#lilyevansheadcanons

[retvenkos]

“i didn’t mean to lose you.”

HERE WE ARE, LAMENTING OVER THE IDEA OF BEING JAMES POTTER’S ROOMMATE AND LOVING LILY EVANS...

i am so sorry you were placed in the room you were

you will never sleep or get any sort of rest

you’ll have a good time, that’s guaranteed

but any semblance of structure to your life has gone out of the window if you hope to spend any time in your room

in defense of the marauders, they are really sweet

james is 10/10 the first person to declare you as their friend

(whether or not you want it. your opinion on the matter is kind of irrelevant.)

“james, shouldn’t we ask them—” (remus, probably)

“that’s an unnecessary formality. right?”

and all of them are looking at you and you cough out a laugh

“right.”

but you are friends with all of them

and the dynamic between them is wonderful

james and sirius are closer to eachother, obviously.

and remus and peter are closer, too.

but i also get the feeling that sirius really likes peter. he will protecc this small child to the death

maybe he sees him like a younger brother he can latch onto - the person regulus could have been, if things had been different

which makes his betrayal so much worse

and james has a soft spot for remus

and how do you fit in???

you are definitely closest to remus

he’s the more chill character in their group

and james adopts literally everyone who is willing to make a joke about snape, so...

and you don’t start to get a crush on lily until your fifth year

i mean, you are often apologizing for james’ rash behavior or his stupid jokes, and she’s not so bad when she’s not seething with anger

she has a  w i c k e d  sense of humor

and, if you are ever going to study or get any sort of school work done, it has to be anywhere that is not gryffindor tower

not even the common room is safe

so you have been a frequent of the library, where lily goes to hide from james

he made a joke about liking lily late third year, and by fourth year it was in full force

and you know lily is smart

and you find out she’s kind

and her smile really is something else

and she has just enough fire to bring you out of any shell you might have, and to enjoy a good party every once in a while

she had helped you with your potions homework one day

“i thought you were best at charms.”

“i am... but severus helps me with potions, so i’m pretty well off here, too.”

“well, if i could ever return the favor...”

“maybe transfiguration? but you can’t tell potter! he’d never let me live it down.”

you can’t help but laugh

“don’t worry. your secret’s safe with me.”

and it’s not really until you make it back to your four poster bed that you realized that you couldn’t get thoughts of the red headed girl out of your head

“shi—”

“(Y/N)! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

it’s james

and you’re pulled into a conversation about how you are going to cover for remus during the full moon

you are able to hide your feelings all year

you figure that your feelings (and maybe james’) are just a phase. by next year, it won’t even be a thing.

and besides, it’s not like you spend copious amounts of time with lily, and most of the time, you can just roll your eyes at james’ rambles about her, and no one thinks otherwise

the hardest part, all year, was christmas break

james went home (sirius joined him), and so did remus and peter

you didn’t though

and neither did lily

she spent most of her time with snape, but it was hard to not run into her when most everyone was at home, and you shared the same common room

you had lots of talks by the fireplace, and james always managed to be a topic in all of them

and it pains you.

“you know, i would consider his advances if he wasn’t such a complete arse about it.”

“yeah?”

and she blushes

“well, he’s not terrible - you know that!”

and you’re just silent, a smile that doesn’t meet your eyes frozen on your face

“he’s kind, and talented... and (you can’t tell him!) good looking... just a bit, though....”

“you’re lucky i like you enough to not tell him.”

and the two of you laugh by dying embers

and then sixth year rolls around, and james is just the same

and so are you

you’re not sure when you got worse at hiding your feelings, but peter is the one to bring them up when he, remus, and you were hanging out

and they both advise you that this isn’t going to go anywhere good

and you agree

peter tried to stay optimistic

“but james will be fair about it. right, moony? i don’t think he’d let it tear friendships apart.”

but remus was realistic

“i’m not too sure. tension are running high, these days.”

you sighed

“don’t worry. i won’t let it get to that. thanks for the vote of confidence, though.”

and you shove them lightly, but there’s very little mirth to go around

one day, james is teasing lily

it’s not as bad anymore. no big declarations of love, no over the top jokes that cause arguments between the two

just remarks that make her roll her eyes and lingering looks that make her blush as red as her hair

and you can’t help but think of what lily had said to you that winter night, last year

and your laughing is a little too forced, your eyes a little too cold for the situation

and james, who would never suspect his friends, doesn’t notice

but that doesn’t mean lily doesn’t

and one night, your trying to finish astronomy homework up in the tower, and lily joins you

and it’s growing increasingly hard to ignore the way your stomach flips whenever she is around

and she is angry - more angry than you’ve ever seen her

“you are an idiot, (y/n) (l/n).”

“i’m... what?”

“or you’re an insolent, presumptuous, rude—”

“what did i do?”

“fall in love with me!”

and your mouth went dry

“and then you had the audacity to hide it from me! and lie! when were you going to give up the charade?”

and your mind is reeling

“i was -- i never -- james—”

“yes, james! you just had to wait until i fell for him, did you? it wasn’t enough to tell me before, so that none of this could get ruined...”

“i didn’t mean...”

and you realize that she is crying

and you hated that you thought of how beautiful her eyes were

and her voice is strained with  p a i n

“but you did!”

“i loved you and—”

“don’t. please.”

and you both cry in silence

“i’m sorry.”

“so am i.”

what were you going to do?

...

[retvenkos]

“you’re an honorary ravenclaw, really.”

BEING A RAVENCLAW AND A FRIEND OF LILY EVANS WOULD HAVE TO GO A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS...

you met lily in herbology in your second year

you were better at theory classes, and yet here you were, struggling to plant a mandrake root for a required class

you were about to scream

and then it bit you

you cursed (bonus points if it’s for the first time) and a fellow ravenclaw next to you laughed.

oh, it was the beginning of a  l o n g  rivalry between the two of you

lily, who was already finished replanting hers, looked at you from across the table and decided to help you

anything to get james potter to stop fawning over her

“here, let me help.”

and she helped you fix your grip and lead it into the pot

“thanks, gryffindor.”

and lily smiles

“anytime, ravenclaw”

and as the two of you become better friends, the nicknames stick

for that whole year, the two of you hung out in the library, because it was the one place james potter wouldn’t step inside, ever

this was short lived, as he found her hiding spot half-way through your third year

“took him long enough. i thought he would have found you within the week.”

and she punched you in the arm

you started to hide out in the astronomy tower, instead

in your fourth year, james potter is insufferable with his crush on lily evans, and she decides to sit at the ravenclaw table in the great hall

if any teachers notice, they don’t say anything

and lily is welcome by most, and the two of you ignore the blood purists in your house (because merlin knows they exist)

lily is a good friend because she is always there to remind you to study

“tsk tsk tsk, (y/n). i’m a better ravenclaw than you are.”

“you mean you actually like history of magic?”

also in your fourth year, james potter goes silent for months

even in classes where he sits two seats away from lily, he doesn’t say a word

instead, he enchants his tie to spell out what he wants to say

which infuriates lily because he’s using advanced magic so casually

lily assumes this is some elaborate prank on remus lupin

of whom she is good friends with and has not taken this vow of silence like the rest of his friends

but your curious heart says otherwise

so, after much protesting from lily, you two investigate

you start to sit at the gryffindor table for meals

you start to observe james at quidditch practices (and games

you start to follow sirius around when he sneaks out of class

you start to watch peter and remus when they hang out by the black lake

and remus has his lips zipped, sirius is generally misleading, and you seriously think that peter has no idea what is happening

which, naturally, means that you and lily have to practically shadow james potter because you are convinced that he is the only one who knows what they are up to

and through your investigation, the wildest thing happens - you’re not even sure you believe it when you first notice

lily evans was falling for james potter

when you asked her about it the first time, she refused it and for weeks she tried her best to avoid the subject of him at all

so you, of course, know you have to stop pushing her, just observe her

was this vaguely like a science experiment? perhaps

by the end of your fourth year, you knew for certain that lily evans liked james potter

and had you neglected your other mystery in pursuit of this one? yes

but it’s okay, because lily figured it out and was 99.99% sure that james potter and his friends were animagi

which was illegal, and the fact that she didn’t tell a teacher just affirms your suspicions about her crush

so when you have arithmancy with sirius black in your fifth year, you decide to take it upon yourself to do something about it

and when you tell sirius, he laughs out loud

“guess loyalty isn’t a ravenclaw trait”

but you have wit enough to destroy him

you also destroy him in grades in arithmancy, but that’s more of a personal win

and when lily meets up with you after class so that the two of you can sit next to each other at lunch (at the gryffindor table), she is suspicious of the knowing grin that sirius black gives her

“sirius black has this class?”

“yes. and he argued with the teacher on theory for half of it”

you roll your eyes

and it’s a good enough cover that lily doesn’t question anything

but when james potter skips over to the two of you, whistling about how he knows a secret about lily evans, you can feel her eyes boring into the side of your skull

but you don’t tell her anything

you do, however, scold sirius at the next class

“what did you think i would do?”

“have more tact!”

“you’re mistaking me for a slytherin, love.”

and you  s e e t h e

but it’s okay, because while lily is mad, part of her also isn’t, so she just yells at you and it’s all over with

or so you thought

remus lupin is your potions partner and he is suddenly acting very odd around you

“oh, for god’s sake, remus, just tell me what you’re thinking.”

you shouldn’t have said that

you really shouldn’t have

he says lily told him about your feelings for sirius black

and lily really should have watched herself, because it is so on

and your entire fifth year is full of antics like that

luckily, the two of you stayed friends through it all

lily is terribly loyal, and you hate to admit it, but she is the best (and perhaps only) friend you have

but by sixth year, the two of you are more mature

but lily’s crush on potter is definitely not

the two of you coordinated your schedules so your free period lined up, and now it’s become assigned hours of the day where you work on your nonverbal spells while lily rants about potter, occasionally interrupting herself to fix your form

you were so glad when exams started

because at least lily was absorbed with studying for study of ancient runes that you had the sweet, sweet embrace of solitude during those hours

but sixth year saw a lot of camping out in the ravenclaw common room, spreading your homework out on the floor while lily worked on the couch above you

but even here, potter was smart enough to get the riddle

which meant that your housemates hated you because, at all hours of the night, they could wake up and hear gryffindors arguing in their common room

you were so glad when lily finally confessed her feelings to james at the end of that year

thank merlin

you, the marauders, the entire ravenclaw house, and the entire gryffindor house let out a sigh of relief

and exchanged money because merlin knows that everyone had bet on who was going to confess first

you were incredibly smug when you took five galleons from sirius black

he had too much faith in james, really

AND FLUFF ENSUES.