#literally everyone of these fuckers is such a drama queen

[lastofthe20thcenturygirls]

just because he got promoted from being just a gag character does not mean he ever stopped being a gag character

[newtonsheffield]

so Sophie’s Edwina’s secretary in the bodyguard au?! Oh bless her, she doesn’t get it easy does she 😂😂

Probably pleased she’s not having to deal with the future Queen and her bodyguard drama as that’s gonna be a headache! and all that drama only for Edwina to be like “hold my beer” with Josephine…

Sophie Beckett, Princess Edwina’s private secretary is the hardest working woman in that palace and everyone knows it. Sophie is constantly seen, herding Edwina around the palace with her arms held outstretched, walking forward, giving Edwina little choice but to move in the same direction.

She might not have to deal with Princess Kate and the fact that the Princess is clearly, in Sophie’s opinion, shagging Anthony Bridgerton her head of security. It’s none of Sophie’s business, it’s really not, she just walked past a cupboard in The Small Palace one day and the last time she checked, mops didn’t say “Fuck, Anthony.”

It’s just not Sophie’s problem! It isn’t! She has enough to deal with Edwina, frankly.

“I have a secret.”

Sophie narrowed her eyes at Edwina across the car. “Is it…? About a certain… security guard?”

Edwina narrowed her eyes, “What do you know?”

“What do you know?”

Neither of them spoke for a moment before Edwina sighed, “My secret is different than that. I have a crush on a straight girl I have for a very long time.”

“How long’s a long time?”

“Since I was fifteen.”

Sophie winced, “That’s a long time.”

Edwina groaned, “I know. It’s fucking awful. I haven’t really thought about her in ages and then she showed up at this event and I… fuck. She was my sort of… peer big sister thing when I was at school, she was finishing up when I started and she… is… fucking perfect. It’s annoying.”

“Do I know this woman?”

“She’s… the Duke of Haverford’s daughter.”

Sophie let her mind tick through the list of people, their pictures before she gasped, “Josephine? Ohh she’s pretty.”

“I know.” Edwina groaned, “And I fucking… couldn’t stay away from her at that stupid party could I? I’ve been texting her and it’s a fucking disaster is what it is.”

“Well maybe not, are we sure she’s straight?”

“She told me she was when I mentioned something in passing.”

Sophie winced, “I’m sorry, I guess you need to decide if you want to be friends with someone if it’s going to make you feel like shit. You don’t deserve to feel that way.”

“She doesn’t want me to feel that way.” Edwina’s voice was tiny, staring out the window.

“And it’s not her fault, she is who she is, and you are who you are. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Right.” Edwina nodded, “You’re right. I’m just going to stop. I’ll stop responding to pictures of her cute little sausage dog.”

“What’s the sausage dog’s name?”

“Haggis.”

Sophie let out a squeak. “I’m sorry. That’s…” She scoffed, “Barely a cute name. Fuck Josie.”

“Yeah,” Edwina sighed, “Fuck Josie.”

“I didn’t expect you to take our new mantra literally Edwina!” Sophie hissed as she herded her down the hall, her cheeks still burning from having to keep the king out of his own study months later while Edwina rattled the desk drawers loose.

Edwina grinned, “Well, you know what I’m like.”

“I need a new job. I need to transfer to your sister.”

“Speaking of my sister, have I mentioned Anthony’s brother to you?”

Sophie scoffed, “Oh you are not setting me up with someone to distract me! At least don’t use your father’s office to secretly shag the daughter of one of these rich fuckers! Your father thinks I’m insane!”

[ragingstillness]

Shadow and Bone spoilers - random thoughts from my notes (e2)

I love that this stolen painting of the fold is now our indicator that they're in the crow club.

Why doesn't Kaz tell anyone anything?

Blowing up the crow club is a scorched earth drama queen move and I approve.

"The barrel doesn't belong to kings it belongs to bastards" - ICONIC SHOWSTOPPING WE LOVE LOVE LOVE TO SEE IT

Quoted directly from my notes here: "Give me Ben you fuckers"

Why is Alina trying to seduce the Darkling in the tether?

"You're already dead" oof the foreshadowing

So cute Genya is looking for David and the Darkling is promising he'll find him. It's yet more evidence of how much he cares for all Grisha. He's rescuing them. Now that I think of it, how did Genya end up in a cage anyway? Was she back at the Darkling's encampment in Kribirsk and not on the skiff?

More Genya/David I love this song.

"Fear in a smaller glass is instinct" I am finally actually engaged in the crows' storyline

Nina's love for waffles continues.

Ballsy of the writers to tell us that Helnik had sex off-screen and refuse to show it to us.

Quoted directly from my notes here: "why does Hellgate look like a pair of boobs"

If the Shark Tooth in the side of Tamar's head isn't considered unusual why did everyone act like the bonding of the stag collar was some horrific thing. Not related to this scene just a thought I had, do you need a Durast for every implantation of an amplifier?

Why aren't they showing us Alina dreaming of the sea whip and the firebird? Seems odd after showing her dreaming of the stag and a simple dream flashback wouldn't take much of the runtime.

"You think the three are connected" is it somehow not common knowledge that Ilya created all three? Duh they're connected.

It's sweet that the Darkling knows the names and stories of everyone he ever rescued, really shows he cared.

Genuinely quite surprised that even Inej doesn't know the history with Pekka because in season one she seemed to.

"You're not just sunshine sunshine" lol

I'm kind of in love with Fruzsi but why have we literally never seen her before and why is she filling the role of Ivan or Fedyor? Also, finally we get to see a tidemaker, we've seen almost every other iteration.

The map that Alina had seemed to show the seawhip being in the sea but suddenly it's on an island?

Killing the seawhip was ridiculously easy. Also, the stag wasn't inherently violent, even when its territory was invaded, why was the seawhip violent?

Is it just me or is Nina chubbier this season? Maybe it's just the multiple layers and cloaks and bustle. I can't help but think that they took into consideration the criticism that Nina wasn't "truly" plus-size and this is how they dealt with it.

Inej's leather pants are everything.

I've been told that in the books Jesper is deeply and unrequitedly in love with Kaz but ngl I'm glad they didn't lean in on it and just had Wylan make one suspicious comment.

"My wraith" death, death for Pekka Rollins for a thousand years.

This Morgens character came out of nowhere and the show's acting like we're supposed to know him. And why is he wearing the Daredevil suit and dressing like one of the twelve from Junni Taisen?

Jesper remembering Wylan while lying on top of him is peak disaster bisexual behavior and I approve.

When are they ever going to run out of animal metaphors for Inej and the Crows? It's just constant all season.

Jesper stopping while being strangled to give Wylan a thumbs up is yet more peak disaster bisexual behavior.

I can't help but notice that Aleksander is spending a ton of time in these first episodes perilously close to the fireplace. Is he experiencing some sort of eternal chill/wasting sickness thing like Baghra does?

TW: SELF HARM MENTION

Ok what was he going to do with that hot poker? Burn the hole in his hand a little deeper? Like there's just nothing given as a reason besides the plot insisting that we need to learn about the tether. (I can't help but think of this from a self-harm angle)

Jessie's got some dance moves. It gives me Benedict Cumberbatch learning to Pop-Lock for Dr. Strange vibes.

"My Alina" - cute in fic where they're in a relationship, creepy in all other contexts including this one.

[wasntthataparty]

“I know. But a sick hero isn’t a hero that can fight, you know? We just want to take care of you. Believe me, hiding the fact that you’re sick can have awful consequences. Even when you’re alone. At home, I dread having to face the fact that I’m sick, and it doesn’t help when you’ve got a drama queen for a roommate.” He smiled fondly. “I know that, I just..I feel small, you know?” Wind placed him down in his lap. “I get that.” Legend chuckled. Wind laughed, and then went into a coughing fit. There was probably some type of phlegm in his fur, but he didn’t care about that right now. “But, hey, take it from me, you’re still young, and we all remember being young once, so, we’re worried about you.” He paused, and looked away from Wind to say this. “We all love you sailor, we really do.” “I know, but it- it feels suffocating sometimes! Like I’m just the youngest to you, nothing more! I’m just a kid to you!” “You’re definitely still a kid, but you’re not just a kid.” Legend paused. Wind raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to be corny with it?” “Hell no, that’s so not you.” “You’d be surprised. Movin’ on, You’re a hero, just like the rest of us! We know that! But it’s okay to admit you’re gonna need help. As for feeling small, how do you think I feel, Sailor? I’m tiny compared to you! I’m small even compared to Smithy!” “Not when you’re a human, though-” “Am I a human right now, Sailor?” Wind smiled softly. “No, but, you get my point.” His face contorted for a second, and he sneezed right on Legend. He grimaced, which thankfully doesn’t show well on a rabbit’s face. “And you think it’s bad to be small? You’re telling me, A literal, metaphorical, and all around legend, that it’s bad to be small?” He snickered, and hopped out of Wind’s lap. He thumped his foot, and crossed his arms. “You know, you’re actually a very cute bunny, Vet.” “And you’re quite a cute kid, sailor. We’re the cutest fuckers in this damn group.” “Hell yeah we are!” Wind finally got up. “Okay, I’m sorry for being a baby, it’s fine, I understand you’re worried.” “Yeah, yeah, they’re a whole bunch of worrywarts. I don’t even like you.” Legend rolled his eyes, and Wind picked him up. “Tell me about it, Veteran.” “Good goddesses! Put me down!” He squeaked. “No, I think it’s rather nice having a soft wittle bunny to hold!” “Ugh, okay, jeez, the things I do for these kids…” “Hey, I’m almost 14. In fact, unless the date has changed, I’ve only got a few days.” “Unless the date has changed?” “Well, portal stuff, travel-” “Shit. What’s the date, sailor.” “Should be the 18th?” “Oh god. I’m getting old, Sailor.” “Finally makes sense, given your nickname, Veteran.” He paused. “Wait. How old are you?” “18, going on 19..” “Wh-ha-hat??” Wind stammered. “You’re so young! I thought you were a full grown adult! You’re closer to my age than Time’s.” “Oh, come on, everyone’s closer to your age than they are to the old man’s. And I am an adult, I’ll have you know-” “Then I’m a young adult.” Legend sighed. “No. You’re a teenager. I’m a young adult.” “Hardly. We’re in the same boat. You can’t even get served!” “Don’t tell the old man. Or captain. They’ll never let me live it down.” “Right, right!” He choked, and cleared his throat. “Ouch, okay, I..am sick. I’m sorry.” “Don’t get sappy, let’s go, I can smell the captain’s cheap cologne from here. That way! No, the other way! I can’t really point with my paws, just- just follow the path.” “Following the path, yep!” ———————————————————————————————— Wild looked at the fire. “Okay, I’m making two soups. Whichever one the sailor doesn’t like, We can eat, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, just, get cooking, they’re probably going to be back soon.” Warriors put more wood on the fire. “I really hope the kid didn’t get me sick. I’m not a good sick person.”

“That’s because you’re a certified, well,  drama queen.” Time said, his face staying oddly stoic. Warriors exaggerated a gasp.

“Sprite, you should be on my side! Don’t make me bring up the table-”

“Those bite marks are not mine! I’ve told you that before.”

Wild snickered, and Four raised an eyebrow. “Now, do tell, I’m curious.”

“Bite marks?” Twilight looked at his predecessor. “Old man, tell me you didn’t-”

Wild stirred his pot, humming to himself.

“I didn’t chew on his table.”

“When did I mention chewing, sprite?”

“Admit it! You chewed on the table!” Hyrule shouted.

“I did not,” Time frowned.

“Did it taste good?” Wild asked, taking out bowls, and filling them with his spoon.

“No.” Time murmured.

————————————————————————————————

“If you tell anyone I can’t drink, I’ll tell them you’ve had whiskey on your stupid ship.”

“Oh, ouch. Why do you want to drink so badly?”

“It’s not that I want to drink, per se, I want to see what the Captain is like when he’s shmammered.”

“That’s what you’re after? I want to see what the Rancher’s like.” “I think he’d be a sappy drunk, and I don’t do well with emotions.” Why did he admit that to this kid?

“True. and you do fine with emotions, you know. You just don’t like admitting you have them.”

“Because I don’t, I’m literally a robot and can kill without mercy.”

“Mmhmm.” Wind smiled softly. Legend looked away.

“You’re literally so annoying, sailor.”

“That’s a lot of attitude coming from someone so wittle…”

“Shut up. I just had a great Idea. Do you think I could get the old man drunk?”

“The old man? Ooh, I don’t know, he doesn’t seem like much of a drinker-”

“But what if he’s a lightweight?”

“The old man? Being a lightweight? My bets are on you being the lightweight, buddy.”

“Right.” Legend rolled his eyes. “Okay, if we both keep our mouths shut, I can drink with the old man.”

“I feel like he might be a sappy drunk, that’s the thing…” Wind chuckled.

“You think so? You might be right, I can’t really see him partying.”

————————————————————————————————

“You know, back in my day, I was quite a party animal.” Time chuckled.

“You? I can’t see it.” Twilight shrugged.

“Believe me, he was.” Warriors sighed. “I probably have a few gray hairs from this guy.”

“Hey, you’ve clearly returned the favor, captain.”

————————————————————————————————

“Okay, take a left here-”

“I smell chicken soup!” Wind exclaimed, and ran over to camp. Legend chuckled. Wind placed him on the ground, and he hopped over to Sky, who let him hold the Master sword. He took his human form again, and immediately flushed pink like his hair.

“Don’t mention it.” he says, to no one in particular. Wild snaps a photo of him, and he rolls his eyes. “What did I just say?”

“I didn’t mention it. Just saving it.”

Legend scoffed. Wild wasn’t wrong, but by the goddess, he was annoying. He was his brother, certainly.

“Is that chicken soup?” Wind smiled. Wild piped up. “Yeah, yeah, I made chicken soup..” He gave Wind a bowl, and he sat down with it. “Thank you!”

Wind sat with Legend, and no one made jokes about it. Sky smiled at them, and spoke up.

“So, Sailor, we have quite a conversation to tell you about.”

“No!” Time and Twilight spoke in unison. They both turned to Sky, who just smirked at them.

“Yikes, okay, fine.”

“I’ll tell you about it,” Legend chuckled.

Wind looked up, and Twilight got up to grab Legend. Legend sneezed.

“Ack! Nah, get off me, sick little rabbit!” He spat.

Wild pointed at Twilight. “You! Sick corner now. You three are sick. You’re done. Don’t come near the food.”

“It was just a sneeze!” Legend exclaimed. Wind looked up at him with a shit eating grin.

“Your nose is running.” Wind pointed to Legend’s nose

“Just eat your soup, sailor.” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

this one is just. a silly thing i wrote when I should've been sleeping. cw: swears and mention of sickness (i made Wind get a cold.) The sailor didn’t need to prove he was independent. He’d proven it enough when adventuring, he didn’t need to prove it to his brothers. Except a slight sniffle and a badly covered cough had everyone’s attention. “What?” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. Phlegm came up. “You’re sick! I knew it! Your eyes have been puffy for days!” Legend exclaimed. Wild paused, and stepped back. Time’s face stayed in its usual neutral expression, and he sighed. “We’re making camp for tonight. You need to get better, sailor.” “Goddesses above! I’m fine!” He spat. “Your nose is running.” Legend pointed to it. “And you better go catch it!” Hyrule added. Wind scoffed.“Don’t come near me, I’m not getting sick.” Four added.

“C’mon, keep moving, I am fine.” He spat, and wiped his nose. Time was already setting stuff down. “Old man! Stop that! I can keep walking.”

“We’ve walked far enough, and besides, I believe everyone could use a break.”

“Yeah, but we’re stopping for me.”

“Well, actually, I think I twisted my ankle-” Warriors laughed awkwardly. Wind narrowed his eyes.

“Bullshit, Captain. I call bullshit.”

Warriors paused. Everyone paused. Wind was almost 14, of course he was going to swear, but..he was usually so polite. It was how his grandma had raised him.

“What? Don’t look at me like that. I’m not a little kid, you’re all babying me. Whatever, captain, I’m sorry you fucked up your ankle. Let’s just set up camp, yeah? I’ll go get wood!” He shouted, and stomped off into the forest.

Everyone went quiet, and Wild pulled a pot out of his pocket. At this point, nobody even questioned the magic. He started setting stuff up.

“So, is he more of a chicken soup, or a tomato soup kind of guy?” Wild chuckled awkwardly. Legend’s face was setting deeper into a scowl as the conversation went on. Sky tried to tap him subtlety.

“Hey, Vet, you alright?”

“Worried about that kid.”  He mumbles, and walks over to Twilight. He grabs the necklace, and, for once, takes his rabbit form by choice.

“Do not laugh at me right now. I’m going to talk to the sailor. Might work.”

“Er..alright, do what ya oughta do.” Twilight shrugged. “But ya bett’r brin’ it back.”

“I hope I do, I’d rather not stay like this, thanks.” He rolled his eyes, and hopped off. Wild couldn’t hold back a small giggle.

“God, look at that little bunny butt!”

“Stop staring at my ass, it’s weird. Imagine it’s me. As a person.” a paw goes in the air for emphasis. Wild pauses.

Time lets out a small sigh of..disgust? Devastation? It’s hard to tell, but he grimaces after it fully sets in.

“Okay, yep, that’s weird, my bad.”

Legend laughs, but it comes out as…squeaking. “Stop sweating, Wild, I know you don’t think about it like that, and to be fair, neither do I. Like when wolfie’s wagg- Rancher’s wagging his tail, nobody’s thinking about-”

“Nope! No, no, no, I’m going to stop you right there.” Time cuts him off before he can finish. Twilight’s ears drop, and his cheeks flush pink.

“Can we nawt talk ‘bout me shaking my ass righ’now?”

Warriors chuckles, which follows in a glare from Time and Twilight, but for once, not Legend.

“You’re all awful,” Hyrule snickers.

Sky pinches the bridge of his nose. “I mean, kind of odd that Vet’s thinking about it, isn’t it?”

“Oh, now don’t you turn this on me!” Legend drops his jaw, widening his eyes for dramatic affect.

“I mean, wouldn’t it be more of a wiggle?”

“Shut up, Wild.” Everyone says in unison.

“What? Am I wrong?”

There’s a disgruntled murmuring among the group, and everyone turns to Twilight, who raises his eyebrows.

“Wha-? I ain’t answerin’ that, tha’s a  stupid question.”

“Well, I think that gives us our answer. Wild’s right!” Hyrule claps his hands together.

“What- I din’t say that-”

“So it’s more of a shake then, Wolfie?” Four asks, a smile finding its way to his face. His eyes were a mix of colors. Great. Every single color inside of Four decided to make fun of Twilight.

“Enough! Veteran, go and find the sailor. And take the captain with you.” Time pinched the bridge of his nose.

“The captain?” Legend rolls his eyes. “Alright, try and keep up, and don’t trip over that stupid scarf.” Legend hopped away quickly, and Warriors tilted his head, but followed after.

Sky looked over at Hyrule.

“I think it’s a wiggle, definitely. You know how the smaller dog’s in wild’s hyrule…well, wiggle?”

“Yes! You are so right!” Wild chimed in, and Hyrule and Sky high-fived him.

Twilight ran a hand through his hair.

“Sweet goddesses above, have mercy on me.”

Legend looked around the forest. He sniffed the ground.

“Hm. Smells fresh. And like sea water. Salty. Let’s go.”

“Reminds me of you.” Warriors murmured. Legend scurried off again, and Warriors broke into a sprint to keep up. “Why do you have to be so fast as a bunny?”

“Why do you have to be so slow as a human?” Legend mocked, but he slowed down anyway. “Ay, left turn!”

“Ugh, why do we have to run everywhere?”

“‘Cause the sailor’s sick, keep running, captain!”

Warriors tried to keep his breathing steady, still sprinting to keep up with Legend.

“I am running!”

Legend scoffed, but soon came to a sliding stop. His nose twitched, and he waited for Warriors.

“What? Why’d we stop?

“His shoes are here.”

“Okay, um, but no blood, that’s a good sign.” He took a deep breath. “SAILOR?” He called out, and Legend went to cover his ears.

There was a very weak response, but there was a response. Legend heard it, and ran off before Warriors could call out again. Warriors took in a deep breath, grabbed Wind’s shoes, and broke into a sprint again.

A slight sniffle, followed by a sneeze. Legend heard it clear as day, and only ran faster. Warriors wasn’t keeping up, but he’d figure it out.

He saw a blue tunic, and stopped abruptly.

“Sailor!”

“Go away,” He mumbled, crossing his arms. “I’m fine. I told you all I was fine, I don’t-” He didn’t even look over at Legend.

“Sailor, do you need help?” Warriors piped up.

“Go away, cap’n.” He moved away from him. Warriors paused. “Buddy, you’re sick, you’re alone, we were worried!”

“No ya weren’t! The old man probably sent you. Thinks I’m a fucking kid…” He grumbles.

“I brought your shoes, by the way.”

Wind took his shoes quietly, putting them back on.

“Thank you.”

Legend hopped over to Wind, and he finally looked down at him. “Bunny?” He chuckled, and then sneezed on him. Legend sighed.

“Yeah, hi..”

Warriors didn’t get too close.

“Germaphobe much?” Legend rolled his eyes.

“I don’t want to get sick, sorry.”

“Okay. Then go let the Old man know Sailor’s alright.” Legend murmured, and Wind picked him up, and he didn’t protest.

“Okay. You two’ve…got this?”

“Yeah, we’re fine.”

“Okay.” Warriors walked away,

“And get wood on your way back!” Legend called out.

Warriors mumbled something under his breath, but started to assess branches as he walked, nonetheless.

Legend looked up at Wind, not mentioning how he was still holding him.

“So, Sailor…what’s up? Because it’s not just your sickness talking.” “It’s nothing, I’m just tired of being babied all the time! I know I’m young, but for fuck sake! I’m not a kid!” Legend could feel himself smirking. God, this kid –no, sorry, teenager– Reminded him of when he was younger. “Right, you’re a teenager now.” “Yeah! And I’m a hero, too! I’m not someone’s younger brother that was forced to tag along, I’m a hero just like you guys.”

[gotnofucks]

Lover’s Quarrel

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Summary: You have the powers to resurrect if you’ve been murdered, and a jealous Steve Rogers indulges heavily in your abilities. He would not let you steal his best friend, that was for sure. So what, if your rivalry regularly caused fire and harm to public property? You just couldn’t let the other win. 

Words: 4.3k

Warnings: Smut, enemies to lovers, violence, killings and murders (but reader cannot die, it’s weird. She has some sorta powers that help her revive when she’s been murdered), language, 18+ ONLY

A/N: Is this crack fic? Idk. Maybe?

The sixth time Steve killed you, you decided he needed to be dealt with in a similar way. It doesn’t matter that he cannot come back from the dead like you. He just needed to go. You were tired of him offing you every time he felt threatened by your existence. But this was the last straw. He had pushed you off the Quinjet while flying home from a mission and you’d fallen into the lake and drowned. You would NOT recommend dying that way.

Bucky had dragged out your dead body and watched over you as the blessing of the necromancer worked its magic over you and brought you back to the world of the living. The first words out of your mouth as you spewed out water were, “I am going to kill your best friend and you can’t be mad at me for that.”

Bucky, far too happy to have you back – poor guy still mourned every time you died – ignored your comment and pulled you into a hug. He’d never quiet gotten used to seeing you die. You patted his back, muttering a few there-there’s until he was calm enough to press quivering kisses on your head and temple.

“You need to stop dying.” He said into your hair, holding you close.

“I would not be dying if your best friend didn’t murder me every time! He is a menace, Buck!” You cried in exasperation. The said best friend was watching you from a few yards away, and he rolled his eyes as your words reached him. He scoffed loud enough for you to hear and you sharply turned your head to glare at him.

“You!” You shouted, quickly standing up and marching over to him. “You rascal!” And then you pried out your wet shoe from your feet and threw it at his stunned face. Unfortunately, it didn’t hit his face but smacked against his chest, leaving the wet print of your soles against his far too tight t-shirt. He gaped at you open mouthed before baring his teeth in warning.

“Oh god, every time you come alive again, you’re even more awful than before!” Steve shouted, and then just because he is fucking drama queen, he threw out his hands. You sneered before turning to look at Bucky meaningfully, the most obvious ‘see what a dick he is’ look on your face.

Bucky shuffled uneasily, caught between your quarrel once again. He came behind you and gave you his jacket to wear to shield you from the cold. And just like that, your anger melted a little. Somehow, with his steel blue eyes, Bucky Barnes could sooth every wound you’d ever had. Even those given to you by Steve Rogers.

“I am so sorry. I should have seen what he was about to do. I wouldn’t have ever let you fall had I known.” He apologized and you swore your heart physically quivered. You pulled Bucky into a hug, hiding your face in his chest, savoring his arms coming around you to hold you tighter. You could have stayed in his embrace forever, but it was an annoyed groan that ripped you both apart.

“Is there any way you can stay dead a little longer?” Steve asked, breaking your moment. “I mean, I’ve tired a bullet and knife and water and poison. What can I do that you’d be gone for just a little longer?”

He was worked up, a red flush creeping on his face and neck. Pacing, he was muttering, and you wondered for the millionth time how Bucky could be friends with him. He was just so extra! You wanted to tell him to shove a stick up his ass, along with the one already there when he turned swiftly like the wind and threw a dagger at you. A metal hand caught it before it could hit you and you were pulled into the warmth of Bucky’s body quickly.

“Steve! Cut it out.” Bucky yelled, glaring at Steve. “You will not kill her again. I don’t care if she can come back alive again. You won’t hurt her.”

With that, he dropped the dagger on the ground and walked away with you. Unable to resist, you looked over you shoulder and flipped Steve off. Fucker could kill you a hundred times and yet he would not be able to do anything. As far as you were concerned, Bucky was as much your best friend as his. And if Steve Rogers couldn’t control his jealousy without trying to behead you every time he felt you were stealing Bucky from him, you would just have to make his death look like an accident.

“I don’t think I need to tell you that you can’t kill him either?” Bucky said teasingly, his eyes soft and fond. “I need you both to survive.”

You groaned, bumping your shoulder in his and snuggling into him as a cold breeze hit your wet clothes. He could read you like an open book.

“You are no fun Barnes.”

There was rubble and fires and shrieks. Natasha was yelling in Russian as she ran about with a fire extinguisher and Clint crawled out of his vents to help Bruce out who was turning a dangerous shade of green. Tony was sitting in the ruins of his kitchen, his mouth half open as he spied on the ensuing battle in the middle of it.

Sam was using his shield to push Steve away who was shouting curses that had probably not been invented yet. Bucky was holding you back by your middle, yelling in your ear to calm the fuck down but all you could think of to do was smacking Steve’s face with that chair that was currently on fire. You suppose once everyone was calm, you’d feel guilty about your part in destroying the Avengers kitchen but right now that wasn’t important.

What was important was that Steve had tried to kill you. Again. He had actually thrown a fucking grenade at you. You barely had the time to kick it away where it exploded in the kitchen and then Steve was on you, calling you a bitch in all the 9 languages he knew.

“Calm the hell down, Steve!” Sam yelled, struggling to keep Steve at bay from you. You were glad to see that Steve’s nose was busted. That will teach the bastard to ‘look down his nose’ on you now.

“She pierced my ears! The fucking bitch pierced my goddamn ears!” Steve yelled. Even you had to admit, the golden hoops looked amazing dangling from his ears. Just perfect.

“You are lucky I didn’t stick a knitting needle in your eye Rogers!” You sassily replied, “The only reason you’re still in one piece is because I promised my best friend that I wouldn’t hurt you.”

The muscles in Steve’s arms tensed and Sam groaned, barely keeping his own footing. A dark shadow seemed to have crawled over Steve’s face, turning the blues of his eyes an angry shade and had you been a weaker person, you would have trembled. This was the face of someone who had stood against armies alone and came out victorious. But for all you cared, he could kiss your ass.

“He is MY best friend. Mine. Not yours, not anyone else’s. Bucky Barnes is mine and I will kill you a thousand times until it sinks in your thick skull!” Steve growled. You scowled, a scathy remark bubbling on the tip of your tongue when you suddenly stopped. Why say when you can show? So, looking Steve directly in the eyes, you went limp in Bucky’s arms, turned around and cupped his face. And then you kissed his cheek.

Steve let out a strangled cry behind you, but you focused on Bucky who was blinking in disbelief at your audacity. And so, just for the heck of it, you kissed his other cheek. And then his forehead.

“Bucky Barnes, you are my best friend and always will be!” You said, hugging the life out of him. You heard Steve break away from Sam, heard Bucky yell out a curse and holding you protectively as his jealous pal came rushing to claim him. And all through that and the chaos that ensued later, you just smiled broadly.

Tony was giving a lecture, and he sucked. He gesticulated too much for your liking, and you really didn’t like how he kept emphasizing things by looking pointedly at you. It wasn’t even that much of a big deal, and even if it was, it was not your fault. Like every other time, the only person who could be held responsible was the blond super soldier sitting beside you, wearing the same shade of annoyance on his face as yours.

“I repeat” said Tony, his hair askew, “we do not use Friday to settle idiotic, absolutely ridiculous personal vendettas!”

“You have Friday tell you how pretty you look every day!” You countered and Tony slammed his hand on the table.

“Because I am!” He huffed. “You, on the other hand, stopped a mission in the middle to ask Friday who had a higher score! I mean, what the actual fuck? And what score?”

Steve had the decency to look at least a little sheepish. You however didn’t put up with any of that nonsense. It was his idea anyway, and you wouldn’t take the fall for him. Not when Tony looked murderous like this.

“Rogers bet me he’d take down more enemies than me. We only asked Friday to keep a count. I had literally nothing to do with it.”

Tony turned the ire of his glare at Steve who was too busy giving you a dirty look. He was just pissed you won, and that Bucky had spent the entire ride back tending to your wounds rather than Steve’s. It wasn’t your fault his jealous ass always threw a fit whenever he saw you and Bucky together.

“You said the team could use Friday as we saw fit.” Steve said, though he did look a little guilty. It wasn’t like him to lose command and control. Even when he’d been Captain America, he had never let anything rattle him. Not until you had come prancing in his life and stealing his best friend.

“I said the team could use Friday, not stop everything in the middle of a high risk mission to see who has a bigger dick.” Tony said, and then he just collapsed in his chair. Poor guy had been working too hard to carry the team forward, and in that moment, even you felt guilty. Your rivalry with Steve shouldn’t have to affect everyone else, not when they had been so welcoming and loving to you ever since you joined.

You walked over to Tony and dropped a kiss on his head, caressing his hair. “I am sorry Tones. You won’t have more trouble from me.”

Tony looked at you as if seeing an angel. He looked at you as if you were the solution to all his troubles. Despite every furniture of his you’d broken and set fire to, he was so grateful to have one sane voice between them. Cupping your hands, he looked imploringly at you and asked, “Really? You’re gonna stop fighting with Steve?”

At that, you solemnly nodded and patted his hand gently. Poor him and the poor team going through hell because you and Steve couldn’t settle your differences. It was obvious what had to be done.

“Of course I will” You said magnanimously, because of course you were the better of the two. “Steve just needs to find another best friend and there won’t be any reason to fight anymore.”

If any of them had been drinking water, they would have spit it out. Since they didn’t, they just kind of choked on their saliva and sputtered at you in absolute disbelief. Tony actually looked betrayed and Steve seemed to have licked a lemon, if the look on his face was anything to go by.

“She” He said, voice thick with contempt, “needs to go away. We can launch her in outer space or somewhere from where she can never return. You know why? Because Bucky is my best friend. Since we were yay high!” And he raised his arms a foot off the ground to show just how high.

And just like that, the moment was gone. Rogers opened his mouth and any goodwill you had had went poof. So, you did the only reasonable thing any sane person would do right now and that was to flip him off and call him a pig. You knew he was inching to strangle you; you could see his fingers twitch. A part of you was anticipating it, for Bucky would never forgive him for killing you again. Just as he would have lunged at you, push Tony out of the way and did you away for good, Bucky burst into the room with the expression of a cantankerous 100 year old grandpa who had had enough with the world.

“For fucks sake! Just shut up you both!” He yelled and paced the room. His eyes were bloodshot and hair disheveled, a clear sign that your rivalry was taking a heavy toll on him. Steve opened his mouth to say something when Bucky raised a finger to shush him. “No no no! You listen to me you oblivious, utter moronic fucklets!”

Your mouth dropped open. Bucky never cursed at you. He had never called you a fucklet before.

“You two need to stop. You hear me? You need to STOP!” He raked a hand through his hair before kicking the ground in frustration. “I can’t eat. I can’t sleep! I can’t fucking breathe without you both arguing over who is a better friend to me. So, here’s an idea. Instead of fucking me over in the middle of your sexual tension, why don’t you find a room and fuck each other? Because I tell you now, I cannot fucking take it!”

Silence sat pregnant in the room. You blinked at Bucky. Steve blinked at Bucky. Tony blinked at Bucky. And Bucky didn’t blink at all.

“That – uh – what?” You said, eloquent as ever. “That is so stupid.” And you laughed awkwardly.

Steve glanced at you and then stammered, “What? That – I haven’t – that has nothing to do with it. She and I – what?”

You both found each other’s eye, quickly looked away and just became silent. The tension in the air was suffocating you, and a terrible heat was settling in your stomach. Without another word, you walked out of the room, muttering about how ridiculous the whole idea was. The three men watched your exit, and a moment later, Steve left too, still very much in disbelief.

Tony and Bucky sighed, sitting across from each other and just taking in the fact that the elephant in the room had finally been address. A moment later, Tony began drumming on the desk, looking up at the ceiling.

“I couldn’t have put it any better myself.”

You felt antsy, as if staying one more moment in your room would drive you mad. You kept jerking your legs and arms, a weird restlessness in every action of yours. What the hell was Bucky saying? The sheer nerve to imply that you…you and Steve had some sort of feelings for each other. You hadn’t heard that kinda crap since you nursed your nephew who’d had diarrhea.

The only reason you and Steve fought was because you wanted Bucky. He was supposed to be your best friend, and clearly it was his inability to decide who he preferred more that had led you here. And to pretend, on top of that, that it was you who was at fault was just ridiculous. As if you’d touch Steve Rogers with a ten foot pole.

But…would you? You suppose he couldn’t be that bad to touch. He did have gorgeous eyes that got all dark and dilated when he fought with you. And his breath hitched when you got him mad and he bit his lip to stop from cursing you and he flushed a very becoming shade of red that started from his cheeks and disappeared down the neckline on his tight shirts that –

Holy fuck!

The realization rocked your world. What the hell? When you thought about it again, it seemed as if you’d just described Steve being aroused. Did you really fight him and got him mad to stimulate yourself? Oh god. Bucky was right. You wanted to fuck Steve.

This wouldn’t do. This wouldn’t do at all. You quickly changed into your work out gear and rushed to the gym, intent on sweating out whatever feelings you might have for Steve. After all, nothing says fuck you like imagining someone’s face on a punching bag and just going to town on it. Thankfully, when you arrived the gym was empty.

You’d been working on your stretches for only a few minutes when your worst nightmare entered the gym. He probably had the same idea as you and froze the moment your eyes met. His blue eyes narrowed at you and you stood up straight. You hated Bucky for putting the thought in your head. Now all you could think of was tackling Steve to the ground and fucking him senseless. You still wanted to beat him, but in a very different way.

As Steve entered, his eyes fixed to your form, you decided it was time to leave. After that fiasco in front of Tony, you didn’t think yourself capable of talking to Steve. Staying alone with him was something you didn’t trust yourself with. So you picked up your bag and started for the door when his voice stopped you.

“Running away? Am I to believe that there is something that finally scares you?”

Anger, red hot anger simmered under your veins when you turned to face him again. He had a mocking smirk on his face that made you grit your teeth. His eyes, dark and challenging beckoned you to him, but they didn’t hold resentment there either. Something between you had changed today. The very air around you was different, thick with tension and apprehension that had your nerves tingling.

“Scared?” You scoffed, dropping your bag on the matted floor and walking until you stood right before him. He towered over you in height, but he’d never been able to actually look down at you. “Me, scared of you? You wish Rogers.”

One corner of his lips lifted up, and he put his hands on you. One hand hooked around your waist and pulled you closer, the other trailing a finger down the side of your face to your neck, following the path down your arm until his fingers intertwined with yours.

“Oh, I so do wish” He whispered and his lips met yours. You rose up on your toes, mashing your body against his and mapping the planes of his body with your palms. The smell of his sweat and soap surrounded you, your arms coming to hold him around the shoulders as he hitched you up so you could wrap your legs around him.

Like everything in your relationship, the kiss was explosive. You didn’t melt against each other like people do in books; you collided like two warring armies intent on conquering the other. You collided like night and day, basking your surroundings in the dawn and dusk of your lust. Steve took your bottom lip between his teeth and bit down, smiling as you shamelessly moaned.

“What do you say?” He asked, pushing you against the wall, his hardness digging between the heated center of your legs.

You pulled him closer, letting your lips trail over his jaw and neck before you branded him with a quick bite. “You’ve always been so aggressive Steve, let’s see you let loose some other way. I sure do hope you fuck better than you fight though, or I’ll just be disappointed.”

Steve growled, kissing you again as he ground his cock against you, trapping you between the wall and his hard body that prevented any escape. Your hands slipped under his t-shirt, meeting the firm muscles on his abdomen that rippled under you. He pulled back just enough to allow you to remove your clothes, his own being flung sideways without any care.

Even before, you’d never thought of Steve as anything but beautiful, but now, seeing him in all his glory, you could only look him up and down in appreciation. He was trembling slightly, as if holding himself back with effort, his eyes not leaving you for a second. You both looked at each other, naked and unashamed before frantically coming together. His hands were everywhere, squeezing your ass and thighs as his lips pulled at your breast.

Your fingers rolled his nipples softly until he moaned, and then you pinched them. He jerked under your touch, kicking the back of your knees so you collapsed down, and he covered your body with his. Anger, arousal, lust and longing, all emotions built together in a storm of incoherent desire that had you both rolling over each other, fighting for dominance and power. Steve pinned you down with effort, holding your wrists in one hand over your head as he gave a smug smile to you.

“Will you finally surrender today?” He asked, positioning his cock at your entrance that was drenched. You would have loved to taste him, to have him taste you, but as of now, all you wanted was for him to slide inside you. You hungered for him, burnt for his touch. For years you’d been left wanting, and now with the prize so near, you weren’t about to wait any longer.

“The only surrender today will be yours.” You whispered sweetly before slamming your head against his. Steve jerked hard in surprise, allowing you the opportunity to free your hands and roll over him. You sat on his pelvis proudly, his throbbing member right underneath you and as he blinked at you, stunned, you rose up over his tip and slowly sunk down.

Steve groaned as your wet channel fell like velvet heat along his shaft. You had never been so full before. He stretched your limits, as he had always done, and you decided you very much preferred rendering him speechless like this under you than your usual punches and throws. His hands dug into your waist, helping you bounce on his cock and you threw your head back at the feeling.

It was a beautiful ache, one that took your breath away. As you rolled your hips and clenched down there, Steve’s voice rose in appreciation and you grinned. You finally had the golden boy at your mercy. You fucked him, changing your pace to punish him, never letting him up. For every time he killed you, you bit on his lips and neck, marking him. It was punishment and cherishing, a culmination of feelings you didn’t understand.

“Touch me.” You brokenly said, and his fingers found your nub. The slapping of skin, the sounds of debauchery and the smell of sin filled the air. You leaned over him to meet his lips, the heat in your gut bubbling until you snapped and came atop him, falling blissfully. It was one moment of weakness and the world titled, Steve having finally pushing you on your back.

“You’ve always been strong, because I’d hate to break you when the fun has only just begun.” He said and thrust into you hard and fast. He was an animal in heat, a man possessed, and you didn’t mind one bit. You met his every thrust with a raise of your hips, you clawed at his back until he bled, your lips tasting of the salt of sweat and tears and desire. He brought you impossibly closer, looking right into your eyes as he took you.

For the life of you, you couldn’t look away. You couldn’t get enough of his grunts and moans, of the breathy whispers of your name that slipped between curses, of the way his lashes would flutter over the dark blues that kept your eyes captive. He had you completely in that moment, mind and body; and for some reason, his gaze felt infinitely more intimate than his cock that was currently spearing you open. You keened in pleasure, whimpering as he touched your overly sensitive clit and had you coming again.

A minute later, he twitched inside you, his warmth flooding your core and you sighed. You laid entangled and sweaty, both of you spent and tired and yet completely overtaken by the urge to be closer still. To think this is what you’d both missed for all these years.

“So, what do you say, still feeling aggressive?” Steve asked and you looked at him with a grin that you couldn’t have suppressed had you wanted to. Oh yes, some battles were never meant to end, but they sure could be altered to meet new demands.

“With you? Always.” You replied, kissing him deep until he couldn’t think of anything but you. “Just remember one thing.”

“Oh yeah, what?”

“I am still a better best friend to Bucky. I did fuck you to keep him happy after all.”

Steve frowned darkly and before you could blink, he was over you, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“I think this time I’d fuck some manners into you.”

“I think this time you should actually put your back into it. I did all the work before.” You taunted and he dived at you.

Meanwhile, in Tony Stark’s office

“Friday, what’s the score?” He asked smugly, offering Bucky the packet of blueberries. Bucky was sitting with his feet on the desk, a small smile on his face.

“I am afraid I am not at a liberty to say Boss.” Friday replied. If the AI could blush, she would.

“Seems like they are at an impasse.” Tony suggested, and Bucky shrugged, licking his lips.

“Well, some things never change.”

[loving-barnes]

Vendetta - Unity (13)

Pairing: Mob Boss! Bucky Barnes x Mob ! Boss Y/N Fox (Bucky Barnes x female reader)

Warning: talk of sexual assault, angst

Autor’s note: People love throwing glasses in this story. Not just in this chapter but in general. Huh, interesting. 

Viewer discretion is advised. This story is for readers 18+!

Word count: 4100+

Chapter twelve

Vendetta Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Unity (13)

It’s crowded in the small apartment. Yelena is sitting on the couch between Steve and Sam, glaring at the redhead that was invited by Stark. Wade was sitting on a barstool, awkwardly staring into the ceiling rather than the people present. Scott was aside in a corner, humming a tune while picking dirt from behind his nails. Everyone could feel the tension between Yelena and Natasha and yet no one dared to say a word to them about it.

All of them were bruised or patched due to the attack that happened at the funeral. Sam had a wound on his head which resulted in having his head bandaged, covering the stitches. They all looked defeated – hell, they literally were. Hydra decided to play dirty again and so far, they were winning.

There were two bottles of vodka standing on the coffee table. The first round of shots was already poured and drunk. No one dared to speak. They all seemed exhausted and ready for bed. But they needed to stick together and mourn the loss of their men. Some were killed during the attack, including Chao – Y/N’s trusted man. 

The door to the apartment opened. Bucky and Y/N stepped inside in silence, both checking out the people. It seemed as if it was all lost but it wasn’t, not yet. They all were in pain, tired. However, they were determined to break someone’s jaw – that’s what Yelena looked like when Y/N’s eyes found her friend’s face. She was pissed. 

“Seven dead, including Chao,” said the blonde when Y/N and Bucky took off their jackets and joined the circle. “Many harmed, including us.”

“Your father doesn’t need a cremation anymore. Hydra did it right in front of our eyes,” Wade commented when he poured himself another shot of vodka. 

“And it gets better,” Y/N remarked sarcastically and waved with a document she brought. “For those who don’t know, Hydra came to the funeral with only two intentions – to harm us and to take away Queens from me.” 

Who seemed surprised were Wade, Scott and Natasha. These people didn’t hear about the contract closed between Hydra and Attila. “What do you- What do you mean, Y/N? Wade asked. “I thought your father gave you everything, including the business. How come now it’s different?” 

“That, my friend, is an answer we need to find. Yes, my father gave me the business and I officially became the boss once he was poisoned and remained unconscious. Everything was prepared by the lawyers we have. Unfortunately, this contract is something not many of us knew. This document was signed around the time I was in the military.” 

Y/N handed the document to Wade who checked it with Scott looking at it through his shoulder. “Sixty days?” Wade almost shouted. “Wait kind of a fucking joke is this? Also, it specifically says 60 days after Attila’s death. He’s been dead for two fucking weeks already.” 

“Has he always been such a drama queen?” Natasha pointed a finger at him. Everyone ignored the question and so she continued. “I mean, I wouldn’t see it that dark. There has to be a loophole.”

“A loophole?” Sam raised a brow. 

“Yes, a loophole – it technically allows you to avoid a scope of a law or restriction without directly violating the contract or the law.” 

“You think Hydra wouldn’t think of it?” Yelena frowned at her half-sister. “Think about it, Natasha. Those fuckers have everything under control, even this.” 

“There is always a loophole,” Natasha replied strictly. “If you have a good lawyer, they might be able to help you find something. Or maybe, your father made his own loophole that might prevent giving up the Queens.”

“Attila would have to have an ounce of a healthy brain to come up with something like that,” said Wade, not caring how he talked about Y/N’s dead father. 

Suddenly, the people started to talk at the same time, bickering about the contract that Hydra had signed Attila. They were coming up with many ridiculous ideas it only brought Y/N a headache. 

Was there anything she could do now? Her eyes went from one person to another. It slowly hit her that all of those people, standing in the living room, were putting their lives at risk for her and her mess. Mad Man Attila caused this – he made sure to complicate everything and give Hydra anything they wanted. She thought they could all form an alliance and work together to defeat Hydra. But as she kept looking around, she knew she was endangering the people that meant something to her. 

The relationships changed and they all bonded over the several months. 

“I’m giving you all a clean break from all of this,” Y/N’s voice said firmly and loudly. Immediately, she had everyone’s attention. “I can’t put your lives at risk because of the mistakes my father made. It- It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Wait a minute,” Yelena was quickly on her feet, stomping towards her. “You are giving up?” 

“I’m not giving up, Yelena. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt because of this. You all should be protecting your own territory and family. It was a mistake to bring you into this mess,” she sighed. 

“No,” Bucky shook his head. “No, it wasn’t. It was good you brought us into it because thanks to you, we’ve learnt the truth. Hydra was manipulating us for years and we were blind.”

“Bucky’s right,” Steve agreed. “Think about what could have happened if you didn’t present us the evidence that Hydra stole cargo from us and set up this mess. We would have destroyed your family and split Queens.”

“You are a good boss, Fox,” Tony grinned at her. “We are in this together, no matter how it ends. You can always count on us.” 

“There you go,” Bucky smiled at her. “The Alliance stands together and united. Together, we will get rid of those fuckers and get back where it all started.” 

Yelena giggled like a child. “I feel like I am in a movie. Such speeches, much wow,” she commented. 

Y/N bit her lower lip to hold the laugh that wanted to escape her throat. “Alright then, it’s settled. Now, let’s move and plan some work ahead,” she took the phone out of a pocket and dialled Peter’s number, waiting for him to pick it up. 

Peter: Hi, Y/N. 

Y/N: Hey cutie. Listen, I have a job for you. Are you up for it? 

Peter: Anything for you. How can I help? 

Bucky had a sour face and Yelena wanted to laugh at him. He was jealous and it was evident. How could he be jealous of a young boy? Well, he wasn’t a boy but was way younger than Y/N. He cleared his throat loudly and frowned at the blonde.

Y/N: I know you are not a lawyer but I believe you know someone that will help you with the following assignment. I’m going to send you a picture of a contract that my father closed with Hydra. I need you to find out if there’s a loophole. Your job will be rewarded as usual. If you succeed, I’ll throw in even more money. What do you say?

Peter: Sure, just send it through the secured mail. Wait, are you guys still together? 

Y/N: Yeah. I need you to rest, pretty boy. It’s been a tough day at the funeral and you’ve been hurt. Take care, Parker. 

Once the call ended, the first thing she did was to look directly into Bucky’s blue eyes. There was something different inside of them. As if he was pissed that she flirted a tiny bit with her intelligent IT boy that has been in her life for over a year and a half.

“Wade, Yelena, I need both of you to go back into the mansion and destroy every room to find a secret document or something that would reverse the contract.” Wade was about to protest but Y/N continued. “You don’t have to do it now. I want you to rest. There is still time to figure things out.” 

“I just wanted to say,” Wade raised his hand as if he was at school, “that I need to do some other job that I have planned, plus, I need to be with Vanessa. It’s our anniversary.”

“What are you celebrating this time?” Y/N kinked a brow. “The first time you tried anal?” 

Everyone’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Sam chuckled and Steve only shook his head, not commenting on it. 

“No,” Wade seemed to hurt. “We celebrated that last month. This time, it is our real anniversary, thank you very much.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Wade, fine. I’m doing it because I love you.” 

Tony clapped his hands to bring attention to himself. “Alright, moving on from a topic that I don’t want to hear anything about,” he shook his head in disgust. 

“What, you’ve never tried anal?” Natasha mocked him. 

He decided to completely omit the topic and get back to work. “I’ll send my men to the Long Island borders where we’ll have a better eye on them. I’ll pull some strings; maybe get better protection from the police – I provide them money, they provide more security.”  

“We’ll do the same from our side,” Bucky joined. 

“It’s settled,” said Y/N. “Please, everyone go and get some rest. We’ll stay in touch. You know what they say: fresh for the morrow.”

Slowly, one by one, they left the apartment. First, it was Natasha and Tony, followed by Scott and Wade. The Wolves were the last to leave. Bucky patted Y/N’s shoulder gently before he left. He wanted to do something else – even thought about a kiss on the cheek, but she would murder him for it. 

Once they were all gone, both women sat down on the couch and poured themselves another round of shots. It was nice being in a silent apartment after stressful events. 

“You’ve been crying,” Yelena pointed at Y/N’s face which had tear stains on her cheeks. They had ruined the heavy makeup she wore and some of the bruising was more evident than before. “What happened?” 

“Great,” she shook her head. “So I’ve been walking around like this and no one told me about it,” she was annoyed. Quickly, she ran into the bathroom where she took off the rest of the makeup. Some places were sore due to the bruising and she still looked beaten. Staring at her reflection, she was disgusted by the way her face played with colours. “A lot of things happened, Yelena,” said Y/N when she left the bathroom. 

“Wow,” the blonde was startled when she noticed Y/N’s face. “It looks bad and it’s been only a day since Klaue beat you. Glad your eyes are fine and not swollen.” 

Y/N sat back on the couch and sighed. “Oh fuck, shit, in 24 hours a lot of things happened and I can’t process it.”

“Well, start talking!”

“You know how I told you about Hydra knowing what happened to me back in the military? Well, there is more to this,” she gulped dryly. She had to go back to the past again and her stomach started to hurt. “Today, as Barnes and I went back into the mansion, I had an unexpected and unpleasant surprise there. A surprise that made me want to kill myself for a moment. There were rose petals all over the hallway, leading into the dining room. There was a projector set on the dining table that played photos of the night.”

“T-the night? Do you mean the night they raped you?” 

She nodded carefully. “Yeah. I had no idea they were taking photos of me, Lenka. And what’s worse, Barnes saw it all. He saw the pictures of the moments I keep coming back to; the moments that haunt my life even until today.” 

“What?!”

“He was there and seen it all. He knows what happened to me,” she sighed and lowered her eyes to her hands. “H-He was very sweet though. I thought he would keep his distance but he held me in his arms and was there for me, while I went through the rollercoaster of emotions.” Her fists clenched and she licked her lips. “I-it made me feel something among all of those emotions. I must admit that I was so glad he was there. I don’t know how I would react if I was there all alone.” 

“Shit,” Yelena exhaled all the oxygen she kept inside her lungs. “A-are you okay now? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. But, Barnes did a hell of a good job,” she put her hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m very sorry, Y/N.” 

And just then, another revelation escaped her mouth. “I kissed him,” she admitted. 

“What?! What the fuck? When?” 

“Last night, when I was drunk and emotionally vulnerable,” she explained. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Just the opportunity was there and I took it. I fucking took it.” Y/N’s brain was immediately filled with flashes of the moment she kissed him. “You know what’s interesting? He didn’t pull away immediately. He deepened the kiss. That fucker liked that I kissed him. Afterwards, he pulled back, telling me it was wrong or… something. I don’t know, the alcohol kicked back in.” 

“Damn,” Yelena’s eyes sparkled. “I knew you still liked him,” she nudged her shoulder. “You two would be great together. Is he a good kisser?”

Y/N frowned at her friend but nodded. “It was very good.” 

“Yeah, it was,” Yelena laughed.  

Y/N tilted her head lightly and made a grimace. “Well and that is still not all,” she chuckled. 

“What more could have happened in less than 24 hours?” Yelena quickly changed positions, kneeling on the couch, listening carefully. 

“The death of Bucky’s parents wasn’t an accident,” she said, biting her lower lip. Her eyes found her hands again, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “Klaue admitted that Hydra was behind the accident. He admitted that Rumlow and he made sure they wouldn’t survive. They used Bucky’s grief to manipulate him.” Without realising it, a tear escaped the corner of her right eye. Her heart was aching for him. “They played as well.” 

“Shit,” that’s all the blonde could muster to say. 

“It’s all going to shit, Lenka. We have to make a plan to stop this nonsense and destroy Hydra once and for all. Otherwise, I’ll lose everything and we all die. I don’t want that.” 

“And do you have a plan?” 

She shook her head. “Nothing much so far. We still have time, though. What we all need now is to rest and lay low. I think I’ve been repeating that for years now.” She reached for her phone and found Peter’s number. “I need to tell Bucky what really happened to his parents. He deserves to know.” 

With Yelena’s approval, she dialled Parker’s number and waited for him to pick up the call. It took him a few beeps, but he managed to pick it up.

Peter: Hey, Y/N, sorry for the delay. I was just in the shower.

Y/N: That’s alright. I’m going to need one more favour from you. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but this won’t wait. This is crucial and needs to be done before the loophole I asked you to find. 

Peter: Sure, Y/N, anything for you. What do you need? 

Y/N: I need you to find anything about the car crash that happened to Bucky’s parents. The accident happened years ago. Hydra admitted to me they were the ones that killed them. We need evidence, photos, CCTV, anything you could provide me, I would be very thankful. 

Peter: Shit, that’s rough. But, uh… sure, I will have a look into it and will send you anything that will pop up. I-I thought it was just an accident, nothing more. 

Y/N: Well, more revelations are coming to the surface. Who knows what more is about to come to us. 

Steve had his eyes locked on Bucky’s figure who kept fidgeting in the leather armchair. Something was eating him up, he could tell by looking at him. Usually, he was distressed or something was eating him up inside. The blond man tilted his head to the side. “What’s wrong, Buck?” 

The brunet kept his mouth shut, looking directly into the fireplace that was lit up. They were all sitting in the living room, drinking some expensive scotch after a long, hard day. His head was filled with flashbacks of the moment it was revealed to him what happened to Y/N. His stomach twisted and turned. The photographs were appearing inside his mind, replaying like a film.

“He’s thinking about the Little Fox,” Sam laughed. “I’ve noticed how he keeps daydreaming about her. I mean, don’t get me wrong, but she deserves to be shut with a cock inside her mouth.” 

Bucky glared at him. Sam was crossing a line. 

“It would be a nice look though. Just imagine, looking down at her with-“

James darted out from the armchair and jumped at Sam, tackling him down on the floor. His eyes were on fire, ready to burn his friend alive. “Shut your fucking mouth, Wilson,” he warned him. He kept his forearm pressed against his neck, constricting him of oxygen. 

“Dude, that the fuck?” his voice was hoarse. 

Steve put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and pulled him back, making him back away from Sam. The blonde helped his boss to his feet, shocked by the sudden reaction. “Buck, what the fuck happened? Why did you attack him? We usually joke like this.” 

He brushed his short hair with fingers and then shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t ever say anything like this ever again, or I will shoot you in the head.” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? We normally talked like this and suddenly you do this?” Sam stroked his neck. He could still feel some form of pressure. “Are you in love with her or what?” 

Bucky grabbed the glass of scotch and took a sip. After he was done, he turned on his heel and smashed the glass into the fireplace. The fire multiplied and illuminated the whole room and yellow and orange colour. That simple move made his body relax a bit.

“Buck!” Steve called his name, concerned. “What happened?” 

The boss pursed his lips, debating whether to tell them about Y/N’s assault or not. But he knew they needed an explanation. He would never harm Sam in any way. This was an impulse reaction. He then laughed, remembering her words. She knew he would tell them eventually. 

“As I was with Y/N back in her house, I discovered something disturbing.” He licked his lips and sat back into the armchair. He could see both men were listening closely. “I know the whole deal with Killmonger – that piece of shit raped her when she was in the military,” he informed them. “And that fucker, with his two friends, made pictures of the whole act.” He was disgusted. With every word, he felt like he was about to throw up. His head turned to the side as if he tried to hold back the vomit that wanted to escape his throat. “I saw it all today. It was a surprise from Hydra for her.”

“Shit,” Sam sighed. His face turned a few shades lighter once he knew the truth. “Man, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t…”

“I saw the photos, Sam. It was disgusting. She was struggling, crying and yet they kept going. It’s,” he couldn’t continue. “She didn’t deserve it. No woman deserves it,” he stated. “It all makes so much sense to me. I’ve learnt a lot of things about her today and I have much respect for her.” 

Steve brought Bucky a new glass, then reached for the bottle of alcohol and poured everyone another round. “Are you in love with her, Buck?” he had to ask him. “Answer honestly. You’ve changed since she came back into your life. I can see it. I’ve been looking at you two the entire time and I even feel the chemistry between you. So, are you?” 

His finger brushed the rim of the glass, staring at it. Deep inside he knew the answer but was too afraid to fully admit it. Would it make him weaker? “Maybe, I don’t know,” was his answer after some thinking. 

The door to the office was slightly ajar and Y/N could see Mr Barnes and her father discussing what she knew was business. They were smoking cigars while going through some documents. Two half-empty glasses were standing on a wooden tray next to a bottle. 

Their wives were somewhere in the garden, chatting and drinking mimosas. Their presence wasn’t important, they’d say. 

Y/N sighed and turned on her heel, quietly walking down the hallway to the stairs. No one was giving her attention per usual. They all had things to discuss and talk about… something, and no one gave a shit about her. She fixed her black sweater and hopped down the stairs one by one, humming something under the nose. 

Why was it okay for her father to have a bigger belly and not for her? Why were there stupid comments about her appearance but no one dared to say a word about Mr Barnes’s weird nose or the fact that her father had weird looking legs? 

As she was about to turn to the dining room, she heard her brother’s voice, laughing as he was talking to none other than young Bucky Barnes. Slowly, silently like a mouse, she approached the entrance into the living room and pushed her chubby body to the wall. Carefully, she peeked from behind the corner and looked at the older boys who kept playing a game together. Why didn’t they invite her to play with them? 

She frowned and nibbled on her lower lip. Bucky was a cute boy, she had to admit – hell, he was the only boy, except her brother, she knew. 

“Ew, Y/N, stop slobbering and go to hell you creep,” Danny barked at her when he found her spying on them. 

Bucky’s eyes met with her for a brief moment before she managed to run away. He looked at his friend and frowned at him. He didn’t like that behaviour. His mother taught him to let others join no matter what. 

Y/N found a secure place in the library that her father built not long ago. It smelled like wood and paper. She loved spending time there. It was also a great place to study. 

She was sitting behind the desk, reading a book and writing down some notes. It helped her to silence the world around her. Her goal was to be educated. If she wanted to have some respect in the family, she needed to learn and earn her place between Foxes. Danny had it easier. He was a boy; therefore, he had some level of respect already. 

But she didn’t know that Bucky was watching her too. He noticed her long ago but never talked to the girl. His mother was annoying, always making comments about him and Y/N being together. His mother was the best mother he could ever have. She was pretty, and smart and always taught him how to behave towards other people. But the teasing…

A hand landed on his shoulder, patting him roughly. He knew it was his father. “Son,” he started to talk with that strong, instructive voice. “One day, you will need a strong woman by your side. Not every woman will be able to deal with this world we live in. It might take some time, but you will find the one that will be able to bear the heaviness of our world.”

It made sense. Their world was dark, and risky but filled with money and luxury. Bucky knew that when the time comes, he’d become the head of the family. He would need a strong woman by his side – strong, loving and willing to stick with him through thick and thin.

“And, who knows,” old Barnes continued. “The right one might be closer than you think she is.”

Bucky sighed. Would it be too bad if he chose Y/N to be the one when they are older? She was living in the same world, dealing with the same stuff as him. But he knew his father would never approve. He always commented on the way she looked. Why did it matter?

Y/N frowned and snapped her head towards the Barnes's as they were leaving her sight. Of course, she heard what he told his son. Boys were mean, she was now sure of it. 

Chapter fourteen

Tags: @lethallyprotected​​ , @memeorydotcom​​, @valkyrie418​​ , @mannien​​ , @brownlee-22​​

[theintoccabile]

okay but everyone who hasn’t watched this masterpiece, by which I mean The Great Queen Seondeok, you don’t know what a magnificent villain Mishil is

like her whole character??

The show literally starts with a soldier saving the king from a whole bunch of enemies and then the soldier takes off their helmet and behold it is Mishil

Then you learn she’s his concubine and casually orders people killed on the side?? Deep conversations happen between the two of them about ruling

Then he’s like hey now that I am dying time for you to enter a temple and disappear from politics :D

And she’s like sure and he’s like yep not happening and secretly orders this dude to kill her.

But this dude reports to Mishil instead and she’s like lol then slay me and he’s like DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT IT

Anyway RIP king, Mishil grasps power, it’s an amazing scene I’ve rambled about it before. She fakes his last will and makes that one prince the next king with the stipulation he will marry her. She already starts Seeing him. Then this fucker just backs out because his mom doesn’t approve. Okay bro your funeral

Mishil already has a kid from this union but if you set a baby down in the palace and walk away surely someone will adopt them whatever rip new king clearly YOU falsified the previous king’s final wishes

And then a lot of other shit happens she basically rules the country the new king having little real power but I can’t write a 5k word essay here anyway later on her interactions with the princesses and especially Deokman are AMAZING, incredible, I am here for this shit. Mishil is “the foe she trusts the most”, Deokman tries to think like and learns from her to beat her and bases her plans on Mishil being a nearly flawless master strategist

Mishil fucks things up for the royal family and tons of others all based on wanting to be queen aka the king’s wife, partly out of spite

Later we learn that while the other 2 most trusted people at the king’s side back in the day (both men) both got cool nicknames in respect of their skills, hers was “downfall causing beauty”

Mishil thinks morality is cute but she does have principles she doesn’t go against... unless.

She refuses to use the son she abandoned (until she is about to lose it all and needs someone to carry on her legacy/lead the people she will leave behind). She will not weaken the border defenses to stop her own total defeat/death because she and her comrades bled to uphold that border.

Her inner circle is like the “inner palace” in a palace drama but with way more politics, with her as the ruler. There’s her husband she married because he has a high station, her concubine lover who is arguably closest to her but who has no such fancy background, the sons she has with them (these dudes even form 2 seperate factions), and her brother also is always there for the party though HIS 100 kids aren’t invited

Anyway while Mishil tries to create a king she can control/marry again now that the direct male royal line has ended, along comes Deokman who is like “king? as in a guy I, the princess, could create by marrying now? lol nah may I kindly have that throne okay thanks” (there‘s also Chunchu who’s relevant here but it’s complicated)

And Mishil is FROZEN she is STUNNED and DEVASTATED because she’s been trying to be the king’s wife for most of her life which now seems such a paltry thing to her, and now here comes Deokman just grasping for that throne which would never have occured to Mishil who’s always worked WITH the system to try and overcome her limitations that stem from her background

And then Mishil is like fuck “just cause” winner takes all and now Deokman is stunned because she had no clue what she awakened in Mishil but unlike others she knew something wasn’t right when Mishil initially retreated

Anyway this shit is AMAZING and brilliant and Mishil is the best no other villain will ever come close bye

[gilmores-glorious-blog]

final tua liveblog!! those last two episodes were… really something. wow.

episode 9:

- luther being spaceboy <3

- luther signing his package to reginald “love, luther” and then scribbling out the word love </3

- poor luther :,( this whole thing would suck real bad

- OH SHIT IS THIS. THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON 👀 i.e. where reginald hargreeves keeps his fucked up little experiments or whatever??

- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHO THE FUCK IS ABIGAIL HARGREEVES??!!?!! is this reginald’s wife from the alien planet in s1?? it’s gotta be because i don’t know who the fuck else it’d be,,,

- oh heyyy shirtless ben 👀

- five sleeping on the shelf in the kitchen :,) he’s just a Little Guy <3

- NOT FIVE’S WEDDING SPEECH 😩😩

- “jesus.” “he’s due any minute now……….…. that was a joke.”

- okay reginald’s deal was definitelyyyyy with allison, there’s no way she just had this change of heart overnight

- “you’re my husband” <3

- reginald’s backstory when?!

- ooooo diego’s got cool leather prosthetic fingers now

- diego getting up and lila falling to the couch with a soft little “ow” was way cuter to me than it should have been

- oh fuck allison’s definitely not being genuine, isn’t she?? i want this conversation to be real SO BADLY but,,,, she is an award-winning actress,,,,,,,,

- “diego and lila. yeah. they do it on the stairs sometimes.”

- “everyone was boning everyone last night 🙄” five is my aroace king

- awwww viktor listening to harlan’s tapes </3

- this show always pops off with its montages

- “we’ve all lost people.. *looks at five*….. mannequins”

- “there must be seven” i knew this bitch adopted seven babies specifically for a reason!!

- this family is just a bunch of drama queens who love to guilt trip the others :/

- emmy raver-lampman deserves a goddamn emmy (the irony only appeared after typing this out),, the scene where allison just broke down sobbing completely broke my heart </3

- “are you okay?” “this is the failure of my life.” lmao relatable

- holy. fucking. shit.

- i was literally about to pick up my phone and type “the luther and reginald hug feels like it should be sweet but i have a feeling something’s going to go terribly wrong” and then THAT happened…. the fucking GASP i just let out oh my fucking god!!!!!!!!!!

- reginald’s line about weddings and funerals,,,, the first episode of the whole show being called “we only see each other at weddings and funerals”,,, full circle moment

- this is legitimately so chilling and also i’m gonna sob if luther’s actually dead

- forget everything i said about liking reginald this season FUCK this fucking bastard

- i’m. literally in shock omfg.

- no no no no no they’re all about to find out and when they find out it’ll be real no no no

- ha i called it on reginald’s deal being with allison (i know it’s objectively very obvious but shhh let me have this)

- NOOOO SLOANE 😭😭😭😭

- reginald hargreeves i want you dead so badly.

- i think allison knows that reginald killed luther and is gonna have a redemption moment

- PLEASE let klaus summon luther’s ghost please please please all that power buildup can’t have been for nothing

- welp there goes chet :/

- diego all angry towards the guardian saying they killed luther…. i want him to kill his dad SO BAD

- holy fuck reginald no leave klaus alone you fucker

- i swear to god the immortality better extend to the kugelblitz or i’m gonna lose my shit

- oh my god. no. i think i know what klaus’ plan was but if i’m wrong or if it didn’t work i’m. i’m actually gonna not be okay.

- i like the color inverted credits tho 🥲

episode 10:

- i feel like it’s important to state that i’m starting the finale at one am on a vacation with my entire extended family.. i’m sitting in the dark in the living room of our rental house watching with headphones on….. and i’m trying harder than i’ve ever tried to not scream/stim/wake up my family due to sheer panic and nervous excitement

- reginald you lying bitch

- sloane 😭😭😭😭😭

- the siblings being in denial that two of them died,,, me too besties,, me too 😩

- sorry i’m. gonna lose it,, lmfao.. the audience + all the other characters are having breakdowns and meanwhile klaus and luther are literally just vibing in the afterlife

- “welcome to my hood :)” i love this immortal bastard

- “he’s an alien!” “we’re trying not to use that kinda terminology here.”

- “you could just say he’s…….. b r i t i s h.”

- obsessed with luther freaking the fuck out while klaus is just chilling

- this is simultaneously so angsty for klaus and also so rad for him,, i love this ghost bitch with all my heart

- thank you five for having braincells!!

- “luther loved you…. to the moon and back” 😭😩

- klaus just fucking hissing at luther,, i love him

- “the Void is my house!”

- i’m losing my actual shit over the fact that when klaus makes a weird ‘oOooOoO’ noise, the captions say [imitates theremin] that’s the funniest fucking thing ahskrsjadkdksks

- reginald calling ben number two… ouch :/.

- “you’re a duo. no one wants to listen to your endless bickering.” i hate reginald so much but points were made here

- oh yeah reginald, you “forgot your journal”,, yeah right you lying bitch,,, what shit are you going to pull now!?

- don’t you fucking ring that bell.

- not creepy clock ticking sounds 😩😩 i’m still recovering from stranger things s4 they can’t do this to me !!

- these bitches and their parental trauma :/ (this is about diego and lila but isn’t it really about all the characters?)

- i love diego so so so much he’s so sweet

- SIR you just wasted your ONE shot from that speargun

- klaus coming back to fuck with reginald,, bastard boy <3

- “one bell ring away from my prize” oh i hate the sound of that

- “oh if i had a nickel for every time i heard that, i’d have a dollar!”

- wellll shit.

- diego and lila are using so many pet names for each other and it’s making me soft :,)

- ohh i hate this guardian motherfucker

- sloane is such a girlboss,, ben’s right, revenge DOES look good on her

- oh SHIT they’re all getting separated

- “who has no part in the gestation of the baby for the next six months. ~nice try~”

- diego noooo don’t do this

- lila crying </3

- fuck yes ben that was so cool !!

- why do i feel like there’s multiple guardians,,

- yeppppp there it is (re: the above point)

- lila and viktor are so fucking cool

- klaus please tell everyone what happened i need reggie to get his ass kicked asap

- lila saying “i love you” super angrily <3

- the sigil is on the floor isn’t it,,

- OH FUCK FIVE!! YOUR HAND!!!!

- “NOBODY HURTS MY WIFE YOU SON OF A BITCH” AHSKTKFJAKDKS 💗✨HIM✨💗

- oh great,, after all that the guardian’s face gives me INTENSE trypophobia 😐

- KLAUS yesss use those powers !!

- “we’re the bells :0” i say this with love,, yeah no shit

- reginald saying “not you” to allison about stepping on the sigils does NOT bode well for the rest of them,,,,

- ewwwww the guardian was all cockroaches,,, oogy boogy from nightmare before christmas type beat,,

- what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck—

- c’mon allison….

- this might just be wishful thinking but it looks like klaus is clutching the dog tags as he disintegrates 😩😭

- YES ALLISON!!! MURDER THAT WEIRD ALIEN!! SAVE YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!

- FUCK,, allison,,, pushing the big red button is literally never a good idea

- okay obviously this is bad and there’s gonna be some serious repercussions, but also,,,, claire and ray and allison :,,)

- LUTHER :D !!! and he’s normal sized!!

- the luther + viktor hug <3

- fuck.. where’s sloane?!?

- oh FUCK do they not have their powers?!??!??

- “yeah kick his ass 😀”

- diego remains my himbo king 😩😌

- *twirls knife* *drops it* “…. that’s not good.”

- holy shit klaus’ palm tattoos are gone !

- “this means i’m mortal again? awww man :,/”

- oh shit i don’t think they have their umbrella tattoos either !!!

- does. does klaus.. does klaus not have the dog tags. because i will genuinely scream.

- “asshole.” you tell him, viktor!!

- NO is reginald just a trump-esque billionaire in this timeline??! 😩😩

- ahh shit abigail’s alive :0

- what the FUCK was that after credits scene??????? i thought there were two bens in this timeline for a second but i think it’s just sparrow!ben up to something nefarious?? i don’t know but it’s weird

- i can’t believe i have to wait two more years for more of this shit :/

- i. i hate this actually. this is the saddest possible outcome to me and i can’t even explain why,,,, obviously i’m glad they’re all alive (?) and if they’re happy, i’m happy, but like. that’s just gonna erase their pasts and they all split up and i can’t stand it,, i hate hate hate when found families go their separate ways,,, they BETTER find a different way to resolve this shit >:(

- wait shit,, i’m reading some articles and,, is allison supposed to be dead??? because if so i will s o b.

- y’know what bugs me? this entire season had so much plot and lore explained but never once did it explain what the fuck was up with christopher. which is objectively very funny, but still,,,

anyways. that’s a wrap on my absolute mess of a s3 reaction. i’m gonna be thinking about these bitches for a while,,, i’d missed them <3

[gnocchighoul]

Operation Hot Potato

Summary: 

“See? She’s just a baby~” you coo, gently wiggling the kitten in his face.

Lucifer grimaces. Takes another, larger step back. “If a baby is what you want, I’d rather give you one myself.”

(You bring home a kitten and try to hide her from Lucifer. Unfortunately for you, nothing gets past the House of Lamentation’s resident pet-hater.)

Word Count: 3.6k

AO3 Portal

You found a kitten.

Well—kind of. It’s debatable.

You think it’s a kitten. She certainly looks like one—fluffy little thing with snow-white fur, blue eyes, a poofy little triangular head, and the most perfectly pink toe beans you’ve ever had the pleasure of squishing. 

The reason why you’re so hesitant to call her a kitten? 

She breathes fire. Hiccups fireballs. Sneezes flaming hot streams of… well, flames.

You learned that firsthand ten minutes ago, when you nearly got your eyebrows singed off by a particularly dangerous sneeze. All you wanted to do was give her a smooch on her wittle pink nose, you weren’t expecting to get blasted in the face with an orangey-red inferno.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter if she’s a little strange. You’ve sworn your everlasting love to your newfound daughter—your secret daughter that the demon brothers can absolutely not know about under any circumstances whatsoever, because you just know that Lucifer will make you put her back in the wild where you found her.

Your fire-sneezing, bouncing baby girl wouldn’t last another day out in the harsh wilderness (aka the dumpster that you retrieved her from). In the forty-seven minutes that you’ve had her, she’s grown accustomed to belly scratches, sleeping in your bed, and gnawing on only the finest tortilla chips in the Devildom. 

Her name is Tater Tot.

She sticks out like a sore white thumb among your colorful assortment of pillows. Not that she cares. She’s living it up in the lap of luxury. Tater Tot stretches—turns around with every paw in the air, proudly showing off her rotund little baby belly, and mrrps at you.

Its the cutest thing you've ever fucking seen. You just wanna SQUEEZE her. Ugh, who would've guessed that a little trash fire baby would steal your heart so quickly?

And it’s not like you broke the rules and brought home a pet on purpose. Tater Tot had chosen you. By choosing to rummage around in that specific dumpster that you just so happened to walk past on your way home from RAD, Tater Tot had effectively decided that you were to be her new caretaker. 

It’s fate. Kismet. You’ve wanted a pet for so long—dog, cat, dragon, gremlin, doesn’t matter. You’ve spent hours upon hours bitching and moaning to anyone that’ll listen about how badly you’ve wanted a pet to smother with your love. Nobody has been able to escape your woe. Everyone—the brothers, the angels, Solomon, and even your good buddy Diavolo (somehow, Barbatos has managed to evade you) have all been forced to listen to your lamenting about the pet-shaped hole in your heart. 

But finally—finally—your prayers have been answered.

With a fire breathing kitten. 

Oh yeah. Kismet.

You’re fairly certain that Tater Tot has never lived in a house. She had been perfectly content to snuggle up in your school uniform like some kind of tiny, pouch dwelling, heat seeking creature, until you had snuck into your bedroom and closed the door behind you. 

The second you set her on the floor, it was like a switch flipped. Tater Tot had shown off her unnatural strength by flinging her little puffball body around the room like a possessed tumbleweed, spastically crashing around the room and knocking over furniture and keepsakes alike.

You had finally cornered her under your bed and sat peacefully nearby, humming quietly to calm her. It didn’t take long for you to coax her out with snacks—she liked the chips, but passionately disliked the gummy worms—and within twenty minutes you had Tater Tot lounging with you on the bed, rubbing her soft little cheeks into your palm for rubs and scritches. 

You need to come up with a plan to hide your beloved child ASAP. It’s only a matter of time until either Lucifer hauls you off to his room or one of the brothers decides to camp out in yours for the night, and if word gets back to Lucifer that you’re harboring a fugitive animal… Well, favoritism or not, it won’t end pretty.

Though perhaps there is one person who can help you with this little secret.

Satan. The cat-loving fourth brother. 

Man oh man, he’s going to be thrilled with sweet little Tater Tot. You have to be careful though—you reckon that there is a 96% chance that he’ll try to steal her away from you. Trying to juggle custody battles and harboring your secret daughter from Lucifer all at the same time sounds like such a pain.

But… That would still be better than having to put Tater Tot back on the streets.

With the threat of big-meanie-Lucifer looming over you like a particularly gothic and pet-hating phantom, you come to a final decision. You’re just going to have to pull on your big girl pants and accept the soul crushing truth of the situation.

Satan is your only hope. 

But how are you going to sneak your daughter all the way over to his room?

You look around your own room for something, anything that can hide your beloved dumpster pet and—ohohoho.

 ~

“Darling?” 

You freeze midstep.

Busted.

“What’s up, Lucifer?” You try so hard to keep your voice calm and normal. So hard. 

Judging by the way Lucifer looks at you, you’ve failed. And you were so close. Satan’s bedroom is literally right there! Only a few yards away! If only you’d just had ten more seconds to yourself in the dark hallway... Alas, the warden your beloved Lucifer aka the resident pet hater stands between you and the dusty salvation that is Satan’s library of a bedroom.

You shuffle your feet a bit nervously. Readjust your grip on the cardboard box. A bit warily, Lucifer eyes it.

“What’s in the box?”

You panic. “What box?” 

Fuck.

Lucifer cracks a smile, though it doesn’t meet his gaze. He gestures to the cardboard box that you are currently holding near to your chest like some sort of ugly, cubic liferaft. 

“Oh!” You laugh. It’s too high pitched. Suspicious. “This box? It’s just some books for Satan, it’s nothing—”

The box sneezes.

Your mouth snaps shut and you thank all the fucking stars in heaven that this sneeze didn’t flambé you.

Lucifer’s eyes narrow accusingly. Tone icy and sharp, he says, “Books? Is that so?” 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck—

You wilt a bit under the intensity of his gaze. “They’re… cursed books? Yeah, so cursed and dangerous and only Satan knows how to nullify the evilness of these books so I’m gonna just slip past you—”

Lucifer takes a step to the left, planting himself firmly in your path and effectively thwarting your desperate grand escape. A single blade of moonlight cuts through the curtains and slices through the shadows, Lucifer now caught in the spotlight and—oh that fucker did that on purpose. Ugh, what a drama queen.

Red eyes practically glowing in the dark, he nods menacingly at the box. “Go on then. Open it.” 

“I dunno, I really shouldn’t because of the curses and—”

Clearly not in the mood to entertain your scheming-slash-rambling, Lucifer takes matters into his own hands. Before you can twist away, one of his hands darts out to knock the lid off of the box and—

Books. It’s filled with books.

He frowns. Lifts one up and—nope, there’s just more books underneath. “...What?” 

“Happy? Now if you don’t mind I really should get—”

“Let me help you with that.”

Your reflexes aren't fast enough. Before you can leap back or Sparta kick him away, Lucifer plucks the box right out of your arms… and reveals a squirming lump beneath your sweater, right inbetween your breasts. The box hits the floor. Lucifer stares at your newly acquired mass with a very particular sort of horror that you’ve never seen before. 

You panic. Again.

“...I grew a new boob. I think the Devildom air is toxic or something, but it’s okay! The more the merrier, right? We can still—gET YOUR HANDS OFF MY TIDDIES—”

Lucifer presses one hand to your lower back, trapping you, and yanks down your zipper, revealing the purrito that is wrapped kind-of-securely to your chest with a scarf. He recoils backwards, looking equal parts horrified and peeved off.

Time for Plan B.

93% sure that you can still recover from this situation that is rapidly soaring downhill, you stuff your hands into your pockets and then throw them outwards, flinging fistfuls of rainbow confetti into the air. “Surpriiiise! You’re a daddy! Say hello to our daughter.”

“No.”

“Her name is Tater Tot. Personally, I think she takes after you.”

The Tater in question shimmies out of her silky prison and tumbles nose first into your palms. You hold her right up to Lucifer’s face, grinning like a goddamn sociopath when he takes an alarmed step backwards. Little puffball paws desperately try to swipe at his nose. Lucifer looks downright offended by the assault of pink toe beans.

“See? She’s just a baby~” you coo, gently wiggling the noodle-limp kitten in his face.

Lucifer grimaces. Takes another, larger step back. “If a baby is what you want, I’d rather give you one myself.”

“As fun as that sounds, we have a perfectly good one right here!” 

“That thing is not a baby. Where did you find it?” 

There’s a concerned little scrunch in his brow that you wanna smooth over with your thumb, but when you try to close the distance between you two, he moves further out of reach. Frowning, you hug Tater Tot to your chest. She snuggles her face into the crook of your neck and purrs like the smallest biodiesel engine in all of the realms.

“I found her in a dumpster!” you say, perhaps a bit too proudly. 

Lucifer’s eyes widen. “In the city?”

“Why is that so shocking? Does the Devildom not have stray cats?” 

“That’s not a cat.” 

“Well yeah I kinda figured, what with the whole fire breathing thing and all, but—”

“It’s a chimera.” 

You stare at Lucifer. Try to gauge how serious he’s being. Tater Tot nibbles on your thumb with little needle-like teeth. 

Surely he’s joking. 

“...Like the lion-goat-lizard thing? That chimera?” 

Lucifer nods. 

Like you’re in some twisted version of the Lion King, you hold Tater Tot up in the beam of moonlight that Mr. Doom and Gloom had previously been occupying. Examine her totally normal kitten-features. The distinct lack of goat hooves. Miss Tater licks her nose. A Chimera? Her?

Surely he’s fucking with you.

But… it would explain the whole fire-breathing thing. Kind of. You’re not fully convinced he’s lying, but the truth doesn’t make much more sense.

But if she is a chimera… that’s so badass.

If Lucifer thinks for one second that Tater Tot being a nightmarish Hell creature is going to scare you into giving her up, then he is sorely mistaken. (You did choose to date him, after all. You're an expert at loving on Hellish beings.) At the end of the day, whether Tater is a chimera or a cat or whatever the hell else, you’ve already bonded with each other. She’s your baby and you are not going to let him get rid of her. 

If he gets Cerberus, then you get your funky little Tater Tot, dammit.

Lucifer watches this journey of emotions play out on your face. His eyes narrow. He says your name slowly, strained—a thinly veiled warning in his voice.

The grin that overtakes your face can only be described as evil. 

“We’re keeping her.”

“Absolutely not.” 

 ~

“You can’t be serious.” 

From the depths of your blanket fort, your hand emerges to flip Lucifer off. He scowls. 

“This blanket fort is only for Tater Tot and me.”

“Then perhaps you should relocate to your bed.” Lucifer growls.

You snuggle further into the black sheets cocooning you. With impressive speed, you had raced back to Lucifer’s room and stripped every piece of fabric from his bed in record time. From there, it was simply a matter of combining the dark sheets with a bunch of pillows and voila. You had created your very own anti-Lucifer fortress, right in the middle of his bed. 

Tater Tot army-crawls across your thigh and worms her way into the sheets, vanishing like a ninja.

"What?" You peek at Lucifer through a small opening in the fabric. “But then you would just ignore me and Tater Tot.” 

“Yes, exactly. I’m glad that we’re on the same page.”

“No! We’re not on the same page at all,” you scowl. “I’m not moving until you bond with her.” 

“Then I suppose you’ll be stuck there forever.” 

“Maybe I will!”

You can’t see him right now, but you know in the depths of your heart that Lucifer is rolling his eyes at you. 

Which, y’know. Fair. You are being a little bit ridiculous. But what choice do you have? The confetti didn't work and Lucifer needs to form an everlasting bond with Tater Tot. He needs to experience how lovely and precious and wonderful your little baby is, so that he won’t make you put her back in the dumpster where you found her.

You have one last tactic. It is by far the absolute worst. 

Talking to him. Like some kind of functioning, responsible adult, because apparently that's what you're supposed to do in a healthy relationship. Blegh. 

While you agonize over stooping to this final resort, Lucifer climbs into the bed without a word and settles himself in like he owns the place. Which he does. But that’s beside the point. 

One of your arms emerges from the blanket shield to poke at his pajama clad thigh. He doesn’t react. So naturally, you poke him again. And again. And again, until finally he sighs, “What?”

You squirm your way out of the stuffy blankets, gulping down air once you're free—sweet baby Jesus, fresh air has never felt so good—and Tater Tot flies out after you, rocketing across the mattress at the speed of light and tumbling around like a little white pom pom. While she does her own thing, you worm your way into Lucifer’s side so that you’re halfway on top of his chest. He huffs and lays there like a board, refusing to hug you, so you grab his arm and wrap it around your shoulders yourself.

Here goes nothing. 

“Why are you so against having a pet?” you ask, dancing the pads of your fingers over his chest.

Lucifer cracks one eye open. “The first and last time I allowed pets in the house, Satan brought home 48 cats. In one hour.” 

...You really should have seen that one coming.

“Oh. Well, I mean… Is that reallyyy a bad thing—ow! You jerk, I was just kidding.” You pout. “You didn’t have to pinch my butt that hard.” 

Lucifer snickers and pats your butt consolingly. “Mmm, no, I didn’t. But I wanted to.”

Briefly, you consider headbutting him right in the chin. But alas, that wouldn’t solve anything, so you settle for pressing a kiss to his collarbone, then reach a hand up to play with his hair, just how he likes. It’s not very ~vengeful~ buuut it’s bound to put him in a better mood. 

You trace cutesy little heart shapes on his right pec. “You know what I want?”

Lucifer closes his eyes—lets his head fall back onto the mattress. “We’re not keeping her.” 

You snuggle into his chest with a happy little hum. “Yes we are.”

“...Just for the night. Tomorrow you're putting her back where you found her."

 ~

You wake up in agony. 

It feels like you’ve had a lung ripped out and replaced with serrated knives. Or shark teeth. Each breath drags oh so painfully at your—just kidding. 

You wake up well rested and tangled in the bedsheets, your head hanging off the side of the mattress. You’re a little hazy-brained and your skull feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, but that’s probably because of all the blood rushing to your head. When you roll over and haul yourself back up onto the bed, a noise escapes you that is definitely not fit for polite company.

The murky depths of slumber threaten to take you again, so you pat around the bed with your hand, looking for your favorite demon-slash-body pillow. You pat. And keep patting. Where the hell is Lucifer?

You crack one bleary eye open, trying to find Lucifer and—

Where the hell is Tater Tot?

Your heart jolts in your chest as you realize a few things all at once.

One: Lucifer is missing. 

Two: Tater Tot is missing.

Three: You slept through breakfast, but that’s less important. 

You’re off like a shot, wrestling yourself out of the sheets and flinging them to the floor, then stumbling across the room to get to the door before your brain can even fully wake up. It’s fine, you don’t need 100% brainpower, you just need to find your baby. 

You’ve barely taken four steps into the hallway when you slam nose first into Mammon. He catches you, saving your face from becoming acquainted with the floor, and you grab him by the leathery lapels of his jacket. 

“Where’s Lucifer?!” you hiss.

Mammon desperately tries to squirm out of your feral grip. You shake him like a polaroid picture.

“Geez, knock it off would ya?! He’s in his office, what the hell is up with you? Wh—HEY! I’M NOT DONE TALKIN’ TO YA!”

Whatever the Weenie has to say to you is less important than finding your child, so as soon as you acquire Lucifer’s location, you haul ass to Lucifer’s study.

 ~

In a raging fury that could rival Satan’s existence, you fling open the door, ready to tear Lucifer a new one for not even letting you say goodbye to your beloved kitten and—

And your heart melts into a warm, gooey puddle. 

Lucifer is sitting at his desk. Tater Tot is draped across his shoulders.

Lucifer glares at you, but there's no real bite in his gaze. “Keep it down, Phobos is sleeping.”

You blink stupidly, your brain racing at a thousand miles an hour to catch up with whatever the hell you’re currently feeling that has you all mushy and moon-eyed. “Phobos? What the hell? That’s not her name at all.” 

“My love, we are not naming our daughter after potatoes. Her name is now Phobos. She and I came to a mutual agreement that it is far more fitting of a name for a creature of her pedigree.”

...You’re so torn. On one hand, you want to argue that Tater Tot is a lovely name for your dumpster kitten-chimera-thing, but on the other hand… he called her ‘our daughter’. As in your guys’s daughter. This can only mean one thing, and you clutch at your heart when you realize what’s happening.

They bonded.

It damn well might bring a tear to your eyes.

You make your way over to Lucifer, shove aside the papers on his desk, and perch your happy ass right on the hardwood.

With a bone deep sigh, Lucifer leans back in his chair. “Why do you always do that? My lap is available, you know.”

Tater Tot wakes up and lifts her heavy little sleep-addled head to meep at you.

You grin—hook your ankles around the armrests of his chair and pull him closer. “So… does this mean we’re keeping Tater Tot?” 

“... Yes, we’re keeping Phobos. But that’s it, no more pets.”

“Okay, wait. Hear me out. What about a dog?”

“Absolutely not.”

Lucifer plucks another white hair from his RAD uniform and holds it up to the moonlight, scowling at the offensive thing. Why in all the realms did you have to find a white cat? The damned thing has only lived with you lot for two days and yet somehow its hair has already gotten over every article of black clothing in his wardrobe. It’s infuriating.

His gaze wanders across the courtyard to where you’re sitting pretty on Beel’s shoulders, clawing at his face with your fingertips and screaming in terror at how high up you are. He grins. 

He can put up with the shedding fur, so long as he gets to see how your eyes shine like the stars when you see Phobos.

Still though. Why couldn’t you find a black kitten? 

“Lucifer! There you are!” 

Lucifer flicks the cat hair—lets the breeze catch it and float it away. Before he can even get a proper greeting in, Diavolo is pulling him in for a bone crushing hug.

“You’re here a bit later than usual. How’s life with the new kitten treating you?” Diavolo asks.

Lucifer steps out of the hug and eyes Diavolo warily. “Just fine, thank yo—wait. How do you know about the cat?”

Diavolo blinks innocently. “Surely you told me about her, didn’t you?” 

No, he definitely did not—oh no. 

Lucifer stares, slack jawed and horrified, because in that moment, he realizes something that he refuses to accept.

No.

No. It can’t be.

Diavolo would never do that to him. He would ne—oh fuck, he absolutely did.

Diavolo planted the cat. He knew that you would find her in that dumpster and take her home.

Lucifer has never known a betrayal quite like this. Diavolo says something about heading off to his office, but he doesn’t hear him over the rushing in his ears.

“Diavolo.” 

The demon prince in question pauses in his escape to look back at Lucifer. “Yes, Lucifer?”

“Why did you have to pick a white cat?”

And oh, Diavolo laughs. A full belly laugh that quite honestly kills Lucifer. Just a little bit.

[theimpossibleg1rl]

Things Unsaid | One

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: mentions of gunshots and blood, language

“She’s literally the worst person I know.”

Bucky ran a hand through his shorter locks and sat his glass down on the counter. Steve wanted him to spar with you, getting you prepared for the upcoming mission. You’d been out of practice for awhile, still healing from an injury.

“Don’t be a drama queen, Buck,” Steve sighed, trying desperately to not roll his eyes. He and everyone else had had just about enough of the two of you. Constantly bickering like an old married couple. It was clear what was really happening beneath the surface.

“I’m not a drama queen, punk. I hate working with her. She’s stubborn as hell. Does whatever she wants and never listens to a damn thing anyone says.” Steve sighed again. “Yeah, and she’s the only one around here like that,” he muttered, causing Bucky to raise a brow. “What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Means you’re a drama queen,” Sam piped up from his place at the table. “Stubborn, too. Maybe even more she is.” Bucky scoffed. “Bullshit. I’m not stubborn,” he mumbled, crossing his arms defensively across his chest. “You’re sparring with her,” Steve told him. “So get over it.”

****

“You’re not fuckin’ listening!,” Bucky snapped, throwing up his hands. “You’re a god damned pain in my ass, Y/N. Every time. You do this every single time.”

You stood with your arms folded, giving him the deadliest stare you could muster. You were so damn tired of Bucky Barnes. “I did exactly what you said, Barnes!,” you retorted. “Bullshit!,” he groaned, “you haven’t listened to one thing.”

You groaned and pulled off your gloves, throwing them down on the mat. “You wanna go for real?,” you asked him with a challenging look. “I mean, I’m certainly not afraid of a fist fight, you old fossil.” The jab at his age only made him angrier.

“You’re such a brat, did you know that?,” he taunted. “Spoiled little girl thinks she can do whatever she wants and everyone will just bow down. Isn’t that right? That everyone just loves you so much they let you get away with anything. Well, fuck that.”

You kicked him in the shins, hard enough to make him stumble. Taking advantage of the situation, you slammed your fist into his jaw as hard as you could. If looks could kill, you’d certainly be dead as soon as he looked up at you. “Did you just fuckin’ hit me?”

“I did,” you nodded, “cause you deserved it, Barnes. If I’m a brat, you’re an asshole. Grumpy ass old man that hates everyone and everything. Complains all the damn time. Who fucking cares about your incessant whining? Huh? No one!”

You gave him one last look before you stormed out, determined to give Steve the tongue lashing of a lifetime for sticking you with Bucky again.

****

“At what point do they realize they’re attracted to each other?”

Steve groaned and looked over at Sam. “I don’t know. I suppose they might sometime if they don’t kill each other first.” Sam shook his head. Everyone could see the lingering looks between you. The ones that each other didn’t notice. It was obvious to everyone else.

“We gotta make them see it, Rogers. If not, they’ll certainly murder each other.”

Steve nodded. It needed to happen. And soon.

****

“God damn! For fuck’s sake!,” you groaned into the comm unit.

Bucky hadn’t waited for the all clear before storming the building. And he called you reckless. “Barnes! You fucker!” You pulled your gun from the holster and followed him in.

It was dark and it took you a few moments to get your bearings. Bucky, of course, was nowhere to be found. Leave it to him to leave you alone in a building full of Hydra operatives. “Barnes?,” you called out.

No answer.

“Shit,” you hissed, making your way slowly down the dark hall, just praying to the God of Thunder that you didn’t get ambushed. You knew you could handle a few on your own, but anymore and you’d be completely screwed.

Leaning against the wall, you closed your eyes, trying to mentally prepare yourself for what you were walking into. It was dead silent and that honestly scared you more than anything else. But the gunshots that echoed off the walls brought you back.

Taking off, you followed the sounds, taking out two men on your way. You just hoped that Bucky had been the one to cause damage, not the other way around. It would be devastating if something happened to him, despite the awful relationship you had.

“Barnes?,” you called out again, hearing a muffled groan. That was definitely Bucky.

“Jesus,” you swore when you reached him. He was slumped against the concrete wall, ten dead men surrounding him. Blood poured from his chest and you swore your heart stopped in that moment. “Steve? Sam?,” you called, “Barnes is down. I need backup. Now.”

You leaned down on his level, lifting his chin to look at you. Suddenly struck with the knowledge that he might actually die, your heart clenched and tears pooled in your eyes. “Hey,” you said softly, “keep your eyes on me, Bucky. Okay? Can you do that for me?”

He nodded weakly, staring up at you. “Just so you know,” he said, his voice strained, “in case I don’t make it…,” he started but you cut him off. “You’re too tough for that,” you said, “save your strength, okay? We’re gonna get you outta here.”

“Y/N…,” he groaned, reaching for your hand just as Sam and Steve reached the two of you. They picked him up carefully, you following quietly behind as the got him on the jet. You stood over him, watching him slip in and out of consciousness. He kept trying to say something, mumbling incoherently, but you kept telling him to rest.

You weren’t sure you wanted to hear it.

[haikyuuwaifu]

Dynamite

Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Crack, NSFW Content throughout

Warnings: Swearing

MASTERLIST

INTRODUCTION: GROUND ZERO| CULT 4 Y/N| DK| SUPPORT

CULT 4 Y/N

-Y/N has been best friends with Jiro and Shinsou for pretty much her entire life. They were there through the Denki trauma and Shinsou has been beating himself up for years, for letting it happen and not protecting her better.

-Mina cannot fathom how Y/N danced the WAP dance better than her; but girl forgot Music is her ultimate first love. Shinsou really did pay her 500 dollars for that video and he was not disappointed. Mans has that shit saved everywhere. Promise you Keigo and Dabi are trying to fight him to get a look at it. LMAO

-Toga and Ochaco have a love hate relationship. They love each other as friends do, but also they drive each other crazy. ALL THE TIME. They can both agree that they hate working with the pop idol Camie though. She’s rude and she sucks, but her company has a contract with Y/N’s agency so there isn’t anything they can do. (But they have plans for when Y/N finally snaps)* she absolutely refuses to do anything with her.

-Rumi has a problem with literally EVERY DATE she takes to events and awards shows. Every single time, she kicks them and the papz get a coochie shot. More often then not Y/N is her plus one; she couldn’t make the last one as she was working on a deadline.

-Ochaco is dick hungry and it shows. To be fair, it’s been a while for the girl and she works in a stressful environment LMAO.

-Hizashi scheduled Momo for a solo shoot at the same time as DK doing their new promo. One of their dancers wouldn’t stop hitting on her, and she was ready to punt that fucker right out the window. 

-Aizawa likes to give Shinsou a hard time, it’s one of the few things that brings him joy. He likes to remind Shinsou everytime he looks at him; that he’s looking at his future. 

-Y/N is his favorite and that’s it. He hates his job though LOL.

-Hizashi just likes to give everyone a fucking a headache all the time. 

-He also lives for drama and loves to aggravate his husband by adopting shinsou as their son. It’s hilarious how alike the two men are.

-Rumi swears Hizashi’s hair is bleached to hide the greys. Its a huge fight Y/N and Shouta try to avoid.

-Y/N’s schedule is free for the next number of months and Jiro is hoping that she can convince her to re-brand Ground Zero.

-Y/N doesn’t have anything to do with music, unless it is an absolute emergency. Jiro only uses Mochi if she’s absolutely desperate; and this time she was.

-Shinsou would have gotten the Mochi regardless, he just wanted to see what he would get out of it. She wouldn’t have made him delete that video lol.

@dabilove27​ @lia-faerie-queen​​ @amarillyis​  @bakasbitch18 @amberisnotcrazy​ @bbymilkbread​

[littlemessyjessi]

How They’d Be As Mukbangers:  Harry Potter Characters

How They'd Be As YouTube Mukbangers

James: Every video has a theme.   Like, I'm not even playing.   Holidays?  All kinda of holiday themed food.  Quidditch World Cup coming up?   Things inspired by the country of his favorite team.   Just a random day?  Everything is blue.   He's that type of way.

Sirius:  If a mukbanger was a thirst trap.  I could easily see him really getting into.  Dark background, black gloves, aesthetic as fuck and like, he doesn't even talk.  He just sits there, looks hot and somehow makes eating looking incredibly sexy.  And he fucking knows it.   Bitch also one hundred percent rolls his eyes back when it hits his taste buds.  Licks his lips and his fingers.  Takes way too big of bites.   Most people would say it's cringy how sexual his videos are...but everyone is secret subscribed anyway.  With notifications on.

Remus:  This goes one of two ways.  If he's in a good mood and things are chill, he'll find a recipe, make it to the mother fucking 't' and then have a little mukbang slash review on said recipe.  Nice lil chat.  Sweet tol bean.   Precious. If it's near the full moon there ain't none of that.  Ya boy, brings in his monstrous plate of food, sits it down and just tears into like a fucking beast, no talking.  Just nom nom nom.  Unintentionally thirst traps and people opening talk about when Remus goes beast mode.  

Peter:  Candy and sweets channel! Small mukbangs with reviews from different candies from Honeydukes!

Lily:  Lol, Lilypad.  She ain't playing around.  Her videos are planned out, edited and just generally finessed to perfection.  Even had music added to it with tiny vlog segments as it's set up.  It's a little pretentious but she does have a good following.

Marlene:   This bitch.  Fucking competitive eating queen.  Tiny ass lil ho can eat you under the table, bro.   Think RainaIsCrazy on YouTube.  She can fucking smash.  Usually does eating challenges from different resteraunts and competitions.  Often, challenges Remus on his wild days.   He's a beast but she still wipes the floor with him.  

Dorcas:  The collab.  Dorcas always has good food and good company.  She's all about sharing a meal with someone and talking about random things.

Alice and Frank:  The couple channel.  It's generally filled with so much fucking cute and the food is always tasty.  It's sickening they feed each other but you also can't help but awww.

Molly Prewett/Weasley:   Family recipes.   Molly's channel are tried and true recipes from the Prewett family.  Cook with me and tons of kitchen life hacks.  Also, that woman can turn a ham sandwhich into a full course meal. Bet.   Always taste tested by Daddy Weasley.  Yes, I said Daddy Weasley.  

Lucius Malfoy:  The most pretentious fucking channel to ever exist.  It's a whole fucking production that admittedly he does put a lot of work into.   Somewhat thirst trappy like Sirius' but instead of just having a plain black background he goes out of his way to shove as much of his manor into.   Only eats the most expensive food fucking on the planet and of course, it's prepared by House elves cause he's a twit.  (Yes, I know this is Thranduil but honestly wouldn’t put it past Lucius to be this fucking pretentious.) 

Severus Snape:  Actually pretty solid content.  His exquisite skills in potions actually made him a rather good chef.   Tasteful shots, edited well with music over everything and subtitles.   Simply audio for the eat portion at the end.  Nothing too fancy for the background.  Often just a very clean kitchen. Solid content though.

The Black Sisters: Mass chaos.  Part vlog, part drama channel, half the time the food never even gets finished because of fights.  

Bill Weasley:  The Traveler.   A lot of egyptian food.  Some made by hand.  Some vlogs from street food while he's out just generally doing his job.   Short videos but solid.  He's hot and he picks good food.  It works for him.

Charlie Weasley:  This extra ass bitch.  He's the bitch that does all that outdoor cooking.  You know what I mean.   Shots in the woods, roaring fire.  Lit by a precious dragon child no doubt.  Dragons lounging in the background like those bitches who always have their dogs there.  Yes, I'm jealous.  Close up shots of him cutting things on a custom wood cutting board. Everything he makes causes your mouth to water.  God damn, scarred, freckle faced bastard just gobbles it up and ends every fucking video with a wink.   Charlie Weasley is the ultimate thirst trap and he fucking knows it.

Percy:  Percy's channel could be epic but instead is boring as fuck.  Why?  Because he insist on having the most snooze worthy meals that are 'sensible' and THEN he proceeds to talk about politics.   He actually had a pretty decent following of other like minded individuals but my god- politics and porridge, Percy?  Really?

However, once he chills the fuck out, leaves the ministry to do something else - it’s a game changer.  Brings the family on for mukbangs.  Does videos with mummy weasley.  Percy grows his hair out and Bill teases him for being a copy cat.  Much better.  Still talks politics but it’s fucking hiliarous and now the food is poppin. 

Fred and George:  Alright, this shit right here.   Every fucking bit of it is a self promo for the shop.  Meals inspired by and that would go well paired with 'this product'.  Like, that's the whole thing.  And then they run an add for their shop at the end featuring the product.  It works for them because they're smart, they're hot and they're also wildly entertaining with their constantly sibling squabbling. But yeah.  Big promo for the shop.

Ron Weasley: Honestly, out of everyone.   Ron probably has the most followers and it's because he doesn't say shit while he's eating. He sits down with a massive fucking turkey.  Nods at the camera and just tears it up.   It's literally so satisfying.  All the food is prepared by his mother.  So it's obviously fantastic. ( I just had to use this gif.) 

Ginny:   Gin's channel is usually team building videos with the Harpies.  'Cheat Day: Vlog and Mukbang w/the Harpies' type of vibes.  It's cool though and since it's a famous quidditch team the fans enjoy the behind the scenes action and actually drop all kinds of recipes for them to try in the future.

Hermione:  Hermione could easily veer off into Percy's channel of misery when she gets started on her rants but mostly they're really chill videos.  Mukbang and Book Review type of vibe.  Or sometimes even the playing of an audio book while she does her thing.  All in all, wholesome.

Harry:  Lol, I swear.  Fucking awkward bean.   Harry's videos are literally of him making the simplest of things and being so fucking awkward. "Er, well, hi guys.  So I'm about to head out for work.  Running a bit late.  But we're having a bit of toast and jam."  Like it's literally just little videos of him eating whatever throughout the day.  But of course, since he's Harry Fucking Potter- his follower count is astronomical.  

Neville:  Now, this boy.  This boy is a goblincore gobbo's wet dream.  Gardening videos with homegrown veg.  Recipes from Grandmother.   Have a nice Veggie Pot Pie with Professor Longbottom in the Hogwarts Greenhouse.  There is a fanbase and it is huge.  

Luna: Honestly, the weirdest fucking channel in the world.  Like she finds the weirdest things to eat and goes from there.  But Luna is bae so it's cool.  Also, a thousand percent does Smoke Sesh + Mukbang videos.  You know it's true.

Dean and Seamus:  Literally, eating in the most crowded pubs as they visit football games around the country.  Seamus will definitely pull the Irish card from time to time to have a drinking competition.  He wins everytime.  He may be a little dude but shit- homie can hold his own.

Cedric:  Honestly, it's so fucking pure.   Straight up did videos during his time at Hogwarts in the Hogwarts kitchen.  Such kind little conversations with the house elves.  "Hey, guys.  Thanks for coming back to another video.  Today we're making some really tasty biscuits.  Whispy, one of the talented bakers here in the kitchens, is here to help us today so please say hello to her in the comments."  He'll also always make extra and leave them in the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to enjoy.  Like, it's honestly so pure and he's such a soft boi and oh my fucking geeeeeeerrrrrrdddd!!!!!

Draco: Actually takes it really seriously and put a lot of hard work into it.   Nothing like his father's ego-tistical recipes.   Surprisingly, every. single. recipe. is a muggle recipe.  How would he know?  Because he cross referenced with Granger of course.  Cooks it himself.   No magic.  Lots of random talks.  Just like a monologue of things and it gets kinda deep sometimes.   Like, it's the channel to go to when you need advice that you didn't even know that you needed.   Still eats incredibly proper.   It's that pureblood raising of his.  Old habits die hard.

Tonks:  Pure chaos.  "Hey, today we're having Mum's homemade lasagna and I'm also getting a new tattoo.  Might dye my hair.  Don't really need to since I can do this  but whatever. So yeah, there's that.  Like it's just all over the place and you'd think it would take but the chaos is too good not to watch.  Literally gives herself beaks and snouts while she eats.  It's iconic.

Dumbledore: Mother fucker just sits at his desk, stares straight into the camera and eats a lemon drop.  Like a weirdo.  The video usually no more than a minute and each video is just some variation of that.  Meme lord.

Hagrid:  Tea With Hagrid.  Also, so the recipes suck, they too, but Hagrid is a peach and it's relaxing to see his gentle half giant there in his hut, pumpkin patch out the window and Fang laying by the fire.  It's a mood and he's just like the comforting Dad figure. 

McGonagall:  Honestly the best one in the entire world.  She makes a full course traditional Scottish breakfast... and then transforms into her animagus the cat...and promptly knocks it off the table.   A fucking legend.

------------------------------

Please attack the ask box!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

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Love, Kenny

[hooklineandpodcast]

Hey! If you're looking for queer podcasts from black creators - a great place to start is Tandon productions. Marissa Tandon is a black woman who's made a bunch of shows - in particular Super Ordinary, which I'm pretty sure has a couple of queer characters. Also check out Jordan Cobb's work - she's a black woman who made Here Be Dragons, which has a bunch of queer characters. (1/2)

sOther audio dramas made by black people and featuring majority black casts include Fan Wars by Shenee Howard, Sumeria by Mark Luckie, Vega by Ivuoma Okoro, Deadbeats Inc by Aisha Casey, Bronzeville and Harlem Queen - though I'm not sure about queer rep. Shows made by mixed crews with black queer characters include Unwell (Lily is a queer black woman), Forest 404, The Lavender Ladies podcast, Kalila Stormfire and Masala Jones (2/2 - but sorry, there's more)

Punishment Island is made in Uganda and stars a queer black woman. The Van is engineered by Rye Dorsey, who is a black person, and features a bunch of queer characters. When Angels Visit Armadillo is made by a mixed crew and features a black lesbian character. Ok, I think that's everything I know!! Radio Elusia also has a mixed crew and black director, but I don't know if it'll feature queer characters (3/3)

Thanks so much! This is a great bunch to look at. Fan Wars can confirm no queer rep but it’s a very fun story. If you’re Star Wars Fan and have spent time in fanspheres it’s really worth a listen.

@mistah-aluminum and @cactusjuicepod also suggested the list put out by the folks at Death By Dying which isn’t exclusively queer but has some really good ones and overlaps with @lesetoilesfous suggestions. Find that here.

@bi-blue suggested Caravan, which has a creator of colour as the lead writer/director/producer and a whole cast of indigenous, black, people of colour working on the project. I love Caravan it’s a really fun story. A queer Western meets Dante’s inferno.

In a reblog on the original post @chekhovs-harpoon​ had some really good suggestions too I’m gonna add here as well: 

Have you heard of the RedWing Audio Drama? I can best describe it as queer black batman. Main character is a queer black man, by day he’s an uber rich philantropist, by night he’s a masked superhero. This podcast is fun cuz it’s got all the wish fulfillment/power fantasy tropes that’s usually aimed at a white cishet able bodied men, but this one’s aimed at the more marginalized people, queer people of color especially.

I can also recommend the Fuck Humans Podcast. Which is about a post-apocalyptic sci-fi fantasy world where humans and monsters live, and any relations between them are forbidden by law. And the story is about how love overcomes hatred and prejudice (and also hot monster fucker porn with plot and  feelings. be aware that this is an erotica podcast so the sex scenes are very graphic and that’s the selling point)

I also really love The Glass Appeal. It’s the future but many people are dying from diseases we’ve already cured because of capitalism. So a rogue group of cyberneticists are going around trying to start the solarpunk revolution by teaching people how to take care of themselves. but they’ve been framed by the big companies for bioterrorism and our main character was sent to jail and it’s up to his husband to prove his innocence. Despite the harsh conditions, this show feels really hopeful and the married couple dynamic of the main characters is the sweetest thing

Those are the shows i’d recommend at the top my head, but i’ve got more i just can’t remember them rn cuz i’m subscribed to literally 300 shows at this point. my dms are always open for talking about and recommending podcasts!”

Thank you so much to everyone who made suggestions. All over these sound so cool. I hope that helps out @marvel-magnet1! I know I have a whole lot of new stuff on my own to listen list. 

[naivesilver]

Top five ‘August is an idiot’ moments please :)

Do you mean his entire life, freenklin my dear? The boy had a hold of the braincell for about half an hour, and that was when he was seven. I don't know if I can't restrict the list to only five entries.

(Jk jk I love him and you both.)

Ask me my top 5 anything

Let's call this "I bully August for half an hour out of sheer unadulterated love".

1) "I know you're Baelfire."

It doesn't get any cringier than this - what the fuck does it MEAN, August? You could have pulled off a huge reveal with ease, drama queen in exile that you are. You could have produced a relic of the land you'd both once called home. You could have done literally anything, because ANYTHING would have been better than a fucking typewriter with a piece of paper consisting of a single line stuck in it.

Just... *sigh*. I love him to bits, but sometimes I really want to bang his head against a wall and hope some sense trickles into it.

2) What happens in Hong Kong doesn't fucking stay in Hong Kong

Yes, it's tragic. Yes, we get a clear view of the new lows August has reached. Yes, he's literally scraping the bottom of human decency and desperation here. But come on: it IS a little funny.

This guy finds out he's turning back into wood and has an existential crisis in an ER waiting room (boy, can I relate to that) complete with the most hilarious faces he's ever pulled in his career. Then, when this magical dragon guy tells him there might be a cure, he steals money from Tamara and BOLTS away - you can almost hear the Benny Hill theme music playing faintly in the background, because the viewer already knows he's doomed and that this is a fool's hope. Finally, he's wearing the most godawful clothes ever known to man, which is a damn shame, given that the rest of his wardrobe is amazing and that I'd steal his Wish Realm outfit in a heartbeat.

Sad puppet hours, right there.

3) Rumpelstiltskin's knife

August, my love, reason why I survived the first lockdown, did you REALLY think it would work? That you would get the Dark One under your control and then...and then what? The tough guy act is a ruse from start to finish. You can barely order a pizza by yourself. What was the plan exactly?

Ngl I spent this scene with my head in my hands because by then I'd thrown my lot in with this fucker but I was already regretting it. Why? Why does he ALWAYS set out on journeys that will most certainly ruin his chances of survival? I know it's very in character for any sort of Pinocchio, but I'd really like for him to just have a nap, please. Or a cat. Or a nap with a cat curled on his feet. Is it too much to ask?

4) "Broken."

I am positive August must have visited Italy and gotten so scared by local post offices to vow to never use one again. Why did he use a pigeon? WHERE did he get the pigeon? These are the questions I wanted to have answered in season 7, not Henry's unfortunate love life.

Also, it's hysterical that this man can't communicate in a normal way with Neal to save his life. Just send him a damn text message. Or a phonecall. Who am I kidding, I hate phonecalls, August was right about that.

Though now I'm a bit sad Neal didn't get to interact with August at all after he returned to Storybrooke. The two of them and Emma all in the same room would have been awkward to say the least, but the comedy potential would have been off the charts. Snow got to slap Marco, Emma should have been granted the opportunity to slap someone as well. As a treat.

5) Let's get kidnapped and forcibly returned to a respectable age

They were threatening him with death, torture and ridicule and he was about to laugh in their faces. I'd say iconic if he hadn't been risking it all with his mere existence at that point. Rumple was right to curb his enthusiasm, actually, I slapped a hand on my face the second I saw him at it.

Anyway, literally five minutes later they try to break him out and the second he spots Ursula (it was Ursula, right? God I need to rewatch his episodes so bad) he sits back down like "A'ight, it was fun while it lasted, remind Blue she's promised me a casket for my untimely death", because he just can't be normal for a single second. That plot was wild as shit - not that I'm mad that it got August back, but I want to know who approved it in the writing room, and what words where spoken there, specifically, to convince everyone else of its sanity.

Honorable mentions: getting hit by Snow White's bolt out of fucking nowhere, but also going to find BLUE of all people to get rid of the wood problem. Bro, that's literally the last person I'd look for. It's like asking a fish to pilot a velocipede, except in this case the fish is also a nasty piece of shit who'd run you over as soon as it got a hold on how to use pedals. There's a shepherd mob boss who works as a butcher in Storybrooke and I'd STILL go to her before I went to the Blue Fairy. Smh.

[chaoticspacefam]

Tag Game, Let’s Go!

I was tagged for this one by @actualanxiousswampwitch , thank you! :D I think everyone who would do this one (that I know of skksskhsjh) has already been tagged so I’m just gonna leave this one open and say “do it if you want to”, yes, I promise I mean you!

1)  Tag the OC who is a SIMP.But not for a SO. but for like ANY piece of hot ass she sees Aria. Absolutely Aria. You know that “will fuck anything with a pulse” joke? Yeah, that’s her XD as long as it’s, y’know, humanoid and sentient that is. skhdfdugfyugf

2) Tag the OC with the FILTHIEST mind. That fucker who sees a rock and could make a joke about sex Saarai. Though she’s only serious about going through with it if it’s with her current partner(s) that she trusts. But yeah, will drop a sex joke in the middle of an important Alliance meeting and make Lana want to beat her across the head with her datapad just to get her to shut up we’re in public!! hahaha

3) Tag the OC that lives out of DRAMA. That little bitch who loves to know rumors and shit Ni’kasi. She’s the drama queen. You better not spill your secrets (dirty or otherwise) around her, she will remember them ALL. And she WILL use them against you later. That’s not a threat, it’s a promise.

4) Tag the OC who is the SMOOTH BRAIN. The one that sticks her tongue into a metal wall in Hoth Also Saarai. Listen, she’s a Disaster Bisexual Polyam Dumbass (tm) in every sense of the words, but her heart is full of love and that’s what counts! Also her dad, Kissai. She got the “Dumb but loveable” thing from somewhere, ya get me?

5) Tag your OC who is the animal lover. THe one what cries when you gotta kill Tukata hounds even when they are chewing her legs This one might be surprising, but Aria. Hates people (unless they’re Vano + the selection of their close friends), but loves animals. Would 10/10 let a Tuk’ata eat her if it was hungry, will scream if someone else kills it.

6) Tag the OC who is a NERD. The one that knows what type of socks Satele Shan uses because she said it once on a interview Prooobably Ziri, though she knows next to nothing about the Jedi, she’s definitely the closest thing to a “nerd” - whatever the spaceship version of a petrolhead is, that’s Ziri to a T. Could tell you the exact make, model + condition of its hyperdrives just by listening to a ship fly over her head level of nerd. Also, a lockpick at the very least on par with Vette. If there’s a locked doorway in the galaxy somewhere, Ziri can get you through it, no problem! 👍

7) Tag the OC with the worst luck on the Galaxy D’leah, Saarai. A little of Ni’kasi, too. Listen, these girls have THE WORST luck. At least Aria’s situations are 100% entirely due to her own stupid ass decisions and poor social ettiquette. The Ahaszaai though? Just hella unlucky, with a little bit of dumbass/poor decision making sprinkled in (at least on Saarai’s part). If they hadn’t had the Worst Luck (tm) to put them into those situations they got into though, their lives would be pretty different.

8) Tag the OC that likes the SPICE of the Galaxy. Akka the drughead Also Aria. She’s popped up a lot in this meme, I promise it’s not me being lazy she literally just is that much of a disaster. She hasn’t touched any in many years now but she used to be a pretty big spicer at the beginning of Creeping Shadows, I just kept it brief for the sake of not dragging that portion of the story on unnecessarily long-like.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 29.10.20 lb

dadi getting a lil too intrusive in her confidence in vansh's ability to pyaar, just coz he got his wife’s wrist size right.

appropriate response.

idhar chachi lamenting ki ohnoe i think vansh really loves riddhima now.

yet again, an appropriate response.

but for wrong reason. coz this one's like, look at all the great love stories. the truer the love, the more bitter the ending.

mummy like ughhhh but these two seem annoyingly indestructibleeeee.

aryan is pretty chill. he's like we shall try try againnnnn, mom. till when will she escape and he keep saving her??? at one point or the other he'll be late by 5 min. that day, we'll get her.

time for riddhima to get an angre of her own, methinks.

meanwhile someone's fucking with the mehendi. ofc.

lo. adulterated mehendi has been delivered to correctttttttttttt victim itself. even though there's no name or anything written on the trays.

she's SOOOOOO excited to put mehendi that she's not eaten all day and telling dadi she'll eat after the mehendi is dry. her cheerfulness is annoying me. who would be this happy about a hetero relationship with a man????? wouldn’t be me.

husband has noted the point ki karwa chauth vrat seems to have started a day early.

black string on chachi's shoulder, same as from mehendi-fucker-upper ka blanket thingy. i mean..... i think it's a red herring, coz she and aryan were bitching when the mehendi was being tampered with, but who knows with the timeline of this show anymore.

the stupidest thing here is that only the open mehendi has been fucked with. i wouldn't use that in the first place and just use the cone for sheer convenience and less mess. also KNOWING that everyone in this house wants to kill me???? why the fuckkkk would you use the one in the open container????

ainvayi mein these three are glaring at her. imagine letting someone this stupid live rent-free in your head all day. be better, queens.

hubs is here with khaaana.

dadi has to taang adaaofy some more and force him to feed her. honestly, iss dadi ko bohut zyaada utaavli chadhi hai. calm your tits, woman.

not to nitpick on a nice thing being done, but that dal to rice ratio seems waaaaaaaaay off.

also gross, she eats like a baby. truly incompetent in every single way.

sir what is your face?????? but also yes, simp more for your wifeee!!!!!

ew dal waale haath se hi baal bhi sawaar raha hai.

GODDDDDD, GET A FUCKING ROOM BEFORE DADI POPS IN BETWEEN YOU TWO LIKE

yup. she had to say some nonsense in between and make me die of cringe. i'm fwding the scene coz i realllllly can't handle the second hand embarrassment.

if my cat stepped in mehendi and walked all over my palms, it would look better than this.

DADI IS LITERALLY KILLING HER POTA BY EMBARRASSING HIM TO DEATH. PLS WOMAN, STOP. I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

ishani and mummy being eternal mood.

itch itch itch itch itch.

sensible dude is like just wash it the fuck off you idiot, and she's like noooooooooooooo but the rang!!!!

“tumhe lagta hai mehendi zyaada der tak rakhne se rang gaadha hota hai, ya phir pati ke chaahne se?”

“dono hi samajh lo.”

gotta say, i like flirty riddhima. it's the only time she uses her brain a lil and is tolerable. BUT OH GOD JUST GO WASH YOUR HANDS YOU DUMBASS.

thank god, he insisted and sent her off.

these two's issues i really dgaf about anymore, so fwding. like........ i think angre needs to back the fuck off a little bit. har waqt uske mooh mein ghuske yeh pati waala drama karoge toh kisi ko bhi gussa aana hai.

wonderful. aur rakho itchy mehendi haath pe.

husband ready to burn down mehendi waale ppl's house. totes appropriate reaction.

she's like oh no idc about my sore, bleeding hands, i just feel so bad for dadi. omfg dumbass just get a brown sketch pen from somewhereeee. like the old bat would be able to tell the difference. 

“mehendi ka rang aur pati ka pyaar, inn dono mein koi connection nahi hai.”

ex-fucking-actly. i gots no pati and my mehendi comes out DARK AF, every single time. it has to do with body heat more than anything. and since i am a human furnace, i don't need no pati ka pyaar. not only in this area, but in alllllll areas of my life. #aatmanirbhar

“yeh mehendi ka rang humaare rishte ka certificate nahi ban sakta hai; lekin agar tumhe aisa lagta hai, toh mere paas ek solution hai.”

sweet.

ugh i don't caaaaaaaaare about these family waale and their neverending tippaniyaan on these two's marriage. fwding.

anyway pati is here to tell everyone to stfu and gtfo, thank god.

ofc that gets these 3 to turn on laser glare eyes and vow hellfire and brimstone on riddhima.

ishani was mehendi culprit?

here some more bitching and theories ki riddhima ne itna dimaag chalaana kabse shuru kar diya, uski neeyat kyun badal gayi about giving kabir the memory card, blah blah. i'm just here to stare at kabir in all black.

hein? mummy ALSO has the black kambhal???? did alllllll of you bitches add your own own poisons to the mehendi???

oh?????????????????

can't say i wouldn't do the same.

lol she's straight up calling him out for being an asshole when awake.

and now she's imitating him and maarofying all his dialogues, including the "interestingggggggggg.... veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy interesting." again, this episode is perhaps the firsttttttttt time i've liked riddhima as a character.

ASLKJDLASDLKASJDLKJASLKDJLASKJDLSAJLKDJL I LEGIT SCREAMED

and he's back to growling at her. but good for her, she doesn’t seem intimidated at all.

but april fool! he likes it!

“ek baat boloon?”

“haan bolo.”

“kabhi tumhe aise muskuraate hue nahi dekha. aadat daal lo, achche lagte ho.”

“tum bhi aadat daal lo. mujhe yeh aise achcha lagta hai.”

OH GOD SHE'S GONNA RUIN THE MOMENT BY TELLING HIM ABOUT KABIR. OH GOD. OHHHHHHH GOD. IDK IF IT'S MY PERIOD CRAMPS OR SHEER TERROR, BUT MUMMMMY, MY STOMACH HURTSSSSSSS.

ok phew, she didn't say the R(agini) word. she just says that like you had a story in your past, i have one too....

andddddddd he told her he doesn't care. it's her past. it's done. he only cares about living with her in the present. well dang. such a reasonable response? from this dude???? unexpected.

but also, He Knows right????? He fully Knows already.

is the person writing their scenes on some special drug these days? whatever it is, they should keep doing it. remarkable improvement in romantic scenes. like, crazy amazing improvement.

is it that, or have i developed stockholm syndrome for this show now??????? oh fuck.

early morning sargi blah blah.

ishani like i don't even got no saas, why i gotta be here for thissssss?????

riddhima as usual has to be overrrrrrrrr, and has prepared sargi for ishani and hands it over.

OH GOD DADI IS TELLING HER TO TOUCH RIDDHIMA'S FEET OH GOD DADI WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS YOU JUST WANNA SEE THIS MANSION BURNNNNNN, DON'T YOU

ofc there are promises of soooooot-samedh badla.

aaaaaaaaand mummy purposely messed up riddhima's sargi. ouff. saas bahu politics. idccccccc.

lmaooooooooo i am ishani. i can't help it, i just really am her.

wait mummy is saying shit like “mere bete ka dil todkar, vansh ke liye karwachauth ka vrat rakhne chali hai.........” ARE YOU TELLING ME KABIR REALLY FELL FOR THIS CHICK??????????? IT ISN'T JUST A EGO THING FOR HIM??????? RE DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.