#littke nightmares 2

[sketch-traits]

In this world it's kill or be killed.

[harley-style]

mcyt brain rot for you all

this is both anysis and headcanon and au scenario, all blended together. you're welcome :D

----------

i have this headcanon,,,, cobbled together by some tumblr posts i read,,,, but some of them point out that wilbur is like, good at manipulating people as well to a point, right?

so i was thinking. what if his reach extended far beyond what anyone thought of? *what if wilbur's influence spread to dream?*

i know we've discussed this before (or sparrow analyzed it idk) but like. hear me out. this headcanon has to do with how wilbur wants to create a narrative. pit it against dream and his presumed original desires to create a safe happy place for his friends. wilbur's insistence that dream is the "tyrant". what if wilbur saw how dream was pointedly staying out of conflict, decided, "i dont like that," and began twisting the storyline and pulled dream's strings (pointedly off camera bc headcanons, babyyyy) so that dream would eventually fall into ruin, as the disgraced tyrant?

and dream...he KNOWS what wilbur's doing. to him specifically. and he's struggling so hard at the beginning, judging by his soft, passive demeanor when wilbur asks about the tnt.

i think, that somewhere along the line, dream lost sight of where his boundaries lied, and falls right into wilbur's plot pit and became The Villain. and he's like, fuck. I went and done it, oh no.

and....it worsens.

i had this whole scenario in my head that dream fully embraces the villain role, plays wilbur's game and completes the "narrative"...but is so fed up with wilbur and his stupid fucking ploys that he...bends the rules a little. changes shit up.

something...oh, a little like "lets speedrun my fall into villainy" bc it wouldn't be dream without the speedrun.

fast forward to prison. maybe if dream finally gets to resurrect wilbur. and wilbur is Not Pleased with how dream has decided to handle his narrative.

but its like. dream doesn't give two shits about wilbur's goddamn narrative anymore. he **played wilbur's game**. he's done with his role. he's given them peace, given them a happy end.

sure, he's given the rest plenty of trauma, but hey, it all turned out okay in the end, right? theyve got their happy ending. theyve BEATEN the big bad nightmare. his role is OVER.

but wilbur doesnt like it. doesnt like the lengths dream went to. it wasn't supposed to be like this. dream wasn't supposed to turn out this much of a *monster.*

and dream laughs. "will, wilby, wilbur," he croons madly, in his pretty little cell, preening like a cat. "i dont care," he hisses. "you fucking wanted this. you WANTED me to be this way. right? mr. revolutionary man? come on now, dont tell me you never expected this."

and wilbur tries to protest, but dream cuts him off.

"no. NO. dont' play your stupid littke games on me wilbur. you udnerstand? im DONE. im so sick of your bullshit, your countries your wars and your stupid fucking "story". I WANTED PEACE AND SAFETY. ALL i asked was "hey, don't be jerks, we're all one big community," and you didn't even have the DECENCY to just adhere to those rules, not even a little bit! you -- i let you in here because of TOMMY, you know that? the reason you even got to BE in this world was because tommy "vouched" for you. said you would be a great addition. and tommy-- i loved that kid back then, you know? he was bright and annoying and he made the server FUN. you took that brilliance, took that kid, and turned him against me, against ALL of us -- for what? independence? I HANDED YOU INDEPENDENCE AND YOU SPAT IT IN MY FACE LIKE IT WAS THE MOST VILE THING YOUVE EVER RECEIVED. i didnt even ENFORCE my rules, they were so loose literally EVERYONE broke them at some point.

but you? you had the audacity to call me a tyrant. to call me selfish, greedy, controlling. and then you declared war. the pet wars, the first disc wars weren't even close to the intensity you brewed during the revolution.

you had this little ideal in your head. and ill have to hand it to you, it was certainly impressive. but you didnt need to press it, to pressure it on the people of my server. you did anyway. you created this plot, this scheme to paint me as the villain, as the final boss. and you know what? FINE! if this is what it takes for them to be safe and happy, i'll be the villain.

but don't come in here expecting me to play that role again. i DID my part. i united them. my work is over.

but you, wilbur? heh. you get to deal with ALL the consequences of your war games. you'll be the one dealing with tommy's nightmares, tubbo's anger, everyone's hatred, fuck, you even get to deal with the egg!! isnt that nice? i was willing to deal with the egg, you know, it appeared before the whole election thing. but since you're here, you may as well take over. because you're SO great at directing them, you know? better than i ever could.

point is, wilbur, you don't get to use me as the tyrant, the final boss, the bad guy, and the villain anymore. when i said i would be putting the most powerful person in here, I wasn't fucking lying!"

"but tommy said you were going to put him in there!"

"you know, with the amount of times ive practically lied to that kid, im surprised he still believed me. i was never planning to put him in here. no one else would be put in here. hell, even techno and phil would just have gotten stuck here for about a week. i had guidelines, you know. i put them in a book somehwere, in one of my bases. no one was supposed to get unfair treatment. unfortunately i seemed to have pulled the short end of thr stick. that seems to be all that im doing these days."

"dream—"

"no. don't do that. don't pull me into another one of your plots wilbur. i don't want to hear it. you got your villain. your villain is gone, wilbur.

it's time to be the hero. :)"

basically my points here are like.

-wilbur made a narrative that dream didnt agree with

-this narrative painted dream in a negative villian light so dream basically said "yeah fuck that" and spedran his role

-headcanons galore i really do like the idea of dream creating that prison for himself to be locked in

-once wilbur is back he visits dream and explains his displeasure that dream went and did the things he did bc 1) hurt a lot of people personally and 2) did not adhere to the villain role wilbur specifically assigned to dream

-additional mentions: both wanted peace but in different forms. dream wanted peace for peace's sake but wilbur wanted peace after struggles. dream genuinely loved everyone on the server, but had to shed those attachments because to him, PERSONALLY, it would be a weakness towards his "villainous" role. his threatening of tubbo in front of tommy so tommy can "be the hero like spiderman and batman" shows that he knows exactly how empowering attachments are. lastly, dream only began manipulating people after the pogtopia arc. he mostly stayed the neutral party during it, and was just reacting with plans among plans during the lmanburg revolution.

-additionally, wilbur really wanted to stay dead, but dream said "haha no" and alived him again bc if he has to be the one to inflict trauma onto people then wilbur has to suffer leading the efforts to recovery.

hi @dreamsclock u keep giving me brainrot so im tossing this at u thank u goodbye i hope u dont mind the tag

[pbandjesse]

Today was a really really excellent day even if I just stepped on some broken glass. Mostly surprised me. Today was still an excellent day.

I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night. I was up until past 2. I cleaned a bunch. I made more piles. Brought all my stuff up from my studio. But doing all that gave me like. Nervous energy. So I was wide awake for a long while.

Eventually I found a video to fall asleep to. And woke up at 730 from a text from my dad. He was on his way!

I knew it would be at minimum 2 hours. So i laid in bed for a while and just enjoyed a lazy morning. Eventually I got up and dressed. Made a sandwich. And watched some tv. I did some nore organising. Tried to make things easy for the work me and dad were doing. And it was nice.

My doorbell rang at 10. Dad was here! It was so nice to see him. Hes gotten so skinny! But he looked good. Happy. I was a little distressed over a mean email i had just received. So it was nice to have him right there to talk to and get my mixed up feelings out. My dads always been a realy good sounding board for that kind of thing.

We weren't idle for long, quickly we got into removing screws and pins and spackling. Its that fun pink stuff that changes to white when its dry. We did that for more then an hour. Just talking and fixing. Some of the time i was fixing a sculpture mom sent along with him. And gluing that tiny fidget spinner to the back of my phone case. Its really nice to have it there. Can't drop it anymore.

By noon we were basically finished. And I was starving. Dad got changed and we headed to Ceremony roasters for lunch.

There was a line but it moved fast. Dad got a macrobowl with chicken and I got the spicy avacado toast with a poached egg. We got drinks. I created an abomination of black ice tea, sweetener, and half and half. I really enjoyed that. We talked. Caught up about family. And then the food came and ot,was way more colorful then I anticipated.

But it was so so so good. I even ate the pink parts that i didn't recognize. They were a little spicy. And while the egg was slightly overcoojed it was all awesome. I will for sure go there for food again. Maybe when Jess is here in July.

After we ate we walked to the car. We held hands which was nice. I love my dad very much and it was nice just being with him. Even if I was nervous about him falling or getting hurt or not being able to walk. We did a lot Today and that was really nice.

We went to amazing glaze! It was great! We decided to pick something to paint for eachother. Dad wanted this toothbrush holder thing. And I got a bowl. We looked at my Pinterest insp board and got to work.

I made dad's forest at night themed, and he made mine kind of based off of a russian or Ukrainian piece i had saved on there. We both made them navel blue as a base. And had fun decorating. I hope they come out well. I really had a great time. I got to learn that he majored in ceramics in High school. Something i never knew. And that he's been really inspired to make installation art lately. He didn't call it that but the pieces he wants to make that he described to me are exactly that. Im really excited to see what he does with his ideas and free time.

We each wrote on the bottoms of our pieces. And helped him finish his outlines. And then we were done. We paid and I'll go back at the end of the week to get them.

We walked next door and got ice cream next. Enjoyed sitting outside. It was beautiful and I just felt really happy and at easy.

We hung out and talked for a long time. And then home. We got to my apartment. And got the last of the stuff to go to the studio. There's still stuff in the fridge. But almost everything was taken over today.

And because of dad's bad joints and hernia, I had to carry most of it. Which was exhausting but we knocked it out. He brought the things from the car and i took them upstairs. Good teamwork.

I was very overheated though. So I laid on the ground for a while. But once i cooled down i was all good. I got to show dad the furby stuff ive been into. Explain the culture and ebay and all the weird stuff. It was fun and he had questions and was supportive of my weird hobby.

He wanted to go take a nap. So he headed out and back to my apartment to sleep. And i started unpacking things. I got some stuff away. And while I was working on the kitchen James came home.

We rested and unpacked. Had a snack. Cleaned up. And then at just about 8 got a call from dad. He was done his nap and ready for dinner. So we met up at a pizza bar around the corner.

We got 3 diffeent pizzas to share. And that was fun. It was a really nice dinner. The food was very good. James told us about sports. Dad asked us about medical marijuana and we ranted about the prison industrial complex for like 15 minutes. It was great fun.

A littke after 9 we said good byes. I will go meet up with dad in the morning. At least briefly. And then he will go back home. Im really glad he came. I love him very much and had a lot of fun with him today.

Me and James got back to the studio and I got washed and am in pjs. I patched some holes here, but the one is a nightmare. Thr wall is just crumbling. I put so muchs spackle its basically a new wall. Well see if it holds or the water damage was to much. It was fun veing handy. Then James helped me pick outfits for the week. Which is when i stepped on a piece of broken glass from the bowel aquarium mom sent. It was dropped a bit and a section broke off so now theres small shards in the carpet and we don't have a vaccuum here. Ugh. It'll be okay. Just annoying.

Tomorrow is back to work though! We are doing some organizing and set up at wildwood. Im looking forward to it. It'll be a really nice day. I'm sure of it.

Goodnight everyone. Sleep tight.

[dogstarblues]

i feel like shit! but not in a shitty way if that makes sense. like not physically. or maybe a littke physically.

yesterday i read midnight robber and NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME that there was CSA in it! that was the entire 2/4th of the book (not the half but the second section out of four) and like? and like? i was able to read it past where the main character murders her abuser and it was so hard to read and i put the book down to take a break and walked into the kitchen to see what my roommate was up to and bother him when i just burst into tears! and ive been feeling delicate and on the verge of tears since then. thank god ive had EMDR bc before that type of therapy i wouldve been vomiting constantly after reading only a little bit and had nightmares every night for a week. i didnt have nightmares last night only a dream about people living on the dark side of the moon slowly turnjng into monsters that resembled anglerfish. but its hard to motivate myself to take a shower. its hard to let myself go pee. in both instances i dont want to touch that area. i lost my appetite (what little appetite i developed after struggling with anorexia for what is now years) and no clothes feel right on my skin and there are not enough covers to burrow myself in.

i dont know whether the csa made it harder to read or the main character's trauma-induced hypersexuality where she was using sex/imposed sex appeal (i say imposed bc a lot of predatory men in the book viewed her as having sex appeal even when she was like 14; like that wasnt there but she would play up to their perceptions of her for a fascimile of power when in reality men were just predatory) to have power over men and didnt understand what healthy affection from men looked like except for her one friend and i related to that so much it was painful. like truly painful it was hard to read. part of my struggle with comphet is my since-childhood struggle with how im perceived by men. like im not fucking them anymore, havent for 4 years almost, bc wow that damaged me enough but just recalling the place i was in. just. just that craving for power and believing in sex as power and beliving that being hungered for(not even wanted) and used and fetishized was power. i dont know im glad i wasnt thrown back into that time period emotionally im glad im not having intrusive thoughts about men but im still having a tough time. something to talk about in therapy i guess. we'll see if i have trauma nightmares. maybe i need to cry again.