can at times indicate trusting too soon or the passive acceptance of other peoples shortcomings when you shouldn't accept them. You may have the tendency to want to allow things to pass you by without fighting for them. To let go of something that is rightfully yours. Water is the element of compassion and understanding. But avoid being a doormat. It is possible people or forces may take advantage of your benign and accepting nature.

This is a good time to imagine, write, paint, play, or create anything, since water is the element of the imagination. It is the ability to quiet your conscious mind an essentially stop using words as weapons and to know the power behind what you speak out into the cosmos. It is also to allow yourself to be taken over by an idea or dream. Water is painting, poetry, and music.

This card represents being connected to the flow of all things. It is also the ability to keep a secret or to work alone in privacy. It is probably best to now allow people or circumstances to not pin you down or hem you in. Water feeds to grow all that is wild. Frankly, now you have the ability to flow or drift out of any situation in the way water is able to move around obstacles very gently and easily.

Currently you may have the feeling of floating or being adrift. in a sense, it is a type of surrender. Maybe it is the surrender to a dream. At this time you may presently have little energy and want to withdraw. You are in fact doing a lot of inner processing which will take you where you want to go. There are deeper levels working and developing inside you, but the work is not seen on the outside. Expect a pause but forward motion soon.

Look inward. Don't worry about the drama that surrounds you. Avoid the commotion, sit still, float, trust you inner wisdom. It will not steer you wrong.

Right now you will have surety of what is felt to be known to be true through the emotions and keenly sharpened sense of intuition. It is a good time to allow yourself to be led by your feelings and inner spirits calling. You are being called into one of the highest manifested alignments for your growth and expansion and destiny.

Though you may feel some extreme sensitivity at this time it may be heightened for the purpose of energy healing into resonance with your dreams and intentions outcomes in real time. You'll want to feel shy due to feeling out of place because of how new a transformations may move you out of your comfort zone. It is just the nature of the quiet and introverted but the subtle changes in circumstance you can trust to keep your eye on the prize and know that it is yours and you are being put directly into it being in the palm of your hands.

You may find yourself dreaming through currents of emotions that don't serve you on this path forward and they will shed from you like an old skin or through the endless awe of possibility your wildest dreams can return to you thus sparking a fire into creation mode for something to reflect and express the deepest most inner most souls passion and desires.

This may be time of confronting a problem directly that has been being avoided for a long time but is inevitable to act upon doing or having done in your favor giving you any clarity you have been asking for.

You will find yourself walking your own path for a time without help.

You may soon find yourself travelling near bodies of water or lakes rivers, oceans or even taking beach vacations connecting to the air of sea life.

You may also find a heightened sense of each other and others around you nurturing and giving nourishment to others and communities.

This card corresponding in Tarot is the Ace of Cups.

Thank you.

Happy Full Moon <3

Namaste

~Madam_Mystics

[thepatchworkprinciple]

The Patchwork Principle: a Manifesto

“This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal. I know the world is bruised and bleeding, and though it is important not to ignore its pain, it is also critical to refuse to succumb to its malevolence. Like failure, chaos contains information that can lead to knowledge — even wisdom. Like art.” -Toni Morrison

Dear Somebody,

I am troubled by this week’s news, yet I feel compelled to ask—how can I respond creatively to this moment? What insights can I gain from chaos? I look to my screen and see a repetitive sequence of ideas, most offering simplistic narratives to explain how we arrived here. Almost anything we say becomes cliché once past our lips. A broader perspective is needed. One that is not bound to conventional ways of thinking. The kind of perspective only accessed through the poetic mind. Crawling out from under an avalanche of despairing messages, I ask—have you ever considered that this chaos is orchestrated?

I am not coming into your inbox today to provide a political analysis or impose my own narrative onto you. I am here because I fear we are collectively missing out on an opportunity to engage with this moment creatively. I am here to assure you that the collective poetic mind is still intact, only atrophied from generations of enforced “rationality.” I am here to tell you that your imagination is just as real as any other dimension of life.  I am here to offer you a new creative philosophy that eschews all constraints of our digitized lives—yes, I know that this sounds grandiose. I will admit that I am only able to escape for a little while into my work each day. Even so, in whatever morsel of creative time I have, I stay connected to what is infinite within myself.

You are an artist. The present is your Prima Materia—ready to be molded into anything you choose, as long as you face its harsh truths with courage.

It seems our lives are at the mercy of a handful of oligarchs. They own our water, our housing, our utilities, food, and our workplaces. They’ve seized full control over the commons and every facet of public life—and have recently infiltrated our private lives through the commodification of our entertainment, food, self-image, and even our dreams.

Our grandparents were sold the Edenic dream of a completely automated future. Great inventors dreamt up planes, motor cars, microwaves, and TV dinners, freeing up their time, allowing for unlimited hours to contemplate existence. As existential dread crept into this new era of sloth, psychology emerged—not to ease the burden, but to manipulate human desires, filling their endless wanting through endless orders from a catalog. In the process, generations of craft traditions were quietly lost to time.

On a global scale, human energy has been harnessed to fuel an endless cycle of production and consumption, driven by planned obsolescence. Around the world, workers spend their lives in sweatshops, churning out consumer goods destined for landfills. As a result, the objects that surround us lose their meaning. By treating our belongings as disposable, we render our own lives disposable as well, along with the lives of those who make our things.

We find ourselves in a fragmented present. As a necessity of survival, the self has fragmented as well. As the past stretches out behind us, we each own subtly differing memories of historical events, memories which are shaped by an algorithm tailored to insulate us within our own biases. No one is immune. We live with the fear that the pursuit of truth itself has become a futile endeavor.

I don’t say these things to inspire despair but to show that even in a fragmented world, there is immense potential for creative transformation. By naming each fragment and working within constraints, rather than fighting them, the artist uncovers infinite opportunities for the restoration of meaning. With a touch of magical thinking, anything can be reimagined, woven into something entirely new.

Enumerated below are The Patchwork Principles, a set of guidelines I’ve outlined for myself to empower my creative practice in any circumstance. These principles are meant to be adaptable—you are welcome to embrace any or all of them and expand upon them as you see fit.

1. Lightness is a Virtue, not a Deficit.  

In the Greek myth of Perseus, Medusa can only be slain through lightness. Armed with winged sandals, Perseus uses a mirrored shield to view Medusa’s reflection, avoiding the deadly gaze that would turn him to stone. Lightness is often seen as a weakness, but in this case, it is the very quality that allows Perseus to succeed. It is not brute strength or weight that defeats the opponent, but the lightness that enables swift, clever action. This is not the lightness of frivolity, but a lightness of thoughtfulness held by all the great poets.

2. Housework is a Creative Act

The minutia of daily life is fertile ground for a poet. Salting a pot of soup, caring for loved ones, or arranging items with care on a mantle provide a wealth of material for prose. In poetic meditation, any task becomes an invitation to engage in the present moment, to mold the space around us into something functional and beautiful.

3.Gardening is performance art

A tomato from the grocery store may be cheaper and easier to obtain, but none will taste as luxurious as one grown through your own labor. To plant a seed, protect a seedling, and invite the company of worms and pollinators is to reclaim one’s place within the order of nature. As few do it, caring for the land in any capacity is a quiet act of resistance. This does not require as much land or energy as you think it does. Start with a window box.

4. Use Personal Narrative

The commercialization of art promotes a cold, impersonal approach, reducing creativity to a commodity. Reject this. Through storytelling, the artist transforms personal experiences—however small or intimate—into something mythic and symbolic. By doing so, they elevate the personal to a universal plane, creating art that resonates with others on a deeper, more emotional level, and connecting the individual to the collective human experience.

5. The Primary Purpose of Art Is Therapeutic

Art lifts us out of our own experiences, allowing for an aerial perspective of our own circumstances. It offers a powerful outlet for expressing emotions, thoughts, and experiences that might otherwise remain repressed. Through creative expression, individuals can release emotional tension, process trauma, and make sense of inner chaos. Art also serves as a tool for self-discovery, allowing the artist to explore hidden aspects of themselves and gain clarity. Engaging with art can be meditative, fostering mindfulness and reducing stress. It provides catharsis, releasing intense feelings and offering emotional renewal. Art helps build emotional resilience by allowing individuals to confront challenges creatively and cultivate strength. As a universal language, art transcends cultural barriers, offering comfort and connection. In a chaotic world, the act of creating art provides a sense of control, making it a vital means of healing and transformation.

6. The Imagination is a Refuge

William Blake wrote: "If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite."

This suggests that the imagination is not a form of escapism but a deeper way of engaging with reality. By "cleansing" our perceptions, we move beyond the limitations of rational thinking and see the world as a realm full of infinite possibilities and deeper truths. For Blake, the imagination opens up a more vibrant, meaningful reality, allowing us to perceive the sacred and the divine within the ordinary.

Imagination is often misunderstood as a passive escape from the world, but it is, in fact, an active tool for engagement. It allows us to see beyond the surface of things and uncover layers of meaning in our experiences. Rather than retreating from life’s challenges, the imagination helps us confront and process them, offering a refuge that nurtures creativity, insight, and self-understanding. Through imagination, we do not flee from reality, but enter it more fully, reimagining our world and connecting with a deeper, more expansive sense of existence.

7. Embrace Fragmentation.

We live in a fractured timeline, where past, present, and future collapse together, influencing every layer of public and private life. Through the lens of our screens, we witness these temporal boundaries blur in real-time, shaping our fragmented reality. But this is not a limitation—it’s an opportunity. By embracing the disjointed nature of modern existence, we can tap into an intuitive, sporadic creative process that embraces these fragments. Trust that working within these constraints, rather than fighting against them, will allow you to weave something meaningful from the chaos.

For instance, I keep a “compost bin” under my bed. I try to work intuitively and add to it often. Eventually, I trust that these fragments will coalesce into a whole on their own. It’s effortless.

8. Thrift is a Central Creative Value

Reliance on traditional art supplies stifles creativity and drains the bank account. It is also boring. Go thrifting. Find something old and make into something new. Through thriftiness, we welcome abundance into our creative process, while transforming what would be trash into treasure.

9. Reject All Hierarchy

“Fine art” is a relatively new invention in the broad scope of human history. Ordinary people have always made art, and folk art traditions have even inspired Picasso. Rather than existing on separate tiers, all forms of art—whether labeled as “fine” or “folk”—are part of a shared creative heritage. Art’s purpose isn’t to elevate certain voices above others but to foster a shared human experience, making room for diverse expressions that enrich culture collectively. By rejecting the hierarchy, we can value creativity in all its forms, reconnecting with the idea that art is a universal, accessible force rather than an exclusive privilege.

10. Embrace Multimedia

Multimedia encourages play and experimentation, leading to new forms of art. Through multimedia, the artist engages multiple sensory experiences for both themselves and the viewer. This allows the artist to tap into a broader range of expression, allowing for flexibility and innovation. This layering of experiences not only invites the artist to explore in novel ways but also creates a dynamic space where the unexpected can emerge, fostering originality through a process of discovery.

11. Seeking Knowledge is a Creative Act

Learning is integral to the creative process. When we seek knowledge from the past, we begin to see common threads running through human history—ideas, symbols, stories, and beliefs that resonate across time and cultures. This perspective not only enriches our own understanding but also connects us to a broader human experience, revealing that creativity and knowledge have always been intertwined. Seeking knowledge becomes more than just gathering information; it’s an act of curiosity and reverence that breathes new life into old ideas. Each discovery invites us to reimagine and transform what we’ve learned into something relevant for today, whether through art, writing, or any form of expression. In this way, learning is not just a precursor to creativity; it is itself an imaginative, open-ended act that deepens and expands the possibilities of our creative work.

12. Use the Creative Process as a Meditation on Time and Memory

Modern life has an unrelenting pace, and in its rush, our experience of time flattens; days blur together, and memories become compressed, barely distinguishable from each other. This rapid accumulation of life events without meaningful pauses can make us feel as though our experiences are stacking up as a weight, a burden of passing time that we carry without really integrating it into who we are.

The creative process can be used to help us slow down and feel the passage of time at it’s natural pace. Instead of rushing towards a completed piece, enjoy the slow, tactile qualities of your work. Use this time to reflect on what you would otherwise overlook.

[eclipseshotel]

!! Some bad mental health talk ahead !!

(Hi, I'm having a shit time rn mentally, just every waking moment trying desperately, often failing, to make The Thoughts™️ remain background noise and I'm so tired & hopeless & bitter & angry. The constant buzzing of bad thoughts is draining, not to mention the balancing act I always do for others around me, be that family or work. [Also you know, the Capitalism] There's more but I don't want to clog this up more than I already am.)

And I just so so want a nice old-ass yautja husband to accept and care for me regardless of how pathetic & unworthy I feel. Reassure me of his love, be absolutely devoted to my wellbeing. That'd just be really nice right now...

(Sorry I just dumped this here, please feel no pressure to respond and I hope the above warning is enough. I wish you a lovely day 💛)

Anon, for starters, I'm so sorry I can't offer you the guidance and solace you truly deserve. I appreciate you coming to me to vent about some of the things that trouble you. While I don't feel like I'm much help, I am always here--whether you prefer anon or through private dm--if you wish to vent or talk to me further at any point!

As someone with a highly overactive mind, and who grapples with anxiety and mood swings on a daily basis myself, it's incredibly hard to tune it all out--impossible, really. It's why I find myself constantly trying to occupy myself with stuff to do so it lessens the noise, even for a short time. It's the little things in life that keep me from flying off the hinges completely.

With the volatile state of the world, on top of feeling tethered by obligation towards my own family, to the point where I feel like I'm not even living my own life for me (or at its full potential) half the time, it's no surprise that we slip and fall into that pit of despairing, self-deprecating thoughts. It's suffocating, even downright depressing. It seems to use up so much energy to not be buried alive by it. To say it's a struggle is an understatement these days...

You're not clogging anything up! I'd rather you reach out and unburden yourself than pent stuff up to the point of imploding, or worse... Everyone is fighting their own battles, but we still gotta look out for each other however we can. A little kindness and understanding goes a long way.

As for a yautja husband, my god, ME TOO. The longing is shared!!! Pains me to my soul... Oh to be cradled in the arms of something far bigger than yourself. Someone with the utmost patience, fortitude & sincerity so unlike anything you've ever experienced. If one were to give me the tightest of bear hugs, my touch-starved ass would sob like a baby, no question. Your yautja would have you strong. Even when you feel like you don't have the strength to keep going, he'll show his warmth and devotion by carrying you. You wouldn't even have to ask.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me any time, anon! Or anyone who follows or comes across me, for that matter! I’m very awkward when it comes to these things, but I will try my best to alleviate any worries or troubles you might want to talk about. All my love ❤️

[mahtuta-music]

Elevate Your Vibration 963Hz Instant Success Music for Positive Energy

Elevate Your Vibration and Achieve Instant Success with Mahtuta's Enchanting Music! In the grand tapestry of existence, there exists a symphony of frequencies waiting to elevate your spirit and propel you towards the pinnacle of success. Welcome to the transformative realm of Mahtuta, where music becomes the sacred conduit through which positive energy flows, lifting you to new heights of achievement and fulfillment. 🎵💫 Imagine yourself enveloped in a cocoon of vibrant melodies, each note resonating with the power to uplift your soul and ignite your passion for life. As you listen to Mahtuta's enchanting music, you'll feel a wave of positivity wash over you, infusing every fiber of your being with renewed vigor and determination. 🎶💖 Mahtuta's music serves as the divine catalyst that ignites the spark of success within you, awakening your inner brilliance and guiding you towards your highest potential. With each chord struck and each rhythm played, the universe conspires to align the energies of creation in your favor, paving the way for your dreams to manifest with effortless grace. 🌌✨ Close your eyes and visualize yourself soaring to new heights of achievement, propelled by the transformative power of Mahtuta's melodies. Whether it's success in your career, relationships, or personal growth, Mahtuta's music holds the key to unlocking the limitless potential that resides within you. 🚀🌈 Allow yourself to surrender to the enchanting rhythms and harmonies, releasing any doubts or fears that may have held you back in the past. In the presence of Mahtuta's music, you are invited to embrace the boundless possibilities that await you, knowing that success is not a destination but a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. 🌟🔮 As you immerse yourself deeper into the realm of Mahtuta's music, you'll discover that time itself becomes fluid, and the barriers between imagination and reality begin to dissolve. Each moment spent in the embrace of Mahtuta's melodies is an opportunity to align with the universal flow of abundance and prosperity, allowing miracles to unfold effortlessly in your life. ⏳💖 With Mahtuta as your guide, you'll awaken to the inherent power within you to achieve your goals and aspirations with unwavering confidence and certainty. No longer bound by the constraints of time or circumstance, you are free to create the life of your dreams with grace and ease. 🌠🎶 Join us on this extraordinary journey of self-discovery and empowerment as we harness the transformative power of Mahtuta's music to elevate our vibrations and manifest instant success in every aspect of our lives. Together, we'll unlock the secrets of the universe and awaken to the infinite possibilities that await us. 🌈🎵 Are you ready to elevate your vibration and unleash your full potential? Allow Mahtuta's music to be your guide as you embark on this sacred journey towards success, fulfillment, and joy. 🌟💖

[i-am-obscuram]

No one can empower you but yourself! And...

…how to become the director of your career/business and your life by doing it

Introduction

There is so much talk about empowerment; it’s become a buzzword: Women’s empowerment, youth empowerment, empowerment here, empowerment there…

But the truth is: No one can empower you but yourself!

Empower (em-power) means to place power inside of someone. – How would they do this?

Now, another person may transfer legal powers to you, or the so-called “power” that comes with a position of authority. They can also give you money, training, tools, and other resources – which you can either put to good use or let go to waste… because this is not “empowerment.”

The real power, your creative power, that power that no one can take away from you, that is power that originates within. No one can grant this type of power to you, and no one can place it inside of you, and that’s also not necessary. Because it’s already there.

Our power doesn’t spring from an external source. Our power is already inside of us, and this is where it has always been. We may just not be aware of it or disconnected from it. (This is not surprising, as we’re literally educated out of it.)  And when we’re not connected to it, it’s as if we’re trying to watch TV without plugging in the power cord. Power energy cannot flow. So, we must first plug in our inner power cord so we can feel our power – our inner power – and trust that it’s there.

We can tap into this inner power through our mindset, our heartset, energetically or spiritually… and preferably in all four ways.

Everything you need to be successful is in you: In your mind, your heart, your body, your energy, your spirit.

Let’s explore this together, and let’s start with mindset.

A Self-Empowering Mindset

We know that we must believe in ourselves in order to achieve success and live our wildest dreams. – But that is easier said than done.

The tricky part is that over 95% of our behavior is driven by our subconscious. We think we’re in control but we’re really not. What’s in control is our subconscious programming or conditioning. This conditioning is like a computer script: It’s filled up with data that is constantly bombarding us from all sides: our parents, teachers, families, culture, religion, the media, the collective conscious and subconscious… from the moment we are born. And we even bring some of this data with us in our genes. We are not born as clean slates.

And soon, we are programmed further – through our upbringing, education, the world that surrounds us, our experiences...

From very young, we learn that we are not enough. Our parents criticize us, our teachers scold us when we don’t give the one and only acceptable answer. We’re educated out of using our creative potential. Instead of creativity, we are taught limitation. But we are limitless. Our potential is infinite. So when people say, step into your full potential, that is not even possible. You can never use your full potential because your potential expands every time to step deeper into it. We all have untapped potential, at any given time, and we are called to explore its vastness.

All this programming pretty much keeps us on autopilot, it controls our thoughts and our behaviors… We think about 70-80,000 thoughts a day, and 90% are of the same nature as our thoughts of the previous day.

Reflect on this for a moment: What are most of your thoughts about? Are they empowering or disempowering? Are you thinking your thoughts or are your thoughts thinking you? Where do they even come from? – Interesting question, right?

As some have said: our mind is a great servant but a lousy master.

So, for us to take control, we must become the observers of our thoughts and learn to master them. This requires daily practice. What’s been recorded over all these years is not easily deleted in a day. But it’s all about progress, and it’s a journey worth walking on.  

From very young, we learn that we are not enough. Our parents criticize us, our teachers scold us when we don’t give the one and only acceptable answer. We’re educated out of using our creative potential. Instead of creativity, we are taught limitation. But we are limitless. Our potential is infinite. So when people say, step into your full potential, that is not even possible. You can never use your full potential because your potential expands every time to step deeper into it. We all have untapped potential, at any given time, and we are called to explore its vastness.

Now, of course, mindset is key… but the mind is most powerful when it is led by the heart.

Mindset and heartset must go hand in hand because they are better together. When your heart and mind are in co-creation, you will be able to use the power of both: the intellectual power of the mind, on the one hand, and the you-specific wisdom of the heart, on the other… that wisdom that you have gathered through your unique life and experiences.

A Self-Empowering Heartset

It is noteworthy that the heart isn’t just a blood-pumping organ. It is a part of the brain with 40,000 brain-like cells called sensory neurites, which feel and remember similarly to the neurons in the head brain, independently of the head brain. Just like all other organs, our heart continuously communicates with the cranial brain. But we could say that our heart brain and our cranial brain have a “special connection.” Scientists have found that they communicate in at least 4 ways: neurologically, biochemically, biophysically, and energetically. (Feel free to consult the research of the HeartMath Institute.)

Scientists have found that the heart’s electrical field is 100x as strong as the brain’s electrical field magnetic field of the heart can even be up to 5,000 times stronger than the head brain’s magnetic field. What’s also interesting is that the heart’s electromagnetic frequency creates a torus-shaped field.

What does this mean? It means that our connection with the world around us happens through our hearts to a very large extent. Our heart is literally a magnet because of the strong magnetic frequency it emanates, that strong signal it sends out. It is the home of our magnetic monopole, which attracts things and people toward us.

Our heart holds many treasures: It is where we can find courage. (Courage is in the heart, fear is in the mind.) It is where love, self-love, and compassion reside. We can ask it for answers as it speaks to us through with its intuitive voice… if we are willing to listen. (Questions are in the mind, answers are in the heart.)

The magic happens when your heart and your mind become coherent, when they work together in harmony. Hence my teachings around a Self-Empowering Mindset & Heartset.

Self-Empowering Energy

It takes seven seconds to make a first impression, right? – That’s at least what we hear all the time. When, in reality, it takes a mere 0.07 seconds for our brains to figure out whether we can trust someone.

That is less than a blink of an eye. It must happen this fast because it is part of our survival mechanism. This is about our energy. Preparing energetically can change how you show up in business, in your career, and in life in general.

So, can you see now that it makes all the difference when you optimize your energy before meetings, job interviews, presentations, critical conversations, negotiations, or any other challenging situations?

Of course, our energy is inseparable from our body. Our posture and our body language impact the energy we convey and vice versa. Thus, power posing (as introduced by Amy Cuddy) or power dancing (my preferred variant) help us feel more confident. When we focus on our power energy, our inner power expands, this enhances our perceived (energetic) presence.

There are many other ways to optimize your energy and enhance your business and speaking presence, as described in some of the exercises included in my book Speak up, Stand out and Shine.

A Self-Empowering Spirit

Each of us may have a different spiritual practice, and as long as it doesn’t limit us (as many religious organizations have tried to do for the sake of controlling humans and keeping them smaller than they really are), any of them can be valuable in the context of self-empowerment.

What is important for any spiritual self-empowerment practice is that you don’t see yourself as the victim of your circumstances. This, again, is related to your mindset. Nothing is separate. All four elements are in fact inseparably intertwined, even if we contemplate them separately for the sake of offering some facts and suggested practices.

First and foremost, we are spiritual beings, and we are having a human experience. This means, we don’t “become spiritual.” We are spiritual. So, from my perspective, everyone is invited to connect to their highest spiritual self to explore which practice is most beneficial to them.  

I consider myself a free spirit. My spiritual essence doesn’t fit into any religious doctrine, and as a spiritual being, I can talk to God, my Source, my Creator directly. I need no intermediary and I prefer to avoid distortions. You are free to decide this for yourself. After all, you have been given free will for a reason.

In summary, if you rely on someone else to empower you, this may result in huge disappointment. Because it’s just not possible. That’s the bad news.

The good news is, you can empower yourself. In fact, you are already em-powered. You just need to remember to connect with the power that is in you so you can unleash it and tap into greater depths of your unused potential.

Always remember: You are meant to be the director of your life. This role comes with responsibility. It requires taking risks. But it also comes with the gift of freedom and unlimited possibilities.

I wish you the best, always!

Regina

[manav-007]

What is the Love Compatibility Of Aries And Gemini?

Introduction

Are you ready to dive into the mystical world of love compatibility? Brace yourself, because we're about to explore the electrifying connection between Aries and Gemini! Love is a wild ride filled with twists and turns, and understanding the dynamics between zodiac signs can give us a glimpse into the potential fireworks or harmonious symphony that awaits. So, if you're an Aries or Gemini itching to know what 2023 holds for your love life, buckle up as we delve into the captivating realm of astrology and jyotishay predictions. Get ready for revelations that will leave you starry-eyed!

What is Love Compatibility?

Love compatibility is a topic that has intrigued humans for centuries. It refers to the level of harmony and understanding between two individuals in a romantic relationship. In astrology, love compatibility is often determined by analyzing the zodiac signs of the individuals involved. When it comes to love compatibility, every zodiac sign has its own unique traits and characteristics. These traits influence how well two people can get along and connect on an emotional level. However, it's important to remember that love compatibility is not set in stone and can vary from person to person. Aries and Gemini are both dynamic and energetic signs which makes their relationship exciting and full of adventure. Aries is fiery and passionate while Gemini is curious and adaptable. This combination can create a strong connection as they both enjoy trying new things together. To determine if you are compatible with an Aries individual, look for qualities such as ambition, independence, and spontaneity. Aries appreciate partners who can match their energy levels. On the other hand, if you want to know if you are compatible with a Gemini individual, watch out for traits like intelligence, versatility, and good communication skills. Geminis value mental stimulation in relationships. Like any relationship, there are strengths and weaknesses when it comes to the love compatibility of Aries-Gemini pairings. Some strengths include their shared sense of adventure and ability to keep each other entertained. However, conflicts may arise due to differences in communication styles or conflicting desires for freedom versus commitment. In conclusion... Determining love compatibility between zodiac signs like Aries-Gemini can give insights into potential challenges or areas where the couple may thrive together. However, it's important not to solely rely on astrology but also consider individual personalities when assessing relationship compatibility. Exploration

The Aries-Gemini Relationship

The Aries-Gemini relationship is one that can be filled with excitement and adventure. Both signs are known for their outgoing and lively personalities, making them a perfect match in terms of energy and enthusiasm. Aries, the fiery and passionate sign, brings a sense of spontaneity to the relationship. They thrive on taking risks and seeking new experiences, which can ignite Gemini's curiosity. Gemini, on the other hand, is an intellectual sign that craves mental stimulation. Their quick wit and love for communication will keep Aries engaged and entertained. In this dynamic duo, both signs have a natural ability to adapt to change. This flexibility allows them to go with the flow when it comes to conflicts or challenges that may arise in their relationship. However, it's important to note that both Aries and Gemini can have moments of impulsiveness or restlessness. This could potentially lead to disagreements if not addressed properly. Communication becomes key in resolving any differences between these two signs. The Aries-Gemini relationship is characterized by passion, excitement, intellectual connection, and shared adventures. With mutual understanding and effective communication strategies in place, this duo has great potential for long-lasting love compatibility in 2023 astrology predictions!

What is the Love Compatibility Of Aries And Gemini 2023?

The love compatibility between Aries and Gemini is an exciting and dynamic combination. These two signs share a strong intellectual connection, as both are highly curious and mentally agile. Aries, the fiery and passionate sign, brings enthusiasm and spontaneity to the relationship. Gemini, the witty and versatile sign, adds charm and adaptability. In 2023, this love match can expect a year filled with adventure and growth. Both Aries and Gemini thrive on new experiences and stimulation, so they will enjoy exploring together. Whether it's traveling to new places or trying out different activities, their shared sense of curiosity will keep their bond alive. However, it's important to note that Aries can sometimes be impulsive while Gemini tends to be indecisive. This could lead to occasional conflicts or misunderstandings in the relationship. Communication is key for these two signs, as they need to express their needs openly in order to maintain harmony. The love compatibility between Aries and Gemini in 2023 promises excitement, fun-filled moments,and personal growth for both partners involved!

How to know if you are compatible with Aries?

When it comes to love compatibility, understanding your compatibility with an Aries can be crucial. So, how do you know if you're compatible with this fiery sign? Here are a few key factors to consider. Communication is important in any relationship. Aries individuals tend to be direct and straightforward when expressing themselves. If you appreciate open and honest communication, then you may find yourself compatible with an Aries. Aries individuals are known for their passion and energy. They thrive on excitement and adventure. If you enjoy a fast-paced lifestyle filled with spontaneity and new experiences, then the dynamic nature of an Aries could be a good match for you. Additionally, independence plays a significant role in the compatibility of relationships involving an Aries individual. They value their freedom and need space to pursue their own interests. If you have your own passions that keep you busy or if personal independence is important to you as well, then the independent nature of an Aries might complement your own desires. It's essential to remember that no two people are exactly alike - even within the same zodiac signs! While astrology can provide valuable insights into personality traits and tendencies, it's important not to rely solely on astrological compatibility when making decisions about relationships. By considering these factors along with other aspects such as shared values and goals, emotional connection, trustworthiness,and overall compatibility will help determine if there is true potential for long-term happiness between yourself and an Ar

How to know if you are compatible with Gemini?

Gemini, the sign represented by the Twins, is known for their charm, wit, and intellectual prowess. If you're wondering whether you are compatible with a Gemini, here are a few key factors to consider. Communication is essential when it comes to building a strong relationship with a Gemini. They thrive on stimulating conversations and enjoy exploring various ideas and perspectives. So if you find yourself engaging in lively debates or sharing exciting thoughts with ease, that's definitely a good sign of compatibility. Another aspect to consider is their need for variety and freedom. Geminis have an innate curiosity about the world around them and typically crave new experiences. If you're someone who appreciates spontaneity and can adapt to change easily, your compatibility levels may be high with this air sign. Furthermore, Geminis tend to be social butterflies who love being surrounded by people. They enjoy attending parties or events where they can meet new individuals from different walks of life. If you're comfortable in social settings and can keep up with their active social life without feeling overwhelmed or jealous, it could indicate potential compatibility. Flexibility plays a crucial role in assessing your compatibility with this mercurial sign. Geminis are known for their ever-changing moods and interests; what excites them today may bore them tomorrow! Being adaptable will help navigate any shifts or changes within the relationship smoothly. Remember that astrology can provide insights into compatibility but shouldn't be taken as absolute truth. Ultimately only through open communication and understanding each other's needs can one truly determine if they are compatible with a Gemini partner

What are the strengths and weaknesses of Aries and Gemini?

Strengths and weaknesses are inherent in every relationship, and the Aries-Gemini pairing is no exception. Both signs bring unique qualities to the table that can either complement or clash with each other. Aries, being a fire sign, is known for their passion, energy, and drive. They are natural born leaders who thrive on taking charge of any situation. Their assertiveness and confidence can be inspiring to Gemini, who sometimes lacks direction. Gemini, on the other hand, is an air sign known for their quick wit, adaptability, and intellectual prowess. They have a natural curiosity about the world around them and love engaging in stimulating conversations. This can keep Aries on their toes intellectually. However, these strengths also come with certain weaknesses. Aries' impulsive nature may clash with Gemini's indecisiveness at times. Aries likes to take action quickly without much thought while Gemini prefers analyzing all possible options before making a decision. Additionally, both signs can be prone to restlessness and boredom if not constantly stimulated mentally or physically. While this shared need for excitement can initially create a strong bond between them, it could also lead to instability in the long run if not managed properly. Though,AriesandGeminihave great potential as partners due to their shared sense of adventure,dynamic personalities,and abilityto keep life interesting. Nevertheless,it’s importantforthemtorecognizeeachother’sstrengthsandweaknessesandworkoncommunicating effectivelyto ensure harmonyintheirrelationship

Conclusion

In astrology, love compatibility is a fascinating topic that many people turn to when trying to understand their relationships. When it comes to the love compatibility of Aries and Gemini in 2023, the stars indicate a potential for an exciting and dynamic connection. Aries, with their fiery nature and adventurous spirit, are drawn to Gemini's intellectual curiosity and quick wit. The two signs can stimulate each other mentally and keep the relationship lively with their shared love for adventure and new experiences. Gemini's adaptability complements Aries' desire for freedom, allowing both partners to maintain their individuality while still nurturing a strong bond. Their communication skills also tend to be well-matched, as they both enjoy engaging in stimulating conversations. However, it's important to note that no relationship is perfect. Aries may sometimes find Gemini indecisive or too flighty for their liking. On the other hand, Gemini might feel overwhelmed by Aries' intensity or impatience at times. To determine your compatibility with an Aries partner in 2023, consider how well you connect on an intellectual level. Do you share similar interests? Are you able to engage in meaningful conversations without feeling bored or misunderstood? If so, there is a good chance that your relationship has great potential. Likewise, if you want to assess your compatibility with a Gemini partner this year, pay attention to how well you communicate with each other. Can you easily express your thoughts and feelings? Do they show genuine interest in what you have to say? These factors will play a significant role in determining whether your connection can thrive over time. Every relationship requires effort from both partners regardless of astrological compatibility. Understanding the strengths and weaknesses of each sign can provide valuable insight into how best to navigate challenges when they arise.

For more, Jyotishay revolutionizes the world of astrology through its user-friendly app and web interface, seamlessly blending ancient wisdom with modern technology.

[backingtracksforsingers]

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[yuzukult]

acquitted love || sjn & reader

title: acquitted love pairing: johnny suh x reader genre: fluff, angst, co-workers!au, lawyer!au, one-sided enemies to lovers word count: 8.7k warnings: some language/cursing, brief mentions of sex but there's no actual discussions or explicit conversations of the topic, but generally pg-13 prompt: you absolutely hate johnny suh. but when your boss pairs you two up together for one of the highest profile cases, you’re left working close with your enemy but he doesn’t seem to think that way of you. a/n: tada!! i wrote this for the @/ficscafe fic exchange event!! so @urlocalnctstan​ , hope you enjoy this !! i tried to write it according to what you put as your preferences, but honestly T_T it was so hard bc i was just not getting any ideas!! hopefully this is something you’d like :D enjoy !!

“God, isn’t he just… so attractive?”

Along with a click on your tongue, you feign a hit in Hyeri’s direction, whose reflexes have gotten so much faster in the past couple years of knowing you and it shows when she cowers underneath your arm. She gifts you that not-so-apologetic smile, full of mischievousness because she knows no matter how annoying she can be, you’ll still love her nonetheless.

“Why do you keep talking about Johnny? You know he’s banned as a topic of our conversations.”

Hyeri rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her white frilled blouse. You know that she doesn’t actually inhabit any romantic feelings for Johnny, but she has a problem of thinking without the usage of her brain when she sees a hot guy.

Not that you think Johnny is hot.

No.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t think he’s at least an ounce of smokin’ hot.” She’s unraveled her arms by now, poking your shoulder incessantly to grasp onto your attention as you're tapping on the buttons of the copier machine. “I bet if you asked him out, he’d say yes.”

You briefly glare at Hyeri. “You realize that he and I don’t get along, right? He keeps finding stupid loopholes in the system to win his cases. He thinks with his heart, not his head, and sometimes, with whatever that thing was in his pants.” And, not to mention that he walks out the court with that big grin stretched from cheek to cheek, giving the ‘good news’ to your well-respected boss (who you desperately seek the approval of but that’s a different story for another time). And every single time, she gives him that nod of appreciation, that ‘nod of approval’ if you will, when it should be given to you and not to some asshole who fucks his way to victory.

“But he’s so hot—”

You narrow your eyes at your friend, and with a stern voice, you call out, “Hyeri.”

She shrugs. “Honestly, though, he’s hella smart. He’s got a job here, and works under your boss. It’s Park, Kim & Associates—notice how Park is first, because she’s a fucking genius. She only picks the intelligent ones to work under her. Why do you think I’m still working for Mr. Kim?”

Park Seohyun and Kim Gonghyun—one of the biggest lawyers in the region, decided to join together to build their own law firm from the ground up. They were both highly respected in their field; Kim Gonghyun spent years of his life being mentored by one of the most famous judges, and as for Park Seohyun, she was, simply put, admirable because of the obstacles she has overcome to make her dreams of working in law to be real. Being a woman, young, and beautiful, she’s had her fair share of encounters with people who disregard her potential, that is until she met Gonghyun—who, admittingly is an old man who seems like he’d be traditional, sexist, even, but he proves to also make people realize how wrong they are with their impression of him.

But, as Mr. Kim is getting older, he’s gotten a bit… lazy.

In fact, he’s been slacking so much that he’s gotten a new rep in the office—if he was your direct supervisor, or your supervisor was under him, you were on the side of the office where all the easier, uncomplicated cases were assigned. Which meant that there was a slight possibility that your talents and skills weren’t as sharp and exceptional as you thought they were.

And well, Hyeri works directly underneath Mr. Kim.

Hyeri doesn’t want a heavy workload, despite the fact that there’s a plethora of files on her desk, stacked up one onto another as tall as her PC tower, and they were all open and closed cases—needless to say that she didn’t mind it.

“Okay, but you got offered a position under Seohyun. Do you really think you’re not wasting your potential?”

Hyeri scoffs. “Never. At least, not now. I’m still in my twenties, I’d like to enjoy my youth while I can, for your information.”

You quirk a brow. “And does any of that pertain fucking Johnny? The hot guy, so you claim?”

She immediately has her hand covering your mouth and you scowl. “Shhhhh, he works here!”

You bite the flesh of her hand and Hyeri instantly retracts. “You think I don’t know my archenemy works here? He sits directly across from my office—I get the best view of the guy and I’m not even one of his fangirls.”

“You’re not gonna be one of those girls who claim they’re different because they don’t like him but then end up falling for him anyway… are you?”

Your hand goes up and Hyeri crouches down.

“Stop it.”

“Seriously though! It’s the classic e2l love story,” she has her hands gesturing in front of her like she’s making an imaginary rainbow, “Two lawyers, constantly butting heads, accept each other’s differences and learn to love—“

“The fuck is an ‘e2l’?”

“Enemies to lovers.”

“Are you high? Stop spitting nonsense.” This time, you’re waving the stack of papers that finish printing in front of her face. “Meet me for lunch later. But if you keep talking about my archenemy and I falling in love, you can kiss a free meal goodbye.”

Hyeri gasps.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Maybe. Just maybe, Hyeri might be a tiny smidge right when she says Johnny is handsome. Just a bit though, because she can’t get credit for something like that.

He’s dyed his hair this shade of brunette that sort of reminds you of roasted chestnuts on a cold, winter day, sitting inside of a cooker outside of your childhood home, baking along with some sweet potatoes your mom had gotten from a farmer’s market nearby. Johnny has this focused gaze attached to the screen of his monitor; there’s a dip in the fronts of his brows, lips tightened into a straight line, and constant switching back and forth from the computer while taking notes down in a book that’s laid open in front of him.

You wonder what’s running through his mind, or well, you’re more interested in what files he has sprawled out on top of his desk.

Truthfully, if it hadn’t been obvious enough, you weren’t quite a fan of Johnny Suh and it’s mostly due to his work ethic. He’d been notorious for his reputation of sleeping around—especially with the opposing side—so it’s hard to convince yourself that he didn’t win the case because of his actual capabilities, but it’s because he pulled some strings.

And Johnny doesn’t put much effort into denying it either.

Albeit deep down, you were a teeny bit envious of his confidence. He struts around the courtroom with ease, and when he presents his position, there’s no staggering in his voice—it’s always crisp and clean, weighted with nothing but credence, and never straying from his initial perspective. It’s never a lack of poise, it’s consistently the look he goes for; from the hand gestures and the furrowed brows, to the rhetorical questions in the end of certain statements that has the speculators and jury sitting at the edge of their seat, Johnny had a talent for performing in the courtroom, but that doesn’t mean anything when the way he gets to the success isn’t ethical.

Just at that moment, his eyes lift from the screen and meet yours.

There isn’t any hesitation when you scramble to grab the remote controller, and the shades drop over the windows instantaneously.

“Fuck,” you mutter underneath your breath, tossing the remote onto your desk and shaking your hands after. What if he thought you were admiring him? Maybe he didn’t see. Yeah. It was for a brief second, and with how close your offices were to each other, it would be common to accidentally lock eyes… right?

Interrupting your thoughts, the office phone rings and it nearly startles the living soul out of you. But before you reach for it, your head tilts to the side curiously because the extension number is familiar—it’s Park Seohyun’s, your boss.

What could she be calling for?

You don’t remember fucking something up—but to be fair, half the times, you never really know if you’ve actually fucked up until someone with steaming ears and a crimson face comes storming in. So… did you do something good? Again, you don’t think that’s right either, because other people would’ve made comments about it.

Deciding to swallow your nerves, you pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey!” Seohyun never fails to be bubbly, and you could never mimic her energy. You definitely had to be born with that kind of enthusiasm. “I have a favor. Hop into my office.”

Leaned back in her leather swivel chair, she had her fingers laced with each other while resting over her stomach. Johnny stands beside you (and you do your best to not look directly at him, especially after that weird staring thing), and you both feel like kids being lectured by parents from how still you are. Her office is huge, probably the size of both yours and Johnny’s combined; with ceiling to floor windows, cases of books that line the perimeter, not to mention the humongous ass couch that practically covers the other half of the room, and her desk was so wide, you estimate about four monitors would fit on there with still additional space for work. That wasn’t even the best part—the view of the city looks almost like a generic lockscreen of a Windows computer, and you’re not even sure why she goes home at night when she basically has a penthouse here.

“As you know, I have a favor.”

“Right,” Johnny retorts, mostly as a filler in the awkward silence. “So… what’s the favor?”

She pulls a box from her purse; square, black and made from a leather material with a lock pad stitched into it, something you’ve never seen before, and she slides the passcode in, then it pops the lid open. A key (a… very small one) sits in the velvety cushion, with nothing else occupying the space with it, and it looks comical. She uses this to open the very top drawer of her desk, and as she pulls using the handle, there’s another box inside, but this time, metal instead of leather, but still black.

What the fuck?

It seems Johnny shares the same thoughts, because he sneaks a glance over at you.

“You see,” Seohyun begins, pressing on the digital keys of the box until there’s a beep at the end and the case hisses open. “There’s a lot of security for this. Which means you understand the importance of it.”

Then, she picks up four manila envelopes and lies on the surface of her wooden top desk. “I have a family emergency to attend to this upcoming week. I’m boarding a flight tonight. So I’m leaving the Hwang v. Yoon case to the two of you.”

“Fuck—”

“The what?”

You and Johnny are sputtering out of shock. The Hwang v. Yoon case is the biggest case that the firm is involved in currently, and the only people involved in it have been Seohyun and Gonghyun. It’s been on every social media platform you could think of; from Facebook to Twitter, TikTok to Instagram—there’s even this weird website for emo/grunge teens or strange kids that like writing fanfic called Tumblr, and whatever that is, it’s discussed on there too.

“What about Gonghyun?”

Seohyun scoffs, closing the drawer and dropping the key back into her special box. Where do you even get a box like that? “He can’t handle this alone. So I’m kicking him off until I come back. I thought about letting the two of you work with him, but his ego is so inflated, it’ll get in the way of our chances of winning. It’s easier if it was just me and him, but seeing that things at home aren’t well, I’m going to need you two to step up to the plate.”

The room goes quiet. The only sounds you hear are the muffled noises of a typical bustling office outside the thick walls of Seohyun’s office, and at first, excitement rushes through your blood because Seohyun thought of you taking over a special, high profile case.

Albeit, another realization gets soaked up, and it’s that Johnny also came to mind, and that because it’s such an important case, the two of you would be… working… many… hours… together.

Maybe you should back out of it—but then again, this is such a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Imagine winning this— it wouldn’t be good for just the law firm, it’d be good for you too. Your name, in articles on these big fancy news websites, perhaps even on new channels, talking about how you, this amazing lawyer, won the Hwang v. Yoon case.

But then you’re snapped back into reality when Johnny leans over to take the envelopes from Seohyun.

If your name is on those platforms, so is Johnny’s.

God, this guy just ruins everything, doesn’t he?

“We’ll take care of it, Seohyun. You can trust us,” he says assuringly, a smile tugging on each corner of his lips with that dazzling gaze. “We’ll be at our best.”

Kiss ass.

If you had the option, you wouldn’t be spending your Saturday night here at work, in one of those conference rooms with a long table in the middle, a big projector that displays on the wall, and a random black leather loveseat couch that lines the one corner in case there’s too many occupants.

Especially since the person who’s accompanying you is Johnny Suh.

There’s probably a lot of people who would kill to be in your position (Hyeri being one of them), but you dread it. Not to be that person, but what’s so special about him anyway? What? He’s tall, has some muscles, long luscious hair that he can slick back with that sultry stare—wait, what?

“Alright, moving on…” From what? You guys just started? It’d been clear with Seohyun that the mornings would be dedicated to other cases, but nights would be considered overtime and where you’d zoom in your focus on Ms. Hwang’s justice. “Let’s take a look at the facts here.”

Johnny slips off his blazer, hanging it on the back of one of the chairs as you’re seated in another, leaning back comfortably with an arm resting on the table. He loosens the first few buttons of his dress shirt before folding up the sleeves, and that’s when you notice a little thing in the inner crook of his elbow—is that a fucking sunflower? Is that what he uses to reel girls in? That he’s soft enough to have a pretty little flower etched onto his gentle, silky and supple—

“Okay,” he says, interjecting into your thoughts with a laser pointer in his hand. He taps on the space bar of his laptop that mirrors what’s on his screen, but then, that’s when you realize what’s on the slides.

There’s a collage of pictures, mostly street, casually walking themed ones, but the common factor was that they were of Yoon Changmin, the man you guys were up against. They were all paparazzi-like photos, which begs the question, how did he get pics like this, and why did he get them?

“What’s the point of this?” you ask, voice laced with nothing but suspicion.

“We gotta get into the mind of the enemy.” You wanna get into the mind of your enemy, too.

You gesture to the one image of Changmin with an arm around his girlfriend and a finger up his nose. “Seems like he’s trying to reach inside of his head instead of us. These are just everyday pictures, Johnny. What’s that going to do for us?”

“Well,” he begins, turning to look at the wall of ‘evidence’. “You see—wait, holy shit.”

Freezing in the midst of reaching for your coffee, your head jolts in the direction of your partner. “What? What is it?”

“Holy shit,” he exclaims, “Hoooooooooly shit. Why didn’t I see this before? This changes everything.”

Furrowing your brows, you’ve given up getting your drink and dropped your hands onto the table. “Tell me, what is it?”

“This is a game changer.”

“Johnny,” you call out sternly, and his eyes link with yours before he instantly points to a particular picture with his red laser pointer.

“Look at that.” There’s pride saturated in his words, but when you look at what he’s indicating, your body slouches in disappointment.

Why the hell was he directing your attention onto Changmin’s thighs? Surely, there’s no denying that they were attractive—you recall that his alibi was at the gym that very night of the crime.

“What? He’s guilty for showing off his toothpick legs?” They were lean, you never said they were muscular.

“No,” he retorts, slightly irritated by your response as he rolls his eyes. “Look at his pants.”

“Okay…”

“They’re jean shorts.”

There’s a pregnant pause, but the expression on your face is so loud it can’t be hidden.

Johnny continues, “That’s a fashion crime.” He says it as if it’s an obvious fact known by many. “Not to mention that it’s fucking raw hem. He should be arrested.”

Suddenly, your opinion of him thinking too much with his heart dissipates because it seems like he’s thinking out of his ass instead. Did he win those cases out of pity? How did this guy even pass the bar? How about law school? How the hell did he even get into law school?

“I don’t think—”

“Listen, alright, just hear me out,” he’s got the palms of his hands resting flat on the surface of the table, doing his best to gain your full undivided attention. “Only assholes wear jean shorts. They flaunt that shit around like they own the place, but they’re horrendous pieces of clothing that should not be on a male’s body. I don’t care what you say, what your opinion is, because that is a fact.”

Puffing your cheeks, you feel at a loss. If Johnny is who you had to get this done, it feels like you’re not going to be finding much evidence any time soon.

“Okay, if… if that’s how you want to play it, then show me the evidence—other than those 2012 cut off denim shorts.”

He reaches over to hit his space bar again, then with a wink and a slide change, he leans closer to you and says with that deep, honeyed voice, “Gladly.”

You hate admitting when you’re wrong.

Ironically, you concede and will confess when you actually are, but it doesn’t mean that you enjoy it. For example, when Hyeri claims that the intern Mark had a crush on you, you quickly waved her off, stating something along the lines of, “I’m too intimidating; there’s better chances of him being scared of me than ever finding me attractive.” And then a week later, you owed Hyeri free lunch at that hip ramen place downtown because Mark had approached your desk that very morning with a bouquet of red roses flowers for you, a cheeky grin glued to his face with pools of hearts in his eyes, and ready to ask you on a date because it was the day after his internship had ended. Naturally, it wasn’t fun rejecting that poor college boy.

But, you won’t say you find Johnny interesting or handsome. Or that there’s potential when it came to possibly (just barely the slightest smidge) that you’d ever consider asking Johnny out. He’s your enemy here, you’ve mentioned that a multitude of times, and you stand firm on that very declaration, despite the fact that sometimes when he gets too close, your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel like you can’t get whatever’s lodged in out.

Albeit it’s not the whole “you guys are gonna end up together” comment that Hyeri makes and resulting in you denying it afterwards, it’s that Johnny might… be a decent lawyer.

He’s not the best one you’ve seen; the stupid revelation he had on the first day working on the case about the jean shorts is evidence for it, but it’s the days following that were slowly changing your perspective on him.

When you said, “He thinks too much with his heart more than with his head,” it was 100% correct.

When meeting with potential witnesses, you recognized that Johnny empathizes with people often; when they cry and start panicking from being overwhelmed, he's quick on his feet to put an arm around them, share reassuring words, and have them back to normal in record’s time.

And, well… you? You’re the one making them cry in the first place.

You don’t want to fully take the blame for being the cause of their tears, but people need to hear what’s happening, and the very detail that they can’t even handle this information probably means they’re not worthwhile as a key witness.

Johnny, of course, thinks otherwise.

He believes that these people should have a voice (although you’ve alluded that they might be more useless than helpful), and putting them on the stand with Yoon Changmin there would change the view of the jury to supporting Hwang Naeri.

“Listen, if we get these people to sign the form, we’d get witnesses and it’ll help Naeri,” Johnny claims, frantically moving his arms annoyingly as he talks, trying his best to express the gravity of the situation, “and maybe, maybe, money wouldn’t be how Changmin wins, but how he loses. We can’t have another person with jean shorts walking on the streets of our city like this—they deserve to go to prison.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Why does this always revert back to the jean shorts?”

“It always has to do with jean shorts,” he snaps back matter-of-factly. “Any straight guy wearing jean shorts with that much goddamn confidence has done some wrong in their lives.”

“Right, but I’m pretty sure that the crimes he did are mainly the reason why he’s being prosecuted against.”

“Jean shorts are the windows to the soul.”

“I’m almost 100% sure that eyes are the windows to the soul, but whatever. If you genuinely believe that the women we met today would benefit our case, then… okay. Let’s bring them to the stand.”

On the contrary to you, Johnny doesn’t have a hard time convincing witnesses to testify. You see the way that he works; those kind eyes directed at the participants, the pools of chocolate were sweet, saturated in nothing but tenderness and warmth, then he does that weird thing where he reaches for their hands and cups them before the words that escapes from his lips are enough to swoon them to stand in front of a courtroom.

Maybe, just maybe, there’s a method to his so-called madness.

Aggression and bluntness don’t work, it seems, because when you’re the one attempting to convince these people to go against the man that had done them wrong, they’re less willing to do it. Something about ‘moving on,’ and ‘not wanting to relive those memories again,’ but if it was you, you’d want justice. Then again, not everyone is like you, and not everyone thinks like you, and spending this abundance of time with Johnny is slowly getting you to ease into that perspective.

So… the initial impression you had of him may have been wrong.

And maybe, just maybe, you’re developing some feelings for him, just as Hyeri predicted.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

His abrupt personal question is enough to have the coffee spill into your mouth to slide down the ‘wrong throat’ because you’re choking, hand on your chest as you’re tackling to regain your breath again and Johnny only stares in disbelief, blinking blankly. “Are… are you okay?”

You glare at him through a hooded gaze. “Well,” you clear your throat once more. “Now, I am.”

“Cool.” He nods, retracting his hand so he could rub your back soothingly, deciding it’s best to stay away. “Are you going to answer my question?”

Quirking a brow, your head tilts slightly in puzzlement. “Why are you asking this?”

Johnny shrugs. “Isn’t it weird that we’ve hung out with each other for a whole week—stayed here for nights and we both don’t know anything about each other?”

Tapping your fingers against the wooden top table, you sigh. Maybe he’s got a point; after all, “Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer,” right?

“No, I’m single.”

Johnny’s face suddenly brightens, ears perked, and his body straightens its posture in his seat at this revelation. “Oh, uh, I didn’t know that. You seemed busy in your personal life, so I, uh… was just wondering.” He looked anxious, but you couldn’t pinpoint why. “I, um, I’m single too, by the way, in case you’re wondering.” You weren’t.

The plethora of cardboard and plastic boxes scattered across the table was a representation of the night. It’s been long, exhausting, and messy, mostly because it’s a Friday night, the hearing was on Monday, and the two of you were nowhere near close to having enough to present to the court. In fear of disappointing Seohyun, the two of you agreed to stay over the office for the weekend to cram work for the case. There’s no denying that the atmosphere is weirder on the weekends, especially since, well, no one really comes here on the weekends. Johnny had to use the bathroom earlier and ran into the cleaning lady and she nearly shit her pants because she didn’t think anyone was here, so she had music blasting in her headphones.

Johnny is… interesting. He makes you laugh—or well, want to laugh, but you don’t give him that sense of satisfaction—and he’s smart but in his own weird way. He’s not like the other lawyers you’ve met, or any of the law students you attended University with because he’s more lighthearted and free-spirited than the rest, taking life in strides instead of just overwhelming himself in the abundance of stress that work brings.

He’s entirely the opposite of you.

And maybe you could learn something from the guy, but there’s something in you that brews hatred toward him. Possibility that you resent how easy he makes being a lawyer seem when you’re struggling in your day-to-day life to make things work.

But it’s way too fucking hard when he’s just… like that.

Despite all of that, he’s very generous and kind toward you. On rough days, he delivers your coffee order, the one you always get because he remembers what you asked the intern to get for you the last time, and he’s good at identifying when you’re just having that kind of day. You eventually learn he has a photographic memory (fucking show off), so when he saw that crumpled napkin with scribbles of what you want in that dumb intern’s hand, it wasn’t hard to remember. Which, by the way, is how he’s able to get into the most prestigious school for undergrad, manage to pass the bar so easily, and get into law school effortlessly.

And knowing this information sort of angers you more.

You know this isn’t his fault—he’s been blessed with a trait that people desire, one that you also yearn for, but the lucky ones get handed a lot of things in life. You wonder if he’s the type of guy who wins girls easily after matching with them on dating sites because of this stupid ass ‘photographic memory.’ Does he sleep with them right after? Does it ever get serious?

You shrug your shoulders and shake your head. You shouldn’t even let these strange thoughts haunt you, especially when you don’t even like him.

He’s a spoiled brat who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter.

So you’re left counting the remaining days until the trial so you don’t ever have to work with Johnny Suh this closely again.

Okay, well, it’s evident that bad luck is glued to your side because after you win the Hwang v. Yoon case for your law firm with that asshole, Seohyun is so impressed. So goddamn impressed that she insists that all the high profile cases are to be given to both you and Johnny.

To work as a team.

Together.

Jesus, this is Hell for you.

Surely, the promotion and raise that came along with it was definitely a plus, but it has you wondering if it’s even worth it. He’s been your unspoken enemy since the first day, and although you think you’re pretty forthright about your hatred for this guy, he can’t seem to read social cues.

When you’re pushing the double doors into the conference room the two of you often spend working on cases in, you expect Johnny to be ready for another day. But strangely enough, Johnny doesn’t have his laptop out or any of the notebooks sprawled across the table.

“Um,” you slide the strap of your bag off your shoulder and onto the spare chair. “Did you come late or something?”

He takes in a deep breath like he’s been holding back something. “We need to talk.”

There’s worry inscribed into his features; from the crease in between his brows, to his pursed lips, and eyes soaked in concern, almost like he’s got bad news to share and it has your stomach in knots. Was it that the case was thrown out? It couldn’t be, right? You both worked hard, presented your stance to the point that the jury and the judge were in awe with your findings. Sure, you had to cover Johnny’s mouth right before he was about to go off in a tangent about jean shorts, but overall, it was a good win, a hard one to go back on and pull out the wrongs of it. So what was it?

“I’m quitting our partnership.”

You blink. “What?”

He gestures to the room with his hands as if there’s anything out to reference. “This thing. Our work. The big profile cases. The famous stuff. I told Seohyun that I won’t be doing it anymore and she can revoke the promotion and the raise.”

You’re still not catching on. “… Why?” Was it something you did? Yeah, you weren’t a big fan of Johnny either, but were you so bad that he decided to not go through with the raise because of you?

“Because,” he pushes his blazer back, hands sliding into the front pockets of his navy blue trousers. “There’s a policy put into place. Those who are on the same cases cannot have any personal relations with each other that extend past friendships.”

“We’re not even friends?” With confusion written across your face, your head tilts to the side. “I’m not… I’m not catching on here.”

“I like you.”

Startled, the words you want to say are stolen out of your mouth. You’re left with a mixture of perturbation and bewilderment, uncertain where to go from there because Johnny asked for the removal of both a promotion and additional money that could be so good for his career… and it’s all because he has a crush on you?

“You quit the best thing that could’ve happened to you because you like me?”

“Yeah,” Johnny states calmly, sucking in his cheeks for a brief moment. “Ain’t that romantic?”

You scoff. “No. Absolutely not. You’re insane! Why would you do yourself dirty like that? Use your head, Johnny, you’re constantly thinking with that stupid heart of yours, and hate to break it to you, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Combing your hair with your fingers, you let out a sigh. “Go ask Seohyun for the position back. Say you made a mistake and—”

“I’m not asking her for the position back.”

Johnny doesn’t make any sense to you. “What? Why wouldn’t you do that?

“Because,” he laughs in disbelief, not because he thinks you’re funny. “I’m not going to force myself to work with a girl that I keep falling for. That’s self-inflicting, you realize that, right? You’re amazing, but you can seriously be so dense sometimes.”

“I’m dense? You just told one of the best law firms in the city that you don’t want to work on the important cases anymore because you have a stupid crush on your partner!”

“If we were on a team with more people, maybe it’d be different. But it’s just us two. You think I won’t fall any harder? That’s not easy. Every time I see you working, I swear I could be hopelessly in love with you one day.”

Your heart stops for a second.

This is Johnny Suh you were talking about here. One of the claimed best lawyers in your office, one of the most intelligent people that Hyeri has ever met, and Seohyun evidently backs this up because she’s given him so much recognition for his work. He’s the guy who worked with you to win the Hwang v. Yoon case, he’s the one who brought up the stupid jean shorts that seemed so far-fetched at the time, but they were a crucial detail everyone missed—it so happened that when Changmin bought those dumb shorts, there was evidence of at least one of his crimes in that store from the security cameras.

Any cis-gendered male who wears jean shorts can’t be trusted, according to Johnny.

And candidly speaking? You couldn’t even deny that. Your past two ex-boyfriends both wore jean shorts and the one cheated on you and the other one was caught money laundering.

“Listen,” he begins, interrupting your foggy thoughts. “I’m not asking you to tell me you like me back. I’m telling you because you should know, and that I can’t go on any further without letting you know. I’ll, uh, be in my office. Seohyun said she’d find a replacement for me.”

Hyeri is his replacement.

She’s great company and does a good job of helping you with whatever you need, but that was just it. Hyeri followed you, she never led with you, just as Johnny does. Agreeing with everything you say, mindlessly trailing behind everything you do—Hyeri was smart, but she couldn’t figure out how to think for herself when it came to these bigger cases because she’s never been given such a responsibility. But you couldn’t even blame her because it’s what she was told to do under Gonghyun.

“You said that you think Maeri snatched the bracelet?”

“No, I said if you watched the security video that the jewelry store submitted, it clearly shows that Maeri snatched the bracelet. Not that I ‘think.’ The proof is right there, Hyeri.”

She nods, resuming back to her work on the computer. Truthfully, Hyeri felt more like an assistant than a co-worker, someone to bounce ideas off of and to see from a different perspective. And as much as you hated Johnny, he had decent points. He had ways of making you put yourself into the shoes of people you never thought you were; although the guy was obnoxious, at least he actually was… good at his job.

Deciding you can’t take it anymore when Hyeri asks for the tenth time that hour about your beliefs rather than her own, you abruptly stand from your seat.

“Where are you going?”

“Out,” you reply shortly. “I’ll be back.”

It was just a spontaneous thought. It’s after hours, and although there are some people who stay behind to get some work done, you had your doubts that Johnny would still be here. He seems to have a better grip on that work/life balance thing people talked about (unlike yourself), but it didn’t hurt to check his office, right?

It’s a good thing you went with it. Because right across from yours, there’s Johnny.

There’s one single lamp that shines over the tabletop of his desk, and the other sources of light in his office are from his computer screen and the ones from the city skyline from behind him. It has him seemingly angelic like this, so serene, calm, and collected, only focused on what’s laid out in front of him. The sun has gone down, people have gone home, but Johnny remains, hardworking as always, despite your previous observations that he’s a lazy, unprofessional guy who gets everything handed down to him.

With a knock on his glass door, he flinches, head raising up and eyes meeting yours.

Were his eyes always this sparkly?

Opening the door, Johnny drops the pen in his hand and crosses his arms before leaning back in his seat. “What’s up?”

“You’re here late,” you state the obvious, and Johnny only nods in return, without a rebuttal in sight. “You aren’t normally here late. At least, before the Hwang v. Yoon case.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But Seohyun dropped something on my desk this morning. Wanted to work on it. What brings you here?”

Inhaling in a deep breath of courage, your hands bundle up into a fist by your side. “Please come back.”

Johnny raises a brow. “What?”

“Come back,” you reiterate, this time, it’s less tense and releases with ease. Caving in isn’t usually this effortless to you, but something about Johnny makes you feel… comfortable enough.“Come back and work with me again. Yes, I’m not supportive of how you do things—”

“Then let’s go out on a date.”

You freeze. Legs rooted into the floors of Johnny’s office, you’re left immobile and diffident on how to react next. It wasn’t what you were expecting, although you weren’t quite sure what you were hoping to anticipate, but it most definitely was not this.

“I—”

“I said my terms,” he retorts, shutting the book in front of him before shuffling up from his seat. He’s leaving, you realize, and Johnny’s ready to head home for the night and you’re not sure if you could handle an entire weekend with Hyeri here. “And, I meant what I said. One date, and if it really doesn’t work out, I’ll stay on the case.”

Chewing on your bottom lip anxiously, the next words that come out are out of character for you. “And… what if it does?”

A soft smile tugs from each corner of his mouth. “Then we’ll figure it out from there. Promise.”

This is… awkward. It shouldn’t be, but yet somehow, it remains awkward.

You’ve spent weeks with Johnny before, and those moments were in a room, in the middle of the night, and alone. Hours and hours were dedicated to work, yes, but it was just the two of you and nobody else.

So why is it so weird being in a five Michelin star restaurant with him?

Maybe it’s the atmosphere. The dim lights, the white clothed tables in lieu of the scratched up wooden one back at the law firm, and instead of leather seats, there’s a neutral beige chaise cushion for the dining chair, slightly less comfortable because it doesn’t recline like the one in your office. Instead of an array of photos and evidence disseminated in front of you, there’s a laminated menu with a multitude of options of what to have for dinner.

Johnny gets the steak with mashed potatoes and string beans, and you order something similar but seared salmon for the main protein. The waitress offers wine, babbling on about the age of the red, where the vineyard is located, and the dryness to sweetness—to be honest, you could care less; you’d rather have gin and sprite with a squirt of lime. A couple glasses of that and you can almost guarantee that the night would end with a deep slumber.

Oddly enough, Johnny seems nervous. Ever since he pulled up in his midnight black Audi in front of your apartment complex, he’s been acting strange. He keeps wiping his sweaty palms off the material of his trousers, occasionally swiping off the droplets that fall on the side of his face.

“Are you… okay?” you suddenly ask, adjusting your dress in your seat. Deciding to go with a black silk dress with a slit up the leg and your hair let down, it’s not a look you often sport but since you’re going on a date (one you haven’t been on in quite some time), you figured it would be nice to at least play the part.

“I’m, uh, honestly, I’ve never really asked a girl out before.”

You quirk a brow curiously. “What? You’re telling me you never asked a girl out before?”

He lets out a bashful laugh with a faint nod, making an attempt to swallow his nerves after. “Honestly, I’ve always been asked out and not the other way around. Not to sound like that guy, but I never really had to put effort into trying for girls. They kind of just…”

“—Throw themselves at you?”

He beams. “Yeah! Like that. I don’t really know how to react half the time, but it makes the whole dating scene a little bit easier.” Geez, he called you dense, but he’s over here acting clueless.

Either way, it feels like whatever opinion you had about Johnny remained true. He never had to try when it came to the dating scene, and you could only imagine what that means for work and the relationships he has with the women in your career field.

“Mm, does that usually happen with work too?”

Befuddled, Johnny leans back in his chair. “What do you mean by that?”

With a shrug of your shoulders, you’re poking the meat of your salmon that falls off easily. After the first initial bite, the fish practically melts on impact when it touches the tip of your tongue, smooth like butter and bursting with flavor that couldn’t be described by any common person because it wouldn’t do the salmon justice. Johnny seemed to put a lot into this date, and you’re left pondering what the point of this was. Did he actually like you, or was he trying to get into your head? “Just seems like you get a lot of special treatment.”

“Are you jealous?”

“In what way?” you snap back.

“Are you jealous of me because I’m getting this so-called special treatment that you think I’ve always had, or were you jealous of the girls that seemingly got my attention?”

You’re left without anything to say.

It was a good observation he made because truthfully, you never saw it like that.

In actuality, you often saw Johnny as your rival. He climbed the ladder in the field with ease, and it wasn’t hard to quickly blame his success on the fact that he was a guy in a male dominated industry, but the fact that there’s a possible interpretation for your hatred may be from these feelings you might’ve been harboring for him this entire time… that can’t be it… right?

“I mean, look at where you are now,” you begin, trying to defend yourself. It can’t be true that the reason you’ve been bitter about Johnny was because of the girls that got his attention, and one of them not being you. “You got a high position from—”

“—From hard work,” Johnny interjects with his brows furrowed. “I didn’t get to where I was because I slept around, if that’s what you’re insinuating. I knew you sort of always hated me, but I’ve always admired you. I like your work ethic, I like your style, even though we’re both on opposite spectrums, I like the way you think and I wanted to know what it was like being partners with you. Getting to be on that case with you showed me more than just who you were as a lawyer, but who you were as a person. I like you, but I’m trying to put my finger on why you hate me so much.”

“So you noticed.” Sucking in your cheeks, your eyes trail elsewhere—from the fork that lays beside your plate, to the glass filled halfway with wine, to the little candle that sits in between the two of you that flickers the way he has your heart when he expresses once more how he feels about you.

“Yeah, of course I noticed. If you like someone, it’s kind to miss details like that about them. So… you really hated me because you thought I slept my way to the top, huh?”

“I mean…” shoulders dropping in exasperation, you run your fingers through your disheveled hair. “All those rumors—”

“Again, they’re just rumors. I worked hard to get here, you know. And I’m kind of offended that you thought of me that way.”

You scoff. “They’re rumors, Johnny, it’s kind of hard to ignore all the office gossip when that’s all you hear. Plus, it wasn’t hard to believe either, with the whole flirtatious act whenever you encounter anyone who’s breathing and has a vagina.”

“I wasn’t flirting.”

“You need a book for dummies that elaborates on what’s flirting or not, because Johnny Suh, whatever it is you do with your body language in front of that chick who sits by the front door.”

“You mean Siwoo? The pregnant one who’s married to her highschool sweetheart? Also, how do you not know our receptionist’s name?”

You throw your arms into the air. “How am I supposed to know her name?”

He tilts his head to the side, genuinely baffled. “Do you… not talk to anyone outside of Hyeri?”

Your silence answers his question.

“I… honestly, I don’t know if I should be offended or if I should be honored. You think I didn’t earn anything that I have now, you think that everything I have was handed to me. On one hand, it’s flattering that you think my looks and my bedroom skills could do that but at the same time… I’m offended because you think I’m incapable.”

“I never said you were incapable—”

“But you implied it.”

Hands falling onto your lap, it’s your turn to gulp. His words come shooting at you, but you’re without a shield to protect yourself, and with the new experience of working with Johnny, there comes the realization at times that Johnny is a hard worker. There are some things that he says and does that aren’t like the people you’ve encountered, and being put on new cases with Hyeri only proved it. He’s thoughtful in the sense that whenever you’d bring up your stance on something, he challenges you with what the defense might counter.

Johnny makes you want to be better. Not just against him, but to brush off the dust on your skills and enter into the battlefield of a courtroom to showcase them.

“Well, if you’re staying silent, I just want to say that I tried,” the crinkle in between your brows makes another appearance because Johnny is great at leaving you stunned and confused. “I really like you. I love how your head works, and I wanna be with someone like that but I also can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me.”

Why is it that when you’re in that conference room with him, you’re not afraid and never running out of things to say, but now you’re empty handed?

“I’ll pay for dinner. Grab you an Uber. I honestly thought I could overlook those things, and maybe your perspective for me has changed, but I could see it on your face. It’s the same.”

After that date with Johnny, his life turns back to normal.

Yours? Not so much.

Candidly speaking, part of you missed working with Johnny. You were wrong about him, so wrong, and even when you wanted to apologize at the dinner for what you thought of him, the pride in you was like a vicious plague that blackened your insides, preventing you from ever saying those words.

Oftentimes, you’d still be able to sneak a glimpse of him in his office with that same look on his face—full of concentration and nothing else in his mind other than the task at hand.

The cases you have with Hyeri entail a head like Johnny’s. Someone who could question you, to protest against your stance when there could be flaws in it. It feels like deja vu each time you think about it, each time you open a new case file and Hyeri sits there, perched in that seat beside yours, eyes sparkling with what you have in mind next, instead of what she has going on in hers.

Although you’ve tried convincing yourself that maybe, just maybe, what you feel for Johnny is purely professional but when you see him standing by the water cooler with a couple of your coworkers, eyes mimicking the moon crescents in the skies, replicating the ways his lips curl in elation—it was beginning hard to believe that it was all platonic feelings.

So maybe you should be bold for once. Pull off that exterior that displays you as someone who isn’t just independent and assiduous, but someone who’s stubborn and aggressive in getting what they want—and not in a good way.

This time, you’ll show it in a good way.

Or at least, you’ll try.

Johnny is a routine kind-of-guy—he grabs an iced americano every morning at the coffee shop downstairs at the edge of the street, he does his daily 11:00AM drop-by at the water cooler to refill his Hydroflask (which was his prized possession, by the way), and parked in the same exact spot in the parking garage of your building, despite there being an abundance of places he could choose.

That’s why you decide to stand by his car after work that day. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, hands shaking because it’s your turn to feel anxious. That blazer that once fit so comfortably in the morning suddenly feels tight and hot in the afternoon, and the weather hasn’t even changed. Your bag slung over your shoulder weighs ten times heavier than an hour ago, and you can’t stop your jaw from tightening.

Before your thoughts could spiral off all the possibilities of what the outcome may be when you tell Johnny how you feel, he’s already standing there, feet away from you with that dip in the fronts of his brows that you want to smoothen out the crinkles of with the pad of your thumb.

“Hi,” you greet, faint and peculiarly different from your other approaches. “Um, I just… was waiting for you.”

“Hey,” Johnny says back, the first few buttons of his shirt already unraveled, his blazer hung over his forearm and the sleeves are rolled up. “I see that. What’s up with you?”

“Um,” your leg was jittery, hard to control so you spat everything you had to say out as fast as you could before he could see right through you. “I just wanted to apologize. For everything. You’re admirable, kind, and I wish I inhabited those same characteristics you have. I think professionally, you’ve got great ideas, one that could be implemented into mine and what we did together for that case was just… yeah. We could do something big if we put our heads together.”

Johnny nods in agreement. The relationship between you two work-wise was obvious, he knew that much. “And what about… outside of that?”

“I like you,” you choked, barely getting the words out. “More than just coworkers, um, I guess, more than friends but I’m not really sure since you walked out on our first date,” inhaling in a deep breath of courage, you continue on, “and I don’t know how you feel now after I’m standing before you like this, asking for another chance and that I’m sorry.”

He stares at you blankly, and it leaves you unsure whether or not he accepts your apology. “You know why we ended that date early.”

“Well,” you start again, “can we… start over and try again? I promise I won’t tempt you to end the date early this time.”

And with that, there’s the signature smile that Johnny sports that swoons girls, makes their knees weak, and heart clench but this time… it’s just for you.

“I’d really like that.”

[sitp-recs]

(Perfect artwork for Modern Love, by @cambiodipolvere)

Today is the day of one of my favorite people! And I totally resent @tackytigerfic and Starry for almost sharing the same birthday, god the STRESS 😂 Tacky is my first and closest fandom friend. We clicked together so fast and easy that sometimes it feels like I’ve known her all my life, like we’re two dog moms living in the same neighborhood who happen to read fic in their free time. Despite our conflicting time zones and crazy schedules we manage to chat every other day, tagging and sending each other all kinds of stuff, coming together to cry scream about a brilliant fic we’ve just read or shaking our heads in embarrassment at every other unnecessary bullshit post. Tacky’s bright and wise energy uplifts my spirit even on my moody days, and makes me grateful for her friendship and for this fandom life. Okay so this got long and I had to put the rest under the cut:

It’s such a lovely and precious thing, to have someone with whom you can share every single thought that crosses your mind, your scariest, most embarrassing, petty or disturbing idea, without fear of being shamed or judged by it. I trust Tacky with all my heart to hear me out, share a joke or a piece of advice, even on the (rare) occasions when we don’t get the same perspective - that doesn’t happen often when it comes to Drarry, as we are taste twins!

Tacky my darling, you’re such a good person, and such an incredible friend. Thank you for introducing me to this lovely community, for being my safe haven and your unique self, with so many qualities I admire and feel inspired by: kind, witty, earnest, wise, and so very human. I love your humour and empathy, and your chill yet no-nonsense personality; I love your talent and how articulated you are; I love your passion for Drarry, and how you let this emotion inform the way you navigate the fandom and create for it. And god, but you’ve been creating some of the most beautiful content I’ve seen in these recent years! I’m permanently in awe of your ability to write Drarry in any shape, format or length, transforming even the most ordinary moment into an extraordinary and meaningful piece of character or relationship development. You know how you mentioned yesterday that some authors change the way you feel about a ship in a deep, definitive way? Well, you are that author for me. Your works made me fall in love with M-rated contemplative romance, and also allowed me to fall in love with Harry in a way I never thought it was possible before.

Some people - myself included - got to know you through the fun and intriguing A Lick and a Promise, others through the atmospheric and sensitive Modern Love, others through your contemplative and heartbreaking short form. Each story has its merits and purpose, and all of them share a Tacky trademark: the heartkick factor! Your talent has no limits and goes across different genres and tropes, that you explore with a bold twist full of personality and heart. And even more impressive is your consistency at always raising the bar - every new fic of yours becomes an instant fave and makes me think “wow I thought Tacky couldn’t get better yet here we are”. Seeing how your writing evolves as you find your narrative voice is a beautiful and humbling experience, I feel so lucky!

I’m really grateful for being active in the fandom at this moment in time, because that allows me to read and engage with your brilliant work, and to have you as a dear friend. I can’t wait to see what comes out of your beautiful brain next. It was an impossible job choosing a single fic to rec today, so I decided to do a belated Tacky reclist! Naturally these are my personal and biased must-reads, and I urge everyone to go check these beauties right now. Feel free to include your own favorites too, and don’t forget to leave them some appreciation.

Happy happy birthday my darling Tacky! This fandom life wouldn’t be the same without you. I hope you have the amazing day you deserve!

Between the Power Lines (2020, M, 3.2k)

The road trip fic you didn’t know you needed. I got utterly immersed in the heartbreaking quietness of this, feeling like a witness to an ordinary yet poignant love story. Such tender intimacy, such character development, such lovely American aesthetics with barely any dialogue. This is, IMO, the fic that reveals Tacky’s triumph in storytelling.

Even the Night (2020, M, 3.4k)

This fic has a surreal atmosphere, those Midsummer vibes unbelievably sexy and intoxicating linked to the sensorial experience of fumbling together in the night. Masterclass in tension building, a silky and languid dream-like affair.

Aim for my Heart (2021, M, 3.4k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

One of the most sensitive and stunning portraits I’ve ever seen of a poly/triad relationship, this fic packs so much character and longing! It’s a privilege to watch Ron and Draco’s tentative dynamics through the smitten eyes of the one person that loves them like no one else: Harry.

The Long Fall (2021, M, 3.6k)

I can’t even write about this tender domesticity without getting a lump in my throat. Best opening scene I’ve read in years, and a refreshing way to approach both mpreg and parenthood, painfully honest and lovely. This became an immediate comfort read for me, and it’s probably one of the fics I revisit the most.

Mortal Frame (2021, M, 6.6k)

This thrilling, fast-paced spy story left me breathless since the first paragraph, gods what an immersive ride! I’m so here for Drarry on the run, sharp and urgent with danger but mellowed by the silent trust and tender intimacy only Tacky can master. Major bonus points for the brilliant take on the Horcrux hunt plot line!

Last Offices (2020, M, 6.7k)

Oh, this fic 💔 I tend to avoid MCD but there’s something so deeply fascinating about body washing rituals that I caught myself mesmerized by this. I just couldn’t put it down, so emotionally compromised I felt. There’s a sort of strange comfort in the heartbreak of doing one last act of service out of devotion to someone. This fic inspired so many difficult but lovely feelings in me, and one of them was hope. Only Tacky could possibly achieve that!

Our Little Life (2020, M, 7.2k)

Inventive and singular, this story hit me straight on the solar plexus and left me speechless as I saw the (clever, magical and bittersweet) plot unravel. Such a fabulous take on alternate universes and all the angst potential behind it. Come and bask in the yearning melancholia of a short yet intricate and perfectly executed plot.

And One to Play (2019, E, 21k)

What a fun and delightful fic, I can’t have enough of pining Harry losing all sense of propriety when faced with a hot, competent and pragmatic Draco. This has fab dynamics, unhinged protectiveness, even more unhinged attraction between two idiots who can’t keep their hands off each other. A must-read for any Auror partners fan!

A Lick and a Promise (2019, E, 55k)

Hot, BAMF Professors carefully balancing a fuck buddies situation while solving a Hogwarts mystery, do we need anything else? I certainly do not. This fic is so fun and intriguing and immersive, with amazing supportive cast and a delicious get together feat secret shagging and oblivious pining. Love it!

Modern Love (2020, E, 61k)

My favorite read of 2020, this fic is a love letter to Drarry and will always hold a piece of my soul. Sensitive, wistful, tenderly aching and so very romantic, this is a Muggle Draco triumph with a superb Harry, exquisite slow burn and a side of suds comfort. I promise it will be impossible to listen to Bowie again without thinking of this love story.

Bonus: five stunning drabbles!

Something in the Way (2021, T, 119 words)

“Up,” he said, and Draco, sick with love, raised his arms above his head and allowed Potter to slide the jumper on him, big hands stroking it flat over Draco’s stomach until they both shivered.

Stir-Up Sunday (2020, M, 300 words)

“I want you always,” he said, tugging again on the fine curling length of it. “Is it okay to say that?”

Whalebone Arch (2021, M, 722 words)

“Are you still not talking to me?” Draco steered Harry towards the crisps. “Do I have to suck you off in the loo to cheer you up?”

Semiplume (2021, T, 923 words)

“Did you know,” Harry murmured, and he put his arms around Draco, fearless. “I’d be your mate. If you needed a mate, I mean.”

Relic Radiation (2021, M, 927 words)

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

[kookiepredictions]

Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

A little post in honour of Jungkook’s birthday after which I’ll be taking a break :)

 Jungkook Twin Flame Reading

 The relationship dynamic between Jungkook and his TF is so interesting to me. To say that they are made for each other is a huge understatement. If human beings have several layers and levels to their being, then it is safe to say that Jungkook and his TF are compatible at every level; that’s how “destined” they are. Even if you take away the spiritual aspect of their connection and just focus on the earthly, physical dimension, they are the type of people who would be instantly drawn to each other. It’s not enough said that they are each other’s type. They could walk into a room full of people and instantly pick the other. Each has the physical appearance that the other finds attractive, the personality that the other admires, and their overall goals and ambitions in life too are very compatible. Whether they hit each other up at the bar, met in a park, hooked up on Tinder, or had an arranged marriage, it doesn’t matter— they would end up together. It’s like in the movie ‘The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’, where the protagonists erase each other’s memories repeatedly but still end up falling in love every time they meet again. Now you would say, how nice for them, that must make their TF journey so much easier than others’, but (very) interestingly, no, it makes it just the more difficult.

Since they are so obviously compatible, picking each other is an obvious option. It’s like, I don’t need to be divinely guided to pick you; I’d do it anyway. And this is what makes the connection so confusing because there are literally 2 Levels in this connection: 1, where they can just be together as partners or spouses or whatever other earthly relationship term they want to subscribe to, and 2, where they can show up as the Divine Masculine and Feminine and hence have a higher dimensional connection. The difference between these 2 options is that the 1st, while not terrible, would be a mere earthly connection wherein both operate from their wounded selves and therefore their love has conditions, projections, and therefore hurts and problems. This type of relationships is not very uncommon to find and one might even argue that what’s so bad with that? Every relationship has problems. That’s normal. But then I urge you to ask yourselves, is it normal or it is normalized? Also, it might be commonly seen, but with their potential to be Twin Flames, Jungkook and his DF are not here to have a “normal” connection. And they are definitely not here to subscribe to the normalized version of love as it exists in the world right now. As TF counterparts, they have been given a choice to opt for more, also known in the TF community as creating new relationship templates. This is why I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that simply being born and then meeting your TF counterpart does not automatically make you each other’s Twin Flames— it only makes you “potential” TFs. It’s only when you show up as your most authentic or Divine self that you are actually “being” TFs. This is not a very simple phenomenon to understand and a lot of times, TF counterparts meet each other and are caught up in the earthly, or lower chakra attraction that they feel for each other. This looks like intense sexual attraction, daydreaming and overthinking about each other, and being almost addicted to each other. Is this a very bad thing? No, definitely not. Understand that the lower chakras represent our earthly existence and as such, all experiences stemming from them ground us onto that aspect of life and done right, it’s a beautiful experience. Also, one thing I disagree with a lot of people about is that the TF connection is not romantic. Oh but it is! The TF connection is not a fairytale. Heck yeah it is! But I also understand where they are coming from. I think the problem is in the way the words “romance” and “fairytale” are perceived these days. I don’t know about you, but fairytales to me are all about boy meets girl, fall in love, want to be together but problems arise, misunderstandings happen, third parties interfere, sorrows and tears, breakthrough, problem-solving, maybe even some fights, songs and dances, and finally, union. This don’t look like the TF connection to you? Of course, the TF journey is not so oversimplified, linear or one-dimensional, and doesn’t end in like 1 ½ hours. But that’s still the gist though. As for romance, again, I earnestly think the meaning of romance is so skewed right now, it makes me sad. As far as I have lived (and loved), romance has never been just about wining and dining, flowers and chocolates, singing and dancing (although they are a part of that and a very fun one at that). For me, the TF connection is romance at its peak. If romance is defined as the expression of love and affection, then there can be absolutely nothing more romantic than a person who would stop at NOTHING to be with you, to the point that they would take an axe and strike down their own ego, burn and destroy themselves over and over again to be their most authentic self because they see you and think, you’re worth it. So many people in the world right now would rather replace you with someone else simply because they are too proud to look into themselves and heal their wounds that are stopping them from experiencing true love, and continue living with their masks on. Masked people bringing flowers and diamonds and basically everything else other than their heart has never been a romantic notion for me. But yes, the skewed definition of romance these days does not accommodate such depth of the emotion and expression of love, so it’s limited to being perceived (and executed) as materialistic and surface-level exhibition.

TFs, upon meeting each other for the first time, experience all of these earthly tendencies. In itself, it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s sweet, spicy and exciting because seldom do you find a person that gets your heart racing like that. The “relationship” too, seems within your reach. But just when you reach out for them, the tower moments happen. This is when TFs realize that there is much more than what appears on the surface and you got to dig deeper. With Jungkook and his DF, it just was even more confusing because them being so compatible and an “obvious choice” for each other, the delays and the “ifs” and “buts” just did not make sense. This was especially Jungkook’s energy where he was more focused on the earthly manifestation of this connection because that’s what made sense to him— boy meets girl, fall in love, together bam! (Lol I had to make that joke cuz it’s a special day). He was also focused more on the external manifestations of problems in the connection, for example, he would think, I cannot be with the DF because of X, Y, Z. But the TF journey, like any other spiritual journey, will always teach you to look inward. Any problem and situation in life is always the external manifestation of something that is wrong inside, and therefore that’s where all solutions lie. On the other hand, as DFs are usually initiated into the spiritual journey first and are more concerned with that aspect of the connection (explained in detail in a previous post), his DF kept running away from him because Jungkook’s state of mind was not supportive of her spiritual quests. It’s important to understand that neither of them was consciously doing this; both did what they did because that’s what made sense to them at their level of healing. As the “lead” in this journey though, somehow it all started with the DF. She felt the call to opt for that higher dimension in their connection and to move away from him when he wasn’t in the ready state to even understand, let alone, support that spiritual aspect, which is what is known as the Separation— the part where both parties need to focus on their own healing. However, it’s one thing to know what to do, and quite another to embody that knowledge and act on it with the trust that everything will ultimately work out. So for a while, she too was caught up in her lower dimensional cravings. It’s safe to say that just like Jungkook, she was terrified of losing him because like I said, even in a non-TF way, they seemed so perfect for each other, you just do not want to miss the chance to at least give it a shot. But her soul would be tugging at her to complete the tasks that she had undertaken prior to incarnation, in other words, her soul contract, so she wouldn’t be able to be fully present in this connection either. And so she would do this thing where she would take a step forward towards her destiny and then look back at Jungkook where he was in his journey to see if he would join her. Repeatedly. But this connection IS about your soul journey, her indecision and mental to and fro would energetically keep Jungkook in an indecisive and back and forth state too. It’s like everytime she would look back to see if she was making a mistake, Jungkook would look back to see if he was making a mistake. This was keeping him attached to his karmic situations, which would then drain him, which would make him want his DF more to fill him up, which would create energy drainage for the DF which would ultimately repel the DF and she would want to run far, far away from him. This pushing him away in turn would hurt and confuse Jungkook and he would start doubting the connection and his self worth and start thinking that he doesn’t deserve her and that she is staying away from him because she isn’t interested in him and it’s all in his head, and so he would think of walking away from her before she leaves him. This is the push and pull dynamic in this connection and this was the loop that they were stuck in for a while.

Over time though, his DF has been inching closer and closer to her destined path, trying to find faith in herself, in the connection and in Jungkook and has been looking back less. Recognizing her role as the lead, she has had to make the difficult decision to solely focus on herself and put Jungkook out of her mind— a “whatever happens, happens, I’m not abandoning myself for anyone anymore” kind of a decision. This has been difficult for her because she has always naturally been someone who puts other people’s needs before her own. When she likes someone, it has always made sense for her to almost sacrifice all her needs and wants for the other person’s. However, this energy has never been reciprocated to her in her previous connections, and her life would always eventually turn out to be one where her needs were always in the backburner. As I had said in a previous post, when she first meets Jungkook, the way he treated her was quite different from others. While other men would make these big show of love while ignoring the smallest, most basic things about her, Jungkook was observant of the little subtle things about her and more importantly, always willing and even seeking to do things that felt tailormade for her. While other people made their moves with agenda, Jungkook had this energy of just vibing in the moment, doing little things, making her smile. It was like he had even forgotten to set a purpose or intention of interacting with her; he just did what he did because it made him so happy. This caused her to put down her guard and a connection was made. However, this connection, or specifically, the happiness and bliss in the connection did not last long because both were interacting from a co-dependent place— they were both doing things trying to seek happiness from the other, to fill an empty void in themselves. But as I discussed earlier, when you seek something outside of yourself, it is never enough because that void can only be filled by you. So, what started as a beautiful and fun connection started morphing into a confusing, draining and hurtful one. This was very the signal to start levelling up into a higher dimension of the connection— the connection in itself wasn’t wrong; it was just that it was established in a lower, 3D dimension that was keeping it embroiled in pain and struggle. The DF was the first to recognize this and felt it in her heart to first, individually level up. But as said earlier, she was constantly looking back in doubt, afraid she might just lose him, which, true to the TF connection, kept Jungkook stuck in a fear of losing her. When Jungkook is stuck in the energy of this fear for long enough, external problems would manifest to reflect and amplify that fear, which then, as I said, would make him want to leave her first before she could leave him, because he felt that he loved her too much to ever be able to bear the pain of his heart being broken by her.

In present times, his DF has been a lot more confident in herself and in this connection. This has happened because she has spent considerable amount of time healing her trauma patterns which has immensely increased her faith in the Divine and she is able to see this connection clearly, not just from a knowledge point of view, but also from a deep feeling. In the past, she was stuck in the confusion of “if he is right for me, then how does it make sense to leave him behind?”, the same confusion that Jungkook had. But then again, when she stayed behind, there would be all these differences of opinions between them and problems and hurt would ensue. Both saw each other as their destination and yet, the path each proposed to take was different. Jungkook took the more rational, practical path while his DF was inclined to the more spiritual, “listen to the Divine, have faith and let go” path. Incidentally, the spiritual path is not irrational either. The real, practical problems in their connection did not go unnoticed by the DF. She noticed the co-dependency, the fact that she was constantly putting her own needs behind to try to address his needs and also the fact that even after that, Jungkook was still stuck in fear, doubt, confusion and misery. But more than anything else, she saw the once-beautiful connection deteriorate every day. This was painful to her because from the moment she saw Jungkook, as an intuitive and foresighted woman, she knew he was the one, and that this would be a beautiful and fulfilling connection, and the start had even been that way. The intense attraction, waiting for each other everyday, daydreaming when they were alone, every love song finally making sense— stuff straight out of a movie or a romance novel. But this reality kept slipping off, and it hurt her to see it all go down the drain. So when she realized that this connection needed to be anchored to a higher frequency, she had to make the choice of walking away from him to work on herself. She knew that she wasn’t being her most authentic, divine self, and as such, wouldn’t be able to create an authentic and divine connection. While in the past she was afraid of being judged by him for the choices and decisions she made, more recently she has stepped into the confidence that living her life from her heart is not something she should ever be afraid of, and if Jungkook is the divinely destined partner that she thought he was, he would never stand in the way of her living a life that made her happy. She also knew that unless she heals herself from her own trauma and wounds, she would not be able to love him right either. She isn’t perfect and in the past she has done many a hurtful things to people she loved and she is afraid unhealed, she would do the same to Jungkook. In this energy, she foresees the connection to become riddled with problems and trauma bonding and she would rather leave him and this connection right this instant where it is still relatively peaceful, than create a reality where they hurt each other that much. It’s funny that in her past relationships, whenever she hurt her partner, she would feel guilty for behaving that way more because she feels it was beneath who she is, but on hindsight she will be like, well they still deserved it for being complete jerks to me. But with Jungkook, she feels like she wouldn’t be able to ever willingly hurt him because she believes he doesn’t deserve to ever be treated that way, so it could only mean that in such a state, she would only hurt herself each time and she didn’t want that for herself either, so she feels like she’d rather stay away from him and the connection than cause all that. This is similar to how Jungkook feels about her as well, which is why no matter how tough it gets for him to go on without her, he always reminds himself that he couldn’t possibly with her until he became capable enough to give her all the happiness that she deserves, so that’s where they would mirror each other. And yet, everytime he feels empty, he wants to reach out to her. However, as the DF has started becoming confident in the connection, and stopped looking back in doubt, Jungkook has been feeling confident too. The more she heals, he heals. Now, they are both on their adventures of finding themselves while still recognizing the presence and impact of this connection in their lives. I think they’ve both realized that trying to escape this connection is a lost war. Instead they are embracing it and letting it guide them while still learning to put themselves first. Even after all the doubts and fears, their destination still remains the same, and the path seems to be aligning as well because they are both trying to meet each other halfway. Will there be anymore problems, confusion, doubts, fears, anger, frustration? Maybe, maybe not. But like I always say, that’s not the point of life at all. Nor is that the point of relationships. Problems might still arise but unlike in the past, they won’t be swept into co-dependency. The DF has learnt to listen to her heart every time, even if Jungkook does not agree with her and will address Jungkook’s needs only when she has ensured that her own needs are met first. In return, Jungkook has learnt to trust that his DF’s path will never be separate from his— time and time again, he has seen his DF return to him, never ceasing to love him and he has learnt to trust more in the Divine to give him what he believes belongs to him. Soon enough, they will be whole, complete and happy enough on their own accord and this will create a harmonious and blissful interdependent connection between them with the earthly intense attraction as well as the divine peaceful stability.

Just to avoid an abrupt end, let me share one of my favourite quotes that aptly defines this journey (except add “vice versa”):

“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

― Maya Angelou

 Happy 24th birthday Jungkook, I hope you always know and remember that you are well loved, not because the person or the people who love you are good people, but because you deserve to be loved always. What is yours will never pass you by and what you seek, seeks you I promise. You will see, in time. Every single thing in this connection and in this journey might not make sense and it might seem long and dragged out, but if you want the other person to consider your needs, you must consider theirs too. That is true love. And it is yours. You’ve worked for it and you’ve earned it. Your DF wants you as much as you want her. But she won’t give herself to you unless she deems herself as someone you deserve and you deserve the best. She knows you already think she’s perfect but she also knows that you have the biggest, the kindest and the most accommodating heart and you would never make anyone feel lesser than. But she’s adamant lol. She says, Jungkook deserves the best and he will have the best. Please allow her the time and space to do this not just for you but also for herself— allow her to heal her insecurities so she never feels small and insignificant anywhere she goes. Don’t forget that your destination is the same. Allow her to take a different path once in a while if she so pleases, and don’t be afraid to do the same. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for you. Always. If it hurts her ego, best believe that it is HER problem to take care of. If you are meant to be, mistakes and slip ups will never get in the way of that. If you are meant to be, neither of you should ever have to hide any part of yourselves. Trust that being your most authentic selves, no matter how odd, shameful and unforgiving it might seem to you, will always bring you closer. That’s just what unconditional love is. That’s what you are divinely created to have. If you have to hide, pretend and suppress any part of you to please the other, it’s just not love, and believe you me, your connection won’t last that way. I know it’s scary, to show those parts of yourself to another, parts that even you haven’t been able to accept, embrace or forgive, then how are they going to do that? She knows and she fears the same about herself. But know that you both have to show up as who you are, otherwise this connection remains a daydream and an illusion, the bubble of which will burst sooner or later. You both have been given the opportunity to create something that is not just missing but is needed in this world right now. Take it and make the best out of it. At the end of your lives, as you sit on your porch, watching the sunset together, you will get to look back in triumph and gratitude for one hell of an adventure. Happy birthday once again! May this day be the start to the best, happiest, most fun, most exciting, most exotic, most peaceful, most authentic and most soul-ly fulfilling life you have ever wanted.

 P.S. I really wanted to make a small and compact post but for some reason I rambled on and also I feel so tired after this I want to go to sleep immediately. I don’t have the energy to see what I’ve written anymore so I hope it all made sense. See you after my break! PPS. :) :) :)