#literally everything hangs in the balance rn

[pseudovmpire]

Morbtuals if we dont read Blood Hunt then Morbius wont die!!! Hashtag problem solved. Boo yah.

[earlysunshines]

just pretend(?)

danielle marsh x fem!reader ; angst, fluff

synopsis: your coworker can’t seem to fall out of love with you so you convince your best friend to fake date you. sometimes the “fake” seems a little too real.

warnings: PINING!!! ; danielle is touchy and wonderful and reader is a mess ; kinda all over the place?? I'm also a bit iffy ab the pacing on this one ; bit of angst near the end ; alcohol ; anything else not mentioned ; not proofread… none of my fics are…

a/n: this is based off my life rn bc my friend and i r literally fake dating so my coworker can stop being in love w me and i just HAD to turn this into a fic like what (but most of this is exaggerated ofc esp the whole coworker thing I made her a little over the top on purpose for the plotLOL)

"absolutely not." hanni looks disgusted, almost appalled with that stupid expression on her face. “you’re crazy.”

"please, i'll pay you." you beg, clasping your hands together and giving her your best puppy eyes.

"you're going to scare the hoes away... no, no, and no.”

"what ‘hoes’ hanni? when is the last time you've talked to a girl." you groan and pinch the bridge of your nose.

she sticks her tongue out at you, then responds, “you wouldn’t know…”

“dumbass the only reason i’m begging is because women do want me. please, it’s not going to be serious or anything—“

“i don’t care, the answer is no. ask someone else!”

you’re currently perched on the edge of your best friend's bed, practically begging for help. you seem to have a knack for attracting the strangest types of people, and this time, it’s your coworker who’s got severe attachment issues and an unhealthy level of codependency. all you wanted was a paycheck and simplicity, but now you find yourself in a situation you never asked for.

your best friend groans again, “you and your flirting… it gets you into this shit time and time again and the way you act… you know what you’re doing.”

“what?”

“shut up, you act gay and you know people fall for that. i’m not gonna help you because you want to be an asshole, if you could just be normal for once—“

“fuck you.” you flop onto her bed, shutting your eyes and rubbing your face. “i’m just nice and it’s fun to flirt! it’s nothing. i flirt with my friends and you all the time, they’re fine with it.”

“that’s because they’re straight, y/n. gay people are very vulnerable – except me.”

“you would know.” you retort, earning a glare from hanni. “who the hell do i ask then?”

“haerin?”

“she wouldn’t.”

“yunjin?”

“we don’t match, plus, she dates around.”

“sakura?”

“edating someone right now, some girl in france?”

“the hell?”

“i know.” you sigh louder and hanni just looks at you with slight, playful disgust. “what do i do.” you flop your hands onto the mattress and stare up. “dude, she’s too obsessed, i’m flattered because i mean, maybe i’m attractive and whatnot but this is just–”

“--delusion at its peak.” hanni clicks her tongue, now smiling at you; an idea pops up in your best friend's big head. you turn to face her, raising a brow. “how about dani? she’s literally perfect.”

danielle marsh is perfect, that’s the problem.

she’s a biology major whose ipad pro notes are so neat and pleasing to the eye that they genuinely keep you awake at night – most of it being because you’re leeching off her, but they’re so neat it really has you thinking how she does it all. 

to make things even more bewildering (and impressive), she’s one of two people you know – you’re unsure whether your cousin hyein counts, high school is nothing compared to what you endure – who manages to get at least eight hours of sleep daily. in contrast, everyone else in your circle, including yourself, is barely hanging on by a thread. 

yet, danielle seems to have cracked the code. she even finds time to volunteer at the library where she works, making you wonder if she’s some sort of extraordinary being. her ability to balance everything so effortlessly leaves you in awe, often questioning if she’s even real considering how remarkable she is.

the worst part is that she’s your best friend, right after hanni, and the person you’ve been crushing on since your first semester of university. 

it’s impossible not to have a crush on her—she’s gorgeous, sweet, and embodies everything you could ever want and more. she’s captivating, and every time you see her she flashes that stupid, adorable smile that makes your heart do a flip regardless of how many times you’ve convinced yourself that she’s unattainable and that there’s no way and that you don’t even like her and–

“i couldn’t.” you shut hanni down, quick. “she’s… you know.”

hanni furrows both brows, turning her head. “she’s what?”

“you know.” you make some strange gesture with your hands that only confuse hanni further. 

“i don’t, just fake date her.”

“she wouldn’t agree.”

“sure she would, let me call her!”

you shoot up and look at hanni with an expression that screams ‘are you out of your mind?’ as she finds danielle’s contact on her phone. 

before you can stop her, you hear a ringing sound and feel your body give up. hanni grins at you when danielle picks up five seconds later, both of you hearing a friendly, “hi!” as you back away from her.

“hey mo dani!” hanni greets, giving you a shit eating smirk. “miss l/n has a question for you.”

“she’s with you?” danielle’s voice is sweet like honey even from the phone. “hi!”

“hey!” you greet a little awkwardly, glaring at hanni. 

“y/n was wondering if you could date her.” 

eyes widening, you leap and grab the phone from hanni immediately, sputtering out jumbles of words nervously, “n-no! i mean, yeah… but not for real.” 

“oh,” you hear danielle respond lowly from the end of the phone. “wait, i’m confused.”

hanni watches you close your eyes tightly, clearly flustered and thrown off by her little antics. 

“y/n came over to ask me to date her, not actually, but just like, pretend.” hanni explains, “her coworker is still in love with her.”

“sarah?” you hear from the other end of the phone. “i thought you rejected her like, three months ago.”

“i did, but she’s still… ugh.” you flop onto the bed again and danielle hears hanni laughing in the background. “she’s still stuck on me i think, i don’t know, she’s been so…”

“if it’ll stop bothering you then i’ll help!”

“you will?” you respond, shocked. hanni mouths an i told you, then gets shoved. 

“yeah! i don’t want my best friend being so bothered, it must make you uncomfy too, right? working with someone who likes you?”

you start to wonder if danielle would be uncomfortable in a similar situation, maybe in one where she’s friends with someone who likes her, but she’s unaware of that. you shake your head, clearing your mind and staying present.

“kind of, it’s just… extra stress.”

“okay, then let’s date!” she beams, you can picture her eyes scrunching and smile growing. you want to die (affectionate) just thinking of it. “this should be fun!”

“thanks for helping out dani, thanks so much. i’ll let you be, okay? gotta go um… run errands.” 

“alright! just text me, bye, love you.” the call ends and you sigh again, feeling yourself sink deeper into hanni’s sheets.

hanni is very much your mortal enemy, she still doesn’t know why you’re so distraught because of danielle. whatever the reason may be, it makes her cackle next to you.

–

it’s nine in the morning, you didn’t have time to pregame the lecture on microbiology with at least three shots of espresso, and you’re yawning as you leave the room.

you hear your name being called out and turn to see no one other than the feeling of hot chocolate on a cold, snowy day turned into a person walking towards you – danielle.

“hey! hi.” she greets, smiling wide. her hair is clipped up and small strands of her hair stick out cutely. “hey baby.” 

you almost choke. “what?”

“did you forget we’re dating now?”

“oh.” dating, but is it even that if it’s not real? “um, hey babe?” it comes out uncertain and danielle laughs.

“wow, you suck at this – it’s okay, we’ll work on it.” she giggles, then links her arms with you. “let’s go get coffee, i need it in my system right now. oh my god, it’s our first date!”

laughing to hopefully fade away all signs of being flustered to oblivion, you tighten your arm that’s locked with hers. “right, yeah.”

you’re going on a ‘date’ with the prettiest girl on campus, she’s paying for your iced americano with oat milk splashed into it, and she’s smiling at you like you’re laughter in the rain. this can’t be good for you, it can’t be — it’s not. you wonder whether this will be worth it in the end because your coworker doesn’t even know about any of it.

(yet.)

–

before your next shift with your delusional coworker, you and danielle have already conjured up a storyline and backstory for your whole arrangement.

you two conversed for an hour after walking towards the park near her apartment and sitting down next to each other on the swings like kids. danielle was giggling and you were smiling at how charming she looked. unfortunately, you found yourself falling even harder for her just from making up the whole fake story.

danielle suggested keeping it simple, but cute: you two met at the library she worked at, you found her cute and exchanged numbers, went on a few dates, and have been girlfriends for nearly two months.

“but i literally told sarah that i wasn’t looking for anything.” you explain, sighing as you kick the mulch on the ground. that’s what you had said, but what you meant was that you’ve been looking for danielle the whole time. “she won’t believe it.”

“well,” danielle gives you a cheeky look and giggles. “i managed to charm you in a way that pushed that whole idea aside. that’s not too unbelievable, right?” she winks at you and you feel your heart stop momentarily.

you scoff playfully and snicker, “oh shut up.”

“it’s part of the story! are you saying i have no charm…”

she has too much charm. 

“dani, you’re such a dork.”

“a dork that caught your heart! i think this story is perfect.”

pushing aside the slight ache in your heart and the flush in your cheeks, the two of you formulate a first date story: you took her out bowling, where you lost terribly to her (danielle insisted this detail had to be included), and then you both had dessert together at your place. 

it’s not a terrible story, not at all. even hanni would be impressed, but you’re not going to tell her because she’d tease you both relentlessly, and you’re not sure your heart could handle that.

–

danielle walks you into work holding your hand, your coworker, sarah, watches the whole thing.

a pretty girl (pretty is an understatement in your opinion) smiles at you while walking you in, she’s telling you about the little kids she read to the other day and you can’t help but marvel at the excitement coursing through her.

she drops you off near the register right before the small ‘employees only’ sign, then holds both of your hands and looks at you like you’re a flower that’s just bloomed beautifully.

she pauses, observing you closely, then smiles wider. “okay, i’ll get going sweetheart.” the pet name makes you swallow subtly. “have fun at work!”

she takes her hands away from yours, making your skin feel a little colder. “bye, see you.”

danielle glances at your coworker, who’s looking at her with something mixed with confusion, anger, and a hint of disgust. she then looks back at you – a better sight in her opinion – smiling and waving once more before walking away.

you stay there, frozen for a few seconds, before walking behind the counter and setting your bag down.

as you grab your apron, you catch sarah in your peripheral and turn to greet her. “oh, hey.”

“who was that?” she asks immediately. “what’s up with the ‘sweetheart?’”

you grin as while tightening the lace of your apron, then respond, “my girlfriend.” and it feels wonderful rolling off your tongue.

“what? i thought you didn’t want anything?”

“you still in love with me or something?”

she feels her throat dry as she looks at you pat down your apron. “w-what?” she stutters, shaking her head. “no, why would i be…” her tone isn’t convincing, and neither is she when she adds, “it’s just… what’s with the change of heart?”

“she’s really charming,” the thought of danielle begging you to mention that makes you blush. “i like her a lot.”

sarah fights back a frown, instead, her lips twitch into a forced smile as she walks past you to tend to a customer.

–

danielle picks you up from work just to tighten the knot, and sarah also witnesses all of it.

both you and your coworker get off at closing, and after locking the doors, you run into danielle. 

she’s standing outside in a baby tee and jeans, a cap perched jauntily on her head. the moment she sees you, her face lights up into a pretty smile, and you instinctively return it. she rushes over, wrapping her arms around you in a warm hug. as she pulls back, she scans you with a playful yet affectionate gaze, her eyes lingering on you with a mixture of admiration and curiosity.

“sweetheart! i missed you.”

“i missed you too dani– baby…” you mutter the last part shyly, making danielle giggle. “you came? it’s late.”

“i wanted to pick you up, can your girlfriend not do that?”

it still sends a shiver down your spine – hearing danielle call you that. you rub the back of your neck and look away nervously, then respond, “of course not, i’m just surprised.”

sarah looks at the two of you, scoffing under her breath. danielle hears it, turning to look at her and grin, raising her brows along with it before meeting you again. she places a hand on your shoulder, then mumbles, “well, hanni called us over, i wanted to scoop you.”

“ohhh,” it makes sense now, she wouldn’t willingly pick you up just because of the whole ‘fake dating’ thing, there had to be a motive. “alright. i can drive? if you’d like, you know. you must be tired from work too.”

“aw, you’d do that?”

“i um,” you cough, avoiding her eyes again because she’s making you feel all flustered without doing much. “yeah, it’s nothing… baby…”

she grabs your hand, fingers intertwining before dragging you along to her small suv, then handing you her keys. 

your coworker groans now that you two are further, narrowing her eyes at danielle when she turns back not so subtly to make sure sarah is looking. any normal person would back off, getting the hint that the person they want is unavailable, but sarah sees it as a challenge, somehow.

there’s nothing she can’t achieve when she puts her mind to it, that’s her mindset.

you’re oblivious to how insane she is, too clouded with how touchy and giggly danielle is after the whole interaction when teh two of you get in the car.

–

danielle sits besides you on hanni’s couch, leaning against you a bit. “yeah, she gave me a glare, it was kind of funny.”

“pftt– i guess it’s working then?” hanni asks, walking over to hand you two juice from her fridge. danielle takes it happily and it makes you smile a little. 

“i hope so.” you sip on your peach juice. “but she’s like, clinically insane.”

“is she?” danielle questions, tilting her head as her hand finds its way to your bicep. you blush.

“dude, she was crazy.” hanni rubs her temple. “like, oh my god, she was going insane for a good while because y/n didn’t want her like that. i saw their messages and–”

“okay i’ll tell the story thank you.” you scoff. “she’s really competitive, and i guess new to romance? considering how she reacted i don’t know, she’s very…”

“sensitive?” danielle asks – you shake your head.

“i mean no, but kind of. she would get jealous over me really easily and was kind of codependent, like everything i do affects her or something. i’d just go on my day, but she’d always be so reliant on me and text me so often and i just… it’s so much.”

“ah, i see. how long has it been since you rejected her?”

“a few months. i thought she stopped liking me since it’s been so long, but lately there’s been tension and she’s looking at me how she used to…” hanni listens closely as she watches you rub your forehead, looking a little distraught. “i just, oh my god she has terrible attachment issues it’s concerning. the only thing i could think of was pretending to date someone.”

danielle nods in understanding.

“yeah, one time i went to see y/n at work and she looked so like… hostile. that’s not normal, we’re visibly friends.” hanni adds.

you know the exact afternoon that it happened, what hanni mentioned that is. 

she had pulled up to drop something off, and you teasingly flirted with her, hugging her as thanks. afterward, you rang up one of her orders and played with her fingers, a little habit you had developed to annoy her. despite the evident look of disgust and annoyance on hanni’s face, your coworker—who allegedly liked you a bit too much—looked like hanni had just slapped you in the face or spat at you.

long story short, hanni glanced over to see the coworker glaring at her menacingly. in response, hanni poked at you once more before hurrying out with a latte in her hand, confused and slightly terrified.

“yeah she’s… got a bitch face.”

“it’s not normal to glare at people that simply interact with your coworker…” danielle mumbles. “i’m sorry to hear that.”

you wave your hand, giggling lightly. “it’s nothing, really. i mean, i just don’t want her to be so obsessed and stuck on me, i think us pretending to date should tame the fire.”

pretending. 

the word makes both you and danielle tense up.

–

you clock in again, greeting sarah. 

she smiles brightly at you, waving and you have to make a little gesture to remind her there’s a customer in line. sarah turns away bashfully, then takes the man’s order with a hint of attitude. you’re not very fond of that.

he orders an americano, so you immediately get to work, weighing out grinds of espresso, tamping it down, and pulling two shots. as you do so, sarah pulls up next to you and nudges your shoulder.

“hey,”

“hi.” you respond, not looking up from the cup in your hand. “did you need something?”

“that t-shirt looks good on you, have you been working out?”

you feel uneasy the moment she says it, swallowing a lump in your throat. you pour the two shots over the hot water and force a response, “thanks, and um, no.” before calling out the order.

sarah continues to watch you closely as you throw away the used espresso, then says, “your girlfriend didn’t drop you?”

“she’s working.”

“right. i’d find a way to drop off my girlfriend anytime that i could.”

“good for you?” you look her in the eye again, clenching your jaw. 

“you don’t post her much on your socials either, are you guys really a thing?”

fuck. 

you scoff, “what kind of question is that? of course… i just… don’t post much. we’re still kind of new to this.”

“right, she’s not even your lockscreen.”

“i’m going to grab some beans from the back,” you interrupt, redirecting the conversation away from the topic of your alleged girlfriend. sarah narrows her eyes at you as you turn away from her, stepping away and disappearing towards the storage area.

once you’re alone, you sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, feeling the weight of the strange interrogation settle on you. there was an unmistakable hostility in sarah’s tone, a sharp edge that cut through the air. hanni’s right, she always is. the mere thought of enduring six more hours with sarah makes you want to crawl into a hole. her jealousy is palpable, and it eats away at you, gnawing at your nerves.

you pull out your phone and quickly dial danielle, pacing back and forth as you wait for her to pick up.

“hello?” she responds less than ten seconds later. “what’s up?”

“she’s catching on, kind of. i think she’s jealous.” 

“sarah?”

“yes.” you groan, then lean your back against the wall. “i can’t work like this.”

“i’ll come over? do you need me to?”

“no, but can we meet after? i think we need to be more public, if that’s okay.”

you hear her confusion through the phone. “what? public?”

“like, soft launch or something. i just need to make it obvious that i’m quote on quote dating someone – you. and we need a lockscreen together.”

a giggle is heard on the other end of the line, “oh wow.” danielle mumbles teasingly, “this is pretty serious.”

“i hope i die.”

“aw, don’t say that babe. just come over to the library after, okay? good luck on your shift! i have to clock in soon too.”

“can we meet at my place?”

“anything is fine, that’s alright.”

“i literally owe you my first born, dani.”

“it’s nothing, this is quite entertaining.” she says, and you smile with the phone at your ear. “call me later, okay? send me updates.” 

“right, yeah.” you almost whisper, “thank you.”

“it’s nothing, sweetheart.” her laugh is infused into the sentence, making your chest burn.

–

“this is so dumb.” 

you are so dumb. this isn’t helping your case.

hanni and minji are fighting back laughter while you try to naturally rest your hand on danielles knuckles. you’re stiff and it looks anything but natural. 

the angle you take the picture at makes it look awkward, and the picture’s quality sucks too. 

“just relax.” danielle says, then holds your hand instead. “here, let me take the picture.”

you’re trying to keep your cool while minji and hanni watch and danielle, the prettiest girl you know, holds your hand and scoots closer to you in order to ‘soft launch’ your fraud of a relationship. her hand is nice in yours, her skin is soft, and she’s so close you can smell the vanilla fragrance she uses. 

danielle snaps a quick picture, then the rest of the bunch – including you – scoot over to look at the picture.

“well would you look at that! it’s perfect.” danielle beams, grinning at her work. “post that one.”

“holy shit.” minji says in awe. “no yeah, you could fool me with that.”

“anyone could fool you, dumbass.” you snicker, looking up at her and smirking.

“i hate you.”

“oh, i guess you don’t want free food from my work…?” 

minji groans, making you laugh. 

danielle’s hand is still in yours, you don’t fully register it until you realize you need both hands to post a picture on your instagram story. she seems a bit disappointed when you let go, though you barely notice – and even if you did, you might just chalk it up to your imagination.

it's fun, no doubt about it. yet, you can’t help but wonder what it would be like to take pictures of you and danielle that aren’t staged or orchestrated. you long for authenticity, capturing moments that are mundane and candid.

the thought lingers in your mind the whole time, even as you pose with your back to the camera, pretending to cook alongside danielle. it's all set up and artificial, every movement planned out, yet danielle starts giggling and leaning into you – a spontaneous gesture not part of your last-minute brainstorming. 

her laughter is genuine, her touch warm, and it makes you wonder if maybe, just maybe, not everything is as fake as it seems.

–

you wake up from your nap and groan as your ringtone renders you awake. blindly, you slap your hand in every direction on the bed until you feel it under your other pillow. someone’s calling you, that’s all you can make out since there’s a red and green circle. 

tiredly, you mumble, “hello?”

“hi! are you busy?” it’s danielle’s voice responding, shaking you awake. 

“oh, um, no.” you say as you sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes and running a hand through your hair. “are you okay? did something happen?”

“i’m fine! i was just wondering if you were free. you sound tired, were you sleeping?”

“i just took a power nap that’s all. what was it that you need?”

“oh, sorry to wake you.”

“it’s fine, seriously.” 

“well,” she starts, “i was just wondering if you wanted to go out together?”

“oh, me?”

you hear her giggle through the phone and smile softly. “i mean, i am calling y/n, aren’t i?”

“yeah, you are.”

“and i’m asking you, my girlfriend, to hangout. it’s like a date!”

“we’re not actually dating danielle, you don’t have to pretend when we’re calling and alone.” you say quietly, pursing your lips.

it’s not that you hate it, danielle being all lovely and playing the role of your girlfriend too well. the thing is, it feels like you’re getting led on, and the way she is just gives you false hope to something real.

danielle feels a little ache in her heart when you respond like that, but she pushes it away for the time being.

“i don’t mind it, it’s fun!” she beams. “anyway, there’s free ice cream downtown for couples, do you want to grab some?”

“is there? yeah, i’m down. do you want to take the metro?” 

“that’s perfect, there’s probably so much traffic.”

“alright, i can scoop you and take us to the station in fifteen minutes, okay?”

“perfect.” she closes the conversation, and the call ends.

you flop down on the bed again, just for a moment. your eyes are fixated on the ceiling above as you breathe in, thinking about everything. 

you and danielle aren’t dating, not for real. it’s just a show, a sham. she simply wants to hang out for free ice cream, nothing more. you know this. you set yourself up for this whole fake dating thing—well, kind of, considering hanni was the culprit behind this whole arrangement.

it’s already been over a month, and danielle doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest, treating the whole thing as no big deal. you must be insane; you can’t keep doing this knowing your feelings are growing and she most definitely doesn’t feel anything real. it’s just to benefit you, and she’s a great friend who’s willing to help you out. yet, each time you pretend, it gets harder to separate your act from reality.

despite the turmoil, you’re up and finding a change of clothes in order to make danielle happy. because even if she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your friend and you love her regardless.

(sometimes the love you have claws you from the inside.)

–

danielle clings to your arm the whole way down to the city. sometimes she clings a little tighter than usual, then goes silent, and it makes you breathe deeply.

it takes a few wrong turns and teasing to get to the icecream place, there’s already a long line with actual couples. you feel out of place in a way; there’s partners holding the other by the waist from behind, setting their heads on top of the others. a few are just holding hands or lingering close and you can just sense all the love and adoration in the air. 

you swallow shallowly, tensing your jaw because danielle is close to you, but not because you two are something more than friends.

“wow, so many lovebirds.” she says in awe, gazing around.

“uh huh.” you feel her hand slide down your forearm, then her fingers intertwine with yours as she looks up at you. “hm?”

“to seal the deal.” she shrugs, smiling. “plus, your hands are big… and warm.”

“you have small hands.”

“perfect fit for yours.” she giggles playfully, making you do the same. “what flavors did you want? it’s two scoops for free.”

“you can pick both, i don’t mind.”

“what? c’mon, you should pick one.”

“no, you wanted ice cream. i’m just here to make you happy.” you admit, tightening your grip on her hand. 

she starts to respond, but stops for a few seconds. you watch her look away bashfully, staring at the ground and grinning to herself. she shakes her head, then says, “you’re so lovely…”

“pfttt, i just want you to be happy, seriously.”

“you know,” she begins, looking at you again. “whoever manages to become your girlfriend would be real lucky.”

“oh.” your lips twitch into less of a smile and you pause for a moment. “maybe.”

“this fake dating thing is making me realize that you’re such girlfriend material.”

a small laugh stifles the tension and awkwardness in you, “thanks? you are too.”

“am i?”

“yeah.” you stare into her eyes, shes everything you could wish for in a person. “very.”

before danielle can respond, the line moves, and it’s time for the two of you to decide on two flavors. it takes a while to do so, with you declining the offer to chime in and pick a flavor you want, danielle was the one to invite you out anyway. but she looks at you with puppy eyes, pouts, then puts a hand on the side of your bicep and it makes you cave in.

the final choices are salted caramel and coffee.

danielle holds the cup in one hand, drags you away from the area littered with lovey dovey couples – some being too lovey, considering they can’t seem to get away from each other – and leads you blindly towards a small alley in a neighborhood until a bench comes into view. she pulls you towards it eagerly, making you laugh until you’re both sitting next to each other.

you frown a little as you look at the ice cream in the cup. “some of it is melted.”

“not all of it!” danielle beams, then scroops a spoonful of the coffee side – the flavor you ended up choosing. “you have the first taste.” she says, bringing it closer to your mouth.

“wait, you should have it.”

“too late,” she starts to move it in a circular motion, saying, “ahhh~” as she does so.

you scoff, then lean forward and all of it is in your mouth in one bite. danielle watches your eyes light up.

“it’s good.” you mutter, then grab the other spoon to scoop the other flavor. you mirror what danielle did before, making her laugh just as much. “open wiiiiide~”

“ahhh~”

you snicker before moving the spoon into her mouth, she closes it and smiles immediately, melting in place despite the ice cream being pretty cold. 

the street lights make her look precious, highlighting the satisfaction on her face because of some simple ice cream she’d gotten for free. you want to see her this happy everyday and as much as you can. 

a small hint of ice cream is on the corner of her lips, it urges you to bring your hand over and wipe it off with your thumb. danielle stops savoring the dessert, instead, focusing on you. 

“sorry, there was… yeah.”

“mhm.” danielle says, staring at your lips. “it’s really good.”

“i can tell.” you turn away, feeling flustered when she looks at you like that. “let me try your flavor.”

the two of you continue to eat ice cream together, subconsciously scooting closer and closer as you share it. danielle’s head ends up on your shoulder when the cup is empty in your hand, silent in her place.

you don’t budge, mainly because she seems comfortable and you don’t mind ruining your posture a bit if it’s for her. she sighs contentedly, moving her hand over to hold yours in the midst of the moment, slotting together effortlessly. she doesn’t say anything, but you feel her lean into you a little more.

“you okay?”

“just happy.”

“ah,” you rub your thumb against her skin. “that’s good.”

“being with you makes me really happy.”

“being with you makes me happier.” you say softly, staring at your hands aligned seamlessly. “do you want to stay here for a bit longer?”

“please.”

“it’s getting late.”

“i know, just a bit longer.” danielle says.

just a bit longer. if only the whole arrangement could last forever, if only you two could be this close and warm for lightyears.

minutes pass, and neither of you move, lost in the comforting silence. the only shift comes when you turn your head to press a gentle kiss into her hair. danielle feels perfectly in place, her heart fluttering at the tender gesture. a soft smile spreads across her face, a silent acknowledgment of the moment's sweetness.

–

the night prior had to be a dream, it was too perfect. it was the realest you’ve felt with danielle, the closest to something romantic. it was even enough to consider that she felt the same, and you’d love to revel in that possibility, but you have to restock the beans and cups quickly before tending to the drinks.

there’s only thirty more minutes until your shift ends, it feels like eternity.

sarah catches you smiling to yourself throughout the shift, biting the inside of her lip. she’s filled with all too much: anger, jealously, dissapointment, and really just everything that makes her uneasy. 

she still can’t believe it, you had gone on a whole tangent telling her you couldn’t be in a relationship and now you’re being a complete loser in front of her. she hates it, she wants it to be her that makes you smile randomly throughout the day.

what pisses her off more, and truly makes her lose all hope, is when you go from looking tired and drained to bubbly and smiley as soon as a familiar figure starts walking toward the counter. 

she watches you check the time on the register, your smile widening because you can clock out and be with danielle, who’s waiting just across the counter. the change in your demeanor is undeniable, and it stings sarah to see the joy that danielle effortlessly brings out in you.

you walk over to danielle, reaching for her hand. “hey.”

“hi.” the way danielle says it makes your chest warm and sarah nearly gags in return.

what makes sarah's shoulders sink, her heart drop, and her frown deepen is when danielle suddenly kisses your cheek. 

the shock is evident on your face as you stand frozen, your hand instinctively moving to hover over the spot where danielle's lips had just been. the tenderness of the moment is overwhelming, and sarah can't help but feel a profound sense of loss. the realization that your heart belongs entirely to danielle crushes any lingering hopes she had, leaving her to face the painful truth.

“w-what was that for?” you look over and make eye contact with sarah, who’s grimacing. “there’s um, you know… bystanders.”

“i missed you, so much. i couldn’t stop thinking about you.” danielle says simply, not bothering that sarah is the only one who’s witnessing this, and from a few feet away too. “do you want to get dinner?”

“it’s three in the afternoon silly.”

“well, anything is fine. we should study before we eat! i heard the module mr. lee assigned us was really helpful for…” 

the rest of what danielle says doesn’t register in your coworker’s mind. she studies you closely, her frown deepening with each passing second. it’s painfully clear to her now—you’re genuinely in love with danielle, and there's nothing she can do to change that. the way you look at danielle, like a child seeing a rainbow for the first time, leaves no room for doubt. 

it dawns on her that giving up is the only option, and she feels a pang of resignation settling in her chest.

–

nearly three months have passed and both of you have still been ‘pretending.’

neither of you acknowledge that it’s fake, not during the weekly dates, study sessions, and late night walks or movie nights that end up in the two of you falling asleep together. danielle doesn’t think twice when kissing your cheek here and there, even your knuckles when she thinks you’re asleep. 

you figure that maybe it’s okay to kiss her cheek too sometimes because she’s her lips turn each time. and when you pick her up for weekly dates, she happily jumps into the passengers seat of your car as if it weren’t just a mutual agreement. sarah has already given up, considering she seems defeated, and you wonder if you should too. 

you can’t tell if it’s just how danielle is, which eats you inside. everything feels all too real, and your feelings only grow more unbearable.

–

you shouldn’t have let jimin drag you out to minjeong’s party. she’s already left the moment you stepped into the house, she’s probably gotten a hold of a drink already.

jimin had noticed how deeply stressed you've been lately. your responses were slower, your shoulders seemed permanently slumped, and the stress was practically etched into your face. being one of your closest friends, jimin decided that it was time for a change. she was determined to get you out and help you relax, knowing how crucial it was for your well-being (and social life, to be completely real).

walking around, you scan the crowd for a familiar face. unfortunately, the only people you recognize are sunghoon and jake, who have a history of hitting on you despite your clear disinterest. they still haven't grasped that you're a lesbian. you quickly decide to steer clear of them.

the only reason you’re here is because you’ve been throwing yourself into your studies, staying late at the gym, and doing too much to avoid danielle – or even the thought of her.

(which is unfortunately impossible since every little thing reminds you of her.

the flowers on the counter at your work remind you of her smile, the couch in your apartment is where you two have spent hours together, and really, you’re hopeless.)

you find jimin outside on the porch with her other friends that you’ve only talked to once or twice. they’re all talking about something, clearly tipsy, and you’re walking over to linger near your friend.

“y/n! oh my gosh girl, where have you been? come here, have a drink!” jimin grabs your arm, pulling you in and hugging you like she hasn’t seen you in forever. “here, take a shot.”

she hands you a shot of what you assume is some cheap vodka, you didn’t even have time to pregame for this. you’re not against drinking, not at all, if anything you’re all for it. there’s videos of you in groupchats shotgunning beer and finishing with barely any reaction – but tonight, you don’t know if you’re in the mood for it.

one won’t hurt, maybe it’ll erase danielle from your mind for a moment.

“fine.” you grab the small glass, then bring it to your lips and cock your head back, eyes pinching for a brief moment as you swallow. “shit,” you mumble, “give me another.”

you don’t know what has taken over, because you’re downing two more without hesitation. jimin laughs and smiles proudly at you.

for a brief moment, everything feels fine. the music blasting from inside the house, a mix of charli xcx and the chatter of your friends mocking one of your professors and jake, makes you laugh out loud. amidst the chaos, you find a beer in your hand, and somehow, you manage to tolerate the taste. wonyoung appears too, and hands you another after you quickly finish the first. you accept it, even though you're already starting to feel a bit fuzzy.

jimin looks at minjeong with a sparkle in her eyes, and you subtly push her a little closer until their shoulders touch. they exchange smiles, and you watch, feeling proud of your matchmaking. 

your heart sinks as it suddenly reminds you all too much of danielle. the fondness and spark between jimin and minjeong make you frown, your grip on the beer tightening as the bittersweet memories flood back.

“fuck,” you practically whisper. “i need to, i’m going to get more um, drinks.” 

“hm? okay.” jimin says quickly, then turns back to the girl she’s linking arms with.

your head pounds, so you gulp down the can of beer in your hand, then crumple it and toss it toward a trash bin in your line of sight. 

as you make your way to the kitchen, you spot a bottle of vodka and pour yourself a shot into a plastic cup you found. the liquid burns your throat, intensifying the ache in your head. despite this, you pour another shot, perhaps a bit too generously, hoping to numb the growing pain and the emotions clawing at your heart.

the room feels like it’s spinning, you’re walking down some hall and blinking and blinking until you reach a bathroom. thankfully, no one is making out in it, but you check the shower for safety measures. 

you’re finally alone, groaning as you fall against the wall of the bathroom and slide down until you’re sitting on the bathroom floor.

clumsily, you grab your phone from your back pocket. the screen lights up to a picture of you and danielle, cheeks squished together and smiling. 

you stare at it for too long, your breath hitching and your vision blurring as the ache in your head intensifies. the happy memory contrasts sharply with the heaviness you feel now, making it all the more difficult to look away. she just looks so cute in it.

you tap your screen again, and another picture of her appears. it’s a picture of her asleep in the passengers seat, head tilted uncomfortably and lips parted slightly. you had set up your lock screen to cycle through images of danielle, initially to fool sarah, but also because seeing danielle’s face as soon as you pick up your phone makes you feel at ease. each photo captures her different expressions—laughing, pouting, lost in thought—and they all make you grin. 

the happiness you feel is bittersweet, knowing it’s all part of an arrangement that feels increasingly real to you.

your vision is a little unclear, but somehow it sharpens just so you can see her perfectly.

“fuck,” you gasp out, unlocking your phone and trying to navigate to your recent calls. you had called hanni earlier and she had just been lounging at her place. you figure that she’d be able to take you away from here.

you squint, pressing on the contact that has a and n, assuming it’s hanni, then wait as the phone rings.

“hello?”

“hanni, i’m… can you pick me up?”

“y/n?” her voice is muffled when it reaches your ears, “are you okay? what happened, where are you?”

“jimin… dragged me out. i drank… soooo much.”

“y/n, oh my gosh.”

“hanni, stay on the line, please.”

“i’m not–” the voice cuts off, you drop your phone on the carpet. “hello?”

“you have my location… right.” you slur, head leaning against the wall even more. “hanni i can’t do it anymore.”

“y/n, i’m on my way. are you alright?”

“hanni, i can’t.” you groan, staring up into space. “i don’t want to fake date danielle anymore. it feels too real, i hate it.”

silence follows before you hear the voice on the other end of the phone.

“you can’t? why, why didn’t you tell her?”

“she seems happy, and… we just, don’t acknowledge that it’s not real.”

“y/n…” 

danielle sits in her car, heart sinking. 

you dialed her on accident, and it doesn't seem like you know it’s her. 

“please come. please.”

danielle gulps, feeling tears forming in her eyes. 

–

danielle scavenges through the house your location on her phone has brought you to, looking around for you helplessly. 

she makes her way to the porch and spots jimin, who’s hands are on minjeongs neck as she holds her in place. danielle walks over, not wanting to disturb the intimacy, but you’re her biggest priority, so she’s willing to do so.

“jimin,”

she turns around, looking at danielle confusingly. “oh, when did you get here?”

“where’s y/n?”

“hmmm… she went to get drinks a while ago, she hasn’t come back yet. try the kitchen?”

“okay, thank you.” danielle says hurriedly, then rushes back inside.

she checks the kitchen, only to see jake and sunghoon with beers in their hands as they cackle loudly. you’re nowhere in sight, making her bite her lip in frustration.

danielle goes through every room on the first floor until she reaches a bathroom. she pushes the door open, and it suddenly stops, hitting someone. a groan escapes from behind the door.

"i'm so sorry!" danielle rushes out, peeking around the door to see who she’s just collided with. "y/n?" she gasps, eyes widening in recognition and concern.

you’re sitting against the wall, hair tousled and cheeks red. there’s a white tank top hugging you, the thin straps of it loose against your skin from your posture. 

“hanni?” you look up, squinting. “i wanna go home.” 

you see the figure move closer to you and close the door, then she squats down and you realize it’s not hanni. danielle comes into view, her eyebrows creased with concern. your cheeks flush even harder, and your lips part.

she puts a hand on your forehead, then cups her cheeks with both. “are you okay?”

“you’re not… hanni.”

danielle’s shoulders fall down a bit. “hanni um,” danielle hates lying, but she’s doing it now to save you from spiraling. “she sent me over.”

“oh.” the response from you cracks her heart slightly. “okay.”

"let's go," she says firmly, helping you up. despite being taller and more muscular than her, you lean on her for support. danielle manages to steady you with surprising ease, guiding you out of the bathroom and through the house, her grip strong and unwavering.

–

you collapse onto danielle’s couch and groan, your body is limp against the cushions.

a few moments later, she comes back with a cup of water, placing it on the coffee table before she sits you up. she tilts your chin up and you look at her with wonder as she grabs the cup and holds it to your lips, “drink.”

“mhm.” you mumble, sipping slowly and swallowing. 

your vision clears slightly, though it might just be danielle who’s grounding you. her concerned eyes meet yours, and while guilt tugs at you, you're also captivated by her beauty in this moment. you're drunk and out of your mind, thoughts muddled and unfocused.

“pretty.” you sigh dreamily. 

“y/n,” her voice is laced with uneasiness. “drink more water.”

“okay.”

“and stay the night, okay? you um, left…” she swallows hard, fighting back a frown. “you left your clothes here, i’ll go grab them.”

“can you stay with me though? will you? i really… just… i want you here.” 

danielle bites the inside of her lip, her eyes wide with confusion. just moments ago, you had admitted that you wanted to stop the whole ‘relationship’—that it had become too intense, too overwhelming. and now, you’re asking her to stay? her mind spins with the jarring shift in emotions.

you lean in, clinging onto her. danielle feels the warmth of your breath and the softness of your nose brushing against her neck. the touch sends a shiver through her, and she swallows hard, struggling to steady her breathing. as you pull back, your faces are mere inches apart. you lock eyes with her, your gaze heavy with so much. 

there’s a lump in her throat. “okay.”

–

danielle wakes up with you on top of her and your head in the crook of her neck. she hears you breathing softly and subconsciously, her hand slides into your hair.

why are you so confusing? danielle wonders, twirling your hair with her pointer finger. is this what you really want?

you’re incredibly considerate, a trait that’s always shone brightly. the way you go out of your way for her—planning dates, cherishing every moment together, simply because it makes her happy—fills her with a bittersweet feeling. she adores these shared moments, savoring the illusion of authenticity. but now that it’s clear that all of it strains you, it weighs heavily on her heart.

you stir awake, your breath warm and rhythmic against danielle's skin. as you hum softly, her cheeks flush a delicate pink. she feels the gentle pressure of your arms tightening around her, pulling her closer. you shift, nestling deeper into her, finding a more comfortable position. each movement sends a shiver through danielle, leaving her heart fluttering like crazy at eight in the morning.

she doesn’t know what to do.

–

danielle doesn’t ask you out or come over the whole week, excusing herself by saying she’s busy or caught up with things. of course, you don’t comment on it – she’s not really your girlfriend, you shouldn’t expect her time and affection. 

but then another week passes by and you don’t get any texts back, sometimes she even leaves you on delivered for hours. that’s not like her at all. 

you catch her in class and she’s still the same danielle you know – bubbly, pretty, and sweet – but that’s really the only time you see her these days. 

it’s confusing, all too confusing, so you barge into hanni’s apartment on a thursday evening because she’s the only one you can rant to about this.

“you didn’t even text me–”

“oh my god i think danielle fucking hates me.”

hanni lets you storm in, walking towards her room and flop onto her own bed. you look devasted, especially when you rub your face in your hands and groan loudly.

“okay, first of all: why the hell would she? second of all: yeah, why… why would she…?”

“she’s been avoiding me and i have no fucking clue why.”

“dude what.” 

you recount the entire story to hanni, animatedly illustrating every detail with exaggerated hand gestures. “so, jimin practically dragged me out to unwind, and i ended up drunk out of my mind!” you say. your hands wave dramatically, punctuating the story as you describe stumbling around, the room spinning, and how the whole ordeal felt like a whirlwind. 

hanni watches, her amusement growing as you explain the night’s events. “jesus.”

“yeah, and then danielle came and picked me up.”

“she did?”

“yeah… you called her over… didn’t you?”

“dude, what are you talking about.”

you pause, looking at her with confusion evident all over your face. then grab your phone, heart feeling strained when you see danielle posing with a stuffed animal that one time – out of many –  you two went to the mall together. you click on the phone app, looking at your recent calls and scrolling down to roughly two weeks ago.

you see hanni’s contact name, and then danielles after.

“hanni, did i… did i call you that night? two weeks ago, the friday night i went out.”

“dude you only called me that morning or something, you left something here.”

“oh my fucking god.” you gasp, putting a hand over your mouth. “oh my god.”

“y/n what.”

“i drunk dialed dani and i thought it was you. she told me you sent her to grab me…”

“what did you say to her?” hanni asks, looking at you with slight worry.

you groan, rubbing your face again. “i… i said i didn’t want to fake date her anymore.”

“oh, well that’s not too bad.”

“no, i remember it somehow. i said i hated it.”

your best friend looks at you, confused again. “you do?”

“yeah, but like, no?” you groan once more and fall onto the bed again. “hanni, i’ve… i’ve liked danielle since first semester.”

“oh.”

“yeah, oh.”

“you’ve been fake dating and simultaneously in love with her?”

you sigh. “yes.”

“holy shit.”

“yeah. i think she took it the wrong way, maybe she thinks i hate her?”

“you need to talk to her.”

“she doesn’t want to see me.”

“no, she’s so fond of you. i honestly think she likes you back.”

“okay it’s not the time for that–”

“shut the hell up bro.” hanni pinches your cheek and you slap her hand away. she begins again, “dude, she rambles about you and shit. there were times i actually thought you guys were really dating.”

“i wish.”

“then make it come true!” hanni groans. she pulls you up, then puts both hands on your shoulder. “you need to go talk to her, stop being a pussy.” 

“it’s not that–” 

your phone vibrates in your hand, snapping you out of your animated retelling. instinctively, you glance down and see a notification from danielle. hanni notices the shift in your expression, quirking an eyebrow as you stare at the screen, looking visibly distressed. she leans closer, peeking at the notification.

as your face unlocks the phone, the text is revealed: "can you come over? we should talk." your mouth drops open slightly in shock, and hanni mirrors your expression. the room suddenly feels heavy.

“dude.” hanni points at the screen – the obvious. “she–”

“fuck me.” you mutter, “fuck me.”

“dumbass,” hanni says, pushing you off her bed. you curse and look at her with “what the fuck?” written all over your face. hanni stands up and continues to push you out her room, saying, “go see your ‘girlfriend,’ even if it’s not real you better go talk to mo dani.”

you sigh, pushing her off you and grabbing your things before you walk towards hanni’s apartment door. you stare at the handle, then the text, and linger for a moment. hanni puts a hand on your shoulder and you look at her.

“i’m fucking terrified.”

“well you’ll feel even worse if you don’t go, so go.” hanni urges, opening the door and nudging you out.

–

the air is cold, it’s really just cold outside and it makes you shiver more than you already are just from the thought of the interaction.

you’re outside danielle’s work, sitting on the steps because you can’t bring yourself to go in and approach her directly. maybe it makes you a coward, but you’ve always been nervous about seeing her willingly and making the first move. the minutes stretch on, each one making you more anxious, but you can't help it. the thought of facing her, of initiating that crucial conversation, ties your stomach in knots. she called you out here anyway.

wind hits your cheeks and you bite your lip, walking around in your place in an attempt to warm up. then, you catch someone in the corner of your eye, so you turn around and meet danielle.

a loose sweater drapes over her frame, and wide-fit linen pants hide the shape of her legs. the wind tousles her hair just as it does yours, but she looks effortlessly angelic, stopping your heart for a moment. her hair, caught in the breeze, frames her face in a way that makes her seem almost ethereal, temporarily making you forget your worries.

then she’s walking toward you, and you remember why you’re here.

you swallow hard, body tensing. 

“thank’s for coming, i’m sorry i haven’t been.. um, able to spend time with you.” she looks nervous, her eyes avoiding yours and hands fiddling with each other. she stares at your necklace instead as she continues, “i’ve just… i wanted to talk to you about what we have.”

“right, i wanted to talk to you about it too.”

“oh,” danielle says quietly. “i’m sorry, i didn’t want to be a burden. you called me instead of hanni the night you got drunk and i know how you feel about fake dating. i’m sorry that you had to do it with me and it caused you so much stress i just–”

your heart aches as you listen to her ramble, guilt evident in her voice for something that’s not her fault. you can't bear to hear her blame herself. your brows furrow with pity as you gently cut her off, “danielle, no, let me–”

“stop, i want to make myself clear. i want to explain a lot of things to you, you’re so lovely and sweet and you don’t deserve to be so stressed. it’s just, okay, wait.”

she pauses, breathing in, and looking at you with tears lining her eyes. your breath shakes looking at her like that, you can’t breathe or speak in the moment.

danielle purses her lips before continuing, “okay, when hanni first said you wanted to date me, i got so excited because well, i always thought you were cute.” she turns her head to the side and bites her lip before looking back at you. “and then you said it wasn’t an actual date, you wanted it to be fake. i don’t know i just, i felt really sad when it happened but at the same time the thought of fake dating you didn’t seem too bad because i’m selfish and i mean, i liked you a little and i thought i could just fake it and revel in the artificial aspect until i got over it but i ended up falling for you so much and i’m sorry. i don’t want you to think im anything like sarah–”

“danielle, stop.”

“no, y/n i just want to explain myself–”

“danielle, shut up, oh my god.” you gasp, looking at her in disbelief. “you, are you fucking with me?”

she looks at you, still feeling guilty. when she blinks, two tears fall down her cheeks and she inhales sharply as she conceals a sob. she turns away, then murmurs, “no, i’m so sorry.”

“n-no, no. dani, danielle.” you almost breathe it out, then bring both hands to hold her face. your hands cup her cheeks making her face you. “please stop crying, i’m sorry, baby, i’m sorry.”

“b-baby?” she says, confusing taking over her features. you had gotten so used to calling her endearing pet names that it slipped out so suddenly in the heat of the moment.

the lights outside shine just enough for you to see her clearly. her eyes are watery, tears staining her cheeks, and you use your thumb to gently wipe them away. her nose is a little pink, and so are her cheeks. of course, she’s a pretty crier too, but you look at her with guilt, shaking your head as you continue to stroke her cheeks with your thumb. the sight of her like this breaks your heart even more.

“i only said i hated it because it was all too real, but not in a bad way. not at all.” 

“really?” she says between sniffles. “w-what do you mean?”

“i’m saying that,” you use your thumb to rub a tear threatening to fall from the corner of her eye. “i hated it because i couldn’t take the fact that it wasn’t real. i wanted it to be real. danielle, i’ve wanted to be yours since you first gave me the notes from the first lecture we had together.”

“what?”

“danielle,” you almost whisper, then kiss her forehead. “i like you so much. i don’t hate you, or this – i hate that it’s not real.”

her mouth opens in shock as she looks at you, sniffling. you anxiously wait for a response, hoping she'll say something, but she doesn’t. instead, she hugs you, wrapping her arms around you tightly. you return the embrace, holding her just as tight. the world around you fades away, leaving only the two of you in the nerveracking moment.

“i like you too – a lot. i was so scared when you said you hated it, i thought i was making you uncomfortable and gosh i just felt so bad and–”

you rub her back with your hand and cut her off, “i was anything but uncomfortable, i felt like i was living in a fantasy.”

“thank god.” danielle sighs in relief. 

you pull away, looking at her again and wiping remnants of tears with your thumb again. “i’m sorry for making you cry.”

if you could go back and punch yourself for being stupid — you’d do it in a heartbeat. a dumb slip up and miscommunication from your lips is the reason danielle’s nose is still tinted pink from crying, you feel guilty as ever.

in your hands, it feels like you hold the world. she shakes her head in your hold, then smiles from relief.

“it’s okay.”

“are you busy after this?”

danielle giggles, shaking her head again. “if you’re asking me out on a date – a real one – then absolutely not.”

“dinner? it’s on me for being stupid that night, and this whole time.”

“perfect.”

you smile sweetly at her, your gaze lingering on her lips. before you know it, you lean in and boldly peck her right then and there. she gasps when you pull away, looking at you with widened eyes as you back off. but then, she reels you in again, leaning closer and kissing you once more. the kiss is soft and warm, filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that have built up between you. you feel her smile against your lips, and everything else fades away.

when you part again, you look at her fondly and ask, “wait, this is real, right? like, we’re…”

danielle laughs, hastily pecking you once more and lingering close.

“i don’t think it’s the alcohol that made you so dense and stupid.”

[6okuto]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeyFC7mc/ this but with keiji 🫣

(link :3) Stop. i literally have a multi-chara plan in a doc for this rn. STOPP MY KEIJI :((

a little suggestive, gn!reader

keiji didn't have a bad day, and when he's expected to join four different meetings in the next couple of weeks, alongside editing longer chapters than usual in time for this week's publication, not having a bad day is all he can really ask for.

though, maybe there's one thing, one privilege he'll always ask for at the end of the day to make it a little better.

"keiji!"

your voice rings clear as you jog to meet him at the entrance, slippers loud against the wooden floor. he hangs up his jacket just in time for you to grab his hands with a grin— "c'mere, i need you for a minute."

his lips form a half-smile, even as he furrows his brows while you pull him into the living room. "no 'hello'? no 'how was your day?'"

you turn to look over your shoulder. "hi, baby, how was your day?"

"it was okay, could've been better. thanks for asking. how was yours?"

"mm, could've been better, too. but i'm gonna make your day right now, sit down."

and he does, of course; he lets his bag fall off his shoulder and land on the rug, untucks his shirt and pushes up his glasses that have fallen down the slope of his nose. all the while, you take a seat beside him, close enough that your thighs touch, and balance your phone on the coffee table against the books that keiji thrifted a week ago.

he makes sure he isn't staring at you when you finally turn the camera on.

"wanna record a video with me?"

"people usually ask that before setting up the camera," he points out, "but, yeah, okay. do i have to do anything?"

"no, well, yes, but it isn't hard or anything. i'll explain when i hit record."

and before he can ask if this is another prank trend, you've started recording with a smile on your face.

"hi, guys! so, i saw this trend going around, and i wanted to try it out."

keiji narrows his eyes.

"basically, i have my husband here, say hi, keiji."

"hello- wait—"

"and he's going to list off his favourite colognes, and i'm gonna rank them!" you turn to face him, feigning innocence you know you don't hold. "go ahead, babe."

it's obvious what's going on, what this video is really supposed to be. he knows, and yet he can't stop from looping that word in his head again—

husband.

husband?

his eyes flicker down to your ring finger, then back up to your eyes.

keiji thinks he's stopped breathing.

he has stopped, actually—he's doing it manually, telling his brain to let out the carbon dioxide in his lungs for oxygen.

in,

husband-

out,

husband-

in-

would you like him as your husband?

out-

it's a push and pull, and when he thinks he can manage to say something, a "seriously?" or "well, the one i bought recently has a vanilla note that i've been enjoying," you make eye contact with him through the screen. again—

"c'mon, husband."

his head drops to your shoulder, and he pouts at the immediate laughter that follows.

"what's wrong, keiji?"

arms wrap around you, a hand finding its way to rest on your hip. "stop."

"stop what?"

"i hate you."

"you hate me? guys, my husband hates me, can you believe that?"

"oh my god."

keiji burrows his face into the crook of your neck, and you yelp as he nips at your skin— "keiji!"

your voice makes him pull you closer, hide a little longer, because despite everything, he knows he has a stupid, lovesick grin on his face, and that's something he wants only you to see.

so it's only after you reach to stop the video (with no help from your boyfriend that continues to cling onto you) that keiji finally looks at you, his cheeks flushed pink as he smiles.

then his fingers climb up to your waist, his skin warm against yours under your shirt, and it's your turn to be shocked this time,

"what are you—"

heat travels up your neck as his eyes look down at your lips, and he asks, "can i try to make your day better too?"

[penaltyboxboxbox]

19 sebchal (especially considering the everything happening with charles rn)

Sebchal - talking late into the night. i do really like writing sebchal even tho i dont talk about them much here...we're gonna go 2019 teammates era. infidelity mentioned. not necessarily the most comforting but have fun.

-

It makes Seb feel like a teenager.

A stupid teenager, specifically.

He's had a few glasses of wine and Charles is facetiming him, he insisted on doing so. Seb doesn't like doing it, and he feels like an old bitch, rolling his eyes at Charles and the others when they answer the calls so casually in the middle of a crowd. In the middle of a conversation.

He kicks himself mentally. You're not that old, Seb.

But Charles is that young. Twenty-one? Christ, Sebastian.

He kicks himself again. Literally this time, wincing at the hard heel of his dress shoe against his own ankle.

He pulls them off, one by one with the opposite foot. He balances the phone against the lamp on the bedside table, Charles rattles on about something. A pair of pants he's considering, what his mother sent him in the mail, a text his friend sent that was apparently so hilarious.

Seb didn't get the joke but nodded, smiled, sharp and flat. Charles smiled back, face still pink from his own laughter.

He tries not to stare at the admittedly blatant way Charles licks his lips, lets his eyelids flutter. Making a quiet little show of watching Seb take off his watch. His wedding ring.

It hasn't even been on long enough to leave a tanline yet. He doesn't have the excuse to having to take it off for work.

Still, he is, taking it off for work.

The skid of metal on wood feels jarringly loud.

"You looked very handsome tonight." Charles smiles, like a pleased cat through the screen.

"Too bad I did not have a date." The back of his neck feels hot at the way Charles squirms at the flirtation. "Needed someone to answer all the annoying little questions from boring old men."

"Oh come on, they are not that bad-"

"See. You like doing it. You like it."

"I am a good date then."

Seb hangs his head and laughs.

"Yes."

"Yes." Charles confirms.

Seb looks back up at his phone in time to catch Charles pulling his white tee up over his head, his hair poking out in odd directions.

"You got a haircut." Seb notices, beginning to unfasten the buttons of his dress shirt. "It looks nice."

"Thank you."

He watches as Charles situates himself in the frame, watching himself in the thumbnail, not Seb. The hour long rambling conversation, needling questions before, was just leading up to this.

They both knew it. Seb wished he had another drink.

[stringbeanmcmean2]

RANT!!

My only irl friend keeps trying to make plans with me. And I wanna hang out. But idk how to just go out and pretend like my life isn't completely falling the fuck apart around me. How am I supposed to enjoy myself knowing that it's all balancing on the edge of failure. When does life chill the fuck out lol. How are we supposed to fucking make it when I can't go to work because childcare is too expensive? And yeah the state has a program for discounted childcare for low income families but they have a waitlist WHO KNOWS how long. I'm on the list, but it's been months. I can't just go apply for jobs and be like, yes, I'd like to work here, but I don't know when I can start. It's an endless fucking cycle of FUCK. At this point I want, nay, I'm DESPERATE to go back to work. I need the fuck out of this house. I need space from my kids (I love them but also fuck them) I'm literally doing everything in my power not to fucking scream rn. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes trying to fucking sort my thoughts out and separate the rational from irrational and my 4 year old comes up screaming in my face cause he wants juice (he has a cup of water already) even tho I already told him he can't have juice till he finishes his lunch. I just need to get out. Without feeling guilty for possibly trying to enjoy myself. So a job is my only option. I could get out of the house if it's to makemoney.

I just wanna quit. I don't want to fucking be here.

[torschlusspanikattack]

Went outside and crisp air and exact right balance of metabolised amphetamines is immortal—it’s soooooo good—I could do anything, everything, literally winning—unlimited love for the human condition—

—I wish more than anything rn my flat had a balcony—I’m going to get back from lunch (I won’t eat anything bc I went out just to have an excuse to get air today but the amphetamines have already kicked in) and go indoors and my mood is going to crater like Chicxulub* and I’m going to descend into grimy misery writing at my desk writing (accidental repetition left in for emphasis at the state of mind being anticipated) and searching for the proper sources to read literally crammed into my loft living space touching my bed with the unfolded clothes piled to be folded but can’t fold them and put them away bc inescapable dampness would congeal and poison my sense of pleasure at wearing clean, dry garments and can’t hang them to dry on the clothesline bc now flatmate’s turn and their clothes are wet, not merely inescapably damp after 3 days of failed drying and have to take a break from one kind of intensive hunchedbackedness to clean all the dishes before my flatmates execute me for decadent bourgeois individualism (doing only my dishes and not theirs last week and also claiming that if I’m cooking dinner for everyone, I shouldn’t have to clean the pot too bc it’s a negative incentive) and that’s just no way to feel the privilege of breathing

—this type of spiralling thought lies in the future though, it cannot touch me right now, I am breathing crisp fresh air, I’m in a city, I’m outside, I literally cannot comprehend negative thoughts—even the pitch-bleak intrusive ones that plague me consistently, constant companions to the silence between moments slide off like water droplets on a boiling pan, I am literally so free from the flesh and the world except even the sensation and memory of being of the flesh is forgotten in mere moments—if I could savour this moment for an hour each day and act in its embrace for a second hour each day, I would triumph at all the banalities of living; eight (8) hours a day (either one for savouring and seven for motion or one and eight) would elevate me above everyone I have ever met; the savouring hour each hour of awakening and the state for impetus until sleep and I could… the vastness of this [impulse and thought and idea and conception and cerebration (hideous word) and even these are not enough to contain the scope of the way the idea of the idea is expressed (also Max and Annie’s description of Francophone philosophy influenced writing is maybe perhaps exactly how I write and think and think and write (thinking is a kind of writing to me I think (write, as evidenced by this being writing)))] [could not by my meagre powers of English (or even any other language I know or don’t (not to imply the impossibility lies within the languages themselves; only in my current grasp))] be expressed and so the idea trails off into a mere haze that wracks the body with attendant frenzied trembling… (replicated for emphasis, but not the same form of vastness escaping words (and thus thought for my thoughts are wordsome (-some is perhaps my favourite construction in English) in semblance)

*this phrase is inartful but brings me immense joy (I should learn how to pronounce this word too)

[represents a single conceptual unit, and unclear aside, I often think in asides and so write in asides and it renders my writing extremely meandering and my sentences vastly excessive of any potential for legibility if not conceived of in the stream of consciousness from which they were born /** that produced them]

** forward slash with spaces on either side and forward slash with spaces (a / b VS a/b) are completely different characters with distinct meanings and usages (uses?) to me

[devotion-disorder]

HI OMG now that i have ur attention (kinda) w the last ask about dol can i just say that ur blog is one of my favs FR FR!! your artstyle is perfect i wish i was U!!!! smooch smooch smooch chuu chuu chuu x1000000000 chuus i hope you have the best day of ur life everyday!! and that little kylar chibi is so cute :3 in the time that i’ve sent that ask he has since kidnapped me!! <33 i ignored him the entire time though bc why would he do that!! (he’s cute but i can’t let him get out of hand) and i escaped dw :3

okay and note about dol; UR SO RIGHT i love the grind of getting money it’s so rewarding!! i’ve became a little sexy spa girl to entice customers into givang me monay…. ohohoho. but now idk what to do with all of it, what do you spend money on other than baileys weekly payments?? i avoid giving them money HEHE ( but i do pay them once a month though so robin doesn’t get shanked))

love u love u great artist and author and everything!! multitalented starshine!! + + + + + Love

also. what’s Hades… ahaha… ur my game plug

omg anon you are being too nice what the FAWK....im jus your game plug.............asudhaiudhawiudawhiad😭😭😭😭 <- im morphin into this emoji in real time. sentencing you to ten thousand smooches NOW

i also loved to grind for cash in dol LOL but it was mostly just for the millionaire vrelcoin achievement. because theres nothing i love more than meaningless achievements in viddy games😔then once i got it i just spend it on literally anything because money just becomes a non-factor lol

but also thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about Hades. you will regret this. under the cut cause da post is long:

Hades is an indie roguelite game released a couple years ago! and literally I cannot find a single bad thing to say about this game im being serious rn. The storyline? Fucks. The music? Fucks. The art? Fucks. The characters? I need to fuck everyone so bad. The gameplay? I've never been more addicted to dying. and this game is fully voice acted like WHAT?????

In the game you play as Zagreus, son of Hades, and youre trying to escape from your house because you hate your dad and also to find your mom. but theres also tons of other characters with their own sub-plotlines AND there's a dating mechanic. there's honestly so much goddang content and the writing + voice-acting is totally solid!!

i'm not much of a Gamer™ myself and im usually pretty shit (or mediocre at BEST) in action-heavy games, but even i found hades to be super enjoyable :oo it did took some getting used to in the beginning, but after getting the hang of it and because of the game's natural progression it does get significantly easier. I think the game is really well-balanced, and no matter what weapon or boon you use its still really fun.

if i remember correctly back when the trailer dropped it caused quite a stir on twitter/tumblr because it looked so good. And guess what!! they're making HADES 2 BABEY!!! but that comes out in early access next year i think.

so yeah. check it out if you want! or maybe later if you have finals. because I will admit that sometimes.....when i couldve been drawing or doing something productive. i was not. because i was playing hades. so um. sorry guys.

[hyperfixated-homo]

sanders sides as surf instructors hcs because surf lessons are the only good thing that has happened this year

patton is the one who picks up the kids and has to deal with the half hour drive to the beach

virgil just kind of showed up one day and did a bunch of tricks on a green wave, stopped two kids from getting hit by their boards and gave some great advice on how to pop up better

he's just been here ever since. i dont even think he gets paid

roman's the only actual surfer there. he's been to competitions and stuff. he would be their best instructor if he could actually explain what to do better and gave the kids more warning than "okay go"

remus loves messing with the little kiddies and the chaotic energy that comes with so many ten year olds in the same space at once

they love to hang out with him too because he's "a cool adult" and he's really fun in general

they've also nicknamed him stoner. he thinks it's hilarious

logan started a system where they brought rice and noodles for all the kids who didn't have any money to buy food after 2+ hours of surfing. now everyone eats it even though they have the money.

the food they don't eat goes to feeding the stray dogs in the area

there are a couple really young kids in the group (5 to 7). patton and remus takes care of them exclusively because they would probably fucking die in the others care. nobody knows how or why remus is capable of doing that but they aren't complaining

janus doesn't even know how to surf, but somehow he's literally the best instructor they have??

he can spot everything and anything you need to work on and explain it really well but he can't balance to save his life

also the waves highkey scare him but he keeps telling himself that if virgil can do it, he can too

virgil has a banana board. i will not eleborate.

janus doesn't even have a board

logan "borrowed" a bunch of boards from the kids that he "happened to forget to return" so now he just has like. twelve boards.

he asked janus to help him come up with new reasons he has so many everytime someone asks

"i bought them from a drug dealer", "they grow in my backyard", "i find a new one on my roof every other week"

the kids ask every lesson, and he gives them a new reason. virgil and remus have a bet for how long he's gonna keep going

janus and roman 100% gossip with the kiddies after the lesson during breaks. they know all the school drama, and both agree that chloe is The WorstTM. who's jared? no clue, but he broke up with selena last week so clearly he has no taste

a lot of them act like they hate each other once they get off the beach but in the water they're best friends. cheering each other on when they catch a good wave, laughing at some of the failed pop ups, helping the kids together, ect.

thats all i got rn, might add on some stuff for individual kids if yall want it (send an ask if ur interested, i dont wanna write for another fifteen minutes if nobody cares /nm)

[intertexts]

ok you asked about my sad fish boy i hope u know how much of a mistake that is. holy shit. dude jrwi is so fucking good. if u need a new dnd podcast may i please recommend jrwi..theyre pirates. ohhh my god theyre pirates .

so. uhm. fish boy. his name is gillion tidestrider (champion of the undersea, hero of the deep, etc etc about a billion more titles that he just keeps aquiring as the campaign goes on) and hes a paladin with ohhhhh so much of a hero complex. oh my god. dude. hes so . everything to me . (played by charlie slimecicle btw. that guy is so fucking good at balancing silly goofy moments with heartwrenching voice acting. in one of the most recent episodes he is literally. hanging from a hook through his hands missing chunks of skin on 1hp literally only alive because he happened to cast death ward on himself. and hes wearing those goddamn trout fish sandals that u see on facebook ads or whatever.)

uhm. so. holy shit. where do i even start. he is the chosen one of a prophecy that says its his duty to one day choose who will survive between the undersea (triton, underwater creatures, where he grew up) and the oversea (basically. land.) and the other will be destroyed. so when he was very young (i want to say maybe like..5 or 6? i dont remember im actually searching for that info rn for the thing im writing) he was taken away from his family to begin training with the Elders (basically the. rulers of the undersea) . my boy he was raised to be a weapon. he was raised to be a tool (<< real canon words out of his own mouth). my favorite little child soldier. he wore armor that was too big for him and carried swords that were taller than he was. he was raised to put protecting others over his own safety so he rushes out into danger without even thinking about how it might affect him. he is so passively suicidal and ready to sacrifice himself at any minor inconvenience that when this information is eventually put in front of him his response is "what? no, thats what im Supposed to do." a very important phrase for him in early episodes was "whats one more burden?"

also he has a pet frogtopus (frog + octopus) her name is pretzel and she rides around in a little orb on his belt and also on his shoulders sometimes. i love her

(<- official art. shes so perfect in every way)

I THINK I MIGHT BE RUNNING OUT OF SPACE SOON BUT HE ALSO HAS AN OLDER SISTER AND SHES EVERYTHING TO ME OHMYGOD . her name is Edyn and shes so. uaghghhh if i think about her for too long i start crying. im writing a fic from her pov as we speak. she was the only one who would visit him during his training as a kid she was his best friend she wanted to protect him but she was also just a kid so she couldnt do anything but try her best to comfort him. shes the one who gave him pretzel. ohhh my god. i lvoe you edyn tidestrider youre everything to me. giving you a freshly written unedited at all snippet from the fic im writing because it describes how i feel about their dynamic so much better than i could possibly type out in a tumblr ask::::

uhnmmm what else. im so insane about the tidestrider siblings forever. do not get me wrong the other PCs in this campaign are also excellent and i love them (Jay is the daughter of a navy captain who defected to join a pirate crew to figure out what caused the death of her older sister. Chip is. oh boy. orphan who was taken in by a pirate crew when he was 7. pirate crew in question was swallowed by some sort of magic force that corrupted literally a fourth of the globe. but he somehow survived and is now trying to find out if his old family is still alive. jay and chip are like adopted siblings to me. chip and gillion had to roll a performance check for a kiss one time and they both got nat 20s and its all gone downhill from there for them. i love jay and chip dearly but something abojt gillion just scratches a very specific itch in my brain i love him so much and its only partially because hes a fish and im the fish guy.) ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION GILLION IS CANONICALLY ASEXUAL and this is a fact that actually has come up within canon and is not just a word of god twitter mention fact. no. my boy is actively asexual and it makes me soooooo happy forever.

uh. sorry for the wall of text. infodump over. im forever crying abojt pirates and fish people . thank u i love u

OUSUGHFGHFJHH................... I LIKE UR FISH BOY MAC. IM A BIG FAN OF UR FISH BOY. i heard paladin with a hero complex & it was immediately a direct hit thats so... ouuhgh. child soldier character type of guy makes me go bonkers!!!! this whole paragraph is like five critical hits in a row... im so curious now.... also ive seen SO much art for these guys jay also looks so cool? her art is always so compelling 2 me... anyway OUHG. i'm currently working my way through friends at the table twilight mirage (meticulously crafted post-utopian cyberpunk/science fiction about mechs and gods and mech gods and more specifically Dead mech gods & living in their husks & humanity & nonhumanity & empire, etc) + tryna catch up on critrole but... hgghhbh. we'll see. we'll see what happens...

[bugs-in-the-dirt]

insanely casually remembering being fucking obsessed with anything and everything related to Ancient China as a child but also that i

walked, balanced, and sat on my toes 24/7

imagined having and utilizing a tail to the point of forgetting i didnt actually have one

climbing shit and hanging from said shit

literally trying to be a monkey cuz i thought i was one

this coincidence shit's freakin me out now what the fuck

i know i said before that i kin macaque but i cant tell rn like

emotionally and backstory-wise? definitely macaque, without a doubt.

behaviorally and personality-wise? mk

intuitively?? wukong

help im scared idk what to DO

[kisstheloststars]

Yikes. I thought one of my friends learned her lesson and knew how much it hurt me to see her hanging out with this guy who, to put it short, led me on/bullied me. But nope. There she is hanging out with him ✨️coincidentally✨️ on a night out. After all these years. Right there on insta.

So not only did she completely ignore his treatment towards me, she went on a few dates with him, kissed him probably more than once all those years ago, practically broke down when i said i cant be happy for her or support her, invited him to her houseparty knowing I don't fucking like him, and DEFENDED him whenever I'd bring up how shit he is, and just overall.

Last I checked, weren't friends supposed to? Um? Support you?? Say fuck you to people who treat someone so awfully and make them feel small??? Especially if said someone is your supposed friend? What about the fact that she gave me a place to stay when I ran away from home for a while. She offered to let me crash with her? Like??? Is all of that discounted? Do I have no right to be upset or something???

Actions speak louder than words and she thinks she can have both me being cool with this, as long as she 'supports' me with other things? Like no.?? You're ADDING to trauma, you're ADDING to hurt. I don't fucking CARE if you helped me in one of the best ways possible. That doesn't give you a free pass to hurt me all over again??? Or to downplay it as "Oh it's not that deep or serious uwu what about everything I've done for you?"

You can literally excuse yourself. Walk the other way. Talk with literally ANYONE but him at a work event.

Idk about y'all but I'm fucking livid rn. Imagine getting trauma fueled by a creep like that and ur friend is just like "omg uwu I have romantic history with this guy and yeah trust me it's just not happening, I'm just gonna hang out with him for business purposes!!"

you cant fucking BALANCE the two. you cant be an amazing friend who lets me crash when i needed it most, only to turn around and backstab by hanging out with one of my bullies? Some fucking friend.

[spongeofaces]

HII HELLO!!1!! if youre still doing matchups, i'd love to request a romantic one!

my name is Milo and I'm 19 years old, I really love getting into media n looking up everything there is to know about it. like a while back i watched every single Alvin and the Chipmunks movie/tv special, and another time i had the same thing happen with the Frankenstein book & movies. when one of my friends takes up a new interest i also love hearing every single thing about it. some of my other hobbies include drawing, playing simple games n making nonserious music.

im either infp or isfp, im.not entirely sure yet which, im very socially anxious and though i love meeting new people, talking takes a lot of energy out of me and an evening of hanging out with a new group of people can result in me being psysically ill the next day. i have a really hard time balancing my responsibilities so i often end up tired/dissatisfied at the end of the day. i also have trouble remembering things.

though im not very confident in my abilities, ive been told im a pretty comforting person to be around n talk to! my friends also tend to be really affectionate with me and it makes me feel a bit like a creature sometimes but its sweet so who cares :o]

im pale skinned, i got ginger hair that i dyed blue once (its almost completely grown out so rn i just have blue tips) and my face, arms, legs everything is covered in freckles. i wear a lot of baggy clothes because i dont feel confident in my body and becauuse theyre cozy! i hope this is all coherent and not too much to read through ! havea nice dayy

Dude, I struggled cause honestly I could pair you with almost everyone 😅

---

I match Milo with...

🏹 Rook Hunt 🏹

-:-:-:-

A love story for the ages, the pièce de résistance of all romances. Rook's own words, of course.

He adores you. Completely and utterly. He'll take the time to learn each and every little detail he can, trying to piece you together like a puzzle. Rook wants to know everything about you, his beloved.

Compliments, compliments, and more compliments. And he means every word of it. The boy is enamored with the way you walk, talk, dress, quite literally everything. Give him a smile and he might just collapse.

Movie nights! Snuggle up under a blanket together, and binge through whatever the two of you decide on. If you end up falling asleep, Rook will stay by your side, gently running his fingers through your hair, until he too, finds rest.

He can tell when you need a break, and will usher you off whatever you are working on to spend some time together. Maybe he'll plan a date, or just drag you off to wherever you feel like.

He would quite literally declare his affection to the world if he could.

Gift-giving is to be expected. If you don't end up with some new trinket at the end of each week, I'd be shocked.

I'd also be surprised if he doesn't spout poetry at you at some point. Don't mind it, he's just like that.

Once he learns the activities you enjoy, he'll thoroughly familiarize himself with them, in the hopes of making your time together more enjoyable for you.

Other options: Trey and Idia.

[yippieitsarvensart]

OK OK SO !!! HCS FIRST 👇👇

both the tweels > bpd, autistic. also partially blind in both eyes and wear contacts (morays have shit eyesight), their vision gets shittier the lighter the ambient, + they have shit balance but are pretty fast. they have long hair shaved on both sides, are black w/ vitiligo, notable on their face on the same side of their black hair strand (stolen hc), and have freckles with their merform's colors. oh and their gills never go out so they can breathe underwater + their ears are that shape i drew on floyd always, bc the potion cant take those things away. they have some scars from brawls in the ocean. in my head they also purr. AND theyre both transfem. to me. (they use any prns but mostly he/she) + theyre every gender under the sun & bissexual/panssexual, they date everyone regardless of gender

floyd specific > adhd. gets overwhelmed pretty easily and his meltdowns consist of him whining and crying and breaking stuff and wanting attention. can understand tone when hes in a good mood only + has super control of his tone & voice, not masking just very good w it. he can toletare tight clothing but as long as its 1 item, prefers large ones. also he likes enclosed spaces and needs stimulation 24/7, never stops never stills, either has music or is fidgeting. special interest is fashion (mostly shoes) :3c

jade specific > slight ocd. its not that big but its there. hard to get overwhelmed but when he does he breaks and throws everything around him, even people. has more difficulty w tone and his face + voice is almost always stuck in that customer service one, poor guy. absolutely LOVES tight clothing and tight spaces. hes not very hyperative hes just chillin most of the time. vibrating slightly sometimes when hes vv happy. special interest is mushrooms ofc!

bonus riddle > bdp, autistic, ocd. also has depression & anxiety. uses he/she and is transfem bigender sapphilean (mlm wlw) ! the white strand you comented abt on my art (thank you sm for the kind comments btw <33) is a hc that i have about the after effects of chap 6. she ended up having that white strand and cant seem to get it out no matter what... has dyed it before but gave up eventually. anyways she has chronic pain on her wrists bc of writing so much! i also hc that his overblot left burn scars on his arms, legs & face. in the begginings of nrc time he had an ED, but after his 3rd year he was very recovered and is now pudgy. her special interests are books & hedgehogs :D

(+ i can talk abt silver & sebek if you want :3c)

ANYWAYSS, jchshjds riddle is so silly hes so unaware of social clues poor guy..... its so funny that hes the only one out of the loop there. but they work it out eventually....

honestly im convinced sebek would try asking him on a date and riddle would accept but he would know it was a date. and this happened for a long time. until riddle told trey & cater about him, sebek and silver hanging out and they were like "riddle.... thats a date.... you guys are doing things boyfriends do" and hes all "we are What." jdjwndjsn

I DO HAVE TIME give me some ingredients (ideas) and i'll cook (write) . bc unfortunelly i am not so big on ideas rn 😔😔

also THE IMAGE ?!!??!(($!? HGJDHS ive saved it its so silbekrid....

I was literally looking at this in the morning while eating breakfast like "I'll respond to this after I eat" Now, 7:30pm, I start writing out a response. smh.

YOU LITERALLY HAVE THE CREATIVEST MIND EVER?? THE REALEST THOUGHTS IN THE GALAXY???

I have actually mentioned before that I also think the twins have shit eyesight and how I think it goes down is like; ONLY JADE uses contacts, Floyd finds the idea of putting those things ON YOUR EYEBALLS is like actually disgusting he would rather DIE. So he- Like Jade -Has prescription glasses, but he never uses them unless he's in his own room and wants to actually see clearly. Azul insists he wears them while working in the lounge because he doesn't need Floyd tripping over and breaking things, it would be annoying to clean up after him. (translated: I really don't want you to get hurt please wear ur glasses so I can stop worrying about you) I don't actually have hcs for the twins' sexualities n' genders but I feel like they're so nonbinary spectrum 2 me... and also bi/pan is so real 2me now thhank you... Tweels purring real... idc if eels can't actually purr they can now... The separate-specific hcs I agree with it all, very very super real

YES go ahead and talk about the other two as well I love your massive awesome brain it's so full of things and I need to study you under a microscope methinks... I love love love Silver especially, he's one of the characters that when I hadn't played twst yet he caught my eyeee and I was like !!!! :OOO pretty boy alert!! Although with Sebs it took a little longer, I've only just recently started liking him a lot more but with the help of hcs and deep diving into lore I have quickly warmed up to his character... Love the boy Love him <33

and Riddllleeee... ohhh Riddle <3333 I'm #FallingInLove for real (take this part as inspo for a fic if you want boo, I can write prompts all day) Riddle just being so confused when caycay n' Trey tell her he's been going on dates this whole time. Like why didn't I get told about this. Have we been dating this entire time and I didn't know. And then she has a crisis and freaks out about it because "what if Sebek and Silver didn't know either and they are literally just my friends and they see me as a friend-" and all these 'what if's' go through his head and it makes him go. coo-coo. So he's extra irritable, too many heads are rolling once again, and she's trying extra hard to avoid/ignore/turn down any of Sebek's and Silver's offers to hang out BECAUSE SHE JUST FEELS SO AWFUL ABOUT IT like they really. REALLY need to talk it out. SebeSil go to someone else (can't think of any1 rn, maybe lilia?) to ask for advice on what to do... AUUGHHH then idk 1000 words later they k-k-kiss and make up (like the song. aha)

[sunnysheep]

ok so there has been major progress in the Sheep Plays Hockey saga: i have successfully gone to four (4) adult learn to play hockey sessions!

impressive, right? im winning at life fr fr

so a few points of interest in no particular order:

my first session, we started by doing laps around the rink and transitioning from forward to backward skating on the blue line. ok. fine. i can do this (<- lying). cue to me doing an absolute belly flop slide right next to the boards where this coach ass looking mf was just leaning and chatting with the instructors. i think i surprised them lol. dude was super cool about it and gave me very earnest advice about center of gravity and how to better balance (really nice guy, i think he felt bad for me 🙃)

side note: everyone is so supportive!? like honestly i just showed up one day and was like "sup i want to play hockey" and everyone made an effort to get to know my name and everything. Completely different from my experiences with figure skating where everyone did their own thing!

side note on the side note: everyone found out i am a complete newbie pretty quick and they are soooo supportive of me. like i always finish way behind everyone during drills but they cheer me on and its actually so amazing.

glove taps can mean so much. enough said.

as i had never played hockey with a stick/puck before going to these sessions, my stick handling and passing could use some work to put it lightly. But! i have made some serious improvements and also gained some massive respect to the pros. the puck is literally my worst enemy rn. slippery fucker

my funniest accomplishment is making crisp tape-to-tape passes to the opposing team in 3 on 3s 🤪! (unlike geno, i do not make tape-to-tape passes to my team to balance it out so ummm oopsies)

my favorite accomplishment is probably figuring out how to stop on one foot! (umm lets just ignore my two-foot hockey stop we dont need to look at it) 😎😎😎

hockey gear Stinks. Bad. especially second hand gear! especially when the only place to hang it up to dry is right next to your bed! do yourself a favor and dont hang it up right next to your bed. i have yet to come up with a solution other than dousing it with teatree oil spray immediately after getting home from the rink but at least i am the only person who has to suffer it

shout out to the two men on my team during my last 3 on 3. they are the real ones. "just pass it to where no one else is, we'll get it" and then they did. kings!!

Overall, I have had a blast learning to play hockey so far. It has done nothing but encourage my obsession with watching hockey players skate. And now i can be like "hey, i can do that! not well, but i can do that!" and that is sooo cool fr. I literally vibrate in anticipation before my weekly sessions and it so so amazing. 🥰🥰🥰

[numetaljackass]

Not to come on here and complain for the 5,000th night in a row but. I just wish shit was different. Literally every single thing in my life. I wish I wasn’t afab and I wish I could be in a body that I didn’t hate. I wish I had a job that actually paid well. I wish I could afford to move. I wish I wasn’t a coward who could actually stomach coming out to my family. I wish I could let myself be loved by someone else without throwing up 1,000 defenses.

I just hate myself so goddamn bad. Literally everything about myself. Like, I know self deprecation isn’t cute or quirky or whatever but. It’s genuinely how I feel. Looking at myself in the mirror makes me sick to my stomach. And that’s taking the whole dysphoria thing out of the picture. My personality sucks. I go from being so embarrassingly meek to just being a downright fucking asshole and it’s awful. There’s no balance. And like, there’s something genuinely fucking wrong with me. Saying I’m ‘broken’ or whatever sounds so stupid but like... it’s true. There’s something genuinely wrong with how my brain works and how I interact with other people. Like making friends is goddamn impossible and I can’t let me guard down long enough to get close to anyone irl at all, romantically or platonically. And it’s so frustrating. I feel such a disconnect with myself and with other people. And it’s not a fun feeling whatsoever. Maintaining relationships is even worse. I rarely ever see my irl friends and while that’s partly because everyone’s busy and have their own lives, it’s also just because I just. Am too drained. For any sort of connection whatsoever. 

This isn’t the life I want to live, and this isn’t the person I want to be. But Idk how to be any different though. Like yeah there’s the whole thing where it’s like -- you’re under no obligation to be the same person you were yesterday. But I can’t just change. You can’t just rewire your entire self, no matter how much you hate yourself. But I wish you could. I’d give anything. I’d give anything to not feel so stuck. In this body, in this job, in poverty, in myself in general.  

I just wish I could be someone I didn’t hate. I wish I didn’t constantly feel like I’m drowning. And I feel like no one irl gets it. My bosses don’t realize how much it takes for me to just physically exist, let alone actually come to work every day. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t matter and literally anything I try to accomplish there doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things either.  

I can’t even fault them for it though. It’s not their fault that I’m the way I am. But I genuinely feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. And this isn’t sustainable. Idk how much longer I can keep doing this until I have an absolute fucking mental breakdown. And not to sound like a whiny little baby but it isn’t fair. I didn’t ask to be born and I sure as hell didn’t ask for This Life. But it feels like right now the most I can really do is shrug it off and be like Whatever. I have to stuff all of this shit down so much. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone irl about any of this either because if any of them knew how often I think about just offing myself I’m pretty sure they’d just commit me tbh. (Not that I WOULD but. The thoughts are there. Not that that’s Normal whatsoever but I need to make that distinction.) And as nice as a grippy sock vacation sounds in theory, I don’t think it would help and more importantly it’s expensive. 

Anyway this is rambling and largely incoherent but just. I’m sad. I’m so so so sad. To the point where I need to deflect this post with humor, and say that this is an actual photo of me rn:

[bunathebunny]

counting down the days for 2.7 to see if zhongxiao is there uwu