#literally as those words left my mouth i thought damn double homicide

[im-goin-mad]

love isn't crushing on a hot guitarist - love is my friend and i saying the most gruesome, inappropriate, dehumanising, sexualising stuff about him

[snarkwrites]

mine | tim speedle | csi:miami

Notes:

Okay, so here’s the thing.. Those smutty one shots and the one shot I wrote at Christmas about Tim Speedle and an ofc who was an old girlfriend? They were originally part of this huge backstory I came up with years ago too and like.. Given that I’m posting the backstory in bits for Greg, I thought why not do the same for Tim. So, if you were ever wondering where the OC from the christmas one shot came from.. This is her. A little more thought out and less vague. Anything not explained there, or in the smut I’ve already posted and plan to post eventually, will be explained here.. Because fuckkit.. Might as well make this a chapter thing too...

Pairing:

Tim Speedle x OFC, Sylvie.

Warnings:

Uhh.. Angst and unresolved feelings at first. Filth you’ve all already seen but more to come.. Maybe a little action and suspense? because I have plans for this one, mhm.

Oh. Right off the bat.. Ya’ll are not gonna like Ryan Wolfe in here at first if I’ve done my job properly. Because as it went on the show, he’s gonna be... hard to warm to here. I chose to keep him in and have him, as well as Cardoza and others, working on the shift opposite of Tim.

Tagging:

@chasingeverybreakingwave​

@twistnet​ 

[ faq | tag list doc | soundtrack ] 

                                            ONE.

“Damn. Are you even gonna open this and humor a thought of going?” Eric waved around the class reunion invite that Tim had gotten in the mail and tossed on the counter. From across the room, Tim continued to dig around in the fridge, trying to find the case of beer he’d picked up on his way in.

He was refusing to answer the question.

Grabbing the case of beer, he sat them on the folding table they’d set up in the living room to play poker at and he took a beer out for himself, popping it against the counter, taking a long sip from the bottle.

Eric was already in the kitchen. Throwing together the traditional go to sandwich for their poker nights.

“Hey, that new guy’s not comin, right?”

“Wolfe? Yeah.. I think Walter with his big mouth invited him.”

“Goddamn it.” Tim swore, grumbling. “There’s just something off about the guy, I’m telling you.”

“Either way, it’s not our problem, man. He’s on the other shift, remember? Are you gonna answer my question, Speed, or do I have to drag the answer out of you, buddy?” Eric asked, giving Tim a pointed look.

Walter stepped into Tim’s apartment with Ryan coming into view right behind him. Tim’s jaw set and when Walter asked “Drag what answer out of Speed, man? What’d I miss?” as he wandered over to grab himself a beer and take a seat at the table, Tim shrugged. “It’s nothing, Walt. Forget Eric here ran his big fuckin mouth.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothin, you grouch.” Eric remarked, chuckling when Tim gave him what he thought was a silencing glare. As per usual, it did not work.

Ryan, the new guy, spoke up from over nearby Tim’s fridge, nodding to a photo booth strip held on by a magnet. “Is this your girl, Speed? Damn… you never mentioned you were seeing a model.” as he shook his head and let out a low and appreciative whistle.

Eric’s gaze settled on the photo strip and then back on Tim. Tim was all but trying not to explode. Getting defensive and touchy as he tended to whenever that particular strip of photos came into a conversation. He tried to give Ryan the subtlest shake of the head no, but it was too late.

Tim was already lost to thought, dwelling on the past.

Ryan eyed him, a brow raised. “Sore subject?” he questioned. Eric glared at Ryan and grumbled, giving Tim a silent look of agreement about the new guy. Tim nodded and smirked, mouthing back “Told you so, idiot.” before fixing his gaze on Ryan and shrugging. “Not really, no. We dated for a while.”

“High school and college.” Eric spoke up, ignoring Tim’s glare. “What? It’s true, right? That’s not just a while, Tim. That’s literally almost a decade, man.” 

“Are you going to let me answer the guy Eric,or nah?” Tim asked, giving Eric another pointed glare as he took the worn deck of cards and shuffled them a few times, starting to deal. When Eric went quiet, Tim continued. “I took the job here. We broke up.”

“The man is lying. What happened was he didn’t ask her to come with and she didn’t try to stop him. So they never actually broke up. They just lost touch. And if you got that invite man, maybe…”

“Invite to what?” Ryan asked, an amused look as he fixed his gaze on Tim. So far, he got the suspicion that neither Tim nor Eric were particularly warming up to him, but it didn’t really matter. He was there because Walter asked if he wanted to play a few hands. And given that of everyone they worked with, so far Walter was the only real welcoming member of the forensics team on either shift, he wasn’t about to turn it down.

If nothing, he figured, he could show Eric and Tim up in a game or two and then leave… Unless the current conversation and it’s effect on Tim Speedle proved to be too interesting and amusing to continue to pass up.

“Class reunion. If I wanted to go back and listen to a bunch of douchebag jocks talk about their glory days, I’d go.” Tim answered, grumbling and shifting around in his chair, wondering when in the hell they were all going to get off the subject.

“She might be there man, you never know.”

“Eric, if it were going to work out in the first place, one of us would’ve said or done something. We wouldn’t have just left it the way it was.” Tim pointed out. Turning his attention to his hand as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, brown eyes carefully surveying the other men around the table.

He smirked when he realized that of them all, the only one who was really good at keeping a consistent poker face was Eric. Then again, Tim thought to himself, Eric knows me too well. He knows I learned how to read him like a book years ago. 

“She’s in Miami right now, actually. I saw her in the lobby of that high end hotel earlier today when our team got called to work that double homicide.” Ryan smirked as he just casually dropped the bombshell. Holding Tim’s gaze a few seconds. Trying to get a read on the guy, see if he might have a winning hand this round.

Tim nearly choked on the sip of Michelob he’d taken and eyed Ryan. The guy had to be trying to bullshit him. Probably to cover for his lack of a poker face, Tim mused, smirking at Ryan as he did so. “She lives in New York, buddy. You probably saw somebody who looked like her. I doubt you saw her.”

“Oh trust me… You don’t see a girl like that a time or two and confuse her with somebody else.” Ryan smirked right back, waiting on his words to hit the intended mark before dropping the bigger bombshell. “Her name is Sylvie, right? Because that’s what the frat boys hounding her for selfies and autographs called her.” 

Just the slightest drop of Tim Speedle’s jaw was enough to make Ryan’s entire night. At this point, he was just genuinely enjoying having a rib at the guy. It wasn’t a secret around the lab that Eric Delko and Tim Speedle were nothing if not tight knit. That’s why it surprised more than a few people when the two seemed to just welcome Walter with open arms and no hesitation. And yet, they went above and beyond to cop snide attitudes with both himself and another man he worked with, Jesse Cardoza.

Tim eyed Ryan, a brow raised. Then he just shrugged. “It’s your play, Wolfe.” he barely managed to unclench his jaw enough to say it, but he did. He hoped that his tone would clearly indicate that for tonight, the topic was over. Even though he knew already that no thanks to Ryan’s words, tonight was going to be a long one for him…

Was she really in Miami? Or was Ryan just being an asshole as per usual?...

,, he’s gotta be saying it to get a rise and more of the story outta me… that’s it... unless she’s here. She does travel a lot, man.. Your ma is always real quick to tell you about every single move she makes when you call back home every Sunday.” Tim shoved the intrusive thought out of his head and it was immediately followed by another. ,, It’s been years and nothing but silence. Neither of us tried to keep in touch and it’s not like we couldn’t... But.. she did come to you in the hospital that first few nights... if she wanted you to know she was there, she would have stayed, just drop the what ifs or you’re going to lose your goddamn mind.” 

Ryan made his call and Tim smirked, shoving some more chips into the middle of the table. “I see your King and raise you.”

Eric nearly spat his drink. He eyed Ryan, wondering if the guy had any idea of the wrath he’d probably just unleashed on himself by pushing buttons as openly as he had been. And he felt bad for the guy. Just because he worked with Cardoza, it didn’t necessarily make him the same.

He leaned in and offered up a quiet warning into Ryan’s ear when Tim got up to go and grab himself one of the Cuban sandwiches sitting on a plate near the stove. “You might want to lay off, Wolfe. Tim’s still hurting and bitter as hell about her, but too damn stubborn to do anything.”

“Which is fucking stupid, if you ask me.” Ryan answered, gazing across the room, smirking as he called out to Tim, “Hey, can I get another beer, man?”

Tim gave him the finger and flopped back into his chair, taking a few bites of his sandwich. “If you get up and get it, yeah. By all means.” Tim chuckled as Ryan gave him a dirty look, but after a little grumbling, he got up and grabbed himself a beer.

“What would you do if she was in town, man?” Eric was the one who asked the question.

Tim pretended not to hear him, but it wasn’t something that he wasn’t already wondering about himself. Did he even really need -or deserve for that matter, to do anything?

XXX

“6 am, sharp.”

“Rex if you remind me one more time about this stupid photo shoot, I swear to fuck, I’ll cancel. I came to Miami to relax. Not be hounded and have gigs booked for me. This was supposed to be my vacation, you’re literally not even supposed to be here.” I rolled onto my stomach on the hotel bed. The patio doors were open and the breeze blowing in off the ocean was relaxing.

Or it had been until Rex felt fit to show up and ruin things.

To be fair, I thought to myself, you’re the one who won’t just tell the guy that you’re not re-signing with his agency when your contract ends. But he seriously couldn’t take a fucking hint when I left on a red-eye and didn’t think he should know?

I was flipping through the television when I happened on a local news show. And they were showing an interview at Miami Dade PD about a pending case that was pretty huge in the media right now.

But that wasn’t what was catching my attention at all.

My eyes fixed on the five seconds glimpse I got of Tim as he hurried into the station. So handsome that I could feel my heart breaking all over again at the sight of him. I sighed and turned off the television.

I wound up on the balcony, staring down at the streets below. Wondering what he was doing right now.. Trying to imagine just how differently everything might have actually gone if I’d been braver back then. If I’d spoken up. Told him that I loved him and I didn’t want to lose touch or for us to be over.

I could’ve come with him.

And then I remembered the fear I felt the night my mom called me, fresh off the phone with his mom… The night I almost lost him.

And I remembered the feeling I felt when I finally made it to his side, a whole two days later. Seeing him lying there in that bed, hovering between life and death. The fear that he’d wake up and he’d want me to leave over-ruling every basic instinct in me that was telling me to stay. Take care of him. At the very least, get some closure. I didn’t deserve him then and the fact remained.

I don’t deserve him now, either. And too much time has gone by... I’d lost any right to tell him how I felt now. He probably had his own happy life. A better one. Who would I be to come in and lay it all on the line and destroy that?

If I’m being truly honest with myself here, I’ve never actually deserved Tim Speedle. And I’ve always known it. It’s why I had to let him go back then and a big reason why I was fighting myself so hard to keep from going to him now.

But I wanted him so badly. I needed him.

Everything felt wrong without him. I tried to move on, I tried convincing myself he was a high school and college boyfriend and my best childhood friend before that, but deep down, I knew.

Tim Speedle was, is and will always be, the man I love.

But I’m not good enough for him and hopefully, he’s moved on by now. God I hope he’s happy.

The thought had me taking a few shaky breaths and wiping away a tear that had been lingering in my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheek. I wandered back inside and even though I knew it wasn’t a good idea… I found myself searching his name.

Biting my lip as my heart skipped a beat or two when I realized that his phone number was still the same. And it was listed, not private.

I’m not exactly sure why, but I went to my contacts. And for a good ten minutes, I hovered over his name… I actually went as far as to pull up the conversation box and read over the last conversation we had. Before I realized it, I was crying again and that empty feeling was creeping back in…

,, you came all the way to Miami. You can’t keep living like this…” my brain taunted me. And then, another thought crept in, ,, if you wanted him, you shouldn’t have just let him leave without saying so. All you had to do was tell him you wanted to come. What, were you expecting some flowery proposal? For him to drop the chance of a lifetime for you? And what if he had, huh? What then? You know he would’ve hated you and by now, you two would be over… Nobody ever stays...Your own father couldn’t even be bothered to stick around, Syl… The man has probably forgotten all about you by now.”  and before my mind got any darker, I slipped off the bed and grabbed my favorite jacket. Maybe taking a ride down to the Keys would help me get this off my mind. Or driving a few blocks over, going to the beach to look at the stars.

All I did know was that suddenly, it felt like the very vast and open space in this 5 star hotel room was rapidly closing all around me.