#listen to me jive loves his baby so fucking much

[sirveltic]

He's not a perfect dad, but he tries his best

[phantastus]

character bingo.. 👀👀 Harry Mason..????

KING........

"obsessed with their character arc". Despite happening like completely offscreen I think Harry's entire post-SH1 period where he had to firstly accept that this baby would NEVER go back to being his lost Cheryl exactly the way she was, SECONDLY have to grapple with the fact that he doesn't even actually know for sure this baby isn't the demon god equivalent of a fucking cuckoo bird, ACTIVELY WEIGH THE RISKS of raising and loving a child who literally might be the harbinger of the apocalypse vs. murdering said child but potentially saving the world by doing so, and CHOOSING TO RAISE AND LOVE THE CHILD???? Is one of the most interesting characterizations in the whole series. There was no choice he could have made that didn't have horrific potential consequences attached to it, but even though he literally gambled with the fate of the world by doing what he did, IT PAID OFF and his fucked up reincarnate kid saved the world BECAUSE HE BELIEVED IN HER sobbing and wailing and tearing at my hair.

"done dirty by the creators". SHSM has its merits and is by no means a BAD game but it is forever one of my pettiest peeves that the people who made it considered it to be "fixing" Harry as a character and made a whole hamfisted point about ooOOOooo the perfect Harry Mason you THOUGHT was real is just a childish fantasyyyYYYYyyyyyYYY real people have FLAAAAWWWWWSSS. (Yes I know they weren't the actual creators, but ykwim). Never mind that original-flavor Harry admits to being two seconds away from literally murdering a baby but GO OFF I GUESS.

"constantly listening to songs and etc". THROWS SOME HARRY MASON MUSIC AT U. "This Dark and Twisty Road" (Abney Park), "Don't Fear the Reaper" (Blue Oyster Cult), "Giving In" (Saltillo), "Fourth of July" (Sufjan Stevens), "How I Go" (Yellowcard), "The Lightning Strike" (Snow Patrol). (Trying to pick ones that aren't the result of fanfic brainrot because it turns out a lot of the music I have for SH characters is fitting mainly because of stuff I literally made up sdglh).

"not enough screentime". Okay so like I wouldn't necessarily change anything about SH3 but I still really wish we'd gotten to see a little of him BEFORE he died. :(

"they've never done anything wrong in their life". Ignore what I said about almost murdering a baby and/or risking the fate of the world HARRY MASON HAS NEVER DONE A BAD THING IN HIS LIFE

"my opinions would be received with wasps". This is actually kind of a weird one because it's not so much my opinions as it is bizarre canon details that didn't really jive with me (but that I eventually just incorporated into my interpretation because I couldn't ignore them). Some details in SH3 seem to imply that Harry is a devout church-goer (which is like??????? ok), and the novelization puts a kind of hilarious amount of emphasis on Harry being obsessed with the right to bear arms because how else is he going to protect his CHILD from SERIAL KILLERS like ALBERT FISH! SO I kind of interpret younger-Harry as a nice but kind of traditional small-town guy with slightly more rigid ~American Values~ and then after SH1 he chills way the fuck out (except for the gun stuff I guess, SOMEONE taught Heather how to fire all those weapons lmfao). This is, for reasons I COMPLETELY understand, not a common interpretation of him in fandom. IDK why those weird details were written in. Who did that. Why does Heather specifically mention calling "the church" for help in SH3 and leave a big honking cross necklace on his body. These are questions that I don't know the answer to.

[fisherfurbearer]

Sad times today. Rupert is going to the vet to be put to sleep.

I love him so much, I cried a lot last night over this. I've been bracing myself for this day for weeks. He's been slowing down a lot, he can't climb like the others, there's something wrong with his lower half that he can't lift himself and walk properly. He can only drag himself around, and while he does get around pretty fast and still enjoys digging around, eating treats, and snuggling with Lisp and Java...he's getting to the point where he can't clean his rear end, and is starting to smell from dragging himself in urine...no matter how much I clean their bedding, because he can't lift himself up, he pees on himself, and it can't be hygenic or okay...

I don't really know what else to say.

I know I made a big song and dance over how much I really really wanted rats, building this huge over-the-top ridiculous enclosure for them, planning so far ahead and going overboard (AS PER USUAL, RIGHT?) and thinking I was doing a good job because I researched for so long, thinking I thought of everything...but then the fire happened and the enclosure was halfway done (top two parts weren't finished, bottom 4'x2'x2.5' one was so the baby boys lived there) and I lost so much motivation and time to work on it...we had to move around a lot and then landlord (Jessie's parents actually) said they had to live in the (unfinished) basement because the upstairs was carpeted. Turns out the basement fucking floods when it rains, and it got so hard for me to care for them down there, not seeing them all the time like when they used to be right in our bedroom, it just...fucked up so much.

Lost Python to a horrible URI and overall failure to thrive. It was awful. I spent so many hours over so many days syringe feeding him food and water, he would perk up and have energy, then crash before we could call the vet, perk up so we'd keep going hoping he'd be ok, then crash, repeat...eventually he passed away on his own. It was awful. Lisp and Java and Rupert and Squealch (whom I adopted from a coworker before things got really bad, they ended up living in a seperate enclosure because Squealch was very rat aggressive) were all good but. Anyone who has had rats knows they're the most heartbreaking pets you can own and I should've fucking listened.

I never stopped loving them, but it was hard. Losing Python, feeling so hopeless, not having the energy to finish the rest of the enclosure (no point really, since I only had Java and Lisp left there, and Rupert and Squealch had their own space almost as big as theirs) But eventually I convinced everyone to let me move them upstairs, after our one roommate moved out and we had a spare bedroom. Things got a lot better for a while. This was mid-pandemic though, before I got the unemployment money, so finances were tight. The rats all seemed to perk up being closer to us and with more attention, and things were ok for a while. Then Squealch developed a tumor on his side...I had no money to take him in. I thought I was keeping a good eye on it, but he's so shy that he wouldn't come out all the way to see me when I'd check on them. I thought he was okay for a while but then very suddenly he developed a tumor on his face, his eye looked horrific, he was losing weight quickly. He was oldish? About 2.5 years old. But dammit I just. Wish I had taken him in sooner. I wish I had instead of letting him get this bad. Whatever. He was PTS a day or two after we noticed the face lump, now that I had money I could take care of him. I just wish he didn't suffer like he did.

Rupert is as old as Squealch, so he's more like. 2.75 years old, I guess. This is just his time, now.

It hurts so bad because...Python and Squealch weren't the nicest rats, no matter what we did. But Rupert is such a sweetie. He really wiggles his way into your heart...even though he's not okay right now, he loves pets, and exploring (to the best of his abilities), and treats, and loves his new brothers and they love him...I'm gonna cry again. I'm just glad he got to know Lisp and Java for a little while. They've been taking care of him. When I gave him a bath to clean up his pee stains, I used a blow dryer and towel to get him dry, but he couldn't reach his backside to get fully dry. Lisp and Java pounced on him and started grooming him all over, helping him reach where he couldn't. They're such good, good, good boys. I just wish I could've done better by them.

Sigh. Just. After losing Python the way we did, and then losing the love of my life Mr. Jinx (I'm...still not over that cat. How can I be?), and going through the first mice passing away/being pts because of various old age mousy problems, and seeing our last old man rats deteriorate like this...I don't think I can do it anymore.

I should've listened, when people talked about how HEARTBREAKING rats are. But I got them before I REALLY knew what losing a pet was like. I've learned a lot about life/death and myself since then. A LOT of crazy life stuff has happened, too much to talk about here, and it's just...

I HATE that I wasted so much time/energy/excitement/money but...I think these will be our last rats. After Java and Lisp, we'll be closing the rat chapter of our lives. I love them so so so much...an unbelievable amount. They really are amazing little animals. But they are JUST big enough and they live JUST long enough...and the fact that they get elderly so quickly, and slow down so much...it's too much. I can't keep going through this.

I'm glad that I've learned that the mice are a much better fit for me, somehow, even though they live even shorter lives...somehow that's been working out much better for me? I guess it's because they live so fast and die so fast, it's always something that I understand will happen, but with rats they're there for just enough changes of the seasons that it feels like they've been here forever and losing them is...just So much harder on me. At least, I know I'll be keeping mice for a long while yet. They really jive with me and I'm very happy with how they fit into my life. But the rats...I feel like I've just fucked up so much with them, and I regret that all of this even happened, but I know I did my best, I know THEY weren't unhappy all in all, and that they liked us a lot and we loved them so much...it's just...too much for me, these days. And that's okay.

So. Goodnight, sweet prince Rupert. I love you impossibly so. I just. Never want you to get to the point of suffering. I hope you've had a nice last night with your new brothers. I'm sorry that you couldn't live forever.

[thestarlightsymphony]

Do you by chance have like anything written or something like that for the character traits/personalities of everyone on the BeBop? You just write them all so accurately and I'd love to just study off you and I hope there would some way for you to share your knowledge, if not I completely understand. I've been writing my own fic and honestly it's like baby shit when compared to your accuracy!!

heart eyes motherfucker

You Have No Idea What That Means To Me Holy Shit. I would love to share my knowledge! But also, I will say: Every person’s interpretation of this crew will (and should!) be a little different! Something I identify in them may not be what you see or jive with, so take my words as one interpretation and not Bebop Gospel, as it were ;) 

Um??? Where do I start?? Well.... an easy one is I’ve rewatched Cowboy Bebop about a thousand times at this point and I’ve Taken Notes. Physical movements, identified particular wordings, focused on their actions and reactions to each other. I reference specific scenes a lot in Spike’s nightmares and internal exploration bc I really wanted to draw on the source material and have it be a literal Part of the story. I’d also really recommend looking up Session XX if you haven’t already; a hefty amount of Faye’s growth came from analyzing her sessions, but also seeing where she falls at the End of Cowboy Bebop vs. where she is during Session XX (which is arguably halfway through the show).

Next, and I’m fighting the instinct to be embarrassed by this, but I did a personality analysis using the Enneagram (kinda like the myers briggs but with fewer, more articulate options imo). My roommate’s hella into it and we’ve spent Hours talking about their personalities and lemme just say holy Shit I am convinced of several things:

Spike is an 8 wing 7 (impulsive, control-oriented, deflects, speaks with his actions, passionate, has a hard time being vulnerable especially emotionally, craves autonomy).

Faye is a 7 wing 8 (spontaneous, material, pleasure oriented/ indulgent, avoids negative feelings, self-reliant, craves independence).

They compliment each other. But they also have a high potential of clashing. I don’t use the enneagram as like a “this is the only inspiration for scenes i get” but it HAS helped me when i’ve been like “fuck how WOULD they respond? what makes the most logical sense?”

Bonus: Jet’s a 1 and Ed’s a 3 (i think). Ed’s harder to pin down bc she’s a kid, and I haven’t done as much exploring with them, but I think I’m still pretty good on those lines.

The hardest part of writing Bebop past Real Folk Blues is that the majority of the content we have for them is a lot of the growth happens at the Very End of the series. I’ve struggled with Faye bc most of her life we see on screen is about Running, and Keeping Moving and being so fucking mad that she has no past; when she finally remembers that past, it’s lost its weight, and then when she realizes she has a home, THAT gets broken, too. The last shots we have of Faye, she’s crying, heartbroken and angry and (in my interpretation) hella confused. I��ve struggled with Spike bc in the end, it’s hard to fathom what he’d be like after losing two of the largest reasons for being alive. In those last scenes with Jet and Faye, is he numb? Decisive? Did he already die with Julia, or is he genuinely just going to end it with Vicious and then see where/ if the world turns afterwards?

Who’s to say, either way?

You, the writer. A lot of my stuff has been written on instinct, with a goal in mind. The closer I got to the characters, the further the goal got, bc I realized in order to write the characters, you have to respect them. Which is a weird way to say it, but like.... It’s the best way I can describe it. You have to accept their faults and strengths; stubbornness is cute to play with, but it can also be an incredible source of conflict. Oh sidebar, every single fucking memory of the Bebop is stubborn. Opinion or fact? Yes.

I could go on for days. I definitely should, maybe I’ll make character analysis posts if people are interested, idk ;) 

Most importantly though (and this is gonna be just straight up writing advice): don’t be so hard on yourself. Blah blah blah, you’re your own worst critic, I’m sure you’ve heard that before, but it’s so true. 

Those first fifteen chapters or so, I’ve reread through for details and to get a hold one where I want to go, and I BIG cringe at them. I had no sense of timelines and my heart just wanted them to Get the Damn Together Already, but once I got a better sense of who they were, the rhythm and motion of their push and pull became so much more natural and something I’m more proud of. 

You’ll get better at writing the more you write. I just spent the past two months of my life working on this project, and I’m fucking Excited to keep going. How?? How did this happen??? I just wanted Spike and Faye to make out?!?!

Listen. Listen well. Trust your instincts. If something feels off but you still want to explore an idea, don’t dump the whole chapter, just put it to the side and write again. I’ve written multiple chapters that way: I started writing, it felt off, so I KEPT the chapter, but I reworked the order, or took lines and mashed them in a way that changed the meaning. Writing is a process.

Second, write what you want to write. What you want to read. I’d defo recommend reading a bunch of different fics, see how other writers interpret the characters and such, but don’t let them (or me!) influence solely how you write the crew. Find your own voice in this world. Rewatch Bebop and take directly from the source material if you have to; break it down and ask the question “why did they use that Exact word? Why did they make That choice?” and then answer it in a way that feels honest to You.

Hope any of this helps! (P.S. if you are so inclined, dm the the title of your fic and i’ll try to take a gander!)

[ma-sulevin]

hewwo kid meme feed me as many kids as you want I want them A L L

pls don’t eat my grandbabies

Do Mattie and Sharky have a million kids? Yes. Have I planned them all out? Also yes.

In the words of Kim Rye: “Really? Another one?”

Name: Harrison Victor Boshaw

Gender: Male

General Appearance: Dark hair, blue eyes, tall but kind of lanky

Personality: He’s the quietest of the Boshaw kids, not that that means much. He’s interested in medicine and learns from his mom and tries to help Selene out in Prosperity.

Special Talents: Other than medicine? He’s a decent singer. He’s a thoughtful listener. 

Who they like better: His personality jives better with Mattie’s.

Who they take after more: Mattie, mostly. He’s still very obviously Sharky’s kid, though – the apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree.

Personal Headcanon: He hides in the old hangar in Prosperity when his siblings are being annoying, he has a baby crush on Kim, and he’s honestly pretty good with the little kids.

Face Claim: Ethan Cutkosky

——

Name: Ian Wayne Boshaw

Gender: Male

General Appearance: Dark hair, green eyes, shorter than Harrison but a little stockier

Personality: He’s a mini-Sharky in almost every way. He says what he’s thinking even when he shouldn’t, they’ve kept him from plunging himself into fires more times than they can count, and he deeply loves all of his friends.

Special Talents: Finding the one non-babyproofed thing and fucking with it. He’s also good at chemistry aka helping his dad building explosives.

Who they like better: Sharky

Who they take after more: The older he gets the more he looks like Mattie, but mostly Sharky

Personal Headcanon: He really wants to see life outside of Hope County and spends a lot of time trying to talk Roger into taking him on a trip. He also absolutely dotes on his little sister; she has him wrapped around her finger.

Face Claim: Oakes Fegley

——

Name: Ripley June Boshaw

Gender: Female

General Appearance: She has her mama’s dark curls and her daddy’s blue eyes. When Nick said she looks like a baby Seed, Mattie refused to talk to him for a week.

Personality: She’s the most chaotic redneck little monster of the bunch. She’s all skinned knees and missing teeth and burned-off eyebrows.

Special Talents: Getting into and then out of trouble.

Who they like better: Sharky

Who they take after more: Mattie physically, but she’s the most like Sharky personality-wise, even more so than Ian. How Sharky talked Mattie into another baby with a toddler Ripley running around I’ll never know.

Personal Headcanon: The Boshaws turned up to the Rye’s to celebrate Christmas one year and none of the kids had eyebrows because Ripley burned them all off in an accident. Harrison was embarrassed; Ripley thought it was hysterical.

Face Claim: baby Bailee Madison

——

Name: Max Thomas Boshaw

Gender: Male

General Appearance: He has sort of sandy-blonde hair that neither of them was expecting and greenish eyes.

Personality: He’s full of energy but whip-smart and very sweet.

Special Talents: Getting sweets from the adults who think he’s adorable.

Who they like better: Mattie

Who they take after more: Mattie

Personal Headcanon: He’s obsessed with Rush and demands attention every time they’re even the slightest bit near each other. Rush takes this in stride and will carry Max around or read to him or whatever because it makes him miss Mila.

Face Claim: baby Jacob Tremblay

[stedes-black-bonnet]

My Baby Does Me: Chapter 30

POV: John Deacon x reader

Notes: life, guys; sorry this took longer than expected.

Warnings: Swearing? Bad driving?

Abstract: The Apartment, Some Like It Hot, The Seven Year Itch, Sabrina...

-------------------------

Jim Hutton had always wanted to drive Roger’s Alfa Romeo. But, when the cards were down on the table, who didn’t? Jim wouldn’t have described himself as a gear-head. He might have said he was a good Catholic boy from Ireland who had a perchance for good bar-tending skills, barber-y, and cater-waitering. He wasn’t into cars as a hobby, and for Jim there was a clear class divide between people who drove cars for necessity and people who collected cars. Collecting cars was something people with money did. For fun. Purely for fun; this wasn’t always a concept Jim easily wrapped his head around: spending money for fun. And, until Freddie, Jim had never been in possession of having enough money to really peruse the finer things in life. A car for Jim had always been a means to get to and from work and never as an instrument of enjoyment. And Freddie, generous to a fault, never ceased to shower Jim with everything he had been denied or had denied himself through strict duty of survival. Roger, who maybe had seven cars all told (that Jim knew about), had names for each of them, claimed they all had personalities, different capabilities, and loyalties, saw cars companions.

“Roger?” Jim said, living his best life, top down, having really opened up the goddess in red. They were doing about 80 mph.

Roger moaned. His blond hair was whipping in the breeze, his head hung over the side of his door; he had already vomited once. His blazer had been abandoned. Come to think of it, he was feeling abandoned himself. Abandoned by his own abilities of perception and common sense. He kept thinking about Deacy. What he had said. And why. And that he’d give anything to fix it; he’d give anything to fix Deacy, and had. He had been the one to see her body, after all. And he’d do it again, if the choice came his way again. He was always willing to torture himself at the expense of others. And boy, he had really outdone himself this time. He knew exactly the right words to say to destroy his best friend, and he had said them, without a second thought, without caring, with the desire to harm. It hadn’t been his finest moment. I mean, he had dazzled; the audience had been captivated, and he had always loved that unique feeling, the feeling of holding a group of people in the palm of his hand. It was a rush like no other. It was one thing to do it how Freddie did it, with his vocals and his acrobatics, but it was an entirely different enterprise to do it with the tone of your voice, the flick of a wrist, and a well placed designer suit. So, in a very real sense, it had been one of his finer moments, but in an entirely different sense, it had been his worst. What have I done? He couldn’t dance around it any longer.

“Hey, Roger?!” Jim repeated, ready to perform, trying his hardest to reach Roger.

“Not again...” Roger sighed.

Doing his best John Travolta, Jim said,  “Why it could be Greased Lightnin’!”

“Jim, no; not again, mate; I’m begging you.” Roger said, swallowing hard. “If you sing that song again, I’ll throw up on you--I swear. I’m putting my foot down.”

“Rog—it’s my prime jive.”

“Never. Ever. Say that again.” He wasn’t finding the humor in any of it.

This was their fifth or sixth time around the roundabout. And there was no end in sight. Jim could keep this carousel going all night. He had nowhere else he’d rather be, and nothing else better to do in this moment than to bring Roger back from whatever precipice he was currently gazing into. The void was calling Roger’s name, and it would be quite simply over Jim’s dead body for Roger to reach it.

“Can we please get off this thing?” Roger shouted over the sounds of skidding rubber. “I think you’ve made your point.”

“You know very well I’m not taking us off until you laugh--a real, honest to God laugh. Those were the rules. I can play games, too.” Jim, grinning, kept driving. He hoped he was also driving his point home. He wasn’t so sure, though. And he was terrible at playing games, but that’s what Freddie loved most about him. He was pure, well-lived, hard-worked, and entirely devoted to people.

“I don’t think you’re understanding my predicament here.” Roger moved with gravity and speed, leaning into Jim, leaning out of his mind.

“Oh, I understand it perfectly; you’re the one that isn’t understanding it.”

“What do you mean by that?” Roger hated it when someone presumed to know him better than he knew himself.

“You’re being a child for starters.” Jim said, checking for cops.

“A child?!” His voice was higher than usual; this was a good sign; it meant Roger knew he was being a child, but was trying to hide it from everyone--including, and most importantly, from himself.

“Yes.” Jim confirmed. “Causing all this drama because you fell in love and couldn’t handle it.”

“But Jim--!”

“But Jim nothing. Childish! That’s the most childish thing I’ve ever heard; causing a scene worthy of Billy Wilder in the restaurant back there; breaking my heart and breaking poor Johnny’s, too. Not to mention the meat grinder you’ve put your own through. And for what?” Jim was shaking his head, irritated beyond belief; he took the goddess in red up to 85 mph. “Love is a gift, you fucking idiot.”

“Jim, listen--!” Roger was holding on for dear life in more ways than one.

“No, you listen here Roger Meddows Taylor; grow the fuck up. And stop telling me what to do or say; if I want to sing every God-blessed song from Grease, I bloody well will.”

“But--!”

“I solve my problems and the see the light!”

Roger groaned loudly and melodramatically; this was, perhaps, for a singer himself, the most perfect torture to endure. Jim’s voice wasn’t perhaps the best suited to belt the Frankie Valli hit, but he was enthusiastic and determined, which was really half the battle when singing any song. A talented singer, though, Jim was not. Not that it would ever stop him. Nor should it. Freddie always told him it didn’t matter how he sounded, but what he felt. Jim always held that in his heart, and applied it confidently throughout his life.

“We’ve got a lovin’ thing, we gotta feed it right.”

“Jim, you’re killing me.” Roger didn’t want to see the light; color was light after all, only reflected light; he didn’t want to see the truth, he didn’t want to feed his love, he didn’t want Lydia. Not really. Maybe. Fine, he wanted her. He loved her. But. Well. The unavoidable fact here. The one undisputed fact traipsing through his mind was this: What if Lydia ended up like Veronica? What if she died? Terribly? Suddenly? And Without rhyme or reason? It could happen to anyone. It had to Deacy, and it had completely ruined him. For years. What if Lydia died like Veronica had?

This fear was keen, deep-set, and so ingrained at this point it had driven him to a life of perpetual bachelorhood and luxurious cad-ing around. It was perhaps so hidden in his heart and mind he didn’t even know it was there until now.

“No--you’re killing yourself; love is a gift, and it won’t be wasted on you if you accept it.” Jim took a deep breath and continued, as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “There ain’t no danger we can go too far; we start believing now that we can be what we are. Grease is the word!”

Laughing, Roger said, “I will give you this car if you stop singing.” He had laughed. It was the sound of thin ice breaking in early March. It was the sound of coffee. The sound of velvet.

Jim immediately switched gears and slowed the goddess in red. The laugh had been genuine and light; accidentally won when Roger had least expected it. Roger hated losing. Usually to a fault. Something about this didn’t entirely feel like losing, though. He still wasn’t sure he liked it. Jim did seem rather proud of himself, very smiling, very pleased, maybe a little too pleased.

“I’ve always wanted this car; thank you, Roger.”

“I was joking.” Roger smiled at Jim. “I was joking! There’s no way I’m giving you her.”

“Oh, I think this will be fine payment for saving your life, reuniting you with Lydia, and helping you fix this mess with the band.” Jim wasn’t giving an inch.

“I don’t deserve your help.”

“Not more of that; I can open her up again if you’re going to just slip back into that bollocks.” His eyebrows danced, hand on the gear shaft, ready to pounce.

“No, no!” Roger yelled. “I just mean...I don’t know what I mean.”

Roger was a loquacious kind of fellow. He wasn’t often in the position of not knowing how to express himself or what to say. Words were failing him, like the colors had. Like he had failed himself. What if he said it out loud? What would happen? If he gave song to his fear? What would go down? Would Jim understand? Probably. Would the world end? Probably not? Roger wasn’t sure he could trust logic anymore; he wasn’t seeing colors, and logic couldn’t explain that. Maybe there were some things that logic couldn’t explain. The heart has reasons the mind knows not. Some French dude said that once, and Roger really felt those words. He hoped he lived by them. He wanted to live by them. He used to think if he could trust anything, it would be his heart, and recently, he had really failed himself on this account. He had been doing anything and everything to not listen to it. And now, he had to find his way back to it, if he could.

“Let me do for you what you did for Johnny once.” Jim said. He let the words hang in the air for a bit, because they were important; Roger needed to remember he was oddly noble and desperately loyal. Or that he had been. And that he could be again. Jim hadn’t been lying before: when he had first been introduced to the band and met Roger, he had been somewhat disappointed by this seemingly vacuous and vainglorious blond trash. Over time, Jim saw how much of it was an act of sorts; yes, Roger was emotional, yes he was volatile, yes he said what was on his mind no matter what it was; but, Roger was also the most caring person he had ever met, the most perceptive, and the most unwilling to admit he was a good person.

“Y/N tried to save you, too. In her own way, I’m guessing. But she tried. She stood up for Deacy and for you.”

“About that--How did she know?” Roger asked. His heart rate had increased just thinking about what you had said. “She scared the shit out of me; I’m not ashamed to admit it. She was the last person I was expecting to punch me out. But she did, and with more than her fists. There’s no way Deacy told her about Veronica already. Just no fucking way, mate.”

Taking the deep breath of truth-telling, Jim admitted, “I told her.”

He finally turned off the roundabout and headed towards Garden Lodge. He slowed drastically so he could safely look at Roger’s reaction. Trying to gauge anything flashing on Roger’s face wasn’t the easiest task while driving, or while he was in his current condition. His blue eyes were streaming with tears, whether from wind, his excess of emotions, or from being sick--it was hard to tell. Jim didn’t like to speculate, but he had a feeling it was all three. “Someone had to tell her. And I don’t regret doing it, just as I don’t regret wanting to punch you out earlier, just as I don’t regret coming after you, and saving you now. Though the hell I’m going to take for all it isn’t something I’m looking forward to reckoning with.”

Roger nodded, taking it all in. “I would have told her myself if…” he couldn’t find the words any more than he could find the colors. All he could see was Veronica’s blue Mercedes-Benz. That one had come back; maybe the others could too?

“You would have yourself if you hadn’t been burying your head up your arse?”

“Something like that, yes.”

“So...the colors?” Jim asked, trying to peel the onion that was Roger’s psyche.

“I don’t know, Jim.”

Jim loudly rolled his eyes. “I don’t buy that. The conditions were clear: you need to level with me, Roger.”

Roger knew Jim was right.

He took a breath, trying to steady himself, and he started leveling.

-------------------------------------

Tag List:  @phantom-fangirl-stuff @triggeredpossum @obsessedwithrogertaylor @groupiie-love@partydulce @richiethotzierz @sophierobisonartfoundationblr @psychostarkid@teathymewithben@smittyjaws@just-ladyme@botinstqueen @mydogisthebest@little-welsh-wonder @maxjesty@deakysdiscos@yourealegendroger@marvellouspengwing@molethemollie@deakysgirl@arrowswithwifi@tardisgrump

[tempestshakes01]

happy and anxious. 

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby. 

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year. 

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.  

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left. 

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!” 

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel. 

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this. 

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.      

in the end, we were ok enough. 

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized. 

--

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

 i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.  

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them. 

--

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be. 

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected. 

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

--

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it. 

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me. 

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery. 

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :( 

--

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out. 

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

--

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it. 

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em. 

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

--

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux). 

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol) 

--

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧) 

[girlbookwrm]

oh no, i spilled politics all over my meta

with regards to the way I write American vs Russian HYDRA in The Hundred Year Playlist, I mentioned

(I have a whole separate pet theory/rant about America and Liberty and Dehumanization)

and @allduerespect-no said:

GIVE IT TO MEEEEEE

so here we are. 

Let me prelude this by saying that I am talking about America as portrayed in the MCU, which is, as we know, a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual burgeoning fascist regimes, neonazi conspiracies, or end-stage capitalist hellscapes is purely coincidental and also super super depressing. (FELLOW AMERICANS DO NOT FORGET TO VOTE.)

ANYway. 

I’ve talked about this some in the comments for TTOK, but let’s get it out here in the tumblscape:

When I was writing American!Hydra, I had three Big Questions: How does American!Hydra explain the brainwashed war hero to freshfaced new recruits, how do they convince Soldier!Bucky to do their bidding, and how do they justify the shit they do with him?

1) how do they explain Bucky to their recruits? I mean obv they keep him in a mask and a bank vault but at the very least he’s got a bunch of techs to work on him and STRIKE has seen his face. How are they sure that someone won’t rat them out? That’s an American war hero in the Chair, his name is on the wall of valor at SHIELD headquarters. I know these guys are hydra, but they’re not machines. If someone was going to get squeamish, surely this is what they would get squeamish about:

don’t even look at me this scene still kills me jfc

ok ok but here’s the thing: I work at an antique store that sells a lot of WWII memorabilia, which is a fancy way of saying there’s a lot of Nazi bullshit in the back. I hate it. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from it, it’s that the people who call themselves patriots and idolize WWII heroes, and the people who are neonazis are often the same fucking people. 

Just look at the Republican Party.

What I’m saying is, if you were running a neonazi outfit AND you had a WWII hero in your skankyass brainwashing basement, that would actually be a selling point for exactly the brand of asshole you’d want to recruit.

2) How do they convince Soldier!Bucky to do their bidding? For starters, and I’m taking a Watsonian view of this shit, but Soldier!Bucky seems more erratic under the Americans: he’s restrained, there are more guards, he lashes out... The Americans don’t seem to have the trigger words that Zemo gets from Karpov, which could explain it, but... in my world at least, for Russian!Hydra, it was about protecting the motherland by any means necessary, which taps into a deep-seated aspect of buckaroo’s personality. three baby sisters and a best pal constantly starting fights? Bucky’s a protective kinda guy. So the Russians say “you’re a protector now” and Soldier!Bucky says “yeah that seems right” and does more or less whatever they ask.

The Americans, as I write them, are... different. Cuz they’re not using bucky to protect, they’re using bucky to “improve” things (look at Insight, right?) And that doesn’t jive with Bucky’s personality so much (again, imo.) So how do they get bucky to comply? Two Words:

This Asshole. Lookit that handsome blond and then listen to his rousing speech about freedom and shaping the century, and then try to convince me he isn’t doing all that to deliberately manipulate Bucky Barnes, who has a well-documented soft spot for self-righteous blonds.

A brief aside: Whatever else he is, I believe that Pierce believes in his cause. He’s so convinced that he’s right about this, and so in love with being right, and being in control, that he’s willing to rub shoulders with racists and torture POWs and attack helpless people, and if that doesn’t remind you of the Republican party, then you’re not paying attention. 

*ahem*

3) How does American!Hydra justify their actions? They’re still Americans, right? And Americans, for all our flaws, believe in Liberty. That’s one of those things we’re very into. also justice. we dig that shit. Which is ironic, cuz of that whole genocide/slavery/imprisoning thing. Liberty and justice for all, amirite?

And here’s where we finally get to America and Liberty and Dehumanization. 

Bucky, as I write him in TTOK, is very dehumanized by Hydra. They don’t treat him like a person (except Pierce, who talks to him like he’s a person, deliberately, and manipulatively) and if he’s not a person, then he doesn’t need rights, right?

Because obviously Americans do deny liberty and justice to loads of people. We deny liberty and justice to the vast majority of people, in fact, because we’re always putting the lives of white, wealthy, male, cis, straight US citizens above, you know, literally everyone else. hell, we deny liberty and justice to veterans, and future generations.

That is who we are right now. I say we, and yes, I am including myself in this, because I am an American Citizen and that means accepting responsibility for all the bullshit that my country has done. That is who we are, because that is what we, as a country, do.

But it’s not what we have to keep doing. We don’t have to keep being like this. We can change. It’s not easy, and it’s not fast, but it can be done. because goddammit, it doesn’t say liberty and justice for some, it says liberty and justice for all.

I want to end by saying this: the way I write Bucky, and Steve, and Hydra -- Bucky draws a lot of parallels between Steve and his handlers, particularly Pierce. Steve’s a believer too, and he’s willing to work with people he doesn’t really like, and do things he doesn’t want to do in service of those beliefs. What makes him dangerous, and what makes Pierce dangerous -- it’s the same thing. But Pierce’s ideals are about fear and control. And Steve... 

Well. Steve knows what’s up. 

Look, I’m not actually sorry for getting politics all over this meta. I don’t know how to talk about TWS without talking about the current political situation in my country. There are too many parallels, and it’s too important.

So. You know. Fucking vote this November. And for god’s sake vote Democrat. When I say we’re up against Hydra, that’s not really an exaggeration. Now is not the time to argue with the Furies and the Natashas and the Tonys on our team. That’s how Thanos gets his fucking snap, ok? 

[anneboleyns]

also no one asked (ok well someone asked me like a week ago on curiouscat but) but here are my hopes n dreams for the downton abbey movie:

1) it will never happen but i want a romance storyline for thomas lol, the whole shebang: meet cute, random misunderstandings/obstacles, obstacle(s) is/are overcome, happy ending and a motherfucking KISS, honestly we have edith/bertie, mary/matthew, mary/henry, carson/hughes, andy/daisy, isobel/merton, anna/bates, all following this pattern and i WANT IT. i know it’s different with a movie and he can’t get the episodes-long arcs those couples got, but they could pull smth off. i think if it happened to be jimmy or phillip that would be nice but obviously not gonna happen as neither ed or charlie are included in the cast lol, and also like i said since for a movie it would have to be a condensed plot it’s probably for the best it won’t be jimmy bec that storyline would deserve much more nuance, sensitivity, care, and explanation than the limited screentime available in a single film could give

2) not to be a bitch but i want michael gregson to be alive sdfhdsiukhsdfiusdfkdsf like can you IMAGINE, jesus it would be so frustrating but so satisfying bec of course that would happen to edith lmaoooooooo also i want marigold to meet him??? idk i adore edith and bertie but i really liked michael. like picture edith and bertie and marigold sitting in their drawing room in their castle having tea and there’s a fire and it’s cute and cozy and then their butler comes in like “there’s a man downstairs m’lady, insisting on seeing you” and edith going “let him in Jives” (or whatever the butlers name is) and she looks at bertie and says “i wonder what on earth this is about” and the door opens and it’s MICHAEL GREGSON and we see edith’s shocked face and then it cuts to like, violet and isobel arguing about violet’s cook’s views on sheep farming or something

3) can tom branson be happy jesus christ like, his entire storyline has always revolved around other ppl, he always felt like a side character in his own plots ?????????? and then he’s just a vehicle for mary’s happiness or robert’s success or downton’s issues for mary/robert/tom to solve, so rarely is it ever about HIM and HIS happiness, even with bunting that was about riling robert up so it was something for him and cora to argue about and so daisy could get an education. i just want him to get some attention i love one (1) irish socialist (bonus points if the movie opens with him burning the Abbey down while holding bundles of marxist literature)

4) mary and barrow’s relationship in the movie should mirror robert and carson’s relationship throughout the series.... likewise george and barrow should mirror mary and carson’s...... like. carson isn’t butler anymore. and carson was In Strum Mental in the running of that household, not an episode goes by without robert or cora or mary or someone talking to carson, and barrow is butler now, his role, literally, needs to be bigger, and his relationship with the upstairs crew should be more clearly defined and featured. u can’t change my mind. also he’s so fucking adorable with george and sybbie. slightly related: i want thomas to mention sybil, anna said herself he knew her better than any of the downstairs crew and esp bec he’s close with sybil’s daughter i want that MENTIONED. thomas being Soft and Fond ??? sign me tf up

5) i can’t stand carson or robert and if they both make it thru the movie alive ima be pissed. they function in the narrative as ties to the pre-wwi world and it’s past time one or both of those misogynist fuckwads are dispensed with. like any time one of them is onscreen i’m just Die Die Die Die DIe. i HATE

6) i really want scenes of george, sybbie, and marigold together. they are the next generation of crawleys and i want them to kind of be together, the 3 of them, as a group, the way edith, mary, and sybil were in the first season. we had The Crawley Sisters as a group, now it’s time for The Crawley Cousins. i want all 3 of them to have their own personalities and teasing of each other the way mary edith sybil did. i know they’re only children and the movie only takes place 2 yrs after the s6 finale so they’re still very young, but it’s enough to lay the groundwork and plant suggestions abt how the 3 of them’s relationship will be. it would be adorable and satisyfing

7) now u all know i adore thomas and i want him to be happy and i really am thrilled he’s developed and isn’t just the one-dimensional antagonist he was in season 1, i’m happy he’s allowed himself to become a bit softer and has a found family that he finally feels at home with. WITH THAT SAID........... there is next to no tension among the downstairs characters anymore. we need someone to come in, rustle some feathers, have hideous hair ringlets..... if you’ve guessed Sarah O’Brien u’ve guessed right. now listen i know she’s awful but i think it could be great. imagine her waltzing in and basically being like s1 thomas, just snarking at everything. i bet she’d be all saccharine and fake like “so thomas you’re butler now that’s sooooo nice!!! and look at the bates’ baby, i’m soooo happy for you!!!” and no one believes her and she’s just sneaking around causing trouble. she’d probably get into it w baxter bec she’s so soft and nice, but when obrien tries to fuck w molesley or thomas baxter becomes this image:

i can also imagine obrien being really nasty with andy and daisy bec they’re so young and cute and obrien.... isn’t, and barrow gets fed up and comes in like “SO SARAH, YOU DROPPED ANY SOAP LATELY?” and she goes pale and shuts up after that idfghdfiuhdyf

8) i want richard carlisle to come back bec iain glen is a fox. no other reason

9) i want madeleine allsopp to come back bec after the shannara chronicles i miss poppy drayton’s face on my screen. no other reason

10) omg i almost forgot, i want baby bates to be friendly with the upstairs children and i want baby bates to love thomas just like the other kids do, it would be great bec bates and thomas still hate each other but they would both love that kid and it would be super cute. i’ve also always loved thomas’ weird lil relationship w anna, like they’re not FRIENDS but i feel like there’s potential between the 2 of them to be friends. thomas noticed first when anna was bruised after her attack and asked what happened, anna noticed when thomas was sick during the conversion therapy s5 plotline and kept asking him if he was ok and telling him to rest. them in the hallway together after sybil died. thomas saying “no anna’s not an enemy. but she’s incorruptible so we have nothing in common” to edna. so i feel since he’s so good with kids and they seem to love him, it would make sense for the bates baby to be the same, and it would alter the bates/anna/thomas dynamic in a possibly interesting and satisfying way

11) I Want Anna Bates To Be Happy And Laugh And Smile And Also Have Her Hair Down. I Am Tired Of Watching Anna Bates Suffer. If Fellowes Hurts Any More Hair On Her Head I Will Burn ITV Studios Down Just Test Me Julian.

[thegoldenyears-memories]

                               WE EXIST, a kenta akiyama mix.

                                                             ( listen / download )

01. I WANT TO BREAK FREE de queen ( i want to break free from your liesm, you're so self satisfied i don't need you. i've got to break free, god knows, god knows i want to break free. i've fallen in love, i've fallen in love for the first time. and this time i know it's for real. i've fallen in love, yeah, god knows, god knows i've fallen in love. oh how i want to be free, baby. )

02. FIRST TIME HE KISSED A BOY de kadie elder ( feeling stuck, set him free. running out of luck, on his knees. keeping back the ghost inside, locked him in a pack all his life. first time he kissed a boy, he had never never known, cover up is what they told, feel so cold. first time he kissed a boy, he had never never loved, walks on a curvy road, feel. get lost, get lost, get lost, get lost. )

03. FUCK YOU de maria mena ( insult me all you want to but dare you do it to my face? you're entitled to your opinion, but i must ask you why if all you say is hurtful, i would take to heart your written sigh? fuck you uh-oh. )

04. I DON’T NEED TO BE YOU de barei ( i'm never going to wear your shoes, to become your desire. i don't need to be the one you want,  i'm the one i'm without a doubt. i don't need to fake, 'cause i'm more than a dummy. i never found it funny. i never hurt no one for who they are. i don't need to play hide and seek with nobody. just live and let me live. maybe we can get along, we can change for the better. i can tell i'm not the only one who has needed a cover. i don't need to be the one you want, want. i don't need to be the one i'm not. i don't need to be you. )

05. LGBT de lowell ( hi, my name is lgbt, don't take out your misery on me, i'm happy and free. whoa, don't hate our love. some old people wanna go back home, to the life where everyone pretending to belong. some young people are smarter than the teachers, they teach us that we do belong and some old people have our eyes, looking forward, embrace their role through the night. and some old people hate to change, except when they're praying away the things they need to shame. and some young people say they aren't hypocrites, say that they accept everyone and they help us all. and some young people like to act like old people, wearing bow ties and telling us we're wrong. and some old people don't remember we're kids and they never chose who they like. so they like me dead, they like me dead. )

06. I’M COMING OUT de diana ross ( i'm coming out, i want the world to know, got to let it show. i think this time around, i am gonna do it like you never knew it. ooh, i'll make it through. the time has come for me to break out of this shell. i have to shout that i am coming out. and, oh, how i've planned, i'm spreadin' love, there is no need to fear. )

07. PUT ‘EM UP de priory ( boys will be boys, who like boys, who dress like girls, and that's alright. we're hangin' with the boys that look like girls tonight. girls will be girls, who like girls, who dress like boys, and start up fights. we're hangin' with the girls that look like boys alright. who gave you the right to judge another's lover? now's the time for changing, so keep the hate from creepin' in. )

08. MODERN LOVE de david bowie ( god and man no confessions, god and man no religion, god and man don't believe in modern love. modern love walks beside me, modern love walks on by. )

09. EVERYONE IS GAY de a great big world ( if you're gay then you're gay, don't pretend that you're straight. you can be who you are any day of the week, you are unlike the others, so strong and unique, we're all with you. 'cause we're all somewhere in the middle, and we're all just looking for love to change the world. what if the world stops spinning tomorrow? we can't keep running away from who we are. if you're gay then you're gay, if you're straight well that's great,  if you fall in between that's the best way to be. and we're all here in it together, we're one step closer to breaking down the walls, everyone is gay. )

10. DANCING QUEEN de mamma mia! cast ( friday night and the lights are low, looking out for the place to go, where they play the right music, getting in the swing. you come in to look for a king. anybody could be that guy, night is young and the music's high. with a bit of rock music, everything is fine, you're in the mood for a dance, and when you get the chance. you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen. dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine. you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life. )

11. WILD THINGS de alessia cara ( find table spaces, say your social graces, bow your head, they're pious here, but you and i, we're pioneers. we make our own rules, our own room, no bias here. let 'em sell what they are sellin', there are no buyers here. so gather all the rebels now, we'll rebel rouse and sing aloud. we don't care what they say, no way, no way, and we will leave the empty chairs to those who say we can't sit there, we're fine all by ourselves. don't wanna hang around the in crowd, the cool kids aren't cool to me, they're not cooler than we are. we will carve our place into time and space, we will find our way, or we'll make a way, say hey, hey, hey. find you're great, don't you hide your face, and let it shine, shine, shine, shine, shine, shine. so aye, we brought our drum and this is how we dance. no mistakin', we make our breaks. if you don't like our 808s, then leave us alone, 'cause we don't need your policies. we have no apologies for being. find me where the wild things are, oh, my, we'll be alright. )

12. HETEROSEXUALITY IS A CONSTRUCT de one night stand in north dakota ( one more comment, one more joke, i won't accept it, i won't tolerate intolerance this time. i'm not a heterosexual man, i'm not ticking your boxes, that's not who i am, i don't fit into your neat little plan, and i never will. jesus christ, i'm done with it, you narrow minded piece of shit, i'd sooner cut off my own dick than be like you. did that make you uncomfortable, is your macho pride in trouble now, when you've beaten me up, then what will you do? love is not a crime, and i'd rather colour outside of the lines. love knows no gender and its about time, you nailed your colours up next to mine. )

13. COMING CLEAN de green day ( seventeen and coming clean for the first time, i finally figured out myself for the first time. i found out what it takes to be a man. well, mom and dad will never understand what's happening to me. )

14. THE VILLAGE de wrebel ( no, your mom don't get it, and your dad don't get it, uncle john don't get it, and you can't tell grandma 'cause her heart can't take it and she might not make it. they say, "don't dare, don't you even go there, cutting off your long hair, you do as you're told." tell you, "wake up, go put on your makeup, this is just a phase you're gonna outgrow." there's something wrong in the village, they stare in the village. there's nothing wrong with you, it's true, it's true. )

15. FUCK YOU de lily allen ( so you say it's not okay to be gay, well i think you're just evil. you're just some racist who can't tie my laces, your point of view is medieval. do you, do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful? 'cause there's a hole where your soul should be, you're losing control of it and it's really distasteful. fuck you, fuck you very, very much, 'cause we hate what you do, and we hate your whole crew, so please don't stay in touch. )

16. PEOPLE LIKE US de kelly clarkson ( they try and knock us down, but change is coming, it's our time now. people like us, we've gotta stick together. keep your head up, nothing lasts forever. here's to the damned, to the lost and forgotten, it's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom. we are all misfits living in a world on fire, sing it for the people like us, the people like us. hey, this is not a funeral, it's a revolution, after all your tears have turned to rage just wait, everything will be okay. even when you're feeling like it's going down in flames. you've just got to turn it up loud when the flames get higher. )

17. FREEDOM CHILD de the script ( seek the truth, go rise and shine. break the rules, test your faith. trust your soul, and lead the way. lose yourself, yeah just go wild. don't let them take your freedom, child. don't show them hate, hate, hate will feed them, child. just show them love, love, love will free them, only love, love can defeat them. hold your ground, make your name. love your life, just feel no shame.the kids, kids, they won't stand a chance, if we don't, don't take a stance. put a flower on the top of a gun, put confetti in an atomic bomb, yeah. it's time to change now, we've seen enough. instead of war, we're declaring love, yeah. )

18. LIVE YOUNG DIE FREE de fletcher ( i don't want the same things i used to want anymore. i only wanna do it if it's something worth fighting for. don't think your money's gonna buy my time. well, who the hell wants to live a lie? i'm so sick and tired of being the one who plays it safe. ready to start it up and make it my show. i'll stay here with no regrets, don't tell me what i want. and if i'm gonna bet, i'm gonna bet it all, don't need your diamond rings, 'cause i can do anything. i wanna live young, die free free free. )

19. GOOD GUYS de mika ( don’t be offended, this might seem a little wrong, where have all the gay guys gone? and to the romance when i was 14 years old, and to my heroes that were dressed up in gold, only hoping one day i could be so bold, where have all the gay guys gone? where have all the good guys gone? )

20. LITTLE GAME de benny ( play us like pawns and relentlessly confine, into living up to gender roles and having absent minds. don't you think it's funny how they tell us how to live? hush, boy, oh, hush, boy, don't say a word, throw on a jersey and no one gets hurt. hush, girl, oh, hush, girl, just bat your eyes, play our little game. gender roles impose control and deceive progressive times, welcome to the land of the broken minds. )

21. RAISE YOUR GLASS de p!nk ( so raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways. all my underdogs, we will never be, never be anything but loud and nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks. won't you come on and come on and raise your glass. )

22. LOVING SOMEONE de the 1975 ( just keep hold of their necks and keep selling them sex, it’s better if we keep them perplexed, it's better if we make them want the opposite sex. and i think i should be loving someone. )

23. SMALLTOWN BOY de bronski beat ( you leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case. alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face. mother will never understand why you had to leave, but the answers you seek will never be found at home, the love that you need will never be found at home. run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away. )

24. SLEEP ON THE FLOOR de the lumineers ( forget what father brennan said, we were not born in sin. leave a note on your bed, let your mother know you're safe. pack yourself a toothbrush dear, pack yourself a favorite blouse, take a withdrawal slip, take all of your savings out. 'cause if we don't leave this town, we might never make it out. )

25. READ ALL ABOUT IT (PT. III) de emeli sandé ( maybe we're a little different, there's no need to be ashamed. you've got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away. i wanna sing, i wanna shout, i wanna scream 'til the words dry out. so put it in all of the papers, i'm not afraid. they can read all about it, read all about it. )

26. BORN THIS WAY de lady gaga ( i'm beautiful in my way, 'cause god makes no mistakes. i'm on the right track, baby, i was born this way. don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set. oh there ain't no other way, baby i was born this way. don't be a drag, just be a queen, whether you're broke or evergreen. you're black, white, beige, chola descent, you're lebanese, you're orient. whether life's disabilities, left you outcast, bullied, or teased, rejoice and love yourself today, 'cause baby you were born this way. no matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered life. i'm on the right track baby, i was born to survive. no matter black, white or beige, chola or orient made. i'm on the right track baby, i was born to be brave. )

27. GRACE KELLY de mika ( gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more. why don't you like me? why don't you walk out the door! say what you want to satisfy yourself, but you only want what everybody else says you should want. )

28. RAINBOW de kesha ( i used to live in the darkness, dress in black, act so heartless, but now i see that colors are everything. got kaleidoscopes in my hairdo, got back the stars in my eyes, too. but in the dark, i realized this life is short, and deep down, i'm still a child playful eyes, wide and wild. i can't lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold. i found a rainbow, rainbow, baby. trust me, i know life is scary, but just put those colors on, girl, come and paint the world with me tonight. )

29. WE EXIST de arcade fire ( they're walking around, head full of sound, acting like we don't exist. they walk in the room and stare right through you, talking like we don't exist. but we exist. daddy, it's true, i'm different from you, but tell me why they treat me like this? if you turned away what would i say? not the first betrayed by a kiss. maybe it's true, they're staring at you when you walk in the room. tell 'em it's fine, stare if you like, just let us through. they're down on their knees, begging us please, praying that we don't exist. daddy, it's fine, i'm used to 'em now, but tell me why they treat me like this? let 'em stare, let 'em stare, if that's all they can do! )

30. HEAVEN de troye sivan ( the truth runs wild, like a tear down a cheek. trying to save face, and daddy heart break, i'm lying through my teeth. the truth runs wild, like kids on concrete. trying to sedate my mind in its cage and numb what i see. without losing a piece of me how do i get to heaven? without changing a part of me how do i get to heaven? all my time is wasted, feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh. so if i'm losing a piece of me maybe i don't want heaven? )

╰  ❄  feliz navidad y año nuevo, joa.

—; de: andy ( @gidsprewett )

—; para: joa ( @heisgold )

La verdad es que cada vez que te veo me dan ganas de partirte la madre, estoy hasta la chingada de ti, pinche estúpida. Prometo que cuando te vuelva a ver te voy a dar unos putazos tan fuertes que vas a ir a parar al hospital, ¿cómo la ves, pendejita?

A ver si te gusta este pinche regalo, es gay como tú, y mezclé canciones de Kenta ahora y Kenta antes cuando era darks. Ya sé que su mamá no está, pero con tus dos neuronas intenta cambiarlo a “papá”, ¿okay? Sé que va a ser muy difícil para ti porque estás bien tarada, pero inténtalo. Todavía que una te hace un regalo y tú te pones a chingar, no mames. ¿Qué no puedes ver nada en la contraportada? ¿Y? Lo hice así porque pensé: “Hahahaha, pinche Joanna ciega.” Así que buena suerte intentando leer esas letritas, me importaba más el aesthetic, oops. 

Ten una muy buena pinche vida. Te odio.

...

Te amo muuuuuuuuuuuucho. ¡Feliz Navidad y año nuevo, bebé! Espero poder seguir creciendo contigo y con Ale. Gracias por todo tu apoyo y por nunca, nunca juzgarme. Gracias por darme cachetadas cuando las necesitaba. Gracias por oír hasta las cosas más raras que te digo. Gracias por tu confianza. Gracias por siempre levantarme el ánimo cuando las cosas parecen ir mal, sé que a ambas nos cuesta un poco más las cosas, pero ya verás que iremos superándolo. Estoy muy orgullosa de ti por todo lo que has logrado y por quien eres, así como los cambios que has hecho para bien. Me alegra tanto verte así. Y gracias por siempre seguirme las pendejadas, en especial Wyatt y Anthony. Tu existencia me hace muy feliz y al mismo tiempo me da mucha risa porque recuerdo tu cara y me da risa (?). En verdad que te amo mucho, mucho. Gracias por tanto. Que este año sea aún mejor que el 2018 y continuemos enfrentando todo sin dar pasos atrás.

Con amor,

                                                  — andy. 🎅

[dimpled-gummy-smiles]

Always Thought You Knew The Reason Why

Okay, this is definitely getting out of hand. When it’s already 1am and I have work tomorrow but sadly my brain just wouldn’t shut up so here I am.

Loosely based on ABBA’s song lyrics.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Song: Dancing Queen (1976)

“Friday night and the lights are low Looking out for the place to go Where they play the right music, getting in the swing You come in to look for a king”

The King. All high and mighty. A right fit. It could be anybody. At the same time, nobody. She will find out.

“Anybody could be that guy Night is young and the music's high With a bit of rock music, everything is fine You're in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance... You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen”

The night was young. She had plenty of time. To flirt around. To find her King. It could be anyone. It could be no one. “You're a teaser, you turn 'em on Leave them burning and then you're gone Looking out for another, anyone will do You're in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance... You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen”

Her verdict still lies empty. Still no King. Still a fling.

~~

Song: Waterloo (1974)

“My my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way The history book on the shelf, is always repeating itself. Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war. Waterloo, promise to love you for ever more Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to Waterloo knowing my fate is to be with you Waterloo finally facing my Waterloo ”

He will never learn. Granted, he was a smart kid. He had listened in class. But they never taught him history. And George Santayana once said, “Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it." He was dead, he knew that much. History was bound to repeat when he saw her. He had surrendered. Actually, he didn’t even put up a fight.

“My my, I tried to hold you back, but you were stronger Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight And how could I ever refuse, I feel like I win when I lose Waterloo I was defeated, you won the war Waterloo promise to love you for ever more Waterloo couldn't escape if I wanted to Waterloo knowing my fate is to be with you Oh, oh Waterloo finally facing my Waterloo”

Have he really lost if he surrendered? Maybe he just wanted to lose. It was a gamble. He was willing to play.

~~~   

Song: Honey Honey (1974)

“Honey honey, how you thrill me, a-ha, honey honey Honey honey, nearly kill me, a-ha, honey honey I'd heard about you before I wanted to know some more And now I know what they mean, you're a love machine Oh, you make me dizzy”

He was intrigued. He heard stories about her. Love machine? He laughed. When was the last time he heard this term? Never. What does it even mean anyway? Is she a romantic? Or will she just fuck you up?

He’s going to find out.

~~~

Song: Why did it have to be me? (1976)

“When you were lonely, you needed a man Someone to lean on, well I understand It's only natural But why did it have to be me?”

Why did it have to be him? Out of the seven billion people in the world, he just had the luck of meeting her. Out of the seven billion people in the world, he had to be the one. Did he understand? Partially. It’s only natural.

“I was so lonesome, I was blue I couldn't help it, it had to be you and I Always thought you knew the reason why I only wanted a little love affair Now I can see you are beginning to care But baby, believe me It's better to forget me”

She had said it. Like the Danny Zuko she was. She said it was a fling and nothing else. No strings attached. She thought he knew. Maybe he had somehow forgotten?

“Men are the toys in the game that you play When you get tired, you throw 'em away That's only natural But why did it have to be me?”

He just had to be one of her flings. He had somehow forgotten. It was out of fun. He was out of love. That’s only natural but why did it have to be him?

~~~

Song: Angel Eyes (1979)

“Sometimes when I'm lonely I sit and think about him And it hurts to remember all the good times When I thought I could never live without him And I wonder does it have to be the same Every time when I see him, will it bring back all the pain? Ah-ha-ha, how can I forget that name?”

Will he ever learn to get over her? Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts less. Today, he’ll flip a coin. Heads, it’ll hurt. Tails, it’ll hurt more.

“Look into his angel eyes One look and you're hypnotized He'll take your heart and you must pay the price Look into his angel eyes You'll think you're in paradise And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise Don't look too deep into those angel eyes” 

One day, he’ll learn to forget those eyes. Today is not the day.

~~~

Song: S.O.S (1975)

“Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind Whatever happened to our love? I wish I understood It used to be so nice, it used to be so good So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S. O. S. The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S. O. S. When you're gone, how can I even try to go on? When you're gone, though I try, how can I carry on?”

It was physically and emotionally impossible. Will she ever return?

~~~

Song: Knowing Me, Knowing You (1976)

“No more carefree laughter Silence ever after Walking through an empty house Tears in my eyes This is where the story ends This is goodbye Knowing me, knowing you (a-ha) There is nothing we can do Knowing me, knowing you (a-ha) We just have to face it This time we're through Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go Knowing me, knowing you It's the best I can do”

This is where the story ends. You don’t know if he’ll ever find his way back. Maybe she was meant to be a chapter. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be King.

“Memories, good days, bad days They'll be with me always.”

At least he still have the memories.

[sailorzakuro]

SCD 2020 - Week 4 Songs

OH WE HAVE SOME GOODENS THIS WEEK.

Bill and Oti: Rappers Delight by The Sugarhill Gang (Couple’s Choice) - Oh hun you know this is gonna be iconic BILL MY MAN.

Caroline and Johannes: With You I’m Born Again by Blly Preston and Syreeta Wright (Waltz) - Omg Caroline will be so good at the waltz and there’s not enough waltzes anymore who decided that I love the waltz yes come on Caroline 😂.

Clara and Aljaz: Baby Face by Julie Andrews (Charleston) - I feel bad that I don’t know the song cos JULIE FUCKING ANDREWS YOU KNOW QUEEN anyway I think Clara could be surprisingly good at the Charleston! I hope... I want her to do well lol.

HRVY and Janette: Dynamite by BTS (Salsa) - You know I was just WAITING for the moment someone did either BTS or Blackpink... kind of wish it was Blackpink btw I’ve loved Blackpink for forever idc about BTS they’re just the same as any other male K-pop group to me (I don’t hate them at all but some of the fans either weird me out or scare me...) but I’ve loved Blackpink since their first comeback so WISH IT WAS BLACKPINK oh well anyway but I legit thought to myself probably last night “I wonder when they’re gonna give someone a BTS song”... and they did 😂.

Jamie and Karen: Bamboleo by Gipsy Kings (Samba) - Oh I’m scared for him now I hope he’s confident enough in his latin to do well at this but HEY GOOD SONG 😂.

JJ and Amy: Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy by Bette Midler (Jive) - K you should know how much I love an authentic 50s jive but THIS IS A GREAT SONG SO I WILL TAKE 40s JIVE 😂. Didn’t Judge Rinder do this a few years ago anyway and I mean that was good so 😂.

Maisie and Gorka: Girls Just Want To Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper (Cha Cha Cha) - Surprised they weren’t given the Miley Cyrus version cos I used to listen to that a lot as a kid 😂. Do I need to stop talking about how Maisie is only a few months younger than me probably 😂. Although that’s a thing how come last year they kept going on about how Saffron was 19 and how oh so young she was when Maisie is literally a whole year younger than her and it’s barely mentioned what’s up with that? Not judging just pointing it out.

Max and Dianne: It Had To Be You by Harry Connick Jr. (American Smooth) - Omg some smooth ballroom Max might be just the thing he needs idk I think this could be good 😂.

Nicola and Katya: Stand By Me by Ben E. King (American Smooth) - 

I LITERALLY SAID I wanted them to give them a slow ballroom dance this week and MY WISHES CAME TRUE hopefully they won’t end up going down the platonic ballroom route as I know Katya can go down just cos that theory has been on my mind ever since I saw it 😂.

Ranvir and Giovanni: Oye Como Va / I Like It Like That by Santana / Pete Rodriguez (Cha Cha Cha) - Honeeeey I hope Ranvir can do well in the latin cos her Paso was good but nowhere near the standard of her ballroom so it’s been a few weeks, HOPEFULLY she will have improved there as well cos again I want her to do well idk why 😂.

Well it’s looking good I have to say I reckon this could be a good week 😂.

[djevsmev]

Episode 1: Sh*t gets real

HELLO!

I hope you’re all keeping inside and keeping well.

Well, today it began, and it took ages. Let’s say it was an experience to learn, and to grow. First of all, I dug out the boxes of 7″ singles. Here they are:

Stored lovingly in line with What Hi-Fi guidelines. 

Whilst digging them out, I also found the sheet music for the theme from “Cheers” so that’s something to learn.

Elite series.

Next, I realised I bought far fewer records than I thought I had. Far fewer. “But wait!” you say, “There seems to be a lot of vinyl there.” Well yes, there is, but most of it I inherited and forgotten I had. There’s a ton of stuff that I think are my parents’ and Aunty and Uncles’, but there’s also a whole lot of other stuff for reasons we’ll come to later.

Also, in my head I’ve been giving it “Aw, I’m a vinyl guy, I’ve always been a vinyl guy, it’s the format of my SOUL” but let me tell you, it’s remarkably tricky to tell which is the A-side and which is the B-side at first glance. I am no more a vinyl guy, than I am a skater because when I was 10 I used to go down the hill outside my house on my Argos skateboard until I fell off and thought “sod this.”

But with all that in mind, LET’S BEGIN!

VINCE GUARALDI TRIO - LINUS AND LUCY

Yes, let’s begin with an album track, totally contrary to the whole exercise. But it was on my turntable and I thought I better start with something good. I heard this as Amy Lamé uses it as a bed on her 6Music show, and it’s great. My sister got me this cracking LP for my Christmas. It’s about as jazzy as I get, but I love it.

THE DREAM ACADEMY - LIFE IN A NORTHERN TOWN

Saw this, wanted to hear it. What a tune. I didn’t buy this, this comes in to the “where I got other vinyl” I mentioned earlier. Basically, I remembered that I kind of became the repository for my parents’ friends’ old record collections. “So and so is chucking out all their old records, do you want them?” that sort of thing. I’d say yes, obviously, because getting things is good, and there we have it. 

JIVE BUNNY AND THE MASTERMIXERS - THAT’S WHAT I LIKE

This is definitely mine. You can see because young Evan has put a sticker on the front so you definitely know. There was a reason I did that but I’ll save that for another blog. There’s a lot of #content required to fill this lockdown. And besides, the rest of the cover offers so much to take in. Just wow. They were different times, my word, were they different times. Jesus. (In fairness to the tune, whilst making everything up is obviously an abomination, there are so many bangers that I don’t think I would have known were it not for this. I hate to say it, it’s better than I thought it would be. Still, that cover. Best move on.)

STEPHEN MALKMUS - JENNY & THE ESS-DOG

It’s Malkmus, it’s not as good as Pavement, but it’s definitely worth 99p - staff discount. I’ll have that thank you, and listening back it’s definitely worth 74p of anyone’s money.

R.J. AND THE FAMILY - GLORIA

Woo! Yeah! Wow! Yeah! 

This is what reminded me of the donations. I recognised the sleeve instantly but couldn’t remember listening to it. Turns out it’s a 90s dance version of the Van Morrison classic. The world was crying out for it.

EVA - SOLO

Eva were a cracking band that did the rounds in Glasgow (and beyond) in the early 2000s. They were also thoroughly nice people we got know through gigging & drinking in Nice and Sleazy, as every music fan in Glasgow tends to do quite a lot in their late teens and 20s. If you think the ending is wonky, it’s because my record player fucks it: the single’s so long the arm gets too close to the middle of the record and the automatics stop kicked in and lifted off. Sorry Eva.

ERASURE - BLUE SAVANNAH

I was probably about 9 when I bought this. It’s not an Erasure song that’s particularly famous so I thought I’ll have a listen and see if it stands up. I can report I still like it.

AMY GRANT - BABY BABY

I think my sister bought this. Even though I had the record player! Unbelievable! But I played the long game and now it’s mine, so who’s the big winner, mmm? Not bitter. Nice tune though. Runs out of steam a bit at the end, but that’s OK.

GENE PITNEY - SOMETHING’S GOTTEN HOLD OF MY HEART

Found it in the parents’ pile. Absolute banger. Wanted to hear it. Went in the mix. Easy.

PARIAH - SLEEPS WITH CACTII

The band I was in at Uni! Some might say that’s self-indulgent, but Jesus, I’m writing a blog about my own tastes; what did you expect? This was the B-side that I always liked. Still think it’s a lovely tune. I’ll stick the A-side on another day as I want to hear how that sounds too.

SUPER FURRY ANIMALS - FIRE IN MY HEART

Another cheapy. Another good tune. Worth it for the artwork alone. This was going to be the last tune today, but then I found...

ROARING BOYS - EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY

The Roaring Boys? Who? No idea, but there was no way I wasn’t going to give this a go. THE ROARING BOYS! From 1985. In fairness, I thought this was going to be terrible, but I quite like it. It would sit happily in pretty much any mid-budget 80s rom-com, as long as it wasn't a crucial scene. Fair play to the Boys.

STATUS QUO - DOWN DOWN

Thought I better finish on a banger, and this is a banger. Absolute tune. We once did a gig in London and one of the band did a mixtape for the van down. This was the opener. Our pal who’d volunteered to drive us (he was old enough to rent a van) heard the opening chords and just screamed something like “FUCKING YES! THE QUO!” and cranked the volume. Ahhhh youth.

And there we have it. Hopefully the levels are all right and I think I got a bit carried away so the next one won’t be quite so long. A bit indulgent, but this whole thing is so hey ho.

Now let’s see if the audio player embeds...

Cheers,

[howshten]

Enough.

Genre; Angst.

Oneshot scenario.

disclaimer; this is my own thoughst, if there's any similarities

to any other stories, movies. etc, it's purely coincidence.

“are we going to fight again?” he blurted frustratedly, seeing him puts his hands at his face. trying to be calm as possible.

“we’re not going to fight soonyoung, we’re going to talk,why do you always think that i want to argue with you?” you cried looking at him amusedly. making the atmostphere hotter than before.

wanting to talk about their problem but he fused it up again,being irritated to everything, when she’s just asking.

“because you always does, making it hard for me to explain cause in the end you’ll have tantrums again, and i’m fucking sick of it.” said he massaging his temples, being so tired to argue. “i wish you’ll be more mature than being an acting immature girlfriend."he stated firmly.

feeling your heart squeeze to his hurtful words, of course. this words are normal for you since the both of you can say harsh words to each other. But was that beyond?

Not wanting to talk to him again; and leaves him behind at the living room, it all started because of her asking why cant he pick her calls nor answer her messages. only hearing him answer that he’s busy and his to tired to answer messages. that she should just understand him, and you did, you did everything to understand him even some of his explainations are empty.

being in a one year relationship with soonyoung is a satisfaction. but was it, for this time?-

Having him today at your place was great,him being tired. that he have the choice to stay at there dorm and just rest, but he’s here with you. ane you feel grateful to it, that made you kind of special to him once again.

Laying at your cold bed, being so lonely when your boyfriend is just meters away from you, shutting your eyes tightly. that the both of you should be here,laying at the bed with arms sprawled to each other. but it wasn’t, not seeing him for one month was hard. but instead you’re here, arguing with him once again. Incridible.

you don’t want to admit everything is fine when it’s not, getting it more worser than before, even in smallest thing,you guys fought. you don’t want to say that it’s not working anymore,you just can’t.

Hearing the door closed loudly, having the thought that he left. without any Goodbyes, again. bear with it,you chanted. sighing heavily and burries your face at the pillow. you didn’t even had the chance to kiss or hug him. not even i love you,was that it?- after not seeing each other for a long time? Great, you thought.

remembering what he said that he’ll be yours forever, does it still exist?-

Staring at your phone and sends him a message,saying that he should take care and i love you. forgetting his harsh words, Already know that he wouldn’t reply. amazing, she’s love Blind.

deciding to head out to distract yourself, strolling to the place you always go to, the River. you need some relaxation. thinking when was the last date they had, and how happy the both of you were. listening to his Song, atleast you had the chance to listen at his soft voice, not the angry one.

hearing your name called and turn your head, seeing a two tall man that made you glared at them. "i hate you both” you murmur, clutching at your chest since they starled you. seeing them Laugh that made you sigh. “ that isn’t funny at all, Minghao.” you lectured,breathing calmly.

“we’re sorry then?” Dokyeom said, sending you a cheeky grin. rolling your eyes in return, “Where’s hoshi hyung? i thought you guys are together?” he asked. making you smile sadly, “we fought again.” you murmur quietly,feeling a pat in your back.

“Well,hoshi is quite stress these past few days.” The8 said,making the both of them look at each other. “We’re going to have meat,let’s go and come with us.” dk said,trying to lit up the mood. opening your mouth to talk but they drag you away,“ We don’t take no’s so.” only shaking your head and slings your hands to there arms. “you’ll not let me win anyway.” making them chuckle and heads for there favorite restaurant.

“that’s the reason why i dont want to be in a relationship, ill just get stressed.” Dokyeom said,making you glare at him. “im saying the truth.” he added more. “Well-

"Oh shit,is that hoshi hyung?” furrowing your brows and see’s The8 pointing somewhere,making you and Dk look where he pointed. “What? why would hoshi go here?” dokyeom answered him, making your head nod but tries to peak if its him. only hearing him Shouted his name that made him turn his head. seeing him with a girl. clenching your fist tightly, trying not to jump into some conclusions. he’s not going to spend another time to some girl. is he?

making the8 and dokyeom look at her, seeing him remove there clasp finger to the girl he’s with. Going at her side right away, “oh, hello there boys. i didn’t know you’ll have your freetime. Soonyoung didn’t told me.” the woman said, making her raise her brows. “what are you doing?” she asked to Hoshi.

glaring at her furiously, not knowing what to feel. “let’s go” hearing him whisper in you. making you more furious. “who are you?” You asked, making the woman look at you sassily. “What are you-” Cutting her jive off.

“i said who are you?” You asked once more, more fiercer than before. “I’m Jung haejin.”

bitting your lip and glance to hoshi, “Baby let’s just go. let me explain-”

“What are you doing with hoshi?”

“headed out for a date. why do you care?” being irritated at you.

seeing hoshi’s face turn to a grief one,catching your breath since you forgot it. wow; thats the word that you can only say. removing his hands around you and turns your head to look at The8 and Dokyeom seeing how confused they are. “i need to go.” you utter, having the only word goes out in your mouth. wanting to runaway, the answers you were seeking is Enough.

Looking hurtfully at him, “let me explain” not bothering to hear his words out and leaves them behind. Dissapointment.

running towards her and grabs your wirst tightly, “wait,let me explain first.” Said he, only making you chuckle sadly.

“No,it’s Enough soonyoung.” said you.

opening his mouth to talk but you got him first.

“Let me go, i wish you could’ve just told me you don’t love me anymore Hosh. so ill stop being so stupid, over and over again. ” you blurted shakily.

“that i could stop baring with this pain every single day cause i love you so much that everything is fine.”

“you could have just told me you don’t want me aroung you anymore so, i wouldnt look like a fool loving someone that he doesnt want me anymore."shutting your eyes off, hitting his chest, sobbing.

"Baby, i’m sorry.” dragging her body close to his,hugging her tighyly. hearing him keep whispering I’m sorry. “Give me another chance”

“I dont know know anymore.” you said tiredly, pushing him away.

‘Let’s end this hosh.“hearing those words slip out her mouth, that made his world stop.

Seeing her walk away without turning her head to glance at him. stinging some tears in his eyes. murmuring, fuck my life.

"stay with me please.”

[njawaidofficial]

26 Songs That You'd Think Are 10 Years Old, But Were Actually Released In 1998

https://styleveryday.com/2018/02/24/26-songs-that-youd-think-are-10-years-old-but-were-actually-released-in-1998/

26 Songs That You'd Think Are 10 Years Old, But Were Actually Released In 1998

Oh god, how are these songs TWO decades old?

“The Boy Is Mine” – Monica and Brandy

I’d hope if this was ever made into a modern-day version, it’d actually just be about two women ditching some fuckboy and deciding to become besties instead.

Atlantic

“I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” – Aerosmith

Look, I know it was for a movie, but it has always appeared to my childhood brain that Steve Tyler was singing this song about his daughter.

Columbia

“Closing Time” – Semisonic

Though the song is normally played to get people the fuck out of the pub, it’s actually been cited as a song inspired by Dan Wilson’s impending fatherhood.

MCA

“…Baby One More Time” – Britney Spears

That school uniform will never not be iconic.

Jive

“One Week” – Barenaked Ladies

When looking up this song again, I found this very intense Reddit thread where the person dissected that the song was about a bloke murdering his girlfriend, and now it’s all I think about.

Reprise

“C’Est La Vie” – B*Witched

“Do you play with the girls, play with the boys? Do you ever get lonely playing with your toys?”

These lyrics really have a whole new meaning when you listen to this song as an adult.

Epic / Via rebloggy.com

“This Kiss” – Faith Hill

I mean, if you like love and stuff, this song is still nice.

Warner Bros.

“When You Believe” – Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston

They’re smiling at each other, but I think they low-key hated each other too.

DreamWorks

“When The Lights Go Out” – Five

Fuuuuuuck, this is so much worse than I even remembered and I still love every second of it.

BMG Records

“Fly Away” – Lenny Kravitz

Lenny Kravitz is still cool. This song is still cool. I don’t care what you say.

Virgin

“When You’re Gone” – Bryan Adams ft. Mel C

Guys, there is also a 2005 version of this song with Pamela Anderson. WTF?

A&M

“Finally Found” – Honeyz

This song probably made your tender, childhood heart believe in true luv.

Mercury

“Believe” – Cher

ICON!

Warner Bros.

“Every You Every Me” – Placebo

Hands up if you knew this song because you played some F1 Formula Racing game on PlayStation One?

Just me? OK then.

Virgin Records / Via giphy.com

“Iris” – Goo Goo Dolls

I love this song, but he needs to leave those telescopes alone.

Warner Bros.

“Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)” – The Offspring

It’s that song you’re 100% guaranteed to still know all the lyrics to.

Columbia

“Save Tonight” – Eagle-Eye Cherry

See, there are some songs I remember SO vividly considering they are 20 years old… and this is one that I just assume my mum probably liked.

Work

“Doo Wop (That Thing)” – Lauryn Hill

Fun fact: Hill became the first woman since Debbie Gibson in 1989, to debut at No. 1 on the Billboard charts with a song she wrote, recorded, and produced on her own.

Ruffhouse

“Shimmer” – Fuel

STILL GOOD!

Epic

“Teardrop” – Massive Attack

It’s OK if you really only identify this song with the very strange video clip.

Virgin

“Too Close” – Next

And I betcha didn’t even realise how dirty the lyrics actually were in the ’90s.

Arista

“We Like To Party” – Vengaboys

“WE LIKE TO PARTY! WE LIKE, WE LIKE TO PARTY!” – I defiantly bellowed as an eight-year-old.

Groovilicious/S.R.

“You Get What You Give” – The New Radicals

It may have been a one-hit wonder for the band, but what an absolute banger.

MCA Records

“Frozen” – Madonna

This is Madonna at her best. No disagreements allowed.

Electronica

“I Want You Back” – NSYNC

OK, so technically it was released in 1996 in Germany of all places. But it made its way to the UK and US in 1998. Fun fact: The song was originally meant to be recorded by The Backstreet Boys.

RCA

“La Copa de la Vida (The Cup Of Life)” – Ricky Martin

Who could ever forget this FIFA world cup anthem?

Columbia

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[daysofnikki-blog]

The next, next Sunday.

Holy SHIIIT. Two weeks? It’s been two weeks since I was on here?! Holy balls guys, do you know how much has happened since then?

So the party that Vadim took me too was full of Dungeons and Dragons nerds, but they were really cool and we got along soooo well. Vadim left me to talk to his friend and give him a Christmas present as soon as we got there, so I made friends with a guy named Igan who was cool af. When I take someone to a party, I expect them to mingle and not stay by my side; that’s why we came to a party vs staying at home alone, to hang out with other people. So I did just that. Usually I’m nervous around people I don’t know, but I was jiving with these people. Made consistent eye contact with Vadim as a sign to say we were cool. At one point we both went to go outside and he said he didn’t want to because people were smoking. I said okay, see you later, and went on outside. It was hot and I wanted to cool down. Ended up staying outside. Met the birthday boy’s sister, who works tracking loggerhead sea turtles (awesome) and got into a long chat with guy named Phil who designs dresses. He let me swipe through his designs and they are gorgeous!! He told me I could have a red one if I wanted, and I would’ve said hell yes if Vadim hadn’t come outside. He looked agitated. Asked me why I hadn’t been talking to him at all. I said I thought that we were mingling and that it wasn’t a big deal. He starts yelling at me, in front of everyone, who are now staring, watching us as he berates me for not coming inside when he didn’t want to come outside because of people smoking, “Oh could you not understand that? Really? You couldn’t understand to come inside with me, huh?” It was mortifying.

I tried to play it off. Followed him inside to the food table, where I grabbed some Doritos and listened as he still ranted (albeit quieter this time) about how he couldn’t believe I had barely talked to him at the party. It wasn’t so much what he was saying... it was the way he said it. Belitting me. When he walked away from the table the sea turtle girl was sitting there. She looked at me, shook her head, and said “Damn... I remember when I was in an abusive relationship.” Really?? That’s what we look like to people??

30 seconds later he came over and asked if we could leave.

On the car ride home he was still mad about it.

At his place he wanted to fuck. I’d have went home but I was too drunk to drive. I told him I didn’t want to fuck him with the way he had acted.

The next morning he tried to fuck me again. No.

I left. Haven’t heard from him since. Not even an apology.

The rest of the week I was so sad about it. Told Rachel from work about the situation and she said that she had been in a controlling relationship, and that it was a good thing I had gotten out of it. I’m still so disappointed. I had really liked him.

It was a 2-day workweek because of Thanksgiving. Monday at work was amazing. We had a potluck and the entire part of that building smelled fucking amazing. Ate like a champ. Drowned my feelings in calories.

When the food was done, I went to see Daniel in his office. Went in there for a hug, cause Daniel hugs me when I ask. Sometimes I need a hug. This week I needed a lot. Stayed there for an hour while we talked about his love life and he told me thanks, that he isn’t often able to open up like that. Said we’d get together the next day for drinks. The next day he cancelled.

I went to dinner with Nara at Atlantic Station instead. We were supposed to ice skate, too, but turns out she’s a little bitch with the cold lol. So when I saw the look on her face I told her we could just eat instead.

This date was was different. She wasn’t nearly as flirty. When we left she didn’t kiss me goodbye. Just went to her car. Made me feel very sad, and confused.

The next day was Thanksgiving. FML. Drove 2 hours to Elberton. When I arrived I was chilling for a minute in the car to ready myself when I heard a SLAM into my passenger side door. It was my little brother, Deuce. He had decided to fucking body slam the side of my car. What a douche. Dad was standing on the other side of my car and of course said nothing to him.

Went inside, already in a bad mood. At lunch no one asked about anything but traffic; not how work is going, not who I’m dating, not about my trips. Just traffic. I feel like there is no point in me even coming. April and Dad didn’t even invite me to her mom’s for Thanksgiving this year. They went straight there after Mama J’s; they just didn’t invite me.

Deuce kept interrupting every.fucking.thing I said to order me outside to watch him on the bicycle. I kept telling him in a minute, wondering why the hell no one is chastising this damn child for interrupting an adult constantly. Certainly would’ve happened to me when I was little. At one point he followed me into the kitchen while I threw away trash, asking again and again for me to come outside. Frustrated, I told him in a minute. He then asked, repeatedly, “Nikki why are you angry? Why are you so angry?” Only because he heard it at home, I’m sure. At the table he says really loudly, with a big smile, “That’s my sister!” with a big smile at Dad when I tell him hello, yet when Dad isn’t around he yells at me to shut up. I can’t stand that damn kid. The little girl is cool though.

Outside before leaving we finally watched them on their damn bikes. When I wasn’t giving him enough attention he rammed his bike into me before saying “Oh sorry! I’m sorry” with a big smile on his face. He knew what the fuck he was doing. Can’t stand him. He’s a little shit with no manners who going to grow up to be a big shit with problems because he never learned that the attention doesn’t have to be on him 24/7. And when he’s older and not getting positive attention, he’s going to act out for negative attention instead. He needs a damn whooping.

So I stayed for about 90 minutes, then drove to Atlanta and straight to Claire’s for Irish Thanksgiving. Which was AMAZING. The spread was beautiful, the people were nice, the accents were adorable, and the food was fucking fantastic. I love Mama J, but damn she can’t cook. These people though had turkey, lamb lollipops, ham, green beans, just everything you can imagine, and it was all perfect. And booze. Lots of delicious booze. Best Thanksgiving I’ve ever been to. After everyone left, Claire and her husband Ronan played their favorite game with guests, where we each take turns playing a song on Youtube. Funny enough I was with an English girl and and Irish man and their favorite music is old country lol. Claire has a major soft spot for Dolly Parton, so I introduced her to the duet of her and Rod Stewart singing Baby It’s Cold Outside. She loved it. They said I was the best person they’d ever played that game with. I had the best time :) Such a good time, and so much alcohol, in fact, that I stayed the night in their guest bed. Woke up and they made me breakfast cause they’re adorable.

When I left I was supposed to meet Sam (an old co-worker) for brunch. Drove out to our meeting place and he cancelled on me, so I went and got Claire a thank-you gift instead; an essential oil diffuser and oils, because she’d said she wanted one.

Saturday I can’t remember what I did.

Sunday I had another date with Brian, a lawyer I met on Bumble. He’s okay. Not fantastic, but okay. Has a cute dog. Had a decent date, not sure he’s for forever though. But I enjoy his company. We went to dinner at Anitco’s, split a bottle of wine, went ice skating at SunTrust Park, and then grabbed a beer there after. When I broke out into hives from ice skating, he ran to his car to get me some Claritin :)

Monday I met a guy named JP at Second Self Brewery for their comedy show. Holy shit was that a bad date. It was small, like twenty people in the venue, five of which were performing, and most of them talked on stage about how awkward they felt. JP came in late. When I asked him what kind of beer he liked, I told him that I had a flight if he wanted suggestions. He said “Oh okay so we’re going to share yours?” “No,” I explained. “This is MY flight. These are mine.” He laughed but I was serious. I went to sit and he got his beer. (The flight was only mini-pours.) During a few of the (obviously nervous and bombing) comedians’ sets, he said “Whomp whomp.” It was low, and under his breath, but there were only a couple dozen people there. I was mortified. Halfway through he offered me his marijuana pen. I said I smoke but didn’t want to right beside everyone. He kept pushing it. I said no. He kept pushing it. I ignored him.

After, we sat on the couch to talk a bit. I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he was a dumbass. He kept throwing names of cities in foreign countries around but had no idea what he was talking about. I’m sure he’s dated stupid girls who find mentions of foreign places attractive, but I actually know my shit. He told me that the best surfing was in Tamarindo in south Costa Rica. I countered that Tamarindo is actually in Northwest Costa Rica; was he talking about somewhere else? He said he’d gone to the best surfing locations in Europe. I asked if he’s been to Basque country in France. He said oh you mean in South of France? No, I said, it was in West France. Oh, you mean by the Mediterranean? No, west France touches the Atlantic Ocean. Long story short, he’d never heard of it, which is insane considering it’s some of the best surfing in all of Europe.

The real kicker was when he asked where I lived. I told him an approximate location because I’m not telling a guy I just met from online these three things: Where I live, where I work, or my last name. I have to trust them a bit more first before they get that info.

He continued to pester me for the exact neighborhood I lived in. I told him that I was becoming agitated at the fact that he couldn’t take no for an answer, and that I didn’t think it was going to work out. He left, I finished my beer, never spoke to him again. Good riddance.

On the way home I called Zeek, my Tuesday date, and we talked. Had the best conversation. Laughed constantly. He thought I was magical when I told him he was playing video games, because I heard the click of the controller in the background and recognized it.

Tuesday I had a date with Zeek (real name Zlatan, nickname is Zeek) at 3 Sheets. It was my suggestion, but turns out he used to DJ there often and knew everyone working there. They seem to like him, which is always a good sign :) Some ups and downs in the date. Mostly up. One down. We were talking about something… Crazy girls, maybe? And how all people live up to their names. And he said that, “all crazy girls are named like Nikki. Or Carol.” Record scratch. Those are my names. I keep a fake smile while thinking about the fact that he told me he got his job in cybersecurity from hacking people. That he hacked into this ex-girlfriend’s shit to find out she was actually a Playmate. I’m freaking out a bit at this point, and he can tell. He tells me that my name showed up when I called, which doesn’t make sense because when anyone calls ME it just shows up as a random number. He then said he had found me on Facebook with my name. Now I’m really sketched out because I know it is set to where strangers can’t look me up. And he can tell this is going south, quick. But I changed the conversation, we talked more; he seemed like a cool guy, we’d had a good conversation the night before, and I was enjoying our night together. We had five drinks each, for goodness sake. At the end of the night we made out for forty minutes outside the door like a couple of teenagers. His lips are soft and sweet and I loved kissing him.

Wednesday I started the evening with an Escape the Room game with a friend from high school, his girlfriend, and her friends from work. We made it out just in time ;)

After that I went to see Zlatan. Loved seeing him. I told him I was hungry so he ordered me pizza and remembered my favorite toppings. Also remembered that I loved cookies and jellybeans and had those waiting on me, too. We watched Pan’s Labyrinth, which was INSANE because that was the EXACT movie I was going to recommend. Watched it. Ate. He made me a drink and got me a tray to set it on. Cuddled. Movie was good. Cuddles were good. His place is amazing, a three story townhouse, and his furniture is bitchin. No red flags, in other words. He has three cars (really nice cars) and they are his hobby, which is good to see that he actually has a life and things he enjoys outside of work. We had sex that night and it was goooood. Just as rough as I like it, and good dirty talk. When we finished we did it again. He then turned on his fan to sleep which I LOOOOVED. That is my thing.

I woke up around 2 am though and I was alone. So I walked through the house, naked, looking for him. He came out of the spare bedroom when he heard me. Said I was taking over the bed and he wasn’t used to sleeping with someone because it had been five months since he had sex. I told him I was worried and missed him. He pulled the covers over me, but went back into the spare room. The next morning he came in to wake me up for work, and I pulled him into bed to cuddle but he wanted to fuck again so that’s what we did. Then I got ready. And he walked me to the door. And I left.

It’s a shame he wants kids. I really like him.

Thursday night I went to the Laughing Skull Lounge in the Vortex with Zach from work. It was a little awkward, but fun. We ran into a guy who used to work at Jacob’s Ladder, who’d had a huge crush on me. Obviously the guy saw me, and not Zach, cause I got a text from him saying “Are you here alone?” Night ended without incident. I think I talked too much at the bar, but it’s all good :)

Friday I made my way to Greenville to go to a sorority Christmas party. They’ve invited me for five years; I felt it was time that I finally went. Realized how much I’ve grown since college, because all of them have stayed the same. Kristen, the hostess, was one of the only ones I wanted to see. She stays at home, because her husband has a cushy job with his Dad’s company. He drives a new Mercedes, she a new Escalade. They have a six bedroom, three story house. And she tells me that she feels empty inside, she has no friends, she’s never happy. Shocking, since she even said in college she was dating him for his money. She wouldn’t even go out with him until she Google Earthed his home and saw that his family has two tennis courts on their property, among other amenities of course.

Moments of Southern… narrow-mindness, we’ll say, from the night includes;

Carly makes homemade necklaces now and was bragging about how she sources the silk material. She said, “I get it sent from India. The women who make the Sahara dresses there pick up the silk scraps from the floor and send them to me, so that they use every piece of the Sahara dresses.” Everyone oohed and ahhed, and I said, “Um you mean saree dresses? Because Sahara is a desert.” and she looked at me but pretended not to hear what I said. Way to brag about something that you don’t know shit about.

Later on she mentioned that she had watched a video in her class (she’s a teacher) on the Day of the Dead and was saying, “You know what’s weird though, is that when you learn about it it’s not much different than our holidays.” Like no shit Sherlock, you’re thirty something and just realizing that? We’re here celebrating a fat man in a red suit that climbs down chimneys to leave gifts, and you’re acting like people who are remembering their passed loved ones are the crazy ones?? How has it taken you so long to realize this?

Abby, seeming to need to one-up my short recap of my month of France, talked about her trip to Epcot Center and how she had tasted food from all over the world and omg it was so great. Like first off Abby if you’ve ever been out of the country you would realize that at Epcot you are eating the American version of foreign food. In France they don’t have to pasteurize cheese, which makes it taste completely different than the cheeses we’re allowed to get in America. I’m sure there are things like that for all countries, but France is the one I’m most familiar with. Whatever. My life isn’t so lame that I need to one-up people. I let her have her moment of bliss.

I walk into the living room and hear Chelsea saying that she can’t believe all of these women are coming up with sexual allegations that are 15-20 years old. That Matt Lauer is like her best friend and that if it was such a big deal those women should have spoken up earlier. Just…. are you fucking kidding me? Do I even need to state that these women were probably under the umbrella of his authority 15-20 years ago, that they would have lost their lifelong careers at the time, that multiple accusations means he likely could even be doing it today? I didn’t, but I sure as hell needed to cause those girls are stupid.

Then everyone left and Chelsea and I stayed overnight at Kristen’s. They went on to talk about how annoying all of the other girls were and how ugly their babies are. Then on Facebook everyone posts about how much they love everyone. Once a year is plenty for all of that.

Saturday I had bottomless mimosas with Brittany and told her way too much about my life. Then I went shopping alone for my NYC trip and didn’t find shit. Drove back home. Sunday I had a cold and I’ve been in bed all day. Ordered pizza. That was the highlight.

I haven’t mentioned my NYC trip, have I? Started talking to David, a Parisian who lives in Ile de France. We hit it off SO WELL. He is kind and sexy and sweet and funny and… everything I could want. We hit it off so well that he booked me a trip to NYC to meet him. He’s flying all the way over, just for me. I feel so damn special. We’re staying at Indigo LES for the weekend and he already has breakfast, dinner, and a trip to MOMA planned :) I just have to find a gift for him now. So far I have a pair of Happy Socks, a wine stopper made of a gold “D,” and two white espresso cups that I’m going to decorate for him at Megan’s tomorrow. One I want to draw the US and France on them, with a heart on Atlanta and Paris and a dotted line connected the two. The other I want to say, “Good Morning Babe” because he likes when I call him babe :) I’ll update you on how they go. I need to get to bed now. Good night :)