#literally woke up at 4:45 yesterday morning crying because of the pain so yeah

[strawberrryangel]

currently have strep, a viral infection, an ear infection, and laryngitis, but at least i’ve got supernatural. at least i’ve got supernatural. at least i’ve got supernatural. at least i’ve got—

[cosmosogler]

it’s hard to want to write today.

i woke up kinda late, since i put my alarm on snooze for like 45 minutes. it was weird that my dream picked up where i left off when i fell back asleep. i don’t remember what it was about.

ghhh

i spent most of the morning screwin around on youtube. i didn’t call the school about my finances or look at anything physicsy. it probably would have been the best time to do that though considering how the next few days might look.

i had a pokemon battle while i was logged in wonder trading out my good eevees from yesterday. i didn’t realize that some of my team builds aren’t... there any more? like all of them only have five pokemon registered. and some of them didn’t have the items i gave them which was cool. at least the person i battled was really nice and only used five pokemon himself. i still got rocked though. no item on your tank really puts you at a disadvantage!

my chest and side felt pretty ok since i wasn’t moving around too much. i tried to eat a bagel with cream cheese again for lunch and did pretty well with it. i couldn’t finish it though. not much appetite.

at around 3 my gramma asked if i wanted to go to dinner with her and the cousins and my brother. i said sure. then i spent a while hanging out with eve and rubbing her chest and stomach. she let me rub her good hip a little bit too. i didn’t feel any obvious tumors there at least.

then at 4:30 we took off for gramma’s. we went to “italian food.” i had some ravioli and it was nice. caught up with gramma and grampa a little bit. my cousins were a little nicer than usual. maybe vacations are stressful for them too. i don’t know.

when we got home i watched the news with grampa for a little bit and we talked about dinosaurs. then i got one of gramma’s klondike bars and sat and watched m.a.s.h. with her. and i checked in on the boys playing roblox every now and then. we went home around 7. i went back to idling.

mom came home at some point. she stopped by my room. i had told her the other day that eve has been chewing on her nails on the foot of her bad leg. she said she’d mention it to uncle mike the vet and see what he had to say. apparently he says it’s really bad she’s doing that and it means she’s in a lot of pain. when i explained to mom why she might be doing that the other day, i mentioned that nerve damage in a limb will make the nails feel really weird and bad. i thought eve had already split a nail when i asked mom to bring it up with mike, but while i was petting her earlier they looked ok except for the chipped one in the front. she doesn’t let anyone touch her paws so we have a lot of trouble clipping her nails before they break.

anyway we went over a few options. what mom is going to do is set up an appointment for eve with mike and he’ll check to see if she’s in good health other than the terrible cancerous tumor that has engulfed her leg. if she is, then we can work out how/when we’re going to amputate her leg. mike seemed to think that was a valid option according to mom. if she’s not...

well. i have to make a decision either way. 

i wish i could ask her what she wanted. it feels weird making a decision for someone who can’t talk or understand. even if she is my dog.

what i need to do next is get the school to actually tell me what the payment plan for my employment is. they don’t have that information anywhere on the web site and they directed me to a dead end last time i called to ask. i don’t understand why no one from the department has returned any of my messages or calls. my friend azra told me that a lot of grad schools lack the organization they advertise on their web sites. 

when i have the money details down we can figure out if we can actually afford to hack eve’s leg off. mom was really worried about eve’s ability to recover from such a major surgery at 13. i think she was thinking about how we poured tons of resources into randi’s treatment and then she died anyway. i told her eve already lost the leg. all it’s doing now is hurting her. she said yeah.

um... i need to figure out the timeline for this though. like... i’m leaving basically permanently. at least that’s the plan. i’m leaving in two-ish weeks. if eve has the surgery, will she be able to recover without me? if eve can’t have the surgery, do we let her keep going until she literally can’t get up any more or do we kill her before i leave? 

i told mom i would think about it and she left. then i sat down by eve and cried for a while. not like the kind where you make noise. but just silent blinding tears. i pet her for a while. like maybe if i pet her enough i’ll memorize how her fur texture changes along her back. how soft her white hair is. how silky the super-short fur on her face is.

i dunno.

i shoved my face up against jake right before he got euthanized and i don’t think i’ll ever get the smell of wet dog out of my memory. he’d been enjoying one of the more gentle summer showers in the afternoon and his fur was so thick he never dried off before we noticed...

i hate writing about this. it makes me cry. i don’t think i can keep crying though because it’s making my side hurt a lot. 

i took the dogs outside for a while. doge didn’t want to come but she appreciated the cookies i gave them all anyway. 

when my brother and i got home it was the time of day when wiley likes to run along the fence and jump up to see what’s on the other side every time a car goes by. my family’s mostly given up on trying to get him to stop. that’s what the shock collar had been for... fortunately mom gave that idea up pretty quick. 

but my brother seems to think he’s got it under control. he tried to catch wiley while he was tearing across the yard. then when wiley went over to stand by the door to be let inside my brother screamed at wiley to come to him. wiley ignored him. so he screamed louder and sharper. wiley sat down instead of going over. afterward i figured out it was because wiley knew what was coming and just didn’t come when my brother called any more.

i let eve inside but my brother grabbed wiley and dragged him a few steps away from the door. then he grabbed wiley’s face and screamed? in his face?? to “stop jumping.” like that means anything to wiley. it reminded me of what dad does to diogi when she poops in the house. even though she doesn’t have a lot of control over her back half any more, nor does she like going outside without dad. 

i thought about telling my brother that dogs only understand discipline when you do it during or immediately after they do the thing you don’t want them to do, but i don’t think that would change his behavior in any way. if you discipline them after telling them to come over to you so you can scream at them, then all they do is associate responding to your call with being screamed at. so they stop listening to you even more. i mean, that’s what i would do.

after i got eve and wiley back inside during the night, well after the anger explosion, wiley wanted to play with the basketball. after he smacked his head on the table it’s under i got it out for him. we kicked that around for a while. i tried to teach him to bring the ball over when i ask him to, mostly to get him to stop bringing it into mom’s room since she doesn’t like the noise. i think we made a little progress. he understands “get the ball” and “come here” at least, but putting the two together into “bring the ball here” is a little advanced right now. i think he might be learning that bringing the ball through the doorway specifically is what gets me to pet him. so he just puts it back in mom’s room and then takes it out when he wants more pets.

good enough right now.

eve came back upstairs with me. she’s been watching me all night. in between staring at me she’s been dozing still facing me. i guess she knows something’s wrong. not hard to tell really. when someone is crying and repeatedly patting your face it’s not hard to pick up that they’re sad for some reason.

i’m... glad i started spending a little more time with her these last few days. i don’t know how to teach her to play a new game in just two weeks when no one is going to ever play it with her again. i was thinking of a scent game. it might be hard to teach the commands though since her ears are near useless.

she didn’t eat her dinner today. well, she did after being repeatedly told to go to her bowl. at least she was interested in the cookies. i try to bring a new kind for them every time i go to the grocery store. the turkey and stuffing hasn’t been a huge hit but they went wild for chicken jerky so i might get something more like that next time.

i could say i wish i had taken her on more adventures, but thinking back i took her with me when i could almost all the time. we hiked a full mountain daily for like a whole summer. she’s been to the cabin several times. i got her to jump in oak creek a couple times, she’s visited my high school and jumped in other people’s cars to try to leave. i’ve given her interesting food to try every now and then. i give her things to hold all the time, or just show her what i’m holding and laugh when she tries to take it. i just... wasn’t home a lot. i didn’t have as many opportunities as i would have liked. 

she really is the most important thing in the world to me. and we might not need more adventures but i don’t want her to die. i really don’t. i’ve never been this close with another living being in my whole life. sometimes i feel like she’s the only one who really understands me. i guess through her dog-sense or something. even though i can’t talk with her we get each other in a way i don’t really get other people or animals. and i don’t want that to end. but watching her chew through her bad leg breaks my heart and it breaks her heart. 

i know being with me makes her happy, but she won’t have me any more in a few weeks and i worry about what that will mean for her health regardless of the surgery. and being happy with someone doesn’t mean your body isn’t in agony.

i know... after she dies, i will have more relationships with more animals. even close ones. but they won’t be this relationship. i mean relationship in a general sense. like, just knowing someone and interacting with them sort of relationship. friendship would be the word but it doesn’t quite have the same dynamic as a friendship with another person. i don’t have a perfect word for it. bond, i guess.

i just love her so much and she’s going to die like a quarter of the way through my natural lifespan. that’s not fair.

it’s 12:30... i need to try to sleep. the pain’s not nearly bad enough for another painkiller. the bruising from my surgery i mean. emotions are weird. i don’t have a good thought to end this entry on. i’m just really sad.

[sunshineonamission-blog]

January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way. 

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder. 

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing. 

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it. 

So. Sounds like you like to make shit. 

Yeah. 

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can. 

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2. 

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript. 

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots. 

Keep the conversation going when I need to. 

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something. 

Kick ass in acting tomorrow. 

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go.  - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there.  Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment. 

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker. 

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

 I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment. 

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom. 

Made eggs. 

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning. 

I’m so glad he’s auditioning. 

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week. 

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad. 

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves. 

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not. 

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in) 

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana 

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together. 

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t. 

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today 

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep 

Goodnight

[haphazardstudy]

92 Questions Tag

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

I was tagged by the lovely lovely @seatudying and @colbystudies (and I feel like maybe someone else too? ahh sorry!), please follow them if you don’t already! 💛

I’m putting most of this under the cut because it’s SO LONG and also I feel like I always tag the same people in tag things so if you’re someone who likes to be tagged in things then please let me know so I can tag you!!!!! I don’t want to spam people who don’t want to be tagged!

Last: 1. Drink: teaaaaaa 2: Phone Call:  my mum, calling me to come get her and the dogs from the park because she didn’t want to walk the whole way home again 3. Text Message: my granny, asking if she needed anything from the shop lol 4. Song you listened to: teenage dream (glee cover bc EW katy perry) 5. Time you cried: I cry from laughing on a fairly regular basis tbh sooo yesterday, but if sad crying then I can’t remember tbh

Have you: 6. Dated someone twice: this implies I’ve even dated once lol 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: ahahahaa kissing... 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yeah 10. Been depressed: honestly not sure but I think so 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope, no drinking for me thank yoouuu

List 3 favourite colors: 12-14: warm yellow, light pink, teal

In the last year have you: 15. Made new friends: yes!!! 16. Fallen out of love: nopeeee gotta be in it to fall out 17. Laughed until you cried: oh definitely! see number 5 18. Found out someone was talking about you: not that I remember 19. Met someone who changed you: nah 20. Found out who your friends are: what ???? 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I’ve never kissed anyone lol sorry to disappoint

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except like 4 ppl I’m friends with and talk to loads but haven’t met irl 23. Do you have any pets: yep! 4 cats and 2 dogs 24. Do you want to change your name: eh, sometimes, because it’s so plain 25. What did you do for your last birthday: literally nothing wooo summer birthdays when everyone is busy/on holiday are just great 26. What time did you wake up: like 7:30 probably 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 28: Name something you can’t wait for: going to uni!!!! basically getting to start a new and independent life 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: about an hour ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d love to lose some weight but lol I’m so lazy and exercise is hard 31. What are you listening to right now: a clock ticking lol 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: nothing atm 34. Most visited websites: tumblr, youtube, twitter 35. Mole/s: I got plenty (really tho I have loads of moles) 36. Mark/s: the dark mark 37. Childhood dream: I don’t think I ever rly had one lol how sad (maybe to be a singer? that’s still my dream tbh tho) 38: Hair colour: dark brown 39: Long or short hair: longish ??? 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nopeee 41. What do you like about yourself: idk I have good morals? like I don’t even have the capacity to understand why someone would do or say something mean or cruel 42. Piercings: none! 43. Blood type: I actually have no idea 44. Nickname: one certain friend calls me softie, my dad calls me dufus or snowflake 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: leo 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: currently BBC Merlin 💛 49. Tattoos: not interested tbh I have a low pain tolerance and I’m indecisive so tattoos don’t sound like a good idea for me 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: no[e 52. Hair dyed in different color: no but I’ve thought about dying it like ginger or something lol 53. Sport: literally nothing how sad 55. Vacation: I’m going to London in August ye buddyyyyy 56. Pair of trainers: what ???? whatever idk

More general: 57. Eating: I’m not great at eating tbh like I have a small appetite generally BUT I could eat entire packets of biscuits and I rly want some cookies rn 58. Drinking: always water # don’t hate hydrate 59. I’m about to: answer the rest of these then GO TO SLEEP 61. Waiting for: my birthday wooooo 62. Want: books 63: Get married: I will eventually but not for a good few years yet I hope 64. Career: not sure tbh but I’ve thought about teaching physics

Which is better: 65: Hugs or kisses: HUGS ALWAYS. GET UR SLIMY KISSES AWAY FROM ME 66: Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: whatever 68. Older or younger: older ??? but like not much either way 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms probably idk 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive pls 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: who would even pick troublemaker? are you okay????

Have you ever: 74. Kissed a stranger: nope 75: Drank hard liquor: nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lost my glasses for like 5 mins one morning bc I woke up and couldn’t see that they’d fallen under my bed somehow 77. Turned someone down: does it count if we were like 8 lol 78. Sex on the first date: no dating so no 79. Broken someone’s heart: not that I know of 80. Had you heart broken: nope 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes ofc 83. Fallen for a friend: no

Do you believe in: 84. Yourself: I try to!!! 85. Miracles: yep 86. Love at first sight: ehhh probably not 87. Santa Claus: no :’( 88. Kiss on the first date: I mean, yeah, people can and do do this

Other: 90. Current best friend name: I have like 3 best friends leave me alone 91. Eye colour: blue/grey BUT I have some goldeny brown in one eye wooo 92. Favourite movie: GIFTED 💛  Chris Evans and McKenna Grace are my favourite people and I sobbed like a baby for most of the film

[ask-lee-twdg]

All the creepy asks!

Some real creepy questions, I will answer any

(under cut because it’s hella long!)

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Other than my parents, do you mean? I honestly don’t know. I thought I did, but no. I don’t know anymore.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Aged 19 (almost 20)? Uh, yeah?

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Yesterday playing Uncharted 4, and trying to get the Ghost in the Graveyard Achievement on Hard mode!

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I always try to, mood depending.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I’m not dating anyone so I doubt it. I don’t talk to either of my proper exes (by proper I mean girls I’ve been with longer than 3 months)

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Yep. 

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Completely unbuttoned Henley and brown chinos. Think Nathan Drake in Uncharted 4.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Literally ALL THE TIME.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans tbh. Unless it’s a gym day, because then SWEATS. 

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

2013? It didn’t. But by 2018? It already has.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

I like socializing once I’m drunk. Beforehand? HELL no.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Uh, I don’t think so? Unless I’ve been drunk or high and kissed someone.

13. What about ‘R’?

Nope. Unless you count kissing my friend Rob (R.I.P) on the cheek, and vice versa?

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

A manual? Yeah. I’ve just passed my Theory and I’m gonna go for my practical test in like a month hopefully!

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Unfortunately, yes.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Yes! June! I’m going to Edinburgh on June 3rd for the day!

17. When was the last time you cried?

Like 10 minutes ago? Funnily enough because of questions 6 and 8.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Yep. Meant it too.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Nah. Blue eyes rock, dude.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah, one of my best friends.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

It’s my friend’s Memoriam.

22. Is it cute when guys girls kiss you on your forehead?

idk I think so? I prefer cheek or lips though.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

pfft no. She’s straight as an arrow and I may as well be a monk by this point.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

My floor.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Nopety nope.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Ha. Ha ha. Yes.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Not counting my parents; @scarredbymonsters

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yepperty yeppers.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

H&M Kids

30. Does anyone hate you?

I feel like it. So probably?

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

Yeah. Which reminds me, I have to get rid of those.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

HELL yes.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

2016. It was a shitty year for a lot of reasons. Wish the fucking thing never happened.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Ha. Haha. No.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Other than family? Probably a few days ago. (also just letting you know again but @katana-wielding-michonne I love you!!!

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Had you asked me this in March last year I would have said yes without a doubt. But right now? Fuck no.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Don’t think so to be honest. 

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Pfft no.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

I think so. I can’t really remember what happened tbh.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Nope.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yeah, my friend Anna at the Gym tomorrow.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yep. They didn’t mean it.

44. What’s the best part about school?

That I’m not still in it? 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Yeah, loads. Don’t really look through them anymore tbh.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

I did when I was in school, yes.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Where do you think my anger flareups come from?

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Nope. Nor the summer before that.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Is it shit. It’s nothing like it was 2 years ago.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Nothing. 

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

No? I freaking adore the guy!

52. Are you nice to everyone?

I try to be, yes.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Heh, yeah. 

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t stand cheaters. I was in a LDR for 2 years and didn’t even think about fucking cheating once. Don’t reward a fish for swimming, dude. People shouldn’t cheat if they love the person they’re with as much as they say.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Heh, it’s my specialty.

56. Do you think you like someone?

I don’t know. Can’t be arsed with that crap to be honest. 

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

Middle name, yes.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Guys. Girls can be bitchy. But I’ve got a few close female friends, yes.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

I try to not cry in front of people to be honest. The last person of my friends to see me cry was my friend Emma at Christmas. Afterwards they turned into anger and poof; next morning i woke up in my ex’s bed.

60. Do you hate anyone?

Two people.

61. How’s your heart?

Physically? Better than ever. Emotionally? It’s scattered all over the place.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Heh, yeah. A lot of stuff I used to do. I wasn’t very nice for a long time; and my ex (from like 4 years ago) cheated on me and I got SO much worse. 

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

No. A girl? Yes.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

I have no idea.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

Please, I don’t like all that girly crap.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I don’t know. Probably, to be honest. Who knows what I’m doing when I’m drunk.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

No? If someone’s in a relationship with someone, then it physically pains them when the other person hurts. Seeing your boy/girlfriend cry should NOT be something you love.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Yeah, haha.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My dad. If not him then @katana-wielding-michonne!

70. How do you look right now?

Rough as fuck, to be honest.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

Not really. I don’t really let people know what’s going on up in my mind. Probably the closest is my friend Anna, though.

72. Can you commit to one person?

IDK I’ve done it before.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

My friend Connor.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

Ohh fuck yes. See; waking up with my ex on New Years.

75. Did you wake up cranky?

I wake up cranky every morning.

76. Are you a jealous person?

IDK, not normally; no. 

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

Used to think so. Now, I don’t really know.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Does myself count?

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Yep.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Driving Lesson. Hopefully my last proper one before my practical!

81. Last person you cried in front of?

My friend Emma at New Year.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Either my Nana, my friend Rob, My OTHER Nana, my neighbour Ann, My Granda... Do I need to go on?

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

What feelings?

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

I don’t know, to be honest. I’d be happy doing anything.

85. Are you over your past?

Heh, I don’t think I ever will be.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

VERY briefly, once. It was like a month.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Not really.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Unfortunately then I know I’d jump back in a heartbeat. So I hope she doesn’t.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

Beth? If she was desperate or she was like, in trouble then sure. If not I’d tell her to fuck off.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

haha yes.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

Shit no.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Haha yeah.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

Yeah.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

This January just gone? No. Last January? Yes.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

It’s March and I don’t like anyone.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

I guess?

97. Who do you have texts from?

My family and friends?

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Hide my shit like I always do and bite my tongue. They’re happy so I’ll get over it.

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Heh, yeah.

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

Just me.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

Nope. Only last November did I finally tough out some fireworks. That was after becoming a recluse for like, three days and my parents forcing me to the Bonfire night fireworks at my local beach.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Yeah.

[robin-pls]

1-104 !!!!!😈😈😈😈😈

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“Why the fuck are you in my bed gtfo kid”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re dating. I kind of love her a lot.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Depends on the drugs. If they were into like, Heroin, I’d probably break up with them.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

No. 5 letters.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

HELL YES OMG I’m so upset. I literally think about it all the time

7. What does your last received text say?

“I’m down”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

So many. Such many. 

9. Where was your last kiss at?

The Springfield Amtrak station

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

Over the summer, when I bought my laptop

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed????

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

Not at all.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Break up with Jae sooner.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Nah. We’d probably make out and fuck.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

My dad lol

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Pajama pants

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

I hope so

20. Does anyone like you?

A few people and I like a majority of them too.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Yep. At least one.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Bi.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

A TON HOLY SHIT

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

All the time. I’m really wishy washy tho

25. In the past week have you cried?

Nope! I don’t really cry that often.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Idk I’ll ask Dawn what breed her dog is in the morning

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

No

29. Do you think you’re old?

Nah, I’m 21

30. Do you like text messaging?

Hell yes text me fam.

31. What type of day are you having?

It’s pretty alright

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Not for me tbh. 

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

WARM

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Emily.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

Either are alright. I like both for different reasons.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Pretty simple IMO

37. What song are you listening to?

The Fall Out Boy cover of Ghostbusters

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Usually, tbh. I hate saying it and not meaning it.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Uh, not sure.40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

She’s really genuine and cares about things and that’s really rare to see these days.41. When did you last receive a text message?

1137pm42. What is wrong with you right now?

I’m frustrated with the stupidity of people.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Decently, but I wanna get to know her a lot better because I’m dating her.44. Does anyone disgust you?

My ex.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

A few people.46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Not at all lmao47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Uh…. I don’t remember. Probably Tim, because he’s the roommate I see a fair amount48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Blue! It has the superman symbol on it.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Yeah, but I just have to roll with it. When a door closes, a window opens.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Not rn. I’ve already given up on someone for this year and I hope I won’t have to give up on anyone else.51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

I don’t hate them, but I don’t want them in my life ever again.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

For months, but I finally had to.53. Do you like rain?

Yeah, rain’s pretty neat tbh.54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Not at all. Do you, fam.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Yeah. And it usually turns out that they like me too. Go figure.56. Do you like to cuddle?

Hell yeah. That shit’s bomb af.57. Are you shy?

Nooooooo58. Do you get along with girls?

Pretty well, tbh. A majority of my friends all my life have been girls.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Nah. I met him yesterday.60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Usually, my Slytherin necklace. But my girlfriend has it rn61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

H E L L Y E S

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again.63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

Yep. And I was still happy then.64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Very.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Not that I can think of.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

20, idk, and 23

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

Neither. I don’t give a shit about my nails, honestly.    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

Leopard.    ��69. Do you have any stickers on your car?  

That’d require having a care xd  70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? 

Lil Wayne   71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

iPhone72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Last Fall, when Austin and David took Jess, Meg and I to Garden of the Gods and then to Pizza Hut73. Do you like diet soda?

It tastes the same as regular soda (like ass) so nah, not really    74. What color are the walls in your room?    

White. I can’t paint them because I live in an apartment complex lel

75. Are you 16 or older? 

I’m 21, bb   76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

I doooo holy shit. Lucy Hale is my fucking wife. She’s GORGEOUS.77. Do you have a job?

I’m an IT Apprentice at Cyber World Services ayyyyy      

78. What are your initials?    

KLL

79. Did you ever have braces?    

Never baybee! 80. Are you from the south?    

Southern California, if that counts.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

“Emily: Call me on Skype so I can say goodnightAlso Emily: Stop talking to me about memesHow am I supposed to communicate if I can’t talk about memes?!”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Not anymore. I found out she cheated on me the entire time we were together so lata bitch.83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

I talk to my mom more but I like my dad better.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

Nope~85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

Beauty and the Beast with Kate. It was liiiiiit.86. Do you smoke?    

Weed, occasionally.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Flip flops! Heels look painful af88. Is your phone touch screen?  

I think all iPhones are.  89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

Curly? Whatever it does naturally. I don’t touch this shit     90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

I did it a TON in high school lmao91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

A pool tbh. Clean, regulated, still body of water for me to swim in.92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

Yeeeeeee.93. …Had sex in a car?    

Not yet. On my list tho.94. Are you single or in a relationship?   

I would like you to see all of my previous mentions of my girlfriend and ask me that again. 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? 

Probably playing video games.   96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

4th of July, probably.    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

I mean, it gets the job done.98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

I have! I actually really enjoyed it.99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

A few times lol. I’ve done some stupid shit.100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? 

YES IDK WHY I STILL HAVE THEM OMG   101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

Like, 4. I was really bad at one point tbh.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

I actually looked up her discography omg. Uh probably Tik Tok103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

None. But I’m black sooooo104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

I’d never wear cowboy boots or shorts that weren’t athletic shorts.