#literally what the fuck adam stein

[girlbossblackbeard]

i know we've all talked about how insane the "ed plays with the wedding cake toppers pretending they're him and stede" scene is but i don't think we've really comprehended how GENUINELY INSANE it is like??? edward teach, blackbeard, the kraken, the scourge of the seven seas, the most fearsome pirate the caribbean has ever known that has recently been on a non-stop slaughtering spree, painted a bride wedding cake topper to look like himself which he then scoots next to a wedding cake topper that looks like stede so ed can imagine that he's marrying him. this man carefully rubbed kohl on a cake topper to give it darker skin and darker hair and a BEARD. to make it look more like himself. so he could then. put it next to a cake topper that looked like stede. and pretend. they were getting married. i've written that 3 times now and my brain STILL refuses to fully process those sentences

[justmenoworries]

My unorganized thoughts about Hazbin finale because I am feeling all the feelings.

Positives

The songs? Absolute bangers. Both of them. The Chaggie "More Than Anything" reprise got spoiled for me but I still loved it. We stan a supportive couple ready to go to war together. The reprise for "Happy Day in Hell" at the end was a nice touch. Loved that it was Lucifer who picked up the slack to cheer up Charlie. Mans finally becoming the dad who stepped up.

The battle as a whole was awesome. Hot take, but if Adam didn't have the spawn infinite enemies cheat all bad guy armies seem to have in these situations, the Hotel definitely would've won.

I'll admit, I wasn't too jazzed about Sir Pentious replacing Mimzy in the main cast but he kind of redeemed (lol) himself for me this episode. Bro was both one of the funniest and most heartwarming characters in the finale get yourself a man who can do both. The unholy (lol) noises I made when he showed up as a redeemed soul in Heaven. Good for him! He deserves the best. Also I find Sera's and Emily's reactions to the reveal kind of interesting. Emily is overjoyed seeing that Charlie's idea works, but Sera looks... mortified? Disgusted? Kinda tells us which one of these two really deserves the title of Big Good. Side note, but it's kind of funny how the only physical change a redeemed sinner goes through is that their color scheme is now pastel instead of goth.

ADAM FUCKING DIED YESSIRRRRR! GOOD RIDDANCE BITCH NO ONE WILL MISS YOUUUU (Except for Lute, but no one gives a fuck about what Lute thinks, cry harder hoe)

Charlie's and Lucifer's true formssss! Razzle and Dazzle getting to be badassss! (R.I.P. Dazzle, hope you somehow end up in Heaven too)

Alastor Vs Adam. Cool fight, surprisingly not as one-sided as one might've thought. I mean, Alastor still lost but he lasted a lot longer than most of the others who fought against Adam (Poor Sir Pen)

Vaggie and Lute rematch, I fucking called ittttt!

Seeing everyone gear up and fight for the Hotel was cool, seeing so many Exorcists get axed off was cathartic as fuck.

Lute losing a part of her body because of Vaggie, just like she took a part of Vaggie's body was *chef's kiss*.

Lucifer Vs Adam and Lucifer just... not taking the fight seriously at all until Charlie almost gets hurt. He was really just toying with Adam for the entire first half and when he started getting serious Adam got trashed so fucking quick, I love it.

Charlie fucking shanking Adam and stopping his punch Just Like That. I lover her, she's such a badass. Sure wish we could've seen more of that (foreshadowinggg)

Vox acting as the greek chorus for the events of the episode works surprisingly well. Ngl I thought his constant commentary would get annoying really fast if they kept cutting away from the action just so he can say a funny. But no, they actually managed to time it pretty well. Props to Adam Stein (writer for this episode).

The Negatives (Yes, They Exist)

The other Vees did not need to be here. Seriously, we're starting off with Vox alone in his control room and we could've stayed there. Velvette and Valentino didn't even talk for the majority of the episode. And I'm not a fan of how Val continues to be played for comedy. Unfriendly reminder that this man is a r*pist and an abuser. If you needed a V for the funnies, Velvette and Vox are quite literally right there. (Can you believe Velvette had no lines this episode but fucking Val had both a speaking role and a not insignificant part of the ending song? Weak.) You can still have the ending scene of the Vees hanging out and planning after the aborted Extermination, literally nothing changes if you cut Val and Velvette from the cutaway gags.

Not a fan of how Lucifer stole the spotlight. "But you said you liked the Adam Vs Lucifer fight-" Yeah, I did. Doesn't change that this shouldn't have been Luci's fight, it should have been Charlie's. We've had hints this whole season that Charlie is actually way stronger and wrathful than anyone thinks and that she's actively working to keep up her cheerful and friendly persona. Her stabbing Adam with her trident was a nice start, but after Lute killed Dazzle and seriously endangered Vaggie, this should've been the moment Charlie decided "Alright that's it, no more Miss Nice Girl, I didn't want this to end in bloodshed but these assholes are going down." This should've been the moment where the gloves come off. How much more impactful would it be if Charlie was the one beating down Adam but stopping before killing him? If the show made it clear Charlie could murder this asshole, but she doesn't, because she's still better than he ever will be. What a way to show that Charlie truly does believe in the good in everyone or at least still believes in non-lethal solutions to the conflict between Heaven and Hell! But nope, Charlie gets two badass moments, then is banished to the side-lines and to the role of damsel Lucifer has to save and who has to be the metaphorical angel on Lucifer's shoulder who stops him from offing Adam (for some reason). If we needed to get Lucifer involved, maybe have him show up earlier to help the Hotel but get hurt somehow, forcing and motivating Charlie to step up as the future ruler of Hell. Speaking of-

Why the fuck was Lucifer so late to the fight??? Yeah yeah, I know, depressed shut-in, but in "More Than Anything" he literally calls Charlie "the only thing worth fighting for" in Hell. He knew the Extermination was coming. Yeah, maybe Charlie didn't tell him that the trial in Heaven went south and that Adam's Exorcists were going to target the Hazbin Hotel, but you'd think he'd have noticed something was up??? More importantly, if he really wanted to support Charlie's dream of saving the sinners in Hell, why didn't he take part in the battle from the start??? Why didn't Charlie ask him to fight alongside her??? Yeah, Charlie is reluctant to ask Lucifer for anything because they don't have the best relationship, but we've had an entire fucking episode of them growing closer and Lucifer assuring Charlie he'd help her. And this wasn't just a matter of pride, Charlie's friends and her girlfriend were in danger of getting killed, you're telling me she'd choose her own hang-up over all of them??? "But if Lucifer was there, the fight would've been over too quick-" refer to the previous point. Angels can be hurt and killed by angelic weaponry, there were like over a hundred Exorcists on that battlefield and don't tell me Adam would be above fighting dirty by attacking while Lucifer is distracted. There. Easy way to take Lucifer out of the fight and make way for Charlie.

Not a fan of how Cherri Bomb x Sir Pentious was bullrushed in this last episode. Yeah, we established Pentious likes her, but Cherri had like no interest in him until Angel commented he might have two dicks. Which, I guess her being after a purely physical relationship could work, but we all know that's not what Pentious wants. Their "romance" gives "He Was a Boy She Was a Girl" vibes. Like Velvette and Valentino, nothing in the episode would've been lost if that particular plot-line was dropped.

"The future of Hell belongs to the Vees" Yeah but does it though? Does it? Sorry, but I'm having a hard time taking these three seriously as a threat. Vox got effortlessly trounced by Alastor (and contrary to what the Vees believe he isn't missing, he came back), Velvette talked a big game about fighting the Exorcists but then did absolutely nothing and Val would eat dirt so fast against anyone who can actually fight back. Plus "Overlords hanging by a thread"? Which Overlords, exactly? Alastor? He's not dead and like previously stated, he's not 'missing'. Rosie, Carmilla, Zestial and the rest of the Overlords are just fine, the Extermination was centered around the Hazbin Hotel this time, no other turf even got scratched. "Nature abhors a power vacuum" What power vacuum? Again, no Overlords even died! No territory outside the hotel was destroyed! Are they just on a high from Alastor's supposed disappearance? I hope that's it, because otherwise damn, you three fucking suck at being Overlords.

[angrypedestrian]

THE TIME IDIOTS EPISODE 704 TITLED “Cirque du Stupid” MY THOUGHTS:

Not gonna lie I originally wrote that out as episode 503, just to show you where my brain is at currently

Anyways rip isn’t here jax isn’t here stein isn’t here snart isn’t here what’s the GODDAMN point

welcome back to dc’s legends of tomorrow during the last episode these bullet blondes were having an orgy

obvs the tarazis take turns with a strict schedule and sensory deprivation technology

KILL THE RACIST MAN ZARI

KILL HIM WITH YOUR WIND POWERS LIKE ZARI 1.0 DID BY TAKING THE AIR OUT OF THEIR LUNGS

an aside, behrad looking great in that hat

i realize i have not given out a Neal McDonough Memorial Can Get It Award yet this season!! A grave error and travesty on my part

Yeah it just goes to Shayan

also, these wigs? for legends standards? not as bad as they normally are!

well done costume department

these idiots are truly the dumbest people alive

speaking of idiots, the astra/spooner/gideon triangle rises again!!

i’m pretty sure this lady on the train is adam’s girlfriend? if i’m right, good for him!! she seems great and he seems like a very supportive partner and their dog is real cute

lol where is nic bishop did he get another job and can’t play every guest character this season?

i do not like this credit sequence any better than the last two year’s, it’s just a different kind of bad

the gang makes bath tub gin and kills all of Chicago

is jared padalecki singlehandedly funding walker? that can be the only way it has gotten a second season

gideon i love you

gideon learning that her knowledge just makes her come across as gay

which....yep all tracks

aw i’m glad behrad gets to have a good time jamming

zari i know you are grieving, but please fuck this man, i think everyone would be into it

once again, why does olivia need to do an american accent. there is literally no reason

haHA PHIL SPECTOR IS ROTTING IN HELL AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT

this money cgi....peak of technology....effervescent

actually i take it back, the Memorial Award goes to Shayan’s hair

...and also eddie and zari’s sexual chemistry

eddie no!!!!!

one of you blonde ladies be fucking useful!!!

ONE OF YOU BLONDE LADIES BE FUCKING USEFUL

what do you mean BUT HOW sara FIGURE IT OUT YOU FUCKED IT UP

KILL THEM ZARI

mushroom john from the afterlife being like do NOT fuck this man IN MY HOUSE

zari: i do what i want you’re dead mushroom man and we were never exclusive

john: yeah fair...can i watch

zari:...maybe

we’re putting on a show everyone!!!! everyone loves a show!!!

yeah that’s right ladies zari is going to make you be USEFUL

this man’s underbite is how you know he is a Bad Man

KILL HIM ASTRA

EVERYONE KILL THE MEN

astra take that jaunty beret and shove it down that man’s throat

zari does not need your affirmation gary

i am uncomfortable with nate and gary openly discussing being bottoms like this

this time i mean it i am fucking suing for emotional damages

warner brothers rearming those snipers as we speak

but also drag his ass gary

adam’s girlfriend already quarantined and is living in Vancouver bring her on the ship and make her a regular! the more the merrier!!

GALS and PALS

what’s better than this just gals being pals

hell yeah get every penny’s worth of the million dollars you’re paying amy an episode

you are paying her a million dollars an episode right?

RIGHT????

yeah of course she knows the fucking words spooner she knows everything she’s a fucking AI supercomputer from the FUTURE

she knows the whole timeline!!!!! that was like....a whole thing very recently for you all

zari you look great girl!! eddie doesn’t care!! he still wants to bang you!!

i do like that they’re really making jes and caity earn their salaries this year lol

where’s p!nk i know y’all could’ve gotten her if you tried

KILL HIM GIDEON

question did this man already have this stupid haircut or did phil make him get it. they seem equally likely

gar bear being here to talk means he is also a willing hole, and that’s beautiful

MY GIRL

It’s zari!!!!!!!!!!

YAYYYYYYYYY

Next week: ZARI FUCKING TOMAZ also yay we finally get to see matt again!

[big-bad-ulf]

Untethered || Ulfric & Luce

Location: Dell’s Tavern

Timing: Before the last full moon

Tagging: @big-bad-ulf and @divineluce

Content: Family death mentions, thoughts/discussion of self-harming behaviors, alcohol abuse

Description: Ulfric and Luce lower their guard after a night of drinking and have a more successful heart-to-heart about their respective losses. If swearing loyalty to each other’s revenge plots can be considered a ‘success’

Grabbing the next round of beers from the bar, Luce walked back to the high top table she and Ulf were sitting at in the corner of Dell’s. The noise of the tavern was a comforting sound to her-- the roar of sports games playing on the screens in lieu of a band playing music. Balancing the two large steins of beer in her hands, Luce slid one across the table to Ulf and took her seat across from him. Lifting the large glass up in his direction, she gave him a slightly unsteady grin She’d matched him drink for drink which would have been fine… if he wasn’t a beast of a man. In a literal sense. Werewolf metabolism had to do something for processing alcohol. Whereas she was decidedly neither of those things. Taking a long drink from her glass, she nodded a bit more emphatically than she normally would, “When you’re right, you’re right. This German stuff is pretty fucking good.” Setting the glass back down, she idly pressed the back of her forearm against the glass, pressing one of her bruises to the cold surface.

Walking into Dell's this time had felt disconcerting, the place familiar yet slightly foreign after his prolonged absence. While both Bennets and Layla had resided under his roof Ulfric had always needed to be on watch, always needed a clear head. Now that threat was gone and there was no one waiting up for him, so he was free to unwind, the buzz of activity and alcohol keeping him from dwelling for too long on how that change in situation came to pass. "Those American light beers have no taste, they practically go down like water." Ulfric insisted as he took a long drink from the stein Luce place in front of him, repeating the argument he'd made several times throughout the night with increasing conviction as the beverages kicked in. "That's new, since I saw you last," He mentioned, casting a glance down at the bruised arm she pressed against the glass, the observation that he'd usually keep to himself finding its way out past his lowered inhibitions. "Did sword training get a little hands on?" He continued, providing a half-hearted out as an apology for stepping slightly over the line they'd drawn regarding talking about each other's personal bullshit. "I wouldn't have thought that would be allowed. Doesn't it defeat the purpose of, well, swords?" 

“Yeah, yeah, American beer sucks, Budlight is basically pisswater, Coors may as well be La Croix of beer.” Luce said before drinking deeply from her mug, letting the cold carbonation rush down her throat. The bar around her was just a little fuzzy at the edges, which was just how she wanted it. Made things easier, to see it through a filter like this. And there was no better filter than a beer or four. Glancing down at her bruised forearm, as though she didn’t realize what he was talking about, Luce shrugged. Adam had fucked her up. Granted, she knew he’d been holding back-- Hunter strength and all that jazz. If he had wanted to, he could have broken her arm, broken her ribs without even trying. But, even with the pulled punches, she was still sore and bruised all over. Which was exactly what she wanted. “Nah, me and a dude beat the shit out of each other in the woods.” She said, the truth slipping out easily over the rim of her stein. “No swords involved, otherwise I probably would be really fucked up.” She said with a laugh. Training swords, even synthetic training blades, were still weapons. Still dangerous. Still very capable of knocking out teeth and breaking bone. It was a good fucking thing they’d stuck to hand to hand.

“Yes, it’s all fun and games until someone gets stabbed, I suppose.” Ulfric tried to match her laugh, to restore the bubble of alcohol-infused levity that had previously surrounded them, but it was a little strangled and forced. Somehow he seemed to have crossed the threshold between contentedly tipsy and sad, wallowing drunk, creeping over the line between the two without realizing it. Though in fairness to himself, with the way his vision was slightly blurring it would’ve been difficult to see it. “That sounds like the sort of thing I would do, the woods part, especially,” The werewolf conceded, he could hardly just her for brawling, but it just didn’t fit her style. With her powers, as he understood them, no one should’ve been able get near her, at least without risking a fiery retaliation. Which meant something was wrong, or she’d let herself get hurt, which was even more wrong. “I don’t get why you let this guy touch you without inflicting severe burn damage to his balls. It just doesn’t seem like you, Luce.” He found himself voicing his thoughts aloud, before sighing and running an agitated hand through his hair once he realized what he has said, how he’d skirted their rules again. “Faen, sorry… I know I promised, but it’s not funny for me to see or think about you being in pain.”

“I dunno, a good stabbing makes it all the more fun.” Luce said with a wry grin, not noticing the forced tone that her boss’ voice had taken on. With another large gulp of beer, she looked at her stein for a moment-- fuck, how was it already half empty? Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Luce focused on her boss as the world began to tip pleasantly from side to side. Or maybe her head was wobbling? Uncertain. “It was a good time.” She replied, though the smile that had remained on her face slipped slightly as Ulfric spoke again. A lump formed in the back of her throat at his words and she stared at the rim of her glass for a moment. The thought of her being in pain? It… fuck, it sounded melodramatic even in her head but… ever since Bea had died, her life had been nothing but fucking pain. The worst kind of pain. The pain of the soul, the pain of losing someone who she had spent much of her life relying on. It was the sort of pain that came with agonizing numbness that she would do anything to get rid of. Including fighting Adam in the woods. For a brief moment, Luce contemplated telling Ulfric to fuck off. To mind his own business, that she had this under control. But did she? Was any of this “under control?” Swallowing, Luce looked at him, “Sometimes hurting feels better than not feeling at all. It helps to feel a different kind of pain.” One I deserve. 

Ulfric had fully expected a rebuff, so when Luce didn’t dodge the question he was thrown off-kilter. The sensation reminded him of when his parents had first been teaching him how to track and he’d misjudged his footing, expecting solid ground but suddenly finding himself falling. As it was then, this was unknown territory he found himself in, and he’d be wise to tread carefully. But both ‘wisdom’ and ‘caution’ were concepts that had become unappealing and difficult to comprehend several drinks ago. “If you truly felt nothing underneath all this, you wouldn’t have to work so hard to cover it up.” He countered bluntly instead. “And what is that work getting you? Bottle things up and the best-case scenario is they stay trapped that way, and things stay the way they are.” He took a long swig of his beer and contemplated the container it came in as he spoke, as if some deep truth lay within it. “More likely they spill out when you don’t want them to, or explode, and you’ve got a predisposition towards the more fiery outcome.” The image of the cup of coffee boiling over in her hand flashed through his mind, an inopportune and involuntary manifestation of the power she kept inside. He could relate to that, even if he didn’t understand the nuances of how her magic worked. “It… can help to let whatever you’re feeling flow through you on your own terms,” he found himself offering her the advice he’d often given less experienced werewolves intent on repressing their more primal impulses. “Though I’d expect yours would be different to mine.” She couldn’t rely on the moon to help her through releasing whatever negative energies were eating her up inside, but she could rely on his support, if she wanted it. 

Taking another long drink from her glass, Luce mulled over his words. Part of her wanted to lash out at him-- what did he know about her pain? What did he know about how she felt? How could he even think to understand what she was going though? But, that was just the thing, she realized. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what was happening. All he knew was that she’d been… fucked up. Had been acting out, hadn’t been showing up to work, or had been throwing herself into things harder than she should have. All he knew was that she was spiralling. Fuck. Letting out a sigh, she set the glass down, the alcohol and mixed emotions churning in her stomach. She didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want to make her burdens his. She didn’t want to show this side of weakness to him. But, another side of Luce wanted to tell him everything. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could do this. How much longer could she hold onto the burden of her sister’s death, the responsibility of her resurrection, the fear and self-doubt that threatened to bring her to her knees. “I…” Luce took in a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah, it might.” She said, digging her fingers into her arm, pressing hard into the floral designs etched into her skin. “Someone killed my sister. Bea.” Saying the words out loud, it felt just like it had the night she’d told Remmy what had happened. A tidal wave of emotion, guilt, sadness, anger, but most of all pain-- it all rushed over her. Luce gripped her fingers tighter, her shoulders tensing. “They were hunting Nell, but Bea… sacrificed herself. Saved her.” And she’d done nothing.

Luce’s confession brought Ulfric back to that night outside the trailer when Ari had returned to finally speak the words out loud and make them real; My sister is dead. His stomach plummeted, and he was briefly overcome by the impulse to find some kind of blanket to wrap her up in like he had the young wolf, despite how pointless that was when she could generate her own warmth. “What is it about sisters and self-sacrifice?” He found himself mumbling into his hands, leaning forward with his elbows braced against the table under the weight of the news. He hadn’t meant to say that, but a confession of his own in return for hers seemed fair. “Ariana’s sister is dead too, for similarly noble, bullshit reasons.” And his own sister was dead for completely arbitrary, bullshit reasons but that was beside the point. “Not that I’m trying to pit your grief against mine. Yours would kick mine’s sorry ass.” He explained. “I just want you to know I have some experience to back me up when I say that I’m sure… Bea was a good person, and the last she would want is to see any of her sisters hurt. Inflict that pain on the world if you need to. Throw something, light something on fire, tell me to get fucked in some creative way,” He suggested, searching for human substitutes for the innate mechanism of releasing pent up negativity that he’d been born with. Luckily, he was fairly certain he could smooth over anything she did short of burning the whole bar down with a sizable tip. “We can even go out back and I’ll let you get a few swings in. I doubt I’d feel it much right now, anyway. Just don’t direct this back on yourself, energy can’t escape a closed circuit like that.” 

“Sisters. We’ll fight and bicker like hell, but someone comes for one of us… We’ll go to the ends of the earth to hunt them down.” Luce said quietly, her finger tracing one of the flower petals on her arm, staring at one of the snakes nestled among the flowers. Her mother. Her father. Neither of them knew. They were half a world away, none the wiser to what had happened to their favorite daughter. None the wiser to what their remaining daughters were sacrificing to bring her back. At Ulfric’s next words, Luce felt her stomach lurch. Ariana’s sister-- “Celeste?” She asked, aghast, staring at him. No. No, no, no. She hadn’t messaged the other woman, hadn’t heard from her in weeks. She thought maybe she’d read the signs wrong, that she’d just been a little too pushy, that Celeste was ghosting her. It had happened for. Plenty of women had done it to her. She had never thought that she was dead. “Fuck. Fuck.” Luce said her voice cracking as her jaw clenched. “I… I’m sorry.” She said thickly, sucking in a deep breath to try and keep from crying. Waving a hand, Luce lifted her glass and drained the rest of the beer from the stein. “Don’t. Don’t say that. I’ve already tried that. Tried to kill some monsters. Killed a couple. Scared a few people. Burned down the woods. Didn’t matter. It all just felt… like shit. Nothing helped. Nothing’s helped.” Luce whispered, staring down at the tabletop, unable to meet his eyes.

Despite his dampened senses, it was obvious to Ulfric that Luce was close to tears, but he managed to keep from commenting on it despite his lowered impulse control. As close as they were, she’d never broken down in front of him, and he didn’t want to scare or shame her into restraining her emotions again by acknowledging it. “Alright, I get it, nothing’s helped.” He eventually accepted her response, rising from the booth to head toward the bar. When he sank back into his seat a few minutes later with freshly refilled steins he sighed and picked up where he left off. “Time’s supposed to, right? Let’s just pass the time then.” He nudged the glass towards her and raised his own in a tentative toast. “To sisters?”

When the man stood up to get more drinks, Luce buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking slightly as she held back tears. Bea. Celeste. What the fuck. What the fuck. Why were the women around her dying? Who else would be next? And there was nothing that she could do for Celeste. Or for Ariana. Ariana-- fuck. She was just a kid. 18, but a kid. And she’d just lost her sister. Christ. Rubbing her face, Luce did her best to school her expression back to one of relative calm. The pain was still clear on her face, but the increased swaying of the room around them helped ease it away. “To sisters… avenging sisters.” She said, tapping her glass against his before drinking deeply, letting the alcohol wash over her. If she drank enough, maybe then she could just… forget this fresh, brutal news. “You… You said time’s supposed to help.” Luce said, echoing his words, her words running together as she stared at him with bleary eyes. “Did it? When you, when you lost your siblings. Did time help?”

“Did what?” Ulfric asked, her words becoming harder to decipher as they blurred together. “Oh, ...right.” He continued, recognition coming over him slowly. He was surprised she’d remembered. He only mentioned them in passing to explain why he didn’t get many visitors. ‘I’m the middle child of five, but my two older siblings are busy taking care of the family business back home, and the younger ones passed away a long time ago.’ An ocean of time, bigger than the ocean he’d crossed to get where he was now. Had it helped? “It helped somewhat,” He answered softly, after another steadying mouthful of ale. “Not as much as vengeance,” He added honestly, before reclining back into his chair to survey the bustling bar around them. “But I doubt you’ll find much of that at Dell’s. Time and company will have to do for now.” 

“Somewhat.” Luce nodded, taking another large gulp of beer. The bar was spinning around her, her emotions hanging by a thread. But, she kept them at bay as best she could. She focused on Ulfric, focused on his words. On the fact that he knew her pain. He’d felt the fresh sting of losing siblings at one time, even if it had been years ago. But… Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Luce glanced around at Dell’s. No one was around, no one near at least. And it was loud enough that no one would be able to tell who’d said anything, even if they had werewolf ears like Ulf. “Not here in Dell’s. But, vengeance…” She let out a dry chuckle. “Sisters. You don’t fuck with them.” She said, her eyes dull as she leaned back into her chair. Her hand tapped against the top of their table, small sparks of blue flame drifting from her fingertips. “Sisters, they’ll chase you to hell and back again.” 

At Luce’s glance around the room, Ulfric vaguely remembered that he wasn't supposed to talk of things like vengeance around mundane company. He generally tried to keep from alluding to things he’d done in the past at all, but he found at that moment the only person whose judgment he feared was hers, and that didn’t come. The acceptance he felt instead was like another layer of intoxication. None of the bar patrons seemed to be listening to them, likely because many of them had come to the bar with the goal of forgetting the things they’d seen and heard that they couldn’t or didn’t want to explain and weren’t looking to add to their burdens. Still, for her sake, he leaned in closer and kept his voice low as he nodded ��Sisters can be formidable creatures.” The flames that sparked from her hand were uncomfortably warm in such close proximity to his, but he didn’t back away from them. “I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of one on the path to retribution.” He searched her eyes for some hint of what she was thinking, planning before deciding it didn’t matter. He already knew if she asked for his help with this he’d agree, details be damned. He wouldn’t be able to back down from the chance to help another sister, to do it better this time. “I’d stand by your side though,” The werewolf assured her, doing his best to keep her steady in his vision, to imprint the promise in his mind even after his sobriety returned. “If you needed me to.” 

Locking eyes with Ulfric, Luce watched the way he leaned in. “Yeah. Yeah, they can be.” She said, smothering the flames with her palm, choking the blue flames out. She could feel the heat against her palm, but like all fire, it didn't burn. A part of her wondered what it would feel like, to burn like that. But, it never happened. The flames didn’t bite against her skin, they never went against her. At his words, she took another long sip of beer as she mulled over his offer. “Thanks, Ulf. But… I’ve got it covered.” She said, a smile curling on her lips, cold and cruel. “The motherfucker who did this, he’s going to wish he’d never even thought about coming after my family.” August. She’d held him in her hands, threatened to melt the skin from his face, had come so close to killing him… Next time, she wouldn’t hold back. Next time, he would know just how badly he’d fucked up by setting that hunter on her family. Luce let out a long sigh, she looked at him. “Same goes for you. With… Ariana’s situation. If you need help, if she needs help-- just say the word. I’ll do whatever I can to help. No one should lose a sister.” No one should feel the pain she did.

“I don’t doubt it, on both counts,” Ulfric told her, picking up on the determination in her tone, but not the iciness that might have given him pause if he had a clearer head. “You’ve got a deal.” He tapped his knuckles against her shoulder lightly in lieu of shaking her hand that had only recently stopped sparking, before tipping his glass to her and drinking deep to seal the new arrangement. Sinking bonelessly back into his seat he hummed, mulling over their conversation and the unexpected turns it had taken. “Hmm, all this talk of revenge makes me feel…” He searched his addled brain for a way to describe the sense of unfulfilled emptiness that had settled into his gut. “Hungry. Buffalo wings? Yes, buffalo wings.” He asked and answered his own question without pausing for breath, certain that was the solution. “I’m buying.”

[bisexualstever0gers]

“I CAN’T RANT ABOUT THIS ON TWITTER BECAUSE I ALREADY DID TODAY AND ALSO CHARACTER LIMITS so here I am sacrificing my ~chill~ vibe on tumblr to my politics-crazed twitter persona get ready folks

no seriously don’t click read more unless you want to see me channel all my anger about Trumpcare and tomorrow’s possible EO into one human male

So I live in Pennsylvania. A state that everyone expected to go blue with no issue in 2016. Leading up to the election, I had several conversations with friends who planned on voting third party - mainly I was like “what the fuck are you doing this is how Trump could get elected.” They were all adamant that Hillary and Trump were equally as horrible. They also cited “checks and balances” and “the Constitution,” two things we have now thrown out the window 100 days into this hell-administration.

On November 7, this guy I knew I could never reason with posted on Facebook about why he was voting for Jill Stein. (I mean come the fuck on. I am so so tired.) In his defense, he said, “Yes, it’s true that Stein or Johnson won’t win at all.” Not at all. Not at fucking all. So he acknowledged that he was throwing away his vote, which - I mean, at least he’s hanging onto reality by one thread?

But then he started saying shit like, “ Now a lot of people assume that if either gets elected, they'll tear the nation apart and destroy the world as we speak. Even if we exclude the fact that America has gone through a battle for independence, a giant civil war, two world wars, a nuclear war with Russia that lasted for decades, and a terrorist attack on our ground, and we've always come out on top, the usage of checks and balances is already guaranteed to make sure that the president doesn't abuse his or her power.”

what the literal fuck? this is insane. “it’s okay if we have another war because we’ll come out on top in the end.” the absolute privilege that’s gone into this statement is mind-boggling.

In October he shared an article (from the Odyssey) called “Why Millennials Hate Hillary Clinton.” Hint: the answer wasn’t sexism.

he started ranting about Hillary’s support of Islam, and said “speaking as a bi-leaning-gay man” that he couldn’t vote for Hillary because of Islam’s treatment of gays.

ANYWAY I know I’m just channeling my frustration, anger, and fear into this one particular guy who voted third party in PA and is just one of many people I know who did the same. and now he’s not really doing shit to help. but *sips tea* that’s none of my business. we all know the real reason he didn’t vote for her.

[shuabert]

Top 50 Albums of 2016

Despite all the ways 2016 was terrible (Brexit, the Syrian humanitarian crisis, extremist violence worldwide, Donald Trump, the deaths of so many of our heroes), one area where 2016 was a success was in terms of the quality of music released. Many of this year’s best albums were a direct response to the state of the world, some angry, some resolved, and some comforting. And others just allowed us to tune it all out and get lost in the sounds. Here is my 2016 year in review. 

Best Soundtrack/Score: Stranger Things Soundtrack (Kyle Dixon and Michael Stein)

Best Soundtrack/Compilation: Jack White - Acoustic Recordings: 1998-2016 (runner up goes to Carly Rae Jepsen for Emotion Side B, which is catchier than any b-sides record should be)

Best Live Album: (It was probably that massive Kate Bush box set, but I didn’t listen to that yet, so let’s go with...) Lissie - Live at Union Chapel

Best EP: Dan Mangan - Unmake

Worst Comeback Attempt: Blink-182 - California

The Carly Rae Jepsen Emotion Award for Most Bangers for your Buck: The Weeknd - Starboy (runners up: Kaytranada - 99.9% and Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman)

And, my top 50 albums of the year (out of the 134 I listened to)

50 - 41

50. Savages - Adore Life 49. Sarah Neufeld - The Ridge 48. Loretta Lynn – Full Circle 47. Låpsley - Long Way Home 46. Kendrick Lamar – Untitled.Unmastered 45. Crystal Castles - Amnesty (I) 44. Car Seat Headrest – Teens of Denial 43. James Blake - The Colour in Anything 42. Swans - The Glowing Man 41. Swet Shop Boys - Cashmere

40 - 31

40. Mitski – Puberty 2 39. Laser - Night Driver 38. PJ Harvey - The Hope Six Demolition Project 37. River Tiber - Indigo 36. Dolly Parton - Pure & Simple 35. Jessy Lanza - Oh No 34. Drake – VIEWS 33. Angel Olsen – My Woman 32. Gord Downie -  Secret Path 31. Andy Shauf -  The Party

30 - 21

30. Santigold - 99¢ 29. Wintersleep -  The Great Detachment 28. Michael Kiwanuka -  Love & Hate 27. Majid Jordan - Majid Jordan 26. Blood Orange – Freetown Sound 25. Rihanna - Anti 24. Danny Brown -  Atrocity Exhibition 23. Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool 22. Lissie - My Wild West 21. Alicia Keys - Here

20 - 11

20. Run the Jewels – Run the Jewels 3 19. Pup - The Dream Is Over 18. Case/Lang/Viers - Case/Lang/Viers  17. Kanye West - The Life of Pablo 16. Kaytranada - 99.9% 15. Hannah Georgas - For Evelyn 14. A Tribe Called Red - We Are the Halluci Nation 13. Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Skeleton Tree 12. Solange - A Seat at the Table 11. The Weeknd - Starboy

10 - 01

10. Anohni – Hopelessness

“I wanna burn the sky, I wanna burn the breeze / I wanna see the animals die in the trees / Ooh, let’s go, let’s go, it’s only four degrees”

Lines like “Let me be the one…you choose from above,” sound painfully romantic until they come in a song about drone warfare. And that’s only one example of the way Anohni’s Hopelessness blends the beautiful and the horrific. The album reads as the love letter to state-sanctioned violence (geopolitical, environmental, physical) that most of us won’t admit we’re living. Ahnohni’s dizzy croons over blissful electronics are more beautiful than something called “Hopelessness” has any right to be. 

09. A Tribe Called Quest - We Got It from Here... Thank You 4 Your Service

“You bastards overlooking street art / Better yet, street smarts, but you keep us off the charts / So motherfuck your numbers and your statisticians / Fuck y’all know about true competition?”

This never-expected final album from ATCQ exemplifies the phrase, “rolling in their graves,” like a legend resurrected (literally, in the case of Phife Dawg, who appears here posthumously) by a dark present. Making explicit reference to the campaign rhetoric of Donald Trump (even going as far as to sample the Oompa Loompa song from Willy Wonka), the album was timed as a middle finger to a candidate expected to lose. That he won makes it is a necessary balm to the political lesions of the next term. Effortless and full of life, We Got It… shows a group that feels like they never left at all. Legends never die.  

08. Leonard Cohen -  You Want It Darker

“I heard the snake was baffled by his sin / He shed his scales to find the snake within / But born again is born without a skin / The poison enters into everything”

The opening title track on Leonard Cohen’s final album feels prescient, a potent exploration of God and death from a poet who saw both on the horizon. “Hineni, Hineni, I’m ready my Lord,” he sings wearily, but it feels ambivalent. Shit, who wouldn’t be? The instrumentations from Cohen’s son Adam act as a guide for Cohen’s minimalist vocals, here at their most powerful and tired. The blending of romance and religion, the physical and the spiritual are classic Cohen. “I’m leaving the table / I’m out of the game” he says on “Leaving the Table.” You can’t help imagine him tip that iconic fedora with a subtle grin on the way out. You Want It Darker is a stellar album to cap off an unassailable legacy. 

07. Thrice - To Be Everywhere Is to be Nowhere 

“Would you stay with me / if you thought the war was over / and everything made right? / Would you still believe in us? / And would your love for me grow colder / with no one left to fight?”

Thrice’s first album in five years after announcing an indefinite hiatus in 2012 couldn’t have come at a better time. Steeped in politics and apocalyptic imagery, TBEITBN recalls some of the band’s best work while sounding like a perfect encapsulation of the tumult and fear of the past 18 months. With songs about drone bombing, whistleblowing, and foreign policy, this is an album wholly concerned with the state of geopolitics today, though not without its songs of love and hope, however tenuous. It is a blues-rock-meets-post-hardcore manifesto exploring reluctant complicity in state-sanctioned terror, abuse of power, and the fear of self-destruction. All of this with the tight creative energy of a band of best friends who have played together for almost two decades. 

06. David Bowie - Blackstar

“Just like that bluebird / oh, I’ll be free / Ain’t that just like me?”

It is difficult to separate Blackstar from David Bowie’s death, because the album was calibrated and timed so much to be a part of it, a final confrontation to mortality and the legacy of fame. For the first few days it almost felt like his alleged death might be part of some grand performance art piece — that’s so Bowie. A year later Blackstar feels, as it should, like a David Bowie album, full of cryptic imagery, bewildering lyrics, inspired musical flourishes, and emotional resonance. “Blackstar” is the best Radiohead song of the year, jazz inflections and unexpected absurdist turns of lyrical phrase demand repeated, concentrated listening, and the haunting “Lazarus” perfectly  denotes the way in which Bowie’s consistent reinvention has made him an artist outside of time and beyond death. “Everybody knows me now,” he sings on Lazarus. And they always will. 

05. White Lung - Paradise

“I’ve got a basic need / Kiss me when I bleed / They say I split my pride in two / when I became a bride for you / But what do they know?” 

 As deliriously melodic and powerful a punk rock racket as you’ll ever find, Paradise finds Vancouver’s White Lung sharpening their skills and their teeth. Mish Barber-Way’s vocals are more refined but no less sneeringly powerful as she spits over meticulously-arranged and elegantly-produced instrumentations that average under 3 minutes in length. Clocking in at 28 minutes, “Paradise” is the tightest and most purposeful rock record of the year, which is impressive considering how deeply the record explores the body horror inherent in being a woman in a patriarchal society. 

04. Frank Ocean - Blonde

“You showed me love / Glory from above / Regard, my dear / it’s all downhill from here.” 

 Frank Ocean’s long-anticipated follow up to Channel Orange is a challenging first listen, less immediate and more thoughtful than its predecessor. “RIP Trayvon. That nigga look just like me,” Ocean sings on the album opener “Nikes,” a disarmingly down-tempo number whose bittersweetness creeps up and sets the tone for a contemplative and deeply personal album of tonal lethargy and spare instrumentations. References to “pink and white” skies and “black and yellow” streets are prescriptive: this is an album for the fading days of summer, the fading hours of the day, when a twilight drive brings pains of nostalgia and regret to light. 

03. Beyonce - Lemonade

“They say true love’s the greatest weapon / to win the war caused by pain / But every diamond has imperfections / But my love’s too pure to watch it chip away”

Lemonade is the stuff of great drama, a kitchen sink story by way of an epic as it spins out a relationship story without a neat conclusion. It is a master-work of rage and heartbreak and, ultimately, hope, blind as it may be. But that pain is more alive for how Lemonade makes the personal political. This is about more than just Beyoncé and Jay Z, it is about fathers making their daughters tough and setting them up to be betrayed by men just like them. It is about survival and resilience in a world that doesn't care about you. It is a testament to the vision and production that Lemonade mines so many disparate genres (pop, blues, country, r&b, reggae) yet feels so cohesive. Beyoncé was a career milestone, a pop album about the thrills and joy of marriage, but Lemonade is transcendent, a genre-defying album about betrayal and the challenges of marriage as a metaphor for the ways relationships of all kinds destroy and sustain us. 

02. Tanya Tagaq - Retribution

“Sacrifice / Our blood goes back into the earth / In. Out. Womb. Core.” 

 If Mother Earth groaned in pain on Tanya Tagaq’s 2014 album, Animism, then she delights in the destruction of humanity on Retribution, an album that finds the Inuk throat singer croon with a trickster’s smirk that “Gaia likes it cold.” Here, at her most metal, she asserts that “the retribution will be swift” if humanity continues down a path of ecological devastation. Her most sonically-diverse album in vocal and collaborative terms (featuring producer Jesse Zubot’s haunting strings, Christine Duncan and the Element Choir, a cover of Nirvana’s “Rape Me” and a collaboration with rapper Shad), Retribution is a career milestone and the most stunning work of Indigenous art of the year. 

01. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

“I don’t make songs for free, I make ‘em for freedom.”

Coloring Book plays like the kind of album that could only have been written by someone experiencing the life-changing miracle of childbirth for the first time. Gospel choirs and horns back an album of ebullient joy that in sound and title suggests a blank space full of possibility. The religious fervor of Chance’s unabashed positivity was just what we needed in 2016. Chance’s desire to “give Satan a swirlie” reminded us not to take ourselves too seriously while fighting evil, and “All Night” might be the year’s hardest banger this side of Drake’s “One Dance.” Coloring Book was like a big hug in the face of a cruel year, an invitation for us all to be with family, to remember the good times and to help one another through the bad. By the time the album closes with the refrain “are you ready for your blessings; are you ready for your miracle?” it feels like both a challenge and a plea. Bring on 2017.