#lindz speaks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

xgeebabyx · 4 years ago

Text

Book.

Here is my book. It’s not done. It’s Frerard. I will post updates occasionally. Please give me feedback. I’m trying to get better at writing

MAFIA MAN AND ME (available on Wattpad under the user DoctorDeathDafuc)

I walked into the school, pulling down my skirt, hanging my head down low. I avoided peoples gazes, making my way to the office to get my schedule. I signed in, waving meekly at the secretary who was looking at me with a mixture of confusion and disgust washed across her face. I solemnly marched to my locker, getting quite a few odd looks from my peers.

I marched into my classroom, walking to the back and ignoring the curious peering gazes that leered at me and my skirt. I sat down at a desk far from everyone else’s and pulled out my book, opening to the page on the board. I stared up at the board and waited for class to begin. The teacher started calling roll and when he called out, “Gerard Way?” I panicked and meekly raised my hand. The teacher wrote it down and continued, but everyone’s eyes were on me. I stared ahead and listened intently when the teacher began droning on about poly whatevers.

As soon as class ended I was out of my seat, rushing to my locker, spending as little time in the hallways as possible, knowing it was dangerous for me to be out here alone, seeing as I was a boy in a skirt. Clearly I wasn't fast enough because soon enough Bert McCracken, aka my worst nightmare, turned up right in front of me. “Hey faggot, miss me?” I meekly shook my head, before feeling the impact and pain of a fist on my cheekbone, making me cry out weakly and fall to the floor. I stayed down, knowing it was useless to fight back. I willed away the ears, swallowing thickly. I stared at the floor and didn't make a sound as I was pummeled by these monsters. The bell rang, and they all ran off. I stood up, brushing off my skirt, smoothing down my hair, and straightening my sweater before heading off to science.

~le time skip to end of day~

I walked home, my head cloudy and full. My book bag was making unbearable pain on my shoulder, dragging me down so I was leaning uncomfortably to the left. I saw Bert and his cronies sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the street and started walking faster, desperate to reach my apartment building. I heard yelling behind me so I started to run.

I reached my apartment, slamming the door shut. I leaned my head against it, panting uncontrollably, close to tears. I pressed the palm of my hands to my eyes, willing away the droplets. I inhaled before taking away my palms, sure the tears wouldn't fall. I leaned down and took off my boots, sliding around my floors in my pink bunny thigh highs. I reached my kitchen and walked in, brewing a pot of coffee before sliding over to my couch, clearing pencils, pens and half finished drawing and writing off of it before plopping down with a satisfying thump. I grabbed a clear page and a pen, letting my eyes roll back into my head, feeling my hand moving across the page, forming shapes I couldn't name and a feeling better than the best orgasm.

I heard the beeping of the coffee pot and slowly rolled my eyes back the correct direction, blinking a few times to adjust to the dim lighting of my shoddy apartment. I stood up, placing down my drawing and dragging my ass over to the kitchen counters. I grabbed a mug that didn't look too used, and poured the coffee. I dumped an alarming amount of sugar and creamer in before heading back to the couch and finally looking at the art I had created. It appeared to be a… skull with the word “Watch Out.” on it. There was a snake swirling out of its mouth holding a rose between its teeth. I sighed, before grabbing my paints and oil pastels and getting to work putting it on a canvas. I could get a solid $100 for this and on top of all my other art I had made this month, it would stack up to be a little over the rent payment, meaning I would have enough to buy new supplies.

~le next day~

I walked to Lemon and Sugar, my local cafe. When I got there I waved to my friend Lindsey behind the counter before walking to my favorite corner of the room and sitting down, pulling a sketchbook and a pen out of my bag and putting on sunglasses before rolling back my eyes and drawing. I had made a habit of the sunglasses when an old lady saw me and nearly had a heart attack before hitting me with a bible. Lindsey of course was no help throughout that traumatic encounter because A)she was stuck behind the cafes counter, and B) she was laughing too hard to move properly, much less talk.

My hand was still moving by the time Lindsey got off work and she decided not to disturb me, instead choosing to sit across from me and watch me work. It was hours before I finally took off the sunglasses and rolled my eyes back into place, catching the fake disgusted look Lindsey was giving me. “I do not see how the hell you can draw with your eyes on the opposite side of your fucking head.” I giggled, folding up my sunglasses and storing them securely in their case before dropping them back into my bag.

“It helps me think of Lindz, it may be a little strange, but it's fun.” with that, the conversation was over. I looked down at my drawing, seeing a beautiful tree with thousands of faces instead of leaves. I smiled, proud of my art. I glanced around, noticing the shop was mostly empty apart from me, lindsey, the cashier/ barista, and a heavily tattooed man in a suit who just so happened to be staring at me. I blushed and looked at the table, before glancing back at Lindsey, who had her eyes fixed on her girlfriend Jamia behind the counter. I smiled and nudged her.

“Hey lover girl, do you think you could get me a coffee? It would give you a chance to flirt with Mimi.” she glowered at me, but got up anyways, walking over to the counter, fixing her face into a pleasant smile. I smiled at the table, glad for my friend and her success for not being single like me. I heard some footsteps before the bench across from me sighed and I looked up, ready to tease Lindsey, but the words got caught in my throat when the tattooed man was smiling pleasantly at me.

“Hello cutie, I’m Frank, what's your name?” I hesitated, before reaching across the table to shake his hand. “I- I’m Gerard.” I squeaked out. He took my hand and shook it, before placing a gentle kiss on my hand. I blushed profusely, nibbling on my bottom lip. He smiled a genuine smile that reached his eyes. “I came over here to ask if i could have your number? I wanna take you out sometime.” he asked, his voice washing over me gently, giving me a strong pull behind my sternum and butterflies in my stomach. I mentally squealed, while on the outside I was calmly nodding. His smile got even wider and he pulled out a little business card and passed it to me. He pointed to his number, and I typed it into my phone, sending him a quick message and setting his contact name as “Frank from the coffee shop” He responded quickly and I smiled.

He stood up and waved, before walking out of the store. I glanced over to the counter where Lindsey and Jamia were watching me like proud parents. Once they knew I was looking, Lindsey wiped her dry eyes while Jamia started clapping like a maniac. I let out a burst of laughter, before standing up and curtseying. I smoothed out my skirt and marched over to the couple. “Linds, you promised a coffee. Where is it my sandwich maker?” she raised her eyebrow at me and I smirked. She slid a coffee across the counter and I sipped it, not losing eye contact.

“No thank you Gerard? Wow, I should've kept the coffee to myself.” Lindsey muttered as I continued to obnoxiously slurp down my drink. I winked at her and walked back to my seat, packing up my art and pens before waiting for Lindsay by the door.

That night I had a lot to think through as I messaged back and forth with Frank, setting up a date next Saturday at 8 for dinner and a movie. I smiled, thinking about the sweet man from earlier. Now I just had to wait.

~le time skip to school on the friday before the date~

I walked down the halls, ignoring the calls of faggot screamed at me. I got shoved against the lockers, the force causing my skirt to fly up revealing my lace panties. I fixed my skirt before continuing to walk, my thigh high boots clacking against the linoleum tiles. I reached my locker and pulled out my history text books before stuffing them into my leather messenger bag and strutting calmly down the halls to my next class.

I walked in and sat at the back, staring at the board. I saw the teacher eyeing my legs and I subtly flipped him off under the table. I knew he saw it the minute his eyes widened and he stared at my face. I raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips. He flinched away from my burning gaze before beginning his lesson. I zoned out until I heard the bell. “Gerard, please stay back for a second, I need to speak to you.” I rolled my eyes but stayed back, walking up to my teachers desk.

“Yes? What is so important?” I questioned him. He cleared his throat. “You’re 18 now, that means you’re a legal adult like me, you’re single. Me and my wife are getting divorced, we could maybe try to work something out between us.” he inched his hand up my thigh. I scoffed and moved his hand off my thigh.

“That's illegal and gross, I'm not a fucktoy and I know your wife isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Fuck off cause im not interested, and if you dont leave me alone, i will report this behavior to the principal and the police, now im going to leave and you’re going to let me.”with that, i picked up my bag and marched out of the room. I snarled at anyone who even looked at me.

When Bert showed up at my locker wearing his signature smirk, I opened my locker, slamming it into his face and hearing it satisfyingly bang against him. He let out a yelp and opened his mouth to yell at me. I turned to face him, “Listen, I’m not in the mood for your hopeless flirting and cry for attention, so fuck off. Mr. Woods just sexually assaulted me and now I have to report him to the authorities. Leave me alone and return to your usual pattern monday, cause then they’ll leave bruises to last all week. Now goodbye hun, have a good weekend.” and having said that, i marched out the front doors of the school with my head held high.

~le time skip to saturday~

I flopped on my bed, checking the time before launching myself back up. I waltzed over to my closet and pulled out dress after dress, laying them out on my bed. I ran my hands over all of them, before picking up two and putting them back. The three still on my bed were all beautiful, but I had to be practical. I eventually chose a pretty pastel pink dress with a black leather belt and little white pumps. I wandered out of my bedroom and into the bathroom, stepping into the shower and turning it on hot. I sat there for a minute before I slowly began shaving my legs.

I got out and wrapped a towel around myself, my feet slapping against the flooring of the hallway. I pulled on my dress, smoothing out the wrinkles before putting on a pair of matching pink panties, pulling the fishnets up over my plus sized thighs. I hum along to a song in my head, jumping around trying to put on my shoes. I finally shoved my feet into the delicate heels from hell and sat at my vanity, deciding on a little bit of lip gloss and eyeliner, before grabbing my purse and checking the time. 7:58pm… shit, I rush down the apartment building stairs just as the clock strikes 8:00. I stand out on the sidewalk as an expensive looking black car rolls up and the window slowly rolls down. Inside it is Frank and I giggle, walking over and opening the car door.

“Hey Frankie.” I say, grinning. He looks over at me, “Hey baby.” I blush, my face turning as red as a tomato. He chuckles, reaching over and putting his hand on my knee before driving off.

We arrive at the restaurant and the first thing I notice is how expensive it looks. I whimper, looking at frank, confused as to how we’re going to afford eating here. He notices my look of distress and grabs my hand, gently leading me inside. “Don’t worry hun, i can pay for this, you sit there and look pretty and don't look at the prices.” he whispered into my ear. I whimpered again before nodding. I followed after him to our table, seeing the admiring glances thrown at my date. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused as to why they’re looking at him like he’s their idol or worst fear, the looks are very similar. He’s just frankie, my date, and the sweetest man ever.

We sat down and he reached across the table for my hand, kissing it and holding it, not noticing the stars we were getting. “Ok so, what do you do for a living? What are your passions? What are your fears? What are your hobbies?” he rapidly fired at me, and I chuckled.

“Slow down cowboy. I’m an artist, I’m passionate about art, music and coffee, I'm afraid of needles, and my hobbies are art and music. Now what about you? I might ask the same.” I chucked the information at him, finishing off with a light laugh.

“Alright, I run a few businesses-” He started.

I pouted at him, “Be specific please, I wanna know if i'm dealing with a drug dealer or a human.”

“I run a few restaurants, clubs, bars, major companies, I'm passionate about getting to know you and hopefully getting you to like me, I'm afraid of losing people like you, and my hobbies are music and hopefully getting you to fall for me.” he said, never breaking eye contact with me. I smiled at the table, blushing madly. He chuckled at my antics and I kicked him under the table.

“Stop laughing.” I whined, pouting at him. He was still smiling at me and I couldn't help but giggle. “You’re a strange one Frank. You’re the only one who’s stuck around.” he smiles at me and kisses the back of my hand.

“Maybe it's because I like you more than I should and we barely even know each other. You, my dear, are special and I want to cherish you.” he shot back at me. I blushed harder and kept my gaze on the table, not being able to wipe the smile off my face. My face was actually starting to hurt from smiling so much. I glanced around the restaurant, catching a few people blatantly staring at us and my smile dropped as I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Why are they staring at us frankie? Did we do something wrong?” I questioned, whimpering. He looked around as if only now noticing the staring people. “Are they making you uncomfortable angelo? I can make them go away and stop staring.” I whipped my head around to face him, my black hair flying around.

“What does that mean frankie? Are you dangerous? Should I be afraid? You don't seem scary, you seem sweet. You shouldn’t hurt others, it's not nice.'' I rambled as he shot death glares towards the other occupants of the restaurant. I glanced around again noticing two very buff tattooed men sitting close to us who appeared to be waiting for some kind of signal from frank. I caught their eye and they glared at me, and I quickly turned away. “Frank, I don't get it, are you like a gang leader or something? Fucking what? You're scaring me.”

He turned back to me, eyes immediately softening. “Im sorry baby, let's get out of here.” with that, he stood up, reaching for my hand and pulling me to my feet. As we walked past the scary men, Frank nodded at them and they stood up, following us out. I grabbed Franks arm and stayed close, keeping one eye on the men behind us. He patted my hand and kissed my forehead. “Nothing to fear baby boy, they’re here to keep us safe. I’m a very important person and you’re important to me so you’re more important.” he reassured me. I furrowed my eyebrows trying to figure out what the hell that means and when Frank had become the mad hatter with his riddles.

I didn't let up my grip on his arm, instead only holding on tighter. I looked up at him and smiled as he met my gaze. I giggled as we reached his car and he opened my door with an exaggerated flourish. I got in and thanked him. He got in the driver's seat and we flew off down the road, a black van containing the men trailing behind us. Frank's hand found its way onto my thigh and stayed there.

We arrived at the theatre and we chose to see the movie Child's Play. I gripped his hand tightly as we stood in line to get snacks. I was blushing madly because Frank wouldn't stop whispering in my ear about everything and anything going on. I pulled out my wallet to pay, but he pointed to a person and while I was turned away he paid. I turned my attention back to the transaction, seeing Frank paying and I gasped, upset. “I wanted to pay frank. Why would you do that?” I pouted at him and he looked a little shocked at my reaction.

“Sugar, I have money, i wanna spoil you! Is that a crime now?” he said, clearly unnerved by the fact i didnt know that i wasn't allowed to pay. I furrowed my brows. “This is a date and the man has to pay, so why did you try frankie? We all know I have the balls in the relationship.” I giggled as we walked to our seats. I twirled my skirt, listening to my heels clip against the floor. We sat down and the movie began.

Halfway through the film I felt myself being moved ever so slowly into Frank's lap and I giggled quietly, getting up and sitting down on his lap. He sighed contentedly and I curled up to his chest, trying to fight off the sleep that wanted to take over. I eventually gave up and curled up into a tiny ball, pressed against Frank comfortably, letting my eyes shut.

I awoke to Frank lightly shaking me while chuckling. I looked around and blinked the sleep out of my eyes. “Wha-” I yawned, rubbing my eye with my fist. I took in my surroundings, we were driving around in the higher-class suburbs. clearly frank had not wanted to wake me up, so he must’ve carried me, or had me carried out. He looked tired, and I checked the clock. 2:00am I sat up quickly, but got a headrush and rubbed my head. “Shit i'm sorry frankie, i didn't mean to keep you out this late, you’re probably tired.”

“Shh baby, that's not why i woke you up. I wanted to ask if you were ok with sleeping at mine tonight, your house is all the way across town and I really don't feel like driving all the way back. If you want though, I can. Your wish is my command my sweet little baby.” he whispered, and I found myself nodding and falling back asleep to the sound of gentle laughter.

~.~.~.~

I awoke to silk sheets that weren't mine and a warm body that definitely was not my heating pad. I sat up and looked at the body next to me, the memories coming back. “Frank, goodmorning baby.” he groaned and rolled over, covering his head with a pillow. I giggled, getting up and pulling his shirt over my head, before walking to the door. I opened it and was met with a security guard. I poked his shoulder and he looked at me, his eyes meeting mine, dangerously eyeing me to see if I posed a threat. I smiled, and he seemed to relax a little.

“Excuse me Mister, where's the bathroom?” my half asleep mind not processing the fact that there was a security guard outside of frank’s door. He pointed and I skipped off in the direction he had pointed. I marveled at the beautiful copies of famous paintings on the walls. There was a suspiciously good replica of the mona lisa and starry night hanging on either side of the bathroom door.

I walked in, ignoring the large bathtub and the ten person shower, heading straight to the throne like a toilet. I did my business and then walked over to the large marble basin sink, washing my hands before drying them and walking back to the room where Frank is. I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on my clothes that I had come in before turning my attention back to the still asleep frank. “Frank, baby, you gotta wake up. I need to get home, i promised lindsey i would tell her about you and our date. She's gonna think you’re some murderer if i dont get home soon. Who knows, she might send a police officer over.”

That got his attention because soon he sat up, getting dressed in whatever was on top of the clothes pile. “Thanks for waking me up with sugar, I have work to do. I’ll have Francesco drive you home, I'm sorry I couldn't do it myself but ya know… “ he trailed off and i nodded. We walked out of the room and he motioned for a reedy boy over. “Can you please drive my baby here home? Also, once you get back, meet me in my office, we have a few security details to discuss. Actually text me when you drop him off, kapish?” With that he kissed me gently on the forehead before walking in the direction of what I assumed was his office.

I turned and smiled at the thin boy. “Hi I’m Gerard, you must be Francesco. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I stuck out my hand to shake with a bright smile. He took it and nodded, before gesturing to the front doors. We walked out and got into the sleek black car, almost the same as I had arrived in but the seats were black instead of brown. I turned on the radio and bopped along to the Green Day song that was on. Today has been interesting.

I arrived at my apartment building and got out, waving at Francesco before waltzing into the dingy complex. I ran up the single flight of stairs and into my tiny apartment. Everything felt so small after being in Frank's house, with his beautiful art and ridiculously high ceilings. I sat down on my couch and called Lindsey. “Hello? Gerard? Whats up dude?” I sighed and she must’ve seen my heart eyes because she laughed, “Frank got you hooked that bad? Damn dude, that beat Jamia’s record for making me fall in love in 3 days. She’s gonna be pissed.” I giggled and sighed again.

“Oh lindz, he's perfect, I think this is what love feels like. Oh god I can imagine us married with kids living in that big ol’ mansion of his and growing old together.” I sighed again. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Big mansion? Italian? What’s his last name Gee?” she questioned me.

“Iero. Isn’t that beautiful?” I said dreamily, lost in a world of life with frank.

“Iero? Gee do you know…” she left her sentence unfinished and I ignored her. I flopped across the couch, setting the phone down on the table. I stared at my water stained ceiling before picking up a pad of paper, forgetting Lindsey on the phone. I drew Frank’s face again and again, all of his arm tattoos and him with butterflies, roses, down on one knee, in a suit. However I could imagine, I drew. My phone was beeping but I didn't hear it over my thoughts.

~le time skip to school~

I walked up to the school, about to enter before two very buff men stepped in front of me. I recognised them as the men who followed me and Frank on our date and I got confused. “Hello sirs, why are you here? Did I do something? Does Frankie want to see me? He could’ve just texted you know.” the men exchanged looks, before turning back to me. I glanced around, noticing quite a few people staring. One of the men put a hand up to his ear, whispering something I couldn't hear.

The other man grumbled to me, “Frank sent us to make sure you are secure at all times. We’re going to be following you throughout your day. We will not disturb you or interact with others unless they appear to be a threat to your safety. Did he not tell you any of this?” I shook my head, my mouth twisting to the side.

“Ok, well now that we’ve talked about that, shall we head inside gentlemen?” I asked cheerily, already starting my march into the school doors. My skirt swished and I heard the men behind me growl. I giggled softly, walking to my locker, swinging it open. I noticed people making a wide circle around me, and laughed when I saw the guards making menacing faces at anyone who came within 6 feet of me. I shut my locker and marched off, the guards following me like lost puppies. I entered my class and they followed, taking up position in the corner closest to me.

Bert walked in and saw me, not having seen the security guards following me down the hall. He walked over and sat on my desk, smiling sickeningly sweetly at me. “Meet me on the football field during lunch, bring some advil.” he winked at me and walked off to join Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez, his cronies. I glanced back at my guards and they were watching Bert closely, and I could tell they already hated his guts.

The teacher walked in and noticed the men right away, confused. “Excuse me sirs, this is not for the public, if i may ask, why are you here?” the guards smirked, holding up a badge i didn't know they had.

“Frank Iero sent us to protect Gerard Way from any harm,” I shrunk in on myself as they continued to speak, “I quote him on this: protect my baby boy from any harm that may come to him, if anyone questions you, give them hell.” I shrunk down into my seat, the usage of baby boy making everyone stare at me with curiosity and new interest.

The teacher stood there, flabbergasted, “Oh well, if Mr. Iero sent you… then I suppose you can stay, Gerard, stick near those men please.” I smirked at the clearly weirded out teacher. I must say this whole situation is pretty odd.

~le time skip to lunch~

I walked out onto the football field, the guards following behind me, cracking their knuckles menacingly. I giggled as we walked, seeing as I had made them both flower crowns during my free period. I walked over to Bert and smiled warmly at him. He looked nervous and I got confused for a second before remembering the men who were following me. “Don’t worry about them, they’re Frank’s friend and Frank is nice so obviously they’re nice.” I pointed to one of them. “This one is Peiro and this one,” I pointed to the other man who was smiling at my antics, “this one is Cristofano, they’re super chill and I like them a lot.” Cristofano waved at them, trying his best to look friendly.

I tittered at him before meeting Bert’s gaze. “Now, what is it you wanted to meet out here in the middle of a football field with Advil for? You’re cutting into my flower crown making time and I promised Frank I would make him one.” I turned back to Cristofano, grinning childishly. “Don’t you agree he would look adorable in a flower crown? Oh maybe we could have a picnic and you and Peiro should come because I think that Peiro likes you,” Peiro shifted, clearly embarrassed as Christofano gave him a slight smile, “and I know you like him back, and you two would be so cute together and oh my I completely forgot about Bert.” I gasped, having forgotten about the greasy old bully. I turned around, seeing a look of pure wonder and confusion on his face as he watched our exchange. “Oh Bert I’m sorry but I have to cut this meeting short because I have flower crowns to make. I would like to do this again sometime soon, it was very enjoyable. Ta-Ta now darling.” I wiggled my fingers in his direction before turning around and grabbing Christafano’s hand and dragging him off to the patch under the bleachers where the flowers grow.

~le time skip to after le disaster called school~

I walked home with Christafano’s hand clasped tightly in one of my hands, and Peiro’s hand in the other. I dragged them to my apartment as they tried dragging me into the car so they could drive me home claiming it was safer that way. I of course won the argument and that’s how we ended up here, Me dragging two fully grown men in suits and bullet proof vests wearing flower crowns down the street to a dingy apartment. If anyone saw, they might think it was a stripper show gone wrong. I giggled at that thought as we drew closer to our destination.

We walked up the stairs and I unlocked my door before marching inside. Peiro took up the post outside my door as Christafano followed me in, laughing like an idiot. “Sorry for the mess Christo, I did not know that I would be having such esteemed guests like Frank’s guards.” I cleared off the couch, putting all my notebooks onto an overflowing shelf that was far too full to hold more art books. Christafano watched in amusement as I tried to shove all of my art pads onto the shelf, eventually settling for setting them in a pile on the floor.

I walked back over to the couch and flopped down, groaning.

Christafano laughed, his chest rumbling as he watched. “Frank asked me to bring you to his home at 3:00 so we have about 15 minutes for you to mope about or get dressed. Now hurry up please, if you're late he’s gonna be mad.'' I whined as I stood up and moped to my room, grabbing a black skirt and a pink sweater before getting dressed, grabbing a notebook and pen, and walking out to Christafano, twirling about. He clapped before gesturing to the door. I walked out and stood next to Peiro, laughing at his expression. “Christafano is going to get the car from the parking lot where you left it and then we are going to drive you to Frank’s where you will stay the night as per his orders.” Peiro emotionlessly stated.

I made a noncommittal noise and banged my head against his forearm repeatedly. It only took 15 minutes for Christafano to get back and in that time I had gotten Peiro to give me a piggyback ride all around the apartment complex.

~.~.~.~

We arrived at Frank’s house and my door was opened by a nameless man who seemed kind enough. I hurried up the front steps and through the large doors that were opened by more nameless men, all avoiding my gaze and all with a secretive smile on their faces. I looked around the entry hall while taking off my shoes. “Frank?!” I called to the seemingly empty house. “You there Frank?'' I heard the pitter patter of what sounded like thousands of tiny paws skittering towards me and I looked down, seeing an army of tiny dogs hurtling at me, followed by a laughing Frank. I gasped and sat on the floor, letting the dogs crawl over my lap.

I laughed as a little black rat looking dog licked my face and sat directly on my balls, making me double over in pain. “Fuuuuck dude why?'' I groaned, gently lifting the dog out of my lap. Frank laughed and I flipped him off, still clutching my crotch. I hissed as I stood up and took away my hands, the pain receding. As soon as the pain was gone I reached out and backhanded Frank in the balls, laughing when his face scrunched up and he fell to his knees. “That's what you get for laughing at me biotch.” he flipped me off and i giggled

“Sorry baby, it's just called revenge, get used to it.” I winked at him. He straightened suddenly and picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder, spanking me before running off down the hall. I screamed and started laughing as he ran through the many corridors. We arrived at a sliding glass door that he pulled open, leading to a pool. I shrieked, still giggling like a maniac. “Put me down! Put me down! Don’t you dare do what i think you’re about to do.” He laughed, the sound echoing off the tiled walls, blue light from the pool reflecting off onto the walls in swirling patterns.

“It's called revenge baby, get used to it.” I gasped before he threw me into the pool. I hit the surface and stayed under for about a minute before swimming to the surface and gasping for air. I laughed and splashed him with water.

“C'mon baby, c'mon! The water is simply divine.” I choked out around my laughter, swimming to the shallow end. He grinned at me before peeling off his shirt. He pulled off his socks and his pants quickly followed before jumping in, creating large ripples. I smiled before tugging my skirt and boots off, my sweater following.

He swam over to me and pulled me into his embrace, and I smiled against his chest, enjoying the warmth radiating off of him. I rested my chin against his pecs looking up at his perfect jawline, tracing it with my fingertip, smiling softly as he held me tighter to his chest. He looked down at me and I blushed, burying my face into his neck, he chuckled and I felt the vibrations run through me. I tucked myself closer to him, nuzzling his neck as the water swayed us around.

I looked up again and met his gaze, watching his eyes swoop over my upper half, from my dripping wet hair, pausing on my lips before traveling down to my collar bones. They traveled back up to my lips, holding me captivated as I gently pushed myself closer to him, leaning in slowly. He leaned in closer and I felt his breath fan over my lips gently, the hot breath making my face heat up in unimaginable ways. I moved one of my hands up to the side of his face, pulling him in. Our lips touched and fireworks went off in my stomach, I held him against my lips as we stood there, tentatively kissing each other in the dark blue lights, swaying with our hair dripping wet.

We clamored out of the pool, wet feet slapping against the tile floors as we pulled on our soaking wet clothes, puddles forming at our feet. I smiled softly as Frank put his arm around me, guiding me up the stairs to his room. I sat on the floor, avoiding the carpeting and sheets that cost more than all my belongings combined. The only thing I could think about while staring at the bed is sharing it with Frank, cuddling on it, sleeping on it, even doing a few x rated things.

I smiled at the thoughts of cuddling and willed away the nasty thoughts that invaded my head.

He turned back to me, walking out of his closet before passing me a hoodie that was 5 times too big and a pair of boxers. I smiled and turned him around before pulling off my soggy skirt and sweater and my underwear, (I feel uncomfortable writing panties) I glanced at Frank’s shirtless back, admiring the art splayed across his shoulder blades down his spine to the waistline that I wasn’t going to look below just yet. I blushed and looked away, the temptation to let my eyes wander far too strong. I tapped Frank on the shoulder when he was done dressing and made grabby hands. He chuckled and picked me up, holding me as one might hold a koala. I borrowed my face into his neck, breath rebounding into my nose, making my nose scrunch in disgust.

“Hey baby, are you hungry?” Frank asks, gently bouncing me. I shook my head, closing my eyes. “Cwuddles.” I pouted, pressing my face further into his neck. He chuckled at my antics and walked over to the bed, still bouncing me gently. We sat on the bed and he tucked me into his chest, humming softly. I felt my eyes growing heavy as sleep soon consumed me.

~.~.~.~

I awoke to the feeling of Frank gently shaking me, whispering in my ear for me to get up. I groggily opened my eyes and rubbed them with the back of my hand, upset I had been awakened. I pouted up at him, and his eyes visibly softened, already melting and I haven't even said anything. I felt myself being lifted up and out of bed. Frank walked to the door and gently walked down the stairs, careful not to drop me as we walked into a dining room the size of my apartment. He sat down with me on his lap, bouncing his knee as I played with his fingers.

I whined when he took away his hand to eat and grabbed his fingers, splaying them across my hand. He continued eating and bouncing me on his lap, grunting when I pulled his fingers too hard. I stuck my fist in my mouth as I continued to wave his hand about, so focused I didn't notice Frank’s eyes on me or his hushed muttering with a man in a suit or him signing papers. The bouncing never wavered as I played. I got bored a little over an hour later and turned my attention to Frank’s face and more importantly the food left on his plate. I took my hand out of my mouth and grabbed a potato, stuffing it in my mouth as fast as I could.

I stuffed my face with the leftover potatoes and the piece of bread that was suspiciously buttered as if waiting for me to eat it. I looked at the green beans and pouted, pushing away the plate. I turned to Frank, who was still bouncing his leg. I smiled at him with food all over my face and he laughed softly, wiping my face with a napkin. I buried my face into his neck and felt myself getting drowsy again. I tugged on his shirt before balling the material up in my fist and falling asleep in his still bouncing lap.

~.~.~.~

I awoke in a dark room, wooden bars surrounding the mattress I was sleeping on. I realized I had slipped into little space, and started to panic. I called for frank and heard soft footsteps approaching the door. The door opened, washing the room in light. I rubbed my eyes as I adjusted to the light, slowly recognizing the figure in the doorway. I smiled at him, desperately trying to get out of the crib. He chuckled. “Feeling big Gee? I need you to be big now baby boy.” I groaned and nodded, not feeling like talking. He lowered the crib wall and I jumped out, stretching.

My stomach rumbled and he laughed, taking my hand and leading me into the kitchen. He grabbed some cheese and water, passing them to me, before leading me into a small living room with a tv. I smiled as I looked at him, before the date on the tv home screen caught my eye. I started to panic. I had missed one whole day of school. Shit shit shit shit im so gonna get suspended or detention. I'm most definitely getting in trouble. He must’ve seen my worry because he glanced at the T.V.

He looked back at me, clearly confused. “School.” I whispered and he almost laughed.

“Sugar you don’t need to worry, I own the school, it’s ok.” he reassured me. He pulled me into his lap, running his fingers through my hair, making me mewl. I snuggled closer to his chest, whimpering when he stopped petting me. He put his hand back and I sighed, grabbing a blanket. I threw it over the both of us and turned on the tv, choosing to watch the critically acclaimed Godfather, much to Frank's amusement.

~time skip~

I arrived at school, smoothing out my skirt as I walked through the doors, closely followed by Christafano and Peiro. Bert called to me but I ignored him, as Peiro had instructed for me to do. I pranced over to my locker and grabbed my pink pencil case and sketchbook, ignoring the textbooks, as Frank had told me to do. I turned to Christafano and smiled, making him grin right back at me. I walked into class a little early, as to get my regular spot, but it appeared it was already taken by Bert and his friends. I pouted, but turned away and went to get a different seat, but Peiro growled and grabbed my hand, marching over to Bert. “Excuse me, I do believe that’s Gerard’s seat. Now move, Frank has given me permission to kick your ass after that last stunt you pulled.” Bert paled, and stood up, faster than I had ever seen him move. Peiro snapped his fingers and Christafano pulled out the chair, shoving Justin and Selena away from the table. I gasped at the violence but was still grateful for someone standing up for me. I sat down in my seat and Christafano pushed me in. I giggled, and patted the seats on either side of me for the both of them to sit. Christafano sat and I leaned on his shoulder, putting my sketchbook on the desk and flipping to a new page, sending a reassuring glance at Christofano before rolling back my eyes, feeling him shift in worry next to me. I put my pencil down on the page and felt my hand start to move, humming quietly and filling my head with thoughts of flowers and skulls and vampires and bunnies. An hour later, the bell rang and I rolled my eyes back to the proper direction. I glanced down at my picture, a bunny skull with flowers growing out of it. I found it odd there were no vampires, but it is what it is. I sighed, standing up, walking out of the classroom. I ignored the sound of the guards rushing to catch up behind me. I walked out to the football field where the flowers grow under the bleachers. A tiny object caught my eye, and I stared at it, trying to make my brain register the item. It was a bunny skull with flowers growing out of it, just like the one I had drawn. I brushed it off as a simple coincidence, sure this was just something I had missed the other day.

~.~.~.~

I walked into Frank’s house, sneaking around, searching for him. I walked into his bedroom, his shirt off. I was about to walk up and pounce on him, before I noticed a tattoo of his, it was a skull with the word “Watch Out.” on it. There was a snake swirling out of its mouth holding a rose between its teeth. It looked almost exactly like something I had drawn and I got confused, before brushing it off and tapping him lightly on the shoulder. He turned sharply, reaching for the waistline of his pants before he registered it was me and smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. I still must’ve looked confused and he furrowed his eyebrows right back at me. “What is it principessa? Is something wrong?” I opened my mouth to comment on his tattoo but I soon shut it, thinking that maybe I should keep this dilemma private. I shook my head, before walking into his arms and clinging onto him.

He chuckled and hugged me gently back, rubbing reassuring circles on my back. I brushed aside all my negative thoughts. Surely this man could never do anything bad, he’s so sweet to me. He takes care of people.

I stared at the floor, shuffling my feet. I felt uncomfortable in the giant kitchen, watching Frank make dinner, his top off for a reason I did not know. He bounced around, metaphorically of course, Frank is too civil to bounce about in the kitchen. I was not, but we don’t talk about that. I tugged on the sleeve of the hoodie Frankie had given me, blushing when he glanced over his shoulder at me. He must've seen the redness of my face, because he burst into that beautiful smile that I could stare at all day. I rubbed my eye with my fist, trying to stay awake for as long as possible.

~.~.~.~

We were eating late, much later than I was used to. His face softened at the simple action and walked over to pick me up, putting me on his hip. I smiled at him and kissed his nose, watching him start to blush. I put my head on his shoulder, my butt resting comfortably on his hip bone that he had managed to jut out in a way that appeared so sassy it almost outsassed me. ALMOST. I wrapped my legs around his middle, rubbing my face into his neck, trying to get him to consume me with his flesh.

He went back to stirring whatever was in the pot on the stove rubbing my lower back with his thumb and holding me up with his arm. I was slowly falling asleep to the sound of his humming and his near constant rocking as he waited for dinner to finish cooking.

“Wake up baby boy, dinner’s ready.” I grumbled and buried myself further into Frank. He gently pried me off of him, setting me in a chair. I whined and didn't untangle my legs from around his waist, instead clamoring back up onto his back, refusing to let go. “Baby you have to let go, please baby, be a good boy.” I shrieked and kicked as he tried to set me down again, accidentally kicking him in his prince parts. He groaned, clutching at his big boy area, crumpling beneath me. I jumped off his back and ran as fast as I could. I heard heavy footsteps behind me, catching up. I made a hard left down a random hallway, hearing the footsteps slowly multiplying behind me. I shrieked and took another hard turn up some steps and down a dark hall that smelled like it hadn't been used in years. It smelled like blood and death and I slowed, no longer hearing the footsteps behind me. I watched my footing, careful not to step in the dark puddles of metallic smelling liquid with my baby blue socks. I squealed when I heard a squeak under my foot, and I glanced up seeing a man staring right back at me.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. Bert. It was Bert. Bert was here, in Frank’s house. Tied up by a chain to a wall in what appears to be a cell. I was panicking, wondering what the hell was going on. He stared into my eyes and slowly blinked, and that was when I moved. I turned and ran back down the dark hall that smelled of blood, through the corridors, and back to the kitchen where a few guards and Frank were gathered. Frank noticed me staring, glancing down and seeing the blood on my socks. “Merda.” he turned to his guards “Perché hai lasciato che accadesse? Idioti, avete rovinato tutto!” he screamed at them in rapid fire Italian. He turned to me, plastering an obviously fake smile on his face.

“Principessa, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, what's wrong.” I stared in disbelief. How could he not know Bert was in a strange cell in an under used corridor in his house only a floor above us. “B- Bert is in your house- Frankie he was tied to a wall and I wanna believe you don't know about this but honestly I'm not sure if you're the man I thought you were.” something in his eyes broke, and he looked almost pitiful, like a kicked puppy.

He dismissed his guards with a flick of the wrist. He tried to approach me but I backed away from him, grabbing a fork off the counter beside me to protect myself. “Baby please, I’m sorry, let me explain. I’m sorry you had to see that.” I screeched when he tried to get closer to me, my hand with the fork in it shaking. “Y- you’re a monster. Who are you? Really. Don’t try to bullshit me like you did before, telling me how ‘you’re a businessman who happens to have enemies.’ businessmen don't have high school bullies locked in their houses. Hell, they don’t even date high schoolers, unless you're one of those old sleaze bags. I’m barely fucking legal and you’re like what? 25? Jesus this is bad. Just- let me and Bert go and stay away from us, I don’t want to see you anymore you creep.”

I ran to his room, grabbing my clothes as he stood in the kitchen, staring at where I had stood, frozen in utter pain. I know he wouldn’t give up that easily and I know he will probably have someone trail me for weeks until I confront him about it. I shed his hoodie and his boxers and pulled on my skirt and shirt. I ran back down the stairs, picking up my backpack where I left it by the door. Checking I had my phone in my jacket pocket, I walked out the door, feeling his guards eyes on me. I glared right back at them as I heard the front door swing open. “Gerard! Merda merda merda. GERARD!” he called after me, and I didn’t even turn around.

I flipped him off over my shoulder, walking out the gates and turning to my apartment, gazing over the fence into the gardens, seeing a tree hung with masks looking like trapped souls. I brushed it off as another eccentricity of a rich man who’s never been told no. I walked into my apartment, finally letting myself break down, calling Lyn-z. “Hey gee, whats up hun?”

“C- Can you come over? I stuttered out before breaking down completely into nothing but a waterfall of tears.

~.~.~.~

Lyn-z rubbed circles in my back, just like Frank did when I was upset, but her’s felt better because I knew she wouldn’t leave me. I snuggled into her side, upset with the news of what Frank did for a living and the fact I would probably never be safe ever again. I had given up on crying, settling for curling up against her side, having no intention of letting her go.

~.~.~.~

I walked into school with my head hung down, not wearing a skirt, instead trading it for black skinny jeans, doc martens, and a far too big hoodie. I was sad, yes, but the outfit was just a show for the person who was currently tailing me, not so secretly I might add. It was the same reedy looking boy who drove me home. I smiled and turned around waving to him, he looked startled that I had noticed him watching me. I turned and flounced into the school.

I walked to my locker, ignoring the looks I got for NOT having bodyguards now. I smiled at everybody walking by, happy that I could be near people again. I walked into class, smiling at the teacher before sitting in the seat that was now, unquestionably, mine. I turned to the front of the class right as the boy walked in, dressed as any teenage boy would. “Class, this is Adrian, he’s going to be here for the next few weeks for a foreign exchange thing the school signed up for. Please be nice, he’s travelled all the way from Italy to be here with us.” The teacher announced to the unsuspecting class.

Lies, lie after lie these people have told me, i thought, unconsciously pouting. I didn’t hear my teacher asking me to raise my hand so the new kid would know where to sit, I didn't see “Adrian” sit next to me, I didn't see him pull out his phone to text someone, glancing at me from time to time, never saying anything. I refused to see them, because that would mean this wasn’t just some horrible dream, this was reality, and sadly, reality had it in for me.

I walked out of the school, flouncing angrily off down the road to my apartment. My day had been full of “Adrian” sharing all my classes and not leaving me alone. Of course we had never spoken, not even made eye contact for more than a few minutes. I saw a van following along behind me, never passing me, but following me obviously. I kept walking, not showing signs of seeing it, hoping it would go away. I slipped my hand into my pocket, feeling my taser and pepper spray, fully prepared to fight. I heard a van door open and I turned around, pulling out the taser.

I glowered at the big, thuggish man looking awfully surprised to see me prepared. I lashed out, spraying him with the pepper spray before tasing him in the chest. I turned around when I heard distinctive footsteps, doing the same to the other man. I panted, leaning over, before feeling a hand on my shoulder and another wrapping around my neck. I screamed and bit down on the arm, hearing the man cry out in pain. His grip loosened and I took my chance to run. I ran past my apartment building, past the old K-mart and into the better neighborhood where I knew Frank had people everywhere, watching every street. I shrieked when I heard the footsteps still following me, turning around and giving the man a solid right hook right in the face.

I turned back around, continuing to run, my combat boots both being helpful and hindering me at the same time. I turned a corner, leaning against a random wall, panting. I saw a second indistinguishable van pulling slowly around the corner and I started sprinting again, knowing I couldn't do this forever. The bastards knew that and would continue chasing me till the adrenaline wore off and I gave up. I heard footsteps again before being yanked backwards into an alley. I screamed at the top of my lungs, hearing it echo off the walls of the alley.

The man grunted, slapping his hand over my mouth. With the other hand, he grabbed his walkie talkie “Got the boy sir, got Frank’s boy. Put up a real fight. Bringing him in now.” He clicked it off before securing my hands behind my back. Now let me tell you, most of the time, I’m down for being restrained, it’s nice even, makes life exciting. This however was not a nice kind of restraining, my lack of boner can state that fact for me better than I ever could.

I palmed my taser, before stretching back and tasing him right in the crotch. He groaned and let go of me completely. I turned and grabbed his head, ramming my knee into it, hearing a sickening crunch. My black leggings were soon a darker shade than before, and I must admit, it was disturbingly pretty. I turned back around, walking out of the alley way, knowing I had blood on my face. I smiled at a random woman on my journey to Frank's house, and she smiled right back, giving me a confused look.

I walked up the driveway of Frank's house, marching past the workers, glowering at everyone who even looked at me. I waved my hands, dismissing the people who tried to open the doors, preferring to throw them open myself. I marched into the forte and yelled at the top of my lungs, “Frank you need to tell your little mafia friends to stop trying to kidnap me, they ruined my pants with their blood.” I heard the army of dogs before I heard Frank's footsteps. I dismissed everybody nearby and crossed my arms as he entered the forte, a frown on my face, made all the more menacing by the blood on my face. I leaned down and picked up a small dog before marching past frank and up to where his office was before pushing open the door and stopping dead in my tracks.

I turned back to Frank who looked semi-guilty, semi-pleased with himself. I turned back to the room, where Lindsey and a boy in a collar were sitting. I raised my eyebrow at her and she whimpered. She actually whimpered. I turned to the boy in the collar and crossed my arms. I turned to the both of them before pointing to the door. They both got up and scampered out of the room. I walked around the desk, sitting in the chair that was normally Frank’s. I set the dog down in my lap where it settled down as I propped my legs up on the beautiful mahogany wood. I gestured for Frank to sit in one of the uncomfortable chairs where his clients normally sat. “Frank, hun, we need to talk. We both know I will never be safe again because of you and your dumb mafia business. We also both know I do not like the fact that you have someone tailing me in school. We both share this information and yet you continue to do these things, hell you’ve even got my best friend involved. You really are a creep.” The dog rolled over in my lap as I scratched it, wiggling about happily. “You owe me a new pair of leggings as well, these are stained, you know what size I am, I've seen the lingerie you bought for me. I want one body guard with me at all times and I get to choose who it is. Meet these demands by Monday before I really start some shit. Ask Christafano where my apartment is, oh, and tell that dear man that I say hello and he finally found a princess to protect.” I smirked before getting up and walking out of the office, leaving him speechless “Oh and this dog likes me, I’ll keep it as insurance you meet my demands.” I marched down the stairs, with the dog in my arms. Grabbing one of the ties left by the door, tying it around the dog’s collar, walking out the door. I smirked when I saw the workers staring at me with their mouths open. I knew this dog was his favorite, Sweet Pea was her name I think. She was an odd looking dog, but the sweetest little monster. I walked down the road and back to my apartments, satisfied with my day.

~.~.~.~

I waltzed out the door when I heard a knock. The weekend had flown by and it was monday already. I opened the door and smiled when I was met with the gleeful face of my friend. I squealed and wrapped him in a hug before pulling away and grabbing the leggings out of his hands, making small talk as I put them away and bustled about the kitchen, getting mugs and making coffee before walking to my room to get dressed for the day.

I walked out to see Christafano on his phone texting Peiro. The two of them were madly in love and they weren’t going to fall apart like me and Frank EVER. I swear, the two of them were inseparable. I’m thinking of making a demand to have Peiro join his boyfriend in the task of guarding me. I didn’t even need a bodyguard in all honesty, I just wanted a friend who I could trust.

My phone vibrated and I glanced at it, seeing it was a call from Lindsey. I left it on the counter, sipping my coffee and chatting with my friend, ignoring the near constant stream of notifications of calls and texts from Lindsey. The clock hit 7:30 and we had to leave, arriving at school around 10 minutes early, stopping at my locker as we chatted. I swear Christafano was like a teenage school girl all over again. Leaning on the lockers, giggling, chatting with me and smiling at people. We walked into the class a bit early, grabbing my seat at the back and continuing to chat until “Adrian” walked in. We sneered at him as he tried to get a seat near us, eventually giving up and sitting at the front. We laughed as he glowered at us, upset.

~.~.~.~

On the way home, Christafano’s phone was buzzing off the hook. People were clearly panicking on the other end but we opted not to answer, choosing instead to listen to the buzzing become more furious, like an angry bee or a five year old child after being told no. Something must’ve happened, they would never go against my demands unless it was serious. When his ringtone went off for the 15th time, I got sick of it and grabbed it from his pocket before he could stop me and picked it up. “Hello? What the hell do you need?” I angrily spat into the phone, hearing someone’s breathing hitch on the other line.

“Gerard? Oh thank fuck you’re ok.” the voice breathed on the other line, letting out a happy breath. I rolled my eyes, making a face at Christofano, making him let out a quiet giggle. “Yes, I am, now why the hell are you calling? In case you don’t remember, I told you not to contact me or Chris unless it was an emergency.”

“Well, we caught wind of a plot to hurt you and I panicked I guess?” I could basically see him rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. I rolled my eyes before hanging up abruptly, grabbing Christafano’s hand and leading him to my apartment, not noticing the man following us a few blocks back.

I marched into my room, flopping on the bed. “Chris,” I whined, “can you please make me some coffee?” I dragged out the vowels. He laughed before walking back out into the kitchen, and I could hear him shuffling around, before there was a heavy thump. I walked out of my room, walking into the kitchen, noticing all the lights were off. “Chris?” I softly called, before a hand reached around from behind and wrapped around my mouth, then everything went black.

~.~.~.~

I awoke with a scream, only for my mouth to be covered once again, having another wrapped around my waist, holding me still. I thrashed about, trying to bite the person's fingers. I felt my teeth make contact with one of their fingers and bit down hard, making the person let out a yelp and flinch against me. Pulling away from them I could see clearer now. I whipped around and growled at the person, drinking in their features while backing away. The man looked surprised at my reaction, their eyes wide. I bared my teeth and growled again, before feeling a bump under my feet.

My eyes widened, we were in a car? No, a van, a large van at that, that's why I hadn't hit the wall when I backed away. I jumped and the car shook. My face grew into a grin. I bounced up and down, watching the man who had been holding me listen to the sound of the truck’s internal workings slowly get more and more strained until the last fateful jump, the back springs broke, and the van hit the back wheels. He leaped up, growling, before grabbing me and tackling me to the floor. I landed with an “oomph” before throwing my head up into his, knocking him off of me, shoving him away.

We were now going an indeterminable amount of speed on 2 working tires and dragging the back half of the truck. I smiled at the man, knowing he was scared. I reached into my pocket for my taser before cursing and withdrawing my hand. It was gone.

I turned to the man who had righted himself, charging at him full speed, knocking him to the floor. I grabbed his nose and yanked before scurrying to the van's doors. I pulled on them and eventually got them open, turning to see the man staggering to me, his nose at an odd angle gushing blood. I turned to the open doors, seeing the road rushing below, before leaping off. I landed on the floor, in an almost superhero like pose. I launched to my feet and scrambled away off the road, searching for any sort of discernible landmarks.

I wrinkled my nose as the smell of gas reached my nostrils, a gas station coming into view. I walked in, spotting a dingy looking man smoking a cigarette behind the counter. I leaned on the glass, “Can I borrow your phone please sir?” he took in the bruises and cuts bleeding on my face, his face like stone. “What happened to you?” he responded gruffly, not responding to my question. I glowered, huffing. “Not important, I need to make a call. Now.” I added a sickening smile at the end. He muttered something about there being no respect for the lower class these days while pointing to the other side of the store where a white phone was located, and it was then I realized, I had no one to call. I considered calling Lind-z but decided against it. I couldn’t trust her. I had no choice, I picked up the phone, dialing my brother’s number.

~.~.~.~

“Hello?” he answered the phone, and I could hear the smoke in his lungs. I smiled faintly. “Hey Mikes, it’s Gee, I need some help.” I could hear him cough in surprise, soon turning into a hacking then a horrible retching sound. “Gerard? You need help? Mr. Move out at 16 because of being an ‘independent man?’ YOU need my help? Oh this is golden.” I winced at his admonishments, the reminders of my stupid mistake.

“Listen, I’m sorry ok? I’m fucking sorry, just, can you come pick me up? I’m at a gas station.” I pleaded, hearing him sigh heavily, and the shaking of a set of keys.

“Fine, fucking fine, just,” he hesitated “don’t just cut us out again. Mom and I miss you Gee, I know she’s not the nicest but still, she’s our mom.” I winced at the word mom, never wanting to hear it again. “Where are you Gee, I can’t pick you up if I don't know where I'm driving to.” I let out a fake chuckle, looking around for any sign of where I was. My eyes got stuck on a sign and widened.

“U-uh Staten Island.” I trailed off. Holy shit I was far from Belleville. Mikey whistled, bringing me back to earth.

“Did you follow a guy out there or something? How’s that Bert guy? Weren’t you two a thing?” I closed my eyes, willing away the thoughts of all the nights I spent with the man who was once my lover, but is now just my abuser.

I rubbed my forehead, willing away the tears that were threatening to fall, “Yeah, uh yeah we’re fine, we’re engaged.” I heard him sigh, he knew I was lying, he knew that Bert went out with other people, he knew my secrets, he was disgusted by them too. I started to breathe heavier, panicking.

“Yeah, ok, uh, I’ll come pick you up, stay where you are please Gee,” he hesitated, “love you.” the last part was almost inaudible but I still heard it, letting out a breath.

“Love you too Mikes.” I whispered, before hanging up the phone.

~.~.~.~

I drummed on my knees, sitting on the disgusting sidewalk, waiting for Mikey. I saw a man that resembled Bert pull up to the corner of the gas station with a guy on his lap and a girl with her ass up in the air. I bit the inside of my cheek. Hearing a car roll up in front of me I stood up, smiling when I saw Mikey hanging his hand out of the window, beckoning me to enter his beat up car.

I pulled open the passenger side door, getting in, before noticing the two people sitting in the back of the car. “Pete? The hell? And Frank? Really? Mikes why is Frank here?” I raised my eyebrows, asking Mikey for an explanation as to why he had an emo from a backyard band and a mafia leader in his backseat. He smirked.

“Pete is my boyfriend, and Frank is an old friend. Ignore them, why the hell are you out in the middle of Staten Island? Where are those bruises from? Does Bert hit you?” Frank’s fists clenched at the mention of Bert. I glared at Frank before turning back to Mikey. I twisted my face into a smile that didn’t reach my eyes.

“It’s a long story baby bro, one day I’ll tell you, not now, but one day.” He smiled at me and I smiled back, turning to the window and zoning out.

#fanfic #fiction #book #notcomplete #frerard #pls feedback #wattpad

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bringinbackpod · 4 years ago

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Interview with LZ7

Together with American Songwriter, we had the pleasure of interviewing LZ7 over Zoom video!

From the start, LZ7 has kept a relevance and honesty about their music, which comes from a heart that sees the best in young people. The band draw on experiences from their own lives which give the listener a deeper perspective of where they come from, what they are all about and where they are heading with their music. As always, Lindz is at the front of LZ7. The band includes many faces so you might see a different set of our family at each show. LZ7 is on a quest to perpetuate music that bypasses the intellect and speaks straight to the soul. With their infectious melodies, huge drops and back-to-back anthems, LZ7 knows how to rock a crowd. And rock the crowd is just what they did are their 2019 album ‘These Are The Days’, featuring favorites like “G.O.A.T”, "Breakthrough, in addition to "Legends".

At the end of 2020 LZ7 premiered the music video for new single “Won’t Run Out” with EDM.com, this followed a slew of successful singles LZ7 has released since the COVID-19 pandemic started back in March, which started out with the fan filmed self-isolation video for “Peace & Love” that premiered with Hollywood Life. In addition, to LZ7’s most recent release “Sound Of The Weekend” filmed in the French Alps.

We want to hear from you! Please email [email protected].

www.BringinitBackwards.com

#podcast #interview #bringinbackpod #foryou #foryoupage #stayhome #togetherathome #zoom #aspn #americansongwriter #americansongwriterpodcastnetwork

Listen & Subscribe to BiB

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source https://bringin-it-backwards.simplecast.com/episodes/interview-with-lz7-DzwPaMbW

#podcast #interview #bringinbackpod #music #aspn #americansongwriter #americansongwriterpodcastnetwor

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quelieo · 5 years ago

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If you’re looking for my suicide note, here it is

I was depressed my entire life. It only took my parents getting divorced and me having a few breakdowns for my family to finally get that. The signs were always there.

I was miserable with fleeting moments of happiness. The rare occasions my family would get along when we were just having fun. Like movie nights on Fridays, swimming at night, lake days, teaching Maceon to play baseball even though my parents were separated, going to the splash park as a family even though my parents were separated, holidays...birthdays... and campfires as a family even though my parents were divorced. I lived for those moments, literally.

I lived because I thought Maceon needed me, but he grew up, got reclusive, angry, and was battling his own demons. He didn’t need nor want me anymore. I didn’t kill myself because of you, I lived because of you. Because a few of the times I attempted suicide you were in the other room and it hit me what that would do to you. So I sat the knife down, I puked up all of the pills, I threw the razor away. Because my love for you was more than death. You were my baby and I want you to be kind, and happy, and successful, and get everything you want out of life. I want you to be close with your entire family, fix things with mom. Or you’ll regret it. I want you to care about how inanimate objects feel, again. Rediscover that kindness and empathy. It’ll save you. I want you to be happy and stop letting life harden you. I love you more than anything. Keep my t-shirts, give my toys your daughter and have take extra special care of my barbies and stuffed animals. Tell her stories about us playing with them and tell her I dreamed of having a little girl like her one day. That dream kept me going in school. Remember to slow down and appreciate each good moment in life, find the light in a bad situation. Be the positive. Change lives, but your own life first. Find your happy. Quit trying to please everyone and be perfect. It ok not to be. Travel lots, and take in the world. Take lots of pictures! I love you, little big head

Bubby, you didn’t play a part in it either. But I spent a lot of my time trying to be the adult for you too. And once you started battling your own demons, I lost you too, same as Maceon. It felt like you both only wanted me when you were bored, needed someone to gossip to, when it was convenient for you. I looked up to you, I trusted you more than anyone, I loved my big brother. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come and how you keep fighting back against life’s struggles. Don’t give up on that. Fight like hell. Reconnect with your family, stop making excuses about the distance and the time lost or trying to please everyone. And stop hiding who you are, trying to please them. They need to learn to get over themselves. It shouldn’t have taken you almost dying for them to start treating you like a human being again. Maybe my death will finally wake them all up. I want you to find someone you love. Have a family, design your own house, finish school, find a career you love, travel. I love you, bunny

Memaw, I told you you’d out live me. You’ve lived and amazing life and you helped through so much. You’re the only person I had that truly listened and tried to understand the things I said. You never argued, half listened, or chastised me. You didn’t get upset or try to prove your point, put yourself above me. And you always loved me anyway. I’ll miss your gross white t-shirts, you’re untamable hair, and your hodge-podge little house. They made me smile and gave me a lot of comfort when I needed it most. Thank you for everything you did, even the things you didn’t realize you did. I promise I’ll give Papaw lots of hugs when I see him. He and I have a lot of catching up to do.

Kyle, it wasn’t because of you. I’ve never connected with a person so well. I adored you. I saw my future in you and all of your potential. You frustrated me to death, you didn’t think, you’re too angry at the world and you use your political views and religion to project that, because you’re trying to rebel and prove yourself and establish independence. It’s actually hurting you and holding you back. You’re not sure who you are so you’re trying to be completely different from anyone else. I understand, just know there’s nothing wrong with being normal. Violence and anger is what’s with the wrong, quit adding to it. No one deserves it regardless of what they’ve done. Punishments for mortal actions is not up to us to decide. I really did want to marry you and build a life and career. I had everything planned. Everything is still logged in on my phone so once you get in my phone, you’ll see. I was happier when I was with you. I could actually breath. I want you to live a long life, to do good things and find happiness. I have that you will. Do something good to remember me. And don’t let my parents get rid of my animals. They need the company and my animals don’t deserve to be given up over selfish reasons. They’re lives too. You were the love of a lifetime, Grimes. I’ll love you forever

Granny and Gramps, you weren’t the cause but you played a big part in a lot my frustration, sadness, and anger. I loved you all so much because you’re my grandparents, but you need a huge reality check. You made me feel like less of person for being depressed and seeking help. You acted like I should be able to overcome it on my own and it wasn’t that big of a deal. You belittled my beliefs and made me feel stupid for them, then acted like it was a joke. You acted like a lot of things were a joke. You gave me a hard time for being myself, for being kind to everyone and everything, for being even the slightest bit like my mom. You’re racist, but like to think that you’re not just because you’ve had friends who were black or aisian or what have you. Being fascist is using the disgusting names that you do, and seeing yourself above them. You’re a bad Christian. You dove deep into Christianity to cope with your own life struggles and find purpose. That’s a good thing, but you don’t love everyone, you can be very vindictive, you gossip a lot and talk terribly about people you think have wronged you, you’re unforgiving, and don’t like when people don’t fit your standards. I understand why you all are that way, but I’m telling you that you don’t need to be. Family is still family regardless of their mistakes, if they’re gay, or if they’ve wronged you. Jamie, Angie, and Penny are still the mothers of your grandchildren. Don’t talk so I’ll of them. Especially in front of their kids. People think you’re rich because you act it. You’re not very humble, you can be quite pretentious. You can fix those things, just stop get angry and making selfish excuses. You still have time. That’s my advice to you. I trust you, you taught me a lot and did give me love, but a spent a lot of time having to bite my younger or hide who I was to please my dad when it came to you. I shouldn’t have had to do that. I want you all to do better, for me. I love you so much, that’s why I’m telling you this. Don’t let me down.

Lee, a lot of the things I’ve already said to others could also be said to you. I’ll just say this, don’t let life continue to harden you, forgive. I know it’s hard but you need to get that anger out of you. Stay out of trouble and on this path. You’re doing an amazing job at life and I can’t wait to see what you do! Thank you for always being my friend and drying my tears during situations I was too embarrassed for anyone else to see. I know you didn’t understand what was wrong with me, but thank you for sticking with me anyway. You were the best friend I ever had and I love you, Turtle.

Court, Lindz, and Kaels, what can I say to you that I already haven’t told you? Especially Kaelin and Lindsay because I gave them this huge letter of advice for graduation. Court, you were literally my soulmate. The perfect friend and I would have loved living with you! I want you to strive for the best in life. Don’t settle for boys, finish school and make a great career, move to a nicer area, an raise a family. Don’t let people make you angry.

Kaelin, I already poured my heart out to you but let me repeat it: I’m proud of your growth. You’re better than that nonsense. Don’t settle for people, be kind, speak your mind and stand up for yourself, be fearless. You’re headed in the right direction and I’m so proud of you!! Keep going. I can’t wait to see the things you do. Just do everything you do with love. Forgive. Be kind.

Lindsay, I meant what I said in that letter, but I few other things to say. You’re not doing well. You haven’t been a good friend at all, you abondoned us and really hurt all of us. You’re better than that. It’s good to be close with your boyfriends family, but that shouldn’t be the only people you hand out with. Your friends don’t see, hear from, or know you. Neither does your family. Lily is a terrible friend, you’re a little too attached to her just because she’s your boyfriends sister. No one likes Ben. He’s controlling, fascist, sexist, and incredibly naive. You’ve invested yourself way to much in that relationship and your entire personality changed because of it. Did you ever find it odd that your depression and everything suddenly got out of hand after you got serious with him? It’s not a coincidence. You’re better than that. You’re worth more than that. Quit letting people walk all over you and let your confidence shine. You have so many great things in store for you in your lifetime but none of that is possible if you continue on this path. Change it. Fix things with the people you’ve hurt. Grow as a person. I love all of you girls, you were like my sisters and we’re the friends people dream of having. Thank you for that.

Mom and Dad, The Penelope and Compadre,

I’m grouping you all together for obvious reasons. I’ll be blunt, you both have a twisted world view and some serious mental problems and emotional drama. You’re lives before you met us the root of that, you all not facing it is why your marriage sucked. You love eachother, and you need eachother, but you need help. You’re good people and I love you so much... but I spent my entire life being the adult and picking up your all’s messes, and you never even saw it. You put yourselves on pedestals even though you hate yourselves. So you like to think everyone else has done you wrong. That’s the case. You both like to act positive but you’re really negative. You like to act like you know everything. You treat everyone else so much better than eachother and your kids. The drinking and the misuse of medications, it’s obvious and disgusting. I spent my whole life taking care of you all when you’d be too out of it to realize what you were doing. The things you said to me secretly diminished my mental well being, ruined my confidence, and sky rocketed my depression and anxiety. You hit me, threw things, fought me, and either never remembered or were so embarrassed that you just acted like it didn’t happen. My sleep schedule was shit because of how many times I had to stay of all night to makes sure you didn’t get hurt, to clean up your messes, and get you to bed. I mommied everybody because I had to be the mommy. Even to Maceon. You all weren’t the ones shielding him, I was. Making sure he was in the shower so he didn’t see or hear the fight that I did as stood in the doorway. Sleeping with him and telling him stories to tune out the late night arguments and make-up sex. There’s a reason he didn’t want to talk during your divorce and why he begged me to get custody of him when I turned 18. Begged me. We had a lot of good times, and I love you so much. But you both have serious issues and hurt me so much. Quit blaming eachother, quit blaming everyone else. Only you have the power to fix it. Quit claiming you like to be alone and pushing everyone away. Quit drinking to cope. Dad, you spent the first fifeteen years of my life using me as a personal therepist, complaining about mom and the rest of the world. That hurt me. But it hurt me worse that after the divorce we weren’t close anymore and you distance yourself and didn’t try to fix it. It hurt me again when you still didn’t try but took the opportunity of Maceon being mad at mom, to do to him what you did to me the first fifeteen years of my life. And now he’s you. Miserable, in denial, angry at the world, reclusive, and has unhealthy coping mechanisms. Fix it. Mom, you’re really sick, I know. I watched it. And I spent my whole life looking after you, hiding it from other people, taking up for you, and you only really understood that twice. You spent so much time taking your anger out on me. Same as Dad. You all were so mean to me and you either would never remember or you would honestly try to justify it it your own mind with self pity and selfish excuses. You spent my whole life blaming me for your problems, and you spent so long doing it that you actually wound up believing it. You’d brag about me to everyone else and brag about me to me when you were sad, but you spent a lot of time angry from dad, mecications, work. And during those times you were awful to me. I love you, but you need to do better and quit being so angry. Get help. Dad, you get help too. Quit being so embarrassed and angry. Just fix it. You all ruined your family and pushed everyone away from you, yet you’re still trying to impress the rest of the world, to impress your parents. It’s unhealthy. I love you all so much, and for most of my life you two were also a big reason I didn’t kill my self. But not in the end, you were a huge part of why I finally gave up. On top of everything else.

Full disclosure, I did know a lot more than you thought I did. I experienced a lot more than you thought and I dealt with it myself to shield you all and protect you. I liked girls. But I could never come out. I wrote about it a lot so if you look back in my journals and my Tumblr, you’ll see it. I was sexually assaulted several times in my life. Twice in elementary, they’re very vague now because I spent so long trying to convince myself that it was a bad dream. Once again in high school, junior year. He was a year younger than me and I was dating Aaron at the time so I was embarrassed. I got stalked in college. He’s still on campus, he sexually and verbally assaulted 13 other girls, was kicked out of his last college, is on academic probation, and I’m pretty sure he has mental issues. I reported it. Campus didn’t do anything. I drank a lot more than on senior trip, props to dad for always keeping a hefty liquor supply. Fueled a bad habit from a young age. I smoked in my teen years, cigarettes and marijuana. Surprise.

Requests: donate my money to Maceon’s college fund. Help him through college. Take everything I said into account and fix things. Tell my professors thank you for everything they did and for faith in me. Don’t lie in my obituary. Donate my clothes, but keep the sentimental ones. Let the girls take what they want of my things, you all keep what you want, then sell everything else that no one wants. Use the money make to fix up the house, add to Maceon’s college fund, and help you all get back on your feet. Don’t spend a lot on my funeral, and use my social media selfies where my makeup and hair looked extra good to show the funeral home how to make me up for the viewing. Have everyone close to me share their favorite memories and how they really felt about me. Have me cremated and spread my ashes everywhere you travel to. Get my writings published, make a book or something. Use the money to help yourselves. Don’t give away my animals. Let them live long, happy, healthy, safe lives with you all or I will come back to haunt you until you die. Be a real family, just fix things, get help. That’s all I want. Make sure you listen to all this. Know that I love all of you, I just better for you and for you to do better. Don’t do it for me, don’t do it to prove anything. Do it for you and for the people you want to be. Do it to make the future brighter and better. I love you all, I’m sorry.

0 notes

chmergess4ever · 8 years ago

Text

Boomin

Hey Guys! So Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. This is a one-part fic that I wrote after the cast attended the steelers game the other day. I mean no disrespect to Val and his relationship with Amber. I ultimately just want both Val and Sharna to be happy but I think they’re cute together and writing these stories are fun. For intents and purposes of this story, please pretend like Val and Jenna weren’t together because I made Jenna a part of her support system. Thanks. I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think by commenting or messaging me! Like/Reblog! Enjoy!

P.S Sorry, it’s super long but so worth it. One of my favorites that I’ve written. I’m open to writing a part 2 if you guys would like it.

They had just gone to the steelers game to support Antonio Brown. They had all had a fabulous time amongst the freezing cold temperature. After the game they went out to eat before their next stop of the day, the hockey game. Everyone was being quiet, on their phones-as pointed out by Keo- but everyone was enjoying their day off. Val walked over to Sharna and sat in the seat next to her.

“Hey!”

She looked up from her phone, “Hey.” She said monotonously as she nodded her head looking back down at her phone.

“You ok?” “Yea, It’s whatever, Val.” Sharna rolled her eyes and continued scrolling through instagram.

“Sharna, talk to me.” He shook her leg.

She pushed him off and looked at him sharply, “I don’t want to.”

“Sharna?”

“How’s Amber?” Sharna said sarcastically as she got up out of her seat abruptly and pushed it in. “I’ll be back.” She announced to the table before she walked to the back of the restaurant. She hadn’t realized that he was following her until he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the bathroom with him. He locked the door and looked at her while pacing back and forth.

“Val, I told you, I’m not talking about it.”

“What could you possibly be mad at? We all just went to support your previous partner. I thought we had a nice time and now you’re all mad and what’s with this “How’s Amber” garbage?”

“You know what Val? I’m trying, I'm really trying here. To give her a shot. To give you and her a shot but there is only so much. You’re letting her control you. You know? I don’t even know if it’s her. Maybe it’s you, scared of losing her.”

“I don’t know what your talking about!” His voice was getting louder and so was hers.

“You’re my best friend, Val! My best friend. And you’re trying to stay as far away from me as possible so she doesn’t feel threatened. And why should she feel threatened, it’s not like we were together? We’re just friends.” She looked at him and when he didn’t answer she went on. “Now, Peta’s my best friend too and you know that. I love her to death but I will admit when she’s wrong and when she asked Maks to stop talking to Meryl, it was wrong! They were just friends! And I’m getting Meryl-ed. I feel it! Did I have a nice time today? Yes. But I would have had a better time if I wasn’t being avoided you.”

“You’re not Meryl, Sharna.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the difference?” “I need to stay away from you. Or at least put some distance.”

“Why?”

“Because unlike Maks with Meryl, I-” “You what?” She yelled.

“I- I fucking think about you! About you and me. And I’m in a relationship, I shouldn’t be thinking-” He was still yelling. “And you make me think!”

“How is this my fucking fault?”

“It’s not!” He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s mine!”

Before she could formulate her next sentence, he had her pinned against the wall with his lips pressed on hers. “I need you.” He said as he came up for air.

She kissed him back. He spoke to her again, “You think of me too? Don’t you?”

“All the time.”

“We shouldn’t do this.” “No we shouldn’t.”

He kissed her deeper and then lifted her up. “But we are?” She nodded and that was the last words they spoke before they gave themselves to each other.

Shortly after, they stood in the bathroom together walking around gathering their clothes. They seemed to keep getting in each other's way but they were being quiet, not speaking a word to each other. Sharna brushed his arm by accident, “I’m sorry-”

“Sorry-”

Once Sharna was dressed she tried to fluff out her hair as much as possible. “I’m going to go out. Give it a couple of minutes and then come.”

“Shar. Are we going to talk about this?” She turned back to him. “There’s nothing to talk about Val. You have a girlfriend.”

She left, letting the door close behind her and tried to straighten out her hair one last time. She took a deep breath and walked back over to the table. She sat down and tried to jump back into the engagement.

Alan spoke directly to her, “Where did you go? You were gone for a while!”

“Oh, I just needed to make a few phonecalls. Sorry.”

“Did you see Val?”

“No, Why?”

“He got up right after you. Looked like he was following you and we haven’t seen him since.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see him.”

Everyone shrugged it off and another conversation got started. Val walked up a few minutes later pretending to end a phone call. He sat down in the chair next to Sharna and spoke to the group, “Sorry, Guys was just making some phone calls.” He then tried to engage in conversation. Sharna’s eyes widened and she dropped her fork. The identical alabi seemed to go over everyone’s head except for one. Lindsay. She looked at Sharna and then smiled shaking her head. Sharna made a confused look and then shook her head. Lindsay laughed as she took a sip of her drink. Throughout the remaining duration of the lunch Sharna and Val fiddled around each other being overly cautious of the other, making it very obvious that something was off. Once they paid the bill, the group left the restaurant headed to the hotel where they were going to split up between the people that were going to the hockey game and the people that weren’t. They were all walking outside staggered in pairs and trios. Sharna was by herself, falling behind as she was looking at her phone. Lindsay stalled and waited for her, so shortly after, the two of them were walking together.

“Soooo.” “So.” Sharna looked at Lindsay. “So, you and Val totally just fucked.”

“Shhh.” Sharna put her head down. She lowered her voice. “It was that obvious?” “To me, it was. It seemed no one else noticed.”

“No one needs to know.”

“Sooo, how? Are you guys-” “No, No. We were having an argument, screaming at eachother in the bathroom, and then we both lost are cools, admitting things out loud that we probably didn’t even admit to ourselves and before I knew it, I was pinned against the wall with his lips on mine.”

“But Amber-” “I know. We Know.”

“Did you talk about it?”

“I can’t even bring up the nerve to talk to him. It’s honestly like I can’t look at him without getting upset. We’re acting so awkward around each other. I just feel weird now.”

“Well, Yeah. You just had sex with a guy who has a girlfriend, not to mention a guy who happens to be your best friend.”

Sharna nervously laughed. “Fuck.” She shook her head.

“You need to talk to him.”

“What is there even to say? He’s dating Amber.”

“Well if you’re telling the whole story and he admitted things he shouldn’t have, maybe he shouldn’t be dating Amber, but someone else.”

Sharna shook her head, “I don’t know Lindz. That would be really complicated.”

“Like it’s not already?” “Yea, I guess you’re right.”

“Talk to him.”

The conversation got cut off by some of the other girls but Sharna felt a lot better after discussing what was running through her mind with someone.

The Guys were walking ahead of the girls. Alan patted Val on the shoulder and looked at him, “Sooo, How was it bro?” “How was what?” “Sharna.” “Sharna, what?” Val got nervous.

“You both used the exact same excuse when you came back to the table. We knew right then and there what had happened , just wasn’t going to make a big deal about it in front of everyone.”

“Shit.”

“Dude, it’s ok.” Gleb Joined in the conversation.

“No, it’s not. Cause I have a girlfriend! It’s not ok.”

“But?” Gleb tried to get it out of him. “But. I- I- I want to do it again.”

“With Amber?” Artem added his two cents. “Nope.” “With Sharna?” Alan spoke again. “Yes. With Sharna. Preferably, in a bed.”

“But what about Amber?” Alan asked the question he didn’t want to hear.

“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.”

“Bro, you need to talk to Sharna. You shouldn’t be wanting to do it again with her, if your content with your relationship with Amber.” Gleb rested his hand on Val’s shoulder as he imparted his advice.

“Maybe, I’m not.” “What?” “Maybe, I was hiding with Amber. I’m an idiot. I like Sharna. I’ve always liked Sharna, I’m just finally admitting it to myself.”

“Val, you need to be sure about this. You don’t want to ruin the relationship you have, if the one you think you want isn’t going to work out.” Artem looked back at Sharna who was talking to the rest of the girls.

“It’ll work out.”

“Just talk to Sharna.” Artem looked back to Val.

“She doesn’t want to-”

“Talk to her.”

Later after the penguins game, everyone had separated into their rooms, Lindsay with Jenna, Emma with Haley, Sharna with Laurie, Gleb with Artem, and Keo, Alan, and Val shared a room. Alan and Keo invited all the guys over to drink and play poker but Val could not get his mind off of what happened. He got his key and walked to the door, “I’ll be back.” He announced to the group before he walked away. He didn’t know what he was doing or why he was doing it. All he knew was he had this feeling in his heart that he had never felt before, and the feeling had started as soon as Sharna had left the bathroom earlier. He walk down the hall towards her room and once there, took a few minutes just staring at the door. He contemplated everything in his head, this was not a good idea. He knew it, but he had to do it. He slowly raised his hand to the door and knocked. He heard her voice call, “coming.”He expected to see her when he opened the door but instead he had to look down a couple of inches to meet Laurie. She smiled up at him and she had that sparkle in her eyes that always made his heart light up. She brought out the youth in him. “Hey Nugget.” He tapped her on the nose.

“Hey!”

“Listen, is Sharna here?”

“She is.”

Sharna’s voice sounded from inside the room. “Who is it?”

“It’s-” Laurie stopped mid sentence when she saw Val shaking his head and a finger over his lips in a hushed action.

“Laurie?” Sharna came into view as she began walking to the door. She stopped when she saw who was at the door.

Laurie could feel the tension between them. Val looked from Sharna to Laurie, “Hey, is it ok if I talk to Sharna alone for a second?” “Laurie you don’t have to go.” Sharna added.

“No it’s ok! I’ll go over to Lindsay’s. Meet me there Shar?”

Sharna nodded and smiled. Laurie walked back into the room and grabbed her stuff and then walked past Val out the door as Val let himself in closing the door behind him. Sharna turned around and walked over to her bed, sitting down on the edge. “Why are you here, Val?” She ran her hand through her hair.

“I just want to talk to you.”

“I told you there was nothing to talk about” She got up and walked to the opposite side of the room and looked out the window. He continued to talk to her even though her back was turned to him. “You think there’s nothing to talk about. But there is absolutely something to talk about”

“Talk.” Her demeanor was cold.

“Sharna, I’m sorry. Ok? I’m really sorry. I made a mess of things. But I’m ready to clean up the mess. I’m dating Amber, yes. And i’m sorry, if you feel like I have put a distance in our relationship because of her. I really didn’t realize I was doing it but now I do. And after thinking about why, I know. I never realized before but I- You mean more than anything to me and it’s not only because you're my best friend, but you’re the love of my life. And I think deep down I knew that, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, so I decided that trying to love someone else was the next best option.”

“And that’s the problem, Val!” Sharna turned around and Val could see tears streaming down her face. “That’s the fucking problem! You’re dating someone else! So no matter, if I’m the love of your life, we can’t be together! We can’t be a couple. We can’t have hearts and flowers.”

“But we can” He went to walk to her and she put her hand up.

“No. Don’t come closer. Don’t come any closer.”

“Sharna.” She started crying heavier. “Sharna, please let me hug you.”

When he didn’t get an answer he moved closer to her. And closer. And closer. Until he pulled her gently into him. She sobbed into his chest. She gave into the hug but pounded on his chest while crying. “I hate you. I hate you.”

Val began to cry. He rubbed up and down her back.

“I hate that I love you. Why did you make me love you?” She said through tears.

Val looked up to the ceiling trying to stop his tears. He leaned back so he could look at her. He wiped her tears away with the back of his hand. He craned his neck down and kissed her. Softly, delicately, like something he would cherish forever. She looked up at him and whispered. “What about Amber?”

“I’m going to take care of it.”

“How?” “That’s my problem.”

He kissed her again and she didn’t stop him. At least, not at first. When reality settled in her mind, she broke from him. “Val, we can’t do this again. I won’t do this again.” She turned around and walked away from him.

“Ok. We don’t need to.”

“I need to think about this. I just need time.”

Val nodded. “Ok. You take the time you need.” Val turned around and began walking towards the door. Right before he was about to leave, he turned back to her, “Either way you choose, I do love you Sharna.”

He gave an affirmative nod and then left. She walked back over to the window and ran both her hands through her hair. “What now?” A million thoughts ran through her head. She needed to talk to someone. She opened her phone and dialed Peta’s number. It went straight to voicemail. Sharna waited for the beep and spoke. “Hey Peta. I know you’re super busy with Shai but-, you know what nevermind. You have a baby to worry about. Forget about it. I’ll talk to you later.” She hit the end button and put her phone in her back pocket. She stood in the middle of the room contemplating all of her thoughts and then as if an ignition to a fire, she grabbed her room key and left the room.

After he had left, Val walked down the hallway towards the floor lounge as he thought it would be too crowded in his room to talk. He took a seat on one of the couches in the common area. He took his phone out of his back pocket and stared at it for a good five minutes before taking a deep breath and dialing her number. He felt this body tense when he heard her voice.

“Hey You.” Amber’s voice rung through the phone.

“Hey.” “What’s up? You ok?”

“Yeah, why?” “You sound upset.”

“Nahh, I’m just-”

“Val, what’s wrong?” “I need to talk to you.”

“Oh no.”

“Amber-”

“The conversation that I have been dreading since the moment I let myself like you.”

“I’m sorry.” He could hear her suck back her emotions.

“Can you just tell me please. I need to hear the words.”

“I- I need to let go of this relationship. I really do like you Amber, and I think you’re a great girl, but you don’t deserve what I’m in this relationship for. I’m in it, to hide from my true feelings, or to try and make my feelings go away but you don’t deserve that. You deserve someone who is going to love you, because he truly loves you, not because he’s scared of loving someone else.”

“And you love someone else?” Val breathed deeply and exhaled. “I do.”

“Sharna, right?”

“How did you know that?”

“People have to be stupid not to see something there. I just tried to talk myself out of it.”

“Hmm.”

“Does she know?”

“What?”

“Does she know you love her?”

“She knows. Or I said it. I don’t know what she’s truly feeling right now.”

“Give her time. She’ll think about it and realize she loves you too.”

“Are you ok?”

“I mean, I’m not great. I really did love you, I really do love you. But with that, I want you to be happy and if you’re not happy with me, I can’t force you to stay here. Just don’t be scared. Because the longer you prolong the relationship the bigger the chance you'll lose it.”

“Thank you Amber.” Val nodded knowingly. “Find you a guy that loves you for who you are. I know you will.”

“Yeah. Night Val.”

“Goodnight Amber.”

Sharna walked down the hallway towards Lindsay’s. She knocked on the door to be greeted by Jenna. “Hey-” “I need girl talk. A lot of it.”

“Come in. Come in.”

Sharna walked in past Jenna and greeted everyone in the room. All the girls were hanging around watching tv. She sat down on the floor leaning against the bed and brought her knees up to her chest. She put her head down into her hands and shook her head.

“You ok, Shar?” Laurie asked.

Sharna brought her head back up. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to process everything right now.”

“Want to tell us and we can help?” Lindsay offered. Sharna looked at her and then at Laurie, she smiled “How innocent, are you really?”

Laurie pointed to herself surprised that the question was directed at her. “I’m- I know things.”

The girls all laughed. Sharna took a deep breath, “Ok. So I guess I have to fill everyone in. Laurie, what is said in this room, stays in it. You’re going to be present for a very adult conversation right now.”

Laurie nodded. She crawled over to Sharna, with a pillow and rested her head in her lap sprawling out the rest of her body. Sharna tapped her on the nose. “Love you, nugget.”

Laurie crinkled her nose. “Speak now.”

Sharna smiled and shook her head. “Ok. So, earlier when I left to take a phone call at the restaurant. I wasn’t really taking a phone call. I was with Val. I was sleeping with Val.” Sharna cringed as she said it.

“Shut the fuck up!” Hayley sat up excitedly. All the girls looked like they were all suddenly very interested in the conversation. “How in the world did that happen?” Emma questioned.

“I don’t know Em. I really don’t know. One minute we were arguing in the bathroom and the next thing I knew I was pinned up against a wall.”

“And-” Jenna tried to prod more out of her.

“Well, keeping this part of the story PG-13, courtesy of the 16 year old that’s in the room, we- ya know.”

“Uh huh.” Hayley said as she moving her hands in a circle motion around each other signaling to continue.

“And then I left. Cause I didn’t know what to do. Which is when I came back to the table.”

“And you didn’t talk to him?” “Not at that point.”

“But now you have?” Lindsay asked suddenly jumping in the conversation. “Yeah, he just came over.”

Lindsay leaded on. “And?!?” “He told me he was in love with me.”

“No way!” Emma slapped the bed next to her out of excitement. “And then what?”

“And then I cried. And then he hugged me making me cry more. And then he looked at me and kissed me.”

“What about Amber?” Hayley asked.

“Exactly, what i said.”

“To which he replied?”

“That he was going to take care of it.” Sharna rested her head back and looked at the ceiling. “And then I told him that I needed time to think. Because it was all a lot.”

“Wow.” Emma threw herself back on the bed, plopping into the pillows.

“I can’t believe he told you he loves you.” Lindsay added.

“That’s big for Val.” Jenna concluded.

“Did not see that one coming.” Hayley ran her hand through her hair.

“I did.” Laurie sat up to look at Sharna now. All the girls had turned their attention to her since it was the first time she spoke since the conversation began.

“You did?” Sharna looked back at her questioningly.

“When I first met Val, I thought he was dating you, because of how much he talked about you and the way he lit up when he did. So I made a reference one day and he got all defensive and told me you weren’t a thing. I thought he was hiding it but then after talking to you, I knew what he told me was true. But, throughout the season I could tell he was trying to hide from his feelings just through his everyday actions.”

“Really?”

“Really. And I know he loves you. You just can’t be scared to give him a chance.”

“But I am. The whole thing is really complicated. We’re best friends and we work together. And our circles are intertwined. If it doesn’t work out, it’s a mess.”

“Your relationship will work out.”

“I just don’t know, Laurie.”

“It will.”

“And why do you say so?”

“Cause the material stuff won’t matter. It’ll all get put on the backburner.”

“And why is that?”

“Cause love always wins Sharna. It’s already showing that, with what happened today.”

Sharna shook her head in amazement. “How are you only 16?” Laurie shrugged and smiled. “I’m 16 but I’ve been around 25 and 30 year olds for the past few months of my life.”

Sharna laughed. “Thank you, nugget.” She leaned in to give her a hug then she stood up and began walking to the door.

LIndsay propped her head up, “Where are you going?”

Sharna had one hand on the door knob. “I’m going to get my guy.”

“Really?” Emma sat up excitedly.

“Love always wins.” She smiled and nodded. She gave them a wink and then left.

Sharna walked down the hallway to his room and knocked on the door. Val opened the door and his expression went blank when he saw her. “Hi.” He said tentatively.

“You got a sec?” “Yea of course.” Val walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind him. Sharna nodded towards the left to indicate for him to walk with her. They walked to the outside patio balcony that was on each floor. They went to the edge and leaned on the stone ledge, looking out at the stars.

“She’s out of the picture Shar. the ball is in your court now.”

There was complete silence as Sharna digested what he said. Sharna looked at him staring at the stars, there was something about it that made him look so peaceful, like he didn’t have a care in the world. Sharna raised her hand and rested it on his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb and turning his face towards her. “I love you.” She whispered.

“What?”

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Val raised his eyebrows and his tears fogged his vision. “Really?” Sharna laughed as a tear escaped from her eye. “Yes babe. I love you.”

“Oh my god.” He pulled her into him and kissed her forehead. “I love you too.”

She tilted her head up and he craned his neck down to meet her lips. “You’re everything.”

Weeks later, their relationship remained strong. Val had delivered the news of his breakup with Amber very modestly and wished her well. Sharna and Val had watched the superbowl together to support AB and we’re both ecstatic when they won. The following Thursday, Val was sitting on the tour bus after just finishing taking pictures with fans. He leaned back waiting for her, as she was still outside with her fans. He went into his photos and found a photo of Him and Sharna from the day they became a couple. They were on the same balcony where they exchanged “I love you’s” and were both decked out in their steelers clothes. She was standing on her tip toes kissing him and he had both his hands on either side of her waist. He clicked the share button on his screen and opened instagram. He captioned, “#tbt Congrats again to @ab and the steelers on their win. But I won something bigger. Business is Boomin.” He tagged her and hit post. Minutes later she got on the bus, and after taking her shoes off nuzzled into him. He put her arm around her and let her fall asleep. When he knew she was out cold, he kissed the top of her head. “I love you Sharna May Burgess. And I always will.”

#chmergess #Chmergessfanfic #valandsharna #sharnaandval

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