#little poor awoo awoo

[jumpstrike]

@miistsoul's au ideas combined into onee

[charliemwrites]

Good morning! This is just a warm up, not canon to the series.

Anyway — bark, woof, awoo

It’s a cool fall day when you nearly die.

Johnny’s run off into the woods barking - not his scary bark but his excited bark. You’re worried that he’s gonna get his teeth in some poor local wildlife and go hurrying after him, boots unlaced.

Of course it’s hopeless to go chasing after a wolf-dog even running at half speed, but you can’t stand the thought of him coming home with a dead bunny or something. So off you go, clomping through the trees, calling for your big dumb fluffy butt to come home.

But it’s not your Johnny that comes trotting out of the trees. No, it’s an even bigger, wolfier looking dog. Creamy white fur, honey gold eyes, and odd black markings around the face like a skull. You instantly know he’s not like your goofball, a little less human-friendly, perhaps more feral. Looks at you like he’s trying to decide if you’d make a decent meal.

Is someone breeding them and just.., letting them out?? Some weird poorly thought out attempt to reintroduce wolves to the UK? The thought makes you frown, praying that you won’t come out here one day to find some poor pups struggling in the wilderness.

For now though, you’ve got yet another gorgeous animal in front of you.

“Well, hello,” you coo, softening and smoothing your voice. His ears tick forward. “Look at you, handsome thing. Have you seen my Johnny boy?”

The dog tilts his head - your first indication that he is familiar with humans, recognizes the tone of a question. You hum.

“Alright big guy, would you like to come with me to find him or are you doing your own thing?”

He doesn’t respond (of course) except to make a little “ruff” noise. You consider him for another moment, then decide he’s not being aggressive and it’s safe to continue your search.

You turn and continue on the path, calling for Johnny. Don’t get far before your new friend sweeps in front of you, blocking the way forward. You make a noise as you stop quick, nearly losing your balance to avoid stepping on his paws.

“Oh you big jerk,” you huff. He instantly starts pushing at you, big shoulders pressing against your stomach as he shoves a big, wet nose into your neck and face, focusing on your mouth. You roll your eyes and gently push his nose away.

“Knock it off,” you grumble, trying not to laugh. “You wolves are so rude. You don’t need to do that to smell me.”

He moves on to your clothes, all the way down to your crotch. You’re ready this time though, taking a big step back and guiding his face up by the chin.

“No.”

He snorts and shakes off, looking almost annoyed.

“Oh, yeah, how dare I not let you sniff my junk?” you scoff, rolling your eyes. “Grow up, you big baby.”

A deep, raspy grumble starts up in his chest. You ignore him, patting at the thick muscle of his shoulder.

“Yeah yeah, you’re a big scary boy,” you joke. “Ya gonna bite me? Show me your big pretty teeth?”

When you reach for his face he takes a step back, ears flicking. Looks almost shellshocked. You finally break, giggling as you croon baby noises at him.

“Oh, poor boy, did I spook you? I’m sorry, baby. No, no you’re very scary. Very intimidating.” You start scooting around him, amused how curves around you almost like he’s afraid you’re going to touch him. “It’s okay, buddy, I just need to find my boy. I’m not out to get you.”

As if on cue, Johnny comes bursting from the trees. He barks when he sees you, then almost comes up short when he realizes the other dog is there.

You become acutely aware that you’re not all too sure how Johnny will respond to another dog - especially one so close to you given his protectiveness. You instantly move between them, calling his attention.

“There you are, Bonnie Johnny! Where have you been?! Naughty boy, you better not have eaten anything fluffy.” His ears go back, a little whine starting up. He ducks his head to let you grab at his muzzle, inspecting him for anything gross. “I do not feel like wrangling you to brush your teeth.”

Luckily, he seems clean. Whatever had him so excited, he must not have caught.

Movement behind you catches your attention, the other dog loping closer. Your eyes bounce between them, watching body language for any aggression or hostility. To your relief, Johnny seems almost excited by this new friend - the other one… well, he seems a bit more subdued, but lets Johnny lick at his chin and bump into his side.

“Okay, ready to head home, baby boy?” you ask, giving Johnny’s collar a gentle tug. “I have to start making dinner.”

He whines, turning those big blue eyes on you and positioning himself behind the other dog. You groan.

“Johnny, really… I don’t know if I can handle two of you. I don’t even think he likes me very much.”

As if to spite you, the other dog sits and leans in, licking at your hand. And damn it, it’s cute.

“Alright, hold on, let’s just see if…”

This time, the other dog lets you touch, feels around his neck for a collar that unsurprisingly isn’t there. You feel around his shoulders too, hoping for that tiny bump that means he has a microchip, but nope.

“If I have a nickel for every time I found a wolf-dog in the woods…” you sigh, turning back for home. “It would be two nickels but it’s weird that it happened twice.”

When you notice both pups stalling, you whistle sharply.

“Come. It’s getting cold.”

Johnny instantly bounds ahead with excitement while your new companion is slightly slower, staying just a bit behind and to the side of you so that you can see him from the corner of your eye.

Back at home, Johnny leads the way inside. The strange dog looks around curiously, sniffs at a few spots. It’s then that you remember Johnny marking the house his first couple days and notice that Mystery Dog is also unaltered.

“Hey.” Both dogs turn to you. You point at the new one sternly. “If you pee on anything in here - anything - I’m dying you pink. By god I’ll do it, there are dog safe hair dyes.”

You get a sneeze for that and he walks away with disinterest, but at least he keeps his leg down. You’ll take it.

Dinner is interesting, no fussing or fighting over food from either of them. When they’re done, you retire to the couch, Johnny happy to follow up until he sees that his new friend isn’t coming as well.

He starts yipping, bouncing, bowing, trying to get the new one to follow. You’re amused up until Johnny nips and the bigger dog growls, showing teeth. You plant yourself instantly between them.

“Hey.” You look the new dog in the eye, get into his space and back him away from Johnny. “No the hell you’re not.”

The new dog stares, eyes locked on yours, ears swiveling. You don’t back down, watching and looking waiting, still bodily between him and Johnny. Until finally his ears go back and he sneezes, laying down.

“Good.” You soften your voice, sigh. “Good boy.”

You offer your hand. Get a sniff and a resigned lick, then scratch at your new boy’s ears.

“You be nice, big boy. Everyone in this house is mine. I take care of everyone.”

His eyes do a weird thing then. You’re not sure how to describe it, combined with the way his head tilts. But you just chalk it up to Weird Dog Things and finally return to the couch, an oddly subdued Johnny clambering up with you.

“You can join us, honey,” you call to the other dog. “You’re welcome up here if you behave.”

He doesn’t take you up on it for awhile. You and Johnny settle in for your usual nightly shows. And then, about an hour later, movement draws your eye. The Mystery Dog, standing at the edge of the couch with his tail down, ears neutral.

Earlier drama forgotten, you smile at him.

“Hi there,” you chirp, “you want up? C’mon, bud. Up.”

He hops up with surprisingly gentleness, picking his way around your limbs and Johnny’s. He ends up crawling over your dog and settling half on top of him, and half on top of you, his chin settled between Johnny’s stupid perky ears. Johnny seems thrilled so you laugh a bit.

“What good boys,” you coo, giving them each a scratch and receiving a kiss in return. “Alright, this isn’t so bad.”

You fall asleep there, already trying to come up with name for your new pup. Maybe Phantom.

Main Story | Konig pt. 1

Masterlist

[dark-frosted-heart]

He Doesn't Know That I Turned into an Animal - Roger Barel (Part 1)

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. None of my translations are proofread until a day after posting

(Mm…I should get up and get ready)

It’s been a while since I had a free day. It was such a nice day, perfect for going out.

…And then I felt something squirming about on my butt.

(Huh? There’s something weird about my body…)

Feeling uneasy, I got out of bed and the moment I looked in the mirror, any morning drowsiness left disappeared.

Kate: Arf…arf?! (Wha…What the?!)

In the mirror was an adorable golden-brown corgi with round eyes. 

What I felt moving on my butt earlier was a short corgi tail.

(I’m a dog?! What do I do…Am I dreaming?!)

(I need to get help…!)

--

(I’m out in the hall now, but who do I go to…?)

Liam: Huh? It’s an adorable little doggie! What’s it doing here?

Harrison: Did someone bring it here…?

Kate: Woof! Woofwoof! (Liam! Harrison!)

Glad to see the two, I rushed over to them.

Liam: Wow, it’s so friendly and cute. I wonder if it’s lost?

Harrison: It’s a corgi, right? Roger’s “Ale”* is also a corgi.

Liam: …Then I wonder if this pup’s Roger’s corgi? Let’s ask. Are you Roger’s?

Liam crouched down to meet my gaze.

Kate: Arf…arf! (No…I’m Kate!)

Liam: Hm. Sorry, I don’t understand, I don’t speak dog.

Harrison: …Then why’d you even ask?

(I’ve really turned into a dog…)

It’s not due to Alfons’ power or a dream…

(How did this happen…?)

Harrison: For now, let’s bring it to Roger.

--

Liam: Roger, you here~?

Roger: What, you get hurt again?

When Roger turned around and saw me in Liam’s arms…his eyes widened with surprise.

Roger: You…!

(Maybe Roger realizes that it’s me?!)

Roger: You’re soooooo cuuuuuute!

Roger smiled widely and began petting me everywhere.

Roger: Who’s a good dog? You are!

(So aggressive…!)

Roger: You’re so cute…Can I give you a kiss?

Kate: Grrrr (Ab-so-lute-ly not!!)

Roger: No? Then can I smell you?

(What kind of compromise is that?!)

In my confusion, Roger buried his face in the neck and took a big whiff.

Roger: Ahh…the smell of dogs…! The best medicine out there!

(I’ve never seen Roger like this before…)

Roger: Phew… So, who’s dog is this?

Liam: I thought the little one was yours. It’s not?

Roger: Nope, not ours. We don’t have a lot of dogs. So…Are you lost~? You poor thing~

With a smile…No, with a lovestruck look on his face, Roger started petting me again.

He was probably concerned about me being a lost dog…but petting was his priority.

(This is my first time seeing Roger be so affectionate with a dog, and it surprised me at first. But now…I don’t know…)

(It feels so good getting pet…)

Liam: Ah, the doggie’s wagging its tail! Looks like it likes Roger.

Roger: Oh…you like me? Haha, you’re so cute!

He suddenly lifted me out of Liam’s arms.

Maybe it’s because he’s so used to handling dogs, but the way he picked me up gave a sense of stability and security.

Roger: Hmm…

Kate: …?

Roger: You don’t have any, so you’re a girl.

Kate: Yip! (Don’t look!)

Roger: Oops, sorry.

(Even though I’m a dog, I can’t believe you looked at my butt…)

(It somehow feels like I lost something important…)

Roger: Don’t look so down. I won’t do it again.

Harrison: So, can you look after the dog, Roger? We got a mission.

Roger: With a dog this cute, I can take care of countless of them. Oh, that’s right. Have you seen the lil’ lady? I wanted her to help out with an experiment, but she wasn’t in the dining room at breakfast.

Harrison: Nope, haven’t seen her.

Liam: She has the day off so she’ls probably sleeping in?

Roger: Then I’ll let her sleep.

Kate: Arf arf! Arf arf! (I’m right here! Here!)

Roger: I know. We gotta find your owner today, don’t we?

(You didn’t understand me at all…!)

--

And so Roger went around asking everyone in Crown about the corgi.

But I’m not a lost dog, so there’s no owner to find…

Roger: If no one knows you, then you must’ve wandered in from outside.

Kate: Awoo…(It’s not that…)

Roger: I’ll find your owner so cheer up.

Roger patted my head as if to make me feel better.

(Ugh…I really can’t resist this feeling…!)

My short tail started wagging and Roger smiled at the sight.

Roger: You’re getting used to me now. Will you let me kiss you soon?

Kate: Grrr! (No!)

Roger: Not yet…Well, a girl’s kiss should be saved for a prince, shouldn’t it?

(I wonder if Roger’s being so romantic because he’s talking to a dog…)

Roger: Well, since you’re from outside, there’s someone I want you to meet. Be a good girl and wait for a moment?

Kate: Arf! (Got it!)

Roger: Oh, a nice response.

Roger petted me, attached a collar around my neck, tied a leash to the stair railing, and left.

A while later…

Roger: Sorry for the wait.

Kate: Arf! Arf…(Welcome back! Ro…ger…)

???: Arf! Aarf! (Who’re you? Never seen you before!)

When Roger came back, he brought a corgi with him.

The corgi circled me in excitement.

Kate: A-arf…?! (The dog’s talking…?!)

???: Arf? Arf! (What’re you talking about? You’re a dog too!)

(That’s right, since I’m a dog now, I understand dogs…)

Roger: This guy’s Ale, my family’s dog.

Ale: Arf! Woof?! (I’m Ale! What’s your name?)

Kate: …Arf (...I’m Kate)

Ale: Woof! (Nice to meet you!)

Roger: Ale’s got a habit of circling around any dog or person he meets for the first time. I brought him over from my folks’ place to have him check if you’re from around here… But it looks like it’s the first time you two are meeting. So…you’re not from around here. This is bad.

Roger scratched his head and sighed.

Roger: Nah, can’t give up now. Let’s go on a walk. Dogs know how to find their way home. Maybe you’ll remember on a walk.

--

Thinking I was a lost dog, Roger took me out on a dog walking route.

Of course, Ale was with us.

Roger: Anything ring a bell?

Kate: Awoo…(No…)

(I’m making trouble for Roger by looking for a nonexistent owner…)

(I need to work on making him understand that I’m Kate…!)

(And to do that…)

Roger: What’s up? If you’re running off like that, then…Do you know where your home is?

Kate: Arf! (Yes!)

As I ran down the road in this body of mine, Roger naturally followed after.

Ale: Woof woof! (I’m not gonna let you get away!)

And so, we arrived at—

Roger: …Crown castle?

(This is my home…so please realize that it’s me, Roger!)

Roger: The fact that we came back here…You really don’t know how to get home, do you?

(He still doesn’t get it…)

Ale: Woof woof! (I’m hungry after all that running!)

Roger: Can’t do anything else now… I’m sure you’re beat after today, so I’ll take you back to Crown.

--

Roger: Time to eat. You two, “stay”.

Roger left Ale and I in the dining room and headed to the kitchen.

(What will he prepare for us? Not human food, right?)

Ale: Woof woof! (Roger’s great at cooking!)

Ale sounded very proud when talking about Roger.

(Roger must’ve doted on him a lot while Ale was growing up…)

Ale: Woof? (You can’t eat until Roger gives you the ‘okay’, got it?) Arf! (That’s how you show respect to the cook!)

Kate: A-arf! (G-got it!)

Roger: Sorry for the wait. I made you two dinner.

(Roger’s cooking? T-this is…!)

He brought out plates of stewed meat and vegetables chopped into small pieces.

(It smells good...Looks delicious)

Ale: Awoo! (Come on, come on!)

Ale jumped around Roger’s feet as if he couldn’t wait any longer.

Roger: Haha, calm down Ale. I’m bringing you down to the infirmary first.

--

Roger: Sit, wait… Okay, go ahead!

At Roger’s signal, we started eating.

(I never thought this would be how I’d try Roger’s cooking…)

(It’s dog food, but it’s really food)

I was so mentally exhausted and the delicious food prepared with care filled my body.

Ale: Woof? Woof? (You haven’t finished your food. Need help?)

Having already finished his food, Ale nudged my plate with his nose.

Roger: Come on, Ale. You already ate.

Roger pulled Ale away, allowing me to finish my food in peace.

Kate: Arf (Thank you for the food)

Roger: You ate well. I’m glad you have an appetite. Now let’s clean this up and then…

Victor: Roger! Do you have a moment?

Victor came down to the infirmary and called out ot Roger with a serious look on his face.

Roger: Yeah. …You two be good and wait, okay?

After Roger and Victor left the basement, Ale started talking to me.

Ale: Woof woof! (Roger’s a great guy and a great cook!)

Kate: Arf (You’re right. I was surprised by how delicious it was)

Ale: Arf. Arf! (Right? Roger’s amazing!)

Ale sat proudly as if talking about himself.

Ale: Arf! Arf! (Oh! Let me tell you about the time I met Roger!)

~~ Flashback in Ale’s POV ~~

—It was when I was a small puppy.

Before meeting Roger, I lived with another man.

(I’m so hungry… It feels like I haven’t eaten in a while…)

Puppy: Awoo…(Hey, hey, is there food?)

I nudged at the man lying on the bed with my nose. But he didn’t move a muscle.

(Haven’t you been sleeping for the past few days? Why?)

(You’re cold. I guess I’ll warm you up!)

Avoiding the bottles of alcohol littered around the room, I jumped onto the bed and snuggled the man.

He usually got mad at me when I got on the bed with my dirty paws, but he didn’t say anything today.

(Hey, wake up already)

(If you’re so bored every day that you can only drink, then I’ll play with you)

How much time’s passed?

Just as I was about to pass out from starvation, someone pounded on the door.

Roger: It’s Roger! You there?! Don’t be so pessimistic about your life. I’m cursed like you— 

—Anyway, let me explain in person! If you’re pretending you’re out, I’m kicking down your door!

After shouting, there was a crack and the door broke, allowing a man with glasses to come in.

Puppy: Arf arf! (Who’re you!)

I circled around the man with glasses.

It’s a habit I still have, circling new people and dogs as a precaution.

Roger: A dog…? You’re so thin. Where’s your owner…

The man with glasses looked up at the bed and gasped.

Puppy: Arf! Arf! (He’s been sleeping forever! Wake him up!)

Roger: Ah, damn it! I was too late… If I came sooner, I might’ve been able to stop him…

Puppy: … Awoo…? (Do you mean he might not wake up again…?)

Roger: Sorry I couldn’t save your owner…

~~ Flashback end ~~

Ale: Arf (And that’s how Roger and I met)

(It happened like that…)

Ale: Woof… (My previous owner stopped moving on his bed on the night of a thunderstorm) Arf! (I’m still scared of thunder so Roger covers my ears!)

Kate: Arf (That’s kind of him)

Ale: Arf? Woof! (Right? If you know Roger’s good points, then you’re a good guy!)

After that, Roger returned to the infirmary. 

Roger: Oh? You two are getting along well already? That’s good.

(...Huh? Why do you look so down, Roger?)

(What did Victor say?)

Ale: Woof woof! (This girl’s a good one, so I want her to be your wife!)

Kate: Yip!? (What are you talking about, Ale!?)

Ale: Arf! Arf! (Wife! Wife!)

I frantically chased after Ale who was spouting nonsense.

Roger: Haha, are you playing tag? It’s nice to see you so full of energy.

(Right now I’m glad Roger doesn’t understand dog…)

Roger: For now… Let’s go take a bath.

*Roger’s dog’s name is written as エール, which I’m translating as “Ale”

[grimtermemeing]

No Context, Only Chaos P6

"My friends are way funnier than I am" edition.

Okay, you're engaging in waterless behavior. Do you need moss enrichment?

You go home... then you go home... and then you go home...

And also because fuck attempting to travel alone in particular.

What is this heresy?

You know what, I am going to dunk you sideways.

Give me your fucking hand, [name.]

Don't chop off your hand, just give it to me.

... Instructions unclear, I have no hands now.

It's the moon, it does it to all of us.

Oh shit, I forgot I had a kazoo.

There are worse times and bad times, and right now is a pretty bad time.

Wait, did you say beasts or bees?

Imagine a normal ass first name and then your middle name is Gilgamesh.

You spin me right round baby right rou-- why is this light not rotating?

I didn't fall into the cliff, I t-posed into the cliff!

I can't help it, I only have so many frames!

Well then break more frames!

Just pay a subscription to get more frames, it's only $19.99 plus your soul.

They're MY frames and I need them now!

The butterflies really said 'fuck you, yeet!'

Why the fuck? Oh, okay, that was why.

You're hurting my poor carrot heart!

So that's what at the center of a moss. A carrot.

I said Karen, not carrot!

Are you saying you're not sweet and crunchy?

I'm not crunchy at all! I'm soft and squishy!!

You can't just demand memes on command!

Yeah they're just like me for real but they're normal.

Ghosts are inherently autistic.

Well [Name]'s crops are getting watered tonight!

He's just got a waffle hat, it's fine.

You've seen the e-girl outfit [Name] runs around in, right?

He looks like a middle-aged guy who fell off the Titanic!

He is kind of CEO-coded.

So what you're saying is we're going to assassinate him, got it.

Oh that's a non-issue, with his creations he's gonna assassinate himself one day.

Unmasked, unhinged, and autistic as hell.

It's fine! In absence of neck, take out your spine.

Okay but have you tried to take out your spine?

What you do, right, is you grab your [relation] and you take out his kneecaps and then that solves your problem!

So then take his legs, and then he'll never be tall again!

I don't got words, I don't got verbs, I don't got birbs... but I do got nerds.

No thank you, I get enough migraines out of this.

Look I'm pretty sure I'm ineligible for that kind of thing, I voided my warranty a long time ago.

That's the best thing about percussive maintenance! It's for when you don't got a warranty!

It's the maintenance for when you need a dose of violence in your life, but you don't want to commit the violence.

I dunno, I'm just here.

Time to go into the pit!

They awoo.

Those are some conspicuous particles.

Oh, I need to honk you.

When you get ready for a majestic leap, and instead you just bonk your head on the ceiling.

The jellyfish are doing their best!

The funniest part about the crabs is you can pick them up afterwards.

I need to slow down... just a little faster... no, faster!

No, they're not okay! No one is ever okay!

Whatever's going on there, I'm not sure I wanna be part of it. I think it might be a murder.

What do you mean you don't wanna be part of a murder?

JELLYFIMSCH.

[ P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 ]

[leggerefiore]

I know Zoroarks are based of foxes, but I’ve always seen them as more akin to wolf-like creatures. For that reason and that reason alone, I believe with 100% faith that Zoroark!Ingo can and does howl. If you even jokingly howl, he absolutely will join you and then immediately feel embarrassed afterwards.

jsjjrsn my friend gives them both wolf and fox traits so this works lmao

even their pokedex entries hint at it by saying they live in packs (since irl foxes don't do that). they're based off werewolves and kitsune i think?

Turning on a video of dogs howling and watching as your Zoroark bf's ears perk up, and he turns his head to the video before unconsciously starts howling. He then turns bright red and buries his face in his hands. The urge to awoo wins in his poor canine like mind. He asks why you torment him like this. (If you try this with Emmet, he starts growling because he thinks there's Rivals nearby.)

Putting up a “No Awoo Zone” sign in your bedroom and watching as the twin slumps his shoulders and pouts. How cruel to him, you are. Poor guy won't survive like this. He still wanders outside and does it when his brother or/and kits still aren't home and it's late. You can't help but laugh a little at it all.

[stealthrockdamage]

Top five fictional women

incredibly dangerous prompt thank you so much. this is so difficult because there are so many really really good fictional women and i think this list will be subject to a bunch of recency bias from my brain because i'm godawful at keeping track ofthings i like but i'll give you my best attempt

5. ryo yamada (bocchi the rock!) - she's silly she's bassist she's just like me for real (untrue i will literally never have her level of swag) anyway i think she kisses women a whole lot

4. baiken (guilty gear series) - i think i hauve Covid need her to princess carry me bark bark awoo you get the idea. i like how she just doesn't care about anything. doesn't care about her appearance even so her outfit is just Like That. but more so than her body her insane need for revenge(? i think? not too familiar with guilty gear story stuff) is like wildly attractive. i just think she's super hot boss

3. tsubasa hanekawa (monogatari series) - okay so this is pure recency bias and also the only time you'll catch me alive openly talking about knowing anything about monogatari (< probably untrue) but i really like her is the thing. she suffers so well. nothing ever ever ever goes her way. if she ever took off her limiters the world would grovel at her feet but she's too much of a sweetie pie. she can't help it. poor thing she is sooooo fucked up

2. melia antiqua (xenoblade series) - what is it with me and girls who have to suffer through untold misery and have enough power to make the world quake

midna (the legend of zelda: twilight princess) - she did insane shit to my fragile little 8 year old mind when i was a kid. good lord. do i need to explain

[the-abyssal-maw]

Had a werewolf dream last night. I wasn’t physically turning, but everyone knew what I was and so did I. I was like in this little kind of underground community with some friends and we ran into a guy who’s previously been mean to me years ago, so I tore his ass all the way up. It’s not unusual for me to bark in my sleep (friends and family can attest to this), and I didn’t sleep great because I kept waking myself up. XD

And THEN my second alarm went off this morning (which is a wolf howl) and I was so In It™ that I howled back and woke up long enough to see my poor cat startled on her cat tree.

Still ended up oversleeping somehow…

I’ve always been an active dreamer. It’s not as fun as it sounds, especially now that I’m adult age with a schedule to keep. But this one was nice. 7/10 would awoo again.

[wolfkcst]

On the hunt, prowling with sharp claws and steady breath. Eivor may not be nearly as stealthy when they're a werewolf, but they were blood thirsty. They have pushed back this urge for long enough, so when a cultist came out of hiding they lunged at the poor bastard and tore his throat out with their very sharp maw. They are quick to gobble down the rest - and even if it made them feel a little sick to think with their human mind and do this... Well, it was best to keep the beast tamed before it lashed out. Not even the brain worm could stop its fury. Heavily panting after, blood dripping from their maw as they quickly snapped their head towards the sound of approaching feet. Hair stand up, ready to attack just in case it was another cultist but... They immediately recognize this was indeed not another cultist, and slowly lowered themselves to where they seem less of a threat and more neutral. Should the need arise, however... ❝Being out here alone is foolish. Too many monsters, and not just me.❞ They speak with caution, tail swaying slowly. Contemplating if he is to be trusted or not. To move their claws from the corpse or to remain where they are - its hard to tell. awoo sc. || @moonlitdelirium -Yul

[appleteeth]

(Subject to change, in no particular order)

Stede Bonnet (Our Flag Means Death)

My beautiful, soft, idiot romantic hero. He literally ran away to be gay and do crimes. The most autistic character and, importantly, one who is loved for all of his nd traits. It's the role Rhys was born to play, there is nobody else who could have pulled it off.

Werewolf Alpha Anton (awoo) (What We Do In The Shadows)

The tired dad energy. The desperation to keep everyone behaving themselves. The indignation at the vampires. He needs a long stay in one of those fancy kennels to get some sleep.

Murray Hewitt (Flight of the Concords)

The most pathetic of Rhys's pathetic characters. Worst band manager in history. Will cry to get a record deal. Has the backbone of a wet digestive biscuit.

Steve Rutherford (Wrecked)

Nazi killer. Pirate fucker. Cool guy. Champion chest player. The best maniac to ever get hunted for sport. He went from 1-2 episode guest-star to one of the main cast, and he deliver a fucking punchline without screaming it, unlike the rest of the cast

Mary Ledbetter (Short Poppies)

The cuntiest of all cunty characters. Pure evil and incredibly petty. She reminds me of so many awful women who want to spend their retirements ruining everyone else's lives. Pray for her poor husband, he's probably going to end up under the patio.

His impression of himself when he was in the army (Stand-up specials)

(gif by @ wastingyourgum)

Another incredibly pathetic character, but this time with boyish enthusiasm and complete ineptitude. Got lost within his own camp, whined at his commanding officer when the person he shot at with imaginary bullets didn't play dead, could not spot a tank during observation training, and rescued a grand total of 3 sheep. So bad at army-ing he got told to go to university instead. Legend.

Pabu-Chan (Big in Japan)

The all-pronoun icon themselves. I'm already a sucker for a cute Japanese mascot, so for one to be so fucking adorable and a big pavlova to boot - it's like she was made with me in mind. Nobody tell Rhys that Yuru-chara are supposed to be silent.

Angus Nutsford (The Boat That Rocked)

I have such a fondness for this character because not only is he based on Kenny Everett in his early pirate radio days, but Rhys pulls off this fucking stellar scene where he confesses to having been with another man. And you know that it was meant to be played as a joke because that's the sort of film it is, but Rhys did the whole thing with a quiet dignity whilst also still being funny. I dunno, maybe I've got my Rhys-tinted glasses on but it never seemed like he played this character being bi as a joke.

Also, he had the best fucking line of the film ("Try and fuck your way out of this one!") which of course was ad-libbed because Richard Curtis could never.

Casper (Relax I'm From The Future)

(gif by @ ratchet)

I've so far only seen the trailer and I've decided I love this mess of a time traveller. He does a little dance when he eats, he smokes a joint, he goes partying at a metal gig, he gets beaten up at least twice. I've only had Casper for a few days but if anything were to etc etc etc.

Terry Pole (Short Poppies)

Two reasons:

1. Rhys literally created Terry Pole so he could show off his legs.

2. His wife says this character, out of everyone in Short Poppies, is most like him.

The cocky little shit.

@ whoever sees this, who are your top 10 favourite Rhys Darby characters and why?

[altocat]

It's October yaaaaaay What are the Firsts (and Cloud) going as for Halloween?

Spoopy Month!!!! Let's gooooo!

-Genesis and Angeal are old-school. Back in Banora, they were all about the classic haunted hay rides and traditional monsters. Angeal goes as a werewolf and specifically grows out his sideburns for the occasion. He also made the punch for the costume party and gets adorably bashful in his little wolf suit whenever you compliment it. He's too embarrassed to give a nice awoo though. And is probably the first one out there handing out candy for the kiddos because he's your wholesome honor dad.

-Genesis goes 110% on vampire and everything it entails. Dramatic hand movements, alluring monologuing, fancy clothes, and threatening to bite Seph every five minutes. He is constantly snapping at people with his "fangs" and loves the spinny cape. He's living his absolute best life and put the most effort in his costume. Winning first place makes him start crying like he just won a Nobel Prize.

-In his usual grumpy fashion, Sephiroth thinks this is all incredibly childish and doesn't want to participate. When Lazard reminds him that costumes are mandatory, he very pointedly takes a single sticky note, puts it on his chest, and declares himself a refrigerator. He won't budge one bit. Buuut he finds he does like the spooky ambiance. After Genesis spikes the punch and gets everyone thoroughly drunk, Sephiroth is dared to tell scary stories and he recounts a pants-shitting nightmare he had as a child that makes the whole room go dead quiet, happily ensuring nightmares of their own tonight.

-Zack would probably go as some sort of super hero, or whatever the equivalent is in Gaia. Lots of nyooming around the room and speaking in full exclamations. After the punch incident, he is the first one out there on the dance floor going full ham with some sick moves. Angeal has to drag him back to his room because the poor thing gets absolutely trashed and vomits all over his cape. Poor puppy.

-Cloud went as his childhood hero, Sephiroth. He put a ton of effort into his costume too! But chickened out the second he entered the room worrying what Sephiroth would say. So when people ask him why his hair's all silver and weird, Cloud insists he's "an alien or something". Unfortunately, this completely backfires because now Sephiroth won't leave him alone and is constantly asking Cloud what he knows about his special interest (astronomy). Cloud is not having a good time 😭

[o-wyrmlight]

Same anon here about the costumes! And ye, I really like Vanilla’s jeans xD it looks so cute. If the hat was different, I would love it.

The reason I like Red Velvet’s its because Blue and red are a pretty combination for me, but the colors in the hair do look weird, the others look good for me. If you dont like it, thats perfectly okay! What’s your favorite costume so far? Mine are Red Velvet’s, Madeleine’s, Blackberry’s and Espresso’s! They’re also some of my favs, so win win for me!

For some reason, I didn't really like Espresso's at first. I didn't like any of them, actually, when I first saw them, except maybe Werewolf's, and even then, it was mostly 'I feel neutral about this one'.

But these two have kind of grown on me. I like how the blue isn't the main color for Espresso and is mostly used as an accent. He looks as handsome and distinguished as he always does, albeit a bit less showy with how less Shaped his cape is. But I quite like it in hindsight.

And Madeleine looks distinguished, as well! Look at him go! My boy has his haired tied up out of his face. He doesn't need to worry about it getting in his face when he fights! I wonder if this is the outfit he wore when he was a Knight Commander in the Republic, to be honest--or if this was before he got his sword and was 'chosen by the Divine'.

Red Velvet I've already talked about.

I really like Blackberry's, though! She looks low-key like an old-timey detective with her trench coat and her hat! Very mysterious! Her hair's also very cute. She looks very well put-together.

Werewolf Cookie's is a lot more subtle. Poor little awoo boy. But sometimes subtle is good. Sometimes a costume can be a little hair job and new clothes and that's it.

Beet Cookie. Sweetheart. You aren't going to blend in with nature like that. Wait, actually, she looks like Daphne from Scooby Doo! That is SUPER cute. I like the costume just because of that now.

And Pure Vanilla... He looks nice. I don't like his hat very much, and I'm concerned about what happened to his eye staff, and I'm not sure why they felt the need to put so many details on his cloak with a color that's so damn close to white that you can barely see it. But he looks cute in jeans, and the shawl he's wearing looks like it was made from wool, which makes me think 'sweater', which makes me think 'dressing up for the cold'. And that makes me think that maybe that's what he wears when he goes to visit colder places. And, well... Dark Cacao lives in a colder climate.

But that's just a theory! A game--

[crypticcodexcreations]

4 and 21 for Fenrir please!!

(@andromedatalksaboutstuff)

Ah yes, my awoo boy. Time for him to get some attention because I am a big fucking softy for this poor man.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? - Gonna be honest, I did not know the answer to this at first. I sat here. I thought. I cursed a little and asked my partner for thoughts. And here we are. The answer is yes. When he was very little, he and his mom were in a bad car crash and she died. This has messed with him, including being part of why he doesn't talk all that much. He's only really ever felt comfortable talking to his dad about it.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? - Fenrir is fun here because he absolutely blames himself quite a bit, but also knows he shouldn't. Every time someone treats him poorly because they think he's creepy, he thinks "Maybe if I talked more, they wouldn't think I was creepy" Every time someone thinks he's threatening, he thinks "Maybe if I weren't so big and didn't get in so many fights, they wouldn't find me so threatening." The list goes on. He knows it's not the truth, but even so, he just wishes that he could do something about it, you know?

[milfstalin]

as if she hasn't already suffered enough... my poor little meow meow... my poor little awoo awoo...

stalin would have done so well on estrogen

[morsking]

nehan’s kit is fucking hilarious. he can’t buff himself. he has low hp. his defence is reduced. he has glass bones and paper skin and all he can do is shoot up his friends with drugs and watch them go ham. absolute poor little meow meow (or perhaps awoo awoo).

[kensboytoy]

How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?

Title: How Much Is That Doggy In The Window? Fandom: Beetlejuice The Musical Pairings: Beetlejuice/Reader (Gender Neutral) Ratings: Explicit 

It had started innocent enough. The demon had stolen your phone to use all the silly camera filters you had flaunted when taking selfies to post on your social media accounts. He had gotten pouty and claimed how it wasn’t fair that you weren’t paying enough attention to him when you used that stupid thing, that he wanted to fill your phone of pictures of him. So, you rolled your eyes and handed him the device like a parent to a whining toddler.

Hours rolled by before you managed to wrench the phone away from him. He pissed and moaned about it for awhile but eventually forgot about it and got distracted by something else in another room of the house, leaving you to see the damage left on your poor SD card. You scrolled through your camera roll, impressed and horrified at the amount of pictures you had to flip through. Then something caught your eye.

All of them had been tests of every single filter. It started off with simple stars and funny faces. But then the consistency changed to one chosen filter. Over and over again.

Dozens of pictures were Beetlejuice using that tried-and-true dog filter. Floppy ears, big tongue sticking out. He even had made a small video of the added sound effects too. Cautiously, you opened the file. It was almost too cartoonish for your blood. He pretended to pant and whine like a little puppy, with a small ‘awoo!’ leaving his lips. Your eyes widened a bit at the humiliating blackmail you now had stored on your phone, your sides nearly splitting at how hard you first laughed.

But, you were intrigued.

[Continue Reading or Read on AO3!]

When you next went to the store to pick something up, you happened to pick up a gift for Beetlejuice along with his usual snack hoard: a nice black collar. You had stopped at the kiosk just outside the storefront where the cart return after something special caught your eye. It would be the perfect icing on the cake for your little scheme.

Coming home was met with the usual fanfare of “GIMME, GIMMIE, GIMMIE!” as he clamored to grab the bag of treats he’d been craving. He snarled like an annoyed raccoon and snatched the bag before you could say anything, his grubby hands rifling through as he debated on helping you unload the rest of the groceries. His fingertips touched something unfamiliar, something not a Zagnut bar or a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Curious, he pulled it out and instantly dropped the rest of the bag.

Before you could chastise him about cleaning up his mess, you paused and followed his gaze. You tried to hide your smirk as you saw his eyes scan over the object.

“H-hey, uh, what is this?” he choked out, normal raspiness shot up just a pinch.

He had sucked in his lower lip and was biting it pensively, his eyes wide while the familiar green colours dripped off him and ebbed into a dark pink. Beetlejuice was like a goddamn moodring. You knew that this was getting to him.

Playing dumb, you peered over his shoulder and looked at the collar, reading the engraved nametag in the shape of a bone. Your eyebrow raised and your grin grew.

“Oh, that? Looks like it has your name and my contact information. Y’know, if my puppy gets lost.”

Beetlejuice yelped, jumping a foot in the air like someone had stabbed him with a hot poker. He gripped onto the collar for dear life and looked at you with utter shock. His eyes went from you to the collar, collar to you, until he finally stared long enough at the engraving to run his fingers over the letters.

“Yer what…?”

With one swift motion, you had plucked the strap out of his hand and secured it around his neck. He hadn’t resisted it but was watching your every move with wide-eyed disbelief. You watched him swallow dryly, his Adam’s apple bobbing against the collar. Eventually, you pulled away and watched him scamper into the bathroom to gaze into the mirror to see how it looked. You could see from your position that he was looking himself over, stroking the rough fabric of the collar as he turned his head from side to side.

Beetlejuice wore that thing every goddamn day after that.

So, you upped the ante. The next purchase was something you had to buy off the internet after some extensive research on your part. You knew the gross man would rifle through the package as soon as it hit your porch. This one was a bigger shocker than the last.

In the package came a set: a soft pair of floppy dog ears that could be attached to one’s hair with clips and an equally soft, curly tail attached to a plug. Now, Beetlejuice wasn’t a naive little virgin who went into Spencer’s gifts to giggle at dildos (he only laughed at the dick shaped foods, okay? Those are hilarious and nothing you say would change his mind on that.) He was a demon. A lustful one that you had caught masturbating in every corner of your goddamn house. You knew he wasn’t dumb when it came to what that tail implied.

His hands were shaking when he came to you, the two clips in hand with the tail left in the box. Beetlejuice extended his arms out and opened his fists up, batting his eyes at you.

“Hm?” you grunted softly, pretending to not know what he wanted.

“Could you… uh, put these in my hair? The metal always gets tangled if I try to put ‘em in.”

“Y’know, I would. If someone used their manners.”

You crossed your arms and looked expectantly at him. He bit his lower lip again and hunched slightly, eyes round and helpless as he looked at you.

“C’mon. Please?”

Satisfied, you smiled and took them from his hands. Getting them in that messy rat’s nest that was his hair was a pain at first but you finally pulled away to look at the sight of those perfect puppy ears flopped over. You commanded him to shake his head back and forth to ensure they wouldn’t slip out and he happily obliged.

He even let out a playful little pant.

The amusement ran through you just as much as the sudden arousal. Seeing him so playful and into this was enough to get to you. To say that was completely his fetish was a lie - you liked when Beetlejuice was a flirt. And now he was your pup! Your gaze soon fell to the box behind him.

“There’s supposed to be another piece to that set,” you said flatly, gesturing for him to bring it to you.

That made Beetlejuice pause. Nervously, he retrieved the tail and placed it in your hands, waiting for what would come next. Would you demand that he put it in himself? Or…

You could see the worry in his eyes and let one of your hands trail across his jawline. He melted into your touch and smiled softly. The collar jingled with his movement and he blushed at the noise. It wasn’t like the outspoken creature to act so shy. But it was cute. You could tell this was a new ballgame for him. Perhaps he had always had this kink but no one to play with. You’d have to ask sometime. Preferably a time that wasn’t when you were eagerly ready to shove a plug up your boyfriend’s ass.

You knew to go slow with this. Beetlejuice was apprehensive and you didn’t exactly have the previous experience of this to know if you’d be doing it right. Now he was sitting at the end of your bed, listening to you run the warm water to clean the object of his fancy. When you came back, you retrieved the lube from your nightstand and coated the toy generously.

Beetlejuice gulped before he began to peel off his clothing piece by piece. Dirty stripes hit your floor along with the clinking suspenders that fell off his form easily. You smiled at the sight of his plush body now exposed - well, exposed as much as one could be with the carpet of mossy hair that covered him from head to toe. Wanting to ease him into the situation more, you placed your hand on his belly and rubbed circles against his skin. You felt him shudder for a moment, his shoulders relaxed and his body stopped feeling so damn tense.

“You remember the safeword, right? If you get too nervous?” you tenderly whispered into his ear as you laid him back.

“Brigadoon,” he whispered back, a scowl on his face.

That got a laugh from you, even as you helped him out of his pants. You could see how hard his cock was, reacting to all of this teasing. The head was already beaded with precum. But you wouldn’t relieve him until you got to play with your puppy. You rolled him gently onto his stomach and he instinctively pushed his ass into the air, resting on his knees as his ass spread enough for you. Crawling behind him, you admired the view of the waiting demon. Your hand rested on his plump cheek, spreading it wider for you to slip the plug in. His hands curled into the bedsheets and he let out a whorish moan.

“Good boy,” you commended, rubbing the tail before you slipped off the bed to stand in front of him.

Beetlejuice was already huffing and puffing, wagging the tail this way and that as he got used to the feeling of the toy inside of him. He let out a groan as he shifted, cock dribbling precum onto the sheets. As you stood before him, you tilted his head up with both hands cupping his face. Your thumbs rubbed at the stubble, admiring the sight of the normally cocky demon now a puddle beneath you.

“Who’s my good boy?”

A slow, croaky bark. You smiled and pet him lovingly to show the answer had pleased you. Another bark. This time it was confident and excited.

“Thassa good boy!” you cooed in that silly way humans babytalk animals.

Hands scratched behind his ‘ears’ before they rubbed at his chest playfully. He giggled before breaking out into heavier, excited panting. You were delighted to see him so into this. Knowing that you were fulfilling your boyfriend’s cute fetish was enough to make your heart swell. And continue to arouse you. However, tonight wasn’t about you. Tonight was making sure that Beetlejuice knew that you loved and accepted him for all his kinks. You would make sure that he’d cum.

So, you sat back down on the bed and let him snuffle and sniff you playfully before he rested his head in your lap. You played with his hair and swiftly moved down his backside, stopping at his tailbone before repeating each stroke. He loved it. The affection pleased him, certainly, but having you coo over him was enough to make that hardness press against the bed. You noticed that he was moving his hips enough to rub his stiff prick against the firmness of the mattress under his weight to get himself off.

That made you tsk.

“Awww, pup, are you feeling okay?” you mocked. “You seem to be whimpering so much! Are you sick?”

The colour burned on Beetlejuice’s face so much that it shifted the pink tint into a darker hue. He let out a whine and looked up at you. Those big ol’ eyes watched your every move as you pushed on his side to let you see what he needed. You saw how <>hard that swollen erection really was, one hand already tracing down his happy trail to reach it. He groaned in delight at your touch. He needed you to play with him. After all, puppies needed attention and love!

“Poor boy! Here, lemme help you…”

Your hand wrapped around his length and he whined. It was torture to go so slow. Beetlejuice always liked to jump right on you and hump you like a dog. And now that he was your little doggy, you were going to make sure he was just as satisfied as all those times before. You couldn’t help but tease him a bit more than usual. That plug would be enough stimulation to make up for it.

Slowly, you rubbed him. Let him buck into your hand as much as he wanted. All those noises were so goddamn cute that you had to let him work for this. You had gotten him everything he wanted and now you’d reap the benefits. It was a delightfully rewarding show as your demon fucked your hand like the needy dog he was. You watched the curly tail bob, his ears flopping slightly as he thrust.

“There we go, hm? You like that, pup?” You knew your teasing would spur him on. To move faster and faster. He was huffing again, tongue lolled out of his mouth as he pushed harder. “C’mon, be a dear. Be a good boy and get out all that frustration.”

Beetlejuice growled, eyes fluttering as he worked faster for his climax. He needed it. He fucking needed this! All this goddamn teasing. It had been a week since the collar. The tail in his ass made him feel humiliated and adored all at the same time. Just like the way you were watching him get off. He normally would have been a brat about having to do so much for this orgasm but you had been so nice to him about indulging this kink. While he didn’t like to gush about how thankful he was to have you in his life, it was moments like these that really showed it. The desperation in his eyes was flooded with adoration. How much he loved you and wanted to prove that he really was a good boy.

And you indulged him by stroking him harder. One hand jerked his cock eagerly while your free hand reached to grasp his sack. He shuddered and moaned whorishly at that. You made sure to massage his heavy, swinging balls to urge him to cum. It was almost your silent permission for him to.

The demon didn’t last long after that. Rope after thick rope of cum launched onto the sheets underneath him, making a mess of the bed. He tossed his head back and howled loudly. You watched his cock twitch, your hand milking him for every last drop before you pulled away and allowed him to collapse. Beetlejuice was panting softly before he rolled onto his back to look up at your adoring face.

“Th-thanks… I, uh, owe ya,” he groaned softly.

Your lips met the skin of his forehead in a tender gesture before you sidled up next to him and spooned the chubby demon.

“Don’t mention it, babe. I’m glad you like your presents,” came the giggle from you.

Playfully, he wrapped you up in a bear hug and let you lay on his chest. You knew that he’d be getting his revenge later, but you decided to savour this peaceful moment in your pup’s embrace.

[naporiagame]

THE NAPORIAN DAILY VOLUME 3: ROBERTA LUPO

THE ONLY SOURCE OF NAPORIA NEWS YOU CAN TRUST!

By: Aquaria Marisabel

Jul 5th XXXX

Today we are talking to Roberta Lupo, niece and secretary to Giovanni Lupo. We will be asking her about her relationship with the Don, how she feels about her name being synonymous with anxiety, and other questions!

MARISABEL: Good evening Roberta! I hope I’m not keeping you up too late, you probably have… business, so I’ll keep this brief.

LUPO: M-much appreciated! My uncle is waiting outside for his turn, I don’t want to keep him waiting very long.

MARISABEL: Okay, let’s begin then! First question, and by far the most burning question in everyone’s mind: why don’t you suppress your ears and tail like your uncle? No disrespect, of course.

LUPO: Oh, that’s- well… it’s a bit personal, but I’m not very good at, ahem… withholding my urges? Uncle Gio knows how to keep his ears and tail hidden very well, but he’s still teaching me. Despite it all, he still keeps his arms turned and his teeth sharp as a sort of defense, I-I think!

MARISABEL: Very interesting! The next one is about your relationship to your uncle. How do you view him, being THE Don Lupo? Do you fear him, respect him…?

LUPO: I love my uncle! He’s kind and funny, and he’s very smart and knows almost everything! He doesn’t know a lot about modern technology though… a-awoo, I shouldn’t have said that, he’ll be embarrassed! I care a lot for uncle Gio, and I h-hope to be the best secretary and niece I can be!

MARISABEL: Look, look at her tail wagging when she says that, so sincere! I think we all agree we’d kill to have a niece like you, Roberta. Oops, poor wording… erm, next up, you’ve got to explain that nervous tic of yours! In other interviews, I notice you have this… thing where you howl when you seem overwhelmed. Have you always done this?

LUPO: A-awooo, you noticed?! W… well, I’ve always been like this. Like I said, I’m not good at containing my werewolf side, so when I was younger instead of crying I would howl. It’s so embarrassing, really…! When I grew up, I learned how to function normally, but it’s exactly as you said- it’s a nervous tic, really. Like when you sing certain songs for no reason, o-or eat the same thing when you’re sad. It comforts me to howl.

MARISABEL: Isn’t she just the sweetest? Okay, okay, last one Roberta. Tell us more about your father, Don Lupo’s brother, and the rest of your family.

LUPO: O-oh! Well, him and my uncle are very close. My father and his brother are best friends, they do everything together. When I was younger always let me play at uncle Gio’s house, since my other uncle, uncle Angleo, his daughter was around my age then too; her name is Giulia, my cousin. I see my father all the time, but I don’t see my other uncle much anymore. He didn’t… well, he doesn’t approve of our lifestyle very much. I respect him, though, that’s his prerogative. I still talk to Giulia, and my new little cousin Leonardo though! We constantly talk over the phone and FaceChat. She’s training to become a nurse. But back to my father and uncle Gio and uncle Angelo, they were thick as thieves. My father still wants to talk to uncle Angelo, but uncle Giovanni…not so much.

And that’s that! Please send all your questions to XXXXX@nmail.com for our next interviewee, Don Giovanni Lupo! Head of the Lupo family ring, what do you want to know? Send in your questions!