#literal bare minimum and yet its already having a HUGE impact

[spohkh]

taeyong nct absolute fucking legend putting everyone else in kpop to shame for real

[bigskydreaming]

I am once more begging people, BEGGING, to at least READ Batman #416 if you’re going to cite every moment of Dick meeting Jason and then blowing up at Bruce, except in a totally ‘that’s not at all how it happened’ kinda way.

If I have to read ONE MORE sizzling hot take about how Dick blew up at Bruce and stormed off at the end of that encounter, when THIS is how it ACTUALLY ended....

Ah yes, the famous Dick Grayson temper, better described as ‘someone else loses their shit at Dick and fandom twists it into the exact opposite so he’s actually the bad guy all along.’

Was Dick heated before that point? Yup. Did he have reason to be? Also yup. Did Bruce, however, have reason to be heated that Dick had the gall to be coming back to his childhood home to confront him about the fact that after eighteen months of not speaking, when Bruce is the one who CHOSE to not even say goodbye to Dick or make any effort to still make a place for Dick in his life after firing him, with the only possible indication in all that time through which Dick was expected to come up with even an INKLING that Bruce missed him was discovering from reading the paper that Bruce had given his old mantle to a new, even younger partner? Its gonna be a big fat NOPE from me, guys.

There’s an exchange between them a few pages before this that always resonated with me....

Bruce: The truth is, I taught you everything I could. It was time for you to step out on your own.

Dick: So you figured the best thing for you to do was drive me out of your life, right? That’s exactly what you do to anyone who gets too close. Always hurt them before they have a chance to hurt you. It didn’t matter to you that I didn’t have any life other than the one we shared.

Like, I can not express any more clearly why it drives me so B-A-N-A-N-A-S to see people spin this so that it was Bruce that was somehow the victim of his son’s tempestuous, nomadic ways. Like he was somehow left behind, that Dick outgrew him or moved on, and everything Dick felt about Robin after the fact was him throwing spoiled temper tantrums that someone dared pick up something he no longer wanted. Umm. No times infinity and beyond.

Bruce was the one with all the power. Bruce was the one making all the choices. All Dick had, at most, was the choice to either stay somewhere Bruce seemed intent on driving him away from, or go somewhere else. This issue clearly expressed that like. Bruce wasn’t open to talking. Not when he fired Dick as Robin, there was no negotiating that, and even throughout this whole encounter here, where Dick comes here and says “I think you owe me some explanations” because based on everything Bruce was doing and how radically opposed those actions are to the last interactions he and Bruce had, which had a HUGE impact on Dick’s life, yes, he WAS owed explanations here, make no mistake....even here, Bruce spends the whole encounter acting like he’s being unfairly interrogated, like its trying his patience to even have to deal with Dick being there at all....

Phones work two ways, Bruce. There’s two people in this dynamic. If you haven’t heard from Dick in eighteen months, its equally true that he hasn’t heard from you in eighteen months. And if you missed him so damn much, you know what was always a perfectly valid way to express that, which DIDN’T involve anyone else? Picking up the damn phone and calling Dick and telling him that.

Bruce acts like that was never even an option, like HE was the one stuck with limited choices based on Dick’s behavior throughout all this time, and that’s just flat out, unconditionally, one hundred percent, NOT TRUE. Bruce was the one in charge. The one calling the shots. The one with the resources, the power, the authority. Dick was ALWAYS the one who had more to lose, of the two of them.

And Bruce knew all this when he took Dick in. He knew all this when he took Robin away from Dick while the latter was still a teenager, still living at home. And he was the one who failed to even so much as OFFER Dick an alternative take on how he could still be there, still be in Bruce’s life, part of his family, still share in being part of his life, the life the two of them had shared, now that Bruce had made the choice that Dick no longer had the option of living out his part of that life in the manner they’d BOTH built up for him originally.

And yet for so many years, fandom has added insult to injury by acting like the cherry on top here, Bruce giving away the very mantle he took from Dick, like this was somehow completely reasonable because in comparison, Dick is the one being unreasonable. People completely gloss over that little act of Bruce’s to focus instead on how Dick reacted, instead of giving that betrayal of trust its own fair due and focus, and the problem is....they don’t even actually focus on how Dick actually acted! Again, notice it was Dick who approached Bruce, and Bruce who told Dick to leave. It was Dick who had actual cause to be angry, but Bruce who blew up and broke shit because Dick dared demand answers. 

And this is the way Dick leaves things with Jason, btw. I know people know this part by now, mostly at least, about the phone number and such, but how many people have actually SEEN how that played out rather than just heard it summarized in a dry recitation of events that underplays just how that interaction went?

Like, that wasn’t just Dick acting like this was being FORCED upon him and bleeding reluctance at every turn. He went above and fucking beyond to make Jason feel welcomed and secure in his position as Robin. But that’s not how the narrative goes in fandom, is it? Even when acknowledging this part, people act like Dick was at most doing the bare minimum, instead of acknowledging that Dick didn’t owe anyone this at all. No, it wasn’t Jason’s fault he became Robin, but NONE of this was Dick’s fault, Dick’s choice, or Dick’s RESPONSIBILITY. He wasn’t living at home, in Bruce’s life, and he wasn’t adopted yet let alone even still Bruce’s ward at this point. He’d aged out at eighteen. Dick had NO actual ties to Bruce and by extension Jason at this particular moment in time, and thus no ACTUAL obligations to either of them, no matter how much fandom harps on him having failed Jason as a brother back during this time when more accurately, Bruce was actively failing Dick as a father - as in not even being one, but Dick’s responsibilities towards a family he didn’t have at the moment are supposed to be still intact? NOPE. Don’t think so.

But Dick, INSTEAD, puts Jason FIRST, puts him OVER his obviously hurt and bitter feelings to focus on what’s best for Jason here, and gives him literally everything he CAN to do right by Jason here. He gives Jason his own old costume and clear approval, cementing Jason’s place as Robin in a way not even Bruce could when giving it to Jason, because it was never Bruce’s to actually pass on. Jason even wonders earlier in the issue if Dick might want his old role back, and Dick puts that fear to rest, without any hesitation or doubt.

In addition, Dick offers up support and solidarity he doesn’t owe Jason, doesn’t owe anyone, because its HIS time, HIS support, its not something someone can take for granted and yet too many people do....especially considering that in the hyper-fixation on how much support and time Dick supposedly DIDN’T offer or grant Jason, most people pay next to no attention to the fact that it wasn’t like Dick was being given time or support by Bruce, ie Dick is going out of his way to offer stuff he’s not even getting himself, because he RECOGNIZES from that what its like not to have it. Basically what I mean is all that talk about Dick being a hypocrite for doing to others what he complains about Bruce not doing for him? Patently untrue, as we see here, because this is Dick actively acting upon what he’s missing out on by making sure that others don’t miss out on it because of Bruce’s failings or emotional repression.

And look at the end result.....Jason’s enjoying his teamup with Dick, these aren’t two people who look pained at being forced into proximity or acting like the other is a burden to be around or thinking the other doesn’t really want to be here. They were comfortable from practically the word go, because Dick knows how to make people uncomfortable but he also knows how to make people comfortable, and he made the CHOICE, the INTENT to make sure he was someone Jason felt WANTED to be there with him, the complete opposite of someone who is taking out their bitterness or resentment on their replacement or at least not trying to hide it very well.

So my question is.....what the hell else is it people wanted Dick to do? When they cite this issue specifically, at least, when they talk about the time Dick went to Gotham to confront Bruce about Robin, when they talk about the phone number or the costume or the teamup or the things that so often get mentioned in passing like they’re insignificant or the bare minimum or mere formalities that do nothing to take away from all the supposed OTHER asshole behavior that Dick allegedly heaped on Jason despite never actually happening anywhere, even a little bit, and thus that some people claim is just an extrapolation of how Dick PROBABLY acted off the page, given his clear resentment and jealousy....umm. Huh? Based off THIS? Seriously, I mean it. What ELSE was Dick supposed to have done, to counter that take, what else could he POSSIBLY have done to do right by Jason here, that he didn’t actually already do? What exactly did people want from this character, in order to not hold this eternal grudge they have against him for what a big old jerk he was to Jason, who did nothing to deserve it - with that part being true at least, and literally WHY Dick made the point to recognize that and not take out his feelings on Jason?

Like, this will never not be an axe for me to grind because like. The SPIN fandom always gives all this, when look at the last page of this issue......Bruce is watching from a distance, and even he’s like thanks Dick, and that honestly bugs me so much. Because in the end, the only one of these three characters who DIDN’T get what he wanted here, was Dick. Jason got the validation and security as Robin he was looking for, the approval of his predecessor, and words of advice and an offer to listen and be there should he ever want to talk. Bruce got Dick’s validation of the actions Bruce took that he had no right to take when giving his old mantle to Jason, but that Dick ratified all the same, even if it was for Jason’s sake and not Bruce’s. Bruce still got the closure on that particular mistake of his, with the evidence that Dick was willing to see past it for Jason’s sake rather than drag it out....like. Dick is the only one who didn’t get what he was looking for there, he didn’t even get an apology from Bruce for overstepping when he passed on Dick’s mantle, an acknowledgment that this was WRONG, the most Dick got was Bruce admitting for a single panel that he missed him.....before telling Dick to leave and get out and effectively taking back anything Dick could have possibly taken away from that admittance. Because what the fuck does it matter if someone misses you if even though they finally have you right there in front of them, they still tell you to leave again anyway?

In conclusion, I hate this issue, lol, because everybody seems to know what’s in it and yet practically nobody ever seems interested in referencing what’s ACTUALLY in it. Instead just forever playing telephone with the most bad faith interpretation of Dick’s actions possible.

[makeste]

is it too late now to say sorry

anon I agree with almost all of this for the most part, but if you don’t mind I would like to come to Kacchan’s defense here a little bit. while he absolutely does need to apologize to Izuku, there are reasons why he hasn’t done so yet which boil down to a lot more than simply “he’s still a dick.”

anyway, so for my next trick, I will take the thesis statement of “Kacchan is afraid to apologize to Deku for both selfish and unselfish reasons, and Deku doesn’t realize how much he needs to hear the apology because he pays no attention to his own needs”, and somehow transform that into a 3500 word rant lol.

first of all, I’ve said this before, but on the topic of whether or not Katsuki actually needs to apologize to Deku at all, my answer is an emphatic “yes.” is it necessary in order for him to earn Deku’s forgiveness? no. in fact I’m pretty sure Deku has already forgiven him. because that kid doesn’t have a petty bone in his body (not that wanting an apology from your friend who basically turned on you and made your life miserable for ten years and told you to go kill yourself is in any way petty at all), and because he has staunchly held on to what he could of their relationship throughout that entire time, hoping that one day they could somehow be friends again. Kacchan never stopped being “Kacchan” to him. Deku never stopped caring about him. and that goes beyond him simply being a good person; there’s also just an attachment there, for lack of a better word, that he is simply unwilling to give up. their friendship is that important to him. Kacchan is that important to him.

but just because Katsuki is almost guaranteed forgiveness from Izuku doesn’t mean the apology isn’t still owed. putting aside that it’s really the least he could do, I think an apology is also necessary in order for their friendship to ever move past the level it’s currently stuck at, for one simple reason: Izuku doesn’t actually know that Katsuki cares.

more specifically, he doesn’t know that Katsuki actually cares about him. because Katsuki, for various reasons which I’ll get to momentarily, has done such a spectacular job of hiding this fact that he even fooled a lot of us for a very long time. before chapter 284 came along, there was hardly any evidence at all that Katsuki actually cared about Izuku as a person beyond just the requisite, bare minimum level of “well I don’t actually want you to die or anything, because I’m not a complete shithead.”

because he hides it. and he hides it on purpose, which is a mind-blowing revelation I’m still only just starting to wrap my head around. it’s an act. all of his continued hostility toward Izuku since the Endeavor internship arc -- and possibly going even further back than that; possibly going all the way back to their second Ground Beta fight -- has been an act. here he is, continuing to bitch at him at every turn and basically doing everything he can to remind Izuku that They Are Rivals And Nothing More, and he has played that role so perfectly that hardly anyone suspected what was actually going on.

he cares about Izuku. not just subconsciously on a level where he’s in denial about it, but to a fully conscious and aware degree. he’s dedicated himself to helping Izuku as his way of trying to make amends. that’s a decision he consciously made, something he’s given a lot of thought to. he worries about Izuku. he worries about his selflessness and his recklessness and that one day he’ll take it too far and it will go terribly wrong. he worries about One For All and All For One, and about the legacy his friend has inherited that’s so much bigger than him, and which he knows Izuku won’t hesitate to sacrifice himself for if it ever comes to that. he worries. he cares.

and Izuku does not know this. and he deserves to know this. and that’s why the apology is so important. not because it’s a magic sentence that will miraculously restore the ten years of friendship and trust that was lost between them, or heal the ten years of pain and misery that Izuku went through alone and friendless, because nothing can ever restore or heal that. as a gesture, an apology is nice, but it’s also fairly useless, at least on its own. it’s meaningless without action to support it, and rather pales in significance when held up against the LITERAL DECADE of misery that it’s trying to make up for.

but the reason it’s still so, so important in spite of all this is because Izuku doesn’t know that Katsuki cares about him. he doesn’t know that their friendship isn’t just one-sided. he does know that Katsuki is a good person, and that he has a good core beneath his prickly exterior. and he’s more adept than most people at seeing past Katsuki’s outer shell of bullshit and understanding what lies beneath. but he has a blind spot, and that blind spot is himself.

he hasn’t made the connection between “Kacchan is a good person who cares about other people and is trying to do the right thing” to “Kacchan cares about me.” because Kacchan has been diligent in making sure that every time Izuku does start to make that connection, that he shoots it back down and disproves it as vehemently as he can.

which, just to be clear, is actually a huge load of bull, as we now know. huh.

but anyway. the point is that Katsuki is still hiding this part of himself from Izuku. the fact that he actually cares. the fact that their friendship is reciprocated on a level that goes beyond just rivalry and shared secrets and a mutual admiration for All Might. Izuku doesn’t know yet how much Katsuki cares about him, and he deserves to know.

and that’s why the apology is important. not because the words themselves are important, but because he deserves to know that Katsuki is sorry. he deserves to know that Katsuki cares about him. he deserves to know that he’s valued, that Katsuki sees him as someone who has value. he deserves that. and that, more than anything else, is why the apology is needed, and why it’s important for him to actually hear those words. because Katsuki was spot on when he said that Izuku doesn’t see himself in the way that he should, and I think he needs this to help him understand a little better just how much value he actually has.

so that’s part one of my rant! and now we move on to part two, which can basically be summarized as “okay but then WHY has Katsuki not just FUCKING APOLOGIZED TO HIM ALREADY.” because yeah, though. at the end of the day, this is all on him. and he does care, and he is sorry. so then what is still holding him back??

and that... is complicated. and it basically boils down to four things.

1. it’s insufficient.

ten years. all the way back to when they were four years old and Izuku first learned that he didn’t have a quirk. ten years of Katsuki bullying him and distancing himself from him. ten years of pain and isolation and unhappiness that Izuku absolutely did not deserve.

and yes, it ultimately stemmed from a misunderstanding, but that doesn’t make it right in the least. there’s absolutely no justification for it. Katsuki knew that it was wrong and he acted like that nonetheless. and anyone who says that Izuku in any way brought it on himself, that it’s in any way his fault or that he invited it on himself by not leaving Katsuki alone -- you can miss me with that, tbh. he was a child and he was lonely and confused and didn’t understand why his best friend had suddenly turned his back on him. this was the most vulnerable period in his life, and the person who should have had his back ended up being the person who made it even worse for him instead. and even after Izuku grew out of the so-called stalking and actually did mind his own business, and just admired Katsuki from a distance -- that still wasn’t enough to appease Katsuki either. even just the mere mention of Izuku wanting to go to U.A. was enough to set him off worse than ever before. that was absolutely not Izuku’s fault in any way, and I’m positive that even Katsuki himself would agree. Katsuki was terrible. I can’t emphasize enough just how terrible he was.

so yeah. ten years of that. and now Katsuki finally realizes just how awful it was. and he’s sorry! and he regrets it, a lot, and he wants to atone for it.

but now here’s problem number one: when you put it up in comparison to ALL OF THAT, an apology just feels overwhelmingly inadequate. almost laughably so. and Katsuki may be a bit emotionally dense (although perhaps less so than we always thought), but he’s sharp enough to realize this much, at least. it’s almost pathetic to simply try saying “I’m sorry” after all of that, and expect it to mean anything at all. it’s not enough. it’s so much not enough that I imagine he must almost feel helpless just imagining it. the weight of everything he’s done is so much, and an apology isn’t enough to undo any of it. it’s not even close.

Katsuki isn’t someone who backs down from things easily, but the sheer scale of the mistakes he’s trying to grapple with now is enough to give just about anyone pause. how do you even begin to address something like that? how can you even begin to make up for it? and Katsuki isn’t stupid, and I have to imagine that everything he saw during that first week of interning with Endeavor only cemented this for him. an apology simply isn’t enough. not for something like this.

2. it’s unfamiliar.

reason number two! and this one is a bit selfish on his part, yeah. but Katsuki is still just a kid too. and his falling out with Izuku didn’t only have a negative impact on Izuku; it hurt Katsuki as well. he lost that friendship too. he thought Izuku was looking down on him, and I’m certain that hurt him a lot more than he ever let on. if you trust someone and care about them only to have them turn on you like that (even though he got it wrong and it was ultimately all just in his head) -- that hurts. it’s not a coincidence that he became closed off and mean afterwards, and that even now he’s resistant to letting other people get close to him. for all that it was more or less self-inflicted, it still had a huge impact.

but now he’s learned that Izuku was never looking down on him at all and that he had it wrong this whole time. and as a result, he’s gotten this chance now to try and rebuild the childhood friendship that he almost destroyed. and make no mistake, this is something he wants too. it’s not just Izuku who’s grateful to have this chance to have normal interactions with the other again. this is something both of them value, and Katsuki doesn’t want to ruin it this time.

so he’s picking up where he left off! only the thing is, this involves him reverting to a blueprint that hasn’t been updated since the two of them were four years old, lol. “normal” for them is him being a bossy little snot, and Izuku happily shrugging it off with all of his limitless nerdy enthusiasm as they go about their various misadventures together. it’s a script that hasn’t changed since they were children, and one they’re both still more than content to use, but it is an outdated script nonetheless. Katsuki is playing the role that Izuku expects him to play. and it’s not like he’s being dishonest or anything like that, because that’s still him; he’s still his same old short-tempered, argumentative self, and it’s not like his personality has done a complete 180 or anything like that.

but at the same time, there’s a calmer side to him now which he is deliberately keeping hidden from Izuku because it’s off-script for them. it’s unfamiliar ground. with Izuku, he’s always been this Kacchan:

and again, it’s not like he isn’t actually that person, especially when it comes to his old rival. but at the same time, there’s another side to him that he rarely if ever lets Izuku in particular see. Izuku never sees the quiet Kacchan who avoids other people’s eyes while he fiddles with his water bottle and calmly asks questions about the OFA successors. Izuku never sees the insightful Kacchan who opens up about his own regrets and weaknesses. there’s a level of emotional intimacy, for lack of a better term, that Katsuki has been unwilling to let them cross into. and if I had to guess why, my guess would be that it’s because Katsuki is afraid that changing up the formula now will lead to unfamiliar territory which may or may not end up completely upending their relationship just as it’s starting to grow into something actually solid again.

which brings me to reason #3!

3. he’s afraid.

Katsuki already experienced what it was like to fall out with Izuku. and again, for all that he was the cause of it, and that Izuku had it much, much worse, that doesn’t change the fact that it was a pretty terrible experience for him as well.

and look, we know Katsuki is afraid of losing Izuku. that’s confirmed canon now. he actually admitted that he was worried about Izuku, and that Izuku’s tendency to recklessly disregard his own wellbeing unsettled him and made him want to keep his distance. and he sacrificed himself to save Izuku’s life!! and did it automatically, unthinkingly, because the decision-making on his part was so fast it didn’t even register. that’s how much he cares. enough that his desire to protect Izuku now ranks higher than his own self-preservation.

and when something is that important to you, you will fight not to lose it. and Katsuki does not want to lose this. Izuku is important to him. by extension that means their friendship is important to him. and he wants to preserve that.

and the thing is, the apology is an obstacle to that. and he knows it. he knows he has to face it at some point, because he can’t atone without it. he has to take responsibility for what he did. he can’t keep running away from it forever.

but he also knows the potential consequences. he knows that apologies don’t always end in reconciliation. he knows falling-outs don’t always have a happy ending. he knows that forgiveness isn’t automatic, and that years of pain don’t just disappear just like that. and he recently got to see firsthand one possible way how it might all turn out.

he knows Izuku doesn’t have to forgive him. he knows Izuku might not forgive him. and he knows that he probably doesn’t deserve Izuku’s forgiveness, and that ultimately he does not have a say in the matter one way or the other. it’s Izuku’s choice, at the end of the day, and whatever he chooses Katsuki is going to have to accept it.

but you can know all of that, and accept the fact that you’re going to have to take responsibility, and yet still be afraid to face it. and yes, maybe it’s selfish of him to feel that way. but that selfishness is also human. it’s human to fear rejection, and it’s human to go through the various stages of trying to postpone having to face that. Katsuki is a brave kid, but he is just a kid, still. and this is going to be very hard for him to do. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still have to be done. but I feel for him and I have a lot of empathy for the situation he’s currently in.

and there is also one last reason why I think he’s putting it off as well, and it just so happens that this reason actually isn’t selfish at all.

4. he doesn’t want false forgiveness.

and this one is ironically kind of at odds with reason #3! Katsuki fears the possibility of Izuku not forgiving him... but at the same time, I think that strangely enough, there’s also a part of him that fears being forgiven, just like that. easily and gladly and unconditionally, with the trademark selflessness that defines so many of Izuku’s other decisions.

“he just... deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

Izuku rarely if ever takes himself into consideration, and Katsuki knows this. he’s selfless to a fault, and Katsuki knows this. and so if Katsuki were to come up to him and apologize, there’s the possibility that yes, Izuku might decide not forgive him. he might in fact be all “nah, you know what, fuck you,” as would certainly be within his rights.

but this is a very remote possibility, and we all know it. and Katsuki knows it too, I think. because that’s not who Izuku is. he puts other people’s welfare above his own, every time. and so if Katsuki were to break down and tell Izuku that he was sorry, and if he were to ask him for forgiveness, nine times out of ten that is something that Izuku grants instantly. this is the same kid who put his own life at risk to try and save Katsuki less than an hour after Katsuki told him to dive off a roof. Izuku’s instinct is to protect and save. and so if he sees that Katsuki is hurting; if he sees that Katsuki feels guilty for what he’s done and that it’s eating away at him in much the same way as when he was blaming himself for Kamino -- he is going to do what he always does. he is going to try and save him.

and he would do that even if it meant shoving down his own pain. he absolutely would. he would prioritize Katsuki’s feelings over his own. and if he did still feel any lingering resentment at how cruelly he was treated, he would still put it aside if need be. and he would forgive him.

in other words, the risk exists that Izuku might grant Katsuki forgiveness that he doesn’t actually feel. if Katsuki is granted Izuku’s forgiveness, he doesn’t have any way to actually tell for sure if it’s real. there would be that element of doubt there, that question of whether or not it’s really sincere. and something like that could ultimately poison their relationship, if things were allowed to play out that way. it would prevent them from being fully able to trust each other. ultimately, it might lead to them drifting apart again, and something like that might ultimately be even more painful than Izuku rejecting Katsuki’s apology outright. and there’s also an argument to be made that Izuku doesn’t deserve to be put on the spot like that, and forced to make that decision one way or the other when he might not be ready to yet. so there’s that to consider as well.

so yeah. four reasons why Katsuki has not apologized to Izuku yet. and they are good reasons, in my book. complicated reasons, too. but none of that changes the fact that at the end of the day this is still something he has to do. his current way of trying to atone through action is great, don’t get me wrong! and it’s necessary too for sure, because like I said, the apology just on its own is never going to be enough. he needs to commit to doing the right thing, and trying his best to make it right between them from here on out. and saving his life is certainly a decent start! but you still gotta say the words too eventually bro.

but there is just a ton of stuff at play here and I find it all fascinating tbh. they are just so, so bad at communicating with each other. and the thing is, they both actually want the same thing! but they want it so badly that ironically it’s almost holding them back right now, because they don’t want to put it at risk. but ultimately this is a leap of faith that Katsuki in particular is going to have to take sooner rather than later in order to finally restore that last bit of trust between the two of them.

so yeah. just two stupid teenage boys who fail at emotions, and who are probably overdue for another of their famous Get It All Out In The Open stupid shounen therapy battles lmao. round 3, featuring Deku’s new robot arms vs Katsuki and his shiny new “like father like son” All Might torso scar. sob.

[script-a-world]

Via Google Form: I want to write about ancient humans and several reptilian humanoid species that lived millions of years ago.

Via Google Form: I want to write about ancient humans and several reptilian humanoid species that lived millions of years ago.

How can I still account for evolution as we know it, especially the dinosaurs and the mass extinctions? They are supposed to be very technological advanced and built very huge cities underground and underwater.

What would they need? They did not have ANY spaceships nor aeroplanes but had really fast land/underground, water/underwater transport.

What would they need?

Does that make sense that wouldn't even have been to the moon yet? Also means no satellites. Yet still be so technologically advanced? To this day, they are still down there, with tech that can't be detected by modern humans, which is pretty much the same as real life.

That means they can still account for being undetected by anything that real life humans can do via plane, satellites, etc. How?

Tex: A lot of these questions are dependent on is your depth and breadth of knowledge about humans - physiology, psychology, social constructs they naturally fall into (i.e. the argument that humans are primarily altruistic in their social interactions). I’m assuming your reptilian humanoid species is highly similar for the sake of compatibility for plot’s sake, with the additional dynamic of reptile(s) of choice and their own corresponding nuances on physiology, psychology, and social constructs that I assume you’ve already done your background research on.

This might sound repetitious given how often I’ve said it, but- define “evolution”. It’s not a linear progression of events from one generation to the next in a species, nor should it be assumed to work that way. Evolution is merely the optimization of genetic traits to a given environment, which ranges from things like amount of particulates in the air to weather patterns, and works closely with behavioural habits such as migration and hibernation patterns. If you’re including astronomical phenomenon like the orbital patterns of asteroids and potential intersections with your characters’ planet(s), then that would inform geological epochs such as asteroid impacts, as well as how the climate would concurrently change and its impact on all species within its range of influence. Technology is another one of those things you need to define, because that technically ranges from using a stick to pick something up to nudging molecules around on a gene. We’ve answered similar questions on this particular point before (1, 2, 3, 4), albeit from varying angles.

Where does this transportation technology get its speed from? Currently, the vast majority of our transportation is fuelled by fossil fuels such as oil, with only a slow trend in replacing this with electricity, which has its own problems in the form of rare earth mineral mining, oil for both vehicle fuel and plastic creation, and in many parts of the world blatant slave labour. A lot of the materials for these forms of transportation would be the same as your “really fast” transportation, so there’s a significant amount of overlap (wood, as aesthetically pleasing as it is, tends to break at high speeds and high-speed crashes, so not terribly safe). If your society/-ies are using some form of zero-pollutant energy, well- how did they get that? They probably had to use the crappy stuff first until they figured out how to make the nice stuff, or else it was just… handed to them by an outside society that already went through their own fossil fuel phase before they discovered the sustainable form of energy.

Define “need”, as well as “technology” (again, yes). I would put at bare minimum food production, processing, and preservation. If this level of technology you’re speaking of is advanced compared to 2021 standards, then sundry details such as hygiene facilities, medical from R&D to distribution to applied practices, anything that involves money (i.e. banks to cash registers), anything that involves education (i.e. schools, but also book presses, educational tools, and certification processes for instructors and students both), and manufacturing for creating literally everything your society uses. The culture and industries surrounding entertainment are their own note, and is something resting entirely in your hands to figure out, as I’m assuming humans in your society still experience boredom and like to be entertained.

Would either group want to go to the moon? We’ve only launched expeditions and programs because we were curious about what it’s made of and what it looks like up close. If there’s no curiosity driving that point, then no, quite likely no effort would have been expended to go to the moon.

Jammers. Just, like, inordinately more advanced than ours. It’s not like we’re going down to the Mariana Trench and observing things with our bare eyeballs, now are we? We still use the barest of technologies in the form of helmets, artificial lighting, and breathing apparatuses, so it shouldn’t take too much work to develop something that interferes with the functioning of lower-level technology.

[whaq]

How Do You Write Like You're Running Out of Time: Hamilton and Me

I. Just You Wait

Hamilton was alright. Not the best opener is it? I’m not referring to the show, I meant the opener to this verbose verbal vomit. The musical was typical fare, all things considered. Lin Manuel Miranda is the farthest thing from a good singer. I believe anyone singing his praises should take a listen to his rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar’s Gethsamane. Talk about taking your shot… to the gut.

It still kinda baffles me how a show so unexpectedly and unremarkably unprovocative found such a huge cult following; the likes of which the musical world has yet to match since. Overlooking the novelty of a Founding Father finessing like the Fresh Prince, the musical fits the mold of presenting the concepts of rap and immigrants for the first time to the aristocratic white people (y’know the ones, they probably called it “hippity-hop” and are currently collecting their stimulus check amid the pandemic) who could actually afford it.

There’s a lot to be said when it comes to meta-textual analysis. Contrary to the marketing’s emphasis on “The Room Where It Happened” seemingly depicting a story meant to peek behind the curtain of politics, the eponymous song actually does present a better alternative to House of Bars (alternative jokes include: The West Side, Bars & Recreation, and The Fire).

II. The Room Where It Happens

There’s an element of mysticism that surrounds the number ‘The Room Where It Happens” thanks to the inconsistently charismatic narrator of the show: Aaron Burr (Sir--). With only the three gentlemen involved with that day’s events being in that room, much of the going-on’s details are shrouded in mystery. No servers, no stenographers, spies, nor sluts, to witness history in the making. It’s any wonder how history gets recorded at all! Question of the hour...

Hamilton’s downfall in the play, all leading up to his descent into the proverbial ‘Hurricane,’ would not be as impactful if not for his most precious desire. We’ve seen it first-hand, all politicians need to do during a scandal is to “talk less, smile more.” Although... $130,000 in hush money excluded from your tax returns should do the trick-- [President Obama complete remarks at 2015 White House Correspondents' Dinner (C-SPAN) 16:48 - 16:59] No, not if you want to protect your legacy.

III. Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story?

There are many perspectives on the subject of how one lives on well past their time on Earth, and Hamilton has its fair share. Aaron Burr references a fallen colleague of his being given a street named after him and how it makes his “legacy secure.” Making idols, commemorations, names on a parchment, the epitome of memorability. You may be gone, but your name remains physically engraved on plaques and local parks.

At first, it seemed like Alexander also subscribed to a similar outlook. By imprinting himself on literature, legislature, and ladies, he found a way to almost literally leave his mark on everything he’s had his hands on. Hell, the show left out the relevant factoid that his 2nd freaking son was his junior. He’d rather die than let the Hamilton name Burr away, and that’s exactly what he did.

That being said, it doesn’t take a keen eye to realize that the self-destructive behavior these men exhibit isn’t exemplary by any means. The play depicts the consequences of the paths these men take. Burr ends up being painted as an apolitical squirrel, Alexander a self-indulgent tomcat. While their legacies remain, they’re tarnished by shame. If these great men still strived and struggled to cement their legacies, then what chance do we have?

Many of us, if not most, will barely be but a footnote in history. We can’t all be president, the same book can’t be written twice, there is no solitary thought that has yet to be thought of. However, even with all this in mind, it never stops us from trying, does it?

We still attempt to paint like Gogh, write like Tolkien, or waste human space like 6ix9ine (this was written in July of 2020 and it was dated then too), for life has little meaning or value without purpose; that’s exactly what’s been on my mind: Who will tell my story if I have nothing to leave behind?

IV. Palaces Out of Paragraphs

How do others do it? How do they just snap their fingers and… well-- do? Do what, you ask? Nothing in particular, it is the act of doing that I refer to. With hustle culture being the trend, many people like me have found that making the most out of their existence is a more daunting task than it’s cracked up to be. When others are so good at doing, are you doing nothing in comparison?

I’m not one to judge others so I’ll only be doing so for myself: I believe I have not been doing anything productive with the time I’ve been given. Every waking moment of mine has been spent either attempting to maximize my time and energy to do something worthwhile or bereaving on the lack of my drive to execute. This, however, is obviously an uphill battle for me.

When everything , your mind, your body, and even yourself, are against you, the last tool in the arsenal of human perseverance is the ability to do what one wills. The phrase shouldn’t be “if there’s a will there’s a way,” for many of us have found ourselves in no-win scenarios. Instead the phrase should be “if there’s a will, there’s a way out.” And there is a way out of the rut that is dissatisfaction.

Most conflict within one’s self is the disconnect between our ideal self, who we want to be, and our actual self, who we currently are. One may find themselves longing to become a strong-willed scribbler of scripts like Hamilton, it takes no more than a glance at your reflection to see that, when the rose tint decays, you’re a sniveling Burr. This is where the pain stems from, my pain.

Ambition and reality will always be at odds with one another. When one desires to leap over skyscrapers, actuality reminds you that you can barely skip over an anthill. That’s kind of what has been bothering me. For years I’ve seen those capable of what I could only dream of doing, and that has always bothered me. Not my pride, but my sense of who I really am.

I desire to leave a legacy that depicts me as larger than my life, what I leave behind being greater than what I have done; a kingdom left prospering after my reign. My lofty aspirations extend to being renowned, and contract to being remembered fondly. But the sad reality for I, and many others like me, presents itself: we can’t all make leaps and bounds that impress, most people aren’t so easily enamored.

Not having this in mind has resulted in my complete inability to create and finalize. For a person with each of their toes dipped into a different pool of expertise, I can barely muster up the strength to continue to submerge, much less immerse, myself into any of them. Looking into the dark Mariana Trench of inadequacy one sees as their skillset will induce aquaphobia in many.

Beyond all pretension and rhetoric, my issue is this: I can’t make anything because I fear I will make nothing worth making. This is already the 5th rewrite of this maligned monotribe, that in and of itself exemplifies how I’m not quite past that hurdle. That being said, I’m looking forward to and deciding on taking steps to amend that.

V. Taking Back The Narrative

This text marks the beginning of another attempt at reinvention. With limit tests spanning over the course of two years, involving stressing the definitions of human minimums and maximums, I am content with commencing continued coercion with my consciousness (translation: I’m letting the process of improving continue despite my fear of the absence of such). I took back to writing once more because I needed something to stare at that convinced me I’m capable of the things I want to do, but also that there’s no rushing or forcing things.

It is honestly kinda silly how someone like me, who has made it their life goal to show that passion and wit is enough to get someone through the typical things in life like work, school, and relationships, had to be reminded of that very mission.

I’m not blessed with any genius in particular, and I’m not nerdy Casey Neistat who runs at the speed they can create meaningful and worthwhile content. Holding myself to higher standards was supposed to be a healthy way of preventing stagnation, not a destructive process to kill my motivation.

After going through the Hurricane of my own inner turmoil, realizing that being ‘Lucky to be Alive Right Now’ doesn’t have to come with survivor’s guilt, and that there is no such thing as ‘Running Out of Time,’ for all time cannot be wasted, I’m once again going back into the swing of things. Just like my last relaunches, all beginning with varying degrees of premature declarations, I’ll be doing the same right now.

I have made something

for all intents and purposes

I wrote my way out

[matthoerig]

Game of the Year 2017: What it is? And what isn't it?

2017 was an amazing year for games. My numbered list couldn't be cut down below 16 in good conscience, and I felt like with that number I might as well shout out a couple of trends or themes I appreciated, and that swelled the list to 18, but with about 8 more games listed among those two new entries. It will make more sense when I publish my list. But what is my list?  

My Game of the Year list is largely inconsequential. It's a way for me to reflect and collect my thoughts on the games I played in the prior year. It's heavily focused on games that were released in the year in question, but 2017 has really put that to the test. Prior years saw me keep a spot open for Hearthstone because I've continued to play it almost daily since its release in 2014 (and before given its time in closed and open beta). The same goes for iOS title Marvel Puzzle Quest, and both of those games have been the tip of the spear for games that are released and supported continuously with new content and changes to gameplay. PlayerUnknown's BattleGrounds started down that path from Steam's Early Access in 2017 before even being officially released. While it's scheduled to exit Early Access in December, would I not include it on my list because of an arbitrary version number given that it dominated the gaming conversation for a huge chunk of the year and I played a lot of it AND had a ton of fun with it?  

While my game of the year list is focused on titles from 2017, it's ultimately MY game of the year list – a reflection on games that were available to be played and that made some kind of a positive impression on me in this year.

What my Game of the Year list isn't in 2017 is comprised of any of the following games. These are games I played some of, but not enough to make a final ranked decision about. This doesn't mean I've finished everything on my GotY list, but I feel like I've played enough to have an informed opinion about it. So here's my partially annotated, unranked list of games that didn't make the cut.

What Remains of Edith Finch

Torment: Tides of Numenera

Cosmic Star Heroine

Prey

Resident Evil 7

These are all single player titles with play times ranging from a few hours to dozens and dozens of hours. I either didn't have time to start them despite wanting to (Edith Finch, Prey) or started and played just the barest minimum before getting distracted by something even more awesome (Torment, Cosmic Star), or just wimped out because I was too scared to keep playing (RE7)

Splatoon 2

Mario Kart 8

Puyo Puyo Tetris

Three fun Switch games that I just didn't play as much as three other games that did make the list. Fun and nothing at all wrong with them.  

Halo Wars 2

Ghost Recon Wildlands

Tactical military shooter and console-ified real times trategy title that I had a lot of fun with for literally an hour or so each. I suspect Wildlands will get mentioned elsewhere in anotehr contect but wanted to shout it out here too.

LA Noire Remastered

Final Fantasy XII – The Zodiac Age

Two remasters, one of a PS2 game I never finished and one of an Xbox 360-era title I finished the main story, every side quest, and found like 85% of all dumb collectibles. They both look much better in HD (4k and HDR for LA Noire), but FFXII gets a bit more credit for making some improvements to the older gameplay elements. La Noire is just a visually enhanced version of the previously released game.

Gwent

Elder Scrolls Legends

Collectible card games in the vein of Heathstone that have both held my attention for periods of time, but never captured my attention the same way. ESL is still installed on my iPad, and both are on my PC (there's no mobile version of Gwent yet).

Nier: Automata

I'll be honest, I have zero interest in playing Nier: Automata even though people who I greatly respect have said laudatory things about the themes it explores and the impact it has had on them, but I don't like the look of the action and playing through it seems like a slog. If it ever comes to Playstation Plus or Xbox Games with Gold, MAYBE I'll download it for when I've played through every other game I own.  

West of Loathing

Assassin's Creed: Origins

I lied that this list was unranked. These two are my favorite of the games that didn't make my too big final list, but I haven't played enough of them to, in good faith, put them both anywhere on the list. West of Loathing is a traditional RPG by the people who made the text-heavy Kingdom of Loathing web based multiplayer game. It's quirky, charming, and legitimately funny which is not common in games. The problem is I'm so paranoid about missing something funny or interesting, that I've played for almost 80 minutes and not left the starting tutorial area. I'm reasonably sure the developers would claim there's not an hour's worth of stuff to do or see in the opening area. I just can't get past my own weird hangup and leave.

Assassin's Creed: Origins suffered a bit from a similar problem, plus it was released on the same day as two other games that fared pretty well on my ranked list. The pull of those games plus the knowledge that Origins was a huge game and had 4k and HDR upgrades for the Xbox One X made it easy to set aside until that system launched in mid-November. I've since gone back and played 8-9 hours of the game, but I'm having so much fun exploring the world and doing side quests that I've seen almost nothing of the main story. The year away for the franchise has done it good – the climbing is more puzzle-focused than in recent prior iterations and the addition of an RPG-like loot system freshened up combat for me. I adore what I've played so far but realize I've barely scratched the surface.  

Game of the Year 2017

As always – spoilers ahead.

18. Sports Games I Enjoyed (Madden NFL 18, MLB The Show 17, and Fire Pro World Wrestling)

I play sports games every year, and Madden 18 and MLB The Show 17 stand out for making their card collection-based modes not just palatable, but actually engaging for someone who plays primarily single player games. Both made the expected forward progress in terms of visual fidelity and gameplay improvements. Madden 18's Madden Ultimate Team has slowly evolved into THE reason I play the game, collecting players from card packs to earn in-game currency to buy more card packs to get better players and on and on into infinity. The number and types of quests (called "Challenges") is greatly improved, and ranges from single play quests to completing one drive to playing a full game. It's the perfect way to kill a few minutes or an hour and feel in either case like you're making progress and improving. MLB The Show 17 comes almost as far with its Diamond Dynasty mode, improving on the "Conquest" mode and having more ways to collect and improve on the players in your binder.  

Also on my annual play list are the WWE games from 2k. These are bad games – they play poorly, don't look good, and haven't improved in at least 7 years. Fire Pro World Wrestling, a Japanese-developed game in Early Access on Steam, eschews any professional wrestling league licensing to focus on 16-bit style gameplay and customization. The inclusion of Steam Workshop support means a dedicated community has already sprung up around the game to fill the gap from not having any license to create literally thousands of custom characters that not only look like their real-world counterparts, but behave as them too thanks to deep move set and logic customization.  

17. Live Games (Hearthstone/Elder Scrolls Online/Marvel Puzzle Quest/Typeshift/Hitman/The Division)

The way we play games has changed phenomenally in the past few years, and there may be no more vicious fight coming than the fight for player retention by making your game "sticky." I have played Hearthstone almost every day since it was in beta, and the just-launched Kobolds and Catacombs expansion introduces a new single player mode that has me playing even more often than I anticipated it would. I have played Marvel Puzzle Quest every day for over 960 days. Elder Scrolls Online launched a few years ago and took some time to find its footing, but multiple content updates and refinements made it a game I played for several months and have every intention of playing more of for the foreseeable future. The same goes for The Division. Typeshift is another mobile game like MPQ, with daily challenges and multiple post-launch updates. Hitman launched last year and was damn near my Game of the Year, and got another mini-campaign late in this year after the developer, IO Interactive, worked out ownership of the IP after a split from their publisher and former owner, Square Enix. Season 2 is slated for 2018 and I couldn't be more excited. As long as game makers and publishers find a way to provide meaningful updates, both free and paid, there's no reason to write off games released in prior years as meaningless in the current conversation.

16. Horizon: Zero Dawn

Guerrilla Games, makers of the PlayStation exclusive first-person shooter series Killzone, made an open world game. I was never a big fan of Killzone, and the thought of the same people used to making a corridor shooter set on futuristic alien worlds making a third-person open world game set in a more natural, "futuristic native" setting with bows and arrows and spears and robot dinosaurs...I was not sure this would be up my alley. Not only does the game run well and look gorgeous, but the story of Aloy and her society and how the world they inhabit became what it is (with robot dinosaurs!) is pretty great. There's a bit here that seems to familiar, like stealth in tall grass being overpowered. I also found the combat to be rote, repetitive, and challenging more in its pacing than its design, but the characterization of Aloy and the people in her world is fantastic.  

15. Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle

Ubisoft created the Rabbids to be the Minions, those ubiquitous, irritating yellow creatures, before the Minions were an afterthought in a bad kids' movie. Mixing them up in a world with Nintendo's beloved characters from the Mushroom Kingdom seemed like a weird decision for Nintendo...and it seemed even weirded when it was revealed to be an XCOM-style turn based tactical strategy game where Mario gets a blaster and Luigi gets a sniper rifle. Again, it shouldn't work, but "Mario in a simplified XCOM game" is pretty great. The turn-based challenges mix mobility options with those XCOM tactics in a simplified manner to be more of a puzzle game, where there's a right answer to how to complete the scenario with your tools the "right" way. Exploring the overworld and finding alternate paths and collectibles is fun, but the whole game sticks around just a biiiiiiiit too long to be considered exceptional.  

14. Injustice 2  

Injustice 2 is a better Justice League story than the Justice League movie. NetherRealm, makers of Mortal Kombat and the series' previous entry, Injustice: Gods Among Us, goes back to the well of DC characters split along the lines of totalitarian prick Superman and brutal, anything goes resistance leader Batman again, plus they added collectible loot with cosmetic changes and stat bonuses that can push you to trying a new style or enhance the way you already play. As some who is terrible at fighting games, the story was fun and the rotating challenge towers gave me enough reasons to keep coming bac k for a while, earning more loot to spec out my Batman, Robin, Harley Quinn, Robin, or Supergirl the way I wanted.

Superman is still a prick.

13. Golf Story

It's been a long time since we had a good golf game – EA's golf series was in decline before Tiger Woods's...troubles...and has never really recovered. The Golf Club and its sequel have tried to be the realistic golf replacement people are looking for. But what if we didn't really want realistic golf, but old school three click meters in a 16-bit style reminiscent of JRPGs like Final Fantasy and Earthbound? The golfing is passable, the story is a little cliché for a 16-bit style RPG, and the characters and quests are nothing special. Altogether, it all combines to be more than the sum of its parts. This may be due to the initial dearth of games on the Switch, but I enjoyed my time with it nonetheless.  

12. Hidden Folks

This mobile gem is the result of someone who grew up on Where's Waldo taking advantage of the technology available today and making a deviously difficult version of that game that uses the interactivity of modern touchscreens. I feel like this is one game where the less said the better, except to say that you should fight the urge to move on from one area until you've found everything in one place. It's the most rewarding mobile experience I had this year.  

11. Pyre

Supergiant Games has made three games, and I've loved each one more than the last. Bastion's story was fantastic with lauded twin stick shooter gameplay that didn't connect with me. Transistor moved more towards tactical gameplay and retained the writing I loved from Bastion. Pyre finally mixes an engaging, moving, meaningful story about relationships and redemption with gameplay that works beyond its elevator pitch of "Blitzball from Final Fantasy VII with three characters." Each character you recruit brings new tactical options, opens up the story, and challenges you to find new ways to maximize your team's abilities. Pyre not making my top 10 games of the year is a testament to how amazing 2017 was that a game I loved this much has an eleven next to its name.  

10. Persona 5

Persona 5 might be the game I've played the most, with over 100 hours logged in one playthrough. There's a part of me that wants to go back and see sidequests I missed, take different paths with party member affinity, and just spend more time in this world. The problems are there are too many good games, and the story is split between meaningful allegory for free-thinking and control and what can be generously called "complete anime bullshit." This isn't a surprise – it's exactly what you sign up for when starting a Persona game. The game does have an undeniably sense of style in its look and sound, meaning I'm sure I'll come back to it someday.  

9. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

If I was surprised that Persona 5 and Pyre were so low on my Game of the Year list, I'm honestly stunned The Legend of Zelda isn't my Game of the Year. It's an incredible game, breaking conventions that have been part of the series since it debuted in the 80s. Nintendo, for all their failures to adopt modern conventions in online account structures and old game sales and cross generation purchase support, have made what may be the first true next generation open world game. Systems layer upon systems in a way that interact smartly and naturally and encourage exploration and experimentation. Shrines dotted throughout the world provide for bite sized chunks of gameplay and also invite hours of exploration to keep finding more.  The gripe that sticks with me, and it's an intensely personal one, is that I HATE weapon durability, which is implemented here in a way that encourages weapon experimentation. Despite the best possible use of this type of system, I still hate it.  

8. Tacoma

The game studio that made Gone Home is back with their sophomore effort and made another game similar to Gone Home. As opposed to Gone Home's early 90s Pacific Northwest setting, Tacoma is set on space station Tacoma, allowing for a slightly less linear experience. You play as a contractor sent by the Venturis Corporation to retrieve AI data the physical core of the station's AI after some kind of accident. During your time on the station, you can use your own AR interface to relive the last days of the station crew and piece together what happened before they went missing. These AR scenes play out across constrained spaces, but with different crew members interacting at the same time in different areas; the station engineer and botanist may be having a conversation in the rec room while the administrator dictates a letter back to Venturis in her office and three others are planning the evening's dinner. You're free to pause, rewind, and fast forward these conversations and move about with the participants as you see fit. Not only do you pick up bits and pieces of the main mystery, but your freedom allows you to rifle through these people's lives and find out who was in love with whom, who missed a long deceased sister, and who was working every connection he had left to find another job – any other job – away from the station. It was one of these "optional" areas where I turned on a character's radio and heard the song "Driving" by Floating Room which may end up as my favorite song of 2017. It's a wonderful song on its own, and also perfectly placed by the folks at Fullbright in this place and this moment. It was these quiet moments I enjoyed the most, although the strong cyberpunk narrative spoke to me as well. Tacoma didn't have the same personal level impact as Gone Home, but I think its overall message hits harder and shows a novel approach to storytelling in games.

7.   XCOM 2: War of the Chosen

A brief history lesson – X-COM was a 90s PC game that I played for hours with my friend Kyle. It had a turn-based strategy layer where you tried to guide a squad of soldiers in repelling an alien invasion. IT was hard. X-COM 2: Terror from the Deep was that game's sequel, set underwater. In 2012, Firaxis, the people behind the Civilization games, resurrected the franchise as XCOM: Enemy Unknown and it was very well received. The released an expansion pack named XCOM: Enemy Within which was good and added missions and maps and some new enemy types and new solider types for your squad, a new enemy faction, and new story missions. It was generally well received too. XCOM 2 was released in February of 2016 and made some more incremental upgrades – new soldier and enemy types, a brand-new campaign story where humans lost the first XCOM war and you are now overseeing a human resistance, and some new mechanics around squad concealment and mission/campaign timers. It was, again, generally well received but my impression of it and its reception was along the lines of "This feels like another expansion pack." That's a bit unfair, as a lot changed, but it didn't have the feel of drastic change.  

This year's XCOM 2 expansion, War of the Chosen, feels revolutionary. I hopped back in after not having played much (at all, maybe?) since the winter of 2016. War of the Chosen doesn't just add new factions and soldier types for both you and your opponents, but deep stories around them and systems upon systems upon systems that govern how you and your soldiers interact with the world, prioritize missions, and generally think about and play the game. I was enjoying myself with it but feeling a little overwhelmed, so I did a quick Google search for expansion-specific info and tips. I found one key video from Eurogamer.com that spelled out 112 new things from this expansion. War of the Chosen launches as its own executable. For my money, War of the Chosen is XCOM 3 and may be the game on this list I come back to the most often from this list. Enabling that is the ability to create a character pool, ensuring my new recruits are named after friends, family, and people I follow in the gaming industry. There's a certain satisfaction above and beyond just finishing a mission when you're able to bring home your best friend, cigarette and all, and his clutch grenade landed the final blow on the final enemy, or destroyed that alien's cover to allow someone else to take a better shot.  

6. Destiny 2

Destiny 2 occupies a weird place, where it will probably have a place on this list for many years as one of those "live games" I mentioned all the way back in item #17, like 2,100 words ago. For many players, the original Destiny launched to great hype, disappointed, and rallied thanks to post-launch support from developer Bungie. I had a different experience, being excited at the launch as many but quickly realizing my own worsening chronic health condition made playing a game where you are always online and can't pause in the middle of a battle a non-starter. To be fair, this is also a problem for other groups of people like "parents" and "non-crazy people," but it forced me to reevaluate what kinds of games I could play and what experiences like this, which seemed to becoming more normalized, meant for me.  

Destiny 2 launched almost a year after I underwent surgery to correct that health problem. What Destiny 2 really is, when viewed with a harsh critical eye, is a mediocre story with a loot grinding treadmill enabled through various types of events that can be done solo or with groups designed to keep that treadmill moving, all supported by some beautiful graphics and tight first-person shooting combat. With the game's first expansion just launched, there's still some unrest in the community about high-level post-game content, but for someone like me who wants to play for a few hours a week, get my few high level guaranteed gear drops, and check in after the weekly reset – it's fine. The fact that I can put in hours grinding for an exotic gun or armor piece means more to me than the frustration of never finding it, or finding it a day before everyone can just buy it from the weekend exotic item vendor.  What elevates this for me over games I LOVED like Tacoma and XCOM: WotC is what Destiny 2 represents in terms of the ability to experience a game like this without fear or anxiety beyond my control.

5. Heat Signature

Heat Signature has a simple but effective elevator pitch: Hotline Miami's top down look and combat, but in space in the future and with the ability to pause at any moment to get your bearings and plot your kick-ass next move. This is all enabled by standard weapons of combat like wrenches, swords, and various guns, but also with items that let you teleport (yourself or enemies) or hack electronic systems and turrets or even turn shielded enemies' weapons against them by making sure those shields reflect bullets fired from inside them instead of out. There's a satisfying story and strategy layer that sits above all of this, but the draw is really figuring out if you can stealth your way through a ship, get the cargo you came to steal or hostage you came to rescue, and then escape unseen...or knock out every bastard in your way including the ship's captain and fly his own vessel back to your home. There's even a set of tactical considerations in planning your mission loadout – do you take a grenade launcher to deal with armored enemies you know will be on the ship you're infiltrating, or do you go for the bonus objective of not killing any enemies? Or maybe you don't care about the no killing bonus but don't have a grenade launcher to deal with those armored enemies, so you take a teleporter who can launch enemies into space, and a shotgun that can't pierce their armor but sure as hell can blow up explosive canisters, sending them and you into space where they'll suffocate but you can maneuver your transport pod to pick you up, return you to the enemy ship, and carry on with your mission. I feel like Heat Signature is a game I can play for years and never begin to scratch the surface of what it allows with systems and weapons interaction because I’m just not that creative.

4.  Night in the Woods

Night in the Woods can best be described, in terms of gameplay, as a combination 2d walking simulator and adventure game with some slight branching paths. I realize this might not be everyone's bag, but this speaks to me. It also has anthropomorphic animals as its characters in a really unique animation style that makes looking at it for 10-12 hours pleasant. There are some light puzzle elements that were frustrating because I tried to play them on a new, improperly calibrated tv, so the truth is that's on me. These sections also involved finding ghostly musicians who ended up playing a more chill Golgo Bordello-style track in each segment that made it all worth it. All these elements would add up to a game that probably struggled to crack my top 10 this year.  

Where Night in the Woods becomes something special is in its treatment of the three main characters, its environment, and the secondary characters. Set in a dying rust belt town, Night in the Woods tells a story centered on Mae – a recent college dropout returned home – and her friends Greg – a loveable burnout – and Bea – an ambitious woman pushed into the family-owned retail business by financial realities. How these three interact in this dying town makes up the core of the game, and I found it all too easy to see myself or parts of myself or alternative versions of myself in each of these main characters, especially having grown up in a dying rust belt town. Even the secondary characters interactions have some weight behind them, from the genuine love and warmth I felt from Mae's mother that was tinged with some serious conflict at time to the two...let's say "yokels" who stand outside a bar and trade empty platitudes about the local sports (I assumed football? I don't recall know if it was ever spelled out) team. Even those two characters, who do nothing else, have a bit of an arc between them.  

I think it's unfair to say Night in the Woods has "a message," and more accurate to say it has multiple messages. You may click with some and not others, all of them, or absolutely none of them. For me, a LOT of Night in the Woods hit home. I don't know if I'll ever pick it up and play it again to see paths I didn't take, but what I did see is going to stick with me if I never launch it again.

3. PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds

It's hard to ignore a game that's sold 24 million copies and dethroned DOTA 2 as Steam's most concurrently played game. Those two facts would have probably placed PUBG on my Game of the Year list alone, but the fact that I had a blast playing and watching PUBG meant that I couldn't justify it being any lower than 3 on this year's list. And I have such strong feelings about my numbers 1 and 2 games that I can't see anything else having been released that would have topped this.  

By now, if you follow games, you know PUBG is a Battle Royale/Hunger Games inspired multiplayer game where 100 players are thrown onto a plane, parachute out over an island, and then scavenge for weapons, armor, and other helpful equipment in an attempt to be the last man or woman standing. In addition to other humans, there are occasional bomb zones that can kill you, and a creeping blue wall of electricity pushing the action towards a more and more constrained circle. I'm terrible at multiplayer shooters, but something about PUBG hooked me. There's never been a multiplayer game like this where I both went into each round expecting to die quickly but walked out of every round, regardless of how I did, tense. I wanted to do well, didn't expect to, but the uncertainty of every encounter just ratcheted the adrenaline up a notch.  This is also one of a few games I've enjoyed watching as much as playing, thanks largely to Giant Bomb's regular Murder Island feature. It's a game where watching people play well is as rewarding as watching a squad bumble around on the outskirts of the map, struggle to find weapons or vehicles, and then die due the blue wall. Some of that probably has to do with the squads I was watching, but I still had a hell of a time with PUBG in 2017. And for the record: Solo 5th with one kill once, 5th with 0 kills once, and I doubt I'll ever top either of those rounds. Although it won't be for trying.  

2. Super Mario Odyssey and 1. Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus

I have a hard time thinking of these games separately because of how complementary they are in broad strokes. It also doesn't hurt that they were released on the same day (October 27th) and were so good and felt so essential that I felt like I couldn't even think about Assassin's Creed: Origins until I had finished both of these games, and I've loved a lot of Assassin's Creed games.  

Super Mario Odyssey is a 3d platformer where our titular hero terrorizes multiple worlds by asking its inhabitants to consider what it means to be "alive" or "conscious" by invading their bodies with the aid of magic hat. Kidding, of course, it's a lighthearted game where Mario's new power is using Cappy, the aforementioned sentient hat, to possess other things in the world (living and not) in order to use those things' means of travel or tools to solve puzzles and reach areas he couldn't have before. This is all done to find Power Moons, some of which are hidden and some of which are out in the open and only hidden behind what creature you need to use to reach them. This is all being done in service of powering up Mario's new ship, the Odyssey, so he can fly after the kidnapped Princess Peach and Bowser to prevent the former's forced marriage to the later. The less said about the story the better, not because it reinforces tired damsel in distress tropes (it does, even if Peach gets a pretty cool "liberated woman who don't need no man" post-credits life), but because it's old and boring. Mario has saved Peach in a million games and will continue to do so as long as Nintendo makes games. Where Odyssey excels is in creating fun worlds to explore where the payer is rewarded for asking "What if I jump here?" Or "Can I use this to get to that and then to here?" The power moons serve as a minor gate to moving from world to world through the story, with seemingly every bit of investigation and exploration resulting in another moon for the player. Odyssey is perfect to fire up for 15 minutes to find a moon or two, or to keep playing for hours because you want o know what's over that hill, or figure out how to get to that rooftop, or find the secret area in this 2d homage to the original Super Mario.  

Where Mario's story feels like a tacked-on afterthought to a brilliantly controlling and joyous game, Wolfenstein's story is THE reason to play it. Mechanically, I felt like Wolfenstein 2 was poor to passible, with bad systems for player feedback in its first-person combat, shooting that was okay but unrewarding thanks to bullet sponge enemies, and stealth sections or options that were terribly designed and implemented to the point of being detrimental from the game as a whole. I realize none of this sounds like a Game of the Year write-up, but my god the story this game tells and world it builds screams "Game of the Year 2017" to me.  

Where Mario was a lighthearted romp, the lighthearted moments in Wolfenstein come from a gallows humor where the world is in tatters. Picking up directly where Wolfenstein: The New Order left off, the Nazis won Word War II and we're in the 1960s where their control has spread to include the United States. The opening twenty minutes or so show a wheelchair bound BJ Blaskowicz fighting Nazis on his formerly secure commandeered U-Boat home, experiencing flashbacks to his childhood with a racist, wife-beating, anti-Semitic, abusive father, and witnessing the execution of a dear friend at the hands of an equally cartoonish Nazi villain. The rest of the game's combat that I denigrated earlier is absolutely worth enduring, even if on the lowest difficulty, to experience the world and character building Machine Games put into The New Colossus. Major and minor characters have conversations in the halls of your U-Boat, the Eva's Hammer, that flesh out their world and experiences under Nazi occupation. Encountering Grace and Horton are more impactful moments for what they say about building resistance movements and the importance of the act of fighting than more bombastic cutscenes that get more attention, like a jail break gone wrong or a rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, or even a scene somewhere unexpected with THAT Nazi leader and a surprising cameo from a terribly overrated actor. What's even more impressive is not that the unsettling part of Wolfenstein 2 is not asking the question "What if Nazis took over the US" but is in the subtle answer it provides to the question "How can this happen?" The presumed ease with which occupiers are met is shockingly relevant in how the roots of the video game's hypothetical spring from the unpleasant, unreckoned with roots of America's history with white supremacy and the supposition, too easily supported by facts, that oppression of others but comfortable for a ruling white class would go unchecked. Wolfenstein 2's 1960s America is not a funhouse mirror reflecting our current political climate back to us through a distorted lens, it is a microscope examining parts of our history and present that ruling classes try to minimize and gloss over or sweep under the rug.    

2017 has been an amazing year in games and, for many, an absolute trash fire in reality where we have to fight the rising tide of global fascism with marches and calls to elected officials whose loyalty to big money donors over constituent wishes is all too clear. Wolfenstein taps into this moment with biting satire – the profile of a "dapper Nazi" and two jackbooted thugs decrying political violence are just two examples where many exist – and a cathartic message that "Things may suck, but you can always find a reason to keep fighting." That's what I'm choosing to take from 2017, and Wolfenstein is the game for its time.