#literally the first. I don't know how long. time is a blur. 6 months of his life

[sergle]

side note but it's so funny looking through Hugo's puppy pics, and seeing exactly how trained he was by whether or not he has his houseline on.

[lovelypham]

EYES DON'T LIE

ʬʬ prompt:where you were invited to your best friend's birthday party only to realize how jealous you'd get when seeing him with others girls,little did you know he felt the same way about you ✎wc:458 ✩⡱pairing:non-idol!bestfriend!jake X fem!reader ˳೫˚∗warnings: jealousy,fluff,kissing,confessing, mildly suggestive

╰┈➤song recommendation:Eyes don't lie-Isabel LaRosa ✩⡱

╰┈➤

As you watched Jake,your best friend for more than 5 years who was also coincidentally your crush for the past 6 months,effortlessly indulge in yet another conversation with a girl at the bar, a sigh escaped your lips Despite knowing it was his own party and you didn't have any excuse to limit him from talking to girls,a feeling of jealousy tugged at your heart strings.

hesitantly agreeing to come after Jake quite literally begged you, you found yourself tucked away in a corner, sipping your probably ninth drink of the night,while shooting daggers in his direction. Laughter and music filled the air, and while everyone was having a good time you weren't.

When another girl got a bit too comfy with Jake, you decided to escape to the peace the unoccupied pool outside provided. The summer breeze messed up your hair, and the alcohol in your system blurred your thoughts as you stared into the night sky.

✦⋆𓆩✧𓆪⋆✦

Suddenly, Jake showed up beside you, his presence bringing you both comfort and nervousness. "hey__" he murmured, his voice low while saying your name. "you seem a little distant. everything okay?"

You hesitated, caught off guard by the way he knew you so well "yeah, I'm fine," you replied, trying to sound nonchalant"I just needed to get some air I felt suffocated inside"you replied in an awkward tone

Jake leaned in closer, his eyes searching yours in way that made your heart beats race. "Are you sure?" he whispered, his breath warm against your freezing skin.

You swallowed a lump, feeling exposed under his gaze. "honestly, I'm just... feeling a little sick," your voice carrying uncertainty

A smirk tugged at the corners of Jake's lips as he leaned even closer, his lips touching your earlobe. "so you're not jealous,huh?" he murmured, his voice sending shivers down your spine you gasped and then quickly denied his allegations saying "what are you talking about jake?" . he said one thing "Eyes don't lie,baby"

Your breath hitched as Jake's words sent a jolt of electricity through you. Before you could respond, he closed the distance between you, his lips capturing yours in a heartwarming kiss. It felt like the world around you faded away, leaving only the burn of his touch and the pounding of your heart

✦⋆𓆩✧𓆪⋆✦

After you pulled away, both of you breathless he sighed and said"i was only talking to so many girls because I wanted to forget about you, we always promised ourselves to never date or catch feelings for eachother, because we believed it'll ruin our friendship"

you looked to your right to catch a glimpse of his face only to find out he was already staring at you

you took his hands in yours and layed them on your lap and with a comforting smile you told him "that's what i told my self too jaeyun, but love can't be hidden like any other emotion ,I've had a crush on you for as long ask i can remember and I always shrugged it off but I can't handle seeing you like this anymore" he then tightened his grip around your hands and replied with" do you wanna maybe be my girlfriend? " you quickly said"yes! omg of course jae" you then kissed him again but unlike the first kiss this one was hurried but still as meaningful as the first one

✦⋆𓆩✧𓆪⋆✦

you suddenly heard loud cheering and screams, only to realize your friends have been watching the whole thing from the start

˳೫˚∗

(note: this is my first time writing an actual fic so please go easy on me😭😭, I'll gladly take any constructive criticism of any kind just no hate💗)

this is all fiction and not meant to represent any mentioned idols as they are in real life

©lovelypham works 2024

[purplesurveys]

1938

What are some tropes/settings/concepts that you like in horror movies/books? Probably psychological, considering my faves include The Shining and Misery. 

Are there any objects that you own because of what they are rather than what you use them for? (For example, having a piano to have a piano rather than to play it or having an Eames chair because it is an Eames chair, etc.) I guess that can generally be said for Apple products? There are so many other tech brands that have the same portfolio and have similar features, but it gives me some sort of sense of pride and achievement being able to afford, say, an iPhone, so that's what I get.

Who do you tend to compare yourself to most often? Is it someone in your life, someone online, or some composite idea of a person? Nobody. I just look out for me.

Stripes or polka dots? Stripes.

Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? Yes, it's okay. For me, it means they're comfy around me, which is always flattering.

How long did your first date last? My mind is a blur when thinking of that, because I've wiped out most of my memories of that person. I have patches of memories here and there, but at this point idk if I'm mixing up the events of one day with another, if I were to try remembering our first date. If that makes sense.

Highlight of your day? We only had a half-day at work today ahead of the All Saints/Souls Day long weekend :) So refreshing to have everyone fade out at exactly 2 PM lol

Is everything working in your house? I know my brother's bedroom light is busted, but I think that'd be it.

Does pop give you energy? Only thing it does is irritate my tongue and throat, so I never drink soda. I never did enjoy the fizzy feeling.

TV show you love with a passion?  Friends!

Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? Sure.

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes? Hard no.

Last time you went to 7-Eleven? Around three weeks ago to pick up a few mini cartons of Oatside.

A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? CHOWKING. I really cannot find any redeeming factor with them...all the food seems like they were made with an entire cup of oil, their tables are greasy, sometimes the drinks will come with fucking suds. It's gross. All the more baffling that I'm the only one in my family who stays away from Chowking :((

Does everyone in your family have a job? Not my brother, who is still in college.

Going anywhere this weekend? No.

What does it mean when you're being quiet? Literally anything. I'm quiet all the time.

Last person you had a face-to-face conversation with? My sister.

How late did you stay up last night? Around 1 AM.

How many times have you been in love? Once. 

How many years older than you would you date someone? Maybe 1 or 2.

What was the last thing you pinky swore on? Can't recall.

Are there a lot of mirrors in your house? Just 6. I dunno if you'd count that as a lot, but it's enough for us.

About how old was the last person that hit on you? If I had to guess, the guy was probably in his late 20s or early 30s.

What color are your headphones? My earbuds are white.

Is the fan on? No, but the aircon is.

Any special reason why you’re taking this survey? Not really. I've just had it bookmarked for the last couple of months and decided to take it.

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? 100%. I literally offered to buy one for my best friend yesterday.

If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? No.

[TW: EATING DISORDER] Do you eat a lot of food?  Eh, not really. I skip meals + when I do eat, my appetite is quite small and I have a hard time finishing full meals. I feel full quickly.

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? No.

Have you ever had to give someone directions before? I'm terrible at giving and following them. If I get asked, I either say I don't know, or just point them to use Waze haha.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Last week when I saw Angela.

What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? Toy Story. 

Which insect do you find the most beautiful? None.

Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why?  Uh...hard drugs, I guess? For obvious reasons.

Is there a place that you might call your second home? My college campus.

Is there a piece of jewelry that you feel naked without? Nope.

What’s the sweetest thing someone’s done for you? Since 2021, Angela and Hans have given me flowers every year for my birthday because they know how closely I came to dying near my birthday 3 years ago.

Do you recognize friends’/family’s vehicles by sound? Tbh, no. I can only recognize my family's own cars.

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? S&R's flimsy ass packaging for their sushi and how it's impossible to close.

Do you wish people would forgive you for your past so you could move on?  I'm not...really seeking forgiveness from anyone.

Who was your first roommate? Never had one.

Do you have a sibling who looks like you? In some angles, I'll look like my brother.

[TW: CHILD/PREGNANCY LOSS] Name three women you know who have lost a child. I can only think of one aunt (my dad's sister-in-law). It was never talked about in the family, understandably, but after some sleuthing on Facebook that was when I learned about my late cousin, Sophia. She would've been around 14-15 today.

Which nationalities have you been told you look like? (i.e., Asian, Irish) I was told that I look Thai, when I was in Vietnam. 

What book are you currently reading? A few history books by Ambeth Ocampo. I alternate across them since they're all just collections of history-related essays, anyway. 

Have you ever received any scary, threatening messages on social media? Probably. I just can't remember any particular one.

Who was your first kiss? My ex.

Who are three of your favorite YouTubers to watch? Sheanner Navarro, Rhett and Link, Jessica Lee.

What do you miss about high school? The innocence and freedom of it all. 

What color was your first car? White. 

What color was the house you grew up in? White, with a red roof.

Growing up, what floor was your bedroom on? Our house only had one floor.

Does your bedroom have carpet? Nope.

What are the top three travel destinations on your bucket list? Seoul, Chicago, Valletta.

Do you get heartburn? I've only had this whenever I've had Double Downs from KFC, lmao.

What are three things you are known for on social media? Yapping about BTS, ranting about work, and posting food photos.

Have you ever used Snapchat? Yeah, but I haven't used it regularly since college – nearly 10 years ago.

Did you want to be famous when you were younger? No really, no.

First celebrity you were obsessed with? Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale haha, because of the HSM craze.

First celebrity crush? Ashley Tisdale.

What was something unique about you as a kid?  My favorite books were almanacs for kids and visual encyclopedias. I've never met anyone who was the same as a kid.

Were you ever goth/emo? No.

Do you want any more piercings? Nope. 

[dzpenumbra]

4/27/23

Okay so... I got to bed at around 2:30. And I struggled to get to sleep pretty bad. Like, tossing and turning and not able to actually fall asleep. I got there eventually, but was woken up by the sound of some really loud appliance, I still have no idea what it was or where it was coming from. This sound was at 5:50 AM. And I was supposed to be up for my apartment inspection at 9. I had an alarm set and everything.

I laid there for - no exaggeration - 2.5 hours trying to fall asleep again. No phone, no apps, just laying in bed with my eyes closed, trying to fall asleep. Doing breathing exercises, doing body relaxation techniques, visualization techniques, you name it. Everything I've learned over like 15 years of studying sleep hygiene techniques. And I just gave up and got up at like 8:30.

The guy showed up for the inspection at like 9:30, it was super quick, just an electrical inspection or something. He even gave me compliments about how clean my place was, which blew my mind. I started on a new abstract drawing, I'm gonna work on it more and I'll post it when it's done.

I went to take a nap around... fuck man, I don't even know. The whole day has been a huge blur, unfortunately. Temporally, at least. I put in the earbuds and put on some binaural beat thing for a 90 minute nap and... same problem. I "forgot" how to fall asleep. I've gotten this before, and it's like... it's a fucking torturous feeling. Being absolutely utterly exhausted... and not being able to fall asleep. And not knowing why, not knowing what you're doing wrong.

I napped successfully, though, and had some of the most intense dreams I've had in a long fuckin time. It was surreally like... norse-age, with these weird mutated people that were cutting off a water supply or something? I have no clue and that probably sounds ridiculous, but this dream was legit one of the most vivid I've had in ages. The colors, the sounds, the imagery; so memorable. I might try fucking with that binaural stuff to see if I can amplify how vivid my dreams get. You know... intentionally... like when I want it to happen.

I woke up at like... 2, I think? My car reservation was at 1, but was until 5. I made sure to book a big window just in case something like this happened, I just didn't expect it to be... like 4 hours of sleep total.

And I looked up like... more sleep techniques and the shit I was doing was literally what they train for people in the military who need to sleep while sitting up and shit. And it didn't fucking work. And it said on there, this might not work with people who have ADHD and/or anxiety issues. Welp, there ya go...

I showered and said fuck it and went. The walk to the car alone had my shins fuckin throbbing. I speed-walk a bit too much when I walk around the city, I'm just... 1). not used to urban environments and they still make me feel unsafe, and 2). not used to walking in shoes, tbh.

But that was remedied (and reminded, which is why I even noticed the speed-walking) by finally getting back into nature.

A quick stop at Walgreens first, to get the steroid cream the doctor prescribed me... a month ago... And they had to redo it, because of how long it took me to get there. XD So I sat there nodding off for like... 20 minutes...

But then I went to the park. And I got to hike barefoot again, and it was such an at-home feeling. I was out there until like 6. I think it was a total of about 3 miles of walking? I explored a bunch, they had some cool constructions like staircases and bridges and shit, very well-made stuff. There was even a beach right on the lake, it was very pretty and peaceful. I found some rocks that I brought home, I'm going to try to clean them up and see how they come out. There was a decent amount of sandstone there, which is actually pretty cool because it's super soft, so it's easy to carve. I'm going to see what working with it is like and then go from there, if I feel like trying to source more. It's cool how different the types of stone are around here.

For real, just being out in the woods alone, no music, no distractions, just me and nature, bare feet on the ground, wind on the skin, it was great. I missed it a lot. It's like... the polar opposite of how I feel when I'm in the city... XD

Driving wasn't as nerve-wracking as I thought. It was fine. Got the car back half an hour early, ordered a pizza. The car did cost a total of $50 for it being mine from 1-7... (I added 2 hours and I'm glad I did) which is like... ugh... But when you consider I never actually drive anywhere and compare that to buying a car, or paying lease payments? It ain't bad, especially when I don't even pay for gas.

So yeah, those earplugs I ordered were delivered this afternoon. Talk about fucking timing... -_- I'm gonna try them tonight. Like I said a few nights ago, I don't have to listen out for pets anymore, so... fuck it. Hope they work for me, I think if I can sleep with AirPods in, I should be able to sleep with earplugs in okay.

Definitely bed time. I can barely keep my eyes open.

[racheloveyunho]

Till Death do us part - 2

Y/N grew up in a wealthy family, she always was seen as a beautiful and smart kid and was most likely to take her father’s place as the CEO of one of the most important companies in South Korea. However, after the death of her mother, Y/N’s family slowly started to break apart. Her father was always working to forget his uncalled pain while his kids were left alone at home.

She was 17 years old when her life took a sudden turn when she met him in a dark alley. He was a bloody mess, bruises everywhere but behind blood and dirt, she could see his beautiful features and his addictive gaze. Maybe she should have walked away, maybe she shouldn’t have helped him, but the moment his gaze locked with hers, she was already his.

Choi San was his name.

Genre: Mafia AU, smut, angst, fluff, stranger to lovers

Words: 2237

TW series: Y/N is described as an OC. Please be aware that this story will contain a lot of triggering content such as smut, blood, death, murder, drug, kidnapping, etc. Do not read if you are under a legal age!

TW chapter: Body shaming, reader being forced into a marriage, character got slapped, swearing, threats.

I was finally back home. Fortunately for me, my dad hadn’t noticed me since he was already sleeping on the couch.

I quickly went upstairs to my room and collapsed on my bed, my mind still processing what had happened earlier. It was scary to say the least but fascinating at the same time. I was still confused even after showering. This San had a deep effect on me, not only mentally but physically too.

“Choi San…” I muttered before closing my eyes and drifting into a deep sleep.

---------

Chapter 2

2 years after.

---------

Days and months went by so fast, I didn't even see them go by.

It has already been two years since my first meeting with San and since then, I didn't met him again. However, he was still on my mind, from the moment I woke up tired in the morning until the moment my head was hitting the pillow at night.

I just couldn't stop myself from thinking about him, his voice, his gaze, his touch, and the shivers he gave me when his mouth had come close to my ear.

"Hey sis’, what is going on? You had been absent-minded for a while and I still don't know why" Jin said with a hint of worry in his voice before he looked around, checking the surroundings to make sure we were alone "Is it because of dad?" he asked.

For the first time since our mother passed away, dad was at home for a whole month without any explanation. He was now working from home and even though It was something I dreamed of a few years ago, it was now so stuffy, I couldn’t breathe properly in my own house. Every single time I went outside of the comfort of my room, I silently prayed not to meet him, hoping that our house was big enough to let me avoid him.

"I'm fine but I'll be better if he wasn't around" I shrugged while looking at my plate "I'm not hungry today" I nonchalantly played with my food.

"Please force yourself and eat a little, you loosed too much weight recently" he furrowed his eyebrows with true concern in his soft brown eyes.

"I'm fine Jin, really! No need to worry for me" I stood up but felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my track.

I turned around and saw my dad with his usual stern expression "Sit down." he calmly ordered.

I sat down without a word, I knew I was about to be lectured one more time.

"Why are you not eating?" my dad asked, voice sounding more as a threat than a question.

"Not hungry" I simply answered.

A long silence settled in the dining room, Jin and I were looking down, trying to avoid any eye contact with the man we referred to as our dad. I laughed internally at the situation, wondering if the kids in other families were afraid of their parents too.

"You don't have to eat if you don't want to, men love slim girls so it'll be good for you to start a diet." He stated, unbothered by the awkward silence.

I was annoyed by his remark 'how dare he' I thought 'Is he thinking my body is his?'

"I'll be dumb if I'd choose a man who loves me just for my body, I will not change anything for anyone" I retorted, Jin nodding in approval, visibly proud of me. But, my father didn’t seem pleased at all by my answer and my rebellious behavior.

"Well, I wasn't talking about any random man, but about your fiancé. He likes slim girls." my dad crossed his arms.

I shot a glance back at my father with wide eyes, he was smirking over my shocked expression, feeling visibly satisfied by the way he made me go silent.

"My fiancé? What are you talking about? I never had a boyfriend in my whole life, how could I have a fiancé?" I shouted, standing up from my chair which quickly and loudly fell on the ground.

"I chose a good boy for you, he is the son of a rich politician who will be useful to me and the future of my company. In two months, when you'll turn 20, you will marry him" he said, not sparing a glance at me as he busily taped on the screen of his new expensive phone.

My mouth was now wide open, and so was my brother's.

Jin stood up angrily, it was the first time I ever saw him defy our father's authority. His brown eyes who always seemed so soft to me were now darker than ever. The anger in his body was showing with his tensed muscles and the vein in his forehead that was angrily popping up. His jaw was so tight, I swore he could have been able to break his own teeth.

"What to do you mean she will marry him? Are you not concerned about your daughter's happiness? Can't you stop thinking about your work and think more about your family instead, for at least once in your life? That's why mom died! You-..." Jin got slapped by my father before he could even finish his sentence. Our father’s face was red and rage was visible through his eyes.

I gasped and kneeled myself to my brother's side, the impact was so hard that he was now laying on the ground, his right hand hiding his red cheek. Jin shot a death stare up at my father who was still standing in front of us.

"I heard that you want to integrate the Seoul national university, Y/N. You will need money for that, right? If you marry this man, I'll give you all the money you want. If not, you can already say goodbye to this dream of yours." he told me with a harsh voice "Think well cause your birthday is coming up" he added before exiting the room.

I collapsed on the floor, tears were stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. Jin hugged me tightly and patted my back, whispering sweet nothings to my ear to comfort me the best he could.

I hid my head on his neck and cried silently, I hated this, hated this situation, hated this life. I was like a bird trapped in a silver cage.

I ate nothing for the rest of the day after my dad had announced my upcoming wedding.

I still couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. How come a father could do this to his only daughter? Wasn't he supposed to love and cherish me?

It was Saturday and after a lazy morning, I finally stood up to do my daily routine. I put the prettiest dress I had on my dressing and put natural makeup on. I tried my best to cover up my dark circles and hide the exhaustion in my face caused by a long night of crying.

Today, my best friend Hana and I, planned to hang out together for a shopping day. It was the best way for me to think about something else than my current situation.

I took a look at my phone and saw her message "Hey honey, I'm waiting in front of your house~" I read before smiling and joining her outside the house, in front of the big gateway.

"Wow, you are stunning! Why is that? You're going to meet this San again?" She smiled widely.

Hana is the first friend I ever made in my life, I first met her when I was just 6 years old and she always stayed by my side even when I went through hard times. Her cheerful personality and her warm smile made her easy to get along with, she was the best at socializing, she was literally a burst of energy by herself and never failed to make me crack up a smile even when I wasn’t in a good mood. She made everyone feel attracted to her, she wasn’t only nice and outgoing but beautiful and funny as well. Her short and messy hair were completing her chubby cheeks and her brown eyes. Her tall frame and perfect curves made everyone drool over her, men and women.

She knew everything about my life. When something happened to me, she was the first one I talked to.

"I already told you! I know nothing about him, I don't even have his phone number, how could I meet him?" I pouted before laughing playfully.

We took the first bus we saw and headed downtown.

"It's a shame he isn't on any social media" she whined loudly "Dude, don't get me started" I answered, almost complaining.

During the bus ride, I talked once again about how I felt about San and the gorgeous charisma he had. Hana listened to me as if it was the first time I talked about this whilst I already told her a hundred times before.

Within ten minutes, we had reached our destination.

"Y/N! Look at this! I'm sure this top will fit you perfectly" I heard Hana yelling from the other side of the shop.

Everyone looked at us, some customers were judging us silently while others smiled, probably finding amusement in my friend’s behavior.  I apologized to the other customers for the noise and quickly went to my friend's side, slightly embarrassed even though I was used to it. Hana didn't know the word "silent".

After 3 hours of shopping, I went outside to eat ice cream with Hana. We moved to a quiet spot with no one around. The weather was nice, it was a sunny day and I let myself relax under the comfortable heat.  I always liked rainy days better but I liked to feel the sun against my skin from time to time.

"I'm sorry to say this Y/N, but your father is truly an asshole" Hana swore between her teeth after I told her what happened at home the previous day.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about this. Is it better to agree and then divorce this guy? But my dad is well-known, he always will find a way to keep me under his grip, no matter what I do. I feel completely useless and trapped, I can’t find a good way to escape from this" I spoke in a low tone, sadness filling my voice the more I talked.

I sighed, concerned by the situation I was into. Hana gently rubbed my back to give me some comfort while my head was on her shoulder. We stayed silent for a few minutes, both of us didn’t know what to say because we both knew that there was no way I could escape my fate.

"Excuse me, are you Kim Y/N?"

I turned around to see who had called my name. In front of me stood was a well-dressed man, a bit older than me with a confident look. He wasn't especially handsome, but he wasn't unpleasant to look at. He had this classic Korean vibe one could find everywhere here in Korea.

"Yes? Who are you?" I politely asked.

He took my hand in his own, making me stand up from the bench I was sitting in. Soon after, he put a slight kiss on the back of my hand.

"What the hell?" I shouted and took my hand off his.

It wasn't in our culture to do something like this so I first assumed he had grown up abroad but honestly, from what I knew, even in the USA or Europa no one kissed a perfect stranger met in the street less than ten seconds ago.

"Who the heck are you?" Hana jumped between the man and me.

"I'm Hwang Jinyoung, her future husband" he simply stated, a smirk on his face.

"I never agreed on that." I frowned my eyebrows at his statement.

"What do you mean you never agreed? Your father told us that you were glad to be my future wife" The man seemed truly surprised or at least, he was pretending well to be.

"He lied!" I yelled out, the anger taking over me while I clenched my fists, nails finding their way onto y skin.

I was angry that my father had one more time, talked for me without my consent. My body was shaking from anger while the man laughed at my reaction.

"Move, you're in my way" He suddenly stopped laughing and violently pushed Hana to the ground.

My eyes opened wide from the shock. I was about to check on Hana to be sure she wasn't hurt but Jinyoung grabbed my wrist and pulled me in his chest.

"Why are you so angry? I will take good care of you!" he chuckled.

"Let me go!" I screamed against him, feeling the tears tingling my eyes.

I suddenly felt a strong arm around my waist which encircled me from behind.

"Holy shit." Hana gasped when she saw the handsome man who was protectively hugging me.

I had no need to look back, I already knew who it was. This touch and this warmness were simply unforgettable.

"If you don't let her go in the next five seconds, I'll blow your hands off." the voice behind me growled against Jinyoung.

The beating of my heart quickened. For the past two years I had dreamed about him every night and now, I was finally able to see him again.

"San!" I shouted happily, finally looking to the handsome boy. He smiled back atme but his expression became cold again as he stared at Jinyoung. My so-called husband finally let my wrist go and hardly swallowed his spit.

"Y-you! What are you doing here?" he asked with a shaking voice. I had no doubt about the fact that he knew who San was and that he probably knew him better than I did.

---------

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Edit: Guys, I'm so surprised, I didn't think I would get so many likes for this series, I just uploaded it two days ago after all lol but I'm glad! The next chapter is already done but I'll wait a bit before uploading it, maybe next week? Anyways, thank you again!

Tag list:

@hijirikaww @pinkchampagne2

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

House, M.D. Fanfic (11/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story.  I hope you continue to enjoy my kind of rewrite and/or additions to certain episodes! As always, I don't own House. If I did, Lisa Edelstein would have gotten the respect she deserved contact wise for a season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. We have reached extremely bumpy road territory. Buckle up, folks. This one might sting a little.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! I like to know how you like what I'm doing. Enjoy!

xxxxx

"How long have you been sleeping with Dr. House?" Tritter asked as he took a seat in her office.

Cuddy shook her head, shocked at the question. "Why would you think I'm sleeping with House?"

Tritter got that smug smirk he got when he thought he knew something. "Only reason a smart woman like you would keep a jerk like that around. You're way out of his league."

"The only reason a dean of medicine at a teaching hospital would keep a world renowned diagnostician around is because I'm sleeping with him?"

"You haven't denied it."

"I'm not sleeping with House," she crossed her arms.

"Dr. Cuddy. The guy is an ass. He treats patients like they aren't even human. How much has he cost your hospital over the years? How much has he cost you?" He asked. "I don't understand why you're protecting him."

"Dr. House saves lives... lives that other doctors can't save. If you were dying and no one else could figure out what was wrong with you, you'd want Dr. House to be the one on your case. I'm not sleeping with him. He's just that good," she stated a little more firmly, moving to open her office door to show him out. But his words had hit a nerve, asking what he'd cost her had hit a nerve. It stuck with her.

xxxxx

Later that night, House laid in her bed, one hand folded under his head, his fingers sliding over her bare back. "Heard Barnaby Jones came to talk to you today."

Cuddy breathed deeply, shifting so she could prop her head on her hand and look at him. "Detective Tritter came to accuse me of sleeping with you."

"You are sleeping with me." He turned his head to look at her.

"I lied to him. I told him I wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because sleeping with you would give him a reason to believe my judgement is compromised. It would imply that I'm hiding your drug problem. Or he would accuse me of enabling your habit."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Has sleeping with me affected your ability to practice medicine?"

"No."

"Has it compromised your ability to make professional calls where my patients or myself are concerned?"

"No, but..."

"Has your judgement been compromised? Have you been writing me scripts? Have I stolen your prescription pad? Have you been enabling my habit?"

"No..."

"Then what's the problem?" He shrugged.

"I lied to the cops!"

"You lied about sleeping with me. We've been lying to everyone else about that for months. Why are you suddenly growing a conscience about it?"

"I don't know, House, maybe because this guy has it out for you! Normally when you piss someone off, they just sue you. This guy actually has the power to get your medical license revoked and send you to jail for a long time!"

"That what you're afraid of? Don't worry, I can still place a bun in your oven. Or are conjugal visits not on your list of approved baby making fantasies?"

She sighed and moved away, turning her back to him. "Whatever you want to tell yourself, House." She was tired of fighting with him.

"You're mad at me."

"Because you're being an ass!"

"No more than usual." He thought for a moment. "This is you being hormonal..."

"I'm not pregnant, House!"

"Did you take another test?"

She sat up and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Yes! Yes, I took a damn test! I took a damn test every time you accused me of being pregnant, and guess what... still not pregnant! You weren't right!"

"This is you being upset that you're not pregnant..." he said slowly. "Look, it's only been a few months. It doesn't mean anything..."

"6 months, House. 6. It's not happening. It's not meant to happen."

"You're giving up?"

"Yes! I tried, and I failed to get pregnant. I'm done. I'm tired of trying and being disappointed. And this...arrangement..." she gestured between them, "isn't working anymore."

He stared at her for a moment. "You're ending this?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "I guess I am."

"Because I haven't gotten you pregnant? It takes most couples years to get pregnant, and you're giving up in 6 months?"

"Save it, House... you're just trying to protect your regular supply of free sex. Sorry, looks like it's back to hookers. I'm sure you've still got all their numbers."

"I don't care about the sex! I do care about you!" He was a little surprised those feelings had slipped out mid-argument. Judging by the look on her face, so was she. "Why are you so willing to give up on something that you've wanted for a long time just because it's a little hard getting there?"

She sighed softly. "Because you can't always get what you want."

"Yeah, quoting a song lyric... that's a real response," he countered. "And in case you forgot, it ends with 'You get what you need.'"

"Yeah...I'm not getting that either." She was quiet for another moment. "Goodnight, House."

xxxxx

House walked into his friend's office and sat down silently. "I've been sleeping with Cuddy," he said after several minutes.

The revelation caused Wilson to pause his reading, but he didn't look up, clearly not buying it. "House, hallucinations mean you've taken too much Vicodin."

House shook his head. "I'm not hallucinating. Cuddy and I have been having hot monkey sex."

Wilson just stared at him, trying to decide if it was true or not. "How... long has it been going on?"

"Several months. When she started fertility treatments before I was shot."

"Cuddy is taking fertility treatments?"

"Right... I didn't tell you about that either. Oops..." he stood and began to walk the office as he worked everything around in his head.

"You're trying to have a baby with Cuddy?"

He turned to look at Wilson then. "No. Cuddy is trying to have a baby with me. Weren't you listening?"

"It's the same result," Wilson leaned back in his chair then. "You've seriously been sleeping with Cuddy for months and haven't told me?"

"This isn't high school. Some of us keep our private lives private, Jimmy."

Wilson shook his head and stood up, walking over to him. "This isn't high school, but you are still in high school. If this was any other woman, you'd have bragged about it. The sheets were barely cold when you told me about Stacy. This is different. She's different." And then he realized, "You're protecting her."

"There was no protection. She wants a baby. Duh," he deflected with sarcasm.

"You're protecting her from you. You're first instinct would normally be to run and brag about sleeping with her. To use the fact that she's your boss to get your way here. And you haven't. You went against your first instinct in order to protect her. You care about her."

"I don't care about her. I'm only telling you now because it's over. She's giving up the fertility treatments. No fertility drugs, no hope for a baby, no need for the hot monkey sex," he spun his cane as he continued to think.

"You don't want it to be over. Because you care about her. She's probably the only other woman who can stand you, can handle you, and you don't want to lose her."

"Don't be ridiculous. I care about the sex. It's free... and really, really good."

Wilson studied him for a moment. "You fell in love with her, didn't you?" It was really more of a statement. His friend wouldn't be here now if all he cared about was having sex.

House stared out the window silently for several long minutes. "What do I do about it?" He turned to his friend then.

"Well, the obvious response is to tell her."

"I can't tell her I love her."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't love me."

"How do you know?"

"I just know!"

"Right, because when a woman wants a baby, her first instinct is to go to the man who's a complete jackass to her and ask him to sleep with her... for months. And you said it was going on before you were shot? So over five months."

"Six, actually," he corrected him. "What can I say,  she's got it bad for my genes."

"She's got it bad for you, House." When he didn't respond, Wilson pushed on. "Did you only have sex when she was ovulating?"

"Yes." He answered quickly. Heaving a sigh a moment later,  he continued. "At least in the beginning. Somewhere along the way the line blurred." House didn't even have to think about that. It had started that way, but the longer it went on, the more sex they had, whether or not it was time in her monthly cycle. And it wasn't just sex. There were nights when they literally slept together and nothing else.

"Then it's not just about a baby. She has feelings for you."

House sighed again. "She's the one who ended the arrangement."

"Probably because she thinks that's all you wanted and she's trying to keep herself from being hurt anymore than she already is."

"She should know that's not all it is."

"Why? Because you've told her?"

"Yes, okay?! Yes! I told her I didn't care about the sex, that I cared about her! And she still ended things!"

"When did you tell her?"

He sighed, rubbing his thumb across his forehead. "Somewhere between her telling me I would have to go back to hookers for sex and quoting the Rolling Stones 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' to me."

He shook his head with a laugh. "House, you're an idiot! She probably thinks you just said it in the heat of the moment to protect your supply of free sex. You're an addict, you've proven you'll say anything to get what you want in the past," he explained. He paused for a moment before continuing. "House, you don't exactly give off the warm and fuzzy vibe. More like the annoying, jackass vibe. Cuddy may be able to handle your particular brand of charm... she may even like it. But she can't read your mind. And a woman like Cuddy isn't going to make that leap unless she knows you're there to catch her. You've got to talk to her."

"I don't know if I can."

"Do you know if you can lose her? Because that's what's at stake here. You either talk to her, or it's over."

House breathed deeply, thinking it over before he left.

[mistye-dawne]

Navia prompt 6: "Don't say that... not you"

Prompt: “Don’t say that… Not you.” for Navia

Listen

Juvia stepped outside under the midday sun, taking in the warmth that reminded her too much of Natsu. It had been an odd turn of events when the fire slayer had asked her to go on a date with him and in her rush to answer him she’d said yes. It had been a mistake on her part at first, but the water mage soon learned that she enjoyed his company. After the third date, he expressed that he want to be with her and she told him that the feeling was mutual.

The first several months passed by in a blur, neither mage worrying about anything and simply enjoying the comfort they felt when in the other’s presence. He knew how to make her happy and she was able to calm the raging fire within him. The two grew closer and matured together. Natsu mellowed out and Juvia became more confident in herself. She still needed to hear from the fire slayer that she was loved and appreciated but she was learning to control that obsessive personality of hers.

However, once the excitement of their relationship started to calm down, Juvia became far more insecure than anyone had ever seen her and Natsu had to put in more effort to ease those thoughts from her mind. The two started to take missions together, because she didn’t want to go on any if his team was around. She thought that the longer they were together, the less insecure she’d be. The opposite had happened though and if she didn’t do something about it, she’d lose Natsu the same way she had every other guy she’d been with.

It was obvious something was wrong with the water mage but she didn’t know how to fix it. Saddened by the sun’s heat, Juvia headed out of the city where the rain would fall and not burden anyone. That’s all she was, a burden to those who truly cared about her well being. She’d been left behind and teased so much that she never any friends as a child And when someone showed her the slightest bit of kindness, she clung to that individual.

When Juvia was a decent ways from Magnolia, she picked a tree to sit under and let the rain fall. It was the only thing that comforted her anymore. Why? Why were they all the same? Tears started to slip from her eyes. She thought that Natsu was different from the rest but she’d misjudged him, taken in and blinded by the kindness that had been shown to her on those dates.

“Don’t say that… Not you.” She said those words to him when he said that they needed to talk.

She had listened to him for as long as she could before she got up and left him. If she left him, then it wouldn’t hurt so much and maybe she’d be able to learn just to be content in being alone. She should have stayed with him though. If she’d let him finish, she’d have heard him say that he didn’t think she was a burden. If she had listened to him, she’d know that he loved her and was more than willing to show her that she didn’t need to constantly be at his side in order to be happy.

But Juvia had feared the worst and ran away before he could say anything. Natsu still wanted to tell her those things but she’d been avoiding not only him, but everyone. He was starting to lose his cool and that fire she helped keep under control was raging full force. It had been several days since either of them had been to the guild and all but Lucy and Gajeel were worried. The pair of them knew their friends well and were well aware of what was happening between the two of them.

Natsu smelled the rain and followed the scent without thinking about its origin. Coming to the source he found Juvia sitting alone, looking dispirited with tears slipping from her eyes as she drifted off. He approached her carefully, knowing that she often lashed out with her magic when she was surprised or startled. Juvia thought she’d seen a familiar figure walk over to her before the rain had lulled her to sleep, but she was entirely sure if she’d actually seen someone or if she was already dreaming.

An hour later, she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling above her. So she wasn’t dreaming earlier. Juvia turned her head and watched Natsu’s back. His shoulders were slumped forward and he wasn’t carrying himself what confidence that she admired in him. That must be what she looked like to him most of the time. It hurt her to see standing like that and wondered if this pain in her heart was something he knew because of her.

“You could have gotten sick you know,” he stated. The fire slayer turned around to look at her and she flinched at the disappointed look in his eyes.

She looked away from him, ashamed of her childish behavior. Natsu walked up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. He wanted to hug her and tell her that everything between them was okay, but he wasn’t a liar. She was nervous. She didn’t know if he had just been making sure she didn’t get sick and was now expected to leave or if he had something he wanted to say.

“I still have things I need you to hear, Juvia.” So he did want to talk to her. Juvia was trying hard to not run from him. His grip on her tightened. “You can run if you feel you have to, but I’m going to chase you this time.”

She slapped his hand away and shoved away from him, unsure of exactly what he meant but wary if he meant that he’d literally chase her if she walked out. “What more do you have to say to Juvia? Why should she listen to you say what everyone always says to her?”

“I’m not going to say what you’ve heard before. I never was,” he explained.

“Juvia doesn’t believe that. She can’t believe that, anymore.” she tried to snap at him but her voice was failed her. She’d already let the sadness settle in her heart once again and couldn’t show anything but that.

“Then why are you still here?” he pointed out. “You want to believe me, don’t you?” His eyes drew her in and she saw how sincere he was being. Natsu had never lied to her before and she did want to believe that he was different. “Just listen to me, Juvia. You don’t have to believe what I say, but I need you to listen to my words. Please.”

That single word was her downfall. It had been what convinced her to say yes instead of no when he first asked her out. She hung her head and covered her face to hide the tears. “Juvia is afraid,” she admitted.

“I’ll burn those fears.” He held a hand out to her and she took it. They sat down and the water mage curled in on herself and let the man say all the he wanted her to hear.

Thank you for the request dearie!! Hope you liked it!

[littlelegsltd]

The story of my battle with Post Natal Depression that I hid behind a smile 💕

Hi all,

As many of you know, I suffered with Post Natal Depression but I have never shared the raw detail of it with you. Since I always encourage you all to be open and honest about how you are feeling, I felt it was only fair to practise what I preach and shed more light on what I went through.  I hope it helps some of you realise that you are not alone.

 It was my experience that drove me to set up Little Legs – to help new parents (hopefully) never feel like I did. Now I am not sharing this for sympathy or anything other than to show you that I have a great understanding of PND and the impact it can have on you as a parent, a partner, a friend… just know that I am here to hold your hand and help you.

 Here’s my story.

 The photo shows the four of us looking happy – in fact, it could be a very typical ‘husband, wife and their 2.4 kids’ family photo. But this photo was taken at what was possibly the worst time of my life. This is why I never take photos and images posted on social media at face value. This is also the reason I like meeting other mums face-to-face – I have great intuition as many of you know from the messages I have dropped you after a class!

 So, I found out I was pregnant with my second child, Daniel, in January 2013. The pregnancy was planned, but it happened quicker than I had anticipated. In all honesty, I didn't react very well at all. This was the start of my prenatal depression. I instantly thought I had made a massive mistake – what if Aimee hated me? What if I had ruined her life? As the weeks passed, these nagging doubts continued to haunt me. We had our first scan and, as I sat there, I just spent the time worrying that I could be having twins and then Aimee would really hate me, and I couldn't possibly have a girl as I couldn't love another girl as much. These thoughts overwhelmed me; they caused frequent panic attacks, but I hid them from everyone. Why was I being so ungrateful? I literally had everything, yet I felt awful. At the sexing scan, Daniel crossed his legs and hid his bits – I was devastated. I needed to know it wasn't a girl. The next day, I called my husband and asked if we could have a private scan. He knew it was coming so he agreed and we booked it. We found out we were having a boy and I felt relieved.

 I hated being pregnant with Daniel; I was uncomfortable, I binged on food and pretended to the world I was happy. After a relatively straightforward, uncomplicated labour he arrived. He was bruised as he came out so quickly, and my bits had ‘given him a love bite’ apparently!!

That night on the ward I stared at him for hours; he was awesome – a weird, purple-looking thing with a nose bigger than his face and lots of hair, but he was my boy! I couldn't wait to introduce him to Aimee. 

 The next day I was discharged and something in me switched, I don't know what it was, but I barely remember much of anything from then until 3 months later when we were at Butlins. Everyone had gone off, and I was alone with Daniel. I looked at him and said out loud, “Wow…you’re my little boy." 

 Don't get me wrong, I was a good mum to him, but I was in a permanent daze. I spent a lot of time crying, and Aimee (aged 2) learned very quickly to just hold me and wipe my tears. I will never be able to forgive myself for this. Andy (hubby) was working in Birmingham and had to take a lot of time off work as I just couldn't cope. We got through those days and weeks, yet neither of us realised just how bad it was. 

Leading up to Christmas that year, Aimee finally reacted to having a little brother and refused to make eye contact with me. I knew it was ‘normal’, but I felt even more broken. She had become my comfort blanket, and now she wasn’t there for me.

 Christmas Day arrived and I was excited as always. Aimee opened her Baby Annabell doll and it didn’t cry like I expected it to, and the anxiety crept in – I had failed, I had ruined Christmas. 

 We had planned to go to our local for Christmas lunch. We arrived and sat down at our table. I felt like I was invisible, in a bubble. We were surrounded by people cheering and enjoying themselves, and I just wanted to hide. Aimee asked for ketchup with her meal, so I put some on her plate, but she pushed it away – she wanted Daddy to do it. Daniel cried for milk, so Andy helpfully gave him his bottle. I looked at my family and couldn’t have felt more alone; they didn’t need or want me. 

I could feel a panic attack coming so I said I needed the toilet. I hid in the cubicle to breathe and cry. 

When we got back after lunch, the rest of the day was a blur. 

When teatime arrived, Aimee, Andy and Daniel were all in the lounge. I looked at them all, realising I needed to go so I said I was going out for some air.

I grabbed my phone and keys and got into my car. Up to this point, I had had several thoughts of driving my car head on into a tree to make all the pain go. I decided it was the right time to ‘go’. 

I set off, heading to the place with the tree that would end all my pain. As I drove, I passed a local park and something made me go into the car park. I parked up and grabbed my phone. I called my work friend – she picked up and I said, “I don’t belong to my family.” As it was Christmas Day, I was surprised she had answered. She told me to stay where I was and she would call me back in twenty minutes. I watched the clock and waited. As promised, she called me back and I repeated, “I don’t belong to my family”. I don’t remember the rest of the conversation other than agreeing to go home and tell Andy I needed help. I did as I was told. 

When I got home, I went into the lounge – no one had moved! I told Andy I needed help and he hugged me. 

We arranged to have marriage counselling actually! At the first session, the counsellor said, “You two are going to be fine, but you, Kirstie, you are really poorly. I want to help you.”

 We completed 6 weeks of counselling together; we had been through so much so it was great for us. I then saw a separate counsellor and returned to her 3 months later. I spent 2 years with her in the end! 

I also arranged to see my GP who prescribed medication which I still take; I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will be on it for life and, honestly, I’m ok with that! 

It took a long time for Daniel and I to connect, sadly. He was all about Daddy, it became a running joke that he wouldn’t come to me! If he fell over and I picked him up, he would cry. While learning to walk, he would happily walk away from me and never ever come to me.  I laughed and encouraged the joke – but it was my way of coping as it hurt so much. To be honest, I don’t think I gave him much emotionally as I was so empty. 

When Daniel turned 14 months, something switched for both of us. This was the start of our amazing relationship! He is now a fully-fledged Mummy’s boy – we are as thick as thieves, we are so alike, we are both the naughty ones, and we just ‘get’ each other. Fortunately, what happened didn’t taint us. 

I still struggle with ‘Mummy guilt’, but don’t we all? I make mistakes and beat myself up, but don’t we all? I’m not perfect, but in the eyes of my children, I’m the perfect Mummy, and that is what counts.

I can now look back on my battle with PND in a positive light as it made me who I am; I wouldn’t have my Little Legs business without it, and my motivation and passion to help others is stronger than it’s ever been. I will continue to fight for greater awareness around PND and all mental health issues. 

I hope, in sharing this story, that those of you who have been through similar experiences will realise that you are not alone. I am here for you and if you feel anything like I did, or know someone dealing with similar issues, please get in touch so I can help you 💕