#literally cannot overstate how much i want that man to fucking die

[npdclaraoswald]

.

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i feel like i should add: all of these are good and important points to discuss, but in both this case and in general, i keep seeing people say variations of 'NTA for ending the friendship, but.....'

scorching hot take here, but if you would abandon a rape survivor for engaging in bog-standard therapy that in no way involves you you are a piece of fucking shit and should be censured for it. end of.

like on the one hand it's awful to do to anyone, and i don't want to give ground to the idea that trauma therapy is The Only Valid Reason Someone Would Like Dark Fiction. but that's what it comes down to. if you'd YTA someone into the sun for the bizarre, petty cruelty of doing this to a so-called friend who does breathing exercises to cope with flashbacks to their rape, rip people a new fucking asshole for doing this.

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?

[admirableadmiranda]

Thank you so much for your wonderful answers....🤩

First of all, sorry if I'm bothering you with my ask, please ignore it if you don't want to answer it.....It's just that you are the second person from all of the people that I ask (and from other people's asks, that I found) that loved SVSSS more than TGCF....And it's very interesting....

If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, who are your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And why? And what are your top 5 fav moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks.....

That is very interesting. I'm sure there's a few others like me, SVSSS definitely has its fans and it and TGCF are very tonally different.

Oooh now I get to remember everyone! That'll be fun!

1.) Shen Qingqiu/Shen Yuan/Shizun. Hands down my favorite. He's so sassy and witty and I feel like he'd be a blast to talk to after he got the ranting about PIDW out of his system. He's charming and funny and I don't get why people aren't charmed by him too and would prefer his original body's host over him. He's just such a sweetie once you get past the tsun-tsun.

2.) Zhuzhi-lang. Snakey-boy! I enjoyed him and his loyalty every time he popped up. I always feel sad when many characters that are loyal to the first person that was kind to them show up because usually it's used to show them how that trust was misled and abused. But with him it isn't really so much. Both Shizun and Tianlang-jun are kind to him and don't abuse him (much). I hope he has a happily ever after with more kind people in his life.

3.) Luo Binghe. Our little white lotus who manages to avoid blackening by falling for his teacher. I love his struggles, I love the person he grows up to be, I love that he has his eyes fixed forwards and does not look away or give up on what he wants. I am also kind of a sucker for characters who would rather die with their lover than live on alone. Yes, it's very tragic, but sometimes you just want a good tragedy and he would be the hero of the best tragedy. Thank god for the system, amiright?

4.) Ning Yingying. I don't know why she's so high up, but I love this sweet girl with a spunky core that comes out as the story changes a hell of a lot. She doesn't have a lot of screentime or heavy character, but she makes me smile and laugh and I like her development into being a cool shijie in her sect and growing up to be helpful and wiser than she would have been in the original story. She's just fun.

5.) Liu Qingge. I didn't adore him at first, but I'm warming up to him a lot on my reread. There's just something about beautiful man who can and will fuck up your day because you insulted someone they care about that's very appealing. As well as he's easily one of the most determined characters in the book, which is saying something! I'm looking forwards to seeing him more as I reread.

As for my top favorite moments...even though it's shorter than MDZS and especially TGCF, I bet I can find five moments I really love pretty easily.

1.) Shizun's first time mixing his energies with Binghe to stop him from losing control and the fallout from that. It's a very dramatic turning point. It shows how far he would actually go when pushed, gives Binghe a very dramatic understanding of his Shizun that he did not have (even if it's very painful) and fundamentally alters the story in a way that cannot be understated. Literally everyone in the story is fundamentally changed by that action. His students grow up, his martial siblings are united, his white lotus is never the same after that moment and even the enemies are caught off guard by such an act. It is literally world turning and I cannot overstate how much I love moments like that. No one is unaffected.

2.) The whole mausoleum chase. At this point we know how much Binghe cares for and what he would do to protect Shizun, but here we see it the other way around. Binghe is in no state to fight his way through, they are vastly outmatched by an enemy they cannot hope to win against but the absolute last thing he would do is leave Binghe behind. It is Shizun's second act of ardent devotion, by the end of it, he is battered and bruised and wounded and at the end of his rope, but he will not let Binghe be hurt or left behind. And of course we have a coffin scene, which is just lovely.

3.) Papapa to save the world. I'm sure by now you've noticed a trend in my favorite moments...A third great act of love and this one unlike the others is not guided by desperation in the same way. Binghe is in a bad state, but they are alone, they are not being chased or hunted by anyone else in the moment. He just wants to help the man he can admit to himself that he's fallen in love with in the only way that he can think of, stop him from being controlled by this sword any longer. It isn't a pleasant scene for them, but I don't get the feeling that he regrets what he's doing at all, only that the inner romantic in him didn't think this is how everything would go down. If this is what will help him save Binghe, he will do it. And it works, after a fashion anyway.

4.) The deep dream record extra. It's sad, wistful, a little funny and full of Shizun just adoring Binghe and being sad for what he missed and what he went through, and then ends with him initiating intimacy of his own accord. A shorter moment than the rest of them, but I like how it shows that they are continuing to build a relationship that makes them happy.

5.) Bing-mei and Bing-ge's climactic showdown! The price, one Shizun- who will win this fight of evenly matched jealous men? It's just tons of fun and I enjoy Binghe getting to let loose and beat up someone for daring to try and hurt his Shizun for once with no consequences.

Thank you so much for the asks! I hope you've enjoyed my ramblings. Feel free to drop more if you wish. My inbox is always open.

[firelxdykatara]

hello!! i just wanted to ask- i wanna do an ouat rewatch bc CAPTAIN SWANN but its pretty long and i honestly dont care for the other characters/how badly the overall writing was handled.. which are your favourite captain swan eps? anything them centered and i think ill just skip around to rewatch their romance as they did invent romance 😭😭 ty in advance <3

they absolutely did invent romance, you are right about that and i love them so much

UHMMMM as far as my favorite CS eps, here’s a roadmap of what I personally consider key eps in their journey (some of this is from memory but I haven’t done a full rewatch in a while so i’m going through the episode list as a refresher)

2x06: Tallahassee--this is a must-watch ep for any CS fan, and I really think this is the episode that sparked the fire that CS would become as a fandom. It has everything--flirtatious banter, all kinds of tension, deliberate parallels drawn between Emma and Killian’s pasts, as well as their first meeting being intercut with her relationship with Neal (which serves, especially in hindsight, to highlight just how sketchy that relationship was, and why she couldn’t bring herself to trust Killian--because the last time she felt this way about anyone, it ended horribly)

2x08 and 2x09: Into the Deep and Queen of Hearts--these episodes cover the race to the portal between Emma&co and Hook/Cora and while they don’t do a ton for CS as a relationship since they’re still enemies at this point, it lays great foundation for their future relationship development. Plus, sexy swordfight, Hook going out of his way to save Aurora’s heart--he may be a pirate, but he has standards ok--and Emma realizing Cora can’t remove her heart without her permission? Poetic Cinema

2x11: The Outsider--more of a Killian-centric episode, it shows a lot of Killian at his worst but it’s necessary for his overall character arc and I genuinely love looking back and seeing just how far he managed to come, to the point of eventually even letting go of his (very understandable) grudge against Rumplestiltskin.

2x12: In the Name of the Brother--am I including this purely for Emma&Hook banter in the hospital, and Killian saying ‘hey beautiful’ when he’s lying on the road because he just got hit by a fucking car? You bet I am. Also, go to youtube and look up ‘ouat season two deleted scene jello’, because it’s beautiful and there was a tremendous outcry in the fandom when we realized it had been cut from the episode lmao (It’s also the episode that made me start shipping Frankenwolf, which I’m still sad never went anywhere, but they had a lot of potential and great chemistry.)

2x22: And Straight On Till Morning--A few of the episodes in between have some fun minor interactions and flashbacks (and I always approve of episodes where Killian gets one up on Rumple, so 2x15 is fun for me if i ignore all the Neal bits) but the finale is where we finally get a glimpse of who Killian could be beyond his need for revenge. He didn’t have to come back, he didn’t have to bring back the bean and help the town--but he did.

Season 3a: there’s a lot of really good stuff here for Hook and Emma that is interwoven between the A plots of other episodes. I think, as far as half-season arcs go, it’s one of the best (and everything after 4a bombed hard, but I digress) But there are a few episodes that stand out if you don’t want to watch the whole season. (I recommend starting with the premier though, it was a really solid season starter overall.)

3x05: Good Form--this is the culmination of David’s poisoned-by-dreamshade arc, and is also Peak Captain Charming Bromance. Hook not only keeping David’s secret, but doing everything he can to help save him??? Poetic cinema. It also provides some crucial Killian backstory, showing how he lost his brother to the very same dreamshade. Plus, the character development--Pan offers Killian a chance to escape the island with Emma if he kills David, and instead, he saves him, refusing the deal and damn the consequences. Also also? The first CS kiss which drove the fandom WILD.

3X06: Ariel--not only to I love OUaT’s take on Ariel, but this episode has the infamous Echo Cave scene, which involves a lot of feelsy confessions and Killian being the one to tell everyone that Neal is alive and helping Emma save him despite his own growing feelings for her.....IT’S JUST A LOT AND I LOVE IT.

3x07: Dark Hallow--oh man, I’d forgotten about this episode, but it has Killian and Neal fighting over Emma, which may sound eye-roll worthy, but Emma is allowed to tear them a new one about it and it’s one of the few times she’s allowed to actually???? put her own feelings first so I have to include it here on spec

3x11 and 3x12: Going Home and New York City Serenade--these mark the end of 3a and start of 3b respectively, and it has some amazing shit like Killian vowing never to forget Emma and Emma smiling as she replies, “Good.” And then she and Henry are in New York with their memories completely altered, but Killian shows up because Storybrooke is back and in jeopardy, and he helps Emma get back to her family and her home and, much later, Emma finds out he sold the Jolly Roger to be able to do it and it’s just. It’s beautiful ok.

3x17: The Jolly Roger--there’s honestly not a whole lot in the back half of season 3 (until the CS movie) but of course anything named for Hook is a must-watch, and this is where we get the iconic line I swear on Emma Swan--which is Killian saying he’s in love with her before he even realizes it. We also find out just what he did to Ariel, and his attempts to make amends are what lead to Zelena being able to curse him, so it’s great from a character perspective as well.

The next four episodes round out the end of the season, and there’s a lot of great stuff in them--Hook refusing to get Emma to kiss him, but Emma feeling like she can’t trust him because he didn’t tell her about the curse to begin with, and then kissing him anyway to save his life regardless of the consequences.... but the only ones that are absolutely necessary are the final two episodes.

They are colloquially termed ‘The Captain Swan Movie’ for a reason, after all.

Killian and Emma essentially have an entire Time Travel adventure all to themselves, where they accidentally ruin her parents first meeting and have to fix it so that she’ll even be born, Emma finally getting into the storybook, the pair of them dancing at a ball, Killian rushing to save Emma only for her to get out of the cell herself, because “The only one who saves me is me.” Killian saying “I would go to the ends of the world for her... or time.” Finally fixing the timeline and making it back to Storybrooke and Killian feeling like he doesn’t deserve a place at the table so he doesn’t go inside, but Emma comes out to him anyway and finds out he gave up the Jolly Roger for her, the true start to their relationship...... IM CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT I’M SORRY.

I personally really enjoyed 4a, the Frozen arc was one of the last good half-season arcs of the show, but a lot of people disliked it so it’s really up to interpretation. I don’t have as many Intense Opinions on this season (except hating almost everything about 4b and the queens of darkness arc), but I will say the episodes with good Killian/CS moments are 4x02 (Emma nearly freezes to death, Killian is desperate to save her, Captain Charming teamwork, my heart hurts), 4x04 (Emma asks Killian out on a real date, he tries to get his real hand back from Gold, things go massively awry and he winds up back under Gold’s thumb), 4x08 (Killian tries to save Emma from Gold’s plans), 4x11 (the 4a finale is just great in general), and then..... it cannot be overstated how much I hate season 4b, but 4x15 is the Killian-centric ep where his past with Ursula is revealed and he makes amends to her in order to get her to leave the QoD alliance and it’s great character stuff for him, and then there’s the season 4 finale.

Both parts are worth watching, if only because Deckhand Coward Hook still being a braver, more heroic man than ‘Hero Rumplestiltskin’ warms the very cockles of my heart, and of course the second part of the finale has him helping Henry to save Emma and it’s beautiful and also Emma watches him die for her and it is angsty as FUCK but gods I love it. Here’s where it gets tricky, though--my recommendation is, turn the episode off right after Emma finds Killian back in the present day of Storybrooke and they reunite.

Just turn off the episode there and skip right ahead to the s6 musical episode (Emma and Killian’s wedding ep) and pretend they got married and none of seasons 5 or 6 ever happened. >.> (Although I will say certain parts of the Underworld arc were incredibly feelsy despite how much I overall hated the season: 5x11 (the 5a finale, Killian as the dark one STILL being a better man than rumple, we love to see it), 5x15 (I am not immune to Brothers Jones feelings ok), 5x20 (emma literally takes a True Love Test trying to find a way to save killian, you don’t get more romantic than that--also Killian telling Emma to promise she won’t put her armor back up just because she lost him again??? my HEART), 5x21 (Hook does what he can from the Underworld anyway and zeus sends him back to Emma, they really just said ‘today I will invent romance’ and then Did That)

And then, yeah, just skip to the wedding. It’s beautiful, I enjoyed the music, personally, though I know musical episodes are hit or miss with most people. And if you turn it off when the last musical number starts (after the wedding ceremony, I believe) you can pretend it was the end of the show! =DDD

.....Oh my god I just rambled for years. I HOPE YOU FIND THIS USEFUL, ANON. I 100% support a CS-centered rewatch, their episodes were consistently some of the best across the entire series, and they are truly one of my favorite romances of all time.

[azems-familiar]

Completely unrelated to an ask prompt I'm just bored so rate all the swtor companion crews from your most to least favorite.

*rubs hands together* excellent i needed something to procrastinate on anyway

OKAY. so. my least favorite crew probably has to end up being the consular crew, i’m sorry guys! i would actually die for Felix, and Nadia is precious and needs to be protected, but i could take or leave the other three (although Zenith makes an interesting companion for a ds consular). overall, i’d give it a 5/10, with a fem consular automatically bumping it up to a 6/10 because Felix is wonderful.

next up, at a solid 6.5/10, maybe 7/10 if i’m feeling generous, is the Trooper crew. Elara is my Wife and i actually love the extremely overenthusiastic war droid you get but other than that, most of them don’t stand out too much? but they’re a solid squad for the trooper, i respect that.

next we have the smuggler crew, who cannot rise above a 7/10 because of Corso. i’m sorry, i really am, Risha and Akaavi are fabulous, but Corso. just. Corso. i had to play a male smuggler because i could not handle the farmboy. 

after this, bounty hunter crew, 7.5/10, physically incapable of going higher because i want to throw Skadge out an airlock. but they also have Gault and Blizz, who are amazing, and Torian, who i also love dearly, and just. the aesthetic of the four real companions and the most prestigious bounty hunter in the galaxy causing chaos and running around in a stolen, remodeled school bus is so fucking funny.

8/10 would be the agent’s crew. i actually really enjoy all five companions (yes, even SCORPIO, she doesn’t turn into a bitch until kotfe, at which point i will gladly murder her), Vector is one of my favorite base game romance options, Lokin is such a unique character, i don’t like Kaliyo so much as a person but as a character she’s a fascinating part of the agent’s crew and has the dubious honor of being the only older woman who isn’t dependent on the player character for at least part of the story, so there’s that, and then Raina is a delight and has such a cool story.

sitting at a solid 9/10 for literally two people is the knight’s crew. Scourge and Kira are possibly my favorite companions in the game. i adore them SO MUCH. Scourge is such a horrible dramatic bastard man and his and Kira’s dynamic in the expansions is possibly my favorite part. the entire time spent wandering through Satele Shan’s ship? Scourge’s “I NEED MY SPACE” line? please just kill me now. for the rest of the companions, T7 is a precious droid, i really could care less about Rusk, and i’d like to throw Doc out an airlock please. multiple times, preferably.

10/10 is the warrior’s crew. like, i don’t much care for Broonmark or Pierce (mostly i get tired of the “black ops black ops black ops” every time Pierce opens his mouth), but they’re both interesting characters that have a lot to add to the story in terms of the warrior’s arc. Jaesa and Vette are both WONDERFUL, i cannot overstate that, and gods, Quinn my beloved, i have so many Thoughts about him and my warrior and how that goes and i love the fact that we get to have a companion who isn’t completely loyal to us the whole time and i wish the game explored the fallout of that more! the quinncident is so interesting! please bioware i’m begging you explore the consequences of the things you put the player character through (where is my knight’s fucking Vitiate trauma you fuckers-)

finally. 12/10, literal perfection, could not have asked for a better crew - the inquisitor. the ancient Dashade assassin that eats Force users and shows his affection with death threats! the overenthusiastic archeologist with very little concept of “oh Sith temples are probably dangerous and i shouldn’t go there without a Sith”! an actual apprentice from Korriban Nox gets to train! the half-fallen Jedi who is also the Single Impulse Control on this ship! the disaster pirate husband who brings his girlfriend LITERAL SWORDS to show his affection oh my god has there ever been a more perfect ship in existence i think not. i think not.

[doctorguilty]

omg i forgot to talk about the full contact haunted house!!! omg ok ok 

subtly horny on main im Sorry 

omg ok it started with like. a non-contact section as like, a warmup, but even that was more involved than I expected!! more than the regular haunted house I went to and ones I remember in the past! all the actors were like. so into their characters and looked like they were havin so much fun and like i said last time.. i’m a very perfect Participant cause I get genuinely scared and I also get immersed in the whole like, roleplay immediately and respond like,timidly and stuff and they are just SO entertained by that! 

so it started with a corn maze thing and right away there’s these like monster girls spooking me and stuff but omg there was this scarecrow guy like. who was RIDICULOUSLY hot,,, with like FANGS and shit... who separated me from bog and made me get down and crawl through the maze into a dead end and like, omg i was like literally getting scratched up by whatever it was around me doing that!! and dirty and leaves all over my clothes n shit! and i was backed up on the ground and the scarecrow dude was like looming over me and threatening me or whatever and he gets like really close to my face and says like “I bet you’re in this position a lot” and im like JKDSAHKSAFHDSKGDFS wowo fucking DIE s !!!!!!!!

and then eventually i get chased out to the end and there’s like this, crucifix, and the girls tell me to get up and stand on the platform and put my arms on my cross , and I do, and they started laughing and rocking it back and forth as i held on like holy shit thats the NON contact part omfg!! 

then the contact part had different thremes like one of the early ones was a clown that smeared fake blood on my face and made me and bog crawl into a box and shut us in and like hit the box with a bat and shit ajdhkdf!!! and there was other themed rooms like, clowns, a butcher/cannibal theme one, there was one that was like! a doll room with doll parts everywhere and this lady actor held out hands and played ring around the rosie of course ending with like WE ALL DIE!! like ,, ass that was cute!! and she pushed me around laughing and called me a puppet like wow , you own me tbh 

a lot of it was getting pushed and shoved and people getting close to my face and wiping blood on it or saying threats in my ear but it was like super cool how everyone had a story like it wasnt just, walking through quickly like there were rooms you completely stop as a character goes through their narrative with you like there was, admittedly Problematique but you know how it is, like a Crazy Person in hospital gown but I really really liked her roleplay objectively like she had a cute/spooky story, like listen im mentally ill and ive been to the ward i have rights, but anyway she leads us to her friend who was supposed to be a little girl (like not played by a little girl)but shes like, violently wants to be friends like hugs me and then like snaps immediately and shoves me back like omg i honestly wish i could go through a second time for the Stories 

OH and at one point i got shut in a coffin that was cool omg!!!! 

omg but the best part. like i cant stop thinking about it. this burly lumberjack guy grabs me and shoves me against the wall outside the next little house to go in, and he says “you like that don’t you”  and i just fjsdfksdg instinctively responded “maybe” like really sheepishly, and the like hillbilly friends laugh and shove me into the next place and I was alone at this point and I hear one of them shout “she likes it slim!” which i guess is a codeword,,, because. im in almost pitch darkness and i can barely make out like, part of the clothes of some big guy in the room, and he grabs me and throws me, and i mean THROWS me, into the wall full force like rocking the planks of the wall with a big bang,  and im so stunned i just stand there and he grabs me again, drags me forward and throw me into another wall, full force no hesitation, it happened like. almost 10 times or something?!?? i cant even see where the walls are. its just darkness and my back hits it... i didnt even scream or nothing i just like yelped when i git the wall but i was otherwise quiet i was like,,,, just in some wild mental state.. until finally he threw me towards the next hallway and at that point i like toppled over onto the ground and like, shambled back up and through the door .... 

i dont even know how to fully explain it but. i cannot overstate how much i enjoyed the fact that happened... like you know how i complain how everyone thinks im weak and fragile, like, emotionally, and physically? everyones scared to touch me, scared i’ll just shatter or something, i am only 117 pounds and not super tall or big i guess.. and i look young and i guess innocent....... no matter how much i tell people i like KNOW that i like roughhousing they hesitate and go easy on me and i hate it so much .. like i know im sore all the time from having a shitty body prone to joint pain or whatever but my pain tolerance for just like, getting roughed up is so high??? so im just like. this dude. bless him. he sees me, a little twink looking mf (though also afab which was everyones impression of me which is also like! relevant to the whole deal with my alleged fragility) walk in and doesnt think nothing of it. he just fucking throws me like a ragdoll over and over  ......like, thats what i payed for thats what i wanted, FULL CONTACT and i wasnt shirked out of that for being small!! because thats what usually happens! everywhere! i wish i coulda thanked him personally like i hope wherever he is he knows i appreciated him sm.... weird sadist man in the dark .. you’re my hero 

HWAHH thats like! the long and short of it though, i came out covered in fake blood and. in total bliss like!! that was probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life, i dont know where else you can go and just. pay to get beat up by actors roleplaying monsters and shit.... im honestly sad i have to wait another year to go back ...... im so glad i did it though, and tbh it was WAY less jumpscares than other things because i imagine the point is more the roleplaying!! which im so like into!!!! 

omg and like. my legs have bruises on them and one of them has a DEEP purple sizeable bruise that like, dully hurts still . and im just. ecstatic about it, nobody was too scared to hurt me ... /w\ finally i feel.. so respected !!  

[airspaniel]

Retrospecticus 2016

I didn’t do this for 2015, because I thought that year was such a terrible tire fire that it didn’t deserve documentation. But well, we all saw how 2016 went, and now I’m sort of sad I don’t have a concise round-up of why 2015 was so awful. I’m sure the perspective would’ve been valuable.

Anyway, here’s my 2016 in review

1. What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? I was the sole creative and technical producer for an animated feature from one of the best beloved brands in the world. After a rough start to the year, this ended up being on of my best years professionally, thanks to [redacted] and [redacted]. Also, I took up circus, experimenting with flying trapeze, aerials, tight wire, juggling, and other general circus arts. I took a tumbling class and did front and back handsprings for the first time in like, twenty years, so even though that’s not something I’ve never done, I think the time delay makes it notable. Also, I explicitly came out to my family and my Facebook, which has been both a total non-event and deeply traumatic at the same time.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t really make any, but I thought about the song “Stay Alive” from Hamilton a lot, and I managed to do that, so good job, me. For 2017 I’ve brought back a resolution that served me well in 2009: “Ass, Gas, or Grass - nobody rides for free.” I’m more concerned with the latter part of that statement than the former. I also have spent a lot of time putting other people’s needs over my own, and I don’t think it actually helps anyone, and it actively hurts me, so I’m gonna try to do that less. Also - ONE HUNNERT NAZI SCALPS.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My awesome friend Jess had an awesome baby! And like, some Facebook friends from college, which is cool but is less cool.

4. Did anyone close to you die? I mean the answer is yes and no. Because we lost the patriarch of my old folk music family, which was a gutting loss made only worse by the fact that I have been disowned by that group for the past seven years or so. Fuck cancer, is basically what I’m saying.

5. What countries did you visit? I went to England and Poland, and can’t wait to go back to both. I also did a lot of travel within the states, both for business and for pleasure, and got Delta Gold Medallion status for 2017. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016? This is the part where for the past seven years I’ve said something about a relationship. Well, I left 2015 thinking one thing was going on romantically, and that didn’t pan out, and it honestly took me most of the year to get to a good place about it. And I honestly don’t know that I’m in a place mentally and emotionally where a relationship would be a good thing, though I do miss closeness and intimate physical contact. I think what I really need is better self-esteem, and to find the confidence I have in my professional knowledge and abilities in my personal life. Maybe I’ll get a cat?

7. What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The first week of March, for the worst most gaslight-y performance review I’ve ever received, which sent me into a depression/anxiety spiral that had me thinking about suicide a lot. Also, the end of March, for the time I sacrificed my Hamilton tickets for the sake of my job. But then on the plus side I took a wonderful Vegas vacation with @lindsayribar at the beginning of July, and I’ll never quite think of champagne or the Cheesecake Factory in the same way ever again. The August-November corridor was a great time for me at work, and I got a lot accomplished that no one has ever done before. Thanksgiving with @joshversus and @dontbearuiner was also a particular delight.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Producing that movie. I was in charge of the script, the casting, the music, the direction, and the final mixing, as well as all the scheduling for every component of the production. I’d been scheduling producer for these movies for years, but I’d never gotten to do the creative producing as well, and I crushed it. I mean, we really made a great movie, and I’m super proud.

9. What was your biggest failure? I don’t know honestly. Most of the things I failed at don’t even matter anymore. I could say putting others’ feelings/needs over my own, but in the situations as they occurred, I can’t honestly imagine handling them any differently. I think I could’ve said no more often. Or maybe said yes. Maybe been less afraid.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not physically, not really. I had some pervasive bladder issues for a while, but nothing that wasn’t solved fairly easily. Mentally I was a disaster, but I’ve got some better anxiety meds now, at least. I need to get a therapist this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Pretty sure it was that Vegas trip. I also gave a lot of money to my friends so they could make art, and I feel really great about that.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine did, honestly, though I didn’t get a lot of recognition for it, not even from myself.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Fucking, just... just most of fucking America at various times and in a lot of different ways.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Plane tickets. Alcohol. I really can’t overstate how much I drank this past year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My movie. Vacations. Last minute shout out to Yuri!!! On Ice, which single-handedly saved 2016.

16. What song will always remind you of 2016? I mean, at this point if I said anything other than “History Maker” by Dean Fujioka, I would be lying. I would say the entirety of Lemonade, but Queen Bey is timeless and that album cannot be bound to a single year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? December 2015-January 2016 was one sustained panic attack, and even though that’s 100% still the case now, I feel more resolute. I had the rug yanked out from under me so many times in 2016, and even in just the past couple days, but I’m determined now in a way I haven’t been in a long time.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Feeling good. Writing. Being physical.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Keeping this from 2014 - Being lonely, being angry at myself instead of doing something about it. Also, thinking I’m not good enough, or that I don’t deserve good things. Like, that’s still a process but I want to keep making progress on it. I can’t hate myself forever, right?

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent Christmas Eve with my folks, taking it easy, drinking some beers and watching Die Hard, as is tradition. Then Christmas Day we went up to visit my dad’s sister and that side of the family. Aunt Pat had decided that she was tired of traditional crap, and so we had a taco bar for Christmas dinner. Also I fielded a lot of comments on my green undercut. If anyone doubted who was the queer cousin, I set all of those doubts to rest this year.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?  My folks. Vendors. I fucking hate the phone, but I did also manage to have some really good conversations with friends.

22. Did you fall in love in 2016? Nope. Had a lot of complicated feelings, though.

23. How many one-night stands? Well, I mean, I didn’t think it was at the time, but the answer is one. Also, the only time I had sex with another person all year. It was still the second most sexually active year I’ve had in the past seven, so...

24. What was your favorite TV program? Yuri!!! On Ice stole the title at the last minute. But like, I also started rewatching Leverage, and that show is great. Cutthroat Kitchen, Bob’s Burgers, and Rick and Morty all got me through some shit this year.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I mean, yeah. Basically every Republican, all Trump voters, literal Nazis I can’t even believe we are at this point but so it goes.

26. What was the best book you read? The Nice Guys by Charles Ardai. Yeah, it’s a movie adaptation, but it’s really fucking good.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? For total greatness, it’s an absolute tie between Lemonade and the Hamilton Mixtape. For sheer number of repeat listens, the Yuri!!! On Ice OST. Honorable mention to Ariana Grande’s album Dangerous Woman, and “Castle” and “Control” by Halsey.

28. What did you want and get? My movie. To know if I can still throw a back handspring. Drunk.

29. What did you want and not get? Oh, a lot of things. Also, President Hillary Clinton.

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Deadpool. Also The Nice Guys.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 34, and I went to my favorite izakaya with my parents and some friends from work.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Someone telling me I was good. Believing it.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? Fuck, can I even get this on? Ugh, fine, it sort of looks okay. (I put on a lot of weight this year)

34. What kept you sane? Alcohol. It almost didn’t work, but it usually did. My anxiety medication.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Man, I don’t even know. Probably still LMM and the Rock.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Don’t even fucking talk to me about this trash fire election. 

37. Who did you miss? My friends in NYC, my friends in Texas, my friends in LA, my friends in London.

38. Who was the best new person you met? I met a lot of cool circus performers this year.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016:

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Pour up (Drank), head shot (Drank) Sit down (Drank), stand up (Drank) Pass out (Drank), wake up (Drank) Faded (Drank), faded (Drank) Kendrick Lamar - “Swimming Pools (Drank)“

[thecottageinthedark]

#antis cw#SA mention cw#abuse cw#harassment cw#antisurvivorism cw#the salt files#as incredibly satisfying as the ratio on this post was it bothers me very deeply to see that part of their behavior signed off on#like i cannot possibly overstate what an actually fucking evil thing that is to do and we should not be giving it a pass#boundaries--yes the actual definition of boundaries--are incredibly important but can also be a tool of immense abuse and harm#leaving your child to die on the street for coming out to you because it's your house and you decide what to do with it is a boundary#withdrawing from an arrangement to help your disabled neighbor get groceries because you didn't like their tone is a boundary#cutting someone off when you find out they have [personality disorder] is a boundary#''accepting'' that your partner came out as trans on the condition they don't transition in any way; and leaving if they do; is a boundary#the conversation desperately needs to move past 'boundaries are universally sacred'#'if it's cruel or abusive it's not ACTUALLY a boundary'#to 'boundaries are an incredibly fucking important tool to have and respect'#'but 'cool i'm going to leave this party now' can be a tool of horrific cruelty and abuse and bigotry and violence'#(for one thing: violence as in they are an extremely common instrument of literal murder against disabled people)#(people can execute us in broad daylight for any fucking reason they want as long as they dress it up in ✨️boundaries✨️)#'now how do we make the distinction between that and some asshole crying that their partner is abusing them by saying no to sex'#'and what do you do when the boundary is wrong to coerce people to cross whether they're weaponizing it for abuse or not'#just i don't know man it's a complicated subject; conversation about which has so much potential to develop in radioactively awful ways#i'm one tired angry socially inept jackass#and i really wish people smarter and more consistently compassionate and on the ball than me were talking about it#anyway if you do this to anyone but especially a rape survivor doing therapy then fuck yourself#i hope you grow past your shitty opinions and change and all. i hope you become a better person. i really do.#i hope it haunts you for the rest of your life regardless.#ableism cw#transphobia cw

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?