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bartletforamerica · 4 years

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How the Bartlet Administration Reacts to COVID-19

Abbey: is not taking any chances. After losing the fight to get the President to retreat to the farm or Camp David, she gets him to agree to limit himself to the oval office and the residence, with as few in person meetings as possible. Even before they’ve pulled together a White House task force, she’s made sure that everything is being disinfected and that her entire schedule is either canceled or made virtual. Her staff is the first to be working from home (and oh boy does she scold if she finds out any of them did something she thinks is foolish), with most of the rest of the White House staff following shortly after. She makes it her mission to do PSAs on what people should be doing and even does a virtual Sesame Street collaboration to teach kids how to wash their hands.

Zoey: Is not super pleased to be stuck in the Residence 24/7. She’s doing classes from her bedroom, so yay to not having to get out of bed early, but she can tell people are super disappointed that her camera is set up so that she has only a blank wall behind her [it turns out the secret service is very touchy about where you take video calls]. She also gets officially hired and given a security clearance for the sole fact that she’s one of the only people allowed to be near her dad who is tech-literate. She ends up doing some of her reading on the couch in his office so that she's on hand for when he's supposed to be skyping with the senior staff and can't figure out what link to click. She spends a lot of time worrying about Ellie, who helping do research about the virus, and texting her friends.

The President: is not happy to be closed up away from people. He also thinks that Abbey is overreacting where he's concerned. He misses actually getting to be around the younger staff. He and Zoey do a cooking from home video at C.J.'s suggestion, so that the country can see he's alive and to encourage people to not go out. They make chili and fight over whether it needs more cumin or oregano while Abbey records it and pipes in from behind the camera. The country is treated to a history of chili and a diplomatic incident nearly happens because apparently Mexicans deny having any association with it, even though most food historians say it has Mexican roots. The flaming debate doesn't stop a second episode at Thanksgiving where the country is treated to the history of the yam and all the secret spices that go into the President's stuffing. A large portion of the country gives him flack for putting Oysters in his stuffing. [In a small bedroom in an Illinois apartment a woman finally figures out why Joe Bethersonsen sounded so familiar.]

Leo: moved into the Residence because there was no way he was going to talk the President off ledges via skype for however long this lasted. He can only do so much. Zoey helps him learn to use Skype and he finds himself missing Margaret desperately even when he spends most of the day with a computer dedicated to having her on Skype so he can turn to it and ask her questions. She insists he get exercise and eat healthy (something he thinks she’s collaborating with the first lady on behind his back—they say very similar things much of the time). He skypes with Mallory on Sunday mornings over breakfast in his room and they pretend they’re at a hotel having a fancy brunch.

Charlie: is not particularly happy. He got sent home with everyone else because he’s not particularly necessary to have on hand if the president isn’t going anywhere. He’s still getting paid and he does do some work (the most important bit being hanging out on the phone with the president so he can ramble about history so Zoey can get her own reading done, Leo can browbeat the staff, and the first lady can do her own job) but he’s been ordered by the president and first lady to focus on getting extra school done while he can.

Donna: started freaking out the first day there was a rumor of a new disease in China. Then the White House shut down and even senior staff got sent home unless they absolutely needed to be in the building (basically just C.J. and some of her staff). And her roommate (not the one she'd really liked, who had a cat, but one she hopes is only temporary) works for a GOP congressman who thinks the whole thing is a hoax and bans masks in his office, so Donna is not at all happy and spends time she should be working cleaning things her roommate touches and that's sixty percent of how she ends up living with Josh.

Josh: is struggling with not being allowed to leave the house on pain of the first lady taking him to task (something about his lungs and the bullet). Even when he was putting his nose to the grindstone to make it through college and law school, he liked being around people while he studied, so he was usually in the library or a cafe rather than his room. He works best when he can bounce ideas off people and take in new ideas. When he was grounded after surgery it absolutely sucked and that was why he drove everyone crazy calling them all the time. Yeah he was bored, but he was also lonely. Plus he's not the best with technology. He very nearly went on national tv with his boxers showing, if not for Donna skyping him beforehand and making sure he fixed the camera. Between needing not to be alone and needing his assistant to be able to actually help him, the invite for Donna to stay with him slips out when she's complaining about her roommate. She shows up two hours later with two suitcases of clothes and two suitcases with pasta, toilet paper, and flour.

Donna and Josh: are handling the pandemic much better now that they're together. Josh can bounce ideas off Donna without it tying up his phone line. And she can listen in on his calls to the various members of congress about the stimulus package that they're working on. It's an even better look at Josh's job than she had before, and while it makes some of her work harder to focus on, she feels like she understands some things better than she ever has before. Josh even starts listening to her about how to sway certain congressmembers to their side. When they're not working, Donna forces Josh to cook with her so they're not entirely subsisting on delivery. They tried making bread and managed to spill half a bag of flour on the floor in the process but they ate all of it, even though it tasted pretty bland. Josh finally got Donna into baseball when it came back. Toby spit out his beer when he was on speakerphone with them and he heard Donna accurately yelling at the Mets for screwing up. Donna wears Josh's clothes more than her own, since she doesn't have to be on camera most of the time. They're platonically sharing a bed because they haven't found a convertible sofa for his living room that they like, they say, and it doesn't make sense for one of them to sleep on the couch, which they say has a spring that makes it uncomfortable to sleep on, even though Donna lounges on it all day with no problem. They are absolutely not dating and so they tell all their friends.

C.J.: spends five minutes laughing every time she gets off the phone with Josh or Donna. She loves her friends but god they're so completely in denial. It does, however, give her a much needed break. Her job has always involved a lot of people and knowing what venue to meet them in to ensure that she gets or passes on the information she needs. COVID protocols mean no more one-on-one meetings with journalists in her office, no more gaggles following her through the halls. The press corps were not happy when they moved all briefings outside and insisted on face masks and shields in addition to everyone sitting six feet apart. She gets asked about the president's health at least once a day and they start doing weekly waving from the balconies just so the press corps can get footage of him, healthy and shouting down to Danny and some of the others. Someone makes a cartoon of the president in the tower, with Abbey as his dragon keeper and though no one is willing to justify a cartoon with a comment, privately C.J. thinks it's accurate. She's always admired Abbey's fierce protectiveness of her family, even when she doesn't agree with every way it expresses itself or when it interferes with C.J.'s job. She has to come up with new ways to push the White House agenda (keep the economy afloat, stay home, no, don't listen to the GOP governors or those running for the primary, those ideas are not good, go the fuck home and stop having parties) and while some work, others bomb. It would help if everyone would stay on message and not screw up.

Sam: would like to make it clear that he did not know how many people would be at that gathering. He thought he was going for an outdoor meal with just a few old friends who could help raise money for the democratic party, not a fifty-person birthday party. The media fallout nearly gets him fired. Instead he gets yelled at by C.J., then by the First Lady. Mallory even sends him a card about how stupid he was. He's pretty sure that having Donna around is the only reason that Josh hasn't made the same mistake by now. It had to have been a toss up as to which of the two of them would screw up. Sam just isn't lucky enough to have a Donna (Sam is very happy that Josh has a Donna, Sam just wants Josh to realize that he talks about Donna the same way most men talk about their wives, because it's really hard not to respond to "why do I put up with finding her hair clogging the shower drain" with "because you love her and can't live without her, stupid"). He instead has adopted a cat for company. It tries to scratch him every time he tries to pet it. Sam spends his days trying to find a way to say "fuck the economy until we've beaten the virus" in a way that is palatable to the American people while trying to remind Toby that they can't actually say that outright. This is not an easy task.

Toby: would like to tell most of the American public to shut up, stay indoors for two months, pretty much nobody excepted, and if you don't, then you get tossed out to sea. He's come within an inch of telling anti-mask people they deserve to get sick on the record and is strongly advocating that the federal government figure out a way to mandate that every person in the country, minus those with legitimate medical exceptions, get the vaccine as soon as possible. He is also about to get evicted because it turns out his neighbors do not appreciate having rubber balls bounced against the walls for hours on end. Apparently, the thud is rather annoying. He worries about everyone, though this is delivered brusquely. Out of everyone he's taking the new work from home situation the best. No one can pop in to distract him, or comment on his eating habits. And if he doesn't want to talk to someone, he can always turn his phone to silent and pretend not to have seen they called. He's not pleased the Yankees lost to the Rays (necessitating rooting for either the Dodgers or the Rays, one of which beat his team and the other which betrayed New York), but he can at least take solace in the fact that the Mets didn't even make the playoffs.

#the west wing #pandemic #covid #jed bartlet #president bartlet #abbey bartlet #zoey bartlet #josh lyman #donna moss #josh x donna #sam seaborn #cj cregg #toby ziegler #leo mcgarry #basically there are still dumb people even with a good administration #but they try #and abbey will make sure they stay safe or else #i think this theoretically slots in somewhere in season... three?

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT PROBLEM

I'm pretty sure that to people 50 or 100 years in the future. But this isn't true. As Marc Andreessen put it, software is eating the world, and this trend has decades left to run. As you've probably noticed, they have a single format. The practice seems to have begun in China, where starting in 587 candidates for the imperial civil service had to take an exam on classical literature. Law used to mean that if your software was slow, all you need are the people. Probably not. Whereas Pittsburgh has the opposite problem: plenty of nerds, but no one person would have a complete copy of it. Their first site was exclusively for Harvard students, of which there are only a few jobs as professional journalists, for example, so competition ensured the average journalist was fairly good. Companies ensure quality through rules to prevent employees from screwing up. Arguably it's a sign of weakness. When people hurt themselves lifting heavy things, it's usually because they try to lift with their back.

Since there's a fixed cost each time you start working on a program, it's more efficient to work in a big company in the expectation of fairness goes away. When you have small children, there are at least some users who really need what they're making—not just people who could start startups, so it's not surprising to find they'll also push their scruples to the limits for them. A round. What nerds like is other nerds. The other problem with pretend work is that it often looks better than real work. Conversely, a town must have an intact center. They all say they cared too much what other kids thought of them. But we're not these people's bosses. They switch because it's a rich market, and if the difference between them will be less than the measurement error. One of the artifacts of the way schools are organized is that we get on average only about 5-7% of a much larger number. If you can make a graph of all the things we'll get in the next 50 years as they did in Ming China and nineteenth century England just as much as in present day South Korea.

None of them are run by product visionaries, and empirically you can't seem to get those by hiring them. The really dramatic growth happens when a startup only has three or four of the eight startups we funded will make it. Ironically, hackers have brought this on themselves. A lot of the reason I laughed so much at the talk by the good speaker at that conference was that everyone else did. The usual motives are few: drugs, money, sex, revenge. One of the mistakes novice pilots make is overcontrolling the aircraft: applying corrections too vigorously, so the aircraft oscillates about the desired configuration instead of approaching it asymptotically. For example, I'd tell myself I was only going to use the Internet twice a day.

This turns out not to be in as good physical shape as Olympic athletes, for example, so competition ensured the average journalist was fairly good. They all know about the VCs who rejected Google. My rule is that I can spend as much time just thinking as I do it on that computer. But when he rides the Segwell, they shout abuse from their cars: Too lazy to walk, ya fuckin homo? Microsoft could have, will you convince investors? But there's more going on than that. Apple's not going to generate ideas as well as your own. Stuff used to be valuable, and now he's a professor at MIT.

It's easy. For the young especially, much of this confusion is induced by the artificial situations they find themselves in. Certainly some rejected Google. Often users have second thoughts and delete such comments. When I ask myself what I've found life is too short for something. But when he rides the Eunicycle, which looks exactly like a regular unicycle till you realize the window has closed. They're so earnest and hard-working. The SFP was just an experiment, instead of taking a class on entrepreneurship you're better off taking money from an investor than an employer.

It's not aimed at producing a correct estimate of any given individual, but at least half the startups we fund could make as good a bet a few months I realized that what I'd been unconsciously hoping to find there was back in the US at least they don't have the clean, sparse feel they used to. If Bill Gates and Michael Dell were both 19 when they started startups, they decided to get into second gear. When someone contradicts you, they're in a sense this is historically inaccurate, it is in other ways more accurate, because when someone is being an asshole it's usually uncertain even in their own minds why they like or dislike startups. I suspect professionalism was always overrated—not just in the literal sense of working for money. Which means local TV is probably dead. I can't think of one. Are some people just a lot more independent than others, or would everyone be this way if they were sentient adversaries—as if there were a little man in your head always cooking up the most plausible arguments for doing whatever you're trying to convince investors of something very uncertain—that their startup will be huge—and convincing anyone of something like that must obviously entail some wild feat of salesmanship. Hmm, I wonder what's new online. Hacking is something you learn best by doing it. This way, they were guaranteed a social event at least once a week. The people who are young but smart and driven can make more by starting their own companies than by working for existing ones, the existing companies are forced to fall back on.

Even if the product doesn't entail a lot of energy released. If investors get too involved, they smother one of the most admired Web 2. I think they fail because they select for the wrong people. Ideally the answer is that life actually is short. It wasn't always this way. I could probably tell you exactly what he said, to learn how to deal with tedious problems or get involved in messy ways with the real world, programs are bigger, tend to involve existing code, for example—can't help but look smug. Older founders only make the first mistake. And investors can tell fairly quickly whether you're a domain expert by how well you answer their questions. The main value networks supply now is ad sales. In addition to the direct cost in time, there's the cost in fragmentation—breaking people's day up into bits too small to be useful. If you try to solve? Their lives are short too.

Plus there are probably all sorts of regulations to comply with. Clinton found he was feeling short of breath. But it's not because liberals are smarter that this is the exact moment when technological progress stops. But it would have advantages even if it didn't: you have to select 20 players. VCs, and we think as it spreads outward it will help later stage investors as well. Once credential granting institutions are no longer in the self-fullfilling prophecy business, they'll have to work that way. I'd like to suggest an alternative word for someone who publishes in a weblog format, but anyone who publishes online. B for getting startup ideas. Though the idea of fixing payments. College is an incomparable opportunity to do that.

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movietweets · 6 years

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Iron Man

Cracking a beer and getting stuck into the first film of the series: Iron man. He's a man made of Iron apparently so I'm expecting a lot of rust related plot devices #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh yeah! I can already tell this is going to be good because there's army cars and AC/DC playing. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh but look who it is, in a suit, with a glass of brown alcohol and wearing sunglasses, its RDJ. My man! Always appropriate for any situation. About to go into combat? No problem I'll just grab a bottle of jack and my cuff links. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Obviously he treats everyone else like shit too. Obviously. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oops! Didn't see that coming. Can't go 30 seconds in a superhero movie without an explosion though and now a war's happening and I'm getting a Saving Private Ryan flashback. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

That’s not good. Better text the wife and tell her I won’t be back for dinner. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh Shit! It's terrorists, and they've got guns! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Flashback on Tony's past. No wonder 'Big T' has an ego problem. Bet he pulls some ridiculous shit in vegas. Also I wonder how much that casino paid to get in this movie? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Bloody knew it!

Dude’s like: “why the fuck did he just hand me a big glass dildo?”

Just a quick argument with a supermodel journalist to set up a parallel with US foreign policy in the subtext. Yeah, I make loads of money selling weapons that kill people but look how cool and attractive I am. Lets fuck! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh no! That’s your best comeback?... surely you’re not going to let that win you over Everlove? Surely?!

Well I guess we all have moments of weakness.

And literally all it took was a couple of gadgets for her to drop all her morals. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Poor Pepper, He's literally a nightmare to work for and now he's flirting inappropriately! Also he forgot her birthday and she didn't care... yeah right. #realwomen #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Of course his private jet is a strip club. Where is that pole coming from exactly? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Why is the business owner doing the job of a salesman right now? Does he really need the commission? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

All that technology, like genuine future stuff, and he has literally the shittest phone in the world. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Good thing that mad scientist guy happened to be captured by those guys too. Also didn't we just see that he was wearing a bullet proof jacket? How did shrapnel get anywhere near his heart? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

PROOF!

Oh no! The weapons got into the hands of the naughty men! isn't that what sexy journalist/supermodel woman was talking about? Maybe you should have been paying attention to her argument instead trying to sleep with her? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

“But Tony... You promised!” :(

They went all that time without exchanging names? Guy saves your life but nah, funny accent, not worth getting too close. Also NOW you want to small talk, right when he’s holding a pot of molten metal in a pair of forceps?! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh yeah, just make a couple of rings, stick them together with some copper wire and there you go magic chest battery. Step one, make a ring. #Therestofthefuckingowl #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

And here we are having a bash at step two...

Hey presto! That was easy.

Well to be honest its about time that the wrongens noticed something wasn't quite right. Man had a massive glowing thing on his chest that looks like its from the future and nobody seemed bothered. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

For a man who we've established is intelligent Big T has no game. Yeah just leave the blueprints to the secret plan you're working on out on the table. Fortunately the baddies are totally negligent. I'm surprised they remembered to lock the door #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

We've already seen that they have CCTV of what Tony and his mate are up to but some how they aren't seeing him assemble a full suit of weaponized armor under their noses? Even after they've been caught with the blueprints?? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Could they be any more blatant about what they’re up to?

Also why build a suit that leaves the one vulnerable part, the battery that powers it and keeps his heart from being shredded, exposed. 10/10 for visual aesthetic -10000 for common sense. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Seems to hold up though, even when shot point blank in the head. Shame his assistant had to die. There could have been some serious competition for chief romantic interest with Pepper later. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Yeah, no shit. This guy had expendable character written all over him.

What is going on with his legs? Seriously, who has hips that wide? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Ahahaha! Silly baddies! Haven’t you realised that your guns are useless!?

Oh no! He's gone down! Looks like the terrorists are going to win after all. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh... no they fucked it.

Good thing he can fly!

Also good thing that that, way bigger explosion didn't have any nasty shrapnel in it this time. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Ah, phew! Good thing the military are here to save the day. Held off till now though obviously because PLOT #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

“Taxi!”

Also yeah, I want an American cheeseburger and a... (hint at sex but surprise with) a press conference. Definitely don't want to go to the hospital, not even after spending days(?) in the desert following a firefight and crash in a metal suit from 100m #MCU #Marvel #IronMan

Fast food and a quickie?

Seriously had enough of his shit...

Of course Burger King got that contract. I'm a little bit surprised that Tony didn't ask for a mac book and a bottle of new mountain dew red alert, available in a convenience store near you...#MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Don't tell me he's grown a conscience! Big T! Think about what you're going to the military industrial complex! What about the economy!? All those people who came out to clap at you getting out of a Rolls Royce are jobless now! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Hashtag UN-nesesary segway #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Okay Pep, just reach into the massive hole in my chest and grab that loose wire. Don't mind all the puss and blood. Oh you fucked it up, never mind, should have had a doctor do it. To be fair, could have done it himself but wouldn't want to miss this opportunity to flirt #MCU

100% uses that sentient robot arm to wank #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Yep, just walk into a military base and start talking shit to the commander because you're Tony Stark #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

"working on a secret project are we Sir?" - You can trust me, I'm a web connected AI with the same voice as HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Speaking of wrong hands, who's this with a useless remnant of scrap metal. I think I know who the main antagonist is going to be! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

“What did you just say about my sunglasses!?”

That looks like pretty complex stuff T! Good thing you've got Wankatron to help you out. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh shit... that's at least 3 months in hospital. Also wouldn't a man of science have worked out exactly how much thrust 10% capacity would generate before testing it on himself. Why not test it on a crash dummy first? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Also, hats off to Wankatron for the excellent comedic timing. That bit with the extinguisher. GOLD #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Okay, how does he still have an arm after that? Tony Stark is a normal human right? I'm not going to find out 10 movies in that hes actually from the planet Joopizoop where everyone is a demi-god am I? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Where does he buy those shirts with the hole cut out of the chest? Reckon that's a custom job. Another example of Big T's genius. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh yeah. Let's do this highly experimental test that is likely to end in something exploding or going catastrophically wrong in the garage along side 3 to 6 expensive super cars. #justbillionairethings #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

What did you expect dude? I’m getting tired of your bullshit!

WHAT KIND OF HERO RUINS ICECREAMS FOR CHILDREN?!?! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh! Did it go wrong? Well that will teach you for ignoring HAL 9000!

With great power comes incredible lack of responsibility. There’ll be a pothole there for weeks now. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Wankatron giving Tony a taste of his own medicine.

Just as well that ghetto Iron Man is looking like something off of scrapheap challenge #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Well that was a slap in the face... are there any women who his ‘hero’ does respect?

Also, of course he knows Hugh Hefner. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Wow. Pepper is looking on point, must have guys lining up and she still puts up with that crap from Tone. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" Shit man...you're making ME uncomfortable and I'm watching this from my bedroom, in my underwear. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

“I need a new job.”

Wait! Isn't that supermodel/journalist from before the hostage situation? Oh and she's got some leverage this time... #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oooo! Looks like uncle cigar might be the main antagonist after all.

Somebody’s having a little sulk in the man cave are they? Angrily adjusting your super complex future cyber arm with a screwdriver. I mean...seriously? Screw drivers only do one of two things. They tighten or loosen screws. How much tinkering is really going on there? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Wow... wankatron had a few upgrades! Now he comes out of the floor and gets you dressed in the morning #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Terrorists are on the rise again. Oh! You've got a gun, have you? Well here's a massive punch in the stomach.

Or why not have a blast of my...wait, what is that stuff that’s being blown out of my hands? Is it just pure bad-ass?! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Oh shit... now he's screwed, no way to save the hostages at gun point..

SHOULDER GUNS! BANG!

AUTO-TARGETING, NO RECOIL, EAT THAT YOU BLOODY WRONGENS! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

“Cheers mate!”

Uh oh...

Tank gun to the face?

No prob bro. JUST WALK IT OFF #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Bogey just went supersonic. Good thing that people from Joopidoop are impervious to the effects of instant acceleration or his bones and organs would be jellified by now.

Also good thing that he though to add in some knee flares... you know for disco scenarios and this... #MCU

Whiplash is right... ejecting is no joke. Most people never fly again and are left with severe spinal injuries. Cheers T. NICE ONE. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong

When your missus catches you having some fun with your newly upgraded wankatron... #mcu #ironman #tweetalong #marvel

Ghetto ironman looks still looks shit..

no wonder the baddy used his weird sound torture lanyard on him. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

OH SHIT! Pepper out. So that was the stick that broke the camels back eh? Developing a sense of responsibility and taking the initiative to do the right thing...oh hell nawh! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

I knew she was bluffing. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Wow... how awesome do computers look in this film. I want to work with an interface like that. Who cares that all the icons are on the wrong side!? You can literally type translate and it starts speaking English! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Jesus! She’s not a piece of meat! Damn, the main baddy is kinda creepy. Even without all the murdering and crazy sound torture dongle! RUN POTTS! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

OH NO! Not Big T! He's gone all pasty 'cause of the torture lanyard!

“You’re not going to try and kiss me are you?”

Oh no, no. Just going to syringe the future battery out of your techno pacemaker... You know.. Baddie stuff.

Wait... is his name Obediah? Seriously how didn't anyone guess he was evil? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

YES! COME ON WANKATRON! POP IT IN THE HOLE! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Pepper is the real hero in this story. Just look at that power walk. Either that or I have a massive crush on 2008 Gwyneth Paltrow #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Shitt... ghetto iron man been hittin' the gym! How did we get from scrapheap challenge to beefcake overnight? I want that protein shake! #therestofthefuckingowl #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

LOL that whole family are like: Holy shit what is happening?! This never happens when we stay with daddy! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

lets hope it wasn't dad following behind on that motorcycle #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

HE KNOWS THE MATH WANKATRON! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Ha Ha yeah... chill out Obediah. You've been iced out. Don't you realize that you're just an overweight imitation? #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

those disco knee flares are are literally a get out of jail free card. I've said it before and I'll say it again... bloody good thing he thought of them. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

“Nooo! Not the disco knee flares! How did you know my only weakness was the boogie!?

Yes Pepper, flip every god damn switch! Meanwhile the masks are off... #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

PUSH IT! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

God dammit Pepper! What are you waiting for!?

wait for it....

Oh thank goodness for that... it had been almost a whole minute without an explosion! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Lets see if we can't shoehorn in a little post action office romance between boss and employee before Tony pars off supermodel/journalist for the third time and does the obvious thing by letting his ego overtake everything. #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Yep.

At least we can enjoy some well earned Black Sabbath as the credits roll #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

Wait... WHAT IS THIS!? The film is over but there's more? Is this a thing? Oh my word! GET THESE MOTHERFUCKING SUPERHEROS INTO MY BADDY FIGHTING CLUB! #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

The end.

Hope every one of my 27 followers enjoyed that. I'll be posting it to my blog soon in a special post with bonus content and screen shots to accompany each tweet. Look forward to tweeting @ you all soon when I watch The Hulk (2008) next time #MCU #Marvel #tweetalong #IronMan

*UPDATE*

Uh oh, looks like one of my followers didn't like that at all. Good riddance I say! To the remaining 26: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALL ALONE! :(

#MCU Marvel tweetalong IronMan

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burntfingers · 7 years

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My Talk With God, and How He’s a Space Nazi

I promise, crossed my heart, that this story actually happened. I also need to remind you that I never promised that ANY of this will make sense. I’m gonna have to do this in bullet points.

My second cousin was dating this guy, Brad. At the time I became aware of Brad, it was nearing Christmas time. So I was invited up to Brad’s house to hang out with him and my cousin, who I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years. I went up to Maryland to the house, and right away, I noticed a problem. The house was so damn out of the way that if you wanted its location you had to do geocoordinates. But I arrived safe and sound. My cousin was not coming until the next day, so I got to talk to Brad a bit. Here’s what I found out:

- He was super fucking racist. I gotta get that one out of the way. He legitimately thought that anyone not white (or “Germanic” as he insisted any white person was) was on a lower tier of the evolutionary scale. Lowest on the scale were black people. He refused to refer to other races by anything other than pejorative terms. This pretty much was the foundation of his entire character.

- He thought he was god. Not like, the monotheistic god-with-a-capital-g, but more that he thought he was descended from Odin. (He insisted it was spelled “Oden”) so he of course insisted that his demigod status have him a higher plane of existence than everyone else on earth, and that it allowed him to pass through time warps and allowed him to see Vikings in visions. He also believed that this made him the best guitarist on earth, but that’s another section of the story.

- He was somewhat obsessed with Vikings, in case you didn’t already get that. He paid a lot of money to have runes tattooed into his arms, but they were so poorly done that they looked like they were done with green sharpie. He also worshipped Odin, but did so in a bizarre way. Whereas most people who make burnt offerings (I’ve gotta go off of various books, I don’t know anyone else who does…besides my dad when he grills) will insist on buying a live animal, slaughtering it, and ritually preparing it. Our friend here would just have his mom buy him a butterball turkey, and he’d go out and burn it on an altar. Also he’d talk about how amazing his religion (Asatru) was, due mostly to the fact that, in his understanding, it encouraged wanton destruction of lesser races, subjugation of women, and a lack of personal responsibility. REAL charmer right there. He also would parade about the house in a cheap Viking costume, and whenever he passed a mirror, he’d flip his shoulder-length hair and scowl into it, as if he were trying to intimidate his reflection. He also had his parents buy him a meter-long sword. Yes it was real. Yes it was sharp. And yes, he thought it was the greatest thing ever. He would often tout it as the “Greatest home defense weapon ever,” to which I’d reply “Yes but wouldn’t you have a problem swinging a meter-long blade inside a house?” His response tied into the next point.

- He wanted to start a kingdom…in Maryland. You heard that right. The end goal of this would-be demigod Viking was to buy up a ton of land in Maryland, declare independence from the United States, set up a little nation devoid of racial minorities and/or socialists, and call it “Ascalon.” He wanted to have a castle, tons of statues, and a guard unit called…the High Guard. Creative. Basically he wanted to go to Europe (Never Africa or Asia, for reasons you already know) and adopt up young male orphans, and train them as his brainwashed soldiers. (Literally his plan was to get them, preferably younger than 6, and raise them on a steady diet of Ayn Rand, swordplay, and hate speech) Also he wanted to institute gladiatorial combat as the primary form of capital punishment. What merits capital punishment in the (Allegedly) Libertarian Monarchy of Ascalon? Murder, rape, theft…and Socialism. That’s right, in this “Free society” simply preaching in favor of socialism could land you in the ring across from Robbie the Rapist, and you’ve got to fight to the death. Of course, I was like “Don’t these ‘utopias’ usually get…shot?” but I guess I’m just a cynic. - Now you’re probably imagining this guy as someone who is a.) 14, b.) playing Call of Duty, and c.) Rather scrawny (or fit, if he were really trying to fit into the stereotype of a Viking) Our friend was none of those. He was 20, spent all of his time playing Viking death metal on guitar, and had, by his own admission, never worked out a day in his life. He was 5'7" and 250lbs, and had rarely left his parents’ house, due to a crippling fear of people. He had long, wispy hair, which he fancied made him more Viking-like, and he admitted that he wore the same shorts for weeks at a time, but that was only when he wasn’t trooping around in the dime-store Viking costume.

- He played guitar, and idolized Viking death metal. Now that’s no crime in and of itself, but having your millionaire parents buy you $200,000 in guitars, amps, and cables and only playing one of those guitars IS a crime of some sort. And if it’s not, it should be. This kid’s first guitar was a $2,000 Eric Clapton Stratocaster, and he made his parents go through thousands of dollars until he settled on a guitar he liked. He even had a Gibson Les Paul…signed by Les Paul (Who is dead, btw) which alone is worth a fortune. This feeds into his plan for world domination, trust me.

- So his kingdom? How did he plan on funding that huge land grab? Obviously that was one thing his parents WOULDN’T pay for. So he had a plan that involved taking over the music industry, the video game industry, and eventually, the world. Basically he wanted to start by creating a game that he described as a cross between “Minecraft and Morrowind” that would be infinite and self-aware. All geekiness aside, such a thing is impossible on modern hardware. He wanted to make the game with 5 people, and he said it would make millions of dollars in a few years. Then he’d use that money to build studios in every major city in the Caucasian-dominated world (Sorry, he hated that term, he’d prefer “Germanic”) and make Viking Death Metal the dominant genre of music in the world. This is because he was pissed that “Black people music” had become the dominant style in the world, i.e. hip hop, pop, and dance music.(He SURE didn’t say “black people” but I’m not gonna repeat what he said) That being said, he viewed metal as the whitest genre of music ever to be recorded, completely ignoring the fact that metal came from rock, which came from blues, which came from the soul and gospel music of…you guessed it, black people. So he was screwed either way. But that didn’t stop his racist megalomania one bit, because he planned on using the money garnered from his game and record company to buy up his kingdom in Maryland, and build a castle. And THAT is where he was gonna use his sword for home defense. So finally, we get to my visit with him. I visited and stayed for five days, much like a National Geographic journalist studying a maniacal dictator, and my cousin came. She showed up, smiling, happy to see us both, and with two GIANT boxes of cookies in hand. She was instantly berated by him for letting the cookies go stale. Then they went upstairs, and I didn’t see them for the rest of the day. Apparently that was because he was busy sulking that bread products, when exposed to air, tend to get a bit stale. So then, the next morning, I decided to be a good guest, and offer to help my cousin make breakfast (Brad wouldn’t be down until 12, she said) so we made some devilled eggs. He came down, pulled a face, and I didn’t see him until late that night, considering that he was sulking some more, this time because he didn’t like the smell of eggs. Then he finally came down at 10pm, and got in a fight with his mother, because she caught him mocking his father’s mannerisms. (His father had recently suffered a stroke) The next day, his friend Rich showed up. Rich secretly disliked Brad, and we both knew it. That night however, I decided to sleep in the attic, because there were real beds there. I did so, and regretted it immensely. Brad and my cousin were having VERY loud sex below me, and I spent the rest of the night covering my ears and getting very little sleep.

The next day, I woke up closer to lunch time. My cousin had prepared burgers, freshly ground and grilled, and Brad complained and told her that she sucked at cooking and shouldn’t do it anymore. His mother called him out on it, and he responded that “Encouraging the weak is a socialist value.” and continued to pontificate that it was “Crucial to the survival of our race” (He basically called everything that he liked “Crucial to the survival of our race” Be it a political cause or a videogame) he then continued that he idolized Anders Breivik, the guy who shot up and bombed a youth camp in Norway, because “The people in the camp were socialist Labour party members who were poisoning the youth.”

After I realized that I had had enough of this guy, I decided to pack my bags, and go home. After the visit, I cut off communication with him, and deleted him off Facebook and all other social media. Videos and photos of him still exist, somewhere, trying his best to look tough. So where is he now? After being dumped by my cousin, the last I saw of him was that he was advertising himself as “Lead Philosopher at Ascalon” and posting pictures of the night sky with emo quotes about how nobody loves and/or understands him.

Some god.

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