#literally naughty school children

[liloslittlethings]

lilo try to push each other off a platform at the AMAS

(via E! News)

[d3stinyist1red]

Yandere town?? Live convenience store cashier or mall owner or police officer and paramedics or anything both platonic and romantic like the elders try to get reader married to their children etc

YASSS QUEEN 😛😛😛

Yan town who literally is obsessed with everything you do, like u could be drinking water and they'll praise you for drinking it

Yan town who literally has the biggest fanclub of you, they exchange pictures, and items that used to belong to you

Yan convenience store cashier who literally has the sluttiest clothes in his bag just in case you come in

Yan police officer that gets called everytime you try burning the town down, biting his lip while saying "N/n, your being a very naughty girl!~" He playfully slaps,and runs his fingers up and down on your arm.

Yan medic who is lowkey a baddie, litteraly whenever he hears that you have a cut, he puts on the most lil skirt possible, and literally brings out things that nurses would only use if your on fucking life support, acting as if your gonna die just because of a tiny ass cut

yan platonic elderly woman who begs you to marry her son. Her son was very attractive and rich, waving at you shyly as he thinks about the ways you could stroke and suck him off

Yan business man who tries to get you to be his secretary, begging you on his knees and shit. He literally kisses your feet anytime he is in a 5 mile radius of u

Yan farmer who literally is pushing 20 and acting like a middle school boy who barely hit puberty, humping at your shoe and everything. He gives you free fruits tho! Though, he does try to trade with you. Your panties for the fruits of course!

Yan cowboy who let you ride him and save his horse. He literally tells you to get on his horse with him, your in front of him as he guides the horse, his front leaning against your back. He tries to hide his huge boner, and how he's slowly thrusting it against you.

Yan loser who no one likes💀 if ur the angel of the town, he's the devil. He's a total weirdo, whenever he sees you, his hands immediately go for his pants, trying to patt his dick down. "H-hey, do you wa-wanna help me wit-with mini me?"

Yan platonic unc who tries to get you to go on a blind date with his niece. You finally went, and his niece was down bad for u. His niece wouldn't even eat his food, staring at you the whole time with heart eyes, and giggling at you

Yan old man who lets you be his sugar baby. You don't even do anything, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty, and he will give you the money. Very cutesy very demure

[plutowrites]

Of Magic

note: whew dusted off the ole keyboard for this one. if i'm rusty, you gotta allow it. i love this one sm. because i love nanami kento. that is all.

pairings: dad!nanami x (fem) reader

contains: fluff. nanami being the best duh wbk. modern au.

You hear a faint scraping noise from the kitchen as you quietly enter your home, holding your breath while gently closing the door behind you. It's 9:53 PM, and although wishful thinking has you hoping the girls are fast asleep in their beds, you know they're probably waiting for you to come and kiss them goodnight. In your opinion, Kento outshines you in almost every aspect of parenting, but bedtime belongs to you. He just can't do stories like you can—nothing beats the silly voices you give to each character. Your voice range is impeccable.

However, it is late, and you've had multiple conversations with your children about not waiting up for you tonight; one when they had just woken up, another during breakfast, and the last reminder during the car ride to school before dropping them off. They know very well that you had a company event to attend outside of work hours and wouldn't be home until late at night. But still, a small (horrible) part of you wanted them to still be awake, just to hear their cute giggles and feel their tiny, warm hands wrapped around your neck in a tight hug. 

"How'd it go?" Kento asks, closing the lid over the Tupperware filled with tonight's dinner, which looks (and smells) like beef and broccoli stir-fry. You stand in the kitchen with a puzzled look on your face.

Instead of answering his question, you point to the food in his hands. "They ate the broccoli?"

Nanami turns to face you and frowns. "Of course they ate the broccoli."

"What?! They never eat broccoli when I'm around."

"That's only because you don't eat broccoli, honey. You're their hero; they wouldn't even touch chocolate cake if dearest mommy turned up her nose at it."

"Dearest mommy, huh," you repeat after him, a grin slowly spreading across your face. Kento wraps one arm around your shoulders lazily, pulling you into him and pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head.

"They should be asleep—"

"Nice."

"But they're probably not," Nanami finishes. You lean your head back to look at him. The beginnings of a smile dance on the corners of his lips.

You fake gasp. "How naughty."

"Soooo naughty."

"I'll go check on them when I go up there to change my clothes." Kento lets go of you and runs a hand through his hair. Noting the exhaustion on his face, you add, "You should rest now that I'm home. I can pack the girls' lunches for tomorrow too."

He shakes his head. "They're already done, but did you know they're really into star shapes now? It was just hearts last week. I can do hearts. I did hearts like a pro, actually."

"Are stars really that hard to do?" You ask, tongue in cheek.

He shoots you a look. In your husband’s defense, he really did cut hearts into foods like a pro. Every single item that went into the girls’ lunch boxes that could be carved into the shape of a heart, was in the shape of a heart. You always watched Kento from the couch in the living room as he meticulously sliced and diced away to make his girls happy.

You pat your hand across one of his cheeks and coo, "You're the best dad ever, literally." You draw out the word literally, eliciting a snort from Nanami.

"I had to ban that word today."

Now it’s your turn to laugh—your oldest daughter learned the word 'literally' in school this week and hasn't stopped using it since. It's sort of hilarious how she sneaks it into every other sentence. You tilt your head to the side and reply in the most serious tone you can muster, "Thank you because it was literally driving me, literally, insane, literally."

A chorus of giggles erupts from the top of the stairs, followed by a thundering rumble of footsteps descending. The moment in the kitchen, interrupted.

Nanami shakes his head gently and sighs, "Hmm, I wonder if they’re awake."

You grab the back of his neck, yank him closer, and plant a loud kiss on his cheek. "My babies are spoiled like little princesses. They need entertainment to go to sleep, and I am their jester. I bid you farewell."

"You’re going to read them a bedtime story?"

"Yes, I am going to read them a bedtime story..."

"Now? At 10:00 PM? And you call me soft..."

“You are, don’t even start.”

After a beat, Kento says softly, “You're so good to them, you know? They’re so lucky to have you.”

Hearing those words from him stops you in your tracks. They wouldn't mean nearly as much coming from anyone else as they do coming from Kento, simply because he is the best father. 

He’s so patient, and kind, and understanding. He lets the girls wear whatever madness they want, and is completely fluent in their ramblings and mumbles— far better than you. He knows exactly how they like their oatmeal, and memorized the milk to cereal ratio they must have in their bowls or else the world stops for them; he knows exactly what to say when they're feeling upset to calm them down.

He learned how to bake white chocolate raspberry muffins because it’s their favourite. He learned how to do funky hairstyles just because a crazy hair day at their school was on the horizon. He even learned how to patch holes in their clothes instead of telling them not to lay and roll around in the wood chips at the park because he couldn't bear to cut into their fun.

If Kento didn’t know how to do something, he learned. He was always trying. 

To you, your husband is a hard-working, dedicated, outrageously beautiful force of a man.

To your children, he’s nothing short of magic.

[samuelsdean]

The Cure to Injuries

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: you most definitely didn’t think that the most effective cure to a bruise is a gentle kiss placed on it.

genre: fluff & angst

word count: 1.8k

author's notes: this is the first fic i have ever written since my stay on wattpad during grade school. so, forgive me for any mistakes & cheesiness that bled into it. spencer is too cute and he deserves more softness in his life. anyway, i hope you'll enjoy what you're about to read as much as i enjoyed writing it. i hope you'll like & reblog if you find this fic good. please do tell me if you want me to write more because i will!

GROWING UP, YOU’VE ALWAYS KNOWN YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP PEOPLE. The first job you thought of was becoming a teacher. However, you realized that making lesson plans and dealing with naughty kids weren’t your thing. 

The next one was becoming a lawyer. But, you’ve had enough of seeing your dad being buried in paperwork and your family telling you, "You’d be a great lawyer! You literally enjoy debating with everyone."

Then, you thought of becoming a doctor. You were good at science, and you found the human body interesting. That was your dream until you had to see your friends vomit literal bile on the sidewalk and have their stomachs pumped after a night of drinking. After that, you didn’t think you could deal with vomit and other possible human excretions in the future.

Luckily, one sunny day, your brightest idea of what you wanted your future to be like finally came to you. You wanted to work for the FBI. You’ve always been a bit too interested in criminal justice, but at the same time, you wanted to fuse it with your interest in science. So, you’ve decided that becoming a profiler is your end goal.

You just didn’t think about how becoming one could involve getting bruised and battered, possibly even shot at and blown up, and you most definitely didn’t think that the most effective cure to a bruise is a gentle kiss placed on it.

"Ow! It’s good you aren’t the medical doctor kind of doctor because your patient would definitely file a complaint against you." 

You huffed and puffed, as you gingerly sat on the ambulance, accompanied by your co-worker, Dr. Spencer Reid. He shook his head and rolled his eyes at you as he continued prodding you for other injuries. 

The FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, or BAU, has been your workplace for almost four years now. You never thought you’d get here after you realized that you don’t only need brains to become a profiler but also brawn. Fortunately for you, you were too smart for the FBI to pass up on, and, well, you at least passed your physical exams—albeit barely but still enough to get to where you are now. Oh, the dream!

Where you are right now, despite that, is definitely not the dream. You were presently black and blue after being the one to take down and make the arrest of the unsub who had abducted children in Kentucky as surrogates for her deceased child. Despite your injuries, the day ended on a positive note. All the children are going home to their parents alive, and that’s all you could ever ask for. Well, that, and the incessant flocking of your co-worker, who just so happened to be the person with whom you have harbored romantic feelings for quite some time now.

"What you did was stupid, Y/L/N! You could’ve gotten killed, going in there like you’re bulletproof or something," Reid exclaimed, complete with the hand gestures and the word vomit when he’s excited or worried. "Did you forget what happened five months, seven days, and three hours ago? You got shot in the arm!"

In this case, you’re positive he’s about to pass out from all the talking and lack of breathing.

"You know, Reid," You chuckled in amusement and said, "I’m more concerned about you keeping track of the exact date and time I got injured. Are you sure you’re doing that out of concern for me as your coworker, or is it because you secretly have feelings for me?"

The doctor paled, his pouty lips opening and closing like those of a fish, swimming in the depths of the ocean.

"W-what?! What do you mean I have feelings for you?"

That made your heart twitch, and not in a good way. You knew the doctor couldn't reciprocate your feelings. He just happened to have a phenomenal memory. He can’t help but store random information; he has no choice but to remember. But, you can’t help yourself. A tiny part of you still yearns for him to return your feelings. Oh well, you’d rather have him as your friend than nothing at all. But, a little teasing won’t hurt, right?

"I’m kidding, Reid," you snickered, "I know you know that piece of information because of that eidetic memory of yours or whatever."

"It’s not just because of that, you know," Reid sighed.

That gave you pause. It seemed like your world stopped turning and nothing else mattered. It couldn’t be, you thought, there’s no way he likes you back. You’re you, and he’s this otherworldly guy. You can’t even believe he’s real.

"What?" You chuckled nervously, tugging at your ear gently, "What are you saying, Spencer?"

Spencer sighed and frowned, "I know I was the reason you got shot that day, Y/N. I saw the glint in your eye when you thought the best way to save me from getting shot was to push me out of the way and shield me. And that was a stupid move, by the way."

Your jaw dropped. You were about to say something, but Spencer beat you to it.

"Let me finish first," He said, raising his index finger as if to say I still have a lot to say, "It’s stupid because you almost got yourself killed. I was about to move out of the way when you covered for me and you got hurt! You got hurt, Y/N! How was I supposed to live with myself if you ended up dying that day because of me? How, Y/N?"

"But I didn’t! I’m here, Reid." You’re scowling now and about to rant Spencer’s ear off. " What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry I wanted to save you that day? Because I’m not!"

You know that what you did that day was incredibly stupid of you. What Reid was saying was true. You could have died that day, but you were too selfish to admit that. You were so selfish that you couldn’t imagine living a life without Spencer Reid in it if you hadn't pushed him out of the way and ended up hurting yourself for it. And you have had no regrets to this day about doing it.

"That’s the thing, Y/N," Reid was almost full-on shouting now: "No matter how much you end up getting hurt to protect the people around you, you don’t care! Did you really think I’d appreciate what you did for me if you ended up seriously getting hurt, or worse, dead?"

Your vision is getting blurry from the unshed tears now. You love Reid so much, but he wouldn’t get it. He would never see you as more than just a coworker. More than a friend.

"No, Spencer," you sniffled, looking directly at him now, "I know you wouldn’t have appreciated it if that happened. Call me selfish, but I care for you too much to ever let anything hurt you and regret what I did."

You stood up from where you were sitting and were about to head to the SUV where you could be alone before driving back to the precinct, but Spencer didn’t let you. He held your wrist, pulled you back, and groaned.

"God, you’re insufferable!" He exclaimed, "Don’t you get it? I care about you, Y/N!"

"I know, Reid," you smiled wistfully, "you care about me because I’m your friend."

"No, I don’t." 

This made you stop in your tracks and stare at him intently.

"I don’t care about you as a friend, Y/N. I never did."

"Oh."

Reid sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair. "Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I don’t expect you to love me back—"

"I love you." This made Reid stop fully. "I have loved you since the day you talked my ear off about Doctor Who. I have loved you since that time I woke up in the middle of the night back in Atlanta and ended up knocking on your door because I couldn't go back to sleep. You told me you'd always be here for me."

"I love you, Spencer Reid."

Before you could overthink your sudden confession, Spencer held your uninjured cheek with his slender hand—and the next thing you know, he is kissing you. 

You couldn't help but gasp. You were startled by the suddenness. His lips were warm and soft, almost pillowy against yours. Warmth blossomed in your chest as Spencer's lips brushed against yours tentatively. The smell of his hair—like the smell of early mornings after a night of rain—was dizzying. He smelled so clean and fresh, like soap, with a hint of the smell of a new book.

You felt lightheaded as he swiped his tongue against your lips, asking for entrance, which you gave him. You could taste the hint of sweet coffee he drank just minutes before the takedown. You could feel the soft tickle of his breath and his fingers as he carded it through your hair while you breathed each other in.

You never imagined kissing Spencer could feel like this.

Regretfully, your bruised cheek was starting to take the brunt of all the snogging. You had to pull away because you were running out of breath, so you tapped his cheek. Spencer wasn't taking the hint at all, which made you giggle—cute. Having no other choice, you held both of his cheeks and pulled away.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No, silly," you chortled; he's so cute. "I just ran out of breath, and my bruised cheeks hurt. It isn't your fault. Don't worry." You assured him.

Spencer sighed a breath of relief, which made you want to tease him.

"I know what can stop my bruises from hurting, though."

Eager to please you, the doctor was about to start searching for possible medical remedies to your injuries, not knowing you had something else in mind.

"You could plant a kiss on them." You grinned widely as you saw Spencer's neck start reddening, "I'm kidding, Spence," you said, "You don't have to—"

You didn't expect Spencer—of all people—to be the type of person who would shower you with kisses if you asked him, but he is. He started planting light kisses on the purple blotches on your face—not caring that anyone from the local police to your workmates from the bureau could see you. 

"I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N," Reid said, eyes glistening with unshed tears as he brushed his lips against yours once again.

You never thought the best day of your life would be the day you get injured. You never thought the best cure for cuts, scrapes, and bruises could be a kiss from the one you love the most—Spencer Reid.

[foreversagacious]

jesus christ man, ur art is sick, keep doing u and just know if u go for the grift, if u make a "fixing your art" YouTube channel even though theyre so fucking annoying and dumb run by entitled ass 26 yr olds who went to art school, u can make a lottt of money if ur rly 14 and lean into that gimmick, as wel as the actual merits of ur shit cus. like bro if i had a time machine. and i was in ur shoes. honestly do it. go for the grift. fuck the merits of art anyway it doenst mean shit. "art is dead" but not in the cringe bo burnham way but in the way where being a furry is slowly being poisoned by capitalism as companies notice that demographic can be profitable (this is why furries need to be actual freaks. but not you you are like a child. just do whatever u want man i dont care dude)

but forreal you should make one of those art drama channels where u fix peoples art so there are less annoying ass fucking 26 year olds who talk like assholes on purpose and being intentionally divisive and annoyingggg running those channels that genuinely suck balls and dick and cock at art . like ok i shoudlnt be saying this to a 14 year old. sorry for the naughty words. balls are the orange things with black lines on them on a baskertball cvourt. mihcale jordan.. yeah..... he was tall as fuuuck boy. anyway ur art is cool and made me have an internal crisis because i am like almost 3 years older than u and leagues behind. but that's ltierally so cringe because we both love skibid toilet because we are both basically children so oh my god so much in common! wha tthe fukkk this is like when the hipies invaded the white house. or sonmething. i love peace and love on the earth oh m god dude skibidi bop yes yes. skbidi biden is kind of fucking hard as fuck though bro i aint even gon lie to u i aint even holdin u to that it kind of is actual heat,. this is on anon man, but i dont even care, i speak for the communitnmy, i hope u never sell ur soul for the art world and community, but if u do, i hope u make a shit ton of money for it because art youtubers are fucking annoying as shit but make a ton of money. do it bro i swear to god youll get huge if u lean into the 14 yr old thing god DAMN im old now oh my goddd DONT GO INTO A RETAIL JOB!!!!!! well, u should for the experience, but DONT GET STUCK THERE AT LEAST. EXPLOIT YOUR COMPANIES TIME. SLACK OFF ON THEJOB. UNIONIZE SECRETLY AND DONT TOLERATE NARCS AND SNITCHES. art "fixing" channels are lowkey scabs like they are the type to be worker scabs but also god damn man they are a scab on the art community cus theyre ANNOYING AS FUCKKK I DONT CARE IF THEYRE ETHICAL ONES THEYRE ANNOYING. I literally dont fucking take them seriously like oh my god ok bro yes aw ohm y god wow! anyway. becvome one of the scabs. the art youtube scavbs not a worker scab. make money. then dip and god please god dont turn 26 ever, i have ten good years maybe and then boom iim that colleen girl and i have to killmyself! dont do it !!! dont do it

holy shit wow. that is a whole disquisition and a half

thank you though i appreciate the fact that you took the time outta your day to spam my inbox with kind (and equally as questionable) words!!

i havent really been able to draw cus of exam season but here you go chew on this stupid dirk doodle til i have the time to whip up something a little less ballsy

peace out mwah mwah youre awesome and i will be looking deeper into the bill gates foreskin couch conspiracy

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Hiya! Something struck me and I was wondering if you have any headcanons about how would the bachelors (from both vanilla and expanded) react to finding out their kid is being bullied/picked on at school or something like that. I'm mostly curious about a certain Expanded's bachelor's reaction, but if I pointed out who, I'm sure you'll figure out who I am, haha. Feel free to answer if you have some for all of the bachelors! If not, sorry to bother you! 🙇‍♀️

I really love your headcanons but I'm very shy to go public, so I'll be anonymous for now.

- From 🌻 Anonymous

Dear anon,

Thank you very much for your question. The news that you like my headcanons warms my soul. But I would also like to point out that you clearly overestimate my abilities if you think that I can recognize you from the selected headcanon candidates. I'm literally like that Patrick meme with a board on his forehead and a hammer. And I have a great desire to write about all the bachelors, dividing them into a vanilla version and SVE mod (for those who are not familiar with mods). Thanks again for the question and enjoy the headcanon.

Sincerely, me. ❤️

(Why the hell am I writing like Elliott?! 🤣)

SDV bachelors react to their child being bullied:

Sam:

Since the Farmer is busy working on the farm today, Sam volunteered to pick up their child from the music club. How happy he was when their kid wanted to "be cool, like daddy!", And such developmental activities will help the kid develop their talents. Sam, all joyful and positive, did not have time to enter the main building of the music house, when he saw his child... crying??? Above them were two older children, apparently also members of the musical club. Sam did not hear the beginning of the conversation, but he distinctly heard how the bullies called his child stipid and said that such a loser would not become a musician. Ok, this is not cool.

The child stopped crying abruptly, and the bullies didn't realize their change of mood until they saw Sam behind. He folded his arms, looked at these punks with a stern look and declared that they were acting like cowards. The bullies immediately calmed down, because they recognized Sam. He is the same young and promising musician who became the idols of many, and, apparently, of these teenagers too. And well, how can you not be ashamed when your idol says that you are a coward and a disappointment. They apologized to Sam, to his child, and promised they wouldn't do it again. Sam let them go in peace, and then winked at his child, letting them know that their cool dad will always come to the rescue.

He picked up his talented kid and invited them to go and buy sweets so that they would not be so upset. The child gladly agreed, forgetting about sadness. Just don't tell the Farmer that he treated you to sweets before dinner, ok? :D

Shane:

Oh, this little bastards. They will regret that they were born.

He had a similar case, when teenagers from big cities teased Jas. He then scared them so much that one even wet his pants. Here, too, he does not take pity on those who even came up with the idea to mock his precious treasure and other children. Of course, he and the Farmer will listen to the whole story from their child, and when they finish the story, it will be even harder for Shane to restrain himself from strangling these little bastards.

The Farmer had not yet had time to call the parents of these hooligans, as Shane had already managed to "visit" these bullies and scare them for good. To Farmer's stern look, Shane swore to Yoba that he hadn't laid a finger on them, only scared them. But still, Shane and Farmer called the director and the parents of the bullies.

Fortunately, the adults turned out to be decent than their naughty children, apologized and promised that this would not happen again. Their kid is no longer bullied at school, and those bullies bypass Shane. That's right!

Harvey:

Harvey is a doctor who has treated not only adults, but also children and teenagers in his life. And given that it is sometimes much more difficult to work with young patients (fear of needles, a frightening atmosphere, or just a whimsical character), Harvey knows a little about child psychology. Well, at least enough for a doctor to calm a crying boy or girl who is terribly afraid of vaccinations, when their parents can’t calm them down on their own. Harvey also knew that this knowledge would be useful to him when he and the Farmer had their own child - both to raise their beloved little one, and for a bully who, for some reason, decided to offend their child. Is this how parents raise their children?

Harvey addressed the bully very calmly, showing no aggression or fear, standing between the bully and his kid. And when the ill-mannered teenager began to sprinkle Harvey with swearing and name-calling, the doctor still remained unperturbed. There was no malice or fear in his eyes, only one emotion: disappointment, and this put the bully in a stupor.

Harvey immediately revealed his trump cards. He began to explain that by bullying children weaker than themselves, they are trying to hide their own vulnerability and weakness, that they are trying to assert themselves. Harvey was able to just destroy all the bully's desire to continue his teasing so much that they stood and cried silently, because everything turned out to be true. But Harvey needed not their tears, but the realization that what they were doing was wrong. He addressed the bully no longer so strictly, because they are still only children. But he insisted that they apologize to their child and promised to improve for the better. So they did.

Harvey smiled and, when the bully left, he took his baby in his arms, listening to their admiration for how they drove the hooligan away. Harvey promised to explain why people sometimes do this, and how to behave if the situation repeats itself.

Elliott:

It is impossible to imagine how many emotions were inside Elliott when he and the Farmer came to the city to pick up a child from a new school, and saw them crying. And when the child said that they were offended by children from older classes, then Elliott was simply filled with rage.

The writer in a gentle voice asked to show with their finger who exactly offended them, and when the hushed kid pointed in the direction of those bullies, even the Farmer did not have time to stop their husband, as Elliott flew like a storm towards those scoundrels. What a scandal he raised, oh my! Elliott, of course, did not swear in front of the children, but given his rich vocabulary, his indignations turned out to be...emotional.

When the Farmer arrived in time with their child, as well as the teachers who stood nearby and heard the scandal, everyone began to calm Elliott. Having dealt with the bullies, with the confidence that the vile brats would no longer offend his child, everyone went home.

Later, when Elliott and his family returned home, he apologized to everyone for how emotionally he reacted to this. Elliott was very much afraid for their preciousness, because bullying is no joke. Bullying at school can push a poor kid into rash acts that Elliott doesn't want to think about. The Farmer understands his partner, and when everyone calmed down at home, Elliott invited their little one to take a walk with him and get some ice cream. As the writer and the child happily weaved ice cream, Elliott asked their little one not to be afraid to talk about bullies and promised that he and the Farmer would always protect them.

Alex:

The beach season is in full swing, and on this beautiful day, the Farmer just has no worries about the farm for today. Therefore, Alex decided that they should definitely spend this wonderful day on the beach. The Farmer gladly agreed to this, and their child generally squealed with joy.

Armed with sunscreen, inflatable sleeves and plastic buckets, the kid sat on the sand and built sand castles while the parents rested nearby and remembered to keep a close eye on their little one. There were a lot of people today, in addition to the usual inhabitants of the Valley, there were also visiting tourists. Alex and his spouse carefully watched the child so as not to lose them in the crowd.

The Farmer was offered to buy snacks at the Saloon, which was a good thing: Alex was a bit hungry. They quickly left in the direction of the institution, leaving their child under the watchful eye of Alex. And as soon as the athlete turned away for a second, he heard a child's cry, which he recognized instantly: their baby was crying near the already destroyed sand castle, when some punk stood and mocked their kid, causing them to even more tears. In vain this bully did so, oh in vain.

Alex with one jerk was near this punk, and with one movement he twisted their right arm. The bully immediately hissed in pain and tried to break free, but how could he compete with the (future) sports champion. At the same time, Alex ordered to apologize for the fact that they mocked their child and destroyed the sand castle, and then, as soon as they apologized, he kicked the ill-mannered punk from the beach with one kick in the ass. Alex didn't understand this at all - okay, he would almost get is if it was another kid, but it's was almost adult.

In the end, Alex nevertheless reassured their baby and offered to build another sand castle together, even better than the previous one. While they were both building a real sand palace and the kid had already forgotten about that unpleasant incident, the Farmer returned to them with snacks and sweets. Their child, with all their joy, ran to the other parent, and Alex thought to himself that if the Farmer had caught this situation, then there would not have been a wet place left from that bully.

Sebastian:

Unfortunately, Sebastian knows very well what it's like to be the victim of bullying. After he and his mom were abandoned by their biological father, no one but Robin protected him from being bullied in elementary school. And even older, due to his shyness, he still endured bullying of his peers, until Sam, with whom they studied together and who became his first real friend, began to protect him.

They have all grown up, and Sebby can already easily defend his honor if he is attacked by all sorts of idiots. And yet, inside him, he uncomfortably shrank when he saw a similar situation again, but this time his child became a victim of bullying. The Farmer and his kid are his happiness, which he was not going to give to anyone, especially to some noobs who thought that they could simply be like brats over the weak like that. He didn't even have to do anything: Sebastian subdued two bullies who looked at him in horror, and simply said: 'Get lost' in such a threatening tone that the bullies immediately ran away, not wanting to test Sebastian's patience.

When Sebby calmed his baby, they both went home. On the way, the young father told the child that he was also often a victim of bullying, and how his mother protected from nasty people, adding that he and the Farmer would also not let anyone offend their treasure.

SVE bachelors react to their child being bullied:

Lance:

Lance recalled his youth, namely those cases when he himself had to defend himself from hooligans and protect others from bullying in his native village. A torn shirt, a busted nose, but a satisfied smirk - that's how Lance remembered himself, peering into his own reflection while his restless parents tried to figure out what happened to their son. Lance was never the initiator of a fight, but he could not just stand and watch how others are humiliated who cannot fight back. And Lance understands that people are different, that there can be more offenders, that the victim, constrained by fear, does not know what to do. And so Lance, even in his youth, considered it his duty to protect the weak.

And if a brave adventurer could come to the aid of anyone who got into such a situation, then what can we say about his own child, still too small to cope with a whole group of hooligans. At the sight of a sword-wielding adventurer, any brat with any leftover convolutions in his brain will retreat instantly. But if there is someone left who wants to be rude to Lance as well, then the pink-haired man will have a short conversation with such persons: he will pull on the ear so hard that the idiot will howl in pain. Lance will not forget to remind them about the honor and how low they are acting, and then with a warning drives the bullies away.

And while his child looked at his father in admiration, Lance had already managed to pick them up in his arms and smiled at the already laughing child. "Need to somehow teach them self-defense", Lance thought to himself, noting that even if his and his spouse’s baby starts to defend themselves, this will not cancel the parents’ concern and they will always come to the rescue.

Victor:

Victor almost choked on his spaghetti when his child said that someone was bullying them at the new school because of their looks. What does it mean "for looks"? Their child has a normal looks, and the usual school uniform. And bullying?! He can't leave it like that!

Victor, seeing the worried face of his baby, reassured them and said that he and the Farmer would not leave them in trouble, because they are their parents and love them very much. The next day, when Victor informed the school principal of the situation, they were all called to the school for a parent-teacher meeting, along with the bully and their parents, to discuss and resolve the conflict.

Victor may seem vulnerable to others, but when the question arises of protecting people dear to him, he will show all his determination to protect his family to the last. To his and Farmer's regret, the little bully's parents turned out to be no better in behavior than their offspring. It is immediately obvious that rich parents, spoiled in childhood, also spoiled their child and now they think that they can do anything. They didn't even show respect to the principal, because "we financially support the school, so shut your mouths." Victor realized that a civilized conversation with them would not work, and decided to make a call, which he put off at the last moment, hoping that he would not need it:

"Mom, can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?"

Enraged (already) grandmother Olivia will literally destroy those who decide to insult her son, his partner and her dear grandchild. And believe me, her hot temperament and connections are enough to make arrogant parents with their spoiled child quieter than a mouse.

The bully did not offend Victor's child anymore, since their parents transferred their capricious child to another school. Although Victor sadly thinks that it would be better if they had gained intelligence and patience. Oh well, their child is safe, and he and the Farmer will be laughing for a long time at the faces of those upstarts when Olivia put them in their place. Their child squeaks with joy that their dad and Farmer are brave and kind, and Granny Olivia is cool!

Magnus:

To say that Magnus was furious would be an understatement. And who would not be furious in his place - he saw from the window of his tower how someone wanted to throw rocks at the child. His child!

Magnus figured a day out in nature would be good for his little one, and the Farmer let them go, with the promise that their dear husband would keep an eye on their treasure. To which Magnus pretended to be offended and kissing his spouse, swore an oath that he would protect the child like the apple of the Eye. Everything was going well, Magnus was reading another book with spells in the yard, and the kid was looking at insects and flowers nearby.

And as soon as Magnus left for literally one minute to pick another book, he heard unkind voices with a touch of causticity. Quickly going to the window, he saw that some teenagers, not local (thank Yoba Jas, Vincent and Leo were well-mannered and good children). One of them pushed the baby onto the grass, and the second wanted to throw a rock at them. To which Magnus teleported with lightning speed and stood between the child and the bullies.

These brats dropped all the items from their hands when they saw a tall man in purple robes, from whom streams of magical energy emanated. Magnus glared at them, letting them know that if he wanted to, he would incinerate these assholes with fire. He wouldn't do that, of course, because Ministry rules and all, but hooligans don't need to know that, right?.

Rasmodius just raised his hand as the teenagers immediately ran away, frightened at the possibility of experiencing the wizard's wrath. After making sure that everything was fine with the child, he took them to the tower, reassuring them that they would never see these bad people again, and that Magnus would immediately come to the rescue. In the meantime, Magnus will treat them some magic rock candy and let them go out on the yard again, watching his precious child even more closely.

[thebugthatruinsyourpicnic]

Okay okay okay okay

We all know 15 is important in Hatchetfield.

But you know what else is important? 5.

And because if a free school hour, here is a list

Two actually

15.

TGWDLM, BF and NMT 1 aren't all that heavy on the 15 but 15 minutes into TGWDLM is the meteor sequence, the Apotheosis's first appearance

Hidgens came up with the theory of the Apotheosis 30 years (two 15 year cycles) before it happened

Honey Queen is about the 75th Honey Queen pageant, which is a multiple of 15

Holloway's aliases are good for "about 15 years or so"

The Gift peaks at 15

Hannah is 15

15 years prior to the events of Honey Queen, PEIP opened the portal

Nerdy Prudes Must Die has 15 songs

15 years before NPMD, Solomon obtained the Black Book

Hatchetfield consists of 15 stories (we will not be talking about hey melissa)

5.

Every musical follows 5 main protagonists (or at least focuses on their fate)

Paul, Emma, Bill, Ted and Charlotte

Lex, Hannah, Tom, Becky and Howie

Steph, Pete, Grace, Ruth and Richie

The fifth song in TGWDLM is the song to reveal the Apotheosis (cup of poisoned coffee), which is also sung by 5 people (Nora, Zoey and the three customers)

The fifth song in Nightmare Time 1 and 2 refer to their stories' respective Lords in Black (One Thousand Eyes, the Nibbly Ditty)

The fifth song in NPMD is the first step taken to Max's death and him turning evil (Bully the Bully), which is also sung by 5 people (Steph, Pete, Grace, Ruth and Richie)

There are 5 Lords in Black

If you count the NMT seasons as a single project, Hatchetfield consists of 5 projects

Hatchetfield has been going (as a show) for 5 years

Hannah was born in 2005 on October (the tenth month, 2×5) 5th

In 2005, PEIP opened the portal

In 2005, if the timeline theory is correct which it probably is, the timeline split

The countdown in What If Tomorrow Comes consists of 5 numbers (9 7 5 3 2)

Including the NMT theme, the first episodes of both NMT seasons have 5 songs

NPMD features 5 more stereotypical nerds (the ones in literal monster) and 5 more stereotypical popular kids (the football players and cheerleaders): Pete, Ruth, Richie, Bryce and Kim's characters, and Max, Kyle, Jason, Brenda and Kim's cheerleader

The Lords in Black's song has 5 seperate verses (not counting the final one, because it is a condensed version of the first): their introduction, the Lords in Black we are, the Lords in Black will help you, whatever we want, Stephanie has got a gun

We know 5 disciples of the Lords in Black (that weren't under some form of their influence that we know of like the infected or Linda): Willabella, Wilbur, Roman, Sheila and Grace

We know 5 members of the Church of the Starry Children: the Waylons, Sheila and Mr. Young, Roman

We know 5 people who have frequently used the Black Book: Willabella, Holloway, Grace, Solomon, Jane's patient from the soul transferring ritual

Feel free to add on if I missed anything!!

There are 5 additional Webbies in Yellow Jacket (Naughty Webby, Nerdy Webby, Emo Webby, Peppy Webby, Mom Webby)

There are 5 stories to have mentioned the Black Book (Jane's a Car, the Witch in the Web, Daddy, Killer Track, Nerdy Prudes Must Die)

(edited this to try and make it more coherent)

[limetimo]

Ceremonious Nerves by tenrousei_kuroi psychological horror, Harry just arrived to Grimmauld Place and is finding out just how messed up his godfather is... and it's not just baout Azkaban

Confusions and Complications by whos_creativity third year. boggart lesson. On Harry's turn the boggart turns into a soaking wet bleeding boy... who is no-one else than Remus' old friend, Regulus Black!

old men and their pajamas by rsbarelle Fleamont and REgulus have the same pyjamas.

constant vigilance by maladaptivewriting jegulus smut, noncon roleplay

Regulus's (very professional) Guide to Forming a Family - a series -a feshly free (but still deeply traumatised) trans regulus starts working at a cafe, is befriended against his will by Remus, bumps into his estranged brother, meets said brother's friends, starts dating James, and overall finds himself with more family than he ever thought he'd have or need.

and though i burn, how could i fall? by theicarusconstellation icarus Regulus and Apollo James

lost and found by rxgulus James adopts a stray cat, doesn't know the stray cat is regulus actually

The Marshmallow Test by Scorpsblack CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE BABY REGULUS AND BIG BRO SIRIUS DOING TEH MARSHMALLOW TEST IM DEAD

is this the end of all the endings? (his broken bones are mending) by rsbarelle sirius is raising regulus, also bartylus ♥

Gathering Home by Quietlemonhush Sirius is rasiing both Regulus and Harry, and Remus is the kindergarden teacher

Black's Anatomy by Scorpsblack sirius is a doctor and also raising regulus, who is 3 and has a brain tumor. Thankfully the hospital is full of friends! Regulus and Barty traumatise the entire play room.

Little Lion by TracingPatterns undersage incest also James/Regulus/Sirius

we're not worried, we're just having fun by grimjobs remus is a virgin and regulus is a slut, james has a brilliant idea.

How we all fall by georgia_sk harry is trying to get draco to date him and is very dramatic about it, much to jegulus' amusement.

Naughty, Knotty, Naughty by Anonymous Regulus/Harry/Sirius animagus smut

i can go anywhere i want (just not home) by rsbarelle regulus is Not having a good time and decides to follow in Sirius' footsteps and run away to the Potters.

the love of a brother by rxgulus - regulus is tasked with writing an essay about the people who raised him. backgroud estabilished jegulus

alcohol free by rxgulus when james gets drunk he starts waxing poetics about his husband to whoever is nearest; this time it's Regulus' coworkers Lily and friends.

the soldier by woobyo soon after Regulus' death, Sirius finds himself being 11 again. This time around he's not going to let nobody get n the way of their happily ever afters. (Even if it takes a liberal amount of murder.)

Mortal Once More by SheOfTheBookAndSong reg takes snape's place in narattive

Eighty-Twenty by FrankieQuinn13 back at school, james dumped severus because the boy didn't fit his idea of two children and a picket fence. He marries Lily instead and... it's fine, the marriage is fine. It feels a little less fine when they find out Severus is dating Sirius... and it's pretty serious

anti-hero by rweoutofthewoods regulus dies... or does he? :D past and endgame jegulus, lily lives. good writing!

Meet on Telegraph Avenue by ani_wahstan Regulus gets kicked out and goes to love with his brother and his sexy, slutty best friend.

Toujours-effin-pur, baby! by kwiewi Bartylus cruisin' and vibin' and lovin' on the roads of USA

make me stay by vick Regulus can't believe he's got crush on his brother's best riend. humiliating. pathetic. jegulily

Slipping through the mirror's cracks by Careless_Mirel walburga stuffed sickly regulus' soul in his healthy out-of-wedlock sister's body and it's overall a mess but Regulus and i forgot her name right now are going to figure it out

best friend behaviour by Anonymous barty/evan/regulus smut

Fuck The Monarchy! (Literally) by Bartemius_Crouch sirius and regulus are princes. what the title says, by james (and remus)

you're too sweet for me by fullonbicrisis regulus does sex work on the phone on side. his newest customer james is so sweet! there's no way things could get crazy!

though I try to resist, I still want it all by deanconti sirius/regulus/remus/james smut, sweet

Sirius rides his brother's Tickle Me Elmo by thebestmaraudersslythetinskittlefaneva_8 sirius does some self-discovery

A potion a day from The Black Apothecary by ani_wahstan james is looking for a long term solution to his anxiety, falls in love with a handsome potioneer along the way. sweet

Begin Again by slutforJamesPotter98 regulus dies, time travels, jegulus ensues

all I see is you by morgana_moonlight regulus wants his ears pierced, somehow he gets a date with james out of the whole mess?

god bless america by rweoutofthewoods sirius left. regulus stayed. knocked up a girl. called remus for help. and things stay the same in the sleepy rualr american town. will things change now that sirius and james are back in town? (beautifully written, the atmosphere is somehting else)

How to Raise the Chosen One series, past Jegulily, Regulus raises Harry, Dumbledore's a blackmailing DICK

More than Magic by Hometown_Nerd ♥♥♥♥♥ squibified Reg kidnaps harry, ect ect love it

Best Part of Waking Up by starling011, TemieTem remus/sirius/regulus smut with a surprising amount of plot-oriented chapters.

Curse Breaker (or how to find answers) by vianexa regulus is trying to break a curse, james helps, you can connect the dots

pearl necklace by indecest for PsychiatristGirl orion/regulus incest

A Man On The Horizon by vianexa cowboys!!! after regulus kills a man he can no longer stay in his hometown. in search of his brother he finds James ♥ and a new home ♥♥♥

A star for a summer's day by her_smile_forges_galaxies bartylus fake dates to get james and evan's attention

Drifting by indiantaylor regulus dies and goes back to 13. jegulus

Baby Black by miss_little_kitten regulus is accidentally de-aged and given to sirius to care for

Porn Delivery Service what it says on the tin ft james sirius regulus barty evan uuum remus too i think in various pairings/groups

Faith in Fear | A Regulus Black Story by chilloutkid regulus survives cave, v good

i will touch you with my mind by jaywalkers kinky jegulus

evocatio by justwhatialwayswanted regulus fake-dates evan into real dating

the tips of your teeth (fit perfect in me) by damagecontrol demon regulus priest james fuck nasty

Past Zero Hour by anonymsly ♥♥♥♥♥ :D:D:D:D:D

[beardedmrbean]

The administrators of a public high school near the library i work at went into their collection of classic books and required reading and literally cut out all the "inappropriate" scenes in those books like not to be over dramatic but uuuhhhh i have to wonder if any member of that administration read Fahrenheit 451

Curious what would count as classical, saw a thing earlier today with Iowa banning sexually explicit books from school libraries, I'm gonna find it.

Depicting sex acts, I was close.

I do enjoy the bit that pops up later in this one

I'm curious how many of these parents monitor their kids internet use, not that i think the kama sutra has any place in a Jr High school library, but

The 51-year-old Democrat said depriving children of the ability to make choices about what they read and of perspectives they may see reflected in their own lives is damaging — including for her own children who identify as LGBTQ.  Leaverton said she is shocked by the lists of classic novels that have been removed from schools, such as “1984” and “Animal Farm” by George Orwell, and feels the law is further marginalizing LGBTQ and other underrepresented voices 

Speaking of Fahrenheit 451, close enough at least, 1984 does have some naughty stuff in there tho, pretty sure those two were chosen as examples for a very obvious reason too.

My personal thought of a good way to solve all of this is to send the TV censors in and if you can't publish it on the 5:00 or 6:00 news broadcast it doesn't go into a school library.

Then again that might get books like "Night" pulled because of the whole deal in the train cars as they were being carted off to the extermination camps so maybe not.

There should be a line somewhere because I've seen sections from some of the books that got pulled and they're just straight up pornography.

Cutting passages you don't like out is how we wound up with the "Jefferson Bible" where Thomas Jefferson cut out all the bits he had issues with, namely those dealing with the divinity of Christ, which that's the point of the New Testament my guy, so that's just dumb. Remove the books or leave them in and whole.

It's all madness at this point anyhow so we might as well leave the books the way they are.

Remove the stuff that's basically straight up pornography from school libraries, someone wants to read the porn ones they'll find a way anyhow, the internet is wild like that.

But don't edit stuff out of existing book, that's just lame.

[pscottm]

Republicans’ weird library policies

Idaho Republicans have taken a different tack in their approach to limit access to books they don’t like. They now require the ‘bad’ books in library to be sequestered into a special section that requires special permission to access, and that requires children to be accompanied by an adult. They have to sign in every time they enter the Forbidden Room, so they’ve got a record of who wants to access the naughty books. One woman named Carly took her 11 year old child into the Den of Sin to get a specific book.

Carly explains, “The sign says that if you are under 18, you’re not allowed up there unless you have an unrestricted library card or your parent that is over 18 signs an affidavit for you.” So Carly shows her ID and her daughter’s library card, thinking she’s in the clear. But the librarians still don’t allow her to enter the adult section. “But no, why don’t they let me? Because I’m holding a baby, my 1-year-old.” Yep, you read that right. Even a literal baby now needs the proper documents to be in Carly’s library. “They said that because I had a baby there (who can’t read), I’m not allowed in the library with her unless she has a library card or I signed an affidavit. So me and Daphne just watched from the edge while Scarlett goes in to find her book. The librarian ended up helping her.” Carly’s clear in her video that she doesn’t blame the librarians, saying, “They were being so nice and patient… I felt like the librarians are sick of it. They feel so bad turning kids away from going into the library.”

The wicked book? The Fellowship of the Ring by JRR Tolkien.

This is a lovely example of how Republicans are weird — this is a silly law against a non-existent problem promoted by lawmakers who are completely out of touch with their constituency.

Most Idahoans — 69% — trust library staff with book selection, while 23% of Idahoans do not, according to this year’s Idaho Public Policy Survey. More than half of Idaho librarians are considering leaving library work as a result of library-related legislation, according to an informal survey conducted by the Idaho Library Association.

This is not new. When I was a young kid, my local library put all the science books in an adult section and would shoo kids away if they tried to enter — I had to call my parents to get permission to read books about dinosaurs. By the time I was in high school, they’d so thoroughly loosened that stupid policy to the point that they openly displayed copies of Playboy on the periodicals rack. I wasn’t interested in Playboy, but much appreciated free access to all the other books in the library.

[ask-hotguy]

Ariana Griande: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? 

Coin Eater: Literally or figuratively? 

Ariana Griande: I have to specify?

Cuteguy: I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!

Cuteguy: I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!

Eyes, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. 

Coin Eater: But how- 

Eyes, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

Defo Not Suspicious Reporter:Cuteguy, what do you value about Ariana Griande? 

Cuteguy: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but... 

Ariana Griande: That’s how I know they’re fresh!

*The squad is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.* 

💋🐞: Get two more chairs! 

Ariana Griande: They can get their own chairs. 

Coin Eater: Make them fight for it. 

Spotted Anon: You only need one chair to beat them all with. 

Suspicious Dirt Person: I would never be near children. 

Motherspore: Kill two.

*Bullying Prevention Day at school* 

Teacher: Coin Eater, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again? 

Coin Eater: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case— 

Teacher: To write something to your teacher? 

Coin Eater: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school! 

Teacher: *internal screaming*

Defo Not Suspicious Reporter: What’s your favorite color? 

Coin Eater: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature. 

Defo Not Suspicious Reporter: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP? 

Coin Eater: My favorite color is pink.

Eyes: *writing a letter*  Eyes: Dear Santa,  I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...  And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

-Yours Truly, Incorrect Quotes Anon

Thank you incorrect quotes person! You're on my doodle list next!

[tenrousei-kuroi]

Your answer to anon's question about your favorite character makes me wonder: what was you first incest ship? Also, do you think there's a particular reason this kind shipping that piqued your interest?

oh you’re so silly, my first naughty ship was Sirius/Regulus of course!

but now that I think about it, it was sort of a weird winding journey to get there 🤔

I think like a lot of people I had a bit of a crush on Sirius black as a child, so he was my favorite Harry Potter character from early on, and then when I started flittering about the internet looking for fan content, I gravitated towards him

one of the first fics I ever wrote was Unable are the Loved to Die and that was wayyyy back in…oof, 2005? Between Books 5 & 6, sometime when I was either in late elementary school or early middle school. And contrary to the fic’s final form on FF.net a few years later, it was originally….not overtly incestuous 😝 I think I *wanted* it to be though. Because it still *felt* that way, my preteen brain probably just hadn’t really realized just what it was I wanted to explore.

then I discovered LiveJournal, a little past its prime unfortunately, but back then a lot of accounts and blogs were still up so I dove in *deep* and ended up finding a Sirius Black big bang that I gobbled up, and it was all pretty normal gen or Sirius/Remus stuff (that pairing was called “puppy shipping” back then)….until…the last posted fic in the fest showed up, which was written by a woman named Annie who, according to her LJ, was a classic lit major (We can already tell this is a dangerous combination for someone as pretentious as me).

her fic was called Palimpsest and it had the most gorgeous art by a creator called magrat_me. It was also explicit Sirius/Regulus, the first I’d ever seen. And I fell SO HARD in love with it.

the fact that the first incest fic I read was so beautifully crafted and written by someone with actual literature experience was probably a big factor in why the pairing stuck with me so hard. I bounced from that author’s profile to a bunch of other LJ folks with similar levels of syrupy, pretentious, flowery writing styles and in the course of like a week I think I read every Sirius/Regulus and James/Regulus fic on the site

I wish I could have chatted more with that author because everything I’ve ever written has literally been her fault. But she was a real adult and had clearly moved on from most of LJ and fandom by the time I found her stuff so I just sort of lurked. I did reach out once, years later when I saw the links to Palimpsest were broken and I felt like I might *die* because of it. (Idiot me hadn’t yet learned the hard lesson of saving online content.) And she was sweet enough to not only respond to a DM on a site she hadn’t touched in years but also to resend me the fic 😭 which I now guard quite closely, it’s not gonna get away from me again lol

after my fall into degeneracy I actually went back and changed that first fic I wrote, Unable are the loved to die. It’s properly cesty now, as it was always meant to be 😅

modern discussions about the morality of consuming questionable fiction and protecting children from iffy fic content and such always seems so alien to me because it never came up in my own formative fandom years. (I’m sure it was around, I just skirted by it.) no one anywhere at any point in time in my early days of hoovering up every Sirius/Regulus fic I could find mentioned anything about it being “wrong”. So I never internalized any guilt or shame or confusion. When teenage-me realized how dark my fiction preferences were turning it seemed pretty clear why.

I just find it interesting. I have a pretty normal and stable life, and so the darker and more bizarre corners of humanity are fascinating in a way that happiness just isn’t. “Well adjusted person lives life of moral correctness” is just zero percent interesting to me. And I’ve never felt it went deeper than that.

I’ve always been confident in my ability to consume media critically, and without the need for the works themselves to guide me directly towards the correct opinion. Looking back now this is largely thanks to my mother and her willingness to share any book with me that I wanted to read, and get me to any film I wanted to see. Sometimes things would be scary or wrong or offensive but that just meant it was time to think about *why* and get some good practice handling those feelings.

my family doesn’t read my fanfiction, but they all *know*. My partner in particular is a pretty good sport, love him lol. But my mother has read a bit of my original fiction, which is all just as deranged. And the only question she’s ever asked in response to forty chapters of brothers fucking and murdering each other is: “when are you going to get off your ass and publish something people can buy?”

now that I’ve spewed out an entire confessional on how I became infected with a fifteen year-long Sirius/Regulus brain rot and then diverged into a topic you didn’t even *ask* about…how about you?

let me know if your journey was just as crazy or if you’re a normal person 😅

[clarktooncrossing]

Giraffe's Eye View: Christmas Specials Special (2023) | A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong

Chestnuts are roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost is nipping at your nose. Mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again. All the dogs in the neighborhood somehow learned to bark Jingle Bells in sync. Yet retail workers are still more annoyed with Mariah Carey. Snow is getting shoveled, tossed, and formed into sentient beings leading parades without permits. It makes for an excellent distraction as the Krampus abducts children for bad behavior. Fruitcake is exchanged only to find its permanent home in the garbage. Terrorists have hijacked the Holiday office party right before your boss can give you a Jelly of the Month Club membership as your bonus. And of course, the Turducken has returned to wreak its fiery vengeance upon an unsuspecting world! If all this doesn’t put you in the Christmas spirit, perhaps these following Holiday specials will!

Greetings people of today and robots of tomorrow! It is I, Santa Clark, your geeky giraffe friend with a deep love of Christmas! My obsession for the yuletide is rivaled only by Maleficent’s hatred for it, which is saying a lot considering she once teamed up with Mad Madam Mim to kidnap the literal Spirit of Christmas. Yes, that really happened. I know this due to my annual pilgrimage to the Island of Misfit Specials, home to obscure or nerdy festive media ranging from movies, TV episodes, and comics. It’s no easy journey. Constantly I find myself confronted by sinister snowmen, genocidal gingerbread men, and worst of all, crappy commercials. Getting stabbed in the foot by a candy-cane wielding cookie is one thing, but I swear I’ve seen that ad for Wilbur’s White Elephant Gift Emporium more times than I’ve seen Miracle on 34th Street! Sometimes at night I catch myself reciting that jingle. Wilbur’s White Elephant Gift Emporium: Where Christmas meets Convenience! Huh, maybe Maleficent had a point.

Nah, my deep-rooted appreciation for this time of year can weather even the most moronic marketing! It helps that most of the merry media I’ve seen have put me in the perfect Holiday mood! Examples include the time a Ninja Turtle found himself trapped in a truck full of stollen toys, a drunk department store Santa stumbling onto a wish-granting magic bag, Big Bird nearly becoming a popsicle, Gwenpool waking up in a world where Galactus took the place of jolly ol’ Saint Nicholas, a terrifying tree stump trying to slaughter some saps over a stupid ship war, and the year when Death gave the Little Match Girl the greatest gift of all. Needless to say, I thought I had seen it all. That is, until I took my friends on a trip to the Island, tasking them to find me new, strange, seasonal specials to review! Some of them were fair, finding me festive favorites as comforting as coco in front of the fireplace. Others were fiendish, wanting to feed off my misery like Gremlins after midnight. Regardless of how naughty or nice my companions were, I’ve compiled all of their suggestions into a makeshift advent calendar! So stay tuned everyday until Christmas to see how badly my buddies can shred what little sanity I have left.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my buddies gave to me...

Freddy Mercury once said the show must go on! It’s a credo that The Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society takes to heart. For better or worse. You can bet your butts that any production they undertake is bound to be a disaster. Actors will be injured, props will be destroyed, the set will randomly combust at least once, and grandmas will get run over by reindeer. Or more accurately, foes of Doctor Who will get run over by elderly aunts. Still, the one thing you can say about a Cornley Drama play? They’re anything but boring! It’s why the Goes Wrong brand of comedy has become so beloved over the last decade. Much like the Simpsons before them, Mischief Theater began entertaining audiences with their own chaotic Christmas capers before airing two bonkers specials on the BBC. Said specials adapted both Peter Pan and A Christmas Carol, my fellow Figment fan Hannah (princessofDisney27) requesting I look at the latter. Thankfully both can be found for free on YouTube so long as you don’t mind ads. Who’s more miserly: Ebeneezer Scrooge or the folks running YouTube? You make the call! In any case, let’s look at A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong to see what they get right.

A lot, obviously. Starting with the fact that these British bozos have hijacked the show. Turns out the channel best known for Fleabag didn’t want these misfits back after botching Peter Pan last year. I don’t see what the big deal is! Just because Peter’s shadow caught on fire, Tinkerbell nearly got electrocuted to death, and Captain Hook hijacked a Teletubby doesn’t mean these talented actors shouldn’t be given a second shot. In case you’re wondering, yes, all that actually happened. Have I mentioned these programmes are insane? This one is no different as the cast try to retell this Charles Dickens classic. 

Making up said cast is Chris Bean (Henry Shields), portraying the main miser much to the ire of his louder and larger costar Robert Groves (Henry Lewis). Not contempt with playing the non-speaking Ghost of Christmas Future, the egotistical maniac makes it his mission to completely incapacitate Chris. In the process he falls through the floor in Scrooge’s home, shoots renowned screen actor Derek Jacobi in the neck with a blow dart, smashes a large crate over poor Tiny Tim (Ellie Morris) before assuming the role himself, and generally proves why he’s my favorite member of the ensemble. Seriously, Robert might be the biggest reason my cheeks began hurting from laughter. It’s true what he says, anything you can act he can act LOUDER! Even his phantom persona is loud. Whenever this creep cadaver hits its head on the set you can hear Robert going, “Ow.” By gosh is genius!

Besides the constant bickering between Henry and Henry, Dennis Tyde’s (Jonathan Sayer) Bob Cratchet is frequently forgetting his lines. The recurring gag is used to epic effect here, the nervous nitwit having to utilize the surrounding set to recall his dialogue. His colleagues best hope none of the backdrop is turned around or blocked, otherwise Dennis has no hopes of remembering even the simplest lines. He has no coins in his coin purse or a clue as to what’s going on. Uoy sselb! It’s certainly frustrating for Sandra Wilkinson and her boyfriend Max Bennett, portrayed by then real-life couple Charlie Russel and Dave Hearn. No idea if they’re still together, but it makes for cute on-screen chemistry. Especially when it’s a case of opposites attracting, Sandra the screen-loving Miss Piggy type while Max is a doofus unclear on the concept of ‘fiction’. He at least makes for a great Ghost of Christmas Present despite weeping over a false presumption that his love plans to dump him once the story’s over. Look on the plus side buddy, at least that’s one less gift you have to wrap! 

I joke, but honestly all the emotions land perfectly, both humorous and heart-felt. All of these weirdos are way more interesting than Whatsherface from Power Rangers. Blame that on a balance of witty writing and amazing acting. There’s more members of the company I’ve yet to mention who all kill it whenever on screen. Like when Annie Twilloil (Nancy Zamit) gets a prop gun stuck to her hand after an unfortunate glue incident, Jonathan Harris (Greg Tannahill) learning why Jacob Marley hated his chains so much, or technical director Trevor Watson (Rob Falconer) raining pizza down on London before wrecking it like Godzilla! It’s too funny for words, I’M DYING!

However, where it fails is in the actual adaptation part. Like most iterations, the devil’s in the details. Some incarnations fare better than others when streamlining the story. Not so much here, mostly in regards to Scrooge’s visits by the spirits. His past is almost entirely skipped over, sole focus placed on the break up with Belle. Eh, I’m sure his crappy childhood, deceased sister, or first job at Fezziwig’s isn’t important. Luckily they make up for these failings by giving the Cornley cast their own spin on the story. Chris is ready to move on and leave his troupe behind, though not before selfishly stabbing them in the back first. Upon seeing his character’s grave he realizes how selfish he’s been, apologizing to his amigos before finally letting Robert play the part. Rather a clever subversion, actually. Though really, even if you’re like me and are hung up on changes by that, you’ll be too busy busting a gut to notice. Compared to other Christmas Carols this is by far the funniest. Make up your mind Bob, are you gonna give to charity or not? WANG!

Though if your taste for brilliant British comedy isn’t satisfied yet, feast your eyes on The Nativity! In this second season episode of The Goes Wrong Show, the BBC has finally cut funds to these twits, hence why the birth of Christ is sponsored by Brookshaw Corporate Finance. Even Jesus loves cash! Blessed be the writers who thought up this running joke. Later when the Three Wise Men visit Joseph (Hearn) and Mary (Russel) in the manger they’re given gold standard accreditation, frankincense-ible advice on all their financial interests, and low-cost myrrh-gage rates. Badum tish! Fear not; for behold, it’s more than just painful puns. We also have the piano catching fire during a performance of Silent Night, desserts in place of a desert, an idiot innkeeper, nine wise men, John the Baptist, and Robert Grove as the Archangel Gabriel. All I need to say here is: Halo! On top of the cunning comedy, the set design is stupendous! It’s made to look like a pop-up book, pages turning to reveal a new location full of new mistakes to be made. I’d go on about other yuletide offerings by these professional screwups, but really I should save them for future reviews. For now I’ll close the book on the Cornley Drama Society and turn the page to reveal a familiar frog.

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[spyroid101]

may I ask if any of the demons have specific romantic preferences? I imagine most of them don't/don't care for parings at all but I'm actually very curious. I'm assuming parings like banbalena and banban were only because the summoners wanted to pair them, but It would be interesting to see if any of the demons actually have thought about and considered being in an actual relationship with another demon (or maybe even a human??? Not sure how that would go over, but it doesnt seem like all of them want to rip you into tiny bits so maybe?)

In world lore general? Oh, yes! Sapient Demons and Angels are fully capable of falling in love and forming relationships, among their own kind or others, along with some that just prefer to indulge their needs in casual flings.

Just in general long term relationships with Earthbornes is... kinda a dicey subject, since there's a 99.99% chance said Demon or Angel is gonna outlive that Earthborne... but hey, if one wants put up with a Long Distance Relationship on steroids that can only end in tragedy, there's no law saying they CAN'T, so long as they're still doing their job.

Now, in specifics...

-Characters I'm not touching on this subject with a 50 foot poll-

Jumbo Josh- Is a child. (What? You thought an ADULT Behemoth would fit inside a school building? OH, SWEET SUMMER CHILD)

The Naughty Ones- Are also children.

Castor (The name I'm going with unless they give the Opila chick a name in 4)- While their True Form is an adult, by contract, right now, they are reverted to both being physically and mentally a child, so I'm not gonna be opening that can of worms.

Tamataki & Chamataki- Not a sapient species.

ANYWHO! Besides those:

The Jester is bound to Queen Bouncelia. It is...absolutely NOT a healthy relationship...

Tarta and Opila by chance do happen to know each other from before getting summoned up. Their relationship is... complicated? Best way to describe it is "rival married".

Z̵̮̋ò̷̻l̶̬̿p̴͖̈h̴͉̾ï̷̩u̷͕͂s̸̙̅ ̶̞͐h̶̘̕a̷̽ͅs̵̘͊ ̵̙͋a̶̘͌ ̷̨̈́w̷͓͌i̸̠͐f̸̻͝e̷̹͐.̸̣̒

And indeed, Banban and Banbaleena are only "Together" in the in-universe made up mascot lore of the school, in reality she H A T E S him, and he's TERRIFIED of her.

On his own, though, Banban's been in a few relationships with humans in his lifetime as a Baphomet. Just a handful, though. That whole inevitable outcome of "You're gonna outlive them by a LONG SHOT" thing... hits him pretty hard when it does happen...

Banbaleena has no interest in romance outside of using it for manipulation to get what she wants, which absolutely is not limited to just other demons. The bonus of toying with Earthborne sinners is that they sometimes get so desperate with their short lives, that they'll literally sign a contract allowing her to crush their spirits and kill them at the end of it, after all~

Nabnab's fully Aro/Ace. His love is delicious delicious food~ (AKA bones of beings that are still alive)

Nabnaleena's solely interested in other demons in terms of relationships... and that usually doesn't last very long, since... she also very much loves food... and will happily see said relationship partner as 'food' before 'partner'.

The Fiddles are all a small part of a polycule that 99.98% of all Nightmares alive are in. Only Lucifer knows HOW that even managed to happen/keep happening, but no one questions it. Sometimes sleeping humans and other beings get pulled along with the ride for a bit. They're all very chill and free flowing about things, like the very flow of dreams themselves.

Flynn's open to relationships, Demon, Angel, and Human alike! ...Just the bar he has is set SO HIGH, the amount he's ever had happen are few and far between... And the few humans that have managed to catch interest ended up doing something stupid dangerous out at sea and dying as a result...

Seline's also open to relationships, just hasn't found the right one yet. Unfortunately, after all this, her considering humans with that is... unlikely, to say the least...

[josephsaturn]

Just finished Attack of the Clones!

can’t skip the text crawl!

Wow they really did upgrade the CGI

what’s with all the fog tho

WHOA SHIT

wait Padme’s still got her Girlies(TM)? And they’ve all got a name that ends with é?

Was that Jango w the eyepatch???

Padme once again being the baddest bitch in the room

God Palpatine really does act slimy

WOOO HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN AND EWAN MACGREGOR WOOO

I’m gonna kill whoever thought that anakin’s haircut was acceptable

UUUUUUHUHHHHGGGGHHHH cringe

Captain typho huh?

Man obi wan looks great honestly

Jar jar doesn’t make me want to destroy my eyes

Oh she DEFINITELY recognizes you anakin

Zam?? Whomst???

Ope there’s Jango

More under the cut:

Dreamin bout ya mom???

Oh god centipedes???

OBI WAN??????? HELLO????

I see now why greater fandom always portrays him as insane cuz THAT is insane

Terrifying!

Yea production value deffo went up

A N A K I N

OH SHIT

“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” Huh.

Obi wan gonna get HAMMERED

DAMN. DAMN.

Honestly I wasn’t expecting the temple to look like that

Oh noooooo

Yoda my man my guy then why don’t you FCKUING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

Why does Padme sound younger here than when she was literally like 14

Come to think of it how was she in GOVERNMENT OFFICE at 14

Ohh boyyy we gettin’ prideful Anakin now

Padme looks like a girl I knew in middle school

Jeez he’s down BAD bad

Dormé. Just..Dormé. Padmé. This MUST be an inside joke.

Kenobi: anakin’s crazy

Typho: yea nah padme’s crazier

Oooh dex?

Ok I’m starting to get it now

Damn mean old lady

A N A KIN

I’M dYINGGGGG

aw cute kids

Dang that’s one smart kid

Also, this is like a day after?? Bruv u better FIND that man

Yea girl u were like 14

Every fucking line of dialogue out of anakin’s mouth is either bad flirting or just bad in general like DUDE HOW

new Queen is slaying as well

MILADY

yea get his ass girl

Ok so how far is Kamino exactly??? Cuz 12 parsecs is a lot (at least I think it is, from how they explained it) yet the cut makes it look like obi wan only spent like an hour to get there

Kaminoans got nice voices

The Kaminoans: talking about the army n shit

Kenobi: ???!!!????!?!?!

S-eye-fo dee-as? I thought it’d be see-foe die-as

Kenobi’s like 3 seconds away from freaking out lmao

Man Naboo looks so aesthetically pleasing; I’d love to live there

Oh god. SAND.

Anakin pls mans just quit while you’re ahead

THAT WAS WHAT GOT HER???? A FUCKING LINE ABOUT S A N D ????

Yea that’s not fUCKING scary

Naughty children get put in the tube merry-go-round

Man.

man it’s so interesting how none of the clones are talking in these scenes

They’re just silently going along

“We keep him here.” Huh???

Obi wan: What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

Man boba’s got that resting bitch face

Why does he look like he wants to kill Obi wan in every frame he’s visible

Oh shit Jango doesn’t know sifo dyas?

Hmmm

Damn that was charged

Ok Anakin is talking like a human being now. Great

Man they wanna fuck so bad

ABAKIN YOU WERE DOING SO WELL NOOOO

Agony?

Padme just fucking leave Like girl it isn’t worth it please just get out of there girl BLEASE

she’s like “damn he wants me that bad 👅👅💦💦”

I’m gonna kill Anakin

Yea girl woooo set those boundaries

God she really is always slaying

Ok back to Kamino cool

“Oh-bee wahn”

If Kamino is known as the cloner planet, who else did they clone??

Yeah y’all really are blind

Oh nooo shmiii

Stanced up

Wait did they sleep in the same room??

Were they fucking?

ANAKIN DONT FCKUING MAKE THIS WEIRD

Well at least padme’s supportive??

Damn Jango taught boba well

Ok I can’t take this seriously cuz of the lightsaber

Damn some Kaminoans are prob watching this fight from the windows like 👁️👄👁️

Tatooine!

[speaking huttese]?

So Shmi went to the Lars family huh. That’s one way to do it

Ok the time lag makes sense

Oh no not the bass boost grenades

Oh joy

Ok back to tatooine we go

Hey! An obviously cgi generated house in the desert!

Damn cliegg looks like shit

Oh god she was kidnapped?!

Oh so he lost his leg that’s why

A MONTH?!

Oh ok so it’s not generated

Hey playing with shadows!

And a callback to ep 4!

Duel of the fates again?

Oooh pretty place!

Wuh-oh

CHRISTOPHER LEE!!!

Why DID Jango go to geonosis?

Oh god I’m getting Spy Kids vibes again…

Obi wan looking back at the camera like “y’all seein this shit?”

OH GOD

I’m actually starting to cry rn

So terrible even the Jedi on coruscant can feel it?

But something HAS happened to him

I wonder what would’ve happened if Anakin went back to save Shmi at the beginning?

Uh oh.

“tHe ChOsEn oNe.”

Ok props to Christensen for this scene. Genuinely.

Damn Padme THIS is when you start to think about it?

But I get it, he’s obviously in distress so she’s comforting him like a normal person

Ok THIS is the start to his fall. He’s so attatched that he doesn’t know when to let go

AW SHIT ANAKIN’S WEARING BLACK NOW SHIT SHIT SHIT

but he won’t

Padme girl you are NOT helping

Girl Mace LITERALLY said to stay there what are you on

Wait it’s JARJAR that gets the army???

Captured in stasis

Is dooku just humoring kenobi?

Ok but would Qui gon have become a sepratist?

I mean it’s kinda obvious who sidious is

Dooku’s in cahoots with sidious right

Oh shit Jarjar IS the guy

IT WORKED??????HUH????????????????????????????????????

Grand army of the republic? More like (G)ekid(A)n inu cu(R)ry

(I’ve been rewatching Madoka again too)

How come no one’s made a fic of Yoda going to Kamino?

Damn r2’s got no chill

He’s destroyed his lightsaber before?

Girl.

She’s been enduring his horrible lines and pushiness for the entire movie

GIRL HE’S NOT IN THE RIGHT MENTAL STATE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP

WOOO PUBLIC EXECUTIONS WOOO

and here’s approximately 70% of the budget!!

Oh shit it’s mace!

Damn Jango had no reason for that twirl tho

WHOA SHIT

That shadow of the heaaad

And boba NOOO

that stare between dooku & windu…is that like a “aw fuck” stare or a “watch ur back” stare

Ok I gotta ask: what’s the point of killing Jango? I get that it gets him outta the picture and gives boba a reason to be the hardass he is in OT, but like putting all that aside, what’s the point IN PREQUELS? Mace coulda just captured him

Are the guild guys gonna die

HEYO!

Ultimate weapon?

Oh shit

Hey an episode 1 callback!

THE ARM

shit is that dathomir?

M’wow

Pffft not Vader’s theme

marriage huh

And that’s it for now! I’ll be back after I’m done with clone wars season 1!

[heygutlcssa]

The Ultimate Relationship Tag

Send ‘✩’ for the following: (RIFF & GRAZI) @aintdumb

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Riff Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Grazie Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Grazie, but Riff is always hot on her heels because that is the literal love of his life. his abandonment issues won't let him lose her, especially after Tony goes to jail. Do either of them get physical? yes, but not with each other. How often do they argue/disagree? 50% of the time, but the makinging up is done and super affectionate by the end of the day at the lastest Who is the first to apologise? they are both stubborn. so while Grazie with say it first, Riff will be showing it first. He doesn't say sorry, he either buys her something nice or fixes what needs fixing.

Sex:

Who is on top? Grazie, though they get creative with their positions because of Riff's back. sitting and standing are preferred. Who is on the bottom? Riff. Though sitting or standing is prefered. Who has the strangest desires? Grazie Any kinks? kind of? Riff is getting better at telling her when he's not comfortable with her suggestions. Who’s dominant in bed? Grazie 85% of the time Is head ever in the equation? yes If so, who is better at performing it? both Ever had sex in public? yes Who moans the most? Grazie Who leaves the most marks? No marks, he fights enough as it is. Sex is a safe space, he freaked out the first time she tried. Who screams the loudest? Grazie Who is the more experienced of the two? both have had about the same amount of partners Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? both, mood dependent Rough or soft? both. How long do they usually last? 10 - 20 minutes Is protection used? its 1957 birth control doesn't become available till 1960 but the catholic church banned all forms of artificial contraception, pill and condom included in 1930. condoms are hard to come by in this time period as well, so no Does it ever get boring? no Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? under an afghan on an easy chair while the rest of the jets were sleeping on the floor and other furniture around them

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? Riff doesn't. But accidents can happen. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? Riff dies before that can be something they discuss Who is the favorite parent? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who is the authoritative parent? Grazie Riff is deceased. if he were alive, Riff Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who goes to parent teacher interviews?Grazie Riff is deceased. Who changes the diapers?Grazie Riff is deceased. Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby?Grazie Riff is deceased. if he were alive Grazie would not let him do it. he gets too grumpy when he's tired and therefore it just not safe for their child if he has to be the one to be there in the middle of the night Who spends the most time with the children?Grazie Riff is deceased. with encouragement if he were alive Riff would be preasant, but he's pretty scared about handling them when they are tiny Who packs their lunch boxes? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who gives their children ‘the talk’? Grazie Riff is deceased. though Riff, if he were alive, would not hesitate to answer any questions the kids would have and the answers would not be age appropriate Who cleans up after the kids? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who worries the most? Grazie Riff is deceased. Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?Grazie Riff is deceased. but if he were alive it would be Riff

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? both Who is the little spoon? Grazie Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? both Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Riff How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Who gives the most kisses?If she lets him Riff will stay in a comfortable snuggle position all night long What is their favourite non-sexual activity? dancing Where is their favourite place to cuddle? anywhere that's accessible and safe for them Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?  Riff How often do they get time to themselves? Riff is almost always with his gus, but he also almost always has Grazie with him. Unless he's off with Tony, he's with Grazie and the Jets.

Sleeping:

Who snores? neither If both do, who snores the loudest? N/A Do they share a bed or sleep separately? both, but together is preferred If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Who talks in their sleep? cozy up together. Riff talks in his sleep when he's having bad dreams. Grazie wakes him up What do they wear to bed?If his anxiety is bad Riff will sleep in his jeans and undershirt/tshirt, otherwise underwear. Grazie has cute nighties Are either of your muses insomniacs? Riff is, he's up and down all night and when his back hurts he doesn't sleep Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? no they can't afford them Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Who wakes up with bed hair? yes. Grazie has her pin curls in so her hair is read to be styled for the day. Riff has bed head. Nothing Vaseline can't fix when he wakes up Who wakes up first? Riff Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? they eat on the go What is their favourite sleeping position? Riff can't lay down well because of his back so he sleeps in his armchair. if he's at Grazie's he'll sleep sitting up against the headboard of her bed, but she pulls him down for cuddles and then has to help him up in the morning. Who hogs the sheets? Grazie Do they set an alarm each night? no Can a television be found in their bedroom? they can't afford one Who has nightmares? Riff Who has ridiculous dreams? Neither? Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Grazie Who makes the bed?  Grazie What time is bed time? no time is bedtime Any routines/rituals before bed? Grazie pulls her hair in pin curls and gets herself all pretty, Riff picsk the lock to her place and flops on the bed if he isn't with his guys or does not want to go home. Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? both. they don't talk to each other before coffee and a kiss.

Work:

Who is the busiest? Grazie Who rakes in the highest income? Grazie Are any of your muses unemployed? Riff is, the garage he worked at got torn down and he's too anxious to try and find a new job Who takes the most sick days? neither, they're strapped for cash as it is Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Grazie Who sucks up to their boss? neither What are their jobs? Riff was a mechanic and Grazie works at a bakery Who stresses the most? both Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Riff used to enjoy his job, Are your muses financially stable? no

Home:

Who does the washing? both Who takes out the trash? Riff Who does the ironing? Grazie Who does the cooking? both if you can call it that Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Grazie Who is messier?  Riff has hoarding tendencies so... Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Neither, though Riff is more likely to save the card board roll " just in case" Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Neither. Riff doesn't want to be thought of as dirty. Who forgets to flush the toilet? neither Who is the prankster around the house? Riff does dumb stuff with the guys, but whereever he and her are crashing is a safe space. They don't want it to feel unsafe with practical jokes. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Who mows the lawn? they don't own a car Who answers the telephone? they don't own a phone Who does the vacuuming? they don't own a vaccum Who does the groceries? grazie Who takes the longest to shower? grazie Who spends the most time in the bathroom? grazie

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? yes How many cars do they own? no Do they own their home or do they rent? rent Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? in the city Do they live in the city or in the country? in the city   Do they enjoy their surroundings? no What’s their song? Love Me - Buddy Holly What do they do when they’re away from each other? crimes Where did they first meet? she was dating his best friend and Tony brought her around How did they first meet? through Tony Who spends the most money when out shopping? Riff is more prone to steal things because he has no money. Grazie is thrifty, though has lots of nice-ish stuff Who’s more likely to flash their assets? neiter Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?Riff would find it funny after he makes sure she's okay and gets all the kisses he can out of the situaion Any mental issues? yes Who’s terrified of bugs? neither Who kills the spiders around the house? both Their favourite place? Doc's drug store Who pays the bills? both Do they have any fears for their future? Riff has no thought for the future. this probably scares Grazie Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? neither they go to a diner if they eat out Who uses up all of the hot water? both because they shower together   Who’s the tallest? Riff Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? riff Who wanders around in their underwear? Grazie and she knows it drives Riff wild Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? both What do they tease each other about? inside jokes, funny comics in the newspaper Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? neither Do they have mutual friends? yes Who crushed first? Riff   Any alcohol or substance related problems? yes Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Who swears the most? Riff