#limited colour schemes saves my ass not for the first time

[mugwot]

lets go gamers

[abandoned-as-mustard]

the visual analysis no one asked for

as a grown-ass woman (19) who still likes barbie and has been watching it for some 15 years ....

does anyone just really miss when the covers used to be like this

(2002) such a beautifully soft, dreamlike cover - slightly muted, uses rule of thirds and contrasting colours, gently fades purple and pink together, pink and purple at top and bottom frame it nicely and tie in with the palette

(2004) that intense background colour, reflected in the skirt! that luscious hair! the symmetry! Yin and Yang! I’m pretty sure there are other versions without such a bright background (maybe i have one - i haven’t watched it in yonks) 

(2003) That pure fairy dust! sparkles! that dress! harmonious colours! soft, gentle palette that looks like pure magic! flowing hair!

whooooa, that colour. like damn, that blue colour scheme, and that luscious pink just popping out against it, and that cute little mermaid costume?

(2005) oh, that limited colour palette, this is probably one of my favourite covers because it’s simpler yet so elegant?? that soft hinting at pinks and blues despite being mainly purple. And her hair to contrast! I always thought the covers that were more on the simple side were better.

as times went by, we moved on...

(2006) things started to look more like an actual screenshot of the movie, and things are starting to look a little more realistic.... that texture of the skirt, and the rule of thirds, on point btw.

(2007) A mostly plain background, with a softer pink that’s easier on the eyes, but ultimately this lets the amazing detail in her dress show stick out, because like, damn. I could touch that fabric. Also, i remember loving the first time they tried out that embossing thing with the title to make it look all 3d. Plus, greenery framing the cover = good, consistent framing.

Moving on .... here’s where some more notable changes start coming through.

(2008) updating the graphics a little, keeping those intense colours going, but losing some of the texture....

(2008) loosing a little more realism, but we still have that shapely 3D look. the textures on the dresses, and their colours still tie in with other colours found in the castle and the title. 

(2009) toning down the chaotic details by fading the colours, and employing foreshortening for 3D look! Still rule of thirds, still got texture, ironically looks more like a screenshot than above from the year before.

then we transition, yet again, to this...

(2009) Oh, boy. and in the same year, too! They seem to be going for a lighter and more faded colour palette. Is it weird that i think the graphics for her friends are better than barbie herself? If they were gonna make her so big, then they could afford to put a little more detail on her...

(2010) I see what they were going with here, and i think it just manages to work because they just went with it instead of having one foot out the door? And the water graphics are intense, with rule of thirds too. Background bodily proportions of the mermaids kinda bother me tho. Also i miss her shiny hair. 

(2011) Someone needs to fire barbie’s makeup artist because her pink eyeshadow is somehow all over her face....  brought back the realistic(ish) hair, skirt is good but that bodice? It’s like it’s flat texture! Really crowded, rule of thirds not really being used.

(2012) why can’t they pay this much attention to clothing detail on the other covers?????!! I couldn’t give two hoots about the quantity of ~stuff~ in the pic, i care about the ~detail~.  See, they’ve got the yin and yang thing going again. Good. Can’t go wrong with yin and yang.

(2013) sparkles everywhere! ahh i’m going to drown in sparkles! Needs more negative space... someone seems to be trying to make up for texture with sparkles.... The hair is what saves this.

(2014) that mermaid tail detail? stunning! but oh my word, her proportions are a cartoonish nightmare. Botticelli’s Aphrodite called, she wants her neck back. But they’ve sacrificed the realistic hair, the one softening aspect! fuuu-

(2015) please fire this person - like guys, if you’re going to design something, at least make the whole thing cartoonish (that hair is the most detailed thing in here), or the whole thing (semi) realistic. Consistency!

(2015) they had the only opportunity they’ve EVER HAD to make soft, textured barbie hair... but they paid more attention to the side character??? At least the darkness frames the pic sort of. Not really digging the cutout look....

(2016) I just.... sigh. #bring back hair graphic artist 2kwheneverthenextoneis. Like it kinda looks real, but sort of like they got called out to run an errand and never got round to finishing it. I feel like this could’ve worked if the background wasn’t a lemon. Like all that blue on the bottom? at least choose a complimentary, like an orangey-yellow, or fade another colour into the tops and bottom to frame it?

so there we have it. in 14 years (not counting nutcracker from 2001 because crappy quality internet pics)  we’ve gone from 

to

And I think it’s kind of sad, though it’s interesting how times have changed. Maybe it’s just that i’m older and my tastes are different, or maybe they really have lost the plot (in the dvd covers, i mean - it’s kind of ironic, that as technology/graphics have advanced in realism, the dvd cover graphics got more cartoonish?) But regardless of age, losing the generation that grew up with it is a bad move. newer generations deserve quality too!

[rage-against-the-meyer]

Breaking Dawn (2008)

So, I've reviewed the other Twilight Saga books already, but I promiss you, this is gonna be the worst one yet. I must admit, as a 13-year-old girl this was my favorite book (don't kill me yet). I was growing up in a Dutch small Christian town that had had a big infuence on my views. In my mind, it was perfectly logical that the story ends with a child against all odd. As a grown-up Biomedical scientist, this does not go anymore. As such, I now view Breaking Dawm as the absolute worst one yet and here, I will tell you exactly why.

Breaking Dawn is a big fat book that consists of three different books. I will discuss the books seperately in fear that it might be too much otherwise.

Part I from Bella's point of view

It's no surprise that I actually do like this book. We get 6 chapters of sheer happiness and joy. Very much Edward/Bella intimacy and they finally have sex (woohoo). So what can I bitch about?

Well, actually not too much. I loved the wedding, the secret goodbyes (yes, I cried). I just believe that after the first 6 chapters Bella should have struggled with the decission to change instead of the pregnancy. Yes, Chapter 7 is the cursed chapter for me. It's the onset of all pending misery. Also, it is the first time that menstruations are mentioned and the weak excuse SM gave to explain the never-having-killed-her-due-to-smelling-period-blood on Edwards part is just that, weak. So, all-in-all, I hated this chapter but what comes after is exceedingly worse.

Part II from Jacob's point of view

I hate Jacob. That much hasn't changed. I hated the cold Jacob that is so prominent here very very much. Personal sun my ass. I have always loathed this POV but it offers us some interesting views on the wolves and the Quileute people. It was good to see the communication between the wolves, but it was also nonsense. The big difference between you can't hide what you think and thinking in directed full sentences became a blurry line that never really made sense to me. What was good about it, is that we saw how pure Seth's mind is and how deeply hurt and actually good Leah is. Seth, a mere teenager, is objectively one of the purest characters I have ever read and that's on that. The faint influence of the coming Gen Z was shimmering through in his defiance of made boundaries in communication: Seth saw the good in the Cullens and defied his tribes prejudice. Good for him. Leah, of course, is one of the most denied characters in the series. Such a fierce young woman that has suffered so much is the only character that does not get redemption. It is absolutely outrageous and I agree with many that it shows SMs prejudice against women of colour. She gets literally nothing. She stands on her own in a group of men that mock her for her guard as she has to suffer through knowing her ex's love for his new love. Then, of course, she cannot have children and she gets no love interests. To through all these (in SMs mind) limitations only at one of the few POC is not great. I do like the fact that Leah and Jacob become closer and that Leah cares most for Seth. It's not enough, though. Leah should have gotten the trip to go to college somewhere far away, paid for by the Cullens out of sheer gratitude. She should have everything and all but through Bella's (read: SMs) mind she is still depicted as sad, lonely and bitter. To show a woman's anger like that is straight up misogynistic. Great start.

Jacob's story skips so many valuable parts of Bella's story, which we have been focussing on until now, and it makes so little sense that Jacob would be there for all the important interactions.

In Jacob's part, some shocking facts become clear. As a biomedical scientist, I have been holding back the outrageousness of this one: the chromosomes.

Vampires are frozen in time; after the change, their bodies don't change anymore. They also don't grow new or longer hairs, new teeth, anything. They are frozen in time. Curiously, they still have a need to feed (blood) and their consumption influences four things: their thirst, the colour of their eyes, their strength and their behaviour. I will tell you why this makes absolutely no sense. In humans, we feed for much the same reasons: we don't get hungry, we stay alive, become stronger and we are nicer when we aren'r hungry. This influence is exerted by the distribution of food molecules throughout the body; to the brain, to the muscles, the organs, you name it. Vampires don't have blood, their distribution of food molecules would be so slow that it would take days if not weeks for the molecules to get to the eyes or the brain. We know vampires aren't mushy inside to increase the distribution so how does it work? It eludes me, I'll tell you. Also, every part of the vampire body is supposed to be solid. Where does the liqud from the blood go? A human averagely holds 5 litres of blood. That is a lot. And since the body doesn't change, where does the liquid go? Aside from the distribution, it makes even less sense that any of these factors should be influenced by anything at all. It is likely that vampires still have cells, their bodies still need to create impulses, movements, talk etc. But their bodies don't changes anymore, so after the change the cells stop producing hair molecules? Why don't the hairs drop anymore? It is so dumb that SM suggested a certain balance between the actiond that continue and actions that don't. We still move the muscles but they can't grow anymore but the cells in the muscle stay active?? This brings me to the chromosomes.

So, Carlisle has tested human, vampire and werewolf (without consent) blood. He found that vampires have 25 chromosome pairs, werewolves 24 and humans 23 chromosome pairs. His findings and his tone suggest that he attributes all the vampire qualities to the 2 extra chromosomes. Now, with everything that I have just explained, I see no possiblity behind that. The venom of a vampire just adds two pairs of chromosomes to your cells? One from your mother and one from your dad? And then, these chromosomes are able to pinpoint exactly with genes to silence and which to activate and that is enough to make your skin hard as granite? No way. The body makes strong pieces, but still the strongest is the teeth. Strong but not as strong as SM thinks.

All-in-all this science is straight up the biggest fucking bullshit I have ever seen. There is just no logic behind the logic SM gave. It doesn't stop here, though. No. I am 100% convinced that SM has not had any sex talk ever in her life. She started with Edward's 100-year-old sperm being vital enough to produce a baby. This sperm is saved at approxomately the temperature of a rock/as cold as ice. This is far far far too high a temperature to preserve sperm cells for long, let alone a 100 years. So, No. No, again. Then, Edward's dick is magically able to get hard without any liquids in the body? No. And THEN, his human sperm cells (human but also vampire?) are able to make a zygote with Bella's egg cell??? A zygote with 24 (!!!) chromosome pairs???? So, it's one of each of Bella's, one of each of Edward's and then just one of the two vampire pairs?????? No. Nah-ah.

I haven't been this vocal about any of my other issues, including racism and other forms of discrimination. Somehow, I have accepted that these concepts come from very well-preserved ideas and I can plainly discuss this matter. However, the pain Stephenie Meyer has put me through as a scientist is still very unknown to me and it annoys me to the core.

I suppose, while I'm on the matter, I should address the elephant in the room. Resumé. Renesue is the embodiment of everything Bella didn't need. The book should have ended before the pregnancy. A story of a woman that found a love in a vampire and she needed nothing else in her life but him. This was the story we were promissed. And then, SM takes her turn to make the last non-conservative woman in the book a mother (her being a mother will come later).

In conclusion, this part stretched every nerve in my body and made me cringe so hard I felt sick.

Part III from Bella's point of view

I'm not gonna lie, I have been pretty dark about the last part. But I LOVE Bella as a vampire. The tranquil chapters where she learns everything about being a vampire made me confident I wanted to be one. I loved Bella more confident and comfortable. I loved the new ease between Bella and Edward. Tranquil, as I said.

Of course, these chapters are overshadowed in part by Rususme. I don't mind the child. It seems nice enough - SM made it pure. But Bella is not a very caring mother. She meets her daugther and then, both Edward and her really don't mind her. They have no urge to be with her and have no trouble letting her go. They go have sex the whole night instead of looking at Relsume's dreams. Then, there is the fact that all tense and loaden discussions are held in the presence of the exceptionally perceiving child. Edward can SEE that she understands tensions. It's so fucking dumb. It really bothered me the last time I read it, maybe because I've matured or maybe because I didn't really care the first time.

When it comes to the final battle approaching, I enjoyed that. I loved Alice's plan. I like the Volturi and their grand dramatic scheming and such. I loved the new characters very much. I think they added a whole new demension to the story. I would have been there for Edward and Bella traveling around the world meeting these people with the oncoming thread of genocide for a child as well though. Of course, the racism is back. The Amazonian and Egyptian vampires are so blatantly racistly described. In that aspect, the movie deserves way more credit for giving us the straight up prettiest actors ever to cover this.

Wrongness continues as Jacob imprints (as the second wolf) in an infant. I know some people see no issue with this. SM tried to make it clear that it was just about her happiness by letting Edward see that Jacob wasn't thinking sexually about his equivalent-of-a-three-year-old child. I mean. Looking at this logically, it's disgusting and there is no changing my mind. Personally, I feel Jacob could have imprinted on any other female character (with the exception of Leah). For all I care it was a 35-year-old woman. But, reversed pedophilia (Jacob was still underage) isn't fun for SM so she sticks with what she knows.

I think I have adressed my most important issues. Please inform me if I've missed any. As usual, I urge you to inform yourself on the Quileut Tribe as it is and donate to them for SM has wronged and exploited them.

The Quileute Tribe

Information:

Donation:

TLDR: I curse Stephenie Meyer for creating that incredibly stupid child as a way to project Jacob's love to something of Bella. Please inform yourself on the Quileute Tribe and donate to them via the links above; SM has wronged them.

As a final note, I am a biomedical scientist at heart. I am always interested in a challenging topic, so fire away.

[frozenartscapes]

Well...I caved...

I saw the Emoji Movie.

Now I want to make things perfectly clear here: I did not give Sony any money for this. I found it on Kimcartoon, because I refuse to contribute to something so fucking awful. I knew this movie would be crap. I knew I wouldn’t like it. I have several free movies on my Scene card (a points-based rewards card for Cineplex theatres) but I knew this movie wasn’t even worth that because a) it would still register as someone who went to go see the movie and b) this movie isn’t worth the bus money I would have spent to get to the movie theatre. I want to make it clear that normally I would not torrent movies, and recommend actually going to see them in theatres or renting them or viewing them on a site where their creators actually get something in return. People work hard on movies and credit must be given where it’s due.

Speaking of that, to the animators of the Emoji Movie: you have my condolences. The one thing, and I mean one thing about this movie that I will say is good is the animation. You guys tried, and hey! It’s not half bad. It’s not...great, per se. But you tried. You get a gold star! (And at least you can say you’ve worked on a multi million dollar animated movie for your resumes when you want to apply to a much better movie company.) The animation in the Emoji Movie is... Like I said, it’s good. It’s certainly better than some other more notoriously bad animated movies, and this would be where it being a product of Sony helps it out. But keep in mind that when I talk about the “animation” I’m talking solely about how this thing looks on a visual level. Things like rendering, colour choices, character design... yeah, they’re ok. But other aspects that delve more into the actual storytelling aspect of animation, not so much. World-building wise it is painfully obvious they’re going for a Wreck It Ralph meets Inside Out kind of look. Dialogue and music scores? Yeah, pretty bad. And the moral? Oh boy, here we go.

The actual story of the Emoji Movie is one that you’ve all seen a thousand times. I’d say spoiler alert but it is literally the most cliched story in the book. Does this sound familiar to you? Meet our main character. He’s excited because it’s his first day at his new job. Except, he’s a bit of a weirdo. He doesn’t quite fit in to the status quo so everybody hates him. Sure enough, when he does start his new job after ten minutes of painful filler, the thing that makes him different gets in the way and he screws everything up. His boss makes it clear he’s fired, but then turns into a super villain out of no where because that’s what bosses are like. So now our main character is on the run with this other random loser he said, like, three lines to before everything went to shit. The two losers then enlist the help of a badass female character who purposely rebels against the status quo. They convince the female character to help them out by giving her something in return that will allow her to even further rebel against the status quo and our trio of protagonists set out on their quest. Along the way they get into some wacky hijinks that bring them all closer together. The main protagonist slowly falls in love with the female character. The idiot sidekick has exactly one moment of brilliance that somehow saves the day, but it’s not enough to excuse the number of other times he nearly fucked everything up. And the female character, with the “help” of the main protagonist, slowly breaks out of her cold exterior to reveal she’s only like that because she’s afraid of people getting to know the real her, who really is a soft and caring person but is afraid of conforming to the strict gender stereotypes thrust upon her because she’s a girl. They finally get to the end of their quest, but then a tragic misunderstanding due to the complicated love-related feelings our male and female protagonists have causes them to split up. Meanwhile, through some vaguely explained and half-assed reasoning, the whole world is about to be destroyed. And it turns out that it’s our two potential love interests who are the only ones who can stop it. And so our main character learns his lesson that it’s better to be yourself, no matter what other people think of you, because being yourself can save the world. Our female lead leans that it’s not about what you want, but more what your boyfriend wants to make him happy. And our loveable idiot sidekick learns nothing and continues to be a loud, self-absorbed moron. And then a dance number happens, because fuck any questions you might have about the plot: look at how much fun our characters are having!

If you think this sounds familiar, you’re right. This plot has been done to death by many a children’s show/movie before the Emoji Movie. But at least those shows/movies knew what they were doing. The Emoji Movie is just a bland, poorly written movie that was likely strung together by a series of board room members and focus groups, not actual writers. In some scenes you can practically hear the discussion amongst the middle-aged executives about what the kids think is cool and also which app developers have given them money and how they can shoehorn in a reference to them. 

It’s made even more frustrating because, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, some of these ideas could have actually worked. It’s kinda like Wreck It Ralph, and how each video game opened up a whole new world with different colour schemes, styles, characters, you name it. It made the universe of that movie seem really big, despite everything actually only taking place in one arcade. But in the Emoji Movie...it all seems really compressed. Each app is represented as a giant box on the “Wallpaper”, which is essentially the main area of the phone. It’s where our characters can go to access other apps. But when they do go into another app, it still feels like everything’s trapped inside a box. It’s like there are these invisible walls that keep the world from getting any bigger (and in some cases that is literally what happens) and as a result it just seems really limiting. They could have done some really interesting things with certain apps, or you know, things that are actually funny. They could have had a car chase in a racing game, or maybe entered a platformer game like Doodle Jump where the art style is entirely different. Instead, we got a series of ads for a number of different apps in premises that were neither funny nor exciting, and all it did was that it left me wondering why a teenage boy had an app for Just Dance on his phone in the first place. I’m not saying that a movie devoted solely to telling a story about emojis would be Pixar worthy or anything but it could have been at least a little more creative.

I’m not too mad about all of this though because I knew the second this movie was announced that it would be a pandering mess. I knew it’d be a huge pile of steaming bullshit, and speaking of that here’s one thing I didn’t expect: the voice actors. Patrick Stewart, Sir Patrick Stewart, plays a literal piece of shit. You’ve also got T.J. Miller as our main character, Gene (the “Meh” emoji), James Corden as the loveable idiot- I mean, sidekick, Anna Faris as the female love interest, and many others including Maya Rudolph, Steven Wright, Jennifer Coolidge, Christina Aguilera, Sofía Vergara, Rachael Ray, Sean Hayes, and Jake T. Austin. And the sad thing is: you can pretty much hear in most of these characters’ lines that these actors did this for the paycheque and not much else. The line delivery is really flat most of the time, but I don’t blame the actors too much for that because I bet they read the lines and realized that they weren’t worth their best delivery. Yeah, the lines were terrible. There wasn’t a single time I so much as smiled. I was literally the fucking “meh” emoji. Which, gotta say, that’s pretty awesome if that’s what Sony was going for. But it’s not what they were going for. Normally, even a bad animated movie will have at least one moment that will make me go “Hey, that’s kinda clever” but this one had nothing. It was just painful joke after painful joke, the setups for which could be seen from a mile away and anything that did come out of nowhere came from so far out of left field that they were basically out of breath when they got there.

The thing that angers me most about the Emoji Movie is the story. If you couldn’t tell from my plot summary, I’m pretty bitter about it. I could write a whole separate piece about the “be yourself” moral and my issues with it, but I’ll keep it short here. It is the kind of moral that can either be done right, like how it was handled in Wreck It Ralph, or it can be done wrong, like it was here. The thing about this type of moral is that it rarely works 100% in real life, and as a result it works best when it’s not presented as such. Instead of being yourself becoming some kind of deus ex machina that magically saves the whole world and as a result suddenly changes everything for the better, it’s a much better kind of moral when you come to accept who you are, that you are different, and that’s ok. Things might not exactly change the way you want, but you yourself are a better person, and that then often affects other things like how other people react to you. Think about how Wreck It Ralph ended: it didn’t end with the apartment dwellers in Fix It Felix Jr. deciding that he no longer was the bad guy and he no longer needed to play that role - Ralph still had to play that role, despite him coming home a hero. What changed was how they treated him, that they accepted him as he accepted himself. And in turn, they started treating him with the same respect they give to Felix and each other.

In the Emoji Movie, being yourself does everything. It saves the world. It gets you the girl. It brings parents on the verge of divorce back together. The only thing it doesn’t do is give the villain any closure (seriously, she just kinda...disappears). I take issue with this because of how the climax of this movie is set up. Gene, the Meh emoji, rather quickly falls head over heals with the female main character, Jailbreak. Jailbreak states several times throughout the movie that her intention is to get to the Cloud where she is free to be who she is. Gene initially starts out helping her get to the Cloud so she can get the source code to the phone and reprogram him so he is a true “meh” emoji, since he deems himself “a malfunction” because he can make multiple expressions. (I’m aware of the long-windedness of that statement. The explanation is like that in the movie, too). However, before this can happen, Gene confesses his feelings to Jailbreak while he still can and she doesn’t quite feel the same way. It’s obvious that there’s some connection there, but I think it was one of those things where the girl just wants a friendship while the guy wants a relationship. After that rejection, without much of an argument or anything, Gene becomes a Meh emoji without the use of the source code. Just like that. We have a character who was shit on by everybody, even his parents, was told he was a malfunction and needed to die to do any good in the world, and had to flee the only home he ever knew and live on the run with killer robots sent by his own people chasing him and it was the rejection of a girl he knew for maybe thirty minutes that changed his entire personality. He then leaves for home. Jailbreak, just as she’s about to achieve her own goals, is told what happened to Gene by comic relief character Hi-Five and promptly abandons everything she had been working on for years to go back and fix Gene. That’s right. Gene wins in the end because Jailbreak returns to tell him that she also cares for him. She doesn’t get anything back in return. Her goals have been cast into the wind. She’s now been thrown back into a life she left because she met a guy and fell in love. The male lead gets the moral that everything in life will work out if you be yourself. The female lead gets the moral that life will be wonderful and happy if you have a parter (preferably a romantic male partner) to share it with.

And that’s my problem with this movie. It’s like the Lego Movie without the irony. We’re following yet another male lead protagonist who gets everything he ever wanted by the end of the movie, becomes the damn hero of his world, and never has to change a single thing about himself. It’s everyone else who has to change, who has to move out of the way for his “development”. The female character obviously has to change the most, going from her own individualistic style to back into a somewhat conforming token girlfriend who is always happy because she found Love™. His “best friend” sidekick can continue to be lovable and stupid and slightly self absorbed, just not quite as self absorbed now because he has a best friend! Yay! And for everyone else...not much really changes. Which makes this movie worse than some of the other cliched movies out there. 

Normally what happens at the end of a Be Yourself movie is you have all the characters at the end doing just that: being themselves and not who they were when they were conforming to society’s rules at the beginning of the film. SPOILERS for anybody who still cares at this point, the way Gene saves the day is by creating an emoji gif of himself making various faces to express his teenage phone owner’s feelings about a girl the kid has a crush on. This somehow works just before the entire world is deleted and somehow the kid unplugs the phone and brings everything back without a single hint of major data loss, which is honestly the most unrealistic thing about this movie. (Added to the fact that the kid wanted to do a hard reset of the phone but had to go into a phone store to have that happen, telling me that the writers clearly don’t understand how smartphones work if that’s the case.) But, moving on: the final scene shows Gene and all the other emojis happily working at their job, dancing to a pop song and generally having a good time. The movie ends with Gene producing another gif emoji reaction and the credits start to role. What would have been interesting would be seeing some of the other emojis are now able to make different expressions as well. Like maybe Hi-Five can perform a number of different hand gestures (which would actually be pretty hilarious considering one hand gesture in particular). Or the frowny emoji can smile, or stick their tongue out. Anything, really. But nope! It’s just Gene who can change his expression. Everyone else is still a boring old, one expression emoji. I guess you can argue that they are still being themselves, but then what’s the fucking point of the movie? The Be Yourself moral generally is meant to say that you don’t have to be what society tells you to be, but then in terms of this movie, it gets a little messed up. Is it society telling these emojis what to be, or the code of the phone itself? What if the happy emoji really isn’t happy, but is unable to express it because of a god-like limitation enforced on all of them? There were even jokes about this at the beginning, like the sad emoji can never be happy even if he wins the lottery. And if the source code can be used to “fix” Gene, can it not be used in reverse to allow these other emoji’s to have different expressions? And, also, at one point toward the end of the film the villain states that emojis are meant to only have one emotion, so does that mean the film is agreeing with a villain’s statement by confirming that yes, all emojis except for that one weird one can only have one expression. Typically you use the conclusion to contradict a big statement by the movie’s villain, but I guess that’d be too much work to write/animate.

I’m probably looking too much into a movie I hate, but they even bring this up in the movie. Gene’s father, the original Meh emoji, is able to cry. The only slightly decent scene in the movie, might I add, has him and his wife meeting up in an instagram pic of Paris after having a fight. In it they have a touching heart to heart about their son whom they’re worried for, and the father reveals that Gene’s the way he is because the father can also produce multiple expressions. Now, that’s a great explanation of how Gene works and all, but why? Would it not have made more sense to say that every emoji is able to do this, and most of them are just much better at keeping things in one emotion/expression? To have it so that they literally can only make one expression seems almost cruel, and it takes away from the moral of being yourself when 99% of the population can’t physically be themselves fully. It only makes the decision to eradicate Gene more sensible, as he really is the only thing wrong in the phone, and because of him and his actions, he almost wiped out literally everything on the phone. He got insanely lucky at the end of the movie, and it’s still not great because how long is he going to be able to speak for his phone user before he misjudges the situation and things take a turn again? I gotta say, if I got the final text of the movie sent to me I’d be annoyed (which was just Gene making a series of faces set to music, but you have to remember that neither Alex the phone user nor the person he sent it to would be hearing said music, so it’d just be an emoji bouncing and changing faces for far too long and for no reason).

Ok, I’m going to wrap this up. This was a bad movie. It was nothing but ads for various apps with a half-assed story about accepting who you are or some shit thrown in. If you’re curious, like I said: Kimcartoon. Don’t give Sony any money for this shit. The more money they get, the more they’ll think it’s ok to keep making movies like this. Thank you for reading, and if we’re lucky we’ll all die in a fiery explosion before the Meme Movie gets released.

[yellodisney]

[ruffoverthinksthings]

When/If Claudine meets Quasimodo, her foster brother, how would their relationship grow and how would they bond/ differ? And would meeting Esmeralda face-to-face and understanding that she was her father's "downfall" cause her to feel some form of spite, even if she knows it to be petty? Would she feel empathic towards her instead? Both? What would Esmeralda and Claudine's relationship become if this were ever possible?

God Help TheOutcasts (Part 1): The Enchantress

Esmeralda First.Quasimodo in a separate post Soon™.

Claudinepositively despises Esmeralda, not helped by the fact that shewill likely first meet Esmeralda as her and the other VKs dance classinstructor.*

Aside from all ofFrollo’s erratic mix of swooning and longing after her or damningher “as the worst thing to ever happen to humanity since Eve at theGarden of Eden,” she hates that Esmeralda far outclasses herin everything she’s good at, that she prides herself on, and relieson to get by:

Esmeralda isprettier. She’s smarter. She’s wittier. “She’s basicallyevery thing I am, only better and more popular,” Claudine says.

In spite of themassive age difference (and to Claudine’s chagrin, many timesbecause of it), Esmeralda  unintentionally renders Claudine’sMO of distracting and manipulating people with her body, her face,and her seduction tactics inert because they’re too busy droolingover and hanging on to every single one of Esmeralda’s words, nothers.

And what makes iteven worse is that she’s so unabashedly nice to her–”noteven, ‘Oh, I’ll get fired if I so much as suggest this kid mightbe a full-on retard without the getting screwed over by the genelottery part!’”

Like all the VKs,Claudine has learned to look at every act of kindness, generosity,and offers of friendship with suspicion, especially when they seemhand-tailored to you. On the Isle, it’s a really big, obvious signthat someone is trying to manipulate you into getting something theywant that’s not you, an accomplice they won’t have to pay firstto convince to go with their latest evil scheme, or practice fortheir future tempting of rich and influential royals and otherfigures.

She constantlyinsults Esmeralda to her face, spreads catty rumours about her (notas effective here as on the Isle, to her chagrin), and refuses toparticipate in any of her dance classes, even if that means failingand possibly getting deported, because she will not let herself betaught by the “headliner to the 2nd Circle of Hellherself.”

This all changeswhen Claudine’s attempts to continuie her lifestyle of recklesspartying, drinking, and casual sex, and she ends arrested on numerouscharges after attempting to start a drunken teenage orgy in aProtestant church. (She wanted it to be Christian, but it wascloser.)

I should notethat the key word here is “attempted”: “Turns out God watchesover His house with the help of security cameras everywhere.”

The AKs are allbailed out in short order by concerned parents, friends, andguardians, while Claudine and the rest of the VKs are left to simmerin the prison cells, watching their fellow partygoers get warm hugsand kisses of familial affection, before having their ears pulled andtalked off at the same time.

Ben doesn’tbail any of the VKs out this time, as he feels they need to know whatit feels like to have your entire Friday night plans kiboshed byoutside forces beyond your control, and the rest of it spent in aRoyal Guard Garrison till sunrise on Saturday.

So imagine hersurprise when one of the guards walks up, opens the cell, and says,“Frollo, Claudine: you’re out on bail. I suggest you get yourthank yous and your promises to not get in trouble again, younglady.”

Claudine publiclysticks her tongue out at her fellow VKs, before she privately wonderswho in the Hell would help her out.

So imagine hersurprise and her gut-churning disgust when she sees Esmeraldaprofusely thanking a clearly flustered and lovestruck Royal Guardsitting behind the front desk.

Esmeraldanotices, and smiles at her. “Need a ride home?” she asks, holdingup her car keys with one finger, a little plush doll of Djali, hergoat, hanging from it.

Claudine glaresat her, before she resolutely marches past her in her bare-feet—herhigh heels had broken beyond repair earlier that night. “No thanks,I’ll walk,” she mutters.

“Are you sure?”Esmeralda asks. “It’s really cold out tonight, and I can tell youfrom personal experience, it’s not a good idea to walk the streetsof Auradon City with bare feet.”

“I’lllive!” Claudine yells back as she reaches the doors. “I livedon the Isle all my life, for God’s sake!”

She steps out ofthe nice hardwood floors of the Garrison’s heated and insulatedlobby, and onto the concrete steps and sidewalks in the still nice,but unheated and exposed streets of Auradon City. She shivers andyelps as she feels the chill and the light stabbing from hundreds oflittle tiny cracks, fractures, and litter that hadn’t been swept upyet.

Still, she doesas she always does, and keeps on going like it doesn’t hurt; she’dmastered the art back when she still considered herself a Christian,and she hasn’t lost her edge since renouncing her faith.

The passersbylook strangely and warily at her, this teenage girl in a risque,ratty, and well-worn school uniform of an institution that isn’teven remotely near Auradon City. Claudine doesn’t bother tobat her eyelashes, meet their eyes, or try to catch someone oglingher, however, as all that is on her mind is to get back to her dormroom in Auradon Prep.

As Esmeraldasaid, it was cold out that night, and it’s colder still now thatshe’s lost her coat, lost somewhere in the misadventure earlier,and she curses the fact that there are no boys to steal one from, nosympathetic faces here willing to lend her theirs.

“Figures,”Claudine thinks to herself, scowling. “They preach and pridethemselves on goodness and kindness, but when it’s actually time toshow it to someone who could actually need it, they take a pass.”

She scowls evenharder when a purple mini-van rolls up beside her, colourful patternsand designs lovingly air-brushed on its sides, the window rolled downso she could see Esmeralda looking at her. Claudine ignores her,Esmeralda slows down to match her pace.

“Shouldn’tyou keep your eyes on the road?!” Claudine snaps when she’sfinally had enough.

“Unless a snailhappens to be crossing the street right now, I doubt I’ll behitting anyone or anything,” Esmeralda replies.

Silence for a fewmore moments.

“You dorealize this looks like you’re totally stalking me and waiting forthe perfect opportunity to jump out and kidnap me in your giantpurple party van, right?”

“The peoplehere know me and this van, I’m good,” Esmeralda replied.

Eventually,Claudine and Esmeralda hit a stoplight at a somewhat busyintersection, so they wait at the edge of the curb, watching andlistening to the cars and the odd magical carpet puttering by, allunder the speed limit.

“My offer togive you a ride home is still standing, in case that wasn’tobvious,” Esmeralda said.

Claudine groanedand threw her arms up. “What do you want from me?! Is itvengeance for my dad almost killing you and all your gypsy friendsbecause he’s a delusional, dirty old creep? Because if so,I’m telling you right now, I can help you get Alighieri on his ass!

“Hell, I’lleven take all the blame, I’d be happy to say I finally putthat old fart back where he belongs!”

“I’ll tellyou if you get in my car, how’s that sound?” Esmeralda asked.

The stoplightturns green, as does the sign for the crosswalk. This being Auradon,and people being aware of who Esmeralda and Claudine are, they don’thonk and take turns overtaking the van and slipping past it.

Claudine looks atthe vast expanse of freshly driven over pavement before her, at theleather and wool-cozy covered interior of Esmeralda’s van, andgroans. Esmeralda calmly opens the lock as Claudine grabs thepassenger side door and flings it open, slamming it shut after sheclimbs in.

“There, nowwill you tell me?” she asks Esmeralda as she rolls up the windowand keeps the heat in.

“Please putyour seat-belt on, and yes, I will,” she replies as she crosses thestreet and gets traffic moving again.

Claudine doesso—the concept of safety measures in general is alien to her, butit’s easy enough to understand. “Well, I’m buckled and up andsafe, what’s the big answer to my big question?”

“I want to helpyou,” Esmeralda replied.

Claudine raisedan eyebrow. “And…?”

“That’s it.”

Claudine groansand throws her hands up. “Jesus Christ, will you drop thesaintly act already?! I know there’s more to it than this.”

“I realize youwere raised on the Isle all your life, but you also definitelyknow you’re not in that prison anymore; is it really sodifficult to accept that someone may be helping you purely out of thegoodness of their heart?”

“Yes,”Claudine replied. “I’m not really much for that, by the way; thelast time I tried it, CJ set fire to my house while I was still init.”

“So I heard,”Esmeralda said. “I’m really to sorry to hear thathappened.”

“No you’renot,” Claudine spat. “Because if any of you Auradonianswere really sorry about us kids living in a hell where it barelymakes the day’s gossip that someone left me to burn alive to savetheir own skin, you would have lifted us all off the Isle enmasse, than two-by-fucking-twolike Noah!

“Even he gotthat done before a big flood, and you’re taking months, andhad to wait for a king with his head screwed on right to do it,either!”

“The Arc ofJustice is slow, but it gets there eventually,” Esmeralda replied.“I’m not a fan of the Isle myself, believe me, but even I canaccept that setting things right is going to be a slow process withplenty of setbacks.”

Claudine crossesher arms over her chest. “Easy for you to say, when you lived overhere in Auradon.”

They reachedanother stoplight.

“I didn’talways live in Auradon, you know,” Esmeralda said. “When I wasyour age, I was part of a roaming band of entertainers and fortunetellers, making people laugh by day, and trying not to get chased outof their cities or robbed and killed in our tents by night.”

“Hmph, yeah,but at least you got a pretty even mix of ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’people, all we had were the people with one-way tickets on theDamnation Express, or who just got back.”

“Fair point.”

Silence for a fewmoments but for the rumble of engines idling.

“So why areyou helping me, anyway?” Claudine asked. “And don’t give meany of that ‘I just want to help people in general’ bullcrap, weboth know that if you wanted to do a whole lot of good in the world,you can just rip open your shirt in dance class and make all thestraight boys and the gay girls sing ‘Hallelujah.’”

Esmeraldachuckled. “It’ll be considered tempting them to sin though,considering I’m married and with a son.”

“Like thatwas ever a problem for you…” Claudine huffed.

Esmeraldasmirked. “I’m assuming your father told you a lot about me?”

“Oh, tons!”Claudine said. “When he isn’t crying himself to sleep at nightabout how he can’t have you, he’s damning you to Hell and warningpeople about ‘the evil enchantress with her wicked ways and sinfulacts,’ and sometimes he talks for hours tome specifically about how our lives would have been sodifferent if you just chose him instead of getting burnt at thestake, and you were my mom instead of Not Esmeralda.”

Silence.Esmeralda is given pause, to put it lightly.

“Ye-eep.”Claudine said.

The light turnsgreen, Esmeralda recovers and starts driving again. “So you assumeall of that is true?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Claudine parrotswhat her younger self said, except sarcastically and dripping withbile: “Because Father told me so.”

“And you neverthought of questioning that?”

“Oh, I didn’t,at first, then I almost fucking died in a fire because ofeverything he told me, and I realized it’s all bullshit.”

“So if it’sall bullshit, why do you still think I’m ‘the evil enchantresswith her wicked ways and her sinful acts’…?”

Silence. NowClaudine is given pause.

“Is this thatthing where you use your words to make me look stupid like thepharisees tried with JC…?” Claudine asks. “Because I fuckinghate that, too.”

“I’m nottrying to trap you, I’m trying to help you.”

“You haven’tfucking answered that question yet, by the way!”

“I did.”

“Oh, and tellme again, because I seem to have missed that.”

“As I saidearlier, the reason I’m helping you is because I want to help you.”

Claudine slamsher hands on the dashboard. “Bull. Shit.”

“And why isit bullshit to you? Because honestly, I can’t see why you woulddoubt me, and I was trained extensively in the arts of manipulation,persuasion, and lying.”

“It’sbullshit because you don’t have any good reason to help me!”Claudine said as she threw her hands up. “I’m the daughter ofClaude Frollo, the guy who almost killed you, killedplenty of you gypsies and innocent folk, then set fire to anentire fucking city because he couldn’t put out the fire in hispants!

“Why wouldyou want to help me?!”she asked, the bite fading fromher voice.

Esmeraldapulls over to the curb, the engine idling as she looks Claudine rightin her eyes.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I might think of you as a victimof your father’s cruelty, pride, and delusion as I was?”Esmeralda asked. “That I am in a unique position to undo all thedamage he’s done to you, show you that the ‘evil enchantress’he’s been scaring you with and warning you about with all your lifeis actually a whole lot nicer and kinder, if not exactly a saint?

“That I see in you the little girl I was when I was your age—bornin a cruel, unforgiving world, with a body changing too fast and toodrastically for her liking, bringing her all kinds of problems whenthat attracted the wrong kind of attention from people?”

Claudine slowly lowers her hands, and crosses them over her chest.She huddles up, even though the heat is keeping the car at “toasty”levels of warmth.

Esmeralda pulls out of the curb, and the rest of the trip is spent insilence.

Esmeralda pulls up to the driveway of Auradon Prep, the common roomthat is the focal point between the dorms and the classrooms.“Remedial Goodness” has taught Claudine that this should be whenshe should thank Esmeralda for giving her a ride, but she justunbuckles her seat-belt, climbs out, and slams the door behind her asshe walks back inside.

“Claudine!” Esmeralda calls out as she rolls down the window.

Claudine flinches, and turns around. “What?”

“Come back here, please,” Esmeralda says. “I need to talk toyou about something.”

What Claudine wants is to get back inside the nice hardwood floorsand the heating pouring in from inside, but she reluctantly stepsback to the open passenger side window.

“What?” Claudine snaps.

“You’re going to have to start taking special, remedial danceclasses with me on the weekend, since you’ve been absent so much,and missing out on lessons and practical tests even when you’represent. Unless you want to fail and put your stay here in Auradon injeopardy, I suggest you keep all your Saturday morning’s free, from8 AM up until 10.”

Claudine groans. “Fine. Anything else?”

Esmeralda reaches into the glove compartment, and pulls out a shawland a pair of slippers, roughly in Claudine’s size. “You can keepthem,” she says as she hands them over.

Claudine takes them and holds them to her chest, confused and morethan a little wary.

“Good night, Claudine, I hope to see you in class tomorrow,”Esmeralda says as she rolls up the window, before driving away.

Claudine watches her go, before a cool breeze makes her shiver. Shewraps the shawl around herself, puts on the slippers.

No longer feeling cold and stepping on hard, unforgiving ground withher bare feet, she makes her way inside and back to the dorms,enjoying the warmth and the fuzziness.

* She has a passion for and plenty of experience working withoppressed minority groups, people who like to walk on the “Gray”side of morality, and was a VK in a sense for all of her life, too.

[the-fitsquad]

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[dishkyaon]

How to Hack Your Will Power

My Story with Will Power

My whole life, I’d been a couch potato who watched/read multiple movies/books per day. We never had sports in school because of sexist school rules (long story for later), and college was more or less the same.

I followed this lifestyle as a working woman too. Owing to work and general laziness, I had been eating restaurant food almost every other day. Until a few months back, when I joined the gym. Within a few weeks, I was eating clean continuously for a few days at a time! (WHAT). Not one sugary or junk food for a few whole days. What the actual fuck?! Was this actually me?!

After much deep thought, I came to this genius conclusion: I was so into my work out routine that I didn’t want to set myself back by eating junk. It was all me!

“It is all my hard work at the gym. I don’t want to let myself down” (lies) “I can say no to tasty, sugary, carb-filled food because I have so much will power” (damned lies) “I went to the gym for two weeks for the first time in my life, and that’s all that matters!” (fake news)

The Reality

After a few days, there was a revelation. Let me explain.

I was returning home from a friend’s place. While I was walking on the road to get my cab, I saw this pettikada (Literal meaning: a shop that’s the size of a box). Like all pettikadas, this one had these strings on which were multiple layers of chips — Cheetos, Bingo and my childhood favourite, Piknik (I swear it was the best).

I was drooling, but I didn’t give up. Here’s the chronology of the events that night:

I resisted the urge to buy a packet of chips, for the way back home — yes, will power!

Further along the road. I passed a cafe, a burger shop, and finally, the biriyani shop where I asked the cab driver to wait (Funny how I remember all the restaurants on the way, to later direct cab drivers). Again, I resisted the urge to buy something from one of those places — will power!

During the drive back home, I noticed quite a lot of restaurants. There was Zaitoon, Coal Barbeques, Aasife Biriyani, Dominos, Pizza Hut. Not once did I consider buying dinner from one of those restaurants — will power!

By the time I got home, I was super hungry (no thanks to all these things that had been tempting me). I resisted the urge to order food online — will power! — I went to the kitchen, fixed some food for myself, and had dinner.

And that was when it happened: B had ordered takeout from the neighbouring Mallu restaurant — Porotta and Beef Roast (Much Mallu, Such Cliche). I looked at him eating — the crispy porotta, that naadan whiff of curry leaves, the gravy and of course, the beef that’s cooked just right. [Watch video for full effect]

My willpower shattered — I simply couldn’t resist. I dug into his dinner, and didn’t stop until I felt like crap. (Which is when you normally figure out that you’re full). I ate the porotta not out of hunger, but out of failed willpower.

It didn’t matter that my stomach was full. My brain had had it with the resistance, and body could do nothing about it.

So, what just happened?!

How the Hell Did I Do It?

It was a few days after this incident that I saw Simon Sinek’s interview, where he talks about smartphone addiction.

And I pondered — how did I manage to eat clean for those few days anyway? Why was my will power strong for those few days?

The answer: it was a coincidence. My ‘strict diet’ coincided with my working from home. And working from home had its ‘advantages’

Since I wasn’t traveling to/from work, I was exposed to zero pettikadas, zero restuarants, and zero hoardings. Just me and the four walls of my apartment.

Since I wasn’t traveling everyday, I found more time and energy to cook. Having food at home is a great deterrent to eating out.

If I did have any free time, I went to the gym.

And even if I had time after gym, I would be too tired to go out for anything, let alone food

I was merely not seeing enough junk food, and because of that, it was easier for me to eat healthy. I wasn’t distracted by flashy ads or red logos. That.was.all — there was nothing about my willpower. It has always been a weakling, and will always be.

My Will Power is a Limited Resource

That night, on my way home, I said ‘NO’ to myself multiple times. I used my will power against my natural response of “Eat all the things.”

From the limited amount of willpower that I had, I used some at the pettikada, some on the way home, and by the time I fixed dinner, I was completely drained out of will power!

While devouring that porotta and breaking my healthy diet, I still knew about ‘my hard work at the gym’, and that ‘having junk food would set me back’. But none of these thoughts really mattered when I had full access to that porotta, beef and curry leaves right in front of my eyes .

Lesson Learnt: My will power is a limited resource — and I will not use it unnecessarily.

How to Hack Your Will Power

It’s simple: Avoid contact.

Each time you say no to yourself, you are using your will power. If you frequently keep getting into situations that force you to say no, your will power reserve goes down too much too fast. And you’re closer to giving in. The mission is to reduce the number of siutations in which you have to use your will power.

Trying to eat healthy?

Throw out all junk from your kitchen and fill it up with healthy groceries

Stop walking through the food court when you visit the mall. Not even to crack a joke. Years and years of research have gone by, before these businesses perfected their logo and colour schemes, that have been scientifically proven to increase excitement and heart rate.

While commuting, don’t look outside. Either look directly on the road, or at your phone, or close your eyes and get some well-needed rest

Schedule time for grocery shopping and cooking, make yourself forget about ordering food

Trying to save money?

Do not visit the mall

Do not add stuff on your Amazon wishlist

Do not Facebook, YouTube or Google about things you need to buy — retargeting will come back and bite your ass

Invest in a dance class or some online course, so that you’re busy during the weekends

Trying to feel less depressed and more positive?

Take a few whole hours and unfollow/click ‘Hide this Post’ on all negative posts that come up on your news feed. It will be a LOOOOOOOONG process, but it will be worth it. (Trust me)

Slowly stop talking to friends who only have negative things to say (Harsh, but true)

Join that dance class or online course to keep yourself busy during the weekends

Trying to excel in school or work?

Don’t hang out with people who aren’t working hard. (Harsh again, but true)

Distract yourself and keep yourself busy- don’t give yourself time to even consider the thing you’re trying to avoid.

Do something and distract yourself with something you’d enjoy. Like an adult colouring book. (If you hate going to the gym, please DO NOT make that your distraction. You will not even make it there, you will simply stay back and do more depressing things).

And please, for the love of God, do not consume/click ads that deal with something you’re trying to avoid.

To Conclude

There are two steps to hacking your will power reserve:

Swear off something you want to avoid. Remove it from your homes, your work environments and (most importantly) your newsfeeds. Walk away from it when you ever see it from a distance,

Distract yourself with something else, which isn’t self destructive, and which you don’t hate doing

We are not fucked, fellow millenials. We just need to hack our way out of this.

Disclaimer: This post is cross-posted from my personal blog