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akajustjessicajones · 6 years ago

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Blind to Those Beside You || Dassicagrave

summary: the holiday party at wayne manor. jessica’s undercover, daisy’s in disguise, and kilgrave is... well, kilgrave.

trigger warnings: PTSD, kilgrave stuff, rape implications/mentions/descriptions (some of it kind of graphic), violent imagery, but also dassica fluff at the end

featuring: @daisycjohnson @kevinthompsons

KILGRAVE: Kilgrave hadn't come alone, but he'd left the woman who'd accompanied him somewhere in a crowd. She was boring, and he didn't need a third party. This place was bloody teeming with people. The manor was nice -- somewhere he wouldn't mind staying, if he wanted to get out of the centre of the city -- but the crowds were pissing him off. Because he wasn't an idiot, he set up several contingencies on his way to the bar, hardly paying attention to the details. If I'm attacked, jump out of that window, slit your throat, put your head through that wall. Standard stuff, necessary.

Now that was taken care of, he got himself a drink at the bar, and then spotted a girl standing alone. Because he'd lost the other one, and she'd been shit anyway, he walked up to her. "You want to talk to me," he said, giving the order thoughtlessly, to make the meeting smoother. He took a sip of the drink, and watched people on the dancefloor. And he remembered Daisy pulling him to his feet in their hotel room, dancing wildly to some song about American girls, just drunk enough that she was attractive and not annoying. "Tell me, are you here alone?" he asked the girl.

DAISY: After getting away from Jessica to make sure she could get back to tailing whatever target May had her on now, Daisy just went to the bar. She'd been worried at first about coming here. There were plenty of dangers at this party. S.H.I.E.L.D. could've found out about her. She could've been caught and jailed again, but her disguise was solid. As far as she knew, no one else knew she was here, and she was actually starting to have a good time here. She was relaxing, downing a shot as she watched the crowds, until she felt someone walking up next to her.

She wanted to freeze at his voice, but his order was too fast for her to counter. She wanted to talk to him, and her head already filled with things that she wanted to talk to him about, things about what happened between them. Then came the other order. "Well, you're here now, so no. I'm not alone." It was complicated question in any case. She wasn't here with anyone who knew she was here besides her dragon. "What about you? Do you have someone?"

KILGRAVE: This girl was pretty enough to keep his attention for now, and Kilgrave turned to look at her. Well, you're here now. Something about that, those exact words, reminded him of Jessica's sarcastic comment, in the police station. Well, I'm here now. He held the glass a little tighter. She had taken the comment literally, as they sometimes did. He'd slipped up. Oh, who gave a shit? It didn't matter if she was alone, or if she'd come with a boyfriend or a husband or whatever. She was with him now.

She asked if he had had someone, and he blinked, taken aback at the way she'd worded it. Her voice sounded hollow -- of course it did -- but it was still slightly unnerving that she was speaking without being spoken to, and asking about him. "No," he said, bluntly. "I don't have anyone." He took a large gulp of his drink, feeling it burn unpleasantly down his throat, and winced. He was drinking to get drunk, because there was nothing better to do. "I did, but she's gone now. Pissed off back to her so-called girlfriend. I expected to see her here, but apparently, she's got better things to do."

DAISY: He wasn't pleased with her answers, and she was hoping that was a good thing. If he didn't like her answers, maybe he wouldn't want her around him. Maybe he'd leave her alone and find someone who was less difficult. Maybe there'd be less risk that he'd find out who she was. She knew that she needed to stay away from him. That was the safest thing for her, but she wanted to talk to him. Even more than that, she wasn't actually scared of being with him.

She could use this opportunity, talk to him about things without him feeling the grief of seeing her and knowing she didn't love him anymore. Maybe this disguise of hers could have other benefits, and she could help him too. "Maybe you just haven't seen her yet," Daisy pointed out. "What happened with her?" She wanted to hear things from his side in a way that wasn't just spoken to the person he loved but to just someone who would listen.

JESSICA: Her first crack at her target hadn't gone totally according to plan. She'd gotten a little too excited to talk about her Daisy, IE: Lilo. May advised her to step back, observe for a while, then go back in a little later. After her target had a few more drinks, maybe. Luckily, Jessica had plenty of experience watching people without them noticing. This kind of spywork she could do. The trick was to find a good vantage point, which in this case meant at the top of the grand staircase. It gave her a view of the whole room, and she could easily stand there, sipping a 'drink,' while keeping one eye on her mark.

At first, she didn't realize who it was target-Daisy was talking to. His back was to her. Then he turned, poured his drink down his throat, and she caught a glimpse of his face.

Kilgrave.

"This mission just took a very different turn," she hissed into her comm. "He's here. I'm going to her now," she whispered, leaving no room for argument. She headed for the stairs, pushing her way through the mass of people.

KILGRAVE: "No, I'd know if she was here," Kilgrave replied. He'd shown several guests a photograph of Daisy, and told them to find him if they saw her. He didn't know what he would say to her, if he did see her. Sometimes he wanted to punish her for leaving, to make her suffer for being such a bitch and abandoning him and not even giving him a chance. But sometimes, after another girl disappointed him, or when he saw couples together, he just wanted to see her again. To hug her and tell her he missed her, and make her come back to him.

This girl asked what happened to Daisy, and Kilgrave didn't like that she was asking without being told to ask. He stared at the crowds of people. He didn't have to answer this stranger's question. He could have told her to piss off, told her that she didn't care about Daisy, and then she wouldn't have. But talking about what had happened, talking about her, was cathartic. He took another swig of his drink.

"She left," he said, hatefully. "I did everything for her. I saved her bloody life, you know." He remembered feeling her pain, feeling hurt because she was hurt, wanting to do anything to stop her suffering. She'd called him her hero. And then she'd abandoned him. "She'd be dead if it wasn't for me. And she left me for some bitch who's incapable of loving anyone."

DAISY: He'd know she was here, which meant that, as usual, he was using people as spies. It made her even more glad that she had this disguise. She knew how he reacted harshly to people who had wronged him, and Daisy wasn't just someone who had accidentally messed up with something miniscule that he was overreacting about. She had really wronged him. She had loved him and told him that and just left him. Maybe she deserved to serve the penance that he had always wanted from Jessica.

"You know," she said, knowing that what she was about to say might piss him off more, but he had been listening more. She was hopeful that he might actually listen to what she was trying to say. "Loving someone isn't about just giving them everything, even if saving their life is included in that. You can't just give someone everything and expect them to just love you for it. A lot of it is about how you act. It sounds to me like she did the vest she could do. She probably did love you, but people change and fall out of love all the time. If she stayed with you when she didn't love you, your relationship would've ended up even worse. Since you let her go, she can respect you even more." She took his hand and squeezed it for just a moment before letting go. "You did the right thing in letting her leave."

KILGRAVE: Who did this girl think she was? Kilgrave stared at her in disbelief. It was rare for them to speak at all, but to give advice? Like a sodding fortune cookie? He didn't say anything as she rambled -- he didn't talk over her, or tell her to shut up. This sounded like the sort of shit Daisy would say. Since he let her go, she could respect him? For God's sake, this girl didn't know anything about them. This wasn't a hang-over from a command -- he hadn't asked for her advice. So why the hell was she giving it? Because she wanted to? Sod that.

And then, before he could ask her what she was playing at, she took his hand and squeezed it in a way he'd only seen people do in romantic movies. It was only a second, but he pulled away, disgusted. Jessica bitched about him controlling people, but this was how they acted when they used their free will. Like bloody maniacs. "I didn't ask for your opinion," he said, sharply. "So stop giving it."

But what she'd said had sounded like something Daisy would say. About love being about how you acted. "I treated her like royalty," he said, after a moment. "How is that not acting like I love her, huh?" He wasn't genuinely asking for her opinion -- he didn't bloody want it. "And don't patronising me. I did the right thing? By whose standards? Yours? Who even are you?" It was a rhetorical question -- he didn't give a shit who she was, what her name was, why she was there. He finished his drink. "If she'd done the best she could, she'd have stayed with me," he said. Because that was the best thing, for both of them. But apparently, Daisy was too blinded by Jessica Jones to see it.(edited)

DAISY: Daisy rolled her eyes. He didn't want people's opinions unless he himself asked for it. She hadn't actually had to deal with him being like this in a long time, and she felt like he didn't like it simply because people's opinions told him what he really didn't want to hear: the truth. She was actually grateful for being able to see him like this. She'd been worried about herself with him before because she knew that despite how much Jessica wanted to prove that something had made her do all of those things, her emotions had to have been real. She knew she had loved him without him ordering her to do so, and she'd been worried that maybe she would only stop loving him for a little while before she wanted him back again.

Seeing him like this was a relief because it reminded her just how awful he was. He'd been nice to her, sure, but to everyone else, he was a terror.

Maybe that's your own fault though, said one of those intrusive thoughts in her head. You took his heart from him again. He could've been good, but you broke him back into this by leaving him. You should've stayed. You could save people if you went back to him. Just tell him who you are, and you can fix this.

She could've told him what she thought about how he was acting now. Acting like he just deserved her love simply because he acted a certain way didn't mean someone would love him. He wouldn't get that, and she couldn't tell him that anyways, because it was an opinion. She just let him talk, picked up her drink and tried to think of ways she could talk to him with facts. "You did the right thing by my standards, yes." She nodded, because that was a fact. How she felt was a fact.

She didn't have to say who she was. It wasn't an order, and saying what her name was would be too risky. Even if he looked at her and thought she was someone who just had the same name, it would probably just upset him more. "I'm someone who's been in her shoes," she told him, because that was a fact metaphorically and physically. She was wearing her own shoes right now, and she knew what she'd been through because she was the same woman he was talking about. "Would she really have done the best thing for you both if she stayed? Do you really want her to stay when she doesn't want to?" Questions weren't opinions either.

JESSICA: What was he saying? What was he making her do? And what the hell kind of goddamn irony was this? All the people at this party. All the women he could've been after. Of course it was her target. Was that why? If he'd noticed her before Jessica noticed him, maybe he saw how closely she watching her. Maybe this was her fault. Again.

May was quiet in her ear, which Jessica took as a go-ahead. Even if it wasn't, what choice did she have? She shoved her way through the crowd -- but she tried to do it the way Julie would have. Saying 'excuse me,' and not throwing people out of her way. She didn't want to cause a panic, draw attention to herself. If Kilgrave saw her coming in like that, he might do something drastic. So she had to calmly push and weave her way.

Down the stairs. He hadn't moved yet. Target-Daisy was still talking to him.

Through the dance floor. From here, Jessica couldn't see their faces. But she would bet Daisy's eyes were already glazed over with commands. Maybe even contingencies.

Finally, she broke through the crowd. "Hey!" she called brightly, wearing Julie's broad smile. She walked right up, stood beside Daisy, not even looking at Kilgrave. "There you are, I thought I'd lost you. I was just going to talk to our host, and I think you just have to meet him," she said firmly.

Her eyes slid towards Kilgrave, and she forced that smile to stay on her face. She was used to faking that expression, especially with him. "You'll have to introduce me to your friend later," she said. "This is really important."

KILGRAVE: Kilgrave stared at the crowds of people. It was always different to watch them from afar. Women laughed differently, with other men. They smiled without being told to. The smiles were the same -- there was no difference between a smile he'd commanded, and one given naturally -- but it was still strange, to watch women dancing with other men. He hardly paid attention to the men -- they barely registered as objects in the room.

But he knew, without talking to any of the women, that they would be exactly the same. All of them. Blank eyes, relaxed faces, stiff movements. Yes, no, I want to. Interchangeable, a never-ending parade of pretty girls, with the same stupid fake-sounding American accents and bland expressions. Except Daisy. She had been special. She had been different. This girl, this stranger, had no bloody idea what she was talking about. She asked if he wanted her to stay even when she didn't want to, and Kilgrave didn't reply for a moment. He didn't understand, how she could have wanted something then, and not now. How people could 'fall out of love'. She wanted it then. Nothing had changed.

"She would have wanted it," he said, quietly. "I can be very persuasive." In the moment, he'd let her go. He'd listened to her insist that it would be the same, but of course it would. Daisy loved him. She wouldn't be like everyone else, like those nameless faceless bitches at bars and on the street and in hotels, those anonymous girls who only lasted for one night. She wasn't even like Jessica. Daisy had left and come back, of her own free will. Daisy had told him the truth, that she loved him. He shouldn't have let her go. He should have made her stay, until he didn't have to. They could have been like they were.

And then, he heard a voice. And he knew it. He turned immediately, and watched her come closer. Jessica Jones. Wearing a dress and makeup, her hair done nicely. And she smiled her smile, a genuine, real, bright, smile. One he hadn't seen in months. She spoke to the girl, completely ignoring him, but he waited. She would look at him eventually. She had to. Because, instantly, this had changed. Jessica changed it, just by being there. He wasn't thinking about Daisy, about missing her. Now, Jessica Jones was all there was.

"Stay there," he told the girl, sharply. And that was all he needed to say. The girl had gone from being something to kill time, to an object of actual use. He could have used anyone else in the room -- anyone within earshot -- but having this girl there was an instant safety net, a contingency, protection. She was a reminder to Jessica of the stakes, if she misbehaved.

Now that was taken care of, he smiled. This was his Jessie. Pretty, having put an effort in, smiling. "Hello Jessica," he said, pleasantly. "You know I always loved it when you put on that voice." What was her angle here? What was she playing at? "I didn't know you were here. I was keeping an eye out for you."

DAISY: Daisy frowned. That's what she was afraid of. It would've been one thing if she really did love him. If she was really that person from before, maybe she wouldn't have had as much of a problem with it, but she didn't actually know whether that was really her or not. Kilgrave would be adamant that it was, and everyone else who was close to her would say that it was a parasite. She knew that Jessica wouldn't lie to her, but she also knew that Jessica could be wrong and not want to admit it. Daisy needed to figure it out on her own. She needed to decide how she felt and what she really believed without their influence and their bias. It was part of why it was so important to her now that he had no idea who she really was.

"But could you persuade her without your powers?" She asked, knowing that she was treading into dangerous waters. "If you could say something to her now, what would you say?" This seemed at least safer than talking to him as herself. She could interpret whatever he said as if he was speaking to someone else. As far as he was concerned, he was speaking to someone else.

But then Jess showed up, and Daisy didn't know if that made things better or worse. She heard her voice coming from behind her before she even saw her, and she took an automatic step backwards, her back pressing up against Jessica's chest. Standing like that served more than one purpose. It was primarily comforting to Daisy, having Jessica so close always made her feel safe, even more so when Kilgrave was here and Jess was the only one who could keep her safe, especially since Kilgrave wouldn't have the same reservations about hurting a random stranger he didn't know as he might have had if he knew she was really Daisy. She also stood there in a way of protecting Jessica too. She might not have been immune to Kilgrave, but she put herself in a position where Jessica could easily stop her before Kilgrave made her do anything serious. She trusted her life in Jessica's hands.

She was glad that she'd moved before he'd said his order. Her feet locked in place, and she had no choice but to just watch him. She didn't comment on the fact that he'd blown Jessica's cover, even though she already knew it was Jessica the whole time. She didn't want Kilgrave to know about it though. She didn't know what he would do with that information and didn't want to find out. "I'm willing to bet she'd prefer for you to keep your eyes away from her," she mumbled.

JESSICA: This Daisy immediately moved towards her the second Jessica arrived, just like her Daisy would've. A stranger pressed against her chest wasn’t her favorite position – at first there was a flash of panicked thought, that maybe he’d seen her coming, told Daisy to hurt her, to stop her. But no, this was something different. This was like how stray cats would curl around each other when they heard a strange sound. This was about protection. From this angle, she could stop Daisy before any contingencies kicked in, though she would’ve preferred to be between her and Kilgrave. But she didn’t move, just held her ground, as if his command had halted her too.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Jessica said, still in Julie’s higher-pitched tone. Her smile was forced, just as forced as it had always been with him, just as foreign and wrong on her face. More than it had been the entire night. “My name’s Julie. And we really should be going,” she said, touching Daisy’s arm pointedly. She knew they couldn’t move until he let them. He might not have been able to control her, but they both knew she wasn’t about to walk away without this woman.

She glanced over at Daisy, just barely hearing her mumble. Her cover really was blown if it was that obvious – but given who was standing in front of, she wasn’t surprised.

KILGRAVE: The girl stepped away, closer to Jessica, and Kilgrave looked at her, disgusted. But then, she didn't move, just as he'd instructed. Something about seeing them stand that close together was annoying. Jessica was close enough to physically stop her, if she did anything to herself, so she instantly went from being an asset to being nothing more a distraction. But still, she was useful. She mumbled something, but he hardly cared. All of his attention was on Jessica, now.

It was like being faced with a ghost -- she looked beautiful. And she still smiled at him, the way he always wanted her to. She was so much prettier when she smiled. She usually looked like a bulldog chewing a wasp, but this? He liked this. And she replied in that same ridiculous voice, high-pitched and airheaded and false. He used to tell her to put it on, sometimes, once he'd discovered she could do it. The breathiness of it was incredibly attractive, and that hadn't changed.

She told him that her name was Julie, and that they should be going, but she didn't make a move to leave. He gave her a disbelieving look. They both knew she wasn't leaving without the girl, and the girl had to stay there. And with the fake name, and the voice, and the nice dress, all added up. He had several photographs of her going into the S.H.I.E.L.D. building recently. She was a spy now. That had to be what this was. He smiled knowingly at her.

"Are you roleplaying, Jessica?" he asked, not giving a shit that she'd given a different name. "Remember when we did that?" It was a question, but he'd deliberately phrased it as a command, because he knew she would obey it, and he would get the pleasure of watching her. She would remember the ropes and gags and games they played together. You be the spy, I'll be the interrogator. How the ropes weren't strong enough to hold her, but she would struggle uselessly against them as if she didn't have super strength, arching her back and gasping. Gently running his fingertips down the inside of her arms and kissing her. The intimacy of it, the thrill of having her completely helpless. Spy and interrogator, teacher and student, doctor and patient. He knew she was remembering too.

"She doesn't want to go anywhere," he said, simply, just because he could. "Do you? You want to stay here." He addressed the girl for the first time, only glancing at her for a moment, before looking back at Jessica, unable to keep his eyes off her, when she looked like this.

DAISY: Jessica was still trying to keep her cover, and Daisy knew it was a bad idea. She'd hoped that Jessica would've given up on it. They both knew Kilgrave well enough to know that he wouldn't just go along with it. He wasn't the courteous type, not to anyone else at least. She knew he was capable of being kind and considerate to an extent, but she'd only really seen him do that with herself. She wasn't technically herself at the moment, but to him, Jessica was still Jessica. They couldn't avoid that as much as Jess wanted to.

She wished that she could tell Jessica something, that she didn't need to worry about her cover being blown, that it was her and that she was safe. She could handle herself against him, but she couldn't do that without revealing who she was to him. Jessica was smart in not saying her name so far, even if she didn't know she was her Daisy, because they both knew he would've reacted to that name. If he didn't realize she was the real Daisy, he still would've found it novel. He still might've tried to take her, especially to spite Jessica.

Remember when we did that? He had meant to direct that at Jessica, but it wouldn't affect her as a command. Maybe she'd remember on her own anyways, but Jessica was good at pushing her own thoughts to the side quickly. She knew how to avoid thinking about things that disgusted her, and everything about Kilgrave was disgusting to her. The same couldn't be said for Daisy.

The command easily took hold of her, as they always did, and she remembered her time together with him so vividly. They hadn't done anything like that when Kilgrave himself had controlled her. He'd been courteous enough to believe that she needed time to fully recover from the raft, even though he could've had her like that at any time. Before the raft was what she remembered. She remembered loving him and everything she did with him. She remembered them both being hungry for each other. She remembered coming home to him and suggesting things that let him have his power trips with her because she knew he wanted it, and she'd wanted to give him everything he wanted. She remembered making a mockery out of the fact that people like her and Jess were called his victims by having him play the role of the villain, keeping her held in place with a single command while he made her body react to his every touch and every thrust. She remembered loving him for it all, but while those memories made her even more confused about whether everything had been real or not, they couldn't make her love him now. She didn't love him now, and that was what mattered. He wasn't going to make her want to be with him anymore.

You want to stay here.

Well, fuck.

She had to think hard and focus her head to avoid what that annoying intrusive thought in the back of her head was saying. He's saying you want to stay with him, not that you want to stay in this spot. No, he didn't know it was her. He didn't care about her wanting to stay with him. He just wanted her to stay in this spot. He wanted her to not go with Jessica. She didn't have to want him. This wasn't like when she was leaving that home he'd kept her in. She shouldn't have the urge to stay with him. She didn't owe him that, this version of a person she was playing. Skye Pelekai or the Daisy that Jess didn't know wasn't important to Kilgrave. She was someone else. She had to be someone else right now. He wanted roleplay? Her character had a few words for him about that.

"I do want to stay," she told him, because she did. She had to want that. "But then again, I don't have the same chance your ex got to leave."

JESSICA: It was like stepping back in time. Into a memory, a flashback, a nightmare. Standing beside him in a silk dress more expensive than her rent, smiling at him with a smile that was too wide and too bright, too goddamn naïve to really fit on her face. It had never felt right. It didn’t feel right for eight months, and it didn’t feel right now. But she reminded herself that this was her choice now, that she could stop whenever she wanted to, she was just trying to keep things calm until she could get them both out of this.

Are you roleplaying, Jessica? Remember when we did that?

And just like that, the memories shifted and the past grew fangs and claws and swallowed her whole.

She was laying on a bed, limbs sprawled, wrists and ankles tied. No clothes. Exposed. Her entire body on display, his fingers trailing down her skin like she was a feast laid out for him. A gag in her mouth, the ropes too flimsy to hold her back except that he made her stay still. Struggling just enough to keep the fantasy alive for him. Because it wasn’t enough, that he could hold her down with one word, wasn’t enough to take what he wanted, he had to make her complicit in it, like this was all a game, and It wasn’t a game, this was her life and her body and he was just taking it, twisting it, shaping her into something helpless and raw and completely at his mercy.

But he never had any mercy.

Blood was rushing to her head, her pulse pounding in her ears. She was going to be sick, she couldn’t hear what Daisy was saying, or what new commands he had given her. Because she was obeying his command to remember, even without his abilities, he could always make her remember, he would always have that power over her. She wanted to reach inside her skull and rip the memories out, shove them down his throat until he was the one who was nauseous. Until his hands were shaking and his entire body started to tremble and shut down, bit by bit. Until his head was splitting from all the voices screaming inside his skull.

"You've got this,” the voice in her ear was so different from the rest of the cacophony in her mind. May. Coulson had said to her once, that there would be other voices inside her mind. His voice. Daisy’s. And now May’s. Jessica took a deep, shuddering breath, and refocused her gaze on Kilgrave. “You've got this. He can't control you anymore. Focus, Agent Jones."

He couldn’t control her anymore. She wasn’t at his mercy. She had control over her own memories, over her own wants, over any part of her. She wasn’t Julie Hammond or the mindless zombie he’d carried on his arm and pinned to a bed for eight months. She was Agent Jones.

“No,” she said finally. “I remember something very different,” she said in a low, dark voice. Her eyes never left him. “I guess there’s a limit to how much we remember, isn’t there?” she asked pointedly. She took a step forward, between them, because she didn’t have to stay where he wanted her to anymore. She put herself between them, hand reaching behind her to find Daisy’s. She would get them both out of this, she wouldn’t leave this woman at his mercy either.

KILGRAVE: He could see her remembering. She stared at him, and he watched her expression change at their shared memories. He was so used to seeing people with blank eyes, slack jaws, and lax muscles. But now, he could see the emotions play out on Jessica Jones' face. All it took was one order, one sentence, and she was his again. For all her bitching about free will and her constant insistence that he didn't control her anymore, here was the proof that he did, that he always would. They'd shared too much -- more than he had ever shared with anyone before. Even Daisy. He would always be inside her, and she knew it. It was why she fought so hard against it, pathetically, uselessly, just like she'd pulled on those ropes and moaned against that gag. Because she couldn't stand what they both knew -- that she could be immune as she liked, she could push desks against him and rant about how she didn't have to do what he said, but he still had all the control.

This wasn't like it usually was, some private romantic memory of when they had made love, some tender thing they'd shared, that she was trying to push away now, in denial. She was remembering being fucked. She was remembering being tied down, being gagged, all of her power contained by something as simple as rope. She was remembering being helpless, playing her role perfectly, playing the part of a rebellious bitch or a submissive little girl or a shy virgin. He had seen Jessie adopting so many characters, so many personas, and this stupid Valley Girl accented idiot was just another one. But this moment wasn't soft, gentle, sweet. He wanted her suffering, in an intimate way. He wanted to see it, to remind himself that she was still, would always be, his Jessica. It was rare, when he revelled in the power he had over her, but he bathed in it now.

Just when he thought she was going to say something -- God knew what -- something fitting for the situation, some self-deprecating comment, or even don't, he saw a familiar, infuriating, determination cross her face. Just like when she'd been on her knees in Phil Coulson's house, taking the piss, even subjugated. She never knew when to quit, did she? I guess there’s a limit to how much we remember, isn’t there? She stepped closer, and it was such a blatant disregard for his order to stay there that he saw red. He almost had her. He'd fucking seen it. The submission, the memory, the acceptance. All from one comment about their sex life. She'd been his Jessica again, and all he'd needed to do was tease her about her spy game. But here she was, doing her hero bit, putting herself between him and the girl, who he'd almost completely forgotten was there.

It was a threat. She was close enough to touch him now, and he didn't like that. He glared into her dark eyes, and actually felt her stealing the victory of the moment with every single word. "Yeah," he said, coldly, "Well. You would." Of course she remembered it differently. She always did.

His gaze flickered down to their hands. What the hell was that? Some sort of solidarity? He gritted his teeth. The girl. Whatever her name was. Had he even asked? She made some comment about his ex, and he turned to her, and all of that hatred, all of that anger, he felt at Jessica Jones, was directed at her. What was she there for, except protection? She was his contingency and, as usual, Jessica Jones had forced his hand. She always did. He took a few steps backwards, away from Jessica. This girl could do some serious harm to herself, and he could get away, before Jessica reached him. It would take a few seconds to cause pandemonium. He exhaled slowly, and fixed his gaze on the stranger, quickly flipping through the possibilities.

DAISY: She wasn't who he wanted her to be. She had to remember that. She hadn't believed anyone before that she'd been controlled into being what she was. Maybe that parasite had made her so scared or so angry that she snapped, but that still would've meant her reaction was her own fault. Going to Kilgrave and loving him was her own fault, but when she saw him like this? How could she have ever loved someone like him? How could she have pitied him when she wanted to leave him before? Jessica had pushed her way between them, standing tall above her like a warrior. She was so strong in so many ways, stronger than Daisy could ever hope to be, and she was the only one who could really effectively stand up to Kilgrave without him doing anything to her directly. She made Daisy stronger too. Just Jessica reaching out her hand helped to steel her against her own thoughts that Kilgrave had planted there. She wasn't with Kilgrave anymore. He had told her that she wanted to stay here, but at the time that he had said it, she'd been pressed up against Jessica's chest. Here was with Jessica, not with him. Here might've meant she had to stay in this spot, but it was fine with Jessica here. As confused as she had been about how she felt, it all washed away with Jessica's touch. She loved her. Her thumb gently rubbed over Jessica's knuckles, just to reassure her, even though she didn't know it was her. They'd get through this. They weren't alone because they, unlike Kilgrave, had each other.

But she was tired of Kilgrave now. She'd had moments with him when she didn't think anything was controlling her, where she had considered killing him. There were times where he'd given her commands despite what they agreed to. They weren't like her moments of weakness. They were full of fury, and based on the way he was treating her now and the way he was treating her Jessica, that fury was growing. She had done her best to keep her identity hidden. He didn't know who she was, and neither did Jess. She was mad though. She had to stay here, but she wanted to fight back. She wanted to throw him into a wall. Remember when we did that. The command rang in her head again like an echo, and she remembered when she used to throw him into walls in a way that they both enjoyed it. She remembered having him on nearly every surface of that hotel room. She remembered laughing and moaning and begging him to go harder, to do her faster, and teasing him to see if they could break the walls regardless of how thin and scrawny he was. What had once been a source of enjoyment for her now disgusted her. The thought of it made her want to vomit. His belief that she would grow to love him again after he planned to command her to love him made her furious. She could see that look in his eyes as his gaze shifted from Jessica to her. She wasn't going to be his weapon against the woman she loved most. She had been considerate before. She had restrained herself to give him the benefit of the doubt because she'd understood him. She still did to an extent. While the way he was acting now was like how he'd been before, part of it was just a reaction of a broken heart. He was lashing out because he was hurt. Maybe she could fix that by going back to him, but he'd told her that he would control her if he did.

It didn't matter if he was justified in being upset. It didn't justify him being the asshole he was being now, and it surely didn't justify him trying to control her just to hurt Jessica. She wouldn't allow it. Her free hand tightened into a fist, and along with it, she concentrated the vibrations on his throat. She had only thought of just stopping him from speaking at first, so her powers just focused on his vocal cords in a way that wouldn't hurt him. Kill him. You know you want to. She did. He hurt people she loved over and over again, and he kept coming back. He was never really going to give her a choice. He never really considered that he was doing anything more than waiting until she got over herself and came back to him. She tightened her hold on his whole neck, choking him now. She could send vibrations into every inch of him for what he did to the people she loved. She could make blood pool out of his eyes and ears and mouth if she wanted to. She could kill him. After everything she'd had to do, she should've killed him. She did nothing like that though. After barely a few seconds of taking his air from him, she let him go. The hand in hers helped ground her, reminded her that she wasn't a murderer. What she had been before wasn't her now.

JESSICA: He was just a petulant child. He could get to her, his voice worming under her skin, and there were parts of her that he stole and she would never get back – but in the end, he was nothing more than a psychotic, repulsive toddler. Not used to hearing the word no. He all but visibly cringed at it, his gaze growing stone cold and his words ice-like daggers

“I would,” she agreed flatly, no trace of Julie in her voice. What was the point now? “Because I remember the truth.” It didn’t matter if her hand was still shaking as she held this stranger’s hand. It didn’t matter if she was teetering on the edge of a painful flashback. May’s voice was in her ear, and Coulson had eyes on her, and she knew the truth. The truth was Daisy had come back to her. The truth was neither of them had ever wanted to be with him.

The truth was, she was stronger than he was.

He knew it too. Which is why he focused on this Daisy. She was vulnerable, and Jessica stepped forward, ready to knock him out if that’s what it took – but something happened. She didn’t know what exactly, but his face changed and no words came from his mouth. “What the hell?” she breathed, her hand tightening around Daisy’s.

KILGRAVE: Jessica finally dropped the act. She looked at him with undisguised hatred, and he looked straight back at her. After an entire lifetime of girls passing him by and only lasting one night and meaning sod all, why did this bitch have to be immune? Anyone else would have learnt their place by now. And he'd almost had her. He'd seen it in her expression -- the constant, infuriating, arrogance had been stripped away when she thought about their shared memories. He rarely dwelled on those times with her, because he spent so much time trying to convince her that they loved each other, but there was a purity to these memories that he'd forgotten. A carnal, animalistic, intimacy. She'd been put in her place, physically, sexually, emotionally, and he'd almost fucking had her.

But, as always, she'd managed to become her arrogant 'hero' self again. For the sake of this girl, or just because she couldn't bloody help herself. He didn't care why. She was looking at him like she hated him, again, and he gritted his teeth. Of course she would remember it differently. She always did. She remembered the truth? Oh please. He rolled his eyes at that, because he'd heard it countless times. But at least she had dropped the game, the breathy voice and pretty smile. It was so much easier to hate her when he saw this Jessica Jones. This mannish, narcissistic, bitch who wouldn't come to heel.

So, as usual, she forced his hand. He had to use the closest tool at his disposal. The girl who thought she could give advice, like some sort of ridiculous Agony Aunt. She might have been behind Jessica Jones, but she could do herself enough damage to punish Jessica for what she'd done. That was what this was. She stepped out of line, and he couldn't make her do anything, so he used the nearest thing. She knew that. It was why the girl was there in the first place.

He opened his mouth to snap a command at the stranger. They weren't playing anymore. There was nothing but naked fury between him and Jessica. She might look like his Jessie, but his Jessie would never have dared speak to him like that, wouldn't have moved when she was told to stand still. She wouldn't have put herself physically between him and his closest asset. They were holding hands? For Christ's sake. It would have to be a quick, blunt, order. To break her wrist or bite off her tongue or rip out of her nails. Something she could do before Jessica could stop her. Something easy.

But then, just as he formed a vague idea of the order, he felt his throat close up. It felt like the air was being crushed out of his neck and, for a second, he was back there. The docks. With Jessica holding the weight of his entire body in one hand, gripping him by the throat, leering up at him in complete disgust. Except, this time, nobody was touching him. This was some unseen thing, some power. He'd only felt it once before. Daisy Johnson.

The sensation vanished as suddenly as it had arrived, and he reached for his throat and exhaled, catching his breath as if he'd been violently shoved underwater. Oh, she wanted to play it that way, did she? Was this a punishment for talking to Jessica? A way to distract him from her? Or just a heavy-handed signal of her presence at the party? He lowered his hand from his neck, and smiled coldly at Jessica. "You can have her," he said, nodding towards the girl, because he didn't care anymore. He had to find Daisy. She'd dared to use her powers on him again, and he didn't know if he was pissed off or wildly attracted to her. Probably both. It would be easier to tell what he wanted to do to her when he saw her.

"I've got someone to find," he said, by way of vague explanation. He wasn't going to tell Jessica Jones that Daisy was here. She obviously didn't know. Or, if she did, she clearly didn't know what had just happened. He wanted their meeting to be private. So, he flashed Jessica a hate-filled smile. "I'll be seeing you soon, Jessica," he promised. He had wanted to tell her about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s offer, but now, in hindsight, it was better left as a surprise. He would be able to really enjoy her expression when she saw him there, as her colleague, if he kept it to himself now.

So, he turned away from them both, not giving the girl a second glance, and walked quickly into the crowds of people. "Listen," he said to a small cluster of people, "If that girl with black hair tries to follow me," and here, he pointing at Jessica clearly, "All of you will jump out of that window." Jessica wasn't in earshot, but she wasn't stupid. She knew what was happening. He looked at her one last time, and then walked away, intent on finding Daisy.

DAISY: She shouldn't have stopped. Stopping meant he could get her. Stopping meant he could control her. Even if he didn't know it was her, he could make her hurt herself or Jessica, though she'd bet on herself since she didn't look like herself and wouldn't look like she could harm Jess anyways. She wouldn't have minded if he had her hurt herself. She'd been through enough that pain was the easy part. She didn't want Jess to have to be hurt by it though. Jess mattered, and she wanted to keep her from experiencing more pain than she already had.

No pain came.

No order came.

Instead, he smiled. It wasn't directed at her, so she knew he didn't know who she was still. That smile worried her though, she could see him recognizing her powers in it. She could see the thoughts formulating. He knew she was here, and he thought he was going to find her. He thought he was going to get her back. That terrifying smile showed her that if he knew she was there- if he found her, he would take her back whether she wanted to or not. He looked almost aroused at the thought of it, and she was terrified by it. She needed to get out of here. She needed to get away before he realized she was right in front of him.

He had ordered her though. He had told her she wanted to stay, and she did want to stay here. She had to find a way out of it. She wanted to stay, but she needed to get away. She needed to breathe. She was panicking at the thought of him having her again, and she needed to get away before her hands weren't the only things shaking.

Here.

He'd said here.

Here was general.

It could mean anything.

Here was this manor. She could stay here. Anywhere in here. She pulled away from Jessica and sped to the bathroom. There was no one there, thankfully. She could breathe. She leaned over the sink counter and breathed out heavily to calm herself. She set her purse down next to her on the counter, and her dragon crawled out of it, just sitting there and watching her. She pulled the wig off of her hair, revealing those purple tips she'd only gotten because of him. She kept them because of Jessica, because she convinced her that it was her choice to do so. Finally, she pulled off the mask. She was her own person. She was okay. He didn't have her.

JESSICA: You can have her, he said. Like the stranger behind her was just another object, something disposable, something he could take or leave and throw away like garbage when he was done. She didn’t react to that command, not even subconsciously, keeping her gaze fixed and steady on him, because this woman wasn’t some throw away person. She was a human being with a life and a girlfriend back home, a girlfriend who she didn’t always believed loved her – but Jessica hoped she would someday.

Because she knew that Daisy loved her. Whatever happened just now, she couldn’t be certain, but if she was the believing type, she would’ve called it a goddamn miracle that Kilgrave just walked away. And the only thing she had done in her entire life worth deserving of a miracle like this was loving Daisy, accepting her love in return. She didn’t know where he was going, or why he gave up this game without a fight, but she wasn’t going to complain. Let him try and find his mysterious someone -- she could deal with that later. Kilgrave obviously still didn’t understand her, he was giving commands, placing contingencies in place, but right now, Jessica’s only concern was this Daisy.

But Daisy let go of her hand and started to move through the crowd. Jessica couldn’t blame her, but she couldn’t just let her go either. Would she need to be debriefed? Could SHIELD explain what had just happened to her? Could Jessica? She followed the woman through the crowd, saw her dip into the bathroom. Jessica gave her a moment, hesitating at the door, and then pulled a pad of sticky-notes out of her own purse and scrawled Out of Order, on one before sticking it to the door. Then she entered.

And she saw another miracle.

“Daisy?” she breathed. “My Daisy, I mean,” she said, taking a hesitant step into the bathroom. Skye was on the counter, tail still half in the bag Daisy had been carrying – no wonder all that food disappeared so quickly. May’s instincts had been dead-on. But Jessica’s weren’t. She’d had no idea how close she’d just come to losing her girlfriend to Kilgrave all over again. The full wave of it hit her, and she was moving before she could stop herself, crossing over to Daisy, wrapping her arms tightly around her. “Oh my god,” she breathed. “I – I didn’t… I almost…” But the words refused to come out, refused to become real.

DAISY: Skye was staring at the door defensively before it even opened, growling a warning at whoever was on the other side, but once it opened, she stopped. Instead, she just chomped her teeth in the air at Jessica in her own strange manner of acknowledgement.

Daisy's eyes were alert though, at the sound of the door creaking open, because she wasn't facing it like Skye was. She didn't know who was there, and by all accounts, she was vulnerable. She had no mask on, no wig on, and no way to quickly hide who she was without turning her purse upside down and putting it over her head, which would've only drawn more attention to her anyways if it was just some random person trying to pee. If it was Kilgrave, she was trapped. She could choke him again, or she could put a sound barrier around herself. That would take away one of her advantages though, and more likely than not, he'd make her stop before she could even do anything.

It wasn't Kilgrave, and it wasn't someone random.

She turned around when Jessica said her name, and she breathed out in relief, a smile slowly forming on her lips. "I thought you said my name was Lilo?" she pointed out teasingly before Jessica raced over to her and hugged her. She always felt so safe in those arms. It didn't matter that Kilgrave was still out there or that SHIELD could still be hunting her right now and could still walk in here and find her. Jessica was safety itself. Daisy was safer here in her arms than alone back in her apartment.

She didn't feel scared now, just relieved, because she'd faced Kilgrave and survived. She'd talked to him without being taken away. She'd talked to him without feeling like she wanted to go back to him. Being around him made her hate him more, not less, and if that was the case, then maybe they were right. Maybe there wasn't some deeper part of her that wanted to be with him. Maybe it was just a parasite that made her do all of those things. Maybe it was just easier to believe when she was with her Jessica. Maybe she'd even be filled with doubt again the moment she was alone, but for now, she believed that this was the real her. None of what that other Daisy did was real, but this was. What she felt now was real.

"He didn't get me," Daisy assured her, cupping Jessica's face in her palms, tears brimming from her eyes. "He didn't know it was me. I'm safe. I'm here. I'm yours. Always and forever, even if you step on my toes when I try to dance with you."

JESSICA: Jessica held Daisy so tight she had to remind herself that spines were breakable. But she felt like if she let go, even a little, her girlfriend would slip through her fingers like smoke. Disappear again. They were so close to that, and she hadn’t even realized. “I thought you would like it,” she murmured, voice muffled in Daisy’s hair, hair he had tried to control and own but the purple tips belonged only to her girlfriend.

And Daisy was still her Daisy.

She didn’t have a word for this emotion, sitting on her chest and making her feel like she was going to pop any second. Like she was a balloon filling with more and more air, the pressure immense. Daisy pulled away, but her hands were on Jessica’s face, anchoring her once again. “I told you I didn’t know how to dance,” she whispered, the words choked out and thick. She inhaled sharply, held the breath to try and slow her pulse. “I should’ve known it was you. If he’d taken you, I would’ve – I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

One of her hands reached up to touch Daisy’s on her cheek, the other sliding down to rest on her waist. “I’m glad you’re here,” she breathed, leaning forward until her forehead rested against Daisy’s. “I know it’s dangerous, and stupid, and May and Coulson are probably out of their minds’ worried, and it probably means I failed this exercise, but…” She sighed lightly. “I missed you.”

DAISY: Daisy wheezed a little as Jessica squeezed her tighter. She didn't have major injuries anymore, but when your girlfriend had super strength, hugs could be a dangerous game if you weren't careful. She trusted Jessica though, and tight hugs were the least of their concerns. "I do, especially since I told everyone besides you that my name was Skye Pelekai." She chuckled, breathing in the scent of Jessica, that couldn't be covered up no matter how much Jess tried to be someone else.

"And I said I'd show you how," she pointed out. "And you were doing pretty well until you got distracted by what I was saying. I was having fun if that makes a difference." Admittedly, she'd been the one knowing everything that was going on while Jess was left in the dark. "If you had known it was me, then he would've been able to tell it was me too. You may be new to this undercover stuff, but I'm not. I know what I'm doing. He didn't take me. He doesn't know who I am. I'm safe. He won't take me from you. I'm s- I should've told you. I mean- I did tell you who I was, but I should've told you it was me. I just didn't want to mess with your training."

She smiled softly, her hands moving to Jessica's back. "Me too. I missed you so much. Maybe a little too much." She chuckled. "I mean you definitely have more to learn, but I don't think they can really fail you for anything you did because of me. Plus, it may be stupid for me to be here, but at least it's not as stupid as the fact that Coulson didn't tell May that he loves her after she told him she loved him. He's told me, but he can't tell her. At least we aren't that bad, and maybe," Daisy started tracing a line up the sides of Jessica's neck, moving up towards her jaw, "if they try to fail you, we can hold it against them that-" Daisy's hands moved swiftly, turning off Jessica's comms in one fluid motion. "At least we can say I love you," she told her, pressing her lips against Jessica's. "I love you so much. Can we forget about the training for the rest of the night? You've done enough. I just want to dance with my wife at least one more time. Maybe find a private room," she whispered, "Make it like our first night together since I have to stay here until his order wears off anyways."

JESSICA: Skye Pelekai. Jessica smiled at that, the way they’d mirrored each other without even knowing it. And the fact that Daisy hadn’t used it on her. A symbol of trust, something that went without saying. They didn’t lie to each other, not even when it would be easy. That was more than a little reassuring.

So she believed it, when Daisy said she’d been doing well. “You called me out pretty hard,” Jessica breathed, a teasing note in her voice that she didn’t have to suppress anymore. She was herself again, and Daisy was herself again, and that felt – impossibly important, in this moment. That they weren’t wearing any masks. “I was having… more fun than I thought I would,” she admitted, biting her lip a little. To hold back a smile or to keep the tears from spilling from her eyes, she wasn’t sure. Everything was a jumbled mess inside her, but Daisy never turned away from her messes. “You were my mark,” she said, with a breathless laugh. “Even before he came into the picture, but I –” She shook her head slowly. “When I saw him come towards you, everything stopped.” She forced herself to take a breath, her hand giving Daisy’s hip a gentle squeeze, a physical reassurance to go with her girlfriend’s words. I’m safe. He won’t take me from you. “It’s okay,” she said softly. “You didn’t, you – probably made it better than ever. I should’ve known it was you, when you couldn’t take your eyes off me,” she teased in a whisper.

Daisy’s hands moved towards her back and Jessica took it as a sign to move closer, their hips brushing against each other. “I’m not complaining,” she breathed. She laughed lightly, knowing Daisy’s words were for the comms in her ear, where May and Coulson were probably listening in, trying to assess the situation. And then, Daisy’s hands swiftly turned them off, and her fingers were tracing her jaw, and her lips were crashing against Jessica’s in the best way. “I love you so much too,” she whispered, kissing Daisy again because she could, because nothing could stop her now. Because she knew what it was like, to be afraid of those words, but Daisy gave her so much courage. So much strength. “It was a little stupid,” she admitted with a tiny smirk. “But I’m glad it was you. I’m always glad it’s you.”

My wife. Jessica shivered at the words, a tingle running down her spine – but it wasn’t unpleasant. Not at all. “Yes,” she said, without preamble or hesitation. “Yes, a thousand times yes, and real drinks, and – well, maybe we shouldn’t destroy Wayne’s rooms. But I think we can still make a pretty close recreation of our first night together.” Another memory that didn’t hurt. She smiled at Daisy, and wrapped both arms around her, until their bodies were entirely pressed together. “He said stay here,” she murmured, lips ghosting along Daisy’s jawline. “As far as I’m concerned, here means right here. In my arms. Me and you together. That’s the only here that matters.”

DAISY: Daisy laughed, finding it so easy to do when she was Jessica. She always made it easier to do things like that. Kilgrave had the ability to not only control people but to turn almost any little thing into a trauma too. The word smile was ruined, but it didn't send her in a panic when Jessica said it or when she pulled one from her lips. Sex would've been ruined if she were with anyone but Jessica, who always knew to ask and who always tried to make her as comfortable as possible. Even destroying a room was something that she'd done with him, but he couldn't take that away from her and Jessica. He couldn't make it any less valuable to her because everything with Jessica was important, down to the little things, like a laugh filled with maybe too many drinks that hadn't felt like enough until now.

"In my defense," said Daisy, "it's easy to tell that you're bullshitting when I know that you are, well, and who you are." She was so glad that Jessica managed to have fun too. She didn't want her to spend the whole night worrying about her or anything, and although Daisy trusted Jessica's words, she believed them even more because she'd watched Jessica during the party and knew when the emotions on her face were genuine. There was a brightness in her eyes that was just so real. "That's good. I liked hearing you talk about your wife. It was sweet, and I think it meant more since you didn't know who you were talking to." Daisy had said some things too under the pretense that it wasn't her, and it wasn't like they were good things. They weren't necessarily bad either. They were just honest. It was hard lately to be honest about how she felt, not that she lied, but she certainly withheld what she thought from the fear that still coursed through her. It had all been easier to say when she looked and sounded like someone else. There was a different ease now, with it all out in the open and that weight off of her chest.

"Even when you don't know it's me, you're drawn to me." She grinned, even though she knew that it was probably May that turned Jess to her, though she doubted that May knew it was her either, especially since she wasn't up close and personal like Jess was, not that she expected that to actually make May able to know her identity. "You were pretty obvious about the fact that you were wanting to see what was in my purse, you know." Daisy pointed out with a chuckle. "At least you weren't as bad as your friend Danny." Skye hissed at his name, and Daisy rolled her eyes. "She hates him apparently, so she made it harder to keep her hidden with him than she was with you." She kept one arm wrapped around Jessica and used her other hand to pat Skye's head, assuring her that Danny wasn't there.

"You're so good, you know that?" She asked, because she wasn't sure if Jessica did know. They were both too hard on themselves, and she just wanted to see if Jessica knew what she knew. "You didn't even know it was me, but you just immediately had to save this random woman from him. It makes me so proud that I'm with you. You make me want to be better than I am too." Daisy gave Jessica a confused look, concealing the slightest smile. "What do you mean? How do other people keep their eyes off of you? Especially when you're dressed like this." She took one of Jessica's hands and spun her around once, so she could really look over her whole outfit before she brought them back close together again. "People who manage to keep their eyes off you? Can't relate, though I think you still look better in messy clothes or just when you're wearing nothing at all. That's when I really can't keep my eyes off you."

She loved that Jessica didn't sound like she was judging her when she said that what she did was stupid. The end didn't justify the means, but it did make things a little easier. "I did try to make sure you had something stronger through all of this," she pointed out. "My girlfriend likes stronger drinks after all." She smirked. "And I want to have some more with her. Staying in your arms is all I want right now." She hummed as Jessica's lips brushed her jaw. She pulled Jessica with her towards the counter, and she grabbed and put on her mask and wig. She had Skye get back in her purse, and she put it over her shoulder. "Let's go spend the rest of our night together then."

#aka discords #daisy #kilgrave #daisy: bttby #kilgrave: bttby #aka bttby

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missytearex · 6 years ago

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It’s that time again! I’ve had a lot of free time to read this month, so I think this is gonna be a good one. Here are my favourites!

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Larry

~ you came into my life by disgruntledkittenface | @disgruntledkittenface (57k)

Summary: They stand around talking for a minute and then Jonathan starts to ramble, “Has there ever been, like, an unrequited gay love story in here? Like a Brokeback Mountain moment where, like, someone just fell in love and they didn’t mean to?”

Louis feels bile rise in his throat as Jonathan’s eyes sparkle, pleading for a yes. He manages to look around and see thoughtful looks on his coworkers’ faces before their heads shake no.

“Not here,” Liam says finally.

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

My comment: This one is making it as one of my ALL TIME favourite fics. I completely fell in love with every single character! You can clearly see how Louis gets something different from each of his relationships with the different characters and it is absolutely stunning. Louis’ internal struggle is really well written and I just wanted to give him a hug! Also, I started watching Queer Eye after reading this.

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Lilo

~ Which One Of Us Is Caving by wasp | @apayneinthearse (18k)

Summary: Liam doesn't regret hiring Louis, it's the furthest thing from it. He's clever and quick-witted and he's good with people in a way Liam never was. It's amazing, he's amazing and Liam doesn't understand how he survived so long without him. In the professional sense.

My comment: I reeeeeeeeaaaally love slow burn fics! And I mean Louis as Liam’s cheeky assistant? Perfect.

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Lirry

~ fishing in the dark by countthestars | @moondoggiestyle (12k)

Summary: Liam is the night janitor at a clandestine research facility, and Harry is its best kept secret.

My comment: This story is probably as realistic as you can get with mermaid fic. I didn’t expect to love it as much as I did. It’s so beautifully written and emotional - I actually wanted to cry at some point. This fic is a gift and you should read it.

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Narry

~ by your side by littlervoice | @littlervoice (8k)

Summary: “What does Niall look like?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Zayn counters. Harry can feel him shifting on the bed next to him, moving to sit cross legged as he always does when Harry gets serious. “Because people always talk themselves down,” Harry says. “Like when you told me you’re nothing special even though I have it on good authority that you’re a walking talking god.”

Harry is blind and Niall gets partnered up with him for a project.

My comment: Ok, I have a weakness for disabled characters. And fluff. And Narry. So this was just perfect! Such a fun read!

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Niam

~ These Little Things That Bind Us (orphan_account) (76k)

Summary: All of a sudden, there’s a voice at his ear. “How’re you doin’, mate?” Liam jumps about a foot, but somehow manages to stay balanced on his barstool without spilling a drop of his drink. He needs to calm down if he wants to avoid attracting any attention from Malik and his cronies. Steeling himself, he squares his shoulders and turns to face the voice. And then he actually does spill his drink. All over the shirt of one Niall Horan. Liam lives a comfortable life; he works as a policeman, and his lovely girlfriend has just moved into his flat. However, everything changes when he's assigned to go under cover and gather information about a rising star of London’s criminal under world, Zayn Malik, and his ragtag band of criminals. This band just happens include a cheery, fair haired Irishman who quite literally charms the pants off of Liam and, before he knows it, Liam finds himself facing a choice between love and duty.

My comment: Where do I even begin with this one? I kept getting immersed and forgetting that Liam was actually undercover but then I would remember and the ANGST! Certainly an emotional roller coaster. Stayed with me long after I finished reading it.

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Nouis

~ heart out on my sleeve by temerity (forsanethaec) | @1dgaf (29k)

Summary: After Zayn drops out of Hogwarts just before their last year in Slytherin, Louis is left adrift. In a high-level Charms class tasked with finishing the rebuilding of the castle, he strikes up an unlikely friendship with Niall Horan of Hufflepuff, and learns more than he expected along the way. (A Harry Potter AU set eight years after the Battle of Hogwarts.)

My comment: I absolutely love reading about post-battle Hogwarts. Everything has a different kind of feel to it. Slytherin!Louis and Huffelpuff!Niall complement each other so well and the descriptions of the spells are incredible. Loved everything about this fic!

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Zarry

~ In Pursuit of the Extraordinary by blainedarling | @zaynbastian (31k)

Summary: Zayn is eight years old when he realises that he’s different. Contortion comes as naturally to him as walking does to most people—what doesn’t come naturally is acceptance from people around him. His family find it odd and the children at school think he’s a freak. The closest he comes to acceptance in his time at high school is through his gym teacher, Dave, who teaches him how to train his body and respect his gift; and Harry, a beautifully wild boy he meets by chance at a party who, too, has a secret talent. It's years before he'll see Harry again and find a place where he can excel at his talents.

A Zayn-centric story about the struggles of being different or unusual, and finding family in unexpected places.

My comment: This story was absolutely AMAZING! Reading about Zayn’s struggles was HEARTBREAKING and it made me so HAPPY and RELIEVED when he finally found his home.

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Ziall

~ Maybe It's A Hangover, Maybe I'm In Love by lucy_and_ramona (28k)

Summary: summer fling!au. Niall and Zayn meet at one of Harry's parties, where everyone is excited to move on to the next chapter of their lives. Everyone except them. Drunk and out of their depth, they hook up. They keep hooking up, and attempt to start a casual relationship, only Zayn's definitely falling, and Niall's trying to ignore the fact that he is, too.

My comment: I loved how the relationship progressed in this. How Niall kept wanting to hold back but kind of being unable to help himself. It was just so easy to read.

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Ziam

~ it keeps my veins hot (the fire's found a home in me) by loveontherocks (51k)

Summary: "You think anyone said thanks?" Zayn asks, his voice wrecked and shredded, half whisper, half reminiscent of pubescent teenaged years.

Harry looks at him like he's lost his mind. "Thanks to who?"

Zayn shrugs, finally bringing the cigarette up to his lips, igniting the flame of his lighter. "The firefighters. They're the ones who got us out, right? They're why you and I are here on this couch right now. Right?"

Harry purses his lips. "Dunno. Wasn't a priority of mine, I guess."

It should be, Zayn thinks.

or; the one where zayn survives a fire and falls in love with the firefighter that saved him.

My comment: Firefighter Liam is one of my favourite things! Zayn struggling with his anxiety over what happened seemed so real. And all the pining!! The PINING! Just read it.

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Zouis

~ swing my heart across the line by jarpadsalecki (21k)

Summary: "Louis was trying to come up with all the ways Liam could have died--car crash, he was figuring, but Liam was the safest driver he knew--and ringing up a particularly large order for a thirty-something year old woman and her three kids when a figure appeared out of the corner of his eye. Well, fucking finally he had a bagger. He glanced to his left, hopefully, to see if it was Liam.

It wasn’t."

The one where Louis is the star cashier, Harry is the cafe boy, Niall works in the deli, and when Liam is promoted from bagging to dairy, Zayn from produce is his replacement. Louis is not happy about that.

My comment: This was such a fun lighthearted read! And guys, the scene with the body shots...omg. LOVED these two characters together.

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Gryles

~ The Seaweed Is Always Greener by goseaward (25k)

Summary: The fairytales are pretty clear: Don't go near land. Don't go near humans. Definitely don't fall in love. And whatever you do, don't ask the Sea Witch for help.

A modern-day Little Mermaid AU.

My comment: This was a fun one! Harry’s character is so quirky and Nick just kinda goes along with everything.

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Tomlinshaw

~ Butter With You by driveinbingo | @joekavaliers (26k)

Summary: ”You’ve got egg on your face”, says Louis.

Nick isn’t quite following. ”What?”

Louis rolls his eyes. ”You’ve got egg on your cheek. Looks stupid.”

Nick could be inside with a cup of tea and a scone right now. Nick had thought – perhaps naively - that they were past all this now. That they could go back to behaving like adults.

”Right, I’m not gonna do th –”, is all he gets out before Louis practically launches himself at Nick, mouth first.

Or, the Tomlinshaw GBBO AU nobody asked for.

My comment: I actually want to cry from how good this is. Enemies to lovers, baking angst, BAKING! asdfghjkl READ IT!

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OT5

~ Let It Be Lightning by alexenglish | @queerlyalex (41k)

Summary: Niall Horan made a choice when he enlisted with the Pan Pacific Defense Corps. Leave his family and try to make a difference. He started out as a Jaeger Tech, elbow-deep in the greasy guts of the machines that were supposed to save the world, but here he is, five years later, fresh out of the Ranger Academy with another choice to make:

Assemble a team of Rangers able to pilot two or more Jaegers at any given moment. Interchangeable partnerships, all Drift Compatible with each other. The implications of pulling off this project are astronomical, but at the end of the day, Niall's just worried about how many people are going to end up inside his head.

My comment: Science fiction! Polyamory! Queer themes! What more could you possibly want? I didn’t want it to end. Just amazing.

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And that’s it for this month! I’m starting a course next month so I won’t have as much time to read. We’ll see how it goes!

You can join me on my reading adventure at @niccihoranson, where I bookmark all my 1D fic recommendations!

#monthly favourites #larry #lilo #lirry #narry #niam #nouis #zarry #ziam #ziall #zouis #gryles #tomlinshaw #ot5 #fic rec #my recs #one direction #1d #my lists

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