#lil warning that he’ll still be a bit different personality-wise

[uncagedbeast]

*dances to Thriller*

[mcwriting]

The Marriage Project (9)

I’m back with anotha one! Sorry it’s taken so ridiculously long! I’ve been soooo busy that sitting down and writing or even formatting has been such a challenge. Please enjoy this chapter!

*also i watched Cherry and Tom was so good in it I’m- that film messed me up a lil bit but like it was so good. Also I’ve loved Ciara since btr and now I’m just insanely jealous and love her even more ugh 

Story Masterlist

Word Count: 2333

Warnings: Some language? I can’t think of anything else

% approximately the 3rd week of October %

Friday evening, the volleyball team arrived at the town regionals were being held at, about an hour away. You were staying in a hotel again, and as before, Julia was your buddy.

After having spent the evening laughing and having fun, your whole hotel room group was about to head up the stairs.

“Hey, y/n. Do you mind staying back for a minute?” Julia asked.

“Oh, sure. We’ll meet you guys upstairs,” you called to the other two, who waved back nonchalantly and continued walking. Julia and you went back to some empty seats near the lobby.

“What’s up?” you asked, smiling.

“Well… Sam told me he caught you and Tom yesterday and I just wanted to ask you about it…”

Your smile faltered.

“What’s there to talk about? I told him that Tom sprayed me with water so I got back at him by soaking the back of his shirt. There’s nothing more to say.”

“Well, yeah, he told me that but he also mentioned that you stayed for dinner? And met Nikki’s parents last weekend? Not trying to imply anything, but I didn’t meet their grandparents until Sam and I had been dating for like 6 months.”

You were getting annoyed, considering this was the second person in two days to ask you about Tom.

“I didn’t just meet them over nothing! Nikki took my senior pictures at the same time as Tom’s and wanted to do them there. I was just tagging along for the ride.”

“You know he’s also coming to state next weekend, right? If we pass through tomorrow?”

He is?

“Uh, no I didn’t. Doesn’t he have football stuff to worry about? It’s also Halloween next weekend, like he’d miss out on the big party.”

“They have a bye next week. Sam is going to come and I guess Tom is taking him, but Nikki might come too? I’m not sure. I guess you’d better ask him. Anyways, I just wanted to clear things up since there were all those rumors today,” she said, starting to get up.

“Wait, wai- Rumors? I never heard anything. Like about me?”

“You haven’t heard? I guess one of the freshman girls who has a massive crush on Tom was stalking Nikki’s website last night and saw some pictures of the two of you. A bunch of people think you’re dating now.”

You felt yourself pale.

“Oh no, and she changed one picture after Tom asked her to. Do you know what the picture was?”

“Something about him carrying you..? I never saw it, why?”

“Great. Now everyone is going to think she changed it because a secret got out or something. Ughhhh I just wish this stupid marriage project had never happened and I would never be in this mess.”

Julia looked at you contemplatively for a moment.

“Think of it this way, you and Tom are friends now, right?” you apprehensively nodded. “If it weren’t for that project, you two would still be fighting all the time and you wouldn’t have had the incredible Nikki Holland taking your pictures. Everyone can just get over themselves, you know?”

You snorted, then grinned.

“Yeah I guess so. You know, you’re annoyingly wise beyond your years,” you stated. “Now let’s get back upstairs. We have a long day ahead of us.”

%

Placing first at regionals meant two things: you were going to state, and everyone was congratulating you again when Monday came.

They also kinda looked at you funny when Tom high fived you in the hallway as he passed by, but you had decided to follow Julia’s advice and stop caring about the rumors people were spreading. 

Once the morning announcements ended, your calculus teacher stood up, a small paper stack in hand.

“Okay, everyone, since I’m your first period teacher and homecoming is next week, today you get to cast your nomination votes. Y’all know the drill: three guys, three girls for king and queen. Try to make it fast, we have a lot to do today.”

She walked around handing out half-sheets of paper with six lines on them. You and Tom immediately looked at each other.

“We nominating each other?” Tom asked before you could.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” you joked, filling out the sheet with both of your names and four others.

In home ec, you sat next to Tom cutting fabric for yet another project you had to do together, thinking about something Julia had mentioned.

“Hey, I gotta ask you something. Is it true you’re going to the capital this weekend for our state tournament?” you asked.

“Oh, yeah. This is our bye week and I promised Sam I’d go with him and mom. Plus, we can work on the project when you’re free.”

“You do realize that’s like a four hour drive, right? I mean it’s Halloween this weekend. Wouldn’t you rather make an appearance at Johnny’s big blowout?”

“Eh, it won’t be that great. I mean his place isn’t even that big and it’s in town. There’s literally no way it won’t get busted within the first half hour. The homecoming party at Tyler’s however… that’s gonna be insane.”

“Okay Johnny’s trash party aside, you really would rather spend your one free weekend of the season four hours away watching girls play volleyball then at home doing… whatever it is you do. And please don’t tell me you watch the ‘hub in your spare time.”

“Come on, y/n I’m not an animal. Even without the tight uniforms volleyball is really cool.” 

You backhanded his arm at the comment.

“Plus, I don’t need any videos to get myself off,” he added, smirking.

“You disgust me.”

“You know you love me.”

“Hmm. Debatable,” you shot back dryly, earning a chuckle and shoulder bump from him as you finally cracked.

%

At lunch, your friends were discussing the Halloween party when you sat down.

“Okay we really need to figure out what to wear this weekend, and we’re not going as playboy bunnies like Daisy and all her group,” said one girl.

“Well I say we dress as frat boys. It’s funny, not super sexual, and we all know half the guys are going to rush next year,” suggested Caroline.

“I like it, but what if we went a step further and dressed as dads. You know, hawaiian shirts, khaki shorts, socks and sandals. That would be hilarious. What do you think, y/n?” said Alexis.

“Sorry ladies, I won’t be there. We have state this weekend at the capital so as always, we’re driving down Friday after school. I will be at Tyler’s homecoming thing next weekend. Also, I do really like the dad thing, but I vote y’all do Guy Fieri.”

“Wait why is that literally genius,” Alexis said as the others agreed. “Of course it would suck to take your idea without you even getting to do it.”

“You guys really think I care? Just credit me in your insta captions. I’ll make the team put ribbons with flames on them in their ponytails Saturday.”

“Okay now we have to do it,” a different friend said.

“Hey, at least you won’t have to worry about Tom. I’m sure he’ll be at the party,” Caroline said. You wrinkled your nose.

“Yeah about that… His brother’s girlfriend is on the team so he’s going, too. I’m the one that’ll be seeing him instead of you guys but whatever. We’ll need to work on our project anyways.”

“Don’t you think that’ll fuel the fires people are already spreading about you? A good portion of the school thinks you’re secretly together now,” added the first friend from before. 

“People are going to believe whatever the hell they want. I honestly don’t care anymore. Oh! By the way, did I tell you guys that some freshman was the one spreading shit about me Friday? The nerve those kids have,” you said.

“Wait, what? It was a freshman that was trying to tell everyone y’all are together? Ugh why would anyone believe them?” Alexis asked, incredulous.

“I know, right? Apparently she’s like obsessed with Tom or something. She must have a backwards way of thinking if she believes spreading fake rumors will make him want her. Jokes on her when she has to see us together on homecoming court. He’s just as likely to be voted as I am, maybe even more.”

The group all laughed and continued talking about random things, and you mentally wiped the sweat from your brow now that the conversation was shifted from you and Tom.

%

You were nervously bouncing your leg before calculus Friday morning. You’d gotten to school early to make certain you would be there for the announcements, which is when they would be releasing the list of nominees.

Tom came in a couple minutes before the bell, hair still wet from his post workout shower. Usually he blow dried it, and he obviously noticed you looking at his curls, your knee bouncing anxiously.

“Got out of the weight room late so I rushed over here. What are you wired up about, princess?”

“Do I really have to tell you? Homecoming noms.”

“You’re actually nervous about that? Everyone knows you’re already at the top of the list.”

“Uh, no, that’s you. After everything that’s happened the past few weeks, there’s no telling how people feel about me.”

“Oh you’ll be fine. I know it,” Tom finished. You wanted to disagree with him further, but then the bell rang and announcements began. After the general daily stuff, they got to the part everyone was waiting for. 

You were on the edge of your seat. The disembodied voice began with the underclassmen’s court nominations, eventually working up to the senior king contestants.

“Alright, first up in the running for kings we have… Tuwaine Barrett!”

Tuwaine was a cool dude. He played basketball and was in theatre. You were happy to see him nominated.

“Next up we’ve got Harrison Osterfield!”

Ugh. I’d rather abdicate the throne than end up against him.

“And finally for the boys, Tom Holland!”

A small cheer went up in your classroom as people congratulated Tom and patted him on the back. You gave him a high five.

“And now for the ladies. First on the list is Zendaya Coleman!”

Ah Zendaya. You were never that close, but she was always nice when you’d had classes with her. She was way taller than you, a star player on the basketball and softball teams. Not to mention she was insanely gorgeous. This was already some stiff competition.

“Second, we have Daisy Ridley!”

And of course another likely contender. Daisy, who was planning on going to that evening’s Halloween party as a playboy bunny, was a cheerleader. She didn’t fit every aspect of the cheer stereotype, like the fact that she was actually really smart, but she definitely wasn’t the nicest person either.

“And finally, your last nominee for homecoming queen is… y/n y/l/n!”

It took a second to fully process that it was you they were talking about until there were people cheering you on like they’d done for Tom. He reciprocated the high five.

“What’d I tell you princess? Or shall I say queen.”

%

Tom was leaving football practice after the bell when a few of his buddies appeared next to him to walk across the parking lot.

They were talking when Tom saw you all loading the bus, and you sent each other a wave.

“Damn, y/n’s not gonna be at the party tonight? That’s rough, she always has the dopest costumes. ‘Least you will. What are you going as?” one guy, Jake, said.

“Did I not tell you? I’m going out of town. Won’t be there. I totally would’ve been Spider-Man though,” Tom explained.

“Wait you won’t be there tonight either?” another, Chris, asked. “You’re gonna miss out on some major exposure for homecoming votes.”

“Oh yeah, right. I’m pretty sure things are in the bag for me. I’ll just be gone tonight and tomorrow. Promised Sam I’d go to the volleyball thing with him.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You. Are going to the capital. Which is four hours away. At the same time as y/n. Am I hearing this right?” Jake asked as they finally reached their cars.

“Oh shut up, man. It’s not like that. Yeah we’ll be at the same place this weekend but whatever. We’re cool with each other now.”

“Cool? Is that code for ‘I want to make out every time I look at her?’” interjected Chris. He and Jake gave each other a look and laughed.

“Ugh, no. I’d kiss a salmon before I kissed y/n. I just meant we’ve come to an understanding and are somewhat friends now.”

They both looked at him funny.

“So you mean to tell me that there’s nothing going on between you two? Yeah right. We’ve all seen the way you look at her at games,” Jake said suggestively.

“What is up with you and everyone else at this school thinking there’s more to the story?! We are fake married for a school project and are nothing more than friends. You’re crazy to think otherwise.”

“Who are you planning on asking to the dance?” Chris asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“What? What do you mean? I haven’t even thought about it.”

“I’m asking who you’ll take to homecoming. It’s y/n, isn’t it?”

“No. No, it’s not, because I haven’t asked anyone.”

“Would you go with her?” Chris continued, pressing in.

“I mean I guess so. If we’re voted king and queen then it’ll basically be an obligation.”

“And if you’re not?”

“Dude why are you asking all these questions! If she isn’t queen then I’ll go with whoever is. If I’m not king, I’ll just go solo and see what happens. Whatever, though, I need to get home. I’ll see you guys Monday,” Tom finished.

He walked off to his car, where his brothers were impatiently waiting.

%

A/N: Thanks for reading! Again, sorry for my inactivity but I’m hoping that writing will be a little easier as one of my classes was a half semester and I’ll now have a little more buffer room to write!

My asks and messages are always open!

Send a message or ask if you’d like to be added to my permanent or series taglists so I can verify you’ve been added!

Story tag list: @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @l0lmk, @primadonnasdream, @bookworm06, @thenoddingbunny-blog, @agentnataliahofferson, @spider-babe, @stxfxniexreads, @justafangirlduh,

[yeehawfolk]

Hi! I think yr totally right about Felix's teeth probably not being great and how he and the rest of the crew should have more scars! Do u have any other lil appearance HCs for him/the whole gang? (:

OK! SO! I have a Lot of HCs about the crew, appearance-wise, anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love their canon designs, but I feel like they didn't utilize "Halcyon is fucked" enough with your companions? If that makes sense. I'm going to break this up character by character, so it'll be an easier read!

Also, I'm gonna put a TW on this for slight self harm on this?? It's not emotionally motivated at all, it's like when you'd compete to see who can get the gnarliest eraser burn in middle school, but nevertheless, I want to warn y'all ahead of time, it's on Ellie's part.

Parvati:

-Honestly, her eyes are gorgeous. They're brown, but an amber kind of brown, and very bright.

-I personally HC that Parvati chews her nails when she's nervous, so they're always nubs and usually pretty dirty, bc Mechanic and all.

-Her hands have faint scars from nicks and burns from working on machinery. The skin on her hands doesn't scar easily, but she still has a few gnarly scars from particularly bad burns or cuts that she wasn't able to take proper care of.

-Constantly has bruises of unknown origin on her arms and legs. She bruises very easy, and always has, which is kind of precarious when you're a mechanic.

-This might already be canon and I just haven't noticed bc I'm using the Switch version, but I HC Parv has some freckles sprinkled around her face. Not a lot by any means, but I HC she gets frequent sun when she's working on certain parts of the town, and freckles are a bi-product of that.

-She has a couple small scars on her face; one just below her eye on her cheek, and another on her chin. I like to think she fell on her chin, and the other was from her first project that blew up in her face, literally.

-Her skin is just a bit ashy because she hasn't had access to a lot of good lotions over the years.

-Despite taking a shower every morning, she accumulates grease smudges and dirt from her plants on herself very easily. She cleans up for her and Junlei's dates, but for casual visits both don't really bother. Sometimes they make a game of smudging each other with grease while they work and by the time they're finished their faces look like they were going for war paint.

-I like to think Parvati and Junlei eventually wear rings with each other (like, years down the line) and when Parvati gets deep in thought, she rests it against her lips. Junlei does something similar by turning her ring on her finger.

-Parv has ok teeth, not like great, but she takes pretty good care of them, even if sometimes she has to forgo it for a day or few while out with the Captain.

-When she's in Edgewater, she's always skinny, and if you squinted you probably could pick out a rib or so. But after she moves in with The Captain, she gains weight, and finally has the little pooch of fat that you're supposed to have around the middle. Ellie helps her keep up with nutritional needs (what you can get in Halcyon, anyway) and gets very proud when she makes her goals.

Felix:

-This boy has horrible teeth. His sweet tooth + being an orphan in the Back Bays didn't leave much time for proper teeth cleaning. He probably never really had enough bits to get toothpaste with, either.

-Oh, boy. He has scars galore. Some are from scuffles (he has some on his back from when he was a kid and used to get in trouble for stealing) but a lot are also from getting burned by pipes, or jagged metal. A fair few are from him doing dumbass things in his teenage years ("I wonder what would happen if I heat up these rounds of light ammo with a flamethrower??") because you can't tell me this boy didn't do dumb things like every teenage boy did but with more disasterous results bc SciFi.

-His nose has been broken quite a few times, so it's crooked in a couple spots.

-Can frequently be found with bloody knuckles just because he forgets that punching someone with a mask over their face really isn't the best idea. This eventually culminates into him making the "Millstone Drop-Kick!" his go-to move.

-This isn't exactly appearance related, but I HC Felix has a fucked back from his life of hauling heavy boxes. It doesn't help that he drop kicks literally everything that moves tho.

-Probably has chronic pain in his hands from his hands getting crushed by boxes at some point or another. Several of his fingers are crooked from being broken and improperly set. His bones probably aren't the best bc of poor nutrition growing up, either, so they're a little easier to break.

-Just. Me thinking about Felix in his 40s, or even early 30s: Honey, you have a big storm coming.

-This is also a little random, but I like to think that it takes a long time for Felix to grow any kind of facial hair (he has chronic babyface) so he's super proud of his scruff.

-Max: That's peach fuzz. If that.

-Felix: Leave me alone you big hairy bastard, just bc you have to shave like every other day to keep a clean face doesn't mean all men do!!

-(He's just a bit sensitive about his facial hair)

-(He one day dreams of growing a glorious beard like Sanjar's, but it would take him like 50 years)

-(Shut up Max one day he'll have an amazing handlebar mustache and you won't be laughing then)

-I have no idea if piercings or tattoos are a Thing in Halcyon (probs not, honestly, but I can dream) but if they are, he tried to pierce his ears by himself once, they got infected, and he got really sad when he had to let them close. The marks are still there but the holes have closed by now.

-ELLIE PIERCES HIS EAR AND HELPS HIM KEEP IT CLEAN

-Felix is strong, but he's skinny and gangly as all hell and it's hard as fuck to get him to gain any weight, mostly because he still has his habit of eating only what he needs and stashing the rest. It takes him a while with the crew to get over that, and when he does, he gains a healthy amount of weight around his middle. Ellie teases him a bit, but is 1,000x happier that he's no longer damn near a walking skeleton.

-Listen. Ellie and Felix are bros I don't make the rules. She denies it but she would kill for Felix.

-Usually has slight dark circles under his eyes, because he has nightmares sometimes and can't sleep.

-His eyes are really, really pretty. Like. Super fucking pretty. He has long lashes and they sparkle when he smiles. His eyes are hazel like Max's, but more on the brown side, with streaks of green radiating out from the pupil.

-Speaking of smiles. He has the goofiest and sweetest grins around. A little self-conscious about his teeth, but honestly that doesn't stop him from laughing and smiling with everyone. He has a couple broken teeth, but honestly it just makes his grin a lil lopsided and cute.

-He gets the Worst bed-head. It stands almost straight up in every direction, but it's really easy to tame. Mostly because he just runs his hands through it and calls it a day.

-He found Max's hair gel once and went Ham. He used the whole can sticking his hair up into a mohawk, and proceeded to parade around for Ellie and Parvati. Then bolt to his room and lock the door when Max shouted his name from the bathroom. Max's hair was out of whack for like. A week. He kept blowing it out of his face and Felix and Ellie would giggle like madmen when he did.

-*BANGS FISTS ON TABLE* FELIX IS BABY! FELIX IS BABY!!

Max:

-My MANS

-Listen, I am extremely gay for Max. This needs to be known before I continue, because I have a metric fuckton of Max HCs.

-So, first off, Max takes VERY good care of his appearance. Like. Insanely good. His hair is always perfectly held back by a moderate amount of gel, his nails perfectly trimmed and cleaned. He keeps a clean-shaven face.

-But don't let that fool you, Max can and will get down and dirty when need be, he just doesn't care to stay like that.

-Quite a few scars from his prison and Tossball years. But because of the clothes he wears you wouldn't be able to see them easily. Mostly on his back/sides, though he has a couple on his torso and legs.

-The Captain calls him Bigfoot because his grows hair really fast and his arms and chest have some pretty thick hair. Max is very confused, because he personally doesn't think his feet are that big.

-Not an appearance HC per se, but he smells like soap, aftershave, and books.

-When he doesn't gel his hair, it falls in his face constantly, and it annoys the fuck out of him.

-Fuckin ripped bro. Just. What the fuck. Why is a priest this fuckin shredded. Why make my gay little heart ache more than it already does, Obsidian??

-Despite his arm muscles being like. Huge, he still has a healthy layer of fat over his middle, mostly because being an OSI Priest, he got a little bit better nutrition VS. literally all of Halcyon.

-When his knee gets Bad (like hiking through Monarch with the Captain) he has a slight limp? Barely noticeable, but you can tell he's not putting weight on it. I HC its an old Tossball injury (that might be canon, I haven't played in forever).

-Its hard to tell in the different lights of the game whether his hair is Black or Silver, and I like to think he's greying, but not fully grey yet. He can have a little hair color, still. As a treat.

-Fuckin no lashes to speak of. None at all. Baldy eyes. Its the only part of him that doesn't have really thick hair and ngl he is very salty about it. Tho his actual eyes are very pretty; they're hazel with a lot of green. He has a darker ring on the outside and flecks of brown in them.

-Has very good teeth, whiter than most of Halcyon's because of the OSI providing for him.

-Broke his nose once during Tossball, though he was able to get it set alright. Slight crook in the bridge of his nose.

-He has a lot of those moles from his face scattered around. Particularly his shoulders and back.

-Also have you seen his fuckin canon thighs??? Bro. They could crush a watermelon. Once again, I must say, what the fuck, why is this priest so fuckin shredded.

-Actually takes his physical health very seriously, so I like to think he's in great shape for his age. Seeing him in some of the canon outfits though makes me more inclined to think that's canon.

-Sorry, I have thought about this A Lot, and the gay jumps out of me sometimes.

-A fair amount of scars on his arms. Not as many as Nyoka, but a little bit more than Parvati.

-Has calloused hands, but they've softened over his years as a priest.

Ellie:

-Now I feel like Ellie wouldn't have many scars that she didn't let scar up on purpose to give her an edge. They're essentially superficial; they look cool but didn't do any real damage.

-Also, her skin is very pale, so she doesn't scar easily anyway.

-Though she does have some, and they're more recent. A couple of gashes on her arms, and a bullet wound in her side. She's proud of them.

-The dark circles under her eyes are because she likes to stay up late at night. Sometimes she contemplates her life, but she doesn't like it, and usually doesn't bother too much.

-Her lashes are very thick and full, and they compliment her eyes very well. Her eyes aren't exactly ice blue, they're a bit darker, and have real pretty lighter streaks in them.

-Yes, her lips are naturally that color. Good for picking up women, bad for looking intimidating to marauders.

-Really soft skin, she's always had access to good lotion. After she leaves Byzantium, she purposely looks a bit more grimy than she did then, which is easy to do because of her skin tone.

-Has a few moles and freckles, but not many, mostly on her shoulders and back. She was inside a lot prior to her leaving Byzantium.

-Her hair doesn't really sit down when she sleeps, but it does lose some poofiness, so she has to meticulously push it up in the mornings.

-Not quite an appearance HC, but I feel like when she gets comfortable with ADA, she gives her compliments. Stuff like "Your screen is very bright today, ADA!" ADA does the same thing. "And your hair is looking very bright as always, Dr. Fenhill."

-Muscular, but lean, and puts on weight a little easier than others, so she wouldn't look like she could kick your ass without her pirate get-up, but she could 100%, no holds barred kick your ass.

-Very good teeth. Despite wanting to look like a gnarly pirate she takes dental care very seriously. Tho she thinks about getting punched in the mouth occasionally so she could like break off a piece of her tooth. Not the whole thing, just enough to make her look tough.

-Idc if piercings and tattoos aren't a Thing in Halcyon, Ellie has pierced ears. Three in each ear, and I like to think an eyebrow and maybe nose ring. She doesn't wear them when she's in Dangerous Situations because she firsthand had to fix ears that had their earrings ripped out during rich catfights that she does NOT want that to happen to her.

-She also has tattoos covering most of her back, and some of her upper arms. She got them "illegally" (meaning it's illegal to The Board, but the Groundbreaker doesn't really give a shit) on The Groundbreaker and she's proud as fuck of them.

-I have Feelings about the missed opportunities for illegal tattoo/piercing parlors. Like I know there's not a lot of self-expression to be had and no Art aside from fonts, but c'mon. Humans have drawn on their skin since the beginning all around the world and we WOULD find ways to do it again, even if it's needle-poke tattoos.

-Anyway, back to Ellie.

-You ever hear of a "lighter tattoo"? Basically, you heat up a lighter and then stamp the hot metal into your skin and it makes a mark in the shape of the lighter head. If you get it hot enough and hold it long enough it can scar. They have a similar thing in Halcyon with Plasma Cutters. Instead of Stab, you heat it up, turn it off, and press the blade to your skin and it pretty much scars within a couple seconds.

-Ellie 100% did a few of those when she was in Byzantium as like the "hahaha edgy" thing that teenagers do.

-Like I know technically kids aren't around but... bruh... you can't tell me that teenagers in a SciFi setting wouldn't do dumb ass shit like that.

-Ellie is honestly the baddest bitch and I love her, ok, she just reminds me so much of of those high school delinquent tropes in 90s movies

Nyoka:

-SO I HAVE SOME FEELINGS ABOUT NYOKA'S CANON DESIGN... IN THAT SHE'S ESSENTIALLY A MONSTER HUNTER BUT SHE HAS NO SCARS!

-Listen, ok, she would 100% have a lot of scars from her life on Monarch. I share some HCs with @nyokaacore in that she has three scars over one of her eyes, and a few others around her face, like on her lips.

-The bulk of her scars are on her arms and body, though, as she usually is able to get the Canid or Rapt off before they get to her face.

-I like to think the scars on her eye are from Freida, the first Rapt she ever killed that's taxidermied on her wall.

-But she has a lot of scars from Raptidon claws and Canid mouthplates, sprinkled with some Manti burns and burns from Rapt spit.

-She also has her fair share of bullet scars on her, and definitely has some patches of skin discoloration from incidents regarding the sulphur pools. Chemical burns are a bitch.

-She's tall, and not exactly curvy? But broad. Big shoulders, wide hips, sturdy legs. Looks like she could kill you, could actually kill you alignment.

-The sand and sulphur in the air plays Hell on her skin, so she's got some old acne scars and places that scarred up into moles on her face. Has an issue with dry skin.

-Her skin is also pretty oily, and she washes it when she can, but water is usually better spent being drunk than washed with. However, she does carry a spare bottle of non-drinkable water to wash Rapt acid off in emergencies, so sometimes she'll pull from that to wash her face with.

-Big hands, calloused, pretty scarred up from her time on Monarch.

-I also like to think that she can tell you stories about most of the scars she has, lmao.

-Her nose, like Felix's, has been broken quite a few times and is pretty crooked.

-Most often, you see Nyoka with a slight sunburn on her face. It's hard to see, but her cheeks are usually warm to the touch.

-Her teeth aren't the best, but she does take as much care of them as she can out on Monarch. Still pretty yellow with some cavities, but not as bad at Felix's.

-Honestly the dark circles around her eyes are usually because she doesn't sleep a lot. She has dreams about CHARON, and that's not her favorite thing to do.

-At a pretty healthy weight for Halcyon, and ofc, has muscles as big as your head.

-Surprisingly soft hands, though.

[neerasrealm]

The Arrangement

Part Two to this story

In which the mysterious gold-stringed figure finally reveals their intentions, and their identity. Words: 1664

The hotel was comfy. It felt nice, being in a room that was meant for more than a one night stay. Every cheap motel room started to look the same after a while. She rummaged through her old green backpack for a bit until she found her bong and box of matches. She stood up off the ground and walked over to one of the two chairs in the room. The chair was fairly comfy. Fancy too, with a flowery pattern. She sat cross legged and filled the bong up with weed and water before lighting it up. She leaned down, taking a long drag of the smoke. She relaxed at the familiar warmth and finally looked at the person sitting in the chair across from her. 

Could she even call them a person? Their skin was a pale purple, and they had long black hair. They wore a grey beanie and sweatshirt, long black coat, jeans and sneakers. A very casual outfit for a creature that stalked girls in alleyways and had golden glowing eyes and teeth. They were fiddling with the ends of their fingerless gloves, watching her smoke. She sighed and relaxed back in the chair.

‘’...you’re still waiting for me to answer your question, aren’tcha?’’ she asked tiredly. They nodded. She really, really didn’t want to give her answer right now. She just wanted to smoke, and if she gave her no, the gold-eyed fucker wouldn’t stop bothering her. ‘’How about you gimme more details first, huh?’’ That oughta keep em occupied long enough for her to finish. Or at the very least, get a decent high that she very much deserved.

‘’Well, Mrs Downs-’’

‘’Just call me Rachel.’’ she grunted.

They gave a slight nod. ‘’Well, Rachel…’’ they began. ‘’You probably already know what I want. To hire you as a murderer.’’ they began. ‘’You show promise. It’s uncommon for humans to possess psychic abilities like yours, and you have experience with killing...’’ they looked at her. ‘’It’s my hope that I can assist you in honing these abilities. You’re strong, but you could learn much, much more.’’

‘’Lil rude but okay.’’ Rachel grunted. ‘’How ya gonna do that?’’

They smiled a bit in amusement. ‘’I apologise.’’ they said. ‘’I have a friend. His father was a teacher. He can help you hone your abilities, once he notices them.’’ they explained. ‘’He has a home, hidden away from humans. You won’t have to worry about the police finding you. It’s comfortable there too, you’ll like it.’’

‘‘Better be the fanciest place I’ve ever seen.’’ Rachel thought to herself. "Who's your friend then?" 

"His name is Slender," they folded their hands in their lap. "He's very old, but wise. Kind too. You'll be safe with him…" they trailed off. "I know his family well. He is trustworthy."

She nodded. "Where's he live?"

"Louisiana."

"Louisiana?!" She almost choked on her weed. "That's like- across the entire country!" 

"Is it?" They tilted their head for a moment. "Geography never was my thing...Writer was good at that…" they trailed off for a moment before returning to the conversation. "Anyway...I know him well. He'll help you."

Rachel glared at them for a moment before sighing. You'd think she'd be freaking out more, but honestly…? This wasn't the first time a poltergeist or demon or some other shit had cornered her and tried to make a deal. This one was different though. More corporeal, more...real. and very well spoken. "Aight well...why do you want me to kill in the first place?" 

They paused, staring at her for a long moment before sighing. They relaxed back in the chair and stared down at the ground for a long, silent moment. Rachel looked up from her bong and frowned. They...seemed upset by the question. Which was very awkward. She held out her bong. "Wanna hit?" She asked, trying to cheer up the sad supernatural entity sitting across from her. They looked up for a moment before shaking their head.

"I don't smoke," they replied softly. "But thank you." 

"Aight." She took the bong back and took another hit. It was quiet for another few beats before they sat up.

"I suppose it is fair I warn you about this job…" they murmured. She looked up at them. "You see...I kill myself. Dozens of people, every week…" their voice was low, soft. "My targets are all people who have been affected by the same thing. A man named...Zalgo." they ran their hand down their arm as they said the name, golden strings leaving a trail down it. "He's...power hungry. Cruel, manipulative. He has a way of charming people. And once he charms people...there's no saving them." They shook their head. "He claims souls, or in some cases...takes humans and...morphs them. Steals their humanity away and makes them monsters. But as of late, the amount of people he targets has been increasing. I need help." 

Rachel stared. "He sounds dangerous." She murmured.

"He is," they nodded. "He's extremely powerful. He's...a god. Like I am." 

Rachel's eyes widened. "What?" she asked "You're- you're taking the piss here, right?" She gave them a bemused look. A god? No, no they couldn't-

"I'm not." They replied softly. "Both of us are gods. I was- am...the god of design. I weave the strings of life and design every single creature on earth. Or at least...I used to…"

Rachel stared, mouth agape. She snapped back to reality and cleared her throat. "What-" she hesitated. "What happened?"

They looked up at her. "...Zal'gatoth happened." They murmured. "That's his full name. Zalgo is...a nickname he's taken on as a new identity. I-I don't know- I don't know what's happened to him...what's gotten into him. He's not the same person I knew he-" their voice cracked as they spoke. "He was my son…"

Rachel stared as shiny gold tears poured from their eyes. They wiped at their face as they cried silently. She looked away, feeling like watching was disrespectful somehow.

Finally, they spoke again. "I don't know what's happened to him but- there isn't anything I can do except save the ones he corrupts…"

Rachel nodded, glancing away. She felt bad- touching a nerve like that. "So...how dangerous is this gonna be?" She asked lowly.

"Very. I won't pretend, this is a safe or easy job," they murmured. "Zalgo is extremely powerful and volatile, and his...minions, are brutal. Stronger than a human should be, and sadistic in nature." They explained. "You'll be risking your life doing all of this, which is why I understand if you say no but...I want you to know that by doing this work, dirty as it is...you're helping others." 

"How?" She tilted her head. Her voice was low, like she was actually considering it. 

They reached into their long black coat and pulled out what looked like...a doll. Or rather, a puppet. "This was a person once," they said softly. "A person Zalgo corrupted. They were doomed. As soon as they were killed, their soul would be yanked down to his realm to reside with him forever." Golden strings wrapped around the puppet, making it stand on their lap. "But...instead, I captured that soul, and put it into this vessel. In this form they are dormant. They have no idea they're a puppet, instead they are reliving their life, over and over, on a loop, inside their head. It's not the best but...it's pleasant enough. And they don't remember Zalgo. Or me."

Rachel nodded. ‘’So...am I gonna do that too? The soul thing?’’

They nodded. ‘’Yes. You’ll learn to trap souls, and make your own puppets. I can’t always supply them.’’ 

Oh great...she had to sew. Of course she knew how to do that, it was a skill you’d need when you were travelling on the road alone, but still. She didn’t particularly enjoy it.

‘’So will you consider it?’’ they asked. Her head snapped up. Consider it-? She’d- she’d...actually been doing that hadn’t she? Considering the job…

‘’When can I start?’’ she asked. They smiled a bit, golden teeth glowing.

‘’I can have you in Slender’s house by tomorrow. But you’ll be given plenty of time to settle and train before you begin your official work.’’ they replied. They reached into their robe and pulled out the knife they’d used before. Golden strings floated from their fingertips, curling around and forming a circle. They cut the string and smoothed down the loose edge. The strings solidified, turning into a gold ring. ‘’But...there are two rules you need to promise me you can follow.’’

‘’What are they?’’ Rachel tilted her head.

‘’You only kill targets I give you,’’ they said. ‘’And you do not tell Slender or anyone else about me. My presence will attract Zalgo’s attention...it’d be putting you and Slender’s family at risk. I’ve...they’ve already lost their sister. I don’t want that happening again…’’ they looked away, their voice lowering at the mention of the sister.

She nodded. ‘’Won’t say a word. Promise.’’ she said. They stood up, padding over to her. They were extremely tall, and a little intimidating, but they were like a gentle giant almost. They knelt down, holding out the ring. 

‘’By taking this you agree to the dangers of fighting against Zalgo and assisting me. You accept the risk to your life, and vow to help those targeted by Zalgo.’’ their voice was soft, gentle. ‘’Do you accept?’’

She stared at the ring for a long moment before reaching out and taking it. She looked up at them. ‘’I’ve been following orders from a ghost my whole life, and it’s all been for revenge. I’ve only ever hurt people…’’ she looked down and slipped the ring onto her middle finger. ‘’...I think it’ll be nice to help for a change.’’ she said with a smile.

(Part Three here)

[gh0stpkmn]

pbbt i need somewhere to put my saeran headcanons. so? here?? i’m still paranoid abt how read-mores work on mobile. oh and spoilers warning obv.

 like i said in my,, yyyyooran post... saeran probably eats sweets unconciously a lot of the time while he’s doing things like watching shows or reading or w/e. sometimes he eats so much that he feels sick. dummy.

personality-wise... very withdrawn and quiet for a quite a while when he first starts recovering! at least around most of the rfa. saeyoung sees his snarky side pretty quick but it’s a surprise to the other rfa members when he starts getting more comfortable because eventually he doesnt stop himself from being snarky and sarcastic. he even starts poking fun at people other than saeyoung (probably zen because he’s so dramatic. or jumin because.....how can u not poke fun at jumin han)

everyone is surprised the first couple times it happens because  they thought he was this Sweet Soft boy but no. he’s sassy as Fuck (within reason of course)

appearance-wise... even tho i Love edgy saeran w all my heart and Want it to be canon so bad........ going by the secret endings i... cant help but imagine he doesnt wear a lot of chokers or paint his nails much, if at all, after his hair goes back to red???

 i imagine it was a struggle to convince him to dye hair back to normal at first bc he was very Abrasive and defensive and for a long time he didn’t want to let go of the persona he built for himself???

which makes sense because, like, if you built up a whole personality for yourself out of spite and anger (while also under the influence of a FUCKTON of drugs and brainwashing) and suddenly that spite and anger is subsiding,,,, that would be pretty fucking confusing

but once he’s dedicated to recovering and getting better he p much drops all the Edgy stuff in relation to his appearance. 

(he STILL... wears a lil bit of eye makeup tho? but its very simple and “”””natural”””” looking u kno like... usin brown eyeshadow as eyeliner.. maybe some mascara... v simple n natural n cute.. ........ bc its calming for him to apply it. and it helps his eyes/the green contacts stand out more so its easier to tell him apart from saeyoung)

and... idk i imagine he still kinda genuinely likes that edgy fashion style a bit??? but. i feel like the white hair and leather and spikes was more for shock value and trying to be as different from saeyoung as possible, more than anything... if that makes sense? yeah.

so. what DOES he wear? imo he is a Cozy Boy ok. tbh i dont rlly like his sweater postcanon but i imagine he wears stuff like that pretty often buT.... to be more self indulgent i like to imagine more lik e…. cozy, somewhat baggy knit sweaters n jeans. comfort is key w his wardrobe. pull-overs... sometimes he’ll wear t-shirts w/ cardigans. sometimes hoodies. overall v soft cozy boy, always snug as a bug….. but yes. 

knit sweaters in earthy tones. w/ jeans. ye.

messy hair too??? the messy hair + comfy clothes always make him look cute n sleepy. 

also!!! ok. again, when he’s still very insecure, i feel like for a long time he would only wear clothes with long sleeves? clothes that cover as much as possible... bc of his tattoo and all the scars he probably has (some of them old, some of them recent.) and also bc he’s probably a little insecure abt being so thin and sickly?? idk

and?? idk maybe i’m projecting but i feel like big baggy, comfy clothes would be kind of an emotional safety blanket for him, if that makes sense? they’re cozy and big and he can hide in them. so?? yeah. hes comfortable in sweaters. for a long time he’s very opposed to Not wearing smth comfortable and somewhat baggy that covers as much of his body as possible.

like, it’ll be a billion fuckin degrees outside bc its summer, and this poor boy refuses to take his sweater off. everyone tries SO hard to get him to wear smth less hot, but nope. he doesn’t care if hes melting. “That’s what ice cream is for.”

BUT i feel like he gets more comfortable rolling up his sleeves or even wearing t-shirts eventually ?? like once he hits a certain point, he stops giving a fuck and isn’t insecure about scars and stuff at all. 

he.... becomes very blunt abt his recovery, instead of being so nervous and withdrawn? at least w the rfa… 

like. one of them sees scars / marks from past injuries and ask him about it and he just. looks at what they’re referring to for a second and then just replies deadpan 

“oh, yeah. that’s from a time when someone at mint eye beat me up.” or “hmm… this? i’ve had it since i was 8, i think. mom did that.”  

just?? very. casual about it. and it’s not like he’s totally over those things, but he’s comfortable enough now that they’re not a big deal? idk he doesn’t rlly consider that it might make other people uncomfortable, because he’s not uncomfortable

blunt to a fault sometimes, tbh. and it catches ppl off guard sometimes.

idk and like... in fics and imagines and headcanons... i often see people portray him as very confident (and forward, flirty in shippy scenarios) or just. super shy and withdrawn. or grumpy and “””””””””””tsundere”””””””””””””(ugh)

i kinda see him as a mix of all of those,, tho, less forward and flirty lol. idk just

very shy, kinda quiet, grumpy and done w/ his brothers shit all the time.... but also there’s sometimes flashes of confidence as he gets better and more comfortable? like he can joke around with people. 

he’s not as boisterous as saeyoung or yoosung or even zen really, but not as dry as jumin??? idk. i picture him as a very chill presence when he’s in a good mood, but he still has this witty edge? IDK HOW to describe it.

and ofc he has his bad moments when he’s very withdrawn and insecure and cagey but i feel like, on his good days, he’s a rlly chill guy, if not a bit quiet.

this boy also has a potty mouth. and he doesn’t curse to be tough or edgy or anything, but he’s just used to speaking like that i guess so.. he definitely embarrasses jaehee or mc at an rfa event... or in front of kids. bc he doesn’t have a filter when it comes to Bad Words. they just shush him like “Saeran!!!!! Language!!!!!” and he doesnt realize what he’s doing wrong

i’ll probably add more to this post but i just. needed to document these and i didn’t wanna lose them in my drafts lol

[youcantclipmywings]

another crazy ass super late update w waaaay too much info

Hey y’alll... I’m kinda back? Sorry again for never being on this account. I want to be on it more but I get so consumed with my life and then I forget... not an excuse but an explanation. 

TW for all the usuals (drugs, etc) plus fun high school bs cropping up 2 1/2 years later :)

So last time I updated I was excited about going back to school and was feeling really lost and alone, as well as hopeless about my romantic life and my really intense cravings to smoke weed. A lot has changed since then... lol

My school decided to only do online schooling, understandably, but it sent me into a horrible spiral when they announced that. The idea that I’d be stuck at home for another 5 months... I just couldn’t take it. There’s a reason I went to boarding school after treatment. My parents fucking suck!!!! So I was venting to one of my best friends (C) who lives in another country even though she goes to school in the US (we met in treatment) and she invited me to come stay with her and her family in that country for a few months just so I could get away from my family... and now I’m there! I have dual citizenship with that country and the US because one of my parents is originally from there, so she applied for me to get dual citizenship when I was born, and I still have family here. Anyways, I’m now starting week 2 of my quarantine (which ends on Sunday (sep 20th) but I’m so happy to be here. I needed to get away and COVID just isn’t as bad here and I feel less depressed and like life maybe isn’t that hopeless, which is exciting!!!

I have smoked a bit more recently but I’m trying to lessen it or make sure I’m only doing it when I’m interacting with friends (either in person or via facetime). 

So, since I got to this country, there’s been a couple slightly interesting things occurring, relationship-wise. C is dating this guy and has been for the last 2 months and I guess he has a friend (J) who’s single and got really hyped when he found out C had a friend coming into town. C told him if he wanted to even attempt to be with me in anyway whatsoever he had to be my friend first and take things hella slow, but apparently he’s kinda a himbo so who knows if he’ll heed that warning. He added me on snap and told me he’s gonna take me out to a meal and later C told me he was bragging to her bf about how impressive it is that he said that (I think he’s kinda a fuckboy but C said her bf was initially too). Idk how I feel about any of this. I’m trying to not pass any judgment until I meet him a few times. 

A few nights ago, I got a snapchat message from this dude (JB) I knew from junior/senior year of high school (after treatment). Now, when we were in high school we were best friends. I had a small group (A, M, JB, and myself) and we all hung out all the time and were super close. A and JB dated junior year and then almost dated again senior year but she kinda ghosted him last minute and started dating someone else. JB also dated two other girls our senior year (this info is all relevant I promise). JB and I were kinda like brother/sister- we got along really well and had similar sense of humor but there wasn’t any attraction between the 2 of us. He liked skinny, kinda crazy (in the whole “omg I’m so fucked up pay attention to me” obnoxious way where they aren’t actually mentally ill, just annoying) girls and I was overweight and even though I’m legitimately mentally ill, I’m stable and high-functioning, and also... he’s short (well the same height as me but I’m tall) and skinny and just not my type... but anyways there was no attraction there. After high school, we all kinda stopped talking. M was a freshman while we were all seniors (I stayed in contact with him and still consider him to be like a little brother- I love him sm he’s my lil baby), but I haven’t talked to JB or A much since. We all went off to college and started new lives... JB and I talked a bit over that summer between senior year of high school and freshman year of college and he did call me a few times throughout freshman year (holy fuck that’s when I started this acc......) but whenever he’d call he’d only talk about himself. He’d talk about how he was drinking too much and smoking too much and he’d say kinda racist shit about his girlfriend at the time’s exes (since they were black... I guess that reflected poorly on her in his mind... fucked up mindset in my opinion) and he’d never ask me about myself. I was in overwhelming, immense pain constantly because of my ankle... I was high all the time and drinking regularly too, while hiding it from everyone, including my therapist. I was in a dark place and there he was calling me to talk about himself for really long periods of time. 

Anyways, I started avoiding his calls after awhile and then he stopped calling. He doesn’t know I had my ankle surgery. He doesn’t know I took a semester off of college to recover. He doesn’t know I met my genetic mom. He doesn’t know I’m struggling with some issues still. Then, in December 2019, the day after my mom had a heart attack, he started frantically messaging me on snapchat, begging me to talk. I told him that I couldn’t, that my mom was in the hospital and I was overwhelmed, that I had a ton of dr appointments and meetings and needed to make sure my mom was okay, but he wouldn’t lay off. I guess I felt some sort of loyalty towards him since we used to be so close, so I said “okay, you can call me anytime in the next 30 minutes, but that’s it” and he responded immediately, saying “I’ll call you in 5 minutes”. He never fucking called. After that, I decided I was done. He’s no longer my friend. And we hadn’t spoken since until a couple weeks ago where he messaged me and told me he missed me and I responded with a “yeah it’s been awhile” and then left him on read after he responded back with some other bs. 

Then this past weekend, he messages me out of nowhere talking about how he misses me and again, I say “yeah, it’s been awhile”. He says that there’s been something he’s wanted to tell me for a long time and he wishes he would’ve said something when we were in high school. I asked what the fuck he was talking about and he was like “I wish we could’ve dated. You were always so nice to me and we got along really well. I thought you were beautiful, caring, funny, and sweet. We had the sense sense of humor and enjoyed doing the same stuff. I liked you a lot and wish we could have dated.”... I was like.. “Uhhh... what made you realize this?” and he said “Idk I just realized it now” and I was like “yeah I’m just a little shocked because it never seemed like there was any type of relationship vibes there” and he was like “really?” and I was like “dude... you literally dated 2 girls and almost dated a 3rd...” and he was like “I feel like I knew I liked you then” so at that point I facetimed my friend M and was like “did JB like me in high school” and he was like “nah he liked A and those 2 other girls” and I was like “yeah, he’s saying some bs and I just need confirmation that I didn’t miss any signs” and he was like “yeah you guys were just really good friends” so I messaged JB back and was like “so what motivated you to tell me this” and he said “I don’t know I just felt like I should tell you” and I was like “well where do we go through here”... now, I said this knowing he’d say he wanted to date. I didn’t want to date him but I did want to let him down easily. M had told me while we were facetiming that JB had dropped out of college and gone to rehab so he was obviously struggling. I think he’s just super lonely during quarantine and he’s reflecting on high school (when he last felt happy) and is creating something that wasn’t there in hopes that it’d be reciprocated and he’d feel less lonely. He and A both had relationship/intimacy issues and were both really hyperfocused on always being in a relationship, so I’m not surprised he’s still like that. I am surprised it’s gotten to a point where it’s delusional... 

Anyways, he responded saying “where do you wanna go?” and I said “I asked you first” and he said “I want you wbu” and I said “I don’t know dude... I’m a super different person than I was 2 1/2 years ago and I’m sure you are too and I’m just not sure if we’d be compatible now that all this time has passed... also I live in a diff country now so we’d never actually see each other.” I know saying I live in a diff country now is kinda lying because it makes it seem like I moved permanently but I think it was necessary to get my message across so I don’t feel bad. He responded and he was like “yeah I guess that’s true” and I said “yeahhhhh” and he was like “I really want to be with you” and I said “I guess timing is everything” and he said “yeah I guess :(” and then I left him on read and that was the end of that conversation. I feel like a really good person for letting him down as nicely as I did because I felt like saying “nah I’m not fucking into you” especially since he’s been such an awful and selfish friend since we left high school, but I decided to be the bigger person because I know he’s struggling right now. And I feel sad that he’s reached a point in his life where he’s creating something that never existed because he’s so lost and alone and confused. I wish I could be there for him but I just can’t... 

My therapist says I can be too loyal to people sometimes. Even when people hurt me, I’m still there and I feel like I owe it to them to stick around and support them. I pretend like I’ll drop anyone that hurts me, but it’s obvious I’m loyal since I’m still willing to treat this dude with more kindness in this one interaction than he’s given me in 2 1/2 years. I want to be a kind person but I don’t want to be loyal to a fault... I think it’s harmful and self destructive. I need to work on it. 

Anyways, last night when I got out of the shower I had a towel wrapped around me and felt something weird and looked down and a giant spider was crawling around on my tiddy... I screamed so loud I’m surprised the family I’m staying with didn’t come running into the guesthouse from the main house to make sure I’m okay lol. I killed it with my textbook, which is now sitting in the corner of the room because I’m not in the right mental space to clean spider guts off a textbook after that whole ordeal. 

C’est la vie...

[theprettiestboyindarre]

The Most Beautiful Man in All of Darr

Chapter 4

“You are a treasure, Desoke, never forget that. Here in Darr more than anywhere else in the world, you will be held as a treasure.”

Desoke often wondered what type of man his father was. A quarter Maroneh, the rest of him Darre. He was browner than anyone in their village, often saying he was touched by Itempas. His hair had a bit more fluff to it than the other Darre. Desoke watched him as he prepared in the mornings, schooling his hair to be in fashion as best he could. He had what appeared to be two smooth stones each etched in gods words. One he ran over the top of his hair; the other under. Both at the same time, working together. Each pass took the fluff out of his hair, the newly glossy strands falling down his back, the tighter curl of it gone.

He asked his father where he had gotten the stones, but his father only replied “A man is to have his mysteries if he is to survive.” That proved true, Desoke found. He kept the truth of his fathers death close to his chest, beating soft and slowly, a quiet truth that fueled him throughout his early life.

Once again he would have to refer to his fathers teachings. Serenely sitting, cross legged, on the floor of his cell beneath the Raringa, Desoke schooled himself calm. Keep my mysteries mine, for I am a treasure. He knew the women of Darr had always considered their men important. His father told him stories of days when Darr had to have their men fight in wars, a desperate time indeed. A time women regretted losing precious boys to war. It was a woman’s job to keep him safe, his father told him, and his job to remember that.

“Are you praying?” A woman’s voice rang out, clear and interested.

“I often pray,” Desoke responded with eyes closed, ignoring the strangeness of the voice. One old man was locked in with him, and all the women were gone, the old man must have been playing odd tricks. “What is a man without his gods?”

“And just who do you pray to?” The voice asked, pressing down on him like actual weight. He began to worry, but centered himself by focusing on his still body, sitting cross legged in the middle of the floor with his eyes closed.

“My father was touched by Itempas, or at least he thought so. Some of his people were Maro. The Maro love Itempas, so I pray to him for order and light to my life.” Desoke swallowed, taking a breath, feeling a familiar presence lurking the floors, his skin prickled in warning, yet his instinct told him to continue. “My mother honored Lady Yeine everyday of her life for her many blessings and love for Darr. And, out of respect I mention the Nightlord, but not too much, my father told me invoking such a god is not wise.”

“What a wise mortal,” the voice trilled. Desoke could feel that presence move toward him, something rapped against the metal bars accented with a heavy wooden lock. It was tale that a man could go mad beating at the lock until his knuckles were bloody and ruined, falsely believing he could break the wood. A puff of stale air carrying the scent of foul, rotten food wafted around him. He shuddered and moved to open his eyes, dreading what he might find. “Keep them closed,” the voice growled into his ear. “And tell me, who else you pray to.”

Desoke’s breath caught tight in his chest. He felt a shudder of revulsion. Why now? How? He stilled himself like he wished he had done all those years ago during his first encounter with the godling he knew was lurking over him.

“No answer, my hungry one?” The greedy godling never touched Desoke, but he felt her tongue trace the curve of his cheek. He smelled her putrid scent, rotting meat and something burnt that he couldn’t place. “I still feel your hunger,” she laughed, “how is that possible?”

“I pray to Lady Zhakkarn,” Desoke answered her first question. “Darr owes many lives to her.”

“No one else?” The voice laced with want and hunger hissed.

“Those are the only ones, anyone else and…”

“And what?” The voice became excited.

Desoke swallowed thickly against the sick rising in his stomach. “And they might show up.”

He opened his eyes.

Remembering the first time he prayed, a lifetime ago, Desoke sat just like he did in his cell under the Raringa. Around him he had placed all of his fancies. The fur over robe his father was able to get him for the winter, shiny lake stones that resembled the jewels he truly wanted, and a warriors knife for the future wife he hoped to have. He called no name in particular, not knowing that was how he was to go about things, just sat in a praying position amongst his prized possessions, happily envisioning more to come. No one had come immediately, neither did he expect them to. He was thirteen, with a mother who spoiled his doting father. There was a certain way he expected a boy to be treated, and he prayed to have those needs fulfilled.

He knew nothing of enulai’s, godlings, or magic. He encountered a stray gods word etched into something for a mystic effect. But even those were rare, and kept secret to the holder. So when an Amn woman in a dress the color of clotted blood stepped into the moonlight seeping through his bedroom window, he didn’t question why that was a very bad thing. He just knew that an Amn woman appearing in his bedroom tucked away in the high north had to be magic and she just must be a godling. The sets of laws between humankind and gods that were being violated in that moment, he didn’t have a clue about. His attention was on the emaciated woman that slowly circled him and his things he wanted with a surprising hunger.

She had offered him the world, and the world she gave him, until he discovered that the only world he had known was very, very small. That the fishing village of his birth was just a stop along for important passengers to important places. Compounds were built on stilts. Houses connected by sturdy decks, designed to hover above the highest recorded flood. The lake that provided habitable land for the village, with plenty of water fowl and deer who were drawn in by the lake, as well as plentiful fish, was just a small outlet for a slightly larger river that lead to a much larger river and eventually an even bigger ocean. But the scope of Desoke’s world was very small. It alighted on things that made him happy.

Until they didn’t anymore

The second time the godling who introduced herself as Lil met Desoke she found him older, only slightly. Human ages did not make much sense to her, they all wanted the same thing at the same time, just in different stages. But Desoke was different. He was wild with want. The Semnite continent was full of ambitious people, most of the power hungry being Amn, but this was different. His want had a sweetness to it, an innocence that begged to be savored. The new mortal stage was boring, and a bright spot wafted across her vision, so she went to him, without permission. But, his want upon their second meeting was tinged with something else.

Each mistake Desoke ever made, he made with a genuine heart. He learned how to lie later in life, but his early life was filled with colossal, honest mistakes. Most of them he made because of Lil’s influence, but that didn’t stop them from hurting any less.

“Why are you here?” Desoke whispered. “You can’t be here right now!” He whipped his head around the cell, looking for the old man. “What did you do to him?”

Lil waved a dismissive hand. “He’ll be fine.” She devoured him with her stare, a smile growing on her maw of a mouth. “I’ve figured out these new laws you have, and I’m very good at getting around them. He’ll wake when I leave with no knowledge that we spoke.”

“And why do you need to speak to me?”

Lil shrugged her shoulders and plopped down in front of him, mimicking his posture. “Don’t you miss me, Desoke?” She laughed, a deep, ugly sound that carried that smell of rot.

“You ruined my life!” Desoke spat at her. “I couldn’t miss you if I lived for a thousand years!”

Lil rolled her eyes. “I remember a time when you were happy to see me. It wasn’t that long ago either.” She sighed a puff of rancid air, fixing her craving stare directly into Desoke. “You mortals, if only Enefa had gifted you just a few centuries more on this planet, maybe you’d really learn forgiveness. I’ve tried to eat half of my siblings, and we all still love each other…more or less.” Her eyes darted around the room then she shrugged.

“Who’s Enefa?” Desoke blurted.

“Still hungry for knowledge I see! Good good!” Lil clapped like a child.

“You know what? Don’t tell me, just leave me be. Please?” He would have used his best pleading voice, the one that worked so well on Ueino, but regular things didn’t work on godlings. They had different tastes, Desoke had learned.

Lil wanted whatever Desoke wanted, or at least that’s what he thought when he first invoked her. She wanted his want. His need for better things. His hunger, she called it. He had learned that she usually stalked the Semnite continent, preying on the several cultures of greedy people there. But, the change in power over generations there left her starving for something she couldn’t give herself.

“Only one other person has ever prayed to me before you,” Lil said, “and I’m sure she’s dead now.”

“I never meant to pray to you,” Desoke retorted.

Lil’s dark eyes flashed. Her pale, sickly skin went a shade lighter, and her wide mouth dropped open, the jaw hitting the floor. Her tongue whipped around wildly as the teeth in her gaping mouth began to churn and circle it’s length. Desoke hopped up from the floor, hand over his mouth so not to scream too loudly.

“Do you not think I care for you, Desoke? Yours is the only meal I’ve had in decades! I savor my meals, and those who feed me. I do not take that lightly.” Nothing moved save for her pale blonde hair, whipping like her tongue in her own personal hurricane.

“I don’t know what that means!” Desoke yelled, forgetting that he should remain quiet so the guards wouldn’t come rushing in. “You show up and take from me! Take until I’m empty! You took my father! And I was so numb I couldn’t care! All you ever gave me was that wretched wife, and you only did it so I would still need things. Still need you! And you fed off of that. You ate my unhappiness, and continued to make sure you had a meal!”

“Shhhhh, do you want them to come in?” Lil chuckled, her mouth still on the ground.

“Yes! I want everyone to see that your here! Why not? Why continue to let you ruin my life? Guards!” Desoke shouted into the air. “Guards! There’s a…THING here! Help!”

Lil rolled here eyes, and got to her feet, putting her face back to its regular ugliness, but a frown replaced the sly grin she once had. “You may hate me, my little hungry one, but you will remember our deal. You owe me your tears, and your wants. I don’t care if I have to take them from you, they are mine.”

Desoke feared this day from the first moment he dared to dream for his daughter. He wanted nothing more for himself than food and a place to sleep, anything more was too extravagant. Fanciful wants were a thing of his childhood, long lost and too out of reach. Lil faded from view as the sound of approaching guards grew louder. The old man sharing the cell snorted awake, looked at him cowering against a wall, and rolled back over.

The guards shouted at him to be quiet, calling him several undignified names, but he didn’t care. He’d heard worse, from worse women that still wanted him. He saw the looks in their eyes, the same stares he got at the sharing house, and shrugged off their disdain. He resettled in the center of the floor, trying to calm his nerves, but he was shaking far too much for it to work. He needed to see Kitke, that was his only concern.

“Father!” A little voice cried and Desoke nearly jumped out of his skin with joy. Kitke pressed herself into the bars of his cell, trying to hug him and he her. “I want to go home,” he sobbed.

“We will, I promise,” he soothed, his heart filling with inexplicable joy and sadness all at once.

“Feva-ennu says I live here now,” the girl cried.

“What?!” Desoke pulled away from his daughter and looked to the woman who escorted her in.

She was pretty, more than pretty. Brown skin made browner by the sun. Her hair was cropped close to her head, efficient for a warrior. But wisps of the cut laid artfully on her forehead and nape. Her brown eyes danced across Desoke’s face, a pitiful smile tugged at her full lips nestled into a squarish jaw.

“What does she mean? This is all a misunderstanding, and I will be released, right?” Desoke asked, hating how much he sounded like he was pleading.

The guard approached the cell and knelt next to Kitke, peering directly into Desoke. “You will be released, but you will not return home,” she said. “I am sorry, Desoke-wo,” she spoke the honorific with respect, and Desoke flinched at its mention. “The ennu has ordered your girl to remain here, and be trained as a warrior for our country. I did what I could, but there was not much to be done. Instead of punishment, the ennu has released you to my household as a servant.”

A tangle of emotion knotted in Desoke’s throat, he opened his mouth to speak, and closed it, too shocked to say anything. He tore his eyes away from the woman, Bieva, he knew it to be her, and fixed them on Kitke. The confusion was apparent on her little face, he cried at the sight of it.

“I’ve failed you,” he whispered to her through his tears. “I am so sorry.”