#like. the writers MUST have realised the obvious subtext of all that

[awsok]

passionately defending bisexuality as a concept for the sake of your bisexual friend. having to escape to the bathroom to suppress a panic attack about it. lashing out at said bisexual friend for getting in your head and making you care so much about it.

deborah. do we need to have a conversation

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I don't really watch Holby but I'm always looking for autistic representation, so if you dont mind me asking why do you headcanon Henrik as autistic??

I mean, “headcanon” implies looking into something that isn’t there in the canon. Henrik being autistic is 100% there, he fits the diagnostic criteria to a T, they just refuse to use the word. But I get your point.

This is going to be LONG and I’m sorry. There’s a lot to cover.

Reason 1: He doesn’t understand social cues.

This is pretty much the entire foundation of his character: that he can handle formal, scripted situations fine but is terrible at personal relationships. He’s admitted it himself.

A non-exhaustive list of examples:

In S13E44, the hospital chairman’s ex-wife Ella tries to flirt with Henrik. It goes right over his head all the way up until Ella literally starts unbuttoning her blouse.

In S15E42, Henrik treats a patient with amnesia. While operating on the patient in theatre, Henrik’s ex-girlfriend Maja says what a tragedy it must be for the patient to not even remember who he is. Henrik responds by saying that, in some ways, it might actually be a good thing and that he’d like such an ‘opportunity for reinvention’. He doesn’t even seem to consider that the patient doesn’t see this the same way as him, or that this might seem insensitive to the young man’s plight - he just assumes that because he’d like the chance to start over, surely this patient must too.

In S18E33, Henrik’s worried about Arthur Digby (who is suffering from terminal cancer)’s wellbeing, so he arranges a meeting between some of the hospital staff to talk about it. When Arthur walks in and asks “Is this about me?”, Henrik starts to bluntly reply “yes” - Sacha has to jump in and save the situation by saying “nope”.

In S20E19, Dominic Copeland admits to Henrik that he’s recently been infected with Hepatitis C. Henrik doesn’t know how to respond at all, and when Dom says “this is usually the part where you bestow me with wisdom”, Henrik says “Is it?” - implying he had no idea what Dom wanted out of the conversation.

In the latest episode, S22E15, he goes to visit his friend Essie who’s having chemotherapy. He brings her a book called ‘Surviving Cancer’ and doesn’t even realise how this may come across as inappropriate or too on the nose until Dom points it out to him.

Reason 2: He has a flat affect.

This one’s obvious. He’s not very expressive, and he tends to speak in a monotone. This tends to lead to other characters assuming he doesn’t have feelings, because he doesn’t show them in the way they’d expect.

Reason 3: He stims a lot.

Self-explanatory. If you pay attention, you can often catch him fidgeting with his hands during his scenes. Here are some gifs of him doing it:

He also tends to hum or sing to himself pretty often, which could be vocal stimming.

Reason 4: He has low empathy.

Mr. Clarke the psychiatrist in S19E03 even comments on this. He’s using it as an insult, admittedly, but the whole point of the episode is basically “Mr. Clarke is an asshole, but an asshole who’s right”.

Henrik struggles to relate to people, and can’t feel their emotions. I refer again to S15E42 for one of the best examples of this:

Maja: But he [the amnesia patient]’s so lost. He’s alone in the world. You must feel... something?

Henrik: Not particularly.

I have a whole post on this scene alone it’s so accurate and perfect. (The phrase “a whole post” is a link you should click, BTW. Unfortunately links don’t display on my blog until you hover over them so I just want to clarify that.)

This is another thing that tends to lead other characters to think Henrik doesn’t care about others. They’re 100% wrong. He cares incredibly deeply about those around him, to the point it hurts, he just can’t empathise with them. The show makes a point of reminding us of this regularly. We love good low empathy rep. ♥

Reason 5: He has sensory issues.

One recurring joke with Henrik is that he really, REALLY hates tomatoes. He’s gone so far as to label them “the devil’s fruit” on multiple occasions. Despite this, he’s fine with eating tomato soup, which implies it’s a texture issue.

He’s very sensitive about touch. I don’t think he’s touch-averse, necessarily, but it’s seemingly a more intense experience for him than for others. He’s bothered by people he doesn’t know well making physical contact with him. (One example: in S15E50, his colleague Antoine Malik hugs him. Henrik just stands there awkwardly, not reciprocating the hug, and asks Malik to stop.)

In S15E04, Henrik is shown going into sensory overload from too much stress and too many people talking at once. I’ll just leave a clip of that here. (Again, that last sentence is a link!)

He also wears the same kind of outfit a lot, which could potentially be another sensory thing. In particular, he’s almost always seen with some kind of layers on. Hell, we saw him in his pyjamas with a dressing gown over them in the middle of July last year.

Reason 6: He’s not good at emotions.

I’ve already been over how he doesn’t understand others’ emotions well, but he’s not really any better with his own. He’s clearly alexithymic, and has admitted as such:

One major storyline in series 13 and 14 is Henrik’s romantic feelings for Sahira Shah, a woman he used to mentor. Except... he doesn’t realise he’s in love with her. A similar storyline happens in series 20 with his old friend John Gaskell, but because the writers of this show are heteronormative cowards, no one actually goes “hey Henrik are you in love with John” only for him to passionately deny it (which happened several times WRT his feelings for Sahira). But if you pay attention to the subtext, there’s clearly a late-realisation-of-love going on there, and the actor seems to approve of it (“[John was someone Henrik had] loved for thirty years”, “[Henrik was] blinded by his affection for John”), so.

In S20E28, we see Henrik trying to fill out a therapy worksheet asking him to describe his emotions. He struggles with it throughout the episode, and keeps trying to write something only to give up and shove the paper back in his pocket.

He has very strong emotions, but prefers to try and shut them down, focusing on facts and logic instead because they’re what he can understand.

Other reasons I won’t go into too deeply because this post is long enough, but I want to mention them:

- Reason 7: He takes things literally often. He doesn’t get other people’s jokes and sarcasm, and they don’t get his.

- Reason 8: He has very strong moral beliefs and he sticks to them.

- Reason 9: He literally had a meltdown once (in S20E13).

- Reason 10: Other characters have compared him to autistic/-coded characters in pop culture, such as Rain Man, and the Vulcans from Star Trek.

- Reason 11: This scene with him and the show’s canonically autistic character Jason, wherein Henrik only fucking goes and likens himself to Jason while contrasting the both of them with [allistic] people as a whole. (There’s another link BTW)

There are probably even more reasons I could think of if I tried, but I’ll stop there. I think this is quite enough proof that Henrik is autistic as it is. 🙂

[rickybowxn]

hey!! ok so i just need someone else’s opinion bc i haven’t seen anyone talking about this and i literally can’t wrap my head around it lol ok so ricky and nini dated for a YEAR and never once said i love you? and if ricky isn’t ready to say it was he going to wait till 2 years? 3? 4? or was he never going to say it? i also don’t understand why he doesn’t understand that he broke her heart :( i love him but he essentially broke up with her after she told him she loved him on their anniversary 😭

hiya! this is such a great line of discussion and so there’s a lot to break down, bear with me this is gonna be a long one :)

let’s start with the thought that ricky doesn’t understand that he broke nini’s heart. i agree and disagree with you on this. i think that as a 16 year old boy, in the heat of the moment after he saw the instagram post and was clearly overwhelmed by it, he definitely didn’t know that he deeply hurt nini when he decided to not say it back and break up with her. he was as impulsive and sudden in action in response to a post/declaration that in his perspective, was impulsive and sudden by nini. he definitely underestimated the consequences and the weight of him not saying it back in respect to nini’s emotions, and thought that there was space to come back from not saying it back (and i’ll get to why he assumed that in a bit). now, fast forward to junior year, i think he’s definitely understood just how much he broke nini’s heart. i think kourtney’s resentment toward ricky in respect to how nini was treated and more importantly, nini’s general irritation/stand offishness and just distaste towards him throughout the first three episodes allowed ricky to understand how hurt she was by it.

now let’s get when ricky was supposed to/will say ‘i love you’. i don’t know about you but i personally believe that every relationship has a pace, and that pace is different for everybody. saying ‘i love you’ simply doesn’t have a timer on it, it could happen in weeks, or months, or years. how fast or how long it takes to say those words neither validates nor weakens the relationship, and that’s what i believe. personally, i’d argue that throwing around ‘i love you’s’ at 14/15/16 is more unusual/immature than a healthy/mature response (and i’ll elaborate on that in a bit as well) in a relationship. with respect to rini/rickini/ricky and nini, it’s more about each character’s motivation and circumstance with respect to their relationship, as well as their relationship as a whole. tackling that first bit, ricky is in a really rough spot in his perception of love atm, it’s been skewed into negativity since his parents’ marriage started falling apart, i’ve mentioned it in another post of mine when i was analysing ep4 - ‘the only concept of love that he grew up with, his parents - he witnessed them be in, and slowly fall out of love. his only understanding of love is that it is temporary and painful’. now parallel that with nini’s perception of love, beautifully explicated by the subtext of kourtney’s (kinda) monologue in ep5 “i don’t get it, what happened to the seventh grade nini who used to belt this song… ever since you discovered boys, you’ve spent way too much time trying to see yourself through their eyes”, we know that they are worlds apart in how they perceive and pace the idea of love, as well as a relationship itself. nini, from what kourtney said, can be deduced to loving the idea of love - having a boyfriend, getting attention and affection etc. she’s a 14/15 year old girl who started a relationship with the first boy she met and seriously had feelings for. it’s even safe to assume that she jumped into saying ‘i love you’ because she thought ricky was ‘the one’ and she must have watched about 3737328473 romcoms and musicals that pushed the agenda and romanticised relationships and being in love (which no doubt influenced her version and understanding, which is still completely valid and integral, of love). it’s really important for us to understand that just like ricky’s understanding of love is twisted, so is nini’s, neither of them have really gotten to knowing the depth of how good and not so good love can be, and how big of a commitment it is, and that’s because of what i talk about next!

the bombshell that has created the entire arc of the ricky and nini relationship is immaturity. immaturity! ricky and nini are teenagers who are still developing skills such as communication, their independent values and beliefs, as well as self-image. these are all fundamental aspects that encourage and foster a healthy environment for a romantic relationship to grow. getting into a relationship so young, at 14/15 and committing to a person is so difficult simply because you don’t have a developed skillset of these things yet, and ricky and nini are a poster example. remember how i said i’d get back to why ricky thought that he could come back from not saying ‘i love you back’ to nini? well we’re here now, it was immaturity. ricky didn’t have the empathy or emotional maturity to understand how it would effect nini, and nini didn’t communicate, (and actually still hasn’t communicated), why not saying ‘i love you’ back hurt her, she’s just been lashing out so far. now the mature thing to have done is to have sat down with ricky and talked through it, asked him and understood his train of thought. she didn’t do that and ricky just walked away without explaining himself. that, is called a lack of communication. and that skill, comes from learning and ageing. yes it was obvious to us as an audience what he’d done was so wrong, but seriously, as a 16 year old coming from a broken home and never having experienced/seen a healthy relationship, i doubt you any of us would be able to fully grasp it if it was happening to us. and that’s why i’d argue that taking a relationship slow, feeling it out and getting into it as older and more mature individuals is more thought-out. your feelings at any age toward another person are valid, especially in the case that they are reciprocated, but that doesn’t mean you will have a functioning relationship. that’s because relationships. are. work. and kids can’t handle the work because they don’t have the skills that match the job description. ‘i love you’ encapsulates that promise - exercising communication, empathy and support, it’s more than just an emotion i think. in this case, i actually think that ricky understands that better than nini does, because as i said in my other post, one of the motivating reasons he didn’t say it back is because his parents didn’t keep their promise - they fell out of developing their skillset and supporting each other. 

now the most important side-note: none of us will ever perfect these skills that make a relationship work, its constant practice in empathy, in communication, in understanding, in esteem and confidence, and in support. i just think that nini and ricky never got to experience even developing those skills independently and that’s why their relationship fell apart in the way it did. this break has already matured them, ep5 showed nini gaining genuine confidence in herself and ep4 showed ricking communicating to nini how he felt about everything going on at home. them independently going about their lives and growing is already inevitably readying them for being in a relationship and committing to them the right way, when they’re ready for it! i’m so excited to see it

finally, as for when ricky will say/was planning to say ‘i love you’ - i think the writers are taking us on that journey right now! the break ricky and nini have been going through is perfectly setting them up for that mutual and satisfying understanding of the love they have for one and other. i personally think that ricky has loved nini from the get-go, his fear of externalising those emotions is that he’ll have the same outcome as his parents, his insecurities right now don’t allow him to believe that he can have, or even deserves, more than his parents’ fate. hopefully gets out of his rut with talking about how he genuinely feels about nini and how he’s ready for that relationship soon. nini is already getting better at being more sure of herself and what she wants, i think she’ll soon realise how ricky is different to her, and how that doesn’t take away from his legitimate and very strong feelings that are ever-present for her.

what ricky did sucked and he was undoubtably a douche. but that was the exposition to his, and ricky and nini’s story, it only gets better from here! it already has xx

(i’m so so sorry it’s this long, you just really got my analysis flowing lmao, hopefully this wasn’t just a mumble and was kind of an insight. i have so much to say but my brain feels like ramen rn)

[orionsangel86]

I've been going through the replies to the experiment and aside from the obvious false claims (as discussed in other asks) and the baffling "I don't see it", what I find interesting is the general dislike of meta??? I mean yeah, meta about the T-shirts and pie vs. cake etc etc will seem stupid on their own but in context with everything else, it makes sense??? They're taking each meta post as a separate book when in fact they're chapters in an ever changing and evolving book. (1/?)

I just don't see how they don't get that. You don't need a degree in literature to understand it, just a basic knowledge of story telling. And most of the metas they're referencing can be seen as crack posts anyway compared the genuine meta written by so many of you guys (i.e the Break Up theory by Tink comes to mind) I mean, there's a reason you guys were able to predict the death of Cas, and Jack's role in the story LONG before any of the rest of us got the slightest hint. (2/3)

I mean, don't read the abstract and dismiss the whole thing as silliness????? Read the whole story and then make your comments or don't comment at all. I'm that went on longer than I anticipated. But wanted to get it out there, just in case it helps. (3/3)

Nonny you took the words right out of my mouth.

I noticed the comments on meta and to be honest at this point after 4 and a half years of being in the meta community I guess I just don’t even give these kind of comments the time of day. I dismiss them as just as irrelevant and idiotic as the “I don’t see it”s and “DeAn Is StRaIgHt”s that crop up constantly.

It’s another result of people falling into the bubble created by browsing anti tags regularly. You fall for the propaganda that meta is all shirt colours and pie vs cake, without ever reading any actual meta or understanding that meta is a constantly changing adaptive analysis of the source material, and that each new meta written builds on the rich background of previous meta establishing themes and patterns within the show. 

The only reason we can even talk about shirt colours or pie vs cake is because of the thousands of words of actual literary analysis that has given us an understanding of the use of symbolism and colour theory within media to the point that we have developed our own “meta language” which of course would sound ridiculous outside of our circles. For us, if an episode then has Dean sampling a piece of cake, we can point at that and say “lol Dean is bi! See! He is eating cake!” and to anyone else it looks ridiculous, but to us, that one cracky statement is based on thousands and thousands of words of meta on queer history and the use of symbolism in SPN so that anyone who actually READ the proper meta, they would GET the joke. No one is actually saying that eating cake makes you bisexual Sharon. But that’s how anti’s twist our own inside jokes against us. 

The other reason for the hatred of meta writers is simply because no matter what they try to argue against us, we can formulate a far more detailed, clearer counter argument that makes more sense logically. This must be ENRAGING for anyone trying to disprove Dean’s bisexuality, or Castiel’s clear love for Dean, or hell, even something like Sam’s need for control and body autonomy and how that connects to his eating habits and his personal relationships (I mean, when I read supposed Sam stans arguing against THOSE things I really am baffled like... do you even pay attention at all?!?)

I suppose we must come across as rather smug as well. It must be frustrating arguing on the internet with a whole bunch of academic types who are just generally better than you at putting thoughts into text. People generally hate being wrong, and when there is a whole bunch of people out there proving how wrong you are on a daily basis it must get very frustrating. 

So they make up lies and try to discredit us instead. Because even though there may be disagreements among meta circles, most of us do generally agree on the big things. Destiel is part of the show, Dean and Cas are pretty much in love with each other in the subtext, Sam and Dean are toxically codependent, Dean represses a large part of himself behind a mask of heightened masculinity... etc etc. When you have that many people all saying the same thing and coming to the same conclusions separately from one another, anyone who doesn’t accept those conclusions is gonna get mad. They are gonna lash out. Suddenly we are the bad guys for daring to voice our interpretation and have that interpretation validated time and again not just by other people agreeing with us, but by the show then validating our theories by bringing them to text.

As I said above, it must be extremely frustrating. I would also wager that if those people who genuinely think meta is all pie vs cake and other nonsense actually sat down and read some PROPER meta, they may find themselves realising just how much most of what we say makes sense in terms of analysing the show. But that’s the problem with antis you see, unlike me and others like me who have a genuine desire to attempt to see their point of view, they won’t even give the opposite view point a bloody chance. Hatred consumes all logic and sense.

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x01 watching notes

RIP Kip, we hardly knew ye.

Well hey, returning friends and people who unwittingly clicked on this not knowing exactly what they're in for. Blowing off the dust and starting a new season of Dabb fuckery, which I spent way too long trying to think of a portmanteau for when I already have the episode downloaded

It's 5am, let's DO THIS.

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So they start with Dean's Hi I Am A Cop On The Day Before I Retire speech re: hula girls and hawaiian t-shirts which is remarkably prescient of me to have been irrationally upset about that one detail after I binged most of season 13 last night to get me back in the mood. So now I have to elaborate on my one line textpost >.>

Because yes, that is the perfect note to start the season on: Dean thought the good times had rolled, allowed himself to hope, assembled himself a family with mom and step-pop (Bobby counts as a full father but AU Bobby is step-pop), brother, husband, kid... Said kid was promising A World Without Monsters aka Dabb's showrunning tagline for an endgame he teases them. And Lucifer was tucked safely away in an AU with the murderous Michael... And then in a series of events it all came crumbling down and with this amount of goodness in his grasp, he gave up what even when the real Michael was hounding him for it, he couldn't before.

Because in season 13 it is beyond obvious that Dean is tired, an Old Hunter, the best of his game but ready to bow out on that note, and yet for him it's not a matter of stepping back and letting someone else handle it because when Michael and Lucifer were involved, it was beyond personal. He and Sam only EXIST because Lucifer and realMichael wanted them to. And so there was no way this trouble would come to someone else's door, when it was the nasty angel on his shoulder and the devil on Sam's and we have Nougat as their collective responsibility who's the nexus of it all anyway.

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Eeee the Road So Far text is glowy grace colour on a dark blue background. I'm JIZED for the title card.

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Goodness, the Road So Far is a weird journey because we see Jack being all useful and magic and then callbacks to 13x01 and 2 where he was a messed up 2 day old and Dean just wanted to murder him.

I haven't outlined any expectations for this episode or even this recap but I suddenly realise that I should probably be wondering how much DeanCas we're gonna get in it, and this rage against Jack is subtextually motivated, for sure, but for me the first 6 episodes of Dean's grief arc were wonderful character stuff but removed from the main plot and therefore in my head I keep boxing them off like a bubble season, like 10x01-3 are, and I legit wasn't even expecting to SEE content from them in the recap, because brilliant as they are I sort of just forgot they were a part of this season despite watching them yesterday. The season for me became so much the Jack And Mary Search that this hiccup at the start didn't meet the requirements to be in season 13 :P

They're just That Time Dean Was Really Sad About Cas Then He Came Back And They Were Cowboys

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Oh good there was "everybody we've lost" and then a recap of Cas dying and then - oh, we're recapping plot again? Er... everybody? Dean? Who else? DEAN?

this was the thinly veiled subtext of that line anyway since Dean waved off Mary and made it all about Cas anyways but. Yikes, editing team.

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Jesus I watched season 13 yesterday and I forgot about Asmodeus. You know what, this is pre-coffee AND the 2 types of anti-brain fog medication I gobble in the morning.

But he's that much of a useless lump

Also too much Lucifer nipple on screen pre-coffee. Ick.

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Nice recapping of Not The Levitating Fight.

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NOW

Stock photo Nyoom of the season!! Hi Baby! You aren't in this episode because Eugenie said the car wasn't being used this season

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Sam's got his Vengeance Eyes on but he's all scruffy and grown up so I trust him 10000% to get the job done.

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OW. FUCK. OW. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. GOOD USE OF INTERSTITIAL MUSIC

Why were you even listening to Dean's tapes if they fuck you up that badly? IS THIS YOUR VENGEANCE PLAYLIST? I'VE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS

Actually, I haven't, I binged 4-5-6 as one unit after thinking the show was cancelled during the writers' strike but the point is that Sam and his ipod in 4x01 is immediately in my head because he was listening to his own music and being a hipster douche, but now he is not on demon blood he has not installed an ipod dock because he's GETTING DEAN BACK, DAMMIT but at the same time he's also realising that this means a heavy toll that the only driving music in the car is Dean's stuff...

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Oh no, this must be the guy from the SDCC clip we hadn't seen because Osric Chau is banned forever for illegally uploading them all for us in the past, and all I know is that Deanchael is going to Fuck Him Up and I feel very bad for him

*raises my mug to Osric* I'm sure you tried, dude. And thanks for the previous years.

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Hi Deanchael. I noticed in a promo pic that his tie has that sacred geometry type pattern on it which is a detail I made a mental note to type out literally anywhere in the like month between there and here and did not so here it is at a hopefully appropriate place.

Based on every other scene setting detail I suspect that this faithful man is actually still within the USA because this is literally the cabin set they re-use for everything. The spoilers made it sound like Deanchael was globe trotting to raise his army but now I see what's around us... Yeah no he's as focused on the US as every other big bad before.

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Anyway they really specifically chose this prayer to Allah because of how pointed it was about being only for Allah and how he was the best, so I'm assuming Deanchael is here to be like yo God's gone and I'm your last chance of faith

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Like just ruin his day and he got up at like 4am or whatever the first prayer is to do it and all

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I hope, like, no offence to any Muslim viewers or anything >.> They sure play fast and loose with a lot of this stuff because Christian cultures are full of bitter non-believers raised in the culture and looking to kick up at the big guy in the sky, which is not an impression I get that Islam is as used to cultural flippancy, regardless of personal beliefs of residents of predominately Muslim countries and cultures. I'm not 100% sure though, because the closest link I've got is my raised-Christian Iranian friend who applies Christian eye-rolling to the issues with being in Iran and heathen so I still get that perspective of middle fingers up at Organised Religion from our discussions about it all... anyway big diversion, still waiting for coffee to kick in :P I just swallowed the last of it so I can only get more jittery from here on out!

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It's so fuckin weird to see Dean's face confidently reciting verse in Arabic

I mean you don't need the hat, sir. I get it. It's not you in there.

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Well so far anyway he's playing on the fact that the guy does pray to god and his angels.

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Lol @ this man guessing his way through God AND Gabe to Deanchael's annoyance that he's the 3rd guess and he has to clarify that he's the better one.

Man, Gabriel worked on his reputation. I wouldn't have been able to tell you who Michael was because there wasn't even a kid in my class with that name when I was age 4 busy portraying Gabriel in a nativity play with full impish glee that the real deal would have been proud of.

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Uhoh things aren't looking good for Jamil D: Asking for peace and love is good, you funky little hippy.

Is Deanchael implying that the Syria insurgency is the route to peace? I honestly don't know enough about the American foreign policy politics to know what sort of stance this is though from a liberal leaning show (I mean come on Bobo is a card-carrying socialist, I've seen it on Twitter :P), though to an outside viewer well aware of how fucked up it all is should this have been said on a British program, this is a vast over-simplification.

But we know Michael's main traits are Likes War and then also Warmonger and of course, spoilin' for a fight. So this may be a personal judgement and as much as they're bringing politics into their show I'm just backing right on out and going with this :P That he thinks it is more honourable to stay and fight and that Jamil is a hypocrite for not sticking around to work for peace actively.

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Oh Jamil hooked up with a woman called Darleen. He is FOR SURE in America.

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It's so funny to me that Deanchael can fly anywhere and they could have set this anywhere but it still ends up being a wooden cabin in the US. This has to turn out to be a lead to follow with a news report about the poor guy or else this is just hysterical that they couldn't be arsed to mock up even a hint of another country :P

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He knew all this about Jamil beforehand so I have to assume he's really just here to drag him.

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Man, that throw was GOOD. I'm assuming they either spent all summer playing with wires and stunts or else they've gone back to the drawing board on all this flinging people around business.

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"A better world" oh we are so on for this World Without Monsters malarky still. This lines up with the clip from Dean they opened on so well - the dark irony of he and Michael working on the same project but from different angles. Dean wants to sort out monsters and bad things so he can go on a beach, aka his version of paradise, and Mikey wants to smush all the sinners, and clean up the planet, which is HIS version of paradise.

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HECKIN GOOD TITLE CARD

now photoshop those wings on everyone

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I LIKE SCRUFFY BULLET MAKER FROM THE AU.

He's like so happy to be in a world where you just casually have resources.

Meanwhile poor Maggie has become the de facto nurse and hates it.

Ugh the Bunker is a place where people just show up who yell "Soup's on!"

In my redshirt betting pool, Soups On is the first guy who dies.

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Promo sceeeeene

I'm so happy Sam and Mary are doing this together. Last season Sam was so upset that Dean got to have a relationship with her, and he had missed out, but without Dean around - no offence to him - Sam and Mary may be focused on FINDING him but this is the work they also need to do for their relationship to start to ground it in something real. It's taken this long with all the separations, but remember that Mary also worked through some of her issues about Sam only last season in the AU with 6 month old Jack. And if she needed that sort of reminder and relationship to warm her up for Sam, her suddenly-grown 6 month old, then there were still a LOT of underlying issues that dated back to the start for her to overcome. Hopefully this puts them on a level playing field, though there's a new conflict brewing for them, with Mary's determined optimism vs Sam's pessimism, born of that depression from last season that never really got treated or resolved, they just managed to power past its current main triggers. Of course now it all just shifts in a Deanward direction.

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I love how Ketch has been punted to London, at Buckleming discretion to drag him back. This wasn't even Bobo punting him out the door, and he and Buckleming have a violent back and forth over favourite characters, started in 9x06 with Bobo's very first episode when he banished Professor Morrison forever.

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MARY TRIES MOMMING SAM TO GO TO BED

THEN SCRUFFY GUN GUY IS LIKE "CHIEF"

Chieeeeeeef.

Sam runs the shooow here and I love it. He's their badass MoL hunter leader, a scruffy saviour from another world.

Given Sam is wearing the same shirt and jacket in the promo pics I'm guessing he does not sleep, though I hope he gets to eat the soup.

-

"Maggie can you hack the traffic cams?" "um. no."

I love and support Maggie. She is a normal person who happened to live in apocalypse world and she just wants to flirt with the guy from the Gas n Go who probably hasn't talked to her since that got blown up and Jack attacked him over her... I mean, this is better than the AU world but maybe she just wants to be normal? Did anyone ask Maggie what she wanted??

-

SAM. You can eat your soup and run things at the same time! Get back here and eat that soup!

-

"yes sir"

Goodness, this is wonderful. Sam's doing what he was born to do, and then not because that was leading a friggin demon army, but then yes because he's got inherent leadership traits that he defers to Dean all the time because, well, he's there, and he's big bro.

Look, sometimes you need big bro to murder Satan's ass for you forever, but you also should be calling the shots. There's a balance here, where Dean can be the older brother, but Sam can be the boss. Work/life balance. Dean's got your back but you command an army of hunters, like we've all been salivating over since like season 8 when they first said the MoL ran the Bunker as the hub of operations dictating stuff to trusted hunters and the like.

Of course, if Sam is the Bobby here, then who is the AUBobby? I hope we see what's up with that soon, I've been wanting them to bristle those beards in an alpha way at each other for months, because AUBobby was their leader before Sam because Sir Chief.

-

"Sam."

"i'm good"

*mothering intensifies*

"i'm GOOD"

*mothering intensifies*

"How's Jack"

You aren't used to being mothered and it's murdering me completely to my soul. Dean's got SO MUCH MOTHERING all through the show compared to you. He even sees Jody as a mom friend while you crush on her like crazy so you haven't even got that!!!!

Because Chief Sam is the boss of this lot but at the SAME TIME he's getting all these soft tender mom moments he's never got to have before. It's a wonderful balance of nuances to his current life. He's overworked but surrounded by a supportive care team that respects him, gives him soup, and holds his hand, literally in Mary's case. And yet he's the scruffy macho competent boss who knows how to call all these shots, deputise, set up missions, but still knows more than them, how to do traffic cams, I'm sure years of lore over most of these hunters who only learned to deal with what got thrown at them in the apocalypse by trial and error because when do they get lore books? Mary and Bobby and other pre-apocalypse hunters would be few and far between to offer competent training to a populace suddenly all turned hunter.

-

Oh, AUBobby is beating up Jack. Perfect.

-

AAAH DIRECTED BY TJW

WAS NOT ADEQUATELY HOLDING ONTO SEAT

WARN A GIRL

-

I love finally seeing the training room but I'm deeply conscious that this is where Put Up Your Dukes starts and I can't get that fan fic out my mind so I'm just like, Jack, don't lie on the floor, your dads have banged there.

-

I'm so happy that AUBobby is nurturing a grandson, because this is the difference between him and Bobby - that our Bobby had that with Sam n Dean, but AUBobby never did. Though he DID have Mary Campbell to crush on, I doubt it would have softened him and rounded out the harsh places in his soul the same way raising Sam and Dean did, because he had an unrequited love and she hadn't gotten over John, while this recently widowed Mary Winchester actually has made better progress just because of the circumstances of the loss. Anyways Jack has no preexisting history with Bobby so there's nothing weird about him and AUBobby stepping into a nurturing relationship, that Sam n Dean would find uncomfortable in a way, given their relationship with Bobby. And Jack gets yet another strong figure to teach and guide him.

AUBobby looks slim and stands tall compared to Bobby, which I'm largely putting down to posture, and not being drowned in layers. I like this difference - Bobby almost never voluntarily dressed in 1 layer, but AUBobby has a more military slant, and this training sergeant routine with Jack is a good fit to show a difference in his character, that isn't surly old Bobby behind his desk, that he's involved in teaching Jack to fight, rather than helping hunters with lore and swigging whiskey.

I'd assume given the lack of availability in his AU, he's considerably less alcohol dependant, so this is a very different character thing. If Bobby were doing this training, and nothing else was different, he'd be taking a breather to pour them both a whiskey as he imparts wisdom.

-

Demon in nice shoes and dark sunglasses at night to indicate that yes I am a demon I have black eyes :P I assume this is a demon anyway not just because of this detail but pre-season spoilers

-

Ah hearing Cas's name is enough to make my heart pick up. MY GUY!

But then, "Castiel, darling"

Stop trying to make Good Omens happen, it's not going to happen. You can't just "darling" up to an angel and expect that good good romance. Crowley took years to wear Cas down and Cas never actually LIKED him, down to their last real interaction where Cas was just "WTF???? LEAVE ME TO ROT AND DIE" when Crowley saved him in 12x12

-

God I miss that

-

"Oh god."

Same, buddy.

You do, however, realise this is your first words of the season gifset line, though?

Someone ought to write to Dabb and inform him that people make first and last word gifsets and to be more careful.

Especially if in the last episode at the end of the season, Cas's last word is "Dean"

-

Anyway Cas has said 1 line and I can tell he's on top form. Unlike 10x01 he's in a hipster hogroast joint.

-

This demon, with dark black sunglasses inside at night (douchebag) just ordered a coffee, black. WE GET IT, ENOBY DEMENTIA DARKNESS RAVEN WAY, YOU ARE GOFFIC AND IT'S AS BLACK AS YOUR SOUL

-

LOL Cas is sitting under the JACK'S sign.

Demon douche sits under Schultz, which is the death beer. And lemme tell you, TJW is well-versed in this. So well-versed in it he's sat Cas in front of a classic El Sol flyer with the subtle touch required to tell Dean that Cas is his dream girl. He knows his shit.

-

This seriously seems to be implying that the rise of hipster food joints is an effort from Hell to spread chaos on earth

-

Cas sitting with his back to the fire is such an interesting visual, but this is just a note to self for later to guess what it all means

-

THIS FUCKIN DEMON TOOK  HIS BLACK SUNGLASSES OFF TO SHOW OFF HIS BLACK EYES

Dabb is so good at incidental characters, and making me hate this guy for nuanced nonsensical reasons is amazing. This is... art...

-

This is a callback to 5x08 and Dean ranting about hating procedural cop shows then him and sam taking their sunglasses on and off at night every time they made  a pun and I'm 100% convinced since 12x01 and Cas busting through that Mystery Spot sign that Gabriel has been subtly influencing events

-

Okay so we know exactly what is written on demon bathroom walls. I'm taking that as a sideways confirmation that Cain knew full well that Dean had his Colette because he'd seen crude doodles of them doing it

Anyway douchedemon just outright told Cas that all the demons assume he and Dean in particular are banging. Not that Cas bangs Winchesters, as some have implied, without knowing all the details. They've narrowed this info down.

I assume this is also in the Winchester Dossier that Barthamus studied from before meeting them. I love that demons probably do have a filing cabinet somewhere of all the notable assholes they run into in their work, and the Winchesters take up a whole cabinent, but the refresher file summarising them in a paragraph if you don't have time is like, Sam: Lazy boyking, will stab you. Dean: fucking Castiel, will stab you.

-

Cas doesn't even move an eyebrow. Incredible.

-

Cas rarely gets hit with these compared to Dean in the history of the show, and Dean is full of bluster or anger or confusion or alarmed eyebrows. Cas is like... no. fuck you. i'm party!Cas, I have my shit in order.

Though this is from a demon. It's an entirely different thing when Heaven is involved, as they also have their dossier on the winchesters.

Sam: abomination. will banish you. Dean: fucking Castiel. Will stab you.

-

*loud coffee slurp* "what's in it for moi?

Cas, stab him. Stab him now. This is not worth the information. You can find another guy.

-

I'm starting to think Cas with his back to the flames is his unwitting danger from this hellish hogroast place.

-

They use Shultz beer containers to hold the sauces and menus on the table. DEEEEATH

-

Cas speaking slower and threatening to burn him to ash "right here and right now"

this is a gifset that will get a lot of notes from thirsty Cas fans

-

Whaaaaaaaa the entire joint turned out to be owned by and filled with demons who would ever have guessed based on one open fire and that metal hogs head from the promo pics :P

-

Stop hurting him!!!! Misha can't stage fight! This is really unfair!!

I wonder how the poor new awesome fight coordinator took to Misha

"let's just... um..." "hide him behind all these demons?" TJW suggests The fight guy nods sadly.

-

Aww Sister Jo got back to work. Good for her.

-

Sister Jo has no fear and can stroll down a shady alley counting her money

*t-shirt meme* One fear: *flappy wing noises*

"Hey Jo."

-

GHOLY SHIT TRUE FORMS TYHUEOJDSHGFSH DS TRUE FORMS WE SEE WHAT ANGELS SEEE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SCIENCE HAS CAUGH T UP TO THE DIVINE, SPN CAN FINALL Y SHOW US WHAT ANGELS SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-

Holy shit I want the gif of this as my blog header. That's shitting amazing.

-

Burning HALO

ALL HIS CHI POINTS LIT UP EVEN WHEN IT MAKES IT LOOK SILLY TO HAVE HIS CALVES GLOWING

-

I wonder if this is what Danneel sees when she looks at Jensen all the time

-

"Why would he say yes to you?"

"Love"

I'm dying and I am dead. I gather that Dean is 100% absent from this episode, but that one comment puts him front and centre and I am in paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Everything happening around Michael and because of Michael is because Dean loves his peeps. From Sam staying up hacking traffic cams on vampires to Cas getting his ass handed to him by demons.

-

I bet Cas looks like that single glowstick he had on in the cave when angels look at him.

-

Party!Cas

-

I ruined the fun

-

Jensen gently touches Danneel's face and that's just rude because that's all his tenderness for his wife being turned into a scary villain move between Deanchael and Jo. Don't do this to them!!!

-

Oooof Deanchael pulls from Dean's memory of Anael about what she was like, describing her in the most Cas-like terms, then cuts through her hilarious bull about wanting handbags (this is so meta about sticking middle fingers in the faces of people who think she's a well-paid beard) and then starts telling her she wants love and a family.

Deanchael has used the word "love" twice in a scene and it's horrifying to see the word come out of his face, when Dean is so guarded. Now Deanchael is just looking through Sister Jo and analysing what she wants - and she's playing this game very well but this move of his might still beat her. Because ow. Telling her she wants belonging and family. When she's very much established as a Cas mirror by the reminder she ran away from Heaven and doesn't want to play by their rules.

"It's very, very human of you. And so disappointing." Did all those times Lucifer sucked her grace bring her close to feeling it? To the point of permanent damage? I only ask because I know another guy this might apply to.

-

I wonder how much Deanchael is projecting based on conjectures because he knows Cas through Dean's eyes.

-

"But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things..." Ya, that's Cas too for suresies

-

SAM AND JACK SAM AND JACK

Jack sitting quietly in meditation, clearly unsettled. A parallel to 13x23 when Dean came rushing in to him having a nightmare, now Sam is having a crack at parenting the boy.

-

Jack lying about how things were fine. Nougat. Hon. You're human now. But not that good at being human. Sam knows your tells :P

-

Sam interrupted mid pep-talk by Mary with some nonsense.

Jack is always so ugh... accepting and kinda flippant. He knows parental figures can be disappointing and get dragged away mid peptalk by some business.

Which he's apparently not involved in. I guess after we see him going on hunts with them in 13x23, he's grounded until he goes through basic training so not only is he useless to help with his powers to find Dean, but he can't even do the easy hunter stuff because he's just a kid.

-

Aww my poor baby Nougat :( He's so angsty. He's a TEEN. Lookit him! All growed up!

-

Uuugh I guess this is Nick. "I didn't talk to him. I can barely look at him."

What I'm getting from this sequence mainly is the sound of Triss's rage at the Bunker layout.

-

*Mary pats Sam's shoulder supportively and walks off*

You're on your own, Chief.

-

Ugh I am not ready for this bull if it's Nick but I have to keep watching to be sure :P

-

Ew it is. EW. What does Mark P HAVE on you all.

At least TJW is shooting the heck out of this to show us how gross Sam finds this all.

Sam's shadow falling over Nick.

I really want to know how this bullshit happened. And yet. No, not really.

-

Oh gross AND they're making Mark P take off his shirt. The nipple I didn't want to see in the Road So Far was not warning enough.

Pre-season ugh speculation was that whatever Crowley did to Nick made him stronger and more permanent apparently even than Lucifer being stabbed out of him.

-

So yeah anyway I guess Jack is in part also sulking about this and I'm with him, because Sam being pulled away from their pep talk time to deal with Gross Man Associated With My Father But Not Actually Him Because Biologically I Am The Son Of A Non-Historical President...

-

Making Sam the one who has to care for Nick is utterly cruel. He has so many deputies. Maybe this is just his personal fear that Nick's still a bit Lucifery. Maybe he just sees this as a gross burden, a manifestation of the ongoing trauma from Lucifer, that even when he's dead he lingers.

-

Plus, it's giving us some reassurance that an angel can be ousted from a vessel without killing them, to throw some options into the Deanchael pot.

-

Still. Nick. Really.

-

I bet Jack is sulking because some little cosmic part of him regenerating deep down in his core, that one lil gold glowy chi point in his big toe, knows that Eugenie forgot his name at SDCC and called him "Nick" and this shit from your creator just weighs on you. Jack is an entity beyond Buckleming and yet born from them, and this is what they beget: forgetting their own child in favour of this old carcass.

-

bitter? moi? *sips coffee noisily*

-

Actually, that's not true but I need some tea because I'm sulky so I'm taking this ragebreak to go make some and then I will sip it noisily in Nick's direction. :P

-

Everything henceforth is under the jurisdiction of hot drink no.2

-

"I don't understand how Lucifer could die and I could live"

I hate you

Eurgh, I bet you anything Dabb pulled a Buckleming and just took the post-it note they gave him when he asked, er, HOW does this happen? and transliterated it into dialogue because 1: all the writers shade Buckleming all the time because I can literally see it ooze out of Perez and Yockey and Bobo's writing but this is the showrunner, guyses. 2: it's such a dumbass convoluted explanation that it only burns out the archangel but if you non-fatally stab it then the guy is fine.

Which begs the question of how the fuck is Gabriel because if we get anything good from this, that fucker is in one hell of an interesting vessel situation compared to Old Nick.

-

PS: I am not sure how culturally saturated this is so we are all clear that Old Nick is a historically used name for Satan and his name has been a joke since 5x01 thanks to Kripke, and now we have to actually deal with that.

-

And then Nick is actually sympathetic to how Sam feels looking at him. I guess Mark P really wants us to feel sympathetic to his new dude.

-

"And Michael... did he tell Lucifer anything about his plan?"

Listen, we NEED acknowledgement that for a month or so Lucifer and AUMichael roadtripped together to assemble from their AU the key of solomon, the fruit of the tree of life, and the blood of a most holy man.

There was a lengthy downtime while people settled in and Dean was allowed to think the Good Times were rolling, and all that time, the weirdest brother roadtrip show ever was going on in the AU, mad enough that I would actually find it hilarious to watch despite enduring Mark P as a result of it.

-

SAM DOES NOT DESERVE THIS

He's not allowed to rest, ever.

-

I bet this is douchdemon phoning him from Cas's phone.

-

"Hello Sam!" says a perky voice down the phone. It's INCREDIBLE how unlikeable this demon is making himself. He's actually my favourite character now.

-

Oh no, Nougat is wearing a different grey shirt. He's really depressed. Someone help him.

-

"He just told you he was a demon?" "he seemed proud of it too"

Sam hates him as well. I can't wait for Sam to come scowl at him.

-

"What do we do?" Maggie asks, completely wide-eyed. Oh honey. Poor, innocent, sheltered Maggie. What were you doing all apocalypse until we caught up with you? You aren't hardened, you're adorable.

-

AUBobby and Rufus (his gun)

-

"I'm coming too!" YAY JACK. Your father is in trouble, he's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days, but what a different world all the rest is

-

"I'm not as strong, but I can help," he says, looking tiny beside Sam, bruised up from AUBobby's training, a single layer to make him look even smaller...

(we do not talk enough about how all these jackets are a sort of alpha being shoulder plumping thing like when you make yourself look huge to scare off a mountain lion but that's 100% what this is)

IT MADE JACK SMILE yey he's allowed to feel useful! Pop is allowing him to go on a mission to rescue Dad who was looking for Papa when this all went down.

Grandpapa is not so pleased, because AUBobby has been measuring how useful Jack is and I feel like lil Nougat bab is going to do something mildly heroic for Cas or else get pasted for his ongoing character development for the season...

-

"He needs this, Bobby."

-

Dear LORD does he not quit? We don't even know his name? "Are you sure I can't get you anything... hot... or black?" FUck OFF

No wonder by the promo pic Cas looked so utterly done. This is exhaustingly annoying for him. Cas's personal hell is just irritating people. A line of Crowleys and Lucifers and this jerkwad chattering at him.

-

And yet Dean runs his mouth all the time and Cas is in luuuurve

-

Oh lordy are we really doing this coffee metaphor now? "Coffee has no effect on me" (but he once acquired the taste, and it was a core part of him being human and learning to human in the opening shot of 9x06 for him as his metaphor for how he was learning)

"me either *sluuuurp* not any more. But it's like saltwater taffy or infants. I just like the taste."

-

"I'm just being a good host like mother would have wanted"

Cas stops mid eyeroll to eyeroll HARDER at meeting ANOTHER demon with mommy issues. Like, please. Don't. I like Rowena now but can we NOT.

-

Party!Cas of Dabb era is my favourite iteration of Cas by a country mile.

-

"Why are you using me as bait?" "it's kind of what you're for"

Oh Cas. Now he's just the damsel in distress, which I guess is a step up from being an attack dog, but still isn't that great for the ego stroking about his role and use within the Winchester family, an ongoing source of stress for him, this reminds us.

-

Cas's faith in Sam is wonderful. like, as soon as douchmon says he needs something from Sam, Cas just SMIRKS like, OH BUDDY. BUDDDYYY. No, I'm not gonna say it. I'm just - "you think he'd make a deal with you?" I'm ... I don't laugh as a rule but inside? Hilarious.

-

"Somebody asked me what it was that I wanted" You know, I think Deanchael is INCITING people. he's not killing any of them, just using the revelation of his appearance to motivate them - moving Sister Jo to do what she wants, which is to re-organise Heaven with the ideas she had as a button pushing functionary... visiting world leaders and holy men, and this douche...

To what end, though? Chaos? This is a roundabout way to make a better world.

-

"Destroying, Drinking, Defiling, you know, the 3 Ds" they absolutely have posters up in Hell with this on for the newbies to learn.

-

We've seen Heaven's staffroom, I DEMAND to see the break room in Hell, with all its lurid Destiel smut doodled on the walls and so on

-

Anyway it's a hell of a question, pun intended, because demons have no real purpose, even the named baddies have largely been slaves to someone else's will (Lucifer or Crowley) and Crowley could not have answered that question from the start of season 6 through to the moment he chose to sacrifice himself... I don't think any of TFW 2.0 or Bunker Squad could answer it fully. Cas can't, and that's the question that's been bugging him since 9x06 -

EPHRAIM Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away.

CASTIEL I want to live.

EPHRAIM But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

and it's what his entire crisis in season 10 was over... Who ARE you Castiel? What do you WANT?

-

Dean wants a Beach Vacation Ending. He figured it out and as narrative punishment, he's Deanchael. No one else has sorted it out, though, but Sam got close - he had his pizza dream and was immediately punished with being eaten by vampires and resurrected by Lucifer and all that drama... Sam's work isn't done. Though his growth has taken a huge leap, now he has to figure out what he wants in this NEW setting, and we're only just MEETING Chief Sam in this iteration, so he's got a lot of work to do.

-

"I gave it a good think and I worked out exactly what I wanted. Everything."

Deanchael definitely is planning for this, so watch out buddy.

-

SAM DRIVING, MOM IN SHOTGUN

RED ALERT

-

Uhoh Sam's snapped because of the optimism Mary exudes. Yep, he really was nearly at the last straw in their earlier convo when he scoffed at her attempts to cheer him up.

Look, she's trying to mom you with no experience except adopting Jack. Work with her.

-

Sam is spiralling with the depression, this time all the bad things that could have happened to Dean and how they're never going to find him, throwing these horrible scenarios at Mary to stop her trying to comfort him.

-

"I know. I know he's out there, scared and alone." She sees lil 4 year old Dean. Because, I mean, that is the soul Dean bears to her when they have moments sometimes. And her optimism is a wall against thinking of her toddler in this scenario.

"I know. I know he might not come back. Never think I don't know that. But I can't - I have to think about the good, Sam. Because if I don't, I will drown in the bad." I wonder who that directly relates to who is currently driving this car.

I really hope this is a bit of vindication for Mary - or redemption to the eyes of the people who don't like her - that she does care, and she's spelling out her approach to all this. In the start of season 12 when she was trying to keep afloat she used a lot of optimism and furious paddling on the surface, because she has been doing that her whole life. When she was being raised a hunter, when she was a housewife with no clue what she was doing, a mom but he marriage beginning to fall apart... And then thrust into the present day, and it's 360 degrees of combat and loss and sadness and a ill-advised hook up with Ketch... Furious doggy paddling on the surface.

"For Dean's sake, I can't do that. We can't do that." And she shows that she is prioritising Dean, that she's driven and motivated to keep going FOR him.

Come on, give her a chance.

-

Nyooom.

-

Meanwhile in the Jack and Bobby truck, Jack is the one angsting and Bobby is the one driving.

Jack is one years old and not legally old enough to drive.

-

Bobby peptalks him with the reminder that when Jack had his grace he did hero things for these people, which is why he can ride shotgun, and even if he feels useless now, they'll have his back, that he has earned this squad even if he can't be as awesome as he used to.

-

Maggie is like, I'm getting a reaction shot... Am I going to develop feelings for Jack? That would be super weird, he's one years old. I hope no one is implying this even though I'm in a bunch of scenes getting character focus.

-

Eeeeeeee Sam trusts Mary with the demon killing knife. I am sure they don't call it Ruby's knife to her and he has never, ever told her about that time that thing happened with Ruby.

-

This fucker had his back turned for Sam to enter just so he could turn around dramatically. God he's repellent.

-

An extra was hired to pat Sam down. What a job.

-

"The shoulders. The hair! You are my Beyonce!" I mean, same. Except. Cas is Agent Beyonce so this fuckhead has totally misread this situation.

This gives Sam a moment to look over at Cas and Cas silently says, yes I know he's a total fuckhead, I've been dealing with this all day. I'm so sorry bro, can you just stab him so we can go home and follow a different lead. I don't even care what this one knows, I can't handle him another minute.

-

"I'm more embarrassed than I am hurt" I understand this to my core, and I'm so sorry, Cas.

-

"Kipling. Kip for short."

"Cool. Kip. I'm here." Sam being exactly as "fuck you" as I wanted towards Kip.

Sam is now standing with his head in an El Sol sign. TJW what are you up to bud?

-

Oh no Jack and Maggie got caught skulking. Sam and Cas have the same "my boy!" reaction when they see Cas.

Maggie is here too, you monsters.

But Kip has missed Mary and AUBobby

-

"It's just late capitalism, you understand" Yeah, and fuck you Kip.

-

How is Kip so irritating that he can make tapping a stool somehow the most obnoxious thing a man could do? He's WONDERFULLY well-cast. I love this actor. He's chewing scenery and it's incredible.

-

"What do you want?" Ow, Sam being twisted into asking the same thing Deanchael asked Kip

-

"Ass-modeus Kentucky Fried" listen you are still the worst but that drew a sympathetic smile and I hate it and I hate you.

-

Oh, Sam just Sammed something from that side glance, random demon side-eye. Oooh. Oooooooh.

But yeah, Kip asking for the "Crowley Deal" as if it's a package that can be bought from the Winchesters, and not something that Crowley wormed his way into via much back and forth power plays and drama. The Winchester have always had a back and forth with Hell, and since Crowley there have been a lot of demons, like Bart, trying to figure out what exactly it WAS that they all had. But someone has to be in charge, and the Winchesters are the top dog destined hunters with their fingers  in all the world-saving pies, so clashes come naturally. Approaching them like this, first Bart, now this douchenozzle, is meta, presumptuous, overstepping what builds naturally... An attempt to leapfrog to the end where the equilibrium is established.

But Crowley had time to build a long game. These new pretenders are working in a world where the Winchesters' actions have devastated Heaven and Hell alike, and are, like Mary, just trying to keep afloat on the whole thing.

"We never gave Crowley that deal." Because yes, that's how it seemed to play out, and from outsider eyes that's how it may have looked... But each and every interaction came about naturally through the plot, there was no wrangling it. That's just how the Winchesters and Crowley ended up.

And that hole can't be filled by someone just leaping into the chair and asking for it.

Though it is nice if Motown Meats is the new seat of Hell on Earth instead of the outdated exterior asylum interior castle dungeon look Crowley set up.

-

"You're no Crowley. I know that. So do they." I think that was what Sam Sammed out of the demons, and also true, and ALSO is this the boyking accidentally exerting himself, knowing what's good for Hell? I always get a lil tingle in my thumbs when Sam gets too involved in knowing what's up with Hell.

-

Holy shit Kipling was a Mongolian warlord who rode with Genghis Khan in life. PLEASE survive this episode, I want to hate you all season. PLEAAAASE I BEG YOU.

-

Oh my god this insecure whinging asshole, chowing down on the scenery like there's no tomorrow. "I'D EAT YOUR HEART" *turns to weepy and quiet* "before I show you who I really am..."

This is Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending levels of scenery eating. He's gonna pick up a barstool and take a bite out of it now.

-

Sam is doing this all unarmed, which is something to remember, because this is the fucker who talked his way into killing the Alpha Vamp while MOSTLY unarmed for a majority of that chat.

-

Sam Fucking Winchester.

-

AUBOBBY AND RUFUS!!!!

Also mary.

-

But AUBobby gets a slow mo for Rufus shooting demons.

-

HOLY SHIT MARY'S SLOW MO

I am pregnant

-

MARY THROWING SAM THE KNIFE

-

TJW was like this fight is too fast, my guy. We need to slow it down.  You're so good at your job no one's gonna see what happened unless we go slow mo.

he and the fight guy high five

-

"Aw, balls."

Hey, Nougat tried. He's got a squishy hero centre.

Looks like he weighs nothing and now he's human he goes down in one punch. Owie.

-

"Here take this. You know how to use it?" "Uh! Stab them with the pointy end!?" "pretty much"

Maggie you precious girl why are you HERE. Why is Soups On or Gnarly Gun Guy not here?

-

Cas you fucking damsel in distress

-

Fight guy is like "uuuuh do I have to"

Misha is like "I'm good here, tbh"

-

SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER

(Aw, Kip's dead, he was fun)

-

"ENOUGH"

YES SIR

-

"There will be NO NEW KING OF HELL"

You are gonna get demon minions like fucking ducklings you ass

-

"Not ever. And if anyone wants the job, you can come through me" Sam is technically immortal so long as Rowena is alive and vice versa you know. Also, how long is he planning on defending Hell? Ever?

I'm stalling from how much I have to scream about how badass Sam was throwing down that declaration that he's now essentially the trial a pretender to the throne has to pass to take the job.

Because if I was a demon... FUCK NO would I want to tangle with this fucker.

-

Sam's file, updated: Current King Of Hell. Will Kill You. AVOID.

-

Sam is fucking terrifying. I love it. He scared demons out of their meatsuits. Sam walking into a room is now a reason to eject and abort mission. God. This guy.

-

Remember in season 1 when demons were scary? Oo er this isn't our sort of thing... halp.

Now Sam looks them in the eye and is like, fuck off. I'm scarier than any of you.

-

"That's what I thought"

Cas is literally giving you the reverse look of in 4x16 when you marched in and fried Alastair's brain.

-

SAM GOT A NEW SHIRT thank god.

I should amend: he did all this wearing blue plaid with orange stripes.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

The BMoL definitely didn't have the right birth certificate because that's his legal middle name.

-

Sam n Caaaaas my GUYS. I hope this is the 10x01 convo but, like, not. Flip flip flip those pancakes, Dabb my guy.

-

Cas, hon, you're still so beat up you have blood trails coming out of your nose. There's not really caring about your meatsuit because it heals eventually, but there's also washing your fucking face, because Sam's had time to change his shirt and get a beer so what were you doing?

-

Probably staring at a picture of Dean on his phone and sighing.

-

Anyway he's here to ask how Sam is, rather than care about himself. Symbolism.

"I've been better. And worse." Worse is 10x01.

Or 4x10's flashbacks. For sure those are the worstest.

Though, this time you are the king of hell and you're wearing a dark shirt and I don't think you have thought this through.

-

The most well-meaning accidental king of hell ever.

-

Sam and Cas share the "to find Dean I'd do anything" look. Be CAREFUL. Cas is literally choosing to wear hubris on his face because he feels bad about his fuck up with going to Kip.

-

Mary! Casual Mary chilling in the kitchen!!

Although, with everyone in the bunker, these rooms are taking on different meanings. The people are chasing out the heavy shadows and ghosts of all the oppressive silences Sam and Dean have filled these corners with.

-

Aw it's Mary and AUBobby. I was half-hoping we'd have her giving beer to Jack, but I guess we need to set up the forward momentum on their relationship for this season.

"Not bad today, old man." "you too, Sunshine."

You do realise that Mary is sitting in the exact same spot as where Dean was when he called Cas "Sunshine" You do know that right I mean you KNOW? This is TJW, he knows. He's a Destiel Shipper of the highest order.

-

Cas pops in on Jack, staring at his busted up face in a mirror, now filling more Winchester angst tropes to make up for lost time. "I'm fine," he says without being asked.  Because 10x01 or 10x02 was where Cas defined "fine" for Hannah and explained to her it's what humans say when things are really not fine but they can't admit it.

-

"You did well." "All I did was get punched. In the face."

I love snarky teen Jack.

"To be fair, we all got punched in the face," Cas says, still covered in hubris.

He has a POINT. He has full right to pull the "I should feel more useless than you" card on Jack.

-

Jack doing the "i'm useless" thing that Cas had to go through when he lost his grace, and Jack was allowed to stay in the Bunker. Is this how Cas would have felt had he not been kicked out?

-

Jack says Michael's out there and he still feels responsible to stop him. There's a very, very very very ver very weird Hamlet vibe from Jack, being forced into a position of emotional responsibility to kill his uncle, but Cas is his once dead now back and not a ghost father, and Jack couldn't kill Michael and so Dean got possessed... I mean, it's not a neat overlay, but Jack wants to kill an uncle, an AUncle, and I feel like in terms of uncle-killing narratives, AU Michael making off with Dean fits about as well to Hamlet's uncle marrying his mom as we're gonna get... I'd love to see how this shapes out because these family narratives since season 11 are becoming deeply shakespearean in the amount of nonsense going on. This sort of supernatural drama is a modern world way to have this kind of heightened emotion and the stakes you find in Shakespearean tragedies, and to force the sorts of reflection on the world and self... I really really dig it. Watching season 13 yesterday really hit me with this feeling all over and I'm delighted that Jack has this arc because I'm so amused/interested to see where this weirdo Hamlet parallel goes for him.

-

"I don't have anything." "Oh Jack" thanks Cas that's what I said out loud "you have me. You have all of us. You have your family." *SHOULDER GRASP*

No hug. Fuck off Cas, with your reassuring shoulder grasps. I know that's the language you've been taught but Dabb era is hug era and you suck.

-

I love that with all of Sam and Mary's doubt and Jack's lack of self worth, it's down to CAS. CASTIEL. CASTIEL WINCHESTER. CASTIEL FUCKING WINCHESTER. PARTY!CAS. to give the actual pep talk of the episode which has ANY conviction behind it. Cas has been fuelled with something MAGNIFICENT since the Empty, and he's turned it up to 11 for Jack here :')

-

Jack makes the smallest smile, then turns back to his mirror.

-

Sam opening the door to his bedroom, framed in darkness. 10x01 parallels again - this shot as well as the demon dean one were repeated a few times through the 3 episode arc, and the demon dean one became iconic but Sam did it too, to Dean's room. Now he goes into his own... empties his pockets... he still has the fucking engraved money clip from Tall Tales because Gabriel is not only not dead but telling this entire story for us... He has the phone, that's off, because Dean is not there, not communicating with him, blah blah. And he has the keys to the Impala. Because he's the chief.

Well, the King of Hell. Damn, it took 14 years to get him there. Azazel is fucking spinning in his grave.

-

Ooh, phonecall! Is it Deanchael? "What do you want?"

Nope, it's Sister Jo! :D She's been standing there ALL NIGHT weighing her options and working out what she wants.

SPIN THAT CHAOS, DEANCHAEL.

-

Deanchael approaches a vampire, and it's that purity of Purgatory, that just wanna eat that fuelled so much of the badass stuff in season 7 with the Leviathan, everything Dean's struggled with when it comes to the black and white world of killing monsters no problem that dates back to Gordon in 2x03, that draws Deanchael to them. Because this is Dean's safe space with Benny, a real relationship based on a bond forged in pure, kill or be killed, eat or be eaten purgatory. Deanchael has the same inner machinery as Dean, because Michael is the worst version of Dean, engineered to be Dean but without love. Dean as a monster. And so it all leads here... D:

-

Well this will be fun :D

[ofhowls]

PSA – on myself !

hi, okay, i’ve had a good night’s sleep and in my dreams and the rest of the morning, i have reflected. and, i’m gonna be honest with all of you, my habit of giving my two cents when it isn’t needed is… stupid, to say the least. i would’ve liked to think i did more good than harm ( especially when it came to my whole slave rp crusade, which i’m realising might be the only thing of value i did for this community ) but that appears to definitely not be the case. i posted an apology for some things said about a year ago though i can’t find it now with my blogs gone. i’m also assuming it was a subpar post regardless. 

so, whether you like me or not, i still feel the need to apologise – so if you feel that some of the things i’ve said has had a negative affect on you or the community, then click below. 

i won’t bring up everything i’ve ever said because honestly, i can’t remember it all. but i will mention some things that have been mentioned last night.

i. tw pedophilia // i’m not good at words. i’m very bad at them, actually. i have a whole lot of trouble articulating my thoughts and usually, most of the time, it comes out completely wrong. i won’t defend my pov ( like i did last night ) because it is a topic i haven’t thought of in ages and an opinion i shouldn’t have stuck with without proper reconsideration. i’m always quick to defend myself, you know? but in this political climate and the way “ minor attracted people ” ( saying that with the most sarcastic of quotations ) are attempting to be apart of the lgbt community… my previous opinion on the matter is absolutely whack. sure, i think help should be offered by therapists and psychologists and all of the professionals in the world. but my previous point was maybe not crucify people with paraphilias in general areas such as tumblr and twitter and whatever. because it will keep them from getting the help needed, but most importantly, prevent any children getting hurt if they don’t. 

but that was wrong. like, completely. clearly, shaming and ridiculing and reporting is the only way to deal with those who see no wrong in their doings. my attention was always shifted towards that do and that was because of a documentary i watched sometime ago. it’s obvious the former, those who think their attraction is valid and healthy, make up the majority of these people. my point of view was skewed based on a singular source and that’s messed up. i realise now that those who know their attraction is wrong will seek help without me coddling them, and my posts would only encourage those who don’t, to be more open & proud about it. i apologise for it seeming that i was accepting pedophiles and their attraction into the community, because that was most definitely not my intention. i have no excuses for this and i will educate myself more, with recent and relevant information, before i ever try and speak on the matter again. especially on a public forum. 

ii. ableism tw // i was diagnosed with autism when i was about eighteen years old. that was very late. and up until that point, i was dealing with a tons of misinformation regarding the people on the spectrum and my own shock & confusion over the diagnosis given. and though that’s not an excuse, it’s also not the reason i said what i said. if you know me, at all, you’ll know that i’m very much obsessed with being an individual and getting a rise outta people. way more back then than now. but that’s who i am. i hopped onto a trend i deemed stupid and attacked it from every angle, not quite thinking of the implication behind the words that i said. 

i realise, later, that why i choose the autistic example might be because of my own issues with it. at the time. over the past two years, i’ve grown so much regarding my identity and i finally feel comfortable, and proud, in my own skin and with my autism. there used to be a time where i hid it and made comments on how ~ i was different ~ , somehow, and i can gladly say that’s not me anymore. i’m very sorry for what i said because i realise how hurtful that must’ve been to the rest of the community. me being autistic myself is no excuse and i know what kind of effect a commentary like that would have on others. especially those who were struggling with it like myself.

iii. every tw under the sun // i’m gonna be honest with y’all, once again my edginess came into play. my need to open my big fat mouth for no other reason other than i could. that post, especially given just how ignorant a lot of the community is on issues mentioned, myself included on some, is bad. it’s a bad take that is bad. and it’s quite possibly the stupidest thing i’ve ever written/read. i know so many writers who have refused to do research and me going up there and saying “ that’s okay, you can do what you want! ” … no. i still believe there’s freedom to write whatever you want, though – but to an extent. there’s a limit that shouldn’t be crossed and that’s the limit i attempted to bend in the post i made. at the time, i think, i felt entitled to have this opinion due to the minorities i’m myself included in. but that’s also a real bad take. i did see people’s point of views then but i think i failed to apologise once more. i’m bad at that, and it’s something i’m working on. 

anyways, to the topic at hand. we need to make people take more responsibility in this community and although i’m getting a whole bunch thrown at me at once, at the moment, i’m a bit grateful for it. i’ve realised thanks to these things being brought back up, that i didn’t apologise and i didn’t take responsibility – and i should’ve. i said things on a public platform that actively reassured people, who should not have been reassured, of their place in this community. racism, homophobia, TRANSPHOBIA, and pedophilia, are among the things that have no place here. i fought so much against the slave roleplays and their opinion on how ~ it’s writing, freedom of speech, and yadada ~ was WRONG. yet, i turned around and wrote a post like that? it was a bad, and hypocritical, take indeed. and one i thoroughly apologise for. 

vi. racism tw // once upon a time, i defended a friend’s roleplay without much knowledge other than ‘ it’s my friends, i have to ! ’ i have the lowest of iq’s, if you can’t tell. anyways. i think it was called siouxfalls, or something like that, and we found out that it was the name of a native tribe. i thought, personally as a white little bitch, that it was no big deal. who cared! ( lots of people, but i really only paid attention to the anons i got… which was… stupid ) and thus, i went out of my way to defend a friend of mine. i didn’t read the plot, i barely looked at the roleplay. i involved myself in a situation i had no clue about, and took it from there. i used a large following and a huge amount of traffic on my blog, to shit on people with genuine concern. there’s no excuse for that! i kept this up for hours, and anons swarmed to my inbox to poke fun at it, too. and i thought, hey, if anons are cool with it – that must mean i’m in the right. i wasn’t. 

there came a time where the other admin of the roleplay, the one i hardly knew, leapt to their roleplay’s defence. in their, very, long post about the matter – they mentioned that, hey, we aren’t forgetting about natives! in fact! there’s gonna be a plot drop about all of those slaughtered there! and that… was yikes. i backed out of the conversation when that happened. and that also a bad decision! i should’ve stuck around, spoken to this person i actually had access to – and 1. realised my own wrongdoings for the night, and 2. used the audience i had to correct myself and draw attention to an even bigger issue. i didn’t. i let it go, hoping no one would remember. i was in a shitty position of allowing racist subtext into the community and diminishing the concern of people of color, and i sincerely apologise. i was a 15 minute of fame whore and i didn’t bother with the feelings of others. i was, in all honesty, a garbage person. and i take full responsibility for that. 

v. no tw because this is more of a general statement // i am sure there are more specific things that i’ve done and that i’ve said, but with the sheer amount of garbage that came out of my mouth, i have trouble recalling anything significant. i would gladly accept receipts and reminders from everyone and anyone. i’m not asking you to coddle me, but i really do wish you’d help me take some responsibility. memory like a goldfish and like 5k posts of bullshit just don’t add up. anyways. since my latest ‘ jayden said something fucking stupid ’ discourse was about a year ago, i feel like i have grown. tumblr, for me, was a very bad place to be in many ways. i’m not saying the community is toxic but it was to me. i like attention and i like getting asks and i like putting my two cents out there. it created a whole bunch of issues and it gave me a bigger platform than i should’ve had. with my absence, which i’m also a bit grateful for, i spent more time on other social medias and i learned more about issues i never even began reading about on here. 

i’m not saying i’m the brightest now, either, but i’m definitely smarter. i didn’t come back to the rpc, with the exception of one or two posts, because i don’t feel like i should have an audience to barely formed opinions. and i’m not apologising now because it was all brought up but because it being brought up reminded me of damage i’d caused. i’d be an idiot to think it should be swept under the rug, because it shouldn’t! if it weren’t from the backslash of the rpc, i never would’ve second-guessed my opinions and reevaluated them, and that’s extremely important. it’s important to hold people accountable and it’s important to make sure apologies are made. i’m not asking for anyone to forgive me, because let’s be real, this was long overdue. though, i hope this has made it clear that my opinions aren’t the same as they once were and i genuinely am apologetic for damage done.

i don’t know if any of this was remotely coherent, but i hope it was? the anon feature is back on, and hopefully instead of racist commentary, it can be used for things more constructive. once again, no need to hold my hand, but if you feel like i’ve missed out on anything that should be addressed – please let me know! like i’m not the same dimwit i was a year ago. that’d be too freaking sad. anyways, once again, i apologise for what i’ve said and many lessons have been learned. believe me. 

[purple-spring]

In vain I have struggled - a BH-one shot

Author’s Note: What if Betty loved Jane Austen, and Jughead didn’t? What if he found out that Pride & Prejudice was her favourite book and, despite his misgivings, loaned it from the library? What if he ended up loving it? And what if it’s the catalyst for their first, sudden kiss in 1.06? 

I've always been curious about what propelled Jughead from helping Betty find Polly to climbing to her bedroom and kissing her. This is my twist on it, with a little Mr. Darcy thrown into the mix. A gift for all the Austen fans within the fandom, inspired by a prompt from the lovely @amab1060 for my Literary!Bughead writing giveaway. 

As always, thank you to my Wakefield twin, my meta and beta in one, @jandjsalmon, for cheering me on through my extremely slow progress (with Dylan pictures to boot), and for reading and editing this fic. I hope I did your favourite book justice. 

Summary: Jughead never liked Jane Austen. But the moment he finds out that Pride and Prejudice is Betty’s favourite book, he reluctantly borrows it from the library. What he finds is a story worth staying up for, and the courage to tell Betty how he feels about her.

“This was how Jughead Jones knew that he had a serious, inconvenient, irredeemable crush on Betty Cooper: after years of swearing her off, of dismissing her work as mere drivel, he was diving in and reading… Jane Austen.”

Read it on Ao3, or below the cut:

The librarian looked at him with barely-concealed bemusement as he discreetly slid the book across the counter.

“Pride and Prejudice? Jughead Jones, really?”

Jughead rolled his eyes. So much for subtlety. Whatever happened to librarian-reader confidentiality? He gave her a small nod and handed his library card over.

This was how Jughead Jones knew that he had a serious, inconvenient, irredeemable crush on Betty Cooper: after years of swearing her off, of dismissing her work as mere drivel, he was diving in and reading... Jane Austen.

Jane. Austen.

The gossip columnist of Regency era England. The marriage plot writer extraordinaire.

It had been a week since he and Betty got into a blistering debate in the Blue and Gold office, which ended with her uncharacteristically hurling a book at him. He couldn’t even remember how, but he had casually denounced Austen in favour of the Bronte sisters (“it doesn’t matter which one, they’d all trounce her work in a heartbeat”), at which point he heard her typing stop, then looked up to see a bewildered, green-eyed glare aimed his way.

A tense discussion ensued, which turned into a heated argument, which ended in said book being thrown at his head. They both paused, then burst out laughing when it landed with a thud on the floor, startled out of the intensity of their debate and amazed at the ridiculous turn it had taken. As she picked the book up, however, Betty announced that they were merely at a ceasefire, not a permanent peace treaty. Typical Betty Cooper: she wasn’t going to let this go.

“Have you even read any of her books, Jug?”

He scoffed. “No, but that’s not the point.”

Betty rolled her eyes. “Well, you can’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. I’m just saying, Pride and Prejudice is epic. It’s not just marriage fluff and high-end gossip. It’s the story of two people who are so obviously in love with each other that it escapes their attention, and they spend most of the book dancing around that obvious truth. It’s hilarious. And it’s my absolute favourite.”

“You’re not really selling it well, Cooper.”

“Okay, how about this? It’s a social and satirical critique disguised as a love story.” She paused and gave him a questioning stare. “Come on. Any of that appeal to you?”

He chuckled and stood to leave, picking up his bag. “Betty, if I really needed a - what did you call it? - ‘social and satirical critique disguised as a love story’, I’d cover all my bases with The Great Gatsby. Much more succinct, and a totally kick-ass historical era.” She shook her head at him as he headed out the door. “You can keep Austen to yourself. Later, Betts.”

The whole conversation would have melted away from his subconscious had he not picked up a key phrase: “It’s my absolute favourite.” Desperate to know her better, he had spent weeks trying to figure out what her favourite book was. He couldn’t just ask her straight out, of course - any decent reader knew that that was pretty much bookspeak for “I like you. Please tell me if I can like you even more.”

No. He had to resort to something more stealthy. Like casually asking her friends.

Archie, of course, had no idea. Kevin thought it might have been something by John Green (Jughead scoffed at that. Did they even know the same Betty?). Veronica was still fairly new to the group, so she didn’t know.

So their little literary tiff in the Blue and Gold, which yielded the answer he was looking for, was perfect. Or, rather, it wasn’t. Because now he had to read a book he’d previously dismissed in favour of the Brontes’ weightier works, like Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre.

When he started reading (late at night, in the tiny janitor’s closet in Riverdale High that he now called home), he was ready to hate the book, ready to demolish it with his proverbial red pen. When he read the first sentence, however - “it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife” - he surprised himself by bursting into laughter at the pure, clean elegance of that sarcasm.

What the hell? Austen is... sardonic?

It was as if someone had taken his own narrative voice, transported it back into England in the 1800s and given it a feminine edge. Because wasn’t Austen essentially doing what he was doing now, writing about the failures and foibles of a little town? Sure, Riverdale’s undercurrent was much darker than Hertfordshire (although Rosings Park definitely gave him Thornhill vibes), but Austen’s voice still reminded him of his own - a detached figure with a penchant for sharp, critical social observation.

He took to carrying the book with him wherever he went, determined to finish reading it. Elizabeth Bennett reminded him so much of Betty - they shared a name after all, but also her sharp mind, her keen awareness of the world around her, her fierce love for her sister. Of course, the book was hidden well away whenever he was around her. If she ever saw it, she’d see straight through it immediately, and recognise that he was trying to peek into her soul. Because that’s what everyone’s favourite books are, he thought. Tiny little windows into the deepest, most intimate places of the soul.

His reading had to take a backseat, however, once he and Betty commenced their mission to find Polly amongst the Sisters of Quiet Mercy. Whenever they were chasing a lead, they were both similarly tunnel-visioned in their focus, unrelenting in their pursuit. And so, as much as he was enjoying the fatuous absurdity of Mr. Collins, he knew he was going to have to drop it momentarily.

They were both taut with nerves as they boarded the bus to travel to the Sisters, but Jughead couldn’t help but be quietly thrilled as he sat down next to Betty. It was true that they were often alone in the Blue and Gold office, but they were usually working - too absorbed in their tasks for the paper to take much interest in each other.

Here, squashed into a two-seater with her, he was able to slow down and take in everything about her - the glint of the sun against her hair, the gentle pout of her lips, the startling green of her eyes. She was tense; he could tell from the occasional ripple in her jawline, the restlessness of her leg, which often brushed up against his. She did, however, manage to smile every now and then as he rattled off random commentary about their surroundings and the people around them (including one unimpressed retiree who was eyeing them with suspicion, undoubtedly disapproving of the fact that they had skipped class).

But the warmth of her smile was temporary, and soon Jughead would be sobered up by the imposing facade of the Sisters’ building, and, later on, the sight of Betty clinging fiercely to her sister, who was screaming as she was dragged away by two orderlies.

“I’ll get you out of out here, I swear to God.” Betty’s words were soft, but somehow Jughead could hear them as clear as day. “I love you, Polly.”

Without even thinking of his own safety, he’d tried to get to her, to shove off anyone who was trying to touch her. It wasn’t until he was being pushed against a wall by another staff member that he’d realised what his body was doing. It shocked him to see how much he actually cared for her - how quickly he reacted before his mind had time to catch up. He was certainly no fighter, but the adrenalin pumping through his veins told him that he would have faced a raging bull for her in those moments. The feeling of it was still buzzing in his skin long after Polly had been pushed through the doors, away from their sight.

“Jughead, you better get yourself home.” It was Alice Cooper’s clipped, stern voice that brought him back to reality. She was obviously displeased that he’d gone ahead and helped Betty to find Polly, but he didn’t care about that right now. He looked past her and to her daughter, who was looking at him dolefully.

Go, she mouthed at him. He gave her a small nod. The subtext was clear: there would be no point in protesting, in fighting Alice Cooper when she was in a mood. She was looking out for him, too.

At the bus stop, Jughead couldn’t stop thinking about Betty - her utter fearlessness as she held on to Polly, whispering fierce promises of protection. He thought of his earlier actions - his sudden click over into protectiveness - and they played over and over in his head like a loop, confronting him with their implications.

Frustrated, Jughead rubbed his face and readjusted his beanie, needing to focus on something else.

Pride and Prejudice. He’d put it in the inside pocket of his jacket out of pure habit. Bad idea, Jughead. It was her favourite book after all. How was he supposed to forget about her while reading it? But he had no choice. The bus wouldn’t be around for another half hour, and there wasn’t anything more compelling on his phone. He opened to the last page he read, and continued.

“...she was suddenly roused by the sound of the door-bell, and her spirits were a little fluttered by the idea of its being Colonel Fitzwilliam himself, who had once before called late in the evening, and might now come to inquire particularly after her. But this idea was soon banished, and her spirits were very differently affected, when, to her utter amazement, she saw Mr. Darcy walk into the room...”

Jughead raised an eyebrow. What the hell? What’s Darcy doing at the Parsonage? He read on.

“...in an hurried manner he immediately began an inquiry after her health, imputing his visit to a wish of hearing she were better. She answered him with cold civility. He sat down for a few moments, and then getting up, walked about the room. Elizabeth was surprised, but said not a word. After a silence of several minutes, he came towards her in an agitated manner and thus began…”

Jughead held his breath as Darcy spoke.

“‘In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’”

He nearly dropped the book.

Mr. Darcy was in love with Elizabeth Bennett.

He should have seen that coming. After all, Darcy had been openly thinking about Elizabeth’s “fine eyes” all throughout the book. But this declaration of love floored Jughead. It was so sudden, so unlike Darcy, and yet it felt so right to have him so discomfited, so undone by his love for her.

He was starting to get it now, Betty’s fascination with this book. Pride and Prejudice was social critique, yes, but she was right - it was also an epic romance. And Darcy? He was a man smitten beyond all recognition, to the point where it boiled over in such an obvious way...

Hang on.

The book.

The bus ride.

The way he defended Betty at the Sisters.

No.

But there would be no denying it; it was already clicking into place. The realisation slid into him, hot and clean like a knife.

He was falling in love with his own Elizabeth.

Jughead stood up suddenly, his agitation mirroring Darcy’s, his breath becoming sharp and fast. This time, in his shock, he actually dropped the book, startling himself. Sheepishly, he recovered it from the ground, then looked around him self-consciously before returning to his seat.

Holy shit, Jughead. You’re falling for Betty.

But was it true? Was he right?

He had known for weeks that he liked Betty, but this… this was something else entirely. What happened at the Sisters woke him up to that. This was something deeper, stronger, more tangible, more intimate.

It all checked out. He was a detective, after all. He liked logical conclusions. And the only conclusion here was that he was falling in love with Betty. That he had already fallen in love with her.

This wasn’t just a crush. This was a problem.

And there would be no undoing it. Jughead had very little experience with love, but he knew himself well enough to know that there would be no turning away the tide. It was far too late, and he was in too deep. This wasn’t something he could just casually recover from. This was going to pry his cold heart open, pour gasoline into it, and set it alight.

He sat back down, clutching Pride and Prejudice in his hands. He was in shock, but he was also furious. To have been so blindsided by a book. By Jane fucking Austen. He sneered at the cover.  

He decided that he hated the book, after all.

…

But Jughead just couldn’t help himself.

Lying on his makeshift bed that night, he opened Pride and Prejudice again. It was a way of breathing her in indirectly. By reading her favourite lines, he was peering underneath her skin, to the words that made her.

He wanted to read on, to find out how Elizabeth - who was furious at Darcy for meddling in her sister’s relationship with Bingley (and fair enough, thought Jughead) - would react to his sudden declaration of love. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make it past the speech. It was obvious why: he saw himself mirrored in those words. Darcy’s struggle was his own.

He sat up and looked at his phone, checking the time: 11.35 pm. Just then, a message from Betty popped up. He was so startled by the synchronicity between his thoughts and the appearance of her text that it made him slightly paranoid: did she know, somehow, that he was thinking of her? He unlocked his phone.

Betty: Thank you for today, and for being there for me and my sister.

It was simple and to the point, and Jughead appreciated it. It was as if the economy of her words spoke to the depth and significance of what they went through today, together.

He sent back an equally straightforward message. You’re welcome. I’ll see you soon. He figured they’d just talk about it on Monday, when they got back to school.

Or... would they? Now that he knew he had fallen for her, could he even muster any form of pretense that everything was normal between them? That he still only saw her as a friend? That there hadn’t been a shift in the atmosphere when he pushed all reason aside to try and defend her?

He laid back down in exhaustion. There was no sense in thinking himself into a corner. He picked the book up again.

…

Jughead was grateful for Saturday mornings. They meant quiet. They meant that he could sleep in without worrying about avoiding other students as he kept up the pretense that he had a home outside of the janitor’s closet at school.

Not this Saturday, though.

He thought that he’d eventually fall asleep while reading Pride and Prejudice, but the urgent need to avoid his feelings for Betty coupled with his sudden fascination with the story meant that he had only continued reading.

Elizabeth’s furious rejection of Darcy stung Jughead, but Darcy’s subsequent letter detailing Wickham’s rogue behaviour had him enthralled. Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s appearance at Longbourn, and the resulting face-off with Elizabeth, gave him joy. Lady de Bourgh was formidable, but Lizzie was easily her equal. It was that moment more than anything else that reminded him of Betty: her strong sense of fairness, her willingness to put up a fight for herself and what she believed in.

It was nearly 5 in the morning when he got up to one of the later chapters - the part where Kitty, much too afraid of Darcy to last in his presence, asked Elizabeth for permission to call upon Maria Lucas while the three of them were out walking together. Jughead sat up. Alright. Here we go. After the scandal of Lydia’s elopement and her marriage to Wickham, Darcy and Elizabeth were finally alone.

“Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature; and for the sake of giving relief to my own feelings, care not much I may be wounding yours. I can no longer help thanking you for your unexampled kindness to my poor sister…”

Jughead shifted in his seat. Betty’s text message echoed unbidden in his mind. Thank you for today, and for being there for me and my sister. He ignored it, and read Darcy’s reply.

“If you will thank me, let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you.”

Jughead wanted to throw something. He looked around and spotted a pile of paper - some worksheets for Biology. He crumpled all of them up, more furious than was necessary, and hurled them at the wall. And a pen, too, for added effect. It bounced off with a clatter.

“Fuck you, Jane Austen,” he muttered out loud, meeting dead silence. “Honestly. Fuck you.”

Jughead’s mind was aflame with frustration. The parallel was far too obvious to ignore: the scandal-ridden sister, the hapless but determined heroine, and the lovestruck suitor who wanted to come to her rescue. It was as if Austen was trying to tell him something.

But did he want to hear it? Did he even want to read on? Jughead rolled his eyes. Of course he did.

“Elizabeth was much too embarrassed to say a word. After a short pause, her companion added, ‘You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.’”

He read over that line again. You are too generous to trifle with me.

Betty.

It all clicked into place. There was no way out of the tangled mess that he was in. Other than the one he could think of right now.

It was simple, really. He’d have to pull a Darcy.

He’d have to tell her.

Jughead felt his world shifting from the impact of the decision. At least the fallout would be minimal. Convinced as he was that she did not reciprocate his feelings, he knew Betty well enough to know that she wouldn’t laugh in his face, or use it against him, or shirk away from their friendship. It would be awkward for a while, but Betty, like Elizabeth, was too generous to trifle with him, too kind to be unnecessarily cruel or to give him any unwanted hope. In confessing to her, those feelings that he harboured in his heart would be out in the ether, and he could finally start thinking about how to get over her. It wouldn’t be easy, but at least the process could begin.

Jughead felt all of his anxiety melting away as it gave way to steely resolve. He lay back down and checked the time. It would be daylight soon.

A new day was dawning for Jughead Jones.

...

There were nine rungs on the ladder leading to Betty’s window.

Jughead knew the ladder well. As kids, he and Archie used to take turns daring each other to climb the whole thing. That all ended the day that Archie fell from the seventh rung and broke his arm. Hal and Alice had banned the boys from climbing the ladder since then. Archie was hurt, but smug - he had out-climbed Jughead.

Not today, Andrews.

There were no cars in the driveway when he walked up to the Coopers’ house. Good, he thought. No need for unnecessary complications.

Jughead went over to the side of the garage, where he knew the ladder had stayed put since Archie’s accident. He picked it up, propping it against the wall leading up to Betty’s bedroom. The distance was a mere nine steps, but in reality, he knew that he was crossing a line over to the point of no return.

Jughead hesitated as he looked up at the ladder. Shit. Am I really doing this?

But he already knew the answer to that. He had to. He had no choice. It was beyond his control.

He felt the book in his pocket, and thought of Darcy - his outburst of love, his rushed, sudden proposal. The thought gave him courage. In vain I have struggled. It will not do. Over and over again, he repeated those nine words to himself - a mantra for boldness, for overcoming his fears, for propelling him towards the inevitable overflow of his heart.

In vain I have struggled. It will not do.

Jughead was still chanting it in his head as he placed one foot on the first rung, and pulled himself up.

In…

Memories of Betty swam in his head. The bob of her ponytail as she sat hunched over her laptop, caught up in her prose, doggedly pursuing whatever story she was chasing that week for the Blue and Gold...

...vain…

...his foot hit the second rung. In his mind: the sway of her shoulders, the swish of her cheerleader’s skirt, the lights of Friday football nights setting her eyes aglow...

...I…

...the third rung. Her soft smile at the suit he had manage to cobble together for Jason’s funeral, her eyebrow arched in approval, his heart surging in elation...

...have…

...the fourth. He was still climbing. He hadn’t stopped. A sudden flashback of Betty, all of ten years old, sitting with him in the treehouse at their old place as they read together quietly…

...struggled…

…flashing forward to yesterday, her impassioned defense of her sister, the moment he knew with all certainty that he had fallen for her beyond his wildest imagination...

...it…

...slowly, his resolution gathered strength. But what was he to say?

...will…

How would he tell her?

...not….

Austen’s words? Romeo’s balcony speech? What? What?

...do.

The ninth and final rung on the ladder. He saw Betty seated at her vanity through the window. Every molecule in his body drew him towards her. Suddenly, it occurred to him.

Fuck it.

He was going to kiss her.

He took a deep breath, and knocked on her window.

...

[i-blew-up-the-council]

OK so I have the craziest Grey’s Anatomy theory that could turn into the biggest told you so in history or an embarassing post I’ll probably want to erase once turned wrong (probably the second tbh).

I’ll start by mentioning my bias: 1. I fancy the possibility of romantic Merlex a little too much 2. I hate the way they paralleled/ shamelessly copied Merder’s journey with the whole Meghan storyline. Therefore I’ll admit that this theory could be just wishful thinking on my side.

So, I just watched 14x03. First, there is the extra obvious interpretation of the episode. Clearly, the pschychiatrist never revealed us the reason Meredith felt agitated and quite honestly I am taking for granted that her guessing in this episode was wrong. Or at least the reason she presented Nathan. To me, it is obvious that the realisation of the real reason Meredith is upset will be used later in the season, in the form of an epiphany that will lead to the climax of Meredith’s journey this season (or for the first half of the season). 

What’s the predictable route, you’d ask. Meredith realizes she’s in love with Nathan, meanwhile Nathan has been struggling with doing what’s right in the situation and fixing his marriage with his wife, probably at the end of the season they manage to be together. Season 2 on repeat. (You can see why I am displeased with the prospect. I have no idea what this would bring to the story. Merder 2.0 wasn’t what I had in mind for Meredith’s future.)

And here comes the whimsical twist I am proposing. This has been a theory that’s been forming in my mind for a long time now, but it has been till this last month that clues have been coming to support this.

The first was the 13x24 deleted scene. In the scene Meredith says:

 “I don’t wanna be in love again. Not until it feels like family.” (x)

 And the audience is presented with this image: Alex and Meredith casually lying in bed with Zola in the middle of them, smiling at each other. And I’m asking you could this setting  feel more like a family to the casual viewer?  I feel that it was such an obvious wink at the audience that they had to cut the scene.

It’s not the first time that Meredith and Alex had been involved in scenes with a more domestic setting.

And the audience is presented with this image: Alex and Meredith casually lying in bed with Zola in the middle of them, smiling at each other. And I’m asking you could this setting  feel more like a family to the casual viewer?  I feel that it was such an obvious wink at the audience that they had to cut the scene. 

It’s not the first time that Meredith and Alex had been involved in scenes with a more domestic setting. Just some examples:

This entire series of gifsets basically

All these scenes could have just as well taken place in the hospital or in any other way for that fact. The increasing number of merlex scenes looking like a couple or a family is no coincidence and must have been a conscious choice, strengthening the subtext that could become the base of a future Merlex romance.

Honourable mention:

x

The nurse mistakes Alex for Meredith’s husband and this could turn out a great foreshadowing moment.

The second is the crazy interpretation of 14x03 I was talking about. As I said, the doctor never gets to finish his sentence once he is about to explain the reason Meredith is in the mood lately. The episode focuses heavily on her relationship with Nathan and her inability to adress to him in any other way than yelling. Therefore, Meredith and possibly us the viewers are tricked into thinking that the triangle of doom is the reason of her late attitude, and one could almost ignore the opening sequence. It is not stressed in the episode, but there hasn’t been only one big change in Meredith’s life but TWO. 

The opening sequence tells us thusly, that Meredith has been more and more aware lately of Alex’s absence in the house. Alex used to be very involved in the household and now that he’s back with Jo he merely comes to change clothes-implying that this situation has been going on for some time. Meredith expresses her annoyance and this leads Zola (remember kids are perceptive) to urge Meredith to talk to Alex. We see Meredith taking Alex into the room to tell him off and we are not allowed to witness their conversation.

Let’s not forget that it’s not the first time that the pschychiatrist meets Meredith. During their sessions he had taken special interest in Meredith’s mention of Alex and Jo’s relationship, which led him to the infamous “Do you have feelings for Alex?” back in 12x10.

The foundation for this possible twist is there. Meredith’s mood could be attributed to the alteration Alex’s reunion with Joe brought to their relationship.

Furthermore, during the episode(14x03) Meredith admits that “the Mood” didn’t manifest until lately. What changed lately? That’s right…

In short, the writers could be opting for a slow “under the nose”  Merlex build-up, in order to surprise the viewers.