#literally just copy paste them from ubisoft???? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

budugaapologist · 5 years ago

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when you are reading this rant take full offense its 2am here and im mad as hell

fair warning this post is long as fuck and has several arguments pertaining to specific peeves i need to rant about before i go crazy. if you're not interested just keep scrolling it's not hard it's literally the core of social media navigation

you know what? ima say it.

black flag is the best ac game and deserves more recognition than just pirate drinking jokes because:

nearly every named character (sorry burgess and cockram) has development and personalities. cant say that for that many others in other games.

not too much fucking shit to do in it (unlike uhhhhhhhh every fucking other game in the franchise. stop it. i dont need 500 treasure chests in arno's game he already has an excellent revenue with the cafe. i dont need a ton of side quests. i dont need 30+ chests per london burough. i dont need a million question marks on my map. i dont need all of egypt or greece to be littered with shit to do. fuck this.).

unlocking shit is so much easier. edward knows where every treasure chest is and doesnt pay for treasure maps. and literally unlocking shit is so much easier.

base is slept on. its fucking cool. its fucking fun. its fucking useful as shit. its fucking pretty as all hell. fuck you.

good story, fun story, great dlc, relatable story (unless youre some bootlicking cowardly rich cunt) emotional story but not depressing (unity im looking at your ending. origins stop killing children.), satisfying end.

i can do the combat with one hand. you know what that means? i can eat and drink without pausing. i can reply to text messages without pausing. i can pet my dogs and cats while playing.

main character actually has changed by the end of the game a vast amount. motherfucker, edward changed more in his antó mission than ezio did in his trilogy.

if you dont complete all objectives you still have a passing score on the mission. do you know what its like to be raised to only get good grades on stuff and see yourself getting a 60% on a thing thats supposed to be a pass time just because you forgot something.

the naval combat isnt hard you just need practice. also i know the hunter ship sucks in the first mission you encounter but literally drop your sails but hold the wheel. once its in view let go. swim to it. take out the crew. swim back. bada bing bada boom go oneshot the crew. incredible, you're safe now.

legendary ship battles are really fucking cool and my mom doesnt yell at me for killing a giant beast for next to nothing.

the sea shanties and tavern songs slap.

farm animal petting simulator. not forced to kill dogs (ac3, odyssey).

obviously its good if the other games are just gonna copy paste it.

ed's tattoos are sick.

edward is literally the first canon bisexual. he literally says so in game. he literally fucking flirts with blackbeard. he literally was a pirate. why the fuck do you think birate is such an accurate pun.

diving outfit.

thicc.

the female characters dont have titties all over the place. even anne's boobs arent that big, which is good considering she is underage. the same cannot be said for many of the women in ezio's games.

guess who has a solid, interesting, and realistic personality. not kassandra or alexios thats for sure.

he is NOT moved by man pain (ezio, connor, bayek) to carry out his missions. he didn't want to be poor, he wanted to be able to provide for his family. he is just carrying out his dream to sail a ship. when he starts being "good", he is doing it out of guilt and shame on his past self (what, self reflection? someone, teach jacob this term), not because "wahh my girlfriend/mom/child/family died :'(", he wanted to make it up to his lost friends by making them proud and doing what they wished he had done. his regrets are in not being a better friend while mary was alive, not seeking out her killers (guards at fort). thatch's death crushed him, but he didn't thrust his anger on seeking revenge. and the characters that did die? they had personalities and development and were interesting and memorable. i cant tell you shit about cristina.

he is very respecting of women, especially for a white guy from the 1600s. he, as a teenager (under 17 i believe), attempted to save a woman he did not know and had no intentions of wooing (hey um ezio? you literally only were able to save cristina from being raped because you stalked her because you thought she was attractive. like thanks for saving her but uhh am i the only one that finds that creepy?) even though the odds of winning against three older men were stacked against him and he knew they could (and almost did) beat him to death. fuck if caroline wasnt there he would've been killed.

the modern day stuff is an excellent way to separate intense scenes and the little mini hacking games are fun puzzles. oh boohoo desmond isn't there? yes he was, half the things you hack literally give you desmond content.

rebecca's outfit fucking slaps.

from experience, its fun to play even if you dont know shit about the other ac games. pirates are cool and the story is easy to follow, just be prepared to find some of the other endings big letdowns or lots of the other games' missions boring.

is that fanservice that goes both ways but doesnt oversexualize any gender? why yes, it is!

stop reducing black flag to alcoholism jokes like yall constantly fucking do, it has so many other talking points and if you wanna make fun of something maybe choose something that isnt addiction. literally i make fun of edward constantly without pointing out his alcoholism it isnt that hard. if you're gonna make fun of edward for drinking rum when water in the 1700s often wasnt safe and making fun of him when he was depressed (he has multiple other intended self harming behaviors shown in game so no, he wasnt just drinking because its fun), why don't i see the same "wHy is aLL tHe WiNE gONe?" posts for arno? he was an alcoholic too. in fact arno and edward have a lot of the same forms of depression but oh, arno's a more serious character personality wise and isn't a pirate so his grieving isn't as funny.

and like, there are plenty of other things to make fun of with edward that might not make light of alcoholism because no, edward's drinking in the main story was not written to be a joke. here, a list of things i regularly make fun of him for:

this highwaisted man's got feminine hips

there is no reason for him to be that thicc

his bangs are a mess

his hair???? glows???? okay rapunzel.

his tatts that are just lines

actually you know what his tatts in general what do they mean ubisoft what even language are the words on his body in

how this whore opens the bottled messages on the beach. "ah yes, let me put this mysterious item in my mouth. i have no idea where its been. i could very well open it to read a note that says "i pissed on this""

"woman i just met... must respect her.. man i just met... im either going to give you a death threat, tease you, or flirt... sometimes multiple choices will be done......"

i mean he had the full right to be a bastard to walpole on the beach since he did try to be friendly but walpole was being to bitchy and needy. and like them being stranded wasnt edward's fault but walpole was still gonna make him build a ship and there is no reason for edward to trust walpole since after they get to havana he can easily just be like "thats a pirate, hang him." but like. the way he just immediately decides to steal his identity. legend.

why does he just blindly follow older men's orders like that

he trims his beard to a very odd location. i know it isn't a flattering pose but like. look at the underside of his jaw.

"how many references to dog behavior can we put in one character"

phobia of sleeping in a bed

"you saved my life i am eternally grateful."

edward are you seriously arguing with your eight year old daughter about the difference between a boat and a ship

where are your tanlines

how did he not die of skin cancer first

edward probably doesnt have any body hair because ubisoft didnt want his legs to glow in the dark too

look at his marooned outfit. bitch what the fuck is on your shirt. and where are your hair ties.

his dramatic beauty guru smokey eyes

he held that sword by the blade in the single madman quest. wh

anyway, the long run of this is, if you're gonna reblog an edward post from me specifically to make fun of an overused joke, go fuck yourself.

#edward #ac4 #i talk #assassins creed #im tired #and im tired of it!#im not saying to make fun of arno's alcoholism btw #just... just because edward tends to behave a little happier doesnt mean he is #both these men are depressed but like fuck mental disorders i guess

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breadknight-likes-things · 4 years ago

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Bread’s Skate (?!) Journal 09/06/20: The Other Ones: A Look Back On The Tony Hawk Imitators Of The Early 2000's....And BMX XXX.

Looking back at Tony Hawk as a series that's pretty solidly in the past can cause someone to easily forget how those games were actually thought of at the time: Hyper popular. As a result of that popularity, it was easy to see a bunch of other games and franchises that wanted a piece of that money, some from Activision themselves, some....very much not. Some of these games were good! Some of these games were so bad that they've become something of a legendary laughing stock in the game landscape as a whole.

As I said, Activision was no stranger to trying to apply the Tony Hawk formula to other sports in an attempt to cash in on the extreme success of their franchise. Sometimes these cash in's actually made for decent, if unoriginal games. Matt Hoffman's Pro BMX was more or less a carbon copy of the Tony Hawk formula, but with BMX Bikes instead of Skateboards, and it actually worked pretty well once you got used to the inherent differences of the two different styles. Other attempts were not quite as fortunate as Matt Hoffman though, and both of them sort of had the same "downhill" problem. Shaun Palmers Pro Snowboarder was an attempt to put the Tony Hawk formula into a snowboarding game, and while that should reasonably work, the linear and all downhill nature of the levels really didn't lend themselves to a fun time.

Following from Shaun Palmer was "Wakeboarding Unleashed featuring Shaun Murray" which is quite a title! It was originally revealed with the far more descriptive name as "Shaun Murray's Pro Wakeboarder" but I have to assume that was changed to...distance the game from Tony Hawk? It's a confusing move to say the least. The game was actually quite decent, more so than you'd assume from something like a wakeboarding game, and you can tell there was some talent behind it, the games issue was that, by design, it was pretty much always on rails. You were literally pulled through the levels behind a speed boat, and even though there was plenty to trick off, it lent a feeling that you were just being guided to the cool set pieces rather than actually doing any exploration of your own, it deserved better. Hell, it at least deserves it's own Wikipedia page, the only mention of it at all is on Shaun Murray's very small Wikipedia entry, an ignoble end for a game that least tried something new.

I had to find a screenshot for Shaun Murray, which I swear is real, and this is the only one I could easily find online. I swear this game happened!

Of course Activision wasn't the only studio trying to capitalize on the extreme sports craze and the Tony Hawk trick heavy style. EA found what I would consider the greatest success with franchises like SSX, and one entry wonders like Freakstyle (which is a seminal game for me as a kid, but one I feel very few people even know exist), a sort of blend of SSX and racing through the lens of Motocross. Hell, eventually EA would make Skate, which outlived Tony Hawk itself for a few years, and I already wrote about earlier this week, an excellent franchise that was nonetheless heavily inspired by THPS.

Now, there are far more imitators and hanger on's, some good (Splashdown, while closer to Wave Race, definitely stole some of it's vibes from THPS). Some incredibly bad (Gravity Games: Vert, Street, Dirt, an abysmally bad Tony Hawk ripoff from the early 2000's immediately springs to mind) and some downright strange (Four words: Disney's Extreme Skate Adventure). But only one company tried so hard and failed so miserably, and that's Acclaim, and BMX XXX.

This is genuinely what some of the worst impulses of the video game industry look like.

Acclaim had found success early on by getting Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX out only one year after Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, and it certainly wasn't a terrible game. It felt a little clunkier than what came out of Neversoft at the time, but it was definitely playable. Acclaim also went on to put out Aggressive Inline, which, while it might sound insane to say about an inline skating video game, is genuinely one of the best extreme sports games ever made. So Acclaim had real reason to believe they actually could put something out that would rival Tony Hawk! Then they put out BMX XXX.

BMX XXX is one of the most insipidly stupid things that any company has ever produced, certainly one of the worst video games ever made, and was so bad that Dave Mirra forced Acclaim to take his name off of it before release. You really can boil this game down to two things: Dave Mirra's okay BMX game play, and the horn-dog mindset of a 13 year old boy that just found an issue of Hustler in the woods. It's incredibly embarrassing! Full of hookers, pimps, literal strip club videos, dogs fucking and humor that was shitty and mean spirited even by the standards of 2004. It's astounding that anybody thought this game would sell at all, let alone do the impressive numbers they wanted for it. Even the console manufacturers didn't really seem to want this thing on their consoles, Sony out and out censored the nudity even (which yes, the game featured full polygonal breasts, and they are horrifying to look at today), and though the other two allowed the nudity to slide, they made it pretty clear they thought the game was terrible.

BMX XXX is a punchline today, rightfully, but I think it did so much harm to the idea of a competing extreme sports franchise, that any further attempt to really hone in on an Tony Hawk alike just sort of stopped right there. It actually came out pretty early on, in 2002, long before some of the other games I've mentioned on this list even, but the damage it did was impossible to ignore. Activision kept trying, we still got the occasional excellent SSX game, and we got Skate. Hell, we even got Ubisoft making a couple of tries, first with Shaun White doing a snowboarding and Skateboarding game, then with Steep. The concept wasn't killed entirely, a favorite of mine, Amped 3 for Xbox 360, even came out just a few years later, but it felt like the spirit was gone, and it never really came back. Thankfully, these days, we have more independent developers putting out their own vision of what an extreme sports game can be. I hope this new generation of developers can really get us back to the glory days of the extreme sports game, and even if they don't end up making it too far, at least they're going to try.

And things might get a little weird.

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300iqprower · 3 years ago

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As someone who used to have the same view as OP (but have rejected the stance around…3 years ago, i wanna say?) I’d like to play devil’s advocate: Technically both sides here have a point. Even if one made theirs very poorly.

For people (like me) who grew up with shows like Courage The Cowardly Dog, Danny Phantom, Teen Titans, Code Lyoko, etc, there was a huge focus on variety of animation. This also meant There were PLENTY of shows that were all style no substance (Ren and Stimpy wasn’t good, just gross. Fight me.) and what bad actors there were got cast out swiftly or just left to obscurity. Even then let’s not pretend Filmation wasn’t a thing with that shit copy pasting of both artstyle and EXACT ANIMATION. But even so, there was just flat out more overall variety of what was getting to air. So by comparison to many of today’s shows, or more key-ly the heavily promoted ones, make no mistake are absolutely, just as the OP said, often to some varying degree the way they are because it’s cheaper and quicker to copy a template and make superficial changes (that doesn’t mean insignificant ones calm down). changes. From a glance it can easily seem like all the originality is gone and cartoons layer on top of each other more and more as time goes by rather than less and less. Basically what Ubisoft is to video games. They aren’t literally identical looking, no, but they can very much feel as if they lack genuine stylization. But anyways as people have quickly pointed out, that’s completely missing the forest for the trees. These “same-y” shows also more than ever going all in on *writing*. Yeah you have so many shit reboots, wannabe Rick and Morty’s (WHY IN GOD’S NAME WOULD YOU EVEN WANT-) and whatever the fuck SU ended up, but you have at best things like Amphibia, Owl House, Big City Greens, and Gravity Falls. All of these are “calarts”and it’s not hard to see. I’d even say it’s blatant that they use the same templates, but that doesn’t make them any less engaging or lower their potential to have meaning. Whats more in direct response to these new problems created by solutions to old ones, they find new solutions in turn with inventive ways to uniquely express themselves. Amphibia’s use of anthropomorphism, GF’s use of the supernatural, etc, all allow characters that are still wholly unique and instantly identifiable among a sea of similar art styles. This is all obviously with potential for stunning still shots and environments as well. And even then you DO still have stylized shows. I absolutely object to OP citing Gumball as a copycat, i mean ffs the show’s entire style is that IT’S *EVERY* STYLE. You couldn’t possibly shoot yourself in the foot with a bullet-point more than with that one. Of course…Calarts has a lot of bad actors. **A lot.** Even more than Filmation, I’d say, and even if not, none are so heavily PROMOTED as the modern day bad actors as a direct result of corporations wanting every new cartoon to be the next big thing regardless of standards. When a substanceless show happened in the old days, it was distinct in its lack of quality and shunted out. Nowadays not only are bad actors worse than ever, often bad because of lack of creative integrity rather than simply being bad ideas, not only do corps double down and try to make it a societal issue or some shit, now all those bad actors now also IMMEDIATELY evoke one another.

I do straight up agree with two points OP made: 1. There is demonstrably less variety in animation, and 2. Rather than advance like other forms of media, cartoon animation has not necessarily regressed, but has absolutely streamlined itself to the point of near ubiquity.

Both of these points though are too nuanced for me to wanna go any further into this but the tldr of that discussion is probably something like:

there is obviously corporate interest and capitalistic motivations to churn out cartoons as swiftly as possibles and that runs opposite of many artistic pursuits, but also while you have the stuff that is clearly hacked out garbage (TTG, Thundercats Roar, PPG Reboot, etc) and that is incredibly damaging,

BUT, plenty of people have expressed gratitude for things like CalArts, with animation being a labor intensive process that desperately could use whatever streamlining is possible. Would all artists love to have their own unique art style? I’m willing to bet yes. Is that feasible even with hypothetical access to corporate resources without corporate interference or even deadlines? No, not really. Plenty of stories only need the right words to be told. Gravity Falls doesn’t have the power of Unlimited Budget Works and it’s still a masterpiece. See also at the opposite end that garbage He Man Reboot with really damn good looking animation that doesn’t change shit writing and character design. Other mediums also have their issues, namely how incredibly homogenized triple ayyy video games are with most cases of so called “A A A” games being the same photorealistic guff that is naught but bullshit painting over of vapid and uninspired design, because game graphics while a core aspect of games are not remotely as integral as a cartoon’s art style is.

So basically the TLDR of the TLDR (help) is:

if you ever find yourself about to complain about calarts or the like, ask yourself: is the art style itself actually hurting the show? Chances are no. It’s usually either something that COULD be better but doesn’t NEED to be, or simply one more issue on top of far more deep rooted ones.

Modern Cartoon Art-style Problem (Why So Many Hate It)

Ever since the trailer of “High Guardian Spice” has been released, comments were flooding that the show is more of Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon, Steven Universe/She-Ra 2.0 (which is bad) and looks more western animation than anime.

So many people (including myself) have a problem with modern cartoons style, but before I begin stating the issues, I have to tell you how the hatred all started.

Ever since the beginning of cartoons, it has been slowly growing such as in 1930s - 1940s, it was black and white cartoons

1958 - 1980s was Hanna-Barbera style cartoons

1980s cartoons was muscularly and to sell toys to children

Then in the 1990s - early 2010s, that’s when cartoons had a huge change. They didn’t have a similar art style, in fact they were all different towards each and that what makes the time unique to others

Different art-styles cartoons

CGI cartoons

Anime-inspired cartoons

However, by the mid 2010s, cartoons has become oversimplified, lazy and uninspired. Making it a big letdown for cartoons for having to downgrade in cartoonish art-style.

What makes it worst is that most of the protagonist of each show have a similar head design, making it less unique and creative.

It’s also disappointing that it’s 2020s and cartoons are getting downgraded, but everything else like video games, anime, and comics, are evolving. They went from this

To this

It’s upsetting as well that indie games have a better cartoonish art style than what modern cartoons are putting out

In conclusion, the reason why so many people have a problem with modern cartoons is they went back from being cartoonish and had different variants to more simple art-style, making people feel that they downgrade themselves. I truly hope in the future that cartoons have a better art-style.

#wall of text #why did i write this #no really it took an hour and a half why thr FUCK DID I WRITE THIS #i still dont get if people consider SU overall good or bad but i don’t really care cause i never like it outside of 2 specific songs #one of which was better when undertale did it #i feel like im forgetting something but oh well it’s not like morevthan -2 people are gonna see this #thank you for coming to my ted talk

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arcadeidea · 5 years ago

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The Oregon Trail [1971]

(Content Warning: Cannibalism, Genocide.)

In these early days of gaming, it's hard to walk in a straight line without tripping over "firsts." Looking for the first this or the first that is a hook, it's exciting to uncover, you feel like something recognizable of our present-day condition is emerging from the strange, foreign world of the past. It's almost a lie, though. Most firsts are mere trivia that can stand in the way of actually seeing the work. Most firsts are not self-consciously experimental ideas that caught on, but humble clear outgrowths of a prior tendency almost anachronistic to think of as a first, or are purpose-built innovations to serve a specific need (and sometimes you can point at The First and say that it understood what it was doing better than its successors because it knew best why it existed and then was mindlessly copied... but only sometimes.) If you're looking for some kind of great rupture to hang your hat on, the closer you look the less you see.

The Oregon Trail isn't actually first at much, besides. It's predated in most respects by The Sumerian Game [1964], lost to time, in which You are immersed in a narrative role within an existing historical gameworld and asked to manage resources, for purposes of educating children. It's plausible that our 1971 developers were totally ignorant of it, and thus the "first" as far as they're concerned, and instead drawing on, say, Milton-Bradley's The Game Of Life [1960], seeing as the original design was as a board game. The Sumerian Game is probably even more influential and important than The Oregon Trail, as it inspired Hamurabi [1968] [sic], which was then widely distributed in "learn to code BASIC games" books from 1973 on and from there inspired the whole strategy game genre. We, in the 21st century, recognize The Oregon Trail more though, because of the American Gen X ubiquity of The Oregon Trail [1985], which is as Doom [2016] is to Doom [1993], bringing us 2-for-2 on Id references for the geeks and gamers in the crowd.

It tops Wikipedia's list of the longest-running game franchises, and it's gonna stay there. Hamurabi isn't recognized as The Sumerian Game 2, but a bootleg with its own identity, and similarly you taking the reins of a hypothetical Spacewar 2 or a do-over with spiffy graphics would be a fangame or port or its own thing, not a sequel or remake. They wouldn't carry the imprint of legitimacy that comes from the all-important ownership of the intellectual property. It's the way Oregon Trail's original designer, Don Rawitsch, could take his source code offline in 1971, and then port it from paper as the 1975 version I played with only minor tweaks (one of which we'll address later.) It's the way one of its programmers, Bill Heinemann, can deny even his own son from taking stewardship of the code. It's in the way the Minnesota Educational Computing Consortium can make the 1985 Oregon Trail with none of the original three creators, become a private entity with the money the property made them, then sell their legitimizing rights to The Learning Company, who can sell it to Mattel, who can sell it to Ubisoft, who can then bestow the power to make legitimate Oregon Trail successors to third parties. It's copyright, or even more broadly the conceptual scaffolding of ownership, that franchises can not live without, and it's not ridiculous at all.

The franchise all started with only the noblest of intentions, though, characteristic of that 20th Century digital optimism that necessarily colors early video games. They were going to use computers to educate children. A game is a spicy way to approach this, but not unprecedented; one could say most games are already educational, even if in a given instance all you learn is about the game. So what's its pedagogical approach to history, and how does it fare?

Well, it's unusually gamey for an "edutainment" title. There's no room for those "read some facts" sections divorced from the gameplay we're familiar with from later titles like the Carmen Sandiego series. Instead, like reportedly The Sumerian Game before it, it relies heavily on now-lost paratext (which ultimately functions much the same as the Carmen Sandiego model) for the delivery of historical fact: the 1971 Western Expansion unit curriculum The Oregon Trail game was originally only a small part of. It could have reasonably been implemented within the tight space constraints of a 1970s BASIC mainframe program as, say, a fact- and text-heavy quiz, but instead we got something very gameplay-heavy that was shortly thereafter shorn of that original contextualizing information. As-is, you can hardly poke at the game's factual inaccuracies, because what little is there is accurate. (For instance, the 1985 edition would make the prevalence of dysentery infamous, but on the real Trail, the #1 killer was cholera.) The game we have is a supplement... but if not hard facts, then what does it teach you? Reading, typing?

The game is turn-based, and at the top of every turn it displays your five resources: Food, Ammunition, Clothing, Cash, and Miscelaneous [sic] Supplies, which are things like axles and medicine. Your cash reserves (which always start at the same place) can be used at the nondescript forts you have the chance to stop at on some turns. Food, clothing, and supplies correspond not to any real values like pounds of food but one-to-one with the cash you spent on them. You just have "30 Clothes," which somehow depletes rapidly. It might be meant as the abstract monetary value, but since there's no selling, it's unclear. Run out of clothes or supplies, and you could die at any moment. Run out of food, and you die instantly. Like in The Sumerian Game, you're managing resources through the proxy of numerical abstraction, but unlike it, this is not a game meant to educate you on economics, this is the First Survival Game. In all this, we see the inverse of the priority motivation of Spacewar: managing finite, dwindling resource scarcity instead of pushing hard on the limits of the infinite.

Ammunition, on the other hand, is not directly vital but ridiculously cheap. Pun intended, it's the best bang for your buck. You're thus incentivized to play into the rugged outdoorsy individualist role (unlike later games, there's no indication that you are anything but alone) by hunting for your food, without the fiddly business of coding something like food that goes bad if you just let it sit. When you go to shoot something, be it animals on the hunt or hunting yourself, or hostile "riders," you are dropped from the methodical turn-based world into a real-time action-reflex one, which delivers a jolt of energy to the whole experience. In a stroke of ingenuity within the text-only limitations, you are tasked with typing the word "BANG" quickly and accurately. In the 1978 version, it also changes the word up on you (like it could be "POW") which makes the mechanic even more reminiscent of The Typing Of The Dead [1999]. The metaphor stands clear: your typing skill, quick and accurate, enacts corresponding quick and accurate violence on the computer. The computer will have its revenge, though.

No matter how skilled you are at hunting for your food and managing your resources, you are at the complete mercy of the gameworld. The random events at the end of every turn are perhaps the real star of the show here — definitely an evolution of Spacewar's star, anyway. The wrong random events can bring you from fine to dead in just one turn. It's not fair!

That's the point. The Oregon Trail is not about getting to Oregon. Sure, that's the goal that keeps you going both in and out of character, but really The Oregon Trail is about the losing. The death message is rendered with great ceremony, three separate command prompts on your funeral, just for flavor. Even when you make it to the promised land, you're haunted by the ghosts of your own failure, and the entire time you're on the journey is low-level tension and dread at the imagined fatality lurking under every rock. That's the pedagogical utility of the game that a book or a lecture just doesn't give you: by placing you in the middle of a world model and an unimportant role, it communicates an impression, a feeling of what it was like to live as an ordinary person in the time and place depicted, and that impression is one of a dangerous world, arbitrary enough that you can do everything right and still eat curb. There's a straight line from here to Cart Life [2011]. Why, Oregon Trail is the First Empathy Game! The terminology of the "Empathy Game," if you're unfamiliar or have forgotten, was a bit of a fad genre in mid-2010s among a handful of thinkpiece writers and social scientists, and notably not many actual game designers. It was a genre that post-hoc lumped together titles like the aforementioned Cart Life, Depression Quest [2013], That Dragon, Cancer [2016], and even Spec Ops: The Line [2012]! With the exception of the latter, the sales pitch of the genre was basically that in snubbing traditional concepts like "fun" and "violence" in favor of depicting a minimal-gameplay sad world drawn from the author's deeply personal (and often enough, marginalized) experience, these games would make you a better person; they were good for you, like eating your vegetables. Game designer Anna Anthropy was particularly enraged by cis allies patting themselves on the back in this way for playing her short title Dys4ia [2012], and in response to all this she exhibited The Road To Empathy [2015], which was a pair of her size 13 high heel boots with a pedometer attached, so that people could literally walk a mile in her shoes and try to get the high score. (A scathing Cinderella story.)

I myself am a cis white male living in Oregon's Willamette Valley, cause to worry that when I telnetted in to play the game it would instantly award me victory. I grew up here. I was born too late for Apple IIs preloaded with Oregon Trail in the classrom, but one year in elementary school the teacher put together her own longform, paper-based, team-play Oregon Trail game. My team died trapped by snow in the mountains, and then once I was checked-out and scorched about the loss, the whole class got to learn about the Donner Party, a group of settlers who went into the mountains, got snowed in, and ate each other. That's a harrowing, tragic situation about people at the furthest extremities of humanity, and we didn't get too deep into it, but it wasn't sanitized. Years later, don't know how many, I wondered: why? Not why did it happen, but why was I taught about that as history? Not even that it was gruesome, but it didn't square with my understanding of capital-h History at that time, that it was just such a small story that had immediate effect on nobody outside of the Donner Party themselves. It was just some fucked-up shit that happened once. Trivia. What was I meant to learn? Not to go through the mountains in a covered wagon during winter? No, no, it had to be one of those abstract moral Life Lessons... Was it solemn respect for the dead? The terror of nature, and the weakness of man and our society in the face of it? I've seen it used to make exactly the opposite point, that adversity builds morality and character, which is incredibly stupid but that doesn't mean that wasn't meant as the takeaway.

Writing this now, I think I have figured out that I was being taught about my heritage. It's odd to think of it that way, but it's not out of the ordinary in many cultures to pass down illustrative tales of suffering to the young so they and their example are not forgotten, though. I believe I was meant to associate myself in some continuity with The Donner Party, their inheritors as an Oregonian, as an American, as — to put it sharply — a white person, and truly, I am. The subtext is that the past of hardscrabble living and suffering we underwent to get here (in this case, a literal location, Oregon,) legitimizes our comfortable place now. Likewise, the intention of The Oregon Trail is to get us to identify and empathize with the settler. Both are virtual memory, simulated aggrievement.

Our second game has taken as its subject and theme perhaps one of the few darker and more harrowing subject matters than war: colonialism. Identifying colonialism in games is in vogue right now, but it's currently most commonly leveled as a criticism at let's-call-them-post-Minecraft games in which you are actively engaged in both extracting resources from and changing the environment to suit you, even where there is no colonization on the narrative end. The Oregon Trail is just the opposite, using its resource management purely to emphasize that we are at the whims of our environment, while its narrative framing is colonization. It flinches from the larger truth of what it is depicting in favor of an attempt at systematized monetary verisimilitude that absorbs us.

The Oregon Trail [c. 1847-1869] can be considered a mirror for its rough contemporary, The Trail Of Tears [c. 1830-1850]. Nobody wanted to be on The Trail Of Tears. People were being forcibly relocated from what prosperity they had managed to carve out for themselves into conditions of deliberate impovershment. The mass suffering and death they experienced on the way was, when not maliciously engineered, fully intended, and it did nothing to legitimize their claims to the land they now had. Conversely, the settlers moving far west were doing so entirely voluntarily.(The game starts you in St. Louis, 1847, coincidentally the exact time and place a legally-enforced Mormon exodus began, but this game isn't The Utah Trail.) There's a phrase for that hopeful dream that fundamentally motivated every last Oregonian settler to embark on their painful journey: Manifest Destiny. The land out west is already metaphysically yours, you just have to go out and take it in fact. In period records, what is done to the indigenous people across the continent is described in jarringly passive voice (such as "dying off",) as what are clearly active campaigns of hostility are waged with full intent to exterminate. The suffocating, violent racism of the 1800s United States can not be understated, and yet it is full-on swept under the rug, not just here, but almost everywhere you turn that's not the niche of a serious history for adults. This was an era when even some white slavery abolitionists were only that way because the thought of sharing a nation with any black people, even slaves, so offended their sensibilities.

The Oregon Trail game is, point blank and very straightforwardly, white nationalist propaganda. Now, it's not hate speech! It doesn't come out of the damp basement printing press of a Neo-Nazi, but the cleanliness of the omissions and assumptions and unwarranted romanticism of a standard grade school American History curriculum, and from the noblest of intentions. It's not Custer's Revenge [1982] or The Birth Of A Nation [1915]. In fact, the most major & germane difference (possibly) between the 1971 teletype version and the 1975 one I played is a modulation towards greater racial sensitivity: The random event of hostile "Indians" is scrubbed to "riders." This leaves only friendly Native Americans, which is actually, so I read, broadly historically accurate for what a trail-goer would encounter. The Cayuse War, for example, did start with an attack on a white civilian, but most of the engagement was between military forces. Not to form a bad habit of relying too heavily on author quotes, but here's what programmer Bill Heinemann had to say about it:

I heard from Paul [Dillenberger, fellow Oregon Trail coder] that we needed to eliminate any negative references to Native Americans. Since my generation had grown up on TV cowboy shows, my first reaction was that we were denying a piece of our own history.

Get a load of this honky. He instinctively thought the heritage he needed to pass on to Minnesota schoolchildren was the pulpy good-guy-bad-guy myth of the unrevised Western, masquerading as fact. The Oregon Trail is, in the end, just as much the flippant pop culture fantasia as Spacewar, despite the pretense of fact and education. Thankfully, Mr. Heinemann thoughtfully backtracked on that count, thinking of potential Native American children playing the game. In 2017, lead designer Don Rawitsch even said that he'd like to see a version of The Oregon Trail from the Native American perspective. In 2019, we got exactly that.

When Rivers Were Trails [2019] is the product of almost 50 more years in development in ludic story delivery and edutainment. It's marketed as the Native American response to The Oregon Trail, though it too takes place about 50 years later, in the 1890s. This places it after the end of most direct warfare, save with the Apaches, although Geronimo had already surrendered and you do not visit the American Southwest. Instead, when you are given the choice to resist, it takes the form not of, say, mass armed rebellion, but in community spiritualism and helping negotiate the crooked legal system.

In the story, you wander aimlessly west, away from the traditional lands in Minnesota you can now never return to. Along the way, you meet many Native Americans, who aren't typically so much characters as they are the medium by which facts about the land and history are summarized, ala the Carmen Sandiego model of edutainment referred to earlier. When Rivers Were Trails hews closer to something like a visual novel with minigames, and is nowhere near as interested in systematizing misery as The Oregon Trail. The worst things that directly happen to the player are rare harassment by the Indian Patrol, and there are resources as a nod to The Oregon Trail, here Willpower, Food, and Medicine, and, fittingly enough considering the direct equation of resource-to-cash in the 1970s game, they're used mostly as forms of currency for trading. Other than that, they don't "matter," in that they're super easy to come by living off the land and running out of food or medicine won't kill you. Only running out of spiritual Willpower will, which suggests to me that you're on some metaphoric level a ghost animated by your journey, bearing witness to vignettes of not so much the suffering itself, but the almost-post-apocalyptic aftershocks of great misfortunes and displacements and how various people are holding on or moving on. Don't mistake it for an Empathy Game — it's strictly educational.

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cellerityweb · 6 years ago

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ArtStation Masterclasses 2 Spotlight: Eddie Bennun

Eddie Bennun, an art director and senior concept artist at Ubisoft Sofia and an ArtStation Masterclasses instructor, has recently joined the ArtStation team to talk about his approach to environment storytelling and the way he builds game worlds. The artist is responsible for a course called Environmental Storytelling via Composition and Shape Language that focuses on the language of shapes and its crucial role in creating a composition. Eddie teaches his students about big shapes and silhouettes, small storytelling details and credible game scenes. Let’s take a look at the interview.

You’ve worked on many game titles over the years, which one would you say was the most interesting to work on and why?

The Game industry is quite dynamic with the fast development of all technologies. All game developers are striving to create the best possible game and launch it on the market. As a result, game development is more and more difficult and full of challenges, and at the same time – more and more interesting.

Based on my experience, I remember the time 8 years ago when we were making Assassin’s Creed Liberation. Back then, Ubisoft Sofia was a young studio and for the first time, we were given the chance to lead a project of this scale and to work on one of the greatest franchises of Ubisoft. It’s safe to say that we were making Liberation for the Playstation Vita handheld console and we were probably expected to create a side scroll game. However, we didn’t choose this direction and decided to create and to offer the players a true Assassin’s Creed game experience. We were full of enthusiasm and motivation to do it, although we didn’t have any previous experience in the making of similar games. It all paid back afterward and it’s no surprise that the game was later launched for the bigger PS3 and Xbox 360 consoles, as well as for PC. Assassin’s Creed Liberation is a very special project for me, not just professionally but in a personal aspect too. It was during Sony’s presentation at E3 when Liberation was revealed to the world – it was 4 AM and I was excited watching the show – Sony’s President for North America announced the game and, all of a sudden for me, the three huge screens on the stage lit with a concept art piece I made for the game. Thousands of people in the theatre and millions watching live online… I just cannot describe the feeling I had at that very moment. Priceless.

Assassin’s Creed Rogue was another challenging project because we made it for PS3, while it was known the new Playstation 4 was launching and another Assassin’s Creed game was in development for it at the same time. We really wanted to produce high-quality content and all teams almost made the impossible to achieve it. Taking both players and critics appreciation and reviews on Rogue, I think it was worth all the efforts.

Finally, yet importantly, I’d like to mention The Curse of the Pharaohs, the mythological expansion of Assassin’s Creed Origins. As a lead studio, Ubisoft Sofia managed to create four completely authentic worlds representing the Egyptian afterlife that are both immersive and a seamless part of the game.

Do you have a preference over designing open world vs linear worlds? Why?

The only linear game I’ve ever worked on was The Prince of Persia and it was very long time ago. However, talking about modern linear games, I admit that the Uncharted franchise is one of my favorites, and Tomb Rider too. Not only because of the story but they also have amazing and beautiful environments. When you make a linear game, sometimes spaces are very limited, you have full control over the camera and you can choose how to show all vistas and reveal points. You need to fill smaller spaces with the assets you have, and it gives you the opportunity to create more different and unique locations. From the artistic point of view, I guess I would love to work on a linear game again.

On the other hand, open world games are much more challenging for us artists because we need to fill a huge game world with a limited number of assets and avoid creating it repetitive. It requires a lot of creativity and practical experience. The player must have the options to explore every corner of the world in the game and to go anywhere he wants to. We as developers have to secure everywhere the same quality of the graphics, and believe me, sometimes it is one true hell of a ride.

What are some problems or mistakes you often see beginners make when designing environments?

The world of games like Assassin’s Creed is a reflection of the real world we are living in.

Real in the sense of historical locations, geography, logic… we take this real world and change it by shifting it to a degree in a creative way so it becomes interesting for the players. It’s about fun and entertainment after all, not making documentaries. However, the logic of the world remains the same and you can feel it. This is exactly what makes the worlds so real, it’s not literal copy-paste of the reality.

Oftentimes, beginner game developers strive to make a certain location so interesting that they change the logic of the world. As a result, the location feels not that convincing and it looks more like a rather sham theater decor. Actually, the world around us is so interesting and unique that we just have to let it inspire us. We work in this direction with all the new artists and designers in our studio. We teach them to step in the shoes of the people from a certain period in history and from a certain geographical area, to conduct a serious research and to create a story for each location in the game.

Every item in your house has a certain purpose – be it functional, or just for decoration. You have decorated your house following your own tastes in aesthetics. Nothing is placed at random. Actually, everything is a matter of a certain approach and experience you gain with the years. This is why we work actively with the beginners, to help them build the right approach and consistency in their workflow.

You mention in your bio having side projects and we’d love to know more about them. What can you share?

I’m not quite sure yet what direction this project will go to. This is why I can’t tell you much at the moment. It is about a story taking place during the WW1 or at least it is based on the technologies and visuals from that time period when we have one or more fictional new fractions, much more technologically advanced for its time compared to the ones we know. And this could change the course of the world history.

To me, this period is to a certain extent not less brutal and severe than what really happened during the WW2. Perhaps the reason for this is hiding in the crazy politics and idealism of all those naive young people who had voluntarily chosen to go to war and be killed. Just like it is described in the Remark’s novels. On the other hand, the inventions and the technological advancements of the time are exciting and provoke the curious mind. It is very interesting to explore and experiment with all that. My goal is to create enough content for a small illustrated novel. But we will see… at the moment I’m completely dedicated to the projects I’m working on in Ubisoft!

Find out more about ArtStation Masterclasses.

Eddie Bennun

The interview was originally published here, and later on 80.lv

Source: 80.lv

The post ArtStation Masterclasses 2 Spotlight: Eddie Bennun appeared first on Making Games.

ArtStation Masterclasses 2 Spotlight: Eddie Bennun published first on https://thetruthspypage.tumblr.com/

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gta-5-cheats · 7 years ago

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Far Cry 5 Review

New Post has been published on http://secondcovers.com/far-cry-5-review/

Far Cry 5 Review

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Far Cry 5 is an open-world first-person shooter for the PS4, Xbox One, and Windows PCs set in the US state of Montana. You don the role of a rookie deputy whose first day on the job has you trying to arrest Joseph Seed — the charismatic leader of a doomsday cult known as the Project at Eden’s Gate. Naturally, things don’t go as planned and you find yourself leading a resistance against Seed and his army. Far Cry 5 was announced just before E3 2017 and followed by a demo that, while entertaining, wasn’t as technically convincing as it could be – what with wonky gunplay and so so visuals. We were curious to see what the game would ultimately deliver, particularly after getting a peek at the thought process behind Far Cry 5’s development.

Unlike earlier instalments such as Far Cry 3, Far Cry 4, and Far Cry Primal, Far Cry 5 has you playing a nameless protagonist. You aren’t Jason Brody, Ajay Ghale, or Takkar, and you have no voice and no backstory to speak of. You’re quite literally playing an avatar of yourself with various cosmetic choices in terms of skin, hair, and clothes. As you’re soaking in game’s events minus any interruptions or monologues from the character you play as, they have more of an impact. Going with a silent hero turns Far Cry 5 into a very different experience. While you may feel robbed of an origin or even simply the wisecracks your character would make in past games, it gives the game’s varied cast room to shine. From bit players like conspiracy theorist Zip Kupka, to big bad Joseph Seed himself, you get a better understanding of their motivations and narrative this way.

However Far Cry 5’s silent hero isn’t the only trick up its sleeve. What’s also changed is how you progress through the game. In past entries, you uncovered vast swathes of territory to explore by climbing and activating radio towers, but you won’t have to do that anymore. The previous approach had become somewhat of a running joke and it’s something Ubisoft acknowledges here, by having one of your earliest allies tell you that you won’t be hunting for towers (save for one) for the duration of this experience. What this means is, exploring the vast world of Montana gives you a lot more freedom. Each region is controlled by one of Seed’s henchmen (or heralds as they’re known) and you’re free to tackle them as you see fit.

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In order to do so, you’ll rescue members of the local resistance, bring down shrines and silos put up by the cult, reclaim outposts, and inevitably duke it out with each herald yourself. All of the aforementioned actions and story missions earn you Resistance Points. With enough of them, you’ll earn an audience with the herald at regular intervals, which will give you an idea of what you’re up against. These are tense moments shedding light into why cults are formed and add another dimension to these odd, sinister individuals.

Along the way you’ll use all manner of explosives, guns, and vehicles to wage war. Like in previous games in the series, you’ll use a pair of binoculars to scope out enemies before planning your approach. While you are rewarded for using stealthier means to get the job done, it’s more entertaining to call in an airstrike, or enlist the help of a ferocious bear to join the fray with the game’s Guns for Hire system. While this system was present in past games, its more meaningful this time around due to the larger, organised nature of the foes you’re up against. You’ll end up leaning on the Guns for Hire to aid you in tougher encounters, such as squaring off against an enemy fighter plane or a helicopter.

That said, Far Cry 5’s progression is not too dissimilar to another Ubisoft game — Assassin’s Creed Origins. You’ll find yourself indulging in many a quest to get to the next point in the story. The difference is that most of what you do in Far Cry 5 directly impacts the plot, while in Assassin’s Creed, it felt like busy work before you can take on missions that push the story forward. Thanks to this, Far Cry 5 feels all the more natural as every outpost won, every silo blown up, and every resistance member rescued, all go towards taking you forward in one way or another. It extends to your own abilities or perks. Kill enough enemies with a specific weapon, call in a certain number of air strikes or just strangling an opponent to death earns you points that can be used to increase your health, carry more weapons, or even stay underwater longer.

Far Cry 5’s meaningful sense of progression is backed up by fun moment to moment gameplay. Guns feel responsive with an adequate amount of heft and weight, while driving vehicles is a tighter experience than in past games from the series. It doesn’t hold back in terms of the toys at your disposal, granting you access to everything from bows and arrows to rocket launchers (and even a gaudy armoured truck with guns called the Death Wish) at a steady clip. The game’s arsenal is one of the more generous ones in recent years.

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All these features go a long way in keeping Far Cry 5 interesting. Granted, Ubisoft has waxed eloquent on how its choice of setting is still exotic, but the familiar-looking forests, farms, and enemy encampments would wear thin if not for all the creative ways you have to turn them into smouldering flames. Coupled with this being the lushest, most visually arresting locale we’ve seen, it staves off any sense of boredom.

On that note, Far Cry 5 looks absolutely gorgeous on the Xbox One X. From water reflections to expansive grasslands and even detailed character models, it’s a visual treat. Though it does suffer from one of the oldest issues plaguing open-world games — veer too far off the map and you’ll respawn, breaking immersion (pictured below). And considering that Far Cry 5 is in first-person, its cosmetic micro-transactions seem a bit redundant. Other than weapon and vehicle skins, purchases that give you a different look are wasted as you can’t see them.

In addition to this, Far Cry Arcade, which lets you create your own custom missions, is clunky to use with a controller. It tries to streamline the process with radial menus allowing you to choose between laying down different landscapes, but it’s far from intuitive to use. While we’re yet to check it out on PC, chances are that would be the way to go given that the flexibility of the keyboard and mouse are better suited for such tasks.

These issues notwithstanding, Far Cry 5 is a welcome entry in a series that’s been consistently entertaining over the years. The campaign is filled with memorable characters, robust progression, and action galore that all combine to make it a treat to play.

Pros:

Robust progression system

Solid gameplay

Great graphics

Cons:

Clunky Far Cry Arcade controls

Redundant micro-transactions

Minor immersion-breaking quirks

Rating (out of 10): 8

Gadgets 360 played a review copy of Far Cry 5 on the Xbox One X. The game is available on the PS4, Xbox One, and Windows PCs at Rs. 3,499 ($60 in the US) from March 27.

If you’re a fan of video games, check out Transition, Gadgets 360’s gaming podcast. You can listen to it via Apple Podcasts or RSS, or just listen to this week’s episode by hitting the play button below.

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insert-witty-comment · 7 years ago

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Hello everyone.Last time on Hawkins Book Club, we learned what synchronicity actually is, time-traveling Neo-Nazis are sticklers for freshly cut grass, there was once a guy who flew around the US in a flying saucer with eight women to look for gold, the KKK uses magick, MK-Ultra actually was connected to Montauk, why the Demogorgon was attracted to Eleven, JFK’s brother liked to trip out on LSD with Nazi rapists, skinheads are actually kind, experienced aura-readers, Mark Hamill is literally the reincarnation of an alien from another universe, the Star Wars films are documentaries, there were Hitler-clones in existence, the Third Reich tried to access the Upside-Down (meaning that we could have had Stranger Things be about the Demogorgon murdering SS Stormtroopers and Hitler clones), Cthulhu and the Elder Gods are real, there could be a whole bunch of UFO-flying Nazis camped out in Antarctica and inside the Earth, George Bush’s dad was insane and there might be a good chance that Brenner is Eleven’s father.First of all, I would like to apologize for not updating this little review column thing last week. There wasn’t an E-book version of this book available, so I had to order a physical copy from a rather… um…. let’s just say “colorful” individual in Wisconsin. To my surprise, when it finally got here I discovered that it was signed by the author himself, so that’s a neat bonus. Speaking of which, the primary author of 1998’s Montauk: The Alien Connection is a new member to the Montauk Party; a guy named Stewart Swerdlow. Without further ado, let’s reconvene the Book Club and jump in.Our old friend Peter Moon writes the Introduction. Here he states that our education system has lied about the nature of space and time.“The biggest secret of time and space that has been unlocked is that these very components of our physicality can be manipulated. This is still a novel idea to conventional scientists, scholars and news media who are manipulated from birth. Manipulation of consciousness comes under the heading of ‘mind control,’ a subject which has never been fully embraced by major media.”Jesus Christ Moon, just let it go. I can’t believe that he’s STILL bitter over being blocked from television. Anyway, he says that mind control is integral to understanding space and time.“The human brain is actually a perfect computer which is fully capable of serving as a tool for cosmic enlightenment to its host. The problem is that this response in mankind has been short-circuited due to any number of various factors. These could include aliens, ancient priesthoods, religious indoctrination, youth groups and the CIA’s documented mind control project known as MK-Ultra. MK-Ultra was a 20th century ‘modernization’ of ancient techniques such as those employed by the ancient Assassins, a Middle Eastern cult during the Middle Ages who programmed subjects to kill through the use of hashish.”I’m starting to think that Ubisoft should be cutting this guy a check too. Anyway, Moon then goes on to claim that not only do truth serum drugs force people to spill their secrets, they also “can be used to tap the collective unconscious”, meaning that someone injected with them would suddenly have omnipotent knowledge about the entire universe… somehow. Moon suggests that we start asking people injected with truth serum about God, evolution “and the very nature of reality” because of this. He also touches on the head of MK-Ultra, Dr. Ewen Cameron and the LSD experiments, interestingly enough. He also states that Preston Nichols now believes that there were “Montauk Girls” in addition to the Boys and that there are literally hundreds of these programmed people all over Long Island. This leads into Moon introducing Stewart Swerdlow, the guy who was given the pseudo name of “Stan Campbell” in Montauk Revisited. You may remember him as the guy who shot Jesus in the face. Regardless, Duncan Cameron helpfully chimes in to say that this guy is an even more powerful psychic than he is. I didn’t know there was a sliding scale of psychic powers, but whatever.Chapter 1 talks about the 1943 Philadelphia Experiment which I’m sure you’re quite familiar with by this point, but it comes with a twist. It focuses on a Nazi named Johannes von Gruber. Why is he there? Well it turns out the Nazis were helping out the Americans with their teleportation.“Such an accomplishment would eliminate war on Earth because whoever controlled this technology would be invincible. The major governments of the world – the United States, Germany, Britain, Russian, and France – would then band together to eliminate the lesser powers and races of the Earth. They planned to beam vast conquering armies anywhere in the universe they desired. The new world government rule the known universe! For this the Reich was willing to unite with the United States. Because of the contacts that the Reich had with a certain group of ‘visitors,’ the United States was also willing to lay aside ideological differences. Each side believed that it would eventually control the entire plan.”………………………………………………………………………………There are so many things wrong with this paragraph alone that it would take an entire post just to point them all out. So I’m going to just move on.Anyway, the experiment actually starts and the shit immediately hits the fan; equipment starts sparking, men start falling overboard, people literally start melting into the floor. So von Gruber decides to jump overboard himself. He woke up at Montauk in 1960 and was immediately accosted by an American military officer and two grey aliens. They strapped him to a chair, gave him a brief update on how that whole “World War II” thing panned out, and another alien came in, tried to comfort him, and then immediately electroshocked him to death. He then rocketed up toward Heaven, complete with angelic guides (because I guess Heaven allows Nazis in now). He then experienced a life review,“Then he was told that he had to complete something on Earth. He was shown a woman in labor in a brand new hospital. The next thing he knew, he was inside a tube of light heading toward her.”Oh God, please tell me this isn’t going where I think its going.But of course, my prayers go unanswered. So cut to a woman named Eleanor giving birth to the author, Stewart Swerdlow. In an interesting synchronicity with Stranger Things, this guy was born on November 5th, 1956.Yes, you read that right, 1956.Somehow, the aliens or angels or whatever sent the Nazi back four years from 1960 to be reborn. No, that doesn’t make any sense, and I’m not going to even try to explain it. So while you’re trying to wrap your head around that, Swerdlow then claims that Yakov Sverdlov was his great-uncle. So how does the first Chairman of the Soviet Union relate to a reincarnated Nazi in the body of an American kid? Well, his grandfather helped form the Communist Party in America and his father worked on military projects in the Southwest. His mother was the daughter of a Gypsy in central Europe who had this experience;“When my grandmother was a little girl in Austria, she was playing outside with two cousins when she glanced up and saw the image of a man who looked exactly like the Jack of Spades in playing cards. Quickly, she told her cousins to look up at it. Immediately, they fell dead to the ground.”Way to go Grandma.“Shortly after that incident, my grandmother was sent to America to live with relatives. Amazingly, nearly a century later, I was involved with a group of government related individuals who were trying to understand the meaning of a message from hyperspace. Beamed from outside the Earth, the message was an image of a being who resembled the Jack of Spades!”Hey aliens, next time can you try making a message that doesn’t kill little girls? And maybe one that actually makes sense? Anyway, the rest of the chapter is just Swerdlow’s turn to recount his shitty childhood, and it’s somehow even worse than that of Nichols and Moon. First off, he said that he saw the spirits of the dead all over the place, there was a constant ringing in his ears, colors “flashed in his eyes” and he had glimpses of the future events that always came to pass. He was constantly frightened and suffering from nightmares. In addition;“Although brilliant in school, I found it slow-paced and boring. Usually I stayed home pretending to be sick, entertaining myself with psychic and mental games. Practically friendless, I found people my own age to be childish and stupid. Instead I preferred the company of the adults, particularly the elderly. For some reason, I enjoyed hearing stories about the old days, especially the 1930’s and 1940’s. I loved watching war movies, but I was ashamed to tell anyone that I always privately cheered for the Germans because my background is Jewish. Interestingly enough, I also cheered for Indians in Western movies.”So I guess this poor boy was still being influenced by his past fanatical beliefs and memories from his time as a loyal officer of the Nazi Party who was also psychic who could see the future, dead people, auras and “mind-patterns”. This seems like something that Stephen King would write, and to be honest I would probably read it. It got even worse for the poor kid as he was constantly being abducted by aliens and exposed to painful experiments by them.Chapter 3 describes one such abduction he experienced when he was six. So the aliens took young Stewart on a quick tour around the world and then brought him to an alien fleet and a council of aliens. Here, a giant butterfly telepathically explains that its species used its DNA to create Earth’s butterflies which are used to “monitor magnetism and know how to adjust it so that it has a beneficial effect on the environment (yes, really). Moths were created as a negative aspect of this by the “dark side.” The butterfly also explains that its species hitchhikes with humanoid aliens in order to populate other worlds and to adopt humanoid “spiritual students”, one of which was Stewart.“Finally, it said that it was time for me to communicate with the other beings, but it wanted me to know that for the rest of my stay on Earth, it would send Monarch butterflies to greet and comfort me. Whenever I saw a white butterfly at an opportune moment, there was a message for me. As the grand butterfly communicated with me, pulsating glows emanated from its beautiful wings.”Next time I see a butterfly, I’m crushing it to fend off these aliens. Stewart is then approached by a big white praying mantis which scares the hell out of him, and a fish person who states that humans had “marine origins”. He then passes out and re awakens in a chair surrounded by more aliens. First a lizard person explains that he is a defector of a massive empire trying to take over the galaxy. He states that thousands of years ago his people came to Earth in a ship that is now the moon. Another ship would come before the end of this century and reawaken the army currently in stasis underground after being defeated by the “Lyraen Empire”. These “reptilians” also maintain bases on Venus and other moons, reproduce mostly by cloning and state that Stewart will eventually convert them to “the Light” because his soul was already an emissary to them long ago. Next up is an alien literally described as looking like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. He claims that his people were the original inhabitants of Earth but were devastated by humans and aliens. However, pockets of them still exist in the deepest parts of the oceans, and they worked as liaisons between the Atlanteans and the whales and dolphins. Apparently these sea mammals are advanced races from another galaxy. I don’t know how advanced they could be if they are so easily hunted down by Japanese whalers, but whatever. Anyway, the Gill-men were transported to Neptune by other aliens.“Continuing, he told me that I have dolphin DNA; therefore, I could learn to communicate with his species in order to help mankind and the dolphin/whale systems.”Oh, so I guess Swerdlow will be the one giving us the heads up when the Vogons get ready to demolish Earth. Next, a Thin Man introduces himself as a representative of “the Federation of Planets”, which is composed of 120 member civilizations, and that they’ll let Earth join if we successfully fend off an invasion by the reptilian empire by ourselves. So I guess their membership requirements are a tad bit more stringent than the UN. He also explains that all of the alien races were speaking to young Stewart because they all contributed DNA to his creation, which his “soul-personality” already agreed to and traveled to other galaxies and alternate universes as training, and that there would be further conditioning in his new life. Seeing as how Stewart is getting all of this dumped on him at the tender age of six, he responds by vomiting all over the alien ambassadors (seriously). This didn’t really seem to faze them as a grey alien then steps over the puddle of vomit to inform the terrified boy that they will be regularly abducting him to check on him, because his body contained chemicals that the greys needed. He also informed Stewart that if his mission fails, then the other alien races would probably fight amongst themselves and bring their war to Earth. Again, Stewart was six when they told him this. At the same age you were worrying about your first day of Kindergarten, this kid was being told that if he screwed up, he would kick off an intergalactic war.So you know, no pressure!So then a Ethereal) identifies himself as a Sirian and tells him that the Sirians created the Egyptian civilization and gave the Torah to the Jewish people. They also created the Crystal Skull, so I guess this means that yes, there actually is a reason for aliens to exist in the Indiana Jones movies. They also possesses the most advanced technology in the universe and intentionally create conflict between the various races to foster evolution. Also, Stewart’s “soul-personality” came from them, so he’s simultaneously both a reincarnated alien and a Nazi. This particular Sirian said that his and the poor boy’s soul-personalities were linked, and he would serve as a guide. As Stewart got older, more memories of his past lives would emerge, and when his “alternate selves come together”, his mission would begin. Stewart was then unceremoniously dumped back in his bed, where he understandably woke up screaming in terror.After this, Stewart would have nightmares about the incident and began developing his psychic abilities. Some strange force compelled him to watch literally everything in the science-fiction genre and read about space travel.“My frustration grew as I realized that there was absolutely no one on the face of the Earth with whom I could converse. Invariably, I wanted to speak about my knowledge of what lay beyond physical reality but was afraid of others’ reactions. In those days (the late 50’s and 60’s), UFOs were still considered to be from the land of the mentally ill.”You know, as opposed to now where they’re accepted as scientific fact. When he got older, he started getting abducted almost every night to be instructed about “physical reality”, time travel and other topics. He woke up extremely exhausted the next morning each time. Because of this, in school he excelled in everything, but was bored and had no patience for other kids and people in general. One day when he was eleven, he was abducted by three greys and taken to a small room with a screen showing a conveyor belt. The aliens telepathically told him to watch pictures appearing on the screen and meat slices corresponding to them and asked to determine if he would eat it or not. This test went on for a bit with all sorts of creatures appearing on screen, and every time he would answer “yes” to something, the taste of it would appear in his mouth. He eventually got incredibly sick because of this and the aliens dumped him back in his bed, pissed because he didn’t finish the test. Stewart was disturbed as he realized that the aliens would have had to kill all of those creatures to get the meat, and one of the pictures was of a man.Chapter 4 talks about his teenage years. His family moved from Brooklyn to Suffolk County Long Island (My home county) and the abductions increased, but in an astral form. He frequently woke up naked in a large room on a bench with a group of other humans and they were educated on their roles as soldiers for the aliens. When Stewart was thirteen, he started “dreaming” about being abducted to a government facility where he was chased by military personnel. When he woke up, he would always see “the face of a blond man surrounded by red light” laughing at him from his bedroom window. He felt like the man was related to him. Also at this point he started undergoing some horrifying examinations by the greys, which are so fucking disgusting that I will not be retyping them here.At this point, he started having a “deep longing for children” and felt that he was a father who missed his kids. This feeling was confirmed when at seventeen he woke up strapped to chair (fully clothed instead of naked for once) and was approached by a grey and a “blond alien”, while two humans in military uniforms watched. He was shown a baby girl that was a hybrid between a human and grey, and was informed that she was his child cobbled together from his genetics. In fact, he fathered multiple children; some of which died and the others were taken to a “safe world”. He was shown this child because the aliens wanted to see if he would form a bond. He did, so the aliens kicked him back to Earth. After this he had the uncontrollable urge to heavily exercise and keep his body in peak condition. The aliens also put in a chip in his eyes that turned them into cameras and gave the aliens some control over where the eyes were directed, which in turned messed with his eyesight. They also started broadcasting his thoughts and past memories onto a screen in order to determine what his future would look like based on his “mind-patterns” during their abductions. The chapter closes out with Swerdlow revealing that the aliens started dumping him in Camp Hero at Montauk.Chapter 5 describes what he did there. It turns out he was dumped there since he was a prepubescent child, during which he was strapped to a table where he was “examined, mentally scanned for my brainwave signature or sexually abused in ways that stored my energetics and magnified them by computer. This went on until puberty.” Seeing as how he only tried to escape once and survived the testing, he was “promoted” by being placed in charge of the younger boys.“The preparation of the children included teaching them to implicitly obey orders, without any questions whatsoever. I taught them how to mentally focus on command so that their bodily energies could be removed by the psychic/mentalist to whom they were assigned. I instructed them on how to know what colors and symbols to mentally use to facilitate any given experiment. They were also taught how to relinquish their bodies and allow themselves to die without the innate defensive reaction of resistance inherent to all living beings.”This is horrifying. He also explains that there’s a difference between psychics and mentalists; the former can only read minds, but the latter can manipulate them. The kids were used to boost the energy of both types of people. The best subjects for this were in the three to twelve age range because their minds were “pure and uncontaminated”. However, their fear led to “scattered and disjointed energy outputs” that were useless to the scientists. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they were sexually abused by various project workers. You’d think the people running this place would prevent the pedos from having access to them because all of this drove many of the kids insane, and so they had to be “terminated”. So instead of giving the kids painless lethal injections, the scientists instead inexplicably shoved them into small chambers were they starved to death, and their bodies were dumped in the ocean. This just seems so unnecessarily evil and inefficient as hell. However, some of the staff would occasionally “adopt” a boy by reprogramming his memories and changing some of his physical features.Some of these boys were the children of politicians or military leaders who were abducted from their beds. They were treated differently from the other kids, and were always returned home, but not before getting implants placed in their eyes and programmed to fulfill unique tasks, which always included “tagging” other boys for use in the Project.The majority of the “expendable common boys” were taken from outside of New York, to alleviate suspicion over the disappearances. They came from all over the country.“Taken from families where they would not be missed as much as others, they were the children of prostitutes, drug addicts, and alcoholics, or they came from poor rural families with many children.”Holy shit, Monty Python was right too!Anyway, if for some strange reason the parents didn’t want to give their son up to bunch of sadistic aliens and Neo-Nazis, then Project people would arrange for an accident, ranging from cars driving into a river to house fires to full on natural disasters to fake the kid’s death. They also grabbed runaways off the street.In addition to the kids, they also grabbed a bunch of homeless people as well to travel through time and space. This tended to be a bit hit-and-miss as many of these people were lost in transit. So if someone did get through, they set up receivers to make transit easier by acquiring “vibrations”. These pathways were opened up by Duncan Cameron, and the Project people literally harnessed the kids’ imagination to boost his powers. When a boy “burned out” from being a living battery, they were exposed to a “fear program” that kicked their adrenaline into overdrive, which got a bit more energy out of them until they either died, went insane, or both. After that, their bodies were handed over to the greys, who proceeded to extract their organs and body fluids into large vats, in which they swam around in like the universe’s most fucked up pool to extract nutrients. Before humans just started handing over kids to them, Swerdlow claims that the aliens created vampires and chupacabras to extract nutrients for them. Occasionally reptilians would show up to watch the mind control experiments. Of course, Swerdlow feels completely awful over his role in all of this and is still plagued by guilt.Chapters 6-8 describe his travels around the Middle East. But first, he described how he hated with a passion, yet studied accounting because he was programmed to do so to help manage the Montauk boys. Also, he nearly died after being injected with sodium pentathol during a wisdom tooth removal. He believes this was because the anesthesia is used in truth serum as well.So he was “compelled” to take an overseas trip “sponsored by a Zionist organization that sought to bring volunteers to Israel and promote colonization of the arid land there.” Essentially, he was going to work on a communist farm called a “kibbutz”. On the way there, he stopped in Italy where the volcano at Pompeii unlocked some his memories of a past life, and a “French woman with Italian citizenship” randomly decided to try and convince him to become a medical doctor and marry her daughter, as one does. When he arrived in Tel Aviv, he was overcome with emotion, but found himself starting at departure board for Teheran, Iran for nearly an hour. He was then compelled to look at departure boards for Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, Nairobi, Kenya and Johannesburg, South Africa until his kind-of-an-asshole program companion got his attention. They waited with three women for a while until a guy came to pick them up. He drove them to Jerusalem where the women were dropped off at a youth hostel and Swerdlow and his companion were dumped at an old, empty British army barracks, where they told to sleep in a cell. When Swerdlow fell asleep, he woke up back at the airport, boarding a plane to Teheran. What follows is a series of flashes in which Swerdlow finds himself in a cave, more naked examinations, a “hyperspace subway system that circled the globe”, a shitty Nairobi bathroom, more examinations and a Sirian who told Swerdlow that he was an ambassador to the Israelis as their ally. Finally, he woke up back in Jerusalem.The next day, a van drove him and his companion to a poor kibbutz called Gvar Am in the Gaza Strip. The trip there was awful, because in Swerdlow’s own words; “Israelis do not drive their cars, they aim them.” He slept in a crappy house and worked in pear groves until the afternoon, “but not before some of the Scottish volunteers became exhausted and passed out from the heat.” He also made a friend with a British guy, whom he later found was an agent for both British and Soviet intelligence. How that’s supposed to work, I have no idea. Regardless, Swerdlow then decides to go meet some relatives in the town of Holon. His bus driver dropped him off, but he had no idea where his relatives actually live, so he wandered around until he literally stumbled into the house of the husband of his grandmother’s cousin.Chapter 8 describes how while wandering the Negev desert, Swerdlow was abducted by the Sirians. They told him that the Hebrews were created by them, and that they were currently trying to “purify” the modern Israelis by altering their mind-patterns. They examined him yet again and showed him his true identity. He was then taken to Mars, where he saw a large group of human men shackled together and digging with shovels. A Rigel alien explained to them that seeing as how they fulfilled their service on Earth and Mars, they would be examined for transportation to Rigel. If they failed the examination, they would be “eliminated.” This whole event was apparently orchestrated just for Swerdlow. He was then taken to the Sirians home world of Khoom, a frozen and snowy world devastated by an ancient war. Here, nine beings called “the Ohalu Council” inform him that he originally sent his soul-personality to Earth and that there were nine other people on Earth like him, each directed by a council member. They remind him of the upcoming war with the reptilian Draco and reveal that just like the CIA in Afghanistan, they also gave weapons to the Draco, who proceeded to use the weapons against them. Swerdlow also discovered that the Ark of the Covenant was actually a communication device between the Sirians and the Hebrews. The Sirians then dumped him back in the desert, three days after he left.“I believe that the Sirians are trying to undermine the plans of all factions involved on Earth; the New World Order, the Draco, the Greys, the Tall Blonds, etc. Their agenda is to bring all events to a climax, then usurp all power, possibly via the Israelis. This is only speculation on my part. Time will tell.”I’m sure it will. Chapter 9 discusses his return to the U.S. Here he reveals that as a young man one of the experiments he was a part of was “The Marriage Project”, which was designed to mate the Montauk boys with specific girls to produce specific children. So the twenty-two year old Swerdlow was matched with a fourteen year old Mia from Massachusetts who “was part of my own frequency”, because their soul-personalities were once one and split off long ago. They then proceeded to have sex while a literal crowd of people watched. Two years later, this happened;“One evening, when Mia was sixteen and I was twenty-four, we were brought together in a clinical environment under the watchful eyes of scientists. Here it was explained that our genetics were perfectly aligned with sequences that were reciprocal to one another. Mia had more Pleiadian genetics; mine were Sirian. This combination would produce a child of unusual abilities. Brought naked into a white room, we made love three times in succession. The entire episode was dreamlike and almost a blur. At the end, I knew inside of myself that Mia was pregnant.”This is so fucked up.So this produced a girl named Jaime, which Swerdlow was prevented from seeing in order to “avoid contamination of her mind-patterns”. She can see the future and “all possible alternate realities”, but at the time of the time of the writing, she was a teenager who didn’t know about her potential. Swerdlow is currently trying to guide her, while she understandably tries to avoid him.Chapter 10 describes how Swerdlow got a job as an internal auditor with a pharmaceutical company. Somewhat hilariously, he actually starts complaining that he has to get up for work in the morning during one of his abductions. During this, his captors tell him that his “marriage” with Mia was over, and that he should go out and live a “conventional life”. So he met with a secretary in the company named Michele, who he detested because she was “nasty and opinionated” with a short temper. However, they were both mind-controlled to marry each other after only a month. They also aborted a child they produced because Michele “did not want to look pregnant when she walked down the aisle.” Swerdlow is sad that he didn’t stop her, and gives the “truth” about abortion;“I now believe that abortion is wrong unless the mother’s life is in danger or the pregnancy is the result of rape. I also understand that the soul-personality does not enter into the body until the first breath, but it is that soul-personality, and no one else, that must decide whether or not to continue the life-stream. People who do not want children should take the proper precautions before the pregnancy, not destroy a possible life-stream after it is created. Although this may sound fundamentalist to some, it is what I know to be the proper way.”Ah, so it shouldn’t being the choice of the mother, the father or the government as to whether a fetus should be aborted, but the choice of the fetus itself, of course!This book.The two had more fights after this and wanted to call off the wedding, but Swerdlow received a telepathic message saying that the marriage would not be permanent, Swerdlow already agreed to it, and “This woman had agreed to be the vessel for the entry of my children into the physical plane.” I have no idea why Michele agreed to marry him, but they did marry and moved to Patchogue, Long Island.Chapter 11 talks about the strange events that occurred at their house. For whatever reason, they usually happened when Swerdlow’s in-laws were staying over. Their house was broken into, but only things that had little value were stolen, they were constantly hearing footsteps in their house, young children tried to break into the house (which he responded to by setting up a six-foot tall fence and alarm system), he saw shadowy figures in the house, the abductions continued and a wire was shoved into his penis, two disembodied robot heads had a conversation over his bed, you know, the usual. He also describes how during one of his abductions a human/grey hybrid young girl was shown to him, and he was told that she was his daughter. His house was also “attacked” several times by black military helicopters that didn’t really do much other than mess with the electronics and radios in the house. His wife was also having dreams of abductions as well, during which she was checked for pregnancy. Every time she had this dream, she became pregnant soon after.This brings us to Chapter 12, which is about Swerdlow’s children, all of whom were delivered via Caesarean-section. The first, Matthew was born in 1983 and was constantly crying, and his parents both had dreams of him being abducted. A couple of months after his birth, Swerdlow was informed during an abduction that his children were “not under my jurisdiction” because they were part of the experiments, and he would have to hand them over. Swerdlow actually grows some balls for once and tells them to fuck off. However, by the time Matthew was seven, he began talking about how a tall, red-eyed man dressed in black came into his room at night and telepathically said that he came from the underground, and that Matthew came from the underground as well, and that his parents were being monitored. Matthew described to his father about how there were cities underground and was able to describe a relay system. He was also abducted by grey aliens, who handed him a space bazooka and told him that he would use it in that upcoming intergalactic war, and that he would get dragged into the same genetic experiments as his dad. Swerdlow also reveals that Matthew was the only kid who inherited his psychic abilities. His second son, Jeremy is probably the most normal person in the entire family, the only strange thing that happened to him was that a grey alien would occasionally come into his room at night and take some of his toys.Next came Daniel. During the pregnancy, the doctor informed his parents that he may be born with Down’s Syndrome. After that, Swerdlow had an abduction during which this happened;“A female grey came into the room holding a small bundle. No one told me that she was female. I simply knew that ‘it’ was a she. As she approached, a male voice said that she wanted to show me something. Slowly unwrapping the top of the blanket, the female revealed an adorable blond-haired baby. The male voice said that it was mine, and asked if I wanted to hold it. Replying that I did, the female started to unwrap the whole baby, revealing an octopus-like torso with legs instead of a human body. Screaming and crying at the same time, I told them to take it away. The same voice said that it was going to an aquatic world and that I would never see it again. Waking up in my bed, I prayed with all my might that Danny would be a normal child. I cannot describe my relief when the doctor called with the positive test results.”So Swerdlow essentially disowned one of his children just because it looked like a complete abomination against God. What a dick.“When Danny started to talk, he told me about a man with a clown face who came into his room at night to take him flying. He said that when the man put a magic wand in the middle of his forehead, they immediately were in a place that had balloon lights of different colors.”So underground inhabitants, aliens, clowns with magical powers, balloons…..…Are the Swerdlow kids getting stalked by Pennywise?)Anyway, the clown took Daniel to see his “baby sister”, who ended up scratching his face with claws. Also, the kid can talk to angels. Not aliens masquerading as angels, but real, honest-to-God angels who tell him the future. This is just casually tossed in on the last paragraph as an afterthought with no elaboration.Chapters 13-14 are about Swerdlow’s CIA application, which was already covered in Montauk Revisited, so I’ll just breeze through it. He simply answered a “Help Wanted” ad in the newspaper, was told that he would be valuable due to his knowledge of ten languages, was asked a barrage of questions during the events described in Montauk Revisited and was declined by the CIA because he was a security risk.Continued in Part 2 via /r/StrangerThings

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