#literally convinced im hallucinating right now

[maxpadelchampion]

somewhere some powerful tifosi cursed the rest of grid for this grand prix and it’s SHOWING

[featguler]

we don't talk about it ────── you don't have the time — arda tries convincing you to come to his game.

♡ ────── pairing : arda güler x reader ♡ ────── tags : reader's gender, ethnicity, nationality, and appearance is not specified. situationship!arda guler. reader speaks turkish n is speaking turkish with arda in this. angsty i guess??? i keep asking myself why i keep on giving him these stressful situationship scenarios omfg ♡ ────── wordcount : 715 ♡ ────── notes : more situationship arda i literally dc. also sorry for not posting in a while im tiiiired with work and my intern!! >:(( title is from august by flipturn!! ♡ masterlist.

“So you can’t come?”

Arda breathes into the mic, his eyes immediately fluttering close as he hears shrugging on your end, his phone trapped between his shoulders and his ears.

“Yeah.”

Arda tries imagining you right now. He tries imagining the expression on your face, he tries imagining what you are doing—swaying around, sitting down, biting your nails, rolling your eyes—and he lets his fantasies feed more into his imminent heartbreak.

He is in the changing room. Practice was rough that day, though he thinks that maybe it’s just him. Brahim seems to be having the time of his life, and Federico is somewhere talking to Antonio about the shenanigans that his kids, plural now that the youngest have turned one, have been up to lately.

And the room is far from quiet.

It’s alive—full of Eduardo chanting a Spanish song that Vinícius just taught him, full of Jude giggling as he texts his family group chat, and it’s full of Arda’s ailing heart beating against his ribs.

“Sorry,” you mumble to his speaker. Normally, Arda would find a way to voice his disappointment; he would click his tongue, he would thump his head against the wall, he would hang the call and scream into his mouth. But not right now.

“It’s in a week,” he tries negotiating, “not a week, even. 10 days. It’s in 10 days.”

The background noise increases—maybe he’s hallucinating—and Arda decides that he wouldn’t let anyone notice his distress.

No.

A part of him is embarrassed that he’s mulling so much over someone who he has been pining for for ages. He wonders if his older teammates, like Toni or Luka, know what a situationship is. His mother certainly does not. He asked her.

And sure there’s nuances and context in every relationship, but it somehow feels humiliating to explain to his teammates that he’s sad over someone who he is crushing on, but is technically going out with, but also not dating, yet is in a relationship with.

“I know, Arda,” he hears something shifting on your end. “It’s just that I promised my friend that we would go hang out.”

“You can hang out at the Bernabeu,” he encourages, still, his voice light despite the disappointment anchoring his chest. “I’ll get you the tickets.”

Arda opens one eye and watches the changing room, making sure that nobody is giving him their time of day.

“I asked you a few days ago,” he mutters quietly, rubbing the back of his neck rather harshly at the pent up frustration he’s developed every time he speaks to you. “I mean, I asked you first. It’s not fair.”

“Not fair?”

You echo him, and Arda lets out a rather long, extravagant sigh.

“Sorry.”

“We’re not—” you sigh. “Not fair? And whose fault do you think that is?”

Arda bites his lips, thinking over his words.

“Sorry.” He sighs again. “My fault. It’s my fault.”

“Right,” you huff into the speaker.

“Right,” he repeats, before uttering out a weak, “I miss you.”

You didn’t answer him for a moment, and Arda fears that he might have lost his hearing, but he eventually hears a breath.

“I miss you too.”

“I miss you more.”

A stupid smile etched on his lips—an idiotic, hopeful smile.

“Whatever.” He can basically see you roll your eyes. “I’m still not coming. I’m not coming to any of your games, you hear me?”

Until you make it official. He can basically hear you say.

He’s had this conversation a million times, and for some reason, it’s not enough push for him to commit to a relationship. He feels like if it were anyone else, he would not have much of an issue in putting a label on your relationship.

But it’s you.

And he has spent so long wanting you. What if you become his, and then you leave? You break up with him, leave him shattered? There is no breakup if there is no relationship in the first place—the senseless voice in his head keeps on whispering—there is no being left alone if he never decided to stay.

“Tell me if you change your mind.”

You huff to the phone again. “See you, Arda.”

He holds back an I love you, and laughs softly.

“I’ll see you around.”

[baekhyunsbestie]

omfg have you seen that post from a girl who moaned "more" during sex but her boyfriend heard "roar" so he roared like a BEAST with zero hesitation and the girl was like o_o lol that man loves her fr fr but can you pleasssseeee write something based on this with baekhyun pleaseee it makes me laugh so hard every time i think about it asgufdyvbfhiujn thank u and ilyyyy so much mwah

im fucking sobbing omg bc imagine this happening with baekhyun and tell me why it would be the funniest fucking thing ever 😭

“roar.”

that’s what baekhyun thinks he hears.

and here’s the thing—this man? he has no hesitation, no doubts, no critical thinking skills in this moment. just pure, unfiltered, primal instinct.

without a shred of second guessing, he leans in, body pressed against yours, breath hot on your skin. his hands tighten around your thighs, and his voice drops into something dark, something deep, something hungry. you feel the tension in his muscles, the heat rolling off him in waves, the anticipation thick between you.

and then—

he roars.

“ROOOOAAAARRRRRRR!!!”

loud. guttural. from the very depths of his soul.

the bedframe trembles. the walls might have shaken. you swear the air itself vibrates with the force of his voice. somewhere in the distance, a dog starts barking. you wouldn't be surprised if the neighbors are calling animal control right now.

and you? you just—

freeze.

every nerve in your body goes rigid as your brain slams the emergency brakes. your lips part, eyes wide, mind struggling to process the sheer audacity of what just happened.

did this man… did this fully grown man… just.

roar??????

you blink, slow and deliberate, trying to convince yourself that maybe you hallucinated it, that maybe the pleasure was so good it just fried your last functioning brain cell. but no—baekhyun is still there, hovering over you, his bare-ass chest rising and falling with exhilaration, eyes glittering with nothing but triumph.

he looks proud.

like he just unlocked a forbidden sex move.

like he’s waiting for praise.

“…baekhyun.”

his smirk is downright smug. “what is it, baby?”

you keep staring at him. he stares back.

the room is so silent, you swear you can hear the clock ticking in the hallway.

and then—

you lose it.

a wheeze punches out of your chest so violently, you nearly choke. your stomach caves in from the sheer force of your laughter, hands scrambling to grip at anything—his arms, the sheets, the very fabric of reality—to keep yourself grounded. you’re gasping for air, body convulsing as you kick at the blankets like a dying fish, legs flailing uselessly in the air.

baekhyun’s expression shatters. the confidence drains from his face like someone just pulled the plug on his entire existence.

“wait.” his voice cracks. “d-did you not—”

you barely manage to choke out between gasping laughs, “baekhyun. i said ‘more.’”

silence.

absolute horrible, horrible silence.

and then—

baekhyun dies.

not literally. but spiritually? emotionally? he has simply passed away.

all the tension in his body vanishes. his entire frame deflates like a popped balloon, his once-hard posture turning into dead weight. he collapses onto you in slow motion, forehead thunking against your shoulder as a single, whispered plea falls from his lips—

“oh my FUCKING god.”

and then he just… slides.

like a glitching video game character, his body slips off you, rolls over, and falls limp beside you. his arms flop uselessly to the side, his eyes staring at the ceiling, hollow and glassy like he’s just been betrayed by the universe itself.

and then, without a word, he grabs the blanket, yanks it over his head, and disappears.

“baekhyun—”

“no. don't look at me.”

you’re still wheezing, clutching your stomach, your entire existence shaking with laughter. you try to reach for him, but he rolls away, cocooning himself deeper into the blankets.

“baek, come on—”

“no.” his voice is muffled beneath the fabric, thick with shame and regret. “don't talk to me. we’re breaking up.”

you snort. “be so fucking for real right now—”

“it’s over. delete me from your memory.”

by now, tears are streaming down your face. you wipe at them, struggling to breathe as you shift closer, poking at the lump of blanket currently housing your mortified boyfriend.

“baby, seriously—”

“i can't fucking believe i just did that.” his voice cracks again, pure self-loathing dripping from every word. “i— i thought—” he lets out a strangled noise. “oh my god... i just ended my own bloodline."

you press your face into the pillow to stifle another fit of laughter, your entire body trembling with the effort to hold it in.

baekhyun kicks his legs wildly beneath the blankets, like a tantrum throwing child. “’m never having sex again. this is it. i’m officially fucking celibate.”

you roll onto your side, grinning at the pathetic little ball of shame he’s curled into. “it was kinda cute, though.”

the blanket stiffens.

you smirk, eyes twinkling. “you really put your whole lionussy into that, huh?”

the blanket erupts.

baekhyun lunges out of his shame-cocoon just to strangle you with the same blanket he was hiding in.

[winterchimez]

Teach Me How To Love (pt.2) | Kim Sunwoo

SUMMARY: right after you had elicited help from your best friend, who also turns out to the the fuckboy on campus, suddenly you weren't too sure if all the efforts you had put in to please the heartthrob were actually worth it anymore. that was when you realised there was much more to Sunwoo than you thought he was.

PAIRING: fuckboy!Sunwoo x g.n!reader (feat. crush!Hyunjae)

GENRE: fluff, angst, suggestive, slight horror

WARNINGS: nc-17, kissing, making out, implied sex (no smut though yall dw), reader wears a dress, petnames (sweetheart, princess, honey), Hyunjae isn't what reader thought he was oops (slightly possessive), reader is in denial of their own feelings, crying, cursing, flustered Sunwoo (and he's the gem of comedy in the fic), Sunwoo is the biggest flirt ever 😃

WORD COUNT: 4,438

A/N: happiest birthday to my one and only soulmate @from-izzy 🤞 thank you for literally being through all the chaos and madness in my daily life, from being on call with one another for an average of 6-7 hours each time we do it, from validating my thoughts 99% of the time (bcs sometimes you don't), and literally being the missing piece to my other half. fate brought us tgt and you'll forever be stuck with me for life so be prepared for that 😚💜 and big shoutout to @mosviqu @sanaxo-o for beta reading this fic for me!! (also hi... @kimsohn)

this is pt2 to the original fic here so please do read it first as this will contain major spoilers!! (yes the long awaited sequel is finally here im sorry for making yall wait for more than a year 🧍‍♀️)

Sunwoo’s POV

It was already noon, and the sun began shining directly onto the male’s face, causing him to get all frustrated as he sat up from his bed. 

Sunwoo was still in denial about what happened last night. You came over to elicit his help on how to flirt and make out and basically asked for advice on how to please your date for today—the campus heartthrob Lee Hyunjae. 

He knew from the back of his mind that it was definitely a bad idea from the start. He shouldn’t have agreed to do exactly what you both did last night—the way both of your bodies felt so warm and close to one another, the way your hands wrapped around him as he carried you to his bed, and the way your lips felt against his. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about them—like a broken record player replaying the entire scenario. After he had convinced you that you were good enough to please Hyunjae and left, he slumped onto the couch, refusing to believe what he had just done. 

All this time, he knew that you both were just friends—childhood best friends, to be exact. Neither of you had shown much more affection beyond that, and it was all cool between you two.

That was until last night.

His heartbeat was going 80 miles per hour, and he was literally going insane. To get back to his senses, he decided to call one of the girls he often slept with and invited her over so that he could forget about what had just happened and take things off his mind for a while. 

He was confident that all would be fine—he just returned to his usual routine of making out with different girls, and there’s that. Whatever happened between you two was just a dream, an awkward moment between you two, and it would not affect the relationship you both have built over the years. 

It turns out he was wrong, and during the entire night of making out with the girl, the only image that popped up in his mind was you. He imagined as if he was kissing you again, making you feel good as he explored your body, touching you in areas that made you feel so good—earning a series of soft moans coming out from your mouth. 

But he knew it was all just a hallucination, as he now turned to his side to find the girl he invited over last night sleeping very soundly as she lay towards her side, facing away from him. 

Sunwoo moved his head backwards so that it slightly bumped against the headboard of his bed. He lifted his phone to check the time and see if he had gotten any notifications for the day.

More specifically, if there were any notifications from you, that is.

When he saw that there was none, and it was already going to be 12:30 in the afternoon, he quickly went through his list of contacts and dialled someone familiar with your schedules for the day as he ran his fingers through his hair frustratingly. 

“Yuna, give me the details of Y/N’s schedule for the day from A to Z.” He commanded. 

Y/N’s POV

You were already drinking your third bottle of water as you waited for your date to arrive. 

To be fair, you agreed to meet at the square at 12:30 p.m., but your anxiety caused you to arrive 30 minutes earlier than planned. 

You elicited help from Yuna to dress you up and make you all pretty for today's date. You decided to put on the yellow flare dress that your cousin got you for the summer holidays while Yuna helped curl your hair and do your makeup for you. It has been a while since you put on a dress for yourself, but you thought it was legitimately the best outfit you own that could keep up with the campus heartthrob himself. 

You had a hard time falling asleep the night before. You kept thinking about how you would please Hyunjae—wear clothes that he would like, keep up with his favourite films and food, and, of course, how you would kiss him if that ever happened.

Wait. Kiss?

Right. You elicited your best friend’s help the night before at his apartment.

You weren’t too sure what had gotten in your mind last night, but you thought that having a so-called 101 lessons on how to please a guy by passionately making out with Sunwoo would do the trick. 

Your cheeks instantly heat up at the thought of it—you loved the way he touched you and how he was actually so gentle with it, contrary to his fuckboy behaviour that you have known from the surface. 

His words were as sweet as nectar—luring you in as if he knew exactly what to say to please you. It took you a little while to adjust to that since you mostly just bicker with the male. However, you weren’t too upset with that sudden change of attitude, and you liked this side of him.

But that wasn’t the part that intrigued you the most—it was that kiss. His goddamn plump lips just seemingly knew how to move in sync with yours, savouring all of the flavoured lip balm that you had just applied earlier that day since you struggled with dry, cracked lips.

All of a sudden, you realised that you didn’t need it anymore, for your lips were moist by the time you got home—you didn’t even need to apply another layer before going to sleep. 

You were brought back to reality when your phone started going off at your nightstand, and you picked it up to read the caller’s ID out loud. 

That’s when you panicked and quickly shook your head. Your date has arrived, and he was waiting in the lobby to pick you up. 

That’s right. I’m going on a date with Hyunjae. Sunwoo has nothing to do with this. 

As you quickly scrambled through your belongings to check if you had gotten everything, you dashed out of the door and slammed it shut before running down to meet your date, who was already looking as flawless as ever as he sat on the couch in the lobby.

The moment both of your eyes met, you could’ve sworn that you were about to combust internally as he put on the sweetest smile that could instantly make up someone’s day. 

“Morning, princess. You look absolutely stunning,” he commented as he scanned you up and down, admiring the look you had given him for the day. “I can’t believe that this is all for me.” 

God, the rumours that his words could potentially send you off to space within seconds were true. “N-No! I just did the bare minimum…I was worried you weren’t going to like it…” you mumbled.

He chuckled as he leaned forward to tuck some of your hair behind your ears. “Are you crazy? You’re the most beautiful ethereal sweetheart I’ve ever set my eyes upon.” 

Oh my god. Stop this Hyunjae, stop it right now. 

Clearing your throat, desperately wanting to move on from this conversation, you pointed towards the exit and gestured that it was time for you both to move on with your date. 

“L-Let’s go! The food bazaar isn’t going to wait for us forever!” 

“You’re right,” he smiled before taking your hands and intertwining his fingers with yours. “We’ve got a long day ahead of us.” 

“Oh my god! You’re a godsend when it comes to food!” You mumbled as you chewed on your favourite strawberry tanghulu in one hand and switched your taste buds to take a bite of the cheesiest corndog Hyunjae had bought for you from the bazaar. 

“I’m not called the food guru for no reason, honey. I know my food very well,” he winks as he takes in a bite of this humungous Taiwanese-styled fried chicken that he just got off fresh from one of the stalls nearby. 

Hyunjae couldn’t help admiring how you looked as he kept glancing towards your direction—your glistening pink cheeks partly from the blush but also how happy you were from this little date. 

If he had to be honest, he himself was nervous trying to send that text of asking you out the day before. Sure, he was aware of how you had had your eyes on him for a while, but so did the rest of the class.

However, he knew that there was something different about you, and he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was—but he knew that he just had to ask you out, and it didn’t matter if it would turn out to be great or a disaster.

Something about you has caught his eye since you first walked into class. You were different from the other girls who seemed to like him because of his good looks. You had always stood firm, telling everyone how you knew that Hyunjae was the sweetest human being you have ever laid your eyes upon—both from the outside and on the inside.

He appreciated and loved walking through the corridors on campus where he would find you talking to your friends about him—it was the smile you had on your face whenever he was mentioned. 

So he did his fair share of research on you, too (not with malicious intent but to get to know you better), and found out that you had a really close childhood friend, Kim Sunwoo. 

Sure enough, he would often see you hanging out with him loads back in junior year—you both were pretty much inseparable at all times, sticking close to one another throughout the entire day.

But the entire campus knew how he eventually ventured out to become the fuckboy on campus, and he would often hang out with different girls and sleep with them, causing you to spend less time with him.

If Hyunjae had to be completely honest, he wasn’t too happy about that. But who was he to judge about your relationships with one another? 

That is only he knew what happened between you two the night before in Sunwoo’s apartment. 

The thought of Sunwoo potentially hurting you in one way or another has been bugging him for an entire year now, and he just needed to know the answers. So he tried his best to come up with different topics to talk to you about—from the pets you both owned to your favourite TV shows until he felt it was safe and comfortable to talk about your childhood friend.

“Say, Y/N. I hope you don’t mind, and I don’t mean to pry…but what is your relationship with Kim Sunwoo?” 

You were taken aback by the sudden question about Sunwoo, and your already pink cheeks from the makeup and heat were getting much brighter and more apparent, causing you to clear your throat quickly before answering your date.

“H-He’s just a childhood friend; we go all the way back. Why do you ask?” 

“I can’t help but think he is somewhat hurting you somehow. I really hope he isn’t, though,” his voice deepened, making it evident that he wasn’t joking around. 

“Sunwoo? Hurting me? What makes you say that?” You asked while bitting off the last strawberry from the kebab stick you held. 

“Y/N, how do I put this…” he was now fidgeting his fingers on his free hand while looking at the ground. “I don’t know. You both don’t seem as close as you were back then. If I were in your shoes, I would be devastated in this situation.” 

That immediately stopped you in your tracks. You just stared at your date briefly, your feet glued to the ground. 

You remembered what the girls talked about the campus heartthrob himself: he reads people like an open book. 

Nothing could’ve explained the sweat dripping from your head; your fingers clutching the kebab sticks for dear life as if you were being interrogated for doing something wrong. 

Why did you feel that way? You couldn’t even answer that yourself. 

“H-He’s- I mean- We’re fine! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You laughed, trying your best to hide the stammer and fear in your voice, but you knew that your date wasn’t buying it in one serious bit. 

Knowing that the situation wasn’t getting any better, Hyunjae decided to take you away from the crowd by gripping your hand, and eventually, you both ended up on a bench at a nearby park, just sitting down to talk about everything.

“Y/N. I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” he bluntly replied. 

“T-Tell you what?”

“About Sunwoo.”

Frankly, you have no idea why on earth Hyunjae was obsessed about knowing what exactly happened between you two. You were currently on a date with the campus heartthrob, and Sunwoo is just a childhood friend, so you both somehow drifted apart for some time. You didn’t see what the connection here was all about. 

“Hyunjae…we’re just friends. That’s all.” 

“Y/N.” His grip on your hands tightened. “As much as I want to be happy that I’m out with you on a date right now, I can’t seem to help but notice how you aren’t exactly here with me, if that makes sense. Something is bothering you, and I am upset to know that.” 

“W-Well- Why are you upset, Hyunjae?” 

“Because you’re hiding something from me.” 

At this point, you were starting to feel a little creeped out and uncomfortable, and you had no idea why he was growing much more possessive each minute. You noticed how he was trying to get you to talk about your childhood friend, but you didn’t want to at this point.

Especially with what happened between you two last night. 

With all the pressure and tension in the air, you couldn’t help but hold back the tears in your eyes as they poured down your cheeks. You couldn’t care less if you looked like an absolute mess in front of your date right now, and you knew that you could no longer ignore the excruciating pain you have been holding back since last night. 

“I-I don’t know, Hyunjae. I don’t know what to feel,” you sobbed, lowering your head down to the point that your tears were now dripping onto your dress.  

Hyunjae was slightly taken aback by the scene that unfolded in front of him, and he quickly pulled you in for an embrace, rubbing your back to help soothe you as best as he could before you started speaking up again.

“I’m so confused with everything…I made many preparations for you because I genuinely like you so much, Hyunjae…I have had the biggest crush on you for the longest time…but everything that happened last night…I can’t be so sure anymore…” you sobbed. 

“What happened last night, Y/N? Talk to me about it,” Hyunjae reassured you with his calming voice, not knowing if it would make the situation better or worse, but he had to know. 

Even if the truth would eventually crush him. 

“I-I elicited help from Sunwoo…because I wanted to please you so bad as your date…but everything that unfolded last night…I-I don’t know where I stand now…” 

That was enough for Hyunjae to combine the dots to paint the whole picture in his head. He knew that from the start, as he saw both of you together, there was something about your relationship that felt so different from any other pairings seen on campus.

He never once believed in fate, nor about the red thread that connects one person to another to form the seemingly perfect relationship ever. But he knew deep down within his gut that you had a thing for Sunwoo, even if you hadn’t noticed it. 

It was enough to prove that even he couldn’t win over Sunwoo from you, and that little crush he had with you was slowly dying down—his heart slowly tearing apart. However, he was too nice to take you away from the one to which your heart truly belonged.

As your cries grew heavier and louder, Hyunjae could only do his best to hug you tighter, wishing he could savour this moment for as long as possible before he eventually had to let go. 

He knew he would miss hearing you talking about him whenever he came close on campus, and he surely would miss admiring you from afar whenever you weren’t paying attention to him. 

Knowing that you wouldn’t hear him as you were caught up in your emotions, he slowly took out your phone to send a text to a number before he turned it off and placed it back into your bag before he mumbled a few words to himself. 

“Thank you for making me happy over the past year, Y/N. You truly are one of a kind.” 

You had no idea how long you had been out as you slowly opened your eyes and adjusted your vision. The sun had set, and the skies were slowly turning pitch black, indicating that the day had passed by quickly.

Immediately, you felt that you were lying on something soft underneath your head, and you slowly lifted your head before you eventually sat up straight and backed away slightly from the man himself.

“You look like you have seen a ghost, Y/N.” 

He couldn’t be. Why was he here? How did he know your location? 

It can’t be true, and you won’t believe your eyes. So, you slowly leaned forward to pinch his cheeks, earning a yelp to show that it was a reality, not a dream.

“Ow! What the fuck was that for!” He screamed as he covered his cheek with the arm that he was spread on the back of the bench. 

“W-Why are you here, Sunwoo?” You questioned, clearly still confused with the whole situation that you were in. 

“What do you mean why? You texted me to come pick you up,” he answered.

Huh? You texted him? That can’t be true. 

Immediately, you took your phone from your bag to click into your messages with him. Sure enough, you had sent a text to the male himself, and it was the way he had only seen the message, and it was enough to make his way towards you quickly.

Before you could even ask where exactly he knew where to find you, you clearly remembered how you both had shared your locations, and you instantly covered your face with both hands before you slumped forward.

“Oh my god…” you heaved. 

There was this short silence between you two before Sunwoo eventually cleared his throat to tell you he was still here with you in case you had completely forgotten about his existence. 

“That dress looks nice on you, I’ll admit that.” 

“W-Well! It’s not for you, so don’t be so full of yourself- Wait, where’s Hyunjae?” You asked as you finally remembered why you had been sleeping on a bench.

As you stood up to turn your head around to scan the area, Sunwoo couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh before gripping one of your hands, causing you to turn back towards your friend.

“Listen. We need to talk.” 

Oh, hell no. This is the conversation that you have been trying your best to avoid for the past 24 hours.

“W-What is there to talk about?” 

“Everything.” He gently pulled your hand down so that you were sitting right beside him on the bench again, his grip tightening around you as if he didn’t want to let you go anytime soon.

“Look, I- God, this is much harder than I imagined in my head,” Sunwoo groaned as he ran his free hand through his hair, ruffling it slightly to show his frustration. “After what happened last night…that isn’t something that friends would do, and I think you know that yourself.” 

Please stop talking about last night. “O-Okay…and where are we going with this?” You asked. 

“Y/N. Normal friends don’t kiss and make out the way we did last night, you know that, don’t you?”

Please, just stop. “O-Okay…and?” 

“So…where do we stand now? Y/N?”

God. “I- Umm- Well- What do you want me to say?” 

“I don’t know…literally just anything. I need to know, Y/N. I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep for the entire night because of that.” 

You really wished that you could answer that question right here and then, but you weren’t too sure about your feelings. In the beginning, you were certain that Sunwoo wasn’t interested in having an actual relationship since he was out there making out with different girls weekly or even once every couple of days. 

That was enough to show that he just wanted to have some fun and be as single as he could—not committed to an actual relationship—so that he could explore his needs.

Isn’t it? 

“But you- umm- you’re out here sleeping with other girls-”

“I don’t just sleep around with people, Y/N. It’s because I want to learn how to please you.” 

Wait, what? 

You weren’t too sure if you had heard those words correctly, and you kept blinking your eyes at the male himself, making him shut his eyes as he leaned back onto the bench.

“Fuck, this is so frustrating, uh-” Sunwoo placed one of his hands to cover his eyes for a little while to regain his composure. “Y/N, wasn’t it obvious enough that the reason I have been avoiding you is because I started liking you? More than just friends at one point, I wasn’t sure if you were cool with it, and I definitely didn’t want to ruin our friendship since we were kids. Why did you think I tried my best to stop you from doing whatever we did in my apartment last night?” 

No way. There was absolutely no way. 

“S-Since when did you feel this way, Sunwoo?” You needed to know. You needed to see if it aligns with the timeline of when you first knew something was different about the relationship between you two.

“Since high school, senior year to be exact.”

It can’t be. 

“Y-You fell first?” 

“Huh?”

At this point, you both were just staring at one another in confusion. When Sunwoo finally understood what you meant, your cheeks immediately heated up once again, causing you to turn your back on him.

He fell first. There was absolutely no way he could’ve done that-

Before you had enough time to think about everything, Sunwoo instantly grabbed your shoulder and turned you back to him; his face was now mere inches away, and you could feel his breath upon you.

“Am I thinking this right? Are we on the same page, Y/N?”

“I-I don’t know-”

“Please…just tell me…it’s hurting me so bad from the inside; I need to know, even if it’s a simple nod from you,” he begged. 

You were still in denial—or rather, you didn’t want to accept that Sunwoo had feelings for you for a couple of years. It couldn’t be; you were just his childhood friend and nothing else. You weren’t as attractive as the other girls he’s been with; you didn’t smile the way the girls he would often see hanging out in the school cafeteria; you weren’t as outgoing as the girls that he chose every week-

Just as you tried your best to devise a plausible excuse, Sunwoo decided to take matters into his own hands as he pulled your shoulders forward to press his lips against yours. 

The way he knew he was best at.

God, it was the same sensation that you felt the night before. Those soft, plump lips made you crave for more, and how his hands felt so warm and gentle against your skin.

At that point, you knew that you didn’t have to say anything as you slowly relaxed your shoulders and eased into the kiss, parting your lips slightly for him to gain more entrance into the kiss. You returned it like he did, passionately making out in the park as if nobody was there to judge.

It had been a minute or two when you both finally broke apart to steady your breathing, Sunwoo’s fingers still resting on your cheeks and caressing them as he looked into your eyes lovingly. 

“Yeah, this was way better than getting an answer from your mouth,” he smirked, earning a slap from you on his shoulders. 

“You nasty, dirty-minded raccoon!” 

“Can you blame me, though? I’m not known as the fuckboy on campus for nothing. Well actually, not anymore, I suppose.” For the first time, he gave you a genuine smile that you hadn't received in a while (not since you both drifted apart a year ago) as he pulled you in to place a little peck on your forehead. 

“W-What do you mean, Sunwoo?”

“What I’m saying is I have already gotten my one and only right here, and I don’t have to go around sleeping with other girls anymore,” he winks. 

“Gross. I never even agreed to all of this.”

“Well, you don’t have to.” He pulls in for another kiss. “I’m going to make sure that you’re not going to run away from me anymore, and we’ll figure out this whole situationship, or relationship, if that’s what you want to call it, together.” 

You sighed. “B-But what if it doesn’t work out? You know it’s not easy going from childhood friends to the…you know…“L” word.” 

You had no idea why you felt so shy with that last bit, and Sunwoo could immediately tell by the way you were squirming around restlessly. 

“What “L” word, honey? Maybe you should teach me about it,” he grinned.

“Go look it up yourself, dumbhead.”

“Shame. And I was getting used to this new way of talking with you.”

“Disgusting.”

“You love me.”

“No, I don’t.”

With one swift movement, he scooped you up before placing you on his lap, causing you to yelp a bit before he placed both of your arms on both sides of his shoulders. He rested his hands on your hips to keep you in place, smiling at you as if he had just seen the most beautiful and precious human being he had ever laid his eyes upon throughout the past several years. 

This was the moment that he had desperately been waiting for. 

“I love you so much, Y/N. More than you could ever imagine.” 

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @gluion @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @lngwayup @djidfk @Doorhak @adorhak @daisyvisions @aimeecarreros (join my permanent taglist here!)

[fadelbison]

Your theory is funny & might work for thk engagement wise. If only jd were that great of actors 🤣 fk hornyness is a mood though

i pettily saved this ask because I *knew* my moment would come. This fandom constantly owes me so many apologies because every time I do or say anything unhinged there's always someone telling me I'm doing too much. I know I'm unhinged but it doesn't change that I'm right.

From the beginning, my theory that the JD divorce is staged has nothing to do with how well JD acts (which they do very well also btw nonnie you sent this to me pre THK release and I hope JD in THK is making you eat your words) and everything to do with just how soc med savvy Joong is and the way he manipulates every fan reaction to himself and his business to ultimately work in his favor.

Quite frankly this is simply not a divorce era and I really don't know why JD fans are so desperate to have one. The earthmix divorce era might be funny in retrospect but it was absolutely not funny to experience and JD fans should feel honored that their pair does literally The Most to keep their enclosures enriched. Though I have many many misgivings over how JD has manged to distill down a divorce era into it's most 'funnest' parts...b/c there are not many which is why the JD era was so short. And I am not looking forward to how every pair now will start having divorce eras right before their show premieres that will conveniently resolve with a nice little bow a week into the show. It's a little insulting actually.

A divorce era is months of confusion - im talking half a year of confusion, the amp up is slow and half this time is spent doing fandom infighting about whether or not its even happening because the pair is coming onto pressers and variety to promo their show or are literally actively filming the show. It's months of being like is this emo song that Earth has been using on his IG just an emo song or Does It Mean Things, is it suspicious that Mix has picked three fights with annoying fans in the same week that Earth has posted 8th grade pre-goth girl angst status updates, is it weird that Mix's responses to Earth on twitter is 26% shorter than it used to be? Then there's another contingent of fandom making complex analysis of their relationship status based literally on this metric

And then you spend another few weeks infighting except this time it's about whether or not the divorce era is over because why is Mix suddenly on Earth's treadmill?

And then you find out even more weeks after that - when you've fully convinced yourself that you surely hallucinated all of it because surely Earth's cringefail dad spirit must have always shone this bright and certainly the rate at which Edin shows up on Mix's socmed can't be a real metric to the health of EM's relationship - that it was in fact real because Mix suddenly starts sobbing over how conflict with Earth withers his soul and the force of those feelings then has Khaotung quaking in his boots and crying choked up manly tears over an imagined divorce era with First.

If you haven't been girlbossed gaslighted and gatekept by your branded pair of choice over it then im happy to inform you that they haven't had a divorce era.

[prentissluvr]

HIII MARIIII

im back with big brother! sammy thoughts :333

so like im half way through season 7 and yk how sam dean and bobby are like living off the grid bc of the Leviathans, what if they were traveling with younger sibling! reader, not on no little kid type,

like teenager almost finished with high school type, and theyre trying to finish school while also trying to capture the Leviathan and keep theyre head

and sam is trying his best to keep his head with Lucifer and also catch the Leviathans while also trying to keep readers head so they dont like drop out of school??? YKWIM? this sounds so request-y I DONT MEAN FOR IT TO BE i just wanna pick your brain 🙁🙏🏽🙏🏽

anyway, love ya!

- alex ⭐️

AGHHH YAY !!! i’m just the hugest sucker for all things big brother sam sigh <33

AND DWWW this is perfect id love love to give my thoughts!!! tysm for sending this is and for providing context so i can remember LMAOOO

but i love this idea!! like i imagine having to go off the grid like. right during the last few months of readers senior year. and it’s good because you don’t have that much homework and all that, but it’s still incredibly important to get everything done so you can graduate. and i can imagine sam doing everything in his power to work with the last school you attended to have them let you finish your assignments through email almost like independent study.

and he’s doing this all while suffering with literal hallucinations😃 but he makes up this sob story (that’s obviously nothing compared to your actual situation) and he uses his perfect gentleman, super sweet older brother charm to convince them over the phone.

it’s just poor poor sam juggling all of this, fighting to keep himself, to get out of this situation, to keep everything else off your shoulders so you can focus on school. and every spare moment he tries to help you with your school work. one day, you're working on a final paper, and he's been sitting there with you, helping you edit, when he falls asleep without meaning to. he hates falling asleep. nightmares. and he'll feel awful about falling asleep on you when you need his help.

but you're alright with it. he already helped you fix the section you were unsure about, and you're almost done anyways. the rest is easy enough, and though you're exhausted out of your mind, it's nice to see sam sleep. you rarely do. you send your teacher your final draft and settle on the couch with him, too tired to get up.

sam does jolt awake from a nightmare. but he's easily grounded when he wakes, for once. you're there, your soft and sleeping form pressed against his side. you don't even stir when he flinches because your body is so exhausted. he still feels guilty when he realizes what happened, but he opens your laptop to see that you finished hours ago, not long after he fell asleep. he doesn't feel too bad. instead, he's glad to see you sleeping. you look different when you sleep, because he's gotten so used to the way that you look tired and stressed all the time now. that sends a pang through his heart when he realizes it. that overwhelming sense of protectiveness that he has for you washes over him like a damn hurricane, especially because your sleeping form looks so vulnerable. open and soft and unprotected except for him.

at least he can wrap an arm around you and fix the angle of your neck. at least you still trust him and love him and ask him for help on school assignments. at least you're there at all. sam can't wait for you to graduate. he knows that you can. he can't wait for you to have that. he can't wait to get you out of this all, if you'll let him.

[1staind-3]

Argument hcs for blue lock 🤯🤯🤯 (half angst, half crack?)

This list includes Nagi, Reo, Aiku, Kunigami, Chigiri, and Kaiser

‼️Tw: mentions of gaslighting, cheating, dv (kaisers backstory), chigiris leg, uhmm someone says “kys” but idk what the warning is called‼️

Very badly formatted pls be warned sob

Probably like 1k words lmao

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Nagi

•y’all started arguing because he keeps dropping all his dirty clothes off by the washing machine and expecting you to wash them (green aura with dead flies)

•when he’s in an argument he responds like 5 times until he makes his point, then he just stops responding.

•he’ll just stand up, walk away and watch tv or start playing fortnite or smth

•if you follow him, still trying to talk to him, he’ll put headphones on

“Just drop it y/n, you’re letting your emotions get the better of you.”

•if you wanted to turn the argument physical, then snatch his headphones out

•he’d just stand up and look at you with a face blank with anger, waiting for you to make the next move.

“You really wanna do this, y/n?”

*locks in* nuh uh

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Reo

•yall started arguing because Reo is acting passive agressive around you, and you dont know why.

•he’ll just be saying shit like

“having fun?”

“Gee, if only you had a boyfriend to talk to… right infront of you.”

“Is he my replacement?”

•when you ask what’s wrong, he’ll say,

“Oh, nothing.” Once again, completely pissed off.

•after a week, the alpha wolf inside you SNAPPED, and you started asking him why he’s doing all this? Like what’s his problem!

“My problem? You’re always watching these stupid romcoms like you dont have a boyfriend right infront of you!! Just admit it, you’re getting bored of me. I knew it…”

•Erm… what the striker is bro going on abt??

•you replied, on the verge of laughter, that you’ve only been watching all these romcoms for an English assignment. Who would willingly watch binge watch hallmark movies while writing down notes in a notepad?

•Reo stared at you in shock, then blushed. “Really..?”

•You smiled and ushered him to sit next to you, cuddling him the second he sat down. “I know i just dissed Hallmark movies, but they’re popular for a reason… i always cry in the end. Hey, you see that guy?”

•Reo smiled back and cuddled into you, apologizing for how he acted. You apologized as well, and reminded him that there’s no need to overthink these so much, you’re not gonna get mad at him for having feelings.

(Erm… what the roleplay !! Sorry guys idk like what pov the rest of these are in 😭😭 forgibe me)

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Aiku

(Deep breath in…. Deep breath out…. Deeep breath in…. NOOOOOOOO)

•yall started arguing because you found a pair of underwear in his duffle bag… lingerie underwear…

•Aiku is literally the gaslighter of all time🔥🔥 so he’ll managed to convince you that this was all just some silly mistake.

•after that, arguing either him became really hard. He seemed to have a question or excuse for literally every problem you accuse him of

•seen him with a girl?

“Cmon y/n, ive never been to a bowling alley in my life. Who even goes there? I think you’re just being paranoid babe.”

“Want a massage?”

•seen him again with a different girl? And this time he looked you right in the eyes?

“No way babe, that’s impossible. I hate chinese food.” Then he’ll carry you to your room, feel your head and say

“You’re burning up… fevers can cause hallucinations in some people, I’m surprised you made it here without wrecking. Hey, don’t worry now, everything’s gonna be darling.”

•eventually you just stopped arguing with him about it. Or anything.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Kunigami

•yall started arguing because you feel like Kunigami’s being secretive with you, and hiding some messed up issues

•Kunigami tries his best to avoid arguments with you, but when they happen you stress him out the most in the world because he seriously has to watch what he says and does

“Im not being fu- freaking… secretive, y/n, you don’t have to know my entire life story to be with me.”

“I know… i just…what? No! I dont need fucking therapy? Dont piss me off, y/n.”

•the last thing he wants to do is hurt you, so he most of the time tries to keep his responses curt and to the point and walks out before he starts yelling.

“Im gonna take a walk, y/n. Dont follow me.”

•if you grab his arm, he’ll look back at you and repeat what he said.

“Dont. follow. me.”

• he cant let you know about wild card. He cant let you know about the person he used to be. He can’t ever, ever, let you meet shidou. He cant ever, ever, ever, let you see him cry.

•all arguments with him lead absolutely nowhere, so you’d better change your approach with him to get what your looking for out of him.

• do not, i repeat, do not ever slap/hit him. He wont hit you back, but now you’ve instantly made him lose any will to preserve your feelings and have a normal conversation

•he will think of the most foul, personal, targeted insults known to man. Lots of “kill yourself”s on his part. You two will without a doubt break up after this.

•he wont act like he didn’t feel betrayed, and he’ll touch the spot you hurt him at while he falls asleep, and tries not to cry.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Chigiri

•yall started arguing because he keeps using up all ur shampoo whenever he showers at your place

• first thing he’ll do is deny it, then pin the blame on you (darvo type sh)

•he doesn’t mean to be toxic, he just really, really, hates being wrong.

•you guys argue alot. Over basically everything.

•half the times, chigiri can admit that he was wrong, but he’ll NEVER apologize

•he doesnt really think he did anything wrong??

•when you notice that Chigiri had never ONCE apologized to you for literally anything.

“Oh really? Well that’s literally impossible but sure.”

•you told him to say sorry right now then

“Fine. Sorry.”

•then you told him to say sorry to you

“For what though?”

•eventually chigiri revealed that he doesnt apologize to people unless its something really fucked up. He doesn’t wanna just say it so lightly, because then the word becomes meaningless. A worn out formality that everyone uses when someone bumps into them at the store. It basically used to be a greeting for him back when he fucked his ankle up. they’d see his wheelchair before they saw him. Theyd say sorry before they even said his name.

•your mouth did an O and you understood instantly.

•after that, you guys argued just a little bit less

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Kaiser

•you don’t argue with kaiser

•kaiser is ALWAYS right.

•maybe if you ask him kindly for a solution to your problem, he would grace you with an answer to your plight

•but arguing back to him is unacceptable, unless you want to be grabbed by

“You dont deserve to cry.”

•is something you hear from him often.

•he’ll always somehow find a way to mention how his dad used to beat him for crying, if you start crying infront of him which you find very ominous

“How long will it take to put this in your stupid head already. Im right, you’re wrong. You’re more suited for looking pretty instead of thinking”

• after you eventually stopped talking, Kaiser decided it was time to start looking for someone who could actually entertain him

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

Ty for reading !! And ik i did shitty w kaiser but i dont fucking like him so i never rlly paid attention to his personality LMAO but if yall want to give any crituque id be thankful!! Bye yall ❤️❤️

[hex-rex]

Tl;dr at the bottom!

A. yipee i unblocked yellowjackets and just blocked most the characters im tired of 😋 and B. here is my take on everyones Lottie hate !

First, I don't get liking Misty but hating Lottie. They are both horrible people. They both killed others. They are both dealing with trauma. The only difference is Lottie killed someone you liked 😭.

Second, she has so much more character than so many of the jackets and y'all say she's bland....... huh....... She's fighting mental illness with trauma with just being crazy in general, she lit hallucinated her own ghost. Do you mean the Lottie who started not one but two cults? That Lottie?

Third, everyone in yellowjackets is crazy out of the survivors; that's the point. They survived but did they deserve to? You can't get mad at someone for being crazy when everyone is crazy!!! If you want great characters watch anything else.

Saved this for last cuz EVERYONE says this and I am so sick of it: Nat's death isn't solely Lottie's fault!

Like you can't get mad at her for going crazy when EVERYONE fed into it. Everyone encouraged her then went behind her back. Everyone enabled her and now you're mad her? Whaat?

Misty actively stabbed her with the syringe, and before you say she didn't mean to, she still was actively trying to kill someone she knew Nat actively cared about and was actively hunting Shauna. She killed many straight forward, and indirectly killed sooo many due to breaking the box.

Shauna and Tai actively encouraged her to do the hunt. They enabled her and convinced her they agreed instead of talking to her and trying to help her, and you can say it was self defense all you want, but it went on for too long. Telling your friend they're right and you believe them then getting them sent into the insane asylum? That is bad.

Van literally called off the truck? If she hadn't done that Nat would be alive......

And besides, you can't watch horror if you're gonna get mad at a death. No matter how big.

Tl;dr, Everyone is bad so you cannot hate her for being bad herself, she is anything but bland and pushes the story along so much, She is NOT the sole reason for Nat's death because everyone enabled her and participated!

[pbaz7]

just got off a flight from my 13yo cousin's bar mitzvah... let's just say it was not fun! excited for some cute fluff to brighten my day :)

“Your girlfriend is sick, and I swear I’m about to strangle her in two seconds.”

and what's the only solution when p is being annoying? put her with the one person she won't yell at

refusing to go back to bed or take medicine

she just doesn't want to take her medicine (iykyk from azzi's yt channel)

She knew Paige could be the worst patient—stubborn, usually restless, and convinced she didn’t need help.

azzi is this white girl bothering you

Paige barely lifted her head, her voice raspy as she mumbled, “I’m not sick.”

why of course not! everyone is experiencing a shared mass hallucination

“Nope. Not taking that shit.”

she's so annoying im so sorry azzi

Paige’s lips turned down into a deep pout. “No… it’s not tasty.”

you're 23 years old babe...

Paige shook her head stubbornly, burrowing further into the covers. “Then I don’t want it.”

she's literally acting more like a child than her own child in your other universes

Paige groaned, turning her face into the pillow like a child refusing to eat their vegetables. “I don’t wanna,”

like a child? hell she IS a child

Azzi finally pulled out her wild card, her voice turning more serious. “You know if you don’t get ahead of this, you’re gonna miss a game.”

I was boutta say that az should just tell her that since she's sick they can't kiss and I know she would take that shit like a shot

Paige scowled. “I hate you.”

Paige lets ALL be real right now..

Azzi smiled. “Good girl.”

not while she's sick you silly girl

But instead of taking it, Paige mumbled, “Can you feed me?”

azzi is this fake blonde with practically black roots bothering you

“I’m starving!” Paige interrupted, slumping back into the pillows.

Paige please ur lowkey pmo rn

Paige smiled as she whispered, “I know. Super lucky.”

at least she's aware

Without hesitation, Paige pressed her cheek to Azzi’s chest, content with the warmth

everything is so natural with them its so sweet

Azzi laughed quietly. “Baby you’re the drama queen of our relationship.

azzi's been stuck with this girl for nearly 8 years

Azzi smiled down at her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I know, baby. But you’re going to get better.”

so adorable I love these cuties

Azzi’s heart melted at the softness in Paige’s words. She leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Paige’s forehead. “I know beautiful.”

love some complimenting to p instead of her being the complimenter

“Get some rest, baby. I’m right here.”

tears in my eyes

Azzi had been lying there awake for a while, absentmindedly running her fingers through Paige’s hair as she slept.

she's awake but not moving cuz she doesn't wanna wake p🥹

Azzi sighed, rubbing small circles into Paige’s damp back under the hoodie. “Paige. Wake up for me please, baby.”

and of course she'll sit up after this one

Azzi smirked, pressing a kiss to Paige’s temple. “Yeah, you are.”

LMAO

“Okay, just lay down for a little longer. I’ll get everything ready.”

she's so sweet to this drama queen I could never

Azzi rolled her eyes as she passed by. “I’ll kick your knee in Aubrey.”

WOAH that's an insult you never wanna hear

“You’re too good to me,” she murmured.

you don't even know

“Come in with me.”

don't be trying to get azzi sick too miss paige bueckers

“M’ too weak. I can’t. I need help,” she said while attempting her best puppy dog eyes.

paige don't try to lie your way into getting something lmao

Paige latched onto her, her arms winding tight around Azzi’s waist as she buried her face in her neck.

she might be the most clingy person in the world

Paige cracked one eye open. “I was using my resources.”

Paige PLEASE

Azzi pointed. “Your nose is running. You look so cute.”

I don't think those two sentences have ever been said next to each other

Paige shot her a tired glare, but it held no real heat. “M’not. I’m sexy.”

I know DAMN well you are not saying that in THIS moment

“Alright, princess, hold still.”

princess Paige?!

What kind of grown woman begs to be lotioned?”

Paige Bueckers why of course

Paige’s eyes flickered over her, gaze appreciative. “You just look good doing that.”

she can't survive a pbaz7 chapter without saying something freaky

“Time for round two.”

unfortunately not the kind us heat check people want

Paige groaned, shaking her head as she clung to Azzi’s arm. "Don’t wanna. Just wanna cuddle."

she's so annoying azzi's a saint

"You still like me so I don’t care."

-🍉

she just doesn't want to take her medicine (iykyk from azzi's yt channel)

yup 🙂‍↕️

azzi is this fake blonde with practically black roots bothering you

oh wowww

Azzi rolled her eyes as she passed by. "I'll kick your knee in Aubrey."

WOAH that's an insult you never wanna hear

lmaoo it’s from a live

I don't think those two sentences have ever been said next to each other

i can attest that they have

she can't survive a pbaz? chapter without saying something freaky

hm 🤨

[basofy]

some thoughts regarding joyful (not definitive)

this is more of a personal post about my relationship with this game, but i realized something important a while ago, and it's that, out of the 3 times i've played lisa the joyful, i had never played it again after changing my mind about buddy

yes i disliked her at first im so sorry, i was biased on brad and didnt like others dunking on him GHAGFSGF the first 2 times i played i didnt like buddy a lot, the 3rd time i was starting to take her more seriously but i honestly just replayed for the battles and secrets, didnt even finish it back then.

so i have to say, outside of the new content, replaying joyful felt absolutely necessary for me, after starting to emphatize more with buddy (which ive been doing for like a year and half, still never played again) and not only that but my thoughts on rando. i've been looking wrongly at him since the start becuz i thought he was simply just nice 'rando did nothing wrong' then i realized he, in fact did things wrong, and i had become a bit, hmm, disinterested in him, because i had in mind his flaws too much and it started to feel like he didnt care much about buddy. sorry if this is mean as hell rando fans, but luckily playing again gave me a different view of him. i think rando cares, he cares as much as he can but he cant just agree to everything, there are things that simply just oppose eachother and i think this eats him alive and makes him a little lame in how he handles things. i noticed he mentions the kidnapping at the start quite a lot, which he could be feeling intensely guilty about, even moreso, with the implication that buddy was assaulted, which he even asks her about right after. and even if buddy doesn't bring it up ever again, he seems still worried about this. and i liked paying attention to that. i enjoy not seeing him as perfect but he is still caring

on the topic of buddy, i started to become more and more attached to her over time and it actually pains me to think about her sometimes. much like with lisa, thinking about how they were literally just kids going through the worst makes me cry at times. during this playthrough of joyful i had something strange happen and it's that i'd get actual goosebumps reading some of the dialogue, the things buddy would say to rando, the kidnapping, the flavor text in battles and things the enemies would say to her. i think i finally played joyful like i was supposed to and im happy about that, im rly feeling like drawing buddy and rando now. theyre not perfect siblings but it's good to be assured that they cared about eachother, i needed that

another thing i rly rly needed since a long while ago was to cry for lisa again, i played the brad hallucination fight in spanish (only that part, cuz i wanted to see how the name 'chiqui' got handled) and it made me cry so bad, especially i noticed that right after the dialogue where brad tells buddy to not call him dad, his next phase is literally named 'dad', i never paid attention to that. but anyway it seems this game affects me more if i play in spanish, might be because the first time i played it was the fan translation, very nostalgic. some bits of the new content in painful and joyful made me cry, too, mostly the lisa bits. even if there are some things im not convinced by, i know im thankful for that, idk, i like getting emotional and crying, this game means a lot to me, but for a while i could only cry if at some point i started thinking about it too much, i couldn't cry while playing, so this was nice, im a sensitive and lame guy

[csaventing]

tonight has been the worst night of my god damn life. i hate the holidays so much. multiple men, my family members, show up to my house and i wasn't able to sleep because of how stressed out i was, i got three hours of sleep in total for the past three days while they were over and that doesnt even count the plenty of sleepless nights i already get. quite literally hallucinated shit because i was so sleep deprived, which finally convinced me to actually try and sleep. now im stuck at my fathers house for an unknown amount of time, and the entire time i have been zoned out and afraid of sleeping. not digging into it. i get terrible enough flashbacks when im away from him. and now i find out that a 17, soon to be 18 year old, in TWO DAYs, is attracted to me. someone who isnt even over the age of 16. the first thing i did was immediately relapse and i felt so sick i almost vomited! i wish someone would euthanize me on the spot right now becasue i would rather die then wake up to the consequences of my stupid relapse, im gonna have sm limited movement tomorrow i might as well just be a corpse for fucks sake im so done with thisi want to be normal and i want to stop these flashbacks i know my dad wouold never do that but why do i have memories of it why did i react so violently like it had happened before someone kill me

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