#literally it was sitting finished in my descendants fanfiction folder

[xonceinadream]

A Clean Slate | Bal One-Shot

The first date after Cotillion. { 2,394 words } | { ao3 | ff.net }

It's where they had their first date but this date feels even more important. Then Mal had known it would at least go well. Ben had been under a love spell and hopelessly devoted to her. Now there's no love spell, no more magic, and no more lies. Mal thinks back to that date, about wondering whether he would still love her when the magic was gone. True love or not, she knows he has every right not to want to be with her after everything.

Mal has her hands clasped behind her back to hide their shaking as Ben approaches her, looking as handsome as ever. She knows she's one of the only one who gets to see him this way. The top few buttons of his shirt are open, his hair is messy and he's grinning the way she associates with her. It's partly how she'd known something was wrong at Cotillion. The unfeeling look in his eyes and the straight line of his mouth had made her feel sick even before she'd seen Uma.

His eyes move appreciatively over her, taking in her loose purple dress, white lace-up sandals and loose waves falling around her shoulders. She wanted to look pretty but she hadn’t wanted him to know. This is supposed to be a casual date, with swimsuits just in case they want to go swimming. In case he still wants to be with her when she lays it all on the table, she thinks and winces. Then Ben's eyes move from her to the blanket laying at her feet and he throws his head back and laughs.

"Sorry I'm late," Ben says when he's done laughing, resting his hands gently on her upper arms and pulling her in for a sweet kiss that makes her hands shake all the more as she rests them against his chest. Ever since Mal's abandonment and Ben's capture and Cotillion they've barely stopped touching, wanting the assurance the other is there.

"Two minutes. I don't know how I'll survive," Mal teases, looking at him with her own smile, her breath catching before she clears her throat. "I made lunch."

Ben looks down again, his thumb rubbing slow circles on her bare skin. "I see. It looks wonderful, Mal."

Mal's eyes meet his and she knows he can see how vulnerable that she feels, how much she's hoping he's telling the truth. But he's always been able to see and he's always been open with her. In his eyes, she can see the truth, that he loves her, that he's proud of her. She can see he doesn't care that on the blanket is a white plate with a pile of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies that are slightly burned on the bottom.

"I have to be honest. Evie helped me with the cookies," she admits because she's told herself she's going to pretend she's under a truth spell today. Ben can see the real her but she needs to know that he loves all of it.

She's surprised when he kisses her again, his fingers tightening on her arms but it feels like a comfort. When Ben pulls back, he's flushed with happiness and he reaches up, cupping her cheek. "Thank you. I love you."

Those simple words make her happier than she ever thought was possible and it feels like it's threatening to bubble out of her. She has to tamp it down, at least for now. "I love you too. Now, come on. The cookies are still hot and I think dessert before lunch sounds perfect for today."

Ben follows her to sit down on the same side of the blanket as her, taking the cookie that she gives him with an ever polite thank you. She leans against one of the pillars, spreading her dress over her thighs and looking at the enchanted waters of the lake. "I can feel you thinking," Ben teases her.

She can hear it as the opening it is. She can also hear that he won't press her. He never has and for that she's grateful. It's been hard for her to open up, to understand that he's going to love her even when she messes up. She takes a bite of cookie, chewing to give her a few moments. "I dreamed about this place," she whispers finally, looking down and biting the inside of her lip. It's not the honesty that she'd wanted but it's a good conversation opener if she does say so. "When I was still on the Isle. I dreamed about this place. I dreamed of eating strawberries. I dreamed of you."

There's silence following her confession and she can hear his slow breathing. She's terrified of what he's going to say even though she knows that she shouldn't be. It's a memory that's precious to her and she's scared of him ruining it with a response that just isn't right.

"I dreamed about you too," Ben says and Mal 's eyes widen, wondering if he’s teasing her. Ben's smiling slightly, looking almost as confused as she feels. The confusion makes her think he’s being honest. "It was on the Isle, though. I fell and you helped me up. But I thought about you… about how beautiful you were. It's part of why I decided to bring you four to Auradon. Selfish, I know, but true."

"You never told me," Mal says and she's surprised by how much emotion that Ben's confession makes her feel.

"You never told me either," Ben responds gently and she has to nod because that's true. "I never really thought it was a good time. You were already so… unsure about everything in Auradon how was I to tell you that I'd dreamed about you? I know I didn't handle it well but I was trying. It makes sense now, knowing that we have a True Love."

Mal looks down, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress and Ben reaches out, tilting her chin up gently so that she has to look at him. He doesn't have to say anything but she can see his love for her in his eyes. She feels like she can see him saying she can tell him anything. "Did you and Uma really feel a connection?"

That's obviously not what Ben had expected and he blinks at her. "What? Mal, you know that was just a love spell. It was your spell. You know how it works."

"Yes but you're still yourself. You can still feel things that are your own. You… cared for me while you were under your spell," Mal says, knowing that the concept of a love potion itself is complicated. She doesn't want to go into the sciences of it, that's more Evie's department.

Ben nods and Mal can see that he understands. It scares her that he thinks about his answer. "I feel… sympathy for them. The same way that I feel for all of you. You grew up in bad situations and you've been forced to do difficult things because of it. I saw part of it when I was on the Isle but I know that I was sheltered from the worst of it, even by the pirate crew of all people. I got to know Uma when I was on the Isle, at least a little. So there's some sort of connection.

"I want to help them. I know that I could be friends with them, the same way that I'm friends with Jay, Carlos and Evie. But it's not the same," Ben says, cupping both of her cheeks this time, making sure that she's looking at him. As if she could look away. "Mal, I love you. No 'connection,' real or fake, will ever compare to that. I may want to help them but I want you by my side."

Ben's eyes swim with emotion and she feels a surge of love for him that nearly knocks her over. Cotillion, the art of being engaged to be engaged, had terrified her only a few days ago. Now, she knows that she wants that future too. She's young but she knows what she wants. Who can argue with love, with the feeling of safety and happiness and commitment, no matter how young they are?

Mal knows she needs to say something but she's afraid that if she opens her mouth she's going to cry. So Ben continues. "I'm sorry for our fight, I'm sorry for all of it."

"Me too," Mal says quickly and Ben smiles at her. "I was just scared."

"I know. And I know that I should've supported you instead of being so caught up in myself. I'm going to start making amends to everybody. But you need to know that we can fight and I'm still going to love you. No matter what happens, it's not going to change my feelings. You should hear how my mom and dad fight sometimes. But I know that it'll never change things between them."

Perhaps that's just what Mal needed to hear. It's similar on the Isle, of course. People fight and argue and they're still family. But that means something different there than it does here. Family there meant that you lived together and maybe provided for each other. Family here means something so much more magical.

Mal looks down, keeping her face emotionless until she swipes her finger across the side of one of the sandwiches and runs the glob of jelly down Ben's cheek. Then she laughs and he laughs with her and how is this what her life has become? "I thought that you'd want somebody like Audrey. When we were first together everybody talked about how we wouldn't last and about how you were making a mistake being with me."

"I don't want somebody like Audrey, Mal," Ben says, frustration seeping through his tone but they both know this is something she needs to hear. "I was with Audrey and she wasn't what I wanted. She's lovely and a great person when she wants to be but talking to her was like- like talking to a child. She was too perfect. She didn't argue with me or challenge me. She wouldn't tell me what I needed to hear. She'd never make a good queen. Not like-"

He cuts himself off, his jaw working and Mal barely realizes that she's clenching her dress in one fist, needing something to keep herself grounded. "Like what, Ben?"

"Like you, Mal. All my life I've been told that I'm going to be king. I was raised for it from the cradle and when I was old enough, my parents always told me that I should find love and be happy but also find somebody that I would trust Auradon with. And I know that I would trust you to be a queen for the people. I'm not asking you to marry me, Mal, but I want you to know that I'm serious about you. You're everything that I ever dreamed about as a kid."

Those words are heavy on Mal as she looks out at the lake. It's surprising to hear that Ben's imagined such a future between them when they haven't been together that long. But then, long courtships aren't typical, especially of royalty, even if it was something that his parents went through. She knows that Chad's parents for instance only knew each other a few hours before his father declared Cinderella the one he would marry.

Really, the idea of marrying Ben and being with him isn't the hard part. It's the idea of being queen. It's already been so hard for her and she knows that if the media knew that she was going to be queen then they would never leave her alone. But she's thought about what it would be like if she lost Ben. She's had months of worrying about it and why is she worrying now?

"I never thought to dream about you," Mal finally responds but she's smiling as she looks up at him. Ben looks relieved that she's not running scared and that's when it hits her that he's scared too. Why wouldn't he be? They're both young and she's given him reason to not trust her. She reaches out, taking his hand and holding onto him. "But I think if I knew something like this existed it would be my dream."

Mal loves the way that Ben looks at her, emotion-filled eyes and almost always with a smile. He looks at her likes he loves her and trusts her. Mal's starting to see that he does. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm going to be more understanding about you being in Auradon."

"Ben, no. That's my fault," Mal says, the words catching in her throat because admitting responsibility like that isn't something that she does easily. But she can't stand the thought of him feeling guilty over it. "I did everything that I could to make you think that I was fitting in easily. I used magic to fit in."

"Then let's both wipe the slate clean with everything that's gone wrong. We're going to fight but we can talk about it. If you're having trouble, or I am, then we can talk to each other about it."

Mal nods, figuring that's as good of a compromise as any. It won't be easy but she's willing to try. "That sounds fair."

"Did I ever thank you, by the way, for rescuing me?" Ben asks, picking up one of the sandwiches, obviously prepared to turn the conversation in a more casual direction as he takes a large bite.

And Mal is grateful for it, grateful for this and for sandwiches and lemonade and cookies. She's grateful for having wonderful friends, old and new. She's grateful that she had chosen good and she's grateful that she had felt safe and confident enough to do it. "I don't know. You can thank me for making you your favorite food though. I worked hard over this."

Ben's laugh is contagious and laughter evolves into kissing. By the time they stop kissing and eat, the cookies are cold, but Ben still tells her they're the best cookies that he's ever had. And Mal believes him.