#listening to what other people tell me to abt covid!!!!

[neige-leblanche]

the frozen lake is sooooooo beautiful <3

[xstarlightxstarbrightx]

mini rambles #1

LISTEN I GOT COVID DON'T @ ME RN ALRIGHT.

okey cool back to me yapping as i continue to procrastinate Inazuma b/c FuCk InAzUmA

[ The Dainsleif Quest ]

Kaeya met Dainsleif here b/c he goes w/ Lumi just abt everywhere

yes i know they actually canonically meet later, dw abt it, i've already thought through e v e r y t h i n g

i'm just gonna say it. dainsleif doesn't help us as much as everyone says he does. he told us just as much abt our sibling as anyone else, the only difference is that he's actually met our sibling.

lumi has emotional turmoil abt 90% of the time whenever she hears abt her sibling, once again, being apart of the abyss order. it succ. why is this happening, bro

also the inverted statue was Fucking Terrifying(tm) to Lumi due to how she vibes w/ the world (and how i've h/c'd it so far), so yeah, that was a tummy twister right there.

[ Outside of Dainsleif Quest ]

while waiting for a Sign(tm) abt Inazuma, Lumi and Kaeya proceed to do the following:

solve a Ruin Guard problem in Liyue

somehow managed to keep Klee out of trouble for the most part in Mondstadt

run into and meet Mona (who found them both Particularly Interesting)

hang out a lot w/ Zhongli now that he's free to do things

discover that Third Round Knockout has discounts at 3pm b/c Zhongli likes to go there like every fuckin day. very nice.

meet Yun-Jin, Beidou, and Shenhe

fix the Jade Chamber

made a lot of pirate jokes abt Beidou (and Kaeya, on Lumi's part)

broke a mechanism in Liyue three times, much to Cloud Retainer's annoyance (don't ask)

became probably the most yapped abt duo in Liyue and Mondstadt combined (not for the reasons u'd think, they're known as "the Brats")

became well-known in Treasure Hoarder circles for a completely different reason from being "the Brats". if u mention the Traveler or her Mondstadt envoy around them, they either break out into a cold sweat and start shaking or they actively disappear. no one is sure why. Lumine and Kaeya do not elaborate.

have had to keep Paimon from breaking into the Golden House (four times, now).

obtained the Serenitea pot. Lumi couldn't figure out how to utilize it for a hot minute, which prompted a three day long journey into figuring out JUST what the fuck they needed to make a fucking bed.

[ Other Bits and Baubles I wanna Mention ]

Kaeya has had to keep Lumine from falling from like seven different scams. not b/c she's an idiot, but more b/c she likes to see how far the scammer is willing to go and tends to go overboard.

Lumine has become an insane penny pincher in a short amount of time. Kaeya is slightly intimidated by this; he's not sure how she keeps track of the Mora they get so meticulously--it's not like she's taking notes every time she collects a coin??? how the fuck does she know exactly where that 49 Mora came from????

Zhongli is often working at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor rn, giving the whole "normal dude" thing a try. He goes to Third Round Knockout every day at like 3pm (b/c they have discounts at that time and it's peak story telling time), and Lumi and Kaeya never miss a chance to sit in with him.

Paimon is a feral toddler who's OBSESSED w/ food. Lumine struggling to keep up w/ her demands but it's fine she's discovered the Frozen King Pig in Dragonspine. Also Xiangling sometimes stops by to cook for them now (Mondstadt was wild y'all).

Kaeya and Lumi work to build up their very tiny teapot abode during the small moments they have between adventuring and helping people out. It's ain't much but it's honest work.

[darlinghowl]

it’s the fact that roman genuinely wanted nothing to do with pierce, he wanted OUT he just wanted to make the new company with his siblings. he was so genuinely excited about it and then in last nights episode he’s begging them to just shut up about the deal and hang with connor like he doesn’t care he wants his money and he wants pierce now bc that’s what shiv and kendall want and it’s the three of them against everyone. but shiv and kendall are both 1) so focused on fucking over their dad they don’t care abt connor or roman and their feelings on anything it becomes all abt persuading roman to fuck over logan and 2) they’re both having side chats with sandi and mattson without the other siblings knowing they’re having these chats, lying about it and THEN they both have the NERVE to say roman betrayed them by sending the blandest happy birthday text to their dad i’ve ever heard in my life.

“‘take care’ was a little warm” take care is something my boss has said to me when i called in sick with covid like???? what do you fucking MEAN i hate to say logan was right but when he said they weren’t serious people he was so correct they are insane. like absolutely batshit insane and roman just wants to be with them and now he’s going back to logan because logan is the ONLY PERSON who agrees that mattson isn’t going back to the table and he’s telling roman he’s smart and he’s ‘listening’ to him and he’s telling him he NEEDS him when shiv and kendall seem not to it fucking sucks they’re literally creating their own hells every week it’s so genuinely heartbreaking and also maddening

[troglobite]

it’s really fucking hard (impossible) to have any kind of healthy reflection or growth when every time you try and be an honest & straightforward adult in a conversation, & try to be like “well, here are my feelings, but i get it, that doesn’t change anything. you asked, and i don’t want to lie or dump things on you, so here’s my answer”

only to be met w some of the guilt tripping passive aggressive manipulative shit that completely turns it around and blames it on you

and then it’s like

“....was what i said/did terrible? am i being unreasonable?”

i legitimately just can’t fucking tell anymore

every time i think i’ve made some kind of step of handling my feelings & situations on my own, every time i think there’s been progress in our relationship where we know and respect boundaries and needs, i’m wrong. 

and i’m sick of being wrong

and i’m sick of being paranoid and anxious that i’m always the idiot who’s not in the loop or in on the joke, who’s having something kept from them

i fucking hate it

i’m so tired

i’m trying so fucking hard to grow and be a decent person

and my life rn is literally: jobless, isolated at home until the pandemic is actually over, at LEAST three new medical diagnoses one of which is kind of scary just bc of what kind of meds i might have to take, fascism is on the rise, lgbtq people are getting murdered basically every day, and i have no independence or mobility on my own bc i am running out of money because again i do not have a fucking job and i CANNOT GET ONE BECAUSE OF THE PANDEMIC

i made so much progress in my life & was continuing on, and then the pandemic hit, &i’ve been gutpunched back so much and it FUCKING SUCKS.

and despite that, despite the fact that my base level anxiety is SO FUCKING HIGH that i CAN BARELY FUNCTION

i am trying to be a functional person in this relationship as much as i can

and instead of getting any grace or compassion or understanding or being met even halfway, i get blamed and gaslit and manipulated and guilted and all of this passive aggression

and i’m not trying to say she’s the villain here

but it’s impossible to NOT frame it that way

bc i am fucking trying and she appears to not be trying at all

and it hurts

it hurts to feel like you’re not worth any effort

you’re not worth listening to or respecting

you’re not worth the concern or consideration

i don’t get to be a part of any decisions

and it hurts, too, every time we’re watching tv and some parent on whatever we’re watching says “you stop living your life when you have kids. everything becomes about them. you do everything for them.”

and she just goes

“YEP”

it makes me wish i was dead

i don’t understand any world where that wouldn’t make me wish that

and she does it. all the fucking time.

so i’m sure to her, me not wanting her to do things THAT ARE UNDULY RISKY AND FUCKING DEADLY DURING A FUCKING PANDEMIC somehow seems to her like a fully grown kid demanding “more” of her bc i’m “selfish”

if there was no pandemic, i would never in a million years ask her not to go (which i didn’t even DO this time) or be AS SCARED as i am rn

but i guess that doesn’t matter

no matter how many conversations we have together abt how batshit other ppl are being abt the pandemic

she still does shit like this

and it’s like

no, i’m truly alone on this

literally no one in my life is like this

my friend of 16 years, who was great to talk to, even asked me

“what’s your limit?” wrt the pandemic

and i’m like

bro i just found out i have an autoimmune disorder. also i have access to information abt covid that you don’t bc our govt and media are failing us, on purpose.

my limit is when i won’t get covid anywhere i go

my limit is ZERO RISK

and that’s not stupid. it’s not. that’s a perfectly normal healthy perspective that our government SHOULD HAVE HAD.

this is terrifying and isolating and i just don’t even know what the fuck to do. 

[slytherinshua]

Sorry I meant to reply to your last message (I have a terrible habit of being social and then go radio silent for like a week after ahaha). I listened to a few of Hyunsang's songs and oh my goodness, genuinely is he ok?? They were really good and I loved them, but all the ones I heard were so sad?? Does he need a hug?? Who do I have to beat up?

Your post about people is so true though, it's honestly so hard to make friendships (or even just be nice to some people tbh). Sometimes you just don't vibe with a person, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean irl, there is someone in my friend group who I just don't vibe with at all, but all of my friends really like him and enjoy hanging out w him. It is quite hard sometimes to be friendly ahaha (it does make me feel like a horrible person tbh, but what can you do? But I think the whole thing of how he got into our friend group is a bit strange. Without context it sounds bad, but I promise it is genuinely kinda weird lol). But definitely if you ever find that our convo is too dry or weird, don't hesitate to tell me!! I think sometimes you have to prioritise your comfort and if the other person is willing to change, then that's probably a good sign!

I hope you are doing well! (I watched another clip from a Lucy concert and got jealous of you again 😡)

lol don’t worry at all!! LMAO STOP IJBOL 😭😭😭 it’s so true whenever i listen to hyunsang im like WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BOY?? imagine debuting with an ep titled “my poor lonely heart” AND EXPECTING PPL TO THINK UR FINE DIDJKS 😭😭 and if you watch any live performances or his covers HIS EYES LOOK SO SAD WHILE HE SINGS LIKE HE COULD CRY AT ANY MOMENT ☹️☹️☹️ so literally when he smiles I melt so much cause I’m not used to it anyway he’s so cute and I love him and his emo music and pretty voice 🥹🥹

yeah I feel it a lot lately cause I always want to be nice to everyone especially if they talk to me on my blog but if we don’t click after a bit of talking I feel awkward 😭😭😭 and they’ll keep messaging me and then idk what to do cause the conversations are literally like “hi hru” “I’m good wbu” AND THATS IT 💀💀💀 damn that must suck I’m sorry that’s a thing 😭😭 it’s even harder when it’s a friend group situation cause you can’t just stop talking to one person if they still have connections to all your other friends and you also can’t bring it up with your other friends cause they won’t see the problem :( but don’t worry our convos have been anything but dry since you first sent me an ask 🥹🥹 I love talking abt lucy or anything else with you I could do it all day lmao

I’m doing pretty good!! I have my first piano lesson in like 2 days.. I’m really nervous for it because it’s my first one in over a year since I took a break and it’s with a new teacher. I had lessons with her for a bit in 2020 but they were mostly over zoom because of covid. these ones are in person and I haven’t had in person lessons since 2019 🧍‍♀️ I also haven’t practiced piano since last year when I was taking lessons and even then I feel like I didn’t practice at all between lessons cause I was losing motivation.. so realistically I probably haven’t practiced properly and consistently for 2 years fml 😭😭 but hopefully everything will go well. I’m hoping I’ll like this teacher again I don’t really remember having an opinion on her when I had her 4 years ago, but I remember switching back to my old piano teacher who had moved to England since I was doing online lessons anyway. I’ve had her for around 6 years total so I’m very comfortable with her she’s basically made me the pianist I am today lol. but I think in person lessons would be beneficial which is why I’m trying this out instead.

I have nothing to help you about the jealousy but I did get the group photo back recently (kinda sad they didn’t give us 2 cause we did take 2 and I was so nervous when the first pic was taken that I didn’t have a pose and sangyeop was telling me that he was gonna do a flower pose and I didn’t know wtf a flower pose was until a day later when it clicked in my head LKSJSKS) but I am the one w the pink heart and yes I was RIGHT next to sangyeop and wonsang aka my bias and wrecker skdjsksk how did I survive

[namchyoon]

i agree with the sports/kpop comparison is valid as well. it reminds me of when (sorry bringing it back to 25 21 lol) but when those guys were arguing about what the players did wrong and played horribly and how heedo got mad & explained that they acted as if /they/ were the ones playing and felt all the emotions of it all. people get VERY heated about their teams and sports in general. i'm a sports fan as well but mostly cause i just enjoy it but not to the extent of music, BUT people DO get that crazy for their favorite players. if you never been to a sports event... like look at how they treated sports like it was ABOVE EVERYTHING during covid. like how they were literally having games and allowed to cheer yet bts had to have a concert in silence... like yeah, it's that serious and i wouldn't say its any different. people literally have fantasy leagues, managing teams (shoutout bts world) lmao. so why is one so acceptable and the other isn't? don't think they don't talk about their fav athlete less than us talking about the members

oh yeah the players getting mad thing is valid too bc it happens a lot even in my house while watching cricket where i have to be like guys we don't even play cricket 😭 even i get super heated abt my sports though like me on this blog is a very chill extremely easygoing person compared to me in a pub on f1 race weekends like. i am practically ice compared to that. 😭 (or even certain tennis matches against certain players i will not name) it genuinely is insane how sports fans get away with so much and i've had these same discussions irl bc whenever i tell someone i like bts, their first question is always dude aren't their fans crazy (including my friends' first reaction!!!) and every time i have to sit and explain to them why that's something that's ingrained in their thinking when they don't say the same thing about their favourite sports (for ref, my different friends are into: rugby, football, cricket, f1) and then i give them examples of the things those fans do which is when it Clicks for them bc so much of it is just preconceived notions or whatever they've heard from other people and it's annoying that i have to explain in the first place but i am glad that they actually listen 😭 [for a non-sports reference: every day, fans wait outside mannat (shah rukh khan's actual house that he lives in) and it's a literal tourist spot atp bc if you go anywhere near his place in bandra, auto drivers will ask you if you want to see it and tell me how that's not insane that they wait outside every day for a glimpse of him]

[fuck-customers]

content warning for: food/dieting, assault/abuse, general refusal to act like a decent human

so unbelievably tired of my stupid fucking coworker.

this bitch isn't even 21 and has a kid less than a year old (no hate on young parents, but this is an important detail) and just fucking refuses to stop causing problems for herself. she drinks, smokes, doesn't take care of herself (refuses to eat and constantly talks about how she's unhappy with her weight etc etc, which is triggering to me, who's recovering from a fucking eating disorder; refuses the take the medications prescribed to her for mental illness and other physical health issues; refuses to go to doctors appointments for said physical health issues), won't get vaccinated for covid (believes all the conspiracy theories abt infertility and other bullshit like she doesn't already have a fucking kid), won't wear her mask correctly ("i just can't breathe in it :/"), and won't do her fucking job half the time because she's too busy galavanting around the store with her boyfriend of a month and a half who she constantly says she wants to have another kid with.

today alone, while it's just been the two of us for several hours, she's disappeared outside to smoke, into the office to do fuck knows what, into the back room to do fuck knows what, never telling me if she's on break or doing training vids or supervisor bullshit or what. when she IS up front with me it's to hover around my shoulder watching me cash out rushes by myself, then to 'helpfully' tell me that one of the guys i cashed out was a fucking registered pedophile, as if i as a CSA survivor needed to know that, unprompted, in the middle of my work place, like it won't immediately send me into a panic attack

i told her i was going on my lunch and she went "oh :/ okay :/" and kept giving me miserable looks as she started cashing people out, as if i haven't been doing that by myself all fucking day.

i'm so tired of her self destructive immature bullshit flip-flopping. she's turning into my other supervisor who she constantly complains about and shit talks and yet goes out to parks to drink with on weekends. i liked her when i started working here a few months ago but at this point all i want her to do is shut the fuck up and do her job. i'm about to start telling her to stop "venting" at me because i can't take listening to all her petty self-caused problems; it's making my own mental health decline rapidly after i was actually making progress with myself

tl;dr fuck coworkers

[wlwrising]

i was tagged forever ago by @jaanoo to do this “get to know me better/20 questions” tag ty for tagging me :D

♡ what do you prefer to be called name-wises?

fiona is my name but i like being called fi and any other nicknames yall wna call me wld be cute i love being called nicknames

♡ when is your birthday?

my birthday is jan 22nd 

♡ where do you live?

i live in texas :) but i go to school out of state

♡ three things you’re doing right now?

um answering these q’s, listening to skip skip by purple kiss and procrastinating a few very easy hw assignments :p

♡ four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

uhhhh none rly unless kpop counts i havent rly watched anything new lately

♡ how is the pandemic treating you?

um its been up and down really thankfully only one of my family members have had covid but he is alright now. ive done a lot of thinking and reflecting on myself and i get rly sad sometimes about everything thats been happening but overall i think its been just ok which i am grateful for.

♡ song you can’t stop listening to right now?

staycs new mini ugh its been on repeat since monday i cant get enough also ive been listening to a lot of cherry bullet as well especially the cherry rush album.

♡ recommend a movie

well i am blanking on all the movies ive seen rn but ill always recommend the handmaiden :)

♡ how old are you?

19 :D cant believe im turning 20 in a couple months it feels strange

♡ school, university, occupation, other?

i am a junior in college rn, a communications design major :)

♡ do you prefer hot or cold?

cold c:

♡ name one fact others may not know about you.

i have a twin sister @/suminie ive been telling my online friends this and theyve been freaking out abt it lsdjkfsl its so funny

♡ are you shy?

yeah :( in person im pretty awkward and i hate it, but online im way more outgoing for obvious reasons

♡ do you have any preferred pronouns?

she/her :D

♡ any pet peeves?

ppl that talk over other ppl or ppl that dont make a conscious effort to make you feel like they are listening to you :/ that shit makes me feel like never talking again </3 

♡ what’s your favourite “dere” type?

uh idk :p

♡ rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

probably a 4 idk i dont do much and im really trying to change that about myself and nothing rly super amazing is happening in my life rn so yeah

♡ what’s your main blog?

this one :)

♡ list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

i have one sideblog @/dreamirene its just like an inspo dump blog but i havent used it in a while

♡ is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

uhh i say a lot of cringy things ironically i dnt know if it translates well but when i start saying something i usually cant stop for a while so ur just gna have to bear w me LOL but yeah also i like to be affectionate <3

ill tag @pegbot @suminie @eyelessmp3 @8126 @frappujinno @kangseulgie @snsdpop @yukika @korimi4 @moatual @cherryhub and anyone else tht wld wna do it idk <3

[dreamerology]

i was tagged by the loml @123dream to answer these 20 get to know me questions! thank u for tagging me hehe 💕

🦋what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

elliot or el! i don’t rly have a preference for either

🦋when is your birthday?

october 9

🦋where do you live?

canada 🦫

🦋three things you’re doing right now?

i just got home from work so im listening 2 music, snacking on a muffin & catching up w my roommate

🦋four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

i would definitely love to have more people to talk abt books w but im not overly interested in being involved in any of the fandoms

🦋how is the pandemic treating you?

awful lol our govt is handling it so poorly & im so tired of constantly feeling on edge and anxious when im at work/having to take the bus and it just seems like an endless cycle which like ☹️💔 it’s been 2 years since ive seen my gf and who knows when we’ll be able to travel again….i also just miss walking around malls & going escape rooms & board game cafes, stuff like that

🦋song you can’t stop listening to right now?

honey by halsey 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 (the entire album really…)

🦋recommend a movie

castle in the sky <3

🦋how old are you?

21! 22 soon 🤢

🦋school, university, occupation, other?

i currently work at two post secondary libraries! been at the one for 2 years and the other for a year (ignoring the months i was laid off from both bc of covid 🙄)

🦋do you prefer hot or cold?

cold bc at least u can continue to layer up for warmth….my anxiety has decided this summer that heat makes me claustrophobic and triggers panic attacks so im glad the weather is starting to cool off

🦋name one fact others may not know about you.

ive never been stung by a bee/wasp so im terrified im actually allergic even tho there isn’t that kind of severe reaction in my family lmao

🦋are you shy?

yes but not even in the cute way more so in the annoying and useless in social situations way

🦋what are your preferred pronouns?

they/them! at the moment im also ok w he/him

🦋any pet peeves?

people who r on the phone while they’re at like a checkout or expecting help from someone idk how else to describe it but every time a student comes to check out something while on the phone and i also have to talk to them i wanna smack the phone out of their hand

🦋what’s your favourite “dere” type?

could not tell u the definition of one of them sorry

🦋rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

6 maybe??? in a (temporary) full time job in my field which will hopefully lead to something more!!! and our work schedules just changed so ill actually be able to see my roommates every evening instead of once a week :D i just got back from an absolutely wonderful road trip! ive also picked up reading again which makes me really happy & fulfilled….if the panoramic wasn’t happening n i had a trip planned to see noah it would be even higher also once i get a better hold of my anxiety i’ll be unstoppable

🦋what’s your main blog?

dreamerology

🦋list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

im not active on any of them anymore like im barely active here lmaooo

🦋is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

sometimes i take a lot time to reply bc i overthink my messages rly bad if we’re just getting to know each other! but if we have something in common chances are i already consider us besties im just horrible at initiating convos

tagging some mutuals who r recently in my activity bc idk like anyone on here anymore 😢@softredvelvet @carnation-station @penpall @s00ft @leetaemn

[ryanberga]

tbh i’d love to see ur paragraphs abt ryan & i’m sure other people would too,,,,,,post it?👀

ok *deep breath*

we all always joke about ryan being this dumb himbo jock archetype to shane’s academically-inclined strange man archetype which is funny as hell those jokes are funny and all in good fun but!! let’s not forget that ryan is actually not dumb at all!

let’s talk about ryan & shane’s dynamic and the whole boogara vs. shaniac thing. there’s a decent amount of people who see ryan saying “i believe in ghosts & demons & the supernatural & funny little conspiracy theories,” and then they see shane saying “all that is bullshit, i’m a skeptic & i believe in science,” and they jump to the conclusion that therefore, shane is smart and ryan is dumb, or shane is smarter than ryan, and that’s simply not true!! ryan’s belief system is inherently different from shane’s, but that does not mean he is stupid for it! shane is very outwardly and vocally interested in things like history and science, and i think that’s another reason people tend to fall into the belief that shane is smart and ryan is dumb, but, again: simply not true! just because ryan isn’t as interested in typical academic pursuits doesn’t mean he’s dumb, and i think it’s actually a very problematic mindset to equate someone’s intelligence with like the core subjects you learn in school.

ok, now let’s talk about bfu. let’s talk about how bfu was entirely ryan’s brain baby and how groundbreaking the format of it was. let’s talk about how no other supernatural or true crime shows presented its information the way that bfu does. let’s talk about how when bfu started, ryan did 100% of the work for it. he did the research, the writing, the editing, etc etc all on his own. let’s talk about how much work he put into it and how passionate he was about it. let’s talk about how the format is so smartly done & unique & original. let’s also talk about how no matter how much evidence shane presents that directly contrasts ryan’s theories, ryan stays true to himself and believes in what he believes in and refuses to be swayed. let’s talk about how even when shane blatantly dismisses ryan’s beliefs or insults him or teases him for his beliefs, ryan doesn’t budge. i also think it’s so impressive that ryan remains genuinely curious about these things and continues to believe in these things even when someone (who he cares about & respects!) is consistently telling him his beliefs are bullshit.

ok, now let’s talk about watcher. i’m not going to talk about how much courage it must have taken to leave buzzfeed to create a completely original company because that goes without saying, and it’s been talked about enough before. instead, i’m going to talk about spooky small talk specifically for a second. the fact that both steven and shane have said that spooky small talk is the biggest undertaking that any of them pursued for any of their shows is! pretty impressive! the amount of work that had to have gone into that show is really mindblowing to think about, to have to deal with the scare actors and all the noises and getting through the maze while asking questions and staying engaged with the interviewee. it’s a lot to deal with, and ryan does it fantastically, and he makes it look so effortless, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to create.

and then there’s here’s what you do, which i think is a good example of ryan showing that he’s very smart when it comes to emotions and self-care. very often in hwyd, he talks about emotions and self-care in ways that surprise me with how succinctly he’s able to put sort of complex thoughts into words. personally, i also think he gives some of the best and most thoughtful answers (when they’re actually giving serious answers and not talking about piss & shit, that is).

and just a couple more things about ryan i want to point out before i finish this off: no matter what ryan does, in everything he pursues, he seems to me to remain completely genuine to who he was at the start of this all, way back when he was still making videos with brent. he never changes his belief system, no matter what shane or anyone else says to him. he remains compassionate and unashamedly himself in all his pursuits. everything he does is imbued with so much fun. he wants to have fun, and he wants his audience to have fun along with him, and i think it‘s very evident that this is the case.

also, if you listen to ryan speak, like, in watcher weeklys or hwyd or whatever? it seems to me like he says everything with intention, and it seems like most things he says are pretty well thought out (again, when he’s not being purposefully silly). also! he has a great vocabulary! as an english major myself, i am often surprised by some of the words he throws out very casually in conversation!

and one last point, bringing it back to my first paragraph: just because he’s not as into things like history and science, he is still very well-versed in a lot of other things that speak to an inherent intelligence. first of all, it’s been established that he knows tons about true crime and conspiracies and supernatural stuff. he’s also very well-versed in pop culture, and more than just movies & tv shows! he’s spoken lots about books, and music, and podcasts, and video games! (and also don’t forget that he’s mentioned multiple times how he maintained i believe a 3.9 gpa throughout all of high school & college while also involving himself in sports & extracurriculars & a fraternity! gpa is bullshit, but that’s still pretty impressive if you ask me!) 

(edit: also!! the fact that both shane and steven said ryan was the one who was the most prepared in terms of banging out content should something like a pandemic occur before covid was even a thing!! let’s not sleep on that fact, wow!)

((edit pt. 2: also! my total bad for not appreciating his sense of humor! he’s such a funny guy! and so quick-witted! i think his sense of humor on its own is enough to demonstrate how very obviously Not Dumb he is!))

tl;dr: does ryan lean into the dumb jock archetype? sometimes, yes, i think he does. i think he thinks it’s funny to play dumb (and it is!). but is ryan actually dumb? no fuckin way! ryan is smart & talented & very hard-working & passionate & just an all-around great guy. put some respect on his name

[helliontherapscallion]

omg pls share the story abt the lecture from that girl’s dad (only if u feel like it) but seriously ppl it’s not that hard to put a mask on to help the spread of a virus. just wear it, it keeps u safe. and for the ppl who don’t care then just wait til it affects u, bcs covid isn’t a game. I just wish ppl were more serious abt it

Ok so sit down and buckle up kiddos and grab some snacks bc this is a helluva ride

Little background info: I have been a section leader for both my junior and senior years now. When the new freshmen came in my first year of being section leader I was hyped as hell. And then this new freshman whips out a lighter and lights it WHILE WE’RE INSIDE THE SCHOOL MIGHT I ADD with a straight face looking off into the distance before we ask her to put it away. She also always has a pocket knife on her that we found on the ground during band camp. I’ll call her POS. 

I tried to like POS I really did, but then she turned out to be a bigoted racist asshole (she also drinks deer blood straight from the corpse and simps over jeffery dahmer so even more red flags). It was extremely hard for me to treat her like I did with the other people in my section, but I managed to treat her the same as the other people and avoided her for the most part (thank god she wasn’t in my subsection I would’ve actually gone insane)

Flash forward to this year. Covid was hitting full force and we had to quarantine for the first two months of our season setting us back by a lot. She was wishywashy about rejoining but as the most senior leader of my section my band director was on my ass about getting a straight answer from her and fast. So I kinda had to force her to give me an answer (which she told me she was doing it quickly which leads me to think she already knew she was doing it) so she already was going into the season hating my guts

When we finally had an in person rehearsal for the first time, she wasn’t wearing a mask so when I asked her where it was she looked at me like I was the dumbass and said in a matter-of-fact tone “it’s in my pocket” and pointed to the confederate flag bandana hanging out of her pocket. Those four words told me that this season was going to be a fuckin long one with her. I just deadpanned (she couldn’t see it tho bc mask, sunglasses, and floppy hat blocking my entire face) and said “I’d rather it be on your face. (band director and marching instructor’s names) will have my ass if they see you not wearing one.” She rolls her eyes and puts it on (at least it was over her nose)

A few months go by with me telling her constantly to put on a mask bc I am responsible for my section and I’d be damned if one of them got sick bc of one idiot being stupid that I could prevent. She is getting madder and madder with each passing rehearsal. 

Band camp rolls around and it changed from 5 13 hour days to 15 3 hour ones and I am already done with her bs. We get our dots and I mentally groan bc she’s next to me for the vast majority of the show. She is between me (an asthmatic) and my close friend (vvv immunocompromised and also hates her, I’ll call her S) so now I’m more worried about covid going around the section. It was in this time that I find out that at least 5 other people out of 20 also have pre existing conditions that make them susceptible. So now I make it even more my mission to make her wear a mask. 

It was in the middle of band camp when she is yet again not wearing a mask (we were just marching without instruments) and I turn to her and as kindly as possible (it was the second time that day) asked her to put on her mask. She once again rolls her eyes and says “ya know, (band director) walked past me 3 times and hasn’t said shit, so I think I’m gonna listen to him and not you.” S and another friend of mine looks over in shock cuz she just talked back to me. They were about to say something but I wove them off. POS wants to fuck with me? Fine. I’ll just go full force with this. She wants petty?? I’ll give her petty, I’ve been holding off all season. 

So I’m marching there for the next twenty minutes quietly seething and counting more aggressively. She’s getting annoyed, but I pull the section leader card and tell her that she needs to be counting as loud as I am bc her feet was lowkey off time. After we break off for a gush and go (very short water break), I go straight to my band director and use my limited water break to tell him what she told me. He apologizes and says that he thought she was just taking a breather. He tells her to put on a mask and she does so and glares at me the rest of the rehearsal. 

She blocks me on all social media and I obviously clown on her in private with the other section leader (he’s more of a pacifist and never really told her to wear a mask which kinda pissed me off but I understood) until she makes a passing comment to my other friend about using the knife she kept in her boot. Now he tells me cuz he’s a good friend and I’m shitting myself at that point bc holy shit I might get shanked. 

I think about telling the band director but I realize that there’s no proof of her saying this and she could easily get out of this so it’s kinda pointless to tell anyone. Plus if she did shank me, she’d get into so much trouble and I’d be laughing at her from my grave/hospital bed. 

Many rehearsals go by and she still refuses to wear a mask so after one rehearsal S and I went to the band director and reminded him about our conditions and told him about how we were worried for our safety (I also told him abotu the other vulunerable ppl in the section) and he says he’s gonna do something. Next rehearsal he gives POS a warning and she begrudgingly wears a mask for the rest of the rehearsal. The next rehearsal rolls by and she isn’t wearing a mask (again) and he sends her home. Major victory for S and I.

The next sectional tho was something I wasn’t expecting. I get there like 10 minutes before it starts like I usually do in a good mood. I get out of my car and go to grab my stuff when a massive white truck with a busted muffler pulls up into the parking space next to me with a cloud of black smoke. The window rolls down and reveals POS’s dad and POS herself in the passanger seat. 

Of course I’m thinking that this is the day I die and start mentally preparing to yell for help to my other section members 100 feet away on the field already.

Mans starts to lecture me saying things like “it’s unhealthy to wear a mask outside bc it’s like a pitri dish under there. 6th grade science!” (I am not joking or overexaggerating with this, he actually said that). I really wanted to say “well, 7th grade science says otherwise, but you wouldn’t know that bc I’m sure you didn’t pass 6th grade, but go off ig” but I didn’t bc I didn’t want to get shanked or disappear randomly. I just tell him that I am only doing what my band director told me to do and that there are tons of people (myself included) that can really get hurt from just being in contact with covid. He says that’s bullshit and tries to tell me that I’m an idiot before I cut him off by telling him once again that I am just trying to protect my section and that the sectional was going to start soon so I didn’t have the time for this. I walk away leaving him trying to keep talking to me and soon enough POS gets out of the car and follows me to the field giving me a smug smile on her unmasked face before she puts it on when she sees the other section leader stroll up. 

Lemme paint the picture for you: this guy (a 6′something burly guy in his 50′s that I know has like two felonies under his belt) pulls up next to me (a 5′2 17 year old ball of anxiety that drives a small yellow car) and starts to borderline yell at me. Traumatizing. I was shaking for the rest of the sectional and I spent the rest of the season looking over my shoulder looking for the glint of a knife swingin at me

Now I’m pretty sure she’s suspended bc she was caught with a knife on school property and she wore a confederate t-shirt to school, but I would be lying if I said I don’t still look over my shoulder or speed up when I drive past her house lmao

[woolieshubris]

5, 8, 12, 15, 19, 20, 22, 27, 29, 33, 34, 42, 49 >:)

Feel free to pick any 5 of these you wanna answer if there are too many!!! I’m just 👁👁 Looking ☺️

5) What do you wish more ppl knew abt autism? I wish people knew about what it ACTUALLY means, because I feel like there are a lot of misconceptions. Autistic characters on TV often don't help either cuz they dont usually explain what it actually is, but show a few vague traits. 8) If you have any, what are your special interests? Learning new things? Can that be one? I like to spend hours learning weird softwares and how to do extremely unuseful skills, such as hacking a 3ds, or learning live2d 12) Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them autistic. WAYYY TOO MANY. But my weirdest hc is link from botw! I just think hes neat + I like to play where he speaks the least possible and runs from everything. One of my favorite things in games is to see how far i can stretch mysterious silent protag, which I feel tends to lend itself to autistic characterization. 15) Have you ever recieved any accommodations for your autism in either school or work? Yes, I recently got my 504 done along with my Dx :) some of my accommodations mean I skip school assemblies and that teachers generally need to give me written instructions, because verbal ones I have a hard time remembering and keeping up with. 19) What kinds of things are sensory hell for you? School Assemblies, crowds when I am with a group (usually people I'm supposed to be watching) and many tourist attractions !! I get stressed out when strangers try to talk to me, so some clothes stores or any store where the attendees get money off commission is totally off limits to me basically. 20) What kinds of things are good sensory wise? I'm choosing to interpret this as "sensory heaven"? Dry rice/beans are really comforting to stick my hand in, typing on a computer is fun, and petting my birds. Also listening to music I know super well is fun! Listening to familiar music is one of my favorite active defenses against meltdowns. I often listen to music in one ear almost all of the time whenever I'm outside of my room. 22) Would you say you are proud to be autistic? I am much more open about it online than I am in my personal life, and that's mostly due to me masking very well. Most of the time, people cannot even tell when I'm distressed. I wouldn't say I'm proud or really ashamed. I feel more like I just am lol. 27) Do you have any vocal stims or echolalia? I normally don't due to masking, however cuz of covid times, I picked up the stim of any time I'm asked a question, I look at my bird n ask him what he thinks of it. I think my parents find it super annoying lol. 29) Are your friends/family accepting of your autism? I think so? But also people in my family and also some of my friends just literally don't understand it at all lol. They accept it because they have to, but I don't think they understand anything about autism other than misconceptions they've read and some people they've met. 33) Foods you are sensitive to (maybe because of bad texture for instance)? Fish,, sadly. I want to like fish really bad, but I cannot :( I don't know what it is. I also don't like soups. Only having liquids for a meal messes w/ my gut. 34) Do you enjoy hugs? Or are they sensory hell? No lol, I kind of hate hugs. I think it's mostly because I was forced to do them my entire life, than the sensory part. If I was given a choice to hug as a kid, rather than it being forced on me (quite literally sometimes) then I think I'd like it a lot more. 42) Tell us something about your special interest. I recently got a DS emulator working on my 3ds so I can play any DS game I want on it!! :) 49) What's something you find hard to do because of autism? My brain has a hard time differentiating between whining and sticking up for myself? Like I don't know what is stupid and what isn't? So I basically cannot stand up for myself or speak out about things that are bothering me. Same thing with differentiating between a normal request and something selfish. I just cannot do it. It's really difficult to explain to NT's tho, and they often r like

"noooo you cannot ask for too much from me :)))" which like, Lol I don't think you realize what kind of floodgates you are opening. Thank you for the questions <3

[drake-the-incubus]

Post Note: This is long and I’m sorry.

I want to expand on what I mean but not use that post to do so.

Believe it or not, “x is a sign of y” isn’t as harmful as everyone is screaming about.

For example, my knees. I intermittently use a cane. Recently I haven’t had to use it- or I’ve forgotten it- but I have had days where I needed it.

I’ve had bad knee pain for a long ass time. Issues with pain in my legs in general.

But a lot of the time it would be a dull throb and I was fairly active as a kid and teen.

I also have a joint cracking problem. And I don’t mean I’m purposefully cracking my joints- though I do- I mean I’ve earned the nickname, “snap, crackle and pop” and “rice krispies”.

And my mom, when I was 12, went in for osteoarthritis and after years of pain finally found out she had a degenerating back that caused her back to create shards and she had a pinched cyatic nerve.

Forgive me as I’ve never seen this written down.

I’ve also had a problem with being incredibly sick as a child. Bronchitis to Bronchial Pneumonia almost yearly, and a couple of gland infections.

Do you know what mom tells me and I do?

Warning signs. Very common and not at all unusual warning signs.

I’m at risk for arthritis. In fact mom and I are both certain if it’s not there in my knees it’ll develop at some point.

In fact, earlier this year, I had back pain. God awful back pain. It ran down one leg at some point.

So I asked my mom because these were the symptoms for her issues. She told me to immediately see a doctor.

To most, that’s an overreaction. But it’s not.

I’ll round back to my sickly childhood.

I have a devil of a cough, I’ll hack up a lung if I have a fit. In fact if I’m ill I have the chance to seriously damage my throat- Halls my saviour.

I’ve had colds turn into serious medical issues because they don’t go away on their own, and what was considered a cold turned out to be an infection.

So now I’m hyper vigilant. A cold that last three days with medicine, I go to the doctor. If it’s just a cold, I’ll refuse their medicine, if it’s bronchitis, I’ve caught it early and now can avoid an emergency room visit.

Because of this sickly thing I’ve had for over two decades of my life- since I was an infant/toddler- I now have to tell people I live with, “hey if I’m sick too long tell me I’ll need to see a hospital”.

COVID came around and I literally got messages from multiple people worried I was going to die if I caught it, and I’m going to say, I’m terrified. I’ve been in the hospital multiple times due to illness, days away from being hospitalized.

The virus fucking terrified me. I’ve had more than ten scares of having it, with no idea what I should do, so I treated myself with care, waited for day three, when it didn’t come I was relieved.

I’ve nearly died twice to an allergic reaction, to this day, I’m deathly allergic to two things and I don’t know what they are.

I’m also allergic- but not even close to severe- to other things I can shrug off.

I’ve also had a negative general allergy test. It’s where I found out my blood type.

But I’ve had my throat slowly close up as I took a specific anti depressant. I didn’t notice until my tongue had started swelling in my mouth, that I had more itchy skin than usual and I was having breathing issues. I got told I was a few days out from actual death.

For mental health. I have very weird applications of symptoms.

I can tell if someone is angry or not, I can have genuine conversations with someone and notice minute details.

I’m also traumatized and was forced into recognizing emotions.

But I don’t know when to stop a conversation. I don’t know when to interpret someone’s polite way of ending something. I don’t know the social etiquette to not embarrass people. I can be sociable, but I hate people and I never seek them out myself.

I’m not the model someone looks to for an AFAB with autism.

My trans status really pushed the diagnosis.

But I do have the symptoms, they’re just not presenting in ways that make people scream autism- more like scream freak.

And as a teen I never knew I had it. But I found people who related to me outside of a psychological textbook who explained my issues and gave tips that worked for once.

I was Fourteen before it clicked in my parents were abusing me. That it wasn’t normal to stop and listen to make sure those were their footsteps. If they were coming to my room. How heavy? Is that anger?

I’d explain normal life things and get people telling me it wasn’t normal and I needed to be away from it. That the behaviour was terrifying.

That if my parents were threatening to beat me black and blue, I should be trying to get out.

Trauma causes memory issues? How would I know that as a teen going to the police and not being able to say anything other than, “they threaten me when I brush my teeth”.

A terrified seventeen year old, describing how they were punished and the police couldn’t take them seriously, as they sobbed and begged to not go back.

In a week I had to return because there was no where else to go.

I couldn’t tell the police office my parents threatened my life that night.

I couldn’t remember why I was convinced by my friends online to run away.

My teachers got mad: “Did you think of your grades, you’re graduating this year”

Not even thinking about how I was suffering so much I got sent to the councillor- and then dumped- multiple times for suicidal ideation and the absolute terror I had in ever speaking of my issues.

It took meeting someone who was traumatized to learn I had panic attacks.

“Go take Your medication they give you for anxiety, you’re having a panic attack”

I’ve had them since I was a child and it took frantically talking in a chat room to figure it out.

I got half my diagnoses from the people around me before medically getting them. And that’s not a joke.

I had abnormally painful periods for my entire childhood, and it took a friend telling me it was probably bad I needed my mom’s painkillers for her back sometimes to even exist.

And do you know what, extremely painful periods is a sign for something really bad. And about 1/3 of afabs have that experience.

It’s considered normal. And yet it can lead to a deadly disease if you’re not careful.

A painful boob can be breast cancer.

A cough and fever could be COVID.

People relatively will explain their experiences in a way that people see is normal.

Making it Hard to actually convey how these experiences are normal for US but they’re not normal.

“Haha I Just found out reading a lot as a kid was a sign of PTSD” isn’t someone taking the piss abt PTSD, it’s a common experience due to escape fantasies. I know a lot of people, most who hate reading now, that explained how they’d read for hours as a child to get out of life, sometimes pretending to be something better.

And so in good conscience, I can’t say that post is great.

TDLR; The post that insinuates “x is a sign of y” comes off as ableist, as my lived experiences I know where this comes from.

Sometimes minor things can be a sign of something major and ignoring it doesn’t help.

Physical and Mental health are hard to convey, and most of the time someone doesn’t have the language or forethought to in depth describe their experiences.

[punkwixes]

didn’t make a new years retrospective really, haven’t ever done it in the past. but now that i’m almost 5 days late, i’m like, sure! what the fuck! here’s what’s happened in my life in the past year for anyone who might be wondering where i’ve been:

weirdly, the pandemic didn’t affect my life too much, except that my job was different for about six months. it was fine. increased risk of getting covid but that’s basically everywhere [i could get a job] these days, so i don’t regret trading retail for a nursing home back in 2018. at least the nursing home is really responsible about it all.

march-june didn’t really exist for me lmao

went back to college. majoring in social work and gerontology rn, Maybe That’ll Change, we’ll see.

the pandemic affected that. everything’s been online, my first in-person class is two weeks from today. 

got diagnosed w adhd because of The Above Reasons mostly

got a 4.0 for my first semester. i think i ended my freshman year at onu with a 2.8 or some shit so this is pretty good!

honestly doing Okay with depression and stuff. still struggling with executive dysfunction, juggling chores and cleaning w/ life, and i’m sure working full-time while doing full-time college isn’t, like, helping.

just been busy, mostly.

haven’t done a lot of art and shit, but i’m proud of what i did do!

i AM (as of, like, three days ago) writing fic again, though. so... we’ll see. it’s been three years since i’ve published something that wasn’t original! wrow.

i think my practical resolution is to be better about cleaning & keeping up with chores, do things before i get overwhelmed b/c i HAVEN’T done them. this includes homework.

other resolution is that i really do want to publish fic this year! i want to put whatever bullshit i want out there on the internet! i’ve mostly been writing original fiction for Exactly Two People over the last few years & it’s a very lonely existence.

i guess... the only other thing i wanna say is that i was thinking abt how i haven’t been here b/c i, like, escaped my Shit Family in 2017 and moved states (OH -> NC) and that was hard! it still is hard! it was a weird transition to go from, like, “what i do when i come home from college is listen to a podcast and write fic” directly to “what i do when i come home from work is lie facedown on my air mattress and think about doing dishes and worry about what time i have to take the bus tomorrow”. luckily, things have improved since then, and i’m glad for it!

so i’ve been posting less and less just because i have a lot of irl stuff to do! (and also because, i’m living with the person i usually reblogged stuff for on here, so, like, when i want to show her a post i just slide my phone over)

but now that i’m three (???) years out, i can safely say that it’s worth it. i was talking about this with laura the other day, i think? there’s something about being An Adult (lmao) that i never thought about, which is the freedom to just... do what i want. this can be good or bad, obviously, but it’s been three years and i’m still getting hit in the face with the fact that i make my own money and i can do stuff like buy new clothes without needing to justify it. that’s something i didn’t feel when i was in college the first time, and i wish i could go back to december 2, 2017 and tell myself that it’ll all work out.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issues 4&5

its delphi time babey

I'm sorry but drift & co look like such fuckin nerds on their scooter things on the cover lmaooo

oh god. seeing the first page just reminded me of how horribly confused i was for this whole little arc the first time i read it. i was like ok, who are all these new characters, and also why does everyone look so similar

anyways now i now what's going on. i love first aid

love the running continuity of rung being the literal only psychologist on cybertron (except for fr*id but that's later). no wonder everyone's fucked up they all have to share a single therapist 

ok i find it extremely funny that first aid was demoted from doctor to nurse, as if that's a thing that happens EVER - I mean it'd be one thing if first aid was a nurse practitioner (which i doubt is a position that exists here), at least that demotion would make sense, but like...the doctors i work with don't know how to do most nurse stuff (like BP, cathing, vaccinations, hell even using some of the thermometers - that's all stuff nurses/etc do), so demoting one to a nurse would be a disaster (just like promoting a really good nurse to a doctor would be a bad idea). anyways i know I'm being pedantic but it Be like that when you work in the medical field and read something that has medicine-related stuff in it

i love swerve giving ratchet the tiniest free drink ever lmaooo

is that skids being a rowdy drunk in the bg lmaoooo

unironically i love medical statistics. keep it comin

i love magnus’s giant sternal chestpiece thing. its like a bird’s sternum but without the massive pec muscles attached 

i love magnus and rodimus’s dynamic so much

oh pipes....im so sorry but this fun space adventure is going to be not so much fun for you

ratchets ideologies are certainly interesting, and i liked seeing how they changed over the course of the story

drift: why would i be SCARED of the DJD, I've got a SWORD, two swords even,

hvbhajkhfbsdjkf pipes really said ‘oi, you two - what's this, then?’ that's the most british fucking thing, that's literally something i say when I'm doing an overexaggerated british accent, oh my god,

PIPES IS SUCH A TINY DUMBASS. ILY SIR BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

aaaand now you're covered in dead bodies, pipes. look at your life, look at your choices

drift epic sword moments

drift confirmed for the kinda weird guy who has katanas that he uses to like, cut up fruit and water bottles in his backyard while rodimus films him

‘i thought i heard...bickering’ lmaooooo

ah, so its covid

this arc is how i feel working in healthcare lmaooo especially now that i probably have covid 

so rewind condensed the entire war into an 11 second long cringe compilation. nice

seeing the mechanical stuff past tailgate’s visor is so cool

poor tailgate, this guy is getting slammed with history from multiple sides. and like, bias is inevitable in ANY sort of recounting of events, especially controversial historical events, so poor tg just kinda has to take it all in and decide who to listen to 

that’s...not really how immunity works, guys. also, you shouldn't be exposed to so much disease with proper ppe usage

is there even such thing as ppe in the transformers universe?? there are fluid- and contact-transmitted illnesses, so there SHOULD be

is there even OSHA in this universe??????? unbelievable 

first aid, holding a giant fucking claw clamp: we haven't tried EVERYTHING............

first aid read a human wikihow article on how to jumpstart a car and took notes 

i love tailgate’s ‘mom says its my turn on the xbox’ pose 

tailgate has a point - he’s from pre-war times, where things weren't as grey so of course he would try to divide the two sides into ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’

CYCLONUS BE NICE DONT HIT UR FUTURE HUSBAND

go get some character development and then maybe you'll feel better

seeing the word quarantine is making me twitchy w/my possible month-long complete isolation quarantine on the horizon

drift pulling his swords on pipes and ratchet pushing down drift’s arms...lmao

poor pipes...even tho this is completely his fault, its still rough

also jesus, pharma and ratchet look so goddamn similar, reading this was so confusing the first time around 

drifts idea of subduing pipes involves turning into a cool car and also posing with his sword

also. never gonna be over drift’s massive thighs. jesus man

ooof now drift has the rona. ouch 

poor drift, his covid realization is getting overshadowed by pharma being flung around

first aid bustin thru w/the epic medical nipple clamps and some Big Boi Backup

ok that's an epic pre-beatdown speech from fort max right there, daym 

im just gonna continue on w/issue 5 now for continuity’s sake. yay!

the cover of tailgate in magnus’s autobot school is so cute

and we open with an incredible shot of fort max str8 up ripping a guy in half. i mean, to be fair, he DID just give an epic speech about how much he was gonna do that, and he certainly followed thru

yeahhhhh, fort max is not doing so well atm

when he puts that dudes head in his chest vent thing and then snaps it shut....man 

also i fucking LOVE when their faces are shaded all in black w/only the eyes/mouth fully drawn...fantastic stuff

ratchet: phew i am not equipped to deal w/this level of Fucked Up Mental Trauma. u good m8?

ratchet is already writing up a referral to rung for fort max as this is happening

drift is just laying on the ground dying like, oh hey yeahh I'm still here too 

i fucking love when punctuation is drawn in story - like here where first aid has a little ? over his head....fav

ratchet holding drifts hand ;_; 

ok tbh ambulon having switched sides 10 yrs ago is wild bc like, 10 years is barely any time for these guys, especially in a war that lasted 4 million years. that would be like a human switching sides in a war like, 3 months before it ends. probably. i sense some math bs, I'm just extrapolating here

all that mexican standoff shit is going down and first aid is just like But That's None Of My Business

ah so ambulon is an asymptomatic carrier 

and there's first aid with the save! iconic

pharma calling ratchet ‘buddy’ hbvakjdsbfhkasdf

ooooh i love that they figured it out - and i love that twist, that transforming is what triggers the start of symptoms. remember when drift turned into a cool car? yep

s/o to Ambulon Transformers for helping me in my medical terminology courses, bc now ill always remember: Leg(tm)

also this explanation makes a ton more sense (in universe, at least) than the whole ‘i guess we as medical staff have been exposed to enough Germz that we’re more immune to this or something’ theory 

ah, i love the meaningless (to me) alien robot medical jargon 

drift and ratchet hhhhhhhhh

‘I'm too wide’ fort max L O R G E

also once again drift is forgotten in favor of a bunch of other dramatic stuff happening vbhjksdfbjhskdf

godddd i love tailgates little flashbacks where we see how Important and Special he is, complete with his ‘bomb disposal’ arm label...augh its so good! 

and tailgate’s autopedia page even reflects his lies! like, did tailgate go edit that first thing upon waking up??? seriously, I'm fascinated by tailgate’s meticulous dedication to his fake life

also the fact that ultra magnus believes everything he read on autopedia is amazing lmao

ultra magnus: you think somebody would just go on the internet and tell lies? 

fuckgin love magnus’s long ass name/title placard 

tailgate hvbahjkdfbjhaskf i mean, he’s gotten the abridged version of everything else, of course he would assume that’d be the case here too...but not on magnus’s watch

magnus cant even say ‘fun’ hvukdasdbjfkjsadf i love my uptight law dad

love rung implying that upon questioning, he would easily divulge a patient’s name and maybe even information about said patient’s treatment while under him....love the disregard for patient confidentiality and hipaa in general 

not that hipaa seems to exist here, at least not in a fully realized form 

also i mean the above genuinely, i think rung’s tendency towards at least slight malpractice is very interesting 

poor red alert....super bad luck that HE was the guy to get roped up in that overlord business 

I'm glad that, at the very least, red alert was able to prove that he was Actually hearing something to rung, rather than get brushed off completely 

god magnus and tailgate’s interactions are golden 

also tg is much more sarcastic/quippy than anyone gives him credit for tbh

‘thought warfare,’ ultra magnus says with complete seriousness. god i fucking love this comic

now i can tell pharma apart from ratchet bc pharma has let his true Petty Bitch nature emerge and you can see it in his expressions

the whole ‘tarn is addicted to transforming’ thing didn't really go anywhere, right? i feel like i noticed that on my second readthru as well 

also pharma is such an interesting character given the context of him like, trying to strike a bargain w/the djd to keep them from destroying delphi, but that arrangement inevitably kinda making him lose it as the situation escalates. he’s also just really entertaining bc i feel like he kins the joker or st and probably gets into really heated arguments w/people on twitter about just abt anything

‘sound bomb’ i love this comic

another important facet of pharma’s character becomes clear around this time as well - how he’s really into ratchet. i also choose to read them as awful exes tbh, it makes their dynamic even more entertaining

‘killmaster, with the wand’ is one of my favorite running remarks lmao

also, was killmaster even a character before mtmte? or, if he was, was he an important one? it would crack me up the most if he literally didn't exist at all, but any way you spin it is still funny 

ratchet’s tiny humansona facing off against pharma is wild

‘I'm miles from anyone i truly care about’ brutal, ratchet, drift is dying like 2 floors away (im p sure)

SUDDENLY DRIFT IS HERE, ACTUALLY 

oh don't worry first aid, that sure isn't the last we’ll be seeing of pharma 

so like, did first aid save everyone by posting that data log to his wreckers fan blog or something? lmao love it 

i love the pretty fucked up reveal of ratchet having stolen pharma’s hands. like, damn dude. 

and that wraps up the delphi arc! our first true ‘arc’ of mtmte, and a fantastic one at that. short and snappy and fresh, with some very clever writing and cool new characters, and a lot of great plot threads to be picked up later. plus, we got to see the beginnings of drift and ratchet’s whole thing (and ratchet and pharmas whole thing). and the lost light gets some much needed extra medical staff, so everyone wins! 

well, we’ll see how fort max feels about this all pretty soon.....

[edds-fuxking-corner]

dear diary, it's been a while

so my doctor told me a while back I have insulin resistance and vitamin D deficiency (which explains a lot) and I'm sure sth is going on with my cycle bc I keep feeling like shit before my period. the only time I didn't feel like shit was the previous month, when I'd fixed my diet but then I got covid and food poisoning and went on vacation and now I'm back home alone and its fucked up again and idk if I have the willpower to bring it under control again especially when there aren't others around (I rlly have to look more into this shit i do, acting "proper" when others can see what I do)

so anyways that was supposed to be a catch-up but I started thinking again. now time for the venting

so one of my friends got on my nerves bc I felt like she acted bitter towards me going on vacation this specific time (I mean, these were the dates my brother was free). and I got more mad when the few times we hang out she'd message her other friends of her bf and listen to their am and answer them with her own am but when I'd send her an am and she was with her other friends she'd always tell me she can't listen to it bc she'd outside. and then she was supposed to go to the city on Tuesday so i planned to leave the earliest I could, on Wednesday, and she ended up leaving on Thursday and staying with her bf until today, when she was supposed to come to me but she ended up going back to her own house bc her brother would come back and she didn't want her folks to find out she was in the city I live. and I hate this, I feel neglected, I feel like she keeps choosing others over me, but I can't tell her anything abt it because she listens to me, she helped me when I broke down and when we thought I had covid, she started using my name and pronouns right away and she was very understanding when I came out and she's really fucking amazing and supportive and I feel like i'm asking too much already and I'm just looking at a gifted donkey's teeth

and then there's my other friend, it's also a similar situation with them. when we were hanging out the other day, after MONTHS, they kept texting to their bf but now I've send them messages since more than ten hours ago but they haven't even read them and a mutual friend has uploaded pics of them so ik they're awake and fine, they've just decided what is more important, and I guess that's not me. and I can't talk to them either abt it because they've also been really supportive and they've been there for me so long, but also because, xue to their trauma, they'd feel guilty and if what I'm feeling is true, they wouldn't admit it bc they're a people pleaser

I just want to stop talking to everyone, stop texting first and see who will text me just to text me, not to ask for help or advice or to vent. I wanna leave and be by myself, that way I can't be hurt by anyone

ye and taking abt this, today I went to get some engineering notes from a dude and after I got them I realised I hadn't registered on those two classes in which I have rlly good notes, so I can't take part in the exams, and those two exams were the only ones I was sure I'd pass, so now I have to study for the harder ones and I started getting anxious and afraid that I won't pass and I started thinking "well I won't pass anyway so why try?" and I hate this i hate this so much i wanna start studying, I wanna learn, i wanna pass my fucking classes but I'm too afraid of failure to even try and I want this to stop

also I've asked my brother if he'd belf me find a psychologist and he said yes but knowing him he'll just forget it however many times I remind him so ye what even us the point of living Lmfao most things feel just like a simulation anyway