#literally just a trans asexual teenager with too much to work out but he never does

[aq2003]

oh hamlet you are so transgender and asexual it's unreal

[mairen-marionette]

Do you have any Billiam headcanons?

Yes, absolutely!

- Okay so basics first: he/him, Piglin hybrid, 5'7", demiromantic asexual, undiagnosed ADHD, and FTM trans. He's somewhere in his mid to late thirties by the time of The Masquerade, and at that point he'd been with the Egg for about twenty years or so, give or take.

- He added the titles "Sir" and "Third" to his name to make himself seem more established. And because he did come from money, he knows how to play the part.

- He doesn't actually mistreat Butler, and Butler's name is Moon. It's an act they put on, another layer of protection for them. In actuality, they're basically parent and child. Moon is his accomplice, his protege, and his heir.

- He has long pink hair that he is very protective over, with Hubert and Moon being the only other people he lets touch it. He has red eyes, and wears reading glasses. And yes he does have the pointy ears and they do move. He also has quite a lot of gold jewelry.

- He and Hubert were very close, and as for how they met, well- they quite literally ran into each other in a dark alleyway. They were very different people running away from very different lives, and ended up sticking together from then on. Two teenage runaways against the rest of the world, Billy and Hubert.

- Billiam never knew his parents, but he does know that his father was also a Piglin hybrid, and he had an uncle on that side. He also knows that his parents loved each other- his mother's old diaries really helped him know a lot of things.

- Billiam did not intend to kidnap Moon when he robbed the bank, and Bill meant to return the kid once things calmed down. Until then, this child would serve as his little accomplice in the rest of his crimes, with the promise that they'd be returned home afterwards with a share of the money. Yeah, that didn't work out because the kid almost died. Anyways-

- Another thing: There may or may not have been other people involved in the robbery incident, but Crops mysteriously escaped and for some reason Sherman failed to recapture him in time and uh... well, let's just say Billiam was the only survivor, and that was mostly because he had grabbed Moon in the chaos (and also because he looked and smelled a bit too much like Sherman for Crops's comfort.)

- Billiam knows how to play the piano, of course, and how to dance, and made sure that both of his butlers know these things as well!

-He also made sure they were both well educated when it came to potions and poisons and how to make them, handle them, how to properly clean the bottles and stands afterward- and basically infodumped everything he knew about that subject in one sitting, all while showing them how to do it. Hubert already knew this, he was just dragged into it to make Moon feel less nervous.

- He's really good with a crossbow, and was also very alarmed to learn that Crops had given Little Orphan Moon pointers on how to shoot people. By showing him how to do it. It was at this moment Bill started thinking he made a horrible mistake stealing this kid.

- He will happily ramble about whatever he's currently fixated on for a very long time unless stops him. Especially if he is doing something while talking, or if he's nervous. He also has a tendency to overtalk when nervous, especially in awkward social situations or if he's trying to divert attention away from a certain part of the room-

- He has a really good sense of smell, as well as excellent hearing.

- He does, indeed, like potatoes. A lot.

- Everyone knows that he has a tendency to lowkey keep an eye on any nearby child, and will discretely keep track of the kids, especially if they are small children. At this point, everyone is fairly certain it's some kind of Piglin thing.

- He feels a strange sense of kinship with zombified Piglins. After all, he's also not accepted by his kind because of something out of his control...

- This man has so many books I'm not kidding- this man reads a lot, and has so many different kinds of books on all kinds of subjects.

- Billiam and Sherman are related but don't know it, not yet anyway. However- something about Billiam reminded Sherman of someone he had lost...

-I'm going to stop here before it gets too long.

[wispandwhispers]

-i was bored last night so i decided to open up word and this happened

Shopping Mall au

-Logan and Patton who are fashion masters and will always be on the look out for new clothes

-Logan who has been caught running around the store in an attempt to construct an outfit

-Virgil as a cashier who is so used to his regulars he actually greets them when they pay

-Virgil who also knows that Logan has an allergic reaction to certain fabrics and tells him when he’s accidentally going to buy one

-Logan who started shopping in the first place as a way to support Patton when he came out as Trans but has now sold his soul to fashion

-Logan who is actually good at anatomy and does those fashion sketches and sews in his spare time

-Fashion disaster Roman who can sing and dance with ease but struggles to put an outfit together

-Confused Janus who was just a private school kid looking for a replacement hat and got dragged into the friend group by accident

- Remus and Patton volunteering for Virgil because he has to look after his younger siblings

-Private school /rich kid Janus finally learning what TJ Maxx is and falling in love with it

-The boys slowly becoming friends with Janus and him accidentally opening up to them

-Logan fighting over shoes in Black Friday sales

-(Yes, Virgil has a theory that 'Black Friday' is just a documentary/ live footage because that's how people actually act)

-Remus is the only one who will drag them out of the store so they can get home before midnight

- Remus who is the only one who reminds the gang that they have tests tomorrow so they can't go out today

-Give me braincell Remus goddamit

-(that's the most terrifying sentence I've ever typed)

-Roman who would sing for the Malls charity event because the performer dropped out

-Everyone . Everyone including Janus. Trying to get him in a outfit that isn’t just a outfit that belongs in jail.

-Long haired Roman who plaits it into a little ponytail like Katniss from hunger games and only takes it out when performing

-Virgil’s boss being so used to running frantic teenagers that he just asks them to not scream while doing it

-The boys picking out Halloween costumes and Remus not liking any of the items there and Logan, Patton and Janus pitching in to make his outfit

-Book nerd Remus who is a H.P.Lovecraft fanboy and loves said outfit because the trio took inspiration from him (Imagine Remus' duke outfit but with more tentacles)

- Fashion designer Logan who asks Patton to model some of them

-Remus who has more functionality than the whole group combined

-Virgil who had to literally put out a fire because of Janus and this lady getting into a fight over a black and yellow sunflower hat

-Virgil who on more than one occasion, had to explain to his boss that the changing rooms being stained in crofters is a normal occurrence

- Remus trying on makeup as a joke and now wears purple eyeshadow everywhere

-Makeup pro Janus teaching him the ropes

-Patton who will finish all his homework in class so he can meet the sale at 5

- Patton and Logan who loves the thrift store and goes searching for new stuff every week

- Logan looking in the thrift store for nothing and finding the cat hoodie which he then gifts to Patton

-Remus, who has a part-time job at the library and you can sometimes find him lying in an armchair with the latest thriller in his hands

-Logan who volunteers at the clothes repair store so much that they've offered to pay him

-Patton who accidently falls in love with Logan after he tries on a ballgown dress he joking told him to try on

-Logan who accidently fell in love with Patton after he fell asleep on his shoulder when they went to watch a movie

-Aroace Janus who can even sense the romantic tension between the two

-Roman who is the only one in the group who remembers to finish homework

- Virgil who has cried over the mall's Hot Topic closing down

-Who am I kidding everyone cried over Hot Topic closing

-Virgil bonding with Roman over their mutual love of Starkid

-The gang getting locked in the mall at night and basically living their fantasy of being able to window shop as much as they watch

-Roman who points out that the door is open and they never tried it

-Janus and Logan who try on heels together because everyone else is too afraid to

-Logan asking Remus for love advice because he's read so many romance novels

-Remus trying to explain to Logan that he knows shit about actual romance, he only knows tropes

-Remus who write romance short stories in his spare time

-Janus having to save Logan from making a fool of himself in the mall

-Roman who finally gets a pastel fashion sense and everyone loves it

-Tall lanky Remus and short Patton helping each other out 

-I will not give context

-Virgil and Janus tired of their friends talking about their pining to them team up to get them on a date

-They just trick them into going to a restaurant

-”Oh, hi Patton, I thought Janus would be here.”

-”Weird, Virgil said he would be here as well.”

-”Want to order while we’re waiting?”

“Sure.”

-Virgil and Janus high-fiving from the nearby table as they glasses gays finally kiss

-Roman who wasn’t in on the plan and works part-time as a waiter confused why Virgil and Janus are in disguise with actually scarily convincing makeup 

-Some creativtwins bonding as they switch places a joke and Roman reads Remus’ little fics and Remus finds Roman’s little musical songs he writes

-They bond over being nerds and geeks

-The gang was so confused why ‘Remus’ hadn’t made one thriller reference or ‘Roman’ hadn’t sung ‘Opening Up’ while cleaning up in the restaurant

- This got so much longer than I expected

General Taglist:

@weweregoddesses, @chaotically-asexual

Taglist for Logicality:

@froggydrawslightmode, @patton-cake

[nightcoremoon]

Callout post: me

lying, manipulative, hold grudges, constantly paranoid, would absolutely 100% check out a teenager if nobody was looking because "it's a harmless crime", liar, cycle through idealization and devaluation, 'sick of fat people trying to be the next civil rights issue and making it that much harder to get civil rights for people who are ACTUALLY oppressed like gee idk poc and muslims and the mentally ill and queer people', frequently fantasizes about committing violent acts against people I rationalize they deserve it including family members, untruthful, attention whore, pedantic AND pretentious, tells lies, doesn't believe in one sister's claim of sexual assault (went to smoke weed with the alleged perpetrator), UNAPOLOGETICALLY AGAINST ASEXUAL EXCLUSIONISM (LITERALLY FUCK YOU DUMBASS FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS WHO SHRIEK THAT QUEER IS A SLUR, SHUT YOUR GODDAM FUCKING WHORE MOUTHS YOU DUMBASSES AND GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE OR READ A BOOK), would absolutely punch a child over an insignificant internet argument, secretly sought out sexual pleasure from two friendly seemingly platonic encounters with two girls I just met within twenty four hours, overreacts to the slightest provocations and has bitches at or vagueposted at several people who did not deserve it, has used mental illness and physical handicap to evade trouble from being late for work because video games and laziness and excessive sleep, has spent maybe a thousand dollars on fast food in 2018 alone, evades bills for medical care from an actually great clinic, lying sack of garbage, gave up on calling out family's bigotry and is now an accessory to prejudice, despises terfs predominantly for their refusal to fuck me because of being trans and yet meanwhile would not engage in sexual relationship with another trans woman or cis man unless reeeeeeeeally drunk, can and will blame being sexually assaulted as a child which probably didn't even happen because I don't think I remember it, unabashed furry, probably as addicted to video games and masturbation AND LIES as I almost was to alcohol, pretended to have almost been an alcoholic just to "win" facebook arguments about addiction, doesn't give a fuck my dad almost died from heroin JUST because he's a *little* homophobic and racist and classist and xenophobic because of a christian upbringing, would literally fucking murder him if he EVER PUTS HIS HANDS ON ME AGAIN, only slightly depressed because of laziness and a lack of drive and ungrateful to my family because hey they didn't kick me out for being trans so HEY THATS SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH FOR SOME OTHER PEOPLE SO WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITH THAT, legitimately salty about ~the friendzone~ and just makes fun of incels because everybody else does, takes the moral high ground for not being a misogynist even though I don't deserve a pat on the back a lap dance and a blowjob for not hating women, overly sensitive about stupid things, thinking about faking having a trigger warning for more discourse credit, HUUUGE ASSHOLE to men I deem unattractive for no other reason than every single ugly fat guy I've ever met has been an asshole, rationalizes it after the fact because they eventually say something shitty because all men are terrible, probably a little bit of a cisnormative misandrist because trans men tend to be much better people, finds trans men attractive (specifically and significantly more so than cis men) so must clearly be fetishizing them, relatively okay with people referring to me as deadnamed and the wrong pronouns so probably just lying about being trans to everyone including myself, not 100% okay with the hijab for 'no reason other than all organized religion is evil and opposed to its mandate and the shame it forces on many women in many situations the exact same way I'm opposed to no sex before marriage and wives being subservient to their husbands and treating women as property in the torah and quran alike because ITS ALL BRAINWASHING' so is clearly not unlearning islamophobia and doesn't want to let that go, hypocrite because I believe in the basics of judeochristianity

and loathe atheism and atheists entirely because their smugness and smarm literally sets my blood pressure through the roof of what is safe and normal and yet claim to hate all organized religion, mansplains yet gets so pissed off when other people mansplain to me, judgmental of other cultures because they don't have the exact same values that I have, james gunn apologist, talks and talks and talks about anarchosocialism all damn day but would beat the shit out of a coworker for leaving me to do things because they're lazy because "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and other capitalismisms, literally couldn't give less of a fuck that his mother is dying because people die but it's no reason to make my life slightly harder and making me work hard when I work because BOO HOO MY LEGS HURT FROM THE LITERALLY MOST MILD CASE OF MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY I COULD'VE BEEN BORN WITH, hasn't actually performed real suicide attempt ever but still claims to have done so to attain sympathy that may result in physical affection, countless other shitty terrible things that yeah I recognize are bad but CANT SEEM TO CARE BECAUSE I HAVE DEPRESSION... WHICH IS THE WEAKEST FUCKING EXCUSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD

I am not a good person, okay?

I just pretend to be sometimes.

I'm sick of doing it, I'm sick of trying to do well and earn people's approval by doing and saying the right things only to just be ignored which is a step up from receiving many anons that hey, never actually told me to kill myself, but did take my words out of context to paint me as a racist. I am not the kind of racist who would vote for trump and march with the kkk. that is one of very few good things I can say about myself. but I'm an arrogant, violent, and angry opinionated perverted manipulative judgmental lying asshole. I'm not a good person. I have let myself fall so much and I deserve to be alone. my only connections to people were built on personal gain and I swear to myself that I do love them but those feelings fall away in direct correlation to how much they interact with me. I could love you to the point of obsession and stalking and one month later be completely and totally disinterested. I'm a bigot who pretends to not be bigoted and just parrots what other people say not because I believe it but because it's the right thing to say, and I only say what the right thing is to say because whenever I say a good thing something good will happen to me and if I say a bad thing something bad happens to me. it's all just self preservation, nothing else at all. but now I'm at the end of a road of just trying to do good and I'm alone. out of the only two friends that I can really say that I have left, one is far away and trapped in a guilt spiral that I caused by being too clingy, and the other has been behaving in a way my mind has decoded as defensive around me which makes sense as I have been very... the best way to describe it would be the way a dudebro incel interacts with any person who possesses a vagina/breasts but sneakier. in both relationships I've pushed my own wants and desires in extremis... I can't for the life of me recall the last time I have ever offered something in return other than my own company or paying for a meal at a restaurant or I guess transportation. and instead of sex I just want them to express even the slightest bit of intimate platonic physical affection towards me but that's still a lot to offer someone who has clearly expressed the existence of a sexual and maybe something near the realms of romantic in one of the cases physical attraction because for this aspec it's practically the same fucking thing.

and I've manipulated them to attain this goal. at this point my shit brain has considered just fucking going to town on my wrists with a razor blade to draw sympathy so that I'll get a hug or something beyond just a simply hello/goodbye, and finding a way to induce tears to concoct a sob story to reach the same end result, and one time very briefly via threat and intimidation so you can clearly see that I've gone far too into irredeemable territory. I've been playing and replaying cry of fear because it's just too similar to my own issues and the first ending where he just kills everyone he loves and then himself... I see me in that ending. and it scares me so much more than the sprinting screaming twitching one hit kill chainsaw guy ever will. I don't want that to be me, I want to change something, but I just can't get the help that I need. I had hoped to go for a domino effect, where if I could be cuddled for like five minutes or something, I'd have the energy to be more hygienic, which would make me feel capable enough to take on two jobs, which would get me the cash flow I need to pay my bills and take care of my hormones, which would put me in the headspace necessary to effectively use psychological help, which would let me get over my illnesses and actually become a more successful person instead of the pathetic husk I am here in non-fantasy land.

but that won't happen.

I'm just sitting here in the dark angsting about how nobody will touch me in a way that would produce oxytocin, and it's making me so sick, so physically sick, that it's affecting my brain too. I'm in pain, nauseous, vengeful, spiteful, paranoid, judgmental, and lonely. I'm stuck and I can't even kill myself because my mind wants me to stay alive and suffer through all of this because "oh it gets better" people have been saying that for well over half of my life. I was six or seven years old when I asked my mother to kill me, and that same level of desperation and bitterness has only gotten worse as time goes by. when does it get better? I'll tell you when it gets better, after I'm in prison or comatose or forty five years old with a cane and bad eyes and high blood pressure and lung cancer from all the secondhand smoke I've breathed in my life. when my life is over, that's when it gets better. I DONT WANT THAT. I WANT A NORMAL FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. I WANT NORMAL FRIENDSHIPS AND A NORMAL HOME AND A NORMAL EDUCATION AND A NORMAL CAREER AND A NORMAL FAMILY. or at least I want someone to hold me and make me feel like I'm not so horrible and broken that I can't be touched.

but that's too much to ask for.

[danieljgrouse]

Gender

I think most trans and nonbinary people have these memories from their childhood that could be completely normal and inconsequential kids stuff or a proof that this is what they have always been. It is difficult to place a definitive value on these memories. Your childhood behaviour could mean anything and the human memory has the nasty habit of being coloured by our present. Still, I suspect we all sometimes sit there and wonder. Whether we have always known or not, we still have these little pieces of the past of inderminent value.

I used to play with dolls occasionally and was fascinated by beauty products. Sometimes strangers would assume I was a girl when they’d meet me. It always made me feel strange. On one hand, I was flattered, they obviously did it because they thought I was cute and pretty and so I had to be a girl. I liked the idea of people thinking I’m cute and pretty. But it also made me angry that being cute and pretty was a girl thing.

My family would tease me for liking red and wanting to wear red clothes. “Red is a girly colour!” (Now, if you’re thinking “Dan, is that a local thing? Is red considered a feminine colour where you live?” … No, not really, I still don’t get it.) Whenever my mum would be fixing anything around the house she would say “you should be doing this, not me, it’s a man’s job”, which would just make me quietly angry. I never understood these weird gender stereotypes men’s job thins, women’s job that, plus I was a child and she was an adult, pretty sure she was more qualified and none of it was a job for an eight-year-old.

Once I reached my teenage years I had begun understanding that I should probably try to fit in. I was worried about people seeing me as more of a weirdo than they already had. I didn’t want “Is he gay?” to be part of their distaste for me. Even though I kept asking that question about myself constantly. So I would start leaning into the masculinity thing. In my weird and misguided way. Not really macho, just… a twitter egg. With all of the self-important cluelessness, just with better intentions. I’m still paying for that part of my life, trying to unlearn all of the bad habits, it’s a fun source of self-loathing.

Then came uni and I slowly started becoming less of a shitty person yet still a totally clueless one. See my whole life, since the moment I knew transgender people existed, quite possibly even before that, I would occasionally stop in my tracks (literally, I would stop in the middle of the street) and think “Am I trans? Am I a woman? Would being a woman make me happier?”. The answer would always be “No, I don’t think I would be any more happy as a woman.” and so I would carry on with my life being totally convinced I was a cis man. There was an essay about our personal identity I had to write for a social psychology course. I wrote about how I was a white European cis straight man and how the cis straight man parts of my identity really never felt like a real and important parts of me probably because thanks to my privilege I never really had to think about them (conveniently totally ignoring the fact there was never a point in my life since my teenage years when I wasn’t questioning my sexuality and my gender).

Not long after I began realising things. My asexuality, being bi/pan, started accepting being aro-spec much later on. It had actually started with pronouns years before. I had realised I was uncomfortable gendering random people, especially non-specific ones. And then I had realised I prefered to think about myself in gender-neutral terms. Somehow not even that managed to tip me off. And then this video came along. And suddenly many things started making sense. I never really cared for my assigned gender, it never really felt like me. But neither did the other binary one. And being “misgendered” never really did much to me. Sure, I probably wouldn’t feel better as a woman but I wasn’t a man either. I didn’t have to be either. My discomfort with gendered terms suddenly started making sense. I realised I was agender. And started following the work of more trans people. And releasing more and more things as I would identify with many of their experiences. Figuring out that some of the feelings I used to connect with my depressive episodes were actually dysphoria.

I identify as nonbinary now. Most of the time I don’t really experience gender. Sometimes I feel dysphoric and wish I could present differently and have a different body. But I know that if I did have a different body I would still feel dysphoric, just in the opposite direction. My experience of my self is way too fluid. Sometimes I feel feminine and my life becomes painful. Sometimes I feel masculine and I question whether I’m just faking it all. Sometimes I feel like something completely different. Most of the time, I don’t get the whole gender thing. Most of my social dysphoria doesn’t come from wanting to do things that would be more me but rather not being allowed to do things and being expected to do others based on gender norms I truly do not comprehend.

My dream is to one day be allowed to be out and do whatever I want. Both because I would be happier as myself but also because I feel bad about being in the closet. I feel like I’m letting down all the people who still have to figure things out and who need the inspiration and encouragement from their fellow queer people who are further along the journey. I feel bad about pretending to be a cis man and being allowed all the privileges that come with that, even if I have to pay with my mental wellbeing for that. I feel like there’s a lot of figuring out I still need to do but can’t as long as I don’t experiment and stay closeted. But the reality is that for as long as I need to rely on work to be able to eat and pay the bills I can’t afford to visibly break out of the expected mould. Already I have people use homophobic slurs when talking about me behind my back when they think I can’t hear them.I can’t really help anyone on their journey of self-discovery by being that queer on the street who has it figured out and is just being themself. But I can at least write a wall of text nobody will read in hopes it might help still someone. And if not, at least it helps me to get all of these thoughts out of my head.

[chimerafeathers]

just wanted to write out a bunch of My Hero thoughts/opinions because idk anybody else who watches it (or who would want to), but i don't really want to get into deep enough into the fandom to see the #drama

so, a bunch of random shit in no particular order:

- this is more about my relationship with anime in general but.... i always feel like i need to put a disclaimer on My Anime Opinions because of the perviness and fanservice and sexualization. it’s frustrating because the “shounen” genre (and yeah i know it’s not exactly a genre. whatever) caters to my interests in so many other ways!!! big, flashy battles, cool powers and magic systems, huge emphasis on The Power of Friendship, cheesy humor, great animation, everything is all kinds of HYPE and EXCITEMENT and FUN....but since shows like this are targeted towards teenage boys and often made by horny men, there’s also Boobs and token pervert characters that serve as an excuse to show More Boobs or Fantasize About Boobs. and the women’s powers are either “look i’m a girl!!!” (there were a couple of women early on in hunter x hunter whose powers were....sewing and vacuuming?? seriously??? and then another one later on who was an older woman who chose to make herself look like a little girl as her superpower??) or “what’s a power-related excuse to make these costumes As Skimpy As Possible” (cough cough Momo and Hagakure cough cough) or even having NO excuse (what the fuck, Bubble Girl, i know it was a fan design contest thing but that never should have been accepted it makes no sense i--) and that’s. really damn tiring and annoying. mha hasn’t quite crossed the line for me yet overall -- meaning my disgust with grape trash and other gross tropes hasn’t outweighed my enjoyment of every other aspect of the story and characters, and i hope that never becomes the case. (i tried to watch 7 deadly sins on netflix and??? the main character gropes an unconscious woman in literally the first episode with no consequences???? no fucking thank you!!!!! i’m OUT)

- anyway if anybody reads this and has any show recs that hit that Good Shounen Hype vibe with good animation, fantasy/sci-fi/superpower elements, but minimal (or nonexistent??) Creep Vibes, please send them my way. i know there are a bunch of good slice-of-life or comedy or drama shows that have queer themes and sensitive storytelling but man.....if there’s no magic or dragons what’s even the POINT

- on a related note, god fucking bless every “AU - M!neta M!norou Doesn’t Exist” fic on ao3, and everyone who makes every member of class 1-a queer in some way or another, so i can get my cool powers and great characters and dramatic plots without the threat of disgust and frustration

- also i just read the School Briefs series and while there were entirely too many chapters/sections that focused on grape trash, it WAS mentioned that Tiger of the Wild Wild Pussycats is canonically a trans man (who hasn’t been killed off!), and Shinso Hitoshi became the only man at UA I respect with one line: “He’s gotta be expelled for sexual harassment one of these days, right?”

- seriously, if shinso’s transfer gets approved i would literally rather have grape trash expelled than whoever ends up being the traitor (if it’s a hero course student. i honestly don’t really care about traitor speculation/theories).

- and yes “only man i respect” includes aizawa and every other 1-a boy who just!! lets shit happen with barely a comment!!! again, bless every fic where grape trash gets expelled early on or at the training camp because Hey, What He Does Is Fucked Up Actually and maybe someone who consistently disrespects and violates his peers’ boundaries and privacy shouldn’t be accepted as a HERO without getting some behavioral therapy first???? same kinda goes for bakugo too though, they really need to address his anger issues and beef with mido beyond “let’s force them to team up in high-stress situations even though this boy basically tried to obliterate the other one on, like, the second day of class. they’ll probably work it out!!”

- and on the subject of bakugo! i really fucking can’t ship him romantically with mido as their history and relationship stands in canon. (this is not meant to shame anybody for shipping it, i just want to articulate why it’s a notp for me personally. expressing my opinions is the point of this list.) i can see the foundations -- mido obsessed with baku, baku constantly frustrated by yet aware of mido, both of them being drawn to each other and tangled up in each other’s ideas of what it means to be a hero. but. baku made mido’s entire childhood hell. rejected and abused him for something he couldn’t control, ostracized him from all of his peers, mocked his passions, crushed his dreams, told him to jump off a roof. of course mido still clung to him--baku’s strong and smart and talented, and he was the only friend mido ever had, the only friend he had left, the “hero” he could see in his own life.

but at UA he has other friends, other heroes, people who support him and believe in him. it’s his chance to step outside of baku’s shadow and see his own self worth. and it’s baku’s chance to see how wrong he was, and outgrow his anger and prejudice!! see others as his equals instead of his inferiors! but it’s gonna take years for that to happen for both of them, and while i can see them becoming partners and friends who can finally talk to each other on the same level, and work together better than anyone because they know each other so damn well after everything they went through....i think they need to do that healing and growth separately, for the most part.

and like...okay, disclaimer, i am fully asexual and aromantic, so while i love reading shippy fics, there are some things i just cannot fucking understand or relate to. the whole “sexual tension between people who hate each other but can’t stop thinking about each other” or “arguments turn into make-out sessions” thing is just beyond me. if i hate a person i Do Not Want to be around them! at all!! so the idea that baku treats mido like that BECAUSE he’s attracted to him?? incomprehensible.

and on mido’s end, no matter how much he respects or admires baku, or even if he was endlessly infatuated with/attracted to him when they were younger, why the FUCK would he want to stay with someone who made him feel like dirt for so long, when he’s finally surrounded by people who love him fully and unapologetically? i want him to have more self-respect than that. i honestly, truly want to see baku grow and develop to the extent that he and mido can stand on the same level as equals. i want to see mido unashamed and unafraid, i want baku to apologize and mean it, i want mido to forgive him, i want baku to become the kind of hero mido always believed he could be.

but to me, that depth and complexity of relationship (while very very very good!!) is NOT the same thing as a romance, and turning it into one feels wrong when the foundations of it are just....baku tormenting mido, while mido had nothing and no one else to turn to. (his mom is great, but a parent is not the same as a friend, and she was literally the only person in his life who cared about him while baku and his cronies were beating him up and ridiculing him in front of teachers who turned a blind eye.) if they had been equal rivals from the beginning, with mido able to hold his own physically, socially, and/or emotionally instead of being left bruised and battered in the dirt every time, then sure! rivals to lovers, have at it. but for me, there’s gotta be that give-and-take.

i haven’t read shippy fic for those two and i’m sure there’s a lot of great stuff!! i’ve read platonic bk//dk-centric fic by writers who DO ship them and write mostly shippy stuff, and their take on that relationship is great and engaging and everything. but i feel like, to me, even when the growth and development of their canon-based relationship is handled really well, it’d feel wrong to me as soon as it turned romantic.

- .....which is one of the reasons why todo//mido is my JAM. bonding over shared loneliness and trauma, respecting each other as rivals right from the beginning, the contrast of chatty and sunny mido with quiet and calm todo, hurt/comfort on both sides, navigating their relationships with the people who have hurt them so much in the past, the capacity to be gentle and tender with each other while remaining passionate and dedicated rivals, growing and healing together, that good good Pining because neither one of them believes that they deserve the other, all of it!!! now THAT i can relate to and understand and see as the basis for romance. mido changed todo’s whole damn worldview in ONE FIGHT after todo spilled his whole tragic backstory to mido in their second conversation.

even so (and again, this might be ace/aro me not relating) i kinda roll my eyes whenever a fic emphasizes how attractive they find each other right away (especially on todo’s end, when mido is consistently described as plain or unremarkable). worst offenders are when they ~just so happen~ to be EXACTLY each other’s “type.” like, alright, sure, i gUESS.

it’s just so much more interesting to me if attraction follows affection instead of the other way around? especially in the context of canon events. but whatever, love at first sight’s just not my thing. never has been. and i like the idea that even though the start of their friendship is so chaotic and rushed in some ways, it still takes them time to get to know each other and come to terms with their own feelings. (slow burn slow burn SLOW BURN)

- okay those are all my more sincere/serious opinions

- i know canon is like “stop being such a crybaby :/” but mido crying all the time is one of my favorite things about him and i hope it never goes away, at least not completely

- some fics have mido getting growth spurts and getting really tall, and it’s an anime trope that getting taller parallels character growth/maturity (like Ed growing up in FMA after being short and mad about it was one of his defining characteristics for so long) but again......i just want him to stay short....please let my boy stay a small overemotional nerd.... hori please i’m begging you

-  it’s hilarious to me that the “dabi is a todoroki” theory is present in almost every single damn fic where that character makes an appearance. personally i have no stake in the theory (wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true, wouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t) but i feel like it’s never gonna die even after his identity is truly revealed

- apparently shinso/kami is a decently popular ship and i.....have no idea if those two have ever interacted at all?? did they talk to each other in the show or in the manga or some side story and i missed it? are they popular JUST because they parallel eraser//mic to some extent??? or is it purely a case of “those personalities would be fun together--SHIP TIME”?? idk i don’t get it but it’s funny

- back to School Briefs, there’s a neat Kendo-centric chapter during the school festival that ends up being an introspective on kendo’s relationship with her own gender and the idea of performing femininity for the beauty pageant and it kind of rules??

- there’s also an entire chapter from the pov of koda’s bunny during their first couple days in the dorms. apparently koda can’t understand animals, he can just control them by talking to them!

- in shinso’s chapter he overhears the dance squad talking about the sports festival and he hears mido talk about how useful and great shinso’s quirk will be for hero work and shinso’s like “!!! thank you???? finally???” and then resolves to get stronger and make it into the hero course before they meet again

- during the school festival when mido ran off to make eri’s candy apples, iida and todo were like “is he running into trouble again?? can he PLEASE tell us where he’s going? we would track his phone but he never brings it with him anyways!!! what are we supposed to do about him!!!!” and then they found out what he was doing and went “oh ;u;”

- School Briefs in general (minus grape trash sections) were exactly the kind of “slice of life but there are superpowers” fluffy nonsense i always crave, would recommend

- also hilarious: baby mido in fic (especially de-aging fic) is often either a) the Most Precious Sunshine Child in Existence, even villains can’t help but adore him, or b) the most obnoxious, borderline-creepy, whiny little brat in existence, No Wonder Baku Couldn’t Stand Him. i imagine the “reality” would fall somewhere in the middle and it’s always a little jarring when authors so solidly fall on one extreme or the other lmfao

- just bnha fanfic things: “is this an intentional use of All for One vs One for All or was it a typo/mistake on the author’s part??”

- that’s all i’ve got for now yall i love these characters

[nyxelestia]

I think I'm going to merge two of my AUs into one: "Everyone Has a Story" and "Winter Wolves.

My most popular series is Winter Wolves. But, believe or not, that wasn't originally the AU I prioritized the most. No, my most valued AU was Everyone Has a Story - a rewrite of the show as I wish it'd gone, with a lot more attention to character development and less fridging.

The thing is, a lot of the Teen Wolf worldbuilding of Winter Wolves is just stuff I originally thought up of for Everyone Has a Story, adapted to a world with the MCU in it. I actually still have twice as many notes for Everyone Has a Story than I do Winter Wolves! I did a tremendous amount of supernatural worldbuilding for the Everyone Has a Story series, but at the rate I'm going, it'll be literal decades before I get to use them in EHAS, and meanwhile, I keep using those ideas for Winter Wolves.

I detail some of the reasoning for it under the cut, but tl;dr version is that the plots would combine really well, and it would give a lot of story to some characters in Winter Wolves that I didn't originally have as much planned for. Granted, a lot of EHAS story would get lost when combined with WW, but honestly, that AU wasn't that popular, anyway, so I wouldn't call it a huge loss.

Plot(s)

The general plots of Everyone Has a Story and Winter Wolves are the same - in that neither of them were contingent on a dramatic change of the plot of Teen Wolf. For both of them, I was going to follow the plot of Teen Wolf while changing it for the purposes of that AU (though both would also diverge further away from canon as time went on).

And ironically, while I'd originally planned for them to both go completely off the canon rails by Seasons 5 and 6 (since most of this was getting planned back during and after Season 4). But Season 6B has actually ended up playing right into the themes I have planned for both those series. *shrugs* Go figure.

Honestly, a lot of my "season"/Teen Wolf plot rewrites for Winter Wolves are watered down versions of what I'd planned for Everyone Has a Story (mostly watered down for breadth/space in the story, rather than depth/complexity).

I'm thinking of sort of abruptly ending the Everyone Has a Story "series' where it is, and instead re-establishing "Everyone Has a Story" as a fic/sub-series within Winter Wolves. The "plot' of Everyone Has a Story would get cut out, focusing primarily - almost exclusively - on character development. The "actual" plot would be Talking Cure, and Everyone Has a Story would be wrapped around that.

I think it says something that it would take very little retconning and editing of Everyone Has a Story, as it currently is, to make it "compliant" with Winter Wolves.

I feel like this would also be easier on readers. Partially because if I kept them as two separate stories, then reading them would get repetitive. But also because, weaving them into one story would make updating them easier.

Character Development

This would involve a lot of greatly expanded and nuanced expansions of characters who I didn't have much planned for in Winter Wolves. Jackson and Danny would take a much more prominent role, especially. Danny's story from EHAS involved, among other things, a sexual assault subplot that was gonna go to some pretty dark places, which could either match up perfectly with the hints of a Rising Tide background for his WW story, or completely work against it. Not sure, yet.

Though this merger would probably mean cutting out a pretty funny abortion subplot. I mean, hopefully I'll find a way to work it into the merger, but I'm not exactly counting on it, either...

The downside is that that I'm probably going to lose Cora. She was barely in EHAS, and not in WW at all. Since I'm keeping Erica alive, I was going to 'keep' her dead/not miraculously bring her back to life for just a few episodes and then pretend it never happened. *side-eyes Teen Wolf* But her plot from EHAS was already incongruent with the story as it was (I wasn't too happy with it), and 'keeping' her dead works out a lot better for Derek's story and the worldbuilding in general. Kinda sorry, but I don't want to include a character just for the sake of it when I don't have much of a story planned for her.

The other confounding factor will be the twins, especially Aiden. I guess I'll wait and see what happens to Ethan in 6B to be sure, but Aiden's EHAS story and WW story don't mesh together very well, or even outright contradict each other, even though they ironically end the same way. Ethan's EHAS story will either fall on one extreme of really not working well with the Winter Wolves universe, or will work really well with it.

The downside is that some characters' stories would be pretty fundamentally incompatible. In particular, Everyone Has a Story was originally built around Scott, Stiles, and Allison as a "core" of the AU, so their stories would get subsumed to Winter Wolves, and most of my EHAS plans for them would be lost.

Gender and Sexuality

I guess I also have mixed feelings about the taking the greater role of gender and sexuality from EHAS and introducing it to Winter Wolves. But overall, I think it would be a good move. All too often, trans characters and queer characters (outside of gay white males/queer fetishization) tend to not be included in fanfic that much, or they appears predominantly in fanfic that is about someone being trans or non-binary or a asexual or whatever.

A big theme of EHAS is that, being teenagers, a lot of the characters are sometimes exploring their gender or sexuality - but at the same time, it always takes a backseat in the story, not because their identities aren't important, but because life-and-death supernatural shenanigans are the main focus. Trans and non-binary and queer characters can have stories that aren't about their identities just as much as straight/heternormative characters do in mainstream media and cis-slash/gay ones do in fandom.

I like the idea of furthering this with Winter Wolves - i.e. teenagers exploring gender and sexuality in the context of not just supernatural drama, but the politics and chaos of the MCU as well. I just don't want those stories to get too marginalized or underwritten, either. This will be a pretty tricky balance to maintain.

Jackson's is going to be the most confounding. His plot was heavily dependent on Season 3, and involved him coming to terms with his asexuality (and still working out a relationship with Lydia who had to come to terms with being aromantic, yet still having quite a libido). In Winter Wolves, though, he's not going to be around for Season 3. I hope I can work it into Season 4. I enjoyed this arc specifically because they were portrayed as highly sexual or romantic in the first two seasons. While not true for everyone, some aces and aros "overcompensat" for their lack of the attraction in their youth, so I wanted to explore these characters from that angle.

Kind of a mixed bag on a trans arc. The only real story I had planned for Cora, herself, was about her being trans. But as I mentioned, a big part of EHAS was that while exploration of sexualities and gender identities was a huge part of the characters' stories, it wasn't the center or entirety of their stories - but I didn't have much of an arc for Cora. I don't want to keep a character around just for the hell of it, or tokenize a trans characer. On the flip side, while I do have a story planned for Hayden, it's a little shallow - mostly just because I was waiting to see how her story would end (I hadn't known until 6B started that she wouldn't be in it), so I hadn't gotten around to it, yet. For a variety of reasons, her being trans would actually work pretty well with the story, and this way, I wouldn't just have a 'token trans character', and could have a pretty solid story about Hayden being a trans girl that isn't contingent on her being trans. (Not to mention that while Hayden's story isn't dependent on Liam, her having a trans arc would actually play well into Liam's arc.)

I've got mixed feelings on how I'm going to include Stiles' story. He's pretty firmly bisexual and that's never really a question for him. But in EHAS, a pretty dark consequence of the nogitsune so thoroughly mind-raping him is that Stiles basically loses his sense of bodily autonomy, which leads to some pretty unhealthy sexual practices and attitudes towards his own body. It fit well with the themes and structure of EHAS, but I'm not sure how well it would work in Winter Wolves, which is a lot more plot-oriented than EHAS, and in which Stiles' arc is a lot more specific to his mental state, rather than his 'relationship with his body' so to speak. Not sure how well I can keep both of these balanced, but I think I can work something out. The downside is that this subplot for Stiles in EHAS was also heavily dependent on Derek, whereas right around the time it's happening is right around when Derek leaves Beacon Hills for a bit in Winter Wolves. (Don't worry, he comes back, and a lot sooner than in canon!)

Gonna be interesting to try to work demisexual!Scott into Winter Wolves, though. His love life in Winter Wolves is, in style, kind of a mish-mash of Bucky's and Steve's comic-book love lives, so it'll be simultaneously very easy and very difficult to rework that around demisexuality.

For most of the other characters, though, my plans for them in EHAS should work out nicely with WW.

Politics

I guess one downside is I'll lose a specific element of worldbuilding with this merger - supernatural politics.

A huge element of the worldbuilding, and the "expansion" of the plot, from EHAS, involved some nuanced supernatural politics...especially a somewhat more realistic take. I've seen a lot of urban fantasy politics, including in Teen Wolf fanfics, that read an awful lot like high fantasy politics jam-packed into a contemporary environment. It's a bit like fitting a square peg into a round hole. I wanted to take on what supernatural politics would look like in the modern world.

But the MCU already has so much politics as it is, that while I could "start" the political storylines from EHAS in Winter Wolves, the reality is most of them would get subsumed pretty fast by the superhuman politics of Winter Wolves/the MCU.

That said, I'll definitely preserve one of those 'political' subplots: the Hunters. Specifically, when Allison changes the Code, she fucking changes the code. While the Argents aren't the only Hunting family, they are the most prominent and longest-lasting, and the leader of the Argent family is often an implicit leader of Hunters as a whole. But that doesn't mean they are the leader, and Allison still has a bit of an uphill battle in effecting real, systemic change. At the same time, Hunters aren't a monolith - even as a lot of people oppose the changes she's trying to make, many Hunters support it, and have been quietly shifting in that direction for a while, anyway. This merges quite nicely with what I have planned for Winter Wolves.

Similar deal with Scott. While not at all a leader like Allison is, being a True Alpha does give Scott some unique abilities even for an alpha, and does get him a lot of attention and a certain amount of wary respect among werewolves, and supernatural creatures in general. He does have to deal with that a lot, which I can carry over from EHAS to WW - though WW actually turns this up to 11, which means the actual, original EHAS story of him dealing with it will likely go out the window.

Stiles' political subplot also goes out the window, but mostly because magic takes a greatly reduced role in WW compared to EHAS. In WW, I'm taking a very scientific bent on the supernatural (as anyone who watches Thor or Agents of SHIELD has likely already started to suspect), whereas in EHAS is was still much closer to the 'fantasy' part of Urban Fantasy. On top of that, Stiles already has a superhero-related political arc in WW, one which is pretty incompatible with his supernatural/magic political arc from EHAS.

[politicrap-blog]

Politics

Someone on Facebook asked me if I’m one of the “we are mad trump won team.” Let me tell you that yes, I am. I very much am. If you aren't a multimillionaire, you should be, too, because he's already screwing you over. He's looking to take away either all of your healthcare or make what you do have more expensive so his rich cronies can get richer. He cut mortgage aid on the FIRST day in office to make housing and other real estate more expensive. He's a real estate mogul, and stands to directly profit from screwing the little guy. He's willing to cost you money both directly and indirectly via his pipe-dream wall. Both taxes and the cost of goods from Mexico go up, and it won't keep anyone out anyway. We'd have to arm the whole border, which would push us right into going to war against not only Mexico, but probably everyone else who would stand to lose from such an agreement, like China, Russia, and most of the UN. Every single decree we've seen from him, and are going to see from him, are about dollars going right into his pocketbook. Let's talk about the Muslim Ban for a second. Which countries are on the list? Libya, Sudan, Somalia, Iraq, Iran, Syria, and Yemen. How many refugees have caused death on American soil from these countries? 0. Not a single one. In fact, the last time refugees suggested a real threat to the American way of life, the Cherokee side of my family were being slaughtered and enslaved by them. So why the ban? There are a few reasons, but none of them are good. Using panic and fear to increase personal power. Using economic pressure to coerce poor countries into accepting skewed deals. Just plain hatred of brown people. Who knows? Well, now that we're depressed, let's talk about the ACA, or "Obamacare." Millions of people are going to lose their healthcare if the ACA is repealed. If people lose their only access to healthcare, they die. Period, there's no way around it. How high could the death toll be from repealing the ACA? Well, before the ACA was enacted, Somewhere between 40 and 65 THOUSAND Americans died every year due to inadequate health coverage. Afterward, the number dropped sharply, but it's still too early to get a reliable estimate. The number is anywhere between 12 and 36 thousand. That said, any number greater than zero means that the Republican party is literally more dangerous to the American populace than Muslim refugees. They will have murdered, without hyperbole murdered, thousands of innocent Americans, and people are cheering for that because they don't understand the ramifications of what they're doing. They're just bucking the rules of the last president because he was liberal or he was brown skinned or he had a foreign sounding name or whatever. I'd much rather we spend the money that we're currently spending on a pipe dream on infrastructure, education, and yes, healthcare. I didn't support Hillary Clinton, I supported Bernie Sanders, because I believe that all people need to stand together. I believe that everyone should be treated equally, rich and poor, white and black and hispanic and asian and other, straight and gay and trans and asexual and  apache helicopter and whatever else people are calling themselves nowadays. The law should be written so that the variables that make us individual people do not matter beyond the social scope. Rich people should not get lighter sentences than poor people, and the same goes for respectively white and black, but that's exactly what happens, no matter what you think of the now polarized word "privilege" (frankly, I hate it, because it boils down a complex set of socioeconomic interactions to "if you're a white male people treat you better," which is just not always true.) Society doesn't need to change much to make the lives of everyone better. We live in the information age, and could be on the cusp of true greatness via the elimination of poverty through education and the free exchange of information. I believe that the floor of poverty should be lifted so that the lives of everyone gets better, not the ceiling raised so that the top becomes further unattainable to more people. I believe that food, water, shelter, education, and the ability to stay alive if you get sick should be rights unalienable to all people, no matter how much it costs multi-billion dollar corporations or the billionaire elite, or even the regular joes and janes. Life is by far more important money, and if the taxes on my already impoverished wages need to go up, then so be it, but the rich need to pay their share as well instead of hoarding the money in the sick zero sum game of keep away that we're already playing. Adjusted for inflation and cost of living increases, we the actual working people are already earning less than half of the buying power that the minimum wage was worth 50 years ago. We're literally being driven backward economically because of the insane wealth disparity in this country. On top of that, we already have a huge number of democratic socialist/outright socialist programs in place in the United States. Everyone knows about Medicaid, Medicare, SNAP (food stamps,) and WIC as socialist policies, but the roads you drive on, the schools your kids go to, the free parks, libraries, and hell, even the infrastructure that companies profit from, like power lines and water and sewer pipes are paid for via tax money. On top of that on top of that again, a seemingly endless stream of economists have stated that the move to single payer universal health care saves the average American over $1,000 a year. I'd be okay with over $1k in my pocket, and the savings to each and every one of us, as well as the Federal government, could be seriously monumental if we took the further step of regulating the price gouging pharmaceutical companies to keep costs in check and reforming hospitals to keep prices down. The savings to the Federal government after five years are in the high double digit to low triple digit millions of dollars a year. That said, the current administration wants to fleece us for what little we've got while they sail away on a solid gold boat, to hell with making everyone's lives better and actually improving the overall economy by giving the lowest economic class the ability to put money back into it. So am I mad that Trump won? Hell yes, I'm mad. I'm mad that an utterly abysmal businessman (the guy doesn't pay taxes because he lost almost a BILLION dollars in a single year. Somehow that makes him smart. He has dozens of failed businesses in his wake and settled a fraud lawsuit for $25 Million. The guy couldn't even sell steak,) appealed to the worst in people. I'm mad that the new president of my country, MY figurehead, went on air about how he would walk in on underage teenage girls changing, on purpose, and his staff would force them to dote on him in various states of undress. I'm mad that he openly states that he respects no one. I'm mad that he treats people like property, stating that because he is rich, he could do whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted with no consequences. I'm mad because he's a horrifically bigoted person, and always has been. It's not just calling out Mexico. It's stating that he doesn't want "blacks" handling his money, that he'd rather give it to the jews. I'm mad that he tried to impress Billy Bush with "locker room talk." Even if he were in a locker room, that speech wouldn't be acceptable. In every locker room I've ever been in (and having been a martial artist for a very long time, that's quite a few,) if a guy, ANY guy, bragged about sexually violating a woman without her consent, they'd have their throat punched in before they could say another word. Thing about that is, he wasn't even in a locker room. He was at a TV taping where he knew he was being heard by microphones and didn't CARE who heard him. He is nothing more than a pandering demagogue who appealed to the scared old WASP crowd who believes that they're being oppressed now that the playing field is finally starting to level a little bit. Why am I mad? He spouted nothing but bullshit, and it worked. I've never had much faith in humanity, but I've never been quite this sickened by the American people, or been quite so ready to tear down the establishment and start over, either. Why am I mad? We had legitimate candidates that could make the country better, even if you or I didn't like them, but the vast majority of the states decided to elect a man who has one redeeming quality: money that he was born into and has lost most of. Good luck with your reality star. He's going down hard if he makes it to four years without getting himself removed from office.