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tsundozer · 5 years ago

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Prompt #03: Twelveswood Elegy

Exercise: an extensive, meandering monologue, deliberately breaking form an appropriateness. A dialogue that goes on, and on, and often loses it’s way--so the reader, themselves, become lost within it. Express intense emotion through nothing but spoken word, with sufficient weight.

Dearest G’rha,

It is with heavy heart that I reach out to you today to deliver this most unfortunate news: G’ihsa Ohsen passed on the eve of the 10th sun of the 4th Astral moon. She has been burned, and will be returned to the soil beneath the trees, as were her wishes, and as is custom of our people. Pursuant to this, we will be convening to mourn at the sunlit clearing and taking the time to speak of her memory, fondly. Your attendance has been something of a hot topic. While there has been much debate within the community, ultimately as Nunh, the final decision rests upon my shoulders.

You, G’rha, former Tia of the Griffons, second son of G’ihsa Ohsen, have been requested to attend and speak your piece. I understand this request may be presumptuous, even hurtful, for you, for myself. I take no joy in inviting you, and will take less joy in speaking myself.

But Rha.

She was our mother.

And nobody else is going to mourn.

G’ruhn Nunh

“So I had a long time t’think, on my way to these woods. In these woods. There’s an old log, where my lil’ gaggle of fuck-ups used to spend time. Y’know the place. I didn’t really try to find it, I just sorta wound up there. Funny how the wood seems to change, over time. I always thought it was dead. But there I was, unsure where I was, at least, until I found that log.”

Gray flexed his hands twice before wringing them together, as he surveyed the small gathering. Only five, maybe six people besides his brother had come to see their mother returned to the wood. He didn’t recognize either of them. When he looked in his brother’s direction, he couldn’t help but sneer. It didn’t fit the scene (that’s all this was, a scene), wearing that disdain upon his face. But disdain was all he had, wasn’t it? He decided to just talk. Shut everything else away.

“Gray, by the way. G’rha, I guess. If y’all gonna insist. I used to go there a lot, with G’rhun. With G’nerha. WIth a buncha other misfits who ain’t fit in here--an’ I just kept thinking about that. Misfits, we were misfits. I’d jokingly call us the Bastard’s club. On account o’ me an’ G’nerha, I guess. but really. We were all out of sorts, in some way. It’s really fucking sad, to see how many of you here just. Crawled your way back in-- oh, don’t give me that fucking look. Am I bitter, hells, yeah, I’m bitter. I don’t-- I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know why I’m here. Where even is here? Home? I don’t think so. It weren’t home for mom, either. --Right. Mom.”

Gray gave a long, steady sigh.

“Mom-- G’ihsa Ohsen-- was born sixty-eight turns ago an’ a few moons. She was a miqote, belongin’ to the griffon tribe, daughter of G’ohsen Nunh, the nunh prior. And she died a few moons ago. When I was young, she taught me a song. Magic chords, she said, to chase the nightmares away. She had a way with music, I’ll tell you that. She had a way with her words, too. She loved t’ use ‘em to dig, t’hurt. Not just me, but boy, did she ever have a lot t’say my way. Bastard this, bastard. That. But not just me. No. She turned ‘em in towards herself, too. I’m sure that’s why she asked to be burned. We usually just bury ‘em, yeah? Bury deep under the wood, let ‘em nourish the flowers. I don’t think she wanted that. T’be flowers. I don’t think she wanted to exist at all. Not that she had a godsdamned clue, near the end. I don’t--y’wanna hear a story ‘bout her? Bet y’all don’t. Bet whoever’s here just can’t wait to see us empty out this urn all over the fuckin’ grass, and that’s that. Bet you were hopin’ for a few quick, empty words. Well fuck that. Fuck that.She’s not--she’s not allowed. To go peacefully, into the godsdamned night.--”

Gray felt words catch in his throat for a moment, the world spun and he stumbled, bracing himself against a tree. Another sneer. Did they know he’d been drinking, before this? They probably knew. They could see it on his face. Well, what’d the expect? He was going to do this sober? He spent enough time sober, lately. All of it, even. He was proud of that. But he can’t-- you can’t expect him to come here, and look you all in the eye, with a happy smile and a lucid gleam in my eye.

“What,” he nearabouts growled, “we’re--we’re all gonna wave her off, an’ pretend none of it ever happened? No. Fuck it. Story time. When I was twelve. I had my heart broke, for the first time. I tried talkin’ to G’nerha an’ she called me a runt, and you know what? I was. But I think it went deeper, than that. I don’t have to say it. There was no way in hells, I was ever gonna be the Nunh. Had no right to be, I wasn’t really part of the griffons. So when I went home, an’ I told her. She slapped me. You know--a kid comes in crying, and what, you fucking slap them? And--and do you-- d’you know what she said? Do you know what she fucking. said. to. me? It’s a good thing, Rha, that she didn’t take you seriously. What if she told the nunh? You’d make our lives worse than it already is. You’re a bastard, and that’s all you’re ever gonna be. A bastard. What a. What a loving, fucking mother, huh? Well, she was right. I’m a bastard. Especially tonight. Y’know. Y’know why I don’t wanna let her just, go, like this? Get off free? Because there ain’t nothin’ I can do otherwise! I went to see her, six moons ago. I’m sure y’all remember that on account o’ it not bein’ so pretty. You had her in a lil’ hut. Alone. It smelled like piss an’ her clothes were in tatters and I felt the bile rise in my throat, an’ even as angry as I was I remember myself askin’ but ain’t no-one takin’ care of her? And y’know, I knew the answer to that. Of course not. Because who would ever take care of a monster like her. And I didn’t feel better, about that. I thought I should have, but I didn’t. I didn’t feel sad, either, and maybe that woulda been appropriate too. No. Y’know what I felt? I felt even more pissed that--that. That y’all didn’t take accountability. Because you know what? You’re the monsters that made her. Gods, fuck. Why am I even here? Where--y’know. Like I was sayin’. She didn’t even know me from none of you. Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes, and just thought. They’re gone? There’s nothing there. They’ve checked out, given up, long ago. She spent the whole time babblin’ about Rhun. Of course she’d talk about Rhun. She must have been so proud of him, for makin’ it so far-- you’re doin’ great, brother! Really! Thank you so much for inviting me! -- and y’know what? I came there. I came there, to tell her I fucking hated her. I wanted to tell her how those words sunk into my skull and wrapped around the folds in my brain and how I can’t think of myself as Gray I can only think of myself as The Bastard, and that was her fault. That was her fault. I remembered the time, she told me that I was sick. And she was sick, too. That we were all sick. And I wanted to blame her, for that. I wanted to tell her, I’m poison. I’m poison, you know that? I’m fuckin’ rot, and you put it inside me. You put it inside me an’ I give it to everyone I know. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t, because she wasn’t fucking there. Then she looked at me. Really, looked at me. I thought. And I was ready. I was ready. I woulda taken her wrinkled, decrepit face in my hand and squeezed while I told her. That I hope the rest of her life is a wakin’ nightmare, and that I hoped that without me to blame, she’d realize she were the problem. Always the problem. I was gonna ask her, why she ain��t never loved me. Why she ain’t never cared. Why she’d teach me songs, if she’d only tell me I’d never play them right. Why she’d feed me, if she’d blame me for never having enough. Why she’d raise me, only to remind me, every godsdamned moment. that i was never gonna be enough for her. I was gonna scream. I was gonna rant. I was gonna make her feel every onze of hate she ever gave me tenfold. ...And then it all just. Went away. When she looked at me, she asked me.

Where am I? And then she started to cry. She started to sob. Hysterically, like she ain’t understand none of this and let’s be fair, she didn’t. This wasn’t her home. This wasn’t her young child, Rhun, even if she kept insistin’ I was such. And it was all just. Gone. There was her guitar, in the corner. In a heap of garbage. Out of tune, but whatever. I started t’play. We’re in your tent, I told her. We’re in your tent. And tomorrow, Rhun’s gonna challenge the nunh. Ain’t that swell? He’s gonna give you a better life. The respect you deserve. Ain’t nobody gonna mistreat the mother of the Nunh. There’s a warm fire in the center. The flaps are open to ventilate. I saw her think about it. I saw her smile. Just a bit. I’d never seen her smile before. She asked me where Rha was. I’m right here, I wanted to say. I’m right here, an’ I’ve been here all along, I wanted to. Cry. I wanted to ask her why she’d never seen me, why she’d never see me, why I was just the bastard and not her son. But instead I said, he’s out playin’, with his friends. That’s good, she said. That’s good. She wished he’d come in. He was too content to waste his life away, he should have been learning to hunt already. But if that’s how he was going to have it. I told her, he’ll be back in time for the fight. Y’all are gonna have your favorite meal. This is gonna be a night y’all won’t ever, ever, forget. She asked me if the night were gonna be pretty. If we’d see the stars in the clearin’. Reckon we will, Ma. I still don’t think she knew where she was. I think she was lost. She looked me over one last time, an’ she said, get out. You can stop that racket. My son plays it much better, and he’ll be home soon. I cried. I didn’t know what else to do, but cry. I curled up at her feet and sobbed, while her gaze grew distant and she took to starin’ at the wall, lost in the memory I’d helped put together. And now here I am, again. And I can’t help but thinkin’. When she asked, where she was? I just keep thinkin’ about it and. Maybe she was always lost. It couldn’t have been easy, shoulderin’ the blame of a kid outside the nunh. Not receiving support. From any of you. In raising me. And y’know. I’m lost, too. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what to do. It’s not like any of you ever gave me direction. Why would you? A runt and a bastard, I’d never amount to anything. But even me bein’ born? That was ma lookin’ for somethin’, searchin’ for somethin’ outside of this. That I don’t think she ever found. And y’know. ...Fuck you all. For what you did to her. Because this ain’t about my mom. Not really. It’s about the people who made her the way she was. Because this is on all of you. You’re all responsible. Not just responsible. Culpable. The blame, for people like my mother. Lies on y’all. She didn’t know what to do, she had nothin’, an’ y’all took even that. You left her. IN a fucking room. And y’know. I bet--I bet. Y’all called me here, to hear this. You wanted me. To talk about how awful, she was. How shitty, she was. And y’know what that was my plan too but suddenly I don’t want to. I wanna say how shitty all of you are. And I wanna ask. Where am I? Where was I ever? I don’t know, what I want. I don’t know, where I’m going. I’ve been chasing something all my life. I’ve been trying to fill up holes y’all left in me. Tryin’ to curse the poison, you all. Put in me. So I’ll spread the fuckin’ ashes, myself. And I’ll tell her, I forgive you. And I’m gonna look y’all in the eye.

Each. And every one of you. In the eye. And I wanna ask.

Why didn’t you see me?”

@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast

#FFxivWrite2019 #Professor Gray #dreams of a sleeping lion #yes i know it's called a eulogy #but elegies are songs for the dead #and music is a big deal for gray #and very pertinent RE: his mother

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winniemaythepooh · 7 years ago

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Poppy

Preface

The year is… Well the year doesn’t much matter, as the case may be. The government fell apart many years ago and anarchy ensued. The organization that took over is best equated to a drug cartel, located on a remote and nameless island, who cares for nothing more than their own purchases. Their vices have spread to encompass the entire nation of what once was the United States, all the citizens falling under the influence of a variety of drugs and formerly illegal substances. There is no economy, no education, nothing but people left to their own devices. After all, what is the need for an economy when all that is on the mind of the people is the next dose of whatever they can find? Poppy, a girl in her late teens, may find that her soul is striving for more than what is around her, although her vices may not allow her to find true closure.

Pops. Pop. Pops, pops, pops, pop, pop, poppy, pop, pop. My name rolled around in my head like loose gum-balls in a broken machine. It didn’t have much of a purpose or nothin’ but it felt right. That’s how most of the things I do seem to happen; it either feels right or it don’t and I make do the best I can. I didn’t focus on that for long, though. Don’t have much capacity to ponder on any particular subject more than a few minutes. Comes with life nowadays, I suppose, but I wasn’t much worried about it; not yet at least. Right now, I was more worried about puttin’ my one foot in front of the other and gettin’ to The Shack. It’s where I live, I suppose, but I don’t much like to call it home as I believe that home is a place of love and comfort. Or I guess that’s what I believe, like I said I don’t much have a capacity for ponderin’. Any who, my main objective was to get back to The Shack where I knew there would be plenty enough supplies for me to get another fix; I was real anxious to slip back into that warm fuzz, that warm loving fuzz. It helped me with the cold and bad I felt seepin’ in when I went too terribly long without some sorta buzz. Honest to God, the only way to survive in this world; there ain’t enough food or nothin’ and anything you do get you prolly grew yourself straight from the ol’ cracked earth. Wasn’t a whole big thing though, I mean most people don’t eat anythin’ but all sortsa drugs anyway.

My thoughts kept on clangin’ this way and that while I wobbled down the ol’ road; musta had at least some of my last dose still running in me, but it didn’t much matter either. Nothing really much mattered for anyone ‘cept the drugs and takin’ the most the soonest. I could hot shot myself and nobody much would say anything, just prolly stare at me with their big ol’ eyes, or their half eyes, thoughts like a star twinkle, lightin’ up and blinkin’ out just as fast. Wasn’t anything much better’n that, lettin’ your mind take its own leash. Like I said, it’s the only way to live.

More, my mind’d try and tell me sometimes. More what? More future? What future? Only thing there’d ever be more of was drugs, and nobody was much bothered by that. I started feelin’ that more in my heart, tryin’ to drag me down to the ground I suppose. Only problem was there’s no way to have more anymore; from any babblin’ I heard in all my however many years, the “gorvenment” or whatever that was didn’t much care for anything ‘cept drugs either. Like I said, I don’t do much thinkin’ ‘cept for when I can’t help it. These type’a thoughts made that cold worse, like I could feel its fingers on me holdin’ me down.

Only a little bit longer ’til that next high. My fingers started shakin’, in need of somethin’ to do I suppose, so I brought ‘em up to my head and started tuggin’ on my hair a little bit. Used to be a heck of a lot easier, ‘til I cut it all off one day in a fit. Shorn it all right off, I did, and bleached it too. Miracle we still have somethin’ like bleach just lyin’ around but I suppose I was one of the few people who got somethin’ out of usin’ it. My tweaked ol’ brain likes weird little things like that I suppose, ‘specially when I’m high. High as a kite, they say, though I ain’t got the foggiest what a kite is. Musta been mega-super-high though for all the whole mass of people to be high as it. More, my mind says, if you had more, maybe you could know what a kite is. What a stupid thought. Who the hell needs ta know what a kite is anyhow? If it don’t matter now, why would it ever matter? This just makes me more agitated so I put my hands down and refocus to get to The Shack. Least I’m not fully high tryin’ to walk back there, would’a had to stop every five feet for my old druggie brain to pick up whatever tickled my fancy. Odd phrase, “tickle my fancy”, don’t much like for anybody to be ticklin’ anything of mine, now I think about it. But I don’t want ta think about anythin’ right about now, not when I got somethin’ to do, so I start my wobblin’ up again.

The Shack is almost real near ‘fore I come up on anybody else in my whole day of walkin’. Don’t remember where I was walkin’ from, but it don’t much matter.

He was lyin’ there covered in his own mess, musta been there for at least a day. Don’t much remember his name exactly, don’t much matter anyhow, but I think it started with a “z”. I ‘pose I’ll just call him that then.

“Z, what in God’s green are ya doin’ out here in yer own mess? Ain’tcha know not ta take that much, bud?” I slurred out. Just cause I don’t know him ain’t mean I can’t look out for him. Got enough people dyin’ without him goin’ too. Then again, maybe I do know him. Ain’t much matter.

He didn’t look up right away, instead he just kinda gurgled down his chin some and twitched a little bit. I sighed, and went over to him. I needed my next fix, but my ol’ druggie heart wouldn’t let me just leave him in his own spit and piss like that.

“Oh Z, you honkin’ rat…” I giggled it out, although there wasn’t nothin’ funny ‘cept my words honkin’ rat. My ol’ brain cracked me up real good like that sometimes. He looked up at me with them big ol’ crusty eyes, snot and whatever else pouring down his face.

“P-p-pop-s-s, g-gone, he’s gon-n-e…” Ol’ Z stuttered out, the poor thing. He was one of the few ‘at got real broken up when someone passed on. I cared but I knew better’n ta let myself get sucked into that spiral. Once yer emotions got to be the main drivin’ of yer drugs, it all went even more downhill.

I decided I couldn’t leave him out there even if he was awake again, I was on my way to The Shack anyhow, so I reached under his nasty ol’ shoulders and gave him a tug. He stumbled up pretty easy; like I said, most don’t eat nothin’ much ‘cept drugs and he was no exception. I dragged him with me all my way to that saggin’ ol’ front porch and then inside. He was in no shape ta wash ‘imself up and I reckon he wouldn’t’a done it anyhow. We stumbled together into the closest room on the first floor with a shower, trippin’ over some more deadweight bodies on the way. I pushed open the door with a shakin’ foot, hopin’ ta high hopes I didn’t bash some other sap’s head in with it. Wouldn’t’a been the first time. Anyhow, I was lucky this time, and I shoved all the spoons and crap off the toilet seat ‘fore I sat Ol’ Z down on it. Dunno why we still had the darn things, not like they worked. Doesn’t much matter I suppose. I cranked the rusty ol’ shower handle ‘til the water creaked on. Whenever I thought about it (which was hardly never), I couldn’t much figure where the water came from, but like everything else it didn’t much matter.

I looked over at him while I let the water get runnin’, and he was just starin’ at nothin’. That ol’ hundred yard stare, like he seen the worst in the world and then some. You see it all the time on most everybody’s faces, but you can’t never tell if they’re just stoned out their noggin’ or what. Don’t much matter. Nobody much messes with anybody else anyhow, no point to it. ’S not like we’re doin’ anything useful in our time ‘cept gettin’ real high.

He broke outta his trance a lil’ bit and glanced up at me. He didn’t say nothin’, but like I said, he ain’t need to. I knew how he felt. We all knew how he felt, we just didn’t much acknowledge it. Couldn’t’a done much about anything that bothered us even if we hadn’t’a been so stoned. Anyhow, he looked up at me but I just turned back and started workin’ the water again. It was an alright temperature I ‘spose, cold enough to wake him up real good. There was no way he could even untie a shoelace without my darn help, so I started pullin’ off his shirt and whatnot. He just kep’ lookin’ at me with those crusty ol’ eyes, not makin’ a peep.

Soon he was naked, and I pulled him over to the tub and helped him step in. He kinda flinched at the water a lil’ bit, but I think he liked the shock of it. His eyes came back into focus for a minute and he even started scrubbin’ himself a lil’ bit. I handed him a bar of soap, another thing I couldn’t figure how we still had, and turned away to let him get to it. I would’a left the room, ‘cept for it just didn’t feel right. He probably would’a bonked his ol’ head and died if I had. Not that big a thing, ‘cept we got so many people dyin’. That’s pretty much all people do nowadays, get high and die a lil’ bit.

Thank heavens he was finally done, I was gettin’ ta too much ponderin’ for my own good. He turned off the water himself, no small feat with those chicken arms’a his, and grabbed one of the threadbare, snot-covered towels off a rack. Didn’t much matter if it had snot, most things did, and he’d likely be covered in it again ‘fore two hours’d passed. He shimmied off and I opened the cupboard under the sink where I always keep some extra clothes. I’m one of the few that’s practical like that, and still recognizes the value of keepin’ yerself clean. ‘Sides, couldn’t let him go straight back to his ol’ nasty rags. I handed him the stack, didn’t much matter what size they were as most everybody fits in everything, and he put ‘em on all clumsy. He looked a right sight better, which strangely helped force back that cold that had still been creepin’ in. He was still lookin’ at me with his crusty ol’ eyes, though they were less crusty now, and I figured he ought’a eat somethin’. Prolly hadn’t touched any sorta food in about four days. I slung off my ol’ backpack, God I love that thing, and unzipped the biggest pocket. The outside was covered in all sortsa rubbish my ol’ druggie brain found and somehow stuck on, but it made me smile. On the inside, I rummaged through some more junk like colored string and whatnot, and found my food stash at the bottom.

The thing about me is that I’m smart enough to know to gather seeds and such and plant ‘em whenever I remember. Then I can gather up whatever grows when I remember that too. I found a good ol’ apple in my bag and I figured he’d like that more than some soggy ol’ sad carrots I had in there, too. I pulled out my knife and started slicin’ the apple for him, he wouldn’t know what to do if I gave it to him whole. I handed him a few pieces and he looked at ‘em in his hand for a minute ‘fore he took a lil’ bite. He chewed slowly, like his teeth’d fall out if he went any faster, though I reckon they prolly would. Didn’t much matter, he didn’t eat often enough to miss his teeth even if they did fall out.

“Th-thank you…” He muttered so quietly I barely even heard ‘im. Now there was a phrase you ain’t hardly hear. Nobody ever does nothin’ for nobody else, ain’t got much ability and definitely ain’t got no desire. I could tell he meant it, and that it was hard for ‘im. Funny thing, people still holdin’ on to their pride even when they were covered in their own mess not an hour ago. I guess us humans’re stubborn like that, ‘specially with our gosh darn pride.

I nodded at ‘im, and he nodded too ‘fore turnin’ ta pick up his ol’ clothes and go. I turned ta go too and stepped quietly out that creaky ol’ door, tryin’ not ta jump scare anybody. I tell ya what, you jump scare a room full of druggies one time, and yer set for life. You’d think they’d be too darn stoned to even notice the noises, but I reckon the drugs put ‘em on edge a lil’ bit too.

Now my mind was really gettin’ ta too much thinkin’, rememberin’ things like that. I tiptoed through the doorway at the far end of the room’nd crept up the stairs. Had ta really watch my step here, people’d fall through the darn things if they weren’t careful, and hardly anyone was. I climbed up one flight, then two, then the third, and finally the fourth, all the way to the top. Ain’t nobody ever come up here, they’d die of a heart attack ‘fore they even got to the fourth flight. This was my space.

The fourth floor was a large creaky wooden space with dingy walls, a real high ceiling, and two gross windows at the back. Just like my good ol’ backpack, I had random stuff stuck up on the walls everywhere, made me happy to look at, ‘specially when I was high. Right in line with the staircase was a mattress, sat straight on the floor with a couple’a blankets I managed to scrounge up. I may not care much about anythin’ but I still did like to get real comfy sometimes. By my bed I had some extra stacks of clothes ‘cause like I said, I like to take care of myself a lil’ bit.

My stuff was right as I left it and just the way I like. I slung off my ol’ backpack and flopped onto my bed all in a huff. Big day calls for a big dose. I pulled out my bottle, belt, and a fresh needle from under my crusty ol’ pillow. That’s another thing I can’t never figure, how we always got enough fresh needles and crap. Only the stupid ones of us were dumb enough to double use their needles, we’d all seen what it’d do to ya if ya got infected.

I huffed again, real tired of my ol’ brain thinkin’ so darn much. I grabbed the belt and got it real tight on my arm, feelin’ that rush in my body ‘fore I got high, like it knew what was comin’. I drew some’a that liquid gold into my needle, god knows what it was, and pushed the needle into my vein. I pushed in that stuff’nd, God, I just started sighin’. My brain had got me real worked up with all its thinkin’ but now my eyes started to fade and I reckon I fell back.

“Y-yy-y-y-yyy-uhh-h,” I started mumbumblin’... “Eheh, heh, uh…” And jus’ like that, I was standin’ over myself, watchin’ my body tryin’ to move and gigglin’ up a storm.

S-so goooood, I thought, everything’s just a-ok, yes ma’am, sure enough is. My body took a big ol’ breath, and suddenly I was lookin’ through my real eyes again. That warm fuzz started creepin’ back over me, and I was gone.

I don’t know how long it was ‘fore I woke up again; coulda been hours, coulda been days. No way really to tell, and it didn’t much matter anyhow. I just laid there on my bed, lookin’ around the room at everythin’. Things seemed a lil’ wavy, a lil’ wobbly, but this way of lookin’ was just as familiar to me as the way it was s’posed to be. I still felt a lil’a that warm in me, that warm I love so much. Not enough, though.

This time I reached under my pillow for the bag’a pills. I chose one or two of ‘em’n grabbed an ol’ glass cup and started crushin’ the pills up on the floor. Usin’ my knife, I scraped the crushed bits into messy lil’ rows, but it didn’t much matter how neat they were, it was jus’ gonna be in my nose soon enough. I layed on my belly on the mattress so I could lean over better’n just crouchin’. I plugged one side’a my nose and started snortin’ in heavy with the other, snortin’ in two long lines’a god knows what.

I sat back up again, and shook my head real good. Whew, here comes that rush…

Come it did. ‘S hard to notice at first, after ya done it so many times, but then it really kicks in. I felt on top’a the whole darn world. My colors started shiftin’ in’n out of each other, kinda movin’ around the room too.

Trees, I thought. Yes ma’am, those trees outside were gorgeous. Purple tree limbs like snake arms started movin’ through the window just ta prove me right.

What in God’s green are they doin’, don’t they know they have ta knock ‘fore they can come in? I giggled a lil’ bit ‘fore turnin’ ta go outside. What for, I ain’t got no clue but it don’t much matter. I stumbled down those rickety steps, somehow managin’ ta miss every hole.

“What’chu took so long fer, comin’ down those steps so slow… Yuh been there ‘least an hour…” Some random druggie was slurrin’ at me, but I ain’t know what he meant, I went down those stairs in about two seconds. Don’t much matter, I just kep’on goin’ to the door, happy to get outside.

I fumbled with the knob, my hand not wantin’ to work right. I got it open soon enough, though the blue from the door handle was now on my hand. Heh. I trotted right on out into the stars, not really lookin’ or carin’ where I was goin’.

All of a sudden, I was on the ground. I looked by my legs and saw one’a them purple snakes wrigglin’ on the ground, smilin’ up at me like it was proud’a itself for trippin’ me. My ankle was turnin’ a wrong way, and my eyes surprised me by tearin’ up. I ain’t never cried I don’t think, and my ankle didn’t even ‘ticularly hurt or nothin’. All of a sudden I was snifflin’ too, a big ball’a panic and that cold, bad feeling gettin’ bigger inside me. I wanted… Well I reckon I wanted someone ta take care’a me, I don’t know. I looked up through my crusty teary ol’ eyes and saw good ol’ Z sittin’ against a tree right near me. I crawled my way over to him, and started leanin’ too. He had a half filled little bottle and a needle next to ‘im, and I could tell he was out of it. I don’t know what I was thinkin’ but I grabbed the needle and the bottle and I filled up the needle ‘till it felt right.

“Pops, w-what-t’re y-you doing-g, that’s half a bottle,” Z slurred, whippin’ his head towards me. I stuck out my arm and jabbed in the needle. I pushed in that liquid dream, ready ta go to sleep for a while, ready ta leave that cold feelin’ behind.

His words didn’t register ‘till after I was done shudderin’. Half a bottle? Oh well. Even as my eyes started losin’ focus, I wasn’t worried. Half a bottle? Z started losin’ his cool a lil’ bit, though I don’t know what he was so worked up about.My vision finally went black, and I felt that good ol’ warmth even in my soul. Half a bottle? Didn’t much matter. Nothin’ really much mattered.

#original post #originalpost #shortstory #short story #original character #writing #pls dont steal #or copy #dystopia #drugs

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