#listen Jean-Luc Picard is a prideful man and a rock

[yourbuerokrat2]

Q: Come on, mon capitaine. Why don't you like spending time with me?

Picard: You really want to know? It's because in the first few moments I look in the mirror after our latest meetings I don't see me. I don't see the Captain of the Enterprise or even a person. All I can see is the toy of a childish god. And I really hate feeling that way, Q.

[sttngfashion]

True Q - 6.06

Oh, Q, you rake, you scalawag. You’re so mischievous that you’ve snuck into one of these mostly-unis episodes like the scoundrel you are. Also I believe this episode title, much like Return of the King, contains a spoiler within the title. But we’ll get there.

“Don’t even try to out cheekbone me, girl. I’ll eat you for lunch.” —Bev

This blondie is Amanda Rogers (and boy does she look like an Amanda Rogers), and she’s an... intern? She’s 18 years old and is eventually supposed to go to Starfleet Academy but has somehow beat out a bunch of other youngsters for the opportunity to work on the Enterprise before she goes to study. She’s perky and a know-it-all and wears colors that must have been picked out by a girl who grew up idolizing Glinda the Good Witch. She’s rocking that square neck that we’ve seen before, but it’s doing a weird thing with that waffle undershirt she’s wearing, and I’m not convinced any of these colors works with her skin tone. 

RIKER, SHE IS EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. Get out of her personal space.

Riker is showing her her quarters which, to be fair are pretty lush for someone who should be preparing for the horrors of dorm life. On the other hand this room is definitely not meant for youngsters.

Yes that is a tall skinny bottle of curaçao with matching glasses on the coffee table.

Anyway, after Riker is all up in her personal space, he leaves Amanda alone and suddenly... puppies appear. No, really.

Is it just me or is she wearing Jellies?

Who cares, PUPPOES! They are so floppy and foldy and adorbz central. (Side note: that desk chair is def from Staples.)

Behave? More like BeeHIVE, amirite?

I don’t really understand what is happening here as for most of the rest of the show her hair looks normal. Maybe her hair just got excited by the PUPPOOES!

So after these puppies mysteriously appear, she tells them to disappear, and they do, though kind of reluctantly. And that’s the end of the Teaser. That’s right: after the last puppy disappears, we get the DRAMATIC MUSIC because DISAPPEARING PUPPIES. I may have guffawed.

Okay, plotdump: later on, Amanda saves Riker from getting bonked on the head by a falling barrel or something, and then after that, stops a warp core breach with her hands. WHAAAAAT? Also, this is hand motion she makes when she saves Rikes.

Oooh, I love shadow animals! What is it... an elephant?

Anyway, because this GIRL has magically SAVED THE WHOLE GODDAMN SHIP there needs to be a MEETING.

“Her hooters were like, this big.” —Geordi

Sorry, sorry, I’m being base. Have Deanna’s eyebrows always looked like they were made out of smoke?

Obviously though, this meeting is dumb because we know who’s behind this.

Who decided to design the conference room chairs with an omnipotent douchebag recline setting?

I mean, you gotta give John de Lancie his due: no one can do all-powerful schmuck quite like he can. But he’s only wearing his “I’m crushing so hard on you, Picard” command red uni, so blah.

How’s the rest of the senior staff feel about Q’s arrival?

From left to right: not having it, pissed, I can’t believe this, are you kidding me, and uuugggghhhhhhhh

Everyone is earning their episode rate in this shot, but Beverly and Geordi are owning it.

So it turns out that this girl is Q, but Q has been sent to find out if she is TRUE Q. I think if she’d turned out not to be, the episode would be called True Q? or Untrue Q or FALSE Q. But you know now how it’s going to end.

Still, we have to go through the motions.

Okay, Q, now you’re really in her personal space.

I suppose there might be some perfect metaphor of discussing Q-privilege but frankly I don’t think I’m smart enough to do it.

OH NO NOT THE DECORATIVE PLATE AND BOWL!

Also it’s amazing the extent to which this is clearly a stunt double. Also also: no more decorative spotlight on the artifacts. The computer was able to sense what was coming, I guess.

I can’t remember exactly what happens here but Gates just looks so awesome and sassy that I had to put it in.

Sorry guys, it’s a low-fashion episode. Oh, but hey, here’s a fashion!

Ghost Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamsweater.

It’s hard to make out exactly what’s happening here, but as best I can see, from left to right again: block gray, block plum, block grape, block grilled peach, block mocha, AMAZING SWEATER OF ALL YOUR MOST BEAUTIFUL COLORFUL DREAAAAAMMMZ. 

These are Amanda’s parents, who it turns out were Q also? I can’t remember what the release of information is like in this episode but basically the Q Continuum MURDERED Amanda’s parents because they wanted to live in Nebraska or something. Which, like, that’s not nice, but also... Nebraska? They were killed by a freak tornado which was engineered by the Q but also IT COULD HAPPEN.

In other news, I have four nostrils and this one dope chain.

Also, this individual has Bea Arthur’s hair. I am 100% not mad at it.

Oh man, I’m really murdering the plot of this ep... these people need help of some sort and Amanda and Q are NOT HELPING. There’s a whole thing where Q wants to take Amanda on Q lessons and so they speed up some experiment that Bev has Amanda doing, but that ruins the experiment or something? I wanted to be like “listen, Q, either you’re doing omnipotence wrong or the writers are” but I love this show so I kept quiet.

What’s Q lessons mean, btw?

WE’RE STANDING ON THE BACK OF THE SHIIIIIIIP

So this is one of those shots that I have basically remembered pretty much exactly since childhood because WHAAAAAAAAT. Looking at it now I’m skeptical as to whether they’ve gotten the scale right, but I guess they’re Q so they can be big as they wanna be or whatever.

Speaking of other things they want.

Welcome to my weird Pride and Prejudice fantasy, complete with gazebo

I mean, everyone is entitled to their own fantasy, but you are wearing lacy pink things and the strangest tartan belt ever seen, and your hair seems to be fashioned after those vines growing up alongside that latticework. Who’s your Mr. Darcy?

WORLDS COLLIDING

Where to start? The velour jacket is great, but the fancy lapelwork there is something I’d more expect to see alongside the jacuzzi that Lwaxana Troi and Worf’s son Alexander were hanging out in. Really the only thing that’s okay about this scene is how uncomfortable Rikes looks in it.

Of course, since the first scene with Riker and Amanda we’ve all been feeling that if anyone is feeling some kind of way about anybody, it’s Riker for Amanda (ew). Still, though, he does the this is not appropriate routine, until she realizes the full potential of her Q-ness and makes him fall madly in love with her.

Disclaimer: I am a gay man. But what is happening to her breasts.

I mean, that just cannot be comfortable. Also, bless Frakes for being like “well, I guess the script calls for me to get all up on this 18 year old.” Anyway, she knows that it’s not real so is not into it. Unanswered question from the episode: DOES RIKER REMEMBER ANY OF THIS?

Okay, so basically it comes down to: does Amanda stay and finish her internship or does she go with Q to join the Continuum and basically become a god? Let’s take a look at Amanda one week after her internship starts:

This job has destroyed me

So first of all, why she gotta always wear unitards with weird textured minidress operations on top? Second of all, though, at least this color is not quite so bubble-gum flavored. This is a lima bean and overdone spinach combination here, which, okay, not super appetizing, but at least she doesn’t look like she just jumped off the Candyland gameboard. Also, those tendrils of hair! That’s how you know she is not playing around anymore.

This planet is burnt

Listen, you guys, some other stuff happens, but I had several glasses of wine while watching FEUD so I’m just gonna wrap it up with this little side-by-side: this is the planet 4-nostrils Bea Arthur was from and that the Enterprise was trying to help, and Q is basically like “Amanda, if you can stop using your Q powers then you don’t have to come be part of the Continuum, oh but here’s a planet with a whole lot of people that are about to die, SHRUG.”

I mean, of course she saves it. The show didn’t have enough budget for an intern character.

UGH FINE I GUESS I’LL GO BE A GOD.

Still, she gotta say goodbye.

“Good luck girl, but don’t ever come for me the way Q comes for Jean-Luc. Because I will own you so hard.” —Bev

Have a great week, everybody!