#literally made a zoom show just so they had an excuse to talk during the pandemic

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

“What if Good Omens ends on sad cliffhanger and nothing gets resolved because writer’s strike and how long it takes to film and—“

Michael Sheen and David Tennant made a blood oath to work with each other constantly on every project they will film this on an iphone in a closet with a shitty cloth green screen if they have to

[cometsandstardust]

I’m rewatching Agents of Shield and here is a (final) list of things I genuinely forgot happened:

(and also little things i enjoy)

season seven:

- deke printed out sheriff stars

- “i just can’t seem to hold down a husband as they all just turn up with broken ribs when they give me lip” - daisy

- coulson learned about the speakeasy in a first year history course at the academy

- the first thing may says after finding out she’s in 1931, was “i’m hungry”

- “i’m a doctor, not a dame” “i’m a biochemist not a bird” fucking icon jemma simmons

- deke tells freddy that he invented the walkie-talkie

- “agent may, if i may?” enoch is so funny

- …may says she doesn’t feel anything when she wakes up, even though her empathy-ability is already present (though no one knows it yet). she wakes up and feels nothing because the only other person there is enoch, who isn’t human, and therefore doesn’t feel anything, at least not the way we do

- she also talks in a very-enoch like connotation during these scenes (same sort of lilt in her voice)

- they brought koenig onboard the zephyr and he said “excuse me if i’m not impressed” and then immediately lost his shit. he also called enoch a robot, and enoch made a very “bitch, please” face

- freddy shot koenig in the shoulder

- enoch is shown to be working as a bartender at the end of s7ep2 for koenig

- the zephyr scared two teenagers half to death when they got to the fifties

- younger daisy (aka skye ig) believed that area 51 was controlled by shield and was proven right

- the first time may showed signs of her empathy besides the monotone killer mood was when trying to single out the chronicom starting up helius and she basically had a panic attack

- also the chronicom they’re chasing has a very dottie underwood like aesthetic (ofc i’m referencing agent carter when my boy sousa is back)

- overriding the system knocked out the two chronicoms and coulson.

- the camera zoomed in on coulson’s eye and showed a circuit flickering

- the reason s7ep4 is in black and white is because of a malfunction in the wires

- sousa was considered the first fallen soldier of shield

- sousa called howard a pompous ass (he’s right and he should say it)

- mack compared the effect of sousa’s death on shield to the effect of coulson’s to the avengers

- sousa stole a motorcycle from the zephyr

- deke said he wrote the song “don’t you (forget about me)”

- he also name drops daisy in his own lyrics

- coulson’s in a tv

- sybil’s “dumb bot” acts just like a dalek for a sec

- may and yoyo sparred to try and trigger yoyo’s powers into working again

- yo-yo got stuck on the quinjet at the beginning of each loop

- in several loops, mack gets blinded by a radiation flare

- deke gives the distance from the center of the time storm in kilometers, which i initially thought was strange cause y’know american, but then i realized that deke literally grew up in space and that fitz-simmons basically created all the tech/software on board so yeah metric system

- daisy proved to simmons that she was in a loop with the fake word: “phlebotinum”

- when trying to remove the implant, on the first two tries, a lethal gas filled the room killing simmons (and the second time, daisy)

- in one loop, sousa grabbed the machine to remove the implant from the drawer instead of daisy or simmons and started coughing up blood

- also he literally grabbed it so that if something went wrong daisy wouldn’t die and lose her memories of the time loop

- may initially didn’t want to tell kora about jiaying but then brought her to see her body

- kora tried to help her mother heal by giving her energy

- simmons started forgetting fitz after malick put her in the memory machine

[arabidfangirl]

Thoughts on Mile and Apo after the KinnPorsche World Tour Manila show:

First, let's talk about their looks...

Apo is the human personification of this meme:

He's so pretty in real life. Like, I know he's already so good-looking in photos and videos but nothing compares to him in person. I literally gasped when I saw him. His beauty is unreal.

Excuse my shitty mobile's camera (I also had to zoom in for this) but I just had to share this man's face.

Mile's physique is so... He's broad. He might not be as broad as he was pre-KP but I finally understood why he looks bigger than Apo even though they're practically the same height. His waist is tiny, too. Kudos to whoever's styling him because his pants do his ass and legs so much justice.

Also, he's really pale. It's funny because he looks like Edward Cullen in my videos because the spotlight on him just created a glare for my camera.

Trust me when I say I made so many attempts at trying to get him to look less glare-y in this video.

Second, let's talk about their stage presence...

Apo was truly born to be a star. The charisma just oozes out of him. I can't pinpoint how exactly, but I just know there was a point during the show where I just had to stop recording to stare at him in awe. I've met celebrities up close and personal before but this was one of the few times I was truly starstruck.

It makes KinnPorsche the Series even more special because the world would've lost this presence from its screens.

Mile, on the other hand, reminds me of that quote about Marilyn Monroe being able to switch her persona on and off. By that I mean, Mile knows when to turn on the charm so all eyes are on him and he knows when to dim it so he doesn't steal the spotlight from others. Like, I don't know how else to say it. I mean, obviously you'd still see him on the stage but it's like he's giving you permission to look away from him for a bit.

I don't know, man... But it does make me curious how'd things would have gone if he decided to pursue his rockstar dreams.

Lastly, let's talk about MileApo...

I'm gonna be real. When I went into this (the concert), I didn't expect to feel the same level of kilig (or giddiness) I experienced watching the show. I figured a lot of those feelings came from the post-prod additions, like background music and romantic editing. Yes, Mile and Apo have chemistry. But that can translate differently when you see them in real life.

(Lemme just give a quick example. I have been a TayNew fan for years. I think they have great chemistry, specifically romantic chemistry. But when I saw them earlier this year, I realized that their "real life" chemistry was very bro-coded. Like, they're really good friends who are very comfortable with each other.)

So imagine my surprise when I realized that Mile and Apo's chemistry off-screen is just as striking. There's a fondness in their interactions with each other that I would posit as something akin to domesticity. There's something so wholesome about it, something so safe and secure... It's hard to put into words but it was like looking at a warm hug shared between two people who've found comfort in each other.

Again, I don't know... This was just my observation. I mean, I'm also a firm believer in the concept of a soulmate doesn't have to be a romantic partner, just someone who makes you whole. It looked like that to me. But hey, you don't have to take my word for it.

[1994sunflower]

How would Michael and Y/N deal with online classes during COVID?

omg I love this

well, obviously you’re quarantining with Michael in your apartment

just because you didnt want to bother Ashton with having to deal with you two together 24/7, even more than usual

what's funny is that its a great excuse to force him to go to classes

like you have his schedule and 5 minute before classes, you're forcing him to go on zoom and listen to lecture

but having classes with each other in the same building is weird for both of you

let alone weird for your classmates

imagine their shock when you're sitting there, listening to class with your camera on and they see the feared Michael Clifford in the background of your screen or behind you when you were sitting on his lap or even sitting next to you with his arms around you but they could still tell it was him by his tattoos on his arms

they'd be a little stressed about it also because they knew his calculating eyes were looking over your classmates and they didnt want to do anything that could possibly catch his attention in a negative way

or michael’s classes where under any other circumstances he wouldn't turn on his camera just because he didnt care enough to

even when his professors ask him to

and then suddenly, the camera is turned on because you overheard and turned it on for him 

like the good student you were, following instructions

and there he was, looking as disinterested as always

but this time, you were in his arms

you tried to find a way to hide yourself obviously but he would just make you cuddle into him, head on his chest with his arms around your shoulders or otherwise he’d leave the class

and to his classmates, seeing the mean guy they knew having someone so tranquil and happy in his arms without him looking pissed off was....strange 

if it was a small class and the professor brought your little appearance to attention

you’d wave shyly before maybe even trying to hide yourself further

but Michael wouldn't let you, he’d show you off proudly

sometimes he’d kiss you, on your lips/cheeks/head etc during class just because he got the urge to 

or he’d whisper something in your ear that caused you to giggle and swat at his chest to get him to pay attention to his professor again with him just smiling down at you

and everyone would pretend not to notice but the wide eyes were enough to show that everyone saw the uncharacteristic display of affection

it was like these people were getting a glimpse into the elusive relationship that was always whispered about on campus

whenever he was put into breakout rooms, you would actually unmute him as well and force him to participate instead of him just silently letting his partners do the work or discussion like he would have otherwise

which was SHOCKING to his partners obviously

to see him so willingly obey someone else

and also to hear him talk??? 

the same thing would go for you too

like sometimes in your breakout rooms, they would hear him talk in the background or you in his arms, sitting on his lap, etc

and they'd be so surprised for the exact same reasons 

plus seeing you being so intimate and close to him when they never imagined him allowing that even knowing that he was your boyfriend

everyone just kind of assumed he was cold to everyone and thats why the wonder was always how you could date him

but apparently that wasn't the case

tbh it would feel different for him - in a good way

he still didnt like going to lectures 

but having you with him in a way he never could have you with him before during his classes, he felt almost fine with going

when you weren't right there with him though, like you had a class that overlapped or you were working/cooking

he would just sulk and feel the same distaste for it as he always did 

nsfw under the cut because i couldn’t help myself

and yes he would try to fuck you during your classes sometimes

when your camera/mic was off during your bigger classes

and he suddenly got horny

he’d definitely start making out with you

to which you kept trying to pull away and focus 

but each time he’d just start kissing your neck instead, whispering in your ear

I mean tbh he might try this even with your camera on

he’d try to sneak his hand to your core 

and just see you try to maintain your facial expressions even with however he chose to toy with your pussy

I mean it was hot doing something so dirty semi-publicly 

and his words to you during that....phew

but when your camera was off, he’d even just bend you over completely 

so he was behind you, your chest was to your bed or couch and you were only able to be looking at the screen in front of you with all the different people in your class

helpless to pay attention

and instead just letting him do what he wanted to you

or you could be sitting on his lap and he’d be fucking up into you as you tried to keep listening to class

he was a bad influence really, making you miss huge portions of your classes because you were....preoccupied

God help you if you get called on in either situation because he would not do anything to stop but encourage you to unmute yourself and answer your professor

and his bad influence would rub off on you as well

which you sometimes felt bad about because you didnt want to distract him from his classes

but stopped feeling bad real quick after realizing that he had no shame or care - unlike you 

if you started wiggling against him, whining about how you wanted him after class

best believe he’d take your hand and guide it to his already growing bulge as the professor spoke

he literally wouldn't care if his camera was on because he could control his facial expressions and they couldn't see below his chest

he’d let you rub your hand over him, even take him out and start stroking him

and he’d keep looking down at you, his face serious and tense, small groans escaping him, his breathing starting to quicken

he wasn't being as inconspicuous as he thought he was especially when his focus had obviously completely left his class as he was just staring down at you 

but it gets worse if you decide to suck him off during class

like....obviously they cant see you

but he keeps glancing down

because he keeps looking at you taking him in your mouth

and pushing your head up and down against him

sometimes even thrusting

and he throws his head back, closing his eyes

which makes you freak out because others can see him if they’re looking

a big reason why you almost never never do it when he’s in a class where he has to have his camera on

unless its a big class where the chances of someone looking at him are really slim and he keeps asking you to if he’s horny or if you are

and I mean....you couldn't deny just how much it turned you on knowing you could capture his attention so quickly, making him abandon everything for you and how you made him feel

but you never let him do anything else to you in those circumstances because he would have to get up or move otherwise to get in position and you didnt want anyone to realize anything was up so he kept in his position in front of the camera like a regular student

but when he had his camera off, just like when you had yours off....well that was a different story

[organic-guacamole]

showtime

episode 211 let's go

ok first of all, this is the second to last episode guys... I don't even wanna think about how much pain I'll be in after next week's episode

mr mazzara doing the recap-

this is so weird to me and I don't know why

WHY DIDN'T YALL JUST ASK BENJAMIN FOR HELP, THATS LITERALLY HIS THING

is Nini giving out the cards a callback to season 1 when Natalie Bagley said that Nini gave her a card or something on opening night of another musical?

STEPHY AS THE ENCHANTRESS OMG YES

Ricky in the crown gives me Harry styles in that photoshoot vibes

he's so pretty.

ok but why did we never see Ricky and Ashlyn interact before? it's been like 5 seconds and I already love how they bounce off each other and it's just so natural

OH THEY REALLY DON'T HAVE ANY UNDERSTUDIES-

well that explains a lot...

so Ricky fell on top of Ashlyn and all that broke for both of them was their wrist-

insert Jake Peralta *coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool no doubt no doubt no doubt*

of course howie was amazing as the beast, were we expecting anything less??

Ricky is so beautiful and I will not shut up about it....

let me enjoy this before the makeup crew slaps mud on his face.

Nini and Ricky talking to eachother? in a civil manner? wasn't she avoiding him just in the last episode? hm ok

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY CANT EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS JUST LIKE ME HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS HILARIOUS, WHATS NEXT? THEY CUT EVERYONE OFF CUZ THEY CANT HANDLE EMOTIONS? ...ha

yes Kaden and Rico, my favourite east high boys 🥰

I mean....where's EJ?

THERE HE IS

EJ AND GINA IN THE BACKGROUND... doing something idek

KOURTNEY'S MOM IS BACK YAY

Howie is a shining star, ofc ofc

the smallest fOrk

can't wait to see the fork burst into song about how she deserves more than to be used to eat salad😌

the duster and the bluster.... ok😃

hi Gina!

hi- oh wow I didn't know Robbie Rotten was in this show!!!!!

the portwell look.

that my friends, is a married couple's look✋

GOSH EJ WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

aww Gina's so excited for this

D word?

Die?

Delicious?

Dom Toretto?

"good, clean fun all alone with someone I dig...a lot"

sir that does not sound very clean to me

SEBLOS

Seb looks so cute standing there next to pope Carlos

DID THEYEY REALLY LIGHT ANTOINE ON FIRE-

I NEED TO SEE THAT

Seb's reading Carlos better than big red read the script in episode 102, this is great development after the "fight"

Kourtney really just made the best outfit for herself and let the rest of them suffer

the way Gina immediately goes to hold on to EJ after the announcement

"tonight we're going to put the U in UTAH"

...

"hey where are you from?"

"TAH"

SEB'S SINGULAR CLAP KILLED ME-

he's officially salt lake city's resident thanos

just wity clapping because for some reason I have a feeling he doesn't know how to snap his fingers...don't ask why

Ms Jenn do you mind encouraging your leads before the show? idk just an idea

pepto bismol product placement smhsmh

those flowers are bigger that big red himself-

*bops along to the opening theme*

that whistle at the end slaps everytime

WHY IS THE AUDIENCE SO MASSIVE

I guess they're all here to see Ms Jenn go on as a fork after Nini decides to *go her own way*

wow i am so funny

so they couldn't do many group scenes cuz of covid, but this 300 person crowd is cool? nice

OO THE VIOLIN GIRL FROM EPISODE 6 IS IN THE ORCHESTRA

HOWIEEEEEE

"Mr Caswell", he said, in the loudest voice possible while backstage at a show that's about to start.

Mazzara what are you trying to pull-

I usually like Benjamin but I don't like his tone

"iS yOuR wHoLe FaMiLy HeRe?" LIKE YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW THATS A SOFT SPOT FOR EJ

"we've had some good conversations these past few weeks"

right so what's going to happen after you graduate?

what does he think of you not going to Duke?

what did he say about you giving the sweatshirt that's been in the family for 3 generations to a girl you're not even dating?

good old Mr. M

therapist Mr. Mazzara, they all need it.

start with Ricky though.

"Michael Bowen"

dude why did you shave, now you look less like "hot lumberjack" and more "creep at the gas station"

OH-

does she not like Mike anymore?

why does it sound like jennzzara started dating and now they just sit back and talk smack about everyone in their freetime

break the fourth wall-

uhhhh im scared

why am I scared

he's scary

hehe flowers for Ricky, obviously for Ricky, ObViOuSLY

oh boy poor Michael

this man is in love, rip

why does Ms Jenn always look at people with her eyes open so wide

LILYYYY

I'm only excited because I really like the idea of lily and Ricky being friends, nothing more.

ha this guy's got jokes

a MOAT AROUND THE SCHOOL

wheeze

also he's very pretty.

"the wolves and very talented humans"

how dare he forget to mention the very talented wolves and normal humans, smh erasure

"being nice, what a concept" ted talk by Lily who still doesn't have a last name

did she just say lol out loud

same with the hug emoji last episode-

go touch some grass babes

the way he didn't say no, but said he didn't know how the east high kids would react-

not saying he does want to date her but that's an interesting thing to think about, also another thing to write an essay analysis on just to leave it in my drafts for a few months

awww lily genuinely trying to help him

sorry guys, I've been taken by the Lily charm (didn't know it existed until now but oh well)

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'LL NEVER SHIP PORTWELL?

just look at me now

the Lily wink I can't she's so cute-

HELP ME I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY LIL-

David Attenborough?

oh nvm it's Benjamin narrating the show in a really weird British accent for some reason.

STEPHY GOT MORE LINES YAY GOOD FOR HER

also is this to show that Nini doesn't care about being the star of the show anymore? the way she's supporting everyone else even though she's a fork?

I would pay for a special of the full musical ngl

OOO THE TRANSFORMATION WAS SMOOTH

shockingly

yo where did the makeup come from

man I wish I was a theatre kid

THIS IS STEPHY'S EPISODE NOW IDC✋

my girl is starring

"needs an X-factor"

Simon Cowbell creeps in

"it's a yes from me"

and them boom, he takes Nini and mistreats her horribly and then she comes back to theatre after deciding music isn't for her👍

"I thought she just hog-tied him?"

don't ask sebby, it's better if you don't know.

imagine they spotlight the wrong person and this dude is just some random person that likes writing down stuff during shows.

Ms Jenn just let them do what they rehearsed (at some point we never saw) or else this is gonna end horribly wrong

"help"

same Carlos, same

I love how seb is just his translator rn

I thought he said "great displeasure" instead of "greatest pleasure"....help?

big red coming out from throwing up to see his girlfriend star is the cutest thing in this show.

Ash and Gina dancing is so fun

I'm imagining them practicing at night at their home, watching the movie for the 100th time and making sure their one dance together is perfect

KOURTNEY YES

HOWIE IS IN LOVE AHHHH

I LOVE HOWIE SO MUCH

SEBBY

THIS SCENE HAS SO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T KEEP UP

THIS IS SO GOOD

HOW???

no because I'm actually crying

I'm dead serious.

we need this musical released as a special

big red is so proud and I love to see it

Natalie: "if you do not by at least 20 dollars in concessions, you do not support art"

rando in the audience: "but I pay for ad free Spotify"

Mr Mazzara clapping in the distance

Gigi, the guy you like is talking to you, complimenting you and hyping you up

YOU LUCKY LITTLE FEATHER DUSTER

aw EJ teasing her about the chocolates in a way that doesn't make her feel bad? take notes Richard

JORDAN FISHER

there is no rest of the show idc Jordan is it for me

THE WIG CAP ON RICKY OMG

they look like they're high and having "deep" conversations on the floor

THE MEAN GIRL WITH THE EYES-

@sunshine-julie-molina YOU HEAR THAT

Natalie really just be coming for them all

Howie what is happening rn

I'm scared

"did you enjoy it"

"very much"

dude wants a kiss so bad

ASHLYN OMG

NO DON'T DO IT BECAUSE OF LILY, PUT YOUR OWN TWIST ON IT

I want a Jordan autograph please

just keep swim- oh pushing...

Gina is literally a giant next to him and I live for it

am I about to cry for the 3rd time in this episode?

yes.

Ricky's leg kicks under the table makes me so happy aw

the portwell glances will kill me.

ah yes, mashed potato snow

Mr. M.... I'm not a theatre kid but even I know you can't have your phone on backstage.

Howie please just do it

CHIP'S BIG LINE I CANT

I LITERALLY HAD TO PAUSE IT AMD SCREAM INTO MY MASK FOR A SOLID 2 MINUTES (I'm not at home rn) HES SO CUTE

oh ok bye Jordan

oo tea

NOT HIM BEING STARSTRUCK BECAUSE HE'S MEETING HIS FUTURE BROTHER IN LAW-

"we're all just glad Gigi has a big brother figure in her life"

excuse me for a few thousand hours while I laugh hysterically

THE CAMERA ZOOM ON EJS FACE AND EVERYTHING-

STOP EJ LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA CRY BUT I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY WITH THE STAGE MAKE-UP

someone else said this already but I think it's hilarious that they had to bring in 2 guest characters to create some portwell angst

omg this really is Cici's episode, found family is their thing

elevator music lol

I'm gonna bet that big red took the harness for his surprise for Ashlyn without realising what it was

did Ms. Jenn just....tell her most mentally unstable student....to commit suicide....on a disney show...was that....I'm very....well....what the actual-

oh and there she goes running off instead of trying to make it right

oh wow Nini's the hero, she's gonna save the show 🤩

😐

the judge is doing a sudoku

honestly if I went to the hsm show as well, I'd come prepared for this one too

Lily why are you looking like that-

I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE YOU DON'T MESS THIS UP

wow ok, there goes that.

omg

what if Howie was acting weird because he knew what Lily did and wanted to tell Kourtbut Lily threatened him so he was scared to-

anyways see y'all clowns next week when we all simultaneously lose all motivation for the week without Fridays to look forward to.

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

[moonysdora]

Okay I'm bored and I thought about what would Remadora look like in quarantine so here you go

At first, they both LOVED being in quarantine because they don't see each other as much as they want to

You know... Tonks being an Auror and stuck at work the whole day and Remus in Hogwarts...

Although they hated work from home

Tonks had LOTS of paperwork

Believe it or not, Hogwarts students had zoom class just like we Muggles had (or still have)

Remus could not understand electronics no matter what

So his calls were a bit awkward cause he didn't know how anything works

But he eventually got the hang of it

The best parts of Zoom class was when the students would hear either Teddy crying or Tonks tripping or spilling coffee on her papers so she starts swearing

Remus tries not to laugh

But fails

Speaking of Teddy, he loved sitting in his father's lap when he was teaching and he was smiling and laughing and playing with Remus' pens

Then, all the students were paying attention to Teddy, not Remus

Which made him frustrated

But he couldn't help but smile

Cause you know, he didn't think he would ever have a family

Teddy sometimes tapped his little hands on Remus' keyboard

So the chat would be like: Professor Lupin: jeiwbsuwbuajsvtabqvsysujf

Teddy also once disconnected Remus from the class

Which made Remus swear A LOT

Tonks started laughing so hard she feel off her chair

Teddy was grinning at his mother and clapping his hands

Remus was just done with them

But their son also sat in Tonks' lap a few times

He somehow managed to get ink all over his hand and started pressing his paws all over his mother's papers

Which made her a bit angry but she literally could not be mad at her son

But then he put his hand on her cheek

Then she got a big angry

Remus started laughing uncontrollably in front of his students

Tonks glared at him

Which made him laugh even harder

Teddy was just putting his ink-covered hands all over the table

But they also had fun and fluffy moments

Teddy was saying Dowa (Dora) all the time since he always listens his father talk and he says that word the most

Both Tonks and Remus just started crying when he said that

They could also sleep a little longer, which they were thankful for

They also had more time for intimacy

They were also doing it in the shower 😏

Tonks eventually found out she was pregnant

And upon further investigation, she was actually 4 weeks along

She was obviously happy but a bit scared at how Remus will react

He was over the moon (bad pun i know) and couldn't wait for their second cub :)

She called Molly and she was weeping for 10 minutes

She also wanted to come over

But Tonks reminded her she can't

Then Molly was ranting for 10 minutes about how angry she is she can't visit

All while Remus was standing next to Tonks and was laughing into her hair

When she had her morning sickness, Remus would hold and hug Teddy because he got scared for his mummy

Remus assured him she was fine, better than fine actually

He couldn't believe it

Andddd... the full moon arrived soon

Remus was in the basement of their house, secured and locked

He had Wolfsbane but still wouldn't risk it

He mostly just slept through the night

In the morning, Tonks would heel the wounds he got from the transformation

He would say she didn't need to as she was pregnant and that he was the one who should take care of her

But then she snapped as she did during her first pregnancy how she doesn't need to be taken care of

Remus rolls his eyes but he smiles

Cause he knows he can't change his wife's mind no matter what

Teddy would be there, looking at his dad with concern on his face but then he cuddled next to him on the couch and they both fell asleep

Tonks just had to take a picture of that

When she starts showing, Teddy can't keep his hands off her belly

He says it's a girl

Remus agrees

Tonks isn't sure yet

Now with her belly, Tonks and Remus started bathing and not showering together anymore

He would lean against the bath and she would lean against his chest

And they would put their hands on Tonks' belly

Remus kisses her shoulder and neck

Keeps repeating 'thank you' and 'I love you' i her ear

And she does the same

Remus makes breakfast every morning

Teddy and Dora watch him

All three of them talk about the baby

Again, Remus and Teddy think it's a girl and Tonks thinks it's another boy

For names they picked Lyall for a boy and Hope for a girl

Remus did suggest they name their daughter Nymphadora

Tonks obviously smacked his head

They also fought a lot

Usually about Tonks doing housework while pregnant

She couldn't go out of bed or else Remus would freak out

Remus still had Zoom class

That's when Tonks got out of bed because he couldn't get mad when he's teaching

Teddy actually had no idea why they were inside all the time

But the loved spending time with his parents

He also loved to cuddle with them on their bed

And dad read him stories

And mum loved tickling him

And soon (more like about 5 months later) quarantine was over

Tonks was really big already

But she still went to work

Much to Remus' bemusement

Teddy was happy he got to play with his friends again

Remus went to Hogwarts again

But the returned home every night

When he announced to his fellow staff that his wife's pregnant, they all gave 5 galleons to McGonagall

She said she knew it was going to happen sooner or later

Kingsley was also very happy about them

Teddy was very popular in Hogwarts

So Remus had to bring him to work

He let him wander around the classroom

And sometimes he wanted his dad to hold him

So Remus just picked him up and put him on his hip

And started teaching as normal

Everyone was looking only at Teddy again

At the end of the day, they went home to mummy

And she was relieved to see her boys

And they were happy :)

(Please excuse me writing in both past and present tense :))

[baroquebucky]

Italian days

request: could you write something about going to Italy with timothee? Im just imagining how cute and romantic it would be 🥺

a/n: this is so cute !!! prepare for typical tourist attractions also i have no idea where any of these things are in relation to each other so :-) i literally googled what to do in these places bc I’ve never been sorry guys:-( this ones long so strap in and get ready !!! let me know what y’all think abt it ! i kinda wanna make headcanons about this too hehe >:) I hope you all enjoy it and send me some requests 🥰

You quickly finished packing your last t shirt in the already full suitcase, putting your weight onto it so that you could zip it up fully. You were excited for the trip that timothee had planned for the two of you, giddy to finally spend some alone time with you favorite boy. “ma cherie are you almost done?” you heard timmy call out from the living room. Quickly you grabbed the final bag off the bed and scanned the room, going over a mental checklist to ensure you didn't forget anything. 

“okay i have everything, did you get everything? Do you have all the things you need? What time is it? Are we gonna be late? Oh god what if the plane leaves without us” you began to ramble, going through every worst case scenario possible. Timothee looked at you in awe, he had never seen you this nervous about anything before, he least expected it to come out right before a romantic getaway.

“angel, calm down, it’s fine let’s go to the airport we’re right on time” he smiled at you, giving you a quick kiss before he helped you with your bags and you two headed to the Uber waiting outside your shared apartment. As you helped him squeeze the luggage in you both sat in the backseat, you were so excited for the trip.

“You know we should go to Paris for our next anniversary” timmy spoke offhandedly, mindlessly playing with your hair as the movie you had chose played on the tv. “That would be fun, I’ve never been there” you smiled, looking at him briefly before your eyes settled on the screen again.

“where have you traveled to?” He questioned, curious as to all the places you’ve visited. “mmm i mean I’ve never been to Europe, i left the state a couple times for road trips but that’s about it” you replied, not thinking anything of the question. “You mean to tell me that you’ve never been to Italy?” He gasped and you laughed at his shock.

“We aren’t all stars or rich Chalamet” you suppressed laughter but one look at his facial expression caused you to burst into a fit of laughter. “That’s it im booking a flight to Italy, we can go to venice and oh we could even travel to where we filmed call me by your name! And then we could go to Rome!” He gushed, moving quickly to get his laptop.

You were excited, until you realized you had $20 in your wallet and maybe $67 in you bank account. “Timothée wait no” you spoke, rushing behind him to stop him. He turned around confused as to why you didn’t want to go.

“do you not wanna go? I thought you liked Italy? You show me videos about people going there all the time” he asked, searching your face for an answer. “I do! I’ve always wanted to go there” you stated, sighing as your gazes met. “it’s just- how am i gonna pay for my ticket? I don’t have enough money and-” before you could finish timothée cut you off.

“what makes you think you’re paying?” He grinned, running to the room to get the laptop once again. You messed with your fingers for a second, you didn’t want him to spend money on you, you’ve always felt bad about it.

“timmy no you can’t just buy me a ticket there” you spoke, walking into the room, seeing the boy sitting on the bed, legs crossed with the laptop in his lap. He furrowed his brows and replied without looking up from his screen. “Why not? You’re my girl, think of it as a present” he smiled, you opened your mouth to protest but he quickly stopped you.

“i just bought them so you can’t take it back” he beamed, you frowned for a second before he gave you the puppy eyes. Of course you couldn’t resist, you tackled him with a hug and kissed him, thanking him a million times.

And so here the two of you were, sitting in the backseat on your way to the airport, going over the loose itinerary timothée had made for the two of you once you landedin Venice. He had gone beyond what you expected to make this trip memorable despite telling him to not worry.

When you got to the airport everything went surprisingly smooth despite you being nervous the whole time. The two of you bought breakfast and ate it in the little food court, then headed to the gate which your plane would be in and played games while waiting to board.

Once the plane arrived the two of you got on, of course he had bought first class, you wanted to scold him for spending so much but as soon as you saw how excited he was you couldn’t be mad at him. “look! we get pillows and everything” he giggled, you smiled at him and nodded, equally as excited as him. The two of you ended up watching two movies, falling asleep during the second one.

You woke up first, smiling at the sight of timmy with messy hair, mouth slightly parted and cheeks lightly flushed as he slept. You decided to wait on waking him up, instead you occupied yourself by looking out the window and listening to your music.

The landing woke timothée up and he smiled at you brightly, it took him a couple minutes to really wake up, mumbling incoherently before he came fully to his senses.

As soon as you got off the plane you were excited, pulling timothée along to get out of the airport as soon as possible. When you finally got everything and exited you got into the car timothée had ordered for the two of you and headed to the hotel to unpack.

Timothée posted a picture of you staring out the window in awe onto his Instagram story, “she’s excited right now, just wait until she sees the canals” he wrote, smiling as he thought of all the pictures the two of you would take.

You expected an average hotel room, if timothée really splurged then maybe above average, you did not expect to get the presidential suite at a five star hotel. The smile on your face made everything worth it to timothée, he made sure this trip would be memorable. “Timothée Hal Chalamet! How much did you fucking spend!” You squeaked, rushing around the room to check everything on.

“That doesn’t matter, what matters is that you get changed and get ready, we’re in Venice for two days before our next stop and I have so much for us to do” he smiled, pulling you in for a kiss which you quickly returned. Resting your head on his chest you sighed, taking a Monet to let everything sink in. You’re in Italy with the love of your life. Holy shit.

Timothée had bought multiple disposable cameras for the two of you to use, wanting to develop all of them by the time you guys got back home.

Before you knew it you were wandering the streets of Venice, a permanent smile on your face as you took so many photos of the scenery and of timothée and of course together. The two of you visited the top tourist spots like Saint Marks Basilica, the both of you in awe of its beauty and laughing until your stomach hurt feeding the pidgeons.

Timothée was scared for his life when a pidgeon landed on his shoulder, immediately going stiff and begging for you to help him. You quickly pulled out your phone, recording him and zooming into his face, a face of pure fear. After you posted it you quickly shooed the pidgeon away, holding his hand and a small pidgeon landed on your shoulder and you fed it out of your free hand.

You smiled brightly at timothée who had moved away from you slightly causing you to giggle. “You laugh now but I’m gonna be the one poop free, those things are ruthless” he stated, a serious look on his face which quickly turned soft as you attempted to pet the bird on you. “Look at him he’s so cute!” You gushed, drowning as it flew away.

“Cmon sweet girl, we have a ride to catch, in the canal” he winked and you gasped, pulling him before you stopped, realizing you didn’t know where you were even going.

When the two of you arrived he helped you into the boat, it was only the two of you and the one driving the small boat, you were sitting next to each other, pointing at everything, a constant smile on both of your faces. He held your hand the whole time, most of the time looking at you rather than the sights you were in such awe of. A small smile on his face as he admired how beautiful you looked, you looked so stress free and happy and he knew everything else he had planned was so worth it if he got to see you like this.

After the ride on the canals the two of you ate at a small little restaurant, drinking some wine and talking about the days events.

“I just think it’s funny that you were that scared of the pidgeons” you giggled, and he frowned at you, “i wasn’t scared, i was just- cautious” he smirked, watching you roll your eyes at his remark.

The two of you finished dinner, walking around the now calmer streets, admiring everything at night for about an hour, kissing under streetlights and chasing one another through the streets, laughter bouncing off the buildings.

The two of you showered once you got back to the hotel and absolutely crashed after you had snuggled under the sheets. The two of you exhausted from the plane ride and walking everywhere all day.

You both woke up late in the morning to the sound of timothées alarm, you yawned, burying yourself more into timothées side, wanting ten more minutes. “Wake up mon amour i still have some stuff planned for today before we leave for Florence” he spoke softly into your hair, kissing the top of your head. He had decided to skip on taking you to Crema, deciding it would make for a good excuse to come back.

You woke up slowly, getting ready and waiting for timothée on the bed once you had finished. You were starving but you didn’t want to eat without him. You laid on your stomach and dozed off only to wake up to a now fully dressed timothée, smiling at you and kissing your nose. “let’s go eat and then we can head out” he whispered and you nodded, getting up from the bed and following him out the door.

The two of you spent the day walking around and seeing anything else you wanted, eating much too much food and buying way too many souvenirs. The day seemed to fly by and before you knew it you were headed to Florence, of course shoving all your luggage into the bus that the two of you were taking to the wonderful city. You slept most of the way while timothée read through a script for a new movie. He woke you up gently when you guys arrived, piling out along with everyone else as the two of you found the car timothée had ordered for this city, heading to yet another 5 star hotel with an amazing room.

It was late at night so the two of you only slipped into bed and set an alarm for later tomorrow morning, cuddling through the whole night, waking up once to eat some of the fruit that the hotel had given to the two of you as a gift.

The next morning the alarm went off and you quickly turned it off, placing your head on timothées chest, a smile on your face while he played with your hair.

“let’s get ready, i have something special planned, wear that one outfit you brought, you know the one that you said you’ve always wanted to wear?” He smiled, a mischievous glint in your eye. You gave him a kiss on the cheek and nodded, going to get ready.

After you finished you scrolled through your phone, replying to people and sifting through the pictures from Venice, deleting the ones which turned out bad or way too blurry. You decided to lay on your side, thinking you wouldn’t fall back asleep but you were wrong. Before you knew it you felt a gentle nudge.

“Cmon sleeping beauty i have a picnic for us” he beamed, a twinkle in his eye. You woke up quickly, a giant grin on your face as your mouth fell open. “A picnic? Oh my god this is a dream, angel you’re so amazing oh my god! I love you so much” You gushed, tackling timothée once you got off the bed and hugging him tightly, kissing him all over his face.

“i love you more ma cherie, now lets go” he smiled, opening the door for you and quickly taking your hand while walking down the halls.

You had ended up accidentally falling asleep in the car, head on timothées shoulder, he recorded you, saving it but not posting it, knowing if he did you would get him back and start a full fledged war.

As the car approached the Piazzle Michaelangelo he shook you softly, your eyes fluttered open and a small smile overtook your features. “Oh my god it’s so pretty” you gasped as the two of you stepped out of the car and onto the concrete floor, he got the picnic basket from the car as you went to save a spot on the steps. He quickly found you and opened the basket between the two of you, eating the food and making conversation, laughing and enjoying the fact that both of you were in Italy, overlooking Florence.

After sitting there for a while, cuddling and pointing things out the two of you drove into the city, excited to see everything the city had to offer. The two of you walked down the streets hand in hand, taking pictures once more and in awe of the beauty the city offered.

Of course the two of you drove all over the city visiting museums, seeing all the statues and artworks you had always admired through your phone screen. You almost wanted to cry of happiness seeing everything in person, you walked quickly in the museums, timothée barely keeping up with you as you rushed everywhere, making sure you absorbed every last detail.

Of course timothée took the typical you looking at art picture, and of course he posted it and captioned it “art looking at art” causing his fans to go feral, everyone tweeting and posting about how cute the two of you were. You held timmys hand when you realized he was dragging behind, pulling him along and forcing him to move at your speed.

“oh my god I love this painting, look at the brushstrokes! I read once that when he was painting this-” you began, going into detail about said artists life. Timothée stared at you, his chest swelling with love, a smile on his face as you went on and on about the paintings, he hung onto every word you said, loving the way your eyes lit up and the amount of emotion in your voice as you spoke of what you loved.

After you had visited the museums l, the two of you walked all over the city, taking in the culture and also taking many breaks and calling a cab to go to places he had planned to take you. Of course he set up a reservation at a fancy restaurant, eating to your hearts delight and drinking amazing wine, overseeing the bustling city as the sun set.

“i cannot believe we’re in Florence Italy” you sighed happily, looking out at the city while you sipped on your wine, timothée smiled at you. “I don’t know how I’m ever going to thank you enough angel, you really made my dreams come true” you spoke, turning towards your curly headed boyfriend and he shook his head.

“you don’t have to thank me ma cherie. I love seeing you happy, you deserve the world and I’m going to give everything i can to you, you’ve always supported me through anything and everything, you know me so well, i just love you so much” he answered. “but- you can thank me by letting me post a bunch of pictures of you everywhere” he smiled shyly, blushing slightly. You smiled brightly at him, your love for him growing. “oh baby of course” you giggled.

The next day was just as action packed, going to multiple cathedrals and basilicas which you hadn’t gotten to the day before, and then spending time in the gardens, taking so many pictures of each other, half of them turning out blurry because the two of you couldn’t stop laughing.

He held you hand the whole time, keeping you close to him the whole time, kissing you at times and always looking at you with so much love. All over Twitter and Instagram were pictures of the two of you holding hands and laughing, many of them with one of the two of you pointing at something, many of the ones with you pointing had timothée looking at you with a smile rather than what you were showing him, it gave you butterflies.

That night you headed to the hotel early, packing everything to catch the late night flight to Rome, the last destination on the trip. The two of you packed quickly, racing to see who would finish first. This made timothée sneak up behind you and unfold your tshirts, run back to his area and rush to finish, an attempt to beat you. You were one step ahead, you had hidden his shampoo so you had no problem re folding while he ran around everywhere.

“I’m done!” You announced proudly, smiling at your boyfriend and he rolled his eyes, a pout on his face. “That’s not fair! I finished before you i just lost my shampoo” he responded, you smirked at him. “Check under your pillow” his eyes went wide and raced to get it, jaw dropping when he found it. “y/n i swear one day im gonna beat you at these competitions” he huffed, pushing you playfully and you shoved him back laughing.

The two of you cuddled the whole time in the airport, attached to the hip, and napping until your flight boarded, where the two of you also slept the whole time. When you finally arrived in Rome, you both headed to the hotel, knocking out there too, excited for the next two days in Rome before returning home. The two of you only had two cameras left, it filled you with excitement to get the photos developed, knowing you would have so many pictures of him to post and an endless amount of wallapapers.

When the two of you awoke the next morning you headed out quickly, excited to spend yet another day together.

“timothée oh my god look at that dog! Do you think he speaks Italian?” You questioned, smiling at the small dog that walked past the two of you. “I’m sure he does my angel” he replied, laughing. Pulling you along the busy street, putting his arm around your waist.

The two of you marveled at the colosseum, mind running wild at the thought of people using it. “You think they ever had a concert in there?” You asked your boyfriend who giggled, “im not so sure they did my angel” you thought about someone using it today. “What if someone tried to have on in there today” you smiled and timothée quickly replied, “as soon as the speakers start blasting everything would just crumble” you laughed at the thought of someone wanting to have fun only to ruin one of the most iconic pieces of history.

The two of you walked along the streets, holding hands and swinging them back and forth, debating where to go next. “How about the pantheon?” You suggested and he nodded with a smile, “you read my mind darling.”

The two of you got there surprisingly quickly and sat down for a second, both of your guys’ feet hurting. You put your head on timmys shoulder, closing your eyes for a second, you could hear everyone talking, the sound of cars and the wind. “Are you tired mon amour?” Timothée asked, not wanting to tire you out so much, he wanted you excited and happy not tired.

“just a bit, but I’m sure it’ll leave as soon as we see the Vatican” you spoke, a smile forming on your face as you opened your eyes and looked at the brunette next to you. He kissed your cheek, getting up and extending a hand to help you up. “Let’s go see what all those shops we passed have had to offer later yeah?” He grinned and you nodded, stretching a little before falling into step with him.

The two of you arrived at the Vatican and you swear you had never felt more in awe than staring at everything inside, everything was so adorned and beautiful, even the pillars on the outside when the two of you were waiting (only for like 5 minutes) made you smile in amazement. Timothée and you kept pointing out everything, a smile on both of your faces. Both of your cheeks hurt from smiling so much but neither of you complained, too happy to care.

After the two of you walked around for a bit more you left and entered the busy streets of Rome once again, taking pictures of each other all the time and stopping to look at anything and everything. “Let’s go get something to eat” you suggested. “Oh yeah I’m starving after all that walking” he replied, pulling out his phone to find a nice place to get food.

Soon enough he found a nice spot and the two of you arrived there quickly, excited to eat. After ordering and eating the two of you sat in comfortable silence, taking the time to wind down before going back out. “can we go to the Trevi Fountain? I brought coins for us to throw in” you asked and timothée wanted to kiss you all over and hug you and never let you go because god you were so fucking cute.

“of course we can go mon amour, are you ready to go right now?” He asked and you nodded, he paid quickly before taking his hand in yours, the two of you walking slower than before, you were leaning on him slightly, he was talking about some story that had happened to him in high school. You don’t remember exactly how the story had come up but you were grateful that it had.

As the two of you continued walking hand in hand and smiling at the sights you realized that no one had disturbed the two of you this whole trip which was very surprising, but you were grateful that his fans were respectful of the two of you. “okay i told you am embarrassing story of me in high school you tell me one” he pushed and you groaned, stealing the water bottle from his hands and gulping down the drink.

“i wasn’t really embarrassing in high school, i had like five friends and we always looked out for one another, middle school i was the biggest emo alive” you shuddered thinking back to all the diary entries you had made. “I remember i wrote this one poem that was so cringe and i thought it was the best thing ever written” you cringed at the memory and he bursted our laughing, leaning into you as he did so.

“Do you still have said diary?” He questioned, a mischievous smile forming on his face, “back at my parents house yeah” you replied, narrowing your eyes at him, “but you will never lay your eyes on a single one of those pages Hal” you sternly replied, smiling as he rolled his eyes and pulled you closer to him, putting his arm around you. “We’ll see about that one” he smiled.

“oh my god! Timmy there it is!” You shrieked, energy suddenly overflowing as you ran, pulling timothee with you causing him to almost trip over his feet. You pushed through the crowd, saying excuse me and sorrys until you got the the front of the fountain. Timothée arrived a couple seconds after you, out of breath and amazed at how fast you had ran.

“ma cherie you need to slow down” he spoke, leaning over to catch him breath. You stared at the fountain in awe, a smile sprawled across you face, taking in the beauty of it all. “I can’t believe I’m really here” you whispered, timothée got up, wrapping both his arms around your waist. “Believe in my love” he smiled, kissing you on the cheek.

Suddenly you heard a crack of thunder and soon enough rain started pouring, the once crowded area was now close to empty as everyone ran for shelter, you and timothée didn’t budge, mainly because you didn’t even flinch and refused to move.

you turned to timothée, hair sticking to both of your foreheads a wild smile on your face as you dig into your pocket, looking for the coins you had brought. Quickly you handed one to timothée. “Ready?” You smiled and he nodded. “Okay, 1, 2, 3!” You shouted, the coins flipping into the water at the same time. Turning to timothée you found him smiling at you and you laughed.

“When in Rome” you said before bunching his shirt into your fist and pulling him into a kiss, you eyes shutting as rain fell around the two of you. The kiss was what you imagined the movie ones were like, passionate and loving. You smiled into the kiss before you opened your eyes and pulled away.

“you drive me crazy y/n” he whispered, a giant smile on his face as you wiped away the water from your eyes and pushed the hair out of your face. “Should we get out of the rain?” You giggled and he nodded, “probably, we don’t wanna get sick” he joked and you punched him. “Don’t fucking jinx it!” You yelled, running to the nearest shelter you could find, which so happened to be a tourist shop.

Shopping with timothée was always fun, shopping with timothée in another country was another level. He wanted to buy you everything you looked at, he would buy you at $50 shirt if you really wanted it. The two of you were dripping wet and needed to buy new clothes or else you would definitely get sick. You ended up wearing tacky tourist shirts, getting matching ones of course and buying souvenirs for everyone back home as well as a few things to decorate and to keep for yourselves.

Considering how hard it was pouring and the fact that the two of you now had wet socks you decide to call it a day and go back to the hotel room, not wanting to get sick considering tomorrow was the last day. You were glad that it was already 5 pm, you wouldn’t have missed that much that you had planned and you could easilh get to them tomorrow.

You guys quickly got into a car and made your way back to the hotel, opting on showering together. As the two of you stepped in you let out a sigh at the feeling of the warm water. You let the water rinse the two of you off before shutting it off and getting timothées shampoo, telling him to turn around so you could wash his hair.

“thank you for this whole trip baby, it’s really been a dream come true” you spoke, massaging the shampoo into his hair. “Im sorry that it rained sweetheart, i really wanted us to be able to do everything because this was supposed to be perfect and-” you frowned at him despite his back being to you. “Timothée you can’t control the weather! And even then this trip is already perfect because I’m here with you. I’m in Italy with the love of my life dammit, ive drank so much good wine and eaten even more good food! We haven’t gotten this much time alone in god knows how long, you’ve literally had a chauffeur in every city so that we didn’t have to worry about parking and you made us an itinerary! Everything about this trip has been perfect, even the hiccups in the road.” You stated, smiling at the memories the two of you had already made.

You turned the water back on to rinse the shampoo out of his hair and he smiled at you, kissing you on the forehead. “And plus, i finally got my kiss in the rain AND it was infront of the trevi fountain, how am i supposed to complain again ever?” You smiled up at him, he laughed and quickly closed his eyes as shampoo rinsed from his hair. He grabbed your shampoo and began to wash your hair, you relaxed at his touch and closed your eyes.

“I love you so much angel, you don’t even understand” he whispered, you hummed in response. He gave you a soft kiss to your neck, giving you goosebumps.

Soon enough you guys hopped out of the shower, warm and clean and changed into some pijamas, snuggling into bed and looking out of the giant window next to you. Between the sound of the rain hitting the window and timothées soft breathing, you quickly dozed off, not caring that it was only 6:30 pm and you’d probably wake up at 2 am with an insane amount of energy. Timothée asked you something,confused as to why you weren’t replying until he looked at you, a bashful smile on his face when he saw you sleeping.

“you know i love you so much, you mean the world to me mon amour, there isn’t anything i wouldn’t do for you” he whispered, brushing your hair lightly to get it out of your face. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, turning the lights off in the room before closing his eyes and drifting off the sleep alongside you.

You ended up not even waking up throughout the night, instead sleeping until early the next morning. You hadn’t realized how tired you had been until now since you were more energetic than ever, excited to get as much in on the last day.

Timothée was the one dragging you around everywhere today, determined to get through the list had made, you smiled at him as he explained everything to you, surprised at how much he knew. “When did you make this list anyway?” You asked over lunch, looking up at him after you chewed your food. “I woke up at 2am and i couldn’t sleep but i didn’t wanna wake you up so i made this list and researched everything so i can give you the full tour guide experience” he replied, a giant smile on his face as you gawked at him.

“yeah that’s it, I’m gonna marry you” you shrugged, continuing to eat as timothée blushed and kept eating. The conversation flowing easily between the two of you and a comfortable silence falling into place at times.

The day continued quickly, visiting many more sites and before you knew it your disposable camera came to an end, and 30 minutes later so did timothées as the sunset. The two of you sat down on a bench, waiting on your guys’ driver to arrive so the two of you could pack up and head home.

“i can’t believe it’s over” you smiled softly, sad that it was over but happy that it happened. “Don’t worry mon amour im sure we’ll be back soon enough” he smiled and you put your head on his shoulder. “I love you with everything I have timothée” you spoke, looking up at him from your position. He kissed your forehead gently, “i love you so much more y/n” he smiled.

The two of you once again raced to pack up, you purposefully ‘lost’ your favorite shirt and let him win, although he would always hold it against you, it didn’t matter because you would lose over and over and over again if it meant seeing the amount of joy on his face when he shouted “IM DONE” and looked over at you with an unzipped suitcase.

As the two of you were waiting at the airport gate you had to make the obligatory Instagram post, gathering pictures of the two of you together and of yourself to post, you smiled as you picked out the photos. Searching the internet to see if anyone had caught the two of you kissing in the rain in front of the fountain, which of course they had. You looked over at a napping timothée, smiling as you set the photo as your lockscreen and added it to your post, quickly you typed out your caption.

“Italian days <3”

[thiswasinevitableid]

Have you seen the post going around about the zoom class with one guy and his full streamer setup vs the guy whose just in the middle of the woods? I know you have a prompt list rn but I’m just saying there’s a sternclay fic in there somewhere...

It is! Here you go!

Life is better with order. Or, at the very least, with some attempt at patterns, organization, or consistency. 

Which is why Stern has carefully arranged his desk, his chair, and his equipment in the background. Streaming as a hobby and a side hustle means he has some (okay, a lot) of practice making his digital self look just right. He needs to make a good impression on the first day of the semester.

Unlike some people. 

“Holy shit man, are you in the woods?” Duck, the guy in a “Monongahela National Forest” shirt, grins as he asks this of another student whose screen consists of a forest clearing, a log, and the name “Barclay.”

“Yeah. Hang on, lemme finish getting the phone balanced.”

“Dude, that’s like, way better than my background” this comes from Jake, in front of a poorly rendered half-pipe. 

“Can’t really take credit for it, just where I ended up.” Barclay sits down, and Stern gets his first look at a man so tall he barely fits in the frame, with a short, coppery beard and an honest-to-god man-bun.

Damn west coast schools. 

“How is your battery going to last long enough for class?” Stern leans back in his chair, certain Barclay will have “battery trouble” halfway through as an excuse to cut out early.

Barclay smiles, lifting up a small green and black rectangle, “solar battery. Not everyone needs fancy gadgets for school.” He aims a pointed stare at Sterns set-up. 

“It’s important to have the right equipment.”

“Whatever you say, man.” He lifts a cup of iced coffee into the frame, sipping it through a straw. It’s the picture of relaxation, as if nothing is wrong in the world. As if this is all totally normal. 

Stern wants to reach through the  screen and slap some sense into him. Preferably while he’s shirtless.

He chalks that thought up to not having gotten laid since last December and pulls up his note taking software as Professor Chicane enters the room.

------------------------------------

Private Chat 9/20/20

Duck (he/him): I timed it, we’re already at ten minutes of arguing.

Indrid (he/him): I know Ned enjoys their demonstrating the different modes of rhetoric, but this is a bit extreme.

Duck: To be fair, Joe does seem kinda uptight.

Indrid: Yes, but Barclay should know by now that zeroing in on him during our practice debates only results in this.

Duck: Yeah. Oh shit, are they for real wrapping up you think?

Indrid: We can only hope. Skype me tonight?

Duck: Of course, sugar.

--------------------------------------

What is Joseph’s problem? He’s got a set-up that would make a pro-vlogger jealous, what looks to be a well-lit apartment with some houseplants and the kind of coffee-cups that are weirdly lacking in personality. His clothes are immaculate, his hair slicked back as if he;s in a business meeting rather than an online class in the midst of a chaotic world. So why is he acting like everything is terrible? And why is he always arguing with Barclay, when there are plenty of other people in the class to disagree with?

“Now” Mr. Chicane’s voice booms through the tiny speaker on his phone, “if you all had a chance to read over the instructions, we will begin the first mock debate. Do we have any volunteers?”

He and Joe raise their hands at the same time. Mr. Chicane raises an eyebrow.

“While I appreciate your eagerness, gentlemen, I would like two other volunteers this time.”

That’s fine by him. It’s not like he likes listening to Joseph get all wound up and passionate, making everyone on the call sit up and take notice of him. It’s not as if he enjoys being the center of his focus. 

Nope, not at all.

-----------------------------

Private chat 10/11/20

Jake (he/him): Dudes, did you see who got paired up on the final project?

Aubrey (she/her): Chicane must be getting them back for all the times they’ve hijacked discussions. 

Duck (he/him): Man, for their sake I hope it works out.

Indrid (he/him): This is going to be a disaster.

--------------------------------------

“Are you out of your mind!” Stern is talking before Barclay’s video is fully on. 

“Nope. And you don’t have to yell, my speaker works just fine.”

“You’re outside, for all I know there’s a ton of ambient noise.”

Barclay, phone obviously in his hand as he walks through the trees, groans.

“And don’t try to derail this; how can you possibly suggest I come out there so we can do the project in person? We’re supposed to be limiting travel and gatherings.”

“Look, Joseph, we both agree that trying to generate our own cryptid hoax is the best way to demonstrate all the techniques Ned wants us too, right?”

“Yes” he hides his answer behind the rim of his coffee mug. 

“We’ll do a way better job if we work in the same space. And if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t had any human contact in three weeks; all quarantined up, unlike whatever you’ve been doing in the city.”

He sets the mug down with a thunk, “I haven’t been out in a month. And before that was only for one grocery run and a hospital visit.”

“Uhhh-”

“I cut my hand cooking. So. Yeah.”

Literal crickets chirp, courtesy of Barclay’s end of the line, as the silence stretches on.

“If it helps, it’s real easy to stay isolated here, and I’ve still got utilities and everything.”

“And you’re not subsisting only on MREs or granola or something?”

A deep chuckle, the kind that makes his skin prickle, “Nope. That much I can promise.”

Stern glances around the studio apartment, clean and empty. 

“What’s your address?”

------------------------------------

Look, all Stern is going to say is that he’s seen and read plenty of stories that start with a cabin in the woods and none of them end well. Which is why he’s still sitting in his car, parked beside a beat-up Subaru, rather than knocking on the door. 

Breathe in, five counts. Out for four. Repeat four times. 

Waiting for him on the door is a note.

Joseph,

Key under mat, make yourself at home. 

Barclay. 

He brings in his bags (a matching set of three, a gift from his aunt last year), placing them in the tiny guest room. It’s not much more than a bed, a dresser, and a tiny table. But there’s a heating unit below the window looking out into the woods, which is pretty pleasant. He’ll be keeping the blinds closed at night, though; he hates the thought of something being able to look in. 

Stern’s busy evaluating the laundry closet when the front door opens. 

“Hey, glad you found the place okay.”

Barclay stands in the doorway, a basket full of fruit in one hand. He’s remarkably kempt for a man living in the woods and that, combined with the deep voice being even richer in person and the fact Stern has to actually look up to meet his eyes, has him stumbling for words. 

“Your directions were very thorough. Thank you. Um. I put my things in there, should I, um-”

“I can give you the grand tour.” The taller man sets the basket on the dining table, notices Sterns puzzled expression “there’s a piece of property about a mile thataway that has orchards they don’t really use. They let me come and pick whenever i want, less for them to clean up.”

Barclay keeps up a steady monologue as he shows him the cabin. The lower level is the living room and dining area, a kitchen which leads onto the back deck, Sterns room, and a bathroom. As the cabin is A-frame, the upstairs is Barclay’s room, all dark wood and pine colored plaid. It’s as Barclay is telling him about the woodpecker that sometimes nests in the eaves that he realizes why he’s talking so much.

He’s nervous. 

Neither of their nerves improve when he gets to his last point of order. 

“Uh, so, the bathroom downstairs is only a half-bath.”

“So...if I want to shower, which I do, I have to come up here.”

“Yeah.” Barclay scratches the back of his neck, “sorry. I don’t, like, sleep naked or anything so we should be fine.”

“Disappointing.” Stern sighs, only to sail past sarcastic and land face first in sincere. 

Barclay blushes, then shrugs, “Trust me, after the first night, you’ll see why.”

Stern does. He’s warm as long as he’s in bed, but the moment he ventures into the bathroom in the middle of the night he’s cocooned in cold. 

The morning brings cinnamon and coffee on the draft coming under the door. He plods into the kitchen in search of caffeine, finds Barclay in an pron, the counter covered in trays of dough. 

“Morning!”

“Morning. Coffee-”

“Right there, sugar and stuff’s in the cabinet above it, cream and such is in the fridge.”

Blessedly, there’s heavy cream to be found, and soon he’s sipping from an enamel mug emblazoned with a UFO made of veggies. 

“Is this all for your job?” Barclay mentioned he was a cook during an icebreaker. 

“Yep. Way it works is I bust my ass baking once or twice a day, and Thacker, who works with Mama at the Lodge in town, comes and takes them over there. Normally I’d just be there but, well, y’know.”

“Everything is on fire? Figuratively, I mean.”

“Sometimes literally too, but yeah.”

As he’s turning to grab his clothes and head showerward, Barclay adds, “You a scone man, coffecake man, or a cinnamon roll man?”

“Coffeecake?” It comes out hesitant. 

“There’s no right answer, man.” Barclay sounds amused, “what do you want?”

“Cake, definitely.”

“Cool. I’ll save you a slice.”

Once he’s showered and on the wi-fi, his day runs like normal; one lecture, reading, a research paper, his initial half of their project, and working either his copy-editing or transcription job in between, and planning his next stream. Barclay comes and goes, stops now and then to see if he needs anything, leaves a sandwich in front of him around dinner time. Then it’s time to crawl under the covers and dream of a less-stressful world. 

The next day, just before one, Barclay taps him on the shoulder. 

“Ready for class?”

“Yes…” He gestures to his laptop and notebook. 

“C’mon, join me out here, it’s way nicer, and we can share the phone.”

“Barclay, it’s  a nonsensical way to attend class, just stay in here with me! Even this set-up has to be better than the woods.”

“This set up. You mean my house?” All the friendliness leaves hi voice. 

“Yes. Look, I agreed to come out because you’re right, if we want to ace this thing that’s worth sixty percent of our grade, this is the place to do it; I don’t have to go along with the whole self-sufficient woodsman aesthetic while I’m here. “

“Yeah, I’d say you’re pretty far from self-sufficient. See you in class.” 

Stern stews through the entire session, but where he’d usually find something Barclay says to latch onto, he instead gnaws on himself. Why didn’t he just go with him? Why snap at someone who’s been nothing but nice since he got here?

Whatever the answer, how can he fix it?

---------------------------------------

Barclay tromps back through the twilight, done with his second class of the day. If Joseph is in the main house, he plans to ignore him until tomorrow morning. That all goes out the window with the clank of dishes from the kitchen. 

Peering in reveals the other man bent over, pulling a casserole from the oven. He waits to announce his presence until Joseph is out of the danger zone, enjoying the view as he does. 

“Smells good.”

Blue eyes flick over to him as Joseph opens drawers, “it’s mostly cheese and chips, so I’m not surprised.”

“Servers are in that one.”

“Thank you. Nacho pie?” He scoops some into a bowl, holding it out. 

“Sure. Uh, look, Joseph I-”

Joseph holds up the server, “Wait. Before you apologize I, um, I wanted to say I’m sorry for my comments. And for being so...me-ish.” He sighs, staring at the utensil in his grip, “I’ve always been a little bit tense, tried to be polite and effective and friendly in spite of it. The last six months made that harder to do. I don’t love it when I can’t be organized, when normal systems go out of place. But that’s no excuse for being rude to you, even before you invited me here. You’re just so...you’re always so calm and relaxed, like nothing was wrong and I just honed in on that way more than made sense. I’m sorry.”

“If it makes you feel better, I kinda did the same thing. You’re always so put together, it looked like you had this organized life in the midst of this whole shitstorm. I feel lik everything is slipping away, like my world is just this cabin. I mean, I assumed you were seeing friends in the city, while I haven’t seen Mama in person since April. So” he sets the bowl down, rests his hand on Joseph’s shoulder, “I’m sorry too.”

Joseph laughs, softly, “turns out we both had failures of imagination, huh?”

“Yeah” he runs a hand over Joseph's back, “now come on, this dinner’s not gonna eat itself.”

-----------------------------------

“You sure you don’t wanna wear the bigfoot costume?”

“Positive. Besides, it suits you.” Joseph finishes styling the fur on the head of the costume to look more realistic, “I just hope we get this done before that storm comes in; as mush as the rain would add to the mood of the scene, that’ll be hell to dry and you’ll be miserable. So, go lurk over there while I finish up getting the camera settings where they need to be.”

“Yes sir” Barclay pops the head on, leaves crunching as moves to his appointed tree. He smiles as he watches Joseph fiddle with the camera; things have been so much better between them these last two weeks. They trade off cooking dinner, study side by side, and watch movies or play games in the warmth of the heater. They have a similar sense of humor and taste in books, and are tidy to boot.   Joseph’s even come with him to listen to lectures in the woods, the pair sharing a thermos of coffee under the astonished gaze of their classmates. There’s just one problem. 

Barclay’s buried crush is now blooming in every direction. Animated, argumentative Joseph was attractive. Joseph, in all his moods and mannerisms, is devastatingly enchanting. He’s come close to telling him this, but the other man is his guest and also only here for another two and a half weeks, so a confession is setting himself up for heartbreak at worst and awkwardness at best. 

He almost blew it last night when they were washing dishes (Joseph scrubs, Barclay dries and puts away). 

“Last one.”

“Thanks, blue eyes.”

“What was that?”

“Uh, blue eyes? Like a, uh, a nickname?”

Joseph laughs, “Sounds like something from a Raymond Chandler book. I like it.”

On the plus side, if Joseph thinks it’s just a nickname and not a pet name, maybe Barclay can keep using it.

“Are you ready?’

He sticks up a hairy thumb and calls, “you know it, blue eyes.”

That same laugh as Joseph takes up his position. Maybe it’s the weird film over the costume’s eyes, but Barclay swears he sees a blush.

-------------------------

Stern trawls through the search results. Their video is getting some traction, with two cryptid hunter sites claiming it’s credible footage. He’s making note of how the information spread, which threads lead to belief and which to doubt, when Barclay calls from upstairs. 

“Joseph? Little help?”

The other man is in the bathroom, and when Stern knocks he says, “Think the pilot light on the water heater went out again, all I’m getting is cold water. Can you go relight it?”

“Sure.” He gets to the stairs then, stops, “where’s the key to that closet?”

“Huh? Oh, shit, right, hang on” Barclay says at the same time as Stern’s “don’t worry, I can find it.” 

Which is why the instant he turns back into the bedroom is the same instant Barclay steps out of the bathroom, blue towel around his waist. 

Any blood that doesn’t head south goes instantly to Stern’s cheeks. 

“You okay there, blue-eyes?”

“It’s completely unfair how good you look without a shirt.”

He clamps a hand over his mouth.

“Idn’t ean to ay at out oud” The mumbled explanation makes Barclay smirk. 

“You like this, should see what’s under the towel.”

The unusually bold statement from Barclay kindles his own confidence.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, big guy.”

“Who says I won’t.” Barclay sits down on the edge of the bed, nonchalant and leaning back on his hands, “got plenty of time to make good on them.”

“We literally don’t. I go back in a week and two days.”

Barclay toys with the lint on the towel, “you could stay. Through break, through next semester, for however long you wanted.”

“Do you mean that?”

A shy nod, “I like having you around, Joseph. Even beyond the huge fucking crush I have on you I...everything is a little better when you’re around.”

“I, um, I guess it could work. We know next semester is online too, and so is work, so…” there must be variables missing, something he’s not seeing, some reason this is too good to be true.

“You want some space away from shirtless me to think about it?”

“That’d be great.”

Barclay stands, hesitates, then plants a quick kiss on his forehead, “take all the time you need, blue eyes.”

------------------------------

Private Chat log 1/11/2021

Barclay (he/him): Did you see the look on Duck’s face when we turned up in frame together. 

Joseph (he/him): Yes. Pretty sure Aubrey yelled something about him needing to pay up. I wonder what the bet was. 

Barclay (he/him): Whatever it was, pretty sure I came out the biggest winner. 

Stern snorts, trying not to blush on camera, and leans over to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. 

[slipping-through-my-fingertips]

Could You Be My Little Quarantine?

AU: Mercedes has no excuse to not be zooming with Kurt right now and Blaine has the wrong Zoom ID.

AO3

A/N: This is a product of my late-night story ideas. I could see more from this 'verse developing but I'd need some ideas for what to write. If you have prompts please send them my way. I hope you all enjoy it!

Part 2 Part 3

***

2020

It wasn’t that Kurt isn’t happy for Mercedes. In all the years they’ve been best friends, they've always been supportive of one another. So, it was no surprise to Kurt that she was enjoying her two-week quarantine with her boyfriend. She didn’t flaunt her relationship around Kurt and she made just as much time for him as she always did and Kurt really appreciated it. It meant so much to see her occasionally pushing plans with her boyfriend in favor of talking to Kurt be it Zoom or a regular phone call. Sometimes, she’d cancel because of her recording schedule, which Kurt understood. When he had been rehearsing for a Broadway production of Moulin Rouge!, his schedule was ever-changing.

Tonight was different though because Mercedes had no excuse to cancel on Kurt. She was literally ordered to stay in her apartment. There were no recording sessions, no producers to meet with, and her boyfriend was basically living with her so Kurt’s a little frustrated to be left waiting on Zoom. He’ll give her 15 minutes before texting her. He's still using the college 15-minute rule. As in if the professor doesn’t show after 15 minutes, the class is free to leave. Except, in this case, Kurt was planning to text his friend until she responded.

Kurt did what he usually did while waiting. Played a new word in Scrabble against Carole and went through his recently saved photos (deleting the ones automatically saved from his Instagram Stories) before ultimately opening his fashion Twitter account and scrolling endlessly. He’ll periodically look at the time and note only a minute has passed since he last looked. Until someone who is definitely not Mercedes joins his Zoom meeting room and says hello.

“Hello,” Kurt says, putting his phone down.

“Um hi,” the other man replies. “You’re not Cooper.”

“And you’re not Mercedes.”

“No, I’m not. This is awkward.” He runs his hand through his black curls. “I’m so sorry. I should probably hop off and yell at my brother for giving me the wrong Zoom ID.”

“It’s no problem, my friend’s likely ditching me for her boyfriend. This was a nice surprise.”

“Is it?” he asks. “Cause I feel pretty embarrassed right now. What are the odds I typed an actual Zoom ID in?”

“Well, you were looking for your brother,” Kurt says. “I imagine it’s similar odds to dialing the wrong phone number.”

The man laughs. “You’re probably right. I’m Blaine by the way.”

“Kurt.”

“Wait, you aren’t…” Blaine trails off and leans closer to the camera like he’s trying to get a better look at Kurt. “You are,” he concludes. “Kurt Hummel?”

“Um yes?” Kurt winces at his voice cracking.

“I saw you twice on Broadway last year. You were outstanding as Christian. Moulin Rouge! is one of my favorite movies so when I heard it was going to Broadway, I knew I had to get tickets. Then, after I saw it the first time I didn’t shut up about how incredible it was so Coop brought me tickets again for my birthday, which ended up being much better seats than I could afford.”

“Oh, well thank you. It’s one of my favorite movies too. That’s why I auditioned in the first place but I was shocked to get the lead. I was told so often that a voice like mine didn’t get the romantic roles of the stage.”

“Are you kidding? They couldn’t have cast a better Christian! I saw you in Peter Pan too. Stunning performance.”

“You saw Peter Pan?” Kurt questions. “I performed that for a charity event at a nursing house like five years ago.”

“At my grandmother’s nursing home to be exact.” Kurt thought Blaine was turning a little red but maybe it was the lighting. “I’ve been following your career ever since. I hope Moulin Rogue! won’t be your last performance. It’d be a waste of talent.”

Kurt smiles. “I appreciate your support. I don’t intend to make it my last but I’m taking a short break from performing to get back into student mode. I’m finishing up my last semester of grad school at NYU.”

“I did my undergrad at NYU. Great professors,” Blaine comments. “I was actually supposed to be making my debut on the stage this summer but alas COVID-19 has shut us down for a bit.”

“Debut in what? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“David Mamet’s American Buffalo.”

“Let me guess, Bobby?”

“Yeah,” Blaine replies grinning.

“I’m sure it’ll be back up and running soon. I assume you still live in the city then?”

“I do. New York’s my real home. I always felt out of place in California. My mom moved us there after her divorce and Cooper got his first gig so we stuck around.”

“Gig? Like a band?” Kurt asks, wondering if Cooper ran in similar circles as his college friend, Elliott.

“No, like acting actually. Sorry, poor word choice on my part. He did credit-score commercials for a while but now he primarily does soap operas.”

“Wait, you mean your brother is Cooper Anderson?”

“Um yeah, he is,” Blaine admits.

“Now, it’s my turn to be embarrassed.” Kurt feels his face warm up. “I might’ve had the jingle to that credit-score commercials as my ringtone back in high school.”

“No, you did not!” Blaine exclaims, laughing a little.

“I’m afraid so,” Kurt tells him. “No offense but Cooper was every young gay teen’s fantasy in Ohio. And by every young gay teen, I mean myself because there was only one gay teen in Lima.”

“Kurt, I promise to never tell Cooper of this because his ego is already too large to handle however I will be holding this secret near and dear to my heart only to remember it fondly when I need a good laugh.”

“Oh hush.” Kurt bats his hand at the camera.

“So, what are you studying at NYU?”

This question led the two down a rabbit hole of their favorite classes and professors. Similar experiences they had during vocal performances and various laughter-inducing stories of their off-campus activities. Kurt’s friends’ weekly karaoke nights, Blaine’s goal to try every coffee shop in Greenwich Village, Kurt’s dream role to play Peter Allen in The Boy From Oz, and Blaine’s secret identity Nightbird, who made yearly appearances in October when Blaine went to sing-a-longs at local children’s hospitals.

“Sam learned the hard way that Gatorade hurts more coming out of your nose than chocolate milk does,” Blaine chuckles.

Kurt is about to jump in with another story but a third box shows up on their screens. It’s Mercedes.

“Kurt, I am so so sorry,” she says. “Oh, hello.”

“Hi,” Blaine waves. “Mercedes, I presume?”

“That’s me.”

The call goes silent for a moment.

“Mercedes, this is Blaine.” Blaine smiles. “You were apologizing…”

“Right,” she says, ignoring Blaine’s presence for a minute while she explains.

Meanwhile, Kurt is typing a chat to Blaine so Mercedes won’t see it.

Kurt: Lovely chatting with you tonight. I’d love to meet up again sometime.

Blaine: Me too. Text me.

Kurt quickly entered the number into his phone and nodded confirming that he was both listening to Mercedes and was agreeing to text Blaine.

“Apology accepted,” Kurt tells Mercedes once she’s finished.

She grins.

“Well, I don’t want to interrupt. Lovely to meet you both but I think I’ll try and call my brother now as I had originally planned.”

Blaine does a two-handed wave before leaving the meeting.

“You have a lotta explainin’ to do, mister,” Mercedes says. “Who was that cutie?”

Kurt sighs dreamily. “If all goes my way, a potential boyfriend.”

Mercedes claps excitedly and proceeds to pull all the information Kurt’s willing to divulge about Blaine Anderson.

[shiftysdogtags]

Some domestic Toye HCs would really water my crops 👀

I enjoyed writing this WAY too much😂  it's less domestic and more fluffy? i don't know why but i let the writing gods guide me and this is where they took me. I really hope you like it and gives you as much Toye feels as it has given me.

All request are open💕

Taglist: @floydtab​ @curraheewestandalone​ @liebegott​

Joe never thought he would be the type to fall completely and utterly in love with someone. Yes, he knew he would end up with someone, but he didn’t think he would be in love as he is.

It’s like a little obsession he has. Where most people want a cup to tea or nap after a long day, Joe wants a kiss and a hug from his person. And if he doesn’t get them you best believe he sulks and broods on his own.

He can’t believe he ended up living with someone so amazing as you who understands him so well and can read his every little emotion. He makes sure to thank you and tell you that you are loved at least a thousand times a day.

He acts all mushy when you’re around and he can’t help the smile at always crosses his face when you look at him.

He makes up an excuse to talk to you just so he can see your face when you look up from whatever you were doing. It’s something dorky that if you didn’t know Joe the way you did, you would’ve thought it was an out of character thing for him to do.

And his heart melts when you say his name and he swear is the most beautiful sound he has ever heard. If you’re in another room and you call him, it takes him a second to realise what is going on, and another to actually answer you back.

If you call him Joey, he knows you want something. He pretends to hate it, but he secretly loves it. He doesn't let anyone else call him that because it is reserved for you and you alone.

This man is one you do not want to cross. If anyone even thought of saying something negative about you or he didn't like their tone of voice, there is nothing he wouldn't do to defend your honour. 

It's a rare occurrence, but it has happened that he has come home with scrapes and bruises because he didn't like the way someone was talking about you. You are the most precious thing to him and Hell be damned if he would let anything slide when it comes to you. 

Joe can be surprisingly handy around the house and if he thinks he can do it himself he refuses to let anyone do it for him. But sometimes it’s ended in disaster and he has to admit defeat and ask you for help.

He sits on the floor when putting furniture together and he can be really stubborn. He will sit and huff if he loses a screw and even if you suggest walking away to take a break, he won’t give up till he’s completed it.

If you’ve gone shopping or bought something that is even slightly heavy, Joe refuses to let you carry it. He loves to do little things like that for you because he thinks it’s a nice way to show the person, he is with how much he loves them.

One of his favourite things to do is watch you put away the food shopping. He sits against the countertop and watches you zoom around the kitchen in your own little world. Sometimes there’s a little conversation but normally he is too lost in looking at you to form a sentence.

But when you need help placing something on a high shelf or press, he is standing behind you ready to help before you can even ask him to. If you ask him to do anything consider it done. There is nothing this man would not do to see you smile.

In return for Joe putting something together or helping you out, he demands kisses. He won't do anything without the promises of kisses before and after.

On days off Joe likes to do nothing, but that’s only if you have the day off too. If you have work or plans, he can’t sit and do nothing by himself and he looks for a distraction, so he forgets that you’re not there with him.

He usually cooks something for the both of you. While Joe isn’t an amazing cook, he does a pretty good job once it’s not too complicated.

No matter what, he always leaves the kitchen in a mess and he SWEARS he is going to clean it up, but you promise to help him. After all he is the one who made the food. It's a nice way for the two of you to catch up and talk about what you did during your time apart.

Because he can’t really cook, you normally make dinners, but he loves to help you out. He proudly shows you the carrots he has chopped or apologises when he lets the soup on the stove boil over, either one earns him a kiss on the nose, and he is in heaven.

If you also have the day off, his ideal day is spending the morning wrapped up in bed with you beside him. He wakes up first, because he's a light sleeper and doesn't really sleep, and he likes looking at you sleeping peacefully beside him.

With your back to his chest and his arm loosely over your waist, he whispers everything he loves about you in your ear in his raspy morning voice. His voice is huskier than usual because he is literally only awake and it's still thick with sleep. And a special mention in here about his sexy morning voice for @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant.

When you're both chilling on the sofa doing nothing in particular, Joe likes to lay his head in your lap. And while he would never ask for it, 99% of the time he wants you to play with his hair or just rub the back of his head.

If he's had a really bad day, he storms into the house and slams every door in the process. He throws, and I literally mean throws, himself onto the couch beside you and once you ask him if he wants to talk about it the flood gates open and you can't get him to shut up until he completely finishes the story.

On days like that, he lies in your lap as well, and he finds it so relaxing when you draw shapes on his shoulders as he tells you about his day. He appreciates all the little kisses you place on his forehead every so often.

Joe loves to have you sit on his lap where he can have his hands on you. He likes to rub circles onto your hip with his thumb or he runs his fingers up and down your arm. His favourite is when he can put his hand on your thigh when you're talking to him. It's nothing sexual for him. It just calms him down and it really grounds him.

Joe Toye appears rough and ready on the outside, and while he looks ready to fight anyone who looks his way, he is such a soft human being. It is a fact, and no one can change my mind.

[beecherdrysdale]

Hiii how are you ? I fell down the stairs today and cried for a minute straight #hormones. Dw I have a high pain tolerance but I just started sobbing lol. It happens. LONG post ahead, I kinda went off hehe.

Anyways let’s get started!! Yes quinton gets to be upfront because he would probably feel so uncomfortable(no offence) with all the sexual tension going on there if dyl or jamie were in the front hehe. But yes they would be bitchy about who gets to sit upfront “ no Jamie it’s mine turn to sit with Brigid” “ no it’s my turn dylan you just sat with her” so brigid would get fed up and banishes them to the back hehe. Lmao Brigid can we listen to Katy perry now? The silence!! And then no can we listen to Lady Gaga?. Quinton trying not to lose it in the front seat. If I had to chose tho I would chose lady gaga:) wbu?

Get ready to be beat! Yes Ryan is absolutely not sitting upfront w me! We would be crazy and I wanna win so. Quinner is sitting up front w me but he decided to be .... and I’m banish him to the back. Braden is the most chill so he’s sitting upfront and giving me directions!! Haha dyl yelling at you to drive faster, but no I will beat both hehe;). Kesh who’s sitting up front w you? Would Kirby be handsy😏?. We would have to make so many stops lol. Like it’s just nostalgic for us, but new for you so it would be fun to make pit stops. and we would just be taking so many Instagram photos as a group and w our boys and together ! We love that ! “Wait wait wait Lexi pull over, I remember this place I wanna take photos” lol this is bad hehe.

Lmao yes, your hair would be so tangled!! They would be panicking a bit because they’re like omg she’s gonna be so mad.... honestly Ryan would just take the photo and then post it but then Dylan would repost it and then Jamie and then me lol. Honestly I kinda love when people just take videos of being in the car w like the scenery showing, but this would include us laughing and listening to music! I hope they makes sense. Hehe Ryan or Dylan would probably take photos of Braden, cozzy and devon sleeping and would post it. Back to the hair: hehe yes I can see you giving them a death glare when you realize and your getting mad and would hide. I’m just imagining this in my head, like me pulling over and you running out of the car and quinton and devon fixing your hair lol. Somebody would be filming this no doubt.

Music wise, yes I love blasting music and people looking but it’s kinda a flex when they see who we are with.... I like rap too! What song do u like Brigid?. Country will be played and 2000’s which is fun! I’m good with anything !. Kesh I love hype up songs as well and bass heavy songs because they sound good on speakers hehe. I’ve been into Rihanna for the past week and I was working out to her music- where have you been, rude boy, bitch better have my money lol, pon de replay hit different but also S&M for some sexiness. Lmao sorry I’m just listing Rihanna songs that I love atm. What are your fav songs right now? Awww dancing on the side of the road is so soft, but everybody needs a dance break! Cozzy, Devon and Braden are some how still passed out, I admire that. Late night drives🥺 are we spicing this up 😏.

Hehe you and devon are swamped w emails and more and you’re like kirby can you please go w them we need somebody to watch them. Als yes quinton go take those hot photos . I admire Dylan’s sleep schedule, like good job on catching up on sleep. Kirbys just trying to sweet talk you and kiss you so that you wouldn’t be mad. All in all, kesh is just shocked like how is that possible? Lmao Brigid, Ryan and I w the shopping cart just stocking up on popcorn, chips m&ms, I love that. Jamie and Dylan are racing each other to see who can grab the most cereal and made sure that they are getting the correct ones for Brigid. Honestly all the boys are just confused about how grocery shopping works hehe. The crackhead energy. Kirby is panicking. We literally bought out all the snacks. Beaver tails are delish and I know where you can get them so 😃. I want to stuff Quinner’s mouth w beaver tails cuz that’s cute:) yes healthy food is a must, like fruits, veggies, rice cakes hehe. But remember that we are going to workout on this vacay hehe. After the grocery store we would go into the mall or something and the boys would just be wanting to buy video games 😂 and ps5’s. Also kesh I love how some of the boys are just trying on clothes. Why do I get a feeling that one of the boys would just be filming all of this?

The chirping will happen nonstop, I’m sorry it’s just to much inspo. Aww yes they are blushing real hard, cuz they like you soooo much. But Brigid is enjoying touching them so no prob.

The boat is a must and it is happening!! Hehe yes the tubing would be chaotic, everybody is just trying to get each other to fall in 😂. Ryan thinks that he’s getting away w pushing me in but SIKE you are coming with me. So then we’re just fighting in the water. Quinner would be like where did they go?. Hehe brigid gets so wrapped up in laughing at us that Braden pushes her in haha. Yes we all look super hot in our bikinis, and the boys are speechless! Like dyl and Jamie are just like wow, she looks so amazing! And Kirby is so in love w you, he’s like I’m the luckiest man ever. I’m still gonna make sure that I wear a non tie bikini so that it doesn’t untie, like one time I was in the boat and my friend pulled on the string and the entire thing untied and I just jumped in the water to retie. That is not happening again lol. Quinner would be mad hehe. Idk I’m seeing Brigid in a black bikini or maybe a dark blue one? It would match your eyes?. Kesh in a red one or yellow and me maybe in a green one or just black lol. Hehe yes kesh and Kirby are just doing cute couple stuff and keeping an eye out but we are to chaotic to maintain .

Hehe yes ig we are clingy but cute drunks but I get kinda wild when I drink so the body shots would def happen. It would be hot tbh. Yes somebody do body shots w Brigid. Dylan would step up first, and he would be enjoying it and then Jamie sees and is like no it’s my turn so he does it and in the end it’s just a competition and you all get drunk hehe. Kesh and Kirby are the parents of the clubbing trip no offence.. like wanna go help cozzy and devon? Hehe lol I could just be dancing w Brigid and the boys would get jealous and one of them would just come up and be like excuse may I cut in, and i would be like tf but then they give me a glare and I go dance sexy with Quinner or crazy w Ryan. Kesh and Kirby should dance at least at one point during this time. We all look hot btw :)

Hehe yay I can be friends w Dylan :) I want that friendship to happen tbh. but he’s getting jealous but I’m like let them have their moment, so I distract him a bit w talking.

Girls day is a must! I wanna hang out w you so badly. Some cute clothing will be bought! Ooo yes us modelling and them being in awe. Oo kesh a different modelling show w the boys 😏. The boys are getting handsy esp Dylan and Jamie hehe. And they are super protective so no other guy at the club gets any ideas. After tho it’s biker shorts, sweat pants and hoodies type of vacay lol .

Thank you for reading ! Hope you enjoy mes chéries💗🌸

yes ok so loooong post ahead people

oof that tough falling down the stairs lol. honestly i’m not doing to great right now bc i did not do as well as i wanted at my meet, so now i’m in a funky headspace. but hopefully answering this ask will help, and i can get my shit together before my events tomorrow (which are actually my important events)

haha yes dyl and jamie would just be arguing like “no it’s my turn to sit in front, no you just did it’s my turn” lmao. and then whenever they’re sitting in the front there’s just too much tension for quinton to deal with lol. so then i feel bad for quinton so i banish the other guys to the back and let him sit in the front hehe. and i’m just ignoring the other guys and refuse to play either of their music and i let quinton pick. and if we purposely pick songs we know the other guys hate, that’s a secret we’ll never tell. oof between those two idk, probably lady gaga, but again we’re not playing music jamie and dyl like lol. 

haha no, you get ready to get beat. i’m like an INSANE driver when i want to be. and ofc dylan is just yelling at me “faster brigid, hurry tf up! we have to beat everyone” so then we’re just zooming. but then obviously you’re doing your best to keep up so you have to banish ryan to the back so he doesn’t distract you. and then you let quinner sit up front until he starts getting too handsy bc you’re like no i won’t let myself get distracted. so then braden’s up front giving directions and trying to get you to go faster, but i’m still winning lol. and then kesh is also still in the race, and she and kirby are just chilling in the front bc everyone else’s asleep. ooooh yes making lots of pit stops bc nostalgia for all of you canadians. and then me and kesh are just seeing all the sights for the first time. oooooh yes all the cute insta pics we could take

ooooh yes people taking vids of like the music and scenery would be so cute to post as stories. and ofc all of us laughing and stuff, that would be so cute. anyways yes, my hair would be a hugeeee knot. and i would just give them the death glare, like you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. and jamie and dyl just try to hide from me, like they run away as soon as the car is stopped. and then devon and quinton fix it for me, god bless their souls. like i’m sorry, bc even i wouldn’t want to deal with that. ik how my hair can get. and this would be allllll over everyone’s stories ofc lmao

ok yessss our music game is on point tbh. ok so for rap, the artists i’m really into rn are juice wrld (rip i actually loved him sm), kid laroi (who learned from juice, so he sounds a lot like him), trippie redd, mgk, and nf. also iann dior, but he’s not so much rap as r&b. honestly any of their songs slap. and then ofc country and early 2000′s. and any music with good bass, but i think a lot of the artists i said have that. ooooh yes getting out to have a dance party on the side of the road. hehe it could be really crazy. or alternatively, it could be when you’re out on a late night drive and there’s a slow song on the radio and you guys just get out and slow dance to the song together no this is not at all inspired by the song slow dance in a parking lot anyways yes late night drives are so cute. but then of course they can get spicy 😏 in case you couldn’t tell i’m always down for it to get spicy lmao

haha yes quinton and dylan c. honestly have their priorities straight. and devon and kesh are swamped with director duties, so that leaves kirby in charge. so then ofc when we get home kirbs tries to sweet talk kesh, but she’s just not having it. she’s just like how? anywaysssss at the store we have the most duo of ryan and lexi, plus now i’m added into the mix, and it’s just a mess. like we buy a shit ton of popcorn, pretzels, chips, candy, etc. and we literally bought half the store’s supply of everything lmao. and then dyl and jamie are just in the cereal aisle trying to grab as much cereal as they can. whichever one of them gets we chocolate mini wheats i will love forever. and then kirby’s getting healthy food bc yk he’s trying to be responsible. so then kesh has to explain that his whole job was to make sure everyone else was getting healthy food, not just get it himself lmao. but honestly none of the guys actually know what they’re doing lmao. and then we obviously have to get beaver tails to so lexi and quinner can have a moment, but idk where you get those lol. but yes we will be working out a ton on this vacay, so it’s ok that we have sm junk food lol. and then after we’re done with food, the guys decide to wander the mall and then they just buy a ton of video game and then they’re trying on clothes lol. and yes obvi they’re videoing the whole thing bc they’re secretly middle school girls who want to have a blog lmao

hehe yes me getting chirped the whole trip, esp the boat day. and the guys are getting so embarrassed about it, but i just don’t care lmao. and then the whole boat day is so chaotic obvi. when ryan pushes lexi in, quinner will come back and just be confusion lmao. like where’s lexi. and then i’m dying laughing and then braden sneaks over and pushes me in lol. but yes we all look amazing in our bikinis. like kirby is just so in love with kesh and thinks she looks gorgeous 😍 and then dyl and jamie are just like damn you look hot about me lol bc we’re horny ones on this trip apparently. and i’ll wear a tie-back jolyn bc they actually stay on lol. and then ofc quinner thinks lexi looks super good, but then she tells the story about the last time she wore a tie-back and he’s just like why didn’t you do it again? lmao. ooooh for bikinis i like a black top with a print on the bottoms idk why. and then you guys in whichever color you want. also yes kesh and kirby are trying to be responsible during this, but it’s just not working lol

haha yep i can definitely see you and quinner being wild drunks together (it’s more like when the alcohol is wearing off that you guys get really clingy) so obvi you guys start doing body shots. and ofc it turns into a jamie/dyl competition bc what doesn’t? and then me and lexi are just dancing sexy together, yk like two drunk girls do, and then dyl or jamie tries to come over and cut in and at first you won’t let them but then you finally give in and go dance with quinner instead. and then yeah, no offense kesh and kirby, but y’all are the parents here. like making sure we don’t do anything too too dumb lmao. and also being a wingman for some of the other guys. but you guys def dance together at least a little bit too. and obvi we all look hot

yessss i feel like you and dyl could be super chaotic friends too. so the two of you are just chilling together and then you have to distract him lol, but then after that you have a different chaotic friend for when ryan’s not available lmao

yes yes yes, girl’s day would be so fun. and then we get a ton of cute new clothes so obvi we have to model them. and they’re all just in awe, like those are our girls. but then we also do private modeling shows 😏 and we all know how that ends. and then when we’re in our clubbing clothes obvi they are getting super protective over us bc we look so hot and we’re their girls, so no other guys can get ideas. but then once they’re drunk they’re handsy as hell lol. but then the rest of the vacay ends ups spent in hoodies, sweats, and athletic shorts lol. and obvi some of the guys’ clothes

ughhhh i love this, the whole thing was amazing. 10/10

[muwur]

hiii can I request hcs for Bokuto, Oikawa and Kuroo crushing on a shy s/o :3 tyyyy

crushing on a shy s/o

✧ hc’s ✧ for Bokuto, Oikawa & Kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.6k words

a/n: ty for the request ! <33 idk y everytime its like headcanons mixed w scenario frjffgt i hope das ok w yall my definitions of all these intersect too much--

Bokuto

✧ mans sometimes has trouble knowing people’s boundaries

✧ PERO bby is just being himself, we lov a king

✧ I DIGRESS. N E WAYS

✧ when he has a crush, he just wants to give you a lot of attention

✧ your shyness is just an added uwu factor to him, he craves seeing how surprised you get whenever he just so happens to pop up out of nowhere to say hi!

✧ tbh he spotted you from like a mile away and pretended like he needed to go in the same direction just so he could talk to you--

✧ doesn’t hesitate to compliment you! will ask if you did anything different (you: “not really” ) and then always says “you always look great, anyway, no need to change anything!”

✧ invites you to his games, hyping up his team and insisting that if you come, he’ll play even better because of your support

✧ has to control himself from leaping with happiness and giving you a hug when you respond a bit bashfully, agreeing to go like 👉👈 “oh, sure, ill come” bc a cutie just asked you to come watch him play

✧ however, when akaashi mentioned once that Bokuto might be coming on a bit strong for your more timid nature, he tried to tone it down

✧ but then he got sad thinking that maybe he was actually overwhelming or annoying you and he sulked for three and a half days despite akaashi insisting that you probably didn’t feel that way, otherwise you would just avoid him

✧ you noticed recently he’s been acting a bit off, and it made you a bit sad to see him looking upset

✧ so you decided to make a sign for him for his upcoming game!

✧ you lugged it around with you when you entered the gym, backside facing forward to hide what it said

✧ you were a bit self-conscious, to say the least

✧ you got settled on the bleachers and watched the game

✧ but Bokuto rlly seemed out of his element; he missed a few potential points and the other team eventually got in the lead

✧ thinking that he needed a pick-me-up, you held up your large sign overhead sheepishly during a time out, hoping that Bokuto would notice

✧ everyone on the team started to snicker when they read your “You got this, Bokuto! Go Owls!” and gave suggestive looks to their team captain

✧ he was confused (Bokuto: “why are you all looking at me weirdly??”) until he finally turned around and saw your sign

✧ and fell 10x more in love with you

✧ and now he can die happy

✧ turning back to his team, tears pricking at his eyes, he quietly choked out:

✧ “(Y-Y/n) made that...? F-For me?!?!??”

✧ now that he’s fIRED UP, Fukurodani easily gained back their momentum and won by a landslide

✧ you stood around outside the gym after the game, wanting to congratulate Bokuto and the team but ovERthInkING iT and you were about to chicken out when

✧ “(Y/N)!” a voice called out loudly

✧ and you were met with a crushing hug

✧ never in your life were you more pleasantly surprised and embarrassed at once

✧ Bokuto’s back on his bullshit, always tryna talk and impress you

✧ and everyone wonders why y’all aren’t dating yet cmon just love each other already--

Oikawa

✧ a big tease and a big flirt

✧ never fails to tell you how lovely you look everyday

✧ a bit embarrassed, you’ll always thank him (which he points out is cute, saying there’s no need to be shy)

✧ overall, he’s rlly sweet doe

✧ he was out with his teammates once when he saw you, so he called you over by name

✧ but since you’ve never met any of Oikawa’s teammates, except Iwaizumi, you were a bit hesitant

✧ seeing this, he goes over to you, gently grabbing your arm and pulling you over while reassuring you, “C’mon, I want you to meet my team. I think they’ll like you!”

✧ will introduce you as his friend

✧ however everyone sees through this (except u) and knows boyo wants mor

✧ makes sure to include you in any conversation, asking you for your input

✧ piss Oikawa off

✧ until he rlly does get pissed off and excuses both of you, deciding to just hang out with you because his teammates are meanies

✧ so we may conclude he can be a bit protective

✧ always staring or looking at you, secretly hoping that he catches you looking at him (gets disappointed when once again, no, you were not looking at him)

✧ checks himself in the mirror even MORE now that he has a bit of an infatuation-- (Iwaizumi: *to Oikawa, who is inspecting his face* “you can only do so much to look human, give up”)

✧ politely excuses himself from his horde of fan girls just to talk to you

✧ always trying to find ways to talk to you in hopes you’ll open up more to him and in general

✧ will offer you help even though you obviously do not need any (again, just to talk to you)

✧ and offers you other things he has on himself, like gum

✧ speaking of gum he’ll always have gum or mint on him in general but espeeeeecially if he knows he’ll be around you bc boyo want his breath smelling fiinneee

✧ eventually gets you to be quite comfortable around him (yes!), so you have nice conversations every once in a while

✧ he’s also v considerate and likes gift giving! bought you milk bread from his fav place because he talked about it the other day, and you mentioned you were curious to try it

✧ one time after you told you that you looked pretty, you paid him back with a compliment as well

✧ he got quite flustered himself, trying to hide his blush by turning his face to the side and then excusing himself-- (smooth)

✧ mans just left you confoozed, but you shrugged it off

✧ he digged the compliment tho, it made his heart swell and his ego skyrocket LOL

✧ his crushing gets worse after you start showing up to his games to support and cheer for him

✧ gushes about you mid-game to Iwaizumi, who looks like he wants to off himself every time--

✧ once you’re a bit more comfortable around him and after “hanging out” (Oikawa: “nOT a date oKAY”) a few times, that’s when he thinks he should ask you out (like on a date date c; )

Kuroo

✧ (totally unrelated but i had a weird dream recently where kuroo and i became buddies bc we found each other’s finstas--)

✧ ok im like 99% sure all these bois would love to get some sort of reaction out of their shy crushes cuz they think it’s cute, they just do it in different ways

✧ kuro’s a bit of a tease

✧ but only because he likes to see your reactions, thrives off of them n eats that shit up like salted mackerel-- (not literally)

✧ likes to look in on what you’re doing whenever you’re just minding your own business ( “whatcha got there?” )

✧ gets a bit close to you as he looks over your shoulder (doesn’t matter wut ur height is; this mf tall tho)

✧ will call out your name and wave when he sees you in the distance, then walk over to you and start a conversation, asking you about your day, what you were doing, etc.

✧ will leave his other friends to talk to you, so much for bros b4 hoe5

✧ always respects your boundaries, though. he’s quite perceptive and is able to tell whether or not you’re uncomfortable

✧ and if you are, he’ll do whatever he can to lessen it (sometimes without you even realizing it)

✧ invites you to study with him after school in the library (and thanks the universe when you agree)

✧ tries to be sLICK when y’all are studying

✧ like he’s extra attentive so when you drop your pencil this man zooms for it before you can even blink so he can pick it up and maybe touch your hand as he hands it to you

✧ “oh, you dropped this,” he says, iNNOcENtLY

✧ you just smile and respond with a “thank you, kuro”

✧ may or may not have done this also so you could smile and thank him—

✧ will also try to impress you with his knOwLedGE and is eager to help when you don’t understand something

✧ tries to fix his bedhead ;((( but fails (Issok bb u perfect already)

✧ will kinda flex about his team and being captain (“oh yeah so we’re going to nationals pretty soon”),,, hoping to convince you to come to a game

✧ which,,, you do (much to his content--)

✧ luckily for him, you end up easily vibing with both kuro and kenma

✧ occasionally you see both of them and are comfortable enough to approach and say hi

✧ after a while tho kenma just disappears and ur like ?? where’d he go ?? and kuro genuinely did not know

✧ kenma just wants to give y’all sum alone time,,,, but y’all dont know that (except kuro when he confronted him later n all he got as a response was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

✧ always asks you about your interests, mentally taking notes on them (he believes that info will come in handy in the future)

✧ and he likes to surprise you with the things he remembers (ie. your fav colors, snacks, scents, hobbies, etc)

✧ is kinda comfortable with how things are between you two

✧ but also really want something more; will probs end up asking you out suddenly when y’all are hanging out >.>

✧ embarrassment and uwu’s are shared

[derl30]

ALTERED STATES REVIEW TIME!

OK, this tumblr is, today, a vehicle for me to review ALTERED STATES. And you (the one person who stumbled on this review two-hundred years from n- oh who am I kidding, when the aliens from A.I. who show up to thaw out Haley Joel Osment and the teddy bear who was the real hero of that movie find this) should be very excited about this. Because this movie is insane. And highly entertaining.

Yes, the movie poster looks like ass. If I told you this was a movie where William Hurt (not the William Hurt from that awful 90's Lost in Space remake, or the one who slept through an entire performance as Duke Leto in the Syfy miniseries of Dune. This is before the body snatchers got him) took ayahuasca and got in a isolation tank and it blew his mind so hard he started devolving into a neanderthal and creating dimensional portals and he couldn't stop because he was addicted to finding the truth of existence... Well you wouldn't get that from this poster, would you? So let's move on. Shall we?

The film opens in 1967 with William Hurt's character, psychopathologist Edward Jessup, already immersed in a sensory deprivation tank, whilst his colleague and “buddy” Bob Balaban (he's just Bob Balaban in everything I'm not giving you his character's name look it up yourself if it's bugging you so much) oversees.

Now, you may notice I put buddy in quotes. The reason for that is that Jessup is a self-obsessed ass who seemingly has no reason to be around other people unless he can expound to them one of his various monologues. Bob Balaban barely gets a word in edgewise throughout the entire film. Bob Balaban.

See, Jessup loves the sensory deprivation tank experience. Unsurprisingly, as it allows him to be completely alone with himself for hours.

Later, at perhaps the lamest party ever, a bunch of faculty are chilling out and listening to the Doors. Everyone we see is talking about Jessup. Why? Well, much as Jessup is obsessed with himself, everyone else seems to follow suit by being obsessed with him. One young woman, Emily, (Blair Brown) is introduced to him in this very shot below as he arrives at the party:

Notice how is framed in holy light? There is a closeup after, of him framed in blinding glowing light followed up with a zoom in on Emily's face, enraptured with this incredible dynamic man. So much so that the moment he tries to make a goddamn sandwich she starts grabbing his celery (get your mind out of the gutter) and flirting with him. Which for these two that means talking science, immediately. Talking more at each other than with each other. This is often the way with Paddy Chayefsky's scripts.

PAUSE

Paddy Chayefsky is doubtless one of the great American writers for the screen. He wrote Marty, The Hospital and Network (which is a fucking incredible piece of work). He got an Oscar for all three. He also wrote this movie (Altered States, remember? Good lord) and disowned it completely three weeks in to production. His scripts tend to have very intelligent, driven characters at the center, who monologue extensively at each other. These scripts are not attempting to sound naturalistic.

Ken Russell, however, directed the film. He, like Chayefsky, is top notch at what he does (Direct. I said he directed the film like a second ago, come on keep up). His films, like Women in Love, The Devils, (which was banned in several major countries upon release and has never been shown publicly in its full, uncut form (by the way it's a masterpiece)) the Who's Tommy, Gothic, and Lair of the White Worm are all fucking gonzo nuts. I mean like, when you gave this guy the reins, you were going to Overthetopsville and there will be no stops on this trip. And god bless! I love directors who GO for it!

You're getting the chance to make a movie. Stop hemming and hawing and hit me over the head with what you want to say! Film is a visual medium, USE IT!

I feel I might have made my feelings clear here. So, moving on...

Ken Russell and Paddy Chayefsky immediately started butting heads, right from the start. Chayefsky was a BIG deal, and he wanted control over the picture in a BIG way. Ken would listen to his suggestions on everything to lighting and set dressing, and politely tell him, “No.”, and continue being the director of the film. Chayefsky hated him pretty quickly.

He had much more control over films like The Hospital. Which, if you watch The Hospital, well, it shows. You've got great actors (George C. Scott, Dame Diana Rigg (Dame may be the greatest official title of all time)) saying great dialogue. But its just two very witty bitter people sort of expounding on topics and speaking at each other and suddenly admitting they are in love and discussing what drapes they will have to buy for their new home. It's utterly preposterous, and it doesn't work in the way Sidney Lumet got it to work in Network, by literally making one of the lead characters realize his life is turning into a ludicrous soap opera.

So of course Ken tried to humanize, naturalize, the dialogue sequences. And it works! The film feels more human than the Hospital or Network. Despite the fact that Jessup is literally becoming more and more inhuman throughout the film. One of the ways he does this is by having the character's eat, drink, and work on other things during the dialogue sequences. This is perfectly normal in film, it's called giving the actor “business” to do, during the scene. Chayefsky HATED this. “They are mumbling my precious dialogue! Chewing through it! Sucking it through a straw!” Sorry, Chayefsky buddy. It works for the picture. Chayefsky also felt the actors were too emotional with his dialogue. Right. See, they call that acting.

UNPAUSE

Which brings us back to the first meeting of Emily and Jessup at the party. They are eating during this important scene! I can just picture Chayefsky seeing this, and running to the studio brass to tattle and get Ken Russell fired (as he got Arthur Penn of Bonnie and Clyde fame fired before Ken Russell came on board).

Emily and Jessup are, true to Chayefsky form, extremely intelligent, driven people and hearing them discuss topics such as anthropology and schizophrenia is quite interesting. It's just that what is to come, film being a visual medium, will eclipse just about any dialogue, no matter how good, from our mind thingys.

The two give up on the science talk and go straight to banging on her couch. After, she asks what he was thinking about. His answer is priceless. “God. Jesus. Crucifixions.”

She smiles.

Bwahahaha! Oh Paddy Chayefsky, you sure know women.

He admits he used to have religious visions. She listens to him from the sweaty couch whilst he sits naked on the floor, and starts going on about his father's horrible death of cancer and his loss of faith. And he admits to her that he's a nut. Her response is to call him a fascinating bastard. I think Lucas may have taken notes for Padme and Anakin.

So naturally, they get married immediately.

But none of that matters because Jessup gets back in the sensory deprivation tank and has his first vision. A nightmare of his dying father and lost faith in christianity. It's pretty great, filled with foreboding hospital rooms, his father's face being covered in a burning Shroud of Turin, everything covered by horrible blood red clouds and then THIS FUCKING THING SHOWS UP AND ITS ALIVE AND WRIGGLING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

excuse me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The many-eyed goat is slaughtered over a gold bible and suddenly Jessups screwing Emily again and we enter a blood vessel looking thing and the vision ends and he never mentions this again. Oh. Okay,

Emily continues on about what a nut Jessup is as they make marriage plans. Her monologue:

“You're an unmitigated madman. You don't have to tell me how weird you are. I know how weird you are. I'm the girl in your bed the past two months. Even sex is a mystical experience for you. You carry on like a flagellant... Which can be very nice, but I sometimes wonder if it's me that's being made love to. I feel like I'm being harpooned by some raging monk in the act of receiving God. (Emphasis mine)

"And you are a Faust-freak Eddie! You'd sell your soul to find the great truth. Well, human life doesn't have great truths. We're born in doubt. We spend our lives persuading ourselves we're alive. And one way we do that is we love each other, like I love you. I can't imagine living without you. So let's get married, and if it turns out to be a disaster, it'll be a disaster.”

It's a disaster.

As in, by the next scene. It starts off happy enough looking, they have kids and people are smiling. And hey, wow it's seven years later! But, well, see, whoops, they are getting a divorce. Well, not they. See, he is divorcing her because he considers the seven years with her a complete waste.

She still loves him, desperately. He doesn't give a shit about her or the kids. He tells Bob Balaban this, straight up. And then starts bugging him about deprivation tanks and Hinchi Indians in South America who have sacred mushrooms that can really fuck you up.

It's at this point you would like for Jessup to be hit by a Mack truck. But the movie continues on. By the way, this is one of the kids he doesn't give a crap about:

That's right. Drew Barrymore's first role is a kid that William Hurt doesn't give a shit about. Something that William Hurt would make a career out of with narcoleptic performances in Lost in Space and Syfy's Dune. So, Emily takes the kids to Africa for her anthropology work while Jessup goes to South America to go deeper into his own creepy mind.

The Hinchi Indians agree to allow him to participate in the drug ritual. They enter their holy cave.

This shot is beautiful. At this point the film becomes increasingly gorgeous. Ken Russell has started to go into overdrive, ladies and gentlemen. Buckle. Your. Seatbelts.

The Indians grab Jessup's hand and cut him, freaking him out. They pour his blood into the drug mixture. They begin to drink. Then he takes a sip. The intensity of the film here has quadrupled. The vision begins, fireworks going off all around him. He sees cave paintings of humans and komodo dragons and this:

The proper life he left behind with Emily. He's convulsing, sweating. The Indians are all around, masked. Snakes. He's laughing in pain. Energy spills from the void. A snake under the parasol strikes and begins to strangle him. He and Emily march toward a nuclear explosion as energy pours from the cut on his hand, becoming a lizard. From within a sandstorm, Emily watches him, naked. Jessup looks at her, entranced, as the soothing sands cover them both, slowly.

It's a beautiful sequence. A perfect film sequence. I can't overstate how strong the vision sequences are from this point forward. Great visual effects work and the madman mind of Ken Russell create something unforgettable, with it's own pace, independent from the rest of the film.

Jessup awakens with a komodo dragon laying before him, ripped to pieces. The Indians and the others all claim he killed it in rage. Jessup remembers nothing, takes samples of the drug to reproduce it, and goes back home.

Back home, Jessup keeps doing as much of the drug as he can and having Bob Balaban record results. They can't up the dosage any more so Jessup hops back in to the self deprivation tank to create a more extreme experience.

In his next session, Jessup states he is having a vision of early man, hunting a deer and killing it. Suddenly he states he is one of them, killing the deer. He begins to grunt like an animal. The two pull him out. He's incredibly pale, blood seeping out of his mouth. He can't speak, and has difficulty breathing. He insists they do an X-ray. It shows that there is a vocalizing lump in the front part of his throat. Jessup claims that his body had begun to revert to a simian state. The medical doctor agrees, stating the throat X-rays looks like that of a gorilla.

Luckily his throat returns to normal. So Jessup finishes up his day by having over a student of his and sleeping with her.

Our hero, people!

At this point we hardly feel sorry for him as his body suddenly begins to twist and bulge in the middle of the night, shifting in and out of neanderthal shapes. It's a horrific sequence, disturbing as hell. You certainly didn't expect the film to shift into body horror.

Jessup feels normal after a while. but sees visions of lava explosions, the birthing of the Earth all around him. Not a good sign.

He goes to pick up Emily from the airport the next day. She asks how he is doing.

“Oh, fine.”

Yeah right.

Emily has been told what Jessup has been doing and is worried, which of course pisses off Jessup even more. The guy is obviously obsessed with reaching the truth and root of existence, much as Emily surmised earlier, and we see he has no fear of even losing his own soul, again true to her word. The only thing that allows us to give a shit about him at this point is that Emily cares for him and she's decent people, okay?

So back Jessup goes into the tank with his ayahuasca or whatever it is. Alone. The tank door opens from the inside.

The hand that pushes it open is covered in thick hair. He's devolved.

Ape-Jessup escapes the tank room and chases a janitor around the building. Again, this scene is fucking freaky as hell. We can't get a good look at this screaming animal that was Jessup.

The janitor gets a guard to help and chases after him into the boiler room, where we finally get a good look at him when he assaults the security guard and escapes.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ape-Jessup runs through the city at night, making his way to the zoo where he kills a antelope and eats it. The Ape-Jessup sequence goes on way too long, but is nonetheless unforgettable. The makeup is much more convincing than the above picture suggests, and whoever performed Ape-Jessup did an admirable job.

The cops find an unconscious Jessup in the zoo and bring him in. Emily picks him up and questions him. Jessup admits everything that he can remember. He also admits that he probably killed that security guard. And once again doesn't seem to give a shit. Prick. He calls it the most supremely satisfying time of his life.

Even Emily seems disgusted with him. But, she's also fascinated with what he's accomplished. As an anthropologist, his transformation fascinates her. And so, she agrees to help oversee his next session. Big mistake.

Before the big session Emily and Jessup romantically reconnect, and then into the climactic session we go!

Get your popcorn ready!

After a few hours in to the session, the video monitor shows Jessup begin to literally melt apart like goo, reverting to primordial ooze, the very beginning of existence. An attempt to open the isolation tank doors blasts everyone unconscious, as light and energy pour forth. Emily is the only one left. She sees Jessup's life energy pulse from within the tank.

Rain pours down around them. The pipes on the walls twist and turn like jelly. The ground is covered with a pool of swirling fog and energy. Emily advances toward the vortex of the tank.

In the emptiness of the beginning of everything, Emily seizes the energy before her and reconstitutes Jessup.

They take him home. While he sleeps, Emily rages over the fact that she loves such a insane bastard, and can't get over him. And, then, after Bob Balaban leaves, leaving Emily alone, Jessup wakes up.

He sweetly admits that the truth he learned was that there was no learnable truth, just unknowable horror, and all that's real is human experience. And he'll be a good boy from now on. Well too bad!

Because that horrible truth isn't done with him, and it's back to goo-Jessup! Emily tries to help him, grabbing him, but this in turn effects her, turning her into a shimmering lava form of herself. Both of them begin to self-destruct as Jessup, enraged, watching her in pain, struggles to retake his humanity, slamming himself into the wall, reforming himself through sheer will and physicality. He grabs her and brings her back, mirroring what she did for him during the final session. They embrace naked in the hallway. He finally admits, “I love you, Emily.”

Fade to credits.

Awww true love!

What can I say to sum up? Awesome 80's practical effects. Genius wacko go-for-it Ken Russell directing. Out of this world vision sequences. A awake and actually remarkable performance from William Hurt. An occasionally turgid but often fascinating script by the ever ornery Paddy Chayefsky. Whats not to like?

Well, the ending is a little rushed. The ape sequence goes on for a little too long and takes up perhaps too much of the films overall running time. The central love story is, well... a little hard to swallow, but hey, I guess there really is somebody out there for everyone. Even self-absorbed, deadbeat, cheating, sensory deprivation loving, ayahuasca dropping, Harvard teachers with a messiah complex!

And on that note, aliens from A.I. Artifical Intelligence, have a good day, and don't leave poor Teddy alone with no one to keep him company!

Sayonara!

[reminiscences]

another attempt at blogging

i started this tumblr a couple years ago at the same time kate did. i can’t remember why—i’m sure tumblr was in the news again for some reason. i guess it was before the great porn purge. i was talking about blogging again this week with my friend daniel, and i woke up this morning and he had sent me a blog he wrote on a new tumblr account early in the morning, so to continue my regression to the early 2010s, i too have rebooted tumblr, given it an era-appropriate name, and decided to give it another go.

the problem with having a newsletter is that i don’t think anyone wants to hear from me in their inbox daily, so i’ve become very precious about the things i write there. it feels like it has to really matter. i like blogs because they’re disposable and can be dumb and not your best writing. how many two-graf tumblr posts did i write in 2011 that were just thoughts i idly had during a statistics lecture? anyway, here’s the first blog, they won’t all be this long probably. 

When I think about eventually looking back at this year I think about what I want to remember from it. I will remember the first week of March. I’ll remember the last birthday party I attended in person at Branch Ofc, a perfectly serviceable Crown Heights bar that was very full of people. I’ll think about that night and how I showed up to the party with a Ziplock full of homemade salted chocolate chip cookies in my purse, how I shared them with a table where the birthday-haver and their friends sat. Breathing in the same air as the four dozen other people crammed into the bar. I can’t imagine it now. I like Branch Ofc because it is unpretentious without pretending to be a dive, unlike Sharlene’s, which tries too hard to mimic the aesthetic trappings of an authentic dive bar but is really just a normal Park Slope bar. Branch Ofc is just a bar where you can buy drinks, and it was an eight-minute walk from my old apartment. It used to be a bar with a photobooth and Big Buck Hunter but I think both of those are gone now. 

For a few days in March, it felt like people were preparing for a snow day. Everyone was slightly more on edge than giddy—but only slightly. “WFH but make it a coffeeshop” I saw on someone’s Instagram story, a selfie with four of their friends coworking somewhere in Bushwick, completely nullifying the point of a work-from-home edict. I ran into my friend Maddie at the renovated Key Food on Nostrand the next week. Maddie, her roommate and I were in the aisle with the Pop Tarts and the Oreos. “I feel like I should get those?” we asked each other, pointing at junk food. I wasn’t wearing a mask or gloves; nobody was. Some guy wearing a Cornell University Sigma Chi tshirt walked by us with the largest bag of dried beans I’ve ever seen in my life slung over his shoulder. That was a man who had never soaked dried beans in his life. I wonder if he ever ate the beans. We were a bunch of idiot 20-somethings blindly grabbing for cans of soup and Fritos for the end of the world. What were any of us doing there? Why was it imperative that day that I make and freeze a lasagna? Maddie’s roommate had fresh lasagna noodles from Eataly she wasn’t going to use before she left for her parents’ house, and she said I could have those. She brought them over for me and I idly wondered if you could get Coronavirus from someone else’s fresh pasta noodles or if the heat of the oven would kill the germs. I made my lasagna.

I’ll think about how March-to-May is just one long gray blurry streak in my head. I baked, I got into running, I said “running with a mask? No thank you, no more running for me,” I got a job, I felt bad about getting a job when everyone I knew in journalism was getting laid off. I did a lot of Zoom Zumba. At first I slept terribly, and then I started sleeping too much, and then I stopped sleeping again at some point during that stretch. There was a novelty to suddenly being inside all the time that made it feel like an excuse to get “really into martinis.” I got really into martinis. Then I stopped drinking for a couple months. Remember “Zoom happy hours”? 

The thing I use most as a means of setting apart different eras in my head is the music I used as a soundtrack at the time. I rang in the 2014 new year in my cute apartment on Westcott Street in Syracuse with my college boyfriend, drunk and blaring Cold Cave, before we walked down the street to Alto Cinco and got Mexican food and passed out. It was my senior year and I only had a few more months of living like this and I loved the small life I’d built for myself there. Of course, it couldn’t stay. When we broke up a year and a half later after he moved to New York, where I had been living for most of a year, I walked around the neighborhood near the Myrtle-Wyckoff stop, close to where we were living together, listening to Mitski’s 2014 album Bury Me At Makeout Creek. I sat in Maria Hernandez Park and watched a bunch of kids play Red Rover. I didn’t especially want to go home because I hadn’t taken an escape route into account when we broke up and somehow timed it out so that things ended after the first of the month, leaving me with three-and-a-half weeks of continuing to share an apartment with someone whose heart I had just broken. In retrospect it’s clear to me that I had just outgrown a relationship with someone five years older than me who hadn’t grown up at all, but I hear that Mitski album now and all I think about are the cold early April days of 2015 when no place and no person felt like home. There’s a line in First Love/Late Spring, by Mitski, where she sings “胸がはち切れそうで,” which translates to something like “My chest is about to burst (with grief).” My advice to recent college graduates moving to New York is to simply not do anything the way I did it. 

So when I think about 2020, I do not want to associate any music I previously had fond memories of with this year. This is unfortunate because every musician I like who produces sad music has nothing but time on their hands now and they’ve all come out with new songs and albums. My recently played selections on Spotify look like a cry for help: Phoebe Bridgers, Bright Eyes, even Tigers Jaw. 

On Saturday I couldn’t sleep in. I woke up at 5:30 and watched the sun appear through my bedroom windows. I kept rolling over, trying to sleep again, but it was futile. Eventually I got up and got dressed, and left my apartment on foot. The walk into lower Manhattan is a few miles from my new place in Fort Greene. I walked west on Fulton, and then down Flatbush. It would have saved me ten minutes to take the Manhattan Bridge, but I’ve always regarded it as the ugliest of the bridges to cross on foot or on bike—last fall, I would walk home from Ben’s apartment over the Manhattan Bridge, and it was just so grey. You get an okay view of Dumbo, I guess, on the walk east, but it isn’t much to look at. When I got back to the Brooklyn side on those walks, I’d get on the A at High Street and take it back to Nostrand instead of walking the last couple miles. 

So I chose the Brooklyn Bridge this time. It was as busy as you’d expect it to be in a non-pandemic event. Instagram boyfriends took pictures of their girlfriends, who took off their masks for a few seconds for the right shot. I saw a couple taking engagement pictures in front of the lower Manhattan skyline. It felt so normal, pedestrians and bicyclists squeezing past each other at the narrow points. 

I was listening to Saint Cloud, the Waxahatchee album that came out a few months ago, turning it over and over in my brain like a rock you pick up at the beach and end up carrying with you on a long walk. The album, outwardly, has this gauzy blue-sky Americana vibe but when you listen to the lyrics of some of the songs it feels like peeling back layers of skin until you hit a raw nerve ending. Every song feels like a eulogy for this year. “You might mourn all that you wasted/That’s just part of the haul,” Katie Crutchfield sings on Ruby Falls. I got to the title track, which closes out the album, as I ascended the bridge. When you get baaaack on the M train, watch the cityyyyyy mutaaaaaaate, she sings. I guess she’s singing about New York. Is there another M train somewhere? I don’t know. I’m going to think about this stupid year whenever I listen to this album, I thought.

I got off the bridge at City Hall, surveyed the ongoing occupation movement there and the literal dozens of cops that had seemingly been deployed to stand there and, at best, do nothing. I walked down Centre Street, eventually winding through the little park by Baxter Street where two adults were playing ping pong, which felt like a socially distanced sport, all things considered. I walked down all those side streets in Chinatown as the sun struggled to break through the oppressive clouds. I walked by Nom Wah, past the salon Polly taught me will give you a very good $12 blowout, past that annoying bar where the bartenders are dressed like scientists, past the place where Kate and I got our auras read on her birthday in January, and ended up at Deluxe Green Bo. I ordered my spicy wontons in peanut sauce and ate them right there, the hot plastic container burning my knees as I sat on the sidewalk. 

Afterwards I walked by all my favorite places—the skatepark under the bridge, Cervo’s, Beverly’s (RIP), Little Canal, Jajaja, the Hawa Smoothie near the East Broadway F. The skaters were hanging out in Dimes Square. Everything had changed but standing outside Kiki’s, it felt for a second like almost nothing had. It was almost a normal Saturday on Canal Street. The sky stayed electric blue until I got back to Brooklyn. 

[is-this-a-skam-account]

“Anything You Want”

5 Times Lucas Ran Into Eliott, and the One Time Eliott Runs Into Lucas

Or, Eliott is the really hot yard worker Mika has hired, and Lucas is trying to find a summer fling but may be way in over his head.

1.

Lucas is certain there is nothing to do in this small excuse for a town. Every year of his life, for every summer since he was five, he has been doing the same things over and over. Going to the movies, going to the pool, going to get ice cream, or, his personal favorite, spending a night in with his friends. With only one small village within a twenty mile radius, there really isn’t anything to do. Now he is eighteen, the summer before his college years, and he has never been more bored out of his mind. He is sitting in his room at 9:21 just staring blankly at the wall, mind completely empty.  

He already reached out to his friends, yet all of them were either at work or at a family-function.  Lucas was thankful, however, that his roommates were out for the day. That left Lucas alone to strut around the unbearably hot house in nothing more than one of Yann’s large t-shirts Lucas had stolen and his boxers.

Lucas finally finds the strength to get out of bed and get himself something cold to eat. Preferably ice cream.

He grabs his phone off the nightstand, opening Instagram as he walks into the kitchen. He swallows hard and his grip tightens on the phone when his ex-boyfriend’s account is the first thing he sees. Oliver and Lucas broke up just a couple months ago, around April. Well, really it was Oliver that broke up with him. Lucas was confused as to why Oliver chose to break up, but then, when Lucas saw Oliver holding hands with another guy two days later, Lucas realized how stupid he had been. Obviously, he had been seeing someone behind his back. Thinking back on it, Lucas should have seen the signs. He should have noticed that they hadn’t been hanging out as often together. Oliver stopped spending nights with Lucas, always making an excuse why he would have to go home so early. Leaving the relationship left Lucas feeling hollow. He was left feeling like he wasn’t good enough for Oliver, that he didn’t satisfy all his boyfriend’s needs, even when he knew that wasn’t true.

There is still a pang of hurt that runs through Lucas’ heart when he sees the newest photo Oliver posted with his new boyfriend. Oliver had been the one to stand by Lucas during his coming out, so obviously there is still some attachments there.

Lucas turns his phone off and places it face down on the counter as he reaches into the freezer. He fishes out his small tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream before grabbing a spoon and going to sit on the couch and watch some Netflix. He doesn’t mind these lazy days, where he doesn’t go out and do anything, where he can stay home, binge watch any show, and maybe make a couple stains on the couch that Mika will later complain about.

He’s eventually is pulled back to Instagram by the times he’s on episode 3 of Grace and Frankie. He has a few messages from Emma, as well as a few from the meme group chat he has with the guys. Lucas opens up Emma’s message and the first thing he sees is possibly the most gorgeous man he has ever laid eyes on. He immediately clicks on the post, pleasant to find that it’s a video. Lucas nearly laughs at how stupid it is, some guitar sound playing in the background as the guy zooms in on his eye. But, dear god, is that guy attractive. Lucas closes the post to see what else Emma sent him.

@em.brgs: i think he is the most gorgeous person i have ever seen.

Lucas laughs before responding.

@lucallemant: i second that notion.

@lucallemant: why don’t you slide into those DMs. Been a while since you got dicked down ever since Alex moved away.

Lucas doesn’t expect a response so fast, but before he knows it his phone is vibrating with notifications.

@em.brgs: oh you’re one to talk. You just think you’re soo funny.

@lucallemant: i am, thank you.

@em.brgs: he’s so hot he makes me want to stab a pencil in my eye.

@lucallemant: well if you do that i really don’t think you’ll have a chance with him.

@em.brgs: haha, that’s so funny Lucas thank you for the self esteem boost.

@lucallemant: what i’m here for.

@em.brgs: and anyways, even if i was going to DM him (which i’m not because i’m not that desperate, unlike some people Lucas) it seems like he just got out of a relationship. I don’t go after guys who are looking for a rebound

@lucallemant: right, you just go after guys who are already in a relationship.

@em.brgs: hey! That has happened only twice!

@lucallemant: round of applause for emma everybody.

@em.brgs: ugh, whatever, i’m going to go message Manon about your non existent love life.

@lucallemant: have fun!

Lucas snickers as he exits the messages. He trains his attention back on the TV and takes another scoop of ice cream. About thirty minutes, and a whole lot of chocolate, later a loud buzzing noise jolts Lucas out of whatever summer-induced-TV-show-daze he was under. Usually he is able to just brush off the noises of his neighbors getting the lawns mowed in the middle of the day, but this sounded like it was literally coming from right outside his window. He placed the ice cream on the coffee table before getting up (begrudgingly) from the Lucas shaped divett he had made in the couch. He leaned over the love seat in order to reach the curtains he had closed when settling down to watch TV. Lucas peeled them back just enough to peer outside into their front lawn. He furrowed his eyebrows when he saw a guy mowing their lawn; what the hell was the guy doing? Lucas ran to their front door, getting ready to tell the guy off and ask him to leave. He had his hand on the doorknob when he spotted the note taped to the door. It was written in Mika’s handwriting.

“Lucas,” it read, “don’t forget that I have hired someone to do work on our lawn/garden this summer.” Lucas had forgotten, “he is coming by today around noon and will be coming by every saturday for the next few weeks. The payment is on the back of this letter and he will ask for it when he’s done. Also, make sure to give him something to drink after, just to be polite. AND DON’T BE AN IDIOT.”

Lucas drew his lips in a line after he finished reading the letter. He had totally forgotten about that conversation with Mika. Though, in his defense, you really shouldn’t have important conversations with people who are obviously drunk and just gotten home from a party.

He flops back down with a huff, resting his head against the wall behind the couch. Part of Lucas really wants to go back to the window and watch the guy out in the yard. In those few moments Lucas was watching him, he seemed to be extremely attractive. Well, that much Lucas could tell from his toned arms and lean build, legs that seemed to go on forever, and high cheekbones somewhat hid from view by a worn-out baseball cap. (Don’t judge him, he hasn’t allowed himself to ogle any eye candy ever since his breakup with Oliver). Lucas scoffed at his inner monologue and instead opted to make some lemonade; try and take his mind off his meaningless existence. If Mika was going to make him give the guy something to drink, might as well be something sweet.  

Lucas hooked up to the speaker in the kitchen as he walked in. He immediately started blasting his favorite artists: Nirvana, the Stones, Beatles, and, of course, the Clash. His friends always call him cliche for his taste in “old-style” music, but Lucas doesn’t really care. He sways his hips and jumps around the kitchen as he gathers the supplies for lemonade. He’s practically belching out the songs as he mixes the drink together and adds the ice cubes to help chill it. Oliver never liked Lucas’s taste in music, so they would always listen to his playlist made up of rap and hip hop. Not that Lucas has anything against those genres, they just don’t happen to be his favorites.

He’s about to pour the lemonade into two glasses when there is a knock at the door. Lucas glances at the drink and the door a few times before deciding to just pour it into the cups later and get the door first. Lucas obviously doesn’t think before opening the door, because as soon as he does he becomes painfully aware he’s still just in his boxers and t-shirt. Lucas becomes even more embarrassed when he comes face-to-face with the most godly human he has ever seen. Well, actually he has seen the face once before. On Instagram. Just a couple hours earlier. Lucas has to mentally make sure his jaw doesn’t drop open. He didn’t think it was physically possible for someone to be more attractive in real life than on social media, but somehow this guy managed to pull it off. Truly, he had everything. The height which made Lucas feel small (usually Lucas would protest this, but honestly it was kind of a turn on). He had the eyes which pierced into Lucas and made him melt on the spot. He had the perfectly shaped lips, a sharp jawline, even fucking perfect eyes.

“Uh, hi,” the guy says after a couple seconds of silence (and, it might be Lucas’s subconscious, but he swears he sees the guy trail his eyes up and down, soaking in everything Lucas is presenting at the moment), “you must be Mika? We talked over the phone.” He offers his hand and Lucas takes it.

“Oh, no, sorry I’m Lucas. Mika is my roommate. Well, one of them.” Lucas says and leans against the doorway. Lucas tries his best not to choke as he now blatantly sees the guy drag his eyes up Lucas’s form. He feels like he could drown in that gaze.

“Did he happen to leave any, uh, money as payment? Sorry I hate to be so pushy…”

Lucas jumps like he’d been burned and reaches behind the door for the note, grabbing the money. “No don’t apologize. Sorry, I forgot,” Lucas laughs awkwardly as he hands the envelope over. He takes it gratefully, “I didn’t catch your name.” Lucas says after neither of them make a move to walk away.

“I’m Eliott.”

Pretty name for a pretty guy, Lucas thinks. There is a blush creeping onto Eliott’s face which makes Lucas painfully aware he had just said that aloud. Lucas coughs to try and clear up the tension, “um, I made some lemonade. Would you want a glass?”

“I would, but I actually need to get going. I have another lawn I need to be at.”

Lucas nods, “well, I could give it to you in a to-go cup?”

That makes Eliott chuckle, “guess I can’t say no to that.”

Lucas smiles and offers Eliott to come in. He does so and Lucas closes the door behind them. Eliott finds his way to the kitchen with Lucas following closely behind. He lunges for his phone to turn off the music that was still blaring, a blush creeping on his face. He fumbles with it for a few seconds before turning back to Eliott.

“Sorry, uh, I was getting hype in the kitchen making this lemonade I guess.” Lucas jokes.

Eliott laughs, “I know, I could hear you from outside.”

Lucas blushes at that and forces himself to look away and get out one of their cardboard coffee cups. “Well, at least I was giving you something good to listen to.” Lucas comments as he pours the lemonade into their respective cups. As he turns around he briefly catches Eliott staring at a place a little south from his head and shoulders, which makes Lucas cock his eyebrow and hand the drink over.

“Thank you, for the drink.” Eliott says as they walk back to the door, “not so much for the music.”

“What do you have against my music?” Lucas asks offended as he opens the door and Eliott walks out.

Eliott shrugs, “nothing, just a little corny is all.”

Lucas rolls his eyes, “guess you’ll just have to play me your superior music taste next them then.”

“Guess so,” he says it with a wink, “bye, Lucas.”

2.

Lucas regretfully wasn’t there the following Saturday when Eliott was supposed to come by. He had picked up an extra shift at the coffee shop after Imane said she had an emergency to take care of. The shift wasn’t too busy, since most people don’t want hot coffee on days when it’s over 100 degrees. He spent the majority of the time sitting up by the register and fooling around with his coworker, Tyler.

Tyler was actually how Oliver and Lucas had met, since they were friends and Oliver came in to get a cup of coffee during Tyler’s shift. Oliver started flirting with Lucas, Lucas left a little note on the coffee cup for Oliver and the rest is history. Lucas was terrified that the breakup would affect his relationship with Tyler as a coworker, but it turns out Tyler was super chill and didn’t really care. He even said that Oliver was a douche at times, and that Lucas deserved someone better.

“Any big summer plans?” Lucas asks.

Tyler sighs and leans against the opposing counter from Lucas, “not really, college starts pretty soon for me so I have to start getting all that stuff ready. What about you?”

“I wish I could say I had something big planned, like a road trip. But sadly this summer is just as boring as the rest.” Lucas groans and rolls his head back.

Tyler laughs, “how’s Yann and the gang?”

“Good, they’ve been pretty busy though. Basile just got together with Daphne-”

“What?! That loser finally got together with her? Damn, Basile.”

Lucas laughs, “I know, it was a long time coming to be honest. He’d been pining after her since second year.”

“Well,” Tyler pauses, “I guess if they make each other happy…”

Lucas nods, “I can’t say I’m not jealous. Last summer I was the part of the annoyingly touchy couple.”

Tyler draws his lips in a line, “maybe you can still find that this summer. Anybody catch your eye?”

Lucas shrugs, “I wish. I miss being in a relationship sometimes. What about you though? How’s Clare?”

“She’s good, little difficult with her studying in the US though. I miss-”

Tyler is cut off by the ringing of a doorbell which signals the entry of a customer. Lucas immediately goes into full customer mode saying on instinct “welcome to Coral Cafe, how may I help you?” as Tyler rushes over to the area where they actually assemble the drinks. Lucas doesn’t look up right away as he fiddles with something on the cash register screen, getting ready to place in the order. When he does finally look up he feels his stomach clench and heart pick up all at once.

“Oh, hey! Lucas, right?” Eliott says as he continues his track to the register. Lucas feels like his legs are giving out, “I didn’t know you work here.”

Lucas couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting over to the girl standing beside Eliott, his arm around her shoulders. She’s beautiful, is the first thing Lucas notices. She has seemingly silky hair, large chocolate colored eyes, amazing bone structure, and her smile lit up the room. He just got out of a long-term relationship, he hears Emma’s voice in his head. Lucas has to visibly shake his head, it’s not like Eliott was interested in him. He’s mowing their lawn for god sakes. They had one conversation that’s it.

“Lucas, you good?” He hears Tyler call from his station just about a few feet away.

Lucas looks over at him, smiling and nodding before turning back to his customers, “hey, Eliott. Uh, what can I get you?”

“I’ll take a caramel frappuccino,” Eliott says and Lucas has to look down to hide his smile. Of course, the sweetest thing on their menu. “And uh, Lucille, what do you want?”

Lucas looks up, waiting for the request. She hums for a second as she looks over the menu; taking about an eternity to decide. Lucas sighs quietly and his eyes automatically trail over to Eliott. He feels his breath catch at the gaze Eliott has locked him in, basically drilling him to the spot. Lucas’s heart picks up, and he doesn’t dare look away. He could stand there for hours. It doesn’t help that the backdrop lighting from the windows illuminates Eliott like some ethereal being. And Eliott knows the effect that he’s having on Lucas, he’s obviously not an idiot. What Lucas wouldn’t give to knock that smirk off his face...

“I’ll take a,” Lucille’s voice drags him back to reality, “brownie. I’m not a big coffee drinker.”

Lucas nods and puts the order into the register. He states their total and Eliott fishes out his credit card. As he’s passing it over, their fingers momentarily brush and that meer touch has Lucas spiraling. He isn’t even sure he can swipe their credit card his head is spinning so much. He does it successfully, however, and passes the card back before walking over to grab them a  brownie from their pastry selection. As he does so he can feel Tyler’s gaze on him.

Tyler takes a few steps closer to Lucas and bumps their shoulders, whispering a quick “you okay?”

God, am I that obvious? Lucas wonders to himself before giving a nod and walking back over. He passes the brownie to Lucille and gives Eliott a quick wave as they walk away. That was the longest two minutes of his entire life.

When the two finally leave the coffee shop, neither of them sending another glance Lucas’s way, he feels like he can finally breathe again.

He lets out an audible sigh, guess Eliott got back together with his girl is a brief thought that crosses Lucas’s mind. Then again, it wasn’t really his place to worry about it.

“Lucas, dude, you okay?” Tyler asks and walks back over.

Lucas takes a breath in before answering, “yeah, why?”

He shrugs, “nothing, you just totally stiffened up when that guy entered. Something happen between you two? A hookup?”

Lucas whips his head around, “a hookup?! Why would you think that?”

Tyler frowns, “that dude was totally fucking you with his eyes dude. Like, hardcore. And I’m not usually good at spotting that stuff but like holy shit. His gaze even had me affected.”

Lucas rolls his eyes, “whatever. My shift is about to end, so I won’t have to deal with your bullshit for that much longer,” he laughs.

Tyler scoffs, “c’mon, you like me.” Tyler sing-songs as he wraps his arms around Lucas from behind.

Lucas wriggles out of the grip with a laugh, “right, in your dreams.”

When Lucas gets home from his shift at the coffee shop he spends an hour or so chilling with Mika and a very quiet Lisa in the living room. They watch whatever comes on TV because they can’t find the remote, which Lucas finds hilarious. Mostly, though, Mika is walking Lucas through his dating app and trying to convince Lucas to download it to get a new boyfriend or “even a friends with benefits” as Mika put it. Lucas found it easier to tune him out the longer the conversation dragged on for.

It’s not like Lucas would mind a fling. He’s never been “flung” his whole eighteen years of life, only ever being in one long-term relationship. He wonders what it would be like in a fling. From what he’s gathered it’s mostly talking and sex and talking and sex, which Lucas would not mind. Something like that for the summer before his college years would be a-okay with him.

“Lucas,” Mika whistles and waves his hand in front of his face to grab his attention.

Lucas blinks and shifts his gaze over, “sorry, I got lost in thought. As you were saying?”

Mika raises an eyebrow, “what got you so wrapped up there, kitten?”

Lucas shrugs, “nothing really, I was just thinking about what it would be like in a ‘fling.’ What is it like?” Lucas asks, knowing that Mika wouldn’t have any problem sharing his oh-so-many stories.

Mika shifts and brings his legs up to his chin, “well, it’s really nice in the beginning. The flame lasts longer than just a one night stand, but not as long as a honeymoon phase of a long-term relationship if you can understand?” Lucas nods, “it’s nice because you both don’t get sick of each other, since you both sort of know it’s going to end soon. The sex is usually awesome, but so is the talking. Everything evens itself out.”

Lucas hums, “that sounds nice.”

Mika smirks, “oh, yeah? Well, the problem is you can’t really get attached, since you have to have a mutual understanding that it’s going to end. That’s been a problem with some of my past flings.”

“Oh, for you?” Lucas wonders.

Mika scoffs, “no, kitten, for the other guy. People just can’t stay away from me.”

Lucas rolls his eyes and stands from the couch, “alright, that’s enough for me, I’m heading in.”

“What?! But it’s only seven!” Mika complains.

Lucas shrugs, “sorry, guess you’ll just have to talk to Lisa about your dating profile. Night, guys.”

Lucas obviously doesn’t go to sleep right away. Nope, he spends a few minutes changing into sweats and then the next hour or so scrolling through and switching between the same six apps over and over. It isn’t until about ten that the group chat of him and the gang starts to get active, and begin discussing if they want to have a small get together at Arthur’s place since his parents are out of town. Lucas isn’t one to say no, especially after not seeing the gang for the past week or so. He quickly changes into his signature “romance” hoodie and faded jeans before sneaking out of the house and grabbing his bike to take to Arthur’s. By the time Lucas arrives the boys are already two beers in and in the middle of a very intense video game that looks like it would give Lucas a seizure if he concentrated on it for too long. Lucas, instead, opted for nursing a beer in the small loveseat adjacent to the couch, Yann next to him.

It isn’t until the pizza gets there that they actually start up a conversation, mostly about how Basile and Daphne are doing. Though, when that conversation goes under they turn to Lucas for amusement.

“Any guys catching your eyes this summer, Lucas?” Arthur wonders aloud.

Lucas groans at the question, “everyone’s been pestering me about relationships. What’s with that this summer?”

“Well, it is the summer before we all head of to college.” Yann comments.

“Yeah! We just want our Lucas to get some good dick so he isn’t all grumpy the coming school year!” Basile adds.

Arthur butts in, shaking his head disapprovingly at Basile, “bro, seriously, sense the conversation. It’s like you’re not even talking about the same thing.” Basile grumbles and downs his beer in retaliation.

Lucas laughs at his friends before sighing into his beer, “I mean I want to be in a relationship, but maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I’m just looking for it too hard.”

“I can help set you up with someone, I have a few acquaintances who would be more than happy to satisfy you, Lucas.” Arthur offers with a playful wink.

“No, no, I think what our boy needs is an old fashioned night in the town. How about we just chill here, have a few more beers, than head to that bar we all like,” Yann offers.

Lucas nods and reluctantly gets up from his spot on the couch, “I think we’re all out of beers. I’ll just run out real fast and get us some.” They all agree and pass Lucas a couple dollars to help split the coast.

Lucas takes his time walking to the store, even opting for the one that’s an extra block away. He loves his friends, he really does. But it’s not like he needs or wants their help in finding him a boyfriend. That’s always been a topic really private to him, at least in the beginning. Eventually everyone starts questioning “why do you have hickeys on your neck?” or “where were you over the weekend?” Which, granted, they should have those questions but usually Lucas likes to keep the beginning as much of a secret as possible, just in case anything goes under.

Lucas walks into the store, and nearly getting blinded by the overly bright fluorescent lights.  He immediately beelines for the back and grabs the cheapest case of beer available. He digs out his phone as he heads back to the register located at the front of the store. Lucas snickers when he sees he has a new message from Emma. He opens it up to find another shared post of the guy from before. Or the guy who now has a name: Eliott. Lucas feels his heart pick up as he opens the post. The lighting in this photo is even better than the last one. His bone structure is to die for, not to mention those eyes-

Lucas is sent flying backwards, his phone falling out of his hand and onto the ground when he accidentally collides with someone as he turns the corner. He frantically apologizes, trying to locate his phone as quickly as possible. As he sees the guy turn around. Lucas’ eyes shoot up and he feels his mouth run dry. This was not happening to him. It couldn’t be.

“Oh, Lucas! Long time no see,” Eliott chuckles.

Lucas gives an awkward laugh, “yeah sorry, uh, I guess I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Eliott smirks and bends down to pick up his phone, “distracted I see.” Eliott glances at what is on the screen and Lucas feels like he is ready to implode, he was looking at Eliott! “Well, at least you were looking at something worthwhile, huh?” He passes the phone back over.

“You know, I would try to explain it, but I think I would just be digging my own grave,” Lucas blushes.

Eliott laughs, and the sound echoes in Lucas’ ears, “I always appreciate an admirer. Especially one as cute as you.” Lucas feels himself choke on nothing, if he tried to respond he isn’t sure anything would even come out. Eliott breaks the silence as he nods at what Lucas is carrying, “party tonight?”

“Oh, um, no not really. Just me and the guys are chilling at Arthur’s place.” Lucas pauses and glances at what Eliott is holding in the basket, “wow, big homecooked feast planned there?”

Eliott laughs, “no, no. I can’t cook to save my own life if I’m being honest. It’s actually Lucille who offered to cook dinner, but she’s vegan so...lots of greens and other things in this basket.”

Lucas feels his heart constrict at the mention of Lucille’s name. But just as the feeling came on Lucas had to remind himself that for the love of God he doesn’t have any reason to be jealous, it’s not like Eliott would even be interested in Lucas. “That’s nice of her,” Lucas manages to say.

Eliott nods, “we haven’t seen each other in a while. I just moved back into town so,”

“Oh, where’d you move from?” Lucas wonders.

“I went to Paris for a modelling gig, then came back here.”

A model, of course! “Oh, that’s awesome. Is modelling what you want to do?”

Eliott shrugs, “I guess it’s an option. What I really want to get into is art.”

Lucas raises his eyebrows in surprise, Eliott hadn’t really struck him as an artistic type, “that’s awesome, dude!”

Eliott smiles, “thanks. Y’know I can do art, but I can’t seem to find the stupid sugar in this place,” Eliott says exasperated.

Lucas laughs, “I can help you if you want?”

“Would you mind?”

Lucas shakes his head, “of course not! Is it just sugar?”

Eliott bites at his bottom lip, and Lucas can’t help but watch. His eyes finally manage their way back up to Eliott’s eyes and...is that...a blush on his cheeks? “Actually, it’s sugar, brown sugar, brussel sprouts and spinach.”

Lucas smirks, “wow, guess you really do suck at grocery shopping.”

“I told you,”

Lucas laughs and thinks for a couple moments, “so sugar and brown sugar should be in the isle…” he lets his voice trail off as his eyes scan the shelves, falling on what he was looking for. He jumps into action, grabbing both off the shelves before turning back to Eliott, “so here’s these two. You really didn’t see these?” Lucas laughs as Eliott places them in his cart.

Eliott scoffs, “I guess I was too distracted by a certain someone crashing into me.”

“Alright, point taken.” Lucas laughs, “I think that brussel sprouts would be in the frozen foods section, which is just two isles over. And...spinach should probably be there too.”

“Thanks, Lucas, don’t know what I would have done without you,” Eliott says.

He shrugs, “I guess you probably would have just been stuck here wandering around for the next hour or so.”

That made Eliott laugh, “you’re probably right.” Lucas is just about ready to say his goodbyes when Eliott stops him, holding his arm as he tries to walk past, “I’m hosting a somewhat small party at my place next sunday, would you want to come? You could bring your friends if you wanted to.”

Something inside Lucas almost wanted to tease Eliott, have himself play hard to get and just see what the other’s reaction would be. Instead Lucas smiles and says “of course, I can get the information from you next saturday. Sound good?”

Eliott nods, “sounds perfect. Bye, Lucas.”

3.

Next Saturday it’s raining cats and dogs outside. Lucas is immediately disappointed, knowing that Eliott probably won’t show up while it’s raining like this. Though, not that Lucas would object to that. He wouldn’t mind to have some eye candy today, he sorta needs a pick-me-up.  

Mika spent the night at a “friends” house and Manon had left early to have, what Lucas could only guess was, a heated discussion with Charles. Lisa had...disappeared. To be honest, Lucas never really knows where she is. When he got up he had no idea what time it was. The sun was shrouded by the dark clouds, casting even darker shadows over the bleak town.

It’s almost twelve by the time Lucas makes his way into the kitchen. His eyes are still half closed as he fumbles through their cupboards looking for the bread. Lucas gives up on his search after what feels like an eternity of looking. He opts for the couch instead, the ol’ reliable. As he sits down he doesn’t jump to turn on the TV, or to turn on his phone, instead he sits there listening to the rain. It sounds like someone pounding ruthlessly on the window with how hard the rain was hitting it. He lets his head roll back and his eyes drift close. He thinks about just falling asleep on the couch, it wouldn’t be the first time.  

He can feel his subconscious taking over, or actually he can pinpoint the exact moment his subconscious takes over, because of the image of Oliver that appears on his eyelids. Lucas can immediately recognize the memory. It’s of their first real date, they had gone to the park after Lucas got off work. Oliver had packed them a picnic, and Lucas thought it was the most romantic thing ever. They had laughed practically all day, not once was there an awkward silence or even a moment that passed where Lucas felt like he didn’t belong. It all just felt so right. That was the day that Lucas felt like he was falling in love for the first time.

His eyes fluttered open, tears streaming his cheeks. He wiped them away violently, and rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. He seriously had to get over that prick. He knew it, his friends knew it, even Tyler knew it. Yet Lucas found it so hard to let go. There is a difference between being in love and falling in love, it seems. Lucas is obviously in love with his mom and his friends, maybe even Mika (though that may be stretching it a little). That type of love is guaranteed. You are guaranteed to love your friends in a way that is indescribable. But with Oliver, it was like falling in love was brand new. It made Lucas’s heart beat faster and his pupils dilate. It made his palms sweat and hairs stand on end. And then it was all gone.

A loud knock at the door startled Lucas out of his daze. It audibly made him gasp and jump off of the couch. He took another second to compose himself, and wiped under his eyes a final time before walking to the door. He unlocks the deadbolt and swings the door open just as a large gust of wind and rain hits him in the face. He blinks his eyes back open against the rain, sort of waiting for the person at the door to say something.

“Lucas, you okay?”

He would recognize that voice anywhere, “Eliott,” Lucas breathes out, like it’s the first time saying his name.

When Lucas doesn’t say anything else Eliott laughs, “that is me. Uh, may I come in? I’m sort of getting soaked.”

Lucas nods frantically and opens the door wide enough for Eliott to step through. As he’s slipping off his shoes and hanging his jacket by the door, Lucas asks, “what are you doing here? You can’t really work on the yard in this weather.”

“I know, but, I told you that I would give you the information for my party tomorrow. I didn’t really want to disappoint.” Eliott smiles over his shoulder.

Lucas bites at his bottom lip, trying to remind himself he shouldn’t get too excited, that Eliott isn’t here to just hang out. “Oh, thanks,” Lucas mumbles and closes the door.

“Sorry, is it a bad time? I can go…”

“No! No! You’re fine, why do you ask?”

Eliott shrugs, “you’re eyes are a little red. Either you’ve been smoking something or you’ve been crying.”

Lucas cringes and, on instinct, goes to wipe his eyes. He isn’t really sure what he’s trying to do, maybe wipe the redness away, “oh, yeah. I wasn’t smoking anything,” Lucas laughs, though that just made him sound pathetic.

Eliott pauses and they are suddenly surrounded by a very tense silence in the middle of a very small entrance. “I won’t ask for any details, since we aren’t that close, but if you want to talk…”

Lucas smiles, “thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.” Lucas nods his head in the direction of the living room and they start heading that way.

“It’s a nice place,” Eliott comments as they take their places on the couch.

Lucas laughs, “you’ve been in here before!”

“I know, but I didn’t really get to appreciate the structure and composition of the rooms-”

“Okay, okay, we get it you’re an artist.”

Eliott laughs, but slowly it dies away and they are left once again in a rough silence. “So, Sunday,” Eliott begins, finally breaking their pause, “it’s going to be super chill. It’s just going to be like thirty people tops, it starts around 7-8pm, though who knows when people will actually show up. And my house is just a couple streets away from here.”

Lucas smirks, “you came all the way over here to tell me that?”

Eliott shrugs, “no, I came all the way over here, in the rain, mind you, to hang out with the cute and devilishly handsome guy who lives in a house I work for.”

“Oh, you must be looking for Mika then,” Lucas jokes, “sorry he’s not in today-”

“Lucas!” Eliott exclaims in laughter, “I obviously meant you.”

Lucas bites his lip and looks away from the searing gaze Eliott has on him. Lucas doesn’t know how much more of this he can take before he combusts. “How do you do that?” Lucas asks. “Do what?”

“Flirt like that when you obviously still have a girlfriend?” Lucas asks. He nearly regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth because of the shocked look which appears on Eliott’s face.

“Lucas, I don’t-” Eliott begins, but then his words fade off into a very quiet “oooooh.” Lucas raises an eyebrow at him as he enters into a fit of laughter.

“What? What’d I say?” Lucas asks.

“Lucas, Lucille is not my girlfriend. She’s my adopted sister.” Eliott laughs again.

Lucas feels the color drain from his face as he mumbles a nearly quiet “oh my god,” followed by his cheeks erupting into flames. “I’m so stupid,” Lucas groans and goes to cover his face with his hands.

Lucas feels his face heat up even more and he rocks back and forth in embarrassment. “I can’t believe I just did that,” Lucas says as Eliott’s hands go to wrap around his wrists and pull his hands away from his face.

“You were jealous! That’s adorable.” Eliott laughs.

Lucas groans again, but this time can’t hide his face in his hands since Eliott still has grip on them, “I was not jealous! I’ve talked to you like three times before today! How could I be jealous?”  Lucas groans and pushes himself off the couch “what do you say we forget that all just happened and have a beer?”

“At 11 o’clock? Of course!”

Within just an hour they had both downed three beers, which actually isn’t too bad. But Lucas had ulterior motives. Because everytime he closed his eyes, Oliver appeared as a very real, very vivid image. He hoped that the alcohol would completely erase him from his mind. Luckily, Lucas had Eliott to help distract him as he told Lucas a story about one of his friends puking on a girl in a very animated way. Lucas appreciated the distraction, though he almost felt guilty in using Eliott to take his mind off Oliver.

The more Lucas drank, the more easy-going he became. He was able to laugh and joke around with Eliott. He told him a couple things he’d never told anyone, not even Yann.

“I’m still trying to get over my ex, who broke up with me and was fucking someone on the side the whole time,” Lucas says.

“I’m bipolar.”

“I broke up my best friend and his girlfriend because I thought I had a crush on him,” Lucas takes of sip of his current beer.

“I cheated on my ex-girlfriend more times than I can count.”

Lucas scoffs, “okay, at least you’re a worse human than I am.” He snickers when Eliott chucks a pillow at him. “I used a girl as a beard for a while,” Lucas mumbles.

“What do you mean?” Eliott asks and looks at Lucas through his half closed eyes.

“You know, when a gay guy uses a girl to pretend that he’s still straight? Wow, you didn’t know what that was/?”

Eliott shakes his head, “oh, I knew what it meant. I just wanted to be certain you were gay before I did this.” Eliott says and pulls out a joint from his pocket. Lucas tries not to think how long that’s been in there. He lights it using a lighter that had been left out of their coffee table.

Lucas watches as Eliott leans forward, closing the distance between them. Lucas doesn’t go to turn away, too caught up in everything Eliott. Eliott’s eyes holding him in place. Eliott’s hand snaking around his waist. Eliott’s other hand placing the lit joint between his soft lips. Eliott as he blows out, releasing a vast amount of smoke between them. Lucas opens his mouth and breathes in, holding the smoke as Eliott pulls the joint from his lips, and only releasing when he knows for sure Eliott is watching.

Lucas takes the initiative, pulling Eliott’s head down to meet his. Their kiss is chaotic. It’s messy. Full of lips and tongue. Lucas barely registers Eliott grounding the lit joint into the ashtray until both of Eliott’s hands are free and they come up to Lucas’s waist, pulling them closer. There is absolutely nothing soft in their movements as Eliott lays Lucas on his back. Eliott nips at the soft skin of Lucas’s neck, trailing hot kisses back up to Lucas’s jaw. Lucas doesn’t think through his movements as he pulls Eliott’s shirt off, followed by his own. Their mouths crash together, as if the mere two seconds they were separated was a decade. A moan is pulled from Lucas’s lips as Eliott grinds down, providing much needed friction. Lucas can feel Eliott’s boner pressed against his thigh, and Lucas is sure Eliott feels his.

Lucas finally decides that just kissing isn’t enough anymore and pushes them upwards with a force that sends Eliott on his back and Lucas straddling his lap. “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Eliott mumbles and brings his hands up to Lucas’s hips, gripping them with enough pressure to leave possible bruising there the next day.

Lucas slowly starts moving down, pressing kisses over the expanse of Eliott’s toned chest until he gets to his denim jeans. Lucas quickly unbuttons, unzips, and pulls them away to reveal Eliott’s impressive erection. He spends no time in taking Eliott into his mouth, pushing him all the way to the back of his throat. Lucas gags a couple times (he wasn’t lucky enough to be born without a gag reflex) but he forces himself down. The moans coming from Eliott is enough of a reward. He pulls himself off, stroking up and down a couple times before kissing up his length.

“Fuck, Lucas, where did you learn to do that?” Eliott asks breathless.

Lucas smirks, “not my first time, baby.”

Eliott’s eyes roll back as Lucas goes down again, this time bobbing his head and twirling his tongue around the tip of Eliott’s cock. “Shit, you need to stop,” Eliott moans and moves a hand through Lucas’s hair to pull him off.

Lucas pants for a few seconds, trying to decode what Eliott had just said to him, his mind completely elsewhere. “Right, yeah,” Lucas begins, voice already hoarse.

Before Lucas can say anything else Eliott is pushing them back to their original position, Lucas underneath him. Lucas normally likes the more dominating position of riding, but he has to admit that Eliott’s broad shoulders and just their vast size difference makes Lucas feel more secure. Eliott works on Lucas’s jeans for only a couple minutes before they are tossed to the side and they are finally connected skin to skin. Lucas moans at the feeling, and he is so, so glad that his roommates aren’t home.

Eliott’s lips are roaming Lucas’s chest and he mumbles, “I’ve been dying to do this every since I first saw you that day in your loose-fitting shirt when you opened the door for me,” Lucas bites his lip when Eliott leaves a good sized hickey on his neck, just above where any shirt could cover it, “I just knew I had to see that pretty mouth wrapped around my cock.”

Lucas moans, he tries and fails to grind upwards, whining when it doesn’t work. Eliott chuckles, “you want me that bad?” Lucas nods and wraps his arms around Eliott’s neck. “Well, you’re going to have to tell me, babe, or else I won’t know what to do.”

“You know what I want, asshole,” Lucas rushes out as Eliott roams his hands down his chest, lifting up when they get close to Lucas’s crotch.

“I don’t think I do.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Lucas hisses when Eliott’s hands move to roam his backside, “I want you to fuck me, Eliott.”

Lucas can feel Eliott’s smile against his chest. Lucas closes his eyes when he hears Eliott spit into his hand, making impromptu lube, “I don’t have anything, don’t worry,” Eliott mumbles before sliding in a finger. Lucas’s toes curl and he grinds his jaw at the feeling. He hasn’t had sex in a while, so it’s gotten really tight. A few minutes later and Eliott has three fingers in, creating a steady pumping motion that has Lucas moaning for more. Every so often Eliott’s fingers will curl up, hitting the place that sends waves of pleasure and shivers through Lucas.

“Are you okay?” Eliott asks, and Lucas nods. He’s glad that Eliott keeps checking in. He never knew sex could be so pleasurable. With Oliver it was only every about satisfying his needs, rather than Lucas’s.

Eliott removed his fingers allowing Lucas some breathing time before Eliott starting aligning himself. “Ready?” Eliott asks. Lucas nods frantically and wraps his arms a little tighter around Eliott’s neck. Slowly he starts to push in, and Lucas sees stars. It’s centimeter by centimeter, but it’s seems to go on forever. When Eliott is finally flush against Lucas, he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

A few tears fall from Lucas’s eyes, but he has always been the guy to cry during sex. Something in his nature apparently. Slowly, Eliott starts moving, a much slower rhythm than his fingers carried. However, he still managed to hit Lucas’s prostate repeatedly. Everytime he pushed in Lucas would moan with pleasure. Pretty soon Eliott’s rhythm started to become erratic and Lucas knows they were both close. Stars were shooting across his vision as the pressure built up in his abdomen. He didn’t even need to touch his cock before he was screaming out and coming onto his chest. Eliott following only a couple seconds after.

Eliott collapsed on top of Lucas, panting heavily and sweat making hairs stick to his forehead. Lucas doesn’t think twice about moving some hair out of the way and placing kisses onto the sweaty skin. Finally, once their breathing patterns return to normal, Eliott asks, “did you dry come?”

Lucas laughs and brushes his fingers through Eliott’s hair. “I guess I did.”

Eliott positions his head on Lucas’s chest so they can make eye contact with each other, “you are unbelievable, Lucas.”

Lucas hums, “I guess I am. But props to you for hitting my prostate every time.”

Eliott laughs, “I guess that’s my specialty.”

“I’m going to go grab us some towels,” Lucas says and slowly shifts out from under Eliott until he’s back on his feet. He shimies into his underwear before marching through the house to find their cupboard of towels.

When he walks into the kitchen he tosses one to Eliott and begins wiping himself down. He sits beside Eliott on the couch, a silence falling over them. It’s charged with a question neither of them are ready to ask.

It’s a couple more minutes before Eliott speaks up, “so, what is this?” Lucas refuses to meet his eyes, looking everywhere but at Eliott. “Is it casual?”

Lucas’s eyes finally flick up to find Eliott’s, “casual, yeah. Sounds good.”

Lucas feels like he’s a hollow shell as he watches Eliott get dressed back into his jeans and t-shirt. He slips his own shirt on to walk Eliott out. Lucas opens the door for them and Eliott walks through. The problem is you can’t really get attached, since you have to have a mutual understanding that it’s going to end. That’s been a problem with some of my past flings, Lucas hear’s Mika’s voice in his head. They pause in the threshold as Eliott hands over his phone, and Lucas fills in his contact info before handing it back over. No words exchanged.

He closes the door without waiting for Eliott to get all the way to his car. Once he hears the truck drive away, he falls to his knees, breaking down into tears.

4.

Lucas purposefully evades the house next Saturday, trying his best to avoid Eliott because he knows as soon as he lays eyes on him his heart will melt. So, when Lucas gets a text from Eliott Monday night asking if he wants to go for a ride, he can’t refuse.

Mika gives Lucas a wary look when he walks past them in the living room. Lucas didn’t dress “to the nines” for a booty call from Eliott, which is exactly what it was. Though, Lucas isn’t necessarily complaining, the sex is really good. And as Mika said, so is the talking, though they do less of that. By the time Lucas is walking out the front door, Eliott is pulling up in his truck. He rolls down his window as Lucas walks up, and pokes his head down to give Lucas a beaming grin. Don’t smile like that if you don’t mean it, Lucas wants to say as he climbs into the passenger seat.

“Hey, baby,” Eliott says and gives Lucas a little peck on the cheek.

Lucas can’t help but smile, and he hates himself for it. “Hey,” he replies and buckles himself in, “where are we going?”

Eliott hums as he puts the car into drive, “you’ll see.”

The drive there is silent. Lucas stares out the window and watches as the suburbs become farmland. Even when they are barely any houses, they keep driving. They could have gone on forever, and Lucas would not have minded. Finally Eliott pulls over as the sun is setting over the horizon. They are in an empty cornfield that seems to stretch on for miles. It’s almost breathtaking.

“Where are we?” Lucas asks as he hops out of the car and walks around to the front, Eliott mirroring his movements.

“Well, my family used to live out here. We only recently moved to the city. But, anytime I got overwhelmed or scared I would come here.” Eliott shrugs and his eyes survey the horizon. “I know it looks like every other corn field out there, and to be honest it is, but there is something more peaceful here. More serene.”

Lucas smiles up at Eliott and takes his time in studying his expression. It only lasts a few seconds before Eliott glances down, locking eyes with Lucas. A hand snakes around Lucas’s neck and he’s being pulled into a kiss. It’s softer this time, less rushed. The feel of each other’s lips is familiar, and Lucas melts into the feeling.

He didn’t really get a chance to before, because it was so hectic, but Lucas studied the way Eliott kisses. He kisses like Lucas is air and he’s been drowning for years. He kisses like he’s never tasted or felt anything more beautiful.

And Lucas’s heart breaks knowing that Eliott has kissed others in the same way.

Lucas pulls away from the kiss, cutting it short. Eliott seems confused and pants for a couple seconds before running a hand through Lucas’s hair. “You okay?” He asks.

Lucas forces a smile, “yeah, yeah. Let’s get in the car.” He says and grabs Eliott’s hands, pulling him to the back seat.

Lucas pushed Eliott in first, making him land on his back. Lucas crawls in afterwards, closes the door behind him and he straddles Eliott’s lap. He quickly strips himself of his shirt, throwing it out of the way.

“Lucas…” Eliott whispers and starts to sit upright.

Lucas shakes his head and presses a hand to Eliott’s chest, pushing him back down. Eliott doesn’t protest, but keeps his hands positioned on Lucas’s waist.

Riding Eliott felt like an awakening. Being able to watch him slowly unravel and fall apart underneath had Lucas moaning. As they reached their end Eliott grabbed a tight hold onto Lucas’s waist, halting Lucas’s rhythm. He started thrusting hard upwards and Lucas completely unraveled. He came with a moan loud enough it could have been mistaken for a scream.

Afterwards they wrap themselves in a blanket Eliott had in the back seat. Lucas laid his head down on Eliott’s chest. To be honest, Lucas was practically laying on top of Eliott because of the thin seats. But neither were complaining. It was actually nice being able to rest his head on Eliott’s chest and trace different shapes over and across the large expanse of skin. Eliott had his arms wrapped around Lucas protectively, yet gentle as if he pressed any harder Lucas would shatter.

“I think you left some bruises on my hips,” Lucas jones after a little while of silence.

Eliott laughs, “good, everyone will know you’re already fucking someone.”

“That hickey you gave me has barely faded away and it’s been over a week.”

“You just bruise like a peach, it’s not my fault,” Eliott laughs again as Lucas punches his chest playfully.

After a while Lucas goes to shift his position, to take some of the pressure off of his left arm. But a rush of soreness shoots up Lucas’s back making utter a soft “ow!”

“You okay?” Eliott asks.

Lucas nods, “yeah, just sore.”

Eliott wiggles his eyebrows at Lucas as he lays back down, “I guess I did my job well then.”

“Shut up, idiot.”

Eliott grins and loops an arm up around Lucas’s head, pressing him impossibly closer. Eventually they both drift off to sleep. Eliott’s heart acting as a soft metronome.

When Lucas next woke his head was spinning. He tried to get a sense of his bearings, but it took him a good few minutes to figure out he was in a car. He groaned as he stretched out his legs and arms, only then realizing that he was being spooned by another person on the narrow car seats. Memories of the night before comes back to him all at once as he shifts his hips and groans out in pain. Damn, Eliott really did him rough.

“Lucas?” a husky voice asks from behind him.

“Morning,” he replies, and smirks as he rubs backwards into Eliott eliciting a low groan from the older boy.

“Mm, don’t do that, baby. I might just jump you,” Eliott mumbles into the soft skin of Lucas’s neck.

“Well, I wouldn’t necessarily refuse,” Lucas jokes and Eliott laughs.

“Okay, I definitely would but I think we should probably leave pretty soon.”

“Wow, you don’t have any balls anymore do you?” Lucas laugh and he can practically feel Eliott’s eye roll. “There is definitely an Eliott in some parallel universe who decides to ravish Lucas in this car, right here right now.”

“‘Some parallel universe?’” Eliott asks.

“It’s my theory,” Lucas explains, “that every time we have to make a decision, there is a different version of me in another universe who made the other choice. So in every life, I’ve tried everything.”

“I don’t know if I believe that.”

Lucas hums, “well, you’re wrong. Because there are multiple Eliott’s and Lucas’s laying together right now like we are. There are some who are still pining after each other. There’s one version where Eliott didn’t come in for a drink of lemonade the first day they saw each other. There’s another Eliott and Lucas who met at school.” Lucas pauses, and shuffles backwards to press his back against Eliott’s chest, “and there is an Eliott and Lucas who aren’t just having casual sex. Instead, they are telling one another that they love each other for the first time.”

5.

It’s been nearly a month since Lucas and Eliott started their “friends with benefits” relationship, and Lucas knows he’s in way over his head. Ever since that car ride with Eliott, slowly but surely, he’s feeling have grown from attraction to love. He tries to ignore it, he really does. Because they have a ton of fun together. And at times it is easier to forget, like when they are just talking normally or when Eliott is balls deep inside of him and Lucas is screaming to come. Those times are easier.

But then there is time in between. When Eliott presses gentle kisses to Lucas’s forehead, lulling him to sleep as he massages his scalp. Or when they stay awake afterwards and watch a cheesy Disney movie. Or when Lucas is having post-sex cravings, but his joints are too sore to move so Eliott offers to go get him whatever he wants.

It hurts because even if Lucas were to move on from Eliott, he knows he would never be able to find someone who satisfies him as much as Eliott does. And not just physically. Yes, their bodies match so well together, but also mentally. They can laugh and just enjoy each other’s company without it always having to be about the sex. So, Lucas drew himself a line, at least until his crush passes. That’s all it is, a crush. At least that’s what Lucas tries to convince himself.

He won’t allow any kisses on the lips from this point onward, he’s decided. It sounds stupid, since people would argue that getting kissed on the lips is less intimate than having sex until the early hours of the morning like Lucas and Eliott have been doing. But sex with Eliott is almost animalistic. Sure, there are days when he is calm and builds Lucas up to his climax, but really it’s all about satisfaction. Kissing on the lips is much more intimate than just seeking release. Kissing each other slowly is almost like telling the person “I like you, I like you a lot.” And Lucas doesn’t think he could hold himself back from murmuring a soft “I love you” against Eliott’s lips if they ever kissed again.

“Lucas is probably going to be with his newest fuck buddy this weekend,” Arthur says as he repeadtedly smashes a button on the controller pointed at the TV.

He had decided to hang with the Gang for the first time in about two weeks. Lucas actually turned Eliott down on an offer to make time for his friends, which Lucas saw as growth. Slowly trying to separate himself from everything Eliott.

Yet, here he was. Making himself into the conversation of his tight friend group.

“WHA- I don’t have a fuck buddy!” Lucas protests and sits up in his chair.

Yann rolls his eyes, “dude, even if you say that you have about ten hickeys on your neck. Obviously you’re fucking somebody.”

“Or you’re the one getting fucked…?” Basile adds, more as a question.

Arthur sighs in exasperation, “seriously, Basile. Sense the conversation.” Arthur shakes his head as he turns back to Lucas, “so who is he?”

Lucas sighs in defeat, “you guys don’t know him.”

“Try us,” Yann says.

“Fine, his name is Eliott. And before any of you say anything about it, we both agreed that it was something casual. Just like a, a summer fling if you will.”

Yann pauses and narrows his eyes at Lucas, “you like him don’t you?”

“What, Yann! You can’t just ask him-”

“Ugh, yeah! Okay I do!” Lucas juts in, cutting Arthur off. “He’s everything I’ve ever looked for in a guy. He’s nice to talk to, he’s funny, we have a crap ton in common, he’s hot, and, of course, to top it all off he’s actually really, really fucking good in bed. It’s just unfair!” Lucas groans, “at the beginning I was just using him to get over Oliver, but now it’s like I’m falling in love with him and I just can’t stop!”

“Have you considered the possibility that Eliott is falling for you too?” Basile asks.

Lucas shakes his head, “no, I mean he was the one who proposed we do it casual.”

“Well, wait,” Yann says and shifts forward on the couch, “did he propose it or did he just ask you if you wanted it casual.”

Lucas pauses, “I can’t...remember.”

Yann raises an eyebrow at him, smile growing wider, “okay, so. So far we have that he may or may not have proposed a casual relationship, but also that he obviously spends a lot of time around you, and he obviously likes to leave hickeys on you where he knows other people will be able to see them.” Yann pauses. “Maybe he doesn’t want the relationship to remain casual anymore?”

Lucas isn’t entirely sure how to respond, so he doesn’t.

“Right,” Yann breathes in, “so, why don’t you contact him?”

Lucas rolls his eyes at his friend, “I’m not going to confess my love to him over text, Yann.”

“Right, you shouldn’t.” Arthur jumps in, “why don’t you ask Eliott where he is? Then maybe you can meet him and have a talk with him.”

“Yeah! Do that, do that!” Basile says all too ecstatically.

Eventually all of them are chanting for Lucas to text Eliott. Lucas laughs as he pulls out his phone and types in Eliott’s contact. The idiot had named himself in Lucas’s phone: love of my life, my one and only with a few heart emojis to boot.

To: Hey, where are you right now?

From: Awe, does my baby miss me that much?

From: May I remind you that you were the one who said no sex tonight? ;) Cockblocked yourself, mister.

To: Jesus, you are too much to handle.

From: Mm, well obviously, I had you biting your arm so hard last time to hold back your shouts.

To: That isn’t what I meant, ugh! Nevermind, forget it

From: No, no, I’m sorry. What’s up?

To: Nothing, I just wanted to know what you were up to.

From: Well, since you turned me down :( I went to a party at a Idriss’ house.

To: Ah, okay.

From: ??

From: That’s it?

To: Yeah

From: You are very weird, Monsieur Lallemant.

To: Thanks

“He’s at a party hosted by Idriss.” Lucas reports.

Yann claps his hands in excitement, “well let’s go then! I know his apartment!”

When they walk into the party, they look like a group of deer in headlights. Lucas has never been a big drinker, so parties are not really his thing. And this party was...chaotic. Every person looked like they were drunk out of their minds and just about ready to pass out. Or there were the people in one room passing around the thickest joint Lucas has ever seen.

He grabs himself a beer, to at least look like he’s doing something, before walking around and looking for Eliott. He checks all the downstairs rooms, even in the basement. Still no sign of Eliott. Maybe he went home?

The deep bass of the songs playing starts getting to Lucas’s head, and he knows if he doesn’t leave soon he has the high possibility of passing out. He’s grabbing his jacket and slipping it on when he takes a glance up the stairs. He feels his heart stop.

“Lucas, where’s your man?” Arthur asks excitedly as he comes up beside Lucas. Obviously he doesn’t see the tears streaming down Lucas’s face or the slight flashes of anger as they pass through him. Lucas can’t form any words, so all he can do is motion his head up the stairs. Lucas watches as Arthur follows his gaze, and he watches as his smile fades away. There Eliott stands, pressing himself against a guy who clearly wasn’t Lucas. Because Lucas is the one watching them. Arthur turns away when they see Eliott and the other guy disappear into the closest room. “Lucas…” Arthur begins.

He shakes his head, “nah, it’s okay.” He knows he isn’t convincing either of them as another tear runs the length of his cheek, “I mean, we’re casual. He’s probably been...he’s probably been fucking other people this whole time, right? I’m not special. I’m just a toy. I knew that. It’s fine. It’s okay.” Lucas rushes out of the house. Everything suddenly becoming too overwhelming.

He makes it past the driveway and down the street before he’s kicking and screaming at a metal gate. He slams himself against it, punches it, and curses at it until his fingers are bleeding.

+1

To Lucas: Hey, what are you doing later?

To Lucas: Did you ever come to Idriss’ party?

To Lucas: Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while. Everything okay?

To Lucas: Did I do something?

To Lucas: Lucas?

To Lucas: Okay, you’re sort of freaking me out, are you safe?

To Lucas: Lucas, why aren’t you responding. I saw your instagram post.

It’s been two weeks since the night of Idriss’ party. Eliott had been repeatedly calling and texting Lucas, yet to no avail. Maybe Lucas was done with him. Well, ever since Lucas’s most recent post on Instagram, it’s been made clear that Lucas moved on. In the photo Lucas has his arms wrapped around a guy Eliott would describe as...decent looking. They’re both smiling and gazing into each other’s eyes. It almost makes Eliott sick. The caption ties the whole thing together: he thinks because we’re on a date he gets to eat my fries. It’s cheesy, and Eliott nearly smiled at it the first time he read it.

But then his heart was ripped out of his chest. Because it meant that Lucas was cutting all ties with Eliott. It made sense, especially if he’s gotten a boyfriend. He wouldn’t want a fuck-buddy around. But that was the issue.

Eliott was so caught up in their friends with benefits relationship he hadn’t even realized he was falling for Lucas. And he had been falling hard. When Lucas began cutting ties with him, he was plunged into a period of depression. He locked himself in his room, cancelled the job he had with Mika to avoid contact with Lucas, and even turned his phone off. It wasn’t until Idriss and Sofiane burst into his room that he actually got out of bed. They had demanded to know what was going on. Eliott explained to them the situation: Lucas had cut ties, he’d gotten himself a boyfriend, and Eliott is slowly dying without him

“Wait, Lucas as in Lucas Lallemant?” Idriss asks.

Eliott nods his head while shooting his friend a questioning look.

“Well, he’s friends with Yann, uh, yeah Yann that’s his name. I saw them at my party Friday, and Yann and I were talking when all of a sudden Lucas came rushing past us, he looked super upset. It looked like he had been crying. We overheard some of the conversation between Lucas and his other friend, blonde hair, glasses guy.” Idriss pauses, “anyways, we heard them him something about ‘Lucas, I’m sorry. I can’t believe he did that’ and Lucas responded with something along the lines of ‘well, I’m his fuck toy so I don’t know what I expected.’”

Eliott frowns, trying to understand what they could have been talking about. Then it dawned on him, he had been making out with a guy before going into a room together. Eliott was so drunk he honestly doesn’t remember half of it. He does remember than he ended up throwing up on the guy, so obviously they didn’t end up doing anything. But, shit, Lucas doesn’t know that. “Oh, fuck,” Eliott groans and runs his hands through his hair. “They must have seen me go into the room with that guy. Shit.”

Sofiane frowned, “what guy? Did something happen?”

Eliott shook his head, “no, no. I...I ended up not going through with it. I felt...guilty.” Which was part of the truth, his friends didn’t need to know the more embarrassing details.

Sofiane lifted his eyebrows, “bro, you need to text Lucas. Tell him what you just told us. He obviously has deeper feelings for you as well, he was super upset it sounds like.”

Eliott pauses, “you think so?”

Idriss and Sofiane nod their head frantically.

Eliott laughs at his friends, but his smile fades almost immediately after, “but what if he doesn’t feel the same way? Or just doesn’t respond to this text either.”

Idriss places a gentle hand on Eliott’s shoulder, “you don’t know until you try, do you?”

He gives his friends a parting smile as they slowly make their way out of the room. It takes Eliott a couple more minutes to make his hands stop shaking and reach to unplug his phones. He opens his messages to Lucas, his heart slightly breaking at all the messages Lucas has still yet to respond to. Eliott takes a deep breath, his fingers typing out a message. He doesn’t want to scare Lucas off with a sudden barrage of all of his emotions. So he opts for a simple: Hey, Lucas, I miss you and I really want to talk. Just talk. I have some stuff I need to tell you.

It takes a day for Lucas to respond. It was shocking to Eliott that Lucas actually read it and responded to his message. He thought he was going to have radio silence forever.

He had holed himself in his room, turning off all notifications except for ones coming from Lucas. So when he heard his phone ping from his bedside he scrambles to grab his phone. His eyes finally focus on the screen, and he can practically hear his heart shattering.

From Lucas: Please stop contacting me, Eliott. I’m trying to move on from you. I saw you with that guy at Idriss’ party and I realized that I can’t do this casual thing forever. I realized I was falling in love with you, and obviously those are emotions that would get tangled in your whole ‘no strings attached’ thing. You contacting me isn’t making it any easier. Just stop.

Eliott feels like he is going to throw up. That was it. He lost his chance. Lucas doesn’t want to see him anymore. Sure, he’d gotten a confession, “I realized I was falling in love with you.” But Lucas already moved on. Lucas now has that guy who he flaunts on Instagram. Eliott briefly thinks about contacting that guy via Instagram and telling him that Lucas’s been fucking someone on the side, but he isn’t that evil. Instead he goes back to hiding himself in his room. Drawing pages upon pages of a raccoon and a hedgehog, smiling, holding hands, hugging, kissing, watching TV, moving in together, sleeping together, everything that their alternate universe selves could go doing at this very moment.

But of course he’s in the one universe where they go their separate ways.

Eliott’s forced out of his apartment when he runs out of milk around 10pm. He had been making  cereal but was sourly disappointed when he found they didn’t have any milk. And neither Idriss or Sofiane are home to go get him some. He forces his legs into sweatpants and throws on his one sweatshirt before heading out the door. He looks like shit, he realizes, but he can’t find it in him to care. It’s now been a week since Lucas responded to his message. And in that week Lucas has posted another photo with his boyfriend on a dinner date. A dinner date Eliott wishes he could have been on with Lucas.

It’s slowly eating him alive, he thinks. The fact that he’s lost Lucas feels like it’s tearing him limb from limb. He regrets every waking moment that Lucas isn’t with him. That Lucas isn’t in his arms. Or when he can’t run out at one in the morning to go grab Lucas what he’s craving that very moment.

Eliott walks in like a zombie, barely having enough energy to pick up his feet as he walks to the back of the store. He grabs a random jug of milk, the weight of the carton pulling him forward. He watches his feet as he walks. He blinks slowly as the ground moves underneath him, and it begins to feel as if he isn’t even walking himself. Eliott bumps into something, and mutters a soft “sorry.” It’s when he hears a reply that he realizes he hadn’t bumped into something, but rather someone. He picks his head up to give an honest apology, but is met with the image of Lucas standing in front of the cereal. Their eyes lock for just a second before Lucas turns to run away.

“Lucas.” His voice halts Lucas dead in his tracks.

Lucas spins on his heels, coming face to face with a very disgruntled looking Eliott. He is probably the most worn-out looking Lucas has ever seen him. He’s in nothing but sweats, which Lucas didn’t even know he owned, his hair is more messy than usual, the dark circles under his eyes speak volumes on how little sleep he’s gotten, and he looks even thinner, almost like a shell of an Eliott he once was.

Lucas cradles the carton of orange juice in his arm and grips the box of cookies a little tighter, “hey, Eliott.”

Eliott doesn’t smile as he steps closer, but he tries to make a joke nonetheless, “big night I see.”

Lucas smiles, “well, Victor is over, so.”

Eliott feels his blood run cold. Victor. Most likely the boyfriend. “Ah, okay. Guess you had to find someone to replace me,” the joke runs flat. It doesn’t come out as a joke at all. All it does is make Lucas shift uncomfortably where he stands.

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Lucas mutters and Eliott feels his heart flutter for just a second. “He’s nice, though. Yann introduced us. But, uh, there is one major issue with him.”

“And what’s that?” Eliott smiles.

“He likes dipping oreos in orange juice.” Lucas nearly whispers it and quirks an eyebrow up at him.

Eliott shakes his head in disbelief, “well, that is obviously inhumane. Are you sure he’s human?”

Lucas laughs, god, how Eliott missed that sound. “Sometimes I wonder. Anyways, I should probably, uh, head out. Don’t want to keep him waiting too long.”

Eliott nods, sucking in a breath, “yeah, of course.” He wants to scream when Lucas turns back around, walking slowly towards the front of the store. Eliott wants to beg Lucas to stay. To talk. Even for just another minute. Just long enough to tell him how much he regrets every choice he’s made up till now. How much he wants to kiss him and tell him he loves him. And cuddle and watch stupid cheesy movies togther. He wants to eat oreos with milk, like a normal human does. He wants to just kiss those lips one more time. He wants to brush his hands through Lucas’s hair one more time.

He wants to whisper a soft “I love you” in the morning before Lucas has woken up because Eliott was too ecstatic to fall asleep with an absolute angel sleeping next to him. Just one more time.

But Eliott was stupid enough to go into that room with a guy he can’t even remember the name of. A guy whose face is just a blur. Lucas could be his, and yet he still managed to fuck it up.

Before Eliott can stop himself he is sprinting out of the store, dropping things on random shelves as he goes. When he breaks out into the street he frantically looks from side to side, searching for the brown hair that sticks up every which way. It’s pouring outside, a storm passing overhead, and it blurs his vision. He spots him, moving in and out of the crowd. Eliott feels his throat constrict and heart rate pick up as he frantically moves after him. But it feels like the closer he gets, the faster Lucas is moving.

Eliott almost thinks it’s a lost battle, about to give up when he shouts a quick “Lucas!” not even sure if the boy will hear it over the pouring of the rain.

Eliott can do nothing but watch as Lucas slows down and looks over the sea of people, finally locking eyes with Eliott. Eliott’s face breaks into a grin, and he doesn’t care how stupid he looks as he trips over himself trying to reach the man of his dreams.

“Eliott?” Lucas asks, as if he isn’t sure if Eliott is really in front of him.

“Sorry, I-” Eliott swallows. He didn’t plan out anything to say.

Lucas waits patiently, searching Eliott’s face for any clue as to what is coming next.

“Lucas, I just, I need you to know,” Eliott can’t get the words out.

Lucas rolls his eyes, “Eliott, saying sorry isn’t going to get me back in your bed. I need you to understand that I fell in love with you, and it’s just too painful for me to continue this friends with benefits thing we have going on if I can’t actually have you in my life. You can’t just be some drifter who comes in and out whenever he pleases. I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same way, but I need a foundation. And, and it breaks my heart that you aren’t ready to offer me that.”

Lucas is about to turn away, but Eliott grabs his arm before he really has the opportunity, “no, Lucas. I-that wasn’t what I was going to say. Sure, I am sorry. I made so many choices that I regret. But, God, it’s killing me every second you aren’t with me. To be honest I’ve never felt this way with anyone before you.” Lucas is about to roll his eyes, so Eliott laughs and says, “and before you roll your eyes at how cheesy I sound, just know it’s true. I made poor decisions because I was falling in love with you. And I still am. I’m continuously falling for you, Lucas. I love you.”

Eliott can see the shocked expression flicker across Lucas’s face. And then an expression that says “I don’t know how to respond to that.” Lucas takes a breath in, “but, I...It’s too late, Eliott.” Eliott bites his bottom lip, hard enough so that it distracts him from the breaking of his heart. “I can’t just leave Victor…”

“But you can, Lucas!” Eliott pleads and grabs hold of Lucas’s free hand, “I want to be your boyfriend. I want to have a life with you. I want to see where our lives are headed, together. I could even see myself marrying you, Lucas. Which sounds crazy, I know, but it’s true.”

Lucas searches in Eliott’s eyes, maybe he is searching for the answer to their problems, he isn’t really sure. “I need some time,” Lucas mumbles and slowly slips his hand out of Eliott’s reach.

Eliott shakes his head as he watches Lucas’s gaze turn away. In one last attempt Eliott uses his hands to cup Lucas’s face, forcing them to face each other. Lucas is about to say something, but doesn’t have a chance before Eliott’s lips on his. Eliott melts into the kiss. Lucas tastes like honey, sweetness must pump throat his very veins. Lucas responds, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Eliott hears Lucas drop his bag of groceries in order to wrap both his arms around Eliott’s neck.

Eliott knows he needs to stop the kiss, because he’s trying to prove to Lucas he’s not just a sex toy, but the man that stole his heart. So Eliott slowly takes his lips away, and rests their foreheads together. “I love you, Lucas.” Eliott mutters against Lucas’s lips, “take all the time you need. But...preferably sooner than later. Because it’s killing me, Lucas.”

Lucas laughs breathily, and Eliott can tell neither of them are ready to pull away just yet, so he forces himself to make the first move. He steps away, untangling his fingers from Lucas’s hair. He walks backwards until Lucas is lost in the sea of people.

It’s another week before Lucas contacts Eliott. He’s just lounging around his house after his lectures at his university, obviously trying not to think about Lucas. But failing miserably. He practically jumps to his phone at the notification from Lucas. Next thing he knows he’s sitting in his car parked outside of Lucas’s house, trying to build up the courage to actually walk to the front door.

But before Eliott can unbuckle his seat belt Lucas is opening the door and standing in his doorway. Eliott notes that he looks positively ethereal standing there. Hips cocked outwards, hair a spikey mess, eyes red and puffy, and those lips mouthing Eliott’s name. Then Eliott realizes that Lucas is crying, and he’s only mouthing his name because he isn’t able to actually form any words without fear of his voice breaking.

That sends Eliott flying out of his car, rushing to cup Lucas’s head in his hands. They crash into the hug and Eliott feels Lucas smile against his shoulder, which eases away some of his worry. They stand there for what could have been eternity before Lucas whispers,

“I ended things with Victor, neither of us took it well.”

Eliott smiles, “well, I guess I’ll just have to take responsibility than.” He lifts his head off Lucas’s shoulder in order to cup his head in his hands and wipe away his tears. “I love you, Lallemant, so you better at least take responsibility for that.”

Lucas laughs, and the glassiness in his eyes fade. “Oh, I plan to.”

Eliott melts at the sight of Lucas’s smile. All he wants is for his boy to feel better. “Want to go watch a movie?” Eliott asks.

Lucas nods, “but only if it’s Oui-Oui.”

Eliott laughs, “whatever you want, baby.”