#literally a fucking air raid siren. like is it that serious

[blackvelvetofnight]

Make Loud Sounds Illegal 2024

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Ghost Story - Chapter 42

Pairing: Rooster x Female OC

Word Count: 1709

Warnings: Mention of death, swearing

Summary: No one will miss a ghost. It'd been a running joke for as long as anyone could remember, something Ghost herself started, and she always said it with a smile on her face or with mirth in her voice. The untouchable stealth pilot in every sense of the word, no one could've predicted the depth of her turmoil over recent events, nor the extremes she would go to in order to protect the man she loved, not even those closest to her. Now, all that was left of the young aviator for Maverick, Hangman, and Rooster were the memories of the past, which would slowly fade with time. She'd come into their lives and made an unforgettable impression, and then, like a ghost, she was gone... Then again, ghosts can't die a second time.

Notes: None

Chapter Songs: H.O.L.Y God, Your Mama, and Me

****

Maverick

Rooster woke up not long after his surgery. The first thing he tried to do was stand while mumbling about needing to find Ghost, and although still heavily drugged, it took a Herculean effort between Maverick and Hangman to force the giant back onto the bed. Affronted, Rooster glowered at the two men and demanded, "What the hell are you two doing? Where's Ghost?"

"You just got out of surgery, Bradley," Maverick explained gently. "Your leg was broken, and you have a compressed spine that will thankfully heal without surgery. Along with some cuts and bruises, it's a wonder you don't have more injuries, let alone serious ones."

"I don't care about me. Where's Ghost? Is she-"

"Alive but in surgery. She was in worse shape than you."

Rooster's wan demeanor blanched, causing the bruises on his face to stand out even more prominently. Maverick thought his son may pass out. "Sh-she made it through? I thought she died after-"

She has already. Maverick thought, reliving the moment he heard there'd been a code blue in her operating room. Miraculously she pulled through, but he'd been even more on edge since it happened. Still, he couldn't bring himself to tell that to Rooster, so he said, "Yeah. From what I know so far, she has a concussion, compressed spine, broken ribs, punctured lung, and a broken wrist."

"I knew her ribs were bothering her," Rooster groaned, slamming his head back into the pillow. 

"Easy. You need to be careful with your neck."

"What happened out there?" Hangman asked, uncharacteristically devoid of his usual strength. 

"I don't know how it happened, but she collided with an enemy fighter. Her wing sliced through it. Never saw her eject, so I feared the worst," Rooster replied, sinking into his sheets. His fight evaporated, and Maverick could see his godson struggling to stay awake. "I found her crash site, thought she'd died in it until I saw a parachute in the distance and went to investigate. She was unconscious when I reached her, although she came to pretty quickly. Ghost was furious I was down there. Kind of reminded me of your reaction, Mav."

Rooster chuckled softly. Maverick smiled. "It's the only appropriate response."

"Then what happened?" Hangman prodded.

"We headed in the direction where we'd seen an enemy fighter land. Trekked through the snow and the trees, and my ankle or leg was already fucked up, but only where it caused me to limp. When we got to the base, I tripped in a hole and made it ten times worse. Probably broke it or fractured it at that point."

"How would you even have walked if that's the case?"

"One, I was more concerned about the literal terrorists surrounding us while we casually strode onto the base like we belonged. Telling you, if Ghost and I can't fly again, then we need to go into acting. Two-" Rooster held up three fingers, frowned, and put one down- "adrenaline is a hell of a drug, Seresin."

"How did you steal the plane?"

"We have you to thank for that. I think Ghost might've been planning to set fire to something, but when the air raid siren went off, we managed to take a plane without much issue, although, really, we have Ghost's bilingualness to thank for that."

Hangman cocked his head. "Ghost is bilingual? What's her second language? Spectral?"

"Russian!"

"Russian? She speaks Russian? Since when?!"

"Do I look like I know that? She did yell at a guy trying to climb into a plane, and it was kind of terrifying but also kind of hot and-"

"Captain Mitchell," Cyclone interrupted, garnering everyone's attention immediately. Maverick stood, anxiously awaiting the news. "Ghost is out of surgery, but she's still in critical condition. They had a few close calls in the operating room, and she did flatline once."

Hangman sagged against the foot of Rooster's bed. "Do they know if she'll pull through? I know critical-"

"They can't tell, unfortunately. They're not entirely sure how Ghost survived it in the first place. For all intents and purposes, she should've died after that second ejection because they believe her lung had already been punctured at least slightly from the first one. These next few hours will determine if she'll live through it."

"Will Ghost be able to fly again?" Maverick asked, knowing that would be the second question out of her mouth once she had an answer on Rooster.

"That, I'm unable to tell. Ghost won't need surgery on her spine, incredibly. Her wrist fracture wasn't horrifically severe, not as bad as Bradshaw's leg here," Cyclone said, nodding to Rooster. "How's he doing?"

"He's-" Maverick turned around to find his son passed out and snoring softly- "exhausted. Mainly worried about Ghost. You just missed him. He was up and talking."

Hangman and Maverick explained to Cyclone what Rooster had conveyed to them only moments before. The admiral listened intently, his mouth pursed into a grim, thin line. When they finished the brief overview, the admiral sighed. "Thank you. I'll need both of them to give statements about what happened. When Rooster's awake, coherent, and able to move, have him come to my office. When you're ready, you can go see Ghost."

Maverick wanted to bolt to her room, grab her hand, and plead with his daughter to wake up so he could tell her the truth, that she wasn't alone in this world like she thought she was, that she had family, that she had him. However, he refrained. Turning to Hangman, he said, "Do you want to see her first?"

"I don't want to go alone, sir..." Hangman confessed, shoving his hands into his pockets. Understanding where the aviator came from, Maverick moved to join him on the walk there, but not before shooting one last glance over his shoulder to check on Rooster. His son still slept soundly.

Upon entering Ghost's room, Maverick's breath caught in his throat. The sight of her hooked up to all the machines was too reminiscent of Carole being in the hospital. Had the steady beating of Ghost's heart monitor not been there, Maverick would've believed her already dead. Rooster had been wan, but Ghost... she might as well have been one, for the seasoned pilot had never seen anyone that shade of white before. No living person, at least.

"Shit," Hangman breathed, turning deathly pale. He sank onto the foot of her bed, hesitantly placing a gentle hand on her leg. Meanwhile, Maverick moved to her side, taking her good hand in his. It was cold to the touch. 

Charlie, Ice, Goose, Carole- if any of you are listening, help her pull through. Maverick prayed, his hand shaking in Ghost's. We're not ready to lose her. Please don't make her the first wingman Hangman loses. Don't make Rooster lose another person he loves. Don't make me lose my daughter before I've gotten the chance to know her as such. Please don't take her from us now.

"If she doesn't pull out of this..." Hangman began quietly, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "How did you do it? After Goose died, how did you keep flying?"

"I almost didn't," Maverick admitted, his mind involuntarily flashing back and comparing the events of today to those of the past and coming to a gut-wrenching realization that the past had a tendency to repeat itself in a sickening manner. Before, it had been a Mitchell holding a Bradshaw. This time, it'd been a Bradshaw holding a Mitchell. The only difference was that Ghost managed to cling to life, albeit barely. 

"What kept you going?" Hangman asked, his green eyes piercing Maverick's.

"I temporarily quit Top Gun, but Viper, Charlie, and Carole all had a part in convincing me to go back. Carole, Bradley, and Ice, in particular, helped me for the next few years after. Carole and Bradley, by providing a family I could come home to, and Ice, a friend who could ground me when I got reckless. They also reminded me that Goose wouldn't have wanted me to stop flying because of his death." Maverick sniffed, taking the opportunity to push down the rising lump in his throat. "He's with me every time I'm up in the air. He'll be with me to the day I die."

"I know we all lose a wingman at some point, but I don't want Ghost to be my Goose... I don't want to lose any of my wingmen, but her-"

"I know," Maverick said understandingly. 

A clattering in the doorway caused both men to jump. They whirled around to find Rooster barely standing and using the doorframe to support himself, his crutches sprawled on the floor. Noticing his son's sickly shade of green, Maverick rushed for the trash bin and put it in front of Rooster just before he hurled the little contents of his stomach.

"Damn it, Bradshaw," Hangman snapped, hurriedly grabbing a chair for the newcomer to sit in. He and Maverick lowered Rooster into it so he wouldn't hurt his back by collapsing down. "You shouldn't have gotten out of bed."

"You almost sound like you care, Seresin," Rooster jested weakly. He waved their worried hands away, eyes settling on Ghost. His joking demeanor evaporated instantly. "How is she?"

"Not good," Hangman said truthfully, sitting back down in his chair. "She's in critical condition. These next few hours will determine whether or not she's going to live."

"Bradley, you should be resting," Maverick said gently. "You should be back in bed. You're not helping her by over-exerting yourself."

Rooster hung his head, mumbling, "She won't want me here when she wakes up anyway. I'll leave."

He struggled to stand, and Hangman and Maverick both moved to assist him. Hangman slung Rooster's arm over his shoulders and said, "I'll take care of Bradshaw. Keep an eye on her. I-I can't right now."

Although Maverick hated to have Bradley out of his site, he hated the idea of leaving Ghost even more due to her state. "Thanks, Jake."

"You too, Pops."

Maverick smiled at the nickname, one he only allowed Hangman to call him. Then he settled into his chair and prepared for a long night watching over his daughter.

****

Tags: @supernaturaldawning @shanimallina87 @polikszena @lgg5989 @callsign-milano @bradshawsandbridgetons @harper1666 @shadeops21 @double-j @copaceticwriter @rotating-obsessions @sharkprestige @thedarkinmansfield @lapilark @mickeyluvs @starshipfantasy @bennypears00 @avabobava @the-navistar-carol @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @carmellasworld @0hb0llocks @nicangelinee @summ3rlotus @3picklesinajar @magentamistress @the-other-hawkeye @elisha-chloe @emilymarie105 @persephone11110 @luckyladycreator2 @boogdleyboo @k0k3 @bibissparkles @lilmonstrjedi @stinkyrat09 @cocoag19 @suburbzchick @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @goodstuff28 @georgiasimpson95 @horselovers2016 @tanithpriad125 @davidshawnsown @sowolfstudentme @agagafafa @callmemana @sec17 @brxklyn15 @h0ppy0the0sheep @tomanybandstolove @abigailannz @mini-bee-bee @super-btstrash-posts

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[servin-up-surveys]

survey #164

What books, if any, have made you cry? Johnny Got His Gun, Old Yeller, The Outsiders, The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, The Giver, The Hunger Games (you know the part), Of Mice and Men, and I KNOW there's even more, a lot that I surprisingly can't remember the names of; I cry very easily, and if you give me an emotional book, odds are super high at least a single tear is coming out.

How many times do you use a bath towel before washing it? Once.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video games.

Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt.

Could you call your best friend right now and tell them your biggest secret, and trust them to keep it? Oh I know I could.

Do you like watching music videos? Only Rammstein's haha, I really don't care about others'. Theirs are the only music videos I've ever cared about watching.

What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We're in a serious, monogamous relationship together.

Do you have scars on your wrists? You can't see them anymore, no.

What is your least favorite color? A yellowish olive green.

What’re some movies you love that people wouldn’t expect you to like? Romance ones specifically, like Nicholas Sparks' book film adaptations, and Titanic. I genuinely love movies like those, when I'm in the right mood to get emotional lol.

Are you “in the closet” about anything? No.

Are you missing any teeth? Besides wisdom teeth, no.

What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Sirens really, really frighten me, especially the like, air raid or tornado sort of shit, but I find all of them anxiety-inducing just because of the associations with a siren going off. Also tires screeching on the road TERRIFIES me, because it usually comes before a car wreck.

Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? SEXY AS FUCK

Are you most comfortable with having short hair or long hair? Short, definitely.

Who was the last person you saw that you haven’t seen in a while? Miss Angela, my original best friend's mother, who works at the dentist I go to.

Are you a visual, audio, or kinesthetic learner? Very kinesthetic. Also visual, like especially for things like math, if you're just audibly explaining it to me, it's not gonna do shit, I need a combination of the other two.

What are your feelings towards glitter? It's obviously messy as hell, but I like it aesthetically.

Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in real life? No, but that's such a cozy idea. My mom's been knitting a giant blanket since she was like LITERALLY 18-ish and I do hope she eventually finishes it before she passes away because I either want to keep it or have Ashley keep it for her kids to have, but seeing how she's been with Mom lately who knows if she'd even want it...

Would you ever have a child just to get someone to fall in love with you? lol that is NOT how that works, my guy, literally ever

Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Girt.

What do you think is creepy that society accepts as normal? Beauty pageants, specifically for young kids/basically babies.

What do you think is a good date other than dinner and a movie? My dream date is a picnic by a lake or something similar.

Are you biracial? No.

Which was the worst phase in your life? Late 2015 to the very beginning of 2017.

Does your ex’s new romantic interest know about the things you two did together? I don't even know who anyone is dating, if they are to begin with.

Do you ever tell your current significant other about the things that you did with an ex-partner? Literally only if it's relevant, like he asks a question or it's just a brief mention because it fits the conversation, but it's never in a wistful sort of way or anything.

Do you like holding hands or do you think it's stupid? I do, I don't think it's "stupid" at all.

What do you like about your birthday? I love getting to see family like my sisters and dad, and Girt of course comes over too. I also cut myself the most slack food-wise that day, I really do just have what I want that day; I'm just nicer to myself and let myself enjoy the day however I want to.

Do you like being home alone at night? No, that makes me uncomfortable; I can do it and have before, but I don't like it.

Has an ambulance ever come to your house? Not THIS current house, but the last one; that's how my mom got transported to the hospital and her cancer was discovered. She was as close to immobile as I have ever seen her, she was immensely not okay.

Whose pool did you last swim in? It was in our local hospital complex, the area where you do aquatic physical therapy.

What's the cutest thing someone's ever done for you? Oh idk, there's so much, both romantically and just as an aunt. I don't wanna pick a favorite.

How many people know about the last person you kissed? I don't know, it's not a secret and it's not new news either, we've been together a few months shy of two years.

How many different cars have you driven? Uhhhh... good question? Besides the car used in driver's ed classes, maybe like, two? It's possible it's actually only one, I can't even remember how long we've had the car we do now.

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car? Probably one in Girt's house?

Who is the person you have hurt the most? Ultimately, probably my mom. I suppose maybe Sara.

Who is the person that has hurt you the most? Jason, when it boils down to it. Sara has said things that hurt me more, way more than anything Jason ever said, HOWEVER I dealt with the severity of the loss of him astronomically worse and for a much longer period.

When you go to Mcdonald's, what drink do you usually get? Coke.

What’s the worst type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid. It makes me want to fucking die.

Who last called you sexy? Girt, I'm sure. Not exactly something I hear from a non-significant other, lol.

Is it possible to "fall out of love?" I am completely and entirely confident that I myself have experienced this, so I know it is.

Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender? Yes, more than once.

Is your significant other of the same ethnicity as you? Uh, I thiiiiink he'd be considered biracial? His mother is your ordinary Caucasian, but his dad was Native American, however I don't really know if that's an independent ethnicity? Race? I get these words confused, ngl.

How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? If wind isn't a factor, it's gotta get to like, the low 50*Fs before I want one.

Kisses on the cheek or the neck? how much time we got LMAOOOOO

One word to describe your most recent ex? Overdramatic.

What’s the best food to have at a sleepover? OBVIOUSLY pizza.

Where was the very first kiss you had with the last person you kissed? My old house's living room.

As a kid, did you ever get in trouble for drawing on the wall? No, I definitely don't remember ever doing so.

Ever had to have someone help you walk before? Yes, after I fainted or when I’ve been very dizzy for whatever reason, but I think I most heavily did so when I tore a ligament in my ankle or something and could put a total of ZEEEEERO pressure on that foot, it took so long to heal and it was FUCKING miserable. I'd be fighting off crying even when I would lean on Mom, that pain was unreal.

Name 5 things you don’t believe in. Fate/destiny, things like tarot cards or fortune tellers/psychics of any sort, horoscopes, anti-vax inane bullshit, and soulmates.

In what circumstances do you feel most at peace? Mornings where Girt stayed the night before and he's still sleeping when I wake up and I still lay down with him and just listen to birds and stuff.

Have you ever worn a thumb ring? Yes, that's the finger I wore my friendship ring with Sara on, but I've since thrown it away.

Would you give someone a second chance if they physically hurt you? HELL fucking no

What are five things you inherited from your mom? Low metabolism, height, high cholesterol, skin tone and some freckling (primarily on my arms), and thick hair.

What are five things you inherited from your dad? I HATE how like him I have very little common sense/miss things that a lot of people generally see as very obvious, when my legs were fine I paced like he did (I won't at all be surprised if it's a habit I pick back up as my legs get stronger), I have an addictive personality, uh... I'm blanking after that.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? Yeah, Sara's hair was much longer than mine.

Do you ever wonder what your ex or most recent “thing” is up to? I mean sure, I wonder, but I don't let myself check her socials ever. It's better that way.

What pets does your best friend have? He has one dog, a pit/shepherd mix named Charlie. I think technically he's his mom's, that's "Mom" to him, but Girt loves him to death and Charlie clearly loves him too.

Do you think somebody’s in love with you? Pretty sure yeah.

What type of tree is the most common where you live? Pine trees, by a fucking longshot. There are SO many pine trees.

Do you have anything planned for June so far? Yeah, my niece's birthday as well as her mom/my older sister's only a few days later. I don't know what we're doing for Ashley's, but I know Aubree's bday party is this month.

[TW: SELF-HARM] Do you know anyone who self-harms? I don't know about anymore, but I know plenty plenty plenty of people who have previously.

Who were you last in a car with and where did you go? My mom, we just rode to pick up our groceries from Wal-Mart.

Name the last three people you kissed and list one nice thing about each one. Girt is very loyal, Sara was a great creative, and Tyler, uh... he was generally sweet?

When was the last time you felt EXTREMELY depressed? Why is that? Extremely depressed, let's see... I'm not really sure, like sure I still deal with depression, but it's nothing like I shit I dealt with up until the start of 2017. "Extremely," for me and my experiences, means REALLY fucking severe, and I'm grateful I can't answer this confidently.

Who was the last person to kiss your forehead? Girt, I know he did this recently before he left and I was falling asleep.

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 54 - Clowns, tattoos and flamingos

In the previous chapter: they’ve just met again and Grace can’t stand Stone’s excessive sweetness and affection. She blurts it out to him, only to discover it was just some kind of test the guitarist set up to find out her intentions. They talk it out and decide to take things slowly with their relationship. Meg has to deal with two guys who try to hit on her then has a quick exchange with Mike Starr. She “uses” him to make McCready jealous and gets angry when she sees him apparently acting silly with two girls. A few days pass and Angie, suddenly gifted with a free day, goes to Eddie’s apartment with the excuse of bringing him cake before the show at the Off Ramp that evening. They spend the afternoon together, Angie’s still tense when she’s with him and feels stupid for that but she slowly loosens up a bit. Jeff comes back home and breaks up their romance. Angie leaves with an excuse. Eddie follows her to get a “proper” goodbye with a kiss and asks her about their relationship because he wants to know where this is going. And that’s what she secretely wants to know too. They make it clear that they are a couple.

**

“JESUS. CHRIST.” and Eddie finally meets my sonic bomb “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?”

“It’s just my alarm clock” I stretch out to turn it off and turn around, finding him sittin in the bed, his hair covering half of his face.

“So much for an alarm clock… sounds like a fucking air raid siren” he goes on, looking at nothing in front of him with his only half closed eye I can see.

“I’m a heavy sleeper” I explain as I put my arms under the pillow and bury my face in it.

“I see” I feel him slowly shifting under the blankets until he comes close and reaches out for me with a hug.

“You never sleep, you can’t understand” I turn on my side and my face is just inches from his.

“Now I slept very good though” he kisses me lightly on my lips, dry an rough like sandpaper against his soft ones.

“Double bed is confy, huh?” I mean, I surely don’t complain when we snuggle up on his single bed to sleep.

“Sure, ‘cause it’s all about the bed, obviously” his embrace tightens and I know getting up this morning will be double difficult.

“I’m sorry I woke you up from one of your best sleeping times. Today I work an awful shift” I try and let go of him but Eddie intertwines his legs with mine to keep me from moving.

“I need to have a serious chat with Jack…” he starts showering my face with kisses, from my cheek, then towards my ear, then again on my cheek pretty close to the corner of my mouth.

“Hehe I wish I was working at the mini mart, I’d go to work in my pjs. And I wouldn’t get up at a quarter to six”

“A QUART- err, sorry… it’s a fucking quarter to six in the morning?” Eddie yells into my ear for a second, then settles for a volume more suitable for dawn.

“Yeah. I work the breakfast-shift at Roxy's” I sigh and it looks like my morning misfortune is getting me extra cuddle.

“Since when?”

“Since I have to return the favour to people who covered my shifts for me when I was away”

“Uh. It’s my fault then” Eddie props his head up on an elbow on the pillow and gazes down at me.

“Ehehe no, well, it’s not”

“I’m sorry” he gives me a pouty face that would knock me out if I weren’t already lying down.

“No problem, it was worth it” I try and untangle my legs from him but the dumbass won’t let me.

“Oh really?” I can see the glimpse in his eyes even in the half darkness of my room.

“Yes”

“Well, in that case…” he dives down and kisses me, running his fingers through my hair, then backs up on his back on the bed trying to pull me over him.

“Eddie… I gotta get up” I try and resist between kisses but I’m not exactly convinced in the first place.

“Five minutes” he replies pushing himself and me on my side of the bed once again.

I grab his t-shirt, shut my eyes and in a few seconds he seals my eyelids with kisses, then my lips again, while his hair tickle my face and arrange itself independently as to shielding us both like a tent.

“Eddie?” I don’t really know how much time has passed but I try and catch his attention the moment he slows down with kisses.

“Five minutes” he repeats, rubs on my leg then holds on to it and kisses me with more passion.

The fact I’ve been getting accostumed to Eddie’s lovely torturing techniques for the past ten days doesn’t mean I learned how to keep a cool head in these moments. Actually he kisses me for more than five seconds and I fucking lose my mind, and I don’t mean figuratively. Also when he’s just thinking about kissing me, while I’m talking normally or saying some stupid shit, that is basically the same thing, and he breaks eye contact with me and starts looking around until he sets his eyes on the lower part of my face, as if he tried to read my lips; when he’s still in that moment of reflection, that I’ve now learned to recognize, that comes right before the approach and the attack, my words regularly begin to sound muffled and totally unnecessary, and my head becomes lighter, so light that if it wasn’t for him holding me up with a kiss, it would probably fall off my neck.

“Eddie” I try again as he’s busy giving me light and subtle pecks going from my chin to my jawline. He hooks his finger under the collar of my pyjama top and pulls it aside to kiss my shoulder.

“Eddie?”

“Mm?” he mumbles withough interrupting his business.

“Come on… I gotta… open… the diner” the little shit turns his kisses into bites right when I speak and makes it difficult for me to open my mouth without losing track of my words and keeping my breath regular.

“One minute left”

“Roxy’s… she’s gonna… ugh… kick my ass, Eddie, com-me ooon” he keeps his game going and I’m so close I can see the corner of his mouth curl up in a grin.

Obviously getting up from this bed is the last thing I’d do now but, really, if I’m late today that I have to open the restaurant, I’ll be dead.

“I’ll give you a ride so you’ll get there on time, ok?” he suggests and stops kissing me for a while, covering my shoulder back up and staring at the imaginary lines he’s drawing on the fabric of my pyjama with his fingers.

“Ok” it takes me a while to answer, enchanted by his touch and the sound of his deep breath.

“Fine” he loosens his grip on my thigh and gives me a small peck on the lips. Then another. Then one more, then two more, three… With his free hand he gently strokes my hair and forehead.

“Eddie”

“Thirty… twenty-nine… twenty-eight…” he starts whispering every time his lips touch mine and it makes me laugh. But that doesn’t prevent him from keeping on going.

“These seconds are veeery long” I joke after a while, pretending to check an imaginary watch on my wrist.

“TEN, NINE, EIGHT…” Eddie’s kiss are shorter and faster and he counts loudly at every smack “TWO, ONE” and instead of zero there’s one last long and delicious kiss.

Eddie untangles his legs from mine, pulls away from me and rolls on his side of the bed with a sigh. Am I still able to breathe? I don’t know. Looks like I can. With difficulty, I pull myself up sitting on the bed, I push the duvet aside and swing my legs off the bed to get up. I’m feeling the floor around with the tip of my toes searching for my slippers, as I stretch out my limbs and let out a huge yawn, when I suddenly feel two very strong hands grabbing my hips and pulling me back on the bed.

“What the-” I can barely register what’s happening, I’m immediately silenced by Eddie’s mouth and it seems like he’s trying to devour my lips with kisses that are… rougher? Yeah, I think that’s the word, rough and impatient. With a quick move of his knee between my legs he widens them and crawls in between and literally crashes down on me, as he keeps showering me with kisses and caressing me everywhere. As a reflex, I tighten my legs slightly and the movement doesn’t go unnoticed because Eddie starts grinding his hips and rubbing himself against me.

Fuck. It’s happening.

I guess the time has come. Unexpectedly? I wouldn’t say that, we’ve been dating for a couple of weeks, I knew we’d have soon gone from making out to something more. Actually I was expecting it to happen earlier. We’ve been spending the last three nights at home together with the excuse of the rain, the cold weather, not being in the mood to go out and having to wake up early. I slept at his place twice thanks to Jeff being at Laura’s apartment. I thought (and well, yeah, hoped) that the forced proximity caused by Eddie’s single bed would have inevitably led us to sex. But it didn’t happen. That’s why last night, since I knew Meg would have come home late, because of the rain, the cold, I don’t know, the locusts and some other shit, I asked him to come over. The comfort of my double bed could maybe help the natural course of things. Nothing. As usual, Eddie took his time for kissing and cuddling and torturing, and god bless that, but when he said Good night and I felt his grip on me slowly loosen up as he drifted off to sleep, I knew nothing would have happened. And I actually felt a little bad about it. It’s true that I’m very nervous about this and also kind of worried and I also feel slightly intimidated whenever a certain line is crossed and we get too close… Ok, I’m just scared and I feel stupid about it. But the idea to make it with him doesn’t only inspire unjustified terror but well, obviously, also a whole wide spectrum of very different emotions. And all the emotions are gathering together in this moment, which is not exactly the right one. I mean, Eddie, we got a lot of chances before, and you make up your mind just today that I have to open the diner?? And where the hell are my hands? I always ask myself this question whenever I’m with Eddie for a reason. And as a matter of fact, my arms lie randomly still on the bed, one is on the pillow, with my fingers entangled in my hair, the other one hanging freely off the bed. I join my hands behind Eddie’s neck. He responds sliding his hand inside my pyjama pants and strongly grabbing my ass cheek. The vehemency of the act surprises me and I let out something between a yelp and a groan, because obviously I can’t help making a complete ass of myself even before my first time with the perfect guy. Eddie grins against my lips and gives me another squeeze, which later turns into a pat and a stroke from my butt to my hips.

“I’ll go make coffee” the sexiest voice asks this question and of course I don’t understand shit because I don’t even know where I am. I only know I can’t feel his body on mine anymore, and neither his touch.

“Huh?” I open my eyes and see him as he lifts up on his arm and pulls his hair back with the other hand to keep it away from his face.

“I mean, I’ll go and get dressed quickly and make coffee while you shower and get ready so we can save time”

“Uh! Y-yeah, ok”

“Ok” Eddie leans on me for a quick kiss on my lips, still holding his hair back with his hand, then jumps out of bed and a second later he already has his pants on. He’s about to open the door, then turns towards me one more time “No milk, no sugar, right?”

“Yes, thanks” I reply to his cruel display of cheekbones and dimples and he’s out of here right after that.

Right, no sugar for me this morning.

**

“God, it’s not even 10!” Steffy complains behind the counter, focused on cutting oranges for the juice, and I hear the bad news too.

“What the fuck?” as I pass the umpteenth order to Brian in the kitchen, I look at the clock on the wall and have the sad confirmation.

“Yeah, time won’t pass today” poor girl, she isn’t used to this shift either.

Yet we got a lot of customers today and when there’s a lot of work, time usually goes fast, especially in the morning. But that’s not happening today.

“Aren’t those your friends?” I turn around at Steffy’s questions and I almost drop the tray I’ve just taken with everything on it when I see Eddie, Stone and Mike in the middle of the room, looking around in search of a table.

“Yes, they are” Stone finds a place in Steffy’s sector and points it to the others, while Eddie spots me and nods at me as soon as we make eye contact. Strangely enough I remember how to keep my balance, food gets safely to the table in the corner and I can go back to take the other dishes.

“Take care of them, let’s swap, ok?” the blond girl smiles at me and walks away with pen and notepad in her hands, welcoming a group of girls sitting at a table that was supposed to be mine.

I take a deep breath and go to meet the three. Come on, they’re friends, arent’ they? And they can’t read minds, as far as I know. Anyway since things with Eddie have err… changed, I always feel awkward around the guys. On one hand it’s like I’m afraid of letting them know inadvertently, on the other hand I feel guilty because of this secret. Because I’m hiding something from them that, to a certain extent, involves them too. And I feel guilty towards Eddie, ‘cause I know he doesn’t like this at all. I play dumb, get to their table and I’m about to open my mouth when the juke box unexpectedly starts calling me.

Angelina, Angelina, please bring down your concertina

And play a welcome for me ‘cause I’ll be coming home from sea

“You don’t know anything about this, right?” I look at them as they silenty chuckle.

“You won’t believe that” Mike starts.

“Yeah, actually I already don't”

“He hasn’t said anything yet” Stone complains.

“I don’t believe you on mistrust”

“We were round there looking for a table and my eye came right across this song” Gossard adds, mimicking the scene with the juke-box-shaped napkin dispenser.

“How fortunate” I keep my hands on my hips in a threatening position.

“It’s a very happy song” Mike chimes in trying to make things better.

“And it really suits her, look at her” Stone jokes pointing at my bitchy face and they all laugh, Eddie included. And he hasn’t spoken a word yet.

“What do you want to eat?” I roll my eyes and then look down at my notepad, holding the pen, ready to take their orders.

“I’ll have a Big Bopper with caramel sauce. And a cup of coffee” Stone answers.

“Coffee for me too, possibly intravenous, darling” Mike bares his arm and holds it out dramatically on the table towards me. Maybe it’s just me but I have the feeling that, since things between Meg and him got more complicated, Mike’s doing everything to be funny and kind to me. I’m not saying he’s not sincere, maybe he’s just afraid he could come out as colder or more distant since he and my friend are avoiding each other. So he’s always cracking jokes or calling me names to give the idea nothing’s changed between us.

“Hehe and don’t you want anything to eat?”

“No, thanks. I’ll eat some of Stone’s pancakes”

“No fuckin'way, buy something for yourself!”

“But that’s a huge portion, you couldn’t eat it all by yourself not even if you wanted to”

“You don’t know me well yet then”

“Come oooon”

“And if I got leftovers, rather than give them to you, I’d feed them to the first stray dog I meet on the road. Or to Jeff Ament. That is basically the same thing”

I enjoy the fight between the two and make eye contact with Eddie, who smiles at me but seems completely unaffected by what his friends are saying.

“Eddie, what about you? What will you eat?” I ask and focus back on the notepad.

“Uhm let me see… surely something to eat because I’m starving…” Eddie takes the menu and starts examining it now “Also because I only had a quick coffee this morning”

“Oh really??” I ask him abruptly, maybe too much, so that the guitarists give me a puzzled look.

“Yeah, I was in a hurry, kind of” he goes on and Stone’s about to open his mouth, surely to ask him the reason for that, and I can’t let him.

“Ok so I suggest Big Kahuna, which is the most nutritious thing we have in the menu! What do you want with your eggs? You can choose between plain potatoes or hash brown, of course I’ll write not to give you bacon. Wait, you eat eggs, right? Hehe I always forget, are you vegetarian or vegan? Sorry, I’m dumb” I begin blathering on leaving the guys speechless. Eddie gives me the same perplexed look he gave me the first time we met, right in this diner, while I was spewing random words out at him. There was no audience back then though. And why did I remember this right now? And why are my knees shaking?

“Yeah yeah, I eat them but now… I’m more in the mood for something sweet.” Eddie says hiding a little smile behind the menu “I’ll take a Wake up, little Susie”

“Oh great! What will you have with waffles?”

“Chocolate syrup and hazelnuts” he closes the menu and holds it out at me.

“Would you like whipped cream too?” I try and take the menu from him but he won’t let go.

“Yes, thank you” he basically electrocutes me on the spot with his smile and lets go of the menu.

“You didn’t ask me if I wanted it!” Stone pouts and Mikes laughs at his face.

“Would you like whipped cream with your pancakes too, Stone?”

“God no, I hate it, but thanks all the same” he gives me a huge grin and hands me his and Mike’s menus.

“I’ll be back soon” I tear them off his hands and walk away.

I slip the order to the kitchen and take the coffee pot Steffy had just prepared. I fill the cups and bring them to the three weirdos table. One of them also happens to be particularly attractive today.

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream dream dream

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream dream dream

When I want you in my arms

When I want you and all your charms

Whenever I want you all I have to do is

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream dream dream

What if they selected this one too… Nah, it can’t be.

“Hot coffee with cold milk cream for Stone, my favorite one that is black for Mike and two sugar spoons for Eddie”

“Eddie didn’t ask you for coffee” Mike squints at me suspiciously.

“Oh. That’s true. Well, I gave it for gra-”

“You did fine, I really need to recharge batteries.” Eddie takes the cup in his hands while mine’s still there too and our fingertips lightly brush against each other for a second before I pull mine back.

“Early wake up, huh?” Gossards says and hides behind a sip of his coffee.

“Hehe yeah. And it was hard. I never ever wanted to get out of that bed…” he replies to Stone but he’s actually talking to me and I can’t do nothing but run away with the excuse of meeting new customers.

I take another couple of orders and from the kitchen they pass me the dishes for the guys. I put them on a tray and basically throw everything on their table before leaving, trying to avoid any other potentially embarrassing exchange.

Little bitty pretty one

Come on and talk to me

Lovey dovey lovey one

Come sit down on my knee

I give the paper bag containing two muffins and coffee to go to a guy with a nice fluo green mohawk, who left me the change as a tip. I try and keep my feet still whereas they’d love to keep the rhythm of the song by Thurston Harris, I take a glance at my friends table and meet Eddie’s eyes. This time he winks at me. Is he the author of this music selection? The strawberry shaped kitchen clock hanging under the counter beeps and that only means one thing: it’s time to clean the restroom and it’s up to me now. A brief look at the room to check everything’s calm and leave for the bathroom. The conditions are less desperate than I thought but I still don’t understand why women’s toilet is always the worst. I’m mopping the floor to La Bamba when I hear the door opening.

“The floor is wet, be careful”

“I will, thank you” that voice makes me snap with the mop in my hands and I end up pointing it right at his face.

“Eddie!”

“I come in peace” he puts his hands up and giggles at me.

“Why are you here?”

“Why do you usually go to the toilet?”

“And do you need to go now?”

“Yeah, it seems so… can’t I? And can you please put that thing down? It’s pretty threatening”

“I’ve just cleaned” I answer as I lower my guard and the mop and put it against the wall.

“I know, I swear I’ll take aim and hit the target right” one more wink, one more shitty grin before putting his hands down and get into one of the men’s stalls.

I shake my head and take the mop back. Why did I put it down then? What was I thinking? That Eddie’d come close and kiss me? At the restroom? Wow, Angie, aren’t you getting too romantic? I wash the bucket and the mop, I get out of the bathroom and with the keys I have hanging from a chain around my neck I open the closet that is exactly on the opposite side of the hallway, where I put everything away and look for garbage bags, paper towels and the yellow Wet Floor sign. I can’t hear who’s silently sneaking behind my back.

“Angie”

“Yeah?” I turn around and Eddie’s answer is taking my face between his hands and kissing me, the closet door shielding us from the rest of the world.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I protest in a low voice pushing him away.

“I washed my hands, I swear” he jokes and I’d slap him but slaps make noise and catch the attention, so I can’t.

“Eddie, stop joking”

“Aw come on, I wanted to kiss you… isn’t it obvious?” he gestures for me to listen.

Well when I was a young man, never been kissed

I got to thinking it over how much I had missed

So I got me a girl and I kissed her and then, and then

Oh lordy, well I kissed her again

Because she had kisses sweeter than wine…

“How many coins did you put into that fucking thing? Did you rob a church or something?”

“May god forgive me” he shakes his head and kisses me again, this time a little longer, before I push him away once again.

“Stop it! Someone could see us”

“I just borrowed some, I’ll give the money back to the priest tomorrow, trust me”

“What if Mike or Stone or both see us?” I ignore his jokes.

“Oh yeah. That would be a tragedy. Real drama. We can’t let it happen” he nods with a straight face then kisses me again, this time pushing me hard against the closet door, which opens wide and potentially makes us visible to a small part of the dining room.

“Is that what you’re trying to do? The subtleties, the jokes, the subliminal messages through songs, the attack at the bathroom… You’re trying to get us caught, aren’t you?” I take control of the situation and pull the closet door back behind me.

“I’m not doing it on purpose. I’m not doing anything. I just think it wouldn’t be so bad if they saw us kiss, like, who cares? It’s no big deal” he shrugs. And gets on my nerves.

“Yeah, no big deal, right? After all it’s only a favor I asked you, what’s the big deal? Just because something is important for me, it doesn’t mean it has to be for you too. I mean, who cares, right? You might as well have told them already” I take all the stuff I need, lock the closet, go past Eddie and back to the restroom.

“They don’t know anything.” Eddie follows me and stops at the doorway. I don’t reply and just look up at him “I didn’t tell them anything and I won’t tell them as long as you don’t want them to know”

“Ok” I open the paper towels dispenser and fill it up.

“And yeah, songs are messages, but they’re for you”

“Ok” I put the new garbage bags in the bins.

“And if you listen carefully, you’ll find out they’re not even that subliminal”

“Alright”

“I’m sorry” Eddie’s leaning against the sink, hands in pockets, staring at the floor.

“No, I am sorry” I walk up to him and bow down trying to meet his eyes and get back face to face with him.

“Hehe I think I’d better go back to the dining room” he smiles and looks up.

“Same here or Steffy will start cursing me if more people enter” I stand straight too and at this point I expect one last kiss from Eddie. Instead he pulls his hand out of his pocket and gently strokes my cheek, he smiles and just leaves like that.

I freeze in the middle of the restroom and just stand there forever until a high pitched voice wakes me up.

“Is it dry now? Can I?” a kid asks peeping inside through the door.

“Yes, sure, come in” I get out of the bathroom and back to reality as I think that the girl must have skipped school. I get to the dining room and spot two new couples of customers. I ask Steffy and she quickly says they’ve just arrived and I can take it slow. In the meantime I see Eddie standing at the juke box and I can’t help smiling internally. What does he have in store for me now? I look at him as he goes back to the table and takes his seat. Stone and Mike are having an apparently lively debate. I go and meet my new customers.

“Welcome to Roxy’s, I’m Angie. Do you already have an idea or can I recommend you something?”

Bb7 – G7 – D7

Three simple chords that make the intro of a song I love by The Flamingos. And I’m pretty sure Eddie has no idea. I ask the woman who’s just spoken to repeat what she asked, pretending the pen has suddenly stopped functioning, and try to focus.

My love must be a kind of blind love

I can’t see anyone but you

I write down Joe Di Maggio cheeseburger and Fats Domino Deluxe and walk back to the kitchen, barely avoiding a head-on collision with Steffy that luckily I don’t knock down.

Are the stars out tonight

I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright

I give the note with the orders to the guys in the kitchen and lean against the wall as if I was about to fall.

The moon may be high

But I can’t see a thing in the sky

I only have eyes for you

A quick glance at my friends’ table and I see Stone holding the plate of pancakes in his hands, trying to keep it away from Mike, who dangerously comes close holding a fork. Eddie looks at me, perfectly still behind them.

I don’t know if we’re in a garden

Or on a crowded avenue

Mike stretches himself across the table and manages to steal a piece of pancakes from Stone, he bites it and blatantly chews on it with an open mouth to spite his friend. Eddie shifts on his seat, turning towards me.

You are here

And so am I

Maybe millions of people go by

Stone crumples a paper napkin and throws it at Mike, who takes it and throws it back at him and it ends right into Stone’s coffee cup. Eddie keeps on staring at me, putting one hand on his own cup, maybe to prevent it from being targeted as well, and tapping his fingers against it. From the kitchen I get another tray and quickly take it to the table.

But they all disappear from view

And I only have eyes for you

Once the customers get their food, I make my way back towards the counter. As I walk past the guys, Mike and Stone are subtly throwing food at each other and kicking each other under the table. Eddie’s eyes are following me and I fixate myself senseless on his fingertips running along the brim of his cup, until I crash into the cardboard cutout of Betty Boop in roller skates in the corner.

“Is everything alright?” Steffy asks me as she takes back the luckily empty tray I’ve just dropped on the floor, catching the attention of everybody in the room.

“Yeah yeah! Hehe it just… it just slipped” the juke box goes silent but my thoughts are very loud, especially when I take another look at Eddie, who smiles and looks… satisfied?

********************************************************************************************************************************

This bag weighs a ton. Maybe I got a little carried away at the library. I drag myself across the hallway up to my apartment’s door and it’s basically just adrenaline pushing me forward because thanks to late clubbing with Melanie last night, work shift at the salon, work shift at Roxy’s, the interview and my research, I consumed all my energy reserve. I turn the key into the lock and I can’t wait to jump in my bed face first without even undressing. I get in and notice lights are on in the living room and I guess Angie went out so fast to go see his significant other’s concert that she forgot to turn them off. But the unmistakable sound of someone crunching crispy chips disproves my theory.

“Hi Meg!” she greets me from the couch before I could go and scare her as I always do.

Big fluffy pink robe, blanket on her lap, chips bowl resting on the couch, dish with two still packaged sandwiches in it, glass of water on the coffee table. And without a coaster underneath. Something’s wrong here.

“Angie, hi! What are you doing at home?”

“I… live here? Or maybe I’ve been evicted in the meantime and didn’t get the notification?”

“Why aren’t you at the Off Ramp?” I ignore her joke ‘cause I’m tired and I don’t feel like beating around the bush for an hour with Angie’s non existing problems and mind-fucks before finally getting to the point as usual.

“I woke up at dawn this morning and it’s been a busy day, I’ll pass tonight. They’ll play there next Friday too, so…” Angie hands me the bowl and I grab a handful of chips before sitting next to her on the couch.

“Ok. And why aren’t you at the Off Ramp for real?” it’s true, our friends are playing gigs there basically every week but let’s not kid ourselves, surely there’s some other stupid fucking reason.

“Why do you always think there’s a secret story behind everything?” she asks reading my mind. Nuh, she’s not a wizard, it’s just that she always follows the same mental patterns and keeps repeating her silly schemes.

“Not always, only when it’s about you” I smile and take some more chips.

“Ok ok! I’m not there because I’m tired and… I want to avoid awkward encounters with movie stars like the other night” Angie puts the plate with sandwiches on the table and pouts, crossing her arms.

The last Pearl Jam show, again at the Off Ramp, was chosen by Cameron Crowe as a chance for the cast of the movie he’s about to film here in Seattle to meet each other for the fist time. The choice wasn’t random, Cam wanted the actors to soak up the atmosphere of the local music scene right from the start, since music plays a great role in the city life. And as far as I understood, music will have big space in the movie itself. Angie didn’t take it well, despite her cinematic inclinations.

“Said the woman whose future is a career in the movie industry”

“What’s with that? I wanna write, screenplayers don’t meet actors”

“Yes they do!”

“No they fuckin’ don’t!”

“They do at the Oscars”

“Well I can rest easy then, because I’ll never see an Oscar unless it’s in a picture, Meg”

“Anyway the scene of you hyperventilating in front of Matt Dillon was priceless”

“My god” Angie hides her face into her hands but not for long, because one hand soon dives back into the chips bowl.

“You blanched all of a sudden, I thought you were going to puke on him anytime soon”

“I was close. I get out of the bathroom and find Flamingo Kid just standing there, it’s not something you just see every day”

“Anyway you’ll get used to that, they’ll be around for the whole filming process”

“I hope it’s a short process”

“Hahaha didn’t you ask Cam if you could go and watch?”

“Watching as they’re filming is one thing, Henry Fonda’s granddaughter asking you for a Tampax is something totally different… I’d rather not deal with that”

“Come on, it only happened once, it’s not like they’ll always hang out at the Off Ramp”

“And what if they want to get into character more?”

“Alright your pathologic shyness explains why you’re here and not at the concert. But what about the rest?” I cut the long story short, always because I’m tired of Angie’s shit.

“The rest? What rest?”

“What’s that?” I point at the plate with sandwiches.

“My dinner!” she exclaims and promptly grabs it, as if she’d just remembered about it now.

“Did you come home late?”

“Not really”

“And why is your dinner made of two factory sandwiches and chips?”

“I didn’t feel like preparing anything” she shrugs and turns on the tv as if nothing happened.

“Right, I knew something was wrong, are you feeling ok?” I put my hand on her forehead and she pushes it away laughing.

“Meg, you have to erase this image of me from your mind once and for all, I’m not some kind of Martha Stewart” she shakes her head and starts unwrapping one of the sandwiches.

“You may not be Martha Stewart but… not feeling like making yourself a fucking sandwich,  deliberately ignoring water spots on the table and crumbles on the couch… that’s not you, so let’s cut the crap and just tell me: what’s your problem?”

“There’s no problem!”

“Come on, don’t waste my time. I have big news for you and at the same time I wanna go to sleep so bad, so just tell me, please”

“What news?” she’s about to bite on the sandwich but puts it back in the plate.

“You’ll know if you spill the beans”

“No, please, I wanna know now!”

“You first”

“No, you go first. If I go first we’ll end up talking about me the whole evening and when it’s your turn we’ll only get like five minutes left. This time let’s do it the other way round, you first, then me”

“So you admit you’ve got something to talk about… then!”

“Well… yeah” she confesses looking down at her plate.

“HA! I KNEW THAT!”

“But I’ll keep my mouth shut until you tell me about your fucking news”

“Oh no big deal, I’ve simply figured out what I want to do with my life”

“Wow… no big deal, huh?” she takes again the sandwich and finally bites it.

“Yeah, nothing really”

“Did you see Mike? Did you talk?” she turns to face me and crosses her legs on the couch.

“Mike? What’s that got to do with Mike?”

“Isn’t it about Mike?” I can sense a hint of disappointment in her voice. A horror fan turned into a love stories addict? Since when?

“No, at least, not as you think. It’s about him in the sense that I realized I have to let it go”

“Did you lose hope?” it looks like Angie hasn’t lost it, she looks like someone who’s about to pull out a banner from the couch pillows with CREADY FOR PRESIDENT written on it or something like that.

“I didn’t lose anything. I just understood that I can’t concentrate all my energies into being miserable because of men. Feelings and relationships are wonderful but my life can’t focus just on that” I explain as I take hold of the chips bowl.

“You never did that”

“Oh yes I did, I’ve been doing it lately. My main thoughts being: Matt, Mike, Matt-or-Mike, who wants me, who’s the highest bidder… I mean, I realized that at some point everything started to revolve around someone liking me or not, one of them, both, or someone new. I stopped focusing on the rest, on the stuff that really counts for me. How long is it since I last tested a new face mask on you?”

“My skin impurities are what counts the most for you?” she gives me a side look as she’s finished her first sandwich and cleans her mouth with a napkin.

“You know what I mean. I’ve been studying to become an esthetician and not just as a fall-back but because it’s one of my passions. Yet I stopped keeping up with the new stuff, I stopped committing myself and getting involved and I stopped trying to get any better. I even stopped drawing more or less. I used to draw every single day and not because I wanted to become an artist but because I just couldn’t help it”

“You are an artist, Meg”

“But I set my art and my interests aside and focused on frivolous stuff”

“Being with somebody is not frivolous” Angie unwraps the second sandwich and bites it right away.

“Of course not! But chasing someone who doesn’t want you is. Putting pride aside is one thing, questioning yourself repeatedly and throwing your dignity out of the window is another thing”

“That’s true” she swallows the first bit with a sip of water and emphasize her words with some kind of toast gesture.

“Like it’s frivolous to try to be liked by everyone and find a man, any man. I don’t want a random guy, and most of all I don’t want to be a random girl for anyone”

“What do you mean?”

“In Portland I saw two girls flashing Mike and some of his stupid friends”

“Oh well, that doesn’t mean anything, it’s not like Mi-”

“I know, I know. It’s not that I’m jealous or shit like that. I mean, maybe a little, but that’s not the point. In that moment I got mad but then that scene really made me think. I was just standing there, thinking about how silly Mike was for dumping me and then content himself with chicks like those two, girls that have nothing to offer but their body and their being available. And from there I started thinking and ended up wondering: what about me then? What do I have to offer? What did I give to him? And I realized that the answer was a big nothing”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to say you’re empty? You know you’re not”

“Yeah, I know! I’m not but that’s what I’ve been giving to Mike, especially lately, and to Matt too as little as we had together. Do you know how it all started between Mike and I?”

“Stone hooked him up with you” Angie finishes her sandwich and keeps the plate with wrapping plastic and the used napkin on her lap.

“Yeah, also. He used to come to the diner and I used to go to watch him practice and play at parties, he used to make me mix tapes and I used to give him a drawing I had made on a napkin every day”

“I’m this far from glycemic peak, I warn you” she jokes showing a tiny measure with her fingers.

“When we started dating we used to share everything, we exchanged books, records, I used to tell him about me, my past, what I expected and hoped for my future… And he did the same. But lately, even when things were kinda ok and there were no fights or contrasts between us, there wasn’t actually nothing anymore. Only tension, side remarks, jokes, our well played roles, and sex”

“That’s still al lot…” she mumbles tossing the plate on the small table and this makes me suspicious.  I make a mental note to investigate further later.

“I quit taking care of myself, cultivating me”

“So the big news are you’re gonna finally start taking care of yourself again?”

“Yes. That one. And that I’ll become a tattoo artist”

“Huh?”

As I eat some more chips with Angie, I tell her how I came to this conclusion. Maya, a regular customer at the salon, and also my favorite one, has long since got rid of her abusive, manipulative and violent ex boyfriend, who hurt both her body and her soul. She vented out with me like many women do, as they often mistake the hairdresser’s chair for a therapist’s couch, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Between waxes and treatments she showed me the long scar, the last one, that asshole left her as a gift on her belly before ending up in prison right for stabbing her just outside her parents house, since she was hiding there to escape from him. Now Maya wanted to cover that gash with a tattoo: she thought that getting rid of the physical marks that experience had left her would have helped her getting rid, with time, of the emotional scars too. Since she knew I’m good at drawing, Maya asked me to sketch something for her tattoo. Her idea was simple: a bird flying away from an open cage, finally free.

“I felt the weight of responsibility on me and I started working on it immediately. And as I did I realized this sense of responsibility came, ok, surely from the sad story behind it, but also from the idea that something made by me, my creation, would have become part of someone’s looks, for ever. Do you know what I mean?”

“Art for eternity in a strictly human sense?”

“Yes. Also. I don’t know. But, more humbly, the idea that this person would carry around the product of my creativity. That someone else may see it, I don’t know, one day at the beach, and maybe ask her ‘Wow, where did you get that? It’s great, who did it?’ and she’d go ‘Meg McDonald’. Because in my little daydream the drawing is great. It must be at least amazing, it must be the best I can do. And if that’s not enough motivation…”

“Did you draw her tattoo in the end?”

“No. I mean, yeah, I did, but not as she wanted it. And this taught me another lesson about the creative process. I started with some sketches based on her idea but I was never satisfied, there was always something I wasn’t fully convinced about and it took me a while to understand what was out of place. When I figured it out, I talked to her about it and to a certain extent I involved her in the process”

“What was wrong with the bird escaping the cage?” she asks curious.

“The cage”

“What do you mean?”

“The metaphor is elementary, right? The cage is the criminal who tried to kill her, the bird is Maya. Why would she had that drawn on her and always bring it with her, on her skin, although it’s an open cage?”

“Right. The bird flies away and doesn’t look back, it leaves the cage behind”

“Exactly. I told her about it and the talk itself that we had was so… satisfying! She realized her initial idea was a representation of her difficulties in leaving such a violent past behind her and, as an absurd, in letting go of him; on the other hand, I’ve learned a lot about how to communicate an idea”

“What did you draw for her then?”

“I kept the freedom symbol of the bird and added another one, about life: the tree. I drew a tree with twisted trunk and branches that gradually dissolve into a bunch of birds flying away”

“Sounds great! Let me see it!”

“I don’t have it here, Maya has it. Actually her tattoo artist friend has it. He saw it and liked it a lot”

“See? It wasn’t awesome just in your daydream”

“In the end she told him who I am and this guy asked to meet me. I went to the tattoo parlour today”

“What? And why didn’t I know anything about it? Once you used to tell me things”

“My fault, I like talking about you too much” I pat her knee and she rolls her eyes.

“So? What did this guy say? Is he willing to teach you the sacred art of injecting ink under your skin?”

“No”

“What, no?”

“I mean, not yet. He said I have talent but I have to work on it. He thought this was an actual interview and was expecting me to show up with a portfolio or something. I just showed up with nothing. So he held a kind of special lesson for me about the tattoo world. He explained first what I have to do to make sure this is the right choice for me. Then, if the answer is positive, he told me what to do to try and get into that world”

“So don’t you wanna be an esthetician anymore?”

“Sure I want to! I wanna be both. Maybe. Haven’t tattoos got to do with feeling good with yourself, in your own skin? It’s self-expression but also decoration. It’s an aesthetic element that goes deeper”

“This means you’ll open the first beauty salon in America with a tattoo parlour attached?”

“You think you’re kidding me but that’s the idea, more or less. Don’t know if I’m the first though”

“And what do you have to do to get into the clan, according to tattoo guru?”

“Draw, draw as much as I can. Maybe take drawing classes too. Create a decent portfolio worth to look at and start going to different parlours, to apply for an apprenticeship, for free of course”

“Unpaid work? What a twist. That’s basically what you’re already doing at the beauty salon”

“Yep. But I thought about everything! In a couple of months I’ll be done with cosmetology school and I’ll get my degree. With that qualification I’ll be able to find a paid job in that branch and it will surely pay more than serving tables at Roxy’s. And at the same time, I could work for a tattoo artist, that’s if someone actually hires me, and learn as much as I can”

“Don’t you need some kind of licence?”

“Yeah but that comes later. Anyway before all this, there’s the research phase” I add grabbing the bag I threw on the floor beside the couch and dragging it towards me.

“What’s that? Do you go to the gym with Henry too? Or do you just take drugs?” she grins.

“No, I’ve just found a couple of things to get an introduction to the tattoo world” I explain as I pull out all the books I found at the library.

“A couple, huh?”

“It’s not just little drawings, you know. There’s history behind that, cultural and traditional motives. And then there are so many different styles. Oh I got a lot of stuff to study”

“Hehe I see” she remarks as the takes a volume from the pile and starts going through the pages.

“What do you think? I mean, do you think I’m crazy? Be honest…”

“Nuh, you’re not crazy. You’ve just stumbled across one thing, one idea that could eventually turn into a real, tangible project in our future. I can see you’re genuinely involved and interested. The worst thing that can happen is that at some point you may realize that’s not what you want to do. By then you’ll have at least learned something new anyway and fueled your artistic side”

“Thank you, it means a lot to me” and it’s not just something I say, Angie’s opinion weighs in this matter.

“Can I just make an observation?”

“Spit it out”

“You don’t have a single one” she goes on as she looks through other books.

“A single what?”

“Tattoo! You got none. A tattoo artist with no tattoos is a contradiction”

“Well because I never thought about it before. Now I will and I’ll come up with something meaningful for me too”

“By the way if you think I’ll volunteer for you in this too, forget it. You know I’m afraid of pain”

“You said that about waxing too”

“Haha yeah, that’s true! But waxing is not permanent, a tattoo is. And I can’t imagine anything representing me so much and being so… immutable. And that I feel like putting on my skin permanently”

“No big face of Eddie tattoed on your chest then?”

“Fuck you, Meg” Angie sulks and turns around looking away from me, focusing on the news on tv.

“Boobs make for cheekbones”

“Hahaha shut up!”

“Nipples for dimples”

“Will you stop??”

**

“Come on, I needed the joke as an introducion to the part where you do the talking” I collect all my books and the bag.

“Is it time already?”

“Yep” I leave to go to my bedroom to put all my stuff away.

“And how do you know that what I have to say is about Eddie?” she asks when I’m back into the living room.

“Woman’s intuition”

“It could be college stuff”

“You’ve got no exams in the near future. I mean, it’s almost Spring Break”

“What if I hate spring?”

“Haha sure”

“The sudden warmth, humidity”

“Yeah, of course. And pollen”

“Exactly! Pollen! Mosquitos!”

“Angie”

“Having to wear lighter clothes, you know I hate to uncover myself”

“ANGELINA PACIFICO??” I raise my voice and she jumps in her seat.

“Ok ok! It’s about Eddie…”

“What happened?”

“Nothing”

“Angie don’t make me want to yell at you”

“No, you don’t understand. That’s just the problem”

“No, actually, I don’t understand”

“The problem is that nothing has happened, between Eddie and I… yet” she admits nervously and what a better way to cut the tension than laughing at her face?

“HAHAHAHAHA god Angie, you’re so funny”

“It’s nice to know that I can always count on you in difficult times” she gets up with a huff, takes the plate, tears the bowl off my hands and walks away to the kitchen.

“ANGIE, YOU’VE BEEN GOING OUT FOR LIKE ONE DAY, JESUS CHRIST” I shout from the couch

“FIFTEEN, COUNTING FROM WHEN WE KISSED” she replies yelling from the kitchen.

“I see you’ve been flirting for months and this whole story of the oblivious lovers was getting fuckin’ boring and all. But give that poor fucker some time!” I can’t resist and get up to go to the kitchen, where I find her focused on washing the dish under the tap.

“It’s not just that, Meg. I can feel something’s wrong” she explains, still leaning on the sink.

“You can feel it. What the fuck are you feeling? It took you a lifetime only to realize he liked you… actually I’m afraid you’re not fully convinced yet”

“Exactly”

“EXACTLY WHAT?? HOLY SHIT, ANGIE, GO FIND YOURSELF A DOCTOR”

“Meg”

“I thought an ex Psychology student who dropped out on second year would be enough for you but now I believe you need a certified professional, a good one”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t like me” she turns around placing her hands on the edge of the sink.

“THANK GOD, FOR FUCK’S SAKE”

“But maybe he doesn’t like me… to that point”

“I knew there would be a but. What do you mean?”

“He doesn’t like me enough”

“Enough”

“Enough for… wanting to do that… with me”

“Wait, let me know if I got it right…” I sit down because,  yeah, it’s better “You’re telling me you suspect that Eddie finds you beautiful enough to kiss you, cuddle with you, sleep with you, and so on… but not hot enough to fuck you?”

“Well… that’s a very simplistic way to express that but… yeah”

“Since when, Angie?”

“Uhm, I don’t know, I started thinking about it almost from the beginning because he… starts… things and he seems very… into it but then he doesn’t… finish… anything. At some point he just stops and that’s it. He’s just sending me mixed messages”

“No, I mean, since when do you smoke crack?”

“Hahaha please”

“Because there’s no other explanation to such bullshit. How can you ever come up with something like that? How can you think of that?”

“Well, it can be”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ANGIE?? That just doesn’t exist”

“Sure it exists. And it’s got a name too”

“Paranoia?”

“Martin”

“Martin?”

“Martin’s syndrome”

“Who the fuck is Martin?”

“My ex”

“Uh another one of your usual fucking syndromes, I see” I rub my hands on my face trying to stay sane. Angie’s shitty talks make me lose hundreds of brain cells each time.

“I told you about Martin, didn’t I?”

“The one you dated although you weren’t that much into him”

“No, it’s not that I wasn’t that much into him. I really didn’t like him. I mean, I liked him a lot as a person, he was funny, interesting, smart, sweet, caring but not clingy or naggy. I mean he was perfect, at least as for high school standards. But…”

“… but he was ugly as shit”

“He wasn’t ugly as shit! He was just a regular guy. I just wasn’t remotely attracted to him. But I dated him all the same because I liked the idea of having a boyfriend”

“Angie, listen to me: how fuckin’ old were you when you dated Martin?”

“Fifteen”

“Great. Now, how old is Eddie?”

“That has absolutely no-”

“Shut up and answer my question, how old is he?”

“How can I answer if I have to shut up?” her raised eyebrow gets me nervous.

“ANGIE, PLEASE, I DON’T WANNA CURSE, DON’T MAKE ME”

“Twenty-six! He’s twenty-six years old, just calm down”

“Oh it was easy, wasn’t it! Anyway you got your answer”

“Obviously Eddie’s doesn’t act like a fifteen year-old”

“Yeah, obviously. Eddie’s a man and a man doesn’t date a woman he’s not attracted to only because he doesn’t want to be lonely or because he likes the idea of having a girlfriend”

“I’m not saying it’s just for that. Maybe he likes me, he’s happy and comfortable with me for a series of reasons that are still partially obscure to me. And maybe in his mind he goes like Ok, physically she’s not my ideal type but she’s a really great girl and I feel good when I’m with her, so why not give it a try? That is similar to what I thought about Martin. And I thought about how often you like someone so much that, although they’re not exactly good looking or anyway not your type at all, you end up seeing them beautiful because what’s inside is also showing outside. And I believed that’s what would have happened to me with Martin eventually. But I was never attracted to him. And I remember the bad feeling whenever we kissed or did something more… I couldn’t be intimate with him at first, I felt bad and dirty. I felt it was like selling myself for attention. And I did eventually because I could not… avoid it. And I felt like shit” Angie’s talked non stop and it looks like she’s out of breath now.

“Are you done with presenting your theory?”

“Well, yeah”

“Can I present mine now?”

“Sure, go on”

“Thank you. So, Meg’s theory: Eddie’s crushing on you so hard, he adores you”

“Haha a totally not extreme theory”

“Well, he’s simply crazy about you, so…”

“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating a little?”

“Angie, trust me, I’m not. Eddie basically thinks you two have been married for at least three months”

“Umph, ok, go on, I wanna see where this is going”

“This just in general. If we focus on looks only, he’s got it so bad and he’s so attracted to you that he’s probably aroused by the mere thought of seeing you”

“Yeeeeeeah sure!”

“Maybe he gets hard just by talking to you on the phone. And that would explain why he calls you up to three times a day just to hear you read the phone book or shit like that”

“Hahahahahaha”

“Anyway, my theory says that he surely can’t wait to crown your love dream with a nice fuck. But one thing stops him. Actually a bunch of things”

“And what is it?”

“Well, first of all, maybe the fact he’s not an animal? Not even Jerry fucked you after two weeks. And Jerry is a pig. Eddie is a sensitive guy, he’s waiting for you to be ready”

“But I am ready”

“I don’t think so. And that leads us to the second reason”

“That is?”

“YOUR FUCKING ISSUES, ANGIE!”

“He doesn’t know about my issues, I won’t discuss them with him”

“Angie, trust me, you don’t need to. One can see from miles that you’re insecure. And like this is not enough, you keep pestering him with this top secrecy bullshit. What will he think? What would you think if you were him?”

“That I’m ashamed and don’t trust him?” she ponders for a while before answering.

“Oh! See? If you think about it, you get it! And would you fuck someone who doesn’t trust you?”

“Well… no… I think”

“No, you wouldn’t. So show him you trust him and nature will take its course. Despite the third reason”

“And what’s reason number three?”

“Eddie’s slow. Like very slow. He’s slow like molasses. In January. It took him forever only to kiss you, how do you expect him to fuck you in two weeks? You must give him a little help”

“Me? What do you mean?”

“You gotta tell him”

“Tell him what?”

“Angie, are you stupid or you act like one? Tell him you wanna make love to him!”

“ARE YOU INSANE?”

“No, you’re not sane Angie. You claim you’re ready to have sex with him but you can’t talk to him about it?”

“I’m not good at talking about those things…”

“Facts more than words, huh?” I push her jokingly but she doesn’t look amused.

“I don’t have neither, Meg”

“Come on, Angie, seriously. You’re mature people, mature people dating, you talk about everything, you can talk about that too. And then, I repeat, Eddie is a sensitive guy, he will make things comfortable for you and understand you”

“Yeah but… what the hell do I tell him?”

“Ok, listen, it’s easy. You tell him to come over, I don’t know, tomorrow night. I might conveniently disappear and crash at Grace’s or Mel’s place”

“That doesn’t work, this week we had a place to ourselves for three nights in a row and nothing happened”

“Will you let me speak? So, you will invite him here for a chill night together. Then you’ll throw yourself in the shower and use that coconut scrub lotion I gave you at Christmas. Then you’ll dress up, I mean wear something nice and possibly very revealing. But not too much. We don’t wanna scare him. Of course I’ll take care of that”

“Lucky me!” she complains and I stand up from the chair, grab her from he arm and take her back into the living room.

“You’ll make a mix tape with music that’s suited to the circumstances, you’ll prepare candles, wine, some aphrodisiac appetizers” I add pointing at the stereo, the table and other different points in the room.

“Is this the plot of a porn movie?”

“When he shows up, you’ll welcome him with a glass of wine, you’ll kiss him, you’ll tell him you couldn’t wait for him to arrive because you have something extremely important to tell him.” I squeeze Angie in a bear hug and then push her until she gets to the armrest of the couch, where she falls backwards with her legs up in the air “You’ll have him sit down, you’ll put the wine on the table, you’ll take his hands and look into his eyes and you’ll tell him…” I reach for her when she’s sitting in a better position, I take a seat beside her, squeeze her hands and stare at her intently.

“And I’ll tell him…?”

“And you’ll tell him… Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you and me!” I start singing and Angie pushes my hands away.

“FUCK YOU, MEG”

“Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be” I go on as I clap to the rhythm and I tag along as she runs into her room.

“And I’m even listening to you!” she exclaims as she slams the door in my face.

“Come on, Angie, you just tell him!”

“I can’t!”

“Or you just let him know without saying it, drop hints”

“I’m even worse at that!”

“Listen, unless he’s dumb, he’ll get it with the wine and the music already” a long moment of silence follows, until Angie slightly opens the door.

“White or red?”

“Red, of course!”

****************************************************************************************************************************

“So? Overall rating of the date?” Grace asks all proud as soon as I park outside her condo.

The game started after our second date, when she took me to a cooking class, and at the end I gave her a C+ for the peculiar choice. Since then, she took it as a personal challenge.

“B but only because it didn’t rain. If it did, that’d have been an A for sure”

“Hahaha I can imagine! And of course this was like the only night of the year it didn’t rain in Seattle… How lucky. Did you have fun then?”

“I did! And I’m happy I contributed to someone’s copulation.” when she told me she wanted to take me for a ride up north on Lake Washington and to wear comfortable clothes, I figured it’d be some night trekking and make out session with a nice view on the lake. Instead I found myself in the middle of a group of crazy people who gave me a bucket and a yellow reflective vest so I could patrol the road waiting for frogs, toads and lizards in heat “Those poor little creatures wake up from hibernation and have only one thing in their mind”

“Nature says thank you”

“And I thank you. It’s actually impossible for me to get bored when I’m with you, you know?”

“Hehehe I’m taking it very seriously”

“I noticed that.” playing chess with strangers at Westlake Park, taking a boat ride along the Puget Sound, the evening at the arcade, the matinée play of Rent at the theater on 5th Avenue… no, I’ve never had this kind of dates “But you don’t need to. I mean, you don’t have to pick up weird stuff for our dates. I wouldn’t get bored with you even if we spent the whole time driving in a car with no destination in particular”

“Owww, so romantic… You’re only saying this because you’re afraid of what I can come up with next, right?” she bats her eyelashes dreamily, then gives me a side look.

“I’m scared, yeah”

“Hahaha you suck, Stone!” she chuckles as she opens the car door and I get out of my car too.

“I’ll walk you”

“So careful too”

“Well I spent the evening helping toads cross the road, I can as well help you” I take her hand and I’m about to go for the crosswalk but she doesn’t move, she just stands there pouting. And I laugh my ass off.

“Ha ha. What if it’s me helping you?” she squeezes my hand and trots in front of me pulling me along up to the traffic lights.

“Don’t count on that!” I stay calm and don’t react but as soon as the green lights come out I start running and drag her with me.

“Stone? Stone! Stop, you’ll make me fall!”

“Hehe what’s wrong? Are your heels too high?” I joke as I point at her black rubber flat boots. Nice boots though.

“There are holes in the street… and I hate running. And actually I’m tired as fuck” and I could appreciate them more when I saw her at dinner without her coat. They looked good with her over the knee socks and knit dress.

“Yeah yeah, they’re just excuses. No point trying, I won’t carry you in the palm of my hand like with frogs, come on, just walk” I push her playfully as she walks up the stairs.

“Also because there’s no way in hell you could do it” she retorts as she opens the door and tries to shut it at my face.

“Are you sure?” I remark as I push from the outside.

“Haha I’m literally keeping the door closed with two fingers, Stone” she chuckles from the other side.

“Ok, I’m no muscleman and you’re not a sprinter. No Olympic games for us next year”

“Well, we could start training for the ones in 1996, what do you think? We can get ahead” I stop pushing and she lets me enter the lobby, taking me back by the hand.

“You’re a genius”

“Stone?”

“Mm?”

“We got to our floor”

“Uh. Ok.”

The doors close while I keep Grace pinned against the elevator’s mirror with a kiss. She presses the button and the doors open again.

“Stone?” I clasp her hands, lock my fingers with hers and pull them up against the mirror, holding them up on both sides of our heads.

The elevator shuts down again. And starts moving. We manage to get a composure before it stops at the last floor, called by a couple of girls. I take Grace by her arm and get out, rushing towards the hallway.

“Stone, were are you going?” she asks puzzled.

“Ok, the coast is clear.” as soon as I can hear the elevator going down again, I turn around and lead Grace towards the stairs. And we walk down to the correct floor “What? Don’t look at me that way, couldn’t make you uncomfortable in front of your neighbours”

“Making me uncomfortable?”

“Umph don’t be so nit-picky!”

“Here we are” she smiles at her bag, since she’s stuck her head inside it, looking for her keys.

“Here we are” I shift from one foot to the other waiting for the major moment.

“And here are the keys!” she puts them in the lock and turns to speak to me “So… good night”

“It’s a little early for good night, it’s not even eleven yet”

“I’m exhausted, Stone” this is the basic excuse, the recurring excuse after each date.

“Well, you got a couch, right? We can flop down on it and just relax. And we can make tea, since it’s already springtime for frogs, but it’s still kind of cold actually”

“I don’t know, Stone. I’m not even feeling that good honestly, I think I had too many jalapeños at Laredo’s. I feel… full” on the basic excuse, she now implants the variable one. She tries to make it more convincing by holding one hand on her belly.

“And what’s better than some hot tea to adjust your stomach?”

“I also think I must have pulled a muscle or something as I bent down to catch a salamander. Or maybe I’ve caught a chill…” she tries to stretch shifting her hand towards her back.

“You’re lucky, my hands are magical. I can give you a massage” I reply moving my fingers in front of her face.

“Hehe alright” she opens the door to her apartment and gestures for me to get in.

REALLY? I can’t believe it, I wasn’t expecting this!

“How does it feel?” I’m sitting behind her on the couch and massaging the lower part of her back.

“Mmm!” sounds satisfied.

“Better?”

“Yeah, much better. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to leave this couch”

“Don't” I shrug and keep up with my massage.

“I’m too full to function” she yawns and I think that, at worst, if she fell asleep in the next ten minutes, at least I’d have an excuse to stay and sleep here. And waking up we could maybe do something. I’m not in a hurry, I don’t wanna push. When it happens, it just happens. But if it happens now, all the better. We’re young, we’re cute and the season of love has started, even for toads.

“You’re lucky you have me” I kiss her neck right when the kettle starts whistling.

I go and make tea, then get back on the couch with the two cups. I’ve already drunk it all when Grace is still blowing on it.

“Is your tongue fire proof?” she asks and cocks her eyebrow.

“You should know this better than anyone else” I wink at her and she shakes her head.

“Subtle, Stone, very subtle” and she takes maybe the first sip.

“Some like it hot”

“Haha even subtler”

“Do you want me to massage your feet?” I try to pull one of her legs up on my lap but she almost chokes on her tea.

“NO!” she yells and stomps her foot down.

“Oh ok, sorry”

“No it’s just… well, I’m ticklish”

“I can be very delicate, you know?”

“But I’m extremely sensitive. And then I start kicking like a donkey, I’d rather not. I don’t wanna run the risk to slash your cute face with a roundhouse kick” she gently strokes my cheek and I reach for her hand and keep it there to enjoy it as long as possible.

“But the eventual spinning kick wouldn’t hit so hard without these sexy boots of yours”

“Hahaha ok, I said you can make fun of me, but do you have to take everything literally?”

“Strangely enough, I wasn’t making fun of you, for once! I really like them”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Actually women boots are a kind of fixation for me”

“Fixation?” she squints at me from behind her tea cup.

“I find them extremely erotic”

“Ok but these are fucking rubber rain boots, Stone. They’re not some Catwoman leather high heeled boots”

“I don’t care about models, I’m not your friend who works at the shoe shop” my remark doesn’t change her perplexed face.

“You don’t have a fetish, do you?” she questions before taking another long gulp of a most likely cold tea.

“Hahaha what? No! Am I a perv only because I’m attracted to beautiful girls wearing skirts and boots?” I get closer to her and playfully stick my fingers under the elastic band of her dark red socks.

“How many beautiful girls are you attracted to exactly?” she asks after she puts her empty cup down on the table in front of us.

“I see you’re not ticklish here”

“No. Not there” I kiss her and feel Grace slightly backing up before letting herself go and enjoy my touch, which moves up along her thigh.

Then she suddenly slips away and I found her standing in front of me beside the couch. I mentally prepare a bunch of convincing excuses to apologize for groping her. But before I can start rattling them off, Grace grabs the edges of the hem of her dress and pulls it up and over her head in three seconds straight, throwing it to some place in the room that I don’t care to detect. I just sit there looking at her in a dazed state for a while before opening my mouth.

“Of course you caught that chill, you’ve got nothing underneath”

Grace straddles me and puts her arms around my neck.

“Ok, I’ll make sure I put a camisole on once we’re done”

“Done with what?” I ask ecstatic.

“Try and guess”

**

“Big toes” I whisper while I’m lying on the carpet in the living room, staring at the lamp on the ceiling.

“What? What’s wrong with your toes?” Grace asks, as she’s lying beside me and throws her arm around my waist.

“They are the only body parts I can still move right now”

“Hahaha shut up”

“I’m afraid I have to ask you to host me for the night”

“Ok, you can stay” she stretches out and stands up from the floor.

“Thanks”

“But you’ll have to be able to move your arms at least, so you can drag yourself to the couch” she goes on as she leaves to go to the bathroom.

“I’ll try… wait… the couch??” I get up as fast as I can and look around searching for my briefs.

“Why? Do you prefer sleeping on the floor?” I hear her asking in the distance.

I finally find my underwear, I put them on and cautiously walk up to the bathroom door.

“No, I was considering a different solution, a more comfortable one. Like your bed”

“Forget it” she opens the door and comes out in her pyjamas, fluffy slippers and with her hair put up  with a pin.

“What’s happening? I can’t understand, do you want me to leave?” I’m actually surprised and I’m trying to understand if I did some shit without noticing.

“No! Sure you can stay, Stone” she wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a kiss that would make a toad squashed by a truck easily come back to life.

“Uh ok! I got worried for a second” you like to pull pranks, huh? I was almost buying it, that you wanted me to sleep on…

“Just not in my room” she gives me a tired smile and shuffles to her room.

What the fuck?

“And… and why?”

“You can’t sleep with me, Stone” she turns around and explains, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I still don’t understand” I go stand in the way between her and her bedroom’s door.

“I have to get up early tomorrow and… I couldn’t sleep with you by my side”

“Grace, darling, I swear I’ll behave! I wouldn’t be able to do much even if I wanted to. Helping nature wore me down too, you know?” I flail my arms and try to explain that I’d be totally inoffensive and she laughs at me.

“It’s not for that. It’s just… oh shit, it’s kind of embarrassing”

“Look, I don’t give a fuck about your stuffed animals”

“Huh?”

“Don’t be ashamed, it’s not a problem for me. Ok, maybe I’ll be creeped out at the beginning… but I’ll get used to them!”

“Hahaha it’s not about the stuffed animals, trust me”

“What is it all about then?”

“I just can’t sleep… with other people… in my bed”

“Uh”

“I’m not… comfortable”

“Oh but I’m not the snuggle-up type, I’m the total opposite really. Kiss you good night and then turn away on my side” I’ve got nothing against cuddling up in bed actually but given the situation, I’ll better look for a middle-ground settlement.

“Sleeping in each other’s arms is not the problem, it’s just the presence of another person. I know it sounds horrible but, you know… I haven’t been in a long relationship for a while. And I got used to sleeping alone. And now, if someone’s there with me, I just can't” she suddenly finds her own fingertips and fingernail very interesting and doesn’t look at me as she speaks. And she looks so different from the vamp in panties and boots who turned me inside-out until a few minutes ago. And maybe that’s just why I adore her.

“Gracie, don’t worry.” I take her hands and lock them again behind my neck “No problem, baby. The couch will be perfect”

“Now you see what it means to date someone who’s not mentally stable” she yawns.

“For so little? No big deal” I shrug and kiss the tip of her nose.

“I wish it was just that…”

“Well, we’ve got time to take out the rest too, we don’t have to do it all now, do we?”

“Hehe, no, we don’t. Let’s sleep now”

“Alright. Good night, Gracie”

“Good night Stone” she takes my face into her hands and gives me one more kiss before disappearing into her room.

I walk back to the couch, resigned, and I’ve already spotted my shirt, when I hear her bedroom’s door open again.

“You changed yo-” I can’t finish the sentence and a pillow and a blanket fly directly on my face.

**

“Stone? Come on, wake up, it’s late” a sweet and warm voice wakes me up instead of my usual clock radio. I’m awake but I can’t open my eyes yet.

“Mmm” I grunt against the backrest of the couch.

“Stone, get up, I gotta go to work”

“Since when are you working on Saturday morning” I mumble as I turn around on my back.

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is again the ceiling lamp. The second one, when I look down towards my feet, is so scary that I fall off the couch.

“AAAAAAAH! WHAT THE… WHAT THE FUCK…!”

“Good morning to you too Stoney” Grace, dressed as a clown and wearing clown make up, greets me with a huge grin painted in red.

“You scared me to death!” I keep one hand on my heart as she laughs her ass off and ties the laces of her clown boots.

“I tried to call you before getting dressed but there was no way I could wake you up and get you off that couch. Now I know how to do it”

“A drastic technique” I pull myself up and sit back on the couch.

“But effective”

“Where the hell are you going dressed like that?” I refasten my loosened ponytail.

“I have a birthday party in…” she checks the clock on the wall “a little more than half an hour”

“Is it a costume party? What’s my costume?”

“Haha you’re so funny. It’s a children’s party, I go there to work”

“And do they pay you well?”

“They pay me enough. And surely it’s funnier than standing behind the counter of a mini market. Why? Are you interested in a career too?”

“No, thanks, I’d rather keep dealing with musicians. Or toads, at worst” I joke and she kisses me. Well, actually she tries to kiss me unsuccessfully at first, she manages to do it once she temporarily removes her big red clown nose that was in the way.

“Hehe I gotta go now but you just take you time. Just remember to put them in my mail box once you leave” Grace rattles her keys in front of my nose before standing up.

“Are you leaving already? But wait, where’s this party?”

“Oh a few blocks from here, like a twenty-minute walk. I’ll just take a stroll” she innocently answers and I’m almost rolling off the couch again.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE WALKING? DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING OUT DRESSED LIKE THIS?”

“Well, yeah, why?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Not everybody is a wimp like you, Stoney”

“It’s not just that, it’s… no, you don’t have the nerve to go out like that, I don’t believe you”

“No?”

“I won’t believe it until I see it”

“Wanna bet?” she asks wiggling her painted eyebrows as she opens her apartment’s door.

“If you walk down the street dressed like that, you can choose the destination of all our future dates, forever”

“Have a nice day, Stone” she throws her keys at me and leaves, closing the door behind her back.

“NO WAY, YOU CAN'T” I dress up quickly and dash outside her apartment. Then I remember, I stop halfway through the corridor, go back, lock the door, and then run again to catch up with her. I rush down the stairs since she took the elevator first, and as I get to the lobby I see her going out nonchalantly with a smile on her face.

And I realize I love her. I love the fact she can be the toad saviour one minute, a femme fatale a few moments later, a shy insecure girl before going to bed and a clown the next morning, and still being herself, always. Because she is all those things, and much more.

“WAIT! I’LL GIVE YOU A RIDE”

“So? Did I win?” she turns around folding her arms and looking at me triumphantly.

“You won but stop!” I catch up with her finally and lead her to my car “Let me ask you: why have you put your make up and costume on already? You could have gone to the child’s house and do it there”

“I coudn’t, what if the kids saw me?”

“What do you mean?”

“If they saw me first without the costume and then with the costume, they’d understand I’m not a real clown” yeah, right, I should have thought about it.

“Anyway, I find them sexy too, just so you know” I add once we’re in my car, pointing at her clown boots.

“I’ll keep that in mind for the next occasion. Or for when I’ll need material to blackmail you” she replies and, before I could retort, she produces a clown trumpet out of nowhere and loudly blows it in my face.

I’m gonna marry this woman.