daysofnikki-blog

[daysofnikki-blog]

NYC: one more day.

How did I post that without mentioning; on Sunday I texted my boss to see if someone could cover for me on Monday because I wanted to stay another day. She said no. David and I were both very sad, but there wasn’t much we could do. We fucked and took a nap. 

When we woke up, I went to the bathroom. When I came back out he told me there was a fire at the Atlanta airport and that all flights were cancelled. 

I thought it was a joke. But he was right. 

Bacchus smiles on us this day. 

And I stayed another night with him :) It was serendipity. 

[daysofnikki-blog]

NYC

December 15 I went to NYC to meet David. I was so nervous, in an excited way; I wasn’t worried at all. It just felt right to be with him. He called me an Uber to bring me to Hotel Indigo from the airport. He called the Uber driver so that I could speak to him through their phone, in the car, just so he’d know I was safe and in the right vehicle. It was super sweet. He did the same thing the next month in Boston. 

When I got to the hotel we got a little lost. I went up looking for him while he came downstairs, and then vice versa, so we eventually met up in the lobby upstairs. I’ll never forget when I first saw him. He looked uncertain, and didn’t see me; he was watching another girl. He later told me he had thought it was me, and he was wondering why I didn’t look like my pictures. Then he saw me, and he got so excited. The biggest smile erupted across his face, and he crossed the room quickly and wrapped me up in a big hug. I noticed too that he was prissy; he was flapping his hands a bit in his excitement. I’d later learn he was very prissy. He kissed me for the first time before we even made it to the room. I didn’t mind one bit. 

He also is a germaphobe. Wraps the remote in the hotel shower cap. Doesn’t want shoes worn in the room. But he isn’t rude about it. He’s almost apologetic. 

And slowly over the weekend I fell for him. Very hard. 

There are some red flags which worry me. He lied about his age. He actually turned 44 on December 22, not 40 like his profile said. He says he didn’t know how to change it but I think he’s more technologically savvy than that. He also has two kids, which I’d guessed already, and he was very nervous to tell me about them. He’s also separated, not yet fully divorced. Really bothers me that he wasn’t upfront about that. Hope it doesn’t bite me in the ass. 

At MOMA he told me that he had dated a girl in Boston. Aged 22. A student. I asked how old he was at the time. He said 37, but with hesitation, which means he was lying. Also, if his kids are 5 and 7, and he’s 44, then that would mean that he cheated on his wife for the 1.5 years he was dating the Boston girl. I don’t think he was 37. I think it happened within the past year, and that he cheated on his wife because it’s easy to do while traveling. I hope that I don’t become that wife. 

He also has the highly annoying habit of staring at ANY pretty girl when we’re together. It’s so disrespectful. And I’ve told him it bothers me but he still does it out of habit.

These things worry me. Very much. 

But I love him more than those things bother me.

He’s so understanding. And he genuinely makes me laugh. And when we leave or go anywhere, he holds my jacket for me to slip into. He’s very loving, and caring. I love touching him, and I love the way he touches me. I feel... very at home with him. I love sharing my day with him, and sharing his with him from afar. I would be happy to be with him always, to share his children; I’d be a good stepmom to them. Because I love him. I want a life with him. 

But for now we just take it one day at a time.

[daysofnikki-blog]

Thursday a long, long time later.

So it’s been more than two weeks. More like five. They say the important thing is getting back up on the horse though, right? I’m not sure it matters how long it’s been. 

We did get snow. A fuck ton of snow, actually. Like nine inches in some areas. Hamsa and I made a snowman. Named her Sally. His friends went crazy over the pic of her on Facebook; apparently it never snows in Morocco. He’d never seen it before. What was funny was I was out of carrots, so I used celery for her nose. The neighbors must not have approved of my choice of vegetable nose because I came back out at one point and they had thrown the celery stick to the ground and given her a carrot nose instead. I didn’t mind; it looked a lot better. 

So much has happened. So much. I wish I had kept up with things daily so that I had time to fill you in on all of the little nuances that have occurred. I’ll do my best. In the meanwhile I’ll let you know what’s going on now.

Yesterday I had an interview for a job I really want. The people there are cool as hell, the job is cool as hell, it’d be a 40% raise from what I’m making now. I’m dying to get it but I won’t find out until next week. Everyone I’ve told about it keeps asking where it is, what the job is, but I’m scared to say it out loud. Like I’ll jinx it. Like a wish that won’t come true. 

So I’m gonna shut up about it on here until I found out if I got it or not.

We should talk about other things though. About Davids and Canada and billboards and Boston Uber Drivers. I’m going to separate them into individual posts. I’m scared my computer will die and nothing will be saved. 

[daysofnikki-blog]

Thursday night.

Well at least I didn’t wait two weeks this time! Short recap because I’m about to go to Jules’. 

Monday- went over to Megan’s. We know each other from high school. I was nervous, but it was weirdly awesome. We both have shitty families, it seems. She spent Thanksgiving at home alone, after leaving her parents who apparently have an animal hoarding problem. It was nice to bond over. And to make fun of people from high school, to be honest. We ate lasagna, she did the calligraphy for the espresso cup for David, and we went to get bubble tea. 

Strangely enough, her boyfriend is David, my new dude is David, she’s going to a wedding this weekend for a guy named David, and my gay friend Jimmy’s new beau is David. 

Tuesday- Went to open mic night at San Francisco coffee with Anastasia. She is awesome. We supported her friend Gregg, who was going up for the first time. She had to work on a presentation about mouse sex. She said it was basically mouse rape and gave her PTSD. We had caramel apple ciders. 

Wednesday- Had hookah with Nara. I think she is a pretty complicated girl, not in a good way, but I think that she’s never been with a woman and this is her experimenting. I don’t care though, she’s hot, and I’d tap that. Use me. Please. But she is immature and definitely not a long term option.

Thursday- Now! Heading to Jules to cuddle in front of the fire. Tomorrow Atlanta is supposed to get an inch of snow and everyone is freaking out a little bit. I hope it means I won’t have work one day soon :) Bring on the SNOW!

Also this week Matt (another friend from high school) told me he’d had a crush on me in high school. We’ve been talking a lot. I want to make sure it stays platonic but I have to admit I was flattered. 

[daysofnikki-blog]

The next, next Sunday.

Holy SHIIIT. Two weeks? It’s been two weeks since I was on here?! Holy balls guys, do you know how much has happened since then?

So the party that Vadim took me too was full of Dungeons and Dragons nerds, but they were really cool and we got along soooo well. Vadim left me to talk to his friend and give him a Christmas present as soon as we got there, so I made friends with a guy named Igan who was cool af. When I take someone to a party, I expect them to mingle and not stay by my side; that’s why we came to a party vs staying at home alone, to hang out with other people. So I did just that. Usually I’m nervous around people I don’t know, but I was jiving with these people. Made consistent eye contact with Vadim as a sign to say we were cool. At one point we both went to go outside and he said he didn’t want to because people were smoking. I said okay, see you later, and went on outside. It was hot and I wanted to cool down. Ended up staying outside. Met the birthday boy’s sister, who works tracking loggerhead sea turtles (awesome) and got into a long chat with guy named Phil who designs dresses. He let me swipe through his designs and they are gorgeous!! He told me I could have a red one if I wanted, and I would’ve said hell yes if Vadim hadn’t come outside. He looked agitated. Asked me why I hadn’t been talking to him at all. I said I thought that we were mingling and that it wasn’t a big deal. He starts yelling at me, in front of everyone, who are now staring, watching us as he berates me for not coming inside when he didn’t want to come outside because of people smoking, “Oh could you not understand that? Really? You couldn’t understand to come inside with me, huh?” It was mortifying.

I tried to play it off. Followed him inside to the food table, where I grabbed some Doritos and listened as he still ranted (albeit quieter this time) about how he couldn’t believe I had barely talked to him at the party. It wasn’t so much what he was saying... it was the way he said it. Belitting me. When he walked away from the table the sea turtle girl was sitting there. She looked at me, shook her head, and said “Damn... I remember when I was in an abusive relationship.” Really?? That’s what we look like to people??

30 seconds later he came over and asked if we could leave.

On the car ride home he was still mad about it.

At his place he wanted to fuck. I’d have went home but I was too drunk to drive. I told him I didn’t want to fuck him with the way he had acted.

The next morning he tried to fuck me again. No.

I left. Haven’t heard from him since. Not even an apology.

The rest of the week I was so sad about it. Told Rachel from work about the situation and she said that she had been in a controlling relationship, and that it was a good thing I had gotten out of it. I’m still so disappointed. I had really liked him.

It was a 2-day workweek because of Thanksgiving. Monday at work was amazing. We had a potluck and the entire part of that building smelled fucking amazing. Ate like a champ. Drowned my feelings in calories.

When the food was done, I went to see Daniel in his office. Went in there for a hug, cause Daniel hugs me when I ask. Sometimes I need a hug. This week I needed a lot. Stayed there for an hour while we talked about his love life and he told me thanks, that he isn’t often able to open up like that. Said we’d get together the next day for drinks. The next day he cancelled.

I went to dinner with Nara at Atlantic Station instead. We were supposed to ice skate, too, but turns out she’s a little bitch with the cold lol. So when I saw the look on her face I told her we could just eat instead.

This date was was different. She wasn’t nearly as flirty. When we left she didn’t kiss me goodbye. Just went to her car. Made me feel very sad, and confused.

The next day was Thanksgiving. FML. Drove 2 hours to Elberton. When I arrived I was chilling for a minute in the car to ready myself when I heard a SLAM into my passenger side door. It was my little brother, Deuce. He had decided to fucking body slam the side of my car. What a douche. Dad was standing on the other side of my car and of course said nothing to him.

Went inside, already in a bad mood. At lunch no one asked about anything but traffic; not how work is going, not who I’m dating, not about my trips. Just traffic. I feel like there is no point in me even coming. April and Dad didn’t even invite me to her mom’s for Thanksgiving this year. They went straight there after Mama J’s; they just didn’t invite me.

Deuce kept interrupting every.fucking.thing I said to order me outside to watch him on the bicycle. I kept telling him in a minute, wondering why the hell no one is chastising this damn child for interrupting an adult constantly. Certainly would’ve happened to me when I was little. At one point he followed me into the kitchen while I threw away trash, asking again and again for me to come outside. Frustrated, I told him in a minute. He then asked, repeatedly, “Nikki why are you angry? Why are you so angry?” Only because he heard it at home, I’m sure. At the table he says really loudly, with a big smile, “That’s my sister!” with a big smile at Dad when I tell him hello, yet when Dad isn’t around he yells at me to shut up. I can’t stand that damn kid. The little girl is cool though.

Outside before leaving we finally watched them on their damn bikes. When I wasn’t giving him enough attention he rammed his bike into me before saying “Oh sorry! I’m sorry” with a big smile on his face. He knew what the fuck he was doing. Can’t stand him. He’s a little shit with no manners who going to grow up to be a big shit with problems because he never learned that the attention doesn’t have to be on him 24/7. And when he’s older and not getting positive attention, he’s going to act out for negative attention instead. He needs a damn whooping.

So I stayed for about 90 minutes, then drove to Atlanta and straight to Claire’s for Irish Thanksgiving. Which was AMAZING. The spread was beautiful, the people were nice, the accents were adorable, and the food was fucking fantastic. I love Mama J, but damn she can’t cook. These people though had turkey, lamb lollipops, ham, green beans, just everything you can imagine, and it was all perfect. And booze. Lots of delicious booze. Best Thanksgiving I’ve ever been to. After everyone left, Claire and her husband Ronan played their favorite game with guests, where we each take turns playing a song on Youtube. Funny enough I was with an English girl and and Irish man and their favorite music is old country lol. Claire has a major soft spot for Dolly Parton, so I introduced her to the duet of her and Rod Stewart singing Baby It’s Cold Outside. She loved it. They said I was the best person they’d ever played that game with. I had the best time :) Such a good time, and so much alcohol, in fact, that I stayed the night in their guest bed. Woke up and they made me breakfast cause they’re adorable.

When I left I was supposed to meet Sam (an old co-worker) for brunch. Drove out to our meeting place and he cancelled on me, so I went and got Claire a thank-you gift instead; an essential oil diffuser and oils, because she’d said she wanted one.

Saturday I can’t remember what I did.

Sunday I had another date with Brian, a lawyer I met on Bumble. He’s okay. Not fantastic, but okay. Has a cute dog. Had a decent date, not sure he’s for forever though. But I enjoy his company. We went to dinner at Anitco’s, split a bottle of wine, went ice skating at SunTrust Park, and then grabbed a beer there after. When I broke out into hives from ice skating, he ran to his car to get me some Claritin :)

Monday I met a guy named JP at Second Self Brewery for their comedy show. Holy shit was that a bad date. It was small, like twenty people in the venue, five of which were performing, and most of them talked on stage about how awkward they felt. JP came in late. When I asked him what kind of beer he liked, I told him that I had a flight if he wanted suggestions. He said “Oh okay so we’re going to share yours?” “No,” I explained. “This is MY flight. These are mine.” He laughed but I was serious. I went to sit and he got his beer. (The flight was only mini-pours.) During a few of the (obviously nervous and bombing) comedians’ sets, he said “Whomp whomp.” It was low, and under his breath, but there were only a couple dozen people there. I was mortified. Halfway through he offered me his marijuana pen. I said I smoke but didn’t want to right beside everyone. He kept pushing it. I said no. He kept pushing it. I ignored him.

After, we sat on the couch to talk a bit. I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he was a dumbass. He kept throwing names of cities in foreign countries around but had no idea what he was talking about. I’m sure he’s dated stupid girls who find mentions of foreign places attractive, but I actually know my shit. He told me that the best surfing was in Tamarindo in south Costa Rica. I countered that Tamarindo is actually in Northwest Costa Rica; was he talking about somewhere else? He said he’d gone to the best surfing locations in Europe. I asked if he’s been to Basque country in France. He said oh you mean in South of France? No, I said, it was in West France. Oh, you mean by the Mediterranean? No, west France touches the Atlantic Ocean. Long story short, he’d never heard of it, which is insane considering it’s some of the best surfing in all of Europe.

The real kicker was when he asked where I lived. I told him an approximate location because I’m not telling a guy I just met from online these three things: Where I live, where I work, or my last name. I have to trust them a bit more first before they get that info.

He continued to pester me for the exact neighborhood I lived in. I told him that I was becoming agitated at the fact that he couldn’t take no for an answer, and that I didn’t think it was going to work out. He left, I finished my beer, never spoke to him again. Good riddance.

On the way home I called Zeek, my Tuesday date, and we talked. Had the best conversation. Laughed constantly. He thought I was magical when I told him he was playing video games, because I heard the click of the controller in the background and recognized it.

Tuesday I had a date with Zeek (real name Zlatan, nickname is Zeek) at 3 Sheets. It was my suggestion, but turns out he used to DJ there often and knew everyone working there. They seem to like him, which is always a good sign :) Some ups and downs in the date. Mostly up. One down. We were talking about something… Crazy girls, maybe? And how all people live up to their names. And he said that, “all crazy girls are named like Nikki. Or Carol.” Record scratch. Those are my names. I keep a fake smile while thinking about the fact that he told me he got his job in cybersecurity from hacking people. That he hacked into this ex-girlfriend’s shit to find out she was actually a Playmate. I’m freaking out a bit at this point, and he can tell. He tells me that my name showed up when I called, which doesn’t make sense because when anyone calls ME it just shows up as a random number. He then said he had found me on Facebook with my name. Now I’m really sketched out because I know it is set to where strangers can’t look me up. And he can tell this is going south, quick. But I changed the conversation, we talked more; he seemed like a cool guy, we’d had a good conversation the night before, and I was enjoying our night together. We had five drinks each, for goodness sake. At the end of the night we made out for forty minutes outside the door like a couple of teenagers. His lips are soft and sweet and I loved kissing him.

Wednesday I started the evening with an Escape the Room game with a friend from high school, his girlfriend, and her friends from work. We made it out just in time ;)

After that I went to see Zlatan. Loved seeing him. I told him I was hungry so he ordered me pizza and remembered my favorite toppings. Also remembered that I loved cookies and jellybeans and had those waiting on me, too. We watched Pan’s Labyrinth, which was INSANE because that was the EXACT movie I was going to recommend. Watched it. Ate. He made me a drink and got me a tray to set it on. Cuddled. Movie was good. Cuddles were good. His place is amazing, a three story townhouse, and his furniture is bitchin. No red flags, in other words. He has three cars (really nice cars) and they are his hobby, which is good to see that he actually has a life and things he enjoys outside of work. We had sex that night and it was goooood. Just as rough as I like it, and good dirty talk. When we finished we did it again. He then turned on his fan to sleep which I LOOOOVED. That is my thing.

I woke up around 2 am though and I was alone. So I walked through the house, naked, looking for him. He came out of the spare bedroom when he heard me. Said I was taking over the bed and he wasn’t used to sleeping with someone because it had been five months since he had sex. I told him I was worried and missed him. He pulled the covers over me, but went back into the spare room. The next morning he came in to wake me up for work, and I pulled him into bed to cuddle but he wanted to fuck again so that’s what we did. Then I got ready. And he walked me to the door. And I left.

It’s a shame he wants kids. I really like him.

Thursday night I went to the Laughing Skull Lounge in the Vortex with Zach from work. It was a little awkward, but fun. We ran into a guy who used to work at Jacob’s Ladder, who’d had a huge crush on me. Obviously the guy saw me, and not Zach, cause I got a text from him saying “Are you here alone?” Night ended without incident. I think I talked too much at the bar, but it’s all good :)

Friday I made my way to Greenville to go to a sorority Christmas party. They’ve invited me for five years; I felt it was time that I finally went. Realized how much I’ve grown since college, because all of them have stayed the same. Kristen, the hostess, was one of the only ones I wanted to see. She stays at home, because her husband has a cushy job with his Dad’s company. He drives a new Mercedes, she a new Escalade. They have a six bedroom, three story house. And she tells me that she feels empty inside, she has no friends, she’s never happy. Shocking, since she even said in college she was dating him for his money. She wouldn’t even go out with him until she Google Earthed his home and saw that his family has two tennis courts on their property, among other amenities of course.

Moments of Southern… narrow-mindness, we’ll say, from the night includes;

Carly makes homemade necklaces now and was bragging about how she sources the silk material. She said, “I get it sent from India. The women who make the Sahara dresses there pick up the silk scraps from the floor and send them to me, so that they use every piece of the Sahara dresses.” Everyone oohed and ahhed, and I said, “Um you mean saree dresses? Because Sahara is a desert.” and she looked at me but pretended not to hear what I said. Way to brag about something that you don’t know shit about.

Later on she mentioned that she had watched a video in her class (she’s a teacher) on the Day of the Dead and was saying, “You know what’s weird though, is that when you learn about it it’s not much different than our holidays.” Like no shit Sherlock, you’re thirty something and just realizing that? We’re here celebrating a fat man in a red suit that climbs down chimneys to leave gifts, and you’re acting like people who are remembering their passed loved ones are the crazy ones?? How has it taken you so long to realize this?

Abby, seeming to need to one-up my short recap of my month of France, talked about her trip to Epcot Center and how she had tasted food from all over the world and omg it was so great. Like first off Abby if you’ve ever been out of the country you would realize that at Epcot you are eating the American version of foreign food. In France they don’t have to pasteurize cheese, which makes it taste completely different than the cheeses we’re allowed to get in America. I’m sure there are things like that for all countries, but France is the one I’m most familiar with. Whatever. My life isn’t so lame that I need to one-up people. I let her have her moment of bliss.

I walk into the living room and hear Chelsea saying that she can’t believe all of these women are coming up with sexual allegations that are 15-20 years old. That Matt Lauer is like her best friend and that if it was such a big deal those women should have spoken up earlier. Just…. are you fucking kidding me? Do I even need to state that these women were probably under the umbrella of his authority 15-20 years ago, that they would have lost their lifelong careers at the time, that multiple accusations means he likely could even be doing it today? I didn’t, but I sure as hell needed to cause those girls are stupid.

Then everyone left and Chelsea and I stayed overnight at Kristen’s. They went on to talk about how annoying all of the other girls were and how ugly their babies are. Then on Facebook everyone posts about how much they love everyone. Once a year is plenty for all of that.

Saturday I had bottomless mimosas with Brittany and told her way too much about my life. Then I went shopping alone for my NYC trip and didn’t find shit. Drove back home. Sunday I had a cold and I’ve been in bed all day. Ordered pizza. That was the highlight.

I haven’t mentioned my NYC trip, have I? Started talking to David, a Parisian who lives in Ile de France. We hit it off SO WELL. He is kind and sexy and sweet and funny and… everything I could want. We hit it off so well that he booked me a trip to NYC to meet him. He’s flying all the way over, just for me. I feel so damn special. We’re staying at Indigo LES for the weekend and he already has breakfast, dinner, and a trip to MOMA planned :) I just have to find a gift for him now. So far I have a pair of Happy Socks, a wine stopper made of a gold “D,” and two white espresso cups that I’m going to decorate for him at Megan’s tomorrow. One I want to draw the US and France on them, with a heart on Atlanta and Paris and a dotted line connected the two. The other I want to say, “Good Morning Babe” because he likes when I call him babe :) I’ll update you on how they go. I need to get to bed now. Good night :)

[daysofnikki-blog]

The next Sunday.

Damn. I get worse and worse with this. But at least I’m keeping it up :) Kind of.

Thursday I was supposed to see Vadim, and to be honest, I just didn’t feel like going. So I kept making excuses that I wasn’t feeling well. I told him that I had the impression he just wanted to fuck, and I wasn’t in the mood for fucking that evening. Just wanted to give him the heads up so he wasn’t disappointed. He said so long as we were being honest, he was starting to feel like a meal ticket due to the lack of intimacy on my part. I answered back that that honest was one reason why I loved him, but my time was more valuable than to waste two hours of my time on a date just for $20 worth of food and drink. But he sold me on it. Damn do I love his honesty. It’s so refreshing. 

So I went. And was thoroughly impressed. He owns a 3 story condo in Sandy Springs and his decor is perfect; a great balance of retro and modern. You can tell a lot about a guy from his place. And I liked his place a lot.

He’s also very different at home. He loses most of that pompous asshole front he puts on in public. He’s actually a really cool guy. We watched a documentary on mushrooms, followed by a Volume 1 & 11 of Nyphomaniac, a delightfully thought-provoking film about a girl’s sexuality with a very unexpected ending. Another plus in Vadim’s book for choosing great films. He hand-fed me delicious chocolate raspberry 420 edibles, we shared some red wine, and then we went to bed, where the unthinkable happened... we fucked (it was rough like I like it, and surprisingly amazing) and the freakin condom got stuck in me. Again. Twice in one week. By two different guys. I feel like such a slut.

Thankfully I didn’t freak this time. It didn’t come out that night but I knew it would. The next morning he had to work at 6:30 AM and went to fuck me again. I said he couldn’t, there was a condom in me, so he fished it out and then put on another one and we went at it again. He told me after, “babe, just sleep as long as you want and set the alarm on your way out. I’ll leave a key under the mat.” When I woke up though I was so sleepy from the amazing cuddles from the night before that I went out, set the alarm, and.... realized I was barefoot. My boots were still inside. I didn’t want to risk the alarm going bananas though so off to home I went in my bare feet.

Friday I had a date with guy named Rish at Fado’s in Midtown. Awful. He hardly listened to me, conversation was shit, and I told him so. I offered to get the check and he could leave, but he said he’d rather get it and asked me to stay until it was paid for. I agreed. Never going to speak to him again, though. Randomly saw a guy, Wei, that I had met at a party months earlier but I didn’t say hi since I was with Mr. Asshole. 

Saturday I downloaded another dating app and started talking to the hottest Brazilian girl, Nara. Damn. She is something else.

Also had a gay guy contact me on there. He said he didn’t want to fuck because he was into guys but I was gorgeous and me and him were gonna be besties. We’ve talked every day since, too; he’s pretty great.

Saturday afternoon I met a girl from work and her bf at their place and we went to the King of Pops Field Day. In a rare change from the usual, I dressed in full athletic gear for the occasion. However, there were no field games like I expected so I just looked like a dingdong. There was, however, a shit ton of free popsicles, popcorn, and cotton candy, so it was my kind of Field Day. I met with my roomie, Hamsa, and his French co-worker Madeline after and we walked to Ponce City Market. I was proper drunk and needed some time to sober up, and left as soon as I did cause I kind of felt like I was crashing their party. I went home, chatted with my new online matches, passed out. 

Sunday I was supposed to go riding in the mountains with Jules but it was raining. So I stayed in jammies all day. Hamsa told me that he and Madeline had been drinking until 3 am. He had the cops called on him at a gas station. Apparently his phone died, he went to the station to use theirs, he was being disorderly and wouldn’t leave, they called the police. The policeman let him charge his phone when he explained the situation.

Monday Vadim invited me over again. I figured he would want to fuck as soon as I walked through the door but he didn’t even try. He made me dinner; shrimp and steak fajitas. Even got me tortillas even though he doesn’t eat them. Homemade guacamole. He continues to impress me. We watched a movie called 1922 and he made a fire in the fireplace while we enjoyed some wine. After we had amazing sex, again... holy fuck it was good. His favorite thing seems to be getting me off. I don’t even like being eaten out, but... I want him to do it to me again and again. It’s so unbelievably perfect. And after it’s so much sweeter by the fact that he just looooves to hole me while we sleep. Mmmmmm. Getting very attached to him.

So attached, in fact, that I went over there the next night. We had leftovers. While clearing the table he came up behind me and started to rub my clit. Ended up fucking on the table. He came on his rug. I loved it. The cuddles were again, amazing. I brought a bag this time to get ready in the morning; I put on my silk robe from Jules and told him I was going to wear the outfit he fucked me in the next day to work (and I did). I pulled him to me on the couch and told him I was going to hold him; he loved it, even set an alarm on his phone so he could sleep for twenty minutes in my arms. As SOON as his alarm went off, the final flame in the fire went out. I was watching. He has the cutest snores when he is sleeping.

Wednesday I went out with Wesquan, who I had went on a few dates with two years ago and re-matched with Saturday on the new app. He’s very cute, easy to talk to, but just seems to want to fuck, which isn’t appealing. We went to three bars then his place and I left when he went to open some Spanish champagne, called Cava. I told him I’d see him after my date Thursday with Brian (fun conversation, but he’s too vanilla for me) but I didn’t. He just wants to fuck. It’s not my style. Friday he left for Rio for a week, thank God. Thursday I tried to go to Vadim’s but he wasn’t picking up my hints. Friday I was frustrated cause I wanted to see his ass so I told him I needed to come pick up my heels  I left over there. 

(FUCK. Side story- I brought some heels that week cause he wanted to fuck me in them. The next morning I left them so he could see what he had to look forward to, and went to put some lingerie in his nightstand, where instead I found a pair of a woman’s size 8 cheap heels. Not sure what to think about that.)

So I go to get them while he’s preparing for a Magic tournament. He wanted to fuck (so did I) but instead I blew him. It was lovely, and he was delighted. I love the way he tastes. Then I went to a house party that Wei had invited me to online. i went because it seemed fate that I had noticed him at Fado’s (but he didn’t see me) a few days before I got his FB invite. I was with a bunch of GT nerds. They were so flustered around me. Was adorable. I felt like a princess. I actually met two guys there who play Magic, and mentioned that a friend of mine was playing in Roswell; when I told them it was Vadim, one guy (Ricardo) laughed his ass off in a weird way and pulled up Vadim’s photo and made fun of him. Was weird. The only black guy there, VJ, walked me to my car after and invited me to watch the Dome implosion Monday morning. I might go.

I went to Vadim’s after and told him I had met two guys who knew him. When I said one was Ricardo he made me laugh by asking, “He was talking shit, wasn’t he?” We spent another great night together, and I had to leave with him at 6:00 for work for some reason. We didn’t have sex that night but I gave him a BJ and he rubbed me off really well :) 

Saturday I came back home and slept on the couch for 4 more hours. Hamsa wasn’t home so I smoked some weed in his room. Woke up at 11:15 and needed to meet Jimmy, the gay guy who wanted to be my friend, at noon. Oops. Thankfully he was even later than me. We shopped, then got drinks at the pub and had a blast. He invited me to a member’s only sex dungeon, which I can’t wait to attend. I’m glad he chose me to be friends :)

I met Nara in Marietta that night at a bar. She is even more beautiful in person. Very flirty, very sexy. Stayed for hours, just talking, eating. She was clumsy because she was nervous, and you know how I find that so endearing. It was raining when she walked me to my car, and kissed me so hotly in the street while raindrops rolled down our faces. She’s a little rough and pulled my hair back to kiss my neck. I loved it.

Met a woman named Beautiful in the bathroom. She has a glass eye and let me tap it. Told me she was a model for prosthetics. She was a cool person. Gave me her number. Pretty sure we’re pals now.

It’s Sunday and I haven’t changed from my Ariel pajamas. Vadim just invited me to a birthday party for his friends tonight. It feels too “soon” for us for me to go, but I want to see him badly so what the hell. I’m off to shower now and get cute. Crossing my fingers I wake up in time to see the Dome tomorrow morning before work :)

[daysofnikki-blog]

The next Wednesday night.

And I thought four days was a while to wait. Now it’s been ten. Geez. I started writing this last night but I dropped a Bugle on the floor and deleted the post as I picked it up. I started writing it just now, again, and deleted it again cause I’m a dumbass. I’m really hoping it doesn’t happen a third time.

So, last Saturday I stayed in my Little Mermaid jammies as planned and it was fucking awesome. No regrets.

Sunday I went back on OKCupid and actually answered a message on there for some damn reason. Guy named Matt. A British engineer. In his spare time he climbs mountains, mainly ice, usually alone. His favorite thing about me is my big heart.

We met for brunch at the Black Walnut in Norcross. Had such an enjoyable time that we went for a hike in Roswell after. When I finally went home he was texting me to invite me on a trip to Canada next month to climb frozen waterfalls with him. That night we met for drinks at an Irish Pub. At the end of the night the kiss was so good he picked me up in the parking lot and wrapped my legs around him. The only thing stopping me from fucking him right then and there was the possibility of ending up on a sex offenders list. Damn he is great.

Monday I went to REI to look for the proper gear for Canada. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. Did you know there are metal attachments for shoes that are basically the equivalent of snow chains for tires? Now you do.

Tuesday was Halloween. He took me to REI to help me out, but I’m still unsure on what all I would need. We had dinner at Seasons 52, a nice place by Perimeter. We each had two glasses of Panachere while he told me about his wine cellar in Tokyo.

After we went to his place. Had a lot more wine. Met his adorable Corgi, Bee. Love her already. I had been adamant about using a condom, and remember pulling one out of my purse. I don’t remember much else, except the sex was rough and I felt awful. The next day the condom was still on the nightstand. Scared me.

I lasted a half hour at work before going home. As soon as I walked in the door I vomited everywhere. Told myself I would nap but wake up in time to work with Jacob. By the time I woke up, though, the work day was over.

I did feel a lot better though, and met up with Matan for pizza at Fellini’s. He was tired from working in NYC all weekend; he’d just gotten back the day before. I could tell he was exhausted as soon as I saw him. Eyes were heavy. He also didn’t remember a fucking thing about me; kept asking me questions we had already covered. I didn’t mind much, cause I can understand exhaustion, but I still gave him hell for it just to be funny. Went back to his place after. Had sex, which I initiated. I’d thought about fucking him all day Saturday in my jammies. Sex was… okay. Not bad, not great. Asked him to fuck me on the balcony, and he did. Asked him to fuck me in front of the mirror, and he did, even if I wasn’t positioned to see into the damn thing. He didn’t like to kiss on the mouth either, which always gets me off. Afterwards I left. He invited me to stay but I just didn’t want to.

Next day I got into… not an argument, but not a happy conversation about the condom with Matt. He said we got carried away. Said I was insinuating it was his fault. I guess I was. I didn’t mean to. It just scared me.

Friday I saw Matt again. Went to his place and watched Netflix. Realized I was stupid to have been scared; he used a condom, without me asking, and holy shit is he a good fuck. Just as rough as I like it, but kind of tender-sweet, too. A rare combo to find. I had nice bruises on my ass the next day and wore them proudly. The next day he went climbing. He said he was going with “the lads” but I’m 99% certain he went alone, which is fine by me. I love being alone too.

I went to Staycation with Jules. Met at her place and true to nature, she gave me a few edibles to eat before we left while we did our hair. Also gave me some amazing lipsticks because Jules is awesome.

Her husband got us a corner room at the W in Downtown. Two whole walls were windows. Beautiful, huge room. Cannot imagine how much it cost. We ordered from an expensive BBQ place for dinner… the friend mac & cheese sticks and pimento cheese/bacon marmalade wontons were phenomenal. The next morning we got an impressive array of food from Room Service. She bought us matching white silk robes with floral patterns. Thankfully the waistline is adjustable cause I left that hotel ten pounds heavier. We spent our time playing with makeup and on Snapchat. Watched the new IT before bed which was surprisingly awesome. Smoked a lot of weed in the bathroom. She had brought blow too, but I have zero interest in that. The next day before we checked out I took sexy photos of her as a Thank You to her hubby.

Sunday I was alllllmost home from her place when she called and told me that she had left a giant Mason jar of weed in my bag. So I turned around and drove back to her place a helluva lot slower than I had driven from it. By the time I got home there wasn’t time to do much but go to bed. Matt was pretty distant. Matan asked to meet up on Monday. I said yes.

We went to his place to order in sushi and watch a documentary on Israeli cuisine. The sex was a little boring, but damn it got exciting at the end when he said, “Where’s the condom?” Spoiler Alert- it was inside me, somewhere. So I freaked out slightly and ran to the bathroom to finger-bang myself in eight different positions. I had just gotten my nails done and scraped the fuck out of my insides. It was also hard for me because I never finger myself to masturbate (I’m more of a humper) so I couldn’t tell what was condom and what was pussy to be honest. Asked him to help because he was saying we may need to go to the ER, and he became SO squeamish. Like… really?? You were just spreading my butthole apart in front of a mirror but helping me with a medical issue by going into the pussy you were just inside, you won’t do? What an asshole. I asked to stay over in case anything happened, and he didn’t even offer to walk me to my car that was four blocks away, in Midtown, at midnight. Douche. Even worse, when we got in bed he told me, several times, not to touch him or he couldn’t sleep, and made me listen to a WWII podcast on his phone before bed. This guy has zero intimacy. When I kissed his head goodbye to go to work (he was still sleeping) he said, “That’s it?” like he was glad the ordeal of me staying over was finished. Not goodbye. Not "Have a good day." Just "That’s it."

Still wouldn’t mind staying friends though.

Tuesday I text Jules and Jaime my issue. Jules immediately offers to fingerbang me to retrieve it. Told me I could lay on her kitchen table and she had a speculum. Jaime just laughed and prayed for me. At 10:00, after many squats and lunges, I said fuck it, took off my nails, sat on the toilet at work, and went to town. IT CAME OUT. Thank God. I there it in the trash until Jaime asked if I had flushed it. Last time the toilets clogged they actually posted a picture of the clog at work. She said it would be hilarious to see a post about a condom clog, and I agreed, so I dug it out of the trash and flushed it for the lolz.

Matan finally checked in on me… at 2:40. Thanks a lot.

Matt is still really distant. Says he needs to train. I believe him, it’s just… so different from last week.

That night I just cooked a lot. And accidentally super glued my favorite skirt to my leg. I was holding the broken bottle of glue in my hand and accidentally tilted my hand as if reading a watch :(  It seeped through the fabric and attached to my leg. When I went to pull it off, it hurt like hell and ripped my skirt.

Tuesday was quite the bitch.

Today I asked Matt if he wanted to see me this week. He said he really needed to train. Seems to want to see me, just seems more to be worried about his climb. I wrote him a long text that he didn’t reply to (though no reply was needed). I’m just going to give him a few days to himself and be in touch again. I really like him. I love that he loves my big heart. How often do you find that?

[daysofnikki-blog]

Friday Night.

Damn it’s been a while. Four days? Geeze. 

Tuesday I went out with Brett, the Australian who didn’t speak to me the first hour of our date, again. Was my turn to stage a date. It didn’t go as planned but we still had a great time.

Strung my hammock up by the Chattahoochee and brought a bag holding a blanket, some beers, and a bunch of sensory objects. The idea was to lay in the hammock together and roll the toys over each others’ legs and arms while asking deep, thought-provoking questions that I had written with each other. In reality, he showed up a little late, it got dark really early, and I forgot he didn’t drink. He had a two-person hammock so we used it instead of mine, and ended up cuddling together and just easy chit chatting. It was really great, actually. He might be getting a bit attached too soon, though. Mentioned words like “soulmates” and “marriage.” Even once with each is a bit too much for a second date for me.

After we went to North River Tavern. Turns out they have excellent tacos on Tuesdays. I will definitely be back for those tacos. He had a mattress put up in his van; casually mentioned that he used it for 18 months in California. I’m down to try anything once, so we cuddled innocently in the back of his van for a while. Was weird, but hey, I tried it.

Wednesday I honestly can’t remember what I did.

Thursday I went out with Kirill, a Russian financial analyst who moved to Huntsville, AL of all places when he was younger because his dad is a physicist with NASA. On paper he seemed perfect. In person he was okay but lacked the X factor, you know? He took me to Bistro Niko, a posh French spot. Was delicious. He invited me to go to a Gladiator exhibit on Saturday, but I honestly want to use that day to just chill by myself.

Tonight I went to a pumpkin carving and dinner party at work. Actually had a decent time. Only stayed for the Smores, to be honest, and only originally went because Daniel seemed sad that I never attended any of his events, as he put it. 

Tonight Hamsa and I are going to watch Donnie Darko, and I could not be more excited about that.

[daysofnikki-blog]

Monday Evening.

Yesterday I went to my step sister’s 16th birthday lunch, the first event outside of Christmas that I’ve been invited to in ages (more on that later...). We went to Cheesecake Factory in Buford. They were running late, so I chilled inside on my phone. A woman sat beside me. A few minutes later another woman, who she obviously knew, came to join. She asked if I could move my purse. Looking at the two inches of space left on the bench that my purse occupied, I asked, “Can you fit?” If not I would have stood up; she was a good bit older than me. But there was definitely not a room for another woman on the bench. I only had my little purse in between me and her friend because I didn’t want our legs to touch. I like my personal space. 

She said, “Oh nevermind!” and threw up her hands. Walked towards the direction of the cheesecake display. Figured she was going to look at some; didn’t really think about it. Went back to my phone. 

30 seconds later, her much older (maybe 70) friend turns to me and starts to yell, “How rude! Someone asks to sit down and you ask if she can fit?” 

Me, “....huh?” Her, “What are you doing, measuring her ass or something? I cannot believe you. How. Rude!”

First off, I only asked because I was going to offer to give up my seat if moving my purse wasn’t enough. Both of these women were skinny, not even a little fat. I never thought they would take it like that. But now she’s being so ridiculous about the whole thing that I’m mad about it and wouldn’t give up my seat if she asked; she’s yelling at me in a Sunday-crowded restaurant, and yeah, people are looking. 

She shuts up. Her friend shows up. They talk. I go back to my phone to just forget about it. A man walks up to them. I’m reading an article but one phrase comes to me from the woman standing, “...and she asked me if I could fit. Can you believe that?!”

“Let me handle it,” he says. Walks up to me. “Ma’am?” I look up from my article. “Could you scoot over please?” I scoot the one inch I have to the right. “See?” he says turning to her.

I don’t say anything to them, but this made me so mad. His pompous attitude, as if it just took someone with a dick to straighten out the matter. What was worse though, to me, was her whining to him like a child. You are a grown ass 40 something year old woman. If you have a problem with something, take care of it yourself. This is why so many men treat us like children; because you act like one. Conduct yourself like the adult you are, for fucks sake.

I got on the phone with a friend in Paris and bitched about them loudly in French.

The family showed up. It wasn’t as awkward as I’d thought. We think our waiter forgot us; it took 90 minutes for us to get our food. But it gave us longer to chill. Wasn’t bad as far as family functions go.

[daysofnikki-blog]

Sunday morning.

Listening to Ludovico Einaudi at the moment. That man plays to my soul.

I’m typing with fake nails on and it is quite the bitch, but imma get it done ;)  Thursday I get a text from Jules about the Halsey concert she had bought me a ticket to that I had completely forgotten about. I’d had a date that night with Deen Brooks.. double-booked myself, again. Texted him to let him know that Jules is my main bitch and that she has precedence. He was upset, he said, because he turned down some good paying gigs in order to meet me that night. Too bad, so sad; Jules comes first.

And I’m soooo glad that I went. It was Jules, Alyse, Alexys, and myself. Good crew. Alexys I had never met before; she is a friend of Jules’ sister. She was pretty stupid, but also incredibly hot. She mentioned a few times being a Sugar Baby, and how she was fine fucking older men for some money but she couldn’t let her boyfriend know or he’d get mad. She’s a waitress at Loco’s. Quite the lady, eh? 

The concert itself was amazing. Halsey puts on one fuck of a show. She knows how to put on a show, and she sounds better live than she does on the radio. Lots of hot lesbians everywhere, too. Made some sexy eye contacts with a few but didn’t try anything because Jules doesn’t know I’m gay and would probably not let me play with her boobies anymore if she knew. 

...Or she might ask me to join her and her husband in bed. You just never know with Jules.

Going to Jules’ place is the adult equivalent of going over to your grandparent’s when you were little. Because when you when to your grandparent’s as a child, they always had the BEST snacks, and in abundance, and it was always a smorgasbord of delight everytime you went there. Jules’ is just like that, if your grandparents were millionaire Mexican stoners. When I came in she gave me a cannabis oil pen to hit at the door, which gave me an immediate high and tasted like mangoes. She then gave me some lime flavored weed candies, and told me she dropped a few in my purse for the road. Just like my grandma would’ve done. Her makeup and perfume table spans for miles, and she made me a margarita from their bar downstairs while I did my hair. Before I left she gave me a scarf she picked up on her trip to Bali. I love Jules. Not for the things she gives me, but because she’s the type of person with a such a big heart that she gives so freely.

That was Thursday.

Friday night I met Matan on the rooftop at O-ku sushi, a very high end sushi place in Atlanta. Shockingly, he told me he is enthralled by Southern rednecks and has a dream of meeting one in a dive bar and discussing their separate worlds together. I told him that would likely never happen, as any redneck who is suddenly asked a lot of questions by some foreigner in a bar is going to think that he is gay and hitting on him. 

Conversation with him just flows so easily. I was constantly amazed throughout the night by how well we play off of each other. I have the best time with him. I enjoy his company so much, and I love the way he kisses, the way his body feels...

After sushi, we took a walk around. Introduced him to the flavors at Jeni’s ice cream but the line was too long for us to want to stay. We came up with a game, somehow (similar to the way the kids and I devised a game on Wednesday... unspoken, organically) where we pretended to be audio guides. One of us would say a number, and we’d have to describe the scene before us in audio guide-fashion. 

After we uber’d over to his place. He lives in nice apartment on the 20th floor. Great view. We started to watch Religulous but interrupted it to make out. Would’ve turned into some good ol’ fashioned fucking if I hadn’t been on my period. Instead I gave him a blow job. I liked it so much that about a half hour later, I gave him another one.  He said I could stay but he seemed tired, so I went home so he could sleep. 

Saturday I stayed in my Little Mermaid onesie pajamas as long as possible. Then Hamza and I went to the Little Five Points Halloween parade. However, I spent so long being lazy that when we got there, it ended within ten minutes. Goddammit. Met up with a girl I met on OKC who stuck to us like glue the rest of the day. She wasn’t the most fun I’ve ever had but I gave her a little kiss before we left anyways. I was very tipsy; on the way back to the car we had to stop in a park to pee. 

After I met Deen Brooks for a drink. Within twenty seconds I was ready to leave. He talked constantly, like a sleazy car salesman, and had a ridiculous little laugh he would make at his own jokes while he stuck his tongue out. He seemed like he was coming down off of cocaine or something. I even asked at one point if he were okay. Anytime I tried to talk he just interrupted me and kept talking about himself. I found him repugnant, asked for the check as soon as I could, paid for my beer, and left before he’d even finished his. I went home and played Uno and made cookies with Hamza before passing out on the couch for a while. 

[daysofnikki-blog]

Thursday Morning.

Tuesday night I had orientation at Lifelife, a no-kill shelter facility. My cell phone went off in the middle of the four person crowd and the instructor got really annoyed. I felt awful; phones going off is a big pet peeve of mine. I told him I was sorry and my phone was almost ALWAYS on silent, but I don’t think he cared or believed me. 

I felt bad about it so afterwards I went back into the building to apologize, but I think it just bothered him more. 

I went back to my car and cried, just a bit. I don’t know why. Sometimes I can just feel like I fuck everything up. 

Wednesday morning I had to be at work an hour early for a meeting that could have been a brief email. That’s another big pet peeve of mine. People who say in ten sentences what could be said in one. 

After working in Roswell, I had to drive an hour down to Buckhead for an Open House. 20 staff for maybe 7 clients. Ridiculous. I’m not a fan of that schmoozy, “everything we do here is perfect” type of events. Makes me feel oily. Like I’m lying. 

In the parking lot when arriving I got a message from a girl who has been keeping me updated with her twin pregnancies. She found out yesterday that she lost one. I still had to go inside and pretend I was happy in a cult-like way, so I kept sneaking off to cry in a room alone.

At one point I went down to the basement. Two of the Stone boys were there, those adorable children who all happen to look like Cindy Lou Who from the Grinch, along with all three siblings from Leo’s family. I swung them around from a suspended swing and within a minute, one Stone boy’s first words to me were to yell “I love you!” Afterwards he took me by the hand to his mom and asked, “Can we keep her? Can we take her home with us?” It’s the only time in my life I’ve been treated like a dog and been okay with it. 

The kids and I spent about a half hour in the basement, and true to kid nature quickly developed a complicated game. First all five piled on this huge foam rocker we have. I sang a song about a missing baby. Then one kid would get up and go hide, and we would all race to find him/her. No one ever had to state these rules; they just developed out of nowhere as if they’d always existed. I’ve always loved this about children. 

They really turned around my mood. I didn’t cry again that night.

[daysofnikki-blog]

Tuesday Morning.

Saturday night I went to Trevor Hall at the Cobb Energy Arena. Ryan took me. Beforehand we had dinner at Kiosco’s on the Marietta Square. He made me pay, which is not something I’ve ever experienced on the second date. If we’ve been dating a while, sure, lets split the bills, but on the second date (and I hate to sound high maintenance) but I kind of expect you to still be wooing me a bit. He kissed me after the show and it was awful. He did not pick up on my bodily hints well. He’s texted me about a billion times since then. 

Sunday Hamza and I went to the PRIDE parade and it was AMAZING. Glitter, rainbows, and unicorns everywhere. We arrived an hour late which was perfect because the parade was an hour behind. Somehow we got an amazing spot and had a front row view of everything right beside the Fox Theatre, underneath the traffic lights where Ponce meets Peachtree. A team of men on roller blades did a dance routine with handstands; draw queens danced atop mirrored cars; good music and vibes came from all around and candy fell from the sky. The best part of all, though, was seeing so much happiness and love spread everywhere. People marching in support of loved ones, churches marching to show tolerance; it was so uplifting to be in such a place of love and acceptance. 

After the parade I hit someone with my car. Just barely, in the parking lot. I have really been beating myself up about it. I don’t have a few hundred dollars to pay for someone else’s paint job. I can’t even afford to get my own windshield fixed. After, Hamza took me to Hand In Hand in Virginia HIghlands and we had tacos (3 for $5!!) and two pitchers of PBR ($5 a pitcher!). We had really in-depth conversations and it helped mellow me out a good bit. 

Josh couldn’t see me this weekend. His grandma broke her hip in Tennessee, and his mom’s car was broken down, so he had to drive her back and forth to there. She’s staying with him a few days. I think it’s already driving him crazy. 

Monday I got back on the dating apps. Found a couple of guys that I liked the sound of. Yesterday I met Matan, an Israeli transplant whose parents were smart enough to birth him in New York so he’d have citizenship here. 

A few defining factors about Matan; comes across at first as a little boring and feminine but that quickly went away once we started talking more. He’s well-read, an atheist without being rude about it, and doesn’t make me feel like a piece of meat when we talk. We met at CHAR, a really cool Asian bar that I’m going to have to come back to at some point. They had just had their Friday the 13th party, which “was lit” according to the bartender. We came in to a seven foot tall killer clown at the door greeting us. While we talked demonic babies hung upside down from the bar that was littered with hearts and brains. 

I liked it. 

But I was telling you about Matan. Matan was a paratrooper in the Israeli army; after that he fulfilled his dreams of going to Columbia in NYC and only managed, he said, by getting every grant and scholarship possible, and “living in the library.” He started working with a 20-person start-up business in college, but wanted to pay back his loans when he graduated so he worked for two years at Goldman Sachs, and “ate only $1 pizza slices” for a year and a half in order to kill his loans, quick. And he did it. And you can tell he’s very proud of it. And I’m kind of proud of him for it, too. He went back to the small company, which had then grown to 150 people, and loves it. Loves his job, loves his CEO, loves his life. After six years in the city, living in Chelsea, he moved to Atlanta and bless him, he can not get used to the change of pace. I’ll have to teach him how to slow down and enjoy things. He speaks about the City as if it were an old girlfriend of his that he loved dearly.... it’s quite endearing. 

At the end of the night we took a walk down the Beltline and kissed. It was very good so I asked for another. I might have gotten just barely carried away, but not enough to embarrass myself. 

Not sure if anything will come of this or not, but I really enjoyed my time with him.

[daysofnikki-blog]

Saturday.

Today I wanted to go enjoy some of the Atl Pride festival in Midtown but I woke up too lazy. So I’ve eaten two bowls of taco dip and four mini candy bars while reading and writing :) Tonight I’m going with Ryan to see Trevor Noah at the Cobb Energy Arena, and tomorrow maybe going to see the Atl Pride Parade :D

[daysofnikki-blog]

Facebook.

We have these group meetings once a month at work that are basically disguised Bible studies. And nearly every meeting, my boss will lecture us on social media, generally saying something to the effect of; “When we see others on social media, we need to remember not to compare ourselves to them. We need to remember that this is only the highlights of their life; that they go through severe struggles constantly, and that their lives aren’t as perfect as they make them seem. You’re only seeing the part that they want you to see.” 

I’m not religious, but she is, and I highly doubt if Jesus were alive for the era of social media that he would say, “Please remember that other people’s lives suck, too.” 

No.

Just no.

If they are on your Friends list, then these people must at least be someone that you like, even if just a little bit. Wouldn’t Jesus be more apt to say that we should be happy for those we love? That we should celebrate with them, and find joy in the fact that they have found contentment in their lives? Why do I feel like this needs explaining to the fifty-something year old CEO of a millions dollar company? 

Myself, personally, I’ve had a rough life. Years of abuse that is still ongoing. I’m the only person in my family that doesn’t suffer from a severe mental disorder, hasn’t been to jail, and/or hasn’t been addicted to drugs at some point. So I travel a lot; I do things to take my mind off the awful thoughts that often cloud my every waking moment. I try to find beauty all over the world. And when I do, I like to share it on social media. Not to rub my adventures in your face; but because I found something that made me happy, and I want to share that with others to spread that joy to people who may need it. 

I have plenty of friends who go and do far more than myself, but I’m not jealous of them. I’m happy that they’re happy, and I love following their stories. 

I could easily be jealous of people who post pictures of their happy families, since that’s something that I’ve never had, and I feel starkly, bleakly alone in this regard most of the time, but I don’t. I’m so glad that they have a good family, a strong support system, and that they’ll never have to know what it feels like to be as alone as I am. 

This isn’t a thought process I’ve had to teach myself. It came naturally. It seems crazy to me to have to explain it to be people.

Not to sound narcissistic, but I wish more people would catch on to my way of thinking. It’s not just at work; I see similar thoughts splashed across the internet in various forms and articles. 

Just be happy for one another. Share love.

[daysofnikki-blog]

Choices.

Brett is the Australian with the Post-It pads date. He enjoys living life, being unconventional, and taking odd jobs all over the place; the night of our date he had to leave at 10 in order to take down the Garth Brooks stage at the Mercedes-Benz stadium, and the week before he set his hands on fire and fought someone as a stuntman for a film.

Josh is a structural engineer. He works in a three-man company that owns a patent for building stronger structures, and is responsible for most of the buildings in Atlanta. He makes me laugh, which is rare, and puts puddles in my panties with just a kiss, which is even rarer. He also have a pooch that melts my heart. 

Vadim is a Russian, Jewish pharmacist. On our first date he took me to a hidden speakeasy. He’s a little pretentious at first, but fine with a drink in him. He is open about his love of playing Magic; The Gathering. Do I find Magic sexy? No. Is it sexy that he is confident in his hobbies and doesn’t gaf what I think about them? Yes. On our second date he brought me three weed gummies because I told him I liked edibles. I told him it was better than flowers, and I meant it. He has also admitted being into BDSM. He asked if I was into BDSM. I said no. He asked what’s the roughest sex I liked. I answered, “I like hard spanking, sometimes getting tied up, and a little safe choking.” He told me that was BDSM. So I found out something about myself that day. 

Ryan’s most distinguishing feature is that he is 6′9″. It’s the first thing you can’t help but notice. Thankfully, he’s into petite girls. He’s the first guy I contacted on line, super easy to talk to, and best of all, he genuinely listens to me. He says he works hard to improve himself and learn from his mistakes, and I’ll be damned if that isn’t 100% true. He asks me often if I’m happy, and if not, how I can be happier, and he actually follows my suggestions (such as not texting me so often) and doesn’t seem to mind my honesty with this at all. He also has a stutter around me, which I LOVE; nothing cuter or more endearing that a giant of man getting all bashful and fumbly around me :) It’s very sweet. He’s very open about wanting a future with me, and I love that about him too. 

They’re all great, in very different ways. And each of them hint at wanting to become exclusive soon. I know Josh and Ryan aren’t seeing anyone else besides me. But I can’t choose yet; they’re all great in their own ways. 

[daysofnikki-blog]

Some of the aftermath of our writing bonanza.

[daysofnikki-blog]

A date without speaking

Thursday night I had one of the most interesting dates of my life. Brett told me that he wanted to take me on an unconventional date; something that would help to remember him for always and set him apart from the other guys. Just before noon I got the following text from him: 

“So here’s the deal...

1. Meet out the front of Rosa Mexicano in Atlanta Station on the grass at 7pm. I’ll be there with two sticky note pads and two pens because...

2. You will get one sticky pad and one pen to communicate with (plus body language and a little bit of touch ;*) but strictly no voice until our pads run out!

3. We walk around, people watch, eat dinner, ask each other questions (using the pen and pad only!)

4. No talking to people on the street including waiters etc over dinner without using the pad and pen!

Looking forward to experiencing your writing skills at 7pm!”

And, even though traffic and meetings made up both about 45 minutes late, we managed to not speak for the first hour and a half. I saw him leaning against the parking meter, tapped him on the shoulder, and handed him my pre-made Post-It that said “Yo” in pink writing with a smiley face below. He gave me the pads and a pen, and wrote “Are you hungry?” I was nodding before he finished. And off to Rosa Mexicano we went :) 

The wait staff was surprisingly receptive to the idea. It seemed they thought that he and I already knew each other, and even though it wasn’t true it wasn’t worth the time it would take to write out that it was our first date. It created a very intimate experience, and by comparison everyone else in the restaurant seemed very loud. 

We decided we didn’t want to go the whole night without hearing the other’s voice. When we left we decided to speak, and sat on the grass to watch some people dancing in neon feathers and glowsticks (We’re still not sure why they were doing this, but it was entertaining). 

He told me about another idea he’d had for a first date, where he would be sitting on the grass and his date would come up behind him and then sit back to back, and they would just talk for an hour or so without seeing each other. A girl he knows, who is a bit more adventurous, had met a guy on a first date when both of them entered a room, blindfolded, and went at it, only taking off their masks when they were finished. 

That might be a little much for me, but the note-writing tactic was absolutely adorable :)